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Speaker 1: Take a deep breath in through your nose. Hold it now,

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Speaker 1: release slowly again deep in helle hold release, repeating internally

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Speaker 1: to yourself as you connect to my voice. I am deeply,

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Speaker 1: deeply well. I I am deeply deep well. I am

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Speaker 1: deeply well. I'm Debbie Brown and this is the Deeply

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Speaker 1: Well Podcast. Welcome to Deeply Well, a soft place to

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Speaker 1: land in your journey. A podcast for the curious, the creative,

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Speaker 1: and those ready to expand in higher consciousness and self care.

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Speaker 1: This is where you heal, this is where you become.

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Speaker 1: I'm Debbie Brown and this episode Code we are going

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Speaker 1: to be unpacking so many yummy, delicious understandings around sex

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Speaker 1: and intimacy. I had the beautiful pleasure of having my

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Speaker 1: dear friend Simone Farshie on an episode two seasons ago,

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Speaker 1: and it was such a powerful episode that so many

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Speaker 1: really connected to. And in the episode we talked about

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Speaker 1: some about my journey in this space, a lot about

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Speaker 1: Simone's work and the deep need for women to have

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Speaker 1: the space to reclaim their bodies and come into a

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Speaker 1: deeper embodiment and a deeper understanding of the way that

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Speaker 1: they experience, receive, and desire pleasure. I am so excited

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Speaker 1: to take this conversation even deeper. This episode, I am

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Speaker 1: joined by Simone Farshi in Accredited and respect did Sex

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Speaker 1: and Intimacy Coach. Simone has always felt drawn to the

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Speaker 1: exploration of sensuality as she developed her own sexual being.

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Speaker 1: Throughout her life, it's been with an awareness and search

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Speaker 1: for healthy intimacy. While it wasn't always found in her

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Speaker 1: early relationships, she focused on the lessons, eventually building her

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Speaker 1: life's work around her calling. Simone is a sex educator,

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Speaker 1: intimacy coach, sexiological body worker, and public speaker. She is

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Speaker 1: featured in the Epics TV series Sex Life, and an

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Speaker 1: NYC journal as two thousand and two's Best Coaches. Her

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Speaker 1: mission is to elevate relationships, demystified pleasure, and empower people

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Speaker 1: in their sexuality. Simone began this work because she experienced

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Speaker 1: a huge gap in the education available to women regarding

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Speaker 1: awareness of their bodies and fulfilling their sexual needs without

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Speaker 1: shame or preconceived ideas. She's a certified life coach, train

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Speaker 1: do Zadula, somatic practitioner, Perry Steem hydrotherapist, and body sex

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Speaker 1: facilitator and mother. Simone is the founder of the Pleasure plus,

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Speaker 1: an online community that brings women together to learn how

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Speaker 1: to have fulfilling and emotionally intelligent relationships, be empowered and

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Speaker 1: secure in their bodies, be authentically themselves, gain sexual agency,

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Speaker 1: trust their choices, and communicate desires, becoming more magnetic, radiant,

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Speaker 1: and fulfilled in all aspects of their lives. She offers

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Speaker 1: private coaching sessions, pleasure mentorships, online courses and retreats. Welcome back,

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Speaker 1: my friend, So good to be here. Wow, you are

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Speaker 1: doing the Lord's work.

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Speaker 2: Girl.

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Speaker 1: Wow. I mean, oh, you know when I read through

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Speaker 1: your bio and just having the honor of knowing you

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Speaker 1: per per suddenly and having worked with you, the thing

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Speaker 1: that really comes to the forefront of my mind a

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Speaker 1: lot is what an honor it is to be alive

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Speaker 1: at this moment in time and to be a woman

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Speaker 1: at this moment in time in human history. Because everything

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Speaker 1: that I just spoke to, in your mastering, in your

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Speaker 1: presence and in the way that you help others, it's language,

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Speaker 1: it's thoughts, it's process that has never existed before, or

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Speaker 1: at least not in a way where you could say

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Speaker 1: it out loud and so celebrated. And there also be

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Speaker 1: a deep reverence for the understanding of the need for it.

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Speaker 1: So wow, thank you, thank you, thank you. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: an honor to be available, you know, for the journey

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Speaker 1: for myself and the women and for men, and as

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Speaker 1: we're all exploring what it means to be a sexual

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Speaker 1: human being in this era. So for everyone listening, for

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Speaker 1: those that haven't yet, highly recommend going back and listening

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Speaker 1: to the part one I did with Simone about two

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Speaker 1: seasons ago. The episode is called Sexual Healing featuring Simone Farshi.

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Speaker 1: It is a beautiful episode and we really expand into

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Speaker 1: a lot of baseline understanding of what sexology work is

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Speaker 1: and how to invite in more pleasure in your life.

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Speaker 1: And for this episode, I really want to take it

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Speaker 1: higher and I really want to expand. And you know,

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Speaker 1: one of the things that I've had the chance to

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Speaker 1: talk to you about that I'm so excited to share

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Speaker 1: with the audience is since I was last speaking to

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Speaker 1: you on this show, you had an incredible out of

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Speaker 1: the country pleasure retreat with an amazing group of women,

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Speaker 1: and you've since facilitated this work in several other countries

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Speaker 1: and here in the US, and I really want to

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Speaker 1: talk to you about that retreat experience and really paint

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Speaker 1: the picture for those listening of what this work looks

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Speaker 1: like and what it can be in your life. So

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Speaker 1: I think to start, I mean, how was your experience?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh, my gosh, that retreat was one of the

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Speaker 2: most magical experiences I.

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Speaker 1: Have experienced in my life.

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Speaker 2: Just, you know, being able to work with these women

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Speaker 2: that I had been working with since before the pandemic

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Speaker 2: and during the pandemic, and then to come together in

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Speaker 2: person was a new experience for all of us, you know,

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Speaker 2: to actually be in the space of others and be

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Speaker 2: able to practice sensuality and just celebrate, you know, be

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Speaker 2: in the space of let's celebrate, not let's like be

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Speaker 2: held down by what's been happening. And so that was magical.

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Speaker 2: And then of course, you know, I moved to Mexico

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Speaker 2: during the pandemic, so that became my home. And living

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Speaker 2: in a space that just breathes and feel sensual, like

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Speaker 2: you're tropical, You're in the ocean, you have access to

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Speaker 2: all the flora and fauna and wildlife. It brings you

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Speaker 2: back to the core of your primalness. Oh, so that

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Speaker 2: added to the retreat and the basis of the retreat was,

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Speaker 2: you know, all around my studies with Betty Dodson, and

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Speaker 2: so it was basically a body sex retreat. I call

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Speaker 2: it yum retreat because yum is my favorite word, and

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Speaker 2: it really, you know, feels like what I'm doing and

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Speaker 2: what we are doing together. But yeah, it was juicy.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. Okay, actually hold on, let me dial

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Speaker 1: it back. I think we do need to create another baseline.

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Speaker 1: What is body sex work? What is pleasure work? And

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Speaker 1: why is it needed by women? And why are women

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Speaker 1: seeking it out now?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So the basis of the work that I do

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Speaker 2: and body sex is it's actually quite simple. It's really

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Speaker 2: just you know, taking it back to the ABC's of

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Speaker 2: your body, learning your anatomy. We touched on this a

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Speaker 2: little bit in the first episode and pleasure mapping, but

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Speaker 2: we've been stripped away from understanding our anatomy, how to

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Speaker 2: express what we want, what we don't want, our desires,

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Speaker 2: the inner workings of desire, how that fits into our

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Speaker 2: day to day lives. So that's first and foremost what

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Speaker 2: it is. It's just like, Okay, these are your genitals,

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Speaker 2: this is your volva, this is your vagina, Like let's

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Speaker 2: name the actual parts and not be afraid to actually

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Speaker 2: say those names. Let's create a practice where we can

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Speaker 2: touch our body. Let's see what it feels like to

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Speaker 2: create a pleasure practice. And by pleasure practice, I mean masturbation.

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Speaker 2: You know, we have so much. There's so much stigma

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Speaker 2: and shame and fear around being seductive and being sexual

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Speaker 2: and having this erotic practice with ourselves. I mean we

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Speaker 2: shame men for it. Women often women don't do it.

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Speaker 2: There is like a huge orgasm gap about like how

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Speaker 2: do we get there? How do I feel turned on?

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Speaker 2: Am I performing for myself? Am I performing for them? So? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: the basis is learning the anatomy and figuring out what

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Speaker 2: it feels like to be orgasmic, to have an orgasm.

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Speaker 2: To practice that, we do genital show and tell, General

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Speaker 2: show and share, which is looking what.

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Speaker 1: Is genital show and share? Yeah, most people hear that

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Speaker 1: and they're like, what.

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Speaker 2: She's doing?

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Speaker 1: What?

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Speaker 2: Well, we get to actually take a mirror and look

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Speaker 2: at our genitals and in the workshop it looks like

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Speaker 2: we're all in a circle. So this workshop is actually

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Speaker 2: we're all naked. I greet you at the door naked,

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Speaker 2: I'm naked. You undress you and robe. So there are a

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Speaker 2: lot of that is just like how much armor are

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Speaker 2: we constantly carrying?

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Speaker 1: Wow?

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Speaker 2: And how much armor also do we have, you know

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Speaker 2: around other women? Like we project so much, there's like

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Speaker 2: a huge, you know impact on the sister wound that

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Speaker 2: we have around other women and how that impacts their

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Speaker 2: ability to be sexual or sensual or carry that within

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Speaker 2: the way we walk.

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Speaker 1: So that's how it starts.

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Speaker 2: And at the end of day one, we do genital

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Speaker 2: show and share, which is I sit next to you,

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Speaker 2: we have a mirror and we're naming the parts of

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Speaker 2: our genitals, which most women have never actually done, never

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Speaker 2: actually taken a mirror and looked at themselves. And I

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Speaker 2: can speak for myself. I know I didn't even do

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Speaker 2: that until after I had my child, and that was like, well,

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Speaker 2: my body had already transformed so much. And to do

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Speaker 2: that consistently, to build that practice, to feel comfortable to

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Speaker 2: look at ourselves in the mirror, and then how about

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Speaker 2: women look at you?

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Speaker 1: It's okay, I mean this is so powerful, Like this

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Speaker 1: is so powerful. You know, there's there's so many things

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Speaker 1: that I want to speak to just holding here for

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Speaker 1: a second, you know, So many women cannot even look

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Speaker 1: themselves in the mirror at all. There are a lot

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Speaker 1: of people moving through their life's experience and avoiding eye

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Speaker 1: contact with themselves because of unprocessed shame, because of trauma,

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Speaker 1: because of so many things right, so many things that

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Speaker 1: no one will ever know about. Then, there are so

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Speaker 1: many women who, when naked, like even when just needing

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Speaker 1: to change their clothes, want to get through it, want

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Speaker 1: to rush through it as fast as possible. And it's

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Speaker 1: hard to come into a presence with oneself, to just

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Speaker 1: be with oneself in the nude, let alone other people,

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Speaker 1: let alone a partner. There have been so many experiences

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Speaker 1: that have happened in the lives of women that keep

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Speaker 1: them from feeling pleasure when having sex or even trying

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Speaker 1: to self pleasure, and it makes you reject yourself, It

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Speaker 1: makes you not want to attempt it or again, it

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Speaker 1: makes you want to completely rush through the experience and

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Speaker 1: be done with it. And society has also trained us

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Speaker 1: to do that in so many ways, especially with our

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Speaker 1: sexual lives, even if there is not trauma present, because

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Speaker 1: of all the societal conditioning and the conditioning of porn

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Speaker 1: that is made for the male gaze and typically the

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Speaker 1: white male gaze. So there, you know, I want to

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Speaker 1: center that as you continue, because if you're connecting to

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Speaker 1: this episode and you haven't heard the previous episode or

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Speaker 1: you haven't yet heard about at work like this, some

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Speaker 1: of what we're sharing can and may feel very shocking,

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Speaker 1: or feel deeply uncomfortable or silly even, or squirmy or cringey,

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Speaker 1: or multitude of things. And it can also feel as

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Speaker 1: you're listening, awe inspiring and radical and revolutionary and liberating.

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Speaker 1: So as we continue to expand in this conversation, and

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Speaker 1: we're going to be speaking very clearly, Jessice Simone has

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Speaker 1: been about a lot of these topics and a lot

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Speaker 1: of words that may not be naturally said in conversation,

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Speaker 1: I want to encourage you as you're listening to this

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Speaker 1: as long as you feel comfortable and able to really

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Speaker 1: lean in, to really tap in, to really dismantle any

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Speaker 1: barriers to your own pleasure, to dismantle any belief systems

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Speaker 1: that may be outdated and don't serve you as you

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Speaker 1: currently are as a woman. Because something I know for

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Speaker 1: a fact, and we've talked about this through so many

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Speaker 1: conversations I have and so many clients and so many experiences.

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Speaker 1: Women are craving right now at the deepest level, a

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Speaker 1: desire to be more aligned in what we are verbally

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Speaker 1: expressing as our femininity. That can be a very charge word,

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Speaker 1: and it's a word that's been used as a tool

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Speaker 1: of projection. But if we get that out of the way,

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Speaker 1: there's this deeper desire to connect to that inner sacredness,

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Speaker 1: that inner divinity, that ability to feel and to give pleasure.

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Speaker 1: So get a little more comfortable wherever you're seated right now,

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Speaker 1: get your sleep out on. And I'm sorry, please continue

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Speaker 1: so as you and I know right now you're kind

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Speaker 1: of expressing to like some of the magic that went

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Speaker 1: down at that retreat you had when you're doing an

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Speaker 1: experience like that, and women who I'm sure, even if

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Speaker 1: you've signed up for their retreat and you know you

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Speaker 1: knew walking in, I'm about to bear it. I'm sure

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Speaker 1: there has to be when women first walk in that room,

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Speaker 1: for some a little sense of fear. Yeah, what does

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Speaker 1: that look like when you're seeing that and as you're

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Speaker 1: beginning like paint the picture for us.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I'll let you guys know that I have,

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Speaker 2: you know, one on one conversations with everybody that comes

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Speaker 2: on the retreat.

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Speaker 1: This isn't something you can just like click a button

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Speaker 1: and purchase show up in God. Yeah, so you know

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Speaker 1: this is what we're doing. You know, are you comfortable

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Speaker 1: with that? And wow?

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Speaker 2: And that's a lot of the reasons why women come

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Speaker 2: because they're not comfortable with that, and they want to

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Speaker 2: change that with them themselves. You know, they want to

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Speaker 2: move past this fear and this block and this inability

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Speaker 2: to be comfortable in their skin and body and with pleasure.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: But once people get there, they're like, okay, you know,

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Speaker 2: And that's why I start the retreat like that. It's

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Speaker 2: like we're getting naked right now, we're taking it out.

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Speaker 2: There's some giggles when you open the door and people

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Speaker 2: just see you standing there. Oh yeah, oh yeah, there's girls,

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Speaker 2: there's faces, there's like what right now?

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Speaker 1: Are you sure like that?

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Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, come on, we're doing it. And that's

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Speaker 2: what I love about this retreat too, because I'm right

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Speaker 2: there with you. It's not like I'm doing all of

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Speaker 2: the practices with you. Yeah, there's not some kind of

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Speaker 2: like hierarch hierarchy of you know, I'm the teacher and

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Speaker 2: I know this and you don't because as women, we

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Speaker 2: all have our stories and that's the beauty of it.

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Speaker 2: We get to share it in that space and we

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Speaker 2: get a look at each other's bodies and you know,

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Speaker 2: many many of us haven't had that opportunity, even with

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Speaker 2: our mothers, you know, to see our mother's naked or

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Speaker 2: know what it is like to have, you know, in

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Speaker 2: an abnormal body. So we you know, we're like, is

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Speaker 2: my body normal? Because then we see porn and we're like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: my body doesn't look like that. Yeah, you know, I

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Speaker 2: have that.

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Speaker 1: That's such a powerful point, Yeah, because it's like for

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Speaker 1: a lot of a lot of living people, you only

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Speaker 1: see nudity. It's like if you happen to catch a

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Speaker 1: porn or national geographic and those are two very opposite

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Speaker 1: extremes of the spectrum. You know. Like so that's really

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Speaker 1: that's really something to sit in, you know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I mean I've had women walk through that

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Speaker 2: door that have had you know, genital mutilation or their

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Speaker 2: mother has experienced that, and they carry that with them

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Speaker 2: and they feel like they can't have pleasure.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And then I have women that you know, are multi orgasmic,

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Speaker 2: and you know, very sexual, but have only had that

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Speaker 2: experience as performative experience, you know, in relationship with their partners.

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Speaker 1: And so.

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Speaker 2: And also women are walking through the door from the

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Speaker 2: ages of eighteen to you know, mid sixties. Yeah, so

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Speaker 2: we have this space where wisdom can be shared, perspective

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Speaker 2: can be shared, and that also is so magical and

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Speaker 2: so beautiful to be like, wow, this is what I

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Speaker 2: have to look forward to in that age. We're like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I remember when I was living that, like in my twenties.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, you know, it's beautiful. It's beautiful to

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Speaker 2: share stories in that primal sensual space.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So let's get back to you are in a

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Speaker 1: circle of women. Everybody has a mirror. What are they

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Speaker 1: seeing and how are they responding? Yeah, so you know,

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Speaker 1: you come up, you sit next to me.

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Speaker 2: There with you, we have some almond oyle and then

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Speaker 2: we start mapping. So we're just like calling out the names,

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Speaker 2: you know, the glitterists, the inner labia, the outer labia,

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Speaker 2: vainus like all the parts looking at it. And then

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Speaker 2: you know around you or all the women also looking

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Speaker 2: at you. And this is what's magical. We're all like, wow,

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Speaker 2: she's so beautiful. She's glistening. She looks like a butterfly,

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Speaker 2: she looks like an angel, like she's pink, she's you know,

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Speaker 2: there's all these different colors. And to receive that like

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Speaker 2: love and that appreciation. Wow, in the moment, it is

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Speaker 2: deeply reassuring. Yeah, and overwhelming in a way that's like

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Speaker 2: joyous overwhelm hmmmm hmmm. And then we do it each

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Speaker 2: each woman does it, so each woman gets her center

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Speaker 2: stage moments. Oh my god, yeah, yeah, it's it's in

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Speaker 2: and there's tears and I'll just I'll speak from my experience.

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Speaker 2: So I had a torn in Lybia after having childbirth,

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Speaker 2: and I had a home childbirth, and it was an

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Speaker 2: experience that left me feeling like I had lost my

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Speaker 2: power in that moment because I knew that something had

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Speaker 2: torn and something wasn't right, and I voiced it softly

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Speaker 2: to my midwife and she didn't back me up in

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Speaker 2: that moment. And so then I've lived with this like

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Speaker 2: it doesn't look right, it doesn't feel right, like I

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Speaker 2: don't know. Now, I'm like ugly. Now I'm damaged. And

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Speaker 2: it affected my sexual experience for a long time after.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: And we think that, you know, because of our experiences

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Speaker 2: or just because of how our body is, we yeah,

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Speaker 2: we're damaged or we can't accept pleasure in the same way.

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Speaker 2: And so this experience of actually being able to share

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Speaker 2: that share something that's so vulnerable in a non performative

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Speaker 2: sexually based experience, you get to release that.

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Speaker 1: Whoa, I know, my God, that holds so much power.

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Speaker 1: That has to be so freeing because even you know

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Speaker 1: it's like you cannot as you're on your journey with

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Speaker 1: yourself and whatever pathways that's taking you to, there is

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Speaker 1: so much power in being able to name it and

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Speaker 1: call it out right. And so for some you know,

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Speaker 1: there's always fear around any of it, whatever that thing

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Speaker 1: is for each of us. But if you're talking about

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Speaker 1: now in this day and age, like an emotional pain

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Speaker 1: or an experience that happened, or something more related to

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Speaker 1: a healing that we're all now familiar with, we have

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Speaker 1: a baseline of language, so you can talk about that

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Speaker 1: now out loud with a little more ease. But an

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Speaker 1: experience like you're describing, it's such an intimate experience, it's

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Speaker 1: such a specific experience. It's connected to your physical body.

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Speaker 1: There may not be opportunity to bring that up anywhere else,

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Speaker 1: and without it being acknowledged and very often said aloud

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Speaker 1: and witnessed by another, there's not really the power to

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Speaker 1: move through it and to integrate the experience so that

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Speaker 1: it doesn't still feel like such a pain point. There's

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Speaker 1: so much power in that and these ways what I'm

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Speaker 1: hearing you say, these deeper layers we're able to have

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Speaker 1: access to, and these ways that we're able to greet

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Speaker 1: the totality of our experience as women.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean exactly. We don't want to talk

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Speaker 2: about these pain points when we're in an intimate like

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Speaker 2: a sexual yu mean moment with a partner, you know.

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Speaker 1: So it's like how often are you that naked and

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Speaker 1: seen in that area? Yea, yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 2: And just like with the mirror work, Like you know,

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Speaker 2: men have the privilege of having their genitals like outside

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Speaker 2: of them their body, right like for us, we have

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Speaker 2: to like take the time to like really you know,

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Speaker 2: look in and so to have this moment to really

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Speaker 2: explore and play with ourselves just like again that you know,

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Speaker 2: childlike wonder that curiosity, like taking the seriousness off of

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Speaker 2: the sexuality and bringing in the pleasure, the playfulness. There's

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Speaker 2: room for the you know, the pain to be there,

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Speaker 2: but we're in this experience, we're leaning into the pleasure

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Speaker 2: in the presence.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, deeply. Wow, how can women start exploring their pleasure? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Well, you know, I'm so big on starting a self

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Speaker 2: pleasure practice, that self pleasure practice.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what is the self pleasure practice?

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Speaker 2: A self pleasure practice is creating a space for yourself

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Speaker 2: to masturbate, to masturbate regularly. And you know, I talk

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Speaker 2: to a lot of women. I have a lot of

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Speaker 2: clients that are definitely in the healing space. You know,

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Speaker 2: spirituality is high on their practice. You know, they're doing

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Speaker 2: their meditation, they have their you know, skincare regiment, they're

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Speaker 2: eating healthy. But somehow we still don't incorporate our sexual

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Speaker 2: practice into our spiritual practice. And what I've found, Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Okay, hold on, let's anchor here for a second, because

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Speaker 1: I really want everyone to sink into that. Even the

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Speaker 1: idea that sexual and spiritual can be combined, and in

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Speaker 1: my belief, are intended to be combined. This idea, like,

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Speaker 1: there is such a barrier to that in so many ways,

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Speaker 1: across so many disciplines, but they can be together. Sexual

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Speaker 1: practice and spiritual practice can be one and the same.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And I think we kind of, you know,

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Speaker 2: touched on this when we were working together, and it

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Speaker 2: was like you were so rooted in your practice, but

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Speaker 2: I was like, it can be both, Like you can

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Speaker 2: do both at the same time.

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Speaker 1: You're like, what, oh wow, well no, it was really

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Speaker 1: the breakthrough moment was when you had me do orgasmic yoga, yes,

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Speaker 1: for thirty days in a row.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so ourgasmic you and yoga is an intentionally based

397
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Speaker 2: self pleasure practice. You can also kind of call it

398
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Speaker 2: mindful masturbation, where you're setting a time minimum thirty minutes.

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Speaker 2: You set an intention, I wish to feel an orgasm.

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Speaker 2: I wish to feel intravaginal orgasm. I wish to feel joy,

401
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Speaker 2: I wish to release this guilt and shame. Whatever your

402
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Speaker 2: intention is, and then you practice your self pleasure routine

403
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Speaker 2: and the goal is not orgasm here. The goal is

404
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Speaker 2: just being in the experience, you know, just like yoga,

405
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Speaker 2: we're meeting ourselves however we're feeling, and there's oftentimes we

406
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Speaker 2: don't feel like actually getting into pleasure. You know, like

407
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Speaker 2: every time I assign this to anybody, even when I

408
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Speaker 2: did it myself, I'm like, ah, it's okay, Like I

409
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Speaker 2: can do it later. I'll do it later, Like, ah,

410
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Speaker 2: the house is too noisy, I gotta clean this. You know,

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Speaker 2: it's amazing to see how much we'd actually defer pleasure.

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Speaker 2: And then you get to really investigate, like, well, you know,

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Speaker 2: what are the conditions? How have we been ingrained that

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Speaker 2: pleasure is conditional, that you have to do something in

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Speaker 2: order to receive pleasure?

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Speaker 1: Wow? Wow? Do you find that there are a lot

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Speaker 1: of barriers up women have to feeling comfortable thinking they

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Speaker 1: deserve pleasure? Oh?

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Speaker 2: Yes, so many barriers. Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 1: I mean.

421
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Speaker 2: We've you know, we're told to suppress our sexuality at

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Speaker 2: such a young age, and even with the self pleasure

423
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:27,639
Speaker 2: practice orgasmic yoga, it's like our first moments of touching

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Speaker 2: our body and exploring masturbation, we're told not to do that,

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Speaker 2: you know, to do it in a private space, or

426
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Speaker 2: not do it at all, or that's disgusting or that's wrong,

427
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Speaker 2: be quiet, you know. So we start creating this muscle

428
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Speaker 2: memory around our pleasure from such a young age. And

429
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Speaker 2: this is for men as well, you know, like and

430
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Speaker 2: then that draws into our partner sex and then we

431
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Speaker 2: start just thinking, okay, it's just orgasm based. We don't

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Speaker 2: take the time to actually explore our body. We go

433
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 2: straight to the genitals or penetratives, rather than like, wait,

434
00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 2: what is intimacy? Like how do I want to be touched?

435
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:07,480
Speaker 2: What are the words that I want to hear coming

436
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 2: out of your mouth? What is a fantasy that I

437
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,640
Speaker 2: want to replay in my mind that brings me to

438
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 2: that estatics open space to really receive pleasure? And it's

439
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 2: not based on an orgasm. It's based on this like

440
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:24,120
Speaker 2: limitless time and space to enjoy.

441
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:28,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, and the experience experience yeah yeah, not they're having

442
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 1: to necessarily be an outcome, but on the experience of

443
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:37,800
Speaker 1: itself being the adventure. Yeah. Yeah. Women are such givers,

444
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 1: you know.

445
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:43,680
Speaker 2: We do find pleasure in giving, and so then when

446
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:46,240
Speaker 2: it comes to us receiving, you know, talking about that

447
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:51,400
Speaker 2: feminine softness like being able. Are you really able to

448
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:54,720
Speaker 2: receive even when somebody truly gives you the time and

449
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 2: space to do so? I don't know, it's hard sometimes.

450
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:03,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, and women don't. I think so often we don't

451
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 1: even know that we're not receiving, you know, like especially

452
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:11,240
Speaker 1: society just kind of so often demands that you be

453
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:14,560
Speaker 1: everything at once. So it's like you have to know

454
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 1: you got to do for yourself and you want to

455
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 1: be independent, or you wanted this, or just circumstance has

456
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 1: demanded that from you. There was no other choice. So,

457
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:27,840
Speaker 1: like receiving it, there's a lot of practice to that.

458
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 1: It takes practice, it takes intention, it takes discomfort to

459
00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:34,960
Speaker 1: kind of attune yourself to the ability to receive.

460
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:40,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, and so yeah, continuing at the orgasmic yoga, you

461
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,200
Speaker 2: give yourself this time, you know, the timer goes off,

462
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 2: it's like, Okay, where were you at? Did you cry?

463
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:49,520
Speaker 2: Did you shame yourself? Did you distract yourself for the

464
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:53,800
Speaker 2: whole time? And then when you're practicing daily, it's about

465
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 2: not just laying in the same position and doing the

466
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:59,240
Speaker 2: same thing, because it's not about the orgasm. It's about

467
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 2: how you can expand pleasure. So, you know, I'm urging

468
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:06,280
Speaker 2: you to express different volumes of moaning, like what does

469
00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 2: it feel like to get into your primal instead of

470
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,880
Speaker 2: just the performative sounds that we generally make. What does

471
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:13,720
Speaker 2: it feel like to do it in the shower, to

472
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 2: stand up, to dance, to sing? You know, like just

473
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 2: getting out of the routines that we have around who

474
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:22,520
Speaker 2: we are sexual beings.

475
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:26,400
Speaker 1: Wow. So when you're at the retreat or you're having

476
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 1: this experience with you, everyone is mapped. They know where,

477
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 1: they know where the things are. They're falling in love

478
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:42,160
Speaker 1: with their bodies. Yeah, you're building a tremendous inner courage

479
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 1: is what I'm hearing too. You know, your ability to

480
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 1: be this profoundly vulnerable open scene and witnessed by a

481
00:31:53,920 --> 00:32:02,880
Speaker 1: room full of people. Yeah, and then where do they go?

482
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:05,600
Speaker 1: What's that? Yeah?

483
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 2: What's next is? Day two is all about erotic recess.

484
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 2: So erotic recess is we practice masturbation together in a

485
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 2: circle as as a group. Yeah, so we're individual, you're

486
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:25,400
Speaker 2: you know, we're not doing any partnered stuff. This is

487
00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 2: all about you tuning into your own body. But it's

488
00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 2: getting an opportunity to practice in a group. And we

489
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:38,680
Speaker 2: go through learning about we've learned our anatomy, we've learned

490
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 2: the anatomy of arousal. Now and now we get a

491
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 2: practice with with a barbell, which is something that Betty designed,

492
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:53,560
Speaker 2: which is an amazing like pleasure tool which allows each

493
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,280
Speaker 2: woman to also understand how connected she is to her

494
00:32:56,280 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 2: pelvic floor. You know, are you able to breathe in pleasure,

495
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 2: relax your muscles, you know, increase the tonality of your muscles.

496
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:10,360
Speaker 2: Can you even feel? Are you like numbed out? What

497
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:12,000
Speaker 2: are the sensations that are alive?

498
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:15,040
Speaker 1: And we learn.

499
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:18,120
Speaker 2: What is called the rock and roll technique, and then

500
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:22,280
Speaker 2: we sit in a circle and and we all get

501
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:27,640
Speaker 2: to masturbate and we have the gift of time. So

502
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 2: we see what comes up for women around that, and

503
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:30,920
Speaker 2: a lot comes up.

504
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 1: What do you mean?

505
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:37,800
Speaker 2: I think it goes back to again like Okay, I've

506
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:43,959
Speaker 2: had one orgasm and I'm done, or I can't get there.

507
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 2: I'm never going to get there, or she's having one,

508
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 2: I can't have one, or oh my gosh, there's all

509
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:53,120
Speaker 2: these moans in the room, Like does that mean and

510
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:56,040
Speaker 2: I'm feeling turned on? Does that mean something like? I

511
00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 2: you know, I'm by curious, like we just have all

512
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:03,480
Speaker 2: these judgments around how we feel sexually and as what

513
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 2: that means once we leave the room.

514
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:12,399
Speaker 1: Wow, I know some listening right now are probably it's

515
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:20,640
Speaker 1: just like right like brain opening, heart expansion, what yeah, yeah,

516
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:25,759
Speaker 1: give me if you would share some advice on for

517
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 1: those hearing about this pleasure practice. And I'm a you know,

518
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:38,480
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm now like an evangelist because something

519
00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:42,840
Speaker 1: that when I'm working with people, you know, I really

520
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 1: share that is your self care, you know, like a

521
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:50,560
Speaker 1: pleasure practice. Actually fundamentally, that's a part of your self

522
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:53,800
Speaker 1: care for so many reasons, especially once you get past

523
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:57,880
Speaker 1: some of the initial healing and embodiment and integration that

524
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 1: needs to be done with you and your own body,

525
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:04,759
Speaker 1: but then as a source of joy for you in

526
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:07,879
Speaker 1: your day, as fuel for you in your day, as

527
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:12,960
Speaker 1: an ability to release. It's just it's such a powerful

528
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:21,280
Speaker 1: component of a very holistic, full self care practice.

529
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:29,280
Speaker 2: Well you know what I did before I came here, Yeah, totally.

530
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:31,160
Speaker 1: When when you can find.

531
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:35,480
Speaker 2: That that joy in your body and you know that

532
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 2: you can access it on your own whenever you want,

533
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 2: I mean that it becomes so much fun. It's like

534
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:45,960
Speaker 2: this pleasure power, you know, just like compass. I call

535
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:51,360
Speaker 2: it her inner campus, you know, connecting with our pleasure,

536
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 2: our sexual pleasure. And yeah, I encourage women to do

537
00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 2: it like in mid work day, you know, like you

538
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:00,680
Speaker 2: need some energy and.

539
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 1: Between zoom, between zooms, make sure the camera's closed, being

540
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:06,239
Speaker 1: in their room.

541
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 2: But yeah, and I you know, I coach a lot

542
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:13,200
Speaker 2: of couples as well, and I think that we have

543
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:16,520
Speaker 2: a tendency to forget that we can still access our

544
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:20,880
Speaker 2: own pleasure when we're in partnership and that's okay, and

545
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:25,280
Speaker 2: that's important. It's like exercise, you know, Like we don't

546
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:28,520
Speaker 2: just like ask our partner to exercise us.

547
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 1: We got to go out and do it ourselves. You

548
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 1: brought it. You bring up something that I think is

549
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:37,879
Speaker 1: just really important to hear. I'd love to hear more

550
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:41,000
Speaker 1: thoughts on this, because you know, there are couples in

551
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:48,000
Speaker 1: partnership who the spouse might feel rejected, unwanted, betrayed because

552
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 1: the person that they're with has enjoys solo pleasure and

553
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,959
Speaker 1: that that somehow means that they're not enough or they're

554
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:59,960
Speaker 1: not being utilized. You know. Do you have any thought

555
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 1: on that or how to approach that for those that

556
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 1: are in a connection with another Yeah.

557
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:08,600
Speaker 2: Well, I think for a long time the story has

558
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 2: been like, oh, if my man is self pleasuring or

559
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,840
Speaker 2: watching poor and then he's cheating on me and or

560
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:15,680
Speaker 2: he doesn't want me, or why doesn't he want it

561
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:17,319
Speaker 2: with me? Why does he want it with himself? And

562
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,640
Speaker 2: I think that's just a narrative that we have to

563
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:25,359
Speaker 2: ask ourselves, why do we believe that? And recognizing now,

564
00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:27,359
Speaker 2: if you are starting to get curious about your own

565
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:30,640
Speaker 2: sexuality and starting to practice through yourself, and you can

566
00:37:30,719 --> 00:37:35,400
Speaker 2: recognize the benefits of having that solo time, then we

567
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:39,800
Speaker 2: need to allow space for each partner to have space

568
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 2: with themselves. I mean, I have some of the deepest

569
00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:48,400
Speaker 2: epiphanies and moments when I'm with myself because it's different.

570
00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:51,400
Speaker 2: It's just different, right when you're having that space without

571
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 2: another person and you're not pleasuring or being pleasured, and

572
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,600
Speaker 2: then to be able to bring that into the partnership

573
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 2: like ooh, look what I learned, and you're like, I

574
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 2: had this deep moment of release and now I can

575
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:08,920
Speaker 2: come to you with like full adoration and you can

576
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 2: do that too.

577
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And I hear about it a lot in

578
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:17,400
Speaker 1: the opposite scope of men really having a lot of

579
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:20,439
Speaker 1: issue of not being the one to make the woman

580
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:24,440
Speaker 1: feel that way, or having discomfort about a woman using

581
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:27,960
Speaker 1: a toy because of you know, is how is it

582
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:30,880
Speaker 1: in comparison, or you know, things along that lines. A

583
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:35,279
Speaker 1: lot a lot of women have fear around exploring themselves

584
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 1: because they may feel judged by their partner. Yeah.

585
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, for so many men, it's like

586
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:46,680
Speaker 2: their job is to come and know all the tools

587
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:50,879
Speaker 2: and tricks and provide, and if they're not, they feel inadequate.

588
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:54,279
Speaker 2: And I think it just goes back to that curiosity

589
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 2: piece of like, it's not any reflection of lack in

590
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:03,360
Speaker 2: a relationship. It's just important. It's important to have that time.

591
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:05,920
Speaker 2: And if you're feeling that like, I think it's good

592
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:08,440
Speaker 2: to talk about it. You know, why are you feeling

593
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:11,719
Speaker 2: that way? Like? How can we deepen our intimacy? How

594
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:13,839
Speaker 2: can I show you more of what I like so

595
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 2: that you can learn? I think you know, at the

596
00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 2: end of the day, we all just want to feel

597
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:22,400
Speaker 2: loved and desired, and then if we're not communicating in between,

598
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:24,520
Speaker 2: why there's a lack of that which we all are

599
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:25,360
Speaker 2: so sensitive to.

600
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:31,760
Speaker 1: That's where the insecurity comes from. Wow. Yeah, okay, more retreats.

601
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 1: Keep telling me.

602
00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 2: More retreats. So yeah, we do the erotic recess. It

603
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:45,840
Speaker 2: is so beautiful because yeah, again I'm warming the girls

604
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 2: up by we do a little fantasy round. I kind

605
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:51,279
Speaker 2: of we get to explore what fantasy is what our

606
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 2: hot a sexual movie is, and so each woman gets

607
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:56,800
Speaker 2: to share a little bit about that. We do meditation

608
00:39:57,040 --> 00:40:00,359
Speaker 2: and then we go into the erotic recess and it's

609
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:03,680
Speaker 2: always amazing because it becomes like this this wave, this

610
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:06,400
Speaker 2: crescendo of like one woman will start to have an

611
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:09,000
Speaker 2: orgasm and then we'll hear it, and then the next

612
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,719
Speaker 2: woman and the next woman and the next woman, and

613
00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:17,200
Speaker 2: it's so beautiful. It's just like this very pure erotic energy.

614
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:22,400
Speaker 2: And we bring in snacks and then we're still doing it.

615
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:27,799
Speaker 2: Oh and then eventually, you know, it kind of comes

616
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,000
Speaker 2: to a close and we talk about our experience and

617
00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:36,400
Speaker 2: that's really the magic of what everybody released and explored.

618
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:44,400
Speaker 1: Deeply. Well. So self pleasure as part of a self

619
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 1: care practice, how does one begin to build that? What

620
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:51,880
Speaker 1: is the first step and what is the structure that

621
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:57,400
Speaker 1: they need to have it? First?

622
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:03,360
Speaker 2: You want to ask yourself relationship with pleasure is I

623
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:10,400
Speaker 2: get really real with the blocks and the excitement that

624
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:15,400
Speaker 2: you have around that. And then it's practice, you know,

625
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:21,120
Speaker 2: it's somatic practice. It's hands on touching your body and

626
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:26,680
Speaker 2: if that feels hard, to go straight to masturbation, if

627
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 2: that feels scary or it feels intimidating or you know,

628
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:33,760
Speaker 2: it's something that you never had access to. Then start

629
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:39,759
Speaker 2: with your breasts, you know, start with allowing yourself to

630
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:48,440
Speaker 2: have the space in which you can explore freely without performance. Yeah,

631
00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:51,279
Speaker 2: and then doing that daily, doing that daily, And again,

632
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:55,560
Speaker 2: it's not about the orgasm. It's about getting comfortable with

633
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 2: making space for your pleasure in the work that you.

634
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:03,360
Speaker 1: Do with women. I know that, you know, for so

635
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:07,520
Speaker 1: many there is this kind of barrier to entry, which

636
00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:11,239
Speaker 1: we've talked about. But what are you finding? What is

637
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:14,520
Speaker 1: the freedom that comes with clients that you work with,

638
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:16,799
Speaker 1: With the women that leave your retreat, you know, what

639
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:20,480
Speaker 1: are you seeing and hearing in the ways that their

640
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:24,319
Speaker 1: lives are transforming after this new access and experience.

641
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:28,919
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, I'm so happy that there's so much more

642
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:35,160
Speaker 2: conversation around sexuality right now and liberation. I don't always

643
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 2: think that allows people to have the toolkit of how

644
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:39,200
Speaker 2: to approach it.

645
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:39,480
Speaker 1: You know.

646
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:42,719
Speaker 2: So I love that we're having this conversation and a

647
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:45,080
Speaker 2: lot of the women I hear this, it's like my

648
00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:51,160
Speaker 2: curiosity overrode my embarrassment. Oh wow, Yeah, so just that

649
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 2: like desires, like I am ready, like I have been

650
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,879
Speaker 2: so afraid or I didn't know where to go and

651
00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:00,680
Speaker 2: I wasn't available. I've had this trauma living inside my body.

652
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 2: But I am more curious than I am afraid right now.

653
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:08,960
Speaker 2: And that's beautiful, that's so so beautiful.

654
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:13,719
Speaker 1: What are some of what are some of the ways

655
00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:20,360
Speaker 1: or some of them really those deeper reasons why women

656
00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:26,799
Speaker 1: need to and deserve to reclaim their body for themselves

657
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:36,880
Speaker 1: like this, you know, I.

658
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:44,239
Speaker 2: Have learned so much on my own journey.

659
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 1: And.

660
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:49,719
Speaker 2: The reasons are so you can make so you can

661
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:53,000
Speaker 2: trust yourself, so you can trust the choices that you're making,

662
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:57,319
Speaker 2: so you can feel viscerally connected to the shivers down

663
00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:00,799
Speaker 2: your spine or the uncomfortable feeling in your gut, you know,

664
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 2: when you're walking into, you know, a job, or connecting

665
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:08,280
Speaker 2: with a new partner for the first time, or having

666
00:44:08,320 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 2: that same like pattern happening. I think that when we

667
00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:14,680
Speaker 2: make time to connect to our body and connect to

668
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:20,480
Speaker 2: our pleasure, we unnumb, you know. And that can be

669
00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 2: really scary because it's like we're opening this doorway to feel.

670
00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:29,560
Speaker 2: And once you begin to feel, and once you get

671
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 2: really real with what you want romantically, sexually, intimately in

672
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 2: your life. You know what is meant for you, what

673
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:44,279
Speaker 2: you deserve. There's no turning back from that. Yeah, you

674
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:47,640
Speaker 2: set the bar higher and higher each moment and each

675
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:50,000
Speaker 2: you know, time that you touch your body, each time

676
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:53,080
Speaker 2: that you are being touched by another person, because you

677
00:44:53,120 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 2: can feel. And so I think it's so important, especially

678
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:08,000
Speaker 2: if women are really wanting to reclaim how this world is. Yeah,

679
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:12,360
Speaker 2: and also to be a healthy and safe space for

680
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 2: partnership for men to also see how they fit into

681
00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:19,439
Speaker 2: this reclamation, because there's been a big divide. I think

682
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:22,200
Speaker 2: the conversation has been like how are women finding their

683
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,480
Speaker 2: power and how to men fit into that?

684
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:28,680
Speaker 1: Speak to that that's so interesting.

685
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:32,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, well I'll just you know, speak from my experience

686
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:35,480
Speaker 2: with my clients. I have so many men that I

687
00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:38,440
Speaker 2: work with also, and.

688
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:40,800
Speaker 1: So men can do this type of work as well.

689
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:44,600
Speaker 2: Oh yes, oh yes, yes, yes, what does that look

690
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:47,400
Speaker 2: like for men? Yeah, it's the same thing. You know,

691
00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:53,080
Speaker 2: it's making time and space to practice self pleasure. Again,

692
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:56,440
Speaker 2: it's in a non performative way. Yeah, you know, our

693
00:45:56,480 --> 00:46:02,560
Speaker 2: bodies work differently, we get aroused at different rates. But

694
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:06,320
Speaker 2: also it can be so joyous to be in a space,

695
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 2: in a space of stripping away the shame of like

696
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:13,960
Speaker 2: it is okay to feel primal and sexual and you

697
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:18,439
Speaker 2: know want and desire. I think men have also been

698
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:21,719
Speaker 2: told like don't do that, that's not okay. Quiet that

699
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:26,359
Speaker 2: don't bring your full energy, and that needs to be

700
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:31,160
Speaker 2: reversed also to feel okay in your body.

701
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:35,040
Speaker 1: And then it's.

702
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 2: Again like the performative piece, like men have to stay hard.

703
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:39,680
Speaker 2: Many men have to wait for the women to come

704
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:43,319
Speaker 2: or else they're not not being sensitive or intuitive.

705
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 1: And it's like.

706
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 2: That you didn't just like grow up and learn all

707
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:48,760
Speaker 2: those tricksy sex has learned.

708
00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:52,520
Speaker 1: Sex has learned. God, that's such an important point. Sex

709
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:54,799
Speaker 1: is learned, Like you're not just good at it your

710
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:57,279
Speaker 1: first time. You do have to practice, you do have

711
00:46:57,360 --> 00:47:02,839
Speaker 1: to like find yourself in it. Yeah, you know it's

712
00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 1: interesting to me and especially in hearing about your work

713
00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:09,560
Speaker 1: with men. Something we spoke about earlier in the episode

714
00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:13,759
Speaker 1: was women being able to connect to their authentic moan,

715
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:17,760
Speaker 1: their signature sound way, that sound moves through their body

716
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:22,759
Speaker 1: when they experience pleasure. And so many men, you know,

717
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:27,359
Speaker 1: you hear a lot about men being very silent or

718
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:30,439
Speaker 1: just kind of like maybe talking at you, like if

719
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:34,240
Speaker 1: you're engaged in that way. But men having the freedom

720
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:37,760
Speaker 1: to learn their authentic sound and moan is such a vulnerable,

721
00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:39,120
Speaker 1: beautiful place to be in.

722
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:44,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, sounds can be very intimidating, and there's a lot

723
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:47,799
Speaker 2: of intimidation around you know, dirty talking or sexual talk

724
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 2: because we tend to Okay, we're getting intimate, we're kissing

725
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:53,320
Speaker 2: and now we're not talking at all, we're just doing

726
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:55,640
Speaker 2: and touching and like assuming, does this feel good? Does

727
00:47:55,640 --> 00:48:00,319
Speaker 2: that feel good? Well? But we don't know actually, and

728
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:03,160
Speaker 2: so once we again going back to the self pleasure practice,

729
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 2: it's like the more you're practicing with yourself, the more

730
00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:08,520
Speaker 2: you're like, this does feel good? Yeah, like whisper in

731
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 2: my ear what feels good or what you're doing to me?

732
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:13,520
Speaker 2: Because you know, it's not just our body that gets aroused,

733
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:16,880
Speaker 2: it's our mind, and we want to know what our

734
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:19,120
Speaker 2: partner's feeling. And yeah, we want to hear those like

735
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:21,880
Speaker 2: grunts and groans, and that turns us on. Like, at

736
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:25,280
Speaker 2: the end of the day, we are still animals, and

737
00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:31,000
Speaker 2: you know, sex is that beautiful, untamed space of being

738
00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:33,800
Speaker 2: able to let go of all the things we're holding

739
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:34,879
Speaker 2: on to in our day to day.

740
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:44,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, the release. Yeah, yeah, wow, when you're working with men,

741
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:45,719
Speaker 1: do you work with couples?

742
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 2: I do work with couples. I love working with couples.

743
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:52,279
Speaker 1: What is that experience like with couples, because that has

744
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:58,439
Speaker 1: to be quite the container to hold the two. There's

745
00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:02,839
Speaker 1: two separate agendas and there's one shared agenda. Yeah.

746
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:07,400
Speaker 2: So a lot of my couple clients, they are either

747
00:49:07,719 --> 00:49:11,799
Speaker 2: they just had a child and their intimate life has

748
00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:14,319
Speaker 2: just changed a lot and they're trying to figure out

749
00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:19,480
Speaker 2: what it looks like now. Or they've had some kind

750
00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:28,319
Speaker 2: of disrupt in the relationship, maybe trust or some you know,

751
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 2: earlier childhood traumas starting to come out and they're not

752
00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:37,360
Speaker 2: having sex anymore. Or they're like both very sexual explorative

753
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:41,400
Speaker 2: and they're like, what's the next level we can get to? Yeah,

754
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:45,840
Speaker 2: but in all of those experiences, it's about doesn't matter

755
00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:48,319
Speaker 2: how fresh the relationship is or how long you've been

756
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:53,480
Speaker 2: in a relationship, coming back to let's create communication. Let's

757
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:58,239
Speaker 2: meet each other for the first time and ask the

758
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:01,200
Speaker 2: questions that we maybe never asked or now we're assuming,

759
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 2: so that we know what pleasure feels like and in

760
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:08,160
Speaker 2: what ways we want to receive it. We want to

761
00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:12,640
Speaker 2: hear it how we value being valued seeing wanted.

762
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:20,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, something that has been really inspiring to me as

763
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:26,239
Speaker 1: I've been attuned to my understanding of pleasure being such

764
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:32,080
Speaker 1: a core part of healing, of embodiment, of liberation. You know,

765
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:35,840
Speaker 1: I believe pleasure. Having a pleasure practice makes me a

766
00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:38,600
Speaker 1: better mom, It makes me a better business woman, it

767
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:42,240
Speaker 1: makes me a better person stuck in traffic, it makes

768
00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:45,000
Speaker 1: me better in every facet of the way that I

769
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:48,320
Speaker 1: show up in the world. And it's the pleasure practice.

770
00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:51,880
Speaker 1: It's the release, it's the joy. It's also the ability

771
00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:55,400
Speaker 1: to just now feel like you know your body by heart,

772
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:58,759
Speaker 1: like every area of your body is known to you

773
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 1: and is in use to you and in service to you,

774
00:51:02,239 --> 00:51:07,319
Speaker 1: and this experience, so that is something I think is

775
00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:13,000
Speaker 1: just just profoundly beautiful. And it's been since I've been

776
00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:17,759
Speaker 1: attuned to this understanding, it's been really incredible seeing this

777
00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:22,520
Speaker 1: movement expand at the pace and at the speed it's

778
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:26,440
Speaker 1: been expanding with in the world, and it's been really

779
00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:31,880
Speaker 1: cool to see women of all ages connect to this work.

780
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:35,920
Speaker 1: You know, you mentioned having clients who were in their

781
00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:39,160
Speaker 1: sixties and a movie that I've shared on this show

782
00:51:39,239 --> 00:51:42,279
Speaker 1: quite a bit that I really thought was just wonderful.

783
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:45,919
Speaker 1: Was I think, Oh, I think it was good luck

784
00:51:45,920 --> 00:51:50,439
Speaker 1: to you, Yeah, Leo Grant or thanks for everything, Leo Grant.

785
00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:54,360
Speaker 1: It's on Hulu starring Emma Thompson, and in the movie,

786
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:58,759
Speaker 1: she is a woman who is in her sixties and

787
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:04,680
Speaker 1: she receives the help of someone who is a sexology

788
00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:08,319
Speaker 1: body worker. I say that loosely. They don't use that

789
00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:10,920
Speaker 1: title in the film, but that's how I take it.

790
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:14,759
Speaker 1: And you know, one of the things she talked about

791
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:16,400
Speaker 1: her character in the movie is that she was in

792
00:52:16,440 --> 00:52:19,399
Speaker 1: her sixties, her husband had just died, they had been

793
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:23,080
Speaker 1: married for thirty five years, and she had never experienced

794
00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:27,640
Speaker 1: an orgasm ever in her entire life in her sixties,

795
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:31,200
Speaker 1: and that with the husband that she was with for

796
00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:35,240
Speaker 1: thirty plus years, they had sex once in a while

797
00:52:35,440 --> 00:52:38,680
Speaker 1: in the exact same position for the exact same amount

798
00:52:38,680 --> 00:52:45,960
Speaker 1: of time, for the entirety of their relationship. And I think,

799
00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:49,520
Speaker 1: you know, hearing something like that, and I'm sure you

800
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:56,200
Speaker 1: hear that in your work, it's incredibly sad, and it's

801
00:52:56,239 --> 00:52:59,640
Speaker 1: incredibly exciting because it's never too late and they're still

802
00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:04,040
Speaker 1: uppertunity to have that. But if anyone listening is having

803
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:08,360
Speaker 1: a similar experience no matter your age, at any moment,

804
00:53:08,560 --> 00:53:10,680
Speaker 1: there's another choice that can be made.

805
00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:19,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, our sexual evolution is continuous. Yeah, and that's exciting. Yeah,

806
00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:21,239
Speaker 2: it's really exciting to know that, you know, we are

807
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:24,920
Speaker 2: not who we were when we were fifteen or thirty,

808
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:26,600
Speaker 2: and we're not going to be the same way when

809
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:31,040
Speaker 2: we're fifty and sixty and eighty. You know, pleasure is

810
00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:34,240
Speaker 2: going to look different along the way, And it's about

811
00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:40,360
Speaker 2: creating that constant conversation with ourselves and with our partners.

812
00:53:40,760 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 2: And I think that's again why the self pleasure practice

813
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 2: is so important, because it's like, every time you're in practice,

814
00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:52,400
Speaker 2: you're having that conversation, well, how is my body feeling today,

815
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 2: Like where is my desire? How is this going to

816
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:58,080
Speaker 2: help me show up better in my conversation that I'm

817
00:53:58,080 --> 00:54:01,000
Speaker 2: about to have with my partner. Come from the reverence

818
00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:04,480
Speaker 2: of like my inner most solid being rather than some

819
00:54:04,600 --> 00:54:08,440
Speaker 2: other kind of egotistical desire or need for somebody to

820
00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:15,000
Speaker 2: fulfill that for me. Yeah, it's a magical space to

821
00:54:15,040 --> 00:54:16,600
Speaker 2: connect with your body in that way.

822
00:54:17,200 --> 00:54:21,440
Speaker 1: One of the things that you spoke to earlier in

823
00:54:21,480 --> 00:54:25,160
Speaker 1: the episode was the way that we begin to understand

824
00:54:25,200 --> 00:54:27,959
Speaker 1: our bodies, and even being able to witness a parent

825
00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:33,480
Speaker 1: naked or inflow with their own body. You know, the

826
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:35,880
Speaker 1: work that you do and the kind of conversations that

827
00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:38,080
Speaker 1: you have and that we're having now, they're brand new.

828
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:43,840
Speaker 1: You know, this is there were probably a few sprinkled

829
00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:48,360
Speaker 1: throughout history, right, and there were definitely like Betty Dotson,

830
00:54:48,440 --> 00:54:52,560
Speaker 1: you're pioneers in this space, your radical pioneers. But the

831
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:55,880
Speaker 1: freedom within which we're able to have this conversation on

832
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:59,680
Speaker 1: microphones on a broadcast, you know, these are conversations that

833
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:03,359
Speaker 1: are so new for us and so revolutionary. And I

834
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:07,399
Speaker 1: always think, you know, we are having conversations that will

835
00:55:07,440 --> 00:55:13,040
Speaker 1: be the normal society for our children. So how do

836
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:16,240
Speaker 1: we meet those needs in real time as we're learning

837
00:55:16,280 --> 00:55:18,759
Speaker 1: these things? And I think, you know, I know in

838
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:22,400
Speaker 1: your work and absolutely in my work, I hear so

839
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:25,600
Speaker 1: many stories from people on ways that they were shamed

840
00:55:25,719 --> 00:55:29,240
Speaker 1: in their sexuality very early, ways that they were shamed

841
00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:33,439
Speaker 1: with their genitalia very early, and sometimes in the sense

842
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:35,480
Speaker 1: of don't ever look at it, don't ever touch it,

843
00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:40,319
Speaker 1: stop it. You know that's gross, don't do that. And

844
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:44,880
Speaker 1: those experiences shape the rest of your life and inform

845
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:47,560
Speaker 1: the way you treat yourself and others for the rest

846
00:55:47,560 --> 00:55:51,760
Speaker 1: of your life. So with what we're beginning to know now,

847
00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:57,600
Speaker 1: what are ways that we can support our children, our

848
00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:02,760
Speaker 1: family systems, and not just being in peace with their bodies,

849
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:07,279
Speaker 1: but like being in like the deepest acceptance and surrender

850
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:11,560
Speaker 1: to their physical bodies, and being curious and feeling free

851
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:16,760
Speaker 1: to be curious in whatever their pleasure or sexual expressions. Maybe.

852
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:18,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, we were talking a little bit about

853
00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:20,560
Speaker 2: this last night, and as you know, I'm a mom,

854
00:56:20,600 --> 00:56:22,799
Speaker 2: I hav an eleven year old boy, you know, just

855
00:56:22,840 --> 00:56:26,399
Speaker 2: at the cusp of really going into his puberty, and

856
00:56:27,640 --> 00:56:30,320
Speaker 2: so it's been something that's been really close to home.

857
00:56:30,640 --> 00:56:33,480
Speaker 2: And it's one thing to be a sex positive person

858
00:56:33,719 --> 00:56:37,480
Speaker 2: and in tune with your own sexuality, and it's a

859
00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:43,040
Speaker 2: whole other field to be prepared for the conversations that

860
00:56:43,080 --> 00:56:45,480
Speaker 2: you're going to have with your children and how you

861
00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:50,840
Speaker 2: decide to express yourself or not express yourself around your kids.

862
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:54,439
Speaker 2: And I think it's really important to think about that

863
00:56:54,719 --> 00:56:57,000
Speaker 2: well ahead of the years that you're going to have

864
00:56:57,080 --> 00:57:04,439
Speaker 2: those conversations. I mean, not only because in this day

865
00:57:04,640 --> 00:57:09,400
Speaker 2: modern era, kids have so much more access to things

866
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:14,040
Speaker 2: and are seeing sexuality so much more vividly in media,

867
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:20,200
Speaker 2: songs and all around, So they are going to explore

868
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:25,400
Speaker 2: sooner and we can't pretend like we're dumb to that fact.

869
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:29,040
Speaker 2: And then it's like when your kid comes to you

870
00:57:29,240 --> 00:57:33,560
Speaker 2: or they say something to you, like, are you going

871
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:36,080
Speaker 2: to spit out that same thing that was spat out

872
00:57:36,080 --> 00:57:39,360
Speaker 2: to you? Or are you going to feel comfortable enough

873
00:57:39,400 --> 00:57:43,600
Speaker 2: expressing that you're still working through what it means to

874
00:57:43,640 --> 00:57:46,120
Speaker 2: be a sex positive person and what does that look

875
00:57:46,160 --> 00:57:48,120
Speaker 2: like to be a sex positive parent.

876
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:51,360
Speaker 1: And what does that look like?

877
00:57:52,920 --> 00:57:55,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's you know, I think it's first deciding what

878
00:57:56,440 --> 00:58:02,760
Speaker 2: your personal values are around secuality and how that looks

879
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:09,640
Speaker 2: in your life, and being sex positive is you know,

880
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:16,800
Speaker 2: first and foremost not shaming somebody else's experience. And as

881
00:58:16,840 --> 00:58:20,400
Speaker 2: a parent, when we see our kids exploring their bodies,

882
00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:27,640
Speaker 2: giving them the words, the toolkit, the space to understand

883
00:58:27,760 --> 00:58:31,600
Speaker 2: that pleasure is a birthright and pleasure should be explored

884
00:58:31,760 --> 00:58:34,920
Speaker 2: and like, here's a safe space to do that and

885
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:39,400
Speaker 2: to understand what sexual agency is, so they have the

886
00:58:39,520 --> 00:58:42,400
Speaker 2: verbiage and understanding that this is my body, it's okay

887
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 2: to explore my body. It's not okay for somebody else

888
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,960
Speaker 2: to explore my body. Yet, you know, that's a different

889
00:58:50,040 --> 00:58:53,360
Speaker 2: conversation in a different age. I mean, this is a

890
00:58:53,400 --> 00:58:58,560
Speaker 2: whole nother episode, I feel like. But yeah, I always

891
00:58:58,560 --> 00:59:00,880
Speaker 2: think about that because it's so deeply embedded in the

892
00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:03,240
Speaker 2: work that I do. Why do we feel repressed in

893
00:59:03,280 --> 00:59:05,400
Speaker 2: our own bodies? It goes back to that very first

894
00:59:05,400 --> 00:59:07,440
Speaker 2: moment when we start exploring when we're young, and the

895
00:59:07,480 --> 00:59:10,000
Speaker 2: messages we get. So if we want to change that

896
00:59:10,160 --> 00:59:13,640
Speaker 2: script right now for our children and to the conversations

897
00:59:14,200 --> 00:59:17,120
Speaker 2: and for men and women to have the language to

898
00:59:17,160 --> 00:59:22,200
Speaker 2: respect other people's bodies and pleasure, then we need to

899
00:59:22,280 --> 00:59:26,760
Speaker 2: inform our children that that's okay.

900
00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:33,680
Speaker 1: What are some ways? What are some tools that parents

901
00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:37,560
Speaker 1: listening can start using when it comes to their kids.

902
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:40,640
Speaker 1: For instance, if you have a little one who is

903
00:59:41,200 --> 00:59:44,160
Speaker 1: really interested in their body, what are ways that you

904
00:59:44,200 --> 00:59:47,360
Speaker 1: can nourish that but also make sure that they are

905
00:59:47,440 --> 00:59:51,440
Speaker 1: kept safe. Yeah.

906
00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:54,840
Speaker 2: I think it's letting them know that it's perfectly fine

907
00:59:54,920 --> 00:59:58,920
Speaker 2: to feel the feelings that they're feeling and to explore

908
00:59:58,960 --> 01:00:05,440
Speaker 2: their body, and that their body is filled with information,

909
01:00:06,680 --> 01:00:11,280
Speaker 2: and to do it in a space that is safe.

910
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:13,960
Speaker 2: So in their bedroom, you know, in the shower, in

911
01:00:14,040 --> 01:00:18,960
Speaker 2: the bathtub, Yeah, you know, letting them again know that

912
01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:24,040
Speaker 2: it's it's not for somebody else to participate in. When

913
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:26,880
Speaker 2: they're young, we start having, you know, having to have

914
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:30,560
Speaker 2: those conversations of agency and this is my body, that's

915
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:36,480
Speaker 2: your body. But just you know, we children see our reactions.

916
01:00:36,600 --> 01:00:40,720
Speaker 2: We don't even have to say anything, and then that's imprinted.

917
01:00:41,800 --> 01:00:42,560
Speaker 1: Yeah.

918
01:00:42,680 --> 01:00:46,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, And like I said, practicing beforehand, like with your

919
01:00:46,880 --> 01:00:49,160
Speaker 2: partner if you have one, or if you're a single parent,

920
01:00:49,320 --> 01:00:52,360
Speaker 2: Like when it comes to be that day when my

921
01:00:52,480 --> 01:00:56,160
Speaker 2: kid asks me, and hopefully you've had enough open conversations

922
01:00:56,200 --> 01:00:58,240
Speaker 2: so that they will come ask you. Like I know

923
01:00:58,280 --> 01:00:59,760
Speaker 2: there's gonna be a time when you're gonna be curious

924
01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:05,320
Speaker 2: about porn or what you're gonna be curious about, you know, masturbation,

925
01:01:05,720 --> 01:01:08,760
Speaker 2: Like you can come talk to me about that, and

926
01:01:08,800 --> 01:01:11,640
Speaker 2: then rehearsing before they come talk to you what you're

927
01:01:11,640 --> 01:01:12,439
Speaker 2: gonna say to them.

928
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:14,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I get the tools, We got it. You know,

929
01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:17,560
Speaker 1: that's such a I love the idea of rehearsing before

930
01:01:17,640 --> 01:01:20,240
Speaker 1: because I think what we don't say enough as parents

931
01:01:20,440 --> 01:01:24,760
Speaker 1: is like take the time to do some research, like

932
01:01:25,240 --> 01:01:29,680
Speaker 1: make notes. You know, every conversation doesn't have to be spontaneous,

933
01:01:29,840 --> 01:01:34,160
Speaker 1: Like let's give ourselves space to prep for these really

934
01:01:34,200 --> 01:01:37,960
Speaker 1: important conversations with the really important people in our lives,

935
01:01:38,520 --> 01:01:40,920
Speaker 1: the same way we will prep for work or for

936
01:01:41,040 --> 01:01:44,800
Speaker 1: a meeting or for something that we want. Right, So

937
01:01:44,840 --> 01:01:48,440
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, make a little script, like take the

938
01:01:48,480 --> 01:01:51,120
Speaker 1: time to do some back end research about this, and

939
01:01:51,680 --> 01:01:54,360
Speaker 1: as you said, check in with my inner values. Where

940
01:01:54,360 --> 01:01:58,480
Speaker 1: do I really stand with this and what is my

941
01:01:58,640 --> 01:02:02,560
Speaker 1: hope for how my child will accept themselves and their bodies?

942
01:02:02,840 --> 01:02:06,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I know for me and for every woman

943
01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:09,000
Speaker 2: I work with, like if somebody had told me, like,

944
01:02:10,120 --> 01:02:13,960
Speaker 2: explore your body first, like figure out what pleasure feels

945
01:02:14,120 --> 01:02:16,960
Speaker 2: like to you, Like you be the navigator of your

946
01:02:16,960 --> 01:02:20,880
Speaker 2: own body, because so many of our first experiences are

947
01:02:21,160 --> 01:02:26,440
Speaker 2: being done too and us learning through somebody else's experience

948
01:02:26,480 --> 01:02:28,880
Speaker 2: with us. And it's like, Wow, if I had given

949
01:02:28,880 --> 01:02:32,760
Speaker 2: myself that orgasm and given myself like that thirty minutes

950
01:02:32,800 --> 01:02:35,920
Speaker 2: to explore pleasure, and I could teach somebody what that

951
01:02:35,960 --> 01:02:37,400
Speaker 2: felt like and I.

952
01:02:37,400 --> 01:02:39,440
Speaker 1: Knew that was okay.

953
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:43,880
Speaker 2: Now I have the language and the reverence within myself

954
01:02:44,040 --> 01:02:46,840
Speaker 2: to now create a sexual experience that feels aligned with

955
01:02:46,880 --> 01:02:50,200
Speaker 2: who I am.

956
01:02:50,360 --> 01:02:54,000
Speaker 1: That is so powerful and I think that is so

957
01:02:54,240 --> 01:02:58,280
Speaker 1: deeply relatable when you just said, you know, for so

958
01:02:58,360 --> 01:03:01,120
Speaker 1: many the first experience with you your body is really

959
01:03:01,200 --> 01:03:03,720
Speaker 1: through the lens of someone else and what they're doing

960
01:03:03,800 --> 01:03:10,400
Speaker 1: to it. Wow. Wow, I feel that that is such

961
01:03:10,560 --> 01:03:16,080
Speaker 1: a beautiful call to action for everyone. You know, It's like, really,

962
01:03:16,120 --> 01:03:20,840
Speaker 1: sit and think about that, think about that, think about that,

963
01:03:21,080 --> 01:03:24,960
Speaker 1: be with that thought, and then what is in some

964
01:03:25,040 --> 01:03:29,320
Speaker 1: instances repair that we can do to that, or what

965
01:03:29,440 --> 01:03:34,360
Speaker 1: is some new experience and curiosity you know that we

966
01:03:34,400 --> 01:03:46,640
Speaker 1: can shine on to that. That's so beautiful. M As

967
01:03:46,640 --> 01:03:50,600
Speaker 1: our time comes to a close the end of every episode,

968
01:03:51,400 --> 01:03:54,640
Speaker 1: we do some soul work, and so it is something

969
01:03:55,040 --> 01:04:00,520
Speaker 1: either an exercise, a thought, a prompt, a tool that

970
01:04:00,600 --> 01:04:04,080
Speaker 1: can be explored for this next week as everyone integrates

971
01:04:04,120 --> 01:04:08,520
Speaker 1: this conversation and lets themselves meditate on it, journal on it,

972
01:04:09,200 --> 01:04:11,640
Speaker 1: see where it fits in lands in their own life.

973
01:04:11,920 --> 01:04:16,720
Speaker 1: So I'd like to offer to you a teaching that

974
01:04:16,800 --> 01:04:20,440
Speaker 1: you may have in this moment for everyone to take away. Yeah,

975
01:04:20,480 --> 01:04:20,880
Speaker 1: thank you.

976
01:04:22,040 --> 01:04:25,600
Speaker 2: Well, since we've been focusing so much on self pleasure

977
01:04:26,160 --> 01:04:28,320
Speaker 2: and what that means, and what that looks like. I

978
01:04:28,400 --> 01:04:33,520
Speaker 2: would love to invite anyone that feels comfortable, I'm curious

979
01:04:33,560 --> 01:04:37,480
Speaker 2: and excited about this conversation to take some time this

980
01:04:37,600 --> 01:04:42,120
Speaker 2: week to get into your body, to I gaze in

981
01:04:42,160 --> 01:04:45,240
Speaker 2: the mirror, to just look at yourself and see and

982
01:04:45,400 --> 01:04:51,480
Speaker 2: ask what is pleasure? To tap into an erotic experience

983
01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:56,880
Speaker 2: with yourself. I actually have a really incredible Volva mapping

984
01:04:57,000 --> 01:05:01,680
Speaker 2: workbook on my website you can get for free. So

985
01:05:01,720 --> 01:05:05,240
Speaker 2: I want to invite everyone to get that. It's a

986
01:05:05,400 --> 01:05:10,160
Speaker 2: beautiful ten pages long. It has different practices and to

987
01:05:10,200 --> 01:05:14,160
Speaker 2: go through that and see what feels good and yummy

988
01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:17,840
Speaker 2: and maybe challenging and what comes up.

989
01:05:19,120 --> 01:05:20,360
Speaker 1: And if you have.

990
01:05:20,360 --> 01:05:22,360
Speaker 2: A partner, you can do that with a partner too.

991
01:05:22,800 --> 01:05:28,560
Speaker 2: You know, I gaze track each other without an expectation

992
01:05:29,120 --> 01:05:34,320
Speaker 2: of it needing to be an orgasmic based experience and

993
01:05:34,400 --> 01:05:35,840
Speaker 2: practice intimacy in that way.

994
01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:40,880
Speaker 1: Wow. I love that. I hope everyone will take the

995
01:05:40,960 --> 01:05:44,880
Speaker 1: time to do that. If you feel called Simona, how

996
01:05:44,920 --> 01:05:49,240
Speaker 1: can everyone connect with you? And how could they get

997
01:05:49,240 --> 01:05:53,480
Speaker 1: on a retreat with you? Yeah?

998
01:05:53,520 --> 01:05:56,760
Speaker 2: So you can find all of my stuff on Instagram

999
01:05:56,800 --> 01:06:01,360
Speaker 2: at the Pleasure Plus also my web site The pleasure

1000
01:06:01,440 --> 01:06:05,919
Speaker 2: plus dot com and I am having a retreat. I'm

1001
01:06:06,000 --> 01:06:09,280
Speaker 2: so excited. It's going to be in Mexico again. It's

1002
01:06:09,280 --> 01:06:12,720
Speaker 2: going to be this October October twenty second through the

1003
01:06:12,720 --> 01:06:16,480
Speaker 2: twenty seventh, and this retreat is it's going to be

1004
01:06:16,640 --> 01:06:20,640
Speaker 2: like the precursor to all the body sex stuff. So

1005
01:06:20,680 --> 01:06:24,360
Speaker 2: it's going to be a lot about femininity. It's going

1006
01:06:24,400 --> 01:06:27,400
Speaker 2: to be about nervous system regulation, it's about going to

1007
01:06:27,400 --> 01:06:33,720
Speaker 2: be about deep rest and sensuality. And then I'll be

1008
01:06:33,800 --> 01:06:39,040
Speaker 2: hosting my workshops today body sex Workshops in California starting

1009
01:06:39,080 --> 01:06:42,640
Speaker 2: in December, so you can sign up on my website.

1010
01:06:43,440 --> 01:06:47,360
Speaker 1: Wow, thank you so much. Thank you for the work

1011
01:06:47,400 --> 01:06:50,080
Speaker 1: that you do in the world. Thank you for sharing

1012
01:06:50,120 --> 01:06:54,480
Speaker 1: this work on the show. Deep admiration.

1013
01:06:55,640 --> 01:06:56,520
Speaker 2: Thank you, Debbie.

1014
01:06:56,760 --> 01:07:02,880
Speaker 1: Such a pleasure. Do the work. Get in touch. Connect

1015
01:07:02,880 --> 01:07:06,680
Speaker 1: to pleasure. As Simone said, it is your birthright. And

1016
01:07:06,760 --> 01:07:10,800
Speaker 1: whether you're taking pleasure in the sense of sexual exploration

1017
01:07:11,160 --> 01:07:15,480
Speaker 1: or just giving yourself the opportunity to open to a

1018
01:07:15,480 --> 01:07:21,400
Speaker 1: more joyfulness, delightful, and pleasurable way of being, it is

1019
01:07:21,480 --> 01:07:29,200
Speaker 1: a worthy investment of your time. Much love, no mistayyday.

1020
01:07:30,600 --> 01:07:34,040
Speaker 1: Connect with me on social at Debbie Brown. That's Twitter

1021
01:07:34,120 --> 01:07:36,960
Speaker 1: and Instagram, or you can go to my website Debbie

1022
01:07:36,960 --> 01:07:39,480
Speaker 1: Brown dot com. And if you're listening to the show

1023
01:07:39,600 --> 01:07:44,320
Speaker 1: on Apple Podcasts, don't forget. Please rate, review, and subscribe

1024
01:07:44,640 --> 01:07:47,520
Speaker 1: and send this episode to a friend. Deeply Well is

1025
01:07:47,520 --> 01:07:50,800
Speaker 1: a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Network. It's

1026
01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:55,440
Speaker 1: produced by Jacqueis Thomas, Samantha Timmins, and me Debbie Brown.

1027
01:07:56,080 --> 01:08:00,160
Speaker 1: The Beautiful Soundbath You heard That's by Jarrelyn Glass from

1028
01:08:00,240 --> 01:08:05,480
Speaker 1: Crystal Cadence. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio

1029
01:08:05,520 --> 01:08:08,640
Speaker 1: app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.