Speaker 1: Welcome to Go ask Ali, a production of Shonda Land
Speaker 1: Audio and partnership with I Heart Radio. Hi am Ally
Speaker 1: Wentworth and you're listening to Go ask Ali. Where this
Speaker 1: season I asked the question how to grow a teenager
Speaker 1: in a pandemic. I'm particularly excited about today because I
Speaker 1: am diving into social media and teenagers in the pandemic.
Speaker 1: I think in this in this new normal, social media
Speaker 1: is kind of devouring everybody's life. We're all scrolling and
Speaker 1: looking and posting and liking. There's nothing else to do.
Speaker 1: My guest today is dr yelled the rules before we
Speaker 1: start chatting. I have gotten the biggest get, as they
Speaker 1: call it in the entertainment world. It's not Beyonce. It's
Speaker 1: my daughter, Elliott Stephanopolis. That's right, after many publicists and
Speaker 1: agents and blackmailing, I finally got her on my show.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about growing a teenager in a pandemic. And
Speaker 1: you are a teenager in a pandemic, and you're my
Speaker 1: teenager in a pandemic. So I'm your first teenager, You're
Speaker 1: my first one. Yes. So Elliott, what are one of
Speaker 1: the things that you hate about when people generalize your generation? Oh,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of things I hate about the generalizations
Speaker 1: people make about gen z Um. I really like the
Speaker 1: reputation that we're rising up and being asked to this.
Speaker 1: That's something I strongly believe in and relate to. I
Speaker 1: feel like teenagers in general, and especially now, get no
Speaker 1: credit for how hard we're working and being teenagers hard.
Speaker 1: You're in school, you have a lot to worry about
Speaker 1: your future, you have a lot to regret about your past,
Speaker 1: you have a lot to think about in the present
Speaker 1: um and you're you don't know who you are and
Speaker 1: you're questioning that. So I wish people were less judgy
Speaker 1: on teenagers, and I wish that more people remembered what
Speaker 1: they were like as teenagers, but not put that on
Speaker 1: other people, because people will think of their one experience
Speaker 1: as a teenager and assume every teenager is like that.
Speaker 1: You're absolutely right, which I don't think it's there. And
Speaker 1: I also think, like you've said, oh, I'm worried about
Speaker 1: social media, that my kids are gonna have empathy, they're
Speaker 1: not going to know how to look people in the eye.
Speaker 1: But that's not social media's fault. That's how you're raised
Speaker 1: and what your manners are and what your social skills
Speaker 1: are which varies for everyone. So I just think this
Speaker 1: narrative that technology is ruining our children should be stopped.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying at all that technology can be so
Speaker 1: bad and social media can be so bad, but we
Speaker 1: also have to think, isn't it so nice that there's
Speaker 1: ways for people to find community and there's ways to
Speaker 1: connect with people all over the world. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: you're right, But I think that that's that's because I
Speaker 1: didn't grow up with that, so it's an unknown to me,
Speaker 1: and usually unknowns in the world make us fearful, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. You're the first generation to grow
Speaker 1: up with it, and so I don't know how to
Speaker 1: parent social media. Yeah, thank you, Elliott. I love you.
Speaker 1: You should be parenting me. You can say something back, Okay,
Speaker 1: I mean that's that's it. I was just gonna say
Speaker 1: that I was I've always been described as like the
Speaker 1: mom's figure in my friend group. Everyone was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: you're such a mom. You're such a mommy, So I
Speaker 1: feel like I could raise you. Yeah, you probably could
Speaker 1: probably do a good job. But now, on a more
Speaker 1: serious topic, I'm asking somebody that's a scientist and a
Speaker 1: researcher Dr Yella Uls thank God to come in and
Speaker 1: help me unpack the pros and cons of social media
Speaker 1: and how much screen time these kids should be on.
Speaker 1: She is an award winning child psychologist, a leading expert
Speaker 1: on how media affects children, and author of one of
Speaker 1: my favorite books, Media Moms and Digital Dads. Welcome and
Speaker 1: I need you. I'm so happy to be here. Um.
Speaker 1: I mean, social media was a slippery slope before the pandemic,
Speaker 1: but now I'm finding that in a pandemic a lot
Speaker 1: of rules are off. Parents don't know how much, how little,
Speaker 1: what to do. The digital revolution grabbed ahold of our
Speaker 1: teams when it started, but now in the pandemic, I mean,
Speaker 1: have we completely lost them to the digital age. No,
Speaker 1: they're totally fine, and actually, frankly, the fact that they
Speaker 1: have social media is actually a saving grace during this
Speaker 1: time because it's so developmentally normal and this is one
Speaker 1: of the few ways that they can safely socialize with
Speaker 1: their friends. So without social media, ironically, our children would
Speaker 1: be really suffering. Especi lee tweens, teens, and emerging adults
Speaker 1: I mean actually teenage years now. By the way, the
Speaker 1: National Academy of science says it goes all the way
Speaker 1: up to age So teens to the age of twenty five. Really,
Speaker 1: wait a second, teenagers go to twenty five? Now? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: as your teens get older, you will see their brains.
Speaker 1: You can see the difference in their brains all the
Speaker 1: way up to twenty five. Okay, So, so so I now
Speaker 1: have teenagers till I'm till they're twenty five. I'm sorry, No,
Speaker 1: that's okay, My med's for this. Um, So let's talk
Speaker 1: about the teenage brain for a second, because I think
Speaker 1: sort of the old school way of looking at childhood was,
Speaker 1: you know, baby, toddler, preteens. But the brain itself, there
Speaker 1: is medical reasons why teenagers react the way they do,
Speaker 1: and all of it is about the prefuntal cortex, isn't
Speaker 1: that what you would say? What's how it's developed? Ye?
Speaker 1: And and with teenagers, I've certainly noticed with my girls
Speaker 1: their risk seekers and they want reward. Now would you
Speaker 1: say that that's kind of what propels them into their
Speaker 1: behavior these two things? Yeah, I mean, and it's it's
Speaker 1: again like it's our brain has adapted over thousands and
Speaker 1: thousands of years in reaction to our environment. They need
Speaker 1: to leave our houses, right and we don't understand having
Speaker 1: already successfully done it when when we had to leave,
Speaker 1: how scary that is. So for them to leave our houses,
Speaker 1: they need to be like, oh, I'm so excited. I'm
Speaker 1: ready for the risk and I'm ready for the rewards.
Speaker 1: So it's actually making it easier for them to actually
Speaker 1: become adults the way that their brain has developed. So
Speaker 1: this risk and reward to us just seems crazy, but
Speaker 1: to them it's what they need. So what happens in
Speaker 1: a pandemic? If you're teen and I'm saying, if you
Speaker 1: have a child up to twenty five, can't leave the
Speaker 1: home right now? Is there no risk or reward? Well,
Speaker 1: there's online risk and reward always is. And if your
Speaker 1: child is someone who would normally have offline risk and
Speaker 1: reward or risky behavior, um, you know, there is lots
Speaker 1: of evidence that they will use the online world in
Speaker 1: the same way. So you know, what do you mean,
Speaker 1: like go to the dark web web they could hack,
Speaker 1: you know, like that guy that just hacked all those
Speaker 1: Twitter accounts. You know he had a problematic family life
Speaker 1: and he used you know, the web and the tools there,
Speaker 1: but his life I mean, he was like that in
Speaker 1: real life, right, right, right. So let me ask you
Speaker 1: a question. So if you had let's say a teenager
Speaker 1: that was maybe prone to a lot of scary risk,
Speaker 1: maybe it was drugs or partying or stealing whatever whatever
Speaker 1: that looked like, do you think during the pandemic that
Speaker 1: that was all channeled into a different way, meaning like
Speaker 1: hacking and this underlying problems would need to be treated.
Speaker 1: There are you know, addiction and online addiction. It's not
Speaker 1: really fully the science isn't totally there, but there's good
Speaker 1: indication that a certain percentage do get addicted to video
Speaker 1: games or problematic internet behavior, um, social media. Girls, you
Speaker 1: know girls, I'm sorry, it's gender use social media at
Speaker 1: a higher rate. So we're going to get into that.
Speaker 1: Believe me. We're gonna take a short break and we'll
Speaker 1: be right back. Welcome back with more. Go ass Galley.
Speaker 1: So you quote it in your book that people just
Speaker 1: have this core desire to express who they are, Mark
Speaker 1: Zuckelberg quote. And I think that's true. And I think
Speaker 1: we just touched upon girls. And this is a fascinating
Speaker 1: area for me because I have two girls, and I
Speaker 1: spoke in an earlier podcast with Brookshields because she was
Speaker 1: fascinating to me because she was so sexualized as a
Speaker 1: young girl. You know, she played a prostitute at twelve
Speaker 1: years old in the film and and so now she's
Speaker 1: got teenage girls. And I said, well, how are you,
Speaker 1: how are you coping with that? And how are you
Speaker 1: setting rules for that? Because you know you were pretty baby,
Speaker 1: you know you were in blue lagoon with your boobies
Speaker 1: hanging out. Now, how can you possibly tell your teenage
Speaker 1: daughters you can't do this? And it was an interesting discussion,
Speaker 1: but I'm happy to have an expert on to kind
Speaker 1: of discuss this because, um, I think it's true. And
Speaker 1: you just said, and I'd love you to talk more
Speaker 1: about the girls they have that need to belong, need
Speaker 1: to be liked, seeing much more than boys. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: and we see the sexualized behavior online. It reflects offline again.
Speaker 1: And you know, I teach a class to undergradum called
Speaker 1: Digital Media and Human Development at u c l A.
Speaker 1: And you know, I go through this whole there's this
Speaker 1: heterosexual script which, um, it's in the real world, right,
Speaker 1: girls look sexy, boys pursue for sex, girls saying no,
Speaker 1: we see it online exactly the same. You know these
Speaker 1: the girls still do this like hey and and sexting,
Speaker 1: you know, they're they're the ones boys work out a
Speaker 1: yes online to try to get a girl to sex them.
Speaker 1: It's called digital dating abuse. And their behaviors both sides
Speaker 1: like girls, Um, girls monitor boys and they stalk them,
Speaker 1: and boys, you know, are pushy and there's there's abuse
Speaker 1: there and sort of checking everyone online, and girls are sexualized,
Speaker 1: you know. And I have a daughter, she's twenty years old,
Speaker 1: and you know, she's still on social media quite a lot, posting,
Speaker 1: still a teenager, recording to you, yes, exactly, and she's
Speaker 1: very Are you aware of every single like and post
Speaker 1: and comment and heart and the way she looks. I
Speaker 1: don't know if your daughter's make you take like you know,
Speaker 1: or they do it fifteen thousand pictures before they post one.
Speaker 1: I was so upset years ago when I was noticing
Speaker 1: my girls, you know, in middle school, and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, I was dealing with parenting things. Of course,
Speaker 1: my mother, Muffie never taught me, but you know, we
Speaker 1: didn't grow up with social media, so there were no
Speaker 1: rules or parenting advice about it. But um, I remember
Speaker 1: one of my daughters came back from middle school and
Speaker 1: said that some girl in their class had sent a
Speaker 1: nude photo to a bunch of boys in the class.
Speaker 1: And my response was, that's child pornography. Those boys are
Speaker 1: going to get arrested, and you know, And then I went, oh,
Speaker 1: my god, there's this whole other world I don't know
Speaker 1: anything about as a parent, and I got to figure
Speaker 1: this out because this is the new normal, and I
Speaker 1: don't want to get my girls in trouble. And then
Speaker 1: one time, my older teenage daughter was on Skype or
Speaker 1: something and this thing popped up and said, hey, do
Speaker 1: you want to go on a date? Or something popped
Speaker 1: up on her social media and it said, you know, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm a sugar daddy. I'm gonna buy you lots of gifts,
Speaker 1: you know, just crazy stuff. Because the old school way
Speaker 1: of looking at fears out there was, you know, my
Speaker 1: daughter would be walking down the street and someone say, hey,
Speaker 1: I lost a dog, can you get in my car?
Speaker 1: You know that abduction. But now I'm terrified that social
Speaker 1: media is a trap for these young girls. So if
Speaker 1: you sexualize yourself, these predators are going to come hungry. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: they'll find you. I mean they would find you offline,
Speaker 1: but you know you just said it in the old
Speaker 1: school way, they would have been able to actually grab you.
Speaker 1: And the reality is somebody who meets someone online. So
Speaker 1: it's like your your daughter saw that and probably went
Speaker 1: you gross and told you about it, right, But if
Speaker 1: it was a girl who was feeling needy and didn't
Speaker 1: have a good family life, or was sexualized at a
Speaker 1: young age or abuse, they might go and meet the person.
Speaker 1: But it's such a small percentage. I mean in one year,
Speaker 1: like six seven years ago, it's only like cases across
Speaker 1: the United States that got to prosecution. It's really again
Speaker 1: somebody who you can see it in their offline life
Speaker 1: and then they use these tools and then they do
Speaker 1: fall into the trap. But if you're not seeing it
Speaker 1: in their offline life, there's very good chance they're not
Speaker 1: gonna learn. And it's really important parenting of course, which
Speaker 1: my book says social media, social media, make sure you're
Speaker 1: there and you, as a good parent, have set it
Speaker 1: all up with them and make sure that you know
Speaker 1: the tools as well, so that they know when, um
Speaker 1: they should respond and how to respond, etcetera. And so
Speaker 1: should I be monitoring all their social media might be
Speaker 1: on everything. Now I'm not. I'm not, but well, I
Speaker 1: think you should sign up for their I think, especially
Speaker 1: at the very beginning in the first transition. So for
Speaker 1: my daughter, when she went on, she had posted a
Speaker 1: photo and she was very innocent at that age, and
Speaker 1: posted a photo of her hanging off of a pole
Speaker 1: in our backyard in a little dress and it was
Speaker 1: like a fireman's poll off of our fort. You could
Speaker 1: only see the poll part right, So what does a
Speaker 1: poll make you think of? He's a stripper? Yeah, So,
Speaker 1: like I had to sort of very carefully talk to
Speaker 1: her about things like that because she didn't have adult eyes.
Speaker 1: So I think at the beginning that she made a
Speaker 1: lot of mistakes. She's still making mistakes, but things because
Speaker 1: I was there, because I was watching, I wouldn't comment
Speaker 1: on the photos. You know that that will freak them
Speaker 1: out and they'll get really upset. But one of her
Speaker 1: friends posted about shoplifting, you know, publicly, and and you
Speaker 1: know things like that, you just sort of talked to
Speaker 1: them about what are you posting? What are you not posting?
Speaker 1: And you know there are real consequences now for this
Speaker 1: generation for college. Um, yes, I say that a lot
Speaker 1: I mean I've really I've heard a lot of stories
Speaker 1: like that, and uh even it happened in in my
Speaker 1: girls school too. Same thing. It's it's they somehow think
Speaker 1: that if it's on their Finsta or insta like, somehow
Speaker 1: that's private enough that it's not going to get out.
Speaker 1: But again with the with the selfies, in the attention
Speaker 1: and this kind of attention on yourself. And believe me that,
Speaker 1: when I see on other teenage girls social media, boys
Speaker 1: saying like you'd be hotter if you had bigger boobs
Speaker 1: or all that kind of stuff, I just like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, it's so hard for them in general. But
Speaker 1: but this leads to you know, even more body images
Speaker 1: and food issues and plastic surgery. Talk about that a
Speaker 1: little because that's another concern. Yeah. So, um, I mean
Speaker 1: the sad thing is they get validated for those bikini shots.
Speaker 1: So you know, if they post a shot that's just
Speaker 1: their friends hanging out or a landscape shot, um, they
Speaker 1: don't get as many likes, they don't get as many comments,
Speaker 1: they get validated for it. So become it becomes this cycle.
Speaker 1: You're going to post more and more to try to
Speaker 1: get people to like you. Um, What they have found though,
Speaker 1: is that posting selfies in and of itself isn't necessarily
Speaker 1: related to any of these negative outcomes. Um you know,
Speaker 1: and it's not necessarily related to lower self esteem or
Speaker 1: body issues. But editing your selfies and sort of obsessively
Speaker 1: thinking about your selfies and taking many those are related
Speaker 1: to negative issues. So one cautionary um thing to talk
Speaker 1: about possibly with young people is talking about editing and
Speaker 1: why they're doing it, and why they're filtering and why
Speaker 1: do they feel the need to look better. And I
Speaker 1: just want to say, by editing, you mean like face
Speaker 1: tune and all these apps that can make exactletely more
Speaker 1: of your image. Yeah, exactly. So those they do find
Speaker 1: that girls who um you know obsess over taking selfies
Speaker 1: and then um face tune or or edit, they they filter,
Speaker 1: they put filters on, etcetera. Those girls have more body
Speaker 1: image issues. And we're also finding it with boys too,
Speaker 1: and you may know with boys at a younger and
Speaker 1: younger age, many of them. We have a little a kid,
Speaker 1: my my my friends kid, he's seven. He's like, I'm
Speaker 1: fat and he's I mean, it's so sad, or where's
Speaker 1: my six pack? Like you know. I mean, the thing is,
Speaker 1: these images are everywhere now, right. They used to be
Speaker 1: in magazines and on TV, but now they're everywhere in
Speaker 1: their lives seven. So they do impact kids in very
Speaker 1: bad ways sometimes, and by the way that it impacts
Speaker 1: me as a as an old lady, because there are
Speaker 1: times when I've had a you know, a picture taken
Speaker 1: to me, or I took a selfie and my daughters
Speaker 1: go right on to face tune and they fix me,
Speaker 1: and I go, don't fix me, don't fix me. I
Speaker 1: don't want to. You know. I remember once we were
Speaker 1: posing as a family on the beach and my daughter
Speaker 1: fixed my body like literally, like all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: had a way said, you know, my legs were longer,
Speaker 1: And I said, don't do that to me, because I
Speaker 1: am proud enough, I'm fine with who I am. I
Speaker 1: don't want to project this image. But it made me
Speaker 1: nervous that that was her, that that's what she wanted
Speaker 1: to do, that was her automatic go to thing with
Speaker 1: the picture. You know, well, the culture is telling her
Speaker 1: that and her peers are, but I mean, ultimately, you're
Speaker 1: the strongest person in her life, so you know, she
Speaker 1: may be going through those teenage years where popularity and
Speaker 1: all that peer influence is very important. But she's going
Speaker 1: to come back to hopefully that strong self esteem that
Speaker 1: you're role modeling. But the majority of people are fine, okay,
Speaker 1: So we're okay there. Yeah, life is okay, it really is.
Speaker 1: And and it's funny because you know, I don't know
Speaker 1: if you've noticed this, but now that they have media seven,
Speaker 1: they're sort of let loose. There are a lot of
Speaker 1: kids that are like, I don't really want to be
Speaker 1: on it today. I'm sick of it. You know. Can
Speaker 1: we do a puzzle? Can we hang out? Um? So
Speaker 1: so odd, We're not there yet. I can't wait. I
Speaker 1: mean I really can't wait. I'm getting nervous because and
Speaker 1: and let me let me just first ask you this.
Speaker 1: With the consumerism that's so inherent in social media, my um,
Speaker 1: teenage girls follow a lot of social influencers, I don't
Speaker 1: know what I do if I had a daughter that
Speaker 1: said I want to be a social influencer person, I
Speaker 1: have to look it up. But then I have. But
Speaker 1: I mean, everywhere there are micro influencers. I have twenty
Speaker 1: undergrads in my lab. I'm pretty sure a few of
Speaker 1: them are trying to be social influencers. Uh, and maybe
Speaker 1: that's a legitimate adlication in the future, and I have
Speaker 1: no reason to judge that, and you know, maybe that
Speaker 1: is so. So I would say, you know what, do
Speaker 1: what are you trying to sell? And if you're trying
Speaker 1: to sell your body, that's a different thing than trying
Speaker 1: to sell your comedy or trying to sell your political
Speaker 1: point of view or trying to sell your your creativity. UM.
Speaker 1: There is a study that I thought was very interesting,
Speaker 1: UM that showed that UM girls who followed. So here's
Speaker 1: something you can do and try it make your girls
Speaker 1: follow like four other leadership type women women that are
Speaker 1: you know, like if you know that are or or
Speaker 1: influencers that are not doing it with their body, So
Speaker 1: that these people start showing up in their feed and
Speaker 1: they have reinforcement and are learning from other sort of
Speaker 1: points of views really smart comedy or Michelle Obama or
Speaker 1: whoever you know, pete role models and and apparently that
Speaker 1: does start to get them thinking about different ways of being.
Speaker 1: But if they're not, if they're only following these sort
Speaker 1: of traditional stereotypical UM influencers that are you know, doing
Speaker 1: the makeup tutorials and all of that. That's all they'll see.
Speaker 1: So you got to get other things into their feet.
Speaker 1: Say okay, it's okay that you do that, as long
Speaker 1: as we talk about it and you sort of we
Speaker 1: can look at a few together and try to understand
Speaker 1: what's Here's what I see? What do you see when
Speaker 1: you see that really sexy picture? Um? And then what
Speaker 1: I want you to put? A few other people, follow
Speaker 1: a few other people. So it's kind of the old
Speaker 1: magazine model, because you know, when you get Marie Claire
Speaker 1: some magazine, you know it's all gorgeous sexy women. But
Speaker 1: then there'll be an article about like Syrian refugees, so
Speaker 1: you feel like, okay, it's not all about how good
Speaker 1: my thighs look. Um. But I think that's a great idea. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've you know, social comparison I
Speaker 1: talked about in my book and Upwards. Social comparison, which
Speaker 1: is when you um look at someone who's ahead of
Speaker 1: you on whatever markers you you know, it could be
Speaker 1: they they're really successful in sports, or they're really gorgeous,
Speaker 1: whatever you you care about, and it can inspire you
Speaker 1: or can make you feel really bad and often it
Speaker 1: can make because you're You're like, I'll never get there.
Speaker 1: I can never do that. I'm too and and it
Speaker 1: you know, I mean all of us are subject to that.
Speaker 1: I'm subject to that all the time. And social media
Speaker 1: puts it on steroids, right, you know, So if you
Speaker 1: can make it, have people that are maybe sort of
Speaker 1: at a level where they might be able to reach U.
Speaker 1: Not about the prize winner, yeah exactly, I mean I
Speaker 1: think of those two. But it's interesting during this pandemic
Speaker 1: with Black Lives Matter that there was kind of a
Speaker 1: shift I noticed with teenage girls especially, but they kind
Speaker 1: of got off themselves for a little while and they
Speaker 1: were becoming little activists. And I think that was also
Speaker 1: because there is a mainstream sort of need and popularity
Speaker 1: about doing that as well. But you know, we can't
Speaker 1: count on movements to come around and sort of have
Speaker 1: our teenagers. I know, I wish we could, though, I'm like,
Speaker 1: why is it not continuing? I mean, I think it is,
Speaker 1: and and honestly, I think this generation, which is amazing,
Speaker 1: this generation um really does care more about social causes
Speaker 1: and social issues, and because of the tools of the Internet,
Speaker 1: more voices are out there. I mean, you know, we
Speaker 1: do work with studios on representation, and you know, we've
Speaker 1: seen that there's a lot of people talking about changing
Speaker 1: representation and changing who the gatekeepers are and really changing
Speaker 1: the executives and they have more voice. I used to
Speaker 1: be a movie executive, and when I was a movie executive,
Speaker 1: we would never talk about that, like nobody considered it
Speaker 1: um And it's so prevalent now. And I think generation
Speaker 1: that's very multicultural under a T is um minority majority minority,
Speaker 1: so people of color. That's fantastic. And I mean, I
Speaker 1: mean you can see it. I mean, I saw a
Speaker 1: shift in the pandemic, but I can also see it
Speaker 1: now on from talking to my kids and their friends
Speaker 1: and what they're watching, that their need now is a
Speaker 1: different thing. You know, they're dphoria. They want they want
Speaker 1: deeper Americans. Yeah, which is a which is a great
Speaker 1: thing to see. And it makes me think that maybe
Speaker 1: this kind of narcissism when it comes to themselves and
Speaker 1: social media will change too. It'll be less about the
Speaker 1: visual and more about the voice, you know what I mean? Please,
Speaker 1: I agree. And we even saw like we looked at
Speaker 1: how many what the top shows were last year versus
Speaker 1: the pandemic and it changed, it completely changed. And All American,
Speaker 1: which is a show I love. UM was not a
Speaker 1: top show last year, but it became a top show
Speaker 1: in the pandemic because people were trying to learn. And
Speaker 1: it's a great show. I mean, it's it's a teen
Speaker 1: show and it deals with all the teen issues. Um.
Speaker 1: You think I'd be selling it or something, but I
Speaker 1: mean I think that. You know, I'm sort of worried
Speaker 1: about the negative, but there are a lot of positive
Speaker 1: things right now about social media in the pandemic. Now,
Speaker 1: a quick word from our sponsors. Welcome back to go
Speaker 1: ask Gali. Let's get back to the discussion. One of
Speaker 1: the things that I saw with my own kids, which
Speaker 1: was so amazing was there was no fomo. My girls
Speaker 1: had no phone. Everybody was in the same boat. They
Speaker 1: weren't missing a sleepover or a party or anything, and
Speaker 1: they were so relaxed. I didn't realized how much that
Speaker 1: consumed our social lives. Yeah, fomo is a bad one.
Speaker 1: And you know again, it's it's social comparison too. That's
Speaker 1: the same thing. Oh, I should be out, I should
Speaker 1: be doing that, I should be with those people. But
Speaker 1: when you don't see that, oh everyone's at home or
Speaker 1: we're only talking one to one or in a little group,
Speaker 1: then you don't you feel better? So yeah, no, foma.
Speaker 1: But also, we actually teach talent at Disney. We teach actors,
Speaker 1: and we teach them life skills. And we did our
Speaker 1: first class with them, and I thought they were going
Speaker 1: to be really upset because they weren't working, and the
Speaker 1: parents were going to be upset. They were so relaxed
Speaker 1: and so happy that they didn't have to go seven.
Speaker 1: They were actually enjoying the family time. So yeah, there's
Speaker 1: a lot of great things. But I mean, you've you've
Speaker 1: seen it to all lots of people are like, you know,
Speaker 1: let's not lose everything when we go back. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: I saw. I mean even George, my husband, and I
Speaker 1: and our kids. Now that things I've opened up a
Speaker 1: little bit in New York, you guys. I know it's
Speaker 1: horrible in California, but things have opened up a little
Speaker 1: bit in New York, and we're having all kinds of
Speaker 1: anxiety about, oh God, do I really want to go
Speaker 1: back out there. I mean, and my teenage girls too,
Speaker 1: Like I didn't even want to go to all these
Speaker 1: parties all the time or I didn't want to, you know,
Speaker 1: so we're that is posing a big challenge. But the
Speaker 1: other positive thing was certainly when we were quarantined, there
Speaker 1: was a lot of uncertainty and fear as there still
Speaker 1: is about what the world is and what it looks like,
Speaker 1: and it's scary. And I think that a lot of
Speaker 1: kids got to go on social media and just watch
Speaker 1: stupid YouTube, you know, TikTok. TikTok, Yeah, TikTok. In fact,
Speaker 1: every time at dinner we would talk about the pandemic
Speaker 1: or something political, my younger daughter would go into this
Speaker 1: weird TikTok trance where she would just like her arms
Speaker 1: would start moving and her head and we go, oh
Speaker 1: my god, we've lost her and she's in TikTok world.
Speaker 1: But that was her safety place, it really was. That's
Speaker 1: where she would go to not think about, you know,
Speaker 1: the end of the world was. You know, we're all
Speaker 1: feeling yeah. And you know, the thing about TikTok, which
Speaker 1: I think is different, definitely different than Instagram, is people
Speaker 1: are willing to sort of you know, look silly and
Speaker 1: do silly things. And those are a lot of things
Speaker 1: that trend. You know, there's a lot less sort of
Speaker 1: positioning of themselves and and it is pure entertainment, and
Speaker 1: you know, people can rise to the top just sort
Speaker 1: of just being who they are. It feels a little
Speaker 1: more authentic. I did notice I had a few friends
Speaker 1: my age and I would look on social media and
Speaker 1: I would see that they were doing a TikTok with
Speaker 1: their kids, you know, and I go, what youre doing?
Speaker 1: She goes, it's a pandemic. I'm losing my mind, you know.
Speaker 1: But I think it was another thing that families were
Speaker 1: We're sharing totally. There are so many people doing dances.
Speaker 1: I mean, my daughter posted several of us. She was like,
Speaker 1: it's a thing, mom, it's trending. Yeah, but it did
Speaker 1: get them. You know, they're so insular with their social
Speaker 1: media that TikTok did sort of open it up a
Speaker 1: little bit. And they're humiliated by their parents, you know,
Speaker 1: doing something with them. Are they able now to or
Speaker 1: have you seen studies where they're able to take social
Speaker 1: cues from being online? Yes? Yeah, they're learning social cues
Speaker 1: from this stuff. I mean, I just did research. I
Speaker 1: released a study earlier this year where we found that
Speaker 1: kids today six grade kids today versus from two thousand
Speaker 1: seventeen versus two thousand and twelve. They can read nonverbal
Speaker 1: emotional cues and photographs expressions of people in photographs better
Speaker 1: than kids before. So, which what that tells you is
Speaker 1: that they're learning from this stuff. Their look at the
Speaker 1: stuff and they're learning. We're not seeing it. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know study about video, but you know we've
Speaker 1: seen we've done studies around television. You do learn, and
Speaker 1: there are certain ages where they can learn it more.
Speaker 1: Um you know, so there's very young children, it's very
Speaker 1: hard for them to learn from video, but as they
Speaker 1: get older, they do. They're they're learning. So that's the
Speaker 1: good news. It's kind of scary sometimes because as I
Speaker 1: said in my book at the end, I don't want
Speaker 1: us to turn into Wally. We're all inside eating and
Speaker 1: only on virtual devices. But the good news is during
Speaker 1: this pandemic, it's helping our teens um and tweens meet
Speaker 1: their developmental needs. And what about empathy. Empathy, you know,
Speaker 1: it is best learned face to face and in real
Speaker 1: life where you can because there are a lot of
Speaker 1: social cues you can't get from even video. Like we're
Speaker 1: doing a study right now, we're actually looking to see
Speaker 1: if you can learn emotional learning more on video, because
Speaker 1: everybody's on video now, so we think the pandemic might
Speaker 1: have changed it, um, you know, but the reality is,
Speaker 1: you know, there's so much more you can learn because
Speaker 1: we from an entire situation, you know, and even like,
Speaker 1: I'm not really looking you in the eyes right now,
Speaker 1: and you're not really looking me in the eyes. And
Speaker 1: it's weird to be looking at myself on camera. There's
Speaker 1: all these weird things that I hope they're not online
Speaker 1: shopping while we're talking. Yeah, exactly, look at that. I
Speaker 1: got commat so so yelled. Can you give me a
Speaker 1: few things as a parent that I should be looking
Speaker 1: for when it comes to my teens and social media
Speaker 1: right now in the pandemic. What are a few things
Speaker 1: that are worrisome? Well, lack of sleep. They could be
Speaker 1: on those TikTok's and social media all night long. Try
Speaker 1: to get the phone out of them. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: if you really see that there's an issue. Sleep has
Speaker 1: the you know, one of the strongest connections to mental
Speaker 1: health issues, UM and anxiety and emotional regulation and all
Speaker 1: sorts of stuff. So and media in the bedroom definitely
Speaker 1: impacts sleep also to that they're just they're not using
Speaker 1: it to socialize, they're not using it to communicate. There's
Speaker 1: a theory called rich get Richer that extroverts use social
Speaker 1: media to connect and have fun. And you know they're
Speaker 1: they're using it in positive ways because it's just another
Speaker 1: communication tool, but there are plenty of people that may
Speaker 1: be using it just to space out. They get more
Speaker 1: and more obsessed about scrolling, scrolling looking at the photos.
Speaker 1: You know, it's not healthy, and you that doesn't mean
Speaker 1: necessarily you take the phone away, because, um, it can
Speaker 1: be something they feel very strongly about that does connect
Speaker 1: them friends, but you really should talk to them about
Speaker 1: it and maybe get treatment, you know, maybe have them talk.
Speaker 1: It's very easy now, it's much easier to do online
Speaker 1: therapy now, so you know things like that that, um,
Speaker 1: you know, if you see issues where they're they're just
Speaker 1: separating and using this tool to isolate versus communicate. Okay,
Speaker 1: and my last question to you, are you giving us
Speaker 1: parents permission to be a little bit lax right now
Speaker 1: that we're in a pandemic with social media totally and
Speaker 1: mostly most importantly, I mean, we you just have to
Speaker 1: understand that they need to be with friends, and as
Speaker 1: painful as that is sometimes you know, in the old
Speaker 1: pre pandemic life when they were on their phones all
Speaker 1: the time or rejecting you because they want to go out,
Speaker 1: that is what they need to do to grow up
Speaker 1: safely and healthy. Because kids under eighteen, if they go
Speaker 1: into solitary confinement, actually impacts their brain development. And that
Speaker 1: is because they need to be around people in a
Speaker 1: way that adults don't. So we are you know, by
Speaker 1: having need you, they're allowed to connect and they they're
Speaker 1: using it to create too. Even if it's not you know,
Speaker 1: even if it's a TikTok, it's still fun and something
Speaker 1: that they're doing. I am totally giving. Mainstream media is
Speaker 1: not interested in, like you know, letting parents off the hook.
Speaker 1: They always want to write about the negative effects, but
Speaker 1: the reality is there's so much research out there that says,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know if you know about the
Speaker 1: study where they looked at mental health and um and
Speaker 1: teens and social media and they found that there's a
Speaker 1: teeny negative effect for people who use social media way
Speaker 1: too much. But it's the same negative effect as eating
Speaker 1: a potato. Is that a negative effect eating exactly eating
Speaker 1: a potato has the same effect on your mental health
Speaker 1: as being on social media. Oh my god, that's so
Speaker 1: much better than I assumed. Yes, it's so much better
Speaker 1: than you assume. It really is that the word doesn't
Speaker 1: get out there. So thank you for giving me this
Speaker 1: opportunity to thank you for being so optimistic. You know,
Speaker 1: I was just like social media was just a way
Speaker 1: into sex trafficking to me. But now I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's okay, it's actually positively making me activists. Okay, thank
Speaker 1: you so much. Um, Dr Yelled the rules, and thank
Speaker 1: you for being with me. And I now that I
Speaker 1: have your email, UM, I feel bad for you because
Speaker 1: I'm going to questions so they're Jesus. Okay, thank god
Speaker 1: for you. I could talk to Dr Yelled at Wolves
Speaker 1: all day about so many different things, but that's the
Speaker 1: end of our time. I would love to get up
Speaker 1: right now, but I have an obese stocks and on
Speaker 1: my lap and I'm afraid if I wake her up,
Speaker 1: she'll bite me. Don't forget to subscribe and follow me
Speaker 1: on my social media on Twitter, Ali e Wentworth and
Speaker 1: Instagram the real Ali Wentworth. Okay, crowmo queen, go ask
Speaker 1: Gali is a production of Shondaland Audio and partnership with
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