Speaker 1: I won't let my body out me outwait everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2: I'm learning love who.
Speaker 1: I am again.
Speaker 2: I'm stung. I feel free.
Speaker 1: I know every part of me.
Speaker 2: It's beautiful.
Speaker 3: And then hello, always out way. If you feelip but.
Speaker 1: You She'll some love to the vio.
Speaker 2: Why get there?
Speaker 3: Say you one day?
Speaker 2: Anata? Did you? And die out way?
Speaker 1: Happy Saturday, out Weigh. This is Leanne here and I'm
Speaker 1: so excited to have our special guest Suzanne here with us.
Speaker 1: Hello Suzanne, Ai li Aenne. Oh so happy to be here.
Speaker 1: So just gonna brag on Suzanne for a second. We
Speaker 1: actually came together to work together about five years ago.
Speaker 1: She came through my Stressful seeding program. She's been on
Speaker 1: my podcast before. I'll actually link in the show notes
Speaker 1: a link to her testimony, super powerful testimony. But the
Speaker 1: reason that she's joining us on this podcast series is because,
Speaker 1: first of all, she is just the walking, talking epitome
Speaker 1: of how to live in this next level version of yourself.
Speaker 1: I know that navigating the road of recovery from disordered eating.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're struggling in the midst of an eating disorder,
Speaker 1: maybe you're struggling just with the simple fact of body
Speaker 1: dysmorphia or the shame around your body every single day.
Speaker 1: And I say simple, not diminishing it. But you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes it feels like it's the only thing we're thinking about.
Speaker 1: And one of the reasons I wanted to do this
Speaker 1: series is because there is so much life outside of it.
Speaker 1: And I know for me, when I was in the
Speaker 1: midst of my healing journey, I wasn't paying attention to
Speaker 1: all the other stuff that was in play because I
Speaker 1: was so consumed with food in my body. And that's
Speaker 1: why we really wanted to bring you this series to
Speaker 1: really break through breakdown within the midst of recovery. There's
Speaker 1: still so much of life to be lived, to be had,
Speaker 1: and I want you guys to just be open to
Speaker 1: that and think about that too. So today's specific, and
Speaker 1: we're going to be covering a bunch of different topics,
Speaker 1: but today we're going to be talking about navigating life
Speaker 1: beyond the checklist, which is so appropriate for this time
Speaker 1: of year. So first of all, I'm gonna turn it
Speaker 1: over to Suzanne and just have her share her thoughts
Speaker 1: on this. But really it's the difference between you know,
Speaker 1: doing doing, doing, always in the hustle, always in the striving,
Speaker 1: versus being. And we talk about all the time about
Speaker 1: becoming this next level version of yourself. But how do
Speaker 1: you do that when you're so used to only living
Speaker 1: in the doing and what you get done, what you
Speaker 1: don't get done, weighing your measure and measuring your worth
Speaker 1: by that factor. But also this concept of like deciding
Speaker 1: who you want to be within the doing versus again
Speaker 1: measuring yourself by the doing, and how it's just so
Speaker 1: life is so much simpler and better when you think
Speaker 1: about doing less so that you can be more. So Hello,
Speaker 1: hello again, Suzanne, Thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 2: Oh, it is such a pleasure to get to have
Speaker 2: this conversation with you. Leanne. You know that I love
Speaker 2: this concept of who do I want to be instead
Speaker 2: of what I want to do? This really was such
Speaker 2: a mind shift for me when you pose that question,
Speaker 2: and I started to do some of the work of
Speaker 2: figuring out my own self compass what are the things
Speaker 2: that are most important to me? And I'm smiling as
Speaker 2: I think back five years working on that and how
Speaker 2: I was even judging myself about the words I was
Speaker 2: selecting through what would be the way that I wanted
Speaker 2: to define myself. There was such pressure I was putting
Speaker 2: on myself to think I have to do this a
Speaker 2: particular way and in a particular timeframe, and thinking that
Speaker 2: it was all worthy of a gold star or not.
Speaker 2: And the reality is you helped to guide me to
Speaker 2: really think about important questions of when I am living
Speaker 2: my life, how do I want to show up? Who
Speaker 2: is it that I am at my very core? And
Speaker 2: it helped me to identify for me, I want to
Speaker 2: be loving, I want to be kind, I want to
Speaker 2: not feel frantic. I want to show up prepared. I
Speaker 2: want to be a good listener, I want to be
Speaker 2: a good friend. And I want to be kind and
Speaker 2: offer all of those things to myself too as well
Speaker 2: as to others.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 2: And you know I was really early in our time
Speaker 2: together put to that test because just shortly after we
Speaker 2: started working together, my dad died and life through such
Speaker 2: a huge curve ball, and that was one of the
Speaker 2: times to really think about who do you want to
Speaker 2: be as you go through this experience. Does it mean
Speaker 2: that I never get impatient or frustrated or angry? Of
Speaker 2: course not. But I don't want those to be the
Speaker 2: guiding principles of my life. I want absolutely and experience
Speaker 2: that is calmer and kinder and more forgiving to myself.
Speaker 2: And I think back, it really has been about allowing
Speaker 2: my true light to shine and get out of my
Speaker 2: own way so that I can be who I know,
Speaker 2: my very best self to be inside deep inside, I
Speaker 2: know who that is, and just giving myself permission to
Speaker 2: be that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's such a massive distinction because I know
Speaker 1: for me, when I was in the midst of you know,
Speaker 1: really the crux of my food and body shame and
Speaker 1: the disorder, I wasn't thinking about any of that. That
Speaker 1: wasn't even in my paradise. I was literally just so
Speaker 1: obsessed with my appearance. And there's no shame if that's
Speaker 1: where you are, or that's where you might be, being
Speaker 1: aware that you've been practicing as well. But I know
Speaker 1: that you know, we're thinking about what are we eating,
Speaker 1: what are we not eating? Will will I gain weight?
Speaker 1: Will I lose weight? And again, no shame if that's
Speaker 1: some of the conversation that's taking over your brain. But
Speaker 1: there's so much more on the outside of that, and
Speaker 1: you know you're right when your dad died. It was
Speaker 1: just a few weeks in and it was really one
Speaker 1: of those things that held up a mirror. I remember
Speaker 1: you were like, I still have to I'm still as
Speaker 1: committed to my own freedom as I was, and my
Speaker 1: dad would want this for me, Like I'm yes, I
Speaker 1: need some time to go grieve and we're gonna have
Speaker 1: a you know, do what we need to do with
Speaker 1: our family. And you took the time that you needed,
Speaker 1: but it didn't change your commitment to yourself because you
Speaker 1: made that decision. And then I remember, it's funny when
Speaker 1: you I don't know if you remember this, but we
Speaker 1: were on a call one time, and this was this
Speaker 1: was after you had come back and you were in
Speaker 1: the thick of it, right you were doing the work,
Speaker 1: and we were on a call and you're like, Leanne,
Speaker 1: I'm just letting you know I've been so burnt out.
Speaker 1: Work is crazy, like there's so much going on right now.
Speaker 1: But I made this wheel like a chart. It was
Speaker 1: like a wheel or a chart or something. I remember,
Speaker 1: and you were so excited. You were so proud of it.
Speaker 1: And it had list after a list after action item,
Speaker 1: and I remember I sat you down, this is on
Speaker 1: the phone. So we were sat down and I was like, listen,
Speaker 1: I love that you're excited this chart, but what if
Speaker 1: right now this chart was like the last thing you needed.
Speaker 1: What if you actually needed some healing and recovery and
Speaker 1: not a doing doing doing? And I really think that
Speaker 1: was one of the first times that you got cracked
Speaker 1: open to this distinction of the being versus doing. So,
Speaker 1: first of all, do you remember that.
Speaker 2: Vividly I had created this light colored chart. I was
Speaker 2: so excited about it.
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm like, I have this time, and I'm going
Speaker 3: to spend this time doing this and this and this
Speaker 3: and this and this. And it really was illuminating when
Speaker 3: you said, hold on, let's put that chart aside.
Speaker 2: What's behind that? Why do you want to do those things?
Speaker 2: What version of yourself feels like that's what you have
Speaker 2: to do? And it really opened my eyes to say,
Speaker 2: this person who strives for perfection and this person who's
Speaker 2: measuring herself based only on accomplishments, is the one driving
Speaker 2: that chart. Okay, So I love the question that you've
Speaker 2: post over and over again, how are you weighing and
Speaker 2: measuring your life? It helped me to say, what are
Speaker 2: the things that I that truly matter to me, that
Speaker 2: I want to measure my life by. Some of that
Speaker 2: is accomplishment professionally, but the bigger pieces of it are relationships,
Speaker 2: the trust that I can build with others, the amount
Speaker 2: of love that I can share with others. I'm a singer,
Speaker 2: so you know, am I using my creative self in
Speaker 2: the ways that make me feel satisfied and bring that
Speaker 2: gift to other people? How often am I reaching out
Speaker 2: to somebody? How often am I doing something kind for
Speaker 2: a stranger? Those to me are the more important ways
Speaker 2: that I measure my life now instead of what's all
Speaker 2: the activity that I've done. And at the end of
Speaker 2: the day, like I'm falling into bed completely exhausted and
Speaker 2: wired because I got that hope to do list done.
Speaker 2: I don't like to live that way anymore, and I
Speaker 2: was living that way constantly at that time, absolutely.
Speaker 1: And two big distinctions that just came out of what
Speaker 1: you said is, you know, first of all, what you
Speaker 1: were weighing and measuring was based on what you wanted
Speaker 1: others to perceive you of. It was doing for others,
Speaker 1: giving to others, performing for others. But also, like when
Speaker 1: you think about that chart, and that chart was amazing.
Speaker 1: It was perfect for you in the right time and
Speaker 1: right place. But in that moment, what you needed was
Speaker 1: to receive and fill your cut back up and be
Speaker 1: grounded and relaxed and rejuvenate and regenerate and all those things.
Speaker 1: And when you became that, when you realize, like, no,
Speaker 1: who I really want to be right now is peace.
Speaker 1: Who I really want to be is calm and grateful,
Speaker 1: versus think about when we're just pleasing and performing for others,
Speaker 1: we end up being resentful right and burnt out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was getting accolades and awards and all sorts
Speaker 2: of public recognition for the things that I was doing,
Speaker 2: and I still felt empty and not fulfilled by that
Speaker 2: because I wasn't filling my own cup and identifying who
Speaker 2: did I want to be? I was only looking at
Speaker 2: those external pieces as validation.
Speaker 1: And when you filled that cut back up and got
Speaker 1: clear and grounded and who you wanted to be, that
Speaker 1: chart would have been so much more beneficial to you
Speaker 1: in that version of you exactly.
Speaker 2: And that chart never resurfaced. I have other things that
Speaker 2: I and different ways that I, you know, strategized for
Speaker 2: myself and things that I want to do and that
Speaker 2: chart just has not seen the light of day again.
Speaker 1: I love it, and maybe it'll ground itself or a resurface,
Speaker 1: but when it does, it'll be coming from the right
Speaker 1: right place for you. So wrapping a bow around this
Speaker 1: concept of who you want to be versus what you
Speaker 1: want to do or beyond the checklist, can you just
Speaker 1: share a little bit of your experiences of what it
Speaker 1: was like when you just entered into the conversation of
Speaker 1: doing less and being more, or maybe it meant like
Speaker 1: subtracting in order to add. Can you just just share
Speaker 1: a little bit of what that looked like for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think one of the things that stands out
Speaker 2: to me is this, I had this idea that it
Speaker 2: was going to be an automatic shift and having to
Speaker 2: allow myself permission to recognize that the changes that I
Speaker 2: was making for myself were gradual and building upon themselves.
Speaker 2: So I wasn't going to automatically just not have my
Speaker 2: to do list or a checklist, absolutely, because that was
Speaker 2: just that felt so foreign. But I was starting to
Speaker 2: gradually add in time to my day to do some
Speaker 2: gratitude journaling, and I was adding time into my day
Speaker 2: for a couple of minutes of meditation and a couple
Speaker 2: of minutes of stretching, and I was letting my mind
Speaker 2: rest in a way that I hadn't been allowing it
Speaker 2: to do previously, and that helped in those gradual shifts
Speaker 2: to identify how did I feel inside? What was my
Speaker 2: body telling me? The message was like, wow, I was
Speaker 2: really wired and it was lovely to have a little
Speaker 2: time to let my thoughts unravel a little bit, and
Speaker 2: it helped me then to identify, oh, this is a
Speaker 2: different way of being, and I could start to be
Speaker 2: this way throughout my day while still fulfilling the things
Speaker 2: that I wanted to fulfill throughout the day. I'm still
Speaker 2: showing up in relationships, I'm still showing up at work.
Speaker 2: I'm still showing up in creative pursuits. But I don't
Speaker 2: have to be so frenzied in doing that and feel
Speaker 2: like everything has to be done and feel honestly, there
Speaker 2: were days I felt like I was a guitar string
Speaker 2: pulled and pulled and pulled so tightly that it was
Speaker 2: just a moment away from snapping. And I love that
Speaker 2: I've given up what that feels like. You know, I'm
Speaker 2: pointing to the middle of my chest because that's where
Speaker 2: I felt it in my body, like I was stretched
Speaker 2: so tight to be able to just like give myself
Speaker 2: that permission to loosen. And that's part of how I
Speaker 2: want to be instead of what I want to do.
Speaker 2: I want to be a more relaxed, more at peace,
Speaker 2: more loving and kind version of me. And it was
Speaker 2: a gradual process. It was not overnight, and it felt
Speaker 2: foreign when it first started, but now it just feels lovely.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that you mentioned that, because first of all,
Speaker 1: it's it's we're talking about doing less and being more,
Speaker 1: and that goes with the transformation process too. Like it's slow,
Speaker 1: it's gradual. The nervous system learns and adapts best when
Speaker 1: it's in minimums, not in maximums. That whole zero to sixty, harder, faster,
Speaker 1: more mentality is just not sustainable and your brain does
Speaker 1: not learn that way. But also, you know, you had
Speaker 1: to figure out what it looked like for you. It
Speaker 1: can't be a cookie cutter, one size fits all. That's
Speaker 1: why I strongly encourage everyone to find your version of
Speaker 1: this conversation, because you know, Suzanne's version of is not yours,
Speaker 1: and my version of it is not yours. It's got
Speaker 1: to be your ingredients to make it last a lifetime.
Speaker 1: So thank you so much for illuminating this topic. We're
Speaker 1: going to be back with so much more. We have
Speaker 1: an entire series here with Suzanne, and just keep in mind, like, yes,
Speaker 1: it goes with the understanding that she went through the
Speaker 1: process of getting out of that toxic all or nothing
Speaker 1: diet mentality and really you know, building a new relationship
Speaker 1: with food in her body. But we really wanted to
Speaker 1: emphasize the things that live outside of that, because again,
Speaker 1: this healing journey can be all consuming, So just keep
Speaker 1: that in mind as we're going about these conversations and
Speaker 1: we are going to be back next Saturday with this
Speaker 1: concept of owning your worth in the face of haters.
Speaker 1: It's one thing to own your worth when you're by
Speaker 1: yourself in a room, but when you have people that
Speaker 1: are actively speaking out against you, trying to diminish you
Speaker 1: and it's in your face, that is a different story.
Speaker 1: And Suzanne can share a lot to relate to that.
Speaker 1: So thank you so much for being here, Suzanne.
Speaker 2: We really appreciate you. Oh, thank you so much for
Speaker 2: the invitation to join you.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, we're excited for you to come back next week
Speaker 1: and ladies, if you want to learn more about how
Speaker 1: to rewire your brain and heal from your own version
Speaker 1: of the all or nothing mentality for good, but without
Speaker 1: restricting yourself and obsessing and punishing yourself, head on over
Speaker 1: to stressless eeating dot com and check out the free webinar.
Speaker 1: You can also find me on socials at LeAnn Ellington. Well,
Speaker 1: we will be back next week. Thanks for listening, ladies. Bye,