1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,240 Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the 2 00:00:02,279 --> 00:00:05,680 Speaker 1: Death of Me, a production of I Heart Radio. Hi, 3 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:07,760 Speaker 1: this is Chelsea Handler and you're listening to Life Will 4 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,960 Speaker 1: Be the Death of Me podcast, which is about me 5 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:13,840 Speaker 1: having life beat the Death of Me. I guess it's well, 6 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:17,240 Speaker 1: it happens to everybody, so just watch your back. Anyway, 7 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:20,040 Speaker 1: I went on the road. I started my book tour, 8 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:22,720 Speaker 1: which is unlike any tour I've done because I'm having 9 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:25,159 Speaker 1: um interviewers in different cities interview me. So I'm going 10 00:00:25,239 --> 00:00:27,479 Speaker 1: to share with you one of my first shows, which 11 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:30,520 Speaker 1: was in Washington, d C. At the Warner Theater with 12 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:33,240 Speaker 1: my friend Jake Tapper, who interviewed me, which was great. 13 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:35,360 Speaker 1: A because he's a journalist and so he's really good 14 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:38,960 Speaker 1: at interviewing people. But be because he's a friend of mine, 15 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:43,160 Speaker 1: and I don't have a ton of professional friends, so 16 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,360 Speaker 1: I consider him to be a professional friend, even though 17 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:50,479 Speaker 1: I've seen him be unprofessional. Uh So, this is kind 18 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:52,760 Speaker 1: of the first conversation for my book tour to kind 19 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 1: of talk to everybody about the themes of the book 20 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:58,840 Speaker 1: and all of the issues in the book that resonated 21 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:01,640 Speaker 1: with people, and where I was when I started writing 22 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,640 Speaker 1: it where I am now and um, where Jake Tapper 23 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:08,760 Speaker 1: and I are going, I'm gonna bring out my buddy 24 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:12,080 Speaker 1: that it wasn't that kind enough to say yes, uh 25 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:16,120 Speaker 1: to interview me tonight for this book. And he's interviewed 26 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,959 Speaker 1: me before. I've met him several times, and I like 27 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:19,840 Speaker 1: him a lot, and I know everybody in this room 28 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:35,440 Speaker 1: likes him. To Please welcome Jake Tapper for everyone. So 29 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 1: the you know, Bob Muller followed his report right, and 30 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:44,840 Speaker 1: my love is not conditional, Jake. I'm waiting to see 31 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 1: the full report. I know what you're implying, and I'm 32 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:51,960 Speaker 1: I believe in him, and we may not get what 33 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:55,040 Speaker 1: we want when we want it, but I will continue 34 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,800 Speaker 1: to believe in him until I'm proven to be wrong. 35 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:01,840 Speaker 1: This is a true and undying love. It's an unrequited love, 36 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:04,520 Speaker 1: is what it is. As far as we know. I 37 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:09,720 Speaker 1: mean that we don't know, Bob. Somebody told me backstage, 38 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,760 Speaker 1: or somebody told me a dinner who that his nickname 39 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:18,240 Speaker 1: is three Sticks, and I was like really, and she's like, yeah, 40 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,720 Speaker 1: three Sticks, you know because Robert Mueller the third I'm like, 41 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 1: oh yeah, yeah, yeah, of course it's like, that's that 42 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,359 Speaker 1: information I need at this point with my relationship. Like 43 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:32,240 Speaker 1: I'm already crushing hard. I don't need to be visualizing 44 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:36,320 Speaker 1: that sort of equation. Where did this thing come from 45 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 1: that he has a six packer in a pack? Where 46 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 1: did Why do you think he sees a marine and 47 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:43,200 Speaker 1: they don't let themselves go and he's and I've seen 48 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,480 Speaker 1: when he walks with his jacket swinging, the way it 49 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:51,680 Speaker 1: swings around. There's stuff under there and you see the 50 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:53,960 Speaker 1: six pack or eight pack. I know what's going on 51 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,760 Speaker 1: underneath men's shirts. Yes, you can tell by the rest 52 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,520 Speaker 1: of his body. Just trust me, it's there. Okay, if 53 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,920 Speaker 1: we ever see him with a belly, I'll pay you. 54 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,360 Speaker 1: Do you want to? I want. I want you to 55 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 1: be happy. I want it to be right. I'm just 56 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 1: I just I thought maybe somebody had photoshop something and 57 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:16,600 Speaker 1: sent it to you and you thought it was real. Okay, No, 58 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:25,720 Speaker 1: I don't get fake news. Good good, Well. I read 59 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,919 Speaker 1: the book and it's great, it's very's this is your 60 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 1: six book, correct six book, and um and uh, it's intense. 61 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,880 Speaker 1: It's not all comedy, it's not all laughs. It's and 62 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 1: I want to get to some of the intense stuff. 63 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,800 Speaker 1: So you got Joe Biden. I really want to know 64 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:46,720 Speaker 1: what you think about Joe Biden. Um, I am so 65 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 1: burnt out from this whole you know, situation and the 66 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:54,000 Speaker 1: mid terms that I want to be really ready to 67 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 1: rumble in when we do have a real election. So 68 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,240 Speaker 1: I'm not paying attention to any of this noise right now. 69 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 1: Other you know, I'm reading the news, I'm not listening. 70 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:05,560 Speaker 1: I'm just burnt out and I want my life back 71 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,120 Speaker 1: before I have to really hit the pain, before we 72 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,520 Speaker 1: all have to hit the pavement. So I'm not getting 73 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,520 Speaker 1: excited about candidates. Let them figure out who's the candidate. 74 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 1: At this point, I will take a rock, So you 75 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:20,479 Speaker 1: know what I mean. Did you have any reaction to 76 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:23,200 Speaker 1: this story a few weeks ago of of of women 77 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:26,680 Speaker 1: coming forward saying that that Joe Biden had, you know, 78 00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 1: touch their shoulders and ways, Because what I think, here's 79 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,560 Speaker 1: what I think about that. Sorry to interrupt you, but 80 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:35,640 Speaker 1: you know how good I am at that. I think 81 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,800 Speaker 1: that people who come forward with stories about having your 82 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:42,240 Speaker 1: hair blown on diminish real victims who have actually had 83 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:46,599 Speaker 1: sexual assaults and been a victim to sexual assault. And 84 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,240 Speaker 1: we're losing we're losing the plot of this conversation, and 85 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 1: we're all kind of sacrificing each other. So I really 86 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 1: wish people would get over things that aren't going to 87 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:59,719 Speaker 1: damage you for the rest of your life. And and 88 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:03,800 Speaker 1: we're spect the people who have been through something. Um. 89 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:06,080 Speaker 1: So there are a few things in this book that 90 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,640 Speaker 1: we're just interesting little revelations that I didn't know. One 91 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,839 Speaker 1: of them actually is a quality that you have that 92 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:13,800 Speaker 1: I actually share, which is you have a very keen 93 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,719 Speaker 1: sense of smell, you write in the book, and I 94 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,680 Speaker 1: have that as well, and it is a curse. It's 95 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:21,320 Speaker 1: so annoying. It's the worst thing in the world. It's 96 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 1: so annoying because as soon as somebody like I'd prefer 97 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:28,039 Speaker 1: bo than perfume, when people wear perfume, I want to 98 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 1: hit them. You know. I don't like fragrance and flowery 99 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,800 Speaker 1: smells obviously, and I don't like I don't know I 100 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,599 Speaker 1: have it, but I've yeah, I have a real problem 101 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,599 Speaker 1: with smell. It's almost like the gross smells that really 102 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,920 Speaker 1: gross everybody else out. I don't have a problem with, 103 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:46,919 Speaker 1: like deviled eggs, I'm fine with, or like like you know, 104 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:49,960 Speaker 1: I don't know what's another bad smell that comes out 105 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,400 Speaker 1: of their fridge, Like I can handle that spoiled milk 106 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:56,680 Speaker 1: or something like that. Can you can? You just it's 107 00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:59,839 Speaker 1: just such a horrible quality to have. Just this ability 108 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:04,279 Speaker 1: to smell things on doesn't trigger you. It's just when 109 00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:07,320 Speaker 1: I I you're the only the second person I've met 110 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:10,880 Speaker 1: that that that acknowledges having this smell that grosses you 111 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 1: out the most. Um, you know, just anything having to 112 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:21,279 Speaker 1: do with the digestive system, anything, anything gastro intestinal. Well, yeah, 113 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:25,000 Speaker 1: no one, that's not ideal for any of us. But 114 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,320 Speaker 1: one time I interviewed a guy in these and and 115 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:30,359 Speaker 1: it was like he has poop in his pocket or something. 116 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,000 Speaker 1: I don't know what. I don't know what's going on, 117 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:36,480 Speaker 1: but I am not putting this interview on TV. It's 118 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:40,040 Speaker 1: in a vault somewhere at CNN, I just because I 119 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,880 Speaker 1: don't know what happened. But we'll wait on that note 120 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,599 Speaker 1: eliminating it. Let me on the poop in the pocket. 121 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:49,760 Speaker 1: I that's a theory, it's not verified. No, I thigured 122 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,360 Speaker 1: you probably did it. Sounds like he did have poop 123 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:56,520 Speaker 1: in his pocket. I did ayahuasca, which I talked about 124 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,080 Speaker 1: in my book I went to Peru and I did 125 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,320 Speaker 1: this drug, this plant that they brew in to tea 126 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:04,520 Speaker 1: and it's called ayahuasca, and we filmed it for UM 127 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:07,679 Speaker 1: for Netflix. I did a special on doing drugs and 128 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:11,600 Speaker 1: UM and the shaman. You know, they warned you that 129 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:15,080 Speaker 1: you're gonna go to the bathroom through your tushi and 130 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:20,720 Speaker 1: you're gonna vomit. So I'm like on camera, I'm like, really, 131 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,600 Speaker 1: I I can't we just pick one of those two things? 132 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:27,480 Speaker 1: Do I have to do both? Um? But I didn't 133 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,480 Speaker 1: go to the bathroom. I didn't go to the bathroom 134 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 1: of pad that happens to a lot of people. I 135 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 1: did vomit. So my dream did come true that I 136 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:36,560 Speaker 1: could pick one. But the shaman went to the bathroom 137 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: the entire ceremony in his pants and never left the 138 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:44,760 Speaker 1: room we were in. And you have a keen sense 139 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 1: of smell, but I was so into the ayahuasca that 140 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,000 Speaker 1: I was able to go put that smell where it 141 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:55,640 Speaker 1: belongs in the woods. But I did go through the 142 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 1: entire ceremony. I have one camera woman in the room 143 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:01,560 Speaker 1: with me, and she was like after she goes, oh 144 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:05,440 Speaker 1: my god, how could you focus? And I was like, 145 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:09,080 Speaker 1: I was on another planet. But I smelled it, and 146 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:10,880 Speaker 1: she goes, he just kept going and I go, oh, 147 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,120 Speaker 1: more than once and she goes, yes, it was repeatedly. 148 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,720 Speaker 1: It's on she goes, you can hear it on camera. 149 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,000 Speaker 1: So don't do ayahuasca, Jake. That's the moral of that story. 150 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,240 Speaker 1: I'm sure CNN is offering that as a side course. 151 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:28,000 Speaker 1: I'm not going to pr anytime soon, but thank you. Okay, 152 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:29,840 Speaker 1: We're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back. 153 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:37,079 Speaker 1: When I did your Netflix show, I have to say 154 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,480 Speaker 1: you it was it was shortly after president it was 155 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 1: in the first year of the Trump presidency, and you 156 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:49,439 Speaker 1: were shot. You were traumatized, honestly, that's that was that, 157 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:53,280 Speaker 1: Like I like I. You asked me if things were 158 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:57,760 Speaker 1: gonna be okay. You you were really worried. And since then, 159 00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,640 Speaker 1: and this is what the book is about, since then, 160 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 1: you have trying to understand why you felt that way 161 00:09:02,679 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 1: and trying to get through the process. And one of 162 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,839 Speaker 1: the things that is so interesting to me is how 163 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:12,480 Speaker 1: many times you talk about in your book how Donald 164 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 1: Trump and your father, how Donald Trump reminds you of 165 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,920 Speaker 1: your father in some ways. UH talk about that if 166 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,000 Speaker 1: you would so I went to the psychiatrist. I had 167 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,320 Speaker 1: interviewed him on my Netflix show. He talkedor Dan Siegel, 168 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,280 Speaker 1: He's in my book, and I went to him because 169 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:32,520 Speaker 1: I do you know Dan? Alright? Great? Who was clapping through? 170 00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:36,439 Speaker 1: Probably Dan's agent or something, I don't know. Thank you, 171 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:43,720 Speaker 1: Mrs Siegel. Dan's mom is here, proud he and he 172 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,480 Speaker 1: just talked about the brain in a way I was 173 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:47,439 Speaker 1: interested in, or I could pretend I was interested in. 174 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,840 Speaker 1: It was science. You know. They maxed a lot of hippocampus, 175 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:54,240 Speaker 1: the prefrontal cortex and vortex whatever it is, and you know, 176 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:55,920 Speaker 1: all of that stuff. And I was like, oh, I 177 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,880 Speaker 1: could talk to him. He knows what he's talking about, 178 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:01,040 Speaker 1: you know. And I went to him, and for the 179 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:04,320 Speaker 1: first successions I bitched and moaned about Donald Trump. I 180 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,320 Speaker 1: was paying somebody to listen to me because everyone was 181 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,640 Speaker 1: so annoyed by me. My friends were like, oh my god, 182 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:15,080 Speaker 1: can you fucking stop talking about it? And I'm like, yeah, yeah, attention. 183 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:17,839 Speaker 1: You know, I was like straight out of The Handmaid's 184 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,840 Speaker 1: Tale at every turn, like this is it. It's over 185 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:24,400 Speaker 1: the world is ending, you know. I was just out 186 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:29,040 Speaker 1: of hand. My rage was so high, and I would wait. 187 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 1: I would watch CNN and and the MSNBC and be like, 188 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,560 Speaker 1: when are they gonna do it? Like it was gonna 189 00:10:34,559 --> 00:10:36,600 Speaker 1: happen any moment that they were going to drag him 190 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:38,079 Speaker 1: out of the White House, you know what I mean, 191 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:41,200 Speaker 1: like Saddam Hussein and throw him in something like I 192 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:48,040 Speaker 1: really believe that, like oh, like, oh, the shoe is 193 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: about to drop any minute. So I went to this 194 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,280 Speaker 1: guy and I was paying him to let me bitch 195 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,160 Speaker 1: about Donald Trump. I would have paid him double. It 196 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:59,280 Speaker 1: was a great exchange actually, And then finally once we 197 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 1: got passed kind of bluster, I he asked me what 198 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,080 Speaker 1: I wanted and I said, I need more patience. I 199 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:10,400 Speaker 1: have no patience. Everyone annoys me, everyone, And he's like, 200 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,280 Speaker 1: do I annoy you? And like you will at some 201 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,840 Speaker 1: point you will annoy me. So I would like you 202 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:16,520 Speaker 1: to help me with that. And he goes, well, let's 203 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:19,400 Speaker 1: what's talk about your life and your child till it's like, 204 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:20,760 Speaker 1: I don't need to talk about my child. My brother 205 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,600 Speaker 1: died when I was nine. My mom's dad, she died 206 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,679 Speaker 1: like five years ago, tenure, I'm not sure of time, 207 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:28,960 Speaker 1: but every my dad's dying, so like that's I'm good 208 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,600 Speaker 1: with death. I don't need to go over it like 209 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:33,520 Speaker 1: I want to talk about right now. I need to 210 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,160 Speaker 1: be a better human being and I need to be 211 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:37,520 Speaker 1: like kinder and I need to be able to talk 212 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:41,040 Speaker 1: to people who disagree with me without freaking out and 213 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:45,960 Speaker 1: my veins popping out of my neck. And then one 214 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:51,200 Speaker 1: day he walked in to a session and he handed 215 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,719 Speaker 1: me an orange that he said he had picked from 216 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:57,000 Speaker 1: his tree. And in that moment, he goes, hey, I 217 00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:59,800 Speaker 1: thought you might like an orange. It's fresh from my tree. 218 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:04,240 Speaker 1: And I I recoiled in my brain. I was like, oh, 219 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:11,240 Speaker 1: how annoying, like a fucking warm fruit? Who wants that? 220 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,200 Speaker 1: And like, now I have to peel it in front 221 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:17,640 Speaker 1: of him to be polite. This is l a. I 222 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:24,160 Speaker 1: don't even eat carbs, you know. And he handed it 223 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,960 Speaker 1: to me and I started to peel it, and I 224 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:30,600 Speaker 1: just became undone, and I was like, I needed to 225 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,240 Speaker 1: tell you about the day my brother died and what 226 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:37,679 Speaker 1: happened in my family, and and then I just cried 227 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:39,720 Speaker 1: and cried and cried and cried. I was like, thank 228 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:43,440 Speaker 1: you real orange, you know, trying not to cry because 229 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:46,000 Speaker 1: I had never cried in front of a person, a stranger, 230 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:48,920 Speaker 1: no way, And if I did cry, I would always 231 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:51,079 Speaker 1: pretend it was about something else, because it couldn't be 232 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,679 Speaker 1: about me. It had to be or Chet, my brother 233 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,320 Speaker 1: who died. It couldn't be about that because it would 234 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,320 Speaker 1: be vulnerable, and I couldn't be vulnerable, and I couldn't 235 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,920 Speaker 1: talk to anybody about anything. I just had to be tough. 236 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:06,920 Speaker 1: And after many sessions, he revealed to me how the 237 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:11,199 Speaker 1: world becoming unhinged with Trump was my trigger, which I'm 238 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:15,840 Speaker 1: sure millions of us had, and that that represented the 239 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:19,520 Speaker 1: world being unstable, in my life, not being safe anymore, 240 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:26,320 Speaker 1: and my whole world falling apart. And that's why I 241 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:28,920 Speaker 1: was reacting to Trump in the way that I was. 242 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,920 Speaker 1: Because I finally had something to put my anger on. 243 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,600 Speaker 1: I could say, yeah, now, and this is why I'm 244 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:40,040 Speaker 1: at him, you know. And it was huge eye opener 245 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,800 Speaker 1: for me, because if you hear my story, you can say, oh, 246 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 1: of course, that's your issue. That's why you're so fierce 247 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,120 Speaker 1: and tough and strong. I want to be independent. I 248 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,719 Speaker 1: don't want a man. I don't need a man. I 249 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,600 Speaker 1: want to I don't need children. I'm gonna show everybody 250 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:56,040 Speaker 1: I can do everything all by myself, um, because my 251 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 1: nine year old little girl never ever dealt with that injury. 252 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,480 Speaker 1: It just like a wound that became a canyon that 253 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:06,480 Speaker 1: became whatever is bigger than that, and any time you 254 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:09,760 Speaker 1: go around it or near it, it was like you 255 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:13,040 Speaker 1: know this. And he was the first person and it 256 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,559 Speaker 1: was the right time in my life where I was 257 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,840 Speaker 1: able to say, Okay, this is what happened in my family, 258 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,280 Speaker 1: this is what happened to my father I lost. You know, 259 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 1: my brother sat with me the night before he went away, 260 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,600 Speaker 1: and he was the oldest and I was the youngest, 261 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,760 Speaker 1: and we were bookends. There were six kids in our family, 262 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,040 Speaker 1: and we were a team, like it was in my 263 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,600 Speaker 1: head like that six. And if we brought my parents 264 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,400 Speaker 1: it was two. We usually didn't bring them because they 265 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:40,000 Speaker 1: were embarrassing. But the six of us were a little team. 266 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:43,400 Speaker 1: And Chet was the captain and I was the mascot. 267 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:47,240 Speaker 1: And he said to me the night before he left 268 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,720 Speaker 1: for that trip, you know, I go, why are you leaving? 269 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,000 Speaker 1: I don't want to drive to the viney We're going 270 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,800 Speaker 1: to Martha's vineor My parents had a summer house and 271 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,320 Speaker 1: that sounds a lot more glamorous than it actually was, 272 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 1: but it was idyllic in many respects. And he said, 273 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:02,480 Speaker 1: I I'm going hiking with my friends. He had just 274 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,360 Speaker 1: graduated from college. He said, I'm going hiking with my 275 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:06,960 Speaker 1: friends for two weeks. I'm gonna be on the vineyard 276 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,720 Speaker 1: in two weeks. You're not gonna miss a thing. I'm like, 277 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,840 Speaker 1: I don't want to drive with mom and dad. You know. 278 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:15,320 Speaker 1: They listened to public radio and and he said, I'll 279 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 1: never leave you with these people. I'll be back, and 280 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:23,680 Speaker 1: he never came back. So, as a nine year old, 281 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: what Dan explained to me was that that felt like rejection. 282 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,400 Speaker 1: Even though I knew he died. I thought he wasn't 283 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:35,240 Speaker 1: careful enough and he didn't think enough before he went. 284 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,000 Speaker 1: He shouldn't have said the things he said to me 285 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,600 Speaker 1: if he knew he was going to die. And to 286 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:42,480 Speaker 1: me it was like he it was rejection. It was 287 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:45,200 Speaker 1: like losing my first boyfriend or being broken up with 288 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,760 Speaker 1: and you never see that person again. And then after that, 289 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,320 Speaker 1: what happened to my father, who was also a great, 290 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:54,920 Speaker 1: big kind of character, he was never whole again. I mean, 291 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:58,040 Speaker 1: my my father has a lot of issues or had 292 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:01,800 Speaker 1: a lot of issues. Um anyway, he's dead too. Now. 293 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,960 Speaker 1: Everybody died when I was writing this book, but um, 294 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,640 Speaker 1: it's okay. It was time for him to die. But 295 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:13,320 Speaker 1: he he fell apart and he was never my father. 296 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,480 Speaker 1: When you know you have you said shiba, you know 297 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:18,000 Speaker 1: in Judaism, And people would come to our house to 298 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 1: say they were sorry. And I saw my father, who 299 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:25,000 Speaker 1: was this great, big strong man, be weak and cry 300 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:27,640 Speaker 1: and fall apart in front of our neighbors. And I 301 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,760 Speaker 1: was nine years old, and I was like, what are 302 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,680 Speaker 1: you doing? What are you doing? Why are you doing good? 303 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 1: At together? You know what if you're gone, chet Scott 304 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,760 Speaker 1: and now you're falling apart. And everywhere I looked, everybody 305 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:42,000 Speaker 1: was a mess. And I remember just knowing that. I 306 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,920 Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna have to do this myself. I'm 307 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,520 Speaker 1: gonna have to grow up by myself, and I'm gonna 308 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,120 Speaker 1: have to grow myself up really quickly. So I have 309 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,160 Speaker 1: to get away from this family because we're broken, and 310 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,520 Speaker 1: we're broken and will never be six again. We're five, 311 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:57,720 Speaker 1: and everyone's gonna know we're a fake family. And I 312 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:01,760 Speaker 1: have been caring that Albert cross around me for so 313 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:05,959 Speaker 1: long that when he unlocked that pain and when I 314 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,640 Speaker 1: started to I'd go home and I was like, wait 315 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,280 Speaker 1: a second, let me write this stuff down because doors 316 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,639 Speaker 1: were opening, and I was like everything was connected to 317 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,480 Speaker 1: Chet dying. I mean I would sit there and be like, 318 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,760 Speaker 1: this can't be about Chet too. He's like everything's about Chet. 319 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:21,960 Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, this guy's taking over 320 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:25,639 Speaker 1: my life. I barely knew the guy, you know. I 321 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:30,879 Speaker 1: mean it was like relationships men, my independence, my you know, 322 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,879 Speaker 1: my like just steamrolling through everything and saying yes to 323 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:37,200 Speaker 1: fame and all this money was because I didn't want 324 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,159 Speaker 1: to sit around and ever sit still. I'd go on 325 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:42,760 Speaker 1: tour after tour. I wrote six books in five years. 326 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,600 Speaker 1: Anytime there was like you do this, I'd be like, yes, 327 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:49,240 Speaker 1: yes to everything, instead of sitting and thinking, have I 328 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,480 Speaker 1: dealt with everything that I need to deal with? Am 329 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,720 Speaker 1: I a full person? Can I? Actually? You know? What 330 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:56,879 Speaker 1: I wanted to do was go and campaign for people 331 00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,479 Speaker 1: and speak to conservatives and go to the South. Like 332 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,639 Speaker 1: thinking was just like going to come in and change 333 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,679 Speaker 1: the world. But I realized, you can't do any of 334 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,280 Speaker 1: that ship until you're healthy. You can't be of use 335 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:15,520 Speaker 1: to anyone until you get your ship together. Okay, Well, 336 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,399 Speaker 1: this sounds like a good time to take a break. 337 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:22,840 Speaker 1: And and uh, I mean it's first of all, let 338 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,280 Speaker 1: me just say it's it's just remarkable to hear somebody 339 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,840 Speaker 1: talks so openly about the pain that they went through, 340 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:33,280 Speaker 1: and it's it's uh yeah, yeah, because it's not easy 341 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:36,680 Speaker 1: to do. And it's a great example for everyone because 342 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:40,800 Speaker 1: we all have pain, you know, from our childhoods or 343 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:44,320 Speaker 1: from experiences. It's it's just it's fascinating. Do you to 344 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,080 Speaker 1: the kind of therapy that you did? Was we just 345 00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:48,960 Speaker 1: did regular therapy. You know, we tried to get me 346 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,600 Speaker 1: to meditate. And and again, you know, I'm from California 347 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,399 Speaker 1: and I live in l A. And I'm from New Jersey. 348 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:55,359 Speaker 1: So I don't have a I don't have a big 349 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:59,080 Speaker 1: high you know meter for bullshit. I find most people 350 00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:03,720 Speaker 1: to be ridiculous us. And when you hear words like 351 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:10,160 Speaker 1: manifest and gratitude and colonic and you know, and Kale, 352 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,239 Speaker 1: I mean, if you fall for that ship, you know, 353 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,840 Speaker 1: you could end up. You know, there's retreats and about anything. 354 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,639 Speaker 1: There's a treat where you can like go finger blest 355 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,679 Speaker 1: yourself in the woods and eat yogurt, you know, I 356 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:26,399 Speaker 1: mean there's something for everything. It's just ridiculous, and I 357 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:32,320 Speaker 1: always put I'm sorry, Jake, that was a nice to 358 00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:36,399 Speaker 1: do to you. Never heard anybody say that to me 359 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:41,240 Speaker 1: in an interview situation before. No, I've never said that 360 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:45,000 Speaker 1: to you. That's good, that's a good thing, and I'm 361 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,640 Speaker 1: sorry you have to hear it right here in front 362 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:56,199 Speaker 1: of everybody. That's right, exactly manifest your masturbation. Anyway, I 363 00:19:56,320 --> 00:20:00,959 Speaker 1: assume therapy was over in that pile of garbage, like, oh, 364 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,840 Speaker 1: how could you, especially for somebody you know who has success. 365 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,439 Speaker 1: I have a TV show, I have books, I have 366 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,960 Speaker 1: toured I do you know, I basically have everything I 367 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,080 Speaker 1: could need. How can I sit and go to therapy 368 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:15,600 Speaker 1: and bitch and complain about anything? How can I a 369 00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:20,000 Speaker 1: b It's too narcissistic. I'm already a narcissist obviously, so 370 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,240 Speaker 1: let's not put a hat on a hat. Well, hold on, 371 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,800 Speaker 1: Dan Siegel says, you're not a narcissist. No, he says, 372 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:26,119 Speaker 1: I'm not. But I mean I have to be a 373 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:27,600 Speaker 1: little bit of a narcissist who want to be in 374 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,680 Speaker 1: the public eye. I think that I'm not a narcissis 375 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,600 Speaker 1: where I act in my best favor all the time, 376 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,120 Speaker 1: or I'm constantly thinking about myself. But I mean there's 377 00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:36,919 Speaker 1: a degree of narcissism. I mean, Dan he told me 378 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,560 Speaker 1: a lot of other things that were wrong with me, 379 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,480 Speaker 1: so I think he was trying not to pile off. 380 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,399 Speaker 1: But I did look at therapy and I kind of 381 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,320 Speaker 1: fummed my, you know, I was just like uh, and 382 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,120 Speaker 1: I went. I would go and try, you know, give 383 00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,840 Speaker 1: it like a college tryer or whatever, and be like 384 00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:01,480 Speaker 1: any time it got deep, I just skedaddle. And once 385 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,320 Speaker 1: I went to this therapist and I just could tell 386 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,400 Speaker 1: I was going to be able to manipulate him and 387 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:08,280 Speaker 1: he was and I was like, this isn't gonna work. 388 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,399 Speaker 1: And I told my assistant. I came one day. She's like, 389 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,600 Speaker 1: I don't forget your therapy at you know four today. 390 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:15,960 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I don't want to go today. 391 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:25,080 Speaker 1: Can you just go? And and she's like okay. And 392 00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:26,679 Speaker 1: then the next week I was like, you know, you 393 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,359 Speaker 1: get out of a rhythm, you're not gonna go back. 394 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,359 Speaker 1: I was like, you want to go again? I'm not 395 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:32,439 Speaker 1: into that guy. And she's like, well, I don't have 396 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,479 Speaker 1: to go, and I'm like, no, you go. I might 397 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:36,040 Speaker 1: want to go back to him, just take my session, 398 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:39,679 Speaker 1: and then she went three times and finally I said, so, 399 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:44,040 Speaker 1: how's it going, Like I go, how are you doing? 400 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,879 Speaker 1: Like is he helping you? And She's like me, I 401 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:50,560 Speaker 1: thought I was talking about you the whole time. And 402 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,800 Speaker 1: I was like, okay, this is stupid. So she stopped 403 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 1: going to that therapist, and so did I. So this 404 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,560 Speaker 1: was the first time. I guess it's psychoanalysis or whatever 405 00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:03,880 Speaker 1: the phrase the term is. He's a psychiatrist. Um, this 406 00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,040 Speaker 1: is the first time I was willing to get real 407 00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:08,000 Speaker 1: or maybe because I have the right partner to get 408 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,320 Speaker 1: real with. And I think for most of us, you know, 409 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,760 Speaker 1: I'm yeah, it's it's a bummer that it took me 410 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,080 Speaker 1: this long to figure all this stuff out and kind 411 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:18,200 Speaker 1: of unlock my pain and my you know, because it's 412 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:21,359 Speaker 1: a lifelong habit, it sends you into I talked to 413 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,960 Speaker 1: him about relationships and I said, I don't need to 414 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:26,159 Speaker 1: I'm not interested in relationship. I'd just like to be alone. 415 00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:29,200 Speaker 1: And he's like, any time I would say his statement 416 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:32,120 Speaker 1: like that, he would just look at me and go okay. 417 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:35,399 Speaker 1: And then when we did talk about relationships and my 418 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,720 Speaker 1: kind of scorched earth tendencies I have with people. When 419 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,639 Speaker 1: somebody would piss me off, I would just write them off. 420 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,400 Speaker 1: I'd be like, you're not my friend anymore, You're out. 421 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,000 Speaker 1: Never speak to them again. Guys, if they didn't sunk up, 422 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,120 Speaker 1: I made sure they sucked up so I could dump them, 423 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:52,160 Speaker 1: you know, reject, reject, reject before anyone could reject bit always. 424 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,320 Speaker 1: And I said to him, I go, I don't know why. 425 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:57,639 Speaker 1: I can't why I get so mad at people and 426 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,600 Speaker 1: I'm not able to forgive them. And he said, because 427 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:04,040 Speaker 1: that's how you think relationships are supposed to end. Your 428 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,359 Speaker 1: first relationship that ended was you know, black and white. 429 00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,120 Speaker 1: He was there one day and it was gone the next. 430 00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:11,320 Speaker 1: So that's your pattern of behavior from when you're nine. 431 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:16,080 Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, You're like, this is so stupid. 432 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,000 Speaker 1: How could I not pick up on that? You know, 433 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,119 Speaker 1: I'm sure a million people were looking at me or 434 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,000 Speaker 1: my friends saying, oh, we know what her problem is, 435 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:26,160 Speaker 1: but you don't. You can't tell someone what their problem is, obviously, 436 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,600 Speaker 1: but I will say that, you know, through all of 437 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:31,720 Speaker 1: the stuff that our family has been through, and with 438 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:34,480 Speaker 1: my brothers and sisters, it is just of such value 439 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,240 Speaker 1: to us and keeping us a tight knit group and 440 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:41,000 Speaker 1: being close together, and we just are together as a 441 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:44,120 Speaker 1: team that is broken, but we have remained on each 442 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,199 Speaker 1: other's team and that is so valuable to everybody here 443 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,520 Speaker 1: who has a weird relationship with the sibling. Fucking fix it. 444 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:54,200 Speaker 1: Life's too short and and it takes a big person 445 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:57,840 Speaker 1: to admit you're wrong, And but it feels awesome because 446 00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,359 Speaker 1: then you can just apologize to everybody's like, oh was me? 447 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,960 Speaker 1: You can It's like going skiing and blaming everything on 448 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:06,439 Speaker 1: the altitude, you know, like, sorry, I acted like that 449 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:14,280 Speaker 1: last night. The altitude you have? You have one brother 450 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,159 Speaker 1: and the three sisters or what is it? We have 451 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:19,240 Speaker 1: two brothers and I have two sisters and uh yeah, 452 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:20,879 Speaker 1: and they have a bunch of kids, so I have 453 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,360 Speaker 1: a lot of nieces and nephews eight and uh yeah. 454 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:28,320 Speaker 1: That's our family and I'm finally proud of it. So 455 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,639 Speaker 1: and you you write some really nice things about your 456 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,480 Speaker 1: brothers and sisters. Um, speaking of family, I would be 457 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,560 Speaker 1: remiss if I didn't mention your dogs, because I'm sure 458 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:42,800 Speaker 1: there are a lot of fans of your dog. Give us, 459 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,360 Speaker 1: give us the update, Give us the dogo update. If 460 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:49,520 Speaker 1: you would. Well, I have a dog's named Bert and Bernice. 461 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,800 Speaker 1: They're on the cover of the book. Bert is obest 462 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:55,040 Speaker 1: fat one, he's on the right, and that's his little sister, 463 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:58,720 Speaker 1: Bernice at Bertrand is his full name. And I didn't 464 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:00,480 Speaker 1: give those names to them. I went to pick him 465 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,119 Speaker 1: up at this I went to a chow chow rescue. 466 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:05,760 Speaker 1: I like the black tongue situation, so I went to 467 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:10,080 Speaker 1: and I like fucked up bodies on dogs. So I 468 00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:12,920 Speaker 1: went to this chow rescue in northern California, and I said, 469 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,879 Speaker 1: I want a chow mix. Show me what you got, 470 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:16,760 Speaker 1: and then she goes, I have a brother and sister 471 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:21,879 Speaker 1: combo platter that you know. And I was like, combo platter. 472 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:25,760 Speaker 1: I'm like, you're speaking my language. I was like, what 473 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,760 Speaker 1: do you What does it does that think when I'm thinking? 474 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:32,480 Speaker 1: And then these two little fat beasts came running around 475 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,200 Speaker 1: the corner because she said they're gonna be harder to 476 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:35,959 Speaker 1: place because their brother and sister. I was like, oh, 477 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,040 Speaker 1: then I'll take them. I'm like, I don't even She 478 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:42,119 Speaker 1: goes their names are Burt and Bernice, and I literally 479 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,600 Speaker 1: was like, I mean, I almost climax. I was like, 480 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:51,120 Speaker 1: oh my god, what those their names already, like, that's 481 00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:57,360 Speaker 1: exactly what I want to name. Then, so and then 482 00:25:57,359 --> 00:25:58,639 Speaker 1: she goes, we have to do what we're gonna have. 483 00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:00,080 Speaker 1: Didn't she didn't know who I was, and she like, 484 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:01,720 Speaker 1: we're gonna have to do a home check. And I 485 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,639 Speaker 1: was like, all right, whatever that means. I was like, 486 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:06,399 Speaker 1: I think you're good, and she's like, we have to 487 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,399 Speaker 1: make sure you have enough space. I'm like, can I 488 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:10,320 Speaker 1: just show you a picture in my house or something like? 489 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:13,240 Speaker 1: Is that necessary? But I did it, and I got 490 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,600 Speaker 1: these dogs. And I've had dogs before and they've passed. 491 00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:17,320 Speaker 1: The two of them died while I was running this book. 492 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:20,399 Speaker 1: To this book is like a death rattle, but but 493 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:23,520 Speaker 1: it's but it's okay. Now, it's okay. People die and 494 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:25,000 Speaker 1: you have to just to be able to deal with 495 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:27,280 Speaker 1: it in a healthy way. And my healthy way was 496 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:33,119 Speaker 1: by replacing those two dogs as quickly as possible. And 497 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:37,960 Speaker 1: so Bert is an asshole, and I've never had to 498 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,400 Speaker 1: work for a dog's love before, and so I took 499 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:42,280 Speaker 1: these dogs home. First of all, I shaved his body 500 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,320 Speaker 1: down so I could see what was really going on 501 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,280 Speaker 1: and get under him, you know, because he's meeting. He's 502 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:50,000 Speaker 1: got flaps inside flaps and underneath. I mean, it's like 503 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:55,720 Speaker 1: I love that dog and he hates me because I 504 00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:59,520 Speaker 1: assault him, you know. And he loves my cleaning lady 505 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:03,480 Speaker 1: ma bo all and he so he he like literally 506 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,080 Speaker 1: sees me every time I leave the house, and I'm 507 00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:06,919 Speaker 1: gone a lot because I don't stay home. I like 508 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:10,720 Speaker 1: to move around, as we've discussed, and when I come 509 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,080 Speaker 1: home every single time, it's like a new introduction, like 510 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,480 Speaker 1: he just goes like this, like what and I'm like, oh, 511 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:19,360 Speaker 1: come on, so come on, you know me, And then 512 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:21,600 Speaker 1: they won't come up to my room. And I'd like 513 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,440 Speaker 1: to sleep with him in my bed because he's such 514 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:25,560 Speaker 1: a big cuddle ball, and so I have to take 515 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:31,359 Speaker 1: them with leashes every night up the little up the 516 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:37,240 Speaker 1: stairs and then up the dog he stairs, and then 517 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,240 Speaker 1: I get him because he's so lazy. If he gets 518 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,879 Speaker 1: comfortable enough, if he won't get up for hours. So 519 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:44,000 Speaker 1: I just have to get him comfortable and then slowly 520 00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,960 Speaker 1: remove the leash. So I'm not only because of the 521 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,120 Speaker 1: optics of it, because I don't want to sleep with 522 00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,440 Speaker 1: my dogs with a leash. I have no problem bringing 523 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:53,119 Speaker 1: them up, but I will not let people say that 524 00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,520 Speaker 1: I sleep with my dogs on a leash, so they're 525 00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,359 Speaker 1: not bad into me, but it's a good lesson for 526 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,879 Speaker 1: me to try. He loves my any lady, follows her 527 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:02,800 Speaker 1: all around the house. One weekend I came home. We 528 00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:06,000 Speaker 1: found out he had gained twelve pounds since we got him. 529 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:07,720 Speaker 1: And I was like, hey, my belt, what the funk 530 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:11,040 Speaker 1: is up with that? And I knew because he was 531 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:12,480 Speaker 1: in love with her. I'm like, I know you're giving 532 00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:14,919 Speaker 1: him treats. I I was following the rules for the 533 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,080 Speaker 1: first time when we got them. I'm like, no treats. 534 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,639 Speaker 1: He's on a diet and she's slipping him god knows what. 535 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:22,200 Speaker 1: And I said, they need to. He needs to lose 536 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:24,240 Speaker 1: weight because I have stairs in my house, and you know, 537 00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:26,720 Speaker 1: he's a big, fatass, so he's gonna lose his legs 538 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:28,920 Speaker 1: when he gets older. He's a big dog. I'm like, well, 539 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:31,000 Speaker 1: I'm not doing this again. I lost my dog. Chunk 540 00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:32,960 Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to he wasn't able to come up 541 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:34,879 Speaker 1: the stairs anymore when he got older and he was thin, 542 00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:39,200 Speaker 1: and um, people here love Chunky. Chuck is the best. 543 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:41,640 Speaker 1: Chunk is the best dog in the world. Thank you. 544 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:45,720 Speaker 1: Chunk was such a such a stud and he was 545 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,680 Speaker 1: so cool, calm and collected, you know. And Bird is 546 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:51,959 Speaker 1: the opposite of Chunk. And I know Chunk if there 547 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:54,240 Speaker 1: is such a thing as heaven, which I don't think 548 00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:58,320 Speaker 1: there is, but Chunk somewhere around here, and he knows 549 00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:05,880 Speaker 1: and he's he's thing. At my struggle with Bert and um, 550 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:08,080 Speaker 1: and so we had to go on a diet. So 551 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:10,800 Speaker 1: I came back one weekend and my my bell was 552 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,960 Speaker 1: walking around the house with ankle weights and Bert had 553 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:18,120 Speaker 1: ankle weights to match hers. And when they walk, my 554 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,040 Speaker 1: cleaning lady has like a big butt and she swings 555 00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:23,160 Speaker 1: her hips and then Chunk I mean, and then Bert 556 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:26,080 Speaker 1: would walk next to her and swing his ass. The 557 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:27,880 Speaker 1: two of them walking away together. It was like j 558 00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:33,360 Speaker 1: Lo and Kim Kardashian. So yeah, that's my story about 559 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,080 Speaker 1: my dogs. But dogs are the best they make. But 560 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:36,760 Speaker 1: like you know, I won't go home to a house 561 00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:41,000 Speaker 1: without a dog in it too scary. No, No, we 562 00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:44,120 Speaker 1: have we have dogs too. Um. I know you wanted 563 00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:47,040 Speaker 1: to read another chapter before the time is coming to 564 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:48,960 Speaker 1: a close. We have a clock that's telling us we 565 00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:50,920 Speaker 1: have a minute. So I just wanted to read something 566 00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:55,480 Speaker 1: before um I leave you guys. Um. This is when 567 00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:57,400 Speaker 1: I had my kind of wake up at the end 568 00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:01,600 Speaker 1: about my brother. I didn't know then that my brother's 569 00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:04,000 Speaker 1: death was defining me. I didn't know that I had 570 00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,520 Speaker 1: the ability to say no to being defined by death. 571 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,680 Speaker 1: Now I was a person who could help. Now I 572 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,120 Speaker 1: was with a person who could help me process what 573 00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:15,040 Speaker 1: happened and turn the parts of me that acted like 574 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:18,560 Speaker 1: a nine year old into a self actualized adult who 575 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:21,960 Speaker 1: had come to a better understanding of what it means 576 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:25,560 Speaker 1: to dig deep and admit your pain, thereby beginning the 577 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:28,680 Speaker 1: process of relinquishing it. I was in a place where 578 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:31,680 Speaker 1: my brother dying no longer had to define my existence. 579 00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:34,880 Speaker 1: It's part of who I am, perhaps the biggest part, 580 00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:37,600 Speaker 1: but and it may have helped me steer me in 581 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:40,480 Speaker 1: a certain direction, but it is not all of me. 582 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:45,400 Speaker 1: I define me. No event or person does this. I 583 00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:49,760 Speaker 1: define who I am. I decide who I am and 584 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,240 Speaker 1: how I'm going to behave and I choose to be 585 00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:57,720 Speaker 1: better to look more carefully, to trudge deeper, to think 586 00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:00,400 Speaker 1: about other people's past, and not judge on one for 587 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:04,400 Speaker 1: doing or handling something differently than I would to understand 588 00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:09,400 Speaker 1: my limitations, my shortcomings. That is my growth edge. There 589 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:12,080 Speaker 1: are bracelets that say I decide and T shirts that 590 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,840 Speaker 1: say I decide out there because we decide who we are. 591 00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:16,800 Speaker 1: And I want to thank you for deciding to come 592 00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:20,400 Speaker 1: here tonight, and thank you my very special guest, Jake Tapper. 593 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:25,280 Speaker 1: Thank you guys, Thank you, Washington, d C, stay Optimistic, 594 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:31,000 Speaker 1: thank you. So how did it feel having JK and 595 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:34,000 Speaker 1: DC getting to circle back to politics after taking some 596 00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:36,440 Speaker 1: time off. Well it was nice because well, I guess 597 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:38,640 Speaker 1: we did talk about politics, but we didn't really go 598 00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:40,560 Speaker 1: It was nice to be in d C into talking 599 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,960 Speaker 1: about something other than politics is what it felt like. Um, 600 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,000 Speaker 1: even though we brushed upon it. So it was nice. 601 00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,640 Speaker 1: And I mean I like d C. And you know, 602 00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,280 Speaker 1: until Donald Trump ruined that city, it was it. I 603 00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:53,640 Speaker 1: like it. It's old, it's old school. We'll get it 604 00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:55,240 Speaker 1: back soon, I think, just like we're gonna get the 605 00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:58,560 Speaker 1: orange back, Brandon, We're gonna take that color back. And Journey, 606 00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:00,920 Speaker 1: I mean, Journey is popping up. We're on your social media, 607 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:02,920 Speaker 1: so you've really just got to I've got embraced the 608 00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:06,120 Speaker 1: Journey and the band Journey, and I want to thank 609 00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:09,520 Speaker 1: CNN for letting Jake Tapper out of his cage. I 610 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:12,280 Speaker 1: can't believe that they did that, and I know they'll 611 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:15,080 Speaker 1: regret it. Thank you, Life will be the Death of 612 00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:17,040 Speaker 1: Me as a production of I Heeart Radio. For more 613 00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,880 Speaker 1: podcasts from my Heart Radio, visit the i Heart Radio app, 614 00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:22,840 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. 615 00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:24,160 Speaker 1: H