Speaker 1: First thing I'm gonna do is credit my boy Josh
Speaker 1: because he said this, But it's the truth. I am
Speaker 1: literally raising the kid that I wanted, and it is
Speaker 1: kicking my ass.
Speaker 2: Dead.
Speaker 3: As when your kids start to exemplify all of the
Speaker 3: things that you've been instilling in them for years and
Speaker 3: then you feel some kind of way about it devout. Particularly.
Speaker 4: Hey, I'm Kadeen and and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 5: You may know us from posting funny videos.
Speaker 3: With our boys and reading each other publicly as.
Speaker 4: A form of therpy.
Speaker 5: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Speaker 4: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 5: Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 1: Li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 4: Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 5: Through the lens of a man. You'll married couple.
Speaker 1: Dead ass is a term that we say every day.
Speaker 1: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts
Speaker 1: one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but
Speaker 1: the truth. We about to take philotof to our whole
Speaker 1: new level.
Speaker 3: Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: I can't go back to so many different parts of
Speaker 1: this past year, but I'm going to tell you about
Speaker 1: this story that happened about a month ago. Kate was
Speaker 1: away in Turks and Kkos were friends. They were enjoying
Speaker 1: their time and I always hear parenting, you know, trying
Speaker 1: to parent. It was what I thought I was doing. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: Jackson was parenting. But we went to one of Jackson's games.
Speaker 1: Jackson played on a Sunday, and his effort just was
Speaker 1: not there like Jackson is. I'm not saying this because
Speaker 1: he's my son, but he's one of the most skilled
Speaker 1: twelve year olds I've.
Speaker 5: Seen play basketball.
Speaker 1: He can finish with his right hand, left hand, dribble
Speaker 1: right hand, left hand, he can make passes, he can
Speaker 1: shoot threes mid range, finished underneath the basket, and I
Speaker 1: just felt like he wasn't being competitive enough for me
Speaker 1: to like it. So they end up losing a game
Speaker 1: that they should have won by five. They were down
Speaker 1: by twenty. I come out of the stands, I pulled
Speaker 1: Jackson off the bench and I tell him, I'm like, yo,
Speaker 1: this is terrible. I said, your effort is not indicative
Speaker 1: of the work that we've put in for the past
Speaker 1: twelve months for you to be prepared to play basketball
Speaker 1: and I'm going to get in the car, and I
Speaker 1: left after they were down twenty at that percent. No,
Speaker 1: I wasn't yelling because I didn't want to embarrass him.
Speaker 1: I had already done that, and he'd already told me
Speaker 1: about the yelling. So I literally pulled him off the bench,
Speaker 1: talked to him very firmly, but I wasn't yelling. Then
Speaker 1: I went and sat in the car. What Jay told
Speaker 1: me was after he finished, after I finished yelling at him,
Speaker 1: he didn't go back to the bench. He went right
Speaker 1: up to the coach and said, YO, already put me
Speaker 1: back in the game. And they went from a twenty
Speaker 1: point lead to a five point, a twenty point deficit
Speaker 1: to a five point deficit, and they ran out of time.
Speaker 1: They didn't win. See any of this because I wasn't there. Obviously,
Speaker 1: I'm still upset. I get into the car. Jackson gets
Speaker 1: in the car, and at this point he's played better
Speaker 1: in the fourth quarter. I didn't know this, but I'm
Speaker 1: going in as typical dads do, like I didn't like
Speaker 1: this effort. You could have had this many steals. It
Speaker 1: was a loose ball, and you watched it. You're not
Speaker 1: going for loose rebounds like, you're the leader of the team.
Speaker 5: Why aren't you? Why aren't you? Why aren't you? The
Speaker 5: whole time I'm talking, he's not paying.
Speaker 1: Attention to me. He's looking out the window, he's just
Speaker 1: doing whatever. So I hit the brakes. I'm like, yo,
Speaker 1: what's the matter with you? And he's like, nothing is
Speaker 1: the matter. I said, you know what, you don't even
Speaker 1: You don't even care enough to listen when I'm talking.
Speaker 1: You get out the car.
Speaker 4: Child out the car.
Speaker 5: I put him out the car. I put him out
Speaker 5: the car.
Speaker 1: And what I was trying to do what matter of fact,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you all what I'm trying to do when
Speaker 1: we dissect the story. Put him out the car. Drive
Speaker 1: home right now. I didn't put him out that far
Speaker 1: from the house. I got home in like three minutes.
Speaker 1: I drive home, the car the driveway. I'm coming here,
Speaker 1: sitting on the front step waiting because I'm like, the
Speaker 1: minute he gets home, you know, I know he's gonna
Speaker 1: be sad. He gotta put out the car. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: talk to him, make my point, like bring it back around.
Speaker 5: Ringing home.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, ringing home? Okay?
Speaker 5: Twenty twenty minutes go by, and I'm getting hot now,
Speaker 5: So I'm like, what is he doing?
Speaker 4: Did he worried? Because I'd have been worried senseless?
Speaker 1: Think about where we live, like what was gonna happen
Speaker 1: to him? Only the only thing that would happen to
Speaker 1: him between where I dropped him where he is is
Speaker 1: one of his teammates parents picking him up and bringing
Speaker 1: him home. That's the only thing that could have possibly happened.
Speaker 4: I pray yes.
Speaker 1: But finally he comes strolling down the block, like literally
Speaker 1: strolling in like a light skip like.
Speaker 5: He goes to the mailbox. He opens up the mailbox.
Speaker 5: He like, why you checking my mail?
Speaker 4: That's my first thing, Bill baby.
Speaker 1: So I figured when he saw me sitting on the
Speaker 1: front steps, he was gonna, you know, rush alone.
Speaker 5: My bad dad. He see me.
Speaker 1: He still walking all regular, So I take the mail.
Speaker 1: I'm like, Yo, what took you so long? First answer,
Speaker 1: I was walking. So I was pissed because I'm like,
Speaker 1: he's right, and I said, so, you're not even gonna
Speaker 1: try to catch up?
Speaker 5: He says, you drive a Porsche.
Speaker 1: At that point, Jay, who was standing right behind me,
Speaker 1: just completely turned around because he I could feel it
Speaker 1: that he was going to laugh because Jackson was right, like.
Speaker 4: He was not going to write Jackson is my child.
Speaker 5: It keeps going.
Speaker 1: So I said, so you ain't even try to run
Speaker 1: after the car. He goes, you kicked me out without
Speaker 1: my sneakers.
Speaker 5: He was right.
Speaker 1: I said, you couldn't run in flip flops. He said,
Speaker 1: you have the fastest production car on the planet. At
Speaker 1: that point, I heard the door slam because Jay went inside.
Speaker 5: I looked at Jackson. I said, that's your problem, because
Speaker 5: at this point I was losing. I didn't know what
Speaker 5: the says. That's your problem. You're lazy.
Speaker 1: You didn't even want to try. And then I went inside.
Speaker 1: And then when I went inside, Jay looked at me
Speaker 1: and said, really didn't know what to do with that point.
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying, because you just had to win.
Speaker 4: Huh.
Speaker 5: I was trying to make a point. And Jackson's on
Speaker 5: the debate.
Speaker 3: Team right when Deval meets Deval, so when Devaal meets
Speaker 3: his match, now.
Speaker 1: I'm like the only thing, the only thing I wanted
Speaker 1: k I wanted to strike an emotional chord from him
Speaker 1: so that he understands that this is the type of
Speaker 1: energy I wanted him to be upset at some point
Speaker 1: so that I could say, this is type of energy
Speaker 1: you have to have every Saturday and Sunday when you
Speaker 1: go into the game. Don't be so nonchalant. But he
Speaker 1: never gave me that energy. So that we came inside,
Speaker 1: we had a conversation. We talked for about an hour.
Speaker 1: We talked about it, and I told him at that hour,
Speaker 1: I said, until you find the energy that I want
Speaker 1: to see, I'm not going to no more games.
Speaker 5: And this is what he said to me. Cool me
Speaker 5: even more mad now. Right the next day.
Speaker 4: Because you were really doing that for him or for you,
Speaker 4: I go to the.
Speaker 5: Game, absolutely gonna hurt me. But I was trying to
Speaker 5: get him to get.
Speaker 4: The fires be there.
Speaker 1: So this is this is when I realized that I
Speaker 1: had created a little version of me and it was
Speaker 1: gonna hurt me.
Speaker 5: Next day he had a game. No next week, he
Speaker 5: had a game.
Speaker 1: Remember that's when my dad, your dad, your brother, everybody's
Speaker 1: getting dressed up to go to the game. I'm getting
Speaker 1: dressed up to go to the game. I say, yo,
Speaker 1: but you want me to drive everybody's coming. You want
Speaker 1: to drive the Porsche that's the the game car. He
Speaker 1: goes no, I said, what you mean, No, He said,
Speaker 1: you can stay your ass home. Yeah, see my face.
Speaker 1: This song is dedicated to my baby boy, my oldest.
Speaker 1: This is a song that always reminds The song reminds
Speaker 1: me of him because this was our song.
Speaker 5: Yes, just the two of us.
Speaker 1: We can make it if we tried, just the two
Speaker 1: of us.
Speaker 4: You and I.
Speaker 1: That's the Will Smith version because when Jackson was two
Speaker 1: turning three, that's when Kate was still working, and it
Speaker 1: used to be me and him during the daytime. I
Speaker 1: was taking him on all my auditions. When I was
Speaker 1: working at the gym, he would come to the gym
Speaker 1: while I was training guys. He was my little partner,
Speaker 1: like I always had my book back and I had Jackson,
Speaker 1: And it's always been the two of us. And in
Speaker 1: that moment was the first time he told me I
Speaker 1: could stay my ass home.
Speaker 5: Was when I realized that it ain't gonna be the
Speaker 5: two of us.
Speaker 4: The two has become one and one.
Speaker 5: Let's take a break so I can go cry in
Speaker 5: the car.
Speaker 4: Baby, I got a bosom for you.
Speaker 5: Josh over here laughing. I'm about to fight Johns. She
Speaker 5: laughing at my pain. Don't laugh at my pain Jo shirt.
Speaker 1: I'm crying, Jackson. Let's take a break and we'll come
Speaker 1: back and dissect this, all right.
Speaker 3: So Jackson told you to stay your ass home. So
Speaker 3: it's funny because on that day, I'll never forget. All
Speaker 3: the family was in town, you know, preparing for the holidays.
Speaker 3: This was the game right before Christmas. Felling like I'm Mondays.
Speaker 3: This might have been Saturday, and we all, like every
Speaker 3: game day, Everyone's getting ready to getting dressed. And that's
Speaker 3: when Jackson told de Val to stay home.
Speaker 4: So I'm like, damn, Deval, that's that's unfortunate.
Speaker 3: All right. Well, since you're gonna be home here, I'm
Speaker 3: not gonna take cold, I'm gonna leave Coda with you.
Speaker 4: And then Jackson hits me with the mom you can
Speaker 4: stay home with dad.
Speaker 5: Yep, I waited together, baby, How did I.
Speaker 4: Get into y'all?
Speaker 5: She again?
Speaker 3: Yes, I said, Jackson. I'm the one, I said me
Speaker 3: and your auntie made me a.
Speaker 5: Nice Jackson t show no, no no.
Speaker 4: And mom comes to the games and I behave myself.
Speaker 5: No no no.
Speaker 1: The Bible says when when two get married, the two
Speaker 1: become one, all right, So if I'm being punished, you.
Speaker 3: Got jack the freaking diplomat is like, all right, well,
Speaker 3: just so Dad doesn't feel so bad, which just shows
Speaker 3: you how like intelligent.
Speaker 4: And emotionally where he is.
Speaker 3: He's like, I know this is gonna hurt my father's
Speaker 3: feelings probably, so let me lessen the blow by not
Speaker 3: singling him out. Mom, you're going to have to take
Speaker 3: the rap too. So we both had to stay home,
Speaker 3: and he said the grandparents and the aunts.
Speaker 4: And uncles can take him to the game. And that's
Speaker 4: what they did.
Speaker 1: Now to my sound bite, right when I said, I'm
Speaker 1: raising the kid that I always wanted, and it's kicking
Speaker 1: my ass.
Speaker 5: This is the truth. I've been telling Jackson since football
Speaker 5: season to advocate for himself, speak up for what he wants,
Speaker 5: what he needs, and what he requires, and be unapologetic
Speaker 5: to those around him who are supposed to be of
Speaker 5: support to him and including up. And I said it
Speaker 5: has to start with me.
Speaker 4: Yes.
Speaker 1: So when at first he told me to stay in
Speaker 1: my ass home, the first thing I thought was, why
Speaker 1: are you talking to me like this? Like this is
Speaker 1: like I'm about to lose it because he can't be disrespectful.
Speaker 1: Then I had to also think that I just told
Speaker 1: him that I wanted to see more fire and desire,
Speaker 1: energy and effort from him.
Speaker 4: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: So I took it as you know what, he's trying
Speaker 1: to stand up to me the best way he knows how,
Speaker 1: you know. And he's trying to show that he's a man,
Speaker 1: and he's trying to show that he can do it.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, you know what, he's telling me to
Speaker 1: stay home. I know he's also upset because I reamed
Speaker 1: him and paused in front of Jay and I told
Speaker 1: him that this was unacceptable. So I'm was like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm gonna give him a pass. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give him a pass. Your man went out there,
Speaker 1: led the team in scoring. They won by thirty points.
Speaker 1: He had three steals, four offensive rebounds. He played the
Speaker 1: best game he had played so far, So much so
Speaker 1: that the coach text me.
Speaker 5: And said, Yo, Jackson played like a different person today.
Speaker 5: You might need to stay home the rest of the season.
Speaker 4: Baby.
Speaker 1: They've been on a three game win streak ever since. Now,
Speaker 1: I did sneak into a game?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 4: Did you tell them that part? So devow.
Speaker 3: First of all home because jacksondn't told me to stay
Speaker 3: mask nowhere, the ontlybody telling me what to do?
Speaker 4: My ass is you facts.
Speaker 3: Think about how things have progressed, because for our generation,
Speaker 3: it was not common for us to tell our parents
Speaker 3: anything you were seeing. You're not heard, you don't talk back,
Speaker 3: you don't question, God forbid, you throw ass in there.
Speaker 5: I know, and here's the truth.
Speaker 4: What made you not like go outside his hand with that?
Speaker 1: Because I don't I don't condone using vulgar language, you know,
Speaker 1: but I do also have to say when I'm coaching
Speaker 1: sometimes that fire and stuff, I'll scream at.
Speaker 5: The kids, let's call us call let's kick their ass.
Speaker 5: Like I'll scream those things.
Speaker 4: And I just like from an emotion, from an emotional
Speaker 4: as a coach.
Speaker 5: Standpoint, and they get excited. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 5: So I can't be upset at him emulating or doing
Speaker 5: what I do for him in a sports standspoint, Like
Speaker 5: it makes no sense. How can I sit here and
Speaker 5: tell tell all him and his friends go out there,
Speaker 5: we gonna kick their asks. Let's fucking go. But then
Speaker 5: when he's in his sports mode, I'm like you and
Speaker 5: he's no, you can stay your ass home.
Speaker 1: How I'm gonna be mad? Now and be like, watch
Speaker 1: your mouth. You know what I'm saying, Like I can't,
Speaker 1: and it's locker room tall.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's good for you compartmentalized, because I was
Speaker 3: gonna say when I called you asshole, you got mad
Speaker 3: about it.
Speaker 5: But well he didn't say he just stay home, asshole.
Speaker 5: He said you can stay your asshole. There's a difference.
Speaker 4: You're talking about your ass and not the body pause.
Speaker 5: Nobody talks about my ass. I talk about your ass.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is that it caught me off guard,
Speaker 1: but I do try to compartmentalize. When I had my
Speaker 1: mentorship program, I told those kids there's times when I'm
Speaker 1: coach Devo the coach, and then there's times where I'm
Speaker 1: your big brother, I'm your father figure.
Speaker 5: There's different times.
Speaker 1: It's important for parents to understand if you're gonna coach
Speaker 1: your son, there's gonna be different times they're gonna look
Speaker 1: at you like a coach or they're gonna look at
Speaker 1: you like a parent. I feel and I told myself this,
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. At that time, Jackson
Speaker 1: saw me as a coach, someone who wasn't helping his
Speaker 1: progression and stood up for himself. And then the thing
Speaker 1: is he backed it up. He didn't go out there
Speaker 1: and lay an egg and played terrible without me there,
Speaker 1: He played better than he played all season, which showed
Speaker 1: me like, yeah, maybe my presence was a bit much.
Speaker 3: That much it was muddying the waters, I think because
Speaker 3: also too, you think about how it affected your home
Speaker 3: life in a little in a sense too absolutely, you know,
Speaker 3: like when I say to you, Devout, I want you
Speaker 3: to clock out as my business partner or my co
Speaker 3: host and be my husband and be my boyfriend and
Speaker 3: be the man that I love versus being the person
Speaker 3: who's always on me about business stuff. Yes, Devout, I
Speaker 3: mean Jackson in that moment said I just want my dad. Yes,
Speaker 3: so my dad can come to my games, but not
Speaker 3: dad the coach can come to my games.
Speaker 1: So that leads me to because you're one hundred percent right,
Speaker 1: everything you just said was exactly how he felt. I
Speaker 1: sneak into the game, right, I let the first game
Speaker 1: go by it and sneak in.
Speaker 4: Tell them how you smack into the game of that?
Speaker 4: What were you wearing and how'd you look?
Speaker 1: I was wearing my all black actively black hoodie set right.
Speaker 1: I want my black sneakers because it was all black.
Speaker 1: He's not gonna see me, nobody paying attention to me.
Speaker 1: I put my hood up. When you first walk into
Speaker 1: the gym, all the bleaches is on the right side,
Speaker 1: so I said, let me not standing next to any
Speaker 1: of the parents. That all the kids look in the
Speaker 1: corner because they all looking for their parents. So I
Speaker 1: went right by the bleachers, right. I stood by the
Speaker 1: bleachers with my hood at for a second and watched
Speaker 1: the game. Thirteen seconds into looking at the game, Jackson
Speaker 1: turned right around and stared right at.
Speaker 3: My forehead, bro literally the right at me, like he
Speaker 3: felt your whole aura into the building.
Speaker 4: That's wild.
Speaker 5: So I did what any responsible parent does in that moment.
Speaker 5: I lied. I said, I'm not even here to see you.
Speaker 5: I got to talk to the coach in the middle
Speaker 5: of the game, and this way he did, waved me
Speaker 5: off like that and went back and scored two buckets.
Speaker 5: So then after I got caught sneaking in the game,
Speaker 5: I thought that I was out all the clay. I said,
Speaker 5: y'all want spoke to the coach.
Speaker 1: Coach gonna give us the gym like I wouldn't even
Speaker 1: able to see you, like I, okay, you gave you
Speaker 1: the good or y'all one nights. I try to act
Speaker 1: like I ain't care, right, he was like, yeah, we won.
Speaker 1: We one told me all his stats.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 1: The next game it was away, so I was like,
Speaker 1: he definitely not gonna see me now because he don't
Speaker 1: even know this gym getting the game, walk across the beaches,
Speaker 1: I passed all the parents.
Speaker 5: The parents are just like.
Speaker 1: Yo, I'm not supposed to be here. So I'm telling him,
Speaker 1: like I walk past, someone got my hood up. I
Speaker 1: walk up to the corner, right, I'm in the corner
Speaker 1: sitting there. I watched the whole game. He killing everything,
Speaker 1: d da da. No one says anything to me. He
Speaker 1: doesn't even look up at me. So I'm like, I
Speaker 1: found out what I gotta do soon is the game over.
Speaker 1: Jackson looks right in my face right the whole time,
Speaker 1: you look right in my face. So now I was
Speaker 1: getting ready to sneak out so that he didn't see
Speaker 1: me leave, so I said I'm staying right. So after everything,
Speaker 1: getting everybody pounds, they won again, walks over to me.
Speaker 5: I said, Yo, how you knew I was here?
Speaker 1: He said, Bro, you the only person that wears that
Speaker 1: much actively black you have on a hood on. It
Speaker 1: is hot in here. Plus all my teammates when you
Speaker 1: walked in and said to me, yo, why your dad
Speaker 1: in camouflage? I said, in the little rascally ass kids,
Speaker 1: they just blew up my spot.
Speaker 3: One of our friends was just like Deval think he
Speaker 3: could really hide with them parentheses, legs and them tights
Speaker 3: wet pants, walking around looking like brackets and thinking that
Speaker 3: nobody was going to see.
Speaker 4: To this past game on Sunday. I get there. Devl
Speaker 4: is a little bit late. Well, they started the game
Speaker 4: early technically, so he wasn't late.
Speaker 5: Because they was winning again.
Speaker 4: Dad sees one of the dads sees being just like, hey,
Speaker 4: what's up, man, how's everything going. He's like, okay, so
Speaker 4: you're allowed to come?
Speaker 3: Is develop like hiding in the rafters somewhere because I
Speaker 3: know he's not allowed to be here. I got a
Speaker 3: running joke that's not allowed to be at the games.
Speaker 1: But because the second game I got caught and I
Speaker 1: was quiet the whole game. Jackson said I can come
Speaker 1: back now, but he said exactly what you said.
Speaker 5: He said, you can come back as my pops. I
Speaker 5: already got a coach.
Speaker 4: That she hit me though, but hit you in a
Speaker 4: good way. It made you feel like made you feel.
Speaker 1: Badly, or maybe hit me in a good way because
Speaker 1: he was able to compartmentalize. And I'm acting as coach
Speaker 1: and acting as dad, and he's like, I want my dad.
Speaker 1: I don't need you to I coach him in football, yes,
Speaker 1: and I already we did the podcast on how rough
Speaker 1: that was. So he's like, for basketball, I don't need that.
Speaker 1: And I was just like, dang, at least he loves
Speaker 1: his dad. Like the football coach is hard to deal with.
Speaker 5: I get that.
Speaker 1: I'm a difficult person. I know that, like you. One
Speaker 1: thing I know is if you're going to play for me,
Speaker 1: you have to be a very mentally tough, strong person.
Speaker 1: And he played for me, and he played well, and
Speaker 1: the team played well, and they but it was a
Speaker 1: learning curve. The kids were like, man, you've very detail oriented.
Speaker 1: You expect excellence all the time. You don't pull punches
Speaker 1: like yes, but it's hard for twelve year olds to
Speaker 1: understand that. Imagine being twelve and that being your dad.
Speaker 1: So you got to deal with that for three hours
Speaker 1: of practice, then go home in the car and hear
Speaker 1: that then get in the house and hear that.
Speaker 3: Because that's I noticed you were doing that, and that's
Speaker 3: why I don't know if you remember what one time
Speaker 3: we were, I think walking in the house and we
Speaker 3: were in the car, and I was just like, like,
Speaker 3: is it normal that you keep talking about and stuff.
Speaker 4: Over and over again?
Speaker 3: In that moment, though, you did say to me, you said, well, yeah,
Speaker 3: normally athletes whenever you met, have like a bad play
Speaker 3: or something doesn't happen, and you miss a ball, or
Speaker 3: you drop a touchdown or a pass, you replay in
Speaker 3: your mind over and over again. How you could have
Speaker 3: done it differently? And I said to my I didn't
Speaker 3: interfere at that point because I said, you know more
Speaker 3: about sports than I do because I've never caught a
Speaker 3: past the day in my life. However, I mean, I
Speaker 3: did shoot my shot and focus on you, but I
Speaker 3: did in that moment say all right, you must know
Speaker 3: better than me, because to me, it seemed like a
Speaker 3: bit of overkill that you kept harping on like football
Speaker 3: and what happened, Whereas I could see Jackson at some
Speaker 3: point was kind of clocked out, like I just want
Speaker 3: to just chill, and I didn't debate you in that time,
Speaker 3: because I felt like if you knew better than I did.
Speaker 3: But in that moment, you're saying, no, you probably shouldn't have.
Speaker 5: No, what I did that all wrong? Yeah? I just
Speaker 5: I just did it wrong. I do that.
Speaker 4: You used to do that as an athlete college.
Speaker 3: You would have an amazing game, but you would harp
Speaker 3: on like the miss touchdown or the drop path or
Speaker 3: you didn't really drop passes like that. But what you
Speaker 3: could have done differently, play things in your head again.
Speaker 5: Small things.
Speaker 1: And that's what I was telling Jackson. Jackson didn't drop
Speaker 1: passes out there. Jackson's Jackson's mess ups came from lack
Speaker 1: of effort or not understanding. And that's the thing that
Speaker 1: I was trying to get across to myself. Okay, so
Speaker 1: that you caught that pass, it was for seventy yards.
Speaker 1: Do you know why it wasn't a touchdown? You didn't
Speaker 1: see the cutback lane. Do you know why you didn't
Speaker 1: see the cutback lane? Because when you were looking, you
Speaker 1: were looking to run out of bounds to stay away
Speaker 1: from contact. If you weren't so afraid of contact, you'd
Speaker 1: be able to cut back, run through that arm tackle
Speaker 1: and he was just like, huse that I caught a
Speaker 1: screening for seventy yards and you're talking about why it
Speaker 1: wasn't a touchdown.
Speaker 5: That was the standard of excellence I held for myself.
Speaker 1: But then I had to realize when I was twelve,
Speaker 1: I wasn't scoring touchdowns every game. That didn't happen un
Speaker 1: til I got to high school and I was older
Speaker 1: and mature enough to get the game. I'm expecting him
Speaker 1: at twelve to know what I did in the NFL.
Speaker 1: And that's when I realized at the end of the season, like, dude,
Speaker 1: like you really just killed every any bit of fun
Speaker 1: he was supposed to have in seventh grade.
Speaker 3: In your defense, though your parenting from the space of
Speaker 3: I've done this before, I've seen it play out. I've
Speaker 3: had a mentorship program where I've trained over five hundred
Speaker 3: student athletes, like I have the recipe, yeah, and why
Speaker 3: not give it to my son? And I get that,
Speaker 3: so I can imagine how difficult it is for you.
Speaker 3: It is for you having been a professional athlete, having
Speaker 3: been a mentor, havn't been a coach, haven't done all
Speaker 3: of those things, and now you have four children, four
Speaker 3: sons who are all going to absorb these things differently,
Speaker 3: They're going to execute them differently. But you're like, man,
Speaker 3: if you just follow the recipe, like I know what
Speaker 3: it takes, and you're not probably not the only one.
Speaker 3: Think about how many others you know pro athletes there are.
Speaker 3: There are people who have made it to high levels
Speaker 3: of whatever their respective fields are.
Speaker 4: It's not just with athletics.
Speaker 5: I've watched them though, but.
Speaker 3: They've also So what would be the difference now with
Speaker 3: having your children work for it? You know that that's
Speaker 3: what I'm always battling with. You want your children to
Speaker 3: work for it and not give them everything. But at
Speaker 3: the same time, you see the writing on the wall
Speaker 3: sometimes and they're going down a path that you're just like,
Speaker 3: this is going to be the one let's traveled, and
Speaker 3: it may not necessarily get you to where you want
Speaker 3: to go, but I know what you can do.
Speaker 4: I just don't want to be a nag about it.
Speaker 1: This is what I realized in Prototype when I was
Speaker 1: the mentor. They still went home with their parents. There
Speaker 1: was no child that was my students, my mentee, and
Speaker 1: my child. All of them went home to their parent
Speaker 1: at some point. Jackson is the first that's why he's
Speaker 1: considered the practice child. He is the first Ellis boy
Speaker 1: to deal with Dad the coach, Dad the mentor, Dad
Speaker 1: the trainer, and still be Dad. And I thought I
Speaker 1: was helping that out by going to the games, watch
Speaker 1: them do everything, coming home, training with them from everything
Speaker 1: we learned from the game, and then watching football, but
Speaker 1: then explaining the stuff that just happened in the game.
Speaker 1: But now I'm realizing that that was overkilled one of
Speaker 1: his pops. He wanted somebody that he can just box with,
Speaker 1: shoot pool with, and I was taking all of that
Speaker 1: away because I kept coaching at home. I kept coaching.
Speaker 1: And I'm realizing now, like that's so unnecessary because I
Speaker 1: made it to the highest level and my father never
Speaker 1: did that to me, So there's no guarantee that that's
Speaker 1: gonna be the way it works. I've learned that if
Speaker 1: he's a child that wants that, let him ask for that.
Speaker 1: Because I also realized too that I stunted his growth
Speaker 1: in football. Yeah, because he was so afraid to make
Speaker 1: a mistake, that he was afraid to take chances.
Speaker 5: Football games are about chances.
Speaker 1: I see something, let me go take a chance in
Speaker 1: But if you know your dad is going to get
Speaker 1: on you in front of everybody there, then talk to
Speaker 1: you on the way home, then talk to you for
Speaker 1: hours at home. It's like, I'm gonna just do exactly
Speaker 1: what I think is perfect rather than taking a chance.
Speaker 5: I took that away from you.
Speaker 4: That's another thing you told me. He didn't.
Speaker 3: He told you that he didn't appreciate. Was you pretty
Speaker 3: much in front of everybody? Yeah, always critiquing him and
Speaker 3: other kids you were praising, But you were just trying
Speaker 3: not to play daddy ball at that point because you
Speaker 3: wanted it to be fair for everybody involved, as a
Speaker 3: coach but also being his dad.
Speaker 4: But you saw how that too with a detriment that.
Speaker 5: Wasn't fair to him. Yeah, he didn't deserve that.
Speaker 1: I apologize like every time I'm going to take him
Speaker 1: to basketball practice now because now still he'd be like,
Speaker 1: take me to practice and go home, even though he'll
Speaker 1: let me go to the games. I can only drop
Speaker 1: him to practice, and I'm only allowed to drop him
Speaker 1: to practice when Papa's not here.
Speaker 5: But he wants his own time and space.
Speaker 3: But and that's helped you too, because you were also
Speaker 3: running yourself ragged trying to go here go there be,
Speaker 3: there be this practice for this amount of time. So
Speaker 3: it's definitely helped, I think give a little bit of
Speaker 3: the separation that I think that we've had as children.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that we.
Speaker 3: Thrived in because you didn't always have a parent that
Speaker 3: was there to like reinforce all the time. My struggle
Speaker 3: with Jackson or just the boys in general, is that
Speaker 3: I fear being that mom that they see.
Speaker 4: Its like, n here goes Mom again. She's nagging, she's annoying,
Speaker 4: she's you know, clean your room?
Speaker 3: Do this?
Speaker 4: Did you study?
Speaker 3: And I spoke to you recently about that because with
Speaker 3: Jackson being our him to practice kid, we're only hoping
Speaker 3: that we can develop some sort of recipe, although we
Speaker 3: know we're going to have the kind of style scept
Speaker 3: according to their child's needs. But I just want to
Speaker 3: be able to develop a recipe where my boys just
Speaker 3: always feel like, man, I don't I want to I want.
Speaker 4: To be around my mind.
Speaker 3: I want to be I want to be home, like
Speaker 3: I go to college, but I want to come back home.
Speaker 5: I want to come.
Speaker 4: Home on the weekends.
Speaker 3: Like I don't want them to ever see Mom's phone
Speaker 3: my name pop up on their phone and they're like,
Speaker 3: here's she going again?
Speaker 4: What you want now?
Speaker 3: You know? So my struggle lately has been trying to
Speaker 3: find the way to approach, for example, things like life
Speaker 3: stuff like that's what I take as one of the things.
Speaker 3: Of course, you're teaching him some life things as well too,
Speaker 3: that it is and when you talk about sports particularly
Speaker 3: or things like that. I do a lot of the
Speaker 3: academic side of things, but life stuff like cleaning your
Speaker 3: room and making sure you know how to clean a
Speaker 3: bathroom and cooking, like those are things that I'm starting
Speaker 3: to teach Jackson more now. But instead of my approach
Speaker 3: being like, look at your room, why does it look
Speaker 3: like this? Why didn't you pack that up? Why did
Speaker 3: you clean this up? Why didn't you do that? While
Speaker 3: you know, getting on him with that approach, what I
Speaker 3: did after getting some advice from you, I kind of
Speaker 3: said to him, hey, bro, like listen, we were on
Speaker 3: the couch watching Chopped one day, because that's like we
Speaker 3: like to do that together to talk about cooking, and
Speaker 3: I'm like introducing him to some things.
Speaker 4: Techniques and stuff like that.
Speaker 3: And I said, yo, I said, you know, there's some
Speaker 3: things that I want to just like teach you that
Speaker 3: I feel like he should know as a young man
Speaker 3: growing up, like how to properly clean a toilet.
Speaker 4: And he laughed and he was like clean a toilet.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, yeah, there's a proper way to do
Speaker 3: that and to maintain your living space and stuff, because
Speaker 3: I just want you to know how to do it.
Speaker 3: So I said, you know, let me know when you
Speaker 3: have some free time or one day, I might just
Speaker 3: pull you and be like, hey, you got you know,
Speaker 3: let's go do this like leisurely. So the way I'm
Speaker 3: trying to approach it was like very just like like
Speaker 3: laisz fear versus right versus being like, yo, we're sitting
Speaker 3: here watching chop. We shouldn't be doing this. Let's go
Speaker 3: clean your toilet right now. Like just little things that
Speaker 3: I'm trying to take the approach of being more of.
Speaker 3: I want to say, the approach is different versus you know, yeah,
Speaker 3: what it.
Speaker 5: Is that we grew up doing.
Speaker 3: We grew up doing where everything was just like you
Speaker 3: have to you must like it was just drilled into us.
Speaker 4: I think the approach is different with the way we're parenting.
Speaker 1: We also when I say we, because I'm including you
Speaker 1: in this, but I'm really talking to myself. We have
Speaker 1: to be more cognizant of overcompensating because my dad couldn't
Speaker 1: go to games because he worked, and a lot of
Speaker 1: times you work two jobs. So I remember being a
Speaker 1: kid and saying that when I have a kid, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be at every practice, every game, and you start
Speaker 1: to realize that may that may not be the best
Speaker 1: thing for your child.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: You know, in speaking to Jackson about how he speaks
Speaker 1: to people, we had a conversation about him saying, you know,
Speaker 1: you can stay your ass home, right, this is the
Speaker 1: best part about that. I said, you know it's okay
Speaker 1: to not to just you know, it's not okay to
Speaker 1: like curse when speaking to adults and authority figures. He
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, no, but I just figured you would
Speaker 1: think it was funny. H And I'm like, I am
Speaker 1: raising a little version of myself because I said, I said,
Speaker 1: why would you think that that I would think it
Speaker 1: was funny? He was like, you know, I just figured
Speaker 1: if I use humor, it wouldn't hurt your feelings if
Speaker 1: I told you that you couldn't come to the game.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, oh my gosh, bro, I'm like that's
Speaker 1: so me. And he was just like he was like,
Speaker 1: he's like, am I in trouble? I said, no, You're
Speaker 1: not in trouble. He was like, because I won't.
Speaker 5: I won't. I said, Jackson, you're not a disrespectful kid.
Speaker 5: You're not.
Speaker 1: But I was just I was just concerned because I
Speaker 1: don't want you to ever tell a teacher like man,
Speaker 1: you could get your ass away. And he was just like,
Speaker 1: I would never say that. But he was just like,
Speaker 1: you know, we we have that bandit some times we
Speaker 1: talk about sports and stuff. I just figured you would
Speaker 1: think it was funny. And I was just like, now
Speaker 1: I did think it was funny.
Speaker 5: You know. I'm like, you know how, I am a
Speaker 5: light heart. I thought it was funny about I want
Speaker 5: to be clear.
Speaker 1: But he he also showed me that he can empower hisself,
Speaker 1: but he's also thinking about the person while he's empowering himself.
Speaker 1: So it was like, I'm empowering myself, but my dad
Speaker 1: is going to stay home. Mom, wist stay home so
Speaker 1: y'all can stay home together. So it's not like I'm
Speaker 1: singling you out. And that's what he said. He was
Speaker 1: just like, you know, I don't want to single you out,
Speaker 1: but I just feel better. So he's like, I told
Speaker 1: Mom she couldn't come too, so y'all could be home together.
Speaker 1: You can spend time with Kiro and Cass. He was
Speaker 1: trying to find ways to make me feel okay with it,
Speaker 1: which made me feel comfortable that he's not just out
Speaker 1: here just saying or spewing things.
Speaker 5: He's really thinking through his decisions when the kids.
Speaker 1: That's why I said, I's parent to me, he's you know,
Speaker 1: you know, He's like, you know, I have a seven
Speaker 1: year old a six year old brother. They need some
Speaker 1: time with you during this time is when I had
Speaker 1: a lot of my time with you, and maybe it's
Speaker 1: their turn, you know.
Speaker 5: And I was like, you know what, Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 3: One of the questions Tripple had here is how do
Speaker 3: you think that the way your parent Jackson affects the
Speaker 3: way he shows up as an older brother. And I'm like, man,
Speaker 3: you can already see, yes, you can. You can already
Speaker 3: see so much of It's almost like Jackson's tutelage that
Speaker 3: these these boys are under.
Speaker 5: If you hear them when they say Jackson said, or Jackson, well, it's.
Speaker 3: Crazy, and they all move in a Chord like the
Speaker 3: same way. I forget who we were around. I think
Speaker 3: when CBS came to film us and Oh Chanell came
Speaker 3: to the house. Yes, and even when we were away
Speaker 3: on vacation in Tiffany and Daye were with us, they
Speaker 3: were like, man, like, your boys really all just like
Speaker 3: they just they're good, like they don't do what do
Speaker 3: you think they're not like shine?
Speaker 4: And I said it starts with Jackson. I said. They
Speaker 4: see how Jackson conducts himself.
Speaker 3: Jackson has always been a calm, cool, collected, respectful kids,
Speaker 3: and they literally know that that is pretty much the
Speaker 3: gauge at which they should be conducting themselves too.
Speaker 1: Do you watch them when I called like, we'll be
Speaker 1: anywhere and I'll be like, hey, all of them will
Speaker 1: look at me, and then the little ones will look
Speaker 1: at Jackson literally because because they know the next conversation
Speaker 1: is going to be with me and whoever the oldest
Speaker 1: is Jackson make sure D D D. Jackson was sick.
Speaker 1: Last week, Cairo comes to the door and Jackson told
Speaker 1: me this. I was just like, yo, you already know
Speaker 1: what the rule is. He's like, I already told my
Speaker 1: brothers they can't be around me. I'm sick, he said,
Speaker 1: don't worry. Cairo came to the door, asked me if
Speaker 1: I need anything. He told the guys, he said, I'm
Speaker 1: in charge.
Speaker 5: Now.
Speaker 1: You have to stay out of his well, you know how, Kyle,
Speaker 1: I'm in charge now, Kaz, make sure that if Jackson
Speaker 1: needs anything, we don't cross this line right here, All right, dacorder,
Speaker 1: you can't go over there. Let's go down to the
Speaker 1: boy cave and give them some time and some space.
Speaker 5: But it's like they learn because when you're sick of
Speaker 5: I'm sick, Jackson gets the rules, right, yo. Make sure
Speaker 5: your brothers know they can't, right.
Speaker 1: Because so it's funny to watch the practice child become
Speaker 1: the parents the same way you've become the parent because
Speaker 1: you were the practice child.
Speaker 5: I've become the parent. I was the.
Speaker 3: Practice about the first born that we just are almost
Speaker 3: to an extent, left to figure things out, yeah, and
Speaker 3: left our own devices, and so in some moments probably
Speaker 3: overparented and and in other moments underparented, but we kind
Speaker 3: of find a nice way to meet in the middle,
Speaker 3: which I love.
Speaker 4: Yeah, my babies, there's some good kids.
Speaker 1: I see a question here, I see this one right now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: how do you think the way you parent Jackson affects
Speaker 1: the way he shows?
Speaker 5: All you said, I want the next one. Do you
Speaker 5: ever fear that the way you.
Speaker 1: Parent Jackson will backfire? I was going to say, I
Speaker 1: was going to say, no, no, it's a backfire. How Like,
Speaker 1: he's one of the two the Jack Award, Governor's Award.
Speaker 1: He has a ninety plus average, He's been the MVP
Speaker 1: of every team he's ever been on. He's just a
Speaker 1: hard worker, a very respectful young man, and he's a
Speaker 1: good person. Everything isn't always about academics or athletics, just
Speaker 1: being a great person. And when we went to the
Speaker 1: award for the Jack Award, remember what.
Speaker 5: The principal said, these how many twenty kids that they
Speaker 5: chose were just good kids, not always good grades all
Speaker 5: the time, just good people, you know.
Speaker 1: So I'm happy that Jackson is becoming a great person
Speaker 1: and I love them for it. Yes, And I'm excited
Speaker 1: about him standing up for himself because as a young
Speaker 1: black man living in America, one thing we've always had
Speaker 1: to fight for was our voice. We always you know,
Speaker 1: and that's just not black men but black women in general.
Speaker 1: But I know, particularly as a young black Man. Especially
Speaker 1: when you're an athlete, you're typically bigger, stronger than people, so
Speaker 1: you have to make yourself shrink yourself to make people
Speaker 1: feel comfortable in your presence. I don't want my son
Speaker 1: to ever shrink himself.
Speaker 5: No, hopefully you grow to be six eight eighty.
Speaker 3: Pounds, all the recessive genius, runner three nine.
Speaker 5: And the forty. I hope you have all of the
Speaker 5: attributes to be a great athlete.
Speaker 1: Yes, but never shrink yourself to make other people feel
Speaker 1: comfortable in your presence.
Speaker 3: I think the best thing about this situation with you
Speaker 3: and him was how he really took time to be
Speaker 3: emotionally aware enough to say, this is what I require.
Speaker 3: So because this is what I require, let me find
Speaker 3: a way to vocalize that, but also make sure that
Speaker 3: my dad is okay in this moment, and my mom
Speaker 3: is okay, and my siblings are okay. So he gets
Speaker 3: what he wants out of it, and he can see like, Okay,
Speaker 3: this is this is doable, this is possible.
Speaker 4: Like I can.
Speaker 3: Advocate for myself, get what I need and what I require,
Speaker 3: but also consider other people's feelings at the same time
Speaker 3: when necessary, like having that discernment at twelve makes me
Speaker 3: feel like, Okay, I think we're on the right track.
Speaker 5: Absolutely.
Speaker 4: I think we're on the right track.
Speaker 5: Absolutely.
Speaker 3: All right, y'all, We're gonna take a quick break and
Speaker 3: move into some listener letters after we pay some bills.
Speaker 2: So stick around, all right, y'all, listener letter time.
Speaker 3: Hey family. First of all, I love you guys. I've
Speaker 3: learned so much about emotional intelligence and communication from listening
Speaker 3: to your podcast and watching you both on social media.
Speaker 3: Thank you for being so transparent and open about your lives.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 3: So we're talking about emotional intelligence, communication, all that good
Speaker 3: stuff today. So I'm writing because I find myself in
Speaker 3: a confusing situation. I'm going to try not to make
Speaker 3: this too long. I found the guy I've been seeing
Speaker 3: for almost a year lie to me in a major way.
Speaker 3: I've found out from a mutual friend that he still
Speaker 3: lives with his child's mother.
Speaker 4: They're broken up. I confirmed this from several sources.
Speaker 3: I know you're wondering how I couldn't have known that
Speaker 3: after almost a year dealing with him, But it just
Speaker 3: wasn't obvious. I never saw her belongings when I go
Speaker 3: over there and we spent more time at my house
Speaker 3: than his. As you can imagine, this has been really
Speaker 3: hurtful to me on a basic friendship level. That's something
Speaker 3: he should have told me and I would have understood
Speaker 3: the reasoning. We've been talking extensively about the whole situation,
Speaker 3: and he's given me lots of reassurance and clarity. However,
Speaker 3: I made the mistake of sharing this information with my sister,
Speaker 3: just because she was with me when I found out.
Speaker 3: She's not supportive of me even considering forgiveness. I'm torn
Speaker 3: on what I should do who We're great friends, and
Speaker 3: I've also have strong feelings for him outside of this.
Speaker 3: We don't have any problems between us, and I do
Speaker 3: see a future with him if I can move toward forgiveness.
Speaker 3: Is it foolish of me to try to forgive him
Speaker 3: and move forward?
Speaker 4: Since? Do you?
Speaker 5: That's all I feel?
Speaker 3: If you genuinely feel like after speaking with him about everything,
Speaker 3: whatever explanation he gave you, and the reasoning behind why
Speaker 3: he didn't say he was still living with the child's
Speaker 3: mother and whatnot, you're spending lots of time together at
Speaker 3: your house. Yeah, girl, Like that's exactly the main reason
Speaker 3: why they say you don't involve other people in the
Speaker 3: relationship because once you get over something, yes, they sometimes
Speaker 3: take a while to get over it too, if they
Speaker 3: even do so. I don't think you should throw away
Speaker 3: what could potentially be the start of a better foundation,
Speaker 3: now that we've gotten all of that out the way.
Speaker 3: But I can see how your sister might feel like, well,
Speaker 3: damn if he started based on a lie, like you know,
Speaker 3: where might this go?
Speaker 4: What do you think, babe? Why do you think you
Speaker 4: might have kept it from her?
Speaker 1: Because that's a hard truth to tell somebody. Maybe he
Speaker 1: can't afford to live on his own, but he ran
Speaker 1: into a woman.
Speaker 5: That he likes.
Speaker 1: How do you tell that woman that I'm still living
Speaker 1: with my child's mother. You don't want to mess it
Speaker 1: up because what if she's everyone to be like, I'm out,
Speaker 1: So you don't want to mess that up.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Or he could still be sleeping with his child's I
Speaker 1: don't think he is, because I think if he was
Speaker 1: still sleeping with her, all her stuff would have been
Speaker 1: over the place, and this child's mother would have crashed
Speaker 1: that party a long.
Speaker 3: Time, that's true, and you probably would have never even
Speaker 3: stepp foot over there to begin with. Absolutely, like not
Speaker 3: even once to know that there was not stuff out.
Speaker 5: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: I will say this though, anytime your reasoning for breaking
Speaker 1: up with someone is my sister doesn't support that's a
Speaker 1: terrible reason. Let it be your own reason. Let you
Speaker 1: feel in your heart that you don't feel a way.
Speaker 1: Let it be you found something. But whatever he shows
Speaker 1: you who he is, believe it. But when he shows you.
Speaker 1: But if your reasoning is my sister feels a way, nah,
Speaker 1: that's not getting enough.
Speaker 4: Sorry, sis, Sorry, that simple easy.
Speaker 1: That was an easy one because you gotta do what
Speaker 1: Number two number two hakadina devour what's up? First of all,
Speaker 1: I just would like to say that I have been
Speaker 1: listening to the podcast for the past three years and
Speaker 1: y'all have been in y'all have given insights on how
Speaker 1: I can improve myself in my marriage. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I appreciate y'all for that, and we appreciate you. I
Speaker 1: want your advice in the situation.
Speaker 5: I have noticed that my wife I almost always asked
Speaker 5: me to pay back or buy back her items that
Speaker 5: I accidentally break on damage. For example, there was a
Speaker 5: time when I dropped her vase and she got she
Speaker 5: got so furious and asked me for the next few
Speaker 5: weeks to buy it again. I thought it was a
Speaker 5: once off, a one off thing, but it happened again
Speaker 5: with a hand blender that I accidentally put in the dishwasher.
Speaker 1: Why do you get breaking about don't laugh, I'm laughing. Yes,
Speaker 1: And it's been a recurrence. It's been a recurring occurrence
Speaker 1: for such.
Speaker 3: Things by theos.
Speaker 1: So my question asked, do you think it's okay normal
Speaker 1: for a spouse to always ask for the other spouse
Speaker 1: to buy payback things that they get damaged by the
Speaker 1: other spouse. I understand the frustration, but is it really
Speaker 1: But is it really something that married couples do? Because
Speaker 1: for me, I'm gonna I'm gonna ask I answer this
Speaker 1: question all right. First off, it's just like just like
Speaker 1: the question before, we can't answer you on what you're
Speaker 1: supposed to do in your marriage. If she feel a
Speaker 1: way that you keep breaking her stuff and she wants
Speaker 1: you to buy it if you can afford to buy
Speaker 1: it back. If you don't want to buy it back,
Speaker 1: don't buy that ship back until it get over it.
Speaker 5: Now, what happens after is on y'all too. But what
Speaker 5: I'm saying, is asking us what's normal. I don't know.
Speaker 5: I don't be breaking case shit like that.
Speaker 3: But also too, like, don't you feel the way that
Speaker 3: you be breaking all her stuff all the time?
Speaker 4: Just buy it back? Like if I was constantly.
Speaker 3: Breaking things that the valu used or liked, I would
Speaker 3: just be like, damn, baby, sorry.
Speaker 4: You wouldn't even have to ask me for it. I'd
Speaker 4: be like, Damn, I just broke this vase.
Speaker 3: Let me go get let me go get another one,
Speaker 3: or damn the hen blender broke, let me go, Like
Speaker 3: I would just want to do that because it's on
Speaker 3: me to break it.
Speaker 4: Take care of her stuff, bro if not buy the.
Speaker 5: Ship back, I gotta, I gotta.
Speaker 1: I gotta read the rest of this because it's actually
Speaker 1: kind of funny.
Speaker 5: He says.
Speaker 1: I understand the frustration, but is it really something that
Speaker 1: married people do? Because for me, I don't think I
Speaker 1: would ask my wife to replace let's say, my headphones
Speaker 1: because she accidentally broke it.
Speaker 5: Bitch, Yes you would. You would accidentally tell her like, yo,
Speaker 5: you broke my my ear pods, my headphones, and you're
Speaker 5: not gonna replace, making me my heir.
Speaker 4: Try to go to the gym and leg day. I
Speaker 4: imagine trying doing like they without no headphones. I have
Speaker 4: turned back home.
Speaker 1: Because anytime Kate has broke something to mine, she replaces it.
Speaker 1: If I break something for I just replace it because
Speaker 1: she uses it and replace it. My understanding is that
Speaker 1: in a marriage you work as a team, and this
Speaker 1: habit does not really affect that view.
Speaker 5: Yo, that's hilarious. Do you think I'm wrong for overreacting?
Speaker 5: But something so small?
Speaker 3: See, the thing is that you put something so small
Speaker 3: in there. It's small to you, but it's not small
Speaker 3: to her, And in general, in a relationship, you cannot
Speaker 3: this is funny move in a way that you think
Speaker 3: is necessary because you deem it small.
Speaker 4: Sir, okay, because it may be huge to her.
Speaker 3: What if it's reversed and it's something that you think
Speaker 3: is so hit, so huge and so big and she
Speaker 3: deems it as small.
Speaker 1: He's saying he wouldn't care. My point is you would
Speaker 1: care if you break something. Why wouldn't you just want
Speaker 1: to replace it? I don't care if it's your wife,
Speaker 1: your brother, your mother, your friend.
Speaker 5: He broke it accidentally, man, just replace it? Like, are
Speaker 5: we really going to argue about this?
Speaker 4: Twenty twenty four, said Amazon gets shipped there real quick.
Speaker 3: She probably wouldn't even exactly if you just pride that
Speaker 3: ship and picked the same day from ten to two
Speaker 3: or three to eight or whatever the hell they have
Speaker 3: you in that timeframe, by the ship back, bro Like
Speaker 3: you dropped her vase, man and put some flowers into get.
Speaker 5: Put some flowers in the vase, man, Like come on day?
Speaker 5: You say you put the hand blender.
Speaker 3: Yeah, everybody knows washer and if it's a hand blender,
Speaker 3: she probably use it.
Speaker 5: Every day, right I do? I use Yeah.
Speaker 1: Old, that's a good point. I should be mad at
Speaker 1: your mom's Your mom broke my blender.
Speaker 5: She broke and she didn't replace it. You replaced it.
Speaker 4: I did. I told her, I said, this is it.
Speaker 4: I'm not buying another one. The next one she breaks
Speaker 4: and this one has last a couple of months. Now
Speaker 4: it's different. Well, people gotta buy it child.
Speaker 3: All right, y'all If you want to be featured as
Speaker 3: our listener letter, we'd love to hear from y'all, because
Speaker 3: sometimes they give us a good laugh. Sometimes you feel like,
Speaker 3: you know, sometimes we have to put dead ass podcast
Speaker 3: court into into that email us a dead advice at
Speaker 3: gmail dot com.
Speaker 5: That's D E A D A S S A d
Speaker 5: v I CE at gmail dot com.
Speaker 4: All right, y'all, moment of truth time.
Speaker 3: We're talking about as Jackson grows into a young man,
Speaker 3: how he's helping us to grow as parents.
Speaker 4: What's your moment of truth today?
Speaker 2: Baby?
Speaker 5: It's my moment of truth.
Speaker 1: I have way more empathy and compassion towards my parents
Speaker 1: because I was a practice child and I used to
Speaker 1: wonder like, how y'all could do this to me?
Speaker 5: And I think that this was fucked up.
Speaker 4: How y'all could do this.
Speaker 5: Too, How y'all could do this to me? And I
Speaker 5: think this fucked up?
Speaker 1: But now I look at the stuff that I do
Speaker 1: to Jackson sometimes and I realize, like, damn, that's.
Speaker 5: What's fucked up.
Speaker 1: But it only I only realized that after I did it.
Speaker 1: So I'm able to be a better parent to the
Speaker 1: other children because of what Jackson's been through. So I've
Speaker 1: been apologizing to him a lot lately. My moment of
Speaker 1: truth is this, Jackson is becoming exactly who I want
Speaker 1: him to be based on the way I'm raising him,
Speaker 1: and it's fucking with me because now now I gotta
Speaker 1: deal with that person that I'm creating.
Speaker 5: But that's the person that I want. I want to
Speaker 5: create a change maker.
Speaker 1: I want someone who advocates for themselves, who doesn't back down.
Speaker 5: From anyone period. It stands on business and that's preat.
Speaker 3: And so stand on business for the rest of your life.
Speaker 3: For my boys, teaching our children to speak up not
Speaker 3: only empowers them, but it really helps us to grow
Speaker 3: as parents. And I think that we always need to
Speaker 3: continue to find ways as parents to reinvent ourselves and
Speaker 3: be the best version of ourselves. That our children need
Speaker 3: know when to double down, no, when to back off
Speaker 3: a little bit. And I love the communication that we
Speaker 3: have with our kids that's so wrapped in love. Because
Speaker 3: as much as we can get on them about little
Speaker 3: things and we parent and we you know, quote unquote
Speaker 3: nag get certain things equally, they'll come and just throw
Speaker 3: their arms around us at any given point and just
Speaker 3: say I love you mom, I love you dad.
Speaker 4: You know, like those are the moments that I live for.
Speaker 3: And I think that being able to have that duality
Speaker 3: where they feel like they are pushed and they are
Speaker 3: you know, they're disciplined, and you know we're making conscious
Speaker 3: efforts to make sure we're raising them a certain kind
Speaker 3: of way. They're also loved immensely, and they love each
Speaker 3: other immensely because the bond that the four boys have
Speaker 3: is probably one of the greatest gifts I feel that
Speaker 3: we're getting from parenting. It's seeing Jackson be a big
Speaker 3: brother to Cairo, who's a big brother to Katz who's
Speaker 3: a big brother ta Kota, and even the little brothers.
Speaker 3: The way they impact them is beautiful to watch too.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I love that for us, and I love
Speaker 3: that for them.
Speaker 5: I love my kids. I love them so much. Jack's
Speaker 5: Kirol Kazman.
Speaker 1: I love y'all, Dakota, I love you, bro like y'all
Speaker 1: for make life worth living.
Speaker 5: I love y'all so much.
Speaker 4: Really do they really really do? Man?
Speaker 3: I'd have had four more if I didn't have to
Speaker 3: have them. Okay, I wouldn't have, but I'm just saying.
Speaker 3: I'm just saying, no, we wouldn't have more. I'm just saying,
Speaker 3: like they think about how amazing they are. I would
Speaker 3: love to have a ton of them, but four is enough.
Speaker 3: That's the capacity that we have to be able to
Speaker 3: deal with each individually in the best way.
Speaker 4: We know all right, y'all.
Speaker 3: Be sure to find us on Patreon if you have
Speaker 3: not yet, join us to see exclusive dead Ass podcast
Speaker 3: video content as well as Ellis Family content, and you
Speaker 3: can find us on social media at dead Ass the Podcast.
Speaker 3: You can find me at Kadeen I Am.
Speaker 1: And I Am Devout, and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,
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Speaker 1: pick up that we over meet the counterintuitive approach to
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Speaker 4: Bad right, if you haven't yet, you got a little
Speaker 4: bit of time because they're almost gone. All right, we'll
Speaker 4: see y'll there, dead Ass.
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