1 00:00:01,240 --> 00:00:04,280 Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shondaland Audio in 2 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:09,920 Speaker 1: partnership with iHeartRadio. What's the best preschool tip that you've given? 3 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:14,840 Speaker 2: The tip that I would give people most raising preschool 4 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:19,680 Speaker 2: kids is keep a twinkle in your heart. Keep a 5 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:27,720 Speaker 2: sense of humor. These stages will pass. They're okay, You're okay. Smile, 6 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:30,240 Speaker 2: it's okay. 7 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,640 Speaker 1: If that isn't a tip for life, I don't know 8 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:45,599 Speaker 1: what is. Hello, everybody, Welcome back to Katie's Crib. I 9 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,800 Speaker 1: have been trying to get today's guest on for a 10 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:52,320 Speaker 1: long time, and she is busy. She is just so busy, 11 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:57,760 Speaker 1: going in the homes of toddlers everywhere and helping children 12 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:01,520 Speaker 1: and parents on all all sorts of things. I know 13 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:06,200 Speaker 1: her because she was Albi's toddler and me teacher, and 14 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:11,040 Speaker 1: she is literally a toddler whisperer. I have never met 15 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:16,200 Speaker 1: a woman like this who also makes mothers and fathers 16 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:22,959 Speaker 1: and caretakers and child specialists feel at ease at all times. 17 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,640 Speaker 1: And I really think you're all going to benefit from 18 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:29,280 Speaker 1: her vast amount of knowledge but also just her person. 19 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:34,360 Speaker 1: Her name is Carol Provost. She's here to talk preschool 20 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:37,479 Speaker 1: nursery school transition to kindergarten tips, which I have got 21 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,880 Speaker 1: a lot of questions about that. Carol Provost has worked 22 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,679 Speaker 1: for over forty years as an early childhood educator, parent 23 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:48,320 Speaker 1: support expert, and child development specialist. She has advised administrators 24 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:52,280 Speaker 1: over the years in cultivating play based, developmentally appropriate curriculum 25 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:56,520 Speaker 1: for preschoolers. She has also spent countless hours training preschool 26 00:01:56,560 --> 00:02:01,880 Speaker 1: teachers and considers good quality early childhood education fundamental for 27 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:05,760 Speaker 1: a functional society. Carol has also provided in home support 28 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:09,400 Speaker 1: for children struggling with a variety of issues, including separation, anxiety, 29 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:13,679 Speaker 1: toileting difficulties, and delayed social skills. She is currently offering 30 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,680 Speaker 1: parental support via telephone or zoom appointment and continues to 31 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:18,959 Speaker 1: offer in home support for children and their families in 32 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:24,200 Speaker 1: the San Fernando Valley. Carol, Oh, I am like literally 33 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,600 Speaker 1: emotional that you are here today, Welcome to Katie's crib. 34 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:34,560 Speaker 1: I am just so excited you're here. There is no 35 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:38,240 Speaker 1: one like you. You are one of a kind. I don't understand. 36 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 1: She's the person everyone listening who like the toddlers are 37 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 1: just like fighting to sit on her. 38 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,200 Speaker 2: Lap and I miss that. 39 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:52,799 Speaker 1: I'm sure you do. I'm so happy you're here. Thank 40 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,880 Speaker 1: you for taking the time. Can you first tell us 41 00:02:56,480 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 1: how did you get into the early childhood development field. 42 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:07,120 Speaker 2: I think it started with the fraud relationship I had 43 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:12,040 Speaker 2: with my own mother perfect, and I think I grew 44 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 2: up as I got older and started to think about it. 45 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:21,760 Speaker 2: I really didn't know if she really didn't have capacity 46 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:25,400 Speaker 2: and shouldn't have had children, or she didn't have help 47 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:30,680 Speaker 2: and support that might have helped. Because I was born 48 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,000 Speaker 2: in nineteen forty two. 49 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,880 Speaker 1: You look great, Carol, Thank you. 50 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:37,520 Speaker 2: I'll be eighty one. 51 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:40,880 Speaker 1: Oh my god, you look amazing. 52 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 2: Thank you. But times were different then, and the advice 53 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 2: was different then, things like feeds your child every four 54 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:54,920 Speaker 2: hours and not a minute before because they have to 55 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,840 Speaker 2: be on a schedule. I was born a four pound 56 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:06,160 Speaker 2: baby and four hours was too long to wait, so 57 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:13,560 Speaker 2: I was upset infant, and she didn't have any skills 58 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:18,480 Speaker 2: or support to handle such a thing. And that continued 59 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:24,359 Speaker 2: through my whole life. And the family's story was kind 60 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:27,920 Speaker 2: of your sister was the easy one, but my sister 61 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:30,360 Speaker 2: also has stuff. 62 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,560 Speaker 1: It just was tough. 63 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,720 Speaker 2: So I always had an interest in it. When I 64 00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:39,400 Speaker 2: went to school, I actually got both a bachelor's and 65 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:43,600 Speaker 2: a master's degree in theater. Then I got into child development. 66 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,640 Speaker 2: I kind of wasted my education, but the truth is 67 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:51,280 Speaker 2: the master's in directing made me a better nursery school 68 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:55,880 Speaker 2: teacher because I knew what a set should look. 69 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 1: Like, and you also know how to herd cat. 70 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,800 Speaker 2: Right, what a room should look like. I knew what 71 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:06,920 Speaker 2: the hum of kids playing, when it worked and when 72 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:10,799 Speaker 2: it didn't, what the pace was like. So it wasn't 73 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:14,680 Speaker 2: a waste and one of the first jobs, because in theater, 74 00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:17,280 Speaker 2: your first jobs are not in. 75 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:18,680 Speaker 1: Theater, that's for sure. 76 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:23,800 Speaker 2: And so I got a job at the Children's Centers 77 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:28,960 Speaker 2: of Los Angeles and got very interested in what they 78 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:33,440 Speaker 2: were doing from my point of view wrong. I went 79 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:39,120 Speaker 2: back and took many classes of extra education from UCLA 80 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:47,160 Speaker 2: Extension and got my child development specialist authorisation and never 81 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:51,880 Speaker 2: looked back. It became a passion to make things better 82 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:53,880 Speaker 2: for moms and kids. 83 00:05:54,360 --> 00:06:00,000 Speaker 1: Carol, I'm telling you, I didn't even understand how important 84 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:06,000 Speaker 1: in early childhood life and education and development, any of 85 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:10,400 Speaker 1: it really was until I started touring nursery schools. Really, 86 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 1: people thought I was overdoing it. I think I looked 87 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:17,240 Speaker 1: at like sixteen nursery schools. But it wasn't because in 88 00:06:17,279 --> 00:06:19,680 Speaker 1: all honesty, because I wanted LB to get into this 89 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 1: or that or whatever. It was mostly because I was 90 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:27,919 Speaker 1: educating myself. I didn't know what my style was. I 91 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:33,480 Speaker 1: didn't know what kind of set like you're speaking of 92 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 1: really spoke to me and my child, which was where 93 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:40,520 Speaker 1: we crossed paths, and I feel so so lucky that 94 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 1: we did. What do you tell moms that you're working 95 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:48,160 Speaker 1: with to do about tantrums? Let's say let's start there. 96 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:53,080 Speaker 2: Hey, I'm sure, sorry, so much fun, aren't they? They're triggering, 97 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:58,160 Speaker 2: they're difficult. First, I'm going to say to you, reframe it. 98 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:01,600 Speaker 2: Your child is in giving you a hard time. They're 99 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:05,279 Speaker 2: having a hard time. It's a very different way to 100 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:09,920 Speaker 2: look at it. They're overwhelmed, their little brains are trying 101 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 2: to do so much. They get sensory overload, they get 102 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:19,120 Speaker 2: exhausted from a day of trying to socialize, and where 103 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 2: they feel safest is at home with you, and they 104 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:28,200 Speaker 2: melt yes. And so your job as a parent or 105 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:32,760 Speaker 2: a caretaker at school is to meet their chaos with 106 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:40,080 Speaker 2: your calm. So that means regulate yourself. I always liked 107 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:46,240 Speaker 2: I've read somewhere about the acronym stop like a stop sign, 108 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:54,760 Speaker 2: and it means stop, take a breath, observe, and then proceed. 109 00:07:56,440 --> 00:08:01,080 Speaker 1: Oh my, by the way, this works with adult Yes, 110 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:05,640 Speaker 1: yes it does. I think when you realize what is superpower, 111 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:09,480 Speaker 1: it is. Look, I think mom's listening. I try very 112 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,040 Speaker 1: hard to meet a tantrum. I always think of, Okay, 113 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:16,640 Speaker 1: if I yawn, he's gonna yawn, right if he yawns 114 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 1: ee yon. So if he's freaking out, then I'm going 115 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:22,320 Speaker 1: to freak out and escalates his freak out, which escalates 116 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,000 Speaker 1: my freak out. And I've had enough tantrums to know 117 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:29,160 Speaker 1: if I can just stay as regulated as possible for me, 118 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:31,880 Speaker 1: what I've noticed is it lessens the time of the 119 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:36,120 Speaker 1: whole ordeal. Look, I'm not perfect. There have totally been 120 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,840 Speaker 1: times where it's also felt wildly good to just lose 121 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:42,200 Speaker 1: my collective shit for a second. But and then I 122 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:46,000 Speaker 1: apologize because I really don't want to meet his tantrum, 123 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:48,440 Speaker 1: like I am an irrational thinking adult. 124 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:52,600 Speaker 2: But what you just said is very important. There's always 125 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:56,360 Speaker 2: room for repair. Your child is always going to wake 126 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 2: up the next morning totally in love with you and 127 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:04,280 Speaker 2: wanting it to be better. So when everybody's calmed down 128 00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:08,040 Speaker 2: a sincere apology, I'm not proud of the way I 129 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:11,959 Speaker 2: handled that. I got too mad. I'm going to work 130 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:16,959 Speaker 2: on that. Teaches them strategies to do the same. 131 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:21,199 Speaker 1: Thing that's exactly right. And we've had doctor Dan Siegel 132 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:25,000 Speaker 1: on who my parents actually did that. I don't think 133 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 1: they knew what they were doing, but my dad was 134 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,920 Speaker 1: one of those guys who if we got into something, 135 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:31,880 Speaker 1: or please go to your room and think about what 136 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,839 Speaker 1: you've done type of thing. As a teenager, I have 137 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:36,920 Speaker 1: such distinct memories of him coming in my room and 138 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,240 Speaker 1: then sitting on the end of my bed and us 139 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,520 Speaker 1: like talking about what had happened, and it always ended 140 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,240 Speaker 1: up with him in tears because he's sort of emotional, 141 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,400 Speaker 1: and he would just be like, Okay, do you feel good. 142 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 1: I feel good, Let's have a hug, let's say we're sorry. 143 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,800 Speaker 1: And I don't know if he knew what he was doing, 144 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:54,080 Speaker 1: but we have a wonderful relationship, and I feel like 145 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:57,440 Speaker 1: so much of that is because it wasn't perfect, but 146 00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:01,319 Speaker 1: we were very good at letting things zimmer, talking about 147 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 1: them after apologizing and feeling repaired, which I do with 148 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 1: my kids a. 149 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:11,240 Speaker 2: Lot, exactly. It's the most important thing. It teaches them 150 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:14,240 Speaker 2: how to do the same thing that will help them 151 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 2: to have healthy relationships going forward. 152 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,480 Speaker 1: And what do you think I mean? This is such 153 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:24,360 Speaker 1: a hot button topic about discipline and oh my goodness, 154 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:29,320 Speaker 1: like timeouts, grounding. Obviously anything physical is a no note, 155 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:31,880 Speaker 1: but anything in that world you could advise on. 156 00:10:32,679 --> 00:10:40,040 Speaker 2: Absolutely to think of discipline as teaching, not punishment. Discipline 157 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:45,000 Speaker 2: is a chance to teach somebody coping skills during a 158 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:51,199 Speaker 2: hard time. Timeouts I really don't like, because when a 159 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:55,280 Speaker 2: child needs you most is when they have melted down 160 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:59,760 Speaker 2: or acting out, and when you isolate them with that, 161 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:05,439 Speaker 2: with the shame of that. It's not a way to regulate. 162 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:09,800 Speaker 2: It's a way to shut down and become depressed. You 163 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:13,640 Speaker 2: may think that's compliance, but there's a price to pay 164 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:17,120 Speaker 2: for that. If a child is acting out, they're telling 165 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:22,560 Speaker 2: you they need your super ego to sustain theirs till 166 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:29,640 Speaker 2: they can regain their ability to calm and proceed. And 167 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 2: so what I like is time in. But again, what 168 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,400 Speaker 2: you have to do is regulate yourself so that you 169 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:41,040 Speaker 2: can handle it. You might have to take a minute, 170 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:45,680 Speaker 2: you might have to say to your child, I'm getting 171 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:50,160 Speaker 2: too mad, I'm too grumpy right now, I'm going to 172 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:53,760 Speaker 2: go to the bathroom, or I'm going to go into 173 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,559 Speaker 2: my room for a minute and I'm going to calm 174 00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:00,679 Speaker 2: down so that we can work this out. And then 175 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:05,600 Speaker 2: you do that and come back and say, today is 176 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,680 Speaker 2: a day when you don't seem to be able to 177 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:12,800 Speaker 2: keep your hands from hitting other kids. So come hold 178 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:18,240 Speaker 2: mine and we're gonna do play doough together, or we're 179 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:22,160 Speaker 2: going to make a cake or whatever it is so 180 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,079 Speaker 2: they can work out some of that stuff. And in 181 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:28,560 Speaker 2: the process of doing that, you're letting the child know 182 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:32,200 Speaker 2: that you're here for them, that they seem to have 183 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:36,520 Speaker 2: lost their balance for a minute, emotional balance, and you're 184 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:40,160 Speaker 2: there to provide yours. So you know, the same thing 185 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,480 Speaker 2: is we say all the time, put your oxygen mask 186 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:44,800 Speaker 2: on first. 187 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:48,360 Speaker 1: Right, stop with whatever the stop means. 188 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:55,760 Speaker 2: Stop exactly, stop, take a breath, observe, and proceed the observing. 189 00:12:56,240 --> 00:13:02,000 Speaker 2: The observation is what's going on? Is he hungry? Is 190 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:02,840 Speaker 2: she tired? 191 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:04,280 Speaker 1: They get a bad night's sleep. 192 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:09,800 Speaker 2: Has school just been too long? Too many transitions today? 193 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,600 Speaker 2: Maybe there's so they're not going to tell you about it. 194 00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:17,000 Speaker 2: At the time of the melt or the acting out. 195 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:22,000 Speaker 2: They don't have access to cognitive abilities in those times. 196 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,000 Speaker 2: The chemicals in the brain that get downloaded, as Stan 197 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:28,800 Speaker 2: Siegel will tell you, makes it impossible for them to 198 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:32,880 Speaker 2: take in cognitive information. So don't try. 199 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,560 Speaker 1: Oh, I remember my marriage. I was like, our marriage 200 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,840 Speaker 1: is not going to survive this if he's trying to 201 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:43,760 Speaker 1: have a teachable moment in the midst of a meltdown, 202 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:48,360 Speaker 1: Like I was like, please, this is not for him. 203 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 1: This must be for you, Adam, my husband, this is 204 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 1: and this is a product of how your parents were 205 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 1: drilling things of right and wrong into your head when 206 00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:01,400 Speaker 1: you were freaking out. But I'm like, we can't. He's 207 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:04,240 Speaker 1: not able to right now. Right now is just about 208 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,160 Speaker 1: how do we regulate? Is that a time in for me, 209 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:10,200 Speaker 1: because it most of the time is so that I 210 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,640 Speaker 1: can handle it once the calm has happened, like maybe 211 00:14:13,679 --> 00:14:15,560 Speaker 1: we can hold hands or have a hug or have 212 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,640 Speaker 1: a cuddle or draw something. 213 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 2: And then later maybe another time talk about it. I'm 214 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:26,840 Speaker 2: going to tell the story. This is what happened. You 215 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:30,680 Speaker 2: got so mad, you threw your plate on the floor. 216 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:35,480 Speaker 2: I got crumpy, and we both were mad, and then 217 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:39,640 Speaker 2: we got a hug. We calmed down. Now we're reading 218 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:44,360 Speaker 2: stories and everything's okay, because that's what families do. They 219 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,000 Speaker 2: make everything okay. 220 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:50,480 Speaker 1: Ah, And let me tell you something. Carol's daughter, Alexis 221 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,040 Speaker 1: is also a mom that I'm very close to, and 222 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:56,960 Speaker 1: she is wonderful. So I have first hand experience. If 223 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,840 Speaker 1: you're listening to this and you're like, I don't know, man, 224 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:03,000 Speaker 1: and like I don't have the patience or the time 225 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:06,000 Speaker 1: to really do this. First of all, when you reframe 226 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:10,320 Speaker 1: your mind, it is very easy in my experience, and 227 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 1: my son was not a piece of pie at all. 228 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 1: He is not, and it's what I love most about him. 229 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,520 Speaker 1: But seeing Alexis as a full grown adult who is 230 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:24,000 Speaker 1: Carol's daughter, and seeing Alexis's daughter Carol's grandkids, I'm like, 231 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:30,280 Speaker 1: they are wonderful, fulfilled human beings. So I have firsthand knowledge, 232 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,880 Speaker 1: y'all that this is working. 233 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,920 Speaker 2: Except that I want you to do. That's not what 234 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:42,440 Speaker 2: it looked like when Alexis was in preschool, she was 235 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 2: a highly spirited kid. I had absolutely no idea. I'm 236 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:54,120 Speaker 2: sure I made a million mistakes, some huge that I'll 237 00:15:54,160 --> 00:16:00,040 Speaker 2: never forget, and somehow for one thing, you know, so 238 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:04,240 Speaker 2: what helped repair so much of that being a grandparent, 239 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:10,320 Speaker 2: because it's so different, and I think for your kids 240 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:13,160 Speaker 2: that you made a lot of mistakes with when they 241 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:19,200 Speaker 2: see you repairing it through their children and by being 242 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:22,480 Speaker 2: there for their children in a different way, it goes 243 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:26,720 Speaker 2: back and repairs not only your own little childhood it 244 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 2: get maybe treated that way, but also for your children. 245 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:37,400 Speaker 2: It means that there's repair possible in life. And what 246 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:43,280 Speaker 2: I can say about Alexis is your spirited children may 247 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:49,320 Speaker 2: tax you to the core, but their world changers. They 248 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:53,960 Speaker 2: will fight for justice, they will raise valued human beings, 249 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,920 Speaker 2: and that's what you want in what's become a very 250 00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:58,800 Speaker 2: tough world. 251 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,840 Speaker 1: I love hearing this. I'm having this memory of coming 252 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:07,800 Speaker 1: into toddler class that you were facilitating, and I was 253 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:11,000 Speaker 1: so upset because I'll be is a very spirited child. 254 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:14,520 Speaker 1: I just spent so many times of the three and 255 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:18,040 Speaker 1: four year old years like heavily negotiating with a like 256 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:21,040 Speaker 1: a lawyer. I'm such a people pleaser, and I mean, 257 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 1: he's literally my perfect opposite match, this child, and he 258 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:30,520 Speaker 1: is not conflict averse. He is very stubborn and strong 259 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 1: willed and opinionated and loved to negotiate and loud, and 260 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,800 Speaker 1: he hit a lot of children, and I was panicked. 261 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,840 Speaker 1: I was so panicked, and I came to you and 262 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:43,320 Speaker 1: I told you these things. You were so not worried, 263 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:46,280 Speaker 1: and that made me not worried. And it just you 264 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:50,120 Speaker 1: were like just very no held space for exactly who 265 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:53,840 Speaker 1: he is. And I'll never forget it. I was so appreciative, 266 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:57,119 Speaker 1: and I think actually what you said was you know 267 00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:00,679 Speaker 1: that there's things too. Obviously every parent has concerned, but 268 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,920 Speaker 1: even the parents especially who have children who might be listening, 269 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:07,320 Speaker 1: who are very shy, who don't speak up for themselves, 270 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,840 Speaker 1: or who are very slow to warm, and things like that, 271 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:14,040 Speaker 1: your child is who they are, and you're always like 272 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,680 Speaker 1: terrified about giving them the tools they're going to need 273 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:18,360 Speaker 1: to get through it. 274 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:22,280 Speaker 2: Right. I actually worry a little bit more about the 275 00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:25,760 Speaker 2: shutdown kids than I do about the spirited kids, because 276 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:30,440 Speaker 2: they're going to take on the world and injustice and 277 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,800 Speaker 2: fight for their children and in ways that in the 278 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:37,800 Speaker 2: end are going to serve them so well. But I 279 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:43,960 Speaker 2: think what helps a shy child is acceptance that they're observers. 280 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:49,000 Speaker 2: My son is very different from his sister and he's 281 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:53,960 Speaker 2: also a wonderful human being of whom I'm immensely proud. 282 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:58,560 Speaker 2: But he always observed, and I used to say he 283 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,679 Speaker 2: didn't do anything till he thought he could look cool 284 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:06,560 Speaker 2: doing it. So he was late to walk, and he 285 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:10,119 Speaker 2: did a lot of I remember his little sister would 286 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:13,360 Speaker 2: go down the scary pole in the park when he 287 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:17,399 Speaker 2: still was afraid to do it. There's a picture I 288 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:21,320 Speaker 2: have of them as very young children where he's bent 289 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:24,639 Speaker 2: over and looking worried and anxious, and his little sister 290 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:27,680 Speaker 2: has got him by the hand and she's strutting down 291 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:31,560 Speaker 2: the beach and she's got him there, very close to 292 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:35,120 Speaker 2: the stay. But that was a very different temperament. He 293 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:41,439 Speaker 2: needed much smaller corrections. And when I had Alexis, it 294 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:45,320 Speaker 2: was so different. I thought, you can't judge a parent 295 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:49,160 Speaker 2: for being a good er bad parent based on one child, 296 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:55,720 Speaker 2: because they're gonna get you with the next ones. And 297 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 2: that's what keeps you humble and keeps you honest. You 298 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,639 Speaker 2: don't know who you've got till you get to know them, 299 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:06,720 Speaker 2: and don't try and make a child an adult. I 300 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:10,520 Speaker 2: used to joke that my son Zachary was born at 301 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:14,480 Speaker 2: the age of forty two, because he was very verbal 302 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:20,080 Speaker 2: before he moved, and he seemed to understand the world 303 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:24,360 Speaker 2: in a different way. But he had his own challenges 304 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 2: and socializing with kids was not easy, and if they 305 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,800 Speaker 2: got in his space, he got overwhelmed and acted out. 306 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:35,000 Speaker 2: And I thought it was a great gift to have 307 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:41,680 Speaker 2: two very different temperaments because it expanded my knowledge of children. 308 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,400 Speaker 1: Yes, and I think it's a good note for parents 309 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:49,040 Speaker 1: to be careful. I hear parents make narratives for their 310 00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:51,560 Speaker 1: kids that I'm not sure even one hundred percent true. 311 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:55,840 Speaker 1: Yet she's got a really she's really sickly like disposition. 312 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,560 Speaker 1: She's sick all the time, she catches germs all the time. 313 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,359 Speaker 1: I just hear it, and I'm like, don't know if 314 00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:02,720 Speaker 1: that's good or bad. Just it is what it is. 315 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:03,919 Speaker 1: Maybe we shouldn't judge it. 316 00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:07,399 Speaker 2: You're better off framing it by your own feeling. I 317 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:12,600 Speaker 2: get triggered by this behavior or that behavior rather than 318 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:16,560 Speaker 2: a character assessment, because it may be a bad day, 319 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,440 Speaker 2: it may be a mood, it may be a phase. 320 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,200 Speaker 1: Good God face, something. 321 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 2: That tells the whole story. I'd like to I think 322 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,119 Speaker 2: my favorite thing to say to parents is this is 323 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,720 Speaker 2: not the end of the story. This is the beginning 324 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:33,480 Speaker 2: of the story. 325 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:37,520 Speaker 1: This is so helpful Carol. Everyone who's listening. Everything is 326 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:39,280 Speaker 1: a phase, and Carol got me through one of the 327 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:42,159 Speaker 1: hardest when Albie was really hitting a lot of children. 328 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,399 Speaker 1: I was up all night so upset because obviously I'm 329 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:45,959 Speaker 1: a people pleaser, and I couldn't believe that I had 330 00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:47,800 Speaker 1: the kid on the playground that was hitting other children, 331 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,800 Speaker 1: and I'm just apologizing to everyone and so scared no 332 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,440 Speaker 1: one's gonna like me or my kid and had to 333 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,679 Speaker 1: put on my big girl pants and learn how to 334 00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:58,000 Speaker 1: anticipate help him through that. 335 00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:02,040 Speaker 2: Stay close, put your hand right there. I'm not going 336 00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:04,760 Speaker 2: to let you hit, but I will help you. Tell 337 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:08,359 Speaker 2: me what you need. I want that toy. I'm going 338 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,880 Speaker 2: to help you wait, and this is how we can 339 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,520 Speaker 2: get it. When you get done with it, will you 340 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:17,199 Speaker 2: please give it to Albie? And then now I'm going 341 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:19,440 Speaker 2: to hold your hand and help you wait. You know 342 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,639 Speaker 2: how many times have you seen moms at the park 343 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,240 Speaker 2: say things to their kids from the bench and the 344 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:29,360 Speaker 2: kids don't hear it, don't listen when you speak. Make 345 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:34,719 Speaker 2: sure that it has impact. It means follow through. It 346 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:40,240 Speaker 2: means you can't say things like play nights or use 347 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:44,240 Speaker 2: your words. If they could use their words at those times, 348 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:48,320 Speaker 2: they would, they generally have them. But they're at the 349 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:52,800 Speaker 2: moment that they're feeling threatened or fight or flight that 350 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:57,920 Speaker 2: chemical kicks in. They just defend, and they defend by 351 00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:01,720 Speaker 2: hitting because they don't know what to do. That's when 352 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:05,280 Speaker 2: you move in and you help. I'm here, I gotcha. 353 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:08,840 Speaker 1: I can't tell you like being on this other side 354 00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:10,399 Speaker 1: of it. Like he's five and a half now, and 355 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:14,000 Speaker 1: the years I spent I'm sticking close by. I'm going 356 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:15,879 Speaker 1: to be putting. I'm putting my hand up because I 357 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,840 Speaker 1: won't let you hit someone's body. What do you need? 358 00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:20,760 Speaker 1: How can I help you? Would you like this toy? 359 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,600 Speaker 1: For years I did this. It was exhausting. I'm not 360 00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:29,200 Speaker 1: gonna lie. However, I prepared my son for those years 361 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,320 Speaker 1: because now he's got a little sister. And let me 362 00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:34,840 Speaker 1: tell you something. She hits him, and he does not. 363 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,639 Speaker 1: He holds his hands by his side and he yells 364 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,399 Speaker 1: sometimes in her face, like a big guttural scream, and 365 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,680 Speaker 1: he says, but I'm not hitting her because I'm not 366 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,840 Speaker 1: going to hit her, but I'm gonna yell because I'm 367 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,480 Speaker 1: so frustrated that she just hit me. Good for him, 368 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:52,800 Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, I worked my ass off for. 369 00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:56,400 Speaker 2: This, that's right, and that's the payoff. That's not See. 370 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,800 Speaker 2: It wasn't the end of the story, Sadie. 371 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:03,240 Speaker 1: Nope, I worked my ass off and it literally pays 372 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,240 Speaker 1: itself back every day. And I tell him, remember how 373 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:07,959 Speaker 1: we taught you how to use your hands and how 374 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,480 Speaker 1: to treat other people's bodies. Now we're teaching this, Verra, 375 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:13,399 Speaker 1: We're teaching this to your sister. It has been such 376 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:16,080 Speaker 1: a blessing. I can't tell you to have a leader 377 00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:18,919 Speaker 1: like you and the advice like that to even know 378 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:32,920 Speaker 1: what to do. What should parents look for in a 379 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:33,800 Speaker 1: nursery school? 380 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:37,800 Speaker 2: In your opinion, I have a bias, But what I 381 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:43,240 Speaker 2: think very clearly is that play is the work of children, 382 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:47,560 Speaker 2: and what children in preschool should be doing is playing 383 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:51,560 Speaker 2: because it's how they make sense of the world. It's 384 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:55,040 Speaker 2: how they work out things in their emotional life. It's 385 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:58,800 Speaker 2: how they make sense of medical trauma. It's how they 386 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:03,160 Speaker 2: make sense of divorce or travel. 387 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:04,520 Speaker 1: Or having a sibling. 388 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:09,320 Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely having a sibling. They have a whole bunch 389 00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:14,160 Speaker 2: of years to be academic scholars if that's their thing, 390 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:18,080 Speaker 2: or work with their hands and do something wonderful if 391 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:22,280 Speaker 2: it's not their thing. But there's only one time in 392 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:27,919 Speaker 2: life when play can be the priority and be supported. 393 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,240 Speaker 2: And when you look around and see how many adults 394 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:37,320 Speaker 2: can't play, you can guess what happened to them too early. 395 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:43,119 Speaker 2: There's no Studies show that there is no advantage to 396 00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:49,119 Speaker 2: introducing right and wrong academic work in the preschool years. 397 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:53,240 Speaker 2: A good play based preschool will have all of the 398 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:57,359 Speaker 2: things that they need to get ready for learning. They'll 399 00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,840 Speaker 2: have the shapes and the toys and the puzzles, and 400 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:07,800 Speaker 2: that thing together that will sustain blocks our preparation for math, 401 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:13,120 Speaker 2: dress up corner as a preparation for life. The puzzles 402 00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:16,720 Speaker 2: and manipulative toys are a preparation for reading and writing, 403 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:23,320 Speaker 2: and they are Artists will come from being allowed to 404 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:28,119 Speaker 2: express themselves in all art media without a right way 405 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:33,119 Speaker 2: to do it. My advice would be look for a 406 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:39,240 Speaker 2: place where kids are happy, engaged themselves in my work 407 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:42,800 Speaker 2: with children by going to their homes privately. I've observed 408 00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:45,560 Speaker 2: a lot of schools. Now you have to remember I 409 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:49,440 Speaker 2: taught at the same nursery school for over forty years. 410 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:53,560 Speaker 2: I didn't visit a lot of schools, and it's been 411 00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:56,639 Speaker 2: eye opening, and some of it has been very depressing. 412 00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:03,360 Speaker 2: And in visiting a school where the emphasis was language immersion, 413 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:08,800 Speaker 2: I saw a lot of shutdown kids and kids whose 414 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:12,960 Speaker 2: bodies were you could tell aching to play and if 415 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,679 Speaker 2: they said the wrong thing, they were told it was 416 00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:20,320 Speaker 2: wrong and had to do it again. Maybe that's very 417 00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:25,920 Speaker 2: important a few years from then. But in preschool, how 418 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:29,760 Speaker 2: many kids learn another language by having it be around them, 419 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:33,560 Speaker 2: or having a nanny who speaks it, or having parents 420 00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:37,360 Speaker 2: who speak it. There's all kinds of ways to get there. 421 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:42,400 Speaker 2: But honor play in the preschool years would be my advice. 422 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:46,320 Speaker 1: I would like to honor play for like way longer, right. 423 00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:50,400 Speaker 2: So would I. But then life kicks in a lot 424 00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:55,000 Speaker 2: of outdoor stuff, a lot of acceptance of different kinds 425 00:27:55,000 --> 00:28:01,000 Speaker 2: of kids. How do they handle rambunctious children who maybe 426 00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:06,040 Speaker 2: don't have perfect impulse control. Do you let them mesh 427 00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:09,240 Speaker 2: up and then correct them or do you take their 428 00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:12,200 Speaker 2: hand and get ahead of it. How are the adults 429 00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:18,119 Speaker 2: responding to children? How are they responding to the active 430 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:23,000 Speaker 2: wild child? How are they responding to the shy and 431 00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:29,119 Speaker 2: introverted child. Everything is relationship based. Are they willing to 432 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:30,960 Speaker 2: make relationships? 433 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:35,400 Speaker 1: I have seen amazing stuff in my all the tours 434 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:37,920 Speaker 1: I did, but like you said, like watching children who 435 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:41,200 Speaker 1: might have lots of sensory things, kids like my kid 436 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:43,240 Speaker 1: who is like, please don't sing Happy Birthday, you have 437 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,360 Speaker 1: to whisper it. I'm gonna fly off the handle if 438 00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:48,320 Speaker 1: I near a car honk, or a kid that might 439 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:51,960 Speaker 1: be slightly on the spectrum. There's a kid that I'LBI 440 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:56,960 Speaker 1: grew up with that Carol knows, and she was so 441 00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,560 Speaker 1: shy and one of those kids that took months of 442 00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:04,120 Speaker 1: crying over the separation of her mom. And thank god 443 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:07,320 Speaker 1: the teachers were trained to be able to attach themselves 444 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:10,040 Speaker 1: to her. And now she has blossomed like a flower 445 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:13,640 Speaker 1: like none I've seen. I can't even remember that shy girl. 446 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:17,400 Speaker 1: Not to say that she's misperformer or anything, but it 447 00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:19,840 Speaker 1: thank god she was in a place that honored and 448 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:23,200 Speaker 1: met her where she exactly was and just held her 449 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:24,600 Speaker 1: hand and helped her through that. 450 00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:28,560 Speaker 2: Remember that this is the first time preschool they're in 451 00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:33,120 Speaker 2: community without mom and dad. It has to be a 452 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:36,680 Speaker 2: safe place. It has to be a place that accepts 453 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:39,560 Speaker 2: who they are. And that's the other thing I want 454 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,600 Speaker 2: to say, building on that, is make sure the separation 455 00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:47,760 Speaker 2: process is gentle. Be weary of a school that says, oh, 456 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,360 Speaker 2: drop them off the first day, they'll cry and they'll 457 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:55,200 Speaker 2: get over it. No, that's not what happens. They may 458 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:59,560 Speaker 2: stop crying, but that means they shut down. That doesn't 459 00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:03,160 Speaker 2: mean they resolved it. You want to look at separation 460 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:08,000 Speaker 2: in the face, say goodbye to your mommy. If you're sad, 461 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:11,280 Speaker 2: I'll help you. Wow, that's why I'm here. I'm gonna 462 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:14,560 Speaker 2: help you. That's how you make a relationship with this kid. 463 00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:19,480 Speaker 2: You're not afraid of their hardest feelings. You're not afraid 464 00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:23,400 Speaker 2: if they're sad. You're never gonna say, don't cry. You're 465 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,440 Speaker 2: gonna say your feelings are safe with me. I'm gonna 466 00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:26,800 Speaker 2: help you. 467 00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:31,760 Speaker 1: I'm here speaking of that same topic for those listening 468 00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,560 Speaker 1: who might be on the precipice of a big transition, 469 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,440 Speaker 1: whether it's be starting nursery school or for me, starting kindergarten, 470 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:39,120 Speaker 1: which I honestly think is gonna be way harder for 471 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:44,560 Speaker 1: me than my son. Any advice on preparing how we 472 00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:48,680 Speaker 1: can lovingly prepare our children for this once we have 473 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,560 Speaker 1: made the choice of where they will be going to school. 474 00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:57,480 Speaker 1: What advice do you have for parents on that next journey. 475 00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,680 Speaker 2: One of the things I know about the school where 476 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:04,120 Speaker 2: your kids go is that they will help you with that. 477 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:10,520 Speaker 2: They start preparing a few months before they start identifying 478 00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:15,680 Speaker 2: the graduates. They start talking about what the changes are 479 00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:19,960 Speaker 2: going to be. One of the techniques that I love 480 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:24,640 Speaker 2: to use Katie with preschool kids is to make books. 481 00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:28,640 Speaker 2: You take plain white paper, you staple them together, you 482 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:32,120 Speaker 2: make stick figure drawings, and you talk about what's going 483 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,840 Speaker 2: to happen. There's a wonderful printed book called Will I 484 00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:36,719 Speaker 2: Have a Friend? 485 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,480 Speaker 1: I don't know this book writing it on my list. 486 00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:43,760 Speaker 2: I don't know the author off hand, but it's easily 487 00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:48,120 Speaker 2: googled and ordered. I think it's about preschool, but it's 488 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:52,800 Speaker 2: perfect also for kindergarten because the changes. Am I going 489 00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:55,200 Speaker 2: to be safe there? Am I going to have a 490 00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:58,000 Speaker 2: friend there? Is it going to be different? First of all, 491 00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:01,400 Speaker 2: allow the sad feelings about leaving the school they're going to, 492 00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:07,880 Speaker 2: and then reassure them that you're going to be with 493 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:11,760 Speaker 2: them at the beginning, that it's going to be hard, 494 00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:15,160 Speaker 2: and that they will be okay because look how well 495 00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:18,360 Speaker 2: they did in nursery school. They're going to have the skills, 496 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:23,200 Speaker 2: they're going to make friends. It may feel uncomfortable for 497 00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:26,000 Speaker 2: a while, but it's going to be fine, and we're 498 00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:29,120 Speaker 2: going to help you at home, because that's what families do, 499 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:30,680 Speaker 2: help each other. 500 00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:34,840 Speaker 1: Will I have a Friend? By Miriam Cohen and Lillian Hoban. 501 00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:38,920 Speaker 2: Yes, wonderful, wonderful book, and I am. 502 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:43,920 Speaker 1: Getting that immediately. I think my biggest thing selfishly asking 503 00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:48,560 Speaker 1: I feel that our nursery school has completely prepared him socially. 504 00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:54,720 Speaker 1: He's just great with conflict and with other people and groups, 505 00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:58,800 Speaker 1: Thank heavens. However, I'm really curious to see because the 506 00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:03,120 Speaker 1: drop off is going to be very different. It's like line, 507 00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:04,280 Speaker 1: but would they begin? 508 00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:06,240 Speaker 2: Are you there at all? 509 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:06,840 Speaker 1: For yees? 510 00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:07,520 Speaker 2: Yeah? 511 00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:09,800 Speaker 1: Yeah. I walk him into I walk him to his 512 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:12,760 Speaker 1: classroom door with all the parents, and he has a 513 00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:16,240 Speaker 1: bunch of playdates leading up to it with other kids 514 00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:19,680 Speaker 1: in his class, where he's met the principal and we've 515 00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:22,320 Speaker 1: actually I've cheated a little bit, and I keep hanging 516 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,320 Speaker 1: out with other kids who I know who go there 517 00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:26,200 Speaker 1: and have gone with their mothers to pick them up 518 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:29,120 Speaker 1: like without me, so he's been on campus. 519 00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:31,280 Speaker 2: That's wonderful. 520 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,520 Speaker 1: I'm like, let's just have it be And he's pumped, 521 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,680 Speaker 1: like he's completely excited. But he says, I'm two things 522 00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:40,680 Speaker 1: at once. He says, I'm excited and I'm nervous. 523 00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:43,480 Speaker 2: I love that, you know. That's there were usedupid book 524 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,320 Speaker 2: that I used to read to the kids when I 525 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:50,800 Speaker 2: taught nursery school called double Dip Feelings, And that's another 526 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:54,040 Speaker 2: great one. You can hold two feelings at the same time. 527 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,360 Speaker 2: I'm a little bit scared and a little bit excited. 528 00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:10,560 Speaker 1: I was thinking, I mean, we're talking about the transition 529 00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:14,080 Speaker 1: into preschool, transition into kindergarten. What about other transitions like 530 00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:17,000 Speaker 1: mommy's got to go back to work or has a 531 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:21,040 Speaker 1: big job, or someone's going away. How do you help 532 00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:23,720 Speaker 1: parents with those kinds of transitions. 533 00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:30,520 Speaker 2: For preschool children, I tell them maybe a week before, 534 00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:35,200 Speaker 2: not months before, because they can't handle it. But a 535 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:38,880 Speaker 2: week before. That's when making a book comes in really 536 00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:43,160 Speaker 2: handy pictures of an airplane, pictures of a destination, or 537 00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:47,600 Speaker 2: we send the book with a reunion. Then mommy's done 538 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:51,839 Speaker 2: and mommy comes back, or we go away, we come back. 539 00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:54,640 Speaker 2: That old preschool book, You go Away, You Come Back, 540 00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:59,000 Speaker 2: ends with now we're taking a big trip, we will 541 00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:02,920 Speaker 2: come back. And so your own book follows that theme 542 00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:04,120 Speaker 2: of reunion. 543 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:06,239 Speaker 1: What's the name of that book? I don't even know. 544 00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:09,000 Speaker 2: You go Away, You Come Back. They have it at 545 00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:12,960 Speaker 2: the school, many copies, I think, So you can either 546 00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:14,640 Speaker 2: get it or you can borrow it. 547 00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,759 Speaker 1: We made it Adam. Of course, my husband's so good 548 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:20,399 Speaker 1: attack but when he booked a job in Budapeshe last year, 549 00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:22,759 Speaker 1: and I was so scared because he'd be back and 550 00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,000 Speaker 1: forth for like eight months. And we made this book 551 00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,239 Speaker 1: where we printed out like what is hotel looked like 552 00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:30,440 Speaker 1: and on a plane, and what Hungarian food looked like, 553 00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:32,840 Speaker 1: and then Daddy comes home and then we're going to 554 00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:34,799 Speaker 1: go to Budapeste, and then it was like pictures of 555 00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:36,680 Speaker 1: what Albi would be doing in Budapeste. 556 00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:41,400 Speaker 2: That's exactly right. That's how you prepare, and there's always 557 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:44,000 Speaker 2: your reunion at the end. And then for the person 558 00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:48,279 Speaker 2: at home, if they're staying at home while you go, 559 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:53,960 Speaker 2: it's helpful to cross out the calendar, cross out every 560 00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:58,960 Speaker 2: single day, how many more sleeps, And sometimes with preschool, 561 00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:04,600 Speaker 2: FaceTime really helps and sometimes it makes it harder, and 562 00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:08,600 Speaker 2: it's hard to know if you can take the potential 563 00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:13,600 Speaker 2: tears in FaceTime. It's probably helpful for your kids to 564 00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:17,319 Speaker 2: see you, to hear that you miss them and that 565 00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:21,279 Speaker 2: you will be home soon. As the kid's dad, my 566 00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:25,120 Speaker 2: grandchildren's dad travels a lot, and that kind of thing 567 00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:30,760 Speaker 2: really helps. Strangely enough, I've heard so many people say 568 00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:38,759 Speaker 2: mothers feel horribly guilty about those things and dads don't. Yeah, 569 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:43,080 Speaker 2: but it's often a male thing. Work is important to them, 570 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:48,040 Speaker 2: and it's probably has in some ways equal importance for 571 00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:52,600 Speaker 2: whatever reason, and moms are always torn that they're doing 572 00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:55,680 Speaker 2: a terrible thing and they're not. It's what they do. 573 00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:59,879 Speaker 2: You're modeling for your kids how to have a fulfilled 574 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:04,440 Speaker 2: and creative life. And as long as you have people 575 00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:09,920 Speaker 2: sustaining them that you trust and that they feel comfortable with, 576 00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:14,120 Speaker 2: they're going to be fine. I made a mistake once 577 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:17,200 Speaker 2: when my kids were little, for all kinds of reasons 578 00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:19,600 Speaker 2: that I won't get into, and I took a trip 579 00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:23,720 Speaker 2: with my husband that was way too long to leave. 580 00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:27,520 Speaker 2: Alexis was twenty one months old. It probably took me 581 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:34,160 Speaker 2: maybe twenty years to repair that one. Carol No and 582 00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:38,279 Speaker 2: I wouldn't make that decision today given what I now know. 583 00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:43,279 Speaker 2: But I was fallible, I was vulnerable. It seemed important 584 00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:47,759 Speaker 2: at the time. Who knows. My in laws took care 585 00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:52,680 Speaker 2: of them. They were okay, but that look, when I 586 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:57,760 Speaker 2: got back of who are You? It wasn't was thirty days. 587 00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:03,000 Speaker 2: It was way too long for a twenty one month 588 00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:06,160 Speaker 2: old to not check in. And remember they didn't have 589 00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:10,719 Speaker 2: all the technology back then, so I couldn't do FaceTime 590 00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:15,799 Speaker 2: and all that stuff. Anyway, if you tell ask Alexis now, 591 00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:20,640 Speaker 2: she'll probably tell you that we've repaired that, but she'll 592 00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:23,960 Speaker 2: also tell you how hard it was, and I have 593 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:25,080 Speaker 2: to be willing to hear. 594 00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:29,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, gosh, that's great. Okay, this is what I 595 00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:33,600 Speaker 1: think is coming down the pipe, selfishly for me, kids 596 00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:38,160 Speaker 1: playing doctors with friends, self exploring their bodies, What the 597 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,520 Speaker 1: hell is about to happen to my life and how 598 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:41,640 Speaker 1: do I get through it. 599 00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:47,080 Speaker 2: That's a very normal and natural part of development. There's 600 00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:52,200 Speaker 2: a reason that nursery schools have co ed bathrooms so 601 00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:58,400 Speaker 2: kids can see each other, identify each other, and enjoy 602 00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:03,200 Speaker 2: looking at other genitalia and figuring out what it is. 603 00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:08,120 Speaker 2: When they are touching each other and figuring that stuff out. 604 00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:15,439 Speaker 2: They're exploring in a natural way. Our society freaks out 605 00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:20,240 Speaker 2: and makes it something else. Here. We have a hyper 606 00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:25,080 Speaker 2: sexualized society that shows all these images, and yet when 607 00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:29,680 Speaker 2: kids do what in a tribe touch would have been natural. 608 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:34,879 Speaker 2: They then we can't understand it and we freak out. 609 00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:39,560 Speaker 2: So you can say, don't make it wrong, but if 610 00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:42,719 Speaker 2: you're uncomfortable with it, you can don't put it. First 611 00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:45,200 Speaker 2: of all, you tell them don't put things inside your 612 00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:48,080 Speaker 2: body because it's not safe and it could hurt you. 613 00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:52,319 Speaker 2: But don't make them wrong for being curious and for 614 00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:57,000 Speaker 2: being interested. You can say, yep, vaginas are great to 615 00:39:57,120 --> 00:40:01,440 Speaker 2: look at, but they're private. Right. If a kid is 616 00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:06,600 Speaker 2: touching themselves in the thin out in the household, you 617 00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:09,360 Speaker 2: can say, I can see that. That feels really good, 618 00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:12,880 Speaker 2: and it's also private, So go in your room and 619 00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:16,120 Speaker 2: enjoy it well when you come back out. It's not 620 00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:20,120 Speaker 2: an outside thing, it's not a family thing. But it's 621 00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:23,000 Speaker 2: enjoyable and it feels good, and you can do it 622 00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:23,800 Speaker 2: in your room. 623 00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:28,360 Speaker 1: That's so great. There's a girl in our school who 624 00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:30,839 Speaker 1: did that a lot. It was really interesting to see 625 00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:33,880 Speaker 1: and really cool to watch like her not be shamed 626 00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:36,680 Speaker 1: for that. It was obviously like a stress relieving thing. 627 00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:40,120 Speaker 1: She was fiddling around, and after a little bit, you know, 628 00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:41,560 Speaker 1: they were like, okay, well you could do that when 629 00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:44,440 Speaker 1: you get home in your room. It was really interesting 630 00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:47,600 Speaker 1: to watch them not make her feel like she was 631 00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:49,680 Speaker 1: in trouble or that it was bad. 632 00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:54,920 Speaker 2: Very important, very important, because we do all kinds of 633 00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:59,120 Speaker 2: things to stimulate kids, just in billboards and pictures and 634 00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,720 Speaker 2: all kinds of things, and then we make them wrong 635 00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:05,239 Speaker 2: for exploring their own bodies. We don't have to do that, 636 00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:09,640 Speaker 2: but we can also teach them to be socially acceptable. 637 00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:14,960 Speaker 1: What do you do for kids with sensory stuff? Which 638 00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:17,719 Speaker 1: I never even knew was a thing growing up. I'd 639 00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:19,400 Speaker 1: never heard of it. 640 00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:22,239 Speaker 2: It's more and more of a thing as they are. 641 00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:28,080 Speaker 2: More and more neuro divergent kids are being identified, and 642 00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:34,239 Speaker 2: some kids who aren't necessarily neurodiversion also have sensory issues. Fortunately, 643 00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:42,640 Speaker 2: there's a wonderful thing called OT and OT can emphasize 644 00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:47,719 Speaker 2: sensory integration. So if you think it's a real problem, 645 00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:52,720 Speaker 2: if your child is consistently overwhelmed with sensory issues, clothes 646 00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:57,640 Speaker 2: or uncomfortable to tags on shirts, bother them. They have 647 00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:02,960 Speaker 2: to have socks a certain way. They don't think about 648 00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:08,279 Speaker 2: adding OT to your schedule because I've seen it be 649 00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:14,040 Speaker 2: incredibly helpful to children, and they're bursting at the seams 650 00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:18,920 Speaker 2: these clinics. That's what Alexis does now, so I'm familiar. 651 00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:22,200 Speaker 2: They've never been so many kids. I think some of 652 00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:26,000 Speaker 2: it may be anxiety from the pandemic. I don't even know, 653 00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:30,040 Speaker 2: but there's a tremendous amount of it. So there's things 654 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:34,359 Speaker 2: that you can do to address that. And again it's 655 00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:38,200 Speaker 2: something that they will learn to manage. So what I 656 00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:41,280 Speaker 2: say to parents is, if your kids need a little 657 00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:43,759 Speaker 2: help in this area. I don't know a human being 658 00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:47,120 Speaker 2: in this world that gets through this journey of life 659 00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:49,560 Speaker 2: without help. Somewhere along the. 660 00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:52,520 Speaker 1: Way, I went to OT. I needed help because I 661 00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:57,799 Speaker 1: couldn't take one more hair washing of my son. He 662 00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:00,560 Speaker 1: wouldn't if you try to shampoo his hair, or brush 663 00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:03,640 Speaker 1: his hair or give him a haircut. You have to 664 00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,520 Speaker 1: wash your kid's head a couple times a week. It's 665 00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:10,839 Speaker 1: like I was pushing, and I'm a virgo who loves cleanliness, 666 00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,239 Speaker 1: and if you wash his hair, brush his hair, it's 667 00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:16,000 Speaker 1: like you're killing him with a fork in the eyeball. 668 00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:20,960 Speaker 1: It is a horrible experience for me, and I was like, 669 00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:23,400 Speaker 1: I got to talk to somebody who can help me. 670 00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:25,719 Speaker 1: I mean, there's gonna be a lot more hair washing 671 00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:27,920 Speaker 1: in our future and I can't do this. Did they 672 00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:32,920 Speaker 1: help you? Oh yeah, I got these awesome head massage 673 00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:36,120 Speaker 1: er things that coached him through touch in his head 674 00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:38,919 Speaker 1: in a way that he felt okay. We were very communicative. 675 00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:42,239 Speaker 1: He was much like it was such so much about 676 00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:44,480 Speaker 1: self autonomy, like learning how to wash his own hair, 677 00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:45,600 Speaker 1: what was good. 678 00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:50,040 Speaker 2: And also you then reminding him, remember you, I know 679 00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:53,720 Speaker 2: you don't like this, it's necessary to do it. Remember 680 00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:58,239 Speaker 2: your strategies, what helps you? What do you like? What 681 00:43:58,400 --> 00:43:59,120 Speaker 2: don't you like? 682 00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:00,520 Speaker 1: Where would you like? 683 00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:02,520 Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you what. I'm going to pour 684 00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:05,360 Speaker 2: water over your head so you can close your eyes, 685 00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:08,719 Speaker 2: or do you want to pour it yourself? Get a 686 00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:11,440 Speaker 2: little picture and let him do it himself. 687 00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:14,719 Speaker 1: It was wild watching his sister in the time with him, 688 00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:17,680 Speaker 1: because she's couldn't give a shit, Like she's looking at 689 00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:20,319 Speaker 1: him having and she's like, what's happening? And that's when 690 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:25,200 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this seems extra, this is something? 691 00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:26,560 Speaker 1: Is this is not? 692 00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:29,520 Speaker 2: He's more sensorally sensitive. 693 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,680 Speaker 1: And I knew he had noise sound stuff and anyway, 694 00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:34,520 Speaker 1: it ot was great. I love that piece of advice. 695 00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:39,160 Speaker 2: I can't recommend it enough. I think it's wonderful. 696 00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:43,120 Speaker 1: What's the best preschool tip that you've received? 697 00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:49,160 Speaker 2: To honor the play of children as important work and 698 00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:53,640 Speaker 2: don't interrupt it unless it's absolutely necessary. Do what you 699 00:44:53,719 --> 00:44:55,759 Speaker 2: can to support it and sustain it. 700 00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,880 Speaker 1: What's the best preschool tip that you've given? 701 00:45:00,480 --> 00:45:04,920 Speaker 2: The tip that I would give people most raising preschool 702 00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:09,759 Speaker 2: kids is keep a twinkle in your heart, keep a 703 00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:17,800 Speaker 2: sense of humor. These stages will pass. They're okay, You're okay, smile, 704 00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:20,320 Speaker 2: it's okay. 705 00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:23,719 Speaker 1: If that isn't a tip for life, I don't know 706 00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:27,799 Speaker 1: what is. That's how I feel about it. What remains 707 00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:32,080 Speaker 1: undone that you've wanted to get done for years? When 708 00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:34,319 Speaker 1: it comes to educating preschool children. 709 00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:41,160 Speaker 2: They'll always be children and parents who are struggling. The 710 00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:46,040 Speaker 2: work will never be done. To keep doing it till 711 00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:48,120 Speaker 2: I no longer walk on this earth. 712 00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:53,280 Speaker 1: This question terrifies me because God willing, I'm your age, 713 00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:55,239 Speaker 1: and I get to ask myself this looking back at 714 00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:57,640 Speaker 1: raising your own kids, what would you do the same 715 00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:01,759 Speaker 1: and what would you change other than that thirty day trip. 716 00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:06,720 Speaker 2: That's for sure. I remember that. I wish I guess 717 00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:09,520 Speaker 2: that old saying you can't know what you know till 718 00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:14,280 Speaker 2: you know it. I didn't know the things I know now. 719 00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,440 Speaker 2: I learned so much from the nursery school when my 720 00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:21,480 Speaker 2: own children went there, the same school our kids are 721 00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:25,440 Speaker 2: going to. That I made it my life's work to 722 00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:31,560 Speaker 2: continue that work. I definitely wish I had known a 723 00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:34,759 Speaker 2: lot of that stuff earlier. I think I would have 724 00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:37,600 Speaker 2: been a much better mom. So I get to be 725 00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:41,640 Speaker 2: a better grandma and my kids get to see it, 726 00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:43,120 Speaker 2: and that's important too. 727 00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:47,960 Speaker 1: Oh I love that. What is Did you even have 728 00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:51,200 Speaker 1: a registry when you were pregnant? Was that a thing? 729 00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:54,799 Speaker 2: It was not a thing for me, but I was 730 00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:59,360 Speaker 2: recently living in California, I didn't really have I was 731 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:04,840 Speaker 2: away from family. I didn't have a whole support system 732 00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:09,560 Speaker 2: then about kids. I didn't but in the but I've 733 00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:12,800 Speaker 2: seen it through the years as my grandkids are born. 734 00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:17,600 Speaker 2: And the best thing that I can imagine giving children 735 00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:20,640 Speaker 2: is books, books, books. 736 00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:24,120 Speaker 1: Books, books, And I just wrote down three from this 737 00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:27,440 Speaker 1: podcast that I don't know. Thanks to Carol, you need 738 00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:30,920 Speaker 1: to give me a list. What advice would you like 739 00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:33,920 Speaker 1: to give to children in general as they get closer 740 00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:36,920 Speaker 1: to nursery school in kindergarten. 741 00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:40,640 Speaker 2: Age, That Mommy will stay with them, That they will 742 00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:46,040 Speaker 2: until they are comfortable. That it might be hard, and 743 00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:49,160 Speaker 2: it might they might have all kinds of feelings and 744 00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:52,400 Speaker 2: it's all going to be okay because you're going to 745 00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:57,799 Speaker 2: pick a nursery school, hopefully with teachers that will make 746 00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:01,640 Speaker 2: them feel safe and make them feel and normalize that 747 00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:07,200 Speaker 2: it's absolutely normal to feel anxious. And also another tip 748 00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:09,600 Speaker 2: would be don't tell them the end of the story 749 00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:15,200 Speaker 2: before they begin. In other words, don't emphasize soon I 750 00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:18,880 Speaker 2: will leave you there, say we're going to start school. 751 00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:22,440 Speaker 2: I'm going to be there. Yeah, it'll be okay. 752 00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:26,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's really good. Don't play the end at the beginning, right, Okay. 753 00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:29,240 Speaker 1: We always ask our guests this question. Finish this sentence. 754 00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:38,200 Speaker 2: Parenthood is the most humbling experience you will ever have. 755 00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:41,799 Speaker 2: You can be great at your career, and this will 756 00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:43,160 Speaker 2: bring you to your knees. 757 00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:48,839 Speaker 1: It is so humbling. It's a road, and parenting is 758 00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:51,719 Speaker 1: so hard, but it is so rewarding if you can 759 00:48:54,040 --> 00:48:57,360 Speaker 1: get yourself back up from falling down on your knees. 760 00:48:57,719 --> 00:49:02,439 Speaker 2: It's all about heading back up. It's all about that. 761 00:49:03,280 --> 00:49:06,520 Speaker 2: And you're learning. You say to your kids, we're learning 762 00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:09,680 Speaker 2: how to be a family of four. We didn't know 763 00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:12,400 Speaker 2: we were a family of three. Now we're a family 764 00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:15,560 Speaker 2: of four. I'm learning how to be a mom. I'm 765 00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:17,880 Speaker 2: doing the best I can. I'm learning. 766 00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:21,360 Speaker 1: This was so helpful. I know all of our listeners 767 00:49:21,400 --> 00:49:24,600 Speaker 1: are just like shouting from the rooftops and have such 768 00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:29,680 Speaker 1: practical tips, advice and thoughts that they can take with 769 00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:30,280 Speaker 1: them from today. 770 00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:33,280 Speaker 2: Thank you. Can I give you my email in case 771 00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:35,960 Speaker 2: people want to get in please tell us all right, 772 00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:44,080 Speaker 2: it's all lowercase provost p r vosg CB at gmail. 773 00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:50,080 Speaker 1: Provost CB all lowercase at gmail dot com. I'm so 774 00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:52,440 Speaker 1: grateful for the time, and I couldn't have had a 775 00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:55,319 Speaker 1: better guest with my children just entering and exiting my 776 00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:57,080 Speaker 1: closet as much as they are. 777 00:49:57,480 --> 00:50:00,000 Speaker 2: That means a lot. At this point in my life, 778 00:50:00,719 --> 00:50:04,719 Speaker 2: I look back, and that's what means so much. To 779 00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:09,879 Speaker 2: have made a difference in one life means who have succeeded. 780 00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:13,160 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, Carol I think and hear you in 781 00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:17,319 Speaker 1: my head daily day, and all of the phrases that 782 00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:19,840 Speaker 1: you've said, even on this podcast, I hear you daily, 783 00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:21,359 Speaker 1: and I'm so grateful to you. 784 00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:28,360 Speaker 2: Thank you, Katie. 785 00:50:29,280 --> 00:50:31,480 Speaker 1: Thank you guys so much for listening to today's episode. 786 00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:36,160 Speaker 1: I want to hear from you. Let's chat questions, comments, concerns. 787 00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:39,040 Speaker 1: Let me know. You can always find me at Katie'scrib 788 00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:44,680 Speaker 1: at Shondaland dot com. Katie's Crib is a production of 789 00:50:44,719 --> 00:50:48,560 Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from 790 00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:52,120 Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 791 00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:53,480 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.