WEBVTT - Navigating Life Beyond the Checklist (Outweigh)

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<v Speaker 1>I won't let my body out me outwait everything that

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<v Speaker 1>I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm learning love who.

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<v Speaker 1>I am again.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm stung. I feel free.

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<v Speaker 1>I know every part of me.

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<v Speaker 2>It's beautiful.

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<v Speaker 3>And then hello, always out way. If you feelip but.

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<v Speaker 1>You She'll some love to the vio.

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<v Speaker 2>Why get there?

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<v Speaker 3>Say you one day?

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<v Speaker 2>Anata? Did you? And die out way?

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<v Speaker 1>Happy Saturday, out Weigh. This is Leanne here and I'm

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<v Speaker 1>so excited to have our special guest Suzanne here with us.

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<v Speaker 1>Hello Suzanne, Ai li Aenne. Oh so happy to be here.

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<v Speaker 1>So just gonna brag on Suzanne for a second. We

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<v Speaker 1>actually came together to work together about five years ago.

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<v Speaker 1>She came through my Stressful seeding program. She's been on

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<v Speaker 1>my podcast before. I'll actually link in the show notes

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<v Speaker 1>a link to her testimony, super powerful testimony. But the

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<v Speaker 1>reason that she's joining us on this podcast series is because,

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<v Speaker 1>first of all, she is just the walking, talking epitome

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<v Speaker 1>of how to live in this next level version of yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>I know that navigating the road of recovery from disordered eating.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe you're struggling in the midst of an eating disorder,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe you're struggling just with the simple fact of body

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<v Speaker 1>dysmorphia or the shame around your body every single day.

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<v Speaker 1>And I say simple, not diminishing it. But you know,

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes it feels like it's the only thing we're thinking about.

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<v Speaker 1>And one of the reasons I wanted to do this

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<v Speaker 1>series is because there is so much life outside of it.

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<v Speaker 1>And I know for me, when I was in the

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<v Speaker 1>midst of my healing journey, I wasn't paying attention to

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<v Speaker 1>all the other stuff that was in play because I

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<v Speaker 1>was so consumed with food in my body. And that's

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<v Speaker 1>why we really wanted to bring you this series to

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<v Speaker 1>really break through breakdown within the midst of recovery. There's

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<v Speaker 1>still so much of life to be lived, to be had,

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<v Speaker 1>and I want you guys to just be open to

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<v Speaker 1>that and think about that too. So today's specific, and

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<v Speaker 1>we're going to be covering a bunch of different topics,

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<v Speaker 1>but today we're going to be talking about navigating life

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<v Speaker 1>beyond the checklist, which is so appropriate for this time

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<v Speaker 1>of year. So first of all, I'm gonna turn it

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<v Speaker 1>over to Suzanne and just have her share her thoughts

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<v Speaker 1>on this. But really it's the difference between you know,

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<v Speaker 1>doing doing, doing, always in the hustle, always in the striving,

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<v Speaker 1>versus being. And we talk about all the time about

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<v Speaker 1>becoming this next level version of yourself. But how do

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<v Speaker 1>you do that when you're so used to only living

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<v Speaker 1>in the doing and what you get done, what you

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<v Speaker 1>don't get done, weighing your measure and measuring your worth

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<v Speaker 1>by that factor. But also this concept of like deciding

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<v Speaker 1>who you want to be within the doing versus again

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<v Speaker 1>measuring yourself by the doing, and how it's just so

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<v Speaker 1>life is so much simpler and better when you think

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<v Speaker 1>about doing less so that you can be more. So Hello,

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<v Speaker 1>hello again, Suzanne, Thank you so much for being here.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, it is such a pleasure to get to have

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<v Speaker 2>this conversation with you. Leanne. You know that I love

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<v Speaker 2>this concept of who do I want to be instead

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<v Speaker 2>of what I want to do? This really was such

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<v Speaker 2>a mind shift for me when you pose that question,

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<v Speaker 2>and I started to do some of the work of

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<v Speaker 2>figuring out my own self compass what are the things

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<v Speaker 2>that are most important to me? And I'm smiling as

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<v Speaker 2>I think back five years working on that and how

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<v Speaker 2>I was even judging myself about the words I was

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<v Speaker 2>selecting through what would be the way that I wanted

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<v Speaker 2>to define myself. There was such pressure I was putting

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<v Speaker 2>on myself to think I have to do this a

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<v Speaker 2>particular way and in a particular timeframe, and thinking that

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<v Speaker 2>it was all worthy of a gold star or not.

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<v Speaker 2>And the reality is you helped to guide me to

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<v Speaker 2>really think about important questions of when I am living

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<v Speaker 2>my life, how do I want to show up? Who

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<v Speaker 2>is it that I am at my very core? And

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<v Speaker 2>it helped me to identify for me, I want to

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<v Speaker 2>be loving, I want to be kind, I want to

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<v Speaker 2>not feel frantic. I want to show up prepared. I

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<v Speaker 2>want to be a good listener, I want to be

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<v Speaker 2>a good friend. And I want to be kind and

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<v Speaker 2>offer all of those things to myself too as well

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<v Speaker 2>as to others.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes.

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<v Speaker 2>And you know I was really early in our time

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<v Speaker 2>together put to that test because just shortly after we

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<v Speaker 2>started working together, my dad died and life through such

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<v Speaker 2>a huge curve ball, and that was one of the

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<v Speaker 2>times to really think about who do you want to

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<v Speaker 2>be as you go through this experience. Does it mean

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<v Speaker 2>that I never get impatient or frustrated or angry? Of

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<v Speaker 2>course not. But I don't want those to be the

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<v Speaker 2>guiding principles of my life. I want absolutely and experience

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<v Speaker 2>that is calmer and kinder and more forgiving to myself.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think back, it really has been about allowing

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<v Speaker 2>my true light to shine and get out of my

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<v Speaker 2>own way so that I can be who I know,

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<v Speaker 2>my very best self to be inside deep inside, I

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<v Speaker 2>know who that is, and just giving myself permission to

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<v Speaker 2>be that.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And it's such a massive distinction because I know

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<v Speaker 1>for me, when I was in the midst of you know,

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<v Speaker 1>really the crux of my food and body shame and

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<v Speaker 1>the disorder, I wasn't thinking about any of that. That

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't even in my paradise. I was literally just so

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<v Speaker 1>obsessed with my appearance. And there's no shame if that's

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<v Speaker 1>where you are, or that's where you might be, being

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<v Speaker 1>aware that you've been practicing as well. But I know

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<v Speaker 1>that you know, we're thinking about what are we eating,

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<v Speaker 1>what are we not eating? Will will I gain weight?

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<v Speaker 1>Will I lose weight? And again, no shame if that's

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<v Speaker 1>some of the conversation that's taking over your brain. But

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<v Speaker 1>there's so much more on the outside of that, and

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<v Speaker 1>you know you're right when your dad died. It was

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<v Speaker 1>just a few weeks in and it was really one

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<v Speaker 1>of those things that held up a mirror. I remember

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<v Speaker 1>you were like, I still have to I'm still as

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<v Speaker 1>committed to my own freedom as I was, and my

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<v Speaker 1>dad would want this for me, Like I'm yes, I

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<v Speaker 1>need some time to go grieve and we're gonna have

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<v Speaker 1>a you know, do what we need to do with

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<v Speaker 1>our family. And you took the time that you needed,

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<v Speaker 1>but it didn't change your commitment to yourself because you

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<v Speaker 1>made that decision. And then I remember, it's funny when

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<v Speaker 1>you I don't know if you remember this, but we

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<v Speaker 1>were on a call one time, and this was this

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<v Speaker 1>was after you had come back and you were in

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<v Speaker 1>the thick of it, right you were doing the work,

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<v Speaker 1>and we were on a call and you're like, Leanne,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just letting you know I've been so burnt out.

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<v Speaker 1>Work is crazy, like there's so much going on right now.

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<v Speaker 1>But I made this wheel like a chart. It was

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<v Speaker 1>like a wheel or a chart or something. I remember,

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<v Speaker 1>and you were so excited. You were so proud of it.

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<v Speaker 1>And it had list after a list after action item,

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<v Speaker 1>and I remember I sat you down, this is on

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<v Speaker 1>the phone. So we were sat down and I was like, listen,

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<v Speaker 1>I love that you're excited this chart, but what if

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<v Speaker 1>right now this chart was like the last thing you needed.

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<v Speaker 1>What if you actually needed some healing and recovery and

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<v Speaker 1>not a doing doing doing? And I really think that

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<v Speaker 1>was one of the first times that you got cracked

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<v Speaker 1>open to this distinction of the being versus doing. So,

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<v Speaker 1>first of all, do you remember that.

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<v Speaker 2>Vividly I had created this light colored chart. I was

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<v Speaker 2>so excited about it.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, I'm like, I have this time, and I'm going

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<v Speaker 3>to spend this time doing this and this and this

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<v Speaker 3>and this and this. And it really was illuminating when

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<v Speaker 3>you said, hold on, let's put that chart aside.

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<v Speaker 2>What's behind that? Why do you want to do those things?

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<v Speaker 2>What version of yourself feels like that's what you have

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<v Speaker 2>to do? And it really opened my eyes to say,

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<v Speaker 2>this person who strives for perfection and this person who's

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<v Speaker 2>measuring herself based only on accomplishments, is the one driving

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<v Speaker 2>that chart. Okay, So I love the question that you've

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<v Speaker 2>post over and over again, how are you weighing and

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<v Speaker 2>measuring your life? It helped me to say, what are

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<v Speaker 2>the things that I that truly matter to me, that

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<v Speaker 2>I want to measure my life by. Some of that

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<v Speaker 2>is accomplishment professionally, but the bigger pieces of it are relationships,

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<v Speaker 2>the trust that I can build with others, the amount

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<v Speaker 2>of love that I can share with others. I'm a singer,

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<v Speaker 2>so you know, am I using my creative self in

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<v Speaker 2>the ways that make me feel satisfied and bring that

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<v Speaker 2>gift to other people? How often am I reaching out

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<v Speaker 2>to somebody? How often am I doing something kind for

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<v Speaker 2>a stranger? Those to me are the more important ways

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<v Speaker 2>that I measure my life now instead of what's all

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<v Speaker 2>the activity that I've done. And at the end of

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<v Speaker 2>the day, like I'm falling into bed completely exhausted and

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<v Speaker 2>wired because I got that hope to do list done.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't like to live that way anymore, and I

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<v Speaker 2>was living that way constantly at that time, absolutely.

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<v Speaker 1>And two big distinctions that just came out of what

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<v Speaker 1>you said is, you know, first of all, what you

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<v Speaker 1>were weighing and measuring was based on what you wanted

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<v Speaker 1>others to perceive you of. It was doing for others,

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<v Speaker 1>giving to others, performing for others. But also, like when

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<v Speaker 1>you think about that chart, and that chart was amazing.

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<v Speaker 1>It was perfect for you in the right time and

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<v Speaker 1>right place. But in that moment, what you needed was

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<v Speaker 1>to receive and fill your cut back up and be

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<v Speaker 1>grounded and relaxed and rejuvenate and regenerate and all those things.

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<v Speaker 1>And when you became that, when you realize, like, no,

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<v Speaker 1>who I really want to be right now is peace.

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<v Speaker 1>Who I really want to be is calm and grateful,

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<v Speaker 1>versus think about when we're just pleasing and performing for others,

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<v Speaker 1>we end up being resentful right and burnt out.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I was getting accolades and awards and all sorts

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<v Speaker 2>of public recognition for the things that I was doing,

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<v Speaker 2>and I still felt empty and not fulfilled by that

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<v Speaker 2>because I wasn't filling my own cup and identifying who

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<v Speaker 2>did I want to be? I was only looking at

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<v Speaker 2>those external pieces as validation.

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<v Speaker 1>And when you filled that cut back up and got

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<v Speaker 1>clear and grounded and who you wanted to be, that

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<v Speaker 1>chart would have been so much more beneficial to you

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<v Speaker 1>in that version of you exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>And that chart never resurfaced. I have other things that

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<v Speaker 2>I and different ways that I, you know, strategized for

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<v Speaker 2>myself and things that I want to do and that

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<v Speaker 2>chart just has not seen the light of day again.

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<v Speaker 1>I love it, and maybe it'll ground itself or a resurface,

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<v Speaker 1>but when it does, it'll be coming from the right

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<v Speaker 1>right place for you. So wrapping a bow around this

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<v Speaker 1>concept of who you want to be versus what you

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<v Speaker 1>want to do or beyond the checklist, can you just

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<v Speaker 1>share a little bit of your experiences of what it

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<v Speaker 1>was like when you just entered into the conversation of

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<v Speaker 1>doing less and being more, or maybe it meant like

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<v Speaker 1>subtracting in order to add. Can you just just share

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit of what that looked like for you.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I think one of the things that stands out

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<v Speaker 2>to me is this, I had this idea that it

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<v Speaker 2>was going to be an automatic shift and having to

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<v Speaker 2>allow myself permission to recognize that the changes that I

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<v Speaker 2>was making for myself were gradual and building upon themselves.

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<v Speaker 2>So I wasn't going to automatically just not have my

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<v Speaker 2>to do list or a checklist, absolutely, because that was

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<v Speaker 2>just that felt so foreign. But I was starting to

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<v Speaker 2>gradually add in time to my day to do some

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<v Speaker 2>gratitude journaling, and I was adding time into my day

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<v Speaker 2>for a couple of minutes of meditation and a couple

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<v Speaker 2>of minutes of stretching, and I was letting my mind

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<v Speaker 2>rest in a way that I hadn't been allowing it

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<v Speaker 2>to do previously, and that helped in those gradual shifts

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<v Speaker 2>to identify how did I feel inside? What was my

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<v Speaker 2>body telling me? The message was like, wow, I was

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<v Speaker 2>really wired and it was lovely to have a little

0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:16.400
<v Speaker 2>time to let my thoughts unravel a little bit, and

0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:21.400
<v Speaker 2>it helped me then to identify, oh, this is a

0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:24.760
<v Speaker 2>different way of being, and I could start to be

0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:29.760
<v Speaker 2>this way throughout my day while still fulfilling the things

0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:32.960
<v Speaker 2>that I wanted to fulfill throughout the day. I'm still

0:12:33.000 --> 0:12:36.920
<v Speaker 2>showing up in relationships, I'm still showing up at work.

0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:40.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm still showing up in creative pursuits. But I don't

0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:43.800
<v Speaker 2>have to be so frenzied in doing that and feel

0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:47.080
<v Speaker 2>like everything has to be done and feel honestly, there

0:12:47.120 --> 0:12:50.040
<v Speaker 2>were days I felt like I was a guitar string

0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:52.960
<v Speaker 2>pulled and pulled and pulled so tightly that it was

0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:57.680
<v Speaker 2>just a moment away from snapping. And I love that

0:12:57.720 --> 0:13:00.880
<v Speaker 2>I've given up what that feels like. You know, I'm

0:13:00.920 --> 0:13:02.880
<v Speaker 2>pointing to the middle of my chest because that's where

0:13:02.920 --> 0:13:05.320
<v Speaker 2>I felt it in my body, like I was stretched

0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:08.040
<v Speaker 2>so tight to be able to just like give myself

0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:11.320
<v Speaker 2>that permission to loosen. And that's part of how I

0:13:11.320 --> 0:13:13.040
<v Speaker 2>want to be instead of what I want to do.

0:13:13.800 --> 0:13:17.400
<v Speaker 2>I want to be a more relaxed, more at peace,

0:13:17.520 --> 0:13:22.040
<v Speaker 2>more loving and kind version of me. And it was

0:13:22.200 --> 0:13:26.400
<v Speaker 2>a gradual process. It was not overnight, and it felt

0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:29.960
<v Speaker 2>foreign when it first started, but now it just feels lovely.

0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:33.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm so glad that you mentioned that, because first of all,

0:13:33.120 --> 0:13:36.560
<v Speaker 1>it's it's we're talking about doing less and being more,

0:13:36.679 --> 0:13:39.720
<v Speaker 1>and that goes with the transformation process too. Like it's slow,

0:13:39.760 --> 0:13:43.000
<v Speaker 1>it's gradual. The nervous system learns and adapts best when

0:13:43.000 --> 0:13:46.520
<v Speaker 1>it's in minimums, not in maximums. That whole zero to sixty, harder, faster,

0:13:46.640 --> 0:13:49.600
<v Speaker 1>more mentality is just not sustainable and your brain does

0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:52.679
<v Speaker 1>not learn that way. But also, you know, you had

0:13:52.679 --> 0:13:54.400
<v Speaker 1>to figure out what it looked like for you. It

0:13:54.480 --> 0:13:57.120
<v Speaker 1>can't be a cookie cutter, one size fits all. That's

0:13:57.160 --> 0:14:02.040
<v Speaker 1>why I strongly encourage everyone to find your version of

0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:05.840
<v Speaker 1>this conversation, because you know, Suzanne's version of is not yours,

0:14:05.880 --> 0:14:07.760
<v Speaker 1>and my version of it is not yours. It's got

0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:11.320
<v Speaker 1>to be your ingredients to make it last a lifetime.

0:14:11.400 --> 0:14:14.199
<v Speaker 1>So thank you so much for illuminating this topic. We're

0:14:14.240 --> 0:14:16.120
<v Speaker 1>going to be back with so much more. We have

0:14:16.160 --> 0:14:19.720
<v Speaker 1>an entire series here with Suzanne, and just keep in mind, like, yes,

0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:21.880
<v Speaker 1>it goes with the understanding that she went through the

0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:25.400
<v Speaker 1>process of getting out of that toxic all or nothing

0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:28.920
<v Speaker 1>diet mentality and really you know, building a new relationship

0:14:28.960 --> 0:14:30.760
<v Speaker 1>with food in her body. But we really wanted to

0:14:30.800 --> 0:14:33.720
<v Speaker 1>emphasize the things that live outside of that, because again,

0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:37.400
<v Speaker 1>this healing journey can be all consuming, So just keep

0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:41.120
<v Speaker 1>that in mind as we're going about these conversations and

0:14:41.200 --> 0:14:44.000
<v Speaker 1>we are going to be back next Saturday with this

0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:47.760
<v Speaker 1>concept of owning your worth in the face of haters.

0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:49.560
<v Speaker 1>It's one thing to own your worth when you're by

0:14:49.600 --> 0:14:51.640
<v Speaker 1>yourself in a room, but when you have people that

0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:55.680
<v Speaker 1>are actively speaking out against you, trying to diminish you

0:14:56.040 --> 0:14:58.080
<v Speaker 1>and it's in your face, that is a different story.

0:14:58.120 --> 0:15:01.280
<v Speaker 1>And Suzanne can share a lot to relate to that.

0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:04.360
<v Speaker 1>So thank you so much for being here, Suzanne.

0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:07.080
<v Speaker 2>We really appreciate you. Oh, thank you so much for

0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:08.280
<v Speaker 2>the invitation to join you.

0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:10.960
<v Speaker 1>Absolutely, we're excited for you to come back next week

0:15:11.200 --> 0:15:13.240
<v Speaker 1>and ladies, if you want to learn more about how

0:15:13.240 --> 0:15:15.960
<v Speaker 1>to rewire your brain and heal from your own version

0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:18.960
<v Speaker 1>of the all or nothing mentality for good, but without

0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:22.560
<v Speaker 1>restricting yourself and obsessing and punishing yourself, head on over

0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:25.920
<v Speaker 1>to stressless eeating dot com and check out the free webinar.

0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:29.520
<v Speaker 1>You can also find me on socials at LeAnn Ellington. Well,

0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:41.240
<v Speaker 1>we will be back next week. Thanks for listening, ladies. Bye,