1 00:00:10,119 --> 00:00:13,280 Speaker 1: Hi, guys, and welcome to a new episode of Couch 2 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:16,239 Speaker 1: Talks on You Need Therapy. My name is Cat and 3 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,680 Speaker 1: I am the host and couch Talks. If you're new 4 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:20,279 Speaker 1: and you're like, what is couch Talks? What is You 5 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:23,119 Speaker 1: Need Therapy? Couch Docks is the bonus episode of You 6 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,639 Speaker 1: Need Therapy that comes out every single Wednesday, where I 7 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: answer questions that you guys send into me. And if 8 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:29,960 Speaker 1: you have a question that you want to send in 9 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:32,840 Speaker 1: you can do that. You can email that to Catherine 10 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:36,400 Speaker 1: at You Need Therapy podcast dot com and hopefully one 11 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:39,279 Speaker 1: day I can get to your question. Now, remember that 12 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:42,599 Speaker 1: just because this is a podcast where a therapist answering questions, 13 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:45,800 Speaker 1: this is an actually therapy. However, it might push you 14 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 1: to go get some therapy and engage in therapy if 15 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:50,800 Speaker 1: that's something that you feel called to do after listening 16 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:54,120 Speaker 1: to some of this. Usually I answer to questions that 17 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,400 Speaker 1: I get, um like direct emails that I get from 18 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,320 Speaker 1: you guys. I say usually, but I feel like I 19 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:01,240 Speaker 1: do it like half the time. That's the goal. That 20 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:04,600 Speaker 1: was like the idea behind this episode. But today what 21 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,520 Speaker 1: I'm gonna do is I'm gonna answer one question that's 22 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,720 Speaker 1: just a direct email from you, guys, and then I'm 23 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:10,880 Speaker 1: going to just address something that I've been getting a 24 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:13,800 Speaker 1: lot of, and that is because this question keeps on 25 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,720 Speaker 1: popping up in sessions, in conversations with friends, and then 26 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:18,600 Speaker 1: I'm getting a bunch of emails around the same thing. 27 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:21,800 Speaker 1: And then the question I'm going to answer is longer, 28 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,000 Speaker 1: and I want to have time to really dig into it. 29 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:28,080 Speaker 1: But the question that I keep getting from literally everywhere 30 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,280 Speaker 1: is how do I know the difference between engaging and 31 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:34,200 Speaker 1: diet culture, engaging in my eating disorder behaviors, engaging in 32 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:37,920 Speaker 1: restriction or any of that, and honoring you know, food 33 00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:40,600 Speaker 1: freedom or intuitive eating, or honoring my body and listening 34 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,679 Speaker 1: to what I actually want, or living into a more 35 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:46,960 Speaker 1: recovery base lifestyle when you're coming out of an eating disorder. 36 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:50,840 Speaker 1: And the reason I am not answering just one specific 37 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:53,280 Speaker 1: email on this is because I've gotten this question a 38 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,760 Speaker 1: million times, but like phrase in different ways, and that's 39 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:58,560 Speaker 1: basically what encompasses all of it. It's not something that 40 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:03,440 Speaker 1: I can easily just talk about super generally because it 41 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:08,240 Speaker 1: is specific to what your body needs, specific to what 42 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,600 Speaker 1: you like and what you dislike. It's specific to the 43 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:14,960 Speaker 1: messaging that you've been exposed to. It's specific to you. 44 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 1: But what I do want to say is, while I'm 45 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:21,240 Speaker 1: so grateful for all the content that has been pushed 46 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:24,320 Speaker 1: in put out there by all these people that are 47 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,440 Speaker 1: mostly well meaning people, a lot gets lost in translation 48 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:31,560 Speaker 1: because you can't really simply talk about what a needing 49 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:35,320 Speaker 1: disorder is or how to recover from it, or there's 50 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 1: nuance to it, and there's so much to it. I mean, 51 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,720 Speaker 1: we've tried to give you someone on one and background here, 52 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:42,799 Speaker 1: but even when it comes to recovery, there's a podcast 53 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,800 Speaker 1: that Amy Brown and Lisa hayim Do called Outweigh, And 54 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,240 Speaker 1: the reason that's a whole podcast is because there's so 55 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,280 Speaker 1: much to it. It's not just a one episode thing. 56 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,720 Speaker 1: So this is not just like a five minute answer thing. 57 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 1: But what I do want to express to you guys 58 00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:00,400 Speaker 1: is that there is not just one way to recover. 59 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:05,200 Speaker 1: And because recovery and in living into your own freedom 60 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 1: when it comes to food is so individual. What works 61 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 1: from one person isn't going to work from another person, 62 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 1: And what one person eats and how they move their 63 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 1: body is not going to be what you need to 64 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:18,840 Speaker 1: do for you to find recovery. And I also believe 65 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 1: that diet culture has hijacked behaviors and beliefs and things 66 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,320 Speaker 1: that are good for us, but it's hijacked them, and 67 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:28,519 Speaker 1: it's taken enough truth and then it's like spun them 68 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:31,440 Speaker 1: just a little bit, where then it feels like we're 69 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 1: doing something wrong if we're trying to go against diet 70 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:36,920 Speaker 1: culture and then engaging those things. And the easiest example 71 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,680 Speaker 1: I have for that is kale. Like diet culture has 72 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:43,280 Speaker 1: like pulled kale over to the dark side and is 73 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 1: basically even like, this is a super food and you 74 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,440 Speaker 1: should be eating this kale salad and blah blah and 75 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 1: all this stuff, but also you should be juicing your 76 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 1: kale and you should be doing all that. And at 77 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:54,920 Speaker 1: the same time, kale does realistically offer us a lot 78 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,920 Speaker 1: of nutrients and nutrition, and so it is something that 79 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:01,240 Speaker 1: can be really helpful for somebody to incorporate into their 80 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 1: own individual diet. And I don't mean diet in a 81 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 1: weight loss sense. I mean just like the regiment of 82 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 1: food that you might incorporate into your your life. But 83 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:13,040 Speaker 1: then when you're picking a kale salad at a restaurant, 84 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 1: it's very confusing and my picking this kale salad because 85 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,880 Speaker 1: diet culture is popping in, because kale salad and diet 86 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:21,200 Speaker 1: culture go right hand in hand. Are I picking this 87 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:23,400 Speaker 1: kale salad because I actually really like it and I 88 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,240 Speaker 1: feel really good when I eat it? But I do? 89 00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:27,200 Speaker 1: I just feel really good when I eat it because 90 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:29,520 Speaker 1: diet culture says that all feel better. And so it's 91 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,920 Speaker 1: a whole mind game. And so I say that because 92 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,480 Speaker 1: we then we we push ourselves to the opposite side 93 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,400 Speaker 1: and we're like, no, I can't have the kale salad 94 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:38,760 Speaker 1: because kale salads diet culture. So I have to have 95 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,240 Speaker 1: the burger and the fries. And while the burger and 96 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,640 Speaker 1: fries is totally okay for you to have, do you 97 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,840 Speaker 1: really want the burger and fries? Are you just choosing 98 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:49,920 Speaker 1: that because you're trying to go against diet culture. And 99 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:53,240 Speaker 1: so it becomes this fight between diet culture and like 100 00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:57,240 Speaker 1: intuitive eating or like all that the opposite of diet culture, 101 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:01,960 Speaker 1: rather than a desire for you to tune in to 102 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:05,640 Speaker 1: what you really truly want and need regardless of all 103 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 1: of that stuff. So then it becomes less of a 104 00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:11,479 Speaker 1: fight against diet culture and more of a gift to 105 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,280 Speaker 1: yourself to pay attention to yourself and honor yourself and 106 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:17,480 Speaker 1: give yourself what you need. So I don't know that 107 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:20,600 Speaker 1: I'm fully answering everybody's questions, but I did want to 108 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,839 Speaker 1: address that because it takes a lot of work to 109 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 1: figure that out. And even in therapy when I'm working 110 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,440 Speaker 1: with clients, it takes a lot of work for us 111 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 1: to really figure that out. Because it likes you. You You 112 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:32,120 Speaker 1: have to go back to the basics. You have to 113 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: really sit with yourself, and it might take a while. 114 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:37,039 Speaker 1: Do I like black coffee or am I drinking black 115 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:40,680 Speaker 1: coffee because it has less calories? Or do I like 116 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:42,880 Speaker 1: coffee with creamer in it? Or am I only drinking 117 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,320 Speaker 1: coffee and creamer in it because I want to go 118 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,560 Speaker 1: against diet culture and diet culture tells me that I 119 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:49,839 Speaker 1: shouldn't have creamer in my coffee. Am I drinking almond 120 00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:51,880 Speaker 1: milk because I like almond milk? Am I drinking almond 121 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:54,599 Speaker 1: milk because it has less calories in it? And diet 122 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:58,560 Speaker 1: culture says that dairy is bad? Or am I drinking 123 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,359 Speaker 1: almond milk because I really really I get or maybe 124 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,960 Speaker 1: dairy doesn't sit well with me because food sensitivities are real. 125 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,440 Speaker 1: So there's a lot in that, but it takes time 126 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,919 Speaker 1: and it takes nuance. And you know, intuitive eating is 127 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,640 Speaker 1: not just one step. It's a combination of ten principles. 128 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,479 Speaker 1: And yet one of those principles is reject the diet 129 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:21,600 Speaker 1: mentality and you know, challenge the food police and all 130 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:25,240 Speaker 1: of that stuff. But also one of the principles is 131 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 1: honoring your health, which is also gentle nutrition, So making 132 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,200 Speaker 1: food choices that honor your health and taste buds while 133 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:35,160 Speaker 1: also making you feel good. And so it's not always 134 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:39,280 Speaker 1: going to honor your health to choose the thing that 135 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 1: is that big fight against diet culture. And that's where 136 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 1: I'm saying, diet culture has like hijacked things, and it's 137 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 1: also not always going to honor your health to go 138 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:51,120 Speaker 1: with diet culture. And so there is a part of 139 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:55,479 Speaker 1: intuitive eating that says, hey, maybe I'm not choosing the 140 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,680 Speaker 1: food that I just want to eat all the time 141 00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,800 Speaker 1: every day. I don't know that maybe that's a donut. 142 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 1: Maybe you want to have a donut every you wanna 143 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:04,720 Speaker 1: have like five donuts every single morning. Okay, Well that's 144 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:08,760 Speaker 1: not gentle nutrition. That wouldn't be giving your body all 145 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:12,120 Speaker 1: of the nutrition that it fully needs to function, although 146 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 1: it does reject diet culture. So we're gonna sit that there. 147 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:20,040 Speaker 1: What I think I'm gonna do because I said I 148 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,520 Speaker 1: was going to make this part shorter because I wanted 149 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 1: to get into the other question. But I think what 150 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:25,800 Speaker 1: I would do now that I've started talking about it 151 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:30,240 Speaker 1: is bring Crystal back on. She owns Horizon Nutrition Counseling, 152 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:33,800 Speaker 1: and she has been on the podcast twice before, but 153 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 1: I think it would be really helpful to hear her 154 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:39,280 Speaker 1: talk about this in in more depth way full circle. 155 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:43,040 Speaker 1: So I am going to answer your questions. We're gonna 156 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,640 Speaker 1: really talk about intuitive eating and all that and gives 157 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:47,440 Speaker 1: some more in depth information about how do I know 158 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 1: the difference between fighting diet culture and honoring myself. Okay, 159 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,280 Speaker 1: let's get to the second question. I have a question 160 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,440 Speaker 1: I hope you'll answer on couch Talk someday. I'm especially 161 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:08,040 Speaker 1: interested in your thoughts since you identify as a Christian. 162 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:12,440 Speaker 1: My parents are evangelical Christians. They take the Great Commission 163 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:14,920 Speaker 1: very seriously, and they see their ultimate purpose on earth 164 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:18,000 Speaker 1: to share their gospel and convert others to Christianity. We 165 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 1: live in the Bible Belt. I was raised Baptist, then nondenominational, 166 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,440 Speaker 1: but basically Baptist. The church was never really a place 167 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:27,800 Speaker 1: where I found in quotes God. During college, I quit 168 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,200 Speaker 1: going and have since continued to become more and more 169 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,719 Speaker 1: disconnected from the actual church. My husband and I were 170 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,440 Speaker 1: briefly involved in a church pre pandemic, but I never 171 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,360 Speaker 1: fell at home or like I got much out of 172 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,480 Speaker 1: being there. We have since decided that it's not a 173 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 1: place that we want to invest our limited family time. 174 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,559 Speaker 1: For us, Sundays are a time we want to spend 175 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 1: together outdoors, weather permitting, engaging with each other in nature. Recently, 176 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,439 Speaker 1: I've been making time to go on walks by myself, 177 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,440 Speaker 1: without my phone or any distractions, and that feels like 178 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:59,040 Speaker 1: my church. I know organized religion can be and is 179 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,800 Speaker 1: for my parents a very important and helpful source of community, 180 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,960 Speaker 1: but I just don't think it's for me and the 181 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 1: family my husband I are creating. I am fine with this, 182 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,719 Speaker 1: despite it being counter to the norm where I live 183 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,880 Speaker 1: in the South. I have two daughters, and I'm feeling 184 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,440 Speaker 1: a lot of pressure from my parents to take my 185 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:17,000 Speaker 1: girls to church and educate them in Christianity so they 186 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 1: can be quote Saved from eternal damnation. I get that 187 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,479 Speaker 1: it's so important and a life and death thing for them. 188 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,280 Speaker 1: I love them, and I know they love me. How 189 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,880 Speaker 1: can I respectfully explain that I don't believe the things 190 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:31,319 Speaker 1: that they do. I'm afraid being honest would send them 191 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 1: into a panicked crusade intervention type situation. While I don't 192 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,600 Speaker 1: mind them taking my girls to church occasionally or telling 193 00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:40,280 Speaker 1: them Bible stories, I don't want them to be inundated 194 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:43,720 Speaker 1: with their religion that seems, at least to me, rooted 195 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:46,640 Speaker 1: in fear of death. I respect your opinions and thought 196 00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:50,880 Speaker 1: process and hope to hear your thoughts soon. Okay, So 197 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,640 Speaker 1: a lot to discuss here, a lot to unpack, and 198 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:56,880 Speaker 1: I want to say before we get into the meat 199 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,000 Speaker 1: of this, that this can be applied to way more 200 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:02,320 Speaker 1: than spirituality and religion. So if you're somebody you're like, 201 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:05,080 Speaker 1: this is a question, Really isn't for me? Guess what? Yes, 202 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,680 Speaker 1: it is, because you'll see as we keep going what 203 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,160 Speaker 1: this really has to do with now. I believe our 204 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:13,080 Speaker 1: spiritual lives are sacred and personal, and we get and 205 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:16,040 Speaker 1: have permission to define those the way that feels right 206 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:19,880 Speaker 1: and true to us. Faith is a deeply personal experience, 207 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,600 Speaker 1: and like most things in life, what works for one 208 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:25,840 Speaker 1: person won't necessarily work for the person next to you. 209 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,720 Speaker 1: And I kind of was talking about that with the 210 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,120 Speaker 1: whole eating stuff and into it a eating and all. 211 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,360 Speaker 1: That's not a one size fits all. Most things are not. 212 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 1: So what I'm not gonna do. I'm not going to 213 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,840 Speaker 1: talk about or go into my own belief system and 214 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:41,400 Speaker 1: how my relationship God works because of literally just that 215 00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:45,080 Speaker 1: it's personal and my journey may not be what you 216 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:48,079 Speaker 1: need or what anybody else needs to hear. We get 217 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:51,360 Speaker 1: to identify that for ourselves, and so I want anybody 218 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,880 Speaker 1: who is struggling with how to do the right thing 219 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,240 Speaker 1: when it comes to spirituality and faith, guess what, There's 220 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,240 Speaker 1: not a right and wrong. There really isn't. It's such 221 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:02,679 Speaker 1: a personal thing. Now you're can have help processing it 222 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,880 Speaker 1: to figure out what you believe versus what you feel 223 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,880 Speaker 1: like you're being pushed to believe. But I don't think 224 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 1: that I need to share what my personal beliefs are 225 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,840 Speaker 1: because that doesn't really have to apply to you guys 226 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 1: at all. Now. I do believe that a lot of 227 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,440 Speaker 1: people attempt to care and protect others by pushing their 228 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:20,160 Speaker 1: own belief system onto them. That is, because if you 229 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,920 Speaker 1: think that this is the way to salvation, then you 230 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:24,720 Speaker 1: want to make sure that the people you love get 231 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:27,600 Speaker 1: to have that. Religion is taught kind of like facts, 232 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 1: where faith and spirituality are experiences more so. And I 233 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:33,280 Speaker 1: did a whole episode of spirituality and faith and religion 234 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,360 Speaker 1: with my friend Tara, And if this is something that 235 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,120 Speaker 1: is super interesting to you or you're trying to figure 236 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:40,400 Speaker 1: out your own stuff, I would recommend go listening to that. 237 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:42,800 Speaker 1: And one of my favorite things that Tara said in 238 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,760 Speaker 1: that episode is I was asking her to define the 239 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,960 Speaker 1: difference between faith and religion, and she was like, well, 240 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:52,000 Speaker 1: it's kind of like school, right, So school and education, 241 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,000 Speaker 1: So you might go to school every single day for 242 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,880 Speaker 1: twelve years, but it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to 243 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:01,960 Speaker 1: learn anything versus gaining the magication that's the learning things. 244 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:06,959 Speaker 1: So where religion might be like the church and you 245 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,400 Speaker 1: might go to that and and every single day, it 246 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:14,319 Speaker 1: doesn't mean you're actually gaining an education or a faith. Right. 247 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,960 Speaker 1: I'm probably not explaining that as well as she had, 248 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 1: So go listen to that episode. Now, if we take 249 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:24,440 Speaker 1: the concept of religion out of this conversation. Right, This 250 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:29,760 Speaker 1: comes down to a issue of or a fear of, 251 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:33,800 Speaker 1: or a problem with people pleasing and coping with your 252 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:38,280 Speaker 1: feelings around people pleasing or not pleasing people. So you asked, 253 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:41,240 Speaker 1: how can I respectfully explain that I don't believe the 254 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:44,120 Speaker 1: things that they do? I'm afraid that being honest would 255 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:48,200 Speaker 1: send them into a panicked crusade intervention type situation. All right, Well, 256 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 1: I would bet just by reading this email that you 257 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,599 Speaker 1: sent me, I would bet that you know how to 258 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:56,800 Speaker 1: respectfully tell them this. You sound super calm, You sound 259 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:00,280 Speaker 1: very rational, You sound extremely kind and understanding by the 260 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:03,440 Speaker 1: way that your email was written. So unless you just 261 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:07,559 Speaker 1: like really tapped into some like alter identity there, I 262 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:09,800 Speaker 1: just don't know that this is actually the question that 263 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:13,280 Speaker 1: you're really trying to get answered, or this is really 264 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 1: the question that you need to to ask yourself. I 265 00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:19,960 Speaker 1: wonder if these might these questions and I'm about to say, 266 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,440 Speaker 1: might be more fitting. So how can I speak my 267 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:25,760 Speaker 1: truth and honor my needs when they most likely will 268 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 1: bump up against what my parents want for me? Or 269 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,040 Speaker 1: how about how can I cope with my family being 270 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:35,200 Speaker 1: disappointed or fearful or fill in the blank. Now, the 271 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 1: truth here is that it is so hard sometimes to 272 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:42,760 Speaker 1: put into practice that other people's feelings are not our responsibility. 273 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:47,200 Speaker 1: And with that also neither are the responses to us 274 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:51,199 Speaker 1: honoring the truth of our needs and desires. It's hard 275 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,920 Speaker 1: to really really put that into practice. But the truth is, 276 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,480 Speaker 1: I'm gonna say that again, other people's feelings are not 277 00:13:56,520 --> 00:14:00,520 Speaker 1: a responsibility, and the responses to us honoring our truth 278 00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:04,199 Speaker 1: and our needs and our desires is also not on us. 279 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,840 Speaker 1: You don't have to understand or agree with someone to 280 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:12,400 Speaker 1: respect and cope with their behavior or their choices. And 281 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:15,080 Speaker 1: while you cannot force your family to understand or know that, 282 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:17,160 Speaker 1: you can know that. And I really really want you 283 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:20,000 Speaker 1: to know that I would encourage you. And this goes 284 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:23,920 Speaker 1: to anybody or anyone who might be experiencing um something similar. 285 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,600 Speaker 1: Maybe this isn't about religion, but it's about just in general, 286 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:29,840 Speaker 1: how to raise your kids, or your style, or even 287 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:32,240 Speaker 1: like how you want to spend your time or your 288 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:36,360 Speaker 1: work life balance, literally anything. Look for resources to help 289 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,280 Speaker 1: you ground and cope and accept the feelings that pop 290 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,800 Speaker 1: up when you know your choices and beliefs won't be 291 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,520 Speaker 1: fully accepted and understood. We're all going to have an 292 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 1: experience like that at some point in our life. So 293 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,440 Speaker 1: I want you to look at resources that can help 294 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:53,560 Speaker 1: cope with the like uncomfortable ality of somebody else being 295 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,640 Speaker 1: uncomfortable by your choice. That could be a million things. 296 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 1: It could be processing with friends, it could be journal 297 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,760 Speaker 1: and it could be going on walks. It can be 298 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 1: some kind of prayer, it can be any kind of anything. 299 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,640 Speaker 1: There's so many things, So look for resources to help you. 300 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:10,960 Speaker 1: And then the other thing that is going to be 301 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,760 Speaker 1: pretty important here is what kind of boundaries do you 302 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,120 Speaker 1: need for yourself in order to not make other people's 303 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:19,600 Speaker 1: feelings your responsibility? And that one's a big one, Like 304 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,360 Speaker 1: what kind of internal boundaries do I need for myself 305 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:25,080 Speaker 1: so I don't go straight into people pleasing mode? And 306 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:28,120 Speaker 1: speaking of people pleasing, I did a whole episode on 307 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:30,880 Speaker 1: people pleasing, and I honestly think it was like the 308 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,800 Speaker 1: number one downloaded episode if you just searched like people 309 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 1: pleasing and in the search thing on your podcast with 310 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,720 Speaker 1: Aubrey Henderson. I don't know exactly what episode is, but 311 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,720 Speaker 1: we did that sometimes. I think it was this year, yeah, 312 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:47,320 Speaker 1: sometime in and she gives us a whole rundown of 313 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,800 Speaker 1: how to stop people pleasing and a lot of tips 314 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,520 Speaker 1: and a lot of help and a lot of insight there. 315 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 1: Aubrey is awesome. You can follow her at a with 316 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,560 Speaker 1: four h is b r E. She's really really awesome. 317 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 1: She is a coach and she's also a coach that 318 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,440 Speaker 1: went to counseling school. She went to the same program 319 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:04,640 Speaker 1: I did. I really trust her and value her and 320 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 1: everything that she does. But this is the other Like 321 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,720 Speaker 1: this is a big one, Like I don't know that. 322 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:12,440 Speaker 1: The question is like how do I respectfully tell them this? 323 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,720 Speaker 1: Because I think you know how to do that? And 324 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:17,280 Speaker 1: that goes to anybody who's stuggling with how to respectfully 325 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:19,720 Speaker 1: state my needs? You know what. I think that if 326 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,800 Speaker 1: we think about it enough, we really actually know the 327 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,480 Speaker 1: answer to that. And that's not what we're wondering. It's like, 328 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,960 Speaker 1: what do we do when other people don't respect us? 329 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:31,280 Speaker 1: Because I can say something respectfully, it doesn't mean somebody's 330 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:34,640 Speaker 1: going to respect that. So then what do I What 331 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:37,640 Speaker 1: kind of boundaries do I need to help not put 332 00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:40,840 Speaker 1: me into this back and forth people pleasing situation so 333 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:44,160 Speaker 1: then I don't end up not honoring myself and essentially 334 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,920 Speaker 1: abandoning what my needs are to make somebody else more comfortable, 335 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:49,760 Speaker 1: and then how do I ground myself through that? Because 336 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 1: it's hard freaking work. So there is that. If you 337 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,200 Speaker 1: have any faul up questions to that, let me know. 338 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:59,640 Speaker 1: You know, maybe maybe we'll do two whole episodes on 339 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:02,520 Speaker 1: both of the questions. Maybe we won't, but I definitely 340 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,919 Speaker 1: gonna get Crystalline to help with the first one because 341 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 1: she's so freaking smart and it's so helpful to have 342 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,919 Speaker 1: um conversations around that stuff and to hear what she 343 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:14,240 Speaker 1: has to say always. So thank you guys for your questions. 344 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:16,040 Speaker 1: Thank you for the person who sent that last one, 345 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,000 Speaker 1: and then all the people that have been asking about 346 00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:21,760 Speaker 1: the first question, and yeah, I appreciate you guys. If 347 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 1: you have any other questions of your own, remember Catherine 348 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:28,639 Speaker 1: at you Need Therapy podcast dot com. And if you 349 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,560 Speaker 1: don't follow us, go ahead and do that. You can 350 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,239 Speaker 1: follow me at cat dot de fata and you can 351 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:37,480 Speaker 1: follow the podcast at at you Need Therapy Podcast And 352 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:41,680 Speaker 1: side note, it would make my day if you would 353 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,879 Speaker 1: rate and review the podcast. Takes like two seconds to 354 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,800 Speaker 1: scroll to the bottom click five stars. If you feel 355 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,800 Speaker 1: inclined and leave a little comment. Tell me what you 356 00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:52,760 Speaker 1: like about the podcast, and if there's stuff you don't like, 357 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:57,640 Speaker 1: please send that to me. Speaking of that, if there's 358 00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,960 Speaker 1: things you don't like, when I say that, I mean 359 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:03,320 Speaker 1: email it to me. I love the constructive criticism I 360 00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:06,760 Speaker 1: actually got. I meant to talk about this, and we're 361 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,040 Speaker 1: just gonna do it now. I got an email a 362 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:12,680 Speaker 1: couple months ago from a listener. It was so freaking kind. 363 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:14,680 Speaker 1: I think I talked about this. It was just the 364 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,640 Speaker 1: kindest email with some really constructive feedback that didn't feel 365 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,560 Speaker 1: good to read but also was needed. And you know, 366 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 1: I like to know how sometimes I'm being received because 367 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,679 Speaker 1: I can't know things that I'm doing that are are 368 00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:31,879 Speaker 1: hurtful or harmful if nobody brings them to my attention 369 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:33,920 Speaker 1: and I don't see them, which I wish I saw 370 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:36,199 Speaker 1: all of that, but I just I have limitations as 371 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,359 Speaker 1: a human, even as the therapist, I'm a human. I 372 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:40,440 Speaker 1: have limitations. So they gave me this email and I 373 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,720 Speaker 1: took it to heart. I didn't reply to them, although 374 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,879 Speaker 1: I think I'm going to now that i'm thinking about it. Well, 375 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:48,840 Speaker 1: I got another email from them recently that just said like, hey, 376 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:52,160 Speaker 1: I've noticed that you've worked on this, and I think 377 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:54,840 Speaker 1: it's really admirable. And I don't know exactly what she said, 378 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:58,439 Speaker 1: but it made my day. It really did, because I 379 00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 1: try my best to be helpful obviously, that's why this 380 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,199 Speaker 1: I created, this podcast is to help people, and so 381 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,840 Speaker 1: I never want to offend or hurt people in the podcast. 382 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:08,840 Speaker 1: So if there's something I'm saying, or if there's a 383 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:11,639 Speaker 1: language I'm using that it's just like not great. I 384 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 1: like to know that. Now I get to like actually 385 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,000 Speaker 1: read the emails and see, Okay, how much of this 386 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:18,720 Speaker 1: is truth and how much do I really want to 387 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,439 Speaker 1: sit in and and and make my truth? But this 388 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,040 Speaker 1: one really was truth, and so I just want to 389 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,880 Speaker 1: let you guys know that don't be afraid to help me, 390 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 1: because that's going to help me be able to help 391 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:33,160 Speaker 1: other people more So, just maybe don't write a really 392 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:36,040 Speaker 1: mean review on the podcast page. That's just me. If 393 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,679 Speaker 1: you won't have to do that, then maybe don't we 394 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,399 Speaker 1: have another avenue anyway, If you want to leave a review, 395 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,760 Speaker 1: please do it. I would appreciate it and thank you 396 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,679 Speaker 1: guys for being the humans that you are. And I 397 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,440 Speaker 1: hope that you guys have the day you need to have. 398 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:49,880 Speaker 1: I'll talk to you guys on Monday.