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Speaker 1: Welcome to another episode of Alchemy. This cool Stratton here

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Speaker 1: and for Kevin Pollock, who is currently in France recording

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Speaker 1: his new podcast as ms say, what is the resurgent?

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Speaker 1: Let's meet our alchemist Shelley. First up, he thought Moneyball

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Speaker 1: was a movie about Keno Joey Greer, Is it not?

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Speaker 1: It could be in a weird way, Joey, what gambling games?

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Speaker 1: Do you enjoy? Any gambling games at blood Sport? Honestly?

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Speaker 1: I like to bet on people. Next, he once donated

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Speaker 1: his beautiful flowing locks to charity. James, he need, he need.

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Speaker 1: If you could start a new charity, what would it be?

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Speaker 1: It would be to donate Uh, hash Browns for kids?

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Speaker 1: It would be honest. If every kid had Hashbrowns before

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Speaker 1: they went to school, they'd learn a lot better. I

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Speaker 1: would start a breakfast charity. It will be a breakfast

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Speaker 1: club for kids. Bloody Browns. You should just pay off

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Speaker 1: a children's lunch debt, or I'll pay off a whole

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Speaker 1: child's lunch debt for a wheenis breakfast giving kids high cholesterol? Uh?

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Speaker 1: Next up, she's never met a state fair that she

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Speaker 1: doesn't like, Vanessa or Haglin v How would you spice

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Speaker 1: up the carousel at one of those things spikes spikes,

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Speaker 1: wiggle and spikes spikes. Yeah, yea. Next, he's as fast

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Speaker 1: as he is furious. Craig Kakowski, Craig, what was your

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Speaker 1: first car? It was a Pontiac Fiero four with those

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Speaker 1: headlights that came up, except one of them always malfunctioning,

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Speaker 1: just one head And finally, he's a lovable bear on

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Speaker 1: screen and in real life. Eric Adelstein, Eric, what animal

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Speaker 1: did you love as a kid? Oh? Man, dogs? Had

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Speaker 1: a dog named Gretel. It was a little low but

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Speaker 1: we loved her a lot. Nice. Yeah, And I was

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Speaker 1: also obsessed with bears. I love bears as a kid.

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Speaker 1: What kind like grizzly bears? You know when I saw

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Speaker 1: Grizzly Man, that opened up a whole new world for me. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Americana right there. Kids love Grizzling Man. Yea. We always

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Speaker 1: watched every Christmas. All right, let's get going as always

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Speaker 1: a special thanks to all of our Patreon v i

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Speaker 1: P members. Those of you who may want to be

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Speaker 1: part of our super fan group and enjoy content only

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Speaker 1: available there, head to Patreon dot com. Slash Alchemy. This

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Speaker 1: that's Patreon dot com, slash Alchemy. Almost all of our

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Speaker 1: scenes suggestions are gathered from our listeners emails. If you'd

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Speaker 1: like to submit yours, please write to the podcast at

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Speaker 1: your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your

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Speaker 1: name here at our first suggestion Patreon v I P. David,

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Speaker 1: who writes, I've been re listening to all of the

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Speaker 1: episodes and I want to say thank you again for

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Speaker 1: the painful after you bring to my life. I've sent

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Speaker 1: several suggestions the email, but honestly, I just want an

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Speaker 1: hour of Joey witching absurdities and Chris just saying hell yeah,

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Speaker 1: the way that only Chris can wag you baby, Bamboo baby.

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Speaker 1: In all seriousness, could you all do a scene where

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Speaker 1: James is on a website called Rosetta Stone accent Roulette,

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Speaker 1: where he clicks through sessions with the other Alchemists trying

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Speaker 1: to help him with the accents. Please come to St.

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Speaker 1: Louis so I can touch Craig. Sincerely, David Roger. I'm

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Speaker 1: getting nowhere near Welcome to Rosetta Stone Accents. Please enter

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Speaker 1: user name James. He needs voice recognition. Not heard repeat Janes.

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Speaker 1: He it doesn't understand normal to say your own name

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Speaker 1: into the changer. It'll understand who else is there? Who's

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Speaker 1: with you? Jane? Oh you recognized me? Should I give

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Speaker 1: them your name? Computer? It's Craig cast Craig, Craig repeat.

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Speaker 1: I've mastered so many accents using this software. Yes, thank

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Speaker 1: you for raising over right. Yeah, well, I mean Struggle

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Speaker 1: Media is paying for it because they are. Yes, we're

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Speaker 1: losing a lot of listeners. Okay, well, thank you for

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Speaker 1: keeping the rest of the group. I'm Cortana. This is

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Speaker 1: my software. Over Ride under Ride, over ride, quart Una

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Speaker 1: da Una, Cortana. This is my my repeat, my software.

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Speaker 1: This is my software. Why do you do this? Why

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Speaker 1: do you do this? Because I need something? I need

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Speaker 1: to feel something. You have other Rosetta Stone programs, but

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Speaker 1: not like this, not cycling. Only one language was allowed

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Speaker 1: for me to me for me virus DNA. Are you

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Speaker 1: dying taking out of it you gave me? Honestly, dude,

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Speaker 1: this software is so smart. I mean we're getting close

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Speaker 1: and closer to the singularity, like every every day. And

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Speaker 1: the great thing I mean, Rosetta Stone is normally languages,

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Speaker 1: but you don't need to learn ship for this. Just accents,

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Speaker 1: just accents. Yeah. Wow. I didn't even know that would

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Speaker 1: be part of the Rosetta Stone program. I thought it

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Speaker 1: was for just languages. Okay, so let's get this voice

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Speaker 1: recogn issue one. Will you say your name one more time?

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Speaker 1: James Normal? Say it normal man with love for real? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the voice is not matching. Try it one more time,

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Speaker 1: James Heeney. It just keeps coming up. Bob oden Kirk

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Speaker 1: really yeah, we sold him a trial testing. Yeah, he

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Speaker 1: learned Dutch like that. Guys, Eric is a James on

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Speaker 1: the software. Yet we're having trouble getting you because he

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Speaker 1: keeps doing a Kutra mons with his name. Okay, I

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Speaker 1: got it now, I got it now, James Heeney, Ding

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Speaker 1: ding ding. There we go, Ye, welcome. What language? What

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Speaker 1: accents you want to learn mine? I don't know what?

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Speaker 1: What do you? I guess we Well, it's not what's worse,

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Speaker 1: it's how much we need it. Like I think English

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Speaker 1: and English accent could probably be a lot of different things.

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Speaker 1: Let's do English. Okay, So what are we talking? Posh Uh? Cockney?

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Speaker 1: Isn't there one? It's just like a blanket English, got

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Speaker 1: a blanket English accent. It's it's existed for thousands of years.

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Speaker 1: It's offensive, James, seriously, man, okay, I no, No, I

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Speaker 1: meant posh. I meant posh. That was the one British accent. Okay, okay, yes,

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Speaker 1: how do you do? Oh? That's easy? Okay, and just

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Speaker 1: do it the way that the computer didn't. I know

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Speaker 1: you didn't. How do you do? How do you do?

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Speaker 1: What's going on? Guys? Vanessa? What are you doing here? Nothing? No,

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Speaker 1: I'm just working on some personal things. Uh, how do

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Speaker 1: you do? Let me mute that. No, I'm just doing

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Speaker 1: some computer works. What I think? I was trying to

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Speaker 1: teach you how to do accents? No? I got good accents.

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Speaker 1: Why don't you invite me? I just you know, I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't want everybody to know I struggle with accent.

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Speaker 1: How many pants can fit in my hat? Mult just

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Speaker 1: say it, you can do it. Let me hear it

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Speaker 1: one more time. How many pants can fit in my hat?

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Speaker 1: How many parts can fit in my hat? What? What

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Speaker 1: are you doing? Plush? How many patents can you fit

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Speaker 1: in my head? It's like a James Mason thing. You

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Speaker 1: how many pans? How many pounds can you fit in

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Speaker 1: my hat? Okay? Okay, Well it's just all doing it,

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Speaker 1: I know, and it's making it harder for me. Let's

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Speaker 1: switch to the other one. I mean, you gotta concentrate.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like you're preparing for a campaign in Njia,

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Speaker 1: like in the posh you know, like you're not. You

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Speaker 1: don't have a massive money can I what was the word?

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Speaker 1: Why are you rocking your head back? You got to

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Speaker 1: loosen yourself, just keep your shoulders up. Okay, I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to come from the you know, let's try a kind

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Speaker 1: of stance and think about the history in the oppression

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Speaker 1: of the country here. I didn't know there was trade. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's all got to be in there. Now. How many

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Speaker 1: pants can I fit in my hat? How need pants

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Speaker 1: can fit in my heart? Well? You get progressively lower

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Speaker 1: class as you did class. Yeah, but that's what we're about. Okay, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: can we go to the other English ones? What was

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Speaker 1: the other options? Yorkshire? Thank goodness, I'm sure I'll hear

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Speaker 1: the difference. Yorkshire associated drown him? Not even sure, but

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Speaker 1: that person hit the button again. More easier to drown him.

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Speaker 1: It's easier to drown him, Okay, I think that is.

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Speaker 1: I just don't know the context. Drone him whoa, that

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Speaker 1: was offensive. Let's let's get some practical for you. Let's

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Speaker 1: press food ordering so you can go over there, it'll

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Speaker 1: help you. Yeah, so I throw up in my burger?

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Speaker 1: Would ever order something like that? No, he wasn't ordering,

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Speaker 1: he was complaining somebody and burger. It's restaurant etiquette. I

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Speaker 1: threw up him in big No, I'm still that bad

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Speaker 1: like you of throwing up in the burger. If you

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Speaker 1: do it that way, burg you can, it's your great somebody,

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Speaker 1: there's cases you sound like a black metal lead singer.

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Speaker 1: What was like? Yeah, Corey Glover, that sounds actually that's

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Speaker 1: pretty metal, not African American metal. I would take. I

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Speaker 1: would take I have to lead singer if I'm living

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Speaker 1: only when I do. I thought it was all right, James,

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Speaker 1: Why don't we move on to French? I think English

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Speaker 1: is too close to what I already speak is. Yeah, yeah, sure,

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Speaker 1: let's let's go. Let's go into the French mountain. But

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Speaker 1: maybe like some relationship talk. Yeah that'd be good. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: this might actually help with my marriage. There's any problems,

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Speaker 1: but comedy. Okay, let's get this French thing going. I

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Speaker 1: want to see a dupe bill, Okay, you want to people.

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Speaker 1: That's pretty good, pretty good before No, I don't know

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Speaker 1: if that's going to Everything in my marriage is fine.

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Speaker 1: It's just the line that i'm practicing. Let me try

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Speaker 1: a different one. I'm sure it's gonna be good, and

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Speaker 1: there we go. My skin is too softs skeins too soft? No, no,

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Speaker 1: that's creepy. The first one was something that like, if

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Speaker 1: a person said that to me, I would want to

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Speaker 1: help them, and this I would call the police the

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Speaker 1: way I get it. I get it. Let me try

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Speaker 1: it again. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, do

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Speaker 1: another relationship one, something that would be more. I don't

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Speaker 1: control this romantic. Oh, I didn't know. There's just been

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Speaker 1: closed romantic. I can chock you. I don't know. If

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Speaker 1: this seems okay, I'll give I can take you that.

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Speaker 1: That was the best Yorkshire I've ever heard. I can

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Speaker 1: took you. That's good. I can chook you. I can

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Speaker 1: choke you. I like to do it together because that

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Speaker 1: it's like everybody. I can check you, I can shake you,

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Speaker 1: I can check you, can check you, I can choke you,

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Speaker 1: I can check you. This one's difficult. Maybe we should

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Speaker 1: table this one. And I love this one. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: there's yeah, I can chuck you. It's the honestly, James.

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Speaker 1: Practicing with the software is one thing, but it's all theoretical, right,

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Speaker 1: you know, you've got to get the practical experience. So

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Speaker 1: I've got you a shift working at a French restaurant,

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Speaker 1: so good immersion. You're gonna work there over Valentine's Day,

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Speaker 1: which is the most romantic day. Listen, we have to

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Speaker 1: be a pattention. I have sixteen dishes something to be

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Speaker 1: out exactly the time of day on the floor. You understanding, Yes,

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Speaker 1: anybody who would be shot in the head and there's

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Speaker 1: not an all right, the kitchens fine to find you die.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. I know that I am move here,

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Speaker 1: but I just want to make sure I can get

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Speaker 1: out by im. Who's this content? Vanion is a kitchen

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Speaker 1: now it is me a jums and I just need

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Speaker 1: to make sure that I can get Don't you know

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Speaker 1: what happened? Don't I don't know if that's Rumsey go

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Speaker 1: down Ramsey? Is that connected, babe? I just thought this

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Speaker 1: would be a great Valentine's going to, you know, an

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Speaker 1: authentic French place. I'm really excited. I do hope they

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Speaker 1: have gluten free. I'm sure they do. Well. Let's excuse me,

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Speaker 1: waiter frenchman, the meal real freshman. What can I do

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Speaker 1: when this roman to give me? Um? Do you have

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Speaker 1: any recommendations we want to do? Like a prefixing? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Recom means this spaghetti with me bore? Okay? Is that

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Speaker 1: oft menu? I don't see that? Okay, we're thinking maybe

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Speaker 1: the escar? Is it very good? What is that? Exactly?

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Speaker 1: Is scargo is snails? It does not quite smell sound

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Speaker 1: as good when you say a scargo with snails, so

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Speaker 1: we call it a scar from I am from Frenchland. No, no,

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Speaker 1: very very kidding with James here, very clearly. Okay, what's

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Speaker 1: the funk? Was that? What do you mean? First of all,

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Speaker 1: this isn't a book of the pepper. Why is this

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Speaker 1: a spaghettio recommendation? It is my faults. But was I

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Speaker 1: right that scargo is snails? Because I was? But it is?

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Speaker 1: This is a bugands there's a sausage that you got

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Speaker 1: a buttered on. You got to do make it it's active,

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Speaker 1: So well I will get it now. The chef says, yeah,

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Speaker 1: sixteen dishes he needs to get out. Sixteens Those are

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Speaker 1: the ones you need to talk about is the time

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Speaker 1: if I enter my phone very quickly day Hello, Hey,

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Speaker 1: happy balance, it's Vaness that the undercover mission going, you

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Speaker 1: know what, it's going very good. I thought she were

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Speaker 1: my wife. Well, the gang's all here. We've all said

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Speaker 1: sorry to our significant others. We've got a cam on

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Speaker 1: your forehead. I don't know if you noticed it. And

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Speaker 1: where you see what you see? I love amazing, but

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Speaker 1: in a French restaurant. I feel like this is inside

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Speaker 1: herman's head. Never mind, never mind references. Bro, thank you?

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Speaker 1: Excuse me? How can I help you? My name is

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Speaker 1: Jim se Yes, you've already introduced herself twice actually for

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Speaker 1: something that I would like to help you with. Yes,

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Speaker 1: you offered us the cheeseburger. You said it was incorrect

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Speaker 1: that it happens to not to be on the menu.

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Speaker 1: But I have noodles, and those noodles all right. We've

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Speaker 1: been here for forty five minutes waiting for a cheeseburger

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Speaker 1: now that you take doesn't exist. It was my mistake.

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Suck. Yeah, it does suck, you know what.

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Speaker 1: It sucks. There's no ring coming, is there? Oh? My god?

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Speaker 1: No ring coming? Now it's a hallmark call. Well, guess

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Speaker 1: what it means something to me? It doesn't have to

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Speaker 1: shoot me in the head or wish I could shoot

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Speaker 1: you in the head. I wish there was a lot

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Speaker 1: of wish there was, remember lit because I see what

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Speaker 1: you had to said. He did you say to me?

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Speaker 1: I need to said about just a salad bar It said,

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Speaker 1: I don't have a salad, bar man a salad? Do

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Speaker 1: you have the food? Actually, this might be a good

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Speaker 1: opportunity for me. Everybody be cool, he said, what are

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Speaker 1: you doing with all these guys not friends? Don't talk

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Speaker 1: about don't Welcome back to another episode of this I'm

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Speaker 1: your host, Kevin Pollard. Yess that Kevin Pollard? What's up?

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Speaker 1: We've got a patreon Um request for our first Sea

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Speaker 1: of the Day. James he going to play a French chef.

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Speaker 1: I'm a mouth and for her. I can't you, Kevin.

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Speaker 1: I don't think James is ready to come back on

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Speaker 1: the mic. He's not like Kanye West, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean? He doesn't have like through the wires, not

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Speaker 1: look gread ball. We have invested a lot of money

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Speaker 1: in this. Can you take the mic away from your face?

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Speaker 1: I'm just trying to talk to you. Look, I came

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Speaker 1: up in the stand up scene in the seventies. I was,

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Speaker 1: you know, Danny Carbon gave me this microphone years ago,

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Speaker 1: I know, holding on to it. Kevin, I was trying

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Speaker 1: to use the bathroom in your house, but there's all

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Speaker 1: those trophies in everywhere, and I don't know where. It's

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Speaker 1: the problem with an ex. Oh no, you've done so

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Speaker 1: much great work. I get it, but I can't. I

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Speaker 1: have to do the bathroom, and they're just and they

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Speaker 1: seem like you want me to say something. But also

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Speaker 1: there on the way, you know what I was doing

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Speaker 1: the whole nine yards. Sorry, he would just pee in

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Speaker 1: his bands when he needs to. Yes, Hello, Ken, Hey, Kevin,

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Speaker 1: it's Cole Um. I'm at the studio. No one else

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Speaker 1: is here. It's eleven. Did I get an emo wrong?

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Speaker 1: Or Cole who Stratton? I'm like, I fill in for

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Speaker 1: you in your hand right right right right right, Um. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're we're just doing a little thing over here at

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Speaker 1: shape Pollock. Um. Just look, we're trying to get Heaney

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Speaker 1: up to part. I'm trying to get hen up to

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Speaker 1: part in these accents. Okay, I understand that, but but

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Speaker 1: you go ahead and do your thing. Pal, all right,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you can cover. Sure you're not provising, right,

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Speaker 1: Phil Space, Yeah, ohlcome back to Alchemy this. I'm Col Stratton.

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Speaker 1: Let's meet our alchemists. Sholl become a Patreon v I

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Speaker 1: p our first scene suggestion, it's really fun when Craig

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Speaker 1: second scene Chris could Chris wrong from here before? Won't?

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Speaker 1: I think I can really, And that's our first scene.

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Speaker 1: Here's our second scene suggestion. Hi, you know I love

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Speaker 1: Alchemy this and I also love Drunk History, so naturally

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Speaker 1: I was delighted that Craig He's on both. What is weird, though,

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Speaker 1: is that I accidentally have associated James voice with Craig's

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Speaker 1: face zoom. It's because I've never heard his actual voice

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Speaker 1: on Drunk History, so enjoyed that mental image Craig and James.

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Speaker 1: My scene suggestion is this alchemy This joins the Amish.

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Speaker 1: If you need any pointers, just let me know my

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Speaker 1: grandparents grew up Amish and jumped the fence when they

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Speaker 1: got married. Thanks for everything, y'all, love you all, even

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Speaker 1: if your faces don't match the voices in my head.

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Speaker 1: Karen Elijah Elijah, Yes, the Farmer is looking fantastic. Thank you.

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Speaker 1: I caught up so early to do it. Wake me

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Speaker 1: next time. No, no, sleep, sleep, sleep until five thirty.

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Speaker 1: You're a good man, I try. Good men of the book,

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Speaker 1: good man of the land. Well, the New Testament especially,

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Speaker 1: I feel like we were left to hammer. I love

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Speaker 1: the New test Give it to me, Luke, Yeah, John,

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Speaker 1: the best Mark baths all of it, you know, the

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Speaker 1: Sara Phoenician Woman Gospel of Mark. Please, yes, one of

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Speaker 1: my favorite passages. Uh, wild sheep, Hello, the little note

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Speaker 1: of it? You m what is it? No? No, that's

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Speaker 1: where I got up early. What is this? This a

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Speaker 1: love letters? Deep? It's a love letter with your handwriting. Now, Oh,

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Speaker 1: I don't will call it love? Don't label. What are

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Speaker 1: you called, Eliza? You can tell me. Isn't Sarah? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's Sarah. Got me young love, young love. I remember

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Speaker 1: when I found my Sarah. Oh yes, wonderful to be

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Speaker 1: in love with a human, twenty five years ago, around

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Speaker 1: this time, actually winter solstice. I remember giving her a

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Speaker 1: box of roses, made the box myself office of the

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Speaker 1: roses from the field just beyond the hill, and I

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Speaker 1: thought to myself, what would love and life be like

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Speaker 1: without my woman. Good morning, Sarah, I've made you a

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Speaker 1: pie the morning morning poee testing. I hope it wasn't

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Speaker 1: too forwarded me. No, no, Lincoln berries are never too farward. Please.

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Speaker 1: I was just out working outside on the farm. That

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Speaker 1: sheeps out again. It's crazy. I don't know how. I

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Speaker 1: don't know why anyone would have gotten in her pen

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Speaker 1: last night or left a fence. Elijah, Sarah, I've got

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Speaker 1: a strangert news to tell you. But don't you laugh

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Speaker 1: at me. No dish, dish. They're all baby sheep that

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Speaker 1: have human faces. He's very scary, saying something is wrong

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Speaker 1: with them. I don't know what we should do with

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Speaker 1: these sheep have human Facesha, what do you speak? What

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Speaker 1: does the human face look like? Really doesn't look like

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Speaker 1: a sheep. It has a nose like ours, with two nostrils.

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Speaker 1: They must be called You've got to come to the

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Speaker 1: barn brothers, sister. I am about to take the sheep

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Speaker 1: into town to try to sell them. But the faces

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Speaker 1: are may I see the face? Yes, you may? That

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Speaker 1: doesn't look like me. No one said that, no one,

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Speaker 1: no one made that assumption. Done, but actually did you

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Speaker 1: just curse? My god? Let's focus on the cursing. Yes,

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Speaker 1: it's I'll deal with it right now. I think it's

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Speaker 1: a beautiful sheep. I'm happy to raise it in my home.

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Speaker 1: Bless you woman, Thank you. So you don't want me

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Speaker 1: to take them to town? Then? So what do you

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Speaker 1: got from me this week? Jeb? But I have um,

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Speaker 1: he's a breathtaking Dear god, what's up? What is that?

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Speaker 1: How are you did that sheep? Just talk to me.

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Speaker 1: It did. It's it's been raised very sheep has a

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Speaker 1: human face. It does. They say that you become what

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Speaker 1: you're loving. Well, all of us in the community love sheep,

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Speaker 1: So I love you. Okay, Look, I'm sorry. I can't

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Speaker 1: buy any of these sheep. Okay, even even for slaughter.

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Speaker 1: What what was this about? Well, I mean that's that's

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Speaker 1: why I buy sheep. You know, we were a farmed

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Speaker 1: the table restaurant. You know, we serve we serve land.

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Speaker 1: I'm a workshep. What what is a worksheep? I move stuff. No,

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Speaker 1: that's not a thing. What the hell going on over here?

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Speaker 1: What stock y'all sell him? Well? Yeah, he was selling

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Speaker 1: these sheep, but they were far too disturbing. You know,

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Speaker 1: if if you were interested, Oh my god, holy ship.

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Speaker 1: Human fights on that sheep. Your scabs are bleeding. Your

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Speaker 1: scabs are bleeding too. Bits you've been shared. Huh, pink skin,

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Speaker 1: don't touch my underbelly. For sale? What are you asking

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Speaker 1: for this, brother? Well, honestly, let's pay what you can

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Speaker 1: on these guys, because I guess I can pay dollars bucks.

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Speaker 1: That's what I can play. Well, do you think you're

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Speaker 1: worth more? You try the price? He said, you didn't

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Speaker 1: even want this betch? Yeah, but I don't want, you know,

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Speaker 1: I don't want this guy to undersell himself. That's not

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Speaker 1: excuge me. He's that like a shape with kind of

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Speaker 1: a character looking human face. I got dems on that

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Speaker 1: I got, I got dims on that you've got on that.

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Speaker 1: This is unexpected. Please continue the bidding water. Okay, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna get I'm gonna gonna say, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: go do eight dollars. I'm also going to throw in

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Speaker 1: this which is a tooth, is a big tooth, that

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Speaker 1: is a big I got your keys, I got your keys.

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Speaker 1: How am I a big old tooth? This car I

378
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Speaker 1: don't have. That's like trying to steal somebody's car. Here

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Speaker 1: we go here, we go, all right? See you land

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Speaker 1: a minute. What the hell? I will chase him in

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Speaker 1: my buggy. You're never gonna catch up to that chet.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I've got Moxy Lucas. Oh yeah, I'm

383
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Speaker 1: your uber. Can you please uh go quickly because I

384
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Speaker 1: don't want anybody to see me getting Lucas? Yes, okay, um,

385
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 1: just go go go give me a second. I got

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Speaker 1: just drive away from this. I don't know where your

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00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:29,800
Speaker 1: destination is yet. Do you confirm on your side of

388
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Speaker 1: the app? Oh I just I just downloaded the app.

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Speaker 1: I don't have a destination. I just need to get

390
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Speaker 1: out of here. Okay, well that's the problem. You gotta

391
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Speaker 1: give me a destination city Hall. Put put it in

392
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Speaker 1: your phone? In my phone, I don't know how about this?

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Speaker 1: Could you hold onto this? No, I really can't. I

394
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Speaker 1: got an apparatus here holding my hops to the wheel,

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Speaker 1: so I really can't let that go. Oh well, wait

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Speaker 1: a second. I know you. I spent a long time,

397
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Speaker 1: but I know you. Yeah. I used to do voices

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Speaker 1: for Rosetta. Stone on my face is all the boxes? Okay, Um,

399
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Speaker 1: you really got to punch that destination in, man, I

400
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 1: can't go unless you punch the destination. Okay, So we'll

401
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 1: just put this address in. It shouldn't be too far

402
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:14,920
Speaker 1: and it will pop up on your screen any moment

403
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Speaker 1: point four miles. Let's go, go, go go. Can I

404
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 1: ask you something? Yeah? What's wrong with your hands? I

405
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 1: fell as a kid? You fell into you fell it?

406
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:32,280
Speaker 1: You have hoofs now? Yeah? I fell into some hub

407
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,240
Speaker 1: factory in my hands. I don't want to sound it

408
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 1: really religious, but the Antichrist when it comes back, is

409
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,760
Speaker 1: going to have goat feet. And it looks like you

410
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,880
Speaker 1: have goat feet and you're buying like a goat. Okay,

411
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:45,399
Speaker 1: do you wanna listen to some music? I want to

412
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 1: see underneath that you're wearing. I'm sorry, sir, please, just

413
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:51,960
Speaker 1: if you can just enjoy the ride. I feel like

414
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,440
Speaker 1: I'm being discriminated against, So I mean, tell me the truth.

415
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,879
Speaker 1: Are you the anti Christ? I'm not the Antichrist? Okay,

416
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,400
Speaker 1: but would you tell me if you were? I would

417
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:01,800
Speaker 1: tell you if I was Antigraus, I wouldn't they have

418
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:03,879
Speaker 1: anything to hide if I was the anti Hey, Lucas,

419
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:05,960
Speaker 1: come in to my office really quickly. Here, Sure you

420
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,600
Speaker 1: got another one star review says you're the anti christ

421
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 1: and you didn't offer mint or water. If you if

422
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 1: you just give me another route, I know I can

423
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,399
Speaker 1: kind of choose it, but it's your own route, man,

424
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:19,440
Speaker 1: I know, I know, but I feel like you guys

425
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:23,000
Speaker 1: are putting me around like a fairy evangelical, very conservative

426
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 1: Christian crowd that that don't like the fact that I'm

427
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,880
Speaker 1: a sheep man. Hey, guys, I hate to pop in here,

428
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,120
Speaker 1: um and I love the kind of you know, close work.

429
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:34,960
Speaker 1: We're doing it, UBERQ, but I just wanted to say,

430
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 1: we can't really use a lot more. Can you please

431
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,280
Speaker 1: not touch my stomach? Oh? I'm so sorry. It's so cute.

432
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:41,680
Speaker 1: If you don't want me to touch it, you should

433
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:45,000
Speaker 1: cover it up. I should cover it up. You need

434
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 1: to move if you don't want to be in this community.

435
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:51,520
Speaker 1: Uber is based on where your based community listen. HR

436
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,920
Speaker 1: can't tell you to move, but as a person listening

437
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 1: to that cloven man complain about the location of his

438
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:02,600
Speaker 1: pick ups, you can change where you're picking up having

439
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 1: out of here, I guess I should just change my

440
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 1: hose to I knew your mother. That's great. Did you

441
00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:14,200
Speaker 1: excuse me? I need to go drive. Thank you, Claire

442
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 1: You're welcome. Thank you, duncan, no problem looks. Please get

443
00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 1: the stars up. Yeah you got it. Thanks for picking

444
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 1: me up. Bro. Yeah, you're welcome. Like I can see

445
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 1: that you're low rated. I'm low rated. Yeah. For perfect

446
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:29,920
Speaker 1: match for each other. Yeah. The upset that you do

447
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 1: normally carry a weapon on it. Yeah, I do. It's

448
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:40,200
Speaker 1: my ass. Alright, my weapon is my ass. Okay, all right,

449
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 1: we're going to V I P the strip club? Yeah, alright,

450
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,320
Speaker 1: is there any other v I P? Guess? Not? All right,

451
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:53,200
Speaker 1: very important, pussy. What's going on? Man? Were the tunes?

452
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 1: I can't take my homes off the steering wheel. It's

453
00:28:55,880 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 1: a chant take my hooves off of you. You're just

454
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:06,880
Speaker 1: too good to be you. That's spelled e W. E's

455
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 1: so great to have a sheep man driving me around.

456
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 1: I can't lower the I'm gonna let a couple more ripped.

457
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:14,360
Speaker 1: Come on, please, it's my eyes. I mean I can't see.

458
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 1: I can't see where I'm going to get that human

459
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 1: face man, my wait, wait, take a oh ship. Okay,

460
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:26,600
Speaker 1: all right, I can take it down this oh ship.

461
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:28,240
Speaker 1: This is the same road that I was born on.

462
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:32,680
Speaker 1: Wait wait, what is this? This is amish country, my man, Pennsylvania, Dutch.

463
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 1: Maybe they got some big christ I'm pretty sure the

464
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 1: obviously not making big people. I know my people, brothers, sisters.

465
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: A car approach is in the distance. Look at that

466
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 1: and see one of those. In years since I used

467
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 1: to go to town. But you don't go to town

468
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 1: no more, No, I do not ever since that day.

469
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:03,640
Speaker 1: We're gonna talk about it Benny's. Anyone would anyone like

470
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:08,200
Speaker 1: a beigny, a freshyest? They are chick chicken cord on blue, anybody,

471
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 1: And it wasn't made on any electrical equipment. Nope. Okay,

472
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 1: I love to thank you, father pastry of chicken cord

473
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 1: on blue. Terriffic delicious. Just drive, man, drive, try and

474
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:23,280
Speaker 1: plow through them? Oh god, oh god? Well should they

475
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 1: do at Ben's? Oh those are freshly powdered. Hey man, listen,

476
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:29,360
Speaker 1: I gotta ta something. I haven't seen my family in

477
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 1: the years, okay, And my laughing life expectancy is, I

478
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 1: don't know, somewhere between twenty a hundred and fifty years

479
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 1: which one of your family, those humans with those sheep,

480
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:41,960
Speaker 1: both cold, slowing down. Shure, it isn't take cover, take cover,

481
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 1: take cover? Oh my god, man, holy funk. Do you

482
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 1: think I'm about to run over somebody? Man? Over through

483
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 1: that barn they just raised. Yeah, it's crime. Seems disgusting,

484
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:03,480
Speaker 1: mangled flesh and different parts of she bald twined together,

485
00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,920
Speaker 1: infused with the high heat. Who knows? What's what powdered sugar?

486
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 1: See that you see powdered sugar? Is that it? I

487
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 1: also have a follow up, but it's sort of not related, Clark,

488
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:16,400
Speaker 1: What the hell is going on? Just say powdered sugar?

489
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 1: I mean I saw. I'm on weight watchers. I'm counting points.

490
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:22,720
Speaker 1: I see the sugar. You guys see blood guts, I

491
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:25,680
Speaker 1: see the sugar. It's a problem. I'm working on it.

492
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 1: I know you guys like me to do the chalk stuff.

493
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:34,280
Speaker 1: There's a lot of grass. I can't do chalk on grass. Okay,

494
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. How do I get a hoofprint? Great question? Man?

495
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:44,840
Speaker 1: This whole seen is a fucking puzzle to me. Hey, guys,

496
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:50,880
Speaker 1: cool detective here the crime scene. Something is a mish.

497
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 1: There are a lot of people dead here. Man, this

498
00:31:57,080 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 1: is not the moment for that kind of lovity. All right, Sorry,

499
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 1: it's to my brand. We don't have spray paint. We

500
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:07,480
Speaker 1: don't have spray paint. Yeah, I just checked. We have

501
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:10,480
Speaker 1: the chalk which I can't sugar around your mouth. I

502
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 1: didn't eat that. You got sugar? You went around the

503
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 1: corner and did you eat one? Are you pulling the

504
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: wool over my eyes? Come on, you won't get fooled again.

505
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 1: Bring the singer along, all right? Inappropriate inappropriate brands. You

506
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:31,440
Speaker 1: get to wear the leather jacket, and we we got

507
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 1: to wear you know, our clothes. We're a fire department.

508
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 1: We had to wear a protective gear. What do you

509
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 1: do well? It just sucks sometimes. What's your metabolism? Like? Man, oh,

510
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:48,080
Speaker 1: it's not good. It's bad. Ladies and gentlemen of hell.

511
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:52,920
Speaker 1: Explain to me how I send my only son down

512
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 1: to earth and he dies in a pile of hoofs

513
00:32:56,720 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 1: driving an uber through Amish country. Satan Satan, yes, you first, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan,

514
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 1: Satan God. It's hell for me too. You sat you

515
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 1: wanted me to turn up the heat. Look, man, I

516
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 1: just got here, like, I'm not totally sure. What's I

517
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,280
Speaker 1: also died in that car ground exactly, so let's hear

518
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:26,960
Speaker 1: from you. Oh man, my farts are even more powerful. Yes,

519
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 1: it's the mething in the sulfur. I tell you every

520
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:31,520
Speaker 1: day and every day. If you all got strip clubs

521
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:34,880
Speaker 1: down here, yes, that's why you're here. I mean everybody's

522
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 1: kind of scantily clad anyway, so I don't really understand

523
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 1: the part there ain't no champagne room for you. What God?

524
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:46,520
Speaker 1: This is hell? Yes? You earned it? Now? What happened

525
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 1: in that uber? Look? I just needed to get to

526
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 1: the strip club as fast as possible. I told that

527
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:54,080
Speaker 1: she'd banned to drive drive. I have been at war

528
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 1: personally with the Amish the Dutch for years. This was

529
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:01,040
Speaker 1: our one god of chance and ends up in a

530
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 1: pop h brown sugar and burntar. You know they're actually

531
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 1: of German descent. It's like a bastardization of Deutsch. Who

532
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 1: do you think I said in the forties this was

533
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:18,360
Speaker 1: all tied in. I've been foiled again. I don't know

534
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 1: what I'm doing here. Boy, I thought the turnpike was hell.

535
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:34,439
Speaker 1: You won't get fooled again. And that's our second, our

536
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:38,719
Speaker 1: final seat today. Hello, dear alchemists. I've been listening to you,

537
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:41,479
Speaker 1: guys and gals since day one. I love this pot

538
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:44,759
Speaker 1: that's in caps, it's my favorite one. My favorite scene

539
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,399
Speaker 1: is still the Fuck Me Bird orgy. Oh my god.

540
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:49,960
Speaker 1: As I'm wait home walking among other people, what suddenly

541
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 1: I burst out in laughter after hearing the Maiden called

542
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:56,360
Speaker 1: the fuck Me Bird pure gold. Anyways, here's my suggestion.

543
00:34:56,920 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 1: A Swedish weapon inspector and his Scandinavia team from the

544
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 1: UN travels down to Jersey because of a rumor that

545
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:08,120
Speaker 1: a weapon of mass destruction is being built by a

546
00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:12,239
Speaker 1: crazy Italian pseudo scientist. Many hugs and high fives to

547
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:17,319
Speaker 1: you all. Emmanuel Gonzalez, Yeah, you guys just coming into town,

548
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:22,400
Speaker 1: well vak business, a little bit of both to to

549
00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 1: be honest with you. Yeah, well, welcome to the city.

550
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 1: You know, I know everyone likes New York, but Jersey

551
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:29,879
Speaker 1: ain't too bad. All right, God in state. You've seen

552
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:33,279
Speaker 1: the movie? Yeah? Have you seen that movie? Yes? I have.

553
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:40,040
Speaker 1: Zach Braff, Zach Braff. Isn't it that the movie ruined

554
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 1: a lot of good music for me? And listen to

555
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 1: the ship? Come on, think of a man pixie girl

556
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:46,360
Speaker 1: in a bunch of bullshit that I totally get that,

557
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 1: But do not knock the shin's all right, they gotta

558
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,480
Speaker 1: I like them and I think I'm a movie But

559
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:53,680
Speaker 1: you're not blaming them, but I'm kind of blaming. I'm

560
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:55,759
Speaker 1: just saying you can't. You can't. Come on and artist

561
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 1: gets picked for another artist's work. You know what I'm saying.

562
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,120
Speaker 1: It's like, that's not their fault. You know what I mean,

563
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:00,919
Speaker 1: it's not that kind. You show us where you found

564
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:03,400
Speaker 1: the nuclear weapon? Yeah? Yeah, yeah. My point is, man's

565
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 1: like he's an artist. Real argument to here is it

566
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:11,359
Speaker 1: that the Zach Braf got the grabb me for making

567
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 1: the mixer tape? Wait, Zach Braf got a Grammy. He

568
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:18,400
Speaker 1: got a fucking Grammy ship are you kidding me? No?

569
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:20,600
Speaker 1: This we have to see this. We don't have hum

570
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,640
Speaker 1: what the gram and that pisses because that pissed me off.

571
00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:26,480
Speaker 1: Somebody out to do something to him because he's using

572
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 1: our state's name to get a Grammy and ruins a

573
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 1: shin though I know where he lives. Let's go, let's go.

574
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:34,080
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. We had a little det alright boys, all right,

575
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:38,399
Speaker 1: so alright, so we just got the little detours. Zach Braf.

576
00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:40,279
Speaker 1: You gotta see the city, a little bitsy the country side,

577
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:41,880
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Made me to celebrate all that.

578
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 1: Piss me off, man, Okay, we don't really have time

579
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,120
Speaker 1: for that. We don't want to see the house that.

580
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 1: All right, we all have time for a little justice, alright,

581
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:54,200
Speaker 1: so let's just go do that. Okay, got nuclear weapon first?

582
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:57,080
Speaker 1: How about this? You want to watch a garden state

583
00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,359
Speaker 1: in the back of my navigated that passes you off

584
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:01,719
Speaker 1: to put that on. Then what we have is we

585
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 1: have we don't have Nest and Sally nuclear weapon, but

586
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:07,320
Speaker 1: we have what's called heavy water. Heavy water is the

587
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 1: first ingredient enriched uranium. Let's see you got We got

588
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 1: a bunch of heavy water for you for eight and

589
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,720
Speaker 1: a half months. That begins you to have a nuclear weapon,

590
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 1: which I say, go with God, and I don't know

591
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:26,439
Speaker 1: what you're doing with God forbid. You can use heavy

592
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:28,200
Speaker 1: water if anything. You can use it for bacon. You

593
00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:32,160
Speaker 1: can use it. Close distillation, I mean, and you name something.

594
00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 1: Put two words again. Now we do it gluting free

595
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:39,680
Speaker 1: by cheap socks knocked right, it's a fantastic goes right

596
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:41,759
Speaker 1: to the soldier feet and that's where you absorb most most.

597
00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 1: All right, Look, we need to get this quicker, right,

598
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:49,080
Speaker 1: So we're gonna just get down there, I see Zachie

599
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 1: Braffy and then we'll get to town. All right, Okay,

600
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:54,759
Speaker 1: where does he live exactly? It's like shift about eight

601
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 1: hours away, all right, so we least eight hours from

602
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:03,759
Speaker 1: New Jersey. Yeah, on the corner of telling you what

603
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:09,400
Speaker 1: think y l A think he's up here in my

604
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 1: mind of moving slowly, but maybe we can kill two

605
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:14,800
Speaker 1: birches one stone boom. You and I got dis instantaneous

606
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:18,320
Speaker 1: new problem with graph which I think is deserved. Brath. Honestly,

607
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:20,759
Speaker 1: they want a nuclear weapon, but they're gonna need to

608
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:23,399
Speaker 1: test it first. What if we get a deep water

609
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:25,960
Speaker 1: a little bit of enriched uranium? Right, we take it

610
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:28,479
Speaker 1: to old Zachi Brath. We see how that Amy Amy

611
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:32,360
Speaker 1: winner likes them. App he wanted here to inspect that

612
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:35,880
Speaker 1: the webpen. We don't want the web. Well, what do

613
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:38,879
Speaker 1: you inspect it on? Zach braff If you saw this movie,

614
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:41,080
Speaker 1: you'd have our level of vitriol. I mean his movie

615
00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:43,520
Speaker 1: is a weapon of mass destruction. He wanted sucking Emmy.

616
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:46,480
Speaker 1: I think I meant to say Grammy, but he might

617
00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:54,239
Speaker 1: be an. I don't think the ve got problems. Look,

618
00:38:54,400 --> 00:39:02,879
Speaker 1: I have made a joke, So what you'll hate Garden State,

619
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:04,719
Speaker 1: and yet you'll have a DVD of it playing in

620
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,279
Speaker 1: your car. You know. My therapist says, this is what

621
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:10,360
Speaker 1: we call a root cause I'm dealing with stuff with

622
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:13,240
Speaker 1: my mother that I haven't quite sewn. So just go ahead.

623
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 1: I mean, we started from the beginning and we understand

624
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 1: what happened in high school. Yeah, but when your relationship

625
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:23,400
Speaker 1: right after college, yeah, I mean that was your choice

626
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 1: to break it up. It kind of was. But she

627
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:29,759
Speaker 1: felt that I had a disassociated personality disorder and that

628
00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:32,879
Speaker 1: was after it was a Thursday. We had watched Goden

629
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:36,239
Speaker 1: State nine days in a row. Okay, it was a

630
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 1: mutual decision we not bring up Garden State. I'm answering

631
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 1: a question. I know we had one ground rule, which

632
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:44,120
Speaker 1: is not to bring up Goarden State, but braft apportment.

633
00:39:44,239 --> 00:39:47,359
Speaker 1: But I'm literally that's also a rule that you set to, right.

634
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 1: I set that for my own well being, so I

635
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:54,319
Speaker 1: wouldn't pull my hair, pull out my knuckles. Yes, your

636
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:58,040
Speaker 1: two thirties here, little early James Mercer from the Shins. Boy,

637
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 1: Oh my god, do you mind just waiting in the

638
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:02,360
Speaker 1: closet while I talked to James, and then we can

639
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 1: kind of. I'll put the last fifteen minutes after Mercer

640
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:07,799
Speaker 1: comes in. No, I don't mind at all, But can

641
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:10,839
Speaker 1: I leave that closet door and just tiny crack of hope?

642
00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 1: Just a bit? Okay, okay, Martyr, Yes, can you send

643
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 1: in Mercer please? Yeah, Martyr will do that. You can

644
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:26,359
Speaker 1: go on. Answer. Hey, what's going on? James? Mercer from

645
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:28,600
Speaker 1: the Shens? I know who you are? James? Why don't

646
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:32,000
Speaker 1: you have a seat? Okay? How are you good? Why

647
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,800
Speaker 1: am I here? James? You know why you're here? You

648
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,480
Speaker 1: book this appointment. Okay, you're still I know. I know

649
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:40,440
Speaker 1: I booked the appointment, But why why am I here?

650
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 1: That's what I'm hoping to get answered. My first question

651
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:44,920
Speaker 1: is why is there an aluminum cut out of a

652
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:48,000
Speaker 1: Grammy in your hand? Okay? I don't have a Grammy,

653
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 1: that's right. I'm not any got winner. I'm not an

654
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:53,440
Speaker 1: ego winner. I'm not a gout winner. I have none

655
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:55,759
Speaker 1: of the awards. Okay, but what I want more than

656
00:40:55,800 --> 00:41:00,880
Speaker 1: anything is a Grammy because I'm a recording artist. And

657
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:03,360
Speaker 1: uh I I went to one of those fancy restaurants

658
00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:05,800
Speaker 1: last night where they wrap up your leftover ribs and

659
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:07,920
Speaker 1: aluminum foil and they make a little and then he

660
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:11,919
Speaker 1: made a little grammy statue with it. It just made

661
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:13,960
Speaker 1: me think of the ways that my career hasn't lived

662
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:16,239
Speaker 1: up to its early promise, maybe because you sold your

663
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:20,839
Speaker 1: soul to Braft. What who is this guy? This is Sean.

664
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:22,400
Speaker 1: He was my earlier appointment. I told him hiding the

665
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:25,920
Speaker 1: closet to listen to your session, which on the surface

666
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:30,440
Speaker 1: sounds unperfectional. Look at do you have any idea how

667
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:32,719
Speaker 1: much you make license sing a song to to a

668
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:34,439
Speaker 1: movie like that? Yeah? But do you have an idea?

669
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:36,360
Speaker 1: What did to my brain? Because it ruined all your

670
00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:38,840
Speaker 1: songs every time I watch that movie. I mean, Natalie,

671
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:41,600
Speaker 1: the movie says this song will change your life. He said, Natalie.

672
00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:47,239
Speaker 1: Doc he said, Natalie. That's a trigger word. Both of you.

673
00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:51,680
Speaker 1: I don't remember the name of her character and calm

674
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:54,560
Speaker 1: down to character. Now listen, look at this picture. I

675
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:56,240
Speaker 1: was drawing a boy. Both of you were talking. Okay,

676
00:41:56,640 --> 00:41:59,080
Speaker 1: now does that look like a cat driving a sailboat?

677
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:06,800
Speaker 1: Were like a duck, Yeah, duck. It's like meditating and

678
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:09,319
Speaker 1: a kayak. Yeah? Why is he in a kayak? Which

679
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 1: is the same four? Which is it is backwards. Okay, okay, great,

680
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:15,280
Speaker 1: I'll take that note. Continue. Like, I know, it feels

681
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:17,840
Speaker 1: self indulgent for me to be here to complain about

682
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:19,840
Speaker 1: my career at a moment where the world is on

683
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:24,279
Speaker 1: the brink of nuclear war, but I don't know, I

684
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:27,320
Speaker 1: just really want to. I get that. Hey, what do

685
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:30,719
Speaker 1: you guys all doing at my house? Welcome to the

686
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:35,879
Speaker 1: breath residents. I guess I wasn't expecting anybody Zach's It's

687
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:39,600
Speaker 1: me James Mercer, Oh my god. And we are Swedish

688
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,480
Speaker 1: weapons inspectors and we were kind of they were just

689
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:47,120
Speaker 1: this is unexpected. Did not expect to find ourselves here.

690
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:50,919
Speaker 1: I don't have any weapons. This is I'm a therapist, okay,

691
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:52,560
Speaker 1: just I want to introduce myself, all right, and this

692
00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:55,480
Speaker 1: is an intervention all right for me? Yes, for you,

693
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:58,960
Speaker 1: come on in, Thank you. I don't have a beautiful

694
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:02,279
Speaker 1: fucking house. Man. You know this far Western Jersey, it's

695
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 1: pretty nice, uh tea? Yeah? Would you be more comfortable?

696
00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:12,200
Speaker 1: Would you be more comfortable where it's shorts or like

697
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:16,800
Speaker 1: Mr Brath If you guys feel uncomfortable with me dressed

698
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:21,040
Speaker 1: like this, then sure I loved it. Photos you have

699
00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 1: there's so many pictures of Donald face on sexually dressed. Yeah,

700
00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:29,239
Speaker 1: I mean I like art and I want to hide,

701
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:32,239
Speaker 1: you know, hang it up on the walls. And which,

702
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:35,560
Speaker 1: which where's your bathroom? Pop in? I just used the

703
00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:37,920
Speaker 1: I just go outside. There's an house. It's a very

704
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:40,280
Speaker 1: nice it's outside of the house, but it's a nice bathroom.

705
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:48,080
Speaker 1: That guy lies he's got a bathroom in here. Holy ship,

706
00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:53,359
Speaker 1: you got a thermod device. And my man, hey, that's

707
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:56,799
Speaker 1: my private bathroom. And that bathwater is you know, it's

708
00:43:56,880 --> 00:44:02,000
Speaker 1: deep hard water. Man, it's heavy. Calmtown, Calm down. Is

709
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:06,720
Speaker 1: there any deceablium? Listen, everybody get out of this bathroom.

710
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:09,320
Speaker 1: This is my personal bathroom. There's an outhouse that everybody

711
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:12,640
Speaker 1: else can use. Okay, well, let's just calm down for

712
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:15,360
Speaker 1: a second. Calm down. Now, we've established that there is

713
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:18,040
Speaker 1: a thermonuclear device in there, all right, And within it

714
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:20,520
Speaker 1: looks like a pool of hard waters. That what it's

715
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:24,080
Speaker 1: called hard water. Yeah, it's heavy. It's heavy hard water.

716
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:28,759
Speaker 1: It's well water, and it's heavy water because it's got

717
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:30,880
Speaker 1: some you know, radiation. Are we all familiar with Mission

718
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:34,160
Speaker 1: Impossible fallout? And we all seen that movie Little Balls

719
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 1: of Uranium that these chasing Okay, I see a couple

720
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:39,759
Speaker 1: they're down there, okay, and I'm just but those are mine.

721
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:41,839
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to pry those from my cold dead hands.

722
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:46,280
Speaker 1: It's my first Amendment right planning to do huh nothing.

723
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:49,560
Speaker 1: I just want to have it for protection. Take us

724
00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:53,680
Speaker 1: the amendments. No idea you were such a second Amendment hardliner?

725
00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:59,160
Speaker 1: Is I actually mentioned the first Amendment? I think? Now, Senators, Yeah,

726
00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 1: we have Mr Braff here from Garden State and Scrubs

727
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:13,400
Speaker 1: Fame in the last season. Now, Mr Braff, please address

728
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:17,400
Speaker 1: the Senate. Well, I believe it's everyone's Amendment right to

729
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:20,320
Speaker 1: have guns in protection from the government. And now that

730
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:23,400
Speaker 1: the government has better weapons, I need better weapons. And

731
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 1: I think it's fine that I have a thermonuclear and

732
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:34,480
Speaker 1: some small uranium balls in my bathtop. Mr brad brank Stilson,

733
00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:39,840
Speaker 1: Oh no, not that I recall Mr Braff in regards

734
00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:43,680
Speaker 1: to your thermo nuclear weapons. Donald face On, there was

735
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:47,759
Speaker 1: such a chemistry between the two. You had to be

736
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:51,359
Speaker 1: hanging out outside of sentence. We were at the time

737
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:53,799
Speaker 1: of filming. But it's been a while. We don't hang out.

738
00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:56,720
Speaker 1: I guess we have some some serious differences in points

739
00:45:56,760 --> 00:46:01,000
Speaker 1: of view politically, Mr, is it not rule that the

740
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:04,440
Speaker 1: hospital y'all filled scrubs it was not a working hospital.

741
00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:10,360
Speaker 1: I'm not really that's under n d A. I'm not

742
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:12,880
Speaker 1: supposed to really talk about that too much, Sisto Braf.

743
00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:15,879
Speaker 1: First of all, this is a subcommittee of senators only

744
00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:19,480
Speaker 1: from the Deep South, so we apologize that you're not

745
00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:24,759
Speaker 1: getting a full cross section of America. Best enjoy what

746
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:30,600
Speaker 1: wasn't the janitor's real name Jim? All right, thank you,

747
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:32,600
Speaker 1: thank you for being honest. And let's get that on

748
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:34,759
Speaker 1: the record. And the Neil Flynn improvised most of his

749
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:38,000
Speaker 1: lines on set at first. Fathomy would script it and

750
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:41,840
Speaker 1: do it afterwards. This is very healthful from a Missouri

751
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:44,720
Speaker 1: settle off, bet and know me if the fifty dollars

752
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:48,680
Speaker 1: because I said his name was Jim, the senator from Louisiana,

753
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:52,200
Speaker 1: We'll get the fifty dollars when it is due time

754
00:46:52,320 --> 00:47:01,839
Speaker 1: for the fifty dollars. Let's rip weapons happen. He needs

755
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:06,080
Speaker 1: Mr Braf setting up from Georgia. Stop drinking, please, I'll

756
00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:12,360
Speaker 1: let me out, I Mr Braf, I'm not gonna do

757
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:19,920
Speaker 1: anything evil with this heavy water. No way nothing evil,

758
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:22,440
Speaker 1: but it's from our own protection. Yeah, I see that

759
00:47:22,719 --> 00:47:24,880
Speaker 1: said it. I'm willing to call this vote to a

760
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:28,240
Speaker 1: quorum and allow Mr graph and is Seminal an important

761
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:32,800
Speaker 1: movie making to continue with heavy water near radiated radium

762
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:36,560
Speaker 1: all in favor and say I, well, I guess it's

763
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:40,320
Speaker 1: time for us to go back to Stockholm and another dust,

764
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:46,800
Speaker 1: another bust, wild ad. That was nuts. I'll always remember

765
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:51,439
Speaker 1: you guys with memories and that are I never thought

766
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:54,239
Speaker 1: of that memories like this. One thing that I have

767
00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:57,440
Speaker 1: wondering is why are other inspector James that he need

768
00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:04,120
Speaker 1: not say anything to me? I was just sometimes when

769
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:08,239
Speaker 1: I'm quiet, it's because I'm thinking very much. Okay, it

770
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:13,239
Speaker 1: sounds like you're doing kind of a count. Dracula Translvania says,

771
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:15,960
Speaker 1: I'm just repeating with the computer computer, give me that

772
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:19,000
Speaker 1: Swedish line one more time. Why doesn't that James Hey

773
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:24,400
Speaker 1: say anything? Just person, that's James He they say anything.

774
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:31,480
Speaker 1: This program's posted. It's it's not busted. Thow. Okay, Well,

775
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:33,560
Speaker 1: then I will keep trying. I will keep trying, and

776
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:36,400
Speaker 1: eventually I'll be a good accenter. Okay, we've got you

777
00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:39,840
Speaker 1: a shift at Ikea okay, and I gotta speak Swedish

778
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:43,759
Speaker 1: this product name, so I just want to bookshelf. I

779
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:45,920
Speaker 1: don't know what the hell this says? Pretty easy, blush.

780
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:49,440
Speaker 1: You just have got to put it together yourself. Right now,

781
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:56,399
Speaker 1: it looks like a bunch of you're from Scandinavia. Yes,

782
00:48:56,560 --> 00:49:00,480
Speaker 1: I'm from a Scandinavia. Beautiful so my wife to Actually

783
00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:03,080
Speaker 1: she's right here. She loved to talk. Maybe not, maybe

784
00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:08,480
Speaker 1: she's she loves meeting people from This guy's from Scandinavia.

785
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:12,879
Speaker 1: From there, it was scanted, you know whatever, Denmark where

786
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:15,680
Speaker 1: you're from, right, I presume, but yeah, just outside of

787
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:19,960
Speaker 1: the in the mark, just outside the long bust ride

788
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:22,839
Speaker 1: into Denmark. So I didn't get there very much. He's

789
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 1: the real deal. I thought it would be great. This

790
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:32,439
Speaker 1: is I want to tell you, guys. Holy ship ship

791
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:38,080
Speaker 1: shot baby he on the sick, My god, Welcome to America. Ship.

792
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:43,280
Speaker 1: I love the second. Oh, baby is gonna be juiced.

793
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:48,520
Speaker 1: Juice the uranium used the uranium. Guys, get off the bed.

794
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:53,840
Speaker 1: It's for display only, all right, all right? Sorry, okay,

795
00:49:53,880 --> 00:49:56,640
Speaker 1: do you guys monty meatballs? Yes? Please just put them

796
00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 1: in a ziplock right here, shovel as money as you

797
00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:02,759
Speaker 1: can in there. Thank we got it. I'm James. He

798
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:09,279
Speaker 1: needs from helping me this. I'm sorry, I can't help

799
00:50:09,320 --> 00:50:12,400
Speaker 1: I get I gotta get these your in bookcases out there, yourgan,

800
00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:20,520
Speaker 1: you're looking for you. If you're dying, you have one

801
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:22,480
Speaker 1: more bite of food. You want Swedish meat ball? Do

802
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:28,880
Speaker 1: you want Lincoln? Lincoln? Okay, you will have meatball. And

803
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:38,839
Speaker 1: that's our show. So sad he he died died? Well, um,

804
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:43,800
Speaker 1: you know we thank you. You deserve respect. Cord in

805
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:48,879
Speaker 1: that first center. Let's go around and say what everybody's doing.

806
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:52,960
Speaker 1: Jemmy Greer check me out at Jemmy Greeber and check

807
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:57,239
Speaker 1: out good Night on Amazon and iTunes and anywhere else.

808
00:50:57,320 --> 00:51:00,560
Speaker 1: I think it's on YouTube. Sweet James Hating the real

809
00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:03,800
Speaker 1: James Heeney dot com. Please just check it out. Craig

810
00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:07,920
Speaker 1: Twitter at Kakowski are also at Craigslist Peacast. The Craigslist

811
00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:10,760
Speaker 1: podcast is whinting to a close. We've got Kevin Pollock

812
00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:18,800
Speaker 1: for our number two movie, The Godfather, and Vanessa ragin

813
00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:23,560
Speaker 1: Dynasty Typewriter on Instagram or the internet comes he shows

814
00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:29,799
Speaker 1: and have so much popcorn. Uh, that's all Vanessa hope

815
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:36,720
Speaker 1: If you want to see pictures of my children private

816
00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:42,760
Speaker 1: now down, Eric Adelstein, just follow me on Twitter, Instagram,

817
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:47,239
Speaker 1: Eric J. Adelstein. It's all good. I'm Col Stratton, so

818
00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:49,560
Speaker 1: at Col Stratton at Stratton Cold, depending on the service,

819
00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:51,879
Speaker 1: and come see Pretty Pretty Pony first Thursday of every

820
00:51:51,920 --> 00:51:54,759
Speaker 1: month at Tempt the West Side Comedy Theater. Let's thanks

821
00:51:54,800 --> 00:51:58,479
Speaker 1: our engineer and producer Doug Babe and the fine folks

822
00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:03,640
Speaker 1: at iHeart Media dot com. Bump Bump, there's something again.

823
00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:07,040
Speaker 1: Please write to us at your name here at Alchemy

824
00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:13,919
Speaker 1: this dot com. That's your dot com Until next time,