WEBVTT - Ask about a prior success 

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to make a negotiation go better by

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<v Speaker 1>asking the other person about a past success. Doing so

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<v Speaker 1>keeps the interaction positive and helps you see new possibilities.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm taking this tip from Alexandra Carter's book Ask for

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<v Speaker 1>More Ten Questions to Negotiate Anything. Carter, a Columbia Law

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<v Speaker 1>School professor, is known for her mediation work. Well, we

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<v Speaker 1>tend the scene negotiations as adversarial. They don't have to be.

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<v Speaker 1>The best outcome is for both people to get results

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<v Speaker 1>that they are happy with. Her book shares ideas for

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<v Speaker 1>how to make that possible. One of my favorite questions

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<v Speaker 1>she suggests asking is how have you handled this successfully

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<v Speaker 1>in the past. In asking this question and of someone else,

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<v Speaker 1>you will open up a window so that you can

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<v Speaker 1>expand your view of the other person and get to

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<v Speaker 1>know more about what has made them successful in the past.

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<v Speaker 1>She says, you'll gather important data about what has worked

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<v Speaker 1>for this person in the past and what might work

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<v Speaker 1>for them and you again in the future. Additionally, and

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<v Speaker 1>asking about a prior success, you'll anchor the other person

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<v Speaker 1>in positive, empowering feelings that research has shown to improve

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<v Speaker 1>the way they will handle their next inner personal interaction

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<v Speaker 1>with you. I bet you can imagine how this question

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<v Speaker 1>can shape a negotiation. Maybe the contractor repaving your driveway

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<v Speaker 1>did a job you're not happy with. Rather than yelling

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<v Speaker 1>or threatening lawsuits or other such crazy things, simply ask

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<v Speaker 1>how his business successfully dealt with a customer issue in

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<v Speaker 1>the past. He's immediately put in a place to feel

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<v Speaker 1>proud of his business, which means he's in a much

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<v Speaker 1>more generous frame of mind for addressing your problem. Or

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<v Speaker 1>maybe you'd like your spouse to help more with chores

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<v Speaker 1>around the house. While stomping around, pouting or breaking dishes

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<v Speaker 1>might feel satisfying, these are not known to achieve results,

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<v Speaker 1>but asking your spouse how he or she successfully reached

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<v Speaker 1>a good division of labor on a work project puts

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<v Speaker 1>everyone in a problem solving mode. What can you all

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<v Speaker 1>learn from this previous satisfactory outcome that can help you now.

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<v Speaker 1>I especially like this approach because it allows the other

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<v Speaker 1>person to offer ideas that you might not have even considered.

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<v Speaker 1>We can spend a lot of time ruminating about what

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<v Speaker 1>needs to happen. But if you haven't faced a situation before,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't know all the possibilities. Some are probably more

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<v Speaker 1>achievable than others. Best to learn from others accumulated wisdom.

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<v Speaker 1>So today, if you find yourself in a negotiation, and

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<v Speaker 1>really life is a negotiation, try asking the other person

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<v Speaker 1>about what's worked in the past. My guess is that

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<v Speaker 1>you are far more are likely to achieve a result

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<v Speaker 1>you can both live with. In the meantime, this is Laura.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of

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<v Speaker 1>our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you.

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<v Speaker 1>You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else.

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<v Speaker 1>Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast Pod that's B the number four, then Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>p o D. You can also shoot me an email

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<v Speaker 1>at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media dot com

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<v Speaker 1>that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast is a production of I Heart Radio. For

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