WEBVTT - YOU ARE NOT ALONE PART 2

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<v Speaker 1>Mental health At the moment. For many millions, there isn't

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<v Speaker 1>much that feels more important or more urgent than their

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<v Speaker 1>mental health. We've devoted two episodes of this topic. On

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<v Speaker 1>the most recent episode, sportscaster Dan Patrick shared how daily

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<v Speaker 1>debilitating pain pulled him into depression and how he's worked

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<v Speaker 1>through it. Gary Gellman, one of my favorite comedians, was

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<v Speaker 1>featured in our earlier episode on Laughter's Power. In this conversation,

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<v Speaker 1>he tells us about the struggle against his profound anxiety

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<v Speaker 1>and depression. To me, it's truly uplifting and inspiring. It

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<v Speaker 1>urged you to check out his brilliant comedy special from

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<v Speaker 1>two thousand nineteen, The Great Depression. It had audiences on

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<v Speaker 1>their feet. My wife shade, not my shade, she said, Gary,

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<v Speaker 1>all you are doing was crying and sleeping, and I

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<v Speaker 1>get so defensive. I always say. I also watched Better

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<v Speaker 1>Call Saul. I wish you would pay a more accurate

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<v Speaker 1>picture of what was going on for one hour a

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<v Speaker 1>week for ten consecutive weeks, I pulled it together, but yes,

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<v Speaker 1>I was sleeping and crying. I was so sick. I

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<v Speaker 1>couldn't perform at all. I would bite my lip until

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<v Speaker 1>it bled from anxiety. I was shaking all the time.

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<v Speaker 1>My voice was so stressed. I couldn't really talk. I

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<v Speaker 1>couldn't stand for more than five minutes. I was so

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<v Speaker 1>fatigued all the time. I had to cancel all my

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<v Speaker 1>shows for for months, and I was contemplating retiring from comedy.

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<v Speaker 1>And then I thought about it some and realized that

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<v Speaker 1>retirement it's a bit pretentious for what was going on.

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<v Speaker 1>Johnny Carson retired, Michael Jordan retired. Gary Goldman, you're giving up.

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<v Speaker 1>It's such an amazingly powerful moment as a viewer of

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<v Speaker 1>the Great Depression, much less someone who lived it. To

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<v Speaker 1>see the reaction. People have laughed for an hour, They've

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<v Speaker 1>they've applauded bits that they appreciate the intelligence of as

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<v Speaker 1>well as laugh and at the end, Gary, they get

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<v Speaker 1>on their feet and they give you a standing ovation

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<v Speaker 1>when you deliver the line. Just know that if you're

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<v Speaker 1>suffering from even as severe mental illness, you are not alone.

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<v Speaker 1>And what could be more basic and more powerful than

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<v Speaker 1>to deliver that line and connect with people who loneliness

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<v Speaker 1>and despair is is central to it. And here's somebody

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<v Speaker 1>who's making them laugh, who they feel like has come

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<v Speaker 1>out the other side. I mean, it's it's a it's

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<v Speaker 1>a look in their eye that must be daunting. It

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<v Speaker 1>maybe a little bitter as you get used to it,

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<v Speaker 1>but but also really powerful and gratifying. It wasn't incredibly gratifying.

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<v Speaker 1>And I had done comedy for for twenty five years

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<v Speaker 1>at that point, and when I started touring the Great Depression,

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<v Speaker 1>and I had done great shows and been really funny,

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<v Speaker 1>and to be honest with you, I had been funnier.

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<v Speaker 1>I had gotten more laughs I had. If you, if

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<v Speaker 1>you had taken out the parts where I was being

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<v Speaker 1>serious or or informative, then there was less funny then

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<v Speaker 1>in my past specials, in my past shows. But none

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<v Speaker 1>of those shows on the on the road got standing ovations.

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<v Speaker 1>And I also do meet and greets at the end

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<v Speaker 1>of every show, and I never had people crying when

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<v Speaker 1>they met me and telling me about their struggle and

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<v Speaker 1>there their recovery and what they were and how they

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<v Speaker 1>didn't want to come out because they were so anxious

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<v Speaker 1>tonight and they're so glad they came out. They didn't.

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<v Speaker 1>You never know what you're gonna see from a comedian.

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<v Speaker 1>Even though the thing was labeled the Great Depression. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't think a lot of people knew that they were

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<v Speaker 1>going to hear a story of my recovery from depression

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<v Speaker 1>that I don't get enough press where people were saying,

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<v Speaker 1>this is what the show is about. So it was

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<v Speaker 1>a it was a surprise to them. And and that

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<v Speaker 1>is is so important and I didn't realize it. And

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<v Speaker 1>and it's so interesting because I was I was vulnerable

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<v Speaker 1>in my in my way over the years I was

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<v Speaker 1>I was telling things that that were saying things that

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<v Speaker 1>were sort of odd or esoteric and saying, in effect,

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<v Speaker 1>I think this is funny, do you. I think that's

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<v Speaker 1>a very vulnerable place to to be. And and I

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<v Speaker 1>I think that's that takes some bravery to to share somebody,

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<v Speaker 1>share your humor with with someone, but to go that

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<v Speaker 1>next level and share this thing that Actually I hadn't

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<v Speaker 1>told anybody who wasn't related to me that I was

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<v Speaker 1>in the psych ward. I hadn't told anybody that I

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<v Speaker 1>had electro convulsive therapy. My psychiatrist is an advocate for

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<v Speaker 1>and an expert in something called electro convulsive therapy, which

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<v Speaker 1>used to be called electroshock therapy. But they felt electro

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<v Speaker 1>shock was not quite horrifying enough. They said, yes, electro

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<v Speaker 1>shock is disturbing, but I feel like we're soft selling

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<v Speaker 1>the convulsions, Yes, the writhing. If we could underscore the writhing,

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<v Speaker 1>make that the centerpiece, I feel like we could really

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<v Speaker 1>weed out the cysty season the Mama's Boys. Electro convulsive

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<v Speaker 1>therapy e c T, as it's always called now it

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<v Speaker 1>has a very bad branding problem. In The Great Depression,

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<v Speaker 1>Gary uses rich detail and humor describing these experiences with

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<v Speaker 1>e c T. It was nothing like the horror forced

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<v Speaker 1>on Jack Nicholson's character in One flu with the Cuckoo's Nest.

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<v Speaker 1>Gary relates how for him, the treatments helped lift the

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<v Speaker 1>fog of depression and the extreme anxiety that was amplified

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<v Speaker 1>by his work in front of audiences. It was one

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<v Speaker 1>of the things that maybe maybe didn't cause my depression

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<v Speaker 1>but exacerbated. And it was it was this, and and

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<v Speaker 1>I found that I was letting the audience decide how

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<v Speaker 1>I was going to feel about my self tomorrow morning.

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<v Speaker 1>So I and it was it wasn't there of their fault.

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<v Speaker 1>I was giving them too much power. So I would

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<v Speaker 1>I would often start my show by saying I'm I'm

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<v Speaker 1>very anxious, and I wish you guys knew how much

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<v Speaker 1>power you have over how I'll feel about myself at

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<v Speaker 1>breakfast tomorrow. That if I had a great show, I

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<v Speaker 1>would feel smart, and that I had a future, that

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<v Speaker 1>I that I would continue to earn a living, And

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<v Speaker 1>if I had a bad show, then then who am I?

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<v Speaker 1>What am I? That? That's they found me out last night?

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<v Speaker 1>I was a fraud and they finally found me out.

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<v Speaker 1>And then I came across this quote by by Samuel Beckett.

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<v Speaker 1>And I tried reading Waiting for Godot years ago, and

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<v Speaker 1>and I couldn't get past the foreword. And then I

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<v Speaker 1>tried to read it just the play, and I couldn't

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<v Speaker 1>get past the first few paragraphs. It was way too

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<v Speaker 1>smart for me. But I found this quote by him,

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<v Speaker 1>and it was this ever tried, ever, failed, no matter,

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<v Speaker 1>try again, fail again, failed better, And those two words

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<v Speaker 1>failed better released me of all the perfectionism and the

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<v Speaker 1>weight I put on every single show that if it

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<v Speaker 1>didn't go well, then then oh no, I'm I'm a

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<v Speaker 1>failure and I'm a loser and I'll never write another joke.

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<v Speaker 1>And and then it became you take a risk, take

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<v Speaker 1>at least a risk every time you get on stage.

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<v Speaker 1>Try something that you don't know if it's going to work.

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<v Speaker 1>Try something outrageous, Say something that you've been afraid to

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<v Speaker 1>say for years, such as, ladies and gentlemen, I have

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<v Speaker 1>a blank ee. I have a blank eye. It's on

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<v Speaker 1>my pillow right now. And if it and if they

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<v Speaker 1>don't laugh, then all you did was figure out a

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<v Speaker 1>way that it won't work. But they don't think you're serious.

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<v Speaker 1>Probably they they probably think that's what a comics says.

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<v Speaker 1>They don't know how deeply true it is. Yeah, And

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<v Speaker 1>and I tell you now that that I were Glass

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<v Speaker 1>pointed out that he didn't believe that I really had

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<v Speaker 1>a blanket, and I had to swear to him that

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<v Speaker 1>I really really did. He said, people don't really believe that,

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<v Speaker 1>and I said, well they, first of all, they do,

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<v Speaker 1>and second it's it's true. So I think that when

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<v Speaker 1>when I decided I did that, that I was going

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<v Speaker 1>to actually go after failure and and take its power away.

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<v Speaker 1>And Okay, I failed, but tomorrow the failure will be

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<v Speaker 1>less severe and I'll try something else and over and

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<v Speaker 1>over again. And I read so many, so many athletic

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<v Speaker 1>as well as biographies of writers and athletes, and over

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<v Speaker 1>and over again they they talk about the failures that

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<v Speaker 1>made them. And I remember reading this book of essays

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<v Speaker 1>by Neil game and in in which he just kept saying,

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<v Speaker 1>over and over again, make mistakes, make mistakes. And my

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<v Speaker 1>therapist the permission to fail. He's always stressed that give

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<v Speaker 1>yourself permission to fail, and and I tried it, and

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<v Speaker 1>it was it was a revelations. The other thing that

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<v Speaker 1>I wanted to talk about with you is the role

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<v Speaker 1>that because you're one. Thing I didn't realize was that

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<v Speaker 1>people looked at me the same way I looked at

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<v Speaker 1>my favorite comedians and my favorite athletes, as people who

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<v Speaker 1>could make me think differently, who could make me understand

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<v Speaker 1>things in a better way. And what I mean by

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<v Speaker 1>that is that I looked at Jerry West and Terry

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<v Speaker 1>Bradshaw two in particular, and there are others talking about

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<v Speaker 1>their mental illness and their depression, and I thought, Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>if they're feeling bad, then it can't be just that

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<v Speaker 1>I haven't achieved enough to feel good about myself. I

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<v Speaker 1>think as as you get around successful people, you realize

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<v Speaker 1>that a lot of them thought that they would feel

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<v Speaker 1>great as soon as they were successful. And we know

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<v Speaker 1>that that's not always the case, and that there that

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<v Speaker 1>that is not the answer to feeling good about yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>That that, and and I don't know your musical taste,

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<v Speaker 1>but for some reason, I think you might be a

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<v Speaker 1>Springsteen fan. And and I read Springsteen's autobiography and he

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<v Speaker 1>talked about not being able to get out of bed.

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<v Speaker 1>And and at the time he was, if I remember correctly,

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<v Speaker 1>at the time he was unable to get out of

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<v Speaker 1>bed because of his depression. He was Bruce Springsteen at

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<v Speaker 1>that time. He was. He was He was the star

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<v Speaker 1>that we we know he was in his in his fifties,

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<v Speaker 1>I think, and when I when I think about that,

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<v Speaker 1>there's no better example of somebody who worked hard, who achieved,

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<v Speaker 1>and who seemed to have it all. And if that

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't the answer to curing depression, then nothing we're actually

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<v Speaker 1>capable of doing is going to cure depression. It's a

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<v Speaker 1>it's chemistry, it's not character. And that when when he

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<v Speaker 1>said that he had gone on an antidepressants and it

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<v Speaker 1>changed his mood and it made him feel better, and

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<v Speaker 1>he got back and he wrote and he performed, and

0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:51.079
<v Speaker 1>he felt good about himself. He shure that that the

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<v Speaker 1>idea that say, well, Bautron is more effective than being

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<v Speaker 1>Bruce Springsteen, that that was really the the answer. No

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<v Speaker 1>amount of hard work, whether it's him practicing his craft,

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<v Speaker 1>you're practicing your craft, Bradshaw, you can can can keep

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<v Speaker 1>this at bay. I mean that's obviously when you when

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<v Speaker 1>you're feeling something you don't want to feel, you can

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<v Speaker 1>try to bury yourself in your work and make it

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<v Speaker 1>go away. But it doesn't work with with clinical depression,

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<v Speaker 1>does it. I mean, even if you were able to

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<v Speaker 1>write and work, that's not gonna that's not gonna make

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<v Speaker 1>it go away. It's not gonna make things better. And

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<v Speaker 1>that I don't know if that makes you feel better

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<v Speaker 1>or worse. If you can relate to someone like Springsteen

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<v Speaker 1>or Cheese, if even he is subject to all the

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<v Speaker 1>darkness and the evils of this, what am I going

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<v Speaker 1>to do about it? I mean, there's different ways you

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<v Speaker 1>could take his his example or the example of those

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<v Speaker 1>who are heroes and have everything talent, success, money, fame.

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<v Speaker 1>All that. My city was I'll work hard, I'll do

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<v Speaker 1>something great, then I'll feel good about myself. And I

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<v Speaker 1>have found in the past two and a half years

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<v Speaker 1>that it's the opposite. I feel great and now I'm

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<v Speaker 1>working harder and and it's easier. The work is so

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<v Speaker 1>much easier because I don't one, I don't have a

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<v Speaker 1>brain that is that is actually slower. They show that

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<v Speaker 1>brain is slower when you're depressed. It's not working, it's

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<v Speaker 1>not firing, it's not operating at its maximum uh ideal level.

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<v Speaker 1>And so that's a handicap. And then the other thing

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<v Speaker 1>is that depression also causes these ruminations in what you're saying,

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<v Speaker 1>you're you're not talented, you're not smart, you're you're weak,

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<v Speaker 1>you're lazy. And then and so I'm fighting that off

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<v Speaker 1>and trying to write an interesting joke. It's it's just

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<v Speaker 1>too much to ask for. I mean, it's it's interesting

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<v Speaker 1>in the in the physical aspects of depression. And the

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<v Speaker 1>horrible thing about depression is it effects different people different ways,

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<v Speaker 1>so that I would sleep for nineteen hours and still

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<v Speaker 1>be tired, and some people will go days without sleep

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<v Speaker 1>and they can't eating, and other people all they can

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<v Speaker 1>do is eat and they put on all kinds of wit.

0:15:07.680 --> 0:15:10.840
<v Speaker 1>But one of the things I found was that Shane,

0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:15.400
<v Speaker 1>who's about five ten would walk, and I would be

0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:17.680
<v Speaker 1>when I was depressed, I would say, please slow down,

0:15:17.720 --> 0:15:20.720
<v Speaker 1>I can't keep up with you. And and I'm I'm

0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:23.680
<v Speaker 1>six ft six and athletic, and that was that was

0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:29.000
<v Speaker 1>never the case with anyone. I always outpaced everyone. And

0:15:29.000 --> 0:15:31.600
<v Speaker 1>and since I've been feeling better, it's it's back to

0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:35.640
<v Speaker 1>normal where I'm I'm slowing down to so she can

0:15:36.000 --> 0:15:39.360
<v Speaker 1>catch up with me. And and and it was it

0:15:39.440 --> 0:15:43.080
<v Speaker 1>was exhausting, these these block I would walk my dogs

0:15:43.120 --> 0:15:45.840
<v Speaker 1>for fifteen minutes and I would have to take a nap,

0:15:46.200 --> 0:15:50.120
<v Speaker 1>and and and that that's not that's not me. I

0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:54.880
<v Speaker 1>I have, I have energy. And the depression had had

0:15:54.960 --> 0:15:59.080
<v Speaker 1>hijacked my brain as as well as my my my limbs,

0:15:59.280 --> 0:16:04.800
<v Speaker 1>and and I I didn't realize how how far it

0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:08.680
<v Speaker 1>had gotten until I started to recover and found all

0:16:08.680 --> 0:16:14.760
<v Speaker 1>these things so much easier. Do you consider yourself in remission, uh,

0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:18.560
<v Speaker 1>in recovery cured from depression? How do you frame it?

0:16:19.760 --> 0:16:24.160
<v Speaker 1>I would I would never say cured. I I go

0:16:24.320 --> 0:16:29.720
<v Speaker 1>between recovered, recovering and sort of the things I've learned.

0:16:30.080 --> 0:16:32.960
<v Speaker 1>While while I'm not an alcoholic, I've I've been to

0:16:33.000 --> 0:16:36.280
<v Speaker 1>a lot of a meetings and I find there's so

0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:41.880
<v Speaker 1>many so much overlap between recovery from from addiction and

0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:45.080
<v Speaker 1>recovery from depression, just in the in the sort of

0:16:45.480 --> 0:16:48.520
<v Speaker 1>outlook and and the sort of vigilance that you need.

0:16:49.000 --> 0:16:51.680
<v Speaker 1>So so I would say recovery is is something I've

0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:55.920
<v Speaker 1>embraced and and remission which gives it sort of a

0:16:55.960 --> 0:17:00.920
<v Speaker 1>medical sound that that I'm keeping it at day, but

0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:03.680
<v Speaker 1>it is, it is there, and I know the things

0:17:03.760 --> 0:17:06.800
<v Speaker 1>I have to do every day to to keep it

0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:11.159
<v Speaker 1>from from recurring. And and the other thing is is

0:17:11.200 --> 0:17:19.119
<v Speaker 1>to not to not dwell on on relapse, but also

0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:22.360
<v Speaker 1>to know that it's that it's possible, it's happened. I've

0:17:22.440 --> 0:17:25.520
<v Speaker 1>I've had extensive recoveries in the in the past. I

0:17:25.960 --> 0:17:28.960
<v Speaker 1>try to dwell more on why this recovery has been

0:17:29.000 --> 0:17:32.120
<v Speaker 1>so sturdy and so lengthy, because it's lasted for over

0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:34.600
<v Speaker 1>two and a half years, and it's lasted through through

0:17:34.680 --> 0:17:39.400
<v Speaker 1>some pretty severe events in my life. And and I

0:17:39.080 --> 0:17:43.080
<v Speaker 1>I think it's sturdier one because of my vigilance, but

0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:47.000
<v Speaker 1>also because I had never really accepted who I was

0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:51.240
<v Speaker 1>to this degree. There are still things I dislike about myself,

0:17:51.320 --> 0:17:53.480
<v Speaker 1>but I wouldn't I wouldn't say that any of the

0:17:53.520 --> 0:17:55.959
<v Speaker 1>things that I that I don't like about myself are

0:17:56.119 --> 0:18:00.240
<v Speaker 1>are worthy of of condemnation or that I should kill

0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:04.080
<v Speaker 1>myself over, or that are not worth living with. So

0:18:04.119 --> 0:18:08.560
<v Speaker 1>I will say my my feeling about my my currents

0:18:09.400 --> 0:18:13.119
<v Speaker 1>status is that I I I'm in recovery and that

0:18:13.280 --> 0:18:16.200
<v Speaker 1>and that there's been a remission. So I think that's

0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:20.120
<v Speaker 1>that's very effective. And also to avoid terms like like

0:18:20.720 --> 0:18:25.920
<v Speaker 1>uh cured and and and so that's important. I hope

0:18:25.960 --> 0:18:29.359
<v Speaker 1>everybody knows how how grateful I I am just for

0:18:29.400 --> 0:18:31.879
<v Speaker 1>the just for the recovery, and and the fact that

0:18:31.960 --> 0:18:36.040
<v Speaker 1>this this special has resonated with so many people and

0:18:36.080 --> 0:18:39.840
<v Speaker 1>has has raised my profile and and got me out

0:18:39.880 --> 0:18:44.399
<v Speaker 1>to a lot more people. That that's that's icing. But

0:18:44.960 --> 0:18:51.320
<v Speaker 1>I had to before I even started pursuing making the special,

0:18:51.560 --> 0:18:56.440
<v Speaker 1>In making the the live show into a special, I

0:18:56.560 --> 0:19:02.119
<v Speaker 1>had to embrace the idea that it would it. It

0:19:02.200 --> 0:19:05.120
<v Speaker 1>was a possibility that it was only going to be

0:19:05.200 --> 0:19:08.520
<v Speaker 1>for the people who came to my live shows, and

0:19:08.520 --> 0:19:10.639
<v Speaker 1>and that would be enough, and that would be that

0:19:10.680 --> 0:19:14.119
<v Speaker 1>would be success. I think defining success in a in

0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:18.440
<v Speaker 1>a reasonable and honest way, in a in a way

0:19:18.480 --> 0:19:21.960
<v Speaker 1>that doesn't require all kinds of luck and lightning in

0:19:22.000 --> 0:19:25.400
<v Speaker 1>a bottle. I think that's the safest and the and

0:19:25.440 --> 0:19:30.240
<v Speaker 1>the healthiest. Well, I think what's spectacular about it is

0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:31.879
<v Speaker 1>that not only does it help the people with the

0:19:31.920 --> 0:19:34.400
<v Speaker 1>live shows, but anyone who watches it, and it would

0:19:34.440 --> 0:19:36.879
<v Speaker 1>live forever in HBO's specials on there You've done in

0:19:36.920 --> 0:19:39.240
<v Speaker 1>two thousand five. So there's people that aren't even suffering

0:19:39.280 --> 0:19:42.480
<v Speaker 1>from depression yet who may go through bouts and then

0:19:42.560 --> 0:19:44.760
<v Speaker 1>find this in their own time and have it be

0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:48.000
<v Speaker 1>really helpful. I I want to ask just a couple

0:19:48.080 --> 0:19:51.480
<v Speaker 1>more things, one of which is other than the work,

0:19:51.520 --> 0:19:55.680
<v Speaker 1>which speaks for itself brilliantly, is there a message other

0:19:55.720 --> 0:19:58.960
<v Speaker 1>than you are not alone to someone listening to this

0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:02.840
<v Speaker 1>that as at some stage of their own journey that

0:20:02.920 --> 0:20:07.000
<v Speaker 1>you were a message of hope that you can convey

0:20:07.119 --> 0:20:14.200
<v Speaker 1>beyond what you've done already on film. Well, I think

0:20:14.320 --> 0:20:21.480
<v Speaker 1>that sports has given us so many examples, and so

0:20:21.520 --> 0:20:23.919
<v Speaker 1>this is I think this is a good thing. That

0:20:23.960 --> 0:20:28.080
<v Speaker 1>it's become a cliche, and I'm sure that that Jim

0:20:28.160 --> 0:20:33.040
<v Speaker 1>Calvana would be would be pleased that people are using

0:20:33.080 --> 0:20:37.240
<v Speaker 1>it who don't even know the origin of it, But

0:20:37.440 --> 0:20:41.040
<v Speaker 1>that that I'm getting chills just in anticipation of saying it.

0:20:41.080 --> 0:20:45.800
<v Speaker 1>Don't give up, don't ever give up, and and that

0:20:45.800 --> 0:20:50.639
<v Speaker 1>that helped helped me along. And when when he was

0:20:50.680 --> 0:20:54.560
<v Speaker 1>saying don't give up, don't ever give up, it it resonated.

0:20:54.560 --> 0:20:58.600
<v Speaker 1>And I remember my my brother saying that to me,

0:20:59.000 --> 0:21:04.719
<v Speaker 1>and I I think the night of the show, and

0:21:04.760 --> 0:21:08.800
<v Speaker 1>I may have said it on other times, but I

0:21:09.440 --> 0:21:12.720
<v Speaker 1>meant every time I said it, And I feel like

0:21:12.800 --> 0:21:18.959
<v Speaker 1>the night of the show, HBO is filming it, Apatow

0:21:19.400 --> 0:21:25.560
<v Speaker 1>is backstage introducing me and my my brothers are there,

0:21:25.760 --> 0:21:30.200
<v Speaker 1>and my best friends are there, and audience that that

0:21:30.440 --> 0:21:34.040
<v Speaker 1>has has been with me for years is there. Because

0:21:34.040 --> 0:21:35.920
<v Speaker 1>it wasn't it wasn't a huge theater, so it was

0:21:35.960 --> 0:21:38.040
<v Speaker 1>actually a difficult ticket to get, so you had to

0:21:38.080 --> 0:21:40.960
<v Speaker 1>be a fan to even though the tickets weren't on sale.

0:21:41.680 --> 0:21:43.960
<v Speaker 1>And so I had all these people there and I

0:21:44.080 --> 0:21:46.600
<v Speaker 1>and I said it, and I meant it. My only

0:21:46.640 --> 0:21:49.679
<v Speaker 1>fear was that it would come off corny, and it

0:21:49.840 --> 0:21:55.639
<v Speaker 1>was that I I had contemplated suicide sometimes for every

0:21:55.680 --> 0:21:59.200
<v Speaker 1>moment I was awake for days on end, and I said,

0:21:59.200 --> 0:22:03.800
<v Speaker 1>I am so glad I stuck around for this, and

0:22:03.800 --> 0:22:11.280
<v Speaker 1>and it just it's it's laughable what I received just

0:22:11.480 --> 0:22:15.360
<v Speaker 1>for sticking it out. It's it's absurd. If I had

0:22:15.440 --> 0:22:19.960
<v Speaker 1>just had one audience full of these people, it would

0:22:19.960 --> 0:22:22.480
<v Speaker 1>have been worth sticking around for because it felt so good.

0:22:22.480 --> 0:22:26.440
<v Speaker 1>But not only that HBO was there, and my family

0:22:26.560 --> 0:22:31.040
<v Speaker 1>was there, my therapist was there, and Judd Apata was backstage.

0:22:31.080 --> 0:22:34.000
<v Speaker 1>It was it was, it was silly. I literally pinched

0:22:34.000 --> 0:22:36.199
<v Speaker 1>myself on on stage that night because it felt like

0:22:36.240 --> 0:22:41.000
<v Speaker 1>a dream. So it may not be that, but it

0:22:41.240 --> 0:22:44.280
<v Speaker 1>also there are nights, and again I'm gonna come back

0:22:44.320 --> 0:22:47.440
<v Speaker 1>to laughter, there are nights where you're out with your

0:22:47.480 --> 0:22:52.879
<v Speaker 1>friends and and Kurt Vonnegut said that whenever you're feeling great,

0:22:53.560 --> 0:22:55.879
<v Speaker 1>whether you just had sex, whether you just had a

0:22:55.920 --> 0:22:59.480
<v Speaker 1>great meal or a great laugh, you should say to yourself,

0:22:59.520 --> 0:23:02.359
<v Speaker 1>if this isn't nice, I don't know what is, and

0:23:02.400 --> 0:23:05.280
<v Speaker 1>you should say it out loud as sort of a bookmark.

0:23:05.600 --> 0:23:08.600
<v Speaker 1>We need to bookmark these these moments. And that was

0:23:08.880 --> 0:23:11.480
<v Speaker 1>one of those moments. And I know it didn't have

0:23:11.600 --> 0:23:14.280
<v Speaker 1>to be that big because there was a there was

0:23:14.320 --> 0:23:17.720
<v Speaker 1>a birthday. You're you're always going to get your birthday,

0:23:18.000 --> 0:23:20.960
<v Speaker 1>and you're going to say to yourself is this isn't nice.

0:23:21.440 --> 0:23:24.120
<v Speaker 1>I don't know what is. And it's worth sticking around

0:23:24.160 --> 0:23:27.280
<v Speaker 1>for it, and and not giving up is the only

0:23:27.320 --> 0:23:30.159
<v Speaker 1>way you can guarantee that you'll at least have the

0:23:30.160 --> 0:23:32.760
<v Speaker 1>the chance. And I used to and my my, my

0:23:32.840 --> 0:23:38.359
<v Speaker 1>wife was so crucial to this because she kept researching

0:23:39.160 --> 0:23:44.119
<v Speaker 1>developments in treating depression. She wasn't giving up. And and

0:23:44.240 --> 0:23:48.840
<v Speaker 1>part of me was saying, just stay alive in case

0:23:48.880 --> 0:23:51.800
<v Speaker 1>they cure this. Just stay in the game, in case

0:23:51.840 --> 0:23:54.200
<v Speaker 1>they cure this. You don't have to do anything, just

0:23:54.200 --> 0:23:56.960
<v Speaker 1>just read all day or sleep all day, but be

0:23:57.040 --> 0:24:01.040
<v Speaker 1>alive when they cure this. And and and maybe that's

0:24:01.080 --> 0:24:04.040
<v Speaker 1>the message. I know that was such a long, a

0:24:04.080 --> 0:24:07.800
<v Speaker 1>long answer. And I hope I I I hope I

0:24:08.000 --> 0:24:11.920
<v Speaker 1>hit on some of the messages during the You can

0:24:11.920 --> 0:24:13.920
<v Speaker 1>go as long as you want for a message that important,

0:24:13.960 --> 0:24:18.280
<v Speaker 1>I think never giving up starts with that. Using gratitude

0:24:18.520 --> 0:24:21.520
<v Speaker 1>as a bookmark, as Vonnegut said, for all those experiences

0:24:21.520 --> 0:24:24.119
<v Speaker 1>in life that goes a long way. Gary, just just

0:24:24.280 --> 0:24:28.480
<v Speaker 1>those two things, and there will be other audiences and

0:24:28.560 --> 0:24:32.560
<v Speaker 1>other shows down the line. And I hope that um,

0:24:32.600 --> 0:24:36.160
<v Speaker 1>you'll continue to to get the beautiful feedback and and

0:24:36.560 --> 0:24:38.919
<v Speaker 1>it's worth sticking around for all of it. And I

0:24:38.960 --> 0:24:42.680
<v Speaker 1>think I am and your fans are more than grateful

0:24:42.720 --> 0:24:45.800
<v Speaker 1>that you found it within yourself, heated the smart advice

0:24:46.200 --> 0:24:48.560
<v Speaker 1>and got through as dark a time as you have,

0:24:48.680 --> 0:24:51.119
<v Speaker 1>and you've stuck around, damn it, and you're here and

0:24:51.160 --> 0:24:53.560
<v Speaker 1>you get you should enjoy it, and I hope you

0:24:53.560 --> 0:24:55.880
<v Speaker 1>will as we are. Yeah, And I'm not saying it's

0:24:55.920 --> 0:24:58.920
<v Speaker 1>to be to be flippant or or as a as

0:24:58.960 --> 0:25:02.840
<v Speaker 1>a joke. I mean I knew that we would like

0:25:02.960 --> 0:25:06.800
<v Speaker 1>each other and and I'm glad I stuck around so

0:25:06.840 --> 0:25:09.960
<v Speaker 1>that so that we we could connect like this. And

0:25:10.160 --> 0:25:15.119
<v Speaker 1>I think that that will um will will connect in

0:25:15.160 --> 0:25:18.320
<v Speaker 1>person some day and I look forward to that. Gary

0:25:18.359 --> 0:25:21.480
<v Speaker 1>and I did have that face to face meeting recently

0:25:21.760 --> 0:25:25.280
<v Speaker 1>a long walk through New York Central Park. I'll tell you,

0:25:25.359 --> 0:25:28.960
<v Speaker 1>Gary Goalman, the walker has tremendous stamina. He went a

0:25:28.960 --> 0:25:31.399
<v Speaker 1>lot farther than I did. I look forward to the

0:25:31.400 --> 0:25:35.560
<v Speaker 1>next walk. For anyone struggling with mental health, there are

0:25:35.560 --> 0:25:39.280
<v Speaker 1>many sources of help out there. Psychology Today dot com

0:25:39.320 --> 0:25:42.520
<v Speaker 1>and a p A dot org have resources to help

0:25:42.520 --> 0:25:46.000
<v Speaker 1>you find a therapist. One website for people in crisis

0:25:46.640 --> 0:25:52.840
<v Speaker 1>is Suicide Prevention Lifeline dot Org the phone number to

0:25:53.080 --> 0:25:58.760
<v Speaker 1>seven three talk eight hundred to seven three eight to five.

0:26:00.240 --> 0:26:04.320
<v Speaker 1>Both Gary and an Patrick sincerely hope that sharing their

0:26:04.359 --> 0:26:08.920
<v Speaker 1>experiences will help others. If you know someone who might

0:26:09.000 --> 0:26:13.320
<v Speaker 1>benefit from their examples, consider suggesting they check out these episodes.

0:26:13.720 --> 0:26:20.080
<v Speaker 1>Mental health needs much more candid conversation. As always, I'm

0:26:20.080 --> 0:26:23.520
<v Speaker 1>grateful to my co executive producer Jennifer Dempster and our

0:26:23.560 --> 0:26:27.840
<v Speaker 1>producer Jason whitehelp invite you to subscribe, rate, and review

0:26:27.880 --> 0:26:29.880
<v Speaker 1>this podcast and I'll talk to you soon