Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Nils, here's Nicky. Hello here, I
Speaker 1: am its Glazer Podcast. Welcome to the show. It is Thursday.
Speaker 1: I made it through a Wheah, we really did, We
Speaker 1: really did. That's the voice of my um. Recurring guests
Speaker 1: this week and recurring boyfriend. And I gotta say, you're
Speaker 1: looking very handsome. Thank you. You look lovely and so
Speaker 1: does your mom. And my mom is also here. Everyone
Speaker 1: wanting the show, Jolly Glazer and Chris Convey here. Chris
Speaker 1: Convey on The Courtney Show, which is not only a
Speaker 1: radio show but a in St. Louis said, you're here
Speaker 1: one of six point five the Arch but you can
Speaker 1: also listen on the Arch app. If you are not
Speaker 1: in local you can listen live on the Arch app,
Speaker 1: which I do every morning because I am not in
Speaker 1: my car. Or you can listen to the court Show
Speaker 1: podcast anywhere. It would be a long way to get through,
Speaker 1: but we mentioned Nikki. Basically every day you do it
Speaker 1: is a fabric of the sh It is fun to
Speaker 1: be listening and to just like hear them get on,
Speaker 1: get you you guys, like we'll get on a subject
Speaker 1: that I'm like, I know. Chris has an anecdote like,
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, my name comes up,
Speaker 1: and it's like it's not even just you, like Brando
Speaker 1: and Courtney, like I'm I'm in the theme song the
Speaker 1: same time. It's awesome. And then we're gonna start talking
Speaker 1: about you a lot, Mrs and Noah. Now now that
Speaker 1: I know that all these new things about her, we're
Speaker 1: gonna start talking about her we just learned. I mean it, fascinating, woman.
Speaker 1: What did you just learn about my mom? I just
Speaker 1: learned that that wasn't her first language? What isn't English? Yes?
Speaker 1: So what is your first language? First language is Hebrew? Hebrew? Okay,
Speaker 1: got it? What are you steen favorite things about Noah? No,
Speaker 1: please don't do this to me. I don't you should know.
Speaker 1: I hate being on the spot like this name fifteen
Speaker 1: right now. But I'm not going to have to put
Speaker 1: her on the spot. But no, I love Noah. Yes,
Speaker 1: I've been to her home in Arizona. Yeah, they like
Speaker 1: hung out my mom and dad. We're in Arizona for
Speaker 1: a month. I'm not gonna say which one because my
Speaker 1: mom doesn't want people to know when she's out of town. Exactly, NICKI,
Speaker 1: if you let people know when I'm on to eat,
Speaker 1: they're gonna come. They're gonna steal our artifacts. Your dad
Speaker 1: has artifacts, They're worth a lot of He has arrowheads.
Speaker 1: You guys do not even bother trying to rob my
Speaker 1: parents if it takes takes the driftwood. My mom doesn't
Speaker 1: even know where she's hidden things that are valuable. My
Speaker 1: mom hides valuable things, and they're they're hidden for what
Speaker 1: and well forever for like she doesn't she'll she'll hide
Speaker 1: things and then won't remember where she put them. Sometimes
Speaker 1: I'm so good at hiding. Do you ever find things
Speaker 1: like years later and you're like, I've been looking for this?
Speaker 1: Of course, of course you kid me. I don't know
Speaker 1: why am I here because you could just you could
Speaker 1: just see me, Nikki, that would be oh my god,
Speaker 1: my poor mom. I was in such a two this
Speaker 1: morning because I was like running around packing and I'm
Speaker 1: also trying to stay on vocal rest, and so she's like,
Speaker 1: don't talk, NICKI stop talking. And then she's like, are
Speaker 1: you being good about talking and about not talking? And
Speaker 1: I'm like, the truth is I haven't been great about it.
Speaker 1: That's not what you said. No, well, I said, well,
Speaker 1: I'm telling you. I said, it's none of your business,
Speaker 1: because here's it is. But my answer to that was like,
Speaker 1: do you ever have people ask you a question, and
Speaker 1: especially like your mom or someone that cares about you,
Speaker 1: and you know that the answer is not going to
Speaker 1: be what they want, So you're only The answer that
Speaker 1: I was going to give her, if I was being honest,
Speaker 1: is no, I haven't been great. And then the answer
Speaker 1: the thing that will proceed, that proceed that will be well, Nick,
Speaker 1: you got it. There's not going to be like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's only going to be a she thinks she does. Well.
Speaker 1: What were you going to say if I said, no, Mom,
Speaker 1: I haven't been good. No, well you gotta be good.
Speaker 1: You're not contributing. You have no information to give me.
Speaker 1: After that sentence, then just a shame or scold, which
Speaker 1: I'm already doing to myself every time I talk. Here's
Speaker 1: the thing, Okay, I have not We have not conversed
Speaker 1: period since you've gotten these polyps. So I don't know
Speaker 1: anything polyps for twenty years, honestly, and so you guys
Speaker 1: haven't talked in a long time. So we even talked,
Speaker 1: and this explains, it explains why we haven't talked but no,
Speaker 1: all I was really looking for was I never heard
Speaker 1: what the doctor said, what anyone has said, and we
Speaker 1: just let's just run the conversation and what you would
Speaker 1: have said if I gave you the right answer. We
Speaker 1: asked me again, let's just do it. Let's just say
Speaker 1: it's okay, okay. Have you been good with your voice? Honestly? No? Really?
Speaker 1: What what have you been doing? I've been talking, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean as the doctor said that's allowed, or no,
Speaker 1: they said it's not good. Oh, because I didn't know
Speaker 1: what the doctor said. Okay, well they said it's not good,
Speaker 1: and I love and not following the doctor's well, what
Speaker 1: can I say? I'm I'm not gonna say anything. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna I'm not allowed to say anything. You will never
Speaker 1: know what you know. There's another example of it. Of Um,
Speaker 1: what was the other thing we got into this morning
Speaker 1: where I was rude to you? God, I mean it
Speaker 1: just came right off the bat. Um. Remember the first
Speaker 1: time that Nikki was rude to you? Remember when going
Speaker 1: like it's too room me in here? You were like
Speaker 1: what you do? You were crying right off the bat.
Speaker 1: I was like, No, when did have become a bit
Speaker 1: like when did Nikki Che's right off the bat, we're
Speaker 1: gonna know when did it? Like I do, I do
Speaker 1: want to know because I'm trying to. I'm kind of
Speaker 1: become interested in the fact that I might be a
Speaker 1: little bit autistic because one of the best he sent
Speaker 1: me a book recommendation that And then yesterday after the podcast,
Speaker 1: someone wrote me and said, you might have borderline person disorder,
Speaker 1: and then I looked that up and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh God, even though the only thing I don't have
Speaker 1: for borderline, I pretty much do all the checklists. I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't have fits of anger, and I don't even
Speaker 1: though I want to A lot of times I don't,
Speaker 1: like I do like get up set. But I think
Speaker 1: it's a normal amount people with borderline like scream and
Speaker 1: like we'll cut people off really brazenly and just be
Speaker 1: like like shut people out of their life, like in
Speaker 1: an instant, and it's really like you. That just didn't
Speaker 1: resonate with me, and I sent it to Anya, who
Speaker 1: knows me very well, and she was like, I know
Speaker 1: people with borderline, you don't do this. And even though
Speaker 1: I've wanted to cut people off and be like we're
Speaker 1: done here, I don't normally follow through on that, but
Speaker 1: I do have that desire. Does that make it? I
Speaker 1: don't know. I have to get on you goes, you
Speaker 1: have to get to I had noosed bike a psychiatrist,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I do you think I think
Speaker 1: a bestie is a doctor someone damning me? Of course
Speaker 1: I know, but there are besties who you don't either
Speaker 1: suffer with these things or no people and might have.
Speaker 1: And there is something about you know, googling what you
Speaker 1: have and like everything leads to cancer or whatever, but
Speaker 1: like there are times where you can find out what
Speaker 1: you are and then go consulted dr and be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I read a checklist in some of these things. So anyway, anyway,
Speaker 1: I've been reading this book about neurodie divergence and where
Speaker 1: do I fit in this? I was wondering as my borderline,
Speaker 1: like when I was a child, I had sensory issues
Speaker 1: with socks. Yeah, you did, Like I remember just blankets,
Speaker 1: certain blankets, certain socks, Like what would you but I
Speaker 1: understand it kind yeah what would I do? Well, you
Speaker 1: would go, no, I can't have that, Like I don't
Speaker 1: like that. I just remember being on our in the
Speaker 1: first house we lived in St. Louis and having to
Speaker 1: put on those socks that I had to wear to
Speaker 1: the Catholic school I went to and it's part of
Speaker 1: my uniform, so like I have to and it's like
Speaker 1: also we're new in town and my mom just doesn't
Speaker 1: want her daughter to look unpresentable, and like I just
Speaker 1: remember being like Nikki, you have to wear these and
Speaker 1: it was like putting on a like because it's a canvas,
Speaker 1: it's like sandpaper. No, they were just they're like they
Speaker 1: were nice wool socks that were soft, like most people
Speaker 1: like them. But it was just like hell, I think
Speaker 1: they were cheaper sucks, like they were thinner sucks and
Speaker 1: you were used to it. Just don't know, I don't
Speaker 1: like it. It's like it was like it's not a chalkboard,
Speaker 1: that's kind of your like it's in your mouth all
Speaker 1: this stuff, like like I can feel that's like eating it.
Speaker 1: It's like Kirsen used to put her socks in her
Speaker 1: mouth when we go to gymnastics, just to torture me
Speaker 1: and be liked fine to be like stop it, um,
Speaker 1: But when did I become like a straight up like
Speaker 1: when did I? Because I think a lot of people
Speaker 1: have kepen a bitch. Who would ever say a child's
Speaker 1: a bit anyway? No one would do that. Okay, maybe that,
Speaker 1: oh boy, you said it a lot, But that's I
Speaker 1: understand it, because I think I was. And it's like
Speaker 1: so hard to deal with. Like everyone talks about this,
Speaker 1: Like everyone I know that has kids that have made
Speaker 1: it to teenage years they always say I thought I
Speaker 1: was ready, but it's something happens around this age and
Speaker 1: it becomes very like your kids go from sweet to
Speaker 1: like they are like get away and like I hate you,
Speaker 1: Like when did that happen? I mean I can remember
Speaker 1: you throwing fits like when you were three too, I
Speaker 1: mean you were we could tell that you were just
Speaker 1: not you were. Did Lauren profits not like that you were?
Speaker 1: I mean you were kids that were totally different children.
Speaker 1: Was there any part of you that was like we
Speaker 1: should get this looked at or was it it wasn't
Speaker 1: like that extreme? No, Because I had a sister kind
Speaker 1: of you reminded me of my sister Peggy, Yeah, growing up,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I thought it was kind of normal.
Speaker 1: I was like, well, that's what little kids do. And
Speaker 1: me and Peggy are very similar kind of on our
Speaker 1: adulthood as well. You definitely are right, I think, so
Speaker 1: that's so weird, but you don't think so, But no,
Speaker 1: I do think so, okay, good, she's very successful. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's driven. She one time we went to a spinning
Speaker 1: class together. Spin not spinning, spinning class. I think it's
Speaker 1: spinning class. Now it's called a spin class. Hate say
Speaker 1: biking class, like recumbent not recumbent, but like stationary bike class.
Speaker 1: Just say that. When it started seeing spinning, I was
Speaker 1: just like I hate that. It was like kind of
Speaker 1: a rapid to me. So but now I've accepted it's
Speaker 1: part of the lexicon. But I remember we went to
Speaker 1: a spin class once and she we were so we're
Speaker 1: both competitive people, obviously, Like that's what makes us driven.
Speaker 1: I think she's she you know, she started her own
Speaker 1: graphic design company in San Francisco and became a Fortune
Speaker 1: five hundred company shortly after. Like she's so impressive in
Speaker 1: her field and as this like independent woman, like who
Speaker 1: has just made her own money and like made her
Speaker 1: own name for herself. She's like so impressive. So we
Speaker 1: went to the spin glass and we there was just
Speaker 1: this tacit like competition between you know, niece and aunt,
Speaker 1: and I have never worked out so hard in my
Speaker 1: life because I wanted to keep up with her because
Speaker 1: she's very fit. Um, I threw up. I fell off
Speaker 1: the bike and threw up because in I got to
Speaker 1: the bathroom. But I've never like I've heard will Smith
Speaker 1: be like, you didn't have a workout unless she throw up,
Speaker 1: like next to each other, installs throwing up because you
Speaker 1: made each other. I mean that was later after lunch.
Speaker 1: But um, just kidding, just kidding, but wait, I want
Speaker 1: to hear that. Yeah, yeah, so I'm just reading this book,
Speaker 1: but it's just making me kind of look at things.
Speaker 1: I was so mad at her when she when you
Speaker 1: went out there, why because you threw up? You she
Speaker 1: worked you so hard. She didn't do it. I know
Speaker 1: what makes you do anything. We went to a spin glass.
Speaker 1: I chose to be like those classes. You set your
Speaker 1: own settings on the bike and they say, hey, if
Speaker 1: you want to go to an eight, go but no
Speaker 1: one's going like if you don't. She wasn't like holding
Speaker 1: a gun to my head. I think you didn't hit
Speaker 1: your had wine the night before too. Oh, probably that's
Speaker 1: why you probably get sick. No, No, it was because
Speaker 1: I was working out too hard. Well, I know, but
Speaker 1: you had drinks the night before. But it was my
Speaker 1: own fault. She I love when you go, I'm mad
Speaker 1: at her. She did well. No, she's a very act.
Speaker 1: When I visit her, She's like, We're going in a
Speaker 1: seventeen mile hike up this mountain. I'm like, f you,
Speaker 1: I'm not going up that mountain for you know. She
Speaker 1: does that to you. She does, and then you feel guilty,
Speaker 1: like a loser if you don't follow. She's so when
Speaker 1: she comes to St. Louis, you should do the same
Speaker 1: thing to her. You should be like, we're going to
Speaker 1: seventeen goodwill exactly. She she'd be throwing up in the bathroom.
Speaker 1: She speaking of like feats of endurance. I'm guess how
Speaker 1: many miles Chris, because many hours. Chris rode his bike
Speaker 1: last Friday Sunday. Okay, last Sunday, New York City, Chris
Speaker 1: went to visit his friend Vaughn, who he's he's Chris
Speaker 1: is going to Europe in not I'm not going to
Speaker 1: say when, because his house will be abandoned. You might
Speaker 1: go in there and get say it's in but um,
Speaker 1: that's my mom's nick. Her posts when we're out of towns. Um,
Speaker 1: so he's going out of town. He's going to Europe. Um,
Speaker 1: what are the dates and what's your address? And uh
Speaker 1: he is, Um, he's going on this bike trip to
Speaker 1: explain what you're doing. So I've got I've got these
Speaker 1: four friends and we go. We've gone like for several
Speaker 1: years now in these big bike trips, and one of
Speaker 1: our friends is just this he's just an amazing human person.
Speaker 1: And he sets up these unreal bike trips where you're
Speaker 1: doing like, you know, hundreds of miles in a few days.
Speaker 1: And I made him already. No, it's actually it does
Speaker 1: sound articulating. Just kid, I wish you did, Thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you. Anyway, we go in these big elaborate trips
Speaker 1: and we're going to Iceland, and he's got Iceland. He's
Speaker 1: got like four and a half days of just beautiful cycling.
Speaker 1: We're gonna go see the the lava. What there's lava
Speaker 1: right now? I've I haven't told you yet what really? Yeah,
Speaker 1: so there's there's like an active volcano right now. It's
Speaker 1: not like erupting, but the but the lava is it
Speaker 1: a rap because that's a rap? A to my ears
Speaker 1: you're gonna be don't be in danger. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to be. Chris is a little bit of a ledge head,
Speaker 1: which is a thing that we coined. It's people like
Speaker 1: to get close to the ledge when they're taking pictures
Speaker 1: or when you're like at like Brenna Andrew coined it.
Speaker 1: Brenna is a ledge head. Like she will they will
Speaker 1: go to Castlewood Park and there's like a lookout and
Speaker 1: she'll go to a place that's like if if by
Speaker 1: any chance, there was some erosion that happened that day,
Speaker 1: she would fall to her death. But you know it's
Speaker 1: not unlikely. She's just she just takes it to the
Speaker 1: next level where it's like, okay, if you if you
Speaker 1: got dizzy right now and felt you would die, and
Speaker 1: that's not going to happen. But like I always stand
Speaker 1: from a distance that even if I like somehow got
Speaker 1: you started having a seizure, I would not tumble off
Speaker 1: the mountain. But like, ledgeheads just live on the edge.
Speaker 1: And you say that she's going to die, but that's
Speaker 1: just alleged, head Lee, it's not definitely gonna happen. And
Speaker 1: you don't want to be a dad um that so
Speaker 1: um yeah, you're a bit of alleged head in that way.
Speaker 1: Like we when we were in keen Um up in
Speaker 1: New York, there were just times where Chris was just
Speaker 1: getting a little too close to the ledge and I
Speaker 1: was just like, this guy's gonna die. And then he
Speaker 1: was telling me about these bike trips and he's like,
Speaker 1: I go, I like going fast down that I'm really
Speaker 1: bad at going up the hills because I'm not as
Speaker 1: strong as the other guys hard they're all a lot
Speaker 1: stronger than I am, but going down the hills, you
Speaker 1: like to fly smash them all. Well, And that what
Speaker 1: he says, that he even goes faster down the hills
Speaker 1: than the trainer that you guys are like the guy, Well, no,
Speaker 1: I was following closely behind a pro who wasn't going
Speaker 1: as fast as he could, but I was keeping up
Speaker 1: with a guy who's who's been in like the Tour
Speaker 1: de France, and I was it was like probably the
Speaker 1: proudest I've ever been in my life. And he wasn't
Speaker 1: even trying. He was just like letting gravity do It's
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's job that tells me. That tells
Speaker 1: me that guy it's reckless. Rick As he's Chris should
Speaker 1: not be keeping up. Chris isn't a pro, so the
Speaker 1: fact that you're going as fast as a pro makes
Speaker 1: it me feel like, listen, I don't want to make
Speaker 1: it sound like I was keeping up with a pro,
Speaker 1: because I wasn't. I was going down without breaking as
Speaker 1: much as my friends were there to break a lot down.
Speaker 1: I talked about this before when we watched a dumb
Speaker 1: movie not it's not dumb movie with that guy that
Speaker 1: wanted to climb those thirteen peaks. You know, I don't
Speaker 1: know why I keep going back to the well them,
Speaker 1: so we claim that's what I want to do. I
Speaker 1: would watch thirteen Fast and Furious is in No one's
Speaker 1: ever done it in one year. Most times it takes
Speaker 1: seven years to accomplish that. So I'm going to do
Speaker 1: what that guy did. But anyway, watch the show, and
Speaker 1: I got so mad at Chris because he was like,
Speaker 1: there's this one hill or hill, this is one mountain
Speaker 1: called K two, and they're like people that climbed Maybe
Speaker 1: it was Anna Parner or Caju, but um, it was
Speaker 1: like fifty of the people that attempt this die and
Speaker 1: I go because Christ the all time, I was like God,
Speaker 1: this looks so fun. I would love to do this stuff,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like kind of keeping my mouth to
Speaker 1: just you know, about the other mountains that aren't as treacherous.
Speaker 1: And then we get to K two and I go,
Speaker 1: would you do that one? And he's like yeah, And
Speaker 1: I go, with the fifty percent chance of dying, you
Speaker 1: would do that? And he goes yeah, I've wanted to
Speaker 1: do all of that for a while. But it's just
Speaker 1: casually the way people are just like, oh, I want
Speaker 1: to be an astronaut, or like I want to do
Speaker 1: these cool things. But I would have somebody would If
Speaker 1: I could get somebody to fund the whole project, I
Speaker 1: would be like, yeah, i'd be there tomorrow. I'd start training.
Speaker 1: But with a chance of dying. Yes, the people don't
Speaker 1: fifty chance going up K tom yes one and evert mom, Yes,
Speaker 1: I swear to god. It was on the documentary that
Speaker 1: is the stat fifty percent of people who attempt it.
Speaker 1: Or maybe it's like, let's say it's why would you
Speaker 1: do something where the people who trained to do this
Speaker 1: of them done, Why would you do that? I don't
Speaker 1: understand it. It was because they would be awesome, but
Speaker 1: you have you only have one life in that is
Speaker 1: like an accomplishment like that would make you. I think
Speaker 1: that would that would change you fundamentally if you could have, yeah,
Speaker 1: change you because you won't be existing anymore. There's but
Speaker 1: I really don't understand that. There's nothing. There's no thing
Speaker 1: in the world that I would do for the experience
Speaker 1: that was chance of me dying. No, no thing you
Speaker 1: really wouldn't like if you if like, what is a
Speaker 1: big dream of yours? Like for me with Taylor Swift
Speaker 1: in an arena show at Madison Square Garden and there
Speaker 1: was never, Never in a million years would I do
Speaker 1: that because I want to live and that is a
Speaker 1: high percentage of dying. You gotta go to break well
Speaker 1: to explore this more. When we get back right after this,
Speaker 1: Andrew Andrew, Um, what would you say, Mom? Well, I
Speaker 1: mean I felt bad Andrew's gone. Chris and I are
Speaker 1: taking his place, Andrew's and Jackson Hole, Wyoming when he's
Speaker 1: having he lives in an apartment. What what I'm worried
Speaker 1: about Andrew's apartment. I don't know why. I even we
Speaker 1: wouldn't want anyone stealing his Willie Nelson or you know,
Speaker 1: his clubs that is precious clubs are probably locked up
Speaker 1: no knowing Andrew. They he keeps them in his apartment
Speaker 1: and do you think they closet? But I also think
Speaker 1: he probably just keeps him in his trunk in his
Speaker 1: car because he goes so often out so his cars
Speaker 1: parked on the second left. They just slept in between.
Speaker 1: And he does love them and their king size. He
Speaker 1: does love them. They do have a king size bed,
Speaker 1: and Babe, we gotta you have to, I have to.
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't do it anymore either. Like we
Speaker 1: were talking last night about like our relationship and like
Speaker 1: things that we want to do to show each other
Speaker 1: like we're in this and I was like, I was
Speaker 1: on a run the other day and I was like,
Speaker 1: getting a king size bed will be a message to Chris.
Speaker 1: I care about him in his comfort. I haven't wanted
Speaker 1: to say it because it's just like I'm not going
Speaker 1: to pressure my sweet lady into like getting a king
Speaker 1: size bed when she's got a bed that she really
Speaker 1: is happy with. I'm not happy, But this is the
Speaker 1: greatest news Jet. It is the best thing that we
Speaker 1: ever did, getting a king's eyes bed. I'm not kidding
Speaker 1: right now, Like I'm ordering it. You are sniping in
Speaker 1: so quick. I think you should get the king size
Speaker 1: and give me. But but you just said the best
Speaker 1: thing you ever did was I have a queen. Why
Speaker 1: do you want to go back because I need one
Speaker 1: for the extra bed room? All right, just get chicken?
Speaker 1: Say it with it, one to three chicken again, Just
Speaker 1: skidding the whole episode that. Yeah, Mom, is there anything
Speaker 1: you would do with the chance of dying? And I
Speaker 1: know smoking is something you did for thirty three years
Speaker 1: of your life? Said was kind of maybe you've got back.
Speaker 1: How do you know thirty three? I just had to
Speaker 1: actually go to the doctor yesterday and get all this
Speaker 1: lung stuff done. And what do we see? Well, I
Speaker 1: haven't told you all this, but my last time I
Speaker 1: went to the doctor. I oh that's much better. Uh,
Speaker 1: the last time, the last time I went to the doctor.
Speaker 1: I mean I've had you know, I've had a collapse
Speaker 1: alung before. And I haven't spoke for fourteen years. I know,
Speaker 1: my mom quit, How do you quit? Called turkey? That's
Speaker 1: not true. Yes it is. No it's not, yes it is.
Speaker 1: You use the Alan Carr method, Mom, And I was
Speaker 1: called turkey. No it's not yet. Yes, it's saying I'm
Speaker 1: not smoking anymore. You can smoke the whole time you're
Speaker 1: reading the book. Yeah, that book. At the end of
Speaker 1: the book he stopped smoking. You do. But that's not
Speaker 1: cold turkey. Cold turkey is not using any method. That's
Speaker 1: a method. It's a good help people quit smoking. Because
Speaker 1: pul turkey does not work, you will go back to it.
Speaker 1: It's people that people have that success with the Algard
Speaker 1: method is how you quit smoking. Okay, all right, well
Speaker 1: I definitely have to give a credit. Yeah, okay. So anyway,
Speaker 1: on my last report, I did had a whole um
Speaker 1: physical and uh it came back like I'm reading the
Speaker 1: bye lines underneath and said emphysema. And I called my doctor.
Speaker 1: I said, oh my god, it says I have emphysemas.
Speaker 1: She said, no, you don't. So she said, let me
Speaker 1: call thee let me call the technician. So I was
Speaker 1: like freaking out. I didn't want to tell you any
Speaker 1: of this because I didn't know what was going on.
Speaker 1: So yesterday I took six months to get into this
Speaker 1: pulmonary doctor that I had to go through all these tests.
Speaker 1: Yesterday and pulmonary pulmonary dr Menary Okay, Paul, Dr Pulmonary.
Speaker 1: I hear he's good. He's so good, he's actually you
Speaker 1: make fun of my dad care you know the other one.
Speaker 1: I don't eve want to mention any It wouldn't have
Speaker 1: killed on my show. It would have gotten a lot
Speaker 1: of eye rolls. Anyway. So I went through all these
Speaker 1: tests and then you get an X ray and I
Speaker 1: went into this doctor all morning. So for six months
Speaker 1: you thought you might have emphas ema. Yeah, and you
Speaker 1: didn't tell me. Yeah, because because it was not my business.
Speaker 1: Because it's not your business. Okay, well it is kind
Speaker 1: of your business. You are my daughter. So I was
Speaker 1: gonna after I found out the test, and we don't
Speaker 1: talk that often. So, yeah, it's the polyps thing, and
Speaker 1: we haven't talked. Okay. Anyway, it turns out she's like
Speaker 1: you have. She said, I wouldn't have even seen this
Speaker 1: on the x ray. You have great lung capacity all.
Speaker 1: She said, you have so little emphysema that it's not
Speaker 1: worth talking about. But you do have it. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I smect you. You You you just get emphasima.
Speaker 1: You probably, but she said it's not going to get
Speaker 1: any worse. Oh oh my god, she said it is
Speaker 1: so faint, you can't she said, I couldn't have seen this.
Speaker 1: And the other doctor looked at it. He couldn't see it.
Speaker 1: Your lungs are so tiny you can't even see your
Speaker 1: Emphazima is so skinny. Can't get secret. It's called green tea.
Speaker 1: Green tea is great and vodka. Wait, that's so exciting.
Speaker 1: I know it's a just he just for in my
Speaker 1: whole story, but I just know you just said just
Speaker 1: get him, had you know, emphasize anyway? It was all
Speaker 1: good to me. I was like, oh my god, because
Speaker 1: that is scary, like when you know people are like
Speaker 1: I would you when you know what could happen. The
Speaker 1: whole time I'm watching Casablanca, I'm like, one of my
Speaker 1: questions for that movie was like everyone's smoking all the
Speaker 1: time in that movie, literally every single scene is just smoke.
Speaker 1: And that's just the way it was back then in
Speaker 1: the forties, like fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties. I mean,
Speaker 1: smoking indoors all the time. Didn't when did everyone realize didn't?
Speaker 1: And everyone feels sick all the time, like I feel
Speaker 1: so when I smoked, I felt sick all Like you're
Speaker 1: constantly breathing in a smoke stack, like do you feel tired?
Speaker 1: Like didn't people feel like this is killing us? Like
Speaker 1: how do they not know? But the truth is, even
Speaker 1: if you know something's killing you, it's not. If it
Speaker 1: was disgusting lungs or if it worked to see like
Speaker 1: to know surgeons general warning and have these graphic pictures
Speaker 1: on cigarettes, it doesn't. That doesn't work. Like, that does
Speaker 1: not deter people from doing it. There's a cognitive dissonance
Speaker 1: there that you're going to be the exception, Like, um,
Speaker 1: so it doesn't work that but um, my favorite Norman
Speaker 1: Donald joke that I can remember off the top of
Speaker 1: my head. It's like, hey, you ever see, uh, you
Speaker 1: ever see a picture of a smokers long? Disgusting? Do
Speaker 1: you ever see a picture of a healthy line? It's disgusting.
Speaker 1: It is like the same thing. What's your favorite Norm joke? Oh?
Speaker 1: My god, off the top of my head. Yeah, I mean, like,
Speaker 1: I mean, do you want to go into the moth joke? No? No,
Speaker 1: it's like that's like the moth storytelling show. Um, I
Speaker 1: mean the one that I think just popped into my
Speaker 1: I mean god, there's so many good ones. The one
Speaker 1: that just popped into my head. Was the one about
Speaker 1: oh man, I just want to do like a hundred
Speaker 1: of them. I heard a good joke from Jesselyn yesterday.
Speaker 1: Growing up, my family moved all the time, but now
Speaker 1: they're all fat pieces. That's a norm joke. Usually as
Speaker 1: jokes are very long and then the end it's like
Speaker 1: someone's dead or molested. That one was just like one too,
Speaker 1: and I really liked it. That's fine. Um, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to think of like quick norm jokes, but there well
Speaker 1: there's one that was like he's like, have you seen these?
Speaker 1: I mean, I just there's so many of them that
Speaker 1: I loved. This isn't the one that I love the most.
Speaker 1: One I remembered first, but he's like, um, these Olympic
Speaker 1: events they're getting crazy. I saw this guy run run
Speaker 1: miles and then fish that was bad. Um. I yeah.
Speaker 1: Chris and I were talking about like stand up jokes
Speaker 1: are like just observations, and I really loved the one
Speaker 1: like you said that, what was the one you had,
Speaker 1: Chris that you were like about talking to people in
Speaker 1: your car? Can you share it? Which is what like
Speaker 1: when you're you're like, I don't always, but I like
Speaker 1: this one those memes that are like, I'm looking at
Speaker 1: my favorite norm jokes right now, but those memes that
Speaker 1: are like, I don't always do blah blah blah, but
Speaker 1: when I do, I do mine was I don't always
Speaker 1: when I communicate? What did I say? It's like I
Speaker 1: don't always uh communicate with cars on the road, but
Speaker 1: when I do, I talk like this and make emotions
Speaker 1: with my pants and let little bits of volume come
Speaker 1: out of my crawl down your gas tank. Your gas
Speaker 1: tank is open, but you're not even whispering. You're just
Speaker 1: like it's even worse. It's like, it's such a weird.
Speaker 1: Why are you sort of talking like I sound like
Speaker 1: Marley Matlin. Here's what, here's a good normal one. You
Speaker 1: know with Hitler. The more I learned about that guy,
Speaker 1: the more I don't care for him. Any stand up
Speaker 1: jokes that like, you're a big fan of Kathy Griffin.
Speaker 1: I know, And you put me on this spot about
Speaker 1: remembering my voice coach with her? Are you kidding? No?
Speaker 1: I once walked in on my parents having sex. It
Speaker 1: was the most embarrassing thirty minutes of my life. Now
Speaker 1: I can't think of any isn't it funny? Like you
Speaker 1: can consume stand up all the time, and you like,
Speaker 1: even for me, I'll go to a whole entire show
Speaker 1: and I'll laugh the whole time, and I won't remember
Speaker 1: a single fucking joke, Like you can't re tell a
Speaker 1: single joke, what you know. I've got a lot about this,
Speaker 1: and it's and I've probably said this before, but bears
Speaker 1: repeating that when you go to a stand up show.
Speaker 1: That's why the opener is the most important joke, and
Speaker 1: then the clothes the opener and the closer. The middle
Speaker 1: does not matter, um, And if you're doing a special,
Speaker 1: the end is actually the least important because people usually
Speaker 1: don't even get to that anyway. The opener is always
Speaker 1: the most important. People um in life understand the first
Speaker 1: and last of something. And people usually remember jokes they
Speaker 1: don't like versus the joke they liked the most, because evolutionarily,
Speaker 1: it is more important for us to remember things that
Speaker 1: cause us pain or cause us suffering so that we
Speaker 1: don't eat that berry again, we don't travel down that
Speaker 1: path that has a grizzly bear on it. That's going
Speaker 1: to serve us more for survival than like remembering like
Speaker 1: oh that made me feel like happy. What I'll remember
Speaker 1: after this podcast is not remembering any norm joke exactly.
Speaker 1: Here's another one. Here's another one. I love. It's um I.
Speaker 1: D is a strange abbreviation. I is short for I
Speaker 1: and D is short for identification. Oh god, it's is
Speaker 1: it like for him? It's like delivery or the joke itself?
Speaker 1: I can't really tell, because when you said that joke,
Speaker 1: it's yeah. I loved his special, his latest quote unquote
Speaker 1: special so much. I know that people that whole thing
Speaker 1: where Spade and Letterman and Molly Shannon and Chappelle we're
Speaker 1: all talking about it afterwards, and Sandler and Conan. That
Speaker 1: was so uncomfortable, and I really did not like that.
Speaker 1: But I liked the special so much, and I thought
Speaker 1: it was so funny. I thought it did count as
Speaker 1: a stand up special. I thought it was everything. It
Speaker 1: was pretty much what bo Burnham did, like just without
Speaker 1: an audience and just quietly in his room. Like I
Speaker 1: thought it was just as satisfying as a stand up special.
Speaker 1: I really was like, this could be the new model.
Speaker 1: Like I would watch someone just at their computer telling
Speaker 1: jokes to a screen. I don't need to see crowd shots.
Speaker 1: I don't need to hear laughter to understand when I
Speaker 1: should laugh. Like that stuff does help, and it even
Speaker 1: helps me like laughter is contagious. Um. I think it
Speaker 1: also helps that both of those guys like you could
Speaker 1: do it and if there's a you know, like does
Speaker 1: a few dozen comics that could do it, but you
Speaker 1: kind of have to have the gravitas of a Bo
Speaker 1: Burnham or a Norm McDonald like those guys. They're great,
Speaker 1: incredible performers, so like, it can't just be anybody. The
Speaker 1: stand up I hate is the stuff that is bolstered
Speaker 1: by the audience, in the in the pauses and the
Speaker 1: looks after they hit the punchline of yeah, and what's
Speaker 1: essentially a laugh track. Yes, it's like those those comedians
Speaker 1: that if you I'm someone who be able to know
Speaker 1: I hate, if I get a big laugh, you will
Speaker 1: notice I will step on the laughter because I just
Speaker 1: feel so self indulgent, like writing it out and being like,
Speaker 1: isn't that a gift I just gave you everyone, Because
Speaker 1: as a comedian you are you can ride those waves
Speaker 1: and you can abuse that if you I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to brag, but if you watch my special and add
Speaker 1: up the amount of words I say versus anyone else's hour.
Speaker 1: I guarantee you it's not just because I talk fast.
Speaker 1: It's because I'm not letting those moments like and probably
Speaker 1: to my detriment, like some people like when things breathe
Speaker 1: and like that, you don't you allow the audience to,
Speaker 1: like the laughter to die down and then you take
Speaker 1: a breath. I think it is so self indulgent. I
Speaker 1: am someone I've never understood comedians who after a show
Speaker 1: stand out wave and take it all in and walk
Speaker 1: from the side of the stage Canada remember, yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: But what I like what you do is you're out
Speaker 1: of there. But I kind of assumed a lot of
Speaker 1: this stuff is because it's just a natural part of
Speaker 1: your personality to talk fast and get through things. But
Speaker 1: I do like how you're not basking in it, like
Speaker 1: like a bunch of other people do, and we know
Speaker 1: who we know who they are. But what I do
Speaker 1: like is you don't sit there and try to take
Speaker 1: it all in in like that setting in front of everybody.
Speaker 1: You go talk to people afterwards, So like that's what
Speaker 1: that's what you like, kind of that one on one
Speaker 1: interaction with people because you like a little bit more. Well,
Speaker 1: I just don't. I feel like people know the But
Speaker 1: I will say at the same time, when I went
Speaker 1: to see Dave Matthews in the year two thousand and
Speaker 1: I the best seats that I ever had, sixteen throw
Speaker 1: at report he when he said good night, I wanted
Speaker 1: him to stay out there so freaking long. So as
Speaker 1: a fan I do. I just feel like I've already
Speaker 1: done an hour and a half. These people are tired,
Speaker 1: they want to get home. That's too much talking. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I've overindulged in talking. I need to leave the stage.
Speaker 1: These people need to get to their cars and get
Speaker 1: the home and relieve the babysitter. And when you say
Speaker 1: an hour and a half, you really mean two hours
Speaker 1: and fifteen minutes, right, like me talking an hour and
Speaker 1: a half for the whole show itself. Yeah, but yeah,
Speaker 1: sometimes you know, I've been at shows where you're where
Speaker 1: you go to like two hours and it's funny the
Speaker 1: whole time. It's that's too much, and I feel bad
Speaker 1: that I do that. And that is me without taking
Speaker 1: these long these comedians, I don't understand. It is just
Speaker 1: a different that's the stop it. As an audience member,
Speaker 1: like all these things that you're pointing out. It makes
Speaker 1: sense to me now listening to you dissect it. But
Speaker 1: when I'm at a comedy show and I've and I
Speaker 1: like all the different comedians, even the ones that you
Speaker 1: don't like, I'm too stupid to know their techniques, and
Speaker 1: I don't care. I'm just there to enjoy the jokes
Speaker 1: and the lefts I know. But as someone who knows
Speaker 1: the tricks, it bugs me. I guess it's just like
Speaker 1: I don't if you were. It's like it's like anything
Speaker 1: when you can see people within your profession not doing
Speaker 1: it earnestly and not actually getting when you see that.
Speaker 1: And I've used tricks before. I've admitted to this on
Speaker 1: the podcast. There are definitely road hack tricks that like
Speaker 1: every comedian does, laughing at your own joke, you know,
Speaker 1: hitting your leg, acting like it's the first time you
Speaker 1: say it. That's Chappelle thing of like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: that's so funny, like everything. It's like it's it makes
Speaker 1: everyone laugh, it makes me laugh. It tricks me, Like
Speaker 1: there's these things that I utilize. I'm not a perfect person,
Speaker 1: but I am. There is this thing in comedy that
Speaker 1: I just I can't stand the gloating afterwards. And but
Speaker 1: I will say that as a as a fan Dave Matthews.
Speaker 1: When I lingered at that two thousand show, I got
Speaker 1: on my seat and I everyone started going to their cars,
Speaker 1: and Dave was still on the side of the stage
Speaker 1: kind of still waving, and he saw me, and I
Speaker 1: was one of the only ones still fucking jumping up
Speaker 1: and down and waving, and he waved, he like waved
Speaker 1: directly at me. And I had a moment with Dave
Speaker 1: Matthews before the moment where I told him I was
Speaker 1: in his fear, and also before the moment where I
Speaker 1: told him that he should play a song that's fucky
Speaker 1: and he did not like it. So this was my
Speaker 1: the only good moment I've had with Dave Matthews was
Speaker 1: in the year two thousand, like September night eleven, and Dave.
Speaker 1: Dave definitely saw me in that matter to me that moment,
Speaker 1: what's your what is like a favorite type of thing
Speaker 1: the best he can do? Or does it a show?
Speaker 1: Or like, what is what is the thing that you
Speaker 1: like at the shows? After the shows right when you're
Speaker 1: like when you are waving or whatever. I love and
Speaker 1: I love you. I love when they cry. I love
Speaker 1: when they shake. Some of them are very embarrassed because
Speaker 1: they're like, I'm shaking. This is like I love all
Speaker 1: that because it's real. Like whatever is real for you,
Speaker 1: I don't care if what's real for you is like
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I kind of want to suck you. Like,
Speaker 1: if that's real for you, say it like, don't touch me.
Speaker 1: But like you can say whatever you want. I might go, well,
Speaker 1: that's a weird thing to say. But like, you know,
Speaker 1: as long as they're being honest, I don't want anyone
Speaker 1: to try to beak. Just don't be just be yourself.
Speaker 1: And that's what I Mrs Glaser. When your fans come
Speaker 1: up to you, what are what are some of your
Speaker 1: favorite sort of well, I do like when they don't
Speaker 1: touch me, are hugged me. You don't like that. I
Speaker 1: don't like hugs really from anybody, from strangers. No, you
Speaker 1: don't like how back to my childhood. You've got a
Speaker 1: lot of You've gotten a lot of attention from the
Speaker 1: tv O. My god, No, not really, not really. No
Speaker 1: people are I mean just a few people recognize me
Speaker 1: and they're like, but if you were like actively online
Speaker 1: and knew how to read your message requests and like
Speaker 1: things like that. You would see you would be getting
Speaker 1: flooded with stuff. That's where I get most of my
Speaker 1: love is like d M S. And if you did
Speaker 1: meet and greets after your grocery store it runs, you
Speaker 1: would also be you should meet and do a little tour. Well,
Speaker 1: I did get recognized the other day by this Kajari
Speaker 1: old guy. I was like, oh god, he's like movie store.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what I saw you on a commerce herschel
Speaker 1: or something. I know they always have your daughter. Well
Speaker 1: that's see, that's not nice this movie star because they're
Speaker 1: jealous and so they have to do the thing of like, oh,
Speaker 1: you think you're big time. It's like, no, you think
Speaker 1: I'm big time. And that is why you're saying movie star.
Speaker 1: You're jealous that you think that I think I'm better
Speaker 1: than you when I don't think i'm better than you.
Speaker 1: You are thinking that you that I think I'm better
Speaker 1: than you because you were insecure that you could never
Speaker 1: be on TV. And it is kind of your dream,
Speaker 1: isn't it, you old cadream man, So you have to
Speaker 1: say movie star. I don't think I'm a movie star.
Speaker 1: You do, well, never been in a movie. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Let's go to break, we'll be right back. Just get
Speaker 1: I'll put you in one. Um, we'll be right back
Speaker 1: with Van Brax. Welcome back to the show. No, my
Speaker 1: mom during the break was like, I'm gonna go get
Speaker 1: my coffee and no one goes. I think they're I
Speaker 1: think they're actually Julie. I think there is a coffee
Speaker 1: cup right now? Does she imitate everyone and has Chris?
Speaker 1: What you do you gonna take? Chris? I don't, Yeah,
Speaker 1: glaze now you're you're great? No, no, really you're great.
Speaker 1: Do you have to have something right, some sort of impression.
Speaker 1: That's what was my impression, like having perfect yet you're great.
Speaker 1: People don't may not know. Do people know how great
Speaker 1: you are at two second impressions? Have you talked about
Speaker 1: two second impressions on the people get a sense of
Speaker 1: it on the show a little bit because it will
Speaker 1: drop into it. He really can know how good you've
Speaker 1: been at all that stuff. The thing is, I realize
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm so not as good at impressions as
Speaker 1: Anya and cursing being around them and they're just cursory impressions.
Speaker 1: They are so fucking good it's it's really insane how
Speaker 1: good they are, Like I could be better. You are
Speaker 1: really good in my vocal range. Do do Aniston? If
Speaker 1: always well for you? I will say that, Um. I can. Oh.
Speaker 1: The other day, by the way, Melissa via signor Um,
Speaker 1: she like was writing me and was like, I just
Speaker 1: want to let you know, like your special was amazing,
Speaker 1: you know, like she was like, she wrote me about
Speaker 1: my special. It was very nice. And then she was like,
Speaker 1: and I'm working on an impression of you. She's like,
Speaker 1: like guys like I don't know, like old souls, it's
Speaker 1: not a thing like she did, and it was very
Speaker 1: flattering and it was actually really good, and I was like,
Speaker 1: thank you. It's the first time someone's not done an
Speaker 1: impression of me. That's like, God, I hate that, Like
Speaker 1: every time someone doesn't impress on me. It sounds like
Speaker 1: the guy from Love on the Spectrum season two where
Speaker 1: he's like I can't find my sword. This is not
Speaker 1: I lost my japing car Dard. This is not good.
Speaker 1: Oh god, Dad wears my cloak and jagger. Um. I exactly.
Speaker 1: He's very me like, um, but so my impression. The
Speaker 1: thing I will say is that I don't do an
Speaker 1: impression of Chris, but Chris's mannerisms have worked their way
Speaker 1: into my stand up, Like any time you hear me
Speaker 1: go and you know that's what you like? Kind of
Speaker 1: jackpot that like jack that is something I've picked up
Speaker 1: from Chris. Okay, yeah, that's good. You know what. I
Speaker 1: think we're gonna do it like that is something I mean,
Speaker 1: this goes back to fourteen where because I don't even
Speaker 1: know if I'm doing that anymore. I don't think you are,
Speaker 1: but I got that from you initially. It's funny because
Speaker 1: I'm like when I when you do that on stage,
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's good. I like that. I like it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's you. Have you have, Mr Glaser? Have you been
Speaker 1: on the podcast before? I have no idea. Okay, so
Speaker 1: people have like explored your relationship. Yes, wait, can I
Speaker 1: just hold that button and do that? Yes? Um you can't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we've I wish we could explore it right now, but
Speaker 1: we have to get the fan tracks, which is our
Speaker 1: messages from besties about the show. And I'm really excited
Speaker 1: for you guys to hear these. Actually, is there a
Speaker 1: section for corrections and compliments? You know what? That's kind
Speaker 1: of like a part of the voice messages, so they
Speaker 1: can go onto our Instagram and they can send voice
Speaker 1: memos to us through this link and like um and
Speaker 1: and let and they let us know sometimes like hey,
Speaker 1: you're talking about this and actually this was Yeah, So
Speaker 1: like if you ever want to like write into the
Speaker 1: show correction, but I can't do it on the show today. No,
Speaker 1: you can do it right now. Okay, cool, you want
Speaker 1: to start. I don't want to mess with fan fx
Speaker 1: fan trax. You can. We can do a live fan trax. Um,
Speaker 1: you can start. Let's get to fan Trax. Welcome to
Speaker 1: fan Trax is the part of the show where we
Speaker 1: hear from people, our listeners about the show, compliments, criticisms,
Speaker 1: not really criticisms, but corrections. And we've got our first
Speaker 1: one live here in studio. Let's do the other ones
Speaker 1: because then I'll then I'll let's just hear the vibe
Speaker 1: of them, and then i'll pepper mind I love that. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: let's get a sense of it. Let's do the first one. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's start with India. Hi, Nikki, my name is India.
Speaker 1: I'm a long time listener here Big Fanny, you guys,
Speaker 1: I was listening to your segment on gibberish, and I'm
Speaker 1: so excited. I've been speaking Gibberish with my mother since
Speaker 1: I was five years old. She's the only other person
Speaker 1: I knew who knew about it, so I'm starting to
Speaker 1: think she made it up until I heard you guys
Speaker 1: talking about it. Um, I did want to chime in
Speaker 1: the way that I have. UM best taught people how
Speaker 1: to speak it. You had it right when you said
Speaker 1: bring it up into syllables, but the best way after
Speaker 1: that is that you add the good to the vowel
Speaker 1: in each syllable. So my name India, like the country
Speaker 1: is it again? Did the gu it again? Did the
Speaker 1: the guy andrew it again? To the goo? Nikki ni
Speaker 1: nigo with a guy? So adding the other good to
Speaker 1: the vowel vowels in each syllable has helped me teach people.
Speaker 1: So you know, nobody picks it up except for me
Speaker 1: my mom, which we use all the time. Anyway, big fan,
Speaker 1: thank you guys to the gang, you the go with
Speaker 1: the Gindi the guy and the guy with the guys
Speaker 1: with the gunder, the girl, the gang, the gift you
Speaker 1: the goo and again, but the or the gird You
Speaker 1: think You've the gird, the ghost to the but the guy,
Speaker 1: the little, the gain of the guests, of the God,
Speaker 1: the gist of the get to the gang, the go
Speaker 1: in that song, thank you India, thank you. Noah loved it. No.
Speaker 1: I love when Noah has a bird. It's so cute
Speaker 1: and it really is the best feel perfect. I can't
Speaker 1: exactly how I feel when NICKI gets into these gibberish things,
Speaker 1: because no matter how many times you explain it, my
Speaker 1: brain just can't. Maybe now you can get it because
Speaker 1: you add and no one knows several languages too, and
Speaker 1: this could be your third Noah, Oh my god. No,
Speaker 1: Nikki would never teach me that the guy with the
Speaker 1: goods that's the gats that the guy with the to
Speaker 1: the doctor, the gup, the gout green vass. Did you
Speaker 1: did you make this up with Kirsten? No. This we
Speaker 1: learned on spring break from some boys that we met
Speaker 1: on the beach. Boy, it was before I met you, Chris,
Speaker 1: before I met you. I didn't that boys, I promise
Speaker 1: I didn't talk that to those boys and and anyone
Speaker 1: I met in springbreak in high school. We know from
Speaker 1: me having Daniel the bestie on the show a guy.
Speaker 1: I met one of the Alabama boys. We met in
Speaker 1: spring break. I was not hooking up with boys. There
Speaker 1: was no hanky panky going on. If anything, there was
Speaker 1: like the hokey pokey going on and we were dancing
Speaker 1: to that. That was the most day I was not
Speaker 1: grinding on anyone. I was like, maybe going to grind coffee.
Speaker 1: Have you used that joke? That's good? We bring you
Speaker 1: need to bring that to remind me of that you
Speaker 1: should do all right? Are you ready for your one
Speaker 1: or do you want to get I'll do a I'll
Speaker 1: do a correction, and then later I'll do a correction
Speaker 1: and a compliment. One correction yesterday I was I chose
Speaker 1: accuracy over what I actually felt during something on the
Speaker 1: that we talked about on the podcast, And you were like,
Speaker 1: what do you You didn't say it was a great show,
Speaker 1: and I was like, no, I saw. I said, this
Speaker 1: is great television, and yes, your show f Boy Island
Speaker 1: is a great television show. You're the best host of
Speaker 1: any rally show I've ever seen. I've watched a lot
Speaker 1: of reality TV. You were by far the best best host.
Speaker 1: You do things that no host has ever done in
Speaker 1: your in your funny, and you're saying things that people
Speaker 1: at home would want, would be thinking or saying, or
Speaker 1: like the funny version of those things. So I just
Speaker 1: want to clarify. I could tell that it didn't sit
Speaker 1: right with you, and it's true. It is a great
Speaker 1: TV show and you're great at it. Thank you. First correction,
Speaker 1: I appreciate that. No, are you still there because you
Speaker 1: just want to blank on the screen. Oh yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: still here. And on that note, and I play a
Speaker 1: voicemail about F Boy Yes please, okay, yeah, thank you, Chris,
Speaker 1: thank you baby. Hello, it's Besty bad boy re Re.
Speaker 1: I love you, Noah, Nikki and Andrew so much. I
Speaker 1: um started some F boy drama. I was stumbling upon
Speaker 1: Nikki's stories and then I started watching that you know
Speaker 1: that Q comedian on F Boy Island. Ever get his name,
Speaker 1: but that guy and I clicked on me and I
Speaker 1: was like, let's see what this gorgeous girl is doing.
Speaker 1: And she was live. So I started watching the live
Speaker 1: and I commented, Peter gives me small d energy and
Speaker 1: she started uncontrollably laughing, and I was shocked, and everyone
Speaker 1: was saying, you have to you know, you can't say
Speaker 1: anything and alive, and she had also confirmed that she's
Speaker 1: not with Peter. Girl, I'm just starting of trauma and
Speaker 1: I sincerely apologized, but you know, I'm living my grandma
Speaker 1: life here in the suburbs of Chicago and it was
Speaker 1: an accident. Nikki, please get on live again. I just
Speaker 1: to listen to you, sat Taylor Swift and not stirrup
Speaker 1: f boy Island. But you know, tell that comedian Dan
Speaker 1: need to hit me up if anything, Benedict, I think, Um, okay,
Speaker 1: who is this bad boy reread? Is that what he said?
Speaker 1: His name was? Yes, um, bad boy, you are so cute.
Speaker 1: I fucking love you and I want to be friends
Speaker 1: with you. Um did you say he gives you small
Speaker 1: dick energy? Because Peter is an Asian man or is
Speaker 1: it something else? Because not a fan of that stereotype.
Speaker 1: I'm kind of not a fan of any of that
Speaker 1: shaming sort of situation at all anywhere. This man seems
Speaker 1: like he the way he's talking, he seems like he
Speaker 1: might know about penises. Yeah, so I feel like he
Speaker 1: has a right to kind of maybe say that stuff
Speaker 1: more because he has one. I don't like when girls
Speaker 1: do it, but for some reason, when gay guys do it.
Speaker 1: It's not my favorite, but that's I'm not shaming you,
Speaker 1: big boy. Really I appreciate it. I mean, let's be honest.
Speaker 1: This guy's got his this guy has he's punching down,
Speaker 1: which right, well, he also said he's a grandma on
Speaker 1: the suburbs of Chicago. He's maybe he was having a
Speaker 1: bad day and like needed like was maybe I get
Speaker 1: it and listen and this he did not mean to
Speaker 1: sturb drama. But what about Peter is like that though
Speaker 1: I don't I don't. I don't think that necessarily that's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I think it might just be. But
Speaker 1: to me, the height he has total b d E
Speaker 1: to me, um, Peter, what because could it be the
Speaker 1: high thing? Because Peter and the cameras kind of blurred out,
Speaker 1: like the high difference between me and is very tall.
Speaker 1: Me is like five eleven and Peter's probably I'm hepe
Speaker 1: blind as you know, thank God, I know. Um, but
Speaker 1: I'm guessing Peter's like five nine ten. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but he literally could be six too. I don't like
Speaker 1: that's it's not gonna seems smaller than most of the
Speaker 1: other guys out there. I would say that he's probably
Speaker 1: five eight, but I actually maybe I don't know anything,
Speaker 1: but as as a lady who's been with shorter guys
Speaker 1: that has nothing to do with with just you know,
Speaker 1: spiritually like been standing next to one thing that when
Speaker 1: I feel they're penis scene, I didn't expect. I love
Speaker 1: my fans, that's a nice, great nat come on. Um.
Speaker 1: One thing I didn't expect was to like so many
Speaker 1: of the guys on the show. I know, aren't they nice?
Speaker 1: A few of them are just like these guys are great.
Speaker 1: They're like funny, they're like so natural and so like
Speaker 1: so much of themselves and you just don't expect. You
Speaker 1: think they're all just going to be a bunch of
Speaker 1: d bags, but so much of them are like cool Mercedes,
Speaker 1: like Mercedes, who is the biggest f boy, and like
Speaker 1: you watch him and you just go, God, this fucking snake,
Speaker 1: you know what, There's something endearing about him. Remember when
Speaker 1: Lukaj during the Man Splin comes out as bisexual and
Speaker 1: announces that he has attracted to Mercedes. Mercedes is a
Speaker 1: very straight man, and I was very scared during that
Speaker 1: moment on the show that Mercedes was going to like
Speaker 1: be like that's some gay ship. Don't fucking involve me
Speaker 1: in that, and like lash out because I had heard
Speaker 1: rumors that Mercedes had sort of a temper kind of thing,
Speaker 1: which was addressed on the show and which we saw
Speaker 1: on the show. So I was very nervous about that,
Speaker 1: but I love there was something that made me love
Speaker 1: Mercedes so much when he just goes, I like you,
Speaker 1: I like you too, lukas well, thanks Lukaj, and then
Speaker 1: he con just eat accepted it. He didn't have this
Speaker 1: like a lot of and I know that in black
Speaker 1: culture there is a lot of like anything gay is
Speaker 1: like fuck you like it's it's it's different. I've I've
Speaker 1: heard that. Maybe I'm totally off base, but I've heard that,
Speaker 1: you know, that's why the downlow exists, like men are
Speaker 1: not able to be openly gay or like you know,
Speaker 1: even a little bit stigma. Yes, And so I even
Speaker 1: and he was able to take that and handle that situation.
Speaker 1: He seems like the the smoothest person alive alive for sure.
Speaker 1: And you know what, as much as I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't like how he you know, talk to people, you know,
Speaker 1: wh when he calls people a fucking idiot or calls
Speaker 1: him goofy and like it's just like I'm you know,
Speaker 1: I'm fifty point lead. I didn't like all that. There's
Speaker 1: something about me that goes this gut. This kid has
Speaker 1: been told he's a fucking I need a lot in
Speaker 1: his life, and I feel sad for him, but that
Speaker 1: doesn't excuse it. But there's something I can something hearing
Speaker 1: things about the F boy. I think to be an
Speaker 1: F boy, you have to be to be an F
Speaker 1: boy at the at the level that those guys are,
Speaker 1: there has to be something a little bit broken about you, right,
Speaker 1: like you to to need all the stands for fragile.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's really good. Who music leaser? Who are
Speaker 1: some of your favorite F boy Do you remember any
Speaker 1: of their names? Like? Are there guys you're rooting for
Speaker 1: that You're like, I already she loved the comedian Benedict, which,
Speaker 1: by the way, Benedict, but I don't see the last one, Benedict.
Speaker 1: If you come, I'm only keeping one toward date UM
Speaker 1: because I'm getting vocal surgery UM in early September. I'm
Speaker 1: only keeping one date. I'm kind of clearing my schedule,
Speaker 1: so there's going to be rescheduling for a lot of shows. Um,
Speaker 1: but September two in Vegas. I am keeping that. I
Speaker 1: thought I thought I was. I didn't even realize it
Speaker 1: was a date that anyway, September two in Vegas, if
Speaker 1: you come to see me, you will see Benedict Pelosi
Speaker 1: for me. So it's going to be an f boys show.
Speaker 1: I'm very excited to have him on the show. I
Speaker 1: think people are going to be so excited to watch
Speaker 1: him because we you're so funny on the show, and
Speaker 1: we wanted to get a chance to see but I
Speaker 1: want to get a chance to see a stand up
Speaker 1: I know from experience that the way you're portrayed on
Speaker 1: reality TV isn't necessarily the way you are in real life.
Speaker 1: But I think Benedict came off every I'm rooting for
Speaker 1: him big time in all in every single situation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he seems like a really good guy. Picked him from
Speaker 1: the get go, Well, I have a nice guy, honestly,
Speaker 1: I liked him well that kind of A did a
Speaker 1: Q and A the other day on Instagram and it
Speaker 1: was something about like, you know, uh, tell some jokes
Speaker 1: about the show or something, and he was like nicky
Speaker 1: glazer Um gave the as the energy of um a
Speaker 1: substitute teacher who would try to suck your dad or
Speaker 1: something like that, and I was like, I was just
Speaker 1: having a bad morning. I was like in a depressed mood,
Speaker 1: and I was like, this guy's calling me old, like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna suck your dad, Like why why wouldn't I
Speaker 1: try to fund my students? Like I was offended that
Speaker 1: he was like making like, you know, just and then
Speaker 1: someone was like, but he said substitute teacher, that kind
Speaker 1: of means younger. And I was like looking at as
Speaker 1: I'm old, and I was just like, funck this, and
Speaker 1: I was mad, and so I wrote underneath it, um, oh,
Speaker 1: thanks for laughing after all of your punchlines, so we
Speaker 1: know went to laugh otherwise we wouldn't know or something
Speaker 1: like that because he has the comedian that he does
Speaker 1: this really great laugh And honestly, I was just lashing out.
Speaker 1: And then I took a shower and I was like
Speaker 1: still kind of like fucking mad about it and being
Speaker 1: like I'm old because I woke up on the wrong
Speaker 1: side of the fucking bed, my craftmatic adjustable bed because
Speaker 1: I'm old, and I was like, how do I do that? Oh?
Speaker 1: My good and so I wrote to him and I said, Benedict,
Speaker 1: that was so uncalled for. I just erased the comment.
Speaker 1: He goes, why did you raise that? That was the
Speaker 1: best thing ever that's ever happened to me. You roasted me.
Speaker 1: I took so much events to it though, because I
Speaker 1: was having a bad day and and the reason he's
Speaker 1: opening for me now is because I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: just mad at you for because of my own ship,
Speaker 1: and I was like, come open for me, like, so
Speaker 1: it was kind of beautiful that this thing where I got.
Speaker 1: And I appreciate any of these guys anyone talking about me. Ever,
Speaker 1: I swear to God, even if you say something bad
Speaker 1: about me, I appreciate it because it's acknowledging I exist,
Speaker 1: which is also is my what I want essentially, you know.
Speaker 1: And it was it was a playful joke. I roasted
Speaker 1: these guys so fucking hard every night when they like
Speaker 1: had their these they were like everyone like, I posted
Speaker 1: a joke last night that I did and people were like, oh,
Speaker 1: the guys, their reaction to it wasn't that great. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, they put up with so much ship. They
Speaker 1: would come out for these elimination rounds and they were
Speaker 1: like so tense and like they're worried about the show,
Speaker 1: their in love with this girl. And I'm like, oh
Speaker 1: my my period is tonight, and you guys look like
Speaker 1: you're farting a lot. Like they were just like oh God,
Speaker 1: like can we not? That's a good point. You are
Speaker 1: kind of mean to them. So I'm going to take
Speaker 1: back what I had to say. It's not a good show.
Speaker 1: Final thought. Let's next, next man Fras. Okay, let's go
Speaker 1: with Aaron. Hey, Nikki, Andrew and Noah. This is bestie
Speaker 1: Aaron from Charleston, South Carolina. UM, I have a suggestion
Speaker 1: maybe for uh, I don't know, maybe just like a
Speaker 1: good game or short segment of like lies parents told
Speaker 1: us as kids that you learned later on into adulthood,
Speaker 1: We're just so not true. Um. One of what one
Speaker 1: of mine is when I was younger, I desperately wanted
Speaker 1: to try out for American Idol and I am a
Speaker 1: terrible singer. Um, this memory just came back. I was
Speaker 1: belt in the lyrics to You and I Both by
Speaker 1: Jason raz And Yeah, that was one that I used
Speaker 1: to record myself into my Pink Razor and my poor family. Um,
Speaker 1: it got to the point where they told me that
Speaker 1: it was impolite to sing indoors, so if I wanted
Speaker 1: to practice my vocals, I had to do it in
Speaker 1: the backyard. And to I mean, well, into my adulthood,
Speaker 1: I thought that it was horribly rude to break into
Speaker 1: song indoors. Anyways, Yeah, there's a lot, but I love
Speaker 1: you guys so much, um, and I would love to
Speaker 1: hear your versions of what your parents told you. Uh
Speaker 1: signing off you and I both, Jason Mraz Um, I
Speaker 1: love you so much. First of all, I sang you
Speaker 1: and I both with Jason Miraz at that show in
Speaker 1: San Diego, and I love it so much because you
Speaker 1: and I. Yeah, but it starts. Was it you who
Speaker 1: spoke the words that things would happen just so? To me, well,
Speaker 1: things both. This is so rude. I'm singing indoors. Um.
Speaker 1: I had a similar thing to this when I remember
Speaker 1: singing in front of you and Dad at one point,
Speaker 1: and you guys said, you know where you should sing
Speaker 1: is the bathroom because the acoustics are better, And so
Speaker 1: you sent me away to the bathroom and I was
Speaker 1: in there, and I realized as I was in there,
Speaker 1: I put it together that they wanted to watch the
Speaker 1: TV show they were watching, and they wanted me to
Speaker 1: get out of the red out of there because it
Speaker 1: does have great acoustics. It's that's it's true. It's true.
Speaker 1: I love this question. We've done we've done it on
Speaker 1: our show before, and somebody texted in our show and
Speaker 1: I love this one so much. So obviously, like the
Speaker 1: you know, every summer, the ice Cream Man comes around
Speaker 1: and it's like it's hell for parents apparently, I don't know,
Speaker 1: you know, like brandowners. Yeah, it's just like but it's
Speaker 1: also like disrupts the entire family. They do it at
Speaker 1: dinner time and all this stuff. And somebody in like
Speaker 1: you know, Columbia, Illinois or something, Breeze or something, said
Speaker 1: that their parents told them that when they heard the
Speaker 1: ice Cream Man song, it meant they were out of
Speaker 1: ice cream. That is so so they only played this
Speaker 1: song when they're Oh my god, that is brilliant. That's
Speaker 1: pretty brilliant. I'm trying to think of one's stand for
Speaker 1: me was a huge, huge, I mean we went to
Speaker 1: to this day about it. Well, we wanted you were
Speaker 1: so in love with Santa and the Easter Bunny and
Speaker 1: it wasn't. It was just like I liked him, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you were in love with him. My favorite, one of
Speaker 1: my favorite things that it's that I've ever witnessed was
Speaker 1: at Nikki at Lauren's wedding. Nikki did a whole big
Speaker 1: speech and part of her speech was, you know, Lauren
Speaker 1: did everything before me, and like, obviously Lauren got married
Speaker 1: before you, and Lauren does all these things before me.
Speaker 1: She's doing this before me, but run because she's my
Speaker 1: younger sister. Yeah, because she's my younger sister. And she
Speaker 1: found out that Santa Claus wasn't real before me, which
Speaker 1: is like embarrassing, but at what they were kids at
Speaker 1: the wedding, so they found out I found out from
Speaker 1: my fucking best woman's speech or whatever the funk it was.
Speaker 1: Who cares they were crying in the bathroom. Honestly, it's
Speaker 1: better than you know now because later on they're going
Speaker 1: to feel so disappointed when they're in fifth grade and
Speaker 1: they finally find out that Santa isn't real. It was
Speaker 1: a tough revelation for you. What about you, Mrs Glazier,
Speaker 1: because you would have had things that were from like, no,
Speaker 1: she existed. She was one of ten. They didn't. They
Speaker 1: there was some hard truth. If anything, they didn't lie
Speaker 1: to her. They was they never told you remember anything
Speaker 1: like something they told us that would have been. We
Speaker 1: just gave several examples. Yeah, I know, not really. They
Speaker 1: really never talked to you. They never really they didn't know.
Speaker 1: My mom would just run around the neighborhood and like,
Speaker 1: it is a miracle you weren't molested, And I think
Speaker 1: maybe I was. It was like the seventies though, So
Speaker 1: were there any like old times where they like it,
Speaker 1: don't get don't get hig in your own supply. No.
Speaker 1: When I was really young, I mean I was five
Speaker 1: and six, my mother said, you never met a stranger.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, god damn it, Mom, you let
Speaker 1: me sit at the bus stop and go home with
Speaker 1: strangers and go get a cookie. But what she meant
Speaker 1: was you never met like everyone was your friend, and
Speaker 1: that is what she meant. But what she should be
Speaker 1: saying is don't talk to strangers. But it said she
Speaker 1: was like, you love strangers, and we just let you
Speaker 1: go off with any strangers. Did I knew everyone on
Speaker 1: our street. I've been in their head intimately. The one
Speaker 1: thing that and they've been in you intimately. I will say.
Speaker 1: The one thing that I remember my mom telling me
Speaker 1: as a young kid, and I've said this before, is
Speaker 1: that if you go we lived on a river, Nikki,
Speaker 1: if you go down to the river, had to I said,
Speaker 1: you will die. So Miami, you go across that street,
Speaker 1: you will fall down and you it wasn't you might die,
Speaker 1: you will you will ever see us again. I had
Speaker 1: to scare that. That's what she would say to me.
Speaker 1: I had to do it. But I think that was
Speaker 1: like like the undertone of your entire relationship with your mom,
Speaker 1: like through your childhood. Because you're dangerous was your first word,
Speaker 1: and like everything was out together. We moved on a
Speaker 1: white water river and she could have died, but hey,
Speaker 1: she's not wrong. Could have died. But then the Ira
Speaker 1: way of my dad would come home from work and
Speaker 1: want to go kayaking and go, Nick, come, let's go
Speaker 1: in the canoe. Well that was fish and I would go, yes,
Speaker 1: that's why you hate me wanting to climb out. That's
Speaker 1: like there was this one time. There was this one
Speaker 1: time that I was with Sabrina Julie's walking in Brooklyn
Speaker 1: and we came across these little girls that were probably
Speaker 1: like four years old, two little girls four years old,
Speaker 1: and they were on Razor scooters, their little Razor scooters,
Speaker 1: and they were going so fast and they were busy
Speaker 1: busy roads, I mean, and these girls definitely shouldn't have
Speaker 1: been out. They got out and they just like went
Speaker 1: on a little adventure just you know, probably a couple
Speaker 1: of blocks from their apartment. But I started chasing them
Speaker 1: because they were going so fast, and I was like,
Speaker 1: these girls don't have a chap around. There's no one inside.
Speaker 1: What do you mean? I'm just kidding. So I went
Speaker 1: and I and I and I chased them because I
Speaker 1: was like I need to find out where they're going.
Speaker 1: And these girls, no one's watching. So I chased them.
Speaker 1: They went back to their house. I went up to
Speaker 1: the door and I was like, were you or I
Speaker 1: on the street. I was like, girls, are is anyone?
Speaker 1: Are you with anyone? They were like our mom our
Speaker 1: babysitters inside. And so I went up to the porch
Speaker 1: and I was like, hey, these girls got out in there.
Speaker 1: She was like ohsh and she seemed to be alarmed,
Speaker 1: and um but I no, no, actually they said she's inside.
Speaker 1: And the girls went inside and through the screen door.
Speaker 1: I said, girls, if you ever do that again. And
Speaker 1: Sabrina witnessed this, and this was before I put together
Speaker 1: my mom's kind of like weird warnings for me. I said,
Speaker 1: if you ever do that again, you will die. Didn't
Speaker 1: these are very These were roads that were like I'm
Speaker 1: not getting you, like Manchester Road, like four miles right
Speaker 1: outside their door, and I go, you will die. And
Speaker 1: I went back to the street after I said that.
Speaker 1: These girls are looking at me through the screen door
Speaker 1: that they've run inside because a woman was chasing them.
Speaker 1: And they're in the screen door just like look at me,
Speaker 1: like shaking like and I go, you will die. Do
Speaker 1: not ever go out without an adult ever, ever? Ever?
Speaker 1: And I went back to the street and Sabrina and
Speaker 1: her wife Shawna, We're just like, Nikki, what was that?
Speaker 1: That was really disturbing And they were both like that
Speaker 1: was And I was like, what was wrong with Like
Speaker 1: I had no idea what I had done. And they
Speaker 1: were like, you told them they would die if they
Speaker 1: go outside. And I was like, but yeah, because that's
Speaker 1: going to scare them from going out and doing something
Speaker 1: where they'll die. I mean, we've come full circle. You
Speaker 1: cannot do K two, you will die twenty five percent chance.
Speaker 1: All right, guys, we gotta go. Um, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for watching the show listening to the show. Have
Speaker 1: such a great weekend, don't, Pika and Jack you join
Speaker 1: her Curtsey Andrews roots brother