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Speaker 1: First thing I'm gonna do is credit my boy Josh

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Speaker 1: because he said this, But it's the truth. I am

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Speaker 1: literally raising the kid that I wanted, and it is

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Speaker 1: kicking my ass.

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Speaker 2: Dead.

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Speaker 3: As when your kids start to exemplify all of the

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Speaker 3: things that you've been instilling in them for years and

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Speaker 3: then you feel some kind of way about it devout. Particularly.

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Speaker 4: Hey, I'm Kadeen and and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 5: You may know us from posting funny videos.

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Speaker 3: With our boys and reading each other publicly as.

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Speaker 4: A form of therpy.

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Speaker 5: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 4: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 5: Yes, sir, we are.

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Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 1: Li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 4: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 5: Through the lens of a man. You'll married couple.

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Speaker 1: Dead ass is a term that we say every day.

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Speaker 1: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts

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Speaker 1: one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but

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Speaker 1: the truth. We about to take philotof to our whole

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Speaker 1: new level.

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Speaker 3: Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: I can't go back to so many different parts of

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Speaker 1: this past year, but I'm going to tell you about

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Speaker 1: this story that happened about a month ago. Kate was

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Speaker 1: away in Turks and Kkos were friends. They were enjoying

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Speaker 1: their time and I always hear parenting, you know, trying

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Speaker 1: to parent. It was what I thought I was doing. Meanwhile,

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Speaker 1: Jackson was parenting. But we went to one of Jackson's games.

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Speaker 1: Jackson played on a Sunday, and his effort just was

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Speaker 1: not there like Jackson is. I'm not saying this because

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Speaker 1: he's my son, but he's one of the most skilled

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Speaker 1: twelve year olds I've.

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Speaker 5: Seen play basketball.

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Speaker 1: He can finish with his right hand, left hand, dribble

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Speaker 1: right hand, left hand, he can make passes, he can

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Speaker 1: shoot threes mid range, finished underneath the basket, and I

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Speaker 1: just felt like he wasn't being competitive enough for me

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Speaker 1: to like it. So they end up losing a game

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Speaker 1: that they should have won by five. They were down

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Speaker 1: by twenty. I come out of the stands, I pulled

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Speaker 1: Jackson off the bench and I tell him, I'm like, yo,

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Speaker 1: this is terrible. I said, your effort is not indicative

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Speaker 1: of the work that we've put in for the past

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Speaker 1: twelve months for you to be prepared to play basketball

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Speaker 1: and I'm going to get in the car, and I

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Speaker 1: left after they were down twenty at that percent. No,

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Speaker 1: I wasn't yelling because I didn't want to embarrass him.

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Speaker 1: I had already done that, and he'd already told me

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Speaker 1: about the yelling. So I literally pulled him off the bench,

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Speaker 1: talked to him very firmly, but I wasn't yelling. Then

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Speaker 1: I went and sat in the car. What Jay told

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Speaker 1: me was after he finished, after I finished yelling at him,

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Speaker 1: he didn't go back to the bench. He went right

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Speaker 1: up to the coach and said, YO, already put me

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Speaker 1: back in the game. And they went from a twenty

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Speaker 1: point lead to a five point, a twenty point deficit

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Speaker 1: to a five point deficit, and they ran out of time.

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Speaker 1: They didn't win. See any of this because I wasn't there. Obviously,

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Speaker 1: I'm still upset. I get into the car. Jackson gets

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Speaker 1: in the car, and at this point he's played better

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Speaker 1: in the fourth quarter. I didn't know this, but I'm

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Speaker 1: going in as typical dads do, like I didn't like

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Speaker 1: this effort. You could have had this many steals. It

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Speaker 1: was a loose ball, and you watched it. You're not

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Speaker 1: going for loose rebounds like, you're the leader of the team.

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Speaker 5: Why aren't you? Why aren't you? Why aren't you? The

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Speaker 5: whole time I'm talking, he's not paying.

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Speaker 1: Attention to me. He's looking out the window, he's just

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Speaker 1: doing whatever. So I hit the brakes. I'm like, yo,

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Speaker 1: what's the matter with you? And he's like, nothing is

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Speaker 1: the matter. I said, you know what, you don't even

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Speaker 1: You don't even care enough to listen when I'm talking.

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Speaker 1: You get out the car.

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Speaker 4: Child out the car.

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Speaker 5: I put him out the car. I put him out

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Speaker 5: the car.

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Speaker 1: And what I was trying to do what matter of fact,

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Speaker 1: I'll tell you all what I'm trying to do when

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Speaker 1: we dissect the story. Put him out the car. Drive

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Speaker 1: home right now. I didn't put him out that far

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Speaker 1: from the house. I got home in like three minutes.

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Speaker 1: I drive home, the car the driveway. I'm coming here,

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Speaker 1: sitting on the front step waiting because I'm like, the

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Speaker 1: minute he gets home, you know, I know he's gonna

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Speaker 1: be sad. He gotta put out the car. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: talk to him, make my point, like bring it back around.

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Speaker 5: Ringing home.

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Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, ringing home? Okay?

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Speaker 5: Twenty twenty minutes go by, and I'm getting hot now,

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Speaker 5: So I'm like, what is he doing?

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Speaker 4: Did he worried? Because I'd have been worried senseless?

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Speaker 1: Think about where we live, like what was gonna happen

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Speaker 1: to him? Only the only thing that would happen to

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Speaker 1: him between where I dropped him where he is is

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Speaker 1: one of his teammates parents picking him up and bringing

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Speaker 1: him home. That's the only thing that could have possibly happened.

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Speaker 4: I pray yes.

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Speaker 1: But finally he comes strolling down the block, like literally

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Speaker 1: strolling in like a light skip like.

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Speaker 5: He goes to the mailbox. He opens up the mailbox.

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Speaker 5: He like, why you checking my mail?

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Speaker 4: That's my first thing, Bill baby.

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Speaker 1: So I figured when he saw me sitting on the

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Speaker 1: front steps, he was gonna, you know, rush alone.

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Speaker 5: My bad dad. He see me.

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Speaker 1: He still walking all regular, So I take the mail.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, Yo, what took you so long? First answer,

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Speaker 1: I was walking. So I was pissed because I'm like,

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Speaker 1: he's right, and I said, so, you're not even gonna

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Speaker 1: try to catch up?

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Speaker 5: He says, you drive a Porsche.

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Speaker 1: At that point, Jay, who was standing right behind me,

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Speaker 1: just completely turned around because he I could feel it

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Speaker 1: that he was going to laugh because Jackson was right, like.

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Speaker 4: He was not going to write Jackson is my child.

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Speaker 5: It keeps going.

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Speaker 1: So I said, so you ain't even try to run

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Speaker 1: after the car. He goes, you kicked me out without

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Speaker 1: my sneakers.

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Speaker 5: He was right.

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Speaker 1: I said, you couldn't run in flip flops. He said,

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Speaker 1: you have the fastest production car on the planet. At

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Speaker 1: that point, I heard the door slam because Jay went inside.

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Speaker 5: I looked at Jackson. I said, that's your problem, because

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Speaker 5: at this point I was losing. I didn't know what

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Speaker 5: the says. That's your problem. You're lazy.

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Speaker 1: You didn't even want to try. And then I went inside.

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Speaker 1: And then when I went inside, Jay looked at me

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Speaker 1: and said, really didn't know what to do with that point.

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Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying, because you just had to win.

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Speaker 4: Huh.

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Speaker 5: I was trying to make a point. And Jackson's on

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Speaker 5: the debate.

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Speaker 3: Team right when Deval meets Deval, so when Devaal meets

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Speaker 3: his match, now.

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Speaker 1: I'm like the only thing, the only thing I wanted

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Speaker 1: k I wanted to strike an emotional chord from him

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Speaker 1: so that he understands that this is the type of

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Speaker 1: energy I wanted him to be upset at some point

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Speaker 1: so that I could say, this is type of energy

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Speaker 1: you have to have every Saturday and Sunday when you

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Speaker 1: go into the game. Don't be so nonchalant. But he

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Speaker 1: never gave me that energy. So that we came inside,

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Speaker 1: we had a conversation. We talked for about an hour.

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Speaker 1: We talked about it, and I told him at that hour,

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Speaker 1: I said, until you find the energy that I want

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Speaker 1: to see, I'm not going to no more games.

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Speaker 5: And this is what he said to me. Cool me

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Speaker 5: even more mad now. Right the next day.

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Speaker 4: Because you were really doing that for him or for you,

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Speaker 4: I go to the.

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Speaker 5: Game, absolutely gonna hurt me. But I was trying to

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Speaker 5: get him to get.

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Speaker 4: The fires be there.

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Speaker 1: So this is this is when I realized that I

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Speaker 1: had created a little version of me and it was

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Speaker 1: gonna hurt me.

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Speaker 5: Next day he had a game. No next week, he

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Speaker 5: had a game.

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Speaker 1: Remember that's when my dad, your dad, your brother, everybody's

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Speaker 1: getting dressed up to go to the game. I'm getting

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Speaker 1: dressed up to go to the game. I say, yo,

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Speaker 1: but you want me to drive everybody's coming. You want

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Speaker 1: to drive the Porsche that's the the game car. He

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Speaker 1: goes no, I said, what you mean, No, He said,

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Speaker 1: you can stay your ass home. Yeah, see my face.

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Speaker 1: This song is dedicated to my baby boy, my oldest.

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Speaker 1: This is a song that always reminds The song reminds

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Speaker 1: me of him because this was our song.

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Speaker 5: Yes, just the two of us.

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Speaker 1: We can make it if we tried, just the two

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Speaker 1: of us.

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Speaker 4: You and I.

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Speaker 1: That's the Will Smith version because when Jackson was two

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Speaker 1: turning three, that's when Kate was still working, and it

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Speaker 1: used to be me and him during the daytime. I

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Speaker 1: was taking him on all my auditions. When I was

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Speaker 1: working at the gym, he would come to the gym

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Speaker 1: while I was training guys. He was my little partner,

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Speaker 1: like I always had my book back and I had Jackson,

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Speaker 1: And it's always been the two of us. And in

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Speaker 1: that moment was the first time he told me I

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Speaker 1: could stay my ass home.

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Speaker 5: Was when I realized that it ain't gonna be the

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Speaker 5: two of us.

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Speaker 4: The two has become one and one.

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Speaker 5: Let's take a break so I can go cry in

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Speaker 5: the car.

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Speaker 4: Baby, I got a bosom for you.

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Speaker 5: Josh over here laughing. I'm about to fight Johns. She

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Speaker 5: laughing at my pain. Don't laugh at my pain Jo shirt.

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Speaker 1: I'm crying, Jackson. Let's take a break and we'll come

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Speaker 1: back and dissect this, all right.

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Speaker 3: So Jackson told you to stay your ass home. So

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Speaker 3: it's funny because on that day, I'll never forget. All

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Speaker 3: the family was in town, you know, preparing for the holidays.

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Speaker 3: This was the game right before Christmas. Felling like I'm Mondays.

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Speaker 3: This might have been Saturday, and we all, like every

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Speaker 3: game day, Everyone's getting ready to getting dressed. And that's

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Speaker 3: when Jackson told de Val to stay home.

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Speaker 4: So I'm like, damn, Deval, that's that's unfortunate.

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Speaker 3: All right. Well, since you're gonna be home here, I'm

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Speaker 3: not gonna take cold, I'm gonna leave Coda with you.

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Speaker 4: And then Jackson hits me with the mom you can

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Speaker 4: stay home with dad.

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Speaker 5: Yep, I waited together, baby, How did I.

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Speaker 4: Get into y'all?

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Speaker 5: She again?

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Speaker 3: Yes, I said, Jackson. I'm the one, I said me

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Speaker 3: and your auntie made me a.

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Speaker 5: Nice Jackson t show no, no no.

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Speaker 4: And mom comes to the games and I behave myself.

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Speaker 5: No no no.

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Speaker 1: The Bible says when when two get married, the two

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Speaker 1: become one, all right, So if I'm being punished, you.

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Speaker 3: Got jack the freaking diplomat is like, all right, well,

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Speaker 3: just so Dad doesn't feel so bad, which just shows

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Speaker 3: you how like intelligent.

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Speaker 4: And emotionally where he is.

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Speaker 3: He's like, I know this is gonna hurt my father's

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Speaker 3: feelings probably, so let me lessen the blow by not

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Speaker 3: singling him out. Mom, you're going to have to take

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Speaker 3: the rap too. So we both had to stay home,

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Speaker 3: and he said the grandparents and the aunts.

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Speaker 4: And uncles can take him to the game. And that's

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Speaker 4: what they did.

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Speaker 1: Now to my sound bite, right when I said, I'm

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Speaker 1: raising the kid that I always wanted, and it's kicking

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Speaker 1: my ass.

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Speaker 5: This is the truth. I've been telling Jackson since football

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Speaker 5: season to advocate for himself, speak up for what he wants,

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Speaker 5: what he needs, and what he requires, and be unapologetic

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Speaker 5: to those around him who are supposed to be of

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Speaker 5: support to him and including up. And I said it

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Speaker 5: has to start with me.

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Speaker 4: Yes.

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Speaker 1: So when at first he told me to stay in

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Speaker 1: my ass home, the first thing I thought was, why

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Speaker 1: are you talking to me like this? Like this is

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Speaker 1: like I'm about to lose it because he can't be disrespectful.

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Speaker 1: Then I had to also think that I just told

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Speaker 1: him that I wanted to see more fire and desire,

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Speaker 1: energy and effort from him.

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Speaker 4: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: So I took it as you know what, he's trying

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Speaker 1: to stand up to me the best way he knows how,

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Speaker 1: you know. And he's trying to show that he's a man,

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Speaker 1: and he's trying to show that he can do it.

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Speaker 1: So I'm like, you know what, he's telling me to

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Speaker 1: stay home. I know he's also upset because I reamed

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Speaker 1: him and paused in front of Jay and I told

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Speaker 1: him that this was unacceptable. So I'm was like, you

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Speaker 1: know what, I'm gonna give him a pass. You know,

258
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Speaker 1: I'm gonna give him a pass. Your man went out there,

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Speaker 1: led the team in scoring. They won by thirty points.

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Speaker 1: He had three steals, four offensive rebounds. He played the

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Speaker 1: best game he had played so far, So much so

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Speaker 1: that the coach text me.

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Speaker 5: And said, Yo, Jackson played like a different person today.

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Speaker 5: You might need to stay home the rest of the season.

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Speaker 4: Baby.

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Speaker 1: They've been on a three game win streak ever since. Now,

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Speaker 1: I did sneak into a game?

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Speaker 5: All right?

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Speaker 4: Did you tell them that part? So devow.

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Speaker 3: First of all home because jacksondn't told me to stay

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Speaker 3: mask nowhere, the ontlybody telling me what to do?

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Speaker 4: My ass is you facts.

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Speaker 3: Think about how things have progressed, because for our generation,

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Speaker 3: it was not common for us to tell our parents

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Speaker 3: anything you were seeing. You're not heard, you don't talk back,

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Speaker 3: you don't question, God forbid, you throw ass in there.

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Speaker 5: I know, and here's the truth.

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Speaker 4: What made you not like go outside his hand with that?

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Speaker 1: Because I don't I don't condone using vulgar language, you know,

280
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Speaker 1: but I do also have to say when I'm coaching

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Speaker 1: sometimes that fire and stuff, I'll scream at.

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Speaker 5: The kids, let's call us call let's kick their ass.

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Speaker 5: Like I'll scream those things.

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Speaker 4: And I just like from an emotion, from an emotional

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Speaker 4: as a coach.

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Speaker 5: Standpoint, and they get excited. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

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Speaker 5: So I can't be upset at him emulating or doing

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Speaker 5: what I do for him in a sports standspoint, Like

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Speaker 5: it makes no sense. How can I sit here and

290
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Speaker 5: tell tell all him and his friends go out there,

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Speaker 5: we gonna kick their asks. Let's fucking go. But then

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Speaker 5: when he's in his sports mode, I'm like you and

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Speaker 5: he's no, you can stay your ass home.

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Speaker 1: How I'm gonna be mad? Now and be like, watch

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Speaker 1: your mouth. You know what I'm saying, Like I can't,

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Speaker 1: and it's locker room tall.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it's good for you compartmentalized, because I was

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Speaker 3: gonna say when I called you asshole, you got mad

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Speaker 3: about it.

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Speaker 5: But well he didn't say he just stay home, asshole.

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Speaker 5: He said you can stay your asshole. There's a difference.

302
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Speaker 4: You're talking about your ass and not the body pause.

303
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Speaker 5: Nobody talks about my ass. I talk about your ass.

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Speaker 1: What I'm saying is that it caught me off guard,

305
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,640
Speaker 1: but I do try to compartmentalize. When I had my

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Speaker 1: mentorship program, I told those kids there's times when I'm

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Speaker 1: coach Devo the coach, and then there's times where I'm

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Speaker 1: your big brother, I'm your father figure.

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Speaker 5: There's different times.

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Speaker 1: It's important for parents to understand if you're gonna coach

311
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Speaker 1: your son, there's gonna be different times they're gonna look

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00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:43,760
Speaker 1: at you like a coach or they're gonna look at

313
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Speaker 1: you like a parent. I feel and I told myself this,

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Speaker 1: Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. At that time, Jackson

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Speaker 1: saw me as a coach, someone who wasn't helping his

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Speaker 1: progression and stood up for himself. And then the thing

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Speaker 1: is he backed it up. He didn't go out there

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Speaker 1: and lay an egg and played terrible without me there,

319
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Speaker 1: He played better than he played all season, which showed

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Speaker 1: me like, yeah, maybe my presence was a bit much.

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Speaker 3: That much it was muddying the waters, I think because

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00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,360
Speaker 3: also too, you think about how it affected your home

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Speaker 3: life in a little in a sense too absolutely, you know,

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Speaker 3: like when I say to you, Devout, I want you

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Speaker 3: to clock out as my business partner or my co

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Speaker 3: host and be my husband and be my boyfriend and

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Speaker 3: be the man that I love versus being the person

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Speaker 3: who's always on me about business stuff. Yes, Devout, I

329
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:26,680
Speaker 3: mean Jackson in that moment said I just want my dad. Yes,

330
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Speaker 3: so my dad can come to my games, but not

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Speaker 3: dad the coach can come to my games.

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Speaker 1: So that leads me to because you're one hundred percent right,

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Speaker 1: everything you just said was exactly how he felt. I

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00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,560
Speaker 1: sneak into the game, right, I let the first game

335
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:42,400
Speaker 1: go by it and sneak in.

336
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Speaker 4: Tell them how you smack into the game of that?

337
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,080
Speaker 4: What were you wearing and how'd you look?

338
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Speaker 1: I was wearing my all black actively black hoodie set right.

339
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,400
Speaker 1: I want my black sneakers because it was all black.

340
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,360
Speaker 1: He's not gonna see me, nobody paying attention to me.

341
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Speaker 1: I put my hood up. When you first walk into

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Speaker 1: the gym, all the bleaches is on the right side,

343
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,840
Speaker 1: so I said, let me not standing next to any

344
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Speaker 1: of the parents. That all the kids look in the

345
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:06,600
Speaker 1: corner because they all looking for their parents. So I

346
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:09,120
Speaker 1: went right by the bleachers, right. I stood by the

347
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:11,040
Speaker 1: bleachers with my hood at for a second and watched

348
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:14,520
Speaker 1: the game. Thirteen seconds into looking at the game, Jackson

349
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,720
Speaker 1: turned right around and stared right at.

350
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Speaker 3: My forehead, bro literally the right at me, like he

351
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,280
Speaker 3: felt your whole aura into the building.

352
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Speaker 4: That's wild.

353
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Speaker 5: So I did what any responsible parent does in that moment.

354
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,320
Speaker 5: I lied. I said, I'm not even here to see you.

355
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:33,000
Speaker 5: I got to talk to the coach in the middle

356
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:37,360
Speaker 5: of the game, and this way he did, waved me

357
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,880
Speaker 5: off like that and went back and scored two buckets.

358
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Speaker 5: So then after I got caught sneaking in the game,

359
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:46,520
Speaker 5: I thought that I was out all the clay. I said,

360
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:47,440
Speaker 5: y'all want spoke to the coach.

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00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:48,880
Speaker 1: Coach gonna give us the gym like I wouldn't even

362
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Speaker 1: able to see you, like I, okay, you gave you

363
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,280
Speaker 1: the good or y'all one nights. I try to act

364
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,280
Speaker 1: like I ain't care, right, he was like, yeah, we won.

365
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:55,680
Speaker 1: We one told me all his stats.

366
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Speaker 5: Right.

367
00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:59,560
Speaker 1: The next game it was away, so I was like,

368
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,360
Speaker 1: he definitely not gonna see me now because he don't

369
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:05,440
Speaker 1: even know this gym getting the game, walk across the beaches,

370
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:06,440
Speaker 1: I passed all the parents.

371
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:07,480
Speaker 5: The parents are just like.

372
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:12,400
Speaker 1: Yo, I'm not supposed to be here. So I'm telling him,

373
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,320
Speaker 1: like I walk past, someone got my hood up. I

374
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,920
Speaker 1: walk up to the corner, right, I'm in the corner

375
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:20,480
Speaker 1: sitting there. I watched the whole game. He killing everything,

376
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,760
Speaker 1: d da da. No one says anything to me. He

377
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:24,920
Speaker 1: doesn't even look up at me. So I'm like, I

378
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,840
Speaker 1: found out what I gotta do soon is the game over.

379
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:32,080
Speaker 1: Jackson looks right in my face right the whole time,

380
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,520
Speaker 1: you look right in my face. So now I was

381
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,120
Speaker 1: getting ready to sneak out so that he didn't see

382
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:38,400
Speaker 1: me leave, so I said I'm staying right. So after everything,

383
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,680
Speaker 1: getting everybody pounds, they won again, walks over to me.

384
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:45,200
Speaker 5: I said, Yo, how you knew I was here?

385
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,720
Speaker 1: He said, Bro, you the only person that wears that

386
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,600
Speaker 1: much actively black you have on a hood on. It

387
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,720
Speaker 1: is hot in here. Plus all my teammates when you

388
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,280
Speaker 1: walked in and said to me, yo, why your dad

389
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:57,560
Speaker 1: in camouflage? I said, in the little rascally ass kids,

390
00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:58,800
Speaker 1: they just blew up my spot.

391
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,160
Speaker 3: One of our friends was just like Deval think he

392
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,800
Speaker 3: could really hide with them parentheses, legs and them tights

393
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:09,199
Speaker 3: wet pants, walking around looking like brackets and thinking that

394
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,160
Speaker 3: nobody was going to see.

395
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:16,520
Speaker 4: To this past game on Sunday. I get there. Devl

396
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:18,520
Speaker 4: is a little bit late. Well, they started the game

397
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,400
Speaker 4: early technically, so he wasn't late.

398
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:21,600
Speaker 5: Because they was winning again.

399
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,440
Speaker 4: Dad sees one of the dads sees being just like, hey,

400
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:26,399
Speaker 4: what's up, man, how's everything going. He's like, okay, so

401
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:27,040
Speaker 4: you're allowed to come?

402
00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:29,720
Speaker 3: Is develop like hiding in the rafters somewhere because I

403
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,080
Speaker 3: know he's not allowed to be here. I got a

404
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,680
Speaker 3: running joke that's not allowed to be at the games.

405
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:38,520
Speaker 1: But because the second game I got caught and I

406
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:42,360
Speaker 1: was quiet the whole game. Jackson said I can come

407
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,960
Speaker 1: back now, but he said exactly what you said.

408
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,800
Speaker 5: He said, you can come back as my pops. I

409
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,080
Speaker 5: already got a coach.

410
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,560
Speaker 4: That she hit me though, but hit you in a

411
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,760
Speaker 4: good way. It made you feel like made you feel.

412
00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,840
Speaker 1: Badly, or maybe hit me in a good way because

413
00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:05,000
Speaker 1: he was able to compartmentalize. And I'm acting as coach

414
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,440
Speaker 1: and acting as dad, and he's like, I want my dad.

415
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,160
Speaker 1: I don't need you to I coach him in football, yes,

416
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,320
Speaker 1: and I already we did the podcast on how rough

417
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:16,040
Speaker 1: that was. So he's like, for basketball, I don't need that.

418
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,440
Speaker 1: And I was just like, dang, at least he loves

419
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:22,280
Speaker 1: his dad. Like the football coach is hard to deal with.

420
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:22,920
Speaker 5: I get that.

421
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:26,760
Speaker 1: I'm a difficult person. I know that, like you. One

422
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:28,520
Speaker 1: thing I know is if you're going to play for me,

423
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:32,280
Speaker 1: you have to be a very mentally tough, strong person.

424
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:34,919
Speaker 1: And he played for me, and he played well, and

425
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,159
Speaker 1: the team played well, and they but it was a

426
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,480
Speaker 1: learning curve. The kids were like, man, you've very detail oriented.

427
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,480
Speaker 1: You expect excellence all the time. You don't pull punches

428
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,840
Speaker 1: like yes, but it's hard for twelve year olds to

429
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:48,440
Speaker 1: understand that. Imagine being twelve and that being your dad.

430
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,560
Speaker 1: So you got to deal with that for three hours

431
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,480
Speaker 1: of practice, then go home in the car and hear

432
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,160
Speaker 1: that then get in the house and hear that.

433
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,480
Speaker 3: Because that's I noticed you were doing that, and that's

434
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:58,440
Speaker 3: why I don't know if you remember what one time

435
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,199
Speaker 3: we were, I think walking in the house and we

436
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:04,840
Speaker 3: were in the car, and I was just like, like,

437
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,840
Speaker 3: is it normal that you keep talking about and stuff.

438
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:09,240
Speaker 4: Over and over again?

439
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:12,600
Speaker 3: In that moment, though, you did say to me, you said, well, yeah,

440
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,840
Speaker 3: normally athletes whenever you met, have like a bad play

441
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,520
Speaker 3: or something doesn't happen, and you miss a ball, or

442
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:19,359
Speaker 3: you drop a touchdown or a pass, you replay in

443
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,480
Speaker 3: your mind over and over again. How you could have

444
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:24,000
Speaker 3: done it differently? And I said to my I didn't

445
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:25,560
Speaker 3: interfere at that point because I said, you know more

446
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,399
Speaker 3: about sports than I do because I've never caught a

447
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 3: past the day in my life. However, I mean, I

448
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:33,320
Speaker 3: did shoot my shot and focus on you, but I

449
00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:34,919
Speaker 3: did in that moment say all right, you must know

450
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:36,720
Speaker 3: better than me, because to me, it seemed like a

451
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:40,040
Speaker 3: bit of overkill that you kept harping on like football

452
00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:42,800
Speaker 3: and what happened, Whereas I could see Jackson at some

453
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,680
Speaker 3: point was kind of clocked out, like I just want

454
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:47,640
Speaker 3: to just chill, and I didn't debate you in that time,

455
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,240
Speaker 3: because I felt like if you knew better than I did.

456
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,800
Speaker 3: But in that moment, you're saying, no, you probably shouldn't have.

457
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:55,159
Speaker 5: No, what I did that all wrong? Yeah? I just

458
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:56,800
Speaker 5: I just did it wrong. I do that.

459
00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:00,359
Speaker 4: You used to do that as an athlete college.

460
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,280
Speaker 3: You would have an amazing game, but you would harp

461
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,879
Speaker 3: on like the miss touchdown or the drop path or

462
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,359
Speaker 3: you didn't really drop passes like that. But what you

463
00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:11,960
Speaker 3: could have done differently, play things in your head again.

464
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:12,360
Speaker 5: Small things.

465
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,880
Speaker 1: And that's what I was telling Jackson. Jackson didn't drop

466
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:19,160
Speaker 1: passes out there. Jackson's Jackson's mess ups came from lack

467
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:22,359
Speaker 1: of effort or not understanding. And that's the thing that

468
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,280
Speaker 1: I was trying to get across to myself. Okay, so

469
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,480
Speaker 1: that you caught that pass, it was for seventy yards.

470
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,520
Speaker 1: Do you know why it wasn't a touchdown? You didn't

471
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,080
Speaker 1: see the cutback lane. Do you know why you didn't

472
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 1: see the cutback lane? Because when you were looking, you

473
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,000
Speaker 1: were looking to run out of bounds to stay away

474
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,439
Speaker 1: from contact. If you weren't so afraid of contact, you'd

475
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,720
Speaker 1: be able to cut back, run through that arm tackle

476
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,359
Speaker 1: and he was just like, huse that I caught a

477
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,439
Speaker 1: screening for seventy yards and you're talking about why it

478
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:45,280
Speaker 1: wasn't a touchdown.

479
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:48,399
Speaker 5: That was the standard of excellence I held for myself.

480
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,840
Speaker 1: But then I had to realize when I was twelve,

481
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,240
Speaker 1: I wasn't scoring touchdowns every game. That didn't happen un

482
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:55,399
Speaker 1: til I got to high school and I was older

483
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:58,520
Speaker 1: and mature enough to get the game. I'm expecting him

484
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,080
Speaker 1: at twelve to know what I did in the NFL.

485
00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:03,679
Speaker 1: And that's when I realized at the end of the season, like, dude,

486
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,720
Speaker 1: like you really just killed every any bit of fun

487
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 1: he was supposed to have in seventh grade.

488
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,959
Speaker 3: In your defense, though your parenting from the space of

489
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:16,240
Speaker 3: I've done this before, I've seen it play out. I've

490
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,960
Speaker 3: had a mentorship program where I've trained over five hundred

491
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:24,440
Speaker 3: student athletes, like I have the recipe, yeah, and why

492
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:28,600
Speaker 3: not give it to my son? And I get that,

493
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 3: so I can imagine how difficult it is for you.

494
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,920
Speaker 3: It is for you having been a professional athlete, having

495
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,360
Speaker 3: been a mentor, havn't been a coach, haven't done all

496
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,600
Speaker 3: of those things, and now you have four children, four

497
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,200
Speaker 3: sons who are all going to absorb these things differently,

498
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:44,000
Speaker 3: They're going to execute them differently. But you're like, man,

499
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,199
Speaker 3: if you just follow the recipe, like I know what

500
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,280
Speaker 3: it takes, and you're not probably not the only one.

501
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,280
Speaker 3: Think about how many others you know pro athletes there are.

502
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,040
Speaker 3: There are people who have made it to high levels

503
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:54,800
Speaker 3: of whatever their respective fields are.

504
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,040
Speaker 4: It's not just with athletics.

505
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:57,280
Speaker 5: I've watched them though, but.

506
00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:00,639
Speaker 3: They've also So what would be the difference now with

507
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 3: having your children work for it? You know that that's

508
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,159
Speaker 3: what I'm always battling with. You want your children to

509
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,320
Speaker 3: work for it and not give them everything. But at

510
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,000
Speaker 3: the same time, you see the writing on the wall

511
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,040
Speaker 3: sometimes and they're going down a path that you're just like,

512
00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 3: this is going to be the one let's traveled, and

513
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:15,400
Speaker 3: it may not necessarily get you to where you want

514
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,760
Speaker 3: to go, but I know what you can do.

515
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 4: I just don't want to be a nag about it.

516
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,800
Speaker 1: This is what I realized in Prototype when I was

517
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:26,400
Speaker 1: the mentor. They still went home with their parents. There

518
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:31,480
Speaker 1: was no child that was my students, my mentee, and

519
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:34,400
Speaker 1: my child. All of them went home to their parent

520
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:37,120
Speaker 1: at some point. Jackson is the first that's why he's

521
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 1: considered the practice child. He is the first Ellis boy

522
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:43,800
Speaker 1: to deal with Dad the coach, Dad the mentor, Dad

523
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:46,439
Speaker 1: the trainer, and still be Dad. And I thought I

524
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,360
Speaker 1: was helping that out by going to the games, watch

525
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:52,639
Speaker 1: them do everything, coming home, training with them from everything

526
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,439
Speaker 1: we learned from the game, and then watching football, but

527
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:57,480
Speaker 1: then explaining the stuff that just happened in the game.

528
00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:00,240
Speaker 1: But now I'm realizing that that was overkilled one of

529
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,800
Speaker 1: his pops. He wanted somebody that he can just box with,

530
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,840
Speaker 1: shoot pool with, and I was taking all of that

531
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 1: away because I kept coaching at home. I kept coaching.

532
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,399
Speaker 1: And I'm realizing now, like that's so unnecessary because I

533
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 1: made it to the highest level and my father never

534
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,679
Speaker 1: did that to me, So there's no guarantee that that's

535
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,600
Speaker 1: gonna be the way it works. I've learned that if

536
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 1: he's a child that wants that, let him ask for that.

537
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:28,600
Speaker 1: Because I also realized too that I stunted his growth

538
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,239
Speaker 1: in football. Yeah, because he was so afraid to make

539
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,400
Speaker 1: a mistake, that he was afraid to take chances.

540
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:37,120
Speaker 5: Football games are about chances.

541
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:39,119
Speaker 1: I see something, let me go take a chance in

542
00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 1: But if you know your dad is going to get

543
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 1: on you in front of everybody there, then talk to

544
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 1: you on the way home, then talk to you for

545
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 1: hours at home. It's like, I'm gonna just do exactly

546
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,399
Speaker 1: what I think is perfect rather than taking a chance.

547
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:50,560
Speaker 5: I took that away from you.

548
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:52,160
Speaker 4: That's another thing you told me. He didn't.

549
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 3: He told you that he didn't appreciate. Was you pretty

550
00:23:55,480 --> 00:24:00,040
Speaker 3: much in front of everybody? Yeah, always critiquing him and

551
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,760
Speaker 3: other kids you were praising, But you were just trying

552
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:04,919
Speaker 3: not to play daddy ball at that point because you

553
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:07,919
Speaker 3: wanted it to be fair for everybody involved, as a

554
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:09,520
Speaker 3: coach but also being his dad.

555
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,440
Speaker 4: But you saw how that too with a detriment that.

556
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 5: Wasn't fair to him. Yeah, he didn't deserve that.

557
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,719
Speaker 1: I apologize like every time I'm going to take him

558
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 1: to basketball practice now because now still he'd be like,

559
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,680
Speaker 1: take me to practice and go home, even though he'll

560
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,400
Speaker 1: let me go to the games. I can only drop

561
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,399
Speaker 1: him to practice, and I'm only allowed to drop him

562
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:26,960
Speaker 1: to practice when Papa's not here.

563
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,719
Speaker 5: But he wants his own time and space.

564
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 3: But and that's helped you too, because you were also

565
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,879
Speaker 3: running yourself ragged trying to go here go there be,

566
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:37,840
Speaker 3: there be this practice for this amount of time. So

567
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:40,440
Speaker 3: it's definitely helped, I think give a little bit of

568
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 3: the separation that I think that we've had as children.

569
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, that we.

570
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 3: Thrived in because you didn't always have a parent that

571
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 3: was there to like reinforce all the time. My struggle

572
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:52,720
Speaker 3: with Jackson or just the boys in general, is that

573
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:55,920
Speaker 3: I fear being that mom that they see.

574
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:58,960
Speaker 4: Its like, n here goes Mom again. She's nagging, she's annoying,

575
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 4: she's you know, clean your room?

576
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 3: Do this?

577
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 4: Did you study?

578
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 3: And I spoke to you recently about that because with

579
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 3: Jackson being our him to practice kid, we're only hoping

580
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 3: that we can develop some sort of recipe, although we

581
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 3: know we're going to have the kind of style scept

582
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 3: according to their child's needs. But I just want to

583
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 3: be able to develop a recipe where my boys just

584
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 3: always feel like, man, I don't I want to I want.

585
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:19,399
Speaker 4: To be around my mind.

586
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,479
Speaker 3: I want to be I want to be home, like

587
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 3: I go to college, but I want to come back home.

588
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 5: I want to come.

589
00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:25,359
Speaker 4: Home on the weekends.

590
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 3: Like I don't want them to ever see Mom's phone

591
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:29,639
Speaker 3: my name pop up on their phone and they're like,

592
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 3: here's she going again?

593
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:31,600
Speaker 4: What you want now?

594
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:35,800
Speaker 3: You know? So my struggle lately has been trying to

595
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:39,919
Speaker 3: find the way to approach, for example, things like life

596
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,679
Speaker 3: stuff like that's what I take as one of the things.

597
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:44,720
Speaker 3: Of course, you're teaching him some life things as well too,

598
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,919
Speaker 3: that it is and when you talk about sports particularly

599
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 3: or things like that. I do a lot of the

600
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:53,119
Speaker 3: academic side of things, but life stuff like cleaning your

601
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 3: room and making sure you know how to clean a

602
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:56,960
Speaker 3: bathroom and cooking, like those are things that I'm starting

603
00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 3: to teach Jackson more now. But instead of my approach

604
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,840
Speaker 3: being like, look at your room, why does it look

605
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,040
Speaker 3: like this? Why didn't you pack that up? Why did

606
00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:04,440
Speaker 3: you clean this up? Why didn't you do that? While

607
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 3: you know, getting on him with that approach, what I

608
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:10,679
Speaker 3: did after getting some advice from you, I kind of

609
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:12,520
Speaker 3: said to him, hey, bro, like listen, we were on

610
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:14,480
Speaker 3: the couch watching Chopped one day, because that's like we

611
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:17,520
Speaker 3: like to do that together to talk about cooking, and

612
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:19,879
Speaker 3: I'm like introducing him to some things.

613
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:20,560
Speaker 4: Techniques and stuff like that.

614
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,119
Speaker 3: And I said, yo, I said, you know, there's some

615
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:24,960
Speaker 3: things that I want to just like teach you that

616
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 3: I feel like he should know as a young man

617
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,399
Speaker 3: growing up, like how to properly clean a toilet.

618
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 4: And he laughed and he was like clean a toilet.

619
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 3: And I'm like, yeah, there's a proper way to do

620
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 3: that and to maintain your living space and stuff, because

621
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 3: I just want you to know how to do it.

622
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 3: So I said, you know, let me know when you

623
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 3: have some free time or one day, I might just

624
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:43,159
Speaker 3: pull you and be like, hey, you got you know,

625
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,160
Speaker 3: let's go do this like leisurely. So the way I'm

626
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:47,159
Speaker 3: trying to approach it was like very just like like

627
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:51,960
Speaker 3: laisz fear versus right versus being like, yo, we're sitting

628
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:53,720
Speaker 3: here watching chop. We shouldn't be doing this. Let's go

629
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 3: clean your toilet right now. Like just little things that

630
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,200
Speaker 3: I'm trying to take the approach of being more of.

631
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 3: I want to say, the approach is different versus you know, yeah,

632
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:04,520
Speaker 3: what it.

633
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 5: Is that we grew up doing.

634
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:08,239
Speaker 3: We grew up doing where everything was just like you

635
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 3: have to you must like it was just drilled into us.

636
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 4: I think the approach is different with the way we're parenting.

637
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 1: We also when I say we, because I'm including you

638
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,159
Speaker 1: in this, but I'm really talking to myself. We have

639
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:21,359
Speaker 1: to be more cognizant of overcompensating because my dad couldn't

640
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 1: go to games because he worked, and a lot of

641
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,399
Speaker 1: times you work two jobs. So I remember being a

642
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:26,760
Speaker 1: kid and saying that when I have a kid, I'm

643
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:28,720
Speaker 1: gonna be at every practice, every game, and you start

644
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:30,560
Speaker 1: to realize that may that may not be the best

645
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:31,399
Speaker 1: thing for your child.

646
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:31,879
Speaker 4: Yeah.

647
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 1: You know, in speaking to Jackson about how he speaks

648
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:36,359
Speaker 1: to people, we had a conversation about him saying, you know,

649
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 1: you can stay your ass home, right, this is the

650
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:41,720
Speaker 1: best part about that. I said, you know it's okay

651
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,760
Speaker 1: to not to just you know, it's not okay to

652
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 1: like curse when speaking to adults and authority figures. He

653
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, no, but I just figured you would

654
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:53,479
Speaker 1: think it was funny. H And I'm like, I am

655
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,360
Speaker 1: raising a little version of myself because I said, I said,

656
00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:57,960
Speaker 1: why would you think that that I would think it

657
00:27:58,000 --> 00:27:59,440
Speaker 1: was funny? He was like, you know, I just figured

658
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:01,879
Speaker 1: if I use humor, it wouldn't hurt your feelings if

659
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:03,400
Speaker 1: I told you that you couldn't come to the game.

660
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 1: So I'm like, oh my gosh, bro, I'm like that's

661
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 1: so me. And he was just like he was like,

662
00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 1: he's like, am I in trouble? I said, no, You're

663
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 1: not in trouble. He was like, because I won't.

664
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:16,360
Speaker 5: I won't. I said, Jackson, you're not a disrespectful kid.

665
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:17,119
Speaker 5: You're not.

666
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:19,440
Speaker 1: But I was just I was just concerned because I

667
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 1: don't want you to ever tell a teacher like man,

668
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:22,480
Speaker 1: you could get your ass away. And he was just like,

669
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 1: I would never say that. But he was just like,

670
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:26,080
Speaker 1: you know, we we have that bandit some times we

671
00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:27,960
Speaker 1: talk about sports and stuff. I just figured you would

672
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,359
Speaker 1: think it was funny. And I was just like, now

673
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 1: I did think it was funny.

674
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:32,480
Speaker 5: You know. I'm like, you know how, I am a

675
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:33,880
Speaker 5: light heart. I thought it was funny about I want

676
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:34,320
Speaker 5: to be clear.

677
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 1: But he he also showed me that he can empower hisself,

678
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 1: but he's also thinking about the person while he's empowering himself.

679
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 1: So it was like, I'm empowering myself, but my dad

680
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,280
Speaker 1: is going to stay home. Mom, wist stay home so

681
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 1: y'all can stay home together. So it's not like I'm

682
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:51,480
Speaker 1: singling you out. And that's what he said. He was

683
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 1: just like, you know, I don't want to single you out,

684
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:55,120
Speaker 1: but I just feel better. So he's like, I told

685
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:57,720
Speaker 1: Mom she couldn't come too, so y'all could be home together.

686
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 1: You can spend time with Kiro and Cass. He was

687
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,080
Speaker 1: trying to find ways to make me feel okay with it,

688
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 1: which made me feel comfortable that he's not just out

689
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:07,040
Speaker 1: here just saying or spewing things.

690
00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 5: He's really thinking through his decisions when the kids.

691
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 1: That's why I said, I's parent to me, he's you know,

692
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:14,800
Speaker 1: you know, He's like, you know, I have a seven

693
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 1: year old a six year old brother. They need some

694
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 1: time with you during this time is when I had

695
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:19,760
Speaker 1: a lot of my time with you, and maybe it's

696
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:20,440
Speaker 1: their turn, you know.

697
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:23,080
Speaker 5: And I was like, you know what, Yeah, that's true.

698
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:24,960
Speaker 3: One of the questions Tripple had here is how do

699
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 3: you think that the way your parent Jackson affects the

700
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 3: way he shows up as an older brother. And I'm like, man,

701
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:33,160
Speaker 3: you can already see, yes, you can. You can already

702
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 3: see so much of It's almost like Jackson's tutelage that

703
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 3: these these boys are under.

704
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 5: If you hear them when they say Jackson said, or Jackson, well, it's.

705
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,560
Speaker 3: Crazy, and they all move in a Chord like the

706
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:47,880
Speaker 3: same way. I forget who we were around. I think

707
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 3: when CBS came to film us and Oh Chanell came

708
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,640
Speaker 3: to the house. Yes, and even when we were away

709
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 3: on vacation in Tiffany and Daye were with us, they

710
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,600
Speaker 3: were like, man, like, your boys really all just like

711
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,200
Speaker 3: they just they're good, like they don't do what do

712
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 3: you think they're not like shine?

713
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:04,479
Speaker 4: And I said it starts with Jackson. I said. They

714
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 4: see how Jackson conducts himself.

715
00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 3: Jackson has always been a calm, cool, collected, respectful kids,

716
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 3: and they literally know that that is pretty much the

717
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:15,160
Speaker 3: gauge at which they should be conducting themselves too.

718
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,800
Speaker 1: Do you watch them when I called like, we'll be

719
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 1: anywhere and I'll be like, hey, all of them will

720
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 1: look at me, and then the little ones will look

721
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:26,800
Speaker 1: at Jackson literally because because they know the next conversation

722
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:28,720
Speaker 1: is going to be with me and whoever the oldest

723
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:32,560
Speaker 1: is Jackson make sure D D D. Jackson was sick.

724
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 1: Last week, Cairo comes to the door and Jackson told

725
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 1: me this. I was just like, yo, you already know

726
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 1: what the rule is. He's like, I already told my

727
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:41,280
Speaker 1: brothers they can't be around me. I'm sick, he said,

728
00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 1: don't worry. Cairo came to the door, asked me if

729
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 1: I need anything. He told the guys, he said, I'm

730
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 1: in charge.

731
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:46,240
Speaker 5: Now.

732
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 1: You have to stay out of his well, you know how, Kyle,

733
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 1: I'm in charge now, Kaz, make sure that if Jackson

734
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 1: needs anything, we don't cross this line right here, All right, dacorder,

735
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:57,720
Speaker 1: you can't go over there. Let's go down to the

736
00:30:57,720 --> 00:30:59,719
Speaker 1: boy cave and give them some time and some space.

737
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:03,640
Speaker 5: But it's like they learn because when you're sick of

738
00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 5: I'm sick, Jackson gets the rules, right, yo. Make sure

739
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:07,479
Speaker 5: your brothers know they can't, right.

740
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 1: Because so it's funny to watch the practice child become

741
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,720
Speaker 1: the parents the same way you've become the parent because

742
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:14,800
Speaker 1: you were the practice child.

743
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:16,680
Speaker 5: I've become the parent. I was the.

744
00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:20,560
Speaker 3: Practice about the first born that we just are almost

745
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:24,280
Speaker 3: to an extent, left to figure things out, yeah, and

746
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 3: left our own devices, and so in some moments probably

747
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:30,200
Speaker 3: overparented and and in other moments underparented, but we kind

748
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:31,680
Speaker 3: of find a nice way to meet in the middle,

749
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 3: which I love.

750
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:37,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, my babies, there's some good kids.

751
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 1: I see a question here, I see this one right now. Yeah,

752
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 1: how do you think the way you parent Jackson affects

753
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 1: the way he shows?

754
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:45,440
Speaker 5: All you said, I want the next one. Do you

755
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:46,760
Speaker 5: ever fear that the way you.

756
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 1: Parent Jackson will backfire? I was going to say, I

757
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 1: was going to say, no, no, it's a backfire. How Like,

758
00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 1: he's one of the two the Jack Award, Governor's Award.

759
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:03,280
Speaker 1: He has a ninety plus average, He's been the MVP

760
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:05,720
Speaker 1: of every team he's ever been on. He's just a

761
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 1: hard worker, a very respectful young man, and he's a

762
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:13,239
Speaker 1: good person. Everything isn't always about academics or athletics, just

763
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:16,000
Speaker 1: being a great person. And when we went to the

764
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: award for the Jack Award, remember what.

765
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 5: The principal said, these how many twenty kids that they

766
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:27,960
Speaker 5: chose were just good kids, not always good grades all

767
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:30,479
Speaker 5: the time, just good people, you know.

768
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 1: So I'm happy that Jackson is becoming a great person

769
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 1: and I love them for it. Yes, And I'm excited

770
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,240
Speaker 1: about him standing up for himself because as a young

771
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 1: black man living in America, one thing we've always had

772
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:43,840
Speaker 1: to fight for was our voice. We always you know,

773
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 1: and that's just not black men but black women in general.

774
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 1: But I know, particularly as a young black Man. Especially

775
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 1: when you're an athlete, you're typically bigger, stronger than people, so

776
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:58,240
Speaker 1: you have to make yourself shrink yourself to make people

777
00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 1: feel comfortable in your presence. I don't want my son

778
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:02,120
Speaker 1: to ever shrink himself.

779
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 5: No, hopefully you grow to be six eight eighty.

780
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 3: Pounds, all the recessive genius, runner three nine.

781
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:12,520
Speaker 5: And the forty. I hope you have all of the

782
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 5: attributes to be a great athlete.

783
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 1: Yes, but never shrink yourself to make other people feel

784
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:17,920
Speaker 1: comfortable in your presence.

785
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:21,000
Speaker 3: I think the best thing about this situation with you

786
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:25,200
Speaker 3: and him was how he really took time to be

787
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 3: emotionally aware enough to say, this is what I require.

788
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 3: So because this is what I require, let me find

789
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 3: a way to vocalize that, but also make sure that

790
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:37,040
Speaker 3: my dad is okay in this moment, and my mom

791
00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 3: is okay, and my siblings are okay. So he gets

792
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:42,240
Speaker 3: what he wants out of it, and he can see like, Okay,

793
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:44,120
Speaker 3: this is this is doable, this is possible.

794
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:45,080
Speaker 4: Like I can.

795
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 3: Advocate for myself, get what I need and what I require,

796
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:50,320
Speaker 3: but also consider other people's feelings at the same time

797
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:55,360
Speaker 3: when necessary, like having that discernment at twelve makes me

798
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:57,400
Speaker 3: feel like, Okay, I think we're on the right track.

799
00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:58,040
Speaker 5: Absolutely.

800
00:33:58,080 --> 00:33:59,040
Speaker 4: I think we're on the right track.

801
00:33:59,200 --> 00:33:59,720
Speaker 5: Absolutely.

802
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 3: All right, y'all, We're gonna take a quick break and

803
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 3: move into some listener letters after we pay some bills.

804
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:22,040
Speaker 2: So stick around, all right, y'all, listener letter time.

805
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:26,200
Speaker 3: Hey family. First of all, I love you guys. I've

806
00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 3: learned so much about emotional intelligence and communication from listening

807
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:31,919
Speaker 3: to your podcast and watching you both on social media.

808
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,800
Speaker 3: Thank you for being so transparent and open about your lives.

809
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:35,080
Speaker 5: Thank you.

810
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 3: So we're talking about emotional intelligence, communication, all that good

811
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:40,800
Speaker 3: stuff today. So I'm writing because I find myself in

812
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 3: a confusing situation. I'm going to try not to make

813
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:46,560
Speaker 3: this too long. I found the guy I've been seeing

814
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:49,200
Speaker 3: for almost a year lie to me in a major way.

815
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 3: I've found out from a mutual friend that he still

816
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:53,279
Speaker 3: lives with his child's mother.

817
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:56,719
Speaker 4: They're broken up. I confirmed this from several sources.

818
00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:59,440
Speaker 3: I know you're wondering how I couldn't have known that

819
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,680
Speaker 3: after almost a year dealing with him, But it just

820
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 3: wasn't obvious. I never saw her belongings when I go

821
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,239
Speaker 3: over there and we spent more time at my house

822
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 3: than his. As you can imagine, this has been really

823
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:14,880
Speaker 3: hurtful to me on a basic friendship level. That's something

824
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:16,560
Speaker 3: he should have told me and I would have understood

825
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 3: the reasoning. We've been talking extensively about the whole situation,

826
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 3: and he's given me lots of reassurance and clarity. However,

827
00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 3: I made the mistake of sharing this information with my sister,

828
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:31,399
Speaker 3: just because she was with me when I found out.

829
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:35,360
Speaker 3: She's not supportive of me even considering forgiveness. I'm torn

830
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:37,440
Speaker 3: on what I should do who We're great friends, and

831
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:40,319
Speaker 3: I've also have strong feelings for him outside of this.

832
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:42,200
Speaker 3: We don't have any problems between us, and I do

833
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:45,880
Speaker 3: see a future with him if I can move toward forgiveness.

834
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:48,319
Speaker 3: Is it foolish of me to try to forgive him

835
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:49,880
Speaker 3: and move forward?

836
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,040
Speaker 4: Since? Do you?

837
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 5: That's all I feel?

838
00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 3: If you genuinely feel like after speaking with him about everything,

839
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:02,319
Speaker 3: whatever explanation he gave you, and the reasoning behind why

840
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:04,240
Speaker 3: he didn't say he was still living with the child's

841
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:07,200
Speaker 3: mother and whatnot, you're spending lots of time together at

842
00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:12,640
Speaker 3: your house. Yeah, girl, Like that's exactly the main reason

843
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:14,520
Speaker 3: why they say you don't involve other people in the

844
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:18,840
Speaker 3: relationship because once you get over something, yes, they sometimes

845
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:20,680
Speaker 3: take a while to get over it too, if they

846
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:24,359
Speaker 3: even do so. I don't think you should throw away

847
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:27,840
Speaker 3: what could potentially be the start of a better foundation,

848
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:29,560
Speaker 3: now that we've gotten all of that out the way.

849
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,319
Speaker 3: But I can see how your sister might feel like, well,

850
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 3: damn if he started based on a lie, like you know,

851
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:36,920
Speaker 3: where might this go?

852
00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 4: What do you think, babe? Why do you think you

853
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:39,480
Speaker 4: might have kept it from her?

854
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 1: Because that's a hard truth to tell somebody. Maybe he

855
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:46,399
Speaker 1: can't afford to live on his own, but he ran

856
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:47,360
Speaker 1: into a woman.

857
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 5: That he likes.

858
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:51,400
Speaker 1: How do you tell that woman that I'm still living

859
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 1: with my child's mother. You don't want to mess it

860
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,600
Speaker 1: up because what if she's everyone to be like, I'm out,

861
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:57,040
Speaker 1: So you don't want to mess that up.

862
00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:58,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

863
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,680
Speaker 1: Or he could still be sleeping with his child's I

864
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 1: don't think he is, because I think if he was

865
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:04,160
Speaker 1: still sleeping with her, all her stuff would have been

866
00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:07,360
Speaker 1: over the place, and this child's mother would have crashed

867
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:08,320
Speaker 1: that party a long.

868
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:09,759
Speaker 3: Time, that's true, and you probably would have never even

869
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 3: stepp foot over there to begin with. Absolutely, like not

870
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 3: even once to know that there was not stuff out.

871
00:37:14,239 --> 00:37:14,879
Speaker 5: Absolutely.

872
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,520
Speaker 1: I will say this though, anytime your reasoning for breaking

873
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 1: up with someone is my sister doesn't support that's a

874
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 1: terrible reason. Let it be your own reason. Let you

875
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:24,120
Speaker 1: feel in your heart that you don't feel a way.

876
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 1: Let it be you found something. But whatever he shows

877
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 1: you who he is, believe it. But when he shows you.

878
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:32,719
Speaker 1: But if your reasoning is my sister feels a way, nah,

879
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 1: that's not getting enough.

880
00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:37,319
Speaker 4: Sorry, sis, Sorry, that simple easy.

881
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 1: That was an easy one because you gotta do what

882
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:46,359
Speaker 1: Number two number two hakadina devour what's up? First of all,

883
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:47,640
Speaker 1: I just would like to say that I have been

884
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:50,360
Speaker 1: listening to the podcast for the past three years and

885
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 1: y'all have been in y'all have given insights on how

886
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:54,799
Speaker 1: I can improve myself in my marriage. Thank you so much.

887
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:57,680
Speaker 1: I appreciate y'all for that, and we appreciate you. I

888
00:37:57,680 --> 00:37:58,920
Speaker 1: want your advice in the situation.

889
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 5: I have noticed that my wife I almost always asked

890
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:03,880
Speaker 5: me to pay back or buy back her items that

891
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:07,840
Speaker 5: I accidentally break on damage. For example, there was a

892
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:09,840
Speaker 5: time when I dropped her vase and she got she

893
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 5: got so furious and asked me for the next few

894
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:13,799
Speaker 5: weeks to buy it again. I thought it was a

895
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 5: once off, a one off thing, but it happened again

896
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:19,320
Speaker 5: with a hand blender that I accidentally put in the dishwasher.

897
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:23,399
Speaker 1: Why do you get breaking about don't laugh, I'm laughing. Yes,

898
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:27,200
Speaker 1: And it's been a recurrence. It's been a recurring occurrence

899
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:28,160
Speaker 1: for such.

900
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:30,240
Speaker 3: Things by theos.

901
00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:34,560
Speaker 1: So my question asked, do you think it's okay normal

902
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 1: for a spouse to always ask for the other spouse

903
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:39,120
Speaker 1: to buy payback things that they get damaged by the

904
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:42,360
Speaker 1: other spouse. I understand the frustration, but is it really

905
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:45,280
Speaker 1: But is it really something that married couples do? Because

906
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:48,360
Speaker 1: for me, I'm gonna I'm gonna ask I answer this

907
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 1: question all right. First off, it's just like just like

908
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 1: the question before, we can't answer you on what you're

909
00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:56,239
Speaker 1: supposed to do in your marriage. If she feel a

910
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 1: way that you keep breaking her stuff and she wants

911
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: you to buy it if you can afford to buy

912
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 1: it back. If you don't want to buy it back,

913
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:05,480
Speaker 1: don't buy that ship back until it get over it.

914
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:07,880
Speaker 5: Now, what happens after is on y'all too. But what

915
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,759
Speaker 5: I'm saying, is asking us what's normal. I don't know.

916
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:12,680
Speaker 5: I don't be breaking case shit like that.

917
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 3: But also too, like, don't you feel the way that

918
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 3: you be breaking all her stuff all the time?

919
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:18,480
Speaker 4: Just buy it back? Like if I was constantly.

920
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,799
Speaker 3: Breaking things that the valu used or liked, I would

921
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:21,839
Speaker 3: just be like, damn, baby, sorry.

922
00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:23,319
Speaker 4: You wouldn't even have to ask me for it. I'd

923
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:24,760
Speaker 4: be like, Damn, I just broke this vase.

924
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:26,239
Speaker 3: Let me go get let me go get another one,

925
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 3: or damn the hen blender broke, let me go, Like

926
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 3: I would just want to do that because it's on

927
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:31,520
Speaker 3: me to break it.

928
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 4: Take care of her stuff, bro if not buy the.

929
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:35,479
Speaker 5: Ship back, I gotta, I gotta.

930
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:36,919
Speaker 1: I gotta read the rest of this because it's actually

931
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,759
Speaker 1: kind of funny.

932
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 5: He says.

933
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:42,200
Speaker 1: I understand the frustration, but is it really something that

934
00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:44,640
Speaker 1: married people do? Because for me, I don't think I

935
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,240
Speaker 1: would ask my wife to replace let's say, my headphones

936
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:48,799
Speaker 1: because she accidentally broke it.

937
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:54,120
Speaker 5: Bitch, Yes you would. You would accidentally tell her like, yo,

938
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:56,440
Speaker 5: you broke my my ear pods, my headphones, and you're

939
00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:57,759
Speaker 5: not gonna replace, making me my heir.

940
00:39:57,719 --> 00:39:59,480
Speaker 4: Try to go to the gym and leg day. I

941
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 4: imagine trying doing like they without no headphones. I have

942
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:03,480
Speaker 4: turned back home.

943
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 1: Because anytime Kate has broke something to mine, she replaces it.

944
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 1: If I break something for I just replace it because

945
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:14,080
Speaker 1: she uses it and replace it. My understanding is that

946
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:16,719
Speaker 1: in a marriage you work as a team, and this

947
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:19,800
Speaker 1: habit does not really affect that view.

948
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:23,480
Speaker 5: Yo, that's hilarious. Do you think I'm wrong for overreacting?

949
00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:24,920
Speaker 5: But something so small?

950
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:27,400
Speaker 3: See, the thing is that you put something so small

951
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 3: in there. It's small to you, but it's not small

952
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,880
Speaker 3: to her, And in general, in a relationship, you cannot

953
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:35,439
Speaker 3: this is funny move in a way that you think

954
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 3: is necessary because you deem it small.

955
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:40,879
Speaker 4: Sir, okay, because it may be huge to her.

956
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:42,759
Speaker 3: What if it's reversed and it's something that you think

957
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:45,360
Speaker 3: is so hit, so huge and so big and she

958
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 3: deems it as small.

959
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,319
Speaker 1: He's saying he wouldn't care. My point is you would

960
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:51,839
Speaker 1: care if you break something. Why wouldn't you just want

961
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:53,839
Speaker 1: to replace it? I don't care if it's your wife,

962
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 1: your brother, your mother, your friend.

963
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 5: He broke it accidentally, man, just replace it? Like, are

964
00:40:58,640 --> 00:40:59,799
Speaker 5: we really going to argue about this?

965
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,879
Speaker 4: Twenty twenty four, said Amazon gets shipped there real quick.

966
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 3: She probably wouldn't even exactly if you just pride that

967
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:08,359
Speaker 3: ship and picked the same day from ten to two

968
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:10,120
Speaker 3: or three to eight or whatever the hell they have

969
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:13,400
Speaker 3: you in that timeframe, by the ship back, bro Like

970
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 3: you dropped her vase, man and put some flowers into get.

971
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:19,440
Speaker 5: Put some flowers in the vase, man, Like come on day?

972
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:20,840
Speaker 5: You say you put the hand blender.

973
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:25,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, everybody knows washer and if it's a hand blender,

974
00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:26,400
Speaker 3: she probably use it.

975
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:29,360
Speaker 5: Every day, right I do? I use Yeah.

976
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,000
Speaker 1: Old, that's a good point. I should be mad at

977
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,360
Speaker 1: your mom's Your mom broke my blender.

978
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:35,640
Speaker 5: She broke and she didn't replace it. You replaced it.

979
00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:37,080
Speaker 4: I did. I told her, I said, this is it.

980
00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 4: I'm not buying another one. The next one she breaks

981
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:40,879
Speaker 4: and this one has last a couple of months. Now

982
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:45,360
Speaker 4: it's different. Well, people gotta buy it child.

983
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:48,759
Speaker 3: All right, y'all If you want to be featured as

984
00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:50,680
Speaker 3: our listener letter, we'd love to hear from y'all, because

985
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 3: sometimes they give us a good laugh. Sometimes you feel like,

986
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:55,520
Speaker 3: you know, sometimes we have to put dead ass podcast

987
00:41:55,560 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 3: court into into that email us a dead advice at

988
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:01,880
Speaker 3: gmail dot com.

989
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:03,880
Speaker 5: That's D E A D A S S A d

990
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,720
Speaker 5: v I CE at gmail dot com.

991
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:08,600
Speaker 4: All right, y'all, moment of truth time.

992
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 3: We're talking about as Jackson grows into a young man,

993
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:15,760
Speaker 3: how he's helping us to grow as parents.

994
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:17,239
Speaker 4: What's your moment of truth today?

995
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:17,640
Speaker 2: Baby?

996
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:18,720
Speaker 5: It's my moment of truth.

997
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:22,320
Speaker 1: I have way more empathy and compassion towards my parents

998
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 1: because I was a practice child and I used to

999
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:25,600
Speaker 1: wonder like, how y'all could do this to me?

1000
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,120
Speaker 5: And I think that this was fucked up.

1001
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:29,520
Speaker 4: How y'all could do this.

1002
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 5: Too, How y'all could do this to me? And I

1003
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:31,319
Speaker 5: think this fucked up?

1004
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:32,560
Speaker 1: But now I look at the stuff that I do

1005
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:34,560
Speaker 1: to Jackson sometimes and I realize, like, damn, that's.

1006
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:35,120
Speaker 5: What's fucked up.

1007
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:37,440
Speaker 1: But it only I only realized that after I did it.

1008
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:40,320
Speaker 1: So I'm able to be a better parent to the

1009
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:42,839
Speaker 1: other children because of what Jackson's been through. So I've

1010
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:45,719
Speaker 1: been apologizing to him a lot lately. My moment of

1011
00:42:45,719 --> 00:42:49,080
Speaker 1: truth is this, Jackson is becoming exactly who I want

1012
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:51,200
Speaker 1: him to be based on the way I'm raising him,

1013
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 1: and it's fucking with me because now now I gotta

1014
00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:56,600
Speaker 1: deal with that person that I'm creating.

1015
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:58,319
Speaker 5: But that's the person that I want. I want to

1016
00:42:58,360 --> 00:42:59,360
Speaker 5: create a change maker.

1017
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:03,040
Speaker 1: I want someone who advocates for themselves, who doesn't back down.

1018
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:06,040
Speaker 5: From anyone period. It stands on business and that's preat.

1019
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:09,600
Speaker 3: And so stand on business for the rest of your life.

1020
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:13,239
Speaker 3: For my boys, teaching our children to speak up not

1021
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:16,399
Speaker 3: only empowers them, but it really helps us to grow

1022
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:18,880
Speaker 3: as parents. And I think that we always need to

1023
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 3: continue to find ways as parents to reinvent ourselves and

1024
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:25,680
Speaker 3: be the best version of ourselves. That our children need

1025
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:28,839
Speaker 3: know when to double down, no, when to back off

1026
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:32,759
Speaker 3: a little bit. And I love the communication that we

1027
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:35,959
Speaker 3: have with our kids that's so wrapped in love. Because

1028
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 3: as much as we can get on them about little

1029
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:41,040
Speaker 3: things and we parent and we you know, quote unquote

1030
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:44,759
Speaker 3: nag get certain things equally, they'll come and just throw

1031
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:46,799
Speaker 3: their arms around us at any given point and just

1032
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:48,840
Speaker 3: say I love you mom, I love you dad.

1033
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:51,480
Speaker 4: You know, like those are the moments that I live for.

1034
00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 3: And I think that being able to have that duality

1035
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:56,560
Speaker 3: where they feel like they are pushed and they are

1036
00:43:57,080 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 3: you know, they're disciplined, and you know we're making conscious

1037
00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:02,520
Speaker 3: efforts to make sure we're raising them a certain kind

1038
00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 3: of way. They're also loved immensely, and they love each

1039
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:08,439
Speaker 3: other immensely because the bond that the four boys have

1040
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:11,600
Speaker 3: is probably one of the greatest gifts I feel that

1041
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:15,239
Speaker 3: we're getting from parenting. It's seeing Jackson be a big

1042
00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:18,200
Speaker 3: brother to Cairo, who's a big brother to Katz who's

1043
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,840
Speaker 3: a big brother ta Kota, and even the little brothers.

1044
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 3: The way they impact them is beautiful to watch too.

1045
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:26,279
Speaker 3: So yeah, I love that for us, and I love

1046
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:26,799
Speaker 3: that for them.

1047
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:29,320
Speaker 5: I love my kids. I love them so much. Jack's

1048
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:30,160
Speaker 5: Kirol Kazman.

1049
00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:32,960
Speaker 1: I love y'all, Dakota, I love you, bro like y'all

1050
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:34,839
Speaker 1: for make life worth living.

1051
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:35,799
Speaker 5: I love y'all so much.

1052
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:37,839
Speaker 4: Really do they really really do? Man?

1053
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:40,920
Speaker 3: I'd have had four more if I didn't have to

1054
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 3: have them. Okay, I wouldn't have, but I'm just saying.

1055
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:47,239
Speaker 3: I'm just saying, no, we wouldn't have more. I'm just saying,

1056
00:44:47,239 --> 00:44:49,640
Speaker 3: like they think about how amazing they are. I would

1057
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:52,279
Speaker 3: love to have a ton of them, but four is enough.

1058
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 3: That's the capacity that we have to be able to

1059
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:59,359
Speaker 3: deal with each individually in the best way.

1060
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:01,720
Speaker 4: We know all right, y'all.

1061
00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:03,960
Speaker 3: Be sure to find us on Patreon if you have

1062
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:07,720
Speaker 3: not yet, join us to see exclusive dead Ass podcast

1063
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 3: video content as well as Ellis Family content, and you

1064
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:14,719
Speaker 3: can find us on social media at dead Ass the Podcast.

1065
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 3: You can find me at Kadeen I Am.

1066
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:19,800
Speaker 1: And I Am Devout, and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,

1067
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:22,680
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review and subscribe. Make sure you

1068
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:25,040
Speaker 1: pick up that we over meet the counterintuitive approach to

1069
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:27,279
Speaker 1: getting everything you want out of your relationship, and make

1070
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:29,720
Speaker 1: sure you get them tickets right to the Love Against

1071
00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:30,319
Speaker 1: the World Tour.

1072
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:32,399
Speaker 4: Bad right, if you haven't yet, you got a little

1073
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:34,680
Speaker 4: bit of time because they're almost gone. All right, we'll

1074
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:36,520
Speaker 4: see y'll there, dead Ass.

1075
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 1: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and

1076
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:44,200
Speaker 1: it's produced by Donorpina and Triple. Follow the podcast on

1077
00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:46,960
Speaker 1: social media at dead Ass the Podcast and Never miss

1078
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:47,400
Speaker 1: a Thing