WEBVTT - Brooke Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea.

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<v Speaker 2>How you holding up?

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<v Speaker 1>I am in Whistler. I returned to Whistler after everything

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<v Speaker 1>was canceled in Los Angeles, so I am here watching

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<v Speaker 1>from afar all the devastation, and how are you guys doing.

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<v Speaker 3>We're holding up.

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<v Speaker 2>It's nice to talk to you now that both of

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<v Speaker 2>our houses are hopefully not in immediate danger. And the

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<v Speaker 2>last time when we talked, we saw a plume of

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<v Speaker 2>smoke coming over our house and we had.

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<v Speaker 1>To cut out early.

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<v Speaker 2>So it's been a really scary couple or not even

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<v Speaker 2>a couple of weeks a week, and we're just hanging

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<v Speaker 2>in there for all our friends who've lost their homes

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<v Speaker 2>or businesses. And I know, I'm sure you have some

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<v Speaker 2>friends who've lost homes. We've got friends who've lost homes.

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<v Speaker 1>So, and a special shout out to all of our

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<v Speaker 1>frontline workers and first responders and firefighters. The jobs that

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<v Speaker 1>they are doing are unfathomable and it's so scary, and

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<v Speaker 1>I have high hopes for us building back at Los

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<v Speaker 1>Angeles that is safe, for more fire resilient, and a

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<v Speaker 1>more community centered place. I think this is a way

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<v Speaker 1>for all Angelina's to really come together and set the

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<v Speaker 1>tone for what it looks like to rebuild a city

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<v Speaker 1>that has been decimated, that has been pulverized.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, yeah, Brand and I basically we had to

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<v Speaker 2>go get out of here once we knew we weren't

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<v Speaker 2>in immediate danger from the fires near our house. Saturday

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<v Speaker 2>and Sunday, we just went and volunteered to like get

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<v Speaker 2>the nervous energy out of our bodies. And it was amazing,

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<v Speaker 2>Like there were so many people. There were times when

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<v Speaker 2>the organizations we worked with had to like pause donations

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<v Speaker 2>or pause volunteers because they just like had too many

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<v Speaker 2>and it was you know, and then they restart again

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<v Speaker 2>and it was it was has just been really inspiring

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<v Speaker 2>to see everybody showing up for.

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<v Speaker 1>The city, yeah, and for each other absolutely.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>And Chelsea, I know you wanted.

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<v Speaker 2>To share some resources, so we've compiled a list of those,

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<v Speaker 2>and of course we'll have links to those in the

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<v Speaker 2>show notes. If you are somebody affected by the fires

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<v Speaker 2>and you need help, or if you live in the

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<v Speaker 2>Los Angeles area and you want to provide help, Mutual

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<v Speaker 2>Aid put together a spreadsheet that you can sort by area,

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<v Speaker 2>by need type, so they'll actually be in their updating

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<v Speaker 2>whether they need volunteers today or what kinds of donations

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<v Speaker 2>they need, whether that's clothing or tampons or diapers or

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<v Speaker 2>any of those things. So check that out if you

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<v Speaker 2>need help, or you're ready to give help, if you're

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<v Speaker 2>not in the Los Angeles area, or you're not able

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<v Speaker 2>to get out and help but you'd like to donate.

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<v Speaker 2>We have several links in the show notes, and the

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<v Speaker 2>first one is a personal friend of ours. His name

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<v Speaker 2>is Patrick. He and Brad were in Save Varis together

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<v Speaker 2>for several years, toured all over together, and.

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<v Speaker 1>He's abody who He's been through a.

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<v Speaker 2>Lot and really overcame a lot of adversity in his

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<v Speaker 2>younger years and went on to be an awesome single

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<v Speaker 2>dad and has a wonderful partner now. He bought one

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<v Speaker 2>of those typical tiny Altadna homes that his mom, who

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<v Speaker 2>had lived in her house for decades, moved to be

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<v Speaker 2>closer to them two blocks away, and both of them

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<v Speaker 2>lost everything but the shirts on their back. So he

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<v Speaker 2>would be a wonderful person to donate. My other friend Miles,

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<v Speaker 2>who I work with, who is on Daily Zeitgeist if

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<v Speaker 2>any of you know that show, he also lost his home.

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<v Speaker 2>He and his wife and child got out ahead of

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<v Speaker 2>the fires, but they lost their home and everything in it.

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<v Speaker 2>Alta Dina is also historically black neighborhood, and so someone's

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<v Speaker 2>put together a spreadsheet of all of the gofundmes for

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<v Speaker 2>Black families who lost their homes in the fires, So

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<v Speaker 2>we'll have a link to that as well, And if

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<v Speaker 2>you'd like to donate for displaced pets, Pasadena Humane is

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<v Speaker 2>doing wonderful work and they're right near Altadena. They're dealing

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<v Speaker 2>with a huge influx of pets and donations, so they

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<v Speaker 2>could really use the help. And then also the SPCA

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<v Speaker 2>in Los Angeles is doing great work. We volunteered with

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<v Speaker 2>them this weekend as well, and they a great place

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<v Speaker 2>to donate as well if pets are your thing. So

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<v Speaker 2>I know in times like this it can feel like

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<v Speaker 2>you're totally helpless and there's nothing you can do and

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<v Speaker 2>you're just watching something awful happen somewhere else. And donating

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<v Speaker 2>to one of these funds or to another you know

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<v Speaker 2>a friend of a friend who shares a GoFundMe, those

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<v Speaker 2>are ways that you can get involved and actually make

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<v Speaker 2>real change in real time for people who need resources

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<v Speaker 2>right now as they're like figuring out insurance and figuring

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<v Speaker 2>out what to do next, and figuring out where they're

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<v Speaker 2>going to live. Even five bucks helps, of course more

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<v Speaker 2>is great, but any small amount that you can help

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<v Speaker 2>these families out with, I know will be really really

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<v Speaker 2>well used.

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<v Speaker 1>Absolutely. And our guest this week is Brook Shields, as

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<v Speaker 1>she is here talking about aging. She has a new

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<v Speaker 1>book called brook Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old.

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<v Speaker 1>And we've had her on the pod before and she's

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<v Speaker 1>back again. And I can't believe I used just use

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<v Speaker 1>pod as a nickname for podcast. That's where my head is.

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<v Speaker 3>Is that?

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<v Speaker 1>Please Welcome brook Shields, Brook Welcome, Welcome back to the podcast. Brookshields.

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<v Speaker 3>I love you, We love you here.

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<v Speaker 1>I loved I found your book to be so comforting.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh good. I mean, I know you've written other books,

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<v Speaker 1>but this book is about aging, your thoughts on aging,

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<v Speaker 1>how your experience in aging. It's actually called Brooks Shields

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<v Speaker 1>is Not Allowed to Get Old, which I would imagine

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<v Speaker 1>to be a very real feeling for you. And as

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<v Speaker 1>you discussed in the books, there's so much stuff in

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<v Speaker 1>here about what it's like to feel like public property

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<v Speaker 1>and to feel like your physicality, your age, your body

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<v Speaker 1>was kind of owned by the public because of how

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<v Speaker 1>young you started working, and I don't think that's, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>obviously a very common experience. I remember seeing you on

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<v Speaker 1>Drew Barrymore and watching the two of you kind of

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<v Speaker 1>connect on all of the dysfunction that you experience, and

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh God, I hope there's more women

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<v Speaker 1>out there that they can connect with about it because

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<v Speaker 1>it's such an unusual experience.

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<v Speaker 3>It is, and we had a very different reaction to

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<v Speaker 3>the experience, but I always felt very protective of her.

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<v Speaker 3>I've always felt like that, and I'm older, so that

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<v Speaker 3>helped it. I think it's more universal than we think

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<v Speaker 3>it is insofar as the ability for the world. Now

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<v Speaker 3>it's everywhere on Instagram or tiktoct or comments or whatever

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<v Speaker 3>it is. Everybody has so much to say about everybody else,

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<v Speaker 3>and we didn't ask for it, And you don't just

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<v Speaker 3>have to be in the public eye, right, You're just

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<v Speaker 3>a normal person who gets an Instagram account, you know.

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<v Speaker 3>And so I think that part's more universal is that

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<v Speaker 3>we're constantly commented on our beauty. There's opinions, and that

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<v Speaker 3>they're voiced, and there's this the funniest thing happened to me.

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<v Speaker 3>I was doing an Instagram live the other day for

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<v Speaker 3>the book, and all of a sudden, it pops out

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<v Speaker 3>in bold letters, because of course it had to be

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<v Speaker 3>all caps, just in case I didn't hear the man message,

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<v Speaker 3>and it was, oh, I really wish you looked the

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<v Speaker 3>way that you used to look when you were younger,

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<v Speaker 3>and I just left. I had to share it with

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<v Speaker 3>everybody live, and I said, hey, I said, I couldn't

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<v Speaker 3>tell this a guy or not, but I'm sure probably

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<v Speaker 3>was a guy. And I said, read the title. Read

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<v Speaker 3>the title, dude, and go that's the point.

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<v Speaker 1>Like, it's amazing to me because there's a story in

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<v Speaker 1>the book too, where that you reveal your age to

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<v Speaker 1>some guy and his wine cellar at his house and

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<v Speaker 1>he's like, I really wish you hadn't told me that.

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<v Speaker 1>He says he was born in seventy two, you would

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<v Speaker 1>admit that you were born in sixty five, and he's

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<v Speaker 1>like almost disgusted that you would reveal that to him,

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<v Speaker 1>and that had to deal with his own age identity,

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<v Speaker 1>like it was bothersome to remind him of how old

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<v Speaker 1>he was. Yes, I mean, it's unreal that men feel

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<v Speaker 1>like they can say this to us, or say this

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<v Speaker 1>to you or any woman. I mean, it's just unreal,

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<v Speaker 1>so ridiculous.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, it's also even complimenting someone like, oh you look great.

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<v Speaker 3>Well did you think I didn't look great before? Do

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<v Speaker 3>you think I've had work done? Do you think that

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<v Speaker 3>I've had that? I'm like, why is it so quick? No?

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<v Speaker 3>I know women, I always want to celebrate my friends,

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<v Speaker 3>so I'm always going to be positive about that. You know.

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<v Speaker 3>It's Britney Spears being asked about our virginity. It's me

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<v Speaker 3>being asked to stand up so that Barbara Walters can

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<v Speaker 3>compare her measurements to me to a fifteen year old. Like,

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<v Speaker 3>it's just it's so absurd, but it has been so

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<v Speaker 3>allowed and perpetuated for so long, so I think that that's.

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<v Speaker 1>It, you know, but it's still happening. Oh yeah, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>like that with Barbara Walters. That happens to you, what

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<v Speaker 1>fifty years ago, forty years ago? Like, it doesn't end,

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<v Speaker 1>it doesn't. It's kind of like where are we supposed

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<v Speaker 1>to be learning? In the beginning of the book, you

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<v Speaker 1>talk about you tell a story where you're being interviewed

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<v Speaker 1>by a reporter and they keep asking you the same question,

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<v Speaker 1>hoping that you're going to give a different answer, and

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<v Speaker 1>at some point you say that, you say like, I'm sorry,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think I'm goingving you the answer you want,

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<v Speaker 1>and I know exactly what you're talking about.

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<v Speaker 3>You start learning to play certain games, you know, and

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<v Speaker 3>you just to get through these things because you know

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<v Speaker 3>that they don't really care. Or I had to start

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<v Speaker 3>learning how to speak in sentences that couldn't be chopped

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<v Speaker 3>up to have a completely different meaning when they're put

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<v Speaker 3>in print.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And one of the things that's really really admirable

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<v Speaker 1>and very obvious to any outsider is that you have

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<v Speaker 1>over the years really realized as you've aged how to

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<v Speaker 1>stand in your power. One example being you know that

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<v Speaker 1>Tom Cruise incident that you speak about in the book

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<v Speaker 1>where he was talking about medication and with that with

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<v Speaker 1>Matt Lower, I believe and was being very he was

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<v Speaker 1>calling Matt Lower glib because he was talking about you

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<v Speaker 1>and your postpartum and that you didn't really need to

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<v Speaker 1>take any medication. I think that was basically the gist

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<v Speaker 1>of it.

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<v Speaker 3>Knowing nothing about your situation, knowing not not having ovaries.

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<v Speaker 4>By the way, a woman not being a woman, and

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<v Speaker 4>then so that and then you struck stood up for

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<v Speaker 4>yourself very publicly with an op ed in the New

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<v Speaker 4>York Times, Right yeah, and he came over and finally

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<v Speaker 4>apologized to you.

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<v Speaker 1>But taking that on like that in it itself, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of people would be scared to take on

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<v Speaker 1>a celebrity of that magnitude, but he was so I

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<v Speaker 1>totally would never miss a beat to do exactly what

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<v Speaker 1>you did, because he was so misguided and so misinformed

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<v Speaker 1>and has absolutely no business speaking on that subject matter whatsoever.

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<v Speaker 1>So how did that feel like, having that apology come

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<v Speaker 1>from him? How did it feel to stand up for

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<v Speaker 1>yourself in that way?

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<v Speaker 3>You know, it felt very justified, And I think you

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<v Speaker 3>don't need the justification to stand up for yourself if

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<v Speaker 3>that wasn't the way I was raised. And so this

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<v Speaker 3>felt very clear because I was also not just fighting

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<v Speaker 3>for myself. I was fighting for women and the terror

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<v Speaker 3>that postparted can hoist on you and the danger of it,

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<v Speaker 3>and there was so much at stake for women, So

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<v Speaker 3>to have someone so considered powerful take all of this

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<v Speaker 3>that had been put forth to them women for the

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<v Speaker 3>first time really and just undermine it on such a level,

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<v Speaker 3>I couldn't stand by and do nothing. And I fired

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<v Speaker 3>my pubblesist over it because she said, do just that.

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<v Speaker 3>Don't honor it with a with an answer, And I said,

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<v Speaker 3>don't honor it with an answer. I'm honoring myself and

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<v Speaker 3>other women who stand to be scared and hurt or

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<v Speaker 3>just need and deserve the information. And so I did

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<v Speaker 3>have a bigger not a bad responsibility, but there's like

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<v Speaker 3>bigger reason to do it because it's it wasn't selfish

0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:58.480
<v Speaker 3>as much as it was because I've known them forever.

0:11:59.559 --> 0:12:02.280
<v Speaker 3>A lot of the antics that I see people have,

0:12:03.040 --> 0:12:05.000
<v Speaker 3>you know, they're not in my life daily. So it's

0:12:05.000 --> 0:12:06.520
<v Speaker 3>like their antics are just like.

0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:08.640
<v Speaker 1>I like antics.

0:12:09.400 --> 0:12:13.320
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, to describe it, it's good, It's like, but if

0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:17.400
<v Speaker 3>this wasn't that anymore, This wasn't personal in a weird way,

0:12:17.520 --> 0:12:22.480
<v Speaker 3>he made it personal, and that was his mistake because

0:12:23.480 --> 0:12:27.480
<v Speaker 3>you know, not only was I like America's sweetheart by

0:12:27.520 --> 0:12:30.040
<v Speaker 3>that had been or whatever, and that's the joke we

0:12:30.160 --> 0:12:32.880
<v Speaker 3>use all the time in my house, but this was

0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:37.000
<v Speaker 3>women were They were outraged. And I even said to him,

0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:39.079
<v Speaker 3>I said, you know, you kind of barked up the

0:12:39.120 --> 0:12:44.120
<v Speaker 3>wrong tree because of my ability to respond and because

0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:47.280
<v Speaker 3>of what I have behind me that has been growing

0:12:47.440 --> 0:12:51.400
<v Speaker 3>for forty plus years. And I said, and it's something

0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:56.160
<v Speaker 3>you you're still not qualified to talk about, and you're

0:12:56.200 --> 0:12:58.960
<v Speaker 3>qualified to talk about what you want to talk about

0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:02.800
<v Speaker 3>for yourself in your body, but this is your way

0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:07.040
<v Speaker 3>out of your lane. And I said, so, Unfortunately it

0:13:07.160 --> 0:13:10.800
<v Speaker 3>kind of backfired on you, and it did. I mean,

0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:13.240
<v Speaker 3>we you had people coming out and people were still

0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:16.440
<v Speaker 3>talking about it and it's over twenty years later, you know.

0:13:16.600 --> 0:13:19.400
<v Speaker 3>So I think it was a misstep. I think it

0:13:19.520 --> 0:13:23.600
<v Speaker 3>was a mistake that he dust up to making, and

0:13:23.640 --> 0:13:26.160
<v Speaker 3>I think he felt like it was a mistake and

0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:31.480
<v Speaker 3>he did apologize for it, and it was personal, right

0:13:31.640 --> 0:13:36.079
<v Speaker 3>And did I need him to do it publicly? Not

0:13:36.080 --> 0:13:39.800
<v Speaker 3>not really, because it was a different level of what

0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:41.360
<v Speaker 3>he needed to do in that opinion.

0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:44.319
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I want to flag something in your book too,

0:13:44.360 --> 0:13:47.240
<v Speaker 1>because you talk about having a grandma seizure, which is

0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:50.040
<v Speaker 1>pretty serious because you were training pretty hard or rehearsing

0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:52.800
<v Speaker 1>pretty hard for a Broadway show, right, and you were.

0:13:53.360 --> 0:13:55.560
<v Speaker 1>We talk about water a lot, and I how much

0:13:55.600 --> 0:13:58.440
<v Speaker 1>I loath water on this podcast, I cannot drink it.

0:13:58.480 --> 0:14:01.000
<v Speaker 1>I find it to be so boring. I constantly have

0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:03.160
<v Speaker 1>to put electrolytes in it just to flavor it. And

0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:06.600
<v Speaker 1>you have once again proved my point that drinking tons

0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:09.880
<v Speaker 1>and tons and tons of water does nothing to help you,

0:14:10.200 --> 0:14:12.240
<v Speaker 1>especially if there is a heat wave happening.

0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:15.240
<v Speaker 5>You are depleting your system. The water itself is not

0:14:15.280 --> 0:14:15.839
<v Speaker 5>good enough.

0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:19.000
<v Speaker 1>You need the electrolytes and the sodium to hold onto

0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:19.440
<v Speaker 1>the water.

0:14:19.800 --> 0:14:22.200
<v Speaker 3>Some in my bag, Yes, I.

0:14:22.160 --> 0:14:25.520
<v Speaker 1>Have Exca extract ones Element of course they're the best.

0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:28.240
<v Speaker 1>So you passed out at a restaurant. You were going

0:14:28.280 --> 0:14:29.920
<v Speaker 1>a million miles an hour, it was the middle of

0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:32.040
<v Speaker 1>a heat wave. You're rehearsing for a Broadway play.

0:14:32.600 --> 0:14:37.440
<v Speaker 3>And I go into this restaurant to thank one of

0:14:37.480 --> 0:14:39.960
<v Speaker 3>the women that worked there for coming in to see

0:14:40.000 --> 0:14:43.120
<v Speaker 3>it run through. And as I walk in, two women

0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:45.240
<v Speaker 3>come up to me, and I don't know what they

0:14:45.280 --> 0:14:47.680
<v Speaker 3>were talking about. I think maybe they were talking about

0:14:47.760 --> 0:14:51.800
<v Speaker 3>the documentary. I don't know. On the video, you see me,

0:14:53.000 --> 0:14:55.560
<v Speaker 3>you know, engage with them, and then you see me

0:14:55.680 --> 0:14:57.960
<v Speaker 3>sort of like go like this, and then you see

0:14:57.960 --> 0:15:01.520
<v Speaker 3>me do this a lot, and then I just I

0:15:01.680 --> 0:15:04.920
<v Speaker 3>just go down and I hit my face on a

0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:08.680
<v Speaker 3>serving station and one of the women that came up

0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:11.280
<v Speaker 3>to me was a registered nurse. What are the chances

0:15:12.360 --> 0:15:14.400
<v Speaker 3>it was really bad? And then I woke up in

0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:19.320
<v Speaker 3>the ambulance with Bradley Cooper. With Bradley Cooper, as one does.

0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:22.000
<v Speaker 1>Hey, whenever anyone has a grandma seizure in New York City,

0:15:22.040 --> 0:15:24.480
<v Speaker 1>Bradley Cooper appears. Just everyone should just appear.

0:15:25.160 --> 0:15:26.840
<v Speaker 3>And the first thing that goes through your mind is,

0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:27.840
<v Speaker 3>I must have not made it.

0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:32.680
<v Speaker 1>But you're good friends with him, or you're friendly with him.

0:15:32.680 --> 0:15:34.920
<v Speaker 1>He lives in your neighborhood, so he was there because

0:15:35.080 --> 0:15:37.920
<v Speaker 1>your assistant had reached out to his assistant. A lot

0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:39.640
<v Speaker 1>of da da da da. That was that the first

0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:41.840
<v Speaker 1>that was Is that the first and last grandma seizure

0:15:41.880 --> 0:15:42.480
<v Speaker 1>you've had? Brooke?

0:15:43.120 --> 0:15:45.520
<v Speaker 3>Yes, oh, thank god, Yes that is the first one

0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:49.440
<v Speaker 3>I've I have fainted before at times, and I have

0:15:49.520 --> 0:15:52.920
<v Speaker 3>low blood pressure, which is why I need the electro

0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:56.200
<v Speaker 3>like and I need the salt, so I need stopped

0:15:56.280 --> 0:15:58.720
<v Speaker 3>in my diet because of that, because I have low

0:15:58.800 --> 0:16:00.960
<v Speaker 3>blood pressure. And so the times that I've thinked it

0:16:01.560 --> 0:16:05.880
<v Speaker 3>have all been because somehow the sodium is low.

0:16:06.400 --> 0:16:09.200
<v Speaker 1>So no, to all our listeners, water isn't just going

0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:11.360
<v Speaker 1>to do it on its own. So drinking copious amounts

0:16:11.400 --> 0:16:13.280
<v Speaker 1>of water with nothing in it, it's useless. You might

0:16:13.280 --> 0:16:14.240
<v Speaker 1>as well have to die coke.

0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:17.560
<v Speaker 3>But also in the hospital, do you remember that up

0:16:17.640 --> 0:16:20.200
<v Speaker 3>in the hospital, yes, that the doctor said, yeah, you

0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:24.320
<v Speaker 3>go ahead, do you tell it. They were the two doctors. Okay,

0:16:24.320 --> 0:16:26.840
<v Speaker 3>they were men. This is not a male hating thing,

0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:31.480
<v Speaker 3>but they both once said, are you restricting salt, ma'am

0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:35.280
<v Speaker 3>because of dietary reasons? I was like, first of all,

0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:36.440
<v Speaker 3>don't call me ma'am.

0:16:36.240 --> 0:16:37.960
<v Speaker 1>And don't talk to me in that tone.

0:16:38.400 --> 0:16:40.520
<v Speaker 3>Yes, And I said in second of all, I said,

0:16:41.000 --> 0:16:46.040
<v Speaker 3>I'm a fifty eight year old woman, I look younger, bloated. No,

0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:50.040
<v Speaker 3>I do not restrict salt. And I find that very

0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:52.240
<v Speaker 3>rude for you to ask me that that question. And

0:16:52.320 --> 0:16:54.080
<v Speaker 3>my husband like put his arm on my arm, and

0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:57.440
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, don't tell me to change my tone. I

0:16:57.520 --> 0:17:00.120
<v Speaker 3>didn't like that tone. He doesn't have to like my tone.

0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:03.440
<v Speaker 3>And then I got asked it again by another one

0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:05.960
<v Speaker 3>of the nurses that came in, the male nurses that

0:17:06.520 --> 0:17:10.240
<v Speaker 3>are you sure now you weren't definitely, And I was like, wow,

0:17:10.680 --> 0:17:12.360
<v Speaker 3>would you ask a man that question.

0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:15.280
<v Speaker 1>I don't think so, I just don't know, of course not.

0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:17.840
<v Speaker 1>And the way men talked to women and in all

0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:20.679
<v Speaker 1>medical ways, like I mean, yes, there are great doctors

0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:23.120
<v Speaker 1>out there who obviously asked the right questions. But you

0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:26.280
<v Speaker 1>speak a lot in this book about advocating medically for

0:17:26.359 --> 0:17:29.119
<v Speaker 1>yourself in many different circumstances where you've been stuck in

0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:31.959
<v Speaker 1>the hospital, you broke your femur, you were in the

0:17:31.960 --> 0:17:36.000
<v Speaker 1>hospital for over a month. I think you, I mean you,

0:17:36.240 --> 0:17:38.480
<v Speaker 1>and it was during COVID, so there were I mean,

0:17:38.600 --> 0:17:41.119
<v Speaker 1>or you were also in the hospital during COVID. So

0:17:41.240 --> 0:17:43.119
<v Speaker 1>you've been through You've been through it a lot, and

0:17:43.160 --> 0:17:46.080
<v Speaker 1>you understand the kind of way that that women are

0:17:46.080 --> 0:17:49.240
<v Speaker 1>spoken to. I mean, you got an accidental vaginal rejuvenation

0:17:49.520 --> 0:17:51.000
<v Speaker 1>in the hospital that you didn't act.

0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:54.080
<v Speaker 3>It was an accidental. It was an accidental. It was

0:17:54.400 --> 0:17:57.440
<v Speaker 3>a little a little uh, I got it. Two fur

0:17:58.000 --> 0:18:01.000
<v Speaker 3>got a gift. He thought he was doing some big favor.

0:18:01.840 --> 0:18:05.879
<v Speaker 1>I was just shocked, absolutely by tightening your vagina. So

0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:10.360
<v Speaker 1>she goes in, wait, so tell that story. That's absolutely absurd.

0:18:10.160 --> 0:18:12.760
<v Speaker 3>It's insane. And also, let me just say one thing

0:18:12.760 --> 0:18:15.800
<v Speaker 3>before I get to my vagina yet, again, which always

0:18:15.880 --> 0:18:19.320
<v Speaker 3>is a very topic of conversation, you know. I also

0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:22.119
<v Speaker 3>it's not lost on me that I'm blessed enough to

0:18:22.160 --> 0:18:26.960
<v Speaker 3>be able to have good healthcare and attention. I was

0:18:27.080 --> 0:18:30.040
<v Speaker 3>taken care of well, I wasn't being you know, shoved

0:18:30.040 --> 0:18:33.040
<v Speaker 3>in a hallway something. So it's like I sort of say, like,

0:18:33.680 --> 0:18:36.600
<v Speaker 3>it's very hard to self advocate, but they're a little

0:18:36.640 --> 0:18:39.399
<v Speaker 3>bit afraid of me because I'm famous or something and

0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:42.320
<v Speaker 3>so like. But that's a that's like a luxury. I

0:18:42.320 --> 0:18:46.439
<v Speaker 3>mean without that, it's even a hundred times worse for

0:18:46.560 --> 0:18:49.879
<v Speaker 3>women and women of color to have the even the

0:18:50.000 --> 0:18:53.320
<v Speaker 3>space and have anybody's ear to be able to self

0:18:53.320 --> 0:18:55.960
<v Speaker 3>advocate and ask the questions. And how do we know

0:18:56.000 --> 0:18:59.119
<v Speaker 3>what the right questions are? Anyway? I was, I was

0:18:59.160 --> 0:19:02.919
<v Speaker 3>asked by my gun cologist after maybes, actually is I

0:19:03.000 --> 0:19:05.720
<v Speaker 3>was a bit wrong and the timing. But if there

0:19:05.800 --> 0:19:11.680
<v Speaker 3>was any discomfort ever because of labia, and I've been

0:19:11.880 --> 0:19:16.600
<v Speaker 3>experiencing it my entire life, like cheerleading and tight jeans,

0:19:16.640 --> 0:19:20.159
<v Speaker 3>give me jeans and then spinning and you know, sex

0:19:20.200 --> 0:19:23.440
<v Speaker 3>and like all this stuff, right, and I just thought

0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:25.960
<v Speaker 3>you just had to deal with stuff. Some people had

0:19:26.000 --> 0:19:30.240
<v Speaker 3>one boob different some people, you know, and I didn't

0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:32.840
<v Speaker 3>know anything about it. And when I was asked if

0:19:33.359 --> 0:19:35.560
<v Speaker 3>I had had that kind of discomfort, it was such

0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:38.520
<v Speaker 3>a revelation. She said, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

0:19:38.840 --> 0:19:41.920
<v Speaker 3>She said, I see it all the time, and it's

0:19:42.160 --> 0:19:48.480
<v Speaker 3>very common and it's very fixable. It unfortunately falls under

0:19:48.640 --> 0:19:53.240
<v Speaker 3>cosmetic surgery, so insurance probably isn't going to cover it.

0:19:53.760 --> 0:19:56.480
<v Speaker 3>And so she said, why don't you get a consult

0:19:56.600 --> 0:19:59.320
<v Speaker 3>and see if it makes sense to you? And after

0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:02.800
<v Speaker 3>having some thing bothered me for so many decades, you

0:20:02.840 --> 0:20:05.719
<v Speaker 3>can't even believe there there might be an option. And

0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:08.600
<v Speaker 3>so he drew this whole sort of diagram about how

0:20:08.720 --> 0:20:10.720
<v Speaker 3>kind of easy it was to do and now he

0:20:10.760 --> 0:20:13.199
<v Speaker 3>does it all the time, and you know, and I

0:20:13.320 --> 0:20:18.040
<v Speaker 3>was talking about just the discomfort. I signed up for it,

0:20:18.080 --> 0:20:20.960
<v Speaker 3>got it done, came back you know, a week later,

0:20:21.040 --> 0:20:24.600
<v Speaker 3>our postop or whatever, and you know, he said, oh,

0:20:24.640 --> 0:20:26.879
<v Speaker 3>it's still more difficult, and it took me longer. And

0:20:26.880 --> 0:20:30.119
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, okay, I don't need all the details, thank you. Like,

0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:31.200
<v Speaker 3>if it's good, it's good.

0:20:31.240 --> 0:20:33.600
<v Speaker 1>You're like, we could watch the video when we haven't yet.

0:20:33.720 --> 0:20:35.960
<v Speaker 1>We have a night, have nothing to do, because I'm

0:20:35.960 --> 0:20:36.679
<v Speaker 1>sure you have that.

0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:40.080
<v Speaker 3>And so I just like, is it all good? My healing?

0:20:40.160 --> 0:20:42.320
<v Speaker 3>Is everything fine? How long will it take? All the questions?

0:20:42.560 --> 0:20:45.960
<v Speaker 3>And then he said, and uh, well, I uh I

0:20:46.000 --> 0:20:49.600
<v Speaker 3>threw in a little rejuvenation for you. And I said,

0:20:49.680 --> 0:20:52.240
<v Speaker 3>I'm sorry, what what what do you mean. That's a

0:20:52.240 --> 0:20:55.400
<v Speaker 3>different word than reduction. That's a different word than reduction.

0:20:55.840 --> 0:20:57.560
<v Speaker 3>He goes, well, yeah, I know, I just tighten you

0:20:57.640 --> 0:21:02.000
<v Speaker 3>up a bit. And I said, you did what? He goes, yeah.

0:21:02.119 --> 0:21:04.920
<v Speaker 3>I was like, what my planning on being a porn star?

0:21:05.080 --> 0:21:07.359
<v Speaker 3>I was like, I don't, don't, I don't understand. I didn't.

0:21:07.960 --> 0:21:11.720
<v Speaker 1>I was like, plus, you had c sections, right, two

0:21:11.800 --> 0:21:13.639
<v Speaker 1>c section didn't even get breath vaginally.

0:21:14.520 --> 0:21:17.640
<v Speaker 3>No, my babies were IVF. I could argue, I'm still

0:21:17.640 --> 0:21:18.080
<v Speaker 3>a virgin.

0:21:21.640 --> 0:21:26.080
<v Speaker 1>Oh god, it's so house matters, so gross. Oh, just

0:21:26.440 --> 0:21:27.920
<v Speaker 1>one of the things. I know we have to move

0:21:27.920 --> 0:21:29.680
<v Speaker 1>on to Callers Catherine, but I do want to touch

0:21:29.720 --> 0:21:32.000
<v Speaker 1>on one thing that I found very moving, Brooke. I

0:21:32.040 --> 0:21:35.119
<v Speaker 1>thought this was really like, not only brave, but it

0:21:35.160 --> 0:21:37.080
<v Speaker 1>was just a sign of what age brings us and

0:21:37.119 --> 0:21:40.160
<v Speaker 1>the wisdom it brings us and the confidence that we

0:21:40.840 --> 0:21:44.720
<v Speaker 1>gain in allowing ourselves to be honest with ourselves. And

0:21:44.800 --> 0:21:46.919
<v Speaker 1>one of the things that you write about in the

0:21:47.200 --> 0:21:50.520
<v Speaker 1>towards the end of the book is the kind of

0:21:50.520 --> 0:21:52.879
<v Speaker 1>what ifs in your life, like what if my career

0:21:52.880 --> 0:21:54.760
<v Speaker 1>had gone in a different direction? What if I had

0:21:54.760 --> 0:21:57.520
<v Speaker 1>gotten this movie Dangerous Liaisons that I was up for

0:21:57.800 --> 0:22:00.399
<v Speaker 1>That was given to Uma the Thurman, who got part

0:22:00.840 --> 0:22:03.320
<v Speaker 1>what if you had been on a different trajectory? And

0:22:03.359 --> 0:22:05.880
<v Speaker 1>you kind of talk about the way that you think

0:22:05.920 --> 0:22:09.960
<v Speaker 1>of things, and not in an ungrateful way at all,

0:22:10.359 --> 0:22:13.919
<v Speaker 1>not in a way of not understanding how fortunate you

0:22:14.000 --> 0:22:18.440
<v Speaker 1>are and how iconic you are and what that brings

0:22:18.480 --> 0:22:21.440
<v Speaker 1>to the table, but in a way that is thoughtful

0:22:21.560 --> 0:22:24.920
<v Speaker 1>and kind of looking at the past. And I think

0:22:25.440 --> 0:22:28.560
<v Speaker 1>a lot of women are unable to do that until

0:22:28.600 --> 0:22:31.640
<v Speaker 1>they are a certain age. They are unable to admit

0:22:31.720 --> 0:22:34.760
<v Speaker 1>that they would have liked and they or they're wondering

0:22:35.000 --> 0:22:36.879
<v Speaker 1>what could have been if things had gone in a

0:22:36.920 --> 0:22:40.480
<v Speaker 1>different direction. So I found that to be very powerful, because.

0:22:40.280 --> 0:22:42.560
<v Speaker 5>People will always be like, oh no, no, no, everything that's

0:22:42.600 --> 0:22:44.160
<v Speaker 5>meant to be is meant to be, and that wasn't

0:22:44.160 --> 0:22:46.239
<v Speaker 5>meant for me. I find myself saying that a lot

0:22:46.280 --> 0:22:48.520
<v Speaker 5>of times when things don't go my way, and it's

0:22:48.600 --> 0:22:51.880
<v Speaker 5>more like it's part self convincing and part making sure.

0:22:51.720 --> 0:22:55.919
<v Speaker 1>You're not being a cry baby. Right, yeah, right, So

0:22:56.520 --> 0:22:59.000
<v Speaker 1>talk to me a little bit about that, express to

0:22:59.160 --> 0:23:03.280
<v Speaker 1>our listeners how you came about admitting to even feeling

0:23:03.280 --> 0:23:05.639
<v Speaker 1>that and then wanting to write about it for other women.

0:23:06.160 --> 0:23:09.560
<v Speaker 3>You know. There it's something that I've pined for, you know,

0:23:09.760 --> 0:23:13.720
<v Speaker 3>and has pained me for so long, and there's this

0:23:14.359 --> 0:23:19.240
<v Speaker 3>validation of my talent, right, and it's not about looks

0:23:19.280 --> 0:23:22.120
<v Speaker 3>or beauty or anything like that, because that I never

0:23:22.160 --> 0:23:24.760
<v Speaker 3>put too much stock in because it was just a job.

0:23:24.800 --> 0:23:28.280
<v Speaker 3>And also education was more important to me, so I

0:23:28.320 --> 0:23:33.119
<v Speaker 3>got fortified really quickly by going to college. So that

0:23:33.280 --> 0:23:37.040
<v Speaker 3>was my version of rebellion just for myself. But you know,

0:23:37.520 --> 0:23:40.560
<v Speaker 3>I've had the same therapist for quite some time, and

0:23:40.760 --> 0:23:43.199
<v Speaker 3>it's a theme that keeps coming back, and it's a

0:23:43.240 --> 0:23:46.840
<v Speaker 3>theme that is, you know, what if or I know,

0:23:46.880 --> 0:23:49.800
<v Speaker 3>I'm just famous and nobody thinks I'm really that talented

0:23:49.960 --> 0:23:52.520
<v Speaker 3>or well, thank god I found comedy because that's what

0:23:52.560 --> 0:23:55.200
<v Speaker 3>I do really well. But yeah, I still don't and

0:23:55.920 --> 0:23:59.560
<v Speaker 3>I started to I always believed I was less than

0:24:00.200 --> 0:24:03.760
<v Speaker 3>because I wasn't what these other actresses who were very

0:24:03.800 --> 0:24:06.639
<v Speaker 3>serious were, and you know that I would work with

0:24:06.680 --> 0:24:09.840
<v Speaker 3>some of them in a comedic setting and I would

0:24:09.840 --> 0:24:13.040
<v Speaker 3>see them struggle with comedy, and then I would think, oh,

0:24:13.040 --> 0:24:17.160
<v Speaker 3>that's interesting. You know, we're different players on the same team.

0:24:17.280 --> 0:24:21.160
<v Speaker 3>You know. I don't play ball sports anyway, I mean

0:24:21.200 --> 0:24:22.960
<v Speaker 3>any sports lately.

0:24:23.480 --> 0:24:24.240
<v Speaker 1>No lacrosse.

0:24:24.840 --> 0:24:25.920
<v Speaker 3>There can you imagine?

0:24:26.080 --> 0:24:30.440
<v Speaker 1>No, I can't imagine lacrosse. I'm still trying to figure

0:24:30.440 --> 0:24:32.200
<v Speaker 1>out what lacrosse is. Quite frankly.

0:24:32.400 --> 0:24:35.879
<v Speaker 3>Yes, it's a lot of the cribbing or something like that.

0:24:35.920 --> 0:24:38.600
<v Speaker 3>But I just like saying ball sports because it just

0:24:38.640 --> 0:24:40.200
<v Speaker 3>feels good coming out of my mouth, and I think

0:24:40.200 --> 0:24:45.320
<v Speaker 3>it's funny. But this less than and then this piece

0:24:45.359 --> 0:24:49.560
<v Speaker 3>that I used to counteract it with. Yes, but Brooke

0:24:50.400 --> 0:24:54.199
<v Speaker 3>not only a good comedian, but you also you know,

0:24:54.240 --> 0:24:56.760
<v Speaker 3>you've built this career and people trust you, and you've

0:24:56.760 --> 0:24:59.320
<v Speaker 3>got education and you can write. And it was always

0:24:59.320 --> 0:25:03.639
<v Speaker 3>a justific And I thought, well, if I'm still doing

0:25:03.680 --> 0:25:07.640
<v Speaker 3>this in my fifties, clearly I still have a problem

0:25:07.680 --> 0:25:10.840
<v Speaker 3>with it. And I don't know if I'll ever get

0:25:10.880 --> 0:25:13.440
<v Speaker 3>over it. I don't know. I don't even know if

0:25:13.480 --> 0:25:15.600
<v Speaker 3>that's the kind of work I want to do. But

0:25:15.720 --> 0:25:19.560
<v Speaker 3>to have not been chosen whenever I went out and

0:25:19.600 --> 0:25:24.120
<v Speaker 3>tried for those parts, and then to be too famous

0:25:24.160 --> 0:25:27.120
<v Speaker 3>and too recognizable to even be up for those parts,

0:25:27.760 --> 0:25:32.240
<v Speaker 3>it always felt like this, It may have not even

0:25:32.320 --> 0:25:35.720
<v Speaker 3>been a missed opportunity, that I may have never even

0:25:35.840 --> 0:25:39.240
<v Speaker 3>got that that didn't matter. It was how I demeaned

0:25:39.240 --> 0:25:43.360
<v Speaker 3>my talent, you know. And I always focus on while

0:25:43.359 --> 0:25:46.520
<v Speaker 3>I'm a survivor and look unhealthy, I'm not a total

0:25:46.560 --> 0:25:49.320
<v Speaker 3>train wreck. And that took use of education in parents,

0:25:49.359 --> 0:25:52.119
<v Speaker 3>and you know, my therapist would say, you got to

0:25:52.160 --> 0:25:55.040
<v Speaker 3>give yourself some credit for your in a character. You

0:25:55.119 --> 0:25:58.600
<v Speaker 3>do have a made character that sees things and chooses

0:26:00.080 --> 0:26:02.760
<v Speaker 3>the way you choose. She said, you know, you're not

0:26:03.000 --> 0:26:06.159
<v Speaker 3>just just a product of your parents or society or

0:26:06.160 --> 0:26:09.000
<v Speaker 3>the press or your history. She's like, there is something

0:26:09.040 --> 0:26:13.000
<v Speaker 3>that's broken there that is just her, you know. And

0:26:13.080 --> 0:26:16.440
<v Speaker 3>that kind of was like, what that is a new concept.

0:26:16.680 --> 0:26:22.280
<v Speaker 3>But this, the pining for being seen like the actresses

0:26:22.320 --> 0:26:28.320
<v Speaker 3>I admire, was so persistent for so long, and I

0:26:28.320 --> 0:26:31.520
<v Speaker 3>could work on all the other stuff right and just

0:26:31.560 --> 0:26:35.879
<v Speaker 3>feel good about it. But I just recently had the

0:26:35.960 --> 0:26:41.320
<v Speaker 3>opportunity to act in front of Basically, it was hardly

0:26:41.440 --> 0:26:49.280
<v Speaker 3>opposite because I had all the dialogue, two very prominent female, brilliant,

0:26:49.720 --> 0:26:55.879
<v Speaker 3>award winning lovely women, one in her like six early seventies,

0:26:55.920 --> 0:26:58.800
<v Speaker 3>when I'm a little bit older than and you know,

0:26:58.840 --> 0:27:01.840
<v Speaker 3>the women I admire and I've known over the years

0:27:01.920 --> 0:27:06.239
<v Speaker 3>met immediately, you know everybody, And I got asked to

0:27:06.320 --> 0:27:09.320
<v Speaker 3>do this one it's two days, but we just did

0:27:09.400 --> 0:27:12.679
<v Speaker 3>one day so far in front of them, and it

0:27:12.840 --> 0:27:18.600
<v Speaker 3>involved only emotion and only tears and only all the

0:27:18.680 --> 0:27:22.719
<v Speaker 3>stuff that makes me cringe. And I thought, oh, well,

0:27:22.760 --> 0:27:23.840
<v Speaker 3>don't do it. You don't want to do it, you

0:27:23.880 --> 0:27:26.160
<v Speaker 3>know want embarrassors have, you can't do it. And then

0:27:26.200 --> 0:27:28.520
<v Speaker 3>I thought, well, I can't say no to this opportunity

0:27:28.560 --> 0:27:31.760
<v Speaker 3>when for decades I've been asking for the opportunity. Now

0:27:31.760 --> 0:27:33.080
<v Speaker 3>all of a sudden I get it, and I'm not

0:27:33.119 --> 0:27:36.520
<v Speaker 3>going to say yes because of fear. Won't you're pussy?

0:27:36.640 --> 0:27:38.159
<v Speaker 3>Like what are you doing? Like? I was just so

0:27:38.560 --> 0:27:41.960
<v Speaker 3>there were so many emotions, and I went there and

0:27:42.920 --> 0:27:44.600
<v Speaker 3>I came out of the gate a little too hot

0:27:44.640 --> 0:27:46.760
<v Speaker 3>because I was trying, and I was nervous, and I

0:27:46.800 --> 0:27:51.800
<v Speaker 3>was sweaty and then I just sat down and said,

0:27:52.520 --> 0:27:55.160
<v Speaker 3>you know what, They're not going to fire you. You're

0:27:55.200 --> 0:27:59.000
<v Speaker 3>in one day. They obviously think you can do it.

0:27:59.040 --> 0:28:01.320
<v Speaker 3>They don't want to look back and have it be

0:28:01.400 --> 0:28:04.440
<v Speaker 3>your fault. They don't really care about you. Not the actresses,

0:28:04.520 --> 0:28:07.080
<v Speaker 3>but the production. I don't even know what the real

0:28:07.160 --> 0:28:08.880
<v Speaker 3>name of the production is, believe it or not, because

0:28:08.880 --> 0:28:11.400
<v Speaker 3>it's also top secret. And I thought, you don't want

0:28:11.400 --> 0:28:13.600
<v Speaker 3>to burn bridges, you know, or just do it? Just

0:28:13.920 --> 0:28:16.800
<v Speaker 3>do it. And I went to the director and I said,

0:28:18.000 --> 0:28:21.280
<v Speaker 3>I think I'm trying to do too much and I

0:28:21.320 --> 0:28:24.119
<v Speaker 3>don't think it's right. I said, I have a theory

0:28:24.160 --> 0:28:27.560
<v Speaker 3>about this, and she said, I was coming over to

0:28:27.600 --> 0:28:30.359
<v Speaker 3>tell you that right now. She said, you don't have

0:28:30.400 --> 0:28:34.520
<v Speaker 3>to try hard. She said it's all there and we're

0:28:34.560 --> 0:28:37.520
<v Speaker 3>watching it. She said, just trust and just do it.

0:28:38.360 --> 0:28:41.240
<v Speaker 3>And what happened at the end of the day, after

0:28:41.320 --> 0:28:43.440
<v Speaker 3>having to do it over and over and over again,

0:28:44.600 --> 0:28:50.240
<v Speaker 3>was I got validation. And I'm not ashamed to saying

0:28:50.280 --> 0:28:53.160
<v Speaker 3>you did it. I was a little girl in those moments.

0:28:53.240 --> 0:28:55.080
<v Speaker 3>I was a little girl with those actresses, and I

0:28:55.120 --> 0:28:58.080
<v Speaker 3>was a little girl with you know, mommy and daddy,

0:28:58.120 --> 0:29:02.120
<v Speaker 3>the director, and each one of the women, in their

0:29:02.200 --> 0:29:06.800
<v Speaker 3>own way, gave me like a and they gave it

0:29:06.800 --> 0:29:09.280
<v Speaker 3>to me as if you know, you did a good job.

0:29:09.680 --> 0:29:12.720
<v Speaker 3>I heard it as they thought I did a good

0:29:12.800 --> 0:29:15.480
<v Speaker 3>job right, which was what I needed at that moment.

0:29:16.160 --> 0:29:18.719
<v Speaker 3>And I knew it too, I did, but I didn't

0:29:19.200 --> 0:29:21.640
<v Speaker 3>I wasn't really open to hearing it. The director came

0:29:21.720 --> 0:29:24.200
<v Speaker 3>up to me after a sixteen hour day and she

0:29:24.280 --> 0:29:27.120
<v Speaker 3>said that was really beautiful. And I said, oh, thank you,

0:29:27.240 --> 0:29:28.800
<v Speaker 3>thank you. I'm glad it worked out, and thank you

0:29:28.840 --> 0:29:32.760
<v Speaker 3>for having me and you know, and then she went, no, no, no,

0:29:33.680 --> 0:29:36.640
<v Speaker 3>she's from Germany. She put her hands on my shoulder.

0:29:36.720 --> 0:29:39.760
<v Speaker 3>She said, I think you need to hear this. You

0:29:39.840 --> 0:29:43.120
<v Speaker 3>blew me away. Oh and that was it, and thank

0:29:43.160 --> 0:29:48.400
<v Speaker 3>you for being open. And I just I needed that, yeah,

0:29:48.440 --> 0:29:50.680
<v Speaker 3>you know. And then whether I do any more of

0:29:50.720 --> 0:29:53.840
<v Speaker 3>that again, I probably don't even really covet it in

0:29:53.880 --> 0:29:56.920
<v Speaker 3>the same way. And should I be ashamed that I

0:29:57.000 --> 0:30:01.320
<v Speaker 3>needed three women to you know? Was I lucky that

0:30:01.400 --> 0:30:04.520
<v Speaker 3>I got that chance, Yes, but I also just needed

0:30:04.560 --> 0:30:08.480
<v Speaker 3>to know it from myself and without even getting it

0:30:08.520 --> 0:30:11.680
<v Speaker 3>from them. What the director said was icing on the cake,

0:30:11.760 --> 0:30:14.120
<v Speaker 3>because at the end of it, now I called my

0:30:14.200 --> 0:30:16.880
<v Speaker 3>husband before I heard any of that, and I just said,

0:30:17.200 --> 0:30:20.000
<v Speaker 3>is I got to do? I said, I did it.

0:30:20.360 --> 0:30:22.720
<v Speaker 3>I did it. I did inside, knocked it out of

0:30:22.760 --> 0:30:24.920
<v Speaker 3>the park, and I'm going to get you know, little

0:30:24.920 --> 0:30:27.880
<v Speaker 3>gold men, just you know, all over the place. But

0:30:28.040 --> 0:30:32.280
<v Speaker 3>it didn't matter about that anymore. It didn't matter about awards.

0:30:32.320 --> 0:30:35.360
<v Speaker 3>It didn't matter about those things that as a little

0:30:35.400 --> 0:30:39.920
<v Speaker 3>girl and going to the Academy Awards sitting in the back, back,

0:30:40.000 --> 0:30:44.239
<v Speaker 3>back up, nosebleed seats and thinking one day I'm going

0:30:44.320 --> 0:30:47.680
<v Speaker 3>to get there one day like that silliness and to

0:30:47.880 --> 0:30:51.920
<v Speaker 3>just say, you know what, I'm I'm okay, and I

0:30:51.960 --> 0:30:55.640
<v Speaker 3>am good enough, and I don't I can release that

0:30:55.840 --> 0:31:00.240
<v Speaker 3>from myself and and just I can release it, which

0:31:00.280 --> 0:31:02.800
<v Speaker 3>was just, I mean, it was a pretty extreme, great

0:31:02.880 --> 0:31:05.040
<v Speaker 3>way to get it. I have to say I would

0:31:05.040 --> 0:31:07.280
<v Speaker 3>have liked I mean, I would still be working on

0:31:07.360 --> 0:31:12.720
<v Speaker 3>getting it without such obvious validation. But it I no

0:31:12.760 --> 0:31:17.840
<v Speaker 3>longer have the same pining that I used to. And

0:31:17.880 --> 0:31:20.920
<v Speaker 3>I also look at my life now and I definitely

0:31:21.000 --> 0:31:23.520
<v Speaker 3>would not have the life. I wouldn't be able to

0:31:23.560 --> 0:31:26.920
<v Speaker 3>live the life that I'm living had I not had

0:31:26.960 --> 0:31:31.640
<v Speaker 3>the level of fame and access if I had just

0:31:31.720 --> 0:31:34.160
<v Speaker 3>been on the path that I thought I was going

0:31:34.200 --> 0:31:37.040
<v Speaker 3>to be on, you know, the Natalie Portmant path when

0:31:37.080 --> 0:31:40.840
<v Speaker 3>she did the professional which was sort of her pretty Baby,

0:31:40.880 --> 0:31:44.840
<v Speaker 3>you know, and working with the Louis Mills and Suffarellis

0:31:44.880 --> 0:31:48.120
<v Speaker 3>and really being in that Wisconsin, that world and then

0:31:48.120 --> 0:31:50.920
<v Speaker 3>all of a sudden turned on its head and you

0:31:51.160 --> 0:31:54.600
<v Speaker 3>got dolls made after you. You know, it always rocked me.

0:31:55.320 --> 0:31:58.520
<v Speaker 1>I think anyone can relate to that whole notion of

0:31:58.560 --> 0:32:00.840
<v Speaker 1>thinking that you're going to be going in one direction

0:32:01.680 --> 0:32:05.840
<v Speaker 1>and finding out that that's not your destiny, and then

0:32:05.880 --> 0:32:08.480
<v Speaker 1>also embracing what your destiny is, which is something you've

0:32:08.520 --> 0:32:09.360
<v Speaker 1>also done.

0:32:09.480 --> 0:32:14.680
<v Speaker 3>I just recently said no to singing opposite Cynthia Revo

0:32:15.080 --> 0:32:17.560
<v Speaker 3>in Lincoln Center, and I was begged to do it,

0:32:17.640 --> 0:32:20.240
<v Speaker 3>and I mean, what idiot would say no to that?

0:32:20.800 --> 0:32:23.840
<v Speaker 3>And I turned it down and I said, you know what,

0:32:24.000 --> 0:32:27.600
<v Speaker 3>this is not my strength, my forte. I would have

0:32:27.680 --> 0:32:30.640
<v Speaker 3>loved to have said, I was did it, I'm okay.

0:32:31.720 --> 0:32:36.560
<v Speaker 3>Not having your vocal prowess like I'm okay. And that's

0:32:36.600 --> 0:32:39.880
<v Speaker 3>another piece too, is really knowing, like knowing what your

0:32:39.920 --> 0:32:42.920
<v Speaker 3>strengths are. And I think that that's an important thing

0:32:43.120 --> 0:32:46.480
<v Speaker 3>to be willing to admit. Yeah, I'm not that great

0:32:46.520 --> 0:32:49.520
<v Speaker 3>at that. I'm fine with it, and they wanted me

0:32:49.640 --> 0:32:52.720
<v Speaker 3>for some reason. But you know, walking away from something

0:32:52.760 --> 0:32:54.920
<v Speaker 3>too that you just know in your heart of hearts

0:32:55.400 --> 0:32:58.520
<v Speaker 3>you won't be able to soar with. It's a very

0:32:58.560 --> 0:32:59.560
<v Speaker 3>new concept for me.

0:33:00.000 --> 0:33:02.920
<v Speaker 1>I wanted that. Yeah, No, I love that. I love that.

0:33:03.120 --> 0:33:04.400
<v Speaker 1>So we're gonna take a break. I'm go'll be right

0:33:04.440 --> 0:33:11.640
<v Speaker 1>back with Brookshields And we're back with Brook. Okay, so

0:33:12.160 --> 0:33:15.560
<v Speaker 1>you started a brand, Well, it started with you wanted

0:33:15.560 --> 0:33:19.280
<v Speaker 1>a community to build community with comments, which is something

0:33:19.280 --> 0:33:21.880
<v Speaker 1>that you have been thinking about doing, and for women

0:33:22.120 --> 0:33:25.560
<v Speaker 1>over forty who are going through all of the same things,

0:33:25.640 --> 0:33:28.080
<v Speaker 1>all of the same emotions, all of the feelings of

0:33:28.280 --> 0:33:30.760
<v Speaker 1>kind of stepping into who you really are, which is

0:33:30.800 --> 0:33:33.200
<v Speaker 1>something you know. It sounds very cliche, but I mean,

0:33:33.200 --> 0:33:35.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm forty nine, I'm gonna be fifty in a couple

0:33:35.320 --> 0:33:35.840
<v Speaker 1>of months.

0:33:36.160 --> 0:33:39.240
<v Speaker 5>I've never been happier in my life because I understand

0:33:39.280 --> 0:33:41.640
<v Speaker 5>now where the joy is and to go after that

0:33:41.880 --> 0:33:44.640
<v Speaker 5>instead of going after all of the other stuff that

0:33:44.800 --> 0:33:47.240
<v Speaker 5>we think we have to go after to make us

0:33:47.880 --> 0:33:54.400
<v Speaker 5>relatable or relevant or successful. Like now I know we're happy. Yeah,

0:33:54.440 --> 0:33:57.040
<v Speaker 5>I don't make I don't date idiots. I don't do

0:33:57.160 --> 0:33:59.760
<v Speaker 5>stupid things like I used to when I'm younger. So

0:33:59.800 --> 0:34:02.960
<v Speaker 5>the joy and the power of aging is more than

0:34:03.000 --> 0:34:05.200
<v Speaker 5>what we've been talking about, more than what we've been

0:34:05.240 --> 0:34:08.719
<v Speaker 5>hearing about for the last many years about your confidence

0:34:08.760 --> 0:34:11.640
<v Speaker 5>and about your sexual prowess or how you come into

0:34:11.680 --> 0:34:12.400
<v Speaker 5>your own.

0:34:12.480 --> 0:34:15.200
<v Speaker 1>It's more than that. It's more. It's about And this

0:34:15.239 --> 0:34:16.879
<v Speaker 1>is a word that you use a lot too, which

0:34:16.920 --> 0:34:19.319
<v Speaker 1>I use a lot in my book that's not out yet,

0:34:19.680 --> 0:34:23.719
<v Speaker 1>but joy, finding joy, finding joy in everything you do,

0:34:24.320 --> 0:34:25.520
<v Speaker 1>enjoying your.

0:34:25.440 --> 0:34:28.839
<v Speaker 5>Life, especially where you at the stage you're in, where

0:34:28.840 --> 0:34:31.839
<v Speaker 5>your girls are gone, they're often doing their thing, and

0:34:31.880 --> 0:34:34.319
<v Speaker 5>you have to rediscover what are the things that make

0:34:34.400 --> 0:34:38.120
<v Speaker 5>you happy and prioritizing yourself and also saying no to

0:34:38.160 --> 0:34:40.359
<v Speaker 5>all of the bullshit that we've said yes to our

0:34:40.360 --> 0:34:43.200
<v Speaker 5>whole lives because we want to please other people.

0:34:43.800 --> 0:34:46.040
<v Speaker 1>And then you've also had this hair brand because everyone

0:34:46.080 --> 0:34:49.080
<v Speaker 1>loves your hair. Obviously you have the most famous hair

0:34:49.320 --> 0:34:53.080
<v Speaker 1>and it's for women who are fitting, who are going

0:34:53.080 --> 0:34:56.560
<v Speaker 1>through menopause, going through perimenopause, dealing with hair fitning. Do

0:34:56.600 --> 0:34:58.319
<v Speaker 1>you want to talk a little bit about Commands Bruck.

0:34:58.440 --> 0:35:03.080
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. I started it as the community to really empower

0:35:03.160 --> 0:35:06.759
<v Speaker 3>women to age joyfully. I mean joy was a word

0:35:06.800 --> 0:35:10.040
<v Speaker 3>we've always had with us, and joyfully and you know

0:35:10.080 --> 0:35:13.040
<v Speaker 3>we say fearlessly, but it's not a call to action,

0:35:13.160 --> 0:35:16.120
<v Speaker 3>it's not pressure. It's just there's joy to be had.

0:35:16.200 --> 0:35:19.120
<v Speaker 3>And we've done so much in our lives, whatever it is,

0:35:19.200 --> 0:35:23.279
<v Speaker 3>we've gotten to this age that's tremendous. Right. You start

0:35:23.320 --> 0:35:26.560
<v Speaker 3>having the conversations with women and they are craving it

0:35:26.800 --> 0:35:29.960
<v Speaker 3>and it's pervasive. And the women that I know who

0:35:30.000 --> 0:35:34.920
<v Speaker 3>are over forty are fabulous and they are not so

0:35:35.120 --> 0:35:38.400
<v Speaker 3>down on themselves. They're wondering what's next. And this sense

0:35:38.440 --> 0:35:41.560
<v Speaker 3>of joy as to there's more to come is not

0:35:41.800 --> 0:35:45.960
<v Speaker 3>what society or the beauty industry really is the narrative

0:35:46.000 --> 0:35:49.279
<v Speaker 3>they're feeding us, right, and it's certainly not historical. So

0:35:49.360 --> 0:35:52.160
<v Speaker 3>we analyzed who we were as a brand and we said,

0:35:52.960 --> 0:35:55.800
<v Speaker 3>you know what, we're not just a hair care brand.

0:35:55.880 --> 0:36:00.320
<v Speaker 3>We're not just a beauty brand. We are a care brand.

0:36:00.719 --> 0:36:03.680
<v Speaker 3>It is you know, we always say take care, and

0:36:03.719 --> 0:36:06.680
<v Speaker 3>there's a lot that means that take care of yourself,

0:36:06.800 --> 0:36:11.640
<v Speaker 3>take care to be listening to yourself, take care when

0:36:11.680 --> 0:36:15.239
<v Speaker 3>it's offered, and be good to you, like find where

0:36:15.280 --> 0:36:18.279
<v Speaker 3>you are joyous and cut out the people and the

0:36:18.280 --> 0:36:21.399
<v Speaker 3>things and the experiences and the time sucks that are

0:36:21.440 --> 0:36:24.080
<v Speaker 3>out there, and let's see what we would do with

0:36:24.200 --> 0:36:28.320
<v Speaker 3>this extra time or how we'd feel. But we started

0:36:28.360 --> 0:36:33.880
<v Speaker 3>to develop hair care with very strategic, smaller groups, with

0:36:34.160 --> 0:36:38.960
<v Speaker 3>very very active ingredients, working directly with the lab. So

0:36:39.160 --> 0:36:42.759
<v Speaker 3>we're not a not even a massige. I guess they

0:36:42.760 --> 0:36:45.440
<v Speaker 3>call it brand. We've kept it small, we've kept the

0:36:45.480 --> 0:36:50.360
<v Speaker 3>price point very relatable, and they deal with scalp health.

0:36:50.960 --> 0:36:54.839
<v Speaker 3>Scalp health is a thing in women that changes most dramatically.

0:36:55.320 --> 0:36:58.759
<v Speaker 3>You know, the actual follicle, the root where it goes

0:36:58.800 --> 0:37:02.959
<v Speaker 3>into the poor actually shrinks. It's so fair the things

0:37:03.000 --> 0:37:04.839
<v Speaker 3>that shrink when you get older and the things that

0:37:05.120 --> 0:37:08.319
<v Speaker 3>drop and get bigger. Hair is one of them. Your

0:37:08.360 --> 0:37:13.320
<v Speaker 3>scalp health. There's patchiness of dry hormonal reactions where moonal

0:37:13.440 --> 0:37:16.840
<v Speaker 3>changes luster, all of these things, and we went a

0:37:16.880 --> 0:37:20.880
<v Speaker 3>deep dive and we created that six products that dealt

0:37:20.880 --> 0:37:25.480
<v Speaker 3>with addressing scalp health and therefore hair health from the

0:37:25.560 --> 0:37:29.880
<v Speaker 3>root out. So that is that is the one piece

0:37:30.000 --> 0:37:33.000
<v Speaker 3>we will be moving into other categories. I don't want

0:37:33.000 --> 0:37:36.359
<v Speaker 3>to become just a haircare brand or just proliferate that

0:37:36.520 --> 0:37:39.200
<v Speaker 3>and then just hold up things and say by this

0:37:39.280 --> 0:37:41.920
<v Speaker 3>because I said it. I put my own money into it.

0:37:41.960 --> 0:37:43.800
<v Speaker 3>Then I ran out of my own money. Then I

0:37:43.840 --> 0:37:48.799
<v Speaker 3>had to raise money. Startups are brutal, and you know,

0:37:48.840 --> 0:37:50.880
<v Speaker 3>I spend more of my time trying to raise money

0:37:50.920 --> 0:37:53.960
<v Speaker 3>and spend more of my time pivoting so that our

0:37:54.040 --> 0:37:57.440
<v Speaker 3>team is amazing. I've never been a CEO. I can't

0:37:57.880 --> 0:37:59.959
<v Speaker 3>believe the things that are coming out of my mouth

0:38:00.120 --> 0:38:02.239
<v Speaker 3>when I'm like going like this in a book and

0:38:02.280 --> 0:38:07.240
<v Speaker 3>I'm just learning, and I'm coming into exactly the clarity

0:38:07.280 --> 0:38:11.520
<v Speaker 3>that started the company when I started the community, and

0:38:11.560 --> 0:38:15.680
<v Speaker 3>that is really solving all of what makes a woman's

0:38:15.800 --> 0:38:18.560
<v Speaker 3>life her life in this and beauty is a big

0:38:18.600 --> 0:38:21.640
<v Speaker 3>piece of it. Body care is a big piece of it.

0:38:21.760 --> 0:38:24.160
<v Speaker 3>You know, there's scent is a big piece of it.

0:38:24.200 --> 0:38:27.480
<v Speaker 3>There's so many things that do give us joy that

0:38:28.080 --> 0:38:31.760
<v Speaker 3>I used to think of as luxuries or take.

0:38:31.719 --> 0:38:34.479
<v Speaker 1>For granted, right, I mean, we take for granted all.

0:38:34.400 --> 0:38:37.520
<v Speaker 3>Of that stuff We're frivolous to spend time on. Now,

0:38:37.640 --> 0:38:40.680
<v Speaker 3>my time a lot of it gets spent on just me.

0:38:40.880 --> 0:38:46.160
<v Speaker 3>So the company is called Commens and the community is

0:38:46.200 --> 0:38:49.080
<v Speaker 3>the Commenced Community, and they keep growing. Well.

0:38:49.280 --> 0:38:51.000
<v Speaker 1>On that note, I think we should give some advice

0:38:51.000 --> 0:38:53.200
<v Speaker 1>to callers. Catherine, do we have time for a couple

0:38:53.200 --> 0:38:56.360
<v Speaker 1>of calls? We have them for probably like one. Okay, great,

0:38:56.640 --> 0:38:58.000
<v Speaker 1>let's do it. Let's do it.

0:38:58.080 --> 0:39:01.520
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so we have color DD, she says. Dear Chelsea,

0:39:01.760 --> 0:39:03.719
<v Speaker 2>I'm a twenty eight year old married mother of two,

0:39:03.800 --> 0:39:05.919
<v Speaker 2>and I've always been close with my own mother. Don't

0:39:05.920 --> 0:39:07.799
<v Speaker 2>get me wrong, she was a good mom, but I

0:39:07.840 --> 0:39:09.759
<v Speaker 2>probably could have used a mother more than a friend

0:39:09.800 --> 0:39:12.720
<v Speaker 2>sometimes when growing up. Nowadays, we do a lot together.

0:39:12.880 --> 0:39:15.319
<v Speaker 2>She comes over almost every Saturday to watch football and

0:39:15.400 --> 0:39:17.440
<v Speaker 2>drink beer. We go out, and we even went to

0:39:17.520 --> 0:39:20.000
<v Speaker 2>Chelsea's show in Atlanta a couple of years back. But

0:39:20.080 --> 0:39:23.600
<v Speaker 2>since she hit menopause and started hormone replacement therapy, she

0:39:23.680 --> 0:39:26.520
<v Speaker 2>is like a cat in heat. She's always been one

0:39:26.520 --> 0:39:28.960
<v Speaker 2>to look good and presentable. She's a beautiful woman and

0:39:29.080 --> 0:39:31.879
<v Speaker 2>is no stranger to male attention. She was always cool

0:39:31.880 --> 0:39:34.839
<v Speaker 2>and confident, not a tryhard. Now it seems like she

0:39:34.880 --> 0:39:38.800
<v Speaker 2>needs every male's attention and females too. She over analyzes

0:39:38.880 --> 0:39:41.120
<v Speaker 2>every outfit and photo she's in and will ruin a

0:39:41.200 --> 0:39:43.880
<v Speaker 2>whole outing with her mood if she feels she doesn't

0:39:43.880 --> 0:39:47.560
<v Speaker 2>look amazing. She also drinks to excess and sometimes makes

0:39:47.560 --> 0:39:48.440
<v Speaker 2>a fool of herself.

0:39:48.520 --> 0:39:49.200
<v Speaker 1>If she isn't.

0:39:49.040 --> 0:39:51.880
<v Speaker 2>Drunk, she's irritable. I have two young kids. All their

0:39:51.880 --> 0:39:54.839
<v Speaker 2>grandparents are dad besides her. I thought she might enjoy

0:39:54.880 --> 0:39:56.960
<v Speaker 2>stepping into her grandmother role and being there for me

0:39:57.000 --> 0:39:58.759
<v Speaker 2>in ways she wasn't when I was a teen, But

0:39:58.800 --> 0:40:01.279
<v Speaker 2>she's proving to me that all she cares about is

0:40:01.560 --> 0:40:05.640
<v Speaker 2>happy hour with meaningless acquaintances. She's fifty one and has

0:40:05.719 --> 0:40:09.200
<v Speaker 2>never had a successful romantic relationship. She doesn't think she

0:40:09.239 --> 0:40:11.320
<v Speaker 2>should have to answer for any of her bad behavior

0:40:11.360 --> 0:40:13.480
<v Speaker 2>and brushes it under the rug or plays a victim

0:40:13.480 --> 0:40:15.560
<v Speaker 2>when I call it out. We don't have the best

0:40:15.600 --> 0:40:17.880
<v Speaker 2>history with communication, but for the past few years I

0:40:17.880 --> 0:40:20.760
<v Speaker 2>have really worked on myself and how I handle my relationships,

0:40:21.000 --> 0:40:23.040
<v Speaker 2>and I wish she could do the same. How do

0:40:23.080 --> 0:40:25.279
<v Speaker 2>I tell my mom she's letting me down without the

0:40:25.320 --> 0:40:28.640
<v Speaker 2>message being completely lost. I'd love to hear from you, ladies.

0:40:28.800 --> 0:40:30.440
<v Speaker 2>Signed disappointed daughter.

0:40:31.040 --> 0:40:37.520
<v Speaker 1>Hi, disappointed daughter, Hi, Hi, this is our special guest today, Brookshields.

0:40:36.920 --> 0:40:39.920
<v Speaker 6>Hi, so nice, hey.

0:40:39.080 --> 0:40:39.600
<v Speaker 3>Nice to me.

0:40:39.680 --> 0:40:41.799
<v Speaker 1>She's a mother of two daughters, so I'm sure she

0:40:41.840 --> 0:40:45.160
<v Speaker 1>can relate to some degree to this.

0:40:45.560 --> 0:40:48.839
<v Speaker 5>Well, well, that's really tough. It's really hard when your

0:40:48.840 --> 0:40:53.279
<v Speaker 5>mom is embarrassing. But all moms are embarrassing, Yes, I have,

0:40:53.360 --> 0:40:56.879
<v Speaker 5>This is true. All parents embarrassed. You're full last night,

0:40:56.920 --> 0:40:58.799
<v Speaker 5>you're annoying. You're just annoying.

0:41:00.360 --> 0:41:02.399
<v Speaker 6>I know, and we've been through all that. I don't

0:41:02.440 --> 0:41:05.200
<v Speaker 6>want to be mean to her by any means.

0:41:04.880 --> 0:41:09.239
<v Speaker 1>But no, and I don't think judgment from your children

0:41:09.719 --> 0:41:14.000
<v Speaker 1>is how that this kind of phase of her life

0:41:14.120 --> 0:41:16.359
<v Speaker 1>is how she's going to either snap out of it

0:41:16.480 --> 0:41:18.600
<v Speaker 1>or grow up a little. I don't think it's going

0:41:18.680 --> 0:41:22.160
<v Speaker 1>to come from you, because it's really hard, Brooke. I

0:41:22.160 --> 0:41:26.440
<v Speaker 1>would imagine to take criticism from your children and judgment,

0:41:26.719 --> 0:41:27.359
<v Speaker 1>and for.

0:41:27.280 --> 0:41:30.719
<v Speaker 3>The most part, that's sort of their job. I mean,

0:41:30.920 --> 0:41:33.800
<v Speaker 3>I have eighteen and twenty one and they're not moms yet,

0:41:33.600 --> 0:41:37.360
<v Speaker 3>but they also they are the one that in particular

0:41:37.520 --> 0:41:40.840
<v Speaker 3>is full of judgment and it's constant. And her version

0:41:40.920 --> 0:41:44.239
<v Speaker 3>of it is she needs to individuate from me, and

0:41:44.239 --> 0:41:46.040
<v Speaker 3>she doesn't know how to do it, so she fights

0:41:46.080 --> 0:41:48.680
<v Speaker 3>me to hate me, and then it can justify her leaving.

0:41:49.920 --> 0:41:52.960
<v Speaker 3>But I feel like as the age your mom is,

0:41:53.800 --> 0:41:58.400
<v Speaker 3>I think she's scared. I think she's feeling that about herself.

0:41:58.480 --> 0:42:01.759
<v Speaker 3>She's watching you. I don't know how old your baby is,

0:42:01.840 --> 0:42:06.800
<v Speaker 3>but as you watch your daughter sort of launchpad into

0:42:06.880 --> 0:42:12.000
<v Speaker 3>this vibrant area of their lives, and your ovaries and

0:42:12.040 --> 0:42:14.560
<v Speaker 3>everything is going to work for and you are watching

0:42:15.120 --> 0:42:18.880
<v Speaker 3>your what you think is your demise, right, It's it's

0:42:19.040 --> 0:42:23.480
<v Speaker 3>very unsettling to see and to see the beauty in

0:42:23.560 --> 0:42:25.879
<v Speaker 3>your daughter and then to look in the mirror and

0:42:25.880 --> 0:42:28.719
<v Speaker 3>not see the same thing. And then you step outside

0:42:29.360 --> 0:42:33.200
<v Speaker 3>and the world attacks you for being fifty. For you know,

0:42:33.239 --> 0:42:36.040
<v Speaker 3>you're over the hell you're this, You're not represented. You're

0:42:36.080 --> 0:42:38.799
<v Speaker 3>either this twenty year old girl at the bar, or

0:42:38.880 --> 0:42:43.080
<v Speaker 3>you're in depends and dentures. That's what they have relegated

0:42:43.160 --> 0:42:47.319
<v Speaker 3>us to, right, And I think that it's I don't know.

0:42:47.440 --> 0:42:50.320
<v Speaker 3>I mean again, I don't give advice, but what I

0:42:50.360 --> 0:42:53.520
<v Speaker 3>will say is that the times that my mom my

0:42:54.040 --> 0:42:56.919
<v Speaker 3>children that because I've my mom was in a very

0:42:56.960 --> 0:43:00.920
<v Speaker 3>different broken place and she was older, but the times

0:43:00.920 --> 0:43:03.160
<v Speaker 3>that as a mom I have been with my girls

0:43:03.520 --> 0:43:05.680
<v Speaker 3>and they've looked at me and led with just love

0:43:05.800 --> 0:43:08.400
<v Speaker 3>and said, I know it must be hard, mom, but

0:43:08.480 --> 0:43:12.160
<v Speaker 3>I think you're beautiful, or they've said, wow, I think

0:43:12.200 --> 0:43:15.480
<v Speaker 3>that you should, like, don't put yourself down. Like you

0:43:15.640 --> 0:43:18.840
<v Speaker 3>taught me to love myself. You've got to you taught

0:43:18.840 --> 0:43:22.640
<v Speaker 3>me how to be like this. The problem is if

0:43:22.680 --> 0:43:25.200
<v Speaker 3>she's so resistant, I mean, she has to do the

0:43:25.239 --> 0:43:28.360
<v Speaker 3>work on herself because nothing you say that's positive is

0:43:28.400 --> 0:43:29.560
<v Speaker 3>going to make her like herself.

0:43:30.040 --> 0:43:30.880
<v Speaker 1>No, but I do.

0:43:30.760 --> 0:43:35.200
<v Speaker 5>Think positivity goes a long way in helping people face themselves,

0:43:35.360 --> 0:43:39.239
<v Speaker 5>like judgment doesn't, do you know, you just create resistance.

0:43:39.320 --> 0:43:41.680
<v Speaker 1>You create like, oh, I'm going to rebel against you.

0:43:41.719 --> 0:43:44.439
<v Speaker 1>And even though you are in more of the mother

0:43:44.520 --> 0:43:46.840
<v Speaker 1>role like you guys, kind of sounds like you have

0:43:46.920 --> 0:43:50.480
<v Speaker 1>flipped your roles and you are a mother and I'm

0:43:50.480 --> 0:43:53.880
<v Speaker 1>assuming you're responsible and she's seeing that. I think everything

0:43:53.920 --> 0:43:56.680
<v Speaker 1>Brooke said is spot on, Like I think you have

0:43:56.760 --> 0:43:59.600
<v Speaker 1>to really look at her with some compassion and understanding

0:43:59.640 --> 0:44:02.239
<v Speaker 1>of what you might be going through and instead of

0:44:02.239 --> 0:44:04.080
<v Speaker 1>the judgment. I have a friend who's dealing with this

0:44:04.160 --> 0:44:08.200
<v Speaker 1>with her mother, very similar circumstances, and she really did

0:44:08.239 --> 0:44:10.400
<v Speaker 1>just flip the script. She's like, no, I'm just going

0:44:10.480 --> 0:44:12.680
<v Speaker 1>to go at her with compassion and love and tell

0:44:12.680 --> 0:44:15.440
<v Speaker 1>her about all the wonderful things about her until she

0:44:15.600 --> 0:44:18.879
<v Speaker 1>really starts to believe them herself. And when she does

0:44:18.920 --> 0:44:21.480
<v Speaker 1>start to believe them herself, she is going to be

0:44:21.560 --> 0:44:23.680
<v Speaker 1>a little bit different. And there are different ways. You know,

0:44:23.719 --> 0:44:25.760
<v Speaker 1>you can do that too, and with books and hopefully

0:44:25.840 --> 0:44:28.759
<v Speaker 1>encouraging her to, you know, do some therapy. Maybe you

0:44:28.760 --> 0:44:31.960
<v Speaker 1>can volunteer to do some therapy with her, just just

0:44:32.000 --> 0:44:34.800
<v Speaker 1>to push her and to get like, not because something

0:44:34.920 --> 0:44:37.680
<v Speaker 1>is wrong, but to push her to really find out

0:44:37.719 --> 0:44:40.919
<v Speaker 1>what her purpose is, right, like to experience this life

0:44:41.000 --> 0:44:43.960
<v Speaker 1>in the best way. She's in now in her fifties.

0:44:44.239 --> 0:44:46.960
<v Speaker 1>This is a whole new opportunity to have a whole

0:44:47.120 --> 0:44:49.799
<v Speaker 1>new life, you know, I look at fifties kind of

0:44:49.840 --> 0:44:50.600
<v Speaker 1>like a reset.

0:44:50.840 --> 0:44:53.279
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, and that's kind of how I saw it. I

0:44:53.360 --> 0:44:56.240
<v Speaker 6>was like, why is she spending so much time worrying

0:44:56.320 --> 0:45:00.239
<v Speaker 6>about validation from others and or how she looks this

0:45:00.280 --> 0:45:02.799
<v Speaker 6>and that when it's like this could be such a big,

0:45:03.160 --> 0:45:05.160
<v Speaker 6>beautiful away time, but.

0:45:05.239 --> 0:45:07.120
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, she's not feeling in ourselves.

0:45:07.360 --> 0:45:10.400
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, nailed You nailed it with what you said Brooke,

0:45:10.520 --> 0:45:14.400
<v Speaker 6>and she has been kind of like I started reading

0:45:14.440 --> 0:45:16.680
<v Speaker 6>more again and she was like, oh, like she asked

0:45:16.680 --> 0:45:19.920
<v Speaker 6>me recently kind of what's do I have a recommendation

0:45:20.040 --> 0:45:21.520
<v Speaker 6>or whatever? And I was like, oh, so she is

0:45:21.640 --> 0:45:24.040
<v Speaker 6>kind of I noticed kind of picking up, you know,

0:45:24.120 --> 0:45:26.160
<v Speaker 6>just kind of if you want, I'm kind of being

0:45:26.200 --> 0:45:29.400
<v Speaker 6>the example. You know, like how many people do I

0:45:29.400 --> 0:45:32.040
<v Speaker 6>need to be an example for? But if that's what

0:45:32.080 --> 0:45:34.719
<v Speaker 6>I need to do to get my mom to see

0:45:34.719 --> 0:45:39.160
<v Speaker 6>her full potential and beauty and everything, then I'm absolutely

0:45:39.320 --> 0:45:39.920
<v Speaker 6>willing to.

0:45:40.480 --> 0:45:43.080
<v Speaker 3>And you're thankful for I mean, well, what I've said

0:45:43.080 --> 0:45:46.000
<v Speaker 3>worked for me is whenever my daughters will say something

0:45:46.120 --> 0:45:48.919
<v Speaker 3>like well, Mom, you know I got that from you,

0:45:49.760 --> 0:45:53.400
<v Speaker 3>it doesn't give me anything to fight against because I

0:45:53.440 --> 0:45:56.279
<v Speaker 3>love what I see in her and then she's attributing

0:45:56.320 --> 0:45:59.880
<v Speaker 3>it to Mom. You know that's what you you should.

0:46:00.000 --> 0:46:02.000
<v Speaker 3>I want you to feel what I feel. And I

0:46:02.040 --> 0:46:04.120
<v Speaker 3>wouldn't be able to feel these things had you not

0:46:04.239 --> 0:46:07.680
<v Speaker 3>taught me that I could feel as good about myself

0:46:07.719 --> 0:46:09.879
<v Speaker 3>for and even in therapy, you have to be really

0:46:09.920 --> 0:46:13.160
<v Speaker 3>careful because it should be like I would love this

0:46:13.880 --> 0:46:17.960
<v Speaker 3>for me, and then you know, otherwise they feel attacked

0:46:18.000 --> 0:46:20.200
<v Speaker 3>and it's like a you know, like an intervention. Then

0:46:20.200 --> 0:46:22.879
<v Speaker 3>you're there to tell them everything they're doing wrong. And

0:46:23.520 --> 0:46:28.040
<v Speaker 3>the flipping of it is so I tell my younger daughter, no,

0:46:28.360 --> 0:46:31.200
<v Speaker 3>tug of war only works if both people are pulling right,

0:46:31.880 --> 0:46:34.440
<v Speaker 3>and so you don't, you don't do it and you

0:46:34.920 --> 0:46:38.240
<v Speaker 3>lead with this kind of kindness because they're not hearing

0:46:38.480 --> 0:46:41.759
<v Speaker 3>any of that kindness reflected back to them. When they

0:46:41.760 --> 0:46:44.000
<v Speaker 3>look in the mirror, they're seeing just what they're not.

0:46:44.680 --> 0:46:46.640
<v Speaker 3>They're not this enough, they're not young enough, they're not

0:46:46.680 --> 0:46:48.680
<v Speaker 3>thin enough, they're not that enough, they're too many ring

0:46:48.719 --> 0:46:51.760
<v Speaker 3>o bla blah blah blah. And the tapes just keep going,

0:46:52.360 --> 0:46:57.440
<v Speaker 3>and the more you're reflected to her as in like, wow, mom,

0:46:57.560 --> 0:46:59.799
<v Speaker 3>this you know, but this is I learned so much.

0:47:00.080 --> 0:47:02.279
<v Speaker 3>I got this and and it's so much fun. And

0:47:02.600 --> 0:47:04.120
<v Speaker 3>why don't we start around a little book club?

0:47:04.239 --> 0:47:04.680
<v Speaker 1>Definitely?

0:47:04.920 --> 0:47:07.120
<v Speaker 3>And do you know? And then you could talk about

0:47:07.239 --> 0:47:11.160
<v Speaker 3>characters and then you're not talking about yourself, Like there's

0:47:11.400 --> 0:47:12.560
<v Speaker 3>there's ways.

0:47:12.400 --> 0:47:14.800
<v Speaker 1>Start with Brooks book. This is a great book for

0:47:14.880 --> 0:47:16.360
<v Speaker 1>you and your mother to read together.

0:47:16.840 --> 0:47:20.280
<v Speaker 3>That's about aging, it's funny, and yeah, it's about.

0:47:20.120 --> 0:47:23.160
<v Speaker 1>Her relationship with her daughters, and how she's stepping into

0:47:23.239 --> 0:47:25.560
<v Speaker 1>her own confidence over the course of her life at

0:47:25.600 --> 0:47:29.080
<v Speaker 1>different ages, and and kind of the various bursts of

0:47:29.160 --> 0:47:32.680
<v Speaker 1>self empowerment that women receive and experience. This is a

0:47:32.760 --> 0:47:35.239
<v Speaker 1>great thing. Start reading books with your mom and start

0:47:35.280 --> 0:47:37.680
<v Speaker 1>finding books that are actually going to have like an

0:47:37.760 --> 0:47:40.720
<v Speaker 1>impact onto her perspective and her value.

0:47:40.840 --> 0:47:43.600
<v Speaker 3>You know, she doesn't feel valuable right now, right right,

0:47:43.640 --> 0:47:44.360
<v Speaker 3>and you're gone.

0:47:44.480 --> 0:47:46.319
<v Speaker 6>That was my next question is if you have any

0:47:46.440 --> 0:47:48.600
<v Speaker 6>book recommendations, So that's that's perfect.

0:47:49.000 --> 0:47:50.640
<v Speaker 3>There are lots of others too.

0:47:50.880 --> 0:47:53.280
<v Speaker 6>Oh well, I was planning on reading yours anyway, I'm excited.

0:47:53.280 --> 0:47:54.319
<v Speaker 3>Oh okay, well, I mean.

0:47:56.120 --> 0:47:58.239
<v Speaker 1>You just had the Mel Robbins on the podcast. She

0:47:58.320 --> 0:48:00.399
<v Speaker 1>wrote a book called Let Them, which is really about

0:48:00.440 --> 0:48:02.800
<v Speaker 1>letting other people do their shit and stop trying to

0:48:02.840 --> 0:48:06.120
<v Speaker 1>control other people and letting them, which is good for

0:48:06.239 --> 0:48:08.319
<v Speaker 1>you and good for your mother, because yeah, you could

0:48:08.320 --> 0:48:11.000
<v Speaker 1>read it together. I don't want you to think like, oh,

0:48:11.239 --> 0:48:13.160
<v Speaker 1>this is such an onus on me. You already have

0:48:13.239 --> 0:48:14.600
<v Speaker 1>to take care of your children and now you have

0:48:14.640 --> 0:48:16.880
<v Speaker 1>to take care of your mother. Listen, we're given as

0:48:16.960 --> 0:48:19.560
<v Speaker 1>much as we can handle. Clearly, your mom, like you're

0:48:19.680 --> 0:48:21.880
<v Speaker 1>more in a more capable position right now, in this

0:48:22.040 --> 0:48:24.480
<v Speaker 1>moment in time, than your mother is. So take that

0:48:24.600 --> 0:48:27.680
<v Speaker 1>responsibility on with joy. That is a great gift that

0:48:27.760 --> 0:48:29.640
<v Speaker 1>you're able to give to your mother.

0:48:29.640 --> 0:48:31.520
<v Speaker 3>Not a burden. Don't look at it like that because

0:48:31.560 --> 0:48:32.280
<v Speaker 3>you'll resent.

0:48:32.360 --> 0:48:34.319
<v Speaker 1>Right, you don't want to resent your mother. You want

0:48:34.360 --> 0:48:36.520
<v Speaker 1>to help your mother. You want her to flourish. So

0:48:37.000 --> 0:48:39.040
<v Speaker 1>think of some other activities that you guys can do

0:48:39.160 --> 0:48:41.919
<v Speaker 1>together that don't evolve happy hour or don't evolve going

0:48:41.960 --> 0:48:42.399
<v Speaker 1>to a bar.

0:48:42.920 --> 0:48:43.080
<v Speaker 3>You know.

0:48:43.600 --> 0:48:46.440
<v Speaker 1>Maybe you do join an actual book club. Maybe you

0:48:46.600 --> 0:48:49.600
<v Speaker 1>find some other activities where she can like meet people,

0:48:49.880 --> 0:48:52.399
<v Speaker 1>or it's a social environment. But it's not all about

0:48:52.480 --> 0:48:55.120
<v Speaker 1>the drinking and just hanging out and doing nothing, you know,

0:48:55.760 --> 0:48:56.000
<v Speaker 1>and like.

0:48:56.160 --> 0:48:58.960
<v Speaker 3>A lot of drinking is about avoidance. I mean, it's

0:48:59.080 --> 0:49:02.600
<v Speaker 3>just it's pretty pretty obvious and clear. And she feels

0:49:02.640 --> 0:49:05.640
<v Speaker 3>sexier when she's drinking, and you know, she comes out

0:49:05.680 --> 0:49:08.160
<v Speaker 3>of her shell and she becomes that image of what

0:49:08.320 --> 0:49:10.680
<v Speaker 3>she used to be, you know, and who she is

0:49:11.040 --> 0:49:14.080
<v Speaker 3>is not just enough, it's beautiful. She's got to know,

0:49:14.360 --> 0:49:17.800
<v Speaker 3>she's got to feel that love for her own actual self.

0:49:17.960 --> 0:49:20.879
<v Speaker 3>And I think it's a very fraught period of she's

0:49:20.960 --> 0:49:23.800
<v Speaker 3>threatened right now that her value is just being diminished.

0:49:24.480 --> 0:49:24.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:49:24.719 --> 0:49:27.320
<v Speaker 6>All I want for her is to see that for herself.

0:49:27.360 --> 0:49:30.560
<v Speaker 6>See here how I see her and see her full potential.

0:49:30.719 --> 0:49:33.760
<v Speaker 6>So thank you guys. That was awesome advice.

0:49:34.200 --> 0:49:35.120
<v Speaker 1>Oh good good.

0:49:35.160 --> 0:49:37.520
<v Speaker 3>I'm so glad that all dan need to have a

0:49:37.600 --> 0:49:38.799
<v Speaker 3>great holiday too.

0:49:40.719 --> 0:49:44.440
<v Speaker 1>Happy holidays. Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll

0:49:44.480 --> 0:49:45.160
<v Speaker 1>be right back to.

0:49:45.200 --> 0:49:53.080
<v Speaker 5>Wrap up with Brookshields. And we're back with Brookshields. Okay,

0:49:53.160 --> 0:49:54.960
<v Speaker 5>So how do people find comments?

0:49:55.239 --> 0:49:58.560
<v Speaker 3>If you just look up shop comments all lowercase shop

0:49:58.560 --> 0:50:03.279
<v Speaker 3>comments dot com cumn and it's all about really the

0:50:03.600 --> 0:50:07.399
<v Speaker 3>new beginnings and beginnings of this era and being as

0:50:07.560 --> 0:50:10.640
<v Speaker 3>joyful and healthy and just in our lives and proud

0:50:10.680 --> 0:50:11.239
<v Speaker 3>of who we are.

0:50:11.680 --> 0:50:13.719
<v Speaker 1>And are you still doing the groups too? If people

0:50:13.760 --> 0:50:14.960
<v Speaker 1>want to join in on the groups?

0:50:15.080 --> 0:50:17.759
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want to bring books into it

0:50:18.120 --> 0:50:22.680
<v Speaker 3>as well and really have it be a world of care.

0:50:23.360 --> 0:50:25.239
<v Speaker 1>I love it. I love it. And Brooks new book

0:50:25.520 --> 0:50:28.600
<v Speaker 1>is brookshield is not allowed to get old thoughts on

0:50:28.719 --> 0:50:29.680
<v Speaker 1>aging as a woman.

0:50:30.200 --> 0:50:30.839
<v Speaker 3>It is out.

0:50:31.000 --> 0:50:33.080
<v Speaker 1>It'll probably be out as soon as you hear this podcast.

0:50:33.160 --> 0:50:34.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm sure by the time we put this out, and

0:50:34.840 --> 0:50:38.040
<v Speaker 1>it will be available at all places, all bookstores. And

0:50:38.360 --> 0:50:40.520
<v Speaker 1>I was going to say wherever you listen to your podcasts,

0:50:40.640 --> 0:50:42.160
<v Speaker 1>and then I'm like, this is a book and this

0:50:42.320 --> 0:50:43.080
<v Speaker 1>is not a podcast.

0:50:43.880 --> 0:50:46.120
<v Speaker 3>Well no, and then my podcast didn't get rid of

0:50:46.239 --> 0:50:48.640
<v Speaker 3>for you, so I don't have that on my plate,

0:50:48.719 --> 0:50:52.040
<v Speaker 3>which is fine. But I went into the audio recording

0:50:52.160 --> 0:50:55.680
<v Speaker 3>of the books, so the also on audible and audio

0:50:55.760 --> 0:50:58.200
<v Speaker 3>and it's all me, okay, well it was you want

0:50:58.239 --> 0:50:59.080
<v Speaker 3>to listen to me anymore?

0:50:59.120 --> 0:51:00.680
<v Speaker 1>Well, we do, we do? You always want to listen

0:51:00.680 --> 0:51:03.040
<v Speaker 1>to you, Brook. I totally appreciate your time today. Thank

0:51:03.080 --> 0:51:06.239
<v Speaker 1>you so much. Congrats on everything. Please say hello to

0:51:06.320 --> 0:51:08.480
<v Speaker 1>your lovely husband Chris Hench for me.

0:51:09.360 --> 0:51:11.160
<v Speaker 3>I will, I will it? Will? You look like you're

0:51:11.200 --> 0:51:14.960
<v Speaker 3>in a cozy flace. I wish I was there. I am.

0:51:15.120 --> 0:51:17.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm in my happy place now. Yes, have a great day.

0:51:18.239 --> 0:51:20.759
<v Speaker 3>Okay, thank you for you too, Thank you very much.

0:51:20.960 --> 0:51:21.399
<v Speaker 3>Bye bye.

0:51:22.320 --> 0:51:24.640
<v Speaker 2>If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

0:51:24.719 --> 0:51:27.520
<v Speaker 2>at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

0:51:27.600 --> 0:51:30.600
<v Speaker 2>sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

0:51:30.680 --> 0:51:34.279
<v Speaker 2>and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law, and

0:51:34.400 --> 0:51:37.000
<v Speaker 2>be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.