Speaker 1: Welcome to Will You Accept This Rose? A production of
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. Oh yeah, that's how you do it?
Speaker 1: Are you fucking kidding me? It was so nice. We're back.
Speaker 1: I have to say it's our second podcast in person,
Speaker 1: it's sixteen months. It's exciting, it's more fun than I'm
Speaker 1: just trusting medical science. I'm hyping. Yes, I'm hoping to
Speaker 1: say I got tested yesterday. That's good. I got tested
Speaker 1: less Tuesday. Hello, welcome to another episode of Will You
Speaker 1: Accept This Rose? My name is Artemurine, coming to you
Speaker 1: from my boogie garage in Los Angeles, California. You guys,
Speaker 1: I could not be more excited about today. This is
Speaker 1: a gentleman that is my friend. Who, well do I
Speaker 1: Who is that? Okay? I could say I like I
Speaker 1: like you, I like it. I have to say this
Speaker 1: is a person that I worked with. Well, let me
Speaker 1: just start out. Let me just give you, let me
Speaker 1: give you his credits. Okay, First of all, he's a
Speaker 1: brilliant stand up comedian. Like if you have not watched
Speaker 1: his Netflix specials, have you do have seven stand up specials? Seven?
Speaker 1: All right? Because there's one that never really saw a
Speaker 1: lot of diet that only aid in Britain for like
Speaker 1: a week and then you know, I got taken down
Speaker 1: and then I recorded many of the same jokes on
Speaker 1: my HBO special. So because I figured no one saw
Speaker 1: the first one, well we'll do what we'll say eight,
Speaker 1: we'll say a I gotta tell you, okay. He was
Speaker 1: also he's the host of the Jim Jeffrey Show that
Speaker 1: was on Comedy Central no longer exists, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? That's that's that's the tale of my life.
Speaker 1: But like, but you know, what are you gonna do?
Speaker 1: He is also an actor a writer. He was the
Speaker 1: creator and the star of Legit, which was on f X,
Speaker 1: which was which I okay, so I have to say
Speaker 1: I met this gentleman and he made me laugh so
Speaker 1: hard on the set to the point where he's such
Speaker 1: a rascal, and I felt like if we'd been in
Speaker 1: school together, I would have had to be separated from
Speaker 1: you because you made me laugh so fucking very lung.
Speaker 1: But like, what did you what would you say? You're
Speaker 1: sort of a professional rascal. I think rascal sees rascal.
Speaker 1: I'm a bit of a definitely, yeah, I'm a bit
Speaker 1: of a rascal. And I saw I was like oh
Speaker 1: my god, this is a fucking rascal. And I remember
Speaker 1: just sitting on this you were killing me, Like there's
Speaker 1: stuff that we can't say on the podcast that you
Speaker 1: were telling me about. I was dying, dying, I would
Speaker 1: we have to talk about this, afteren No, but you
Speaker 1: were you were talking about like you were talking about
Speaker 1: you've gone to like do Carnegie Hall, and then you
Speaker 1: were talking about like sober Jim fighting with Cookey Jim,
Speaker 1: which you can cut out. We can cut this part up, like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you were like a sober gym at
Speaker 1: Cokeie Gym, and like you were trying to be good,
Speaker 1: but there was something that was like there was like
Speaker 1: a key of something. There's a hotel room. But I
Speaker 1: just remember you, I mean, and then I think you
Speaker 1: saw that. You saw that. I am like, once I
Speaker 1: started laughing, I'm like, and then you just kept telling
Speaker 1: me about serber gym and cookie gym and I and
Speaker 1: it was you were on some bender and you were
Speaker 1: supposed to be in like Cardigie Hall, and I was dying.
Speaker 1: It was like killing me. Yeah, I was being sober,
Speaker 1: but I did. I can remember that I played Carnegie Hall.
Speaker 1: And you have to celebrate in some way. Sure, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. I remember that gig because they
Speaker 1: there's always these pictures backstage of like Sinatra in the
Speaker 1: rat Pack and they're all smoking. Sammy Davis is like
Speaker 1: kicking back in a chair with a Scotch my one.
Speaker 1: I wasn't allowed like water. I was like, I was
Speaker 1: that water in my dressing room, but I wasn't allowed
Speaker 1: anything else because unions and the historical meaningfulness of the
Speaker 1: building or something like that. It wasn't. So I haven't
Speaker 1: played kind of holes since out of choice, really, because
Speaker 1: I'm done the Beacon coming up a Beacon Theater for
Speaker 1: a couple of nights in I believe September, So that's
Speaker 1: an easy way to get into the plug. So I
Speaker 1: knew you that's exact. Isn't that where Jerry Cinefeld played all?
Speaker 1: Is that where he did his residency. I don't know
Speaker 1: he did his residency, but it's a it's a big
Speaker 1: did they did that shawna lote Um Rolling Stones documentary?
Speaker 1: They that's so cool. I have to say, ladies and gentlemen,
Speaker 1: Jim Jefferies, let's we haven't even announced my name. Plugging
Speaker 1: gigs by the Water Raw school. Well, they figured out
Speaker 1: that this rascal is the host of the Jim Jeffrey Show.
Speaker 1: But yes, it's officially Jim Jeffrey officially, and we're here
Speaker 1: of course with the production team and Josie. Katie just
Speaker 1: made her run. Katie just ran, like left town. Katie.
Speaker 1: It was it was almost as if a sham thing.
Speaker 1: There was like a bounty hunter. After bathroom there was
Speaker 1: like a yeah, she panicked, like she'd had like like
Speaker 1: beans and like gone for a jog and make a
Speaker 1: boticle like I can make people shoot them. I really
Speaker 1: do have to. She rolled up and to leave that
Speaker 1: fast three minutes into a podcast. You know, look, I
Speaker 1: want to give her privacy. We've all been there. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to act like I don't know what's happening.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say that she shut herself with joy
Speaker 1: and from Jim cheer, from the anticipation of hearing the
Speaker 1: plug of the bee compater. Okay, Jim, let's get to that. Really,
Speaker 1: most can I say when you DM me that you
Speaker 1: watch The Bachelor? I listened to your podcast and I
Speaker 1: also watched The Bachelor, and I thought I'd cash in
Speaker 1: my friend check and I would come in and i'd
Speaker 1: be able to because no one invites me to do
Speaker 1: things like this, so I have to invite myself. Well
Speaker 1: I would. First, I would never have known that you
Speaker 1: watched it, and I'm so now that I know you
Speaker 1: watch I'm going to capture you every season full disclosure.
Speaker 1: Jim knows who want so I'm gonna have to not
Speaker 1: look you in the eye when we get to that.
Speaker 1: I think we all know who. Okay, right about it, now,
Speaker 1: don't okay, wait a minute, let's not even get there.
Speaker 1: It's a wait a minute, let's back up the bus.
Speaker 1: So you met Thomas, You met Thomas the villains? How
Speaker 1: did you meet Thomas? I didn't know Thomas was the villain? Okay,
Speaker 1: So I do a stand up routine at the moment
Speaker 1: about me watching The Bachelor and how my wife wasn't
Speaker 1: into it and I was the guy who yes, And
Speaker 1: so I did this whole routine. I talk about have
Speaker 1: you even Knownice? On The Bachelor? How they always talk
Speaker 1: about guarding and protecting people's hearts, yea, their emotions. They
Speaker 1: always bring up a dead grandparents, trying to do their
Speaker 1: SOB story too quickly, like like that guy, like like
Speaker 1: the guy who had the dead wife this season. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're like, he's got roses all day. You can't you
Speaker 1: can't beat a dead wife. Yeah yeah yeah, dead kid.
Speaker 1: You should be some anyway. So um so I'm doing
Speaker 1: this something. And also they just they never talk about
Speaker 1: their politics at no stage. No, no, no, no, I
Speaker 1: think you're great and they know I believe I was
Speaker 1: different in school and all the other kids and blah
Speaker 1: blah blah, and just go did you vote for Trump? Right?
Speaker 1: I know, because it always comes out, here's someone in
Speaker 1: the maga how to here's someone with you know, he's
Speaker 1: someone with the wats, you know, like whatever, and it's like, no,
Speaker 1: why don't you just maybe they edited out I feel
Speaker 1: like cause we watched Australia and I feel like in
Speaker 1: Australia and we watched New Zealand, I feel like they
Speaker 1: talk a little bit more about politics and stuff. Definitely
Speaker 1: go like, are you an anti vaxer? I was like,
Speaker 1: whoa the Australian season? Yeah, yeah, you watch the Australian season.
Speaker 1: Oh I'll tell you where. You watched him on Bachelor
Speaker 1: archive dot com. Oh my god, there you would love.
Speaker 1: I can only find a Sophie Monk season. I watched
Speaker 1: that in quarantine, did you like I watched someone? Is
Speaker 1: it good? She's all right? She used to be a
Speaker 1: pop star in Australian So what I like about? I mean, okay,
Speaker 1: So Ausher, is he really a huge celebrity in Australia?
Speaker 1: M yes, I would I haven't. Look, I haven't lived
Speaker 1: in Australia for twenty four years, so I would say
Speaker 1: it's a huge celebrity. For he's got a residency in
Speaker 1: Vegas right now? What doing? What? What? Asha? What does
Speaker 1: he do? Oher? Asherst he was like a child star.
Speaker 1: I wish Asher, why don't you just said honest? Thought?
Speaker 1: You said Asher really badly. I thought you're really pretentious
Speaker 1: and you called me Masha. I wish I have very
Speaker 1: pretentious about Rusher. No, it's like it's the guy that
Speaker 1: hosts So it's the guy that hosts The Bachelor, and
Speaker 1: I guess it was a child star named ash Er
Speaker 1: Gunnsberg and he goes, no, I don't know who that is. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm sure if I say if I don't know, we
Speaker 1: do enjoy the franchise. They're all the guys that come
Speaker 1: on are like carpenters and plumbers. And there's the thing
Speaker 1: about how they treaties get the ladies like all the
Speaker 1: women on the show. Why, I guess it's a treaty there.
Speaker 1: And is that a thing in Australia. Yeah, yeah, there's
Speaker 1: like working class guy works with his hands type of
Speaker 1: thing and overalls the sexy I don't. I don't know
Speaker 1: they like that there. I think it's because the country
Speaker 1: is not finished being built and they're just like, there's
Speaker 1: a lot more to be done, a man who's going
Speaker 1: to be able to do it and they feel protected. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess, so, I guess. Okay, So you were doing
Speaker 1: stand up about the Bachelor. I was doing standard about
Speaker 1: the Batch and then I was warming up because you know,
Speaker 1: I hadn't gig forever because of COVID, So I went
Speaker 1: and did a comedy club in San Diego and there's
Speaker 1: only dred and fifty people. American comedies, the one in
Speaker 1: the mall. Yeah, yeah, I know. It's called the Great
Speaker 1: American Comedy Commence. It's on the street though. Oh I've
Speaker 1: done one that's like upstairs like you have this is
Speaker 1: an a basement. Okay, I've done one of those upstairs
Speaker 1: in the gas like districts and and then it's always
Speaker 1: women in like cocktail dresses throwing up into garbage cans
Speaker 1: on the way home, and Sandy similar type of it
Speaker 1: was in the gaslight district. So anyway, so I do
Speaker 1: the return about the batchel and then one of the
Speaker 1: way just has come back to the dressing room and
Speaker 1: they go, there's a contestant from a Bachelor here. There's
Speaker 1: a contestant from the batch there here who wants to
Speaker 1: meet you. Yeah. I thought, well, I know everyone from
Speaker 1: the Bachelor, but it was the season hadn't started. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're excited though, because I was like, and I was
Speaker 1: with my friend Forest and he was like so blase
Speaker 1: about the whole thing, and I said that there's a
Speaker 1: contestant from the batch. Yeah. Anyway, So Thomas walked in
Speaker 1: and he's I think he's more handsome in real life,
Speaker 1: but he's not bad looking on the TV. He's tall,
Speaker 1: but he built like an adonist. That's what we have
Speaker 1: found because we've because of doing this over the years,
Speaker 1: we've met a bunch of them, and they are even
Speaker 1: the ones that don't come off as like the top
Speaker 1: gorgeous ones on the show, you meet them in person.
Speaker 1: And there's so much better looking than any person that
Speaker 1: I know. Yeah, but you know actors, there's so much
Speaker 1: better looking than actor. They're like we and I remember
Speaker 1: a Guy Brandon. We did outside lance at them and
Speaker 1: there was like five we had like five guys with us,
Speaker 1: and Guy Brandon just was like flirting with him from
Speaker 1: the stage and he was like, look at you, look
Speaker 1: at you. He's like, of course you're gorgeous. Your human prizes.
Speaker 1: He came in and he was all tall and good
Speaker 1: looking and he's built. His body is fantastic. And he
Speaker 1: came in and I didn't recognize him of any season
Speaker 1: and I was just like, what season, I'm on the
Speaker 1: one that's about to end. Yes, And he just looked
Speaker 1: like a Bachelor contestant. So I was like, all right,
Speaker 1: come and sit down, let's talk. Yeah. And then so
Speaker 1: you knew the whole thing before it even started. Yeah,
Speaker 1: But the thing is I said to how it, how
Speaker 1: have you done? And he goes, um out, I'm already
Speaker 1: out of I got knocked out pretty quickly, you guys.
Speaker 1: And he said I was a front runner. Okay, yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: and then he goes and then I said one wrong thing. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but you know how they all go like, I think
Speaker 1: that Thomas just wants to be the next Bachelor. I
Speaker 1: don't know if Tom is just here for the right reasons. Ever,
Speaker 1: here for the right reasons, right right? Anyone I'm looking
Speaker 1: for a new kidney? Is that the right reason I'm
Speaker 1: looking for a match to get kidneys? I don'd to him.
Speaker 1: I don't think he was there for the right reasons.
Speaker 1: You don't know, you don't. I think he did want
Speaker 1: to be because he was. He was super excited about
Speaker 1: Have they already? Oh god, I can't. Maybe I can't
Speaker 1: say that, so we can cut it out. You can
Speaker 1: tell us, okay, if they announced in Paradise, yes, yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah yeah. He was super excited about going onto that. Yes,
Speaker 1: they all are, because that's where you actually get paid,
Speaker 1: because you don't get you get fucked, You get paid,
Speaker 1: You get gone an a hot talk, you get to
Speaker 1: go to Siaita, and then you maybe get like a
Speaker 1: fab fil fun like code to become an influencer. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think you watched the real early seasons of the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: It's better. It's better because it's before social media really
Speaker 1: kicked into gear and he started thinking because like, I
Speaker 1: like Tasha, but Tassia was like in the first season,
Speaker 1: was like this, I inject people at the hospital. I
Speaker 1: draw blood. Yeah yeah, and now her job is just
Speaker 1: like I don't know, I didn't show up. She probably
Speaker 1: leaked that. Chris Chris Harrison said something wrong casual racist
Speaker 1: for Saras and Saras and I did that David Spain
Speaker 1: show with him. He's the nicest guy. I felt sorry
Speaker 1: for him. He got caught up in what he said
Speaker 1: was stupid. He buried himself and then he doubled down
Speaker 1: bury himself with Rachel like he did. So you're like, dude,
Speaker 1: she's given you a window to back up the bus
Speaker 1: and he just kept like full steam ahead. Yeah okay,
Speaker 1: so so so you so you don't think he's there
Speaker 1: for the right reason. I agree with you though, because
Speaker 1: the early seasons, but I don't think any of them
Speaker 1: are you know, I wasn't whence you could become an
Speaker 1: influencer before when like the only prize was like maybe
Speaker 1: we'll fall in love and moved to Seattle. Like, I'll
Speaker 1: tell you how I knew he wasn't in there for
Speaker 1: the right reasons. If you use your fame to get
Speaker 1: backstage at Jim Jeffrey. Imagine what else you like? He's
Speaker 1: getting free coffees and stuff, and he's he's taking whatever
Speaker 1: he can from expence. He's swinging. He's taking his big swing.
Speaker 1: So he told you everything immediately? Did it? Did it
Speaker 1: bum you? Out? Watching the season? Having been Thomas? How
Speaker 1: are you? Do you have his phone number? So my friend,
Speaker 1: my friend Forrest, who was sitting there with me, he's
Speaker 1: never watched The Bachelor. I start I start ringing up, going, oh,
Speaker 1: it's starting to turn. You're getting angry with him. He
Speaker 1: was a bit of a front runner to begin, Yes
Speaker 1: he was, and to watch this he's a villain. You
Speaker 1: were invested in Thomas when Thomas was forest watching, but
Speaker 1: then when Thomas started to do that, the men say
Speaker 1: all things and he's just like I couldn't be there,
Speaker 1: and uh what happened to us? Get some like get
Speaker 1: he was a total plus? Like he lives in San Diego.
Speaker 1: Wasn't just drive up made? Yeah he could have been there.
Speaker 1: He could have been there. There's something I've wanted to
Speaker 1: ask Bachelor and Bachette fans. This drives my wife insane.
Speaker 1: Why do all the women jump and wrap their legs
Speaker 1: around people. We never in my life, I've dated a
Speaker 1: few women. I've had women who enjoy my company. They've
Speaker 1: never enjoyed my company enough to run from a distance
Speaker 1: and wrap there. And if they if they did do it,
Speaker 1: I'm not sure I'd stay. I have to say, I
Speaker 1: feel like we tried, feel like we attempted. It was
Speaker 1: because I've also never done it and I'm not a
Speaker 1: large person. But I also feel like like I'm I'm
Speaker 1: surprisingly thick. I think for myself, I think no, no,
Speaker 1: I think I'm more. I think I'm more dense than
Speaker 1: I have had to be almost killed people why. It's like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, I feel like have you you guys
Speaker 1: have never but also had to be jumped with such
Speaker 1: force and distance. Katie does it a bit more delicate. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's tiny too. I just want one bachelor to do
Speaker 1: it to one of the you know, Matt James with
Speaker 1: it like spindly legs, because it's usually the guys are
Speaker 1: like buff strong, Like I've never been with a man
Speaker 1: who I thought I can go and jump in his
Speaker 1: arms and he'd be right right. No, you know, if
Speaker 1: there's a small I can probably I've lifted up girl friends.
Speaker 1: I've had a kiss and lifted up and I can't
Speaker 1: get a full force runner doesn't and all, Okay, this
Speaker 1: is what I don't know about this season, Katie. You
Speaker 1: just have a nice kiss with the person. Okay, he doesn't.
Speaker 1: Everything doesn't have to be full blast. And then's like
Speaker 1: that guy that rests like the cat and he was
Speaker 1: like bad kids are though you can see the bad
Speaker 1: and I hate to be this, but he might be gay. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he might be gay. He's got to be gay, and
Speaker 1: I don't want to be that person because I've met
Speaker 1: people who are quite a feminine who turned out not
Speaker 1: to be gay and vice and you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: put people who are you know. Yeah, he has a
Speaker 1: little vibe for me that I think he might be. Well,
Speaker 1: I thought you were to join this, so we have
Speaker 1: Lance Bass. He might be He might be. But he
Speaker 1: was saying that he hosted Paradise and that apparently so
Speaker 1: their season hadn't started airing yet, so they don't know
Speaker 1: how they're portrayed. And so he met Lance and the
Speaker 1: first question he asked Lin because so it had it,
Speaker 1: he hadn't seen it, so they don't know what their
Speaker 1: edit is, And the only thing he wanted to know
Speaker 1: was did they keep my song in He's a jet,
Speaker 1: He's a jet, blessed to bless his teacher song. He
Speaker 1: wanted his dog food crom jingle like Jed. And then
Speaker 1: and then when he came in with He's on the
Speaker 1: Men's tell all, he had one more song and then
Speaker 1: but I don't remember him seeing that many songs in
Speaker 1: the season. He did, he kept he kept doing it
Speaker 1: two or three. He did one about his girth, of
Speaker 1: his of his dong. He did one about wasn't he
Speaker 1: like a high school teacher? Yes? Yes, stop talking about
Speaker 1: my friends a teacher. And he watches the show and
Speaker 1: he was like, that guy does not want to be
Speaker 1: a teacher, because anyone who actually wants to be a
Speaker 1: teacher does not act out right. Okay, cut this part out.
Speaker 1: He did keep wearing blouses that were like pirate shirts
Speaker 1: unbuttoned to his navel. Okay, okay, well, I mean, like,
Speaker 1: would you wear a pirate plass. I don't have the
Speaker 1: body for it, but if you have the figure my
Speaker 1: own body, if I were like, it's so flabby that
Speaker 1: if I were like a skin tight shirt, it looks
Speaker 1: like a Pirate's player. I have to say he was
Speaker 1: a bad kisser, and he was an He was a
Speaker 1: hungry kisser. She's a hungry kisser as well. Yeah, she
Speaker 1: never has a nice soft kiss. Yeah, you can ramp
Speaker 1: up to them a long yeah. Yeah, she just never
Speaker 1: has a soft because because she doesn't with every single pa.
Speaker 1: So Hannah be was she obviously rubbed around too much
Speaker 1: because her she got roisia or whatever, she got redders,
Speaker 1: you go, she got shes got beard burned, real bad
Speaker 1: of everything. And this girl goes in a bit too hard.
Speaker 1: And that the guy that the school teacher, he thinks
Speaker 1: a lot of jor action. Yea, the way's like. And
Speaker 1: then that girl who was sitting in the audience and
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, so gotta be a plane yeah and
Speaker 1: show Yeah she was the Internet. One of the beauties
Speaker 1: of hosting a bass for podcast is like we have
Speaker 1: like eighty eight little spies out in the world. The
Speaker 1: strangers send us things, and um, somebody sent us full casting,
Speaker 1: like Central Casting looking for this woman. That was like, yes,
Speaker 1: you're gonna love it, You're gonna love it. It was
Speaker 1: And then I always think with these people, it's think
Speaker 1: you want to be an actor. Yeah you can. You
Speaker 1: can't even put that on your IMDb page, Like, how
Speaker 1: are you ya? Does it lead to other work made
Speaker 1: out on the Bachelor? Okay, so here's here is readers.
Speaker 1: I am blind, but I am like, okay, you get
Speaker 1: brow Nana's readers if you need. Oh my goodness, isn't
Speaker 1: that crazy? This woman neither comeing to scripted out exactly
Speaker 1: exactly how it went. And then ABC covers their basis
Speaker 1: as like or a respectful hug at the ad whatever
Speaker 1: you're comfortable with, maybe just a hug or a full
Speaker 1: tongue kiss. Yeah, they went looking for her. That was
Speaker 1: hard to watch, and he must have known as well. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you think they probably asked permission in advance. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: when he was like this, he was like, I was
Speaker 1: checking you out and I can't. I can't. That was hard.
Speaker 1: That was a hard thing to watch. Yeah, I I
Speaker 1: hate that we actually had to say that he might
Speaker 1: be gave a then with Culton, you never know, I know,
Speaker 1: I now again people got mad at me during that
Speaker 1: season and I and it wasn't even remember Lance was
Speaker 1: on and we were Lance was saying that he reminded
Speaker 1: him of like his upbringing, and look, you never know.
Speaker 1: It's up to eat up to each individual person. So
Speaker 1: but like maybe maybe that's the thing. Maybe that's a thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so he's on. I never watched The Paradise I draw
Speaker 1: the line. Wait okay, oh Jim, no, no, no, no, Hadnty.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. I'm here to do an intervention on you.
Speaker 1: I've seen the season. You get two seasons. No no, no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, Jim, here's the deal. I'm not even exagging, like,
Speaker 1: do it. You can come play with us, do it
Speaker 1: so we can break down an episode with you. Because
Speaker 1: here's the deal. It's the greatest show on television. I
Speaker 1: watched the Chad one where you started smashing things and
Speaker 1: he was eighting mate, Nola, did you did you watch
Speaker 1: the whole season? I just watched the episodes where he
Speaker 1: allegedly went mental. My wife watches The Paradise one. She prefers.
Speaker 1: Here's what I want to say. First of all, more
Speaker 1: marriages and babies come from Paradis because they actually get
Speaker 1: to hang out, and the editors don't need to protect
Speaker 1: the lead. So like they everybody anything foolish that people do, like,
Speaker 1: so they make it look like, say I'm a hammered
Speaker 1: contestant complaining to a producer. They'll it it in like
Speaker 1: and it looks like I'm talking to a raccoon that's
Speaker 1: holding like a wine. Like they will make you look
Speaker 1: like an idiot, which is really fun. And the Shenanigans,
Speaker 1: it's Jim, it's only like three weeks. Come on, Jim,
Speaker 1: it's worth it. It's so fun because you've watched all
Speaker 1: the farm teams for it, you'll be like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: to watch, but there is you have to guess. Katie takes.
Speaker 1: So what they do is like one week there will
Speaker 1: be more guys than girls, and one week there's more
Speaker 1: girls than guys, and so they have to have to
Speaker 1: be because there is a competition. Sometimes it will be
Speaker 1: like two extra guys. There's mean like horny musical chairs.
Speaker 1: And here's the deal. Let's say you know your wife
Speaker 1: was coming on, but she's not there yet, right, so
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, Ship, I don't rumor that like this
Speaker 1: lady that I like is coming on, but I gotta
Speaker 1: like stick around because I want a chance. And also
Speaker 1: the longer they're on, they get paid, So you're like, ship,
Speaker 1: so maybe I'll you strike up a romance with Anna.
Speaker 1: You keep Anna around, but then maybe start to fall
Speaker 1: for Anna and that Gal comes and it's like it's
Speaker 1: like it's really riveted. But they all clop off with
Speaker 1: each other. I reckon, they all cop off with each
Speaker 1: other in the outside world. I reckon they have a community.
Speaker 1: They have to shot up to advent. You're all talking
Speaker 1: each other. You know, that's ruined it. That's ruined it.
Speaker 1: All talking on Instagram. Yeah, like fucking Blake, right, Yes,
Speaker 1: let's talk about this guy. Let's talk about let's talk
Speaker 1: about it. Let's talk about hometown. First of all, Blake,
Speaker 1: just just get a part in The Beauty and the
Speaker 1: Beast music. You have the smile. I've never seen someone
Speaker 1: who could use less makeup to play The Beast Musical
Speaker 1: than Blake. Yeah, you can't fall in love with everyone
Speaker 1: you meet. Not everyone. It is Claire, Tasia and Katie.
Speaker 1: That's quite a threesome of they're all very different. Their
Speaker 1: heights and sizes and personnel and everything is different. Everything's different.
Speaker 1: You'll fall in love with anyone if the cameras on you.
Speaker 1: But how much did you love his sister being like
Speaker 1: his sister was I mean, Taylor, I was here for Taylor.
Speaker 1: Taylor being like, oh so now now it's Katie and
Speaker 1: he's just like he's said Canadie. He's like, well, you know,
Speaker 1: like the hurt because huge team is so important. Yeah,
Speaker 1: for your time is so important in that sentence again anyway,
Speaker 1: So he his sister was like it was first like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'll go slightly back to Claire, and I want to
Speaker 1: talk too much about Claire. Sure, it's never gonna work
Speaker 1: out with Dale. It's not gonna No, No No, let's talk
Speaker 1: because they're back together. I felt back together because they
Speaker 1: want to make one last hey even the thing. So
Speaker 1: my wife's pregnant, I'm we're buying baby stuff. We go
Speaker 1: to we go to buy one of those baby carriers.
Speaker 1: Yeah the model diale no nos a lot of money
Speaker 1: doing weird modeling, is true. He's got he's got like
Speaker 1: a baby attached to him, like one of those shirts.
Speaker 1: So excited when you saw that wasn't it was like
Speaker 1: one of the ones that was more clothy the yeah
Speaker 1: you buy that? Did you buy it? Oh? I think
Speaker 1: it was on the baby register. Maybe someone bought it
Speaker 1: for Were you thrilled when you got it and you
Speaker 1: realized it was Dale? This is the all the male.
Speaker 1: Dale probably lives with his mother and a time of stuff.
Speaker 1: Claire was a hairdresser from nowhere. Yeah, right, there we go.
Speaker 1: But it's always it's always like, first of all, when
Speaker 1: people meet, it's like it's so the guy of the
Speaker 1: widow bloke, right, Michael Man nice fellow, seems to be
Speaker 1: a real nice fellow. Um, his kid was playing him.
Speaker 1: That's all children do, is children do. I've had that
Speaker 1: conversation with my kids a thousand times. My kids ate right, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I've spent a life on the road. I do one
Speaker 1: week on the road, one week off the road, and
Speaker 1: I always planned my weeks. My son one week on,
Speaker 1: one week off. I even put my extra house down
Speaker 1: the road so I could see my kid every day.
Speaker 1: The weeks that I have my kids, I won't go
Speaker 1: on the road, So I'm only on the road every
Speaker 1: second week, right, And then the second week when I'm away,
Speaker 1: I get these facetimes they're like this, do you not
Speaker 1: want to? And I'm like, dude, I'm hurting money. So
Speaker 1: you got that expensive fucking school, Please please don't give
Speaker 1: me like like so that guy, the kids like I
Speaker 1: just you didn't want to spend time with me, and
Speaker 1: they're very sad. They're very sad. Daddy's trying to trying
Speaker 1: to be a TV start. But let me ask you this,
Speaker 1: do you daddy's at work? He could be like daddy
Speaker 1: at work, daddy's on a work job. Do you. I
Speaker 1: felt like if he really wanted to be with her,
Speaker 1: I feel like he didn't want to be with her,
Speaker 1: or he would have been like confined, like like I
Speaker 1: gotta go home. I think, okay, but first of all,
Speaker 1: talk to me. He lives in Akron, right, Like that's
Speaker 1: like that's date number one. Where do you live? You
Speaker 1: have a child, so you're locked into a situation. That
Speaker 1: child has grandparents from your dead mother, so they probably
Speaker 1: want to see the child on the regular because they've
Speaker 1: lost their child as well. And where do they live? Acron? Anyway,
Speaker 1: it was nice meeting you, and you deserve love like
Speaker 1: anybody else. Yeah that's true. Yeah, you're right. It's like
Speaker 1: whenever they start the Lebron James documentaries, it's always like
Speaker 1: he came from Akron. Yes, I like my husband from Cleveland,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, you have to go Cleveland,
Speaker 1: the big smoke. Your husband's he's living in the big city. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I thought the same thing. I was like, he's not
Speaker 1: leaving Akron, He's not leaving, but do you think it?
Speaker 1: But then he didn't try to say come find me.
Speaker 1: If did he shot the Bachelor in Paradise. If he did,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. I have not seen
Speaker 1: that he has. He better not after my kids missing,
Speaker 1: we thought he might be bachelor. We were thinking that
Speaker 1: they might make you think. No, I don't think so,
Speaker 1: because I mean, it's gotta think it's gonna be himself
Speaker 1: in the foot a little bit because if his kids
Speaker 1: missing him when he's but he can bring the kid,
Speaker 1: he can bring the kids. I don't. I don't I
Speaker 1: turn it him in. I don't like when they were
Speaker 1: like So there was that season they're married now and
Speaker 1: the guy had the kid. Even Seattle, there's been four
Speaker 1: jan Pablo, Emily and Mesne. There was also the girl
Speaker 1: who I can't remember him. She was a little blindly,
Speaker 1: she kind of the baby voice, and she had the
Speaker 1: two little girls, and she kept talking about how much
Speaker 1: she missed her but she wasn't the bachelor at and
Speaker 1: then she plashed a guy in Vegas. Y, yeahs they
Speaker 1: have made everything telling you, I mean the Paradise going
Speaker 1: to Paradise, Amanda. That's when Ben Higgins went played with
Speaker 1: them on the beach and then like was like, bye,
Speaker 1: it's like they don't bring the kids. Like before I
Speaker 1: met my wife, she didn't meet my son for a year. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because you know, I think I think she she met
Speaker 1: him very briefly earlier on, but as dad's friend who
Speaker 1: just came over. There was no touching or anything. That
Speaker 1: was just a person in the house, but in a
Speaker 1: meaningful way. In meeting for a year, right, Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a big thing. It's a big thing, and they're just like,
Speaker 1: come on DV. Yeah, yeah, it's a big thing. I
Speaker 1: kind of think Michael didn't want to do that to
Speaker 1: his kid and that's why he left. Maybe he was like,
Speaker 1: this isn't going anywhere. I don't want my kid to
Speaker 1: have to meet some woman. Like less than two years
Speaker 1: after the Basic guy, the kid all of a sudden
Speaker 1: couldn't show up to the wedding or be filmed on
Speaker 1: the wedding, and he was like this, like when they
Speaker 1: had their special wedding episode, he was like, oh, my
Speaker 1: ex wife decided that that was enough of him. Being
Speaker 1: on TV and he should just have a child that's
Speaker 1: like his ex wife, obviously and rightfully. So yeah, what
Speaker 1: then are you doing? Stop doing that if you want
Speaker 1: to run around after hussy us. Yeah, yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1: We're gonna take a quick breaker when to come back
Speaker 1: and talk about Claren Dale. But the bone zone? What's
Speaker 1: kind of the bone zone? Guys? And we're back? Okay, Wow,
Speaker 1: what he revealed to me in the break was rendou
Speaker 1: know nobody knew that Rash has been with me for
Speaker 1: years from diale from Dale. Okay, so wait a minute,
Speaker 1: I look, here's the deal. Claire god lover I she's
Speaker 1: bout shit. I mean her reaction, she's bad. I hate
Speaker 1: to say this about anybody because you never know what
Speaker 1: they think. Dials out of the league. I really wanted
Speaker 1: it for her, but you're right and die it was
Speaker 1: one of the better looking contestants we've ever had. As
Speaker 1: a man. Yeah, you're like, I could see it. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I was like, that's a
Speaker 1: good looking guy. And you don't think about it if
Speaker 1: we were saying the ones that we met that were
Speaker 1: not even like the top dogs on TV and you
Speaker 1: meet them in person, and you're like, holy shit, imagine
Speaker 1: Dale in person se and so so, and it's like,
Speaker 1: oh no, Claire, you fell in of course everyone falls
Speaker 1: in love with Dale at first so yeah, it's it's
Speaker 1: two thousand sites where you're like, maybe not you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, but first sight, I'd fall in love
Speaker 1: at first sight with Dale. And it also he comes
Speaker 1: out everyone comes up in their best outfit, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. It's not realistic. You don't know where
Speaker 1: they live or would you ever what would you wear
Speaker 1: getting out of the limo and would you have a
Speaker 1: gimmick Jim. I used to think the gimmick people were stupid,
Speaker 1: but then then Jojo my favorite, Yeah love Jojo, the
Speaker 1: unical Unicorn, the Unicorn and came out Unicorn and then
Speaker 1: the Guard. This season it was just in a box. Yeah.
Speaker 1: With James, I wanted more from James. I felt like
Speaker 1: he paid to the box. But he did wear like
Speaker 1: a nice nineteen twenties gangster out for all the time.
Speaker 1: He had a thick Satin Island accent, but it said
Speaker 1: he was from Lahoya. He wore like spats and I
Speaker 1: am hoping he's in partis because I want to see
Speaker 1: if he dresses like wears a vest like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: was into jail, Like I didn't understand James his hair
Speaker 1: because everyone was sweating that night and he was in
Speaker 1: like a three piece suit in the box for like
Speaker 1: three hours and he came out like fully quaffed, thick,
Speaker 1: thick New York accent from Lahoya and like kind of
Speaker 1: like poor man's Bradley Cooper. And then nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.
Speaker 1: Tried to revive the box joke with the penis at
Speaker 1: one stage did a poem about a box. He did
Speaker 1: like at it's like a cat, He's like reliving their
Speaker 1: great interest. Yeah yeah, the cat guy quarter like he
Speaker 1: said that the gimmicks have worked of life. So would
Speaker 1: you do a gimmick or no gimmick? I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: the confidence to do a gimmicky. I would let me
Speaker 1: accent do the heavy lifting. Yeah yeah, yeah. Unlike Andrews,
Speaker 1: who was so adorable and his accent, his fake British
Speaker 1: accent that my wife is British at driver inside it
Speaker 1: was the worst. It was sound. He thinks it's brilliant.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, he's so adorable and it's so undateable.
Speaker 1: If I was on a date with a guy, and
Speaker 1: he started doing a British accent. I would just barrel
Speaker 1: roll like right out of it, like I would be out.
Speaker 1: It's undatable. But also he's doing a British accent, but
Speaker 1: the most undictable British accent. Yes, he's doing the tip bit,
Speaker 1: tell you who, we had a wonderful time. And the thing,
Speaker 1: the thing he didn't do, the fucking Jason's stuff and yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're right. He did like chim chim cheery like Mary Poppin, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: like bead knobs and brooms. That's that's all Americans know
Speaker 1: of the British actually, like, of course there's a lot
Speaker 1: of British acidents, but Americans know the Jason staff them
Speaker 1: sort of all the guy of sexy beasts. Um oh
Speaker 1: yeah right, you know, and then you have befuddled British,
Speaker 1: which like Hugh Grant, oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. The
Speaker 1: script doesn't say I'm the word four times like quite
Speaker 1: quite quite lovely. The script doesn't say that you know
Speaker 1: what I like about you Grant. It's Hugh Grant feels
Speaker 1: like he can't not do it, but he hates himself
Speaker 1: so much, like you can see that he hates yourself
Speaker 1: so much for doing it. But he's so clearly is
Speaker 1: like a cad. Yeah he's got he's got like a
Speaker 1: woman down the right that he had a child. Hostess
Speaker 1: has like three hostess kids. The thing. He's like, he's
Speaker 1: got that he had the prostitute or the thing. But
Speaker 1: somehow with that accent he has gotten away with being
Speaker 1: this guy. I saw him one him one's getting kicked
Speaker 1: out of a bar in Edinburgh at the Edinburgh Festival
Speaker 1: because he was just smoking a joint before it was legal,
Speaker 1: just in the courtyard. The whole thing smelled of way,
Speaker 1: and then the security comes up like, I'm sorry, mate,
Speaker 1: you can't smoke a joint here. They weren't like arresting
Speaker 1: him or anything, and he was like he's like that,
Speaker 1: and then he's floppy hair and he's being thrown out.
Speaker 1: I like him more now, Yeah, you've got I think
Speaker 1: it's I think it's because he owns it. He owns
Speaker 1: up here everything. And then still women think he's wonderful.
Speaker 1: I'm not even kidding. I think he's like the three
Speaker 1: or four babies with waitresses and hostess it's just like
Speaker 1: every way dress in hostes. He was like a villain
Speaker 1: in something recently where he wasn't playing that character, and
Speaker 1: I was still like, he's lovely, Yes, lovely. I think
Speaker 1: my mother would have driven over my face like she
Speaker 1: was so horny. Virtue. It's like, so he just he
Speaker 1: just hit us. He was early in he was really
Speaker 1: winnings in the funeral. He and Annie mcdell coming in
Speaker 1: hut and they were like kissing in the rain, and
Speaker 1: we're like, oh, Grant, you get a breg nag By
Speaker 1: like a buffet, like superlantation if you like, put a
Speaker 1: seat in it as honest stealing corn bread at the
Speaker 1: Beverly Connection, guys, I just got pregnant, I grant, I
Speaker 1: was stealing baked potato. Um wow, what a what a time.
Speaker 1: So clurkiling back and dressed. He does not have the
Speaker 1: Hugh grand He's got the chim chim drewe you know
Speaker 1: what he was. He was the butler from the Fresh
Speaker 1: Prince of Bellet Fresh person Hiller. Can we give a
Speaker 1: shout out to the fact that they just would swap
Speaker 1: out the moms actresses and never acknowledge that they got
Speaker 1: they got rid of that lady. Well then they had
Speaker 1: the where they all came back together. Yeah, and they
Speaker 1: got I think they got rid of her. If she
Speaker 1: was pregnant, like you're out and about Hugh Grant, there
Speaker 1: might have been the might and there might have been
Speaker 1: some mood swings or someone wasn't feeling their freshest. And
Speaker 1: I think that will Smith was maybe a twenty one
Speaker 1: year old that didn't have empathy for the pregnant. Now. Now,
Speaker 1: if I if I had a pregnant person who was
Speaker 1: slightly emotional, and I said, I'd go, I see what's happening.
Speaker 1: You're building a human Let's give it another day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean days, you know. But I think he wasn't sympathetic.
Speaker 1: She was no Carlton to him. No. Okay, So who
Speaker 1: was your favorite bachelorette of all time? Number one? More
Speaker 1: than Caitlin A Begkatie Fan, Caitlin Caitlin Caitlin, Caitlin Bristow
Speaker 1: when she had Nick Vale, great season and then I
Speaker 1: don't remember that she's the host. She's the host. I
Speaker 1: saw that season season, Oh my god, you need to
Speaker 1: watch that season. She was great. I was living in Britain.
Speaker 1: British seasons and stuff like this, But I don't know
Speaker 1: she was a great bachelor. Jojo was great because Jojo
Speaker 1: was cool and hot. I felt like Jojo didn't have
Speaker 1: great guys. Joe Joe is the only one where I
Speaker 1: watched it where I was like, I love her to
Speaker 1: be my girlfriend. Oh yeah, And I was obsessed with
Speaker 1: her family. Her brother mouth kissed her and then her
Speaker 1: mom was hammered, pounding, the pounding, the champagne, and she
Speaker 1: was like, she's a brand's ass. You need her to
Speaker 1: treat her like a quay. I was like, I am
Speaker 1: here for it in Dallas. I like. I like Pilot
Speaker 1: Pete season. Yes, great season because the mother was everything.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, she in an age, bring her room.
Speaker 1: It's just what Harry Tales of made of Peter. Then
Speaker 1: when Bob was in the end of the bat Hannah
Speaker 1: and she was just fucking not having it. She wanted
Speaker 1: to choose her daughter in laws. She had already picked
Speaker 1: on off the shelf, for that was the one she wanted.
Speaker 1: The girl who won. What's Hannah No, no, oh no, no, made, no,
Speaker 1: the one before made and the one that went the Bob. Yes,
Speaker 1: she has no personality. She was pretty and she was Hannah,
Speaker 1: Hannah and Hanna and okay, Yeah, Hannah was cute, very nice,
Speaker 1: who was very sweet, but she couldn't she couldn't become
Speaker 1: the bachelor. She wasn't good telling and she had all
Speaker 1: the makings of it. She was a jiled lover who
Speaker 1: had been screwed over by another batchroom and gotten very closely.
Speaker 1: They tried hard with her also at the after the
Speaker 1: final rows, they tried to turn her into a feminist
Speaker 1: a modern day like I choose me, and like it
Speaker 1: was too late, it was too late with the person
Speaker 1: that they tried, and it didn't work. You're right, who
Speaker 1: was the girl that was super horny that that they
Speaker 1: went to the rock concert and turned out that that
Speaker 1: goes a man eater. I've died, Victoria, I've died with
Speaker 1: women like that. And like she used to spin it
Speaker 1: with she did these things like he'd go like, and
Speaker 1: you do this thing? And then she rather when she
Speaker 1: got caught in a lie or a secret like this,
Speaker 1: and she got this, why do you even bother with me?
Speaker 1: Why am I even still here? And then he go,
Speaker 1: because I care about you? And she had already just
Speaker 1: like like and they fantasy broken up marriages and right,
Speaker 1: that's right she had, but it's also you knew, I
Speaker 1: mean that she wasn't the best looking one, but she was. Well,
Speaker 1: here's the thing I think female, you know, you can't
Speaker 1: compete with women like that because she is you know,
Speaker 1: there's like traffy splits, like you can't compete in the
Speaker 1: bedroom with that. She's the one that when you met
Speaker 1: your buddies night night, you're like, oh, that's got to
Speaker 1: end in taste that. Yeah, I'm sure there's the mile equivalent,
Speaker 1: but they keep you on the hooky, you keep coming back. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know she's like the mistress like that. You like,
Speaker 1: she definitely feels like you don't want her working with
Speaker 1: your husband. Yeah, like you know Victoria from the office
Speaker 1: like girl. But in the end, I don't think Victoria
Speaker 1: and the final chapter isn't happy. Yeah, we haven't seen
Speaker 1: from her sister. She started dating Chris Souls. Remember they
Speaker 1: were like warrantinaming together and he was like fighting his battle.
Speaker 1: He's not in Man's waughter. I don't know. He did
Speaker 1: turn himself in for Man's latter. Eventually, what he was
Speaker 1: a guy who had he hit somebody was the farmer.
Speaker 1: He had somebody with a tractor killed somebody. His beer
Speaker 1: in his car. He was on an alcohol It was
Speaker 1: like from this tiny little town it right, yeah, he
Speaker 1: was the actual and he it was terrible something like that,
Speaker 1: and he left the scene. Was on the road. He
Speaker 1: killed some of the tractors and somewhere in the field.
Speaker 1: It was like I think through the he ended a
Speaker 1: car that went into a ditch and then that person died.
Speaker 1: He left the scene and then later because he was drinking,
Speaker 1: I believe, and he wasn't known alcoholic, and then he
Speaker 1: came back or he turned himself in later and then um,
Speaker 1: I believe is going through his I wish everyone. I
Speaker 1: don't know if they're still together, but were quarantining together
Speaker 1: last year. Okay, okay, okay, that's hot. That's how hot, combo.
Speaker 1: I wish everyone well, I'm reading Fordy with letter wishing
Speaker 1: everyone well. Okay, wait a minute, foil circuits. So we're back.
Speaker 1: So Joe, Joe's your girl, number one, top dog. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's talk about let's talk home towns for one second. Okay,
Speaker 1: so Blake, So Blake's mom. We were saying yesterday that
Speaker 1: she looks like Cathy and to Jamie, I loved her
Speaker 1: in her leather pants, her pop collar, and she did
Speaker 1: you know that she gave Katie a Canadian theme dildo.
Speaker 1: I I remember, I remember Katie with a dildo and
Speaker 1: on Thomas stuff was when I when I when I
Speaker 1: met Thomas, he was like, I was like, I was like, so,
Speaker 1: what season is that? I know there was two girls,
Speaker 1: and there was two girls, and I go, you, guys, Katie,
Speaker 1: she's the one with the vibe wrator And he went, yeah,
Speaker 1: the one with the vibe right, And then I don't know,
Speaker 1: I get who give a fucking Thomas grant me? I went,
Speaker 1: I went, and then and then I went, oh, there
Speaker 1: was the other girl. You guys, Yeah, I wanted the
Speaker 1: other girl. Oh Michelle lovely. He was hoping he was
Speaker 1: going to be on her season. Interesting but also I
Speaker 1: don't understand, how have you seasoned to someone like this,
Speaker 1: Like I just saw you, like the Canadian guys, just
Speaker 1: like I just saw you, And I head to me,
Speaker 1: I've watched hundreds of these women come on, yes, and
Speaker 1: there hasn't been one where I'm like, I gotta me,
Speaker 1: I gotta find I've been single during some of the
Speaker 1: seasons where I'm like, I gotta find a way to me,
Speaker 1: like find a way and hope for the best, find
Speaker 1: a way in the way. I have to find a way.
Speaker 1: I have to find Blake. Here's like that that blond
Speaker 1: girl that showed up on James's season. Yeah, yes, that
Speaker 1: blonde girl that was very pretty, the one that was
Speaker 1: like this, I've never been kissed, that really good looking,
Speaker 1: like Gather. She drove up in a fucking minivan, a minivan.
Speaker 1: They didn't even get her a car rental, and then
Speaker 1: Captain Harrison greeted her at the gate. Chris Harrison, They're like, Heather,
Speaker 1: what are you doing here? And yes, she's never been kissed.
Speaker 1: She felt a little bit like a producer, like I
Speaker 1: don't buy that she had never been kissed. No, I
Speaker 1: don't way in the world. You know, I'm saying, I
Speaker 1: hate to be like the way she presented her. So
Speaker 1: she was a sexual person. She wasn't. She wasn't like
Speaker 1: someone who's like you know what I mean, Like, she lives,
Speaker 1: she knew a way around talking to man and stuff, flirting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she was gorgeous and she's a knockout. Yeah, yeah for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's it's it's like it's like you would be with
Speaker 1: your friends. You see that good just blonde bird with
Speaker 1: the perfect body and the flat abs, wearing the yoga
Speaker 1: pants in the midriffs. Never been kissed, never been kissed.
Speaker 1: It's just no one's ever asked nobody's interesting, not andy kissing, nobody.
Speaker 1: Nobody has found a way that thing that good looking
Speaker 1: women always complain about, and I'm sure good looking men
Speaker 1: impotent about it as well as like often we don't
Speaker 1: get asked out because men are intimidated. I've asked you out,
Speaker 1: you turn me down. I've gone up to tens and
Speaker 1: gone you want to go out. I've tested this little
Speaker 1: theory of yours that no one ever asked you out,
Speaker 1: and I you know, I know it's people are like, no,
Speaker 1: you don't get it. It's just like, no nobody asked
Speaker 1: me out. I know who is saying. Who is there
Speaker 1: was some actor I've met. I've got friends who know
Speaker 1: want asked out. Don't worry, they're not tens. I got
Speaker 1: a couple of my maid too, not good looking guys.
Speaker 1: Like it's just that women are intimidated. They're so scared
Speaker 1: they're terrifying. Yeah, I'm wonder if people who aren't attractive
Speaker 1: we never get asked out like this. Maybe I'm stunning.
Speaker 1: That could be the issue too much. I terrify all
Speaker 1: the gentlemen. All right, let's talk about great for a second.
Speaker 1: He are, what side were you on during the hometown? Okay? Sorry?
Speaker 1: So him going and I said to you and you
Speaker 1: did nothing right, yeah, him saying I love you, and
Speaker 1: her going I love to look at you. But then
Speaker 1: after that, she's like, you see him off, what do
Speaker 1: you mean? He didn't say I love you, though, he
Speaker 1: said you have filled a place in my heart, which
Speaker 1: isn't I love you. It's something you get out of
Speaker 1: saying and I love you with and sorry if he
Speaker 1: just point he didn't say it. Wow, I think you
Speaker 1: said you feel a hole? Yeah, you felt And he
Speaker 1: wanted her to say, like you feel a hole in
Speaker 1: my heart, you feel a spice in my heart or
Speaker 1: a hole in my heart or something. Okay, And then
Speaker 1: he goes, I said to you that you feel old
Speaker 1: heart and you said nothing. And it's like somebody said
Speaker 1: it to me. I'd probably a guy. It's nice yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: like looking at you. Yea. I would say I really
Speaker 1: like you or something and say something back, but I
Speaker 1: don't think you don't have to return that message is
Speaker 1: such a weird sentence. Yes, um, so so, But then
Speaker 1: it's like, I I know that she's not I can
Speaker 1: tell she's not into him, like she's into him. I
Speaker 1: think that I think he's it. I think that she's
Speaker 1: so into him, but that but that he's such like
Speaker 1: he's so moody, like his weathered patterns of feelings, like
Speaker 1: the clouds rolland so fast, like he's so happy, and
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden he's so insecure, and boy
Speaker 1: would that get old over time? Well, so, because I
Speaker 1: don't care about the rose? Do you think this is
Speaker 1: what it's all about? Getting a rose? The whole structure
Speaker 1: of the when people come on who you're like, have
Speaker 1: you ever like you signed up for this? You can't
Speaker 1: sign up for the power dynamic is so okay. So
Speaker 1: if you're if you're the bachelor or the bachelorette, you
Speaker 1: get all the power and all the contestants they're just bitches.
Speaker 1: Just you can do male or female. You can do
Speaker 1: whatever you want to these people because they can't complain.
Speaker 1: Heaven forbid, they go, you know what, this group date.
Speaker 1: I don't want to play rugby. I'm a grownass man.
Speaker 1: I use my brain for a living. I don't want
Speaker 1: to be tackled, you know what I mean, because like
Speaker 1: one of one day to like you're about to do
Speaker 1: something magical and fall in love your body painting or
Speaker 1: your body baked pottery, like the scene from Ghost. Yes,
Speaker 1: you get fireworks, you get to Neil Arts, you get
Speaker 1: to slow down to your own private concert. You although
Speaker 1: that would be so awkward. I can't think of anything more.
Speaker 1: I just think you missed you know you like like say,
Speaker 1: some of them is like dancing. It's always like country.
Speaker 1: That's why I think they all vote for Trump, right,
Speaker 1: it's always like some Middle America sort of like and
Speaker 1: the thing when you came along, it was what my
Speaker 1: heart little and strong and then slow dancing back and
Speaker 1: forth like this. And then there was one season where
Speaker 1: they just went, what band have you got? Well, Bandacre ladies,
Speaker 1: that's gonna make it hard to dance to the theme
Speaker 1: song from The Big Bang Theory. So what we'll do
Speaker 1: is they'll be on the They were the only band
Speaker 1: to go on a group date because group dates sock yeah,
Speaker 1: group dates and it's like I'm I'm not okay. So
Speaker 1: so they remember with Claire's season, there was a man
Speaker 1: who was just like enough. I was not super I'm
Speaker 1: not a PC person, but I really thought that date
Speaker 1: was degrading when the men like she, like Claire was
Speaker 1: just there, like Crilla de Ville, and they were just
Speaker 1: like there and like like she just said to him basically,
Speaker 1: get naked. And if you didn't get naked, you're a
Speaker 1: person who wasn't here for the right reasons. And then
Speaker 1: there was the blakes, like they're just there's just like
Speaker 1: it might have been cold, it might have been shrinking.
Speaker 1: I I need to know where my penis is before me,
Speaker 1: and that I've got days where I'm happy to show
Speaker 1: it another days where it needs to be kept to itself,
Speaker 1: you know, unless I have an erection, And then that's offensive.
Speaker 1: If I just said, everybody's get naked and next to
Speaker 1: all the other naked men with my direction, and so
Speaker 1: I get, I get the guy overdid it. He was
Speaker 1: like a bit of it. He was a piece of shah.
Speaker 1: Then he was cunty, then he ran, then he started
Speaker 1: going there. Sorry Australian the Seaward, Sorry I forget. We
Speaker 1: grat you permission to say we kept talking about chides yesterday.
Speaker 1: If it makes you feel any better, But before that,
Speaker 1: I thought he was fundamentally right that the date was
Speaker 1: one step too far, and then he overdid the whole thing.
Speaker 1: But that's the group dates. It's like this. It's like,
Speaker 1: so we're gonna play this game where you gotta soccer ball.
Speaker 1: Better this game where you're gonna soccer ball. You gotta
Speaker 1: run it like a rugby ball. Then you're got to
Speaker 1: dunk it in a nine foot hood. You're gonna get
Speaker 1: kicked in the dinner and you can get tackled, right,
Speaker 1: And they showed that little guy who looks like a
Speaker 1: troll Hunter Hunter who's a super fan of the show.
Speaker 1: He's like he's like, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do it, and then he tackles it and then everyone's
Speaker 1: like this, oh no, this has got too fun. This season.
Speaker 1: Before that, they did boxing. Yes, yeah, just put them
Speaker 1: in a ring with this is the thing that like
Speaker 1: professional boxes have to get medical checks in these and
Speaker 1: they can't. Yeah. What happens is someone gets punched in
Speaker 1: the face, which is the task that you've asked them
Speaker 1: to do, and then people like, no, we're gonna stop
Speaker 1: it here, what did you want to Noah, the nurse
Speaker 1: hopped the fence. He ripped a shirt off Noah, the
Speaker 1: nurse with the mustard. Yeah, yeah, he hopped the fence
Speaker 1: and everyone was like fucking no because he wasn't on
Speaker 1: the date. He was there as like the crowd because
Speaker 1: they were during COVID, So he like jumped the fence
Speaker 1: and like like they were so pissed that he thought,
Speaker 1: and she was like, I like that, that's bold. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm looking for a man that takes initiative like Dale's
Speaker 1: big move. If you was ever upset, you just showed
Speaker 1: up like this, Yeah, here to make sure you're okay, which,
Speaker 1: if you're not into a guy, is a needy fuck
Speaker 1: up my space, don't do this or that's the whole
Speaker 1: thing is like someone's coming on too strong, someone trying
Speaker 1: to move it too fast. When you fall in love,
Speaker 1: none of those things don't care. You don't care. As
Speaker 1: fast as you can make it, as long as you're
Speaker 1: both into it, you're like, let's get on board and
Speaker 1: do this as quickly as we can. As soon as
Speaker 1: someone's like I need my space in my time is
Speaker 1: like the same page, because sometimes I'm like that with people,
Speaker 1: and then sometimes you know, it's different for each each person. Yes,
Speaker 1: me and my wife knew very quickly. We were off
Speaker 1: to the races very quickly. Anyway, So what we're talking about,
Speaker 1: so the guy with the starch you jumped Noah Noah boxing,
Speaker 1: boxing and patching in the face of a terrible group data.
Speaker 1: Can we mention that with these new seasons with COVID, Yes,
Speaker 1: all that traveling overseas wasn't needed. Oh you think I'm misses.
Speaker 1: I just need people crying and running away somewhere. Do
Speaker 1: you think for Michelle season they're going to travel? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know they go to Minnesota, her hometown area, well,
Speaker 1: the hometowns of hometowns of what's his name, Jeremy going.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad I got to show her Baltimore yesterday
Speaker 1: with Justin. Justin Glad was the other. But he showed
Speaker 1: a Canada. He's like, let's go, and then they're riding
Speaker 1: on a mechanical he's humping her from behind, humping her
Speaker 1: from behind on the mechanical moves and also, we know
Speaker 1: what Canada looks like. We get it. It doesn't. It
Speaker 1: doesn't look like New Mexico. No, it doesn't look like
Speaker 1: New Mexico. The people was snowed to it and then
Speaker 1: and then what was the one the guy who ended
Speaker 1: up with Tasia who very attractive women. Yes, she's a
Speaker 1: bombshells very like a smoke. She had the bloke with
Speaker 1: the fucking underbyte yeah in the method Yeah, and how
Speaker 1: he that was dumbfounding to me. I was like, you
Speaker 1: chose I even knew I could date Tatie. It's like,
Speaker 1: I'm as good as that when she went, I'm no dale.
Speaker 1: But when Tassa showed up, like and not to be
Speaker 1: a full creeper, but like I have to say, when
Speaker 1: she came out of the pool pool and I was like,
Speaker 1: I was, I'm a straight lady. I date guys. But
Speaker 1: when t came out of the pool, I was like,
Speaker 1: human women look like that, like and I think I
Speaker 1: think she's natural as well. She's got to go on
Speaker 1: Tasa and she came out of the pool. They should
Speaker 1: have just just written and when she came out of
Speaker 1: the pool, just paused it and just put Claire hoop
Speaker 1: because it's it's like it's like that one guy's like,
Speaker 1: actually I came here through Claire, Like I like your integrity, dude,
Speaker 1: have you met I have to say when Tasha showed
Speaker 1: up again. She's very nice, she's very sweet. I don't
Speaker 1: know she's the hugest personality on the block, but like,
Speaker 1: who cares she I think she can be No, I
Speaker 1: think she's a nice person. She's fairly vacuous. I think
Speaker 1: I think I think she wants to be an influencer.
Speaker 1: But it's why, like holy mother nature. When you see
Speaker 1: what gene Pools can do, I'm like, whoa that was created?
Speaker 1: But I believe I think she was born that way,
Speaker 1: and it's like holy shit. She's like, yeah, I would
Speaker 1: fully date Tasia. It was Tastia the season when she
Speaker 1: showed up and there was like the guy that she
Speaker 1: would like. He was a super nice guy. And then
Speaker 1: he had the brother that just had tatsol over his face.
Speaker 1: Was I don't remember that? That's Ian great. I loved
Speaker 1: Ivan's brother and I thought Ian's really cool. He's going
Speaker 1: to be a paradise he is. I loved Ivan. I
Speaker 1: liked him. They had a disagreement about religion, yause he
Speaker 1: didn't believe in God, and she was like, I can't
Speaker 1: do it right, like you're you're gone. You know what,
Speaker 1: maybe we could we could have you saved or something.
Speaker 1: I don't know somebody. I don't. I don't grow up
Speaker 1: with religion, so I don't know how that works. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you might have to find God. Go you can find God.
Speaker 1: Yeah I did. I have to say. When I was married,
Speaker 1: the shadiest dream I ever had was that I had
Speaker 1: joined the Bachelor franchise and I had a dream that
Speaker 1: said to me, aren't you married? And in the dream
Speaker 1: and by the way, uh, nothing untoward happened in like
Speaker 1: we were friends, just had a good run. It didn't
Speaker 1: work out, but um, I had a dream. In my
Speaker 1: dream I said, I'm not not married. It's what That's
Speaker 1: what I seven. They're like, are you married? And that
Speaker 1: was the shadiest thing that I think I've ever constructed
Speaker 1: in my brain is dreaming that I joined the season
Speaker 1: and I said, I'm not not married. You're quite innocent.
Speaker 1: I'm not not married. I'm not not married. You can
Speaker 1: join now, I can join? Now? Do they want an
Speaker 1: adult lady? A divorce adult? Titia was divorced, Yeah, she was.
Speaker 1: I was. I was working on a sitcom for NBC
Speaker 1: and COVID killed it. We were six days out from filming,
Speaker 1: but the sets were built multi camp film. The whole
Speaker 1: thing fully car six days own and then like the
Speaker 1: head of NBC got fired another I'm sorry, but I
Speaker 1: had written about five or six episodes, and one of
Speaker 1: the episodes I had a bachelor episode where I was
Speaker 1: the sitcom started off with my mom dying and my
Speaker 1: dad moving in with me, which happened in my real
Speaker 1: life for a bit. And uh and so so I
Speaker 1: was going to put my dad on Seniors Bachelorette. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was calling it the Widower or something, right, because
Speaker 1: I think that, like I think old people are like
Speaker 1: like whenever whenever a woman dies, because men normally die first. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: whenever they're hot commodities. There was pies getting dropped on.
Speaker 1: If you're in a time and Billy, do all the
Speaker 1: women show up like all right, we've got one, yeah, commodity.
Speaker 1: The men are always been older, they die, there's plenty available.
Speaker 1: So it was going to be, Um, he was going
Speaker 1: to be the widower and there's going to be all
Speaker 1: these women show up and they were going to give
Speaker 1: him anywhere. It turns out they've got this in the
Speaker 1: fucking world. But they've been threatening that for years and
Speaker 1: they haven't aired it yet. And you knew need to
Speaker 1: you need to apply him. Did he have a girlfriend?
Speaker 1: My my father's a he does not have a girlfriend.
Speaker 1: You're saying, I stand a chance. From what I could
Speaker 1: tell with my dad, legalized prostitution is in Australia and
Speaker 1: he's quite content with that. Just to see him out
Speaker 1: until he goes good. You know what it feels a hole,
Speaker 1: I mean like it does like he uh. He said,
Speaker 1: there's some things about my my I should I say
Speaker 1: this and that? So my my my father. Every time
Speaker 1: I see me, he wants to tell me things about
Speaker 1: his life, you know, things that you know, wants to
Speaker 1: get things off his chest. And he tried to tell
Speaker 1: me a story that was inspirational about and he told
Speaker 1: the story in front of my wife. I have a witness.
Speaker 1: And when you when you when your brother was born,
Speaker 1: you your mother she couldn't have kids. You had to
Speaker 1: have corrective surgery. Her uterus was like a figure eight
Speaker 1: and and they corrected that and she had your brother
Speaker 1: and then they said it's not very good shape down there.
Speaker 1: If you want to have another kid, do it quickly.
Speaker 1: And so they had your other brother, right, and then
Speaker 1: we went to get a chumstae because my dad thinks
Speaker 1: that persectimies means that he couldn't come. I found that
Speaker 1: out as well, which is weird, right, So yeah, it's like,
Speaker 1: give a posect of me. What are you making your
Speaker 1: wife get your anyway? So so he goes, he goes,
Speaker 1: he goes. Then we went to get a tums done
Speaker 1: and the doctor said, don't worry about it. This thing
Speaker 1: is never carrying a baby again. It's all done. It's
Speaker 1: all done. I can't believe I'm telling this story. This
Speaker 1: is the right three women, all right. So then he goes,
Speaker 1: he goes. Anyway, your mother will always wanted a daughter,
Speaker 1: and then you came. She was very, very disappointed when
Speaker 1: you were born. You wouldn't she wouldn't unwrap the blanket
Speaker 1: for two weeks, didn't I see the peters, And I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, he goes anyway, the doctor, the doctor gave
Speaker 1: gave birth here and then I didn't come in for
Speaker 1: the first two boys. Wasn't the way? And then by
Speaker 1: the time you were born, men were in the delivery room.
Speaker 1: But I thought, I've gone this far without seeing that.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do it this time. So the
Speaker 1: doctor comes out, he goes, I'm in the hallway and
Speaker 1: the doctor's sassman. He comes up to me and he goes,
Speaker 1: and this is the point of my dad's story, kids,
Speaker 1: trying to make your feel it's already a fun ride
Speaker 1: along the way. He goes, this boy is made for
Speaker 1: big things. He goes. There, there's no way a child
Speaker 1: should have survived in there. He goes, this boy is
Speaker 1: destined for greatness. And I thought that was the end
Speaker 1: of the story, right, And I was like, oh, that's nice,
Speaker 1: your dad. And then he goes, that doctor must have
Speaker 1: liked me, he goes, because your mother, you never she
Speaker 1: didn't look like much your mum, but she she had
Speaker 1: a bloody, magical pussy yours. And he and he goes,
Speaker 1: and he goes and he goes, and that doctor sussman,
Speaker 1: he must have liked me, because it got tighter and
Speaker 1: tighter after each kid. Bloody and my and my my
Speaker 1: pregnant wife is sitting next to me while my dad
Speaker 1: tells us this inspirational story and I'm just like, se,
Speaker 1: so you were worried about that, So that's good to
Speaker 1: know got to fly himself. And so I ring up
Speaker 1: my brothers and I just told me that mom had
Speaker 1: a magical pussy And then and then and then like
Speaker 1: I'm with my brother actually told him in person. I said,
Speaker 1: Dad told me yesterday Mom had a magical pussy, all right,
Speaker 1: And he's like, he's like, he's like, shut up, and
Speaker 1: bloody did it? My wife's in the bathroom. I timed
Speaker 1: it perfectly. And then she walked out of the bathroom. She's, yeah,
Speaker 1: drawing her hands or whatever. Right and uh and uh
Speaker 1: and I go and she you didn't say that. I said,
Speaker 1: what what did dad say? My mother's pussy was like?
Speaker 1: And she went magical? Oh my god, all right, we're
Speaker 1: back in Um. Wow, that's a really beautiful story. I'm
Speaker 1: sorry you got to this side. I loved it. I
Speaker 1: love you know when you're in a tale and you
Speaker 1: know where it's heating. And then you guys were up.
Speaker 1: You were laughing hard because my mother wouldn't unwrap the blanket.
Speaker 1: Got it gets a bit worse. No, no, no, I know.
Speaker 1: I feel like every story I tell a rascal. You
Speaker 1: are a rascal. And that's where I like you. I
Speaker 1: feel like every story I tell, particularly like when you
Speaker 1: take me out and about I get I get social
Speaker 1: anxiety and so like I'll start telling a tale and
Speaker 1: I'll know that it gets sort of dark towards the end,
Speaker 1: but then it's too late. I've already started telling it.
Speaker 1: If you're like with a group of people, and then
Speaker 1: you have to sort of commit and that I feel like,
Speaker 1: that's the story of my life. A lot of my
Speaker 1: stories about my family and stuff like that. And I'm
Speaker 1: always like, I'm good at telling stories. I'm a static comedians,
Speaker 1: so i know how to tell the story. But I'm
Speaker 1: always in danger of being that relative that talks about
Speaker 1: a cousin that you don't remember. You know, Susan once
Speaker 1: she's married to the guy who used to be the builder.
Speaker 1: He used to be a builder. Who's this playing? Anyways?
Speaker 1: As soon as it left a job, I have to
Speaker 1: say it is I just went home for a month.
Speaker 1: When was the last time you, I guess Australia. I
Speaker 1: just I just went to Australia. I was meant to
Speaker 1: do a big tour and okay, so I was meant
Speaker 1: to do a big tour and I had to do
Speaker 1: and I was doing a documentary for Netflix for the tour,
Speaker 1: and um, I went into two weeks quarantine where you know,
Speaker 1: couldn't leave my hotel room. They have a security guy
Speaker 1: for every four rooms that just sort of stands there.
Speaker 1: He had food delivered to you. We had a hotel room.
Speaker 1: We couldn't even open the window. Two weeks we're stuck
Speaker 1: in there. Then we got out of quarantine. They got
Speaker 1: fifty cases. All the gigs were canceled and I flew home. No,
Speaker 1: and that's why I saw my brother. That's where the
Speaker 1: magical pussy happened. That's you know, that was worth the
Speaker 1: trip to hear about the magical pussy. I don't know.
Speaker 1: This is this is this. This is the first time
Speaker 1: I've told that story in any public forum. And I'm
Speaker 1: thinking about talking about it on stage, but I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't know because my dad. My dad told me
Speaker 1: a lot of stories. There's like hours of stories. And
Speaker 1: he said to me afterwards, he goes the next day,
Speaker 1: he goes, maybe you can use some of them in
Speaker 1: your stand up. And obviously he woke up the next
Speaker 1: day like, oh, I don't want him talking about this,
Speaker 1: and so he said to me, he goes with all
Speaker 1: those stories, he goes. When I used to watch comedians
Speaker 1: when I was a young fellow, he goes, they never
Speaker 1: mentioned the person's name. You just say, there's a fella
Speaker 1: I know who would know about your Yeah, yeah, there's
Speaker 1: a feller I know whose wife had a magical pussy,
Speaker 1: Like what is it? You know he's like he's like
Speaker 1: those old communites used to just tell old standard juxon.
Speaker 1: There was a bloke from our town, right, I mean
Speaker 1: he used to get up to no good. I have
Speaker 1: to say, I think you should talk about it on stage.
Speaker 1: I feel like looking at I feel like, look at
Speaker 1: Anna's face. Anna does not know you. And Anna was
Speaker 1: dying for the first time. My mom, who I never
Speaker 1: saw as a sexual being in anyway, Your mom is
Speaker 1: getting a little bit of fucking kudos for us had
Speaker 1: something offer to bring to the table. Can I just
Speaker 1: say I would be flattered if somebody I mean, I'd
Speaker 1: be flattered that. I'd be flattered, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: If if someone was doing a routine about me having
Speaker 1: a magical dick, I'd be like, yeah, you can tell
Speaker 1: it if you want it. John Mayer, remember John Mayer
Speaker 1: said that Jessica Simpson, what did he call he called
Speaker 1: he was there was some word that basically was like,
Speaker 1: it's the equivalent of what your dad's said. Like something
Speaker 1: that was like and I feel like it's vulgaring out
Speaker 1: and about but like there is something like it's not
Speaker 1: the worst rumor to have about yourself, like a bobcat
Speaker 1: in the sack. It's not the worst thing to be said.
Speaker 1: We're gonna we got we gotta get back to the xit. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break and we'll come back
Speaker 1: with the actual shout. Oh my god, they did not,
Speaker 1: Oh yes they did, and we're back. All right, here's
Speaker 1: the deal. What's hometowns? Greg? I felt like his mom
Speaker 1: was in love with him. Greg. I felt like he
Speaker 1: when he's good, he's good. But when he's moody, I
Speaker 1: think she should kick him to the curb because I
Speaker 1: think his weather patterns are too extreme. I think he's
Speaker 1: right though, that she he's not the front runner of
Speaker 1: the whole thing, and that he can sense it. I
Speaker 1: feel like he is the front runner. And then I
Speaker 1: can't look at you. I can't look at you that
Speaker 1: I feel like he fel I feel like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: feel like he was just wanting her to say, let's
Speaker 1: run away, but like Claire did it with dial like
Speaker 1: you I know, but she clares him what are we
Speaker 1: gonna do they We're gonna have fantasy sweets. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: make love to you. No one wants to be made
Speaker 1: love to do I know even no one's ever organys
Speaker 1: you can stop by make and love you never finished
Speaker 1: that way. I know what he said, make love to you.
Speaker 1: I was like yeah, like like like even even if
Speaker 1: he said and then we're gonna be intimate or something
Speaker 1: like that, but Mike loved you because then I'll make
Speaker 1: love to you. That was like when nick Vale and
Speaker 1: Andy and then afterwards like I made love to you,
Speaker 1: like when he when he outed her on the after
Speaker 1: the final roles, He's like, I made we made of
Speaker 1: and yeah. That was when nick Faile got in trouble
Speaker 1: and then she got like slight shame that they've had sex,
Speaker 1: which was crazy crazy, the bloody fantast sweeks for can
Speaker 1: I every year they throw us a virgin, they're not
Speaker 1: gonna win. I know, I know that we know that
Speaker 1: Carlton what is the Carlton what's his name? Carlton was
Speaker 1: meant to be a virgin, but Culton was gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and so that's why he was I suspect maybe the
Speaker 1: religious guy. No I know the guy that not might
Speaker 1: be the one this season who sort of looked like
Speaker 1: a young, clean Eastward. Yeah, he might be as well,
Speaker 1: because it's like, what's your big hang up on the
Speaker 1: whole thing? When he said he never even masturbated during
Speaker 1: the whol who challenge, that's when I had sort of
Speaker 1: a red flag. I had a friend who hadn't until
Speaker 1: he was twenty something, and we all got together and said, well,
Speaker 1: you have to do it. You don't come back into
Speaker 1: this group until you have. Yeah, it's we eat a
Speaker 1: last Yes. And did he love it? Yeah, Now he
Speaker 1: does it on the regular. But people don't want to masturbate.
Speaker 1: I don't. I think Mike was just super religious. I
Speaker 1: just he did come out and say that he's slipped
Speaker 1: up and had oral sex. Yeah he's no, he's I
Speaker 1: think he. I think he masturbated. I think he just
Speaker 1: was saying like maybe he didn't do it as much,
Speaker 1: or like he didn't I don't know. I didn't know
Speaker 1: what I mean, because yeah, he did say he's done
Speaker 1: other things, but have sex. But you've got a tribe
Speaker 1: before your boy. You can't marry a that's ridiculous if
Speaker 1: you have to have sexual chemistry. No, no silly, yeah, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: absolutely absolutely, Like if my dad didn't know that pussy
Speaker 1: was magic, you wouldn't be sitting here. So there's three boys,
Speaker 1: no sisters. You're the baby. I read an evolutionary theory, um,
Speaker 1: and I'm having another son right now that that if
Speaker 1: you're really like fit, if you're like a boxer or
Speaker 1: an athlete or something like that, you'll have girls because
Speaker 1: evolution was because the cave men and stuff like that,
Speaker 1: you can protect them. If you're slovenly like me, you'll
Speaker 1: have boys because they won't need protection. So maybe if
Speaker 1: I worked out a little bit more. My my wife
Speaker 1: wanted a girl, was so she wanted to go, wanted
Speaker 1: to go on and go. And then it was like
Speaker 1: we did link a zoom. Um, we did a zoom
Speaker 1: gender Reville. And my wife had found out five minutes
Speaker 1: earlier than me, and she'd filled the balloon with the confetti,
Speaker 1: and all I had to do was pop it in
Speaker 1: front of her family. My family didn't give a toss
Speaker 1: and there there's loads of grandkids on mine, and so
Speaker 1: all I had to do was pop this balloon and
Speaker 1: have all the confetti come out like that, and my
Speaker 1: wife handed me to the hand of the balloon like
Speaker 1: this there you go, just like look what you did.
Speaker 1: I'm like this, Oh, I wonder what this me? She's
Speaker 1: so and then like so I went popp and this
Speaker 1: blue and fetty fellow on me. I was like everyone
Speaker 1: you eve enjoyed the show. So but I know I
Speaker 1: have a friend who had He was trying for a girl.
Speaker 1: It was their third one, and they were all excited
Speaker 1: and they went in to find out and he literally
Speaker 1: his wife like literally screamed like in the like I
Speaker 1: think they were filming it and they had to delete
Speaker 1: it so their son didn't ever see it. And I
Speaker 1: wanted to go just because she wanted to go. I
Speaker 1: didn't mind either way. My my son's the nicest little
Speaker 1: lad you've ever met in the world. So it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, if I have another one of them, I'm happy,
Speaker 1: nice boy. But I don't know. My my mother went
Speaker 1: mental after not having a girl, started collecting porcelain dolls
Speaker 1: because she wanted to. There's nothing girly about the house,
Speaker 1: was just she was living with four men. She just
Speaker 1: was done with the whole thing. She entered the doll yeah, there,
Speaker 1: combing them like this is. Can I just say, just
Speaker 1: circling back, I cannot believe that, Thomas, because I can't
Speaker 1: stay here discuss who you think is. I cantieve Thomas
Speaker 1: ruined your season for you and it's so, it's so,
Speaker 1: but I love he told me something happened in the
Speaker 1: in the show that never aired that he said, when
Speaker 1: should because you know how she was very big on
Speaker 1: the um such as such, can you come up here
Speaker 1: and then looked like they're about to give a rose
Speaker 1: and going what you did was unbelieved. She did twice
Speaker 1: where she brings. Allegedly she threw his rose against the
Speaker 1: wall Thomas's or something as he left. But I think
Speaker 1: maybe that made her look a bit tantry. So they
Speaker 1: cut out because they always, as you said, they always
Speaker 1: edit the bachelor bachelotte to Yeah, they have to protect them. Yeah, wow,
Speaker 1: that's she looked not great when she did the weird
Speaker 1: like you think you catler whatever she's like. I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: it wasn't that bad. Yeah, what Thomas did? I feel
Speaker 1: sorry for him because I think I think of them
Speaker 1: feel that way. They do. Don't to say he was
Speaker 1: good enough to be honest, but it's like he's like this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it did cross my mind that I could be the Bachelor,
Speaker 1: because who wouldn't want to be the bachelor of the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: I would love to be the Bachelor, And also who
Speaker 1: doesn't come on that show for that reason? I would
Speaker 1: love to be the bachelorette. We'll just fighting. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I would love it. I would love Alright, you're buying
Speaker 1: rug me and then you have to take your kid off.
Speaker 1: But my fear would be that I would be the
Speaker 1: first Bachelor where all the women went like, there's got
Speaker 1: to be a season coming where they all just turned
Speaker 1: their back on the I know, I know, I know
Speaker 1: they're starting to do it more. They're starting to like
Speaker 1: tap out. I mean this season. Now I feel badly
Speaker 1: for her because I do think she's there like looking
Speaker 1: for a husband, and I feel badly for it. Now,
Speaker 1: I can't talk to you about this. Here's the thing, Jim.
Speaker 1: I'm going to put in a request because I think
Speaker 1: you're a delight and I would very much like to
Speaker 1: break down an episode of Bachelor in Paradise with you.
Speaker 1: Watch it, you can't read any spoilers. I'll watch it.
Speaker 1: I haven't, I haven't. I'll watch it, Okay, because we'd
Speaker 1: like to have you on and break down an episode
Speaker 1: and guests and guess who pairs up. You'll have fun
Speaker 1: because and your wife will be so happy his thing. Okay, So,
Speaker 1: so Katie what we call it Katie Katie Katie Katie
Speaker 1: um because she's sex positive. Yes, yes, she doesn't half
Speaker 1: bring it up all the fucking time. It's like, I know,
Speaker 1: I know there's nothing wrong. No one, no one, no
Speaker 1: one is. No one has ever been angry at a
Speaker 1: bachelor of a bachelor consistent for not fucking yeah, no
Speaker 1: one's ever been angry like funk that person. That's not
Speaker 1: what I signed up for. And she's just like, I'm
Speaker 1: sex positive and I think it's apparent. Okay, it is,
Speaker 1: of course it is. You should be sex positive, but
Speaker 1: just mention the once. No, it is truely just ABC
Speaker 1: can't believe a woman on the vibrator. Also, what we've
Speaker 1: realized that these people aren't entertaining. No, they're not stand
Speaker 1: up comedians, not ready to go with the with the jokes.
Speaker 1: And it's like I even like a good talent contest
Speaker 1: on the other when they when there's always a bloke
Speaker 1: who's just like, oh, it's the talent contest is it?
Speaker 1: Oh how did this guitar get here? And it's a
Speaker 1: very very prepped fucking song. That guy the teacher, the
Speaker 1: full circle of the teacher. How do you think they
Speaker 1: get contestants? Okay, people, sure you've talked about this a
Speaker 1: million times, Well, people, you can. I think people apply,
Speaker 1: people submit their friends. But then I do think that
Speaker 1: they like scroll like Instagram, and so I do this
Speaker 1: in Instagram. They go to bodybuilding competitions because remember Christian
Speaker 1: was at like a bodybuilding conference. Well that's what Thomas.
Speaker 1: They hit him up on Instagram. They did because didn't
Speaker 1: Alex didn't our Russian accountant, Alex didn't they come for him. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then also remember my friend who I went to
Speaker 1: college with, who was on it, and they said he
Speaker 1: said he was buying headphones in Venice and they just
Speaker 1: looked up to Will's Wills. I wonder if for the guys,
Speaker 1: I wonder if maybe they're trolling for guys because they
Speaker 1: feel like it's all the guys that I feel like.
Speaker 1: Maybe the ladies. I think the ladies apply. I did
Speaker 1: the ladies apply, and then like Jeb and all that
Speaker 1: type of stuff. I think because that season they had
Speaker 1: like three blokes from Nashville who's sang so Josh went
Speaker 1: through Nashville one weekend. Someone one of the producers was
Speaker 1: on a bachelorie party and just stopped off and just went,
Speaker 1: I'll get yourself as a business trip. That guy, Remember
Speaker 1: Jeff was also he was a stripper. He was in
Speaker 1: a mail review Jim. Yeah, yeah, it was Chip. He
Speaker 1: was like Chippendales, but it was like country ship. I once,
Speaker 1: I gotta find you the photo I once showed up two.
Speaker 1: I had a sitcom idea which was about me being
Speaker 1: a member of the Thunder from down Under, which I
Speaker 1: am obsessed, which is one of the hardest shows I've
Speaker 1: ever laughed. Was going to the Thunder from down a
Speaker 1: bit of a bit of the fifty Shades of Good Day.
Speaker 1: That's a nice bit. And so so right, this sitcom
Speaker 1: and this sitcom like I sold it and everything that
Speaker 1: I never saw the light of day. Obviously, I I um,
Speaker 1: I went to the actual show. Now, the all the
Speaker 1: Australian blokes, they found out I was in the room.
Speaker 1: I'm quite popular in Australia and and so I am.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make that photo come up afterwards with the
Speaker 1: with the Thunder from down Under. The guys will sit
Speaker 1: there just in their jeans, and woman after woman comes
Speaker 1: and sits on their lap and they get their little
Speaker 1: souvenir photos. I have a picture of that I showed.
Speaker 1: I showed up, stood in the background, and not a
Speaker 1: single person noticed that I wasn't a member from the Thunder,
Speaker 1: and they all got their photos. Now, I think you'll
Speaker 1: be able to tell very quickly which one I am.
Speaker 1: Will you texting me that? Oh my god? That is
Speaker 1: um spectacular? Yeah, And it's like I had the jeans
Speaker 1: on it, everything, I was ready to go, and it's
Speaker 1: like they were all in on the joke, dude, even
Speaker 1: just like the lack of the spraytail, just like a
Speaker 1: natural coloring. I was just yeah, just a pale fellow.
Speaker 1: And and the girls she would have gotten home, gotten
Speaker 1: the photo just an hour later, just just looked at
Speaker 1: the photo and just going what your front and center,
Speaker 1: not even hiding in the background, posing front and center.
Speaker 1: A little peak of boom, a little big boo. How
Speaker 1: do you do? Did were any of them really Australian
Speaker 1: New Zealand? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like there are
Speaker 1: all these blikes and steroids that if hanging out. They
Speaker 1: work out all day and then they pick up women
Speaker 1: at not and then they go back and they work
Speaker 1: out all day and do this show. Then they pick
Speaker 1: up a couple of girls from the show. And that's
Speaker 1: the circle of the Dies. I'm going to tell you
Speaker 1: the story and the Excalibur of old places, the Excalibur,
Speaker 1: which is spectacular. Okay, So I went and I was
Speaker 1: on a show and we dragged one of the super
Speaker 1: horny straight male writers to it, who did not want
Speaker 1: to go to the show, but we were in there.
Speaker 1: We were in Vegas shooting something. We had a night off,
Speaker 1: and we dragged this guy to the Thunder from down Under.
Speaker 1: He was I wanted to be anywhere of it there,
Speaker 1: and so he went into the restroom beforehand, and they
Speaker 1: don't have a dressing room. So the guys are in
Speaker 1: there like applying eyeliner and stuff like that, and then
Speaker 1: they make eye contact the mirror. He and my friend Brian.
Speaker 1: The guy goes and then he raises into the restroom
Speaker 1: and has like explosive diarrhea right before the show starts,
Speaker 1: like immediately before the show starts, and then he comes out.
Speaker 1: He was like grinding and like lap dancing. The women
Speaker 1: like he literally like they were like getting dressed. The
Speaker 1: guy like eye contact explosive and it was like I
Speaker 1: was I laughed so hard. I thought I was gonna puncture,
Speaker 1: like I couldn't get it together. And he's like that's
Speaker 1: the guy. Like that guy like like blowout and how
Speaker 1: he was probably taking the laxatives to stay thin for you. Sure,
Speaker 1: Forest is calling for you. Here we go. Sorry, I'll
Speaker 1: just get me friend, Forest, alright, Forest, hy Hey, I'm
Speaker 1: just on a podcast right now talking about the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: What did the guy wh in backstage looked like in
Speaker 1: San Diego? I mean it was funny, he was stunning. No,
Speaker 1: I just I came back in the green and you're there,
Speaker 1: and I don't know, I don't know what was going on.
Speaker 1: I was very attractive man there. All right, that I'll
Speaker 1: call you afterwards, but thanks for thanks for the confirming
Speaker 1: what I said. All Right, Jim Jeffries, Can I just
Speaker 1: say you are a gg delight. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: didn't want to hold you house. No, I got nothing
Speaker 1: to do. I'm going to Palm Springs today, Like you're like,
Speaker 1: I gotta I gotta get out. I got my thing. No,
Speaker 1: I just don't want to hit the four o'clock traffic.
Speaker 1: You know, I get it. I'm happy to leave in
Speaker 1: the early afternoon. No, you are so honestly. When you
Speaker 1: email me, I couldn't believe you watched it, And then
Speaker 1: I couldn't believe you haven't been a part of this
Speaker 1: the whole time I listen. I listened to one of
Speaker 1: your podcasts, and I, um, I thought I'd like to
Speaker 1: be in a Bachelor. I want to. I want you
Speaker 1: to be on the rigs. Now, we're gonna have you, Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, so we're gonna have you do a Paradise
Speaker 1: one rookie for the Paradise season. We always have a
Speaker 1: rookie of the season. What do you mean a rookie
Speaker 1: of the season meaning that you haven't watched a full
Speaker 1: season yet, so we'll get your take. Yeah. I watched
Speaker 1: a little bit of the Chad one where he was
Speaker 1: just smashing things. That was fun when he said and
Speaker 1: when he was like, fuck you, Chris Harrison, go at
Speaker 1: your mimosas and your room, suck you, Chris Harrison. And
Speaker 1: then apparently he also shot himself. Apparently, Yeah, he shot
Speaker 1: and he shipped himself. He himself because I know he's
Speaker 1: like a realistate agent and it's like what fun you
Speaker 1: know what he does? He know what he does. He
Speaker 1: did this in front of Chris Harrison's house. He did
Speaker 1: so he rents a hummer that was Jojo and oh yeah,
Speaker 1: Jojo and Jojo and what's his name he bought? He
Speaker 1: like lease is a hummer and he's like, fuck you,
Speaker 1: Jordan's Rogers and Jojo I he films himself. He parks
Speaker 1: a harmer in front of their property and he films
Speaker 1: himself like boning in a hummer right outside their door
Speaker 1: and posted on like only fans and that's how he
Speaker 1: makes his money. And Psycher, yeah, like that's how he
Speaker 1: gets even as he like parks a hormmer, like if
Speaker 1: he was mad at you, he'd parked a car outside
Speaker 1: your harmer outside your house and just like it's his girlfriend,
Speaker 1: just do it together and they just like that's like
Speaker 1: what he was like he was He's basically like you'll
Speaker 1: never not have that on your front stoop, like like
Speaker 1: that's his revenge is he's like boning on your doors.
Speaker 1: Sometimes there's villains though that I think right, No, this
Speaker 1: one was dangerous. Chad was not good. Chad was the
Speaker 1: worst of the worst. He was a nasty But I
Speaker 1: looked up where he worked and there was like some
Speaker 1: Beverly Hills like real estate type of thing. I'm like,
Speaker 1: what the funk who employed this guy? And like you
Speaker 1: may know him from reality to UV, but he's one
Speaker 1: of our greatest. So it's like him in a suit,
Speaker 1: like one of those pack bench type of pictures when
Speaker 1: he was whistling in the woods, when he was whistling
Speaker 1: in the woods and he was like, life's not all
Speaker 1: blueberries and paper planes like that was he was really scary.
Speaker 1: I didn't mind that girl who the two twins sort
Speaker 1: of teamed up on. She was a blonde girl. I
Speaker 1: think they just edited a badly and they left her
Speaker 1: on an island they went on the double. Yeah, they
Speaker 1: hated Olivia. Olivia. I know she got the first impression Rose.
Speaker 1: I think she got a bad rap. Think I agree
Speaker 1: with you. I think because yeah, she I agree with you.
Speaker 1: I think she's been on subsequent like they've had her
Speaker 1: back and she said that her life like that she
Speaker 1: had to go to serious therapy, like it was really
Speaker 1: hard for her to be the therapy she was really
Speaker 1: hard for her to be the villain. It's tough when
Speaker 1: you get that edit. I think that's tough for you
Speaker 1: because you know how people are online. Oh yeah, come
Speaker 1: for you, They come for you, they come for you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I know. I'm starting to believe that maybe this TV
Speaker 1: show isn't healthy for these like like they all like,
Speaker 1: we got a fun love and how many successes have
Speaker 1: we got? Now Paradise, the Paradise, Paradise and that a
Speaker 1: little weedy guy who was like who had the erectional
Speaker 1: direcked all this function company. They broke up. No, they
Speaker 1: had a kid, two kids, two kids, car and we
Speaker 1: met them in Nashville. I know, I know they were
Speaker 1: really cute. I felt because she because she didn't like him,
Speaker 1: she didn't like him, she didn't like him. And then
Speaker 1: I know I loved it. That was the same as
Speaker 1: the Chad season, you see because he also because I know,
Speaker 1: because he faked going an injury to go to the
Speaker 1: hospital in Mexico. He faked was so weird. The fact
Speaker 1: that that worked. How about Ashley, I and dared she
Speaker 1: she you missed its? God, I can't wait for You're
Speaker 1: gonna love Paradise I so, I think this season is
Speaker 1: going to be great. Everyone's like cooping coop. I want
Speaker 1: to say to you that I also didn't want to
Speaker 1: watch it. I was like, why would I watch it?
Speaker 1: I have a life. I watched the other I don't.
Speaker 1: It's not like I don't get it, and I feel
Speaker 1: like you can have too much of this show. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm promising you it's the best show on television. I
Speaker 1: saw the promos for The Australian When how's that going?
Speaker 1: The guys like a rocket signist or something. He's like
Speaker 1: a nerdy guy. We watched that. Matty J No, Matti
Speaker 1: j was before that, this guy Matt This was Matt Agnew,
Speaker 1: Matt Agnew. I tell you what, if any Australian people
Speaker 1: are listening, I'll do the TV spot. I'll do the
Speaker 1: host because it's got to be the easiest fucking job
Speaker 1: in TV. I actually said. I met Chris Harrison and
Speaker 1: David Space Show and I said that to him. I said,
Speaker 1: fucking easiest gig in the world. And you have one
Speaker 1: more rows, There'll be no more roses this evening. And
Speaker 1: then and then you sort of walk away because Tatia
Speaker 1: and this other go. They're fucking hopeless. They're not in
Speaker 1: my opinion. Maybe you think they're wonderful, but I think
Speaker 1: you need a separate person who's detached to isn't a
Speaker 1: contest I agree with you. Who can ste person one
Speaker 1: person slightly above the whole thing, a little bit older
Speaker 1: yet o yeah, that's detached from the whole thing, that
Speaker 1: like other contestants aren't trying to bang right, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? To feel like Rob Benedict would be
Speaker 1: a great host because he's easy to talk to, he's compassionate,
Speaker 1: he's fun, he's cute, like but you have to be like,
Speaker 1: what's going on? But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: It's a little older that maybe has kids in a family,
Speaker 1: or you know, want someone who's too old so that
Speaker 1: when the women's shops like oh coming to my room?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, you know what I mean. But you
Speaker 1: want just a bloke who seems to be a steady,
Speaker 1: killed sort of reckon. I'd be good on the Australian one.
Speaker 1: I reckon just to talk down. They come in here, mate,
Speaker 1: what's happened to you? Jim here? You got you gotta beats?
Speaker 1: I know when Jim walked in, I knew something was
Speaker 1: New Zealand. Their host is a guy who used to
Speaker 1: be the Bachelor, so I think you could be. New
Speaker 1: Zealand was fun to the guys. There's so many tattoos
Speaker 1: in New Zealand. All they have like neck tattoos, a sleeves.
Speaker 1: There's like, I mean, we're talking like huge tattoos everywhere
Speaker 1: theo like ben affle, like back tattoos, that tattoo. Fuck.
Speaker 1: When you got back with she must have just taken
Speaker 1: hike and he showed up and she went, well, let's
Speaker 1: change in twenty years. I have to tell you, I
Speaker 1: love it. I feel like it's her best revenge. Like, okay,
Speaker 1: a rod, Like what's the one person that could get
Speaker 1: like a rod? Blew it with a star of Southern
Speaker 1: charm allegedly and like the bat like they're just like
Speaker 1: boning all over the Amalfi Coast. I love I did
Speaker 1: um fallon once And the other guy was Jennifer Ghana
Speaker 1: And she was the most like one of the most
Speaker 1: delightful celebrities I ever met. She is the sweetest, she
Speaker 1: seems so sweet. She's so stunning too. She was so
Speaker 1: she was so nice and and she she uh, we
Speaker 1: had to go out and do one of those um
Speaker 1: competitions at the beginning where you know, eat food or
Speaker 1: whatever like that you gotta guess what you're eating or box.
Speaker 1: Jennifer Garner your dick, like the Bachelorette, and she goes,
Speaker 1: have you got anything prepared for this? I me neither,
Speaker 1: and she goes, she guys, uh, she guys, well, let's
Speaker 1: just do this together. And she linked omes with me
Speaker 1: and she wrote me down. I felt like a kid
Speaker 1: guy to the problem with. I was like cool. When
Speaker 1: they had to take ben Affleck to the to rehab
Speaker 1: and she like stopped. There's all these like paparazzi podos
Speaker 1: of her stopping getting him fast food before rehab, and
Speaker 1: I was like, that's a nice person. Taking to Carl,
Speaker 1: You're like, all right, here's your BURGERA like you love
Speaker 1: cocaine or whatever, Like let's get to your nice double
Speaker 1: Baker burger. We'll take it away here. Yeah, that's nice.
Speaker 1: You're on your journey. Yeah, because you're inside, I don't
Speaker 1: think and rehab they give you the best food. They should,
Speaker 1: they should. You're having a hard time. You're Johnson, who
Speaker 1: I don't know about you, but things are getting so
Speaker 1: hot in here. I think I gotta take I'll pit
Speaker 1: your break. It was that episode after they've just been
Speaker 1: in Alice Springs in Australia where that's was the final episode.
Speaker 1: I remember what season it was, but they were in
Speaker 1: Alice Springs, which is a fucking blowflies the size like
Speaker 1: like the size of marbles. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, and
Speaker 1: and hundred and twenty degrees right, that's right, no shade there, yeah,
Speaker 1: And it's just like I said to him, I said
Speaker 1: to him off camera, I said, that place is fucking
Speaker 1: horribly because oh, that was the worst thing we've ever
Speaker 1: done from We Couldn't fall in love between the hours
Speaker 1: of eleven and four. It looked awful. It looked absolutely awful.
Speaker 1: And then no good hotels out there any because because
Speaker 1: you know, it's always the town that pays for them,
Speaker 1: because they always have to because you're you said you
Speaker 1: your husband's from Cleveland. Do you have that episode where
Speaker 1: they when Cleveland and they were all like running in
Speaker 1: the rot and then like the running they could do
Speaker 1: was like soap box racing. And he was watching that,
Speaker 1: He's like, what are they gonna do here? Yeah? That
Speaker 1: was skipping by the Rock and Roll Hall of time.
Speaker 1: I remember when they were like Delawares for loves, the
Speaker 1: weird places, like they went to Deadwood, remember that, like
Speaker 1: they it was like outside of like where was that
Speaker 1: the bad land? Actually I out left um, but they
Speaker 1: airlifted out of there. And the woman that Mary may
Speaker 1: not have killed her husband, but they always they always
Speaker 1: do where they've got the champagne and they go the
Speaker 1: rose ceremonies over people have left, they mixed the motion,
Speaker 1: lost some people and then they go they go to
Speaker 1: True Love and then they all chink chink True Love. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then it's like this and then we're off to
Speaker 1: Delaware and they're like everyone just looks at each other
Speaker 1: like fucking and we get to do this for free.
Speaker 1: I'm finding love and seeing the world Delaware. I guess
Speaker 1: just got a Delaware. You tell me when they're like
Speaker 1: when they went they started it. Never call in Pennsylvania,
Speaker 1: They're like, never call in and like that same hot
Speaker 1: time if you recalled the mean that jojo that they
Speaker 1: did do the woodpowered hot top of that marine, the
Speaker 1: shirtless but when that was a tool, Yeah, I forget
Speaker 1: what give it a dick to us? In Nashville, Cancelman
Speaker 1: was like can I got my Luke Bell day of
Speaker 1: canceled on us for Zany's and then I was like,
Speaker 1: could I get all my like all my friends into
Speaker 1: the show. I was like, bro, you just you're in Texas.
Speaker 1: You've confirmed yesterday there in the show. You didn't know
Speaker 1: you were gonna be in Texas, like I'm in Nashville. Anyway. Yes,
Speaker 1: they when they went to remember the like Pennsylvania, and
Speaker 1: then they flew into like a biplane when they visited Australian.
Speaker 1: Now I'm very proud Australian. It's a wonderful country to
Speaker 1: visit if you've never been. Go. We've got great Barry Rich,
Speaker 1: got Sydney Harbor with exotic cities. We've got beaches on beaches,
Speaker 1: we have Koalas, we have fucking it's things to say
Speaker 1: in a stri One of those things isn't Alice Springs.
Speaker 1: And that's that's the only thing they alan Springs is
Speaker 1: the nearest city. It's a town is Rock all Arue.
Speaker 1: Let's call LaRue. Now Rock is cool. The Rock is cool.
Speaker 1: But they didn't visit the Rock. They go on a helicop.
Speaker 1: Well yeah, I don't. I know. There's like, like you're
Speaker 1: not allowed to do certain things at the Rock right
Speaker 1: back then you could. Only in the last year you
Speaker 1: can't walk on it anymore. That's the only thing. You know.
Speaker 1: There's certain things. Yeah, well there you can't funk on it.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're allowed to drag yourself out
Speaker 1: while your ound. I just was like protections. But yeah,
Speaker 1: the Rock was cool, but the rest of it, I
Speaker 1: don't know. They I want to say they need to
Speaker 1: win though they need This show needs a win because
Speaker 1: think about it. Yeah, and like in a weird way,
Speaker 1: Ari is like the biggest success that's happened, and he
Speaker 1: was a disaster, like but now he's got babies with
Speaker 1: that Rachel and Brian. But that's been a while. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's been a few years, you know, and we've had
Speaker 1: like think about we had Colton jumping the fence and
Speaker 1: then like stalking Wells. Wells, Well, he didn't show. That's
Speaker 1: just his private life. His private life is doing well.
Speaker 1: But then you have like they're the endings have been
Speaker 1: women like Wells. I don't see it. I don't get
Speaker 1: what's going on. My wife, My wife likes Wells. I
Speaker 1: don't know what's going on. He's so adorable in real life,
Speaker 1: he's really he's a regional radio DJ. Fuck me, say
Speaker 1: you stand it's higher than that, bloody you know you're right. Okay,
Speaker 1: you're right. But again, like with the Bachelor, like you
Speaker 1: meet him in real life, he's handsome, all right, maybe
Speaker 1: in real life, maybe in real life, but there's also
Speaker 1: like I think a lot of women liked him because
Speaker 1: he was kind of more like normal looking, like he's
Speaker 1: not super about the talking head store. Yeah. I always
Speaker 1: think when I was younger, so you've got to be
Speaker 1: in your twenties really to do it. So I was
Speaker 1: the twenty twenty years ago, would have I done? All right?
Speaker 1: And the answer is still not. Don't better now than
Speaker 1: I would have done years I've been a confidence now
Speaker 1: that I would do better now. I would do better now.
Speaker 1: They should have it for like people in their forties,
Speaker 1: Like I don't understand why they don't, Like I think
Speaker 1: it would be a very entertaining shell because you're gonna
Speaker 1: have people who know who they are is in. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they knows who they are in are confident because also
Speaker 1: these people are twenty two, they shouldn't be getting foing married.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, no, no, that's the whole thing. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like I found the love of my love. You
Speaker 1: know you did twenties seven. Just focus on your career
Speaker 1: and just don't worry about it, and all of a
Speaker 1: sudden it's it's it's like it's like Claire, you know,
Speaker 1: alder woman dining a younger man. She's not old by
Speaker 1: any stretch, she's seven seven by any stretch the imagination.
Speaker 1: But if if she wanted kids, din't waste your tarme
Speaker 1: with diale. Dint waste your tar with diale. That's not
Speaker 1: that's gonna that's gonna white some prime years there and then.
Speaker 1: But you're ready to think about how gorgeous her chemicals
Speaker 1: got so jangled? Are we not yet? Dale? If Dale
Speaker 1: just masturbating in a cup would produce a nice looking child,
Speaker 1: I mean he's a bit. You've got to find the
Speaker 1: picture of him with the baby. Google Google baby baby
Speaker 1: Beord Dale swaddle. How did you meet your wife? I
Speaker 1: met my wife. She doesn't like to say, she doesn't
Speaker 1: like people knowing, But okay, I've never seen the dating app.
Speaker 1: I've never been My most experience finally went on about
Speaker 1: I would say maybe four or five dates with different people.
Speaker 1: Would you go to like dinner and stuff. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: went to dinner with a couple of people and I
Speaker 1: what I found out was I had missed a beat
Speaker 1: because I've been with the same person for five years
Speaker 1: before that, and then before I'd missed to beat where
Speaker 1: women didn't they don't like you, not all, but like
Speaker 1: they don't like you ringing them up. I'm I'm I'm
Speaker 1: a terrible text and I'm dyslexic. I can never get
Speaker 1: a text like a caveman. I'm just like me here
Speaker 1: seven o'clock. I mean, I just don't. I don't display
Speaker 1: myself well in text. I just don't. So I try to.
Speaker 1: I'm a good talkers, so I try to ring up
Speaker 1: and have a bit of a chat with you. Also,
Speaker 1: I'm of the school that that if I ring and
Speaker 1: have a talk to you and we don't get along
Speaker 1: doing that, yeah, then I'm not going to bother with
Speaker 1: the actual physical date. I think that's nice. I like that.
Speaker 1: And so I you know, so you meet on these apps,
Speaker 1: your text back and forth, it's like, hey, we should
Speaker 1: go out. Sometimes I kept on bringing my wife up,
Speaker 1: like I don't know anything about this person, I'll talk
Speaker 1: to her, And she was just like talking to her friends,
Speaker 1: Like he's really weird. He keeps trying to call. I
Speaker 1: just want to get a five minute chat if we
Speaker 1: like each other, that's nice. I see that. So I
Speaker 1: think I missed a dating beat there. I think that
Speaker 1: people don't do that. No, nobody, Like I had a
Speaker 1: friend who I mean, he's married now, but like years
Speaker 1: ago he he would be like scared to call a woman,
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, you have to talk to
Speaker 1: them in person when you're I like, I would rather
Speaker 1: talk to something on the phone before I did. With FaceTime,
Speaker 1: you can actually, I think, then you can't call yourself
Speaker 1: up in TI. I don't look good on FaceTime. I'm
Speaker 1: much better in person than I don't look great reversed,
Speaker 1: like I don't great, Miss Salfie, like my bone structure
Speaker 1: doesn't quite work like in reverse and in FaceTime is
Speaker 1: in reverse. It's the same reason I don't tweet. I'm
Speaker 1: not funny. When I just write something and there's something,
Speaker 1: I gotta have a little twinkle in the eye or
Speaker 1: some intonation or something to be fake. Otherwise often what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, he's just offensive. Yeah, I mean so, so
Speaker 1: I like to have a little bit of a chap,
Speaker 1: but I can talk under water me. So I went
Speaker 1: on a date with this, this one girl Fryer, and
Speaker 1: she was really she was an actress, quite quite, not
Speaker 1: a super popular just but if I said she was,
Speaker 1: you could find out that she's pretty quickly, really pretty girl,
Speaker 1: well out of my league. And I went on a
Speaker 1: couple of dates with that, and I went to that
Speaker 1: she just had nothing to say. Nothing. If you can't
Speaker 1: have a chat with me, I can talk on the
Speaker 1: fucking water me. I'll do I'll do all the heavy lifting,
Speaker 1: just just laugh along or just interject or whatever. I'll
Speaker 1: ask you questions about you and I'll try to bounce it.
Speaker 1: But she just so So I went on the first
Speaker 1: day with that, and I thought this, this isn't, This
Speaker 1: isn't working out. But she was so pretty that I
Speaker 1: was like, I'll give her another day. But this time
Speaker 1: I invited her to I was doing a show, and
Speaker 1: I thought that would be a good buffle because there'll
Speaker 1: be other comedians there and I can chat to them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you know, and I wasn't. I wasn't inviting her
Speaker 1: along to a show that I'm doing an hour on stage.
Speaker 1: It's yes, if I could sit there. I was doing
Speaker 1: ten minutes so we could do the show Poppy in
Speaker 1: come out. Maybe I could impress her. And then so
Speaker 1: it turned out on that show there was loads of
Speaker 1: friends of mine that were in the dressing and sometimes
Speaker 1: that doesn't happen other other kings, and and so she
Speaker 1: had nothing to say. So I just started chatting with
Speaker 1: the comedians and stuff like that. And then at the
Speaker 1: end of the day I dropped her off, like and
Speaker 1: that's that, you know what I mean, Like, I'm not
Speaker 1: doing this anymore. Nice enough person, but there's nothing going
Speaker 1: on here. And then she goes, she goes, she text
Speaker 1: me and she goes, I want to go on another
Speaker 1: date with you, But I wanted to be more like
Speaker 1: the first date because the second day you just took
Speaker 1: me out to meet your friends, and I thought that
Speaker 1: was too soon. And the first date was great because
Speaker 1: we just talked and talked and talked, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: what fucking date were you on? I fell back in
Speaker 1: the day was just again as I re entered the
Speaker 1: dating pool, I found back in the day, I can
Speaker 1: talk to most people, and I can ask questions, and
Speaker 1: I'm curious and that most guys like don't ask you
Speaker 1: any questions. So we will go out and I can
Speaker 1: keep the conversation flowing. But then like they feel like
Speaker 1: they had the best date ever because they just like
Speaker 1: talked about themselves all night. But they will just have
Speaker 1: asked not one question, you know, So it's an interesting
Speaker 1: I don't. I had a friend who everyone he was
Speaker 1: a bit dull, and everyone she's a great girl. Is
Speaker 1: she a great girl? Everyone? And then knowing it for years,
Speaker 1: I realized that I knew nothing about her. Her secret
Speaker 1: was that she just showed up the parties and asked
Speaker 1: everyone else about themselves. That's a wonderful. Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1: I think that might be a secret, and I think
Speaker 1: it works long term. No, no, no, no, it's yeah,
Speaker 1: it's an interesting. I will be curious. I will be
Speaker 1: curious if I re enter this to see if anybody
Speaker 1: ask questions I did any thing now, because I know
Speaker 1: I talked about myselves too much that when I'm meeting
Speaker 1: new people, I go like this when I up the parties.
Speaker 1: Even say to my wife, now, I go, if I'm
Speaker 1: not asking enough questions, can you pull me aside and
Speaker 1: say ask more questions? My wife, you're talking about yourself
Speaker 1: too much, and I'll be like, Okay, what do you
Speaker 1: do for a living, Brian? And then I'm like and
Speaker 1: then I'd like to listen to Brian sting like fun,
Speaker 1: Brian's boring, Brian so much more. When I was talking
Speaker 1: about myself the whole time, about you, Brian, about me,
Speaker 1: I'm a professional storyteller. These stories are amazing. I got
Speaker 1: a fucking story for you, Brian. Brian Well, I have
Speaker 1: to say, Jim Jefferies, I so happy to have you
Speaker 1: back in my life. I am excited have you make
Speaker 1: eyes and I look forward to bringing you into Paradise.
Speaker 1: And I had so much fun working with you before
Speaker 1: I did it at the best time. I was really
Speaker 1: sad that when Legit didn't go I really Legit. Legit
Speaker 1: didn't get enough credit. It was really good. It was
Speaker 1: I think it represented disabled people better than any show
Speaker 1: has ever done. I had so many and not in
Speaker 1: a forced way or the type of thing. And I'm
Speaker 1: not taking credit for that because that just so happened
Speaker 1: to have happened in my own life that it was
Speaker 1: easy to write about. But yeah, I look, Brad Pitt
Speaker 1: watches Legit. He does he does Wow, He'll be like,
Speaker 1: I know you. You were getting lowered down onto you
Speaker 1: were you were the size quest was the size quick?
Speaker 1: I got an end with Brad Pitt m DJ DJ.
Speaker 1: DJ came out at one of my gigs, which which
Speaker 1: he documented. He tweeted about it, and I knew he
Speaker 1: came out. I didn't know it was at your game.
Speaker 1: He was at my gig in the winter and I
Speaker 1: was telling a story about him and and I said,
Speaker 1: I have a gay friend, and was a story about
Speaker 1: something that the night out that me and DJ had
Speaker 1: and and DJ was in the wing and he just
Speaker 1: sort of decided he came out in the stage. He
Speaker 1: just walked out from the wing and he just waved
Speaker 1: it everyone like it's me, and the audience just sort
Speaker 1: of w and I was like, this is the audience.
Speaker 1: This is how little people watch my sitcom. Yeah, from
Speaker 1: there on stage, people have come to see me. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know that guy was from my sitcom,
Speaker 1: skinny guy from road Trip that. Yeah, I hear people
Speaker 1: like there to see you and then they're like what
Speaker 1: do I know to see me? Like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: what have you seen? What? No? Not that DJ. I
Speaker 1: think he's lost his virginity more on film than any
Speaker 1: person in history. I think he owned as a record
Speaker 1: for they always is bring him in for the virgin
Speaker 1: as DJ, and then it's Johnny Pemberton, and then the
Speaker 1: female was Kate. I think Kate mccouchee, right, I think
Speaker 1: it's Kate mccouchee, Johnny Pemberton and DJ qauls. He lost
Speaker 1: his virginity on my show to me, no, he lost
Speaker 1: in the brothel, okay, but then he lost He lost
Speaker 1: his virginity to my son's mother is how I met her.
Speaker 1: So that was how that all went down. So that
Speaker 1: TV show cost me a lot of money. It's like
Speaker 1: a buffet for you, grant Um. Well, Jim, what would
Speaker 1: you like to plug? I got a tour coming up
Speaker 1: and got the Moist Tour. It's called it just a
Speaker 1: bit of fun truly, his stand up is so fucking funny.
Speaker 1: He is hilarious. I cannot And what's your podcast? I have?
Speaker 1: I have a podcast called I don't know about that,
Speaker 1: which I would invite you on, but sadly, well, there
Speaker 1: is the thing is the podcast that what happens to
Speaker 1: the podcast is we bring an expert on, normally a
Speaker 1: doctor or a scientist or something like that, and they
Speaker 1: mentioned something whether like we had an episode a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks ago, are mosquitoes? And then I get asked
Speaker 1: questions and I have to say everything I know about mosquitoes,
Speaker 1: and then the expert corrects me and then we actually
Speaker 1: learn about the actual thing. So it's a little bit
Speaker 1: like how do they make it type of a podcast
Speaker 1: where and we have a different subject for each one.
Speaker 1: So I think I think this week, Oh, I don't
Speaker 1: know what it is this week anyway. Um So, so
Speaker 1: a lot of friends, I wanted a podcast where I
Speaker 1: didn't bother comedians all the time. You know. I had
Speaker 1: people who are excited to be on a podcast because
Speaker 1: sometimes when you're a person who's an expert in rocks,
Speaker 1: you don't get asked on a lot of different things. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: And so so I was about to say, well, you
Speaker 1: can't come to the podcast because you're not an expert.
Speaker 1: I can't tract and designed my own house. You're an
Speaker 1: expert in the Bachelor. I'm an expert in the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: Can come? Can come on the podcast. I'm an expert
Speaker 1: on the Bachelor. I actually know a little bit about that.
Speaker 1: But yeah, no, my co host who knows everything, and
Speaker 1: he's got all the questions in the computer at Forest,
Speaker 1: do we just okay? Great? Because and Forest is a
Speaker 1: bachelor virgin he doesn't want so we can figure out
Speaker 1: what about went Forest. It's just taken back by the
Speaker 1: handsome man in the dressing room, gorgeous Gageus. He was like,
Speaker 1: this guy is gorgeous. I love what's happening here? Thomas.
Speaker 1: He was just like, yeah, I started really good, and
Speaker 1: then I become like a villain just for telling the truth.
Speaker 1: There's no accountability. I don't think he's the sharpest knife
Speaker 1: from the drum. Maybe maybe handsome when you're that good looking,
Speaker 1: who cares? Did just he was just too honest. I
Speaker 1: think I know I with you. He was super nice
Speaker 1: when I met him. He was just too beautiful. That's it.
Speaker 1: Must sister brought him. I am and be like, well done,
Speaker 1: believe but I have a sister. Yeah, we know about
Speaker 1: the magical pussy. Oh the sadness that no one got
Speaker 1: to inherit it. They're one and my mom was upset
Speaker 1: for having sons all the time. No one ever got
Speaker 1: to pass on the magical pussy. All we had was
Speaker 1: my dad's shitty dick. Just think about all those dolls though,
Speaker 1: who knows what was happening with those dolls. Well, then
Speaker 1: we're in the processes and my mother passed away. So
Speaker 1: when the processes of figuring out what to do with them,
Speaker 1: hundreds of the some of them might be worth something.
Speaker 1: We don't want some dog like that coming in and
Speaker 1: ripping us off. No, yeah, I don't want Jim Jeffrey
Speaker 1: by Adult collect Or not again. Got to go on
Speaker 1: Antique Road Show. Me, I got to go on Antique
Speaker 1: Road Show a thousand times back with Molly. Yeah, Shirley
Speaker 1: Temple doll looks great. You could build a whole career.
Speaker 1: Your next stage of your career is you're the guy
Speaker 1: from Antique Road the dolls. I watched Antique Right Show.
Speaker 1: I try to get what things are I've never seen
Speaker 1: in my life, and now I like how they go.
Speaker 1: And this cabinet here is worth twenty thousand dollars and
Speaker 1: that's like two thousand and twelve, and I go, that's
Speaker 1: dropped in value down. Yeah. Our friend who does the
Speaker 1: Australia podcast with us accidentally is the newest cast member
Speaker 1: on Storage Wars, and we are obsessed with stories. Was
Speaker 1: they fill the lockers themselves? No, no, she goes and
Speaker 1: she's like, it's disgusting. No, no, no, it's not bid.
Speaker 1: And if you use their own money to bid on
Speaker 1: these crap lockers and like himmet or something, and yeah,
Speaker 1: she does it. She she wasn't like looking to do
Speaker 1: this and she's on the rigs like she's done like
Speaker 1: twelve of them. Yeah, that's how you do it. Um,
Speaker 1: we got to move on with our lives until next week.
Speaker 1: Jim Jeffreys, here's the deal. You're gonna watch parad you
Speaker 1: can have a newborn, you're gonna need You're gonna have
Speaker 1: so much free time, you'll need a distraction. You'll have
Speaker 1: funked up hours. And then my wife will and then
Speaker 1: you'll do that, and then you'll come, and then you'll come.
Speaker 1: Don't read any spoilers because we're gonna come. Guess how
Speaker 1: it ends. We're gonna bring you home. We're gonna break
Speaker 1: down an episode and guess how it ends. All right,
Speaker 1: Jim Jefferies, you're a g D delight, total fan, So
Speaker 1: happy that you came, so glad you messaged me, I'll
Speaker 1: be there to meet me for I thought your texting
Speaker 1: was fine. Hi Hi, Hi, Come on podcast. He watched Thomas,
Speaker 1: got to Jim jeffreys dot com for two tickets, Got
Speaker 1: to Jim Jeffrey's dot com for tour tickets until next time.
Speaker 1: We'll be back next week. Goodbye. Oh yeah, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get all up. Feels so good. I just gotta wonder
Speaker 1: when you read this rolls your world? Who rolls into
Speaker 1: your world? Will you accept this? Rose is a production
Speaker 1: of I heart Radio. For more podcast on iHeart Radio,
Speaker 1: visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.