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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: Oftentimes we get caught up in the thought or the belief,

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Speaker 2: and when we ignore the facts, that's how we end

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Speaker 2: up with anxiety. That's how we end up feeling depressed,

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Speaker 2: because we're focused on this belief or this fleeting thought

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Speaker 2: and not the actual facts. Lady, if you've listened to

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Speaker 2: this podcast long enough, I guarantee you have heard me

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Speaker 2: say in terms of focusing on managing your anxiety, you

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Speaker 2: focus on what you can control.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and is a cultivatingheirspace dot com to access

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Speaker 1: our exclusive after show and other bonus content from the

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Speaker 1: Patreon tab.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 2: women like you. We're your hosts doctor Dominique Broussard, a

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Speaker 2: college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 3: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 3: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood. Please

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Speaker 3: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 3: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space

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Speaker 3: where black women can just be.

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Speaker 2: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

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Speaker 2: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state

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Speaker 2: of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

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Speaker 2: please reach out to me at doctor dom Nique Brusard

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Speaker 2: dot com. That's d R D O M I N

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Speaker 2: I q U E B R O U S S

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Speaker 2: A r D dot com to schedule a free fifteen

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Speaker 2: minute consultation. I look forward to hearing from you. Our

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Speaker 2: quote of the day, life is about the management of energy.

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Speaker 2: Where you place your attention is where you place your energy.

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Speaker 2: That quote comes to us from doctor Joe Dispenson. I'm

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Speaker 2: going to read that quote one more time for the

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Speaker 2: folks in the back. Life is about the management of energy.

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Speaker 2: Where you place your attention is where you place your energy.

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Speaker 2: All r T. You know how we do.

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Speaker 4: Here?

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Speaker 2: This quote? Yes, what comes up for you?

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Speaker 3: So when I hear this quote, I would say I

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Speaker 3: agree with it wholeheartedly and I feel like it's such

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Speaker 3: a timely quote because this is really what I'm revisiting

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Speaker 3: in my life right now. And I would add on

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Speaker 3: to the quote, right, so we have life is about

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Speaker 3: the management of energy. Where you place your energy or

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Speaker 3: where you place your attention is where you place your energy,

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Speaker 3: And I would add on to that, and where you

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Speaker 3: place your energy is what you attract, right, Because I

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Speaker 3: can't tell you how many times in my life where

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Speaker 3: I've witnessed my thoughts and my energy provide me with

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Speaker 3: a self fulfilling prophecy. That's whether it's a positive or negative.

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Speaker 3: So if I'm in my head or thinking about something like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to do so bad on this presentation, I

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Speaker 3: didn't do like I didn't prep enough, and then I

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Speaker 3: go do bad right, or other times where I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I didn't prep a lot, but you know what, I'm

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Speaker 3: going to manifest a good experience. And I think about

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Speaker 3: that and that's where I put my energy. I end

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Speaker 3: up doing well. So I agree with it. This is

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Speaker 3: up my alley. So you might see me or hear

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Speaker 3: me be very excited throughout this episode down. What about

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Speaker 3: you when you hear this quote? What does it mean

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Speaker 3: to you?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so when I hear it. I think about mindset

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Speaker 2: right that and exactly what you said about the self

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Speaker 2: fulfilling prophecy, that where I'm putting my attention, like the thing,

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Speaker 2: so the thing that I am focused on is what's

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Speaker 2: going to get my energy. My energy is going to

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Speaker 2: be poured into that, and so then that's what's gonna

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Speaker 2: happen in my life. Right. And so to me, what

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Speaker 2: it helps me think about is taking a moment to

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Speaker 2: pause and reflect and even thinking to the piece that

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Speaker 2: you added on about it also signifies like what you attract, right,

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Speaker 2: It makes me think about Yeah, so those times when

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Speaker 2: I had like a string of negative dating experiences, Okay,

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Speaker 2: so that's a moment for me to pause and say, well, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it probably is me and what am I doing to

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Speaker 2: Where is my energy focused? Right? What am I doing

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Speaker 2: to attract those type of men in my life? Right?

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Speaker 2: Why is it that that's what I'm bringing in? What's

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Speaker 2: the energy that I'm putting out there? What's my focus?

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Speaker 3: Yes?

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Speaker 2: And I mean and I'm thinking about it from a

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Speaker 2: dating perspective, but I also think about it from a

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Speaker 2: work perspective. Hobbies, goals, anything that I'm trying to work

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Speaker 2: towards that I'm focused on in life. Yeah, if whatever

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Speaker 2: it is that I'm focused on, that's what's coming to me.

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Speaker 2: So if I'm focused on something that's not aligned with

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Speaker 2: my purpose or my values, that's what's going to come

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Speaker 2: to me. And I'm going to feel misaligned.

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Speaker 3: Child, we're about to get were about to get into it.

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Speaker 3: I love it, Dom, you are speaking facts, you preaching.

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Speaker 3: Give me even more excited. I do want to say, lady,

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Speaker 3: if you are not familiar with doctor Joe despens It,

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Speaker 3: go look him up. I've watched probably all of his interviews,

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Speaker 3: I've read some of his books. I planned to attends

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Speaker 3: of his conferences. He is the real deal. His content

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Speaker 3: is really helpful and it can be very life changing.

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Speaker 3: So I would definitely encourage you to go take a look.

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Speaker 3: See if it's your style and if it's your speed.

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Speaker 3: But I do want to say that we're about to

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Speaker 3: engage in a topic that is near and dear to

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Speaker 3: my heart. Okay, we're gonna be talking about the connection

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Speaker 3: between our beliefs and our reality. And I consider myself

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Speaker 3: to be somewhat of a manifesting Maven, and I would

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Speaker 3: say over the past seventeen years or so, I've manifested

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Speaker 3: some of the most incredible experiences and opportunities. And this

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Speaker 3: includes everything from connections, job opportunities, financial blessings, and my

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Speaker 3: biggest manifestation yet, which is having the most beautiful home

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Speaker 3: birth about three years ago after a long battle with

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Speaker 3: unexplained infertility. So I want to share a disclaimer before

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Speaker 3: Domini jump into this conversation. And depending on where you

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Speaker 3: are in your journey this topic, my beliefs on the topic,

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Speaker 3: the takeaways to Domini share, they may be triggering, Okay,

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Speaker 3: So I just want to encourage you to listen to

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Speaker 3: your body, listen with an open mind, and be honest

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Speaker 3: with yourself because many times when I used to hear

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Speaker 3: things like you are what you attract or you created

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Speaker 3: your reality, not only was I a trigger, but I

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Speaker 3: was pissed because how the hell did I bring about

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Speaker 3: homelessness or how did I bring this abusive relationship into

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Speaker 3: my life? Or how did I attract this illness or

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Speaker 3: how did I attract infertility? Right, whatever it might be,

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Speaker 3: it can be difficult to grapple with that. So I

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Speaker 3: say all that to say, if you need to take

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Speaker 3: some space while listening do it. If you disagree, that's

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Speaker 3: okay too. There's space for different perspectives. So without further ado,

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Speaker 3: don let's start off with understanding beliefs and dig into

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Speaker 3: the definitions and importance of beliefs and then talk world

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Speaker 3: life experiences. Let's get into it.

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Speaker 2: Ooh yes, because I think you know. In terms of

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Speaker 2: grounding us for this episode, it's important for us to

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Speaker 2: distinguish between some things, right, So distinguishing between what a

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Speaker 2: belief is, what a thought is, and what a fact is.

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Speaker 2: So let's start with beliefs. Right. Beliefs are those deeply

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Speaker 2: held thoughts or convictions that influence our behavior and perception. Right,

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Speaker 2: And so the thing to remember with the belief is

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Speaker 2: that it's our it's a part of our core identity,

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Speaker 2: and it's really deep seated and unless it's challenged, chances

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Speaker 2: are it's not going to change. Right. So, if one

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Speaker 2: of your core beliefs is that you a bad bitch,

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Speaker 2: however you define, however you define bad.

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Speaker 5: Bitch, right, period, Like, if that is your core belief,

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Speaker 5: it's what you believe about yourself, right, the thought or

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Speaker 5: conviction that you have about who you are, how you

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Speaker 5: show up.

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Speaker 2: In the world, how you represent, right, And unless something

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Speaker 2: comes in to actively challenge that, chances are not much

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Speaker 2: it's going to change that, m hm, because that's your

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Speaker 2: core belief. Like, at your deepest you believe that you're

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Speaker 2: a bad.

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Speaker 3: Bitch, as as we all should. But I feel like

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Speaker 3: also with beliefs time, it's often formed through experiences, right,

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Speaker 3: cultural and societal influences are upbringing, and just because you

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Speaker 3: believe something doesn't always mean that it's true.

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Speaker 2: Right, Yes, that's I think that's part of the distinction,

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Speaker 2: right that Like that oftentimes a lot of our beliefs

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Speaker 2: are also formed early in life based on experiences and

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Speaker 2: things that we're taught early in life.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 2: So if you and it's fresh on my mind because

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Speaker 2: we just recorded this episode, but if you come from

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Speaker 2: an abusive household where there was a lot of emotional abuse, right,

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Speaker 2: So not necessarily physical abuse, but there was a lot

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Speaker 2: of emotional and psychological abuse. If the message that you

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Speaker 2: constantly received was you are unlovable, You are unlovable, then

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Speaker 2: that might become one of your core beliefs. And going

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Speaker 2: to what you're saying, a core belief is not always

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Speaker 2: a fact. Because we are lovable. I have met lots

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Speaker 2: of people who are unlikable, but everybody is worthy of love.

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Speaker 2: And so if your core belief deep down, based on

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Speaker 2: what based on how you were treated and the messages

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Speaker 2: you received growing up, is that you are unlovable, that

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Speaker 2: means that it's going to take a lot to change that.

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Speaker 3: Hey lady, it's Terry here, Dom and I want to

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Speaker 3: take a moment to thank you for choosing to listen

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Speaker 3: to our podcast. We love you for real, and we

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Speaker 3: want to give you a chance to learn more about

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Speaker 3: what's important to us. So tell us what you think

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Speaker 3: about this.

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Speaker 4: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get

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Speaker 4: business brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine

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Speaker 4: connect with like minded black women like you and share

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Speaker 4: your ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now,

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Speaker 4: I want you to imagine a world where you're in

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Speaker 4: the exclusive Cultivating her Space sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout

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Speaker 4: what's happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and

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Speaker 4: or personal wins. How does that sound.

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Speaker 3: Hopefully this is up your alley, lady, because we are

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Speaker 3: we'll hop right back into the conversation, which is why

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Speaker 3: I'm glad we're focusing on the belief first, because when

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Speaker 3: you think about building a house, lady, right, you build

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Speaker 3: a foundation first. If we don't have the belief right,

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Speaker 3: we can't even get your thoughts and everything else right.

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Speaker 3: Because the belief is literally it sort of acts as

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Speaker 3: like a mental framework that influences how we interpret and

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Speaker 3: interact with the world around us other people. Right. Our

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Speaker 3: beliefs can be about ourselves, about others, about the world,

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Speaker 3: about whatever.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 3: It can be positive, neutral, or negative. And so I

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Speaker 3: wanted to give a quick example before we dive into

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Speaker 3: the other definitions. One belief that I've had because of childhood,

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Speaker 3: because this was true for me at one point it

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Speaker 3: was a fact, which you're going to get into it

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Speaker 3: in a little bit, is that I don't speak up

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Speaker 3: for myself. That was the belief, and because of that

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Speaker 3: foundational core belief, it impacted my thoughts, It impacted how

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Speaker 3: I showed up in the world, It impacted how I

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Speaker 3: interact with other people. But the funny thing about belief

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Speaker 3: is that sometimes we can be holding on to a

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Speaker 3: belief that's outdated or that's not even true anymore, and

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Speaker 3: because it's so familiar, we just continue to say it.

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Speaker 3: And I'm going to give you an example. I was

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Speaker 3: in therapy a few years ago and I remember telling

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Speaker 3: my therapist like, yeah, you know, I don't speak up

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Speaker 3: for myself. And she had to pause me for a

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Speaker 3: minute and she was like, Okay, it's interesting that you

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Speaker 3: say that, because you just told me about three situations

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Speaker 3: where you said it was challenging, but you actually did

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Speaker 3: speak up for yourself. And so she really, without her

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Speaker 3: pausing me to be like, wait, let's pause and let's

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Speaker 3: think about what you just said, because it's actually not true.

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Speaker 3: And so it was an outdated belief that I was

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Speaker 3: just accustomed to having and wearing and holding on too

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Speaker 3: because it was familiar and it served me back then.

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Speaker 3: It was true back then, so I just kind of

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Speaker 3: brought it into my thirties with me and she's like,

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Speaker 3: hold up, we're gonna leave that back there because it's

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Speaker 3: not true anymore. And so I think it's important for

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Speaker 3: us to also check our beliefs throughout our lives, because

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Speaker 3: it's the foundation that will impact our thoughts. And speaking

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Speaker 3: of thoughts, Dom, how do we define thoughts?

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Speaker 2: Yes? So what thought is a momentary, mental event or

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Speaker 2: idea that occurs in our mind? Right? So, thoughts are

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Speaker 2: fleeting and they can change rapidly from moments to moment,

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Speaker 2: and our thoughts are not always true, so they're not

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Speaker 2: always packed. Okay, listen. So, Dom, if my belief was

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Speaker 2: I don't speak up for myself a thought an example,

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Speaker 2: we're going to go in that same path might be Okay.

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Speaker 2: So I'm having a situation with one of my coworkers

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Speaker 2: and my thought is damn, I'm so anxious and nervous

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Speaker 2: about approaching them about this.

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Speaker 3: I'm not going to say anything. It'll just cause issues

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Speaker 3: if I say something like that's the thought that I have,

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Speaker 3: the thought that I continue to repeat throughout the day.

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Speaker 3: So now I have this false thought, now that's based

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Speaker 3: on this outdated belief, and now I'm showing up in life.

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Speaker 3: I'm not advocating for what I need. I'm not I'm

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Speaker 3: not setting boundaries because of the belief that led to

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Speaker 3: the thought that's now leading to my actions. Rightly, you

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Speaker 3: say it's all connected. I'm gonna talk about facts. Let's

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Speaker 3: talk about facts, all right.

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Speaker 2: So a fact, it's a piece of information about our

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Speaker 2: reality that is universally accepted as true because it can

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Speaker 2: be substantiated by evidence. Okay, so a fact again, piece

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Speaker 2: of information about our reality that is universally accepted as

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Speaker 2: true because it can be substant i anciated by evidence. Okay,

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Speaker 2: your example, Yes, a fact.

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Speaker 3: There could be a couple facts here, right. One fact

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Speaker 3: could be I spoke up for myself in three situations

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Speaker 3: that I told my therapist about because she pointed those out,

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Speaker 3: and I actually did those in real life. It happens

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Speaker 3: like I was there for the experience. Boom, it's a fact.

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Speaker 3: Another fact might be that in the past I did

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Speaker 3: not speak up for myself in situations. Right, That's just

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Speaker 3: like what I did back then. And so I think

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Speaker 3: that it's important for us to talk about the definitions

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Speaker 3: and get clear on that before we dive into other

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Speaker 3: real life examples. I do want to say there's a

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Speaker 3: book that we've talked about on the podcast before, and

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Speaker 3: I want to just call the name, because the lady,

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Speaker 3: if you are in a space where you're trying to

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Speaker 3: boost your self esteem and confidence, this book right here

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Speaker 3: changed my life and I just want to share a

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Speaker 3: personal example, but I first want to share the book.

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Speaker 3: The book is called Self Esteem, A Proven Program of

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Speaker 3: cognitive Techniques for assessing, improving, and maintaining yourself, as by

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Speaker 3: Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning, and I still have it

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Speaker 3: to this day. And the reason this book was so

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Speaker 3: game changing for me is that when I was in

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Speaker 3: a place in life of addressing my childhood trauma and

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Speaker 3: working to reprogram my mind, because I had deep, deep

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Speaker 3: self hate and low self esteem. And although you know,

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Speaker 3: from the outside of looking at people will see me

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Speaker 3: and like, oh, she's so happy, she's this, she's that,

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Speaker 3: on inside, when I was by myself, that's not the

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Speaker 3: story I was telling myself. I was reliving a lot

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Speaker 3: of the childhood abuse. And one of the things that

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Speaker 3: the book taught me about was how to frame my

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Speaker 3: insecurities and the things I was not confident about. So

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Speaker 3: I'm going to give one example. I'm just putting myself

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Speaker 3: out there real quick. One of the things that I

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Speaker 3: was so insecure about, and one of the attributes about

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Speaker 3: myself that I wrote down when I was reading this

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Speaker 3: book is that I have big feet, right, I've worn

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Speaker 3: i've worn. I've always been very slim and petite when

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Speaker 3: I was younger, especially like wearing a size zero in high.

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Speaker 3: But my feet they wasn't. They wasn't skinny and fatigue.

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Speaker 3: I wore size eight for the longest and so with

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Speaker 3: my body type and frame and my size eight, people

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Speaker 3: will say things like, oh, you can got them big

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Speaker 3: boats or whatever. Right, whatever you say about people who

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Speaker 3: got big feed, big foot whatever, that's what they would say.

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Speaker 3: So I became insecure about that. And when I was

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Speaker 3: reading the book and I was like describing myself, and

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Speaker 3: of one of the attributes was I have big feet.

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Speaker 3: The book encouraged me to speak facts versus adding these

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Speaker 3: like negative terms or things with negative conversations. So instead

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Speaker 3: of saying I have big feet, the book was encouraging

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Speaker 3: me to, Okay, let's shy away from that. Let's talk

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Speaker 3: about the facts. You were size nine today. I were

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Speaker 3: size nine and a half. So by the time I

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Speaker 3: was reading the book, I was a size nine, and

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Speaker 3: so I was like, all right, I were size nine.

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Speaker 3: That transforms energetically. It's a very different feeling from saying

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Speaker 3: I have big old feet. Right. Two, I wear size

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Speaker 3: nine or nine and a half and so that was

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Speaker 3: one of the things that helped me with so I

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Speaker 3: was encouraged to do that. Domb I just wanted to

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Speaker 3: pause for a minute and ask you, do you have

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Speaker 3: any like real life situations where your belief, like you

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Speaker 3: notice how a core belief that you had impacted the

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Speaker 3: thoughts and then your actions to how you were showing

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Speaker 3: up in life.

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Speaker 2: I knew this was going to happen. I knew we

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Speaker 2: were going to have to I was gonna have to

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Speaker 2: give an example, and of course I can't think of

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Speaker 2: one in this moment. But you know, as you were

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Speaker 2: saying that, thinking about separating the belief from like the fact, right,

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Speaker 2: I think that that is so important because oftentimes we

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Speaker 2: get caught up in the thought or the belief, yes,

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Speaker 2: and when we ignore the facts, that's how we end

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Speaker 2: up with anxiety. Right, That's how we end up feeling depressed,

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Speaker 2: because we're focused on this belief or this fleeting thought

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Speaker 2: and not the actual fact. So oftentimes, you know, and

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Speaker 2: you all, you know, lady, if you've listened to this

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Speaker 2: podcast long enough, I guarantee you have heard me say

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Speaker 2: in terms of focusing on managing your anxiety, you focus

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Speaker 2: on what you can control, right, But also part of

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Speaker 2: that is identifying the facts and focusing on what are

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Speaker 2: the facts here? So, if I find myself in a

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Speaker 2: situation where, like you said, like maybe okay, feeling insecure

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Speaker 2: about Let's say I'm getting ready to start a new job,

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Speaker 2: and I'm feeling insecure about my skill set, like I

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Speaker 2: don't know why they hired me, Like I can't, I don't,

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Speaker 2: I don't They're gonna find out I'm a fraud. Like Okay,

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Speaker 2: let's pause these thoughts, because these thoughts are gonna send

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Speaker 2: you on a negative spiral, and let's focus on the facts.

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Speaker 2: The fact is that you were hired. The fact is

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Speaker 2: that you do have the degree. The fact is that

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Speaker 2: you met all of the qualifications and then some for

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Speaker 2: what the job description called for. So while you over

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Speaker 2: here doubting yourself and and focusing on these limiting negative beliefs,

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Speaker 2: the facts are painting a different picture. And so then

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Speaker 2: it becomes a question of, Okay, so what's my core belief?

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Speaker 2: Why am I having these thoughts? If I can't If

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Speaker 2: I find myself ignoring the facts, focusing on these fleeting thoughts, well,

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Speaker 2: what's the core belief that I need to break down,

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Speaker 2: that I need to adjust come on, and chances are

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Speaker 2: that core belief in this particular situation of like starting

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Speaker 2: a new job and feeling maybe some imposter syndrome, that

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Speaker 2: core belief is that you're not good enough. And I

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Speaker 2: guarantee you that the majority of people who experience imposter syndrome,

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Speaker 2: it's because either they themselves are holding this core belief

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Speaker 2: that they're not good enough, or and because this is

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Speaker 2: probably what led to the core belief of their not

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Speaker 2: good enough. They've been in racist and sexist spaces, or

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Speaker 2: around racists and sexist people who have fed them the

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Speaker 2: message that they're not good enough, who have led them

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Speaker 2: to believe, yes, that they are not good enough.

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Speaker 3: They've internalized it, yes.

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Speaker 2: And when they've internalized it, it's become their core belief.

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Speaker 3: So, Lady, that is why we're talking about this topic today.

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Speaker 3: We're going to dive into some tips and strategies. Hopefully

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Speaker 3: this is more of an interactive conversation that we have

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Speaker 3: with you. So we have some activities for you and

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Speaker 3: exercises that we want you to do with us. But

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Speaker 3: I just want to reiterate that, Lady, this topic is

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Speaker 3: so important because you know, as I said before, the

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Speaker 3: tools that we're going to talk about today are things

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Speaker 3: that I've literally used to transform my life as someone

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Speaker 3: who has, you know, been a victim of child abuse,

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Speaker 3: someone who has had very low self esteem, who's experienced

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Speaker 3: a great deal of trauma. But I'm living a beautiful

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Speaker 3: life now where I'm genuinely happy, where I'm not out

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Speaker 3: hurting other people because I was a hurt person. And

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Speaker 3: so it may be a little woo woo, it may

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Speaker 3: be a little you know, on the spiritual end, it

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Speaker 3: may be outside of the box for you, and for

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Speaker 3: some people it may connect with you, like girl, this

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Speaker 3: is right up my alley, but lady, give it a chance. Okay,

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Speaker 3: So we're going to jump into identifying limiting beliefs now

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Speaker 3: and talk about some common limiting beliefs now. I don't

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Speaker 3: know about you, but Domin, I interact with people just

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Speaker 3: throughout the day, like in life in general. I notice

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Speaker 3: that a lot of people that I interact with, they

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Speaker 3: tend to have like a negative sort of tone on

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Speaker 3: life or how they're describing themselves or just how they

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Speaker 3: talk about their day. Right, and so these I'm going

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Speaker 3: to give a few examples, and they may seem minute

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Speaker 3: to you, lady, but when you think about the fact

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Speaker 3: that we are energetic beings, right, We are energetic brains

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Speaker 3: that vibrate on certain frequencies. Words have power, words have frequency,

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Speaker 3: and no matter how small it may seem, things like

433
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 3: you know, success is only for the lucky people. I

434
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,879
Speaker 3: never win anything. I'm never lucky. I'm not lucky, or

435
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,440
Speaker 3: I'm not loved. Oh I'm so tired, I'm exhausted. Oh

436
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:09,439
Speaker 3: my gosh, this job is killing me. Is it like,

437
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:13,880
Speaker 3: if that works, Yeah, it's killing me, you know.

438
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 2: Now, if it is, that's a whole different story.

439
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 3: That's a different story. But I mean speaking about these figuratively, right,

440
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 3: which is kind of Sometimes we can be lazy with

441
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,639
Speaker 3: our language, or sometimes we feel a certain way and

442
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:26,719
Speaker 3: so we speak it. So I'm just thinking about some

443
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:28,720
Speaker 3: of the beliefs that we might have, right. I think

444
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 3: that what you said is so powerful to dom It

445
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,960
Speaker 3: would be really wise for us all to sit still,

446
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,240
Speaker 3: like once we have a moment to ourselves, if you

447
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,520
Speaker 3: are in a space where you're able to do this,

448
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:43,119
Speaker 3: sit still, get quiet with yourself and just think about

449
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 3: what do you believe, right, what do you believe about yourself,

450
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:49,479
Speaker 3: what do you believe to be true in your world?

451
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,360
Speaker 3: With life in general, when you think about wealth, when

452
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,560
Speaker 3: you think about abundance, when you think about goals, when

453
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,679
Speaker 3: you think about relationships, what do you believe? And then

454
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 3: asking yourself why do you believe it? And when we

455
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 3: have those when we ask those questions, it would behoove

456
00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 3: us to be honest with ourselves. And I say that

457
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 3: as someone who has realized that there were many times

458
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 3: when I was not honest with myself. So whether I

459
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,439
Speaker 3: let the physical, I don't put on some makeup so

460
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 3: I didn't cover up the insecurities, or I didn't achieve

461
00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 3: the goals and got some degrees and got some accolades,

462
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 3: but deep down the side, there were still feelings of unworthiness. Right,

463
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,840
Speaker 3: there were still issues I was struggling with around my appearance.

464
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,280
Speaker 3: Even though I might look nice to other people, I'm

465
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,920
Speaker 3: still struggling with that childhood, those childhood statements of someone

466
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:40,560
Speaker 3: calling me, I'm telling me I'm ugly constantly, and then

467
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 3: that became a belief that I adopted. Right, Sometimes we

468
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:47,520
Speaker 3: sort of hijack belief somebody else believes it about us,

469
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 3: and they stated and then we believe it right, So

470
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:51,480
Speaker 3: think about what are some of the limiting beliefs that

471
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:52,360
Speaker 3: you may possess.

472
00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:00,320
Speaker 2: And you know what's always fascinating to me is how

473
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:05,239
Speaker 2: it's easier for us to grapple, grab on, sorry, let

474
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 2: me get my words together, grab on to the negative

475
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 2: and hold on to it and internalize it. But it's

476
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:19,080
Speaker 2: so hard for us to do that with the positive. Right, Because,

477
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 2: as you were talking about how people put negativity on

478
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 2: you and make you feel like you're not worthy, you're

479
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 2: not lovable, you're not pretty, you're not whatever. I think

480
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 2: about when you have a situation where people are pouring

481
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 2: into you and they're like, oh, you're so smart, You're

482
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:49,800
Speaker 2: so smart. Right, If we are battling with the negative,

483
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:57,360
Speaker 2: it is so hard. It takes way more work to

484
00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:07,720
Speaker 2: hear and believe and take in the positive. Which is

485
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 2: why I think it's also important when we're when we

486
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 2: are interacting with kids from early on to pour positivity

487
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 2: into them because that is laying that foundation that is

488
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:26,280
Speaker 2: helping them build those positive core beliefs about themselves. That

489
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 2: they are smart, that they are beautiful, that they are funny,

490
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 2: that they can do anything that they put their mind to,

491
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 2: that they try to when we focus on those positive

492
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:50,320
Speaker 2: things as the negative things come in, because they will

493
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 2: because that's how life works. It'll be easier if that's

494
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 2: the foundation. If the positivity is the foundation, then that

495
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:01,320
Speaker 2: flip side of if the negative is the foundation, and

496
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:04,120
Speaker 2: we're trying to get the positive to knock out the negative.

497
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:07,920
Speaker 3: Yes, laud And you know what's something I realized too

498
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:11,400
Speaker 3: down that was a very ooh. It was an eye

499
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:14,440
Speaker 3: opening experience, a bit of a little painful, you know.

500
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:16,480
Speaker 3: You know, I grew up in church and my pastor

501
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 3: used to say, if you can't say amen, say ouch.

502
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 3: It was like an houch moment for me. And what happened, well,

503
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 3: what had happened was so someone there were two situations.

504
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 3: Someone had called me. This was years ago, like a

505
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,600
Speaker 3: friend called me ugly and it was very triggering for me.

506
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:35,440
Speaker 3: And then someone I think I probably talked about this

507
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 3: on this podcast, but someone called me selfish, right, And

508
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 3: these were two statements that I can reflect on and

509
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 3: I think about how triggered I was by them. And so, lady,

510
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 3: what I want you to do is think about when

511
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:50,880
Speaker 3: was the last time you were triggered by an insult

512
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 3: or something someone said? Because what I had to realize

513
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:56,280
Speaker 3: within myself is that the reason I was triggered is

514
00:31:56,320 --> 00:32:00,280
Speaker 3: because energetically, like on a frequency level, my resume it

515
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 3: with what they were saying in some way. So there

516
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 3: was something deep within me that thought that maybe I

517
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 3: was a little selfish. There was something deep within me

518
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:09,960
Speaker 3: that thought maybe I am ugly. And the way that

519
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,720
Speaker 3: I sort of it's like a tell a telling way

520
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 3: to see where you're what you're connecting with energetically. Because

521
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 3: then what I did was I had another example of

522
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 3: someone who called me lazy, and that didn't impact me

523
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 3: at all because I know how hard I work. I

524
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:25,959
Speaker 3: know my work. I think it's crazy. So I'm like,

525
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:28,000
Speaker 3: that didn't even connect with me because I was I

526
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 3: wasn't offended by it because it was nothing energetically within

527
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 3: me that connected with that. So I think sometimes when

528
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:37,280
Speaker 3: someone is super offended or they're you know, they just

529
00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 3: feel a way about something, sometimes it's because there's something

530
00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 3: deep within us and we made we may have to

531
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:43,640
Speaker 3: do some digging to really connect with it, because at

532
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 3: the surface, you might be like, no, I know I'm

533
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 3: not selfish, I know I'm not ugly, but it's like, well,

534
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 3: why did it impact us cause, right, like, what are

535
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:52,520
Speaker 3: your thoughts on that, don Because that was a very

536
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:55,480
Speaker 3: big realization for me, And I was just like wait, what,

537
00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 3: Like I had to do some big deep digging for this.

538
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 2: So well, it's it's it's it's interesting. So because you

539
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:11,080
Speaker 2: use the word trigger, right, and for me and I

540
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:14,440
Speaker 2: want to say that in this particular example, like that

541
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:17,240
Speaker 2: was the that was how we use that's that's how

542
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 2: we use the word.

543
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:18,920
Speaker 3: Right.

544
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 2: That was the appropriate use of the word trigger because

545
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:26,080
Speaker 2: what it did was it really activated something in you.

546
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 2: It activated a trauma response. So you last like lash

547
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:46,680
Speaker 2: verbally lashing out. That was your fight response to an

548
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 2: activating stimuli or trigger, right, Because you experienced verbal abuse

549
00:33:54,440 --> 00:34:03,720
Speaker 2: as a kid, and those those particular words words were

550
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:07,240
Speaker 2: the words that caused the trauma in your body, right,

551
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:13,480
Speaker 2: Like those were the words that like you frequently heard

552
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:19,120
Speaker 2: that caught like that your body had a response.

553
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:21,359
Speaker 3: To mm hmm. It's like a signal like a ding

554
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,040
Speaker 3: ding ding, there's something in me.

555
00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 2: And so as an adult, hearing that that was those

556
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 2: words were a trigger. It was a reminder. It was

557
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 2: a signal like you said of oh wait, body, we

558
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:39,520
Speaker 2: got to respond because here we go this is back

559
00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:43,320
Speaker 2: to that. This is back to that moment we're in danger,

560
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 2: hold on, we got to do something. And so for me, yeah,

561
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 2: so for me, that's what came up, right, was that immediate?

562
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:57,839
Speaker 2: Like what what that was for you was you were

563
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:04,960
Speaker 2: responding to traumas that you've experienced as a kid. And

564
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:18,040
Speaker 2: so oftentimes our core beliefs are shaped by events that

565
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 2: cause trauma and as from like, if I think about

566
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:29,760
Speaker 2: our childhood experiences, right, like, those events that cause trauma

567
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:33,239
Speaker 2: will lead us to forms have us forming certain core

568
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 2: beliefs about ourselves and about the world around us. And

569
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 2: until we do the work to identify what those core

570
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:50,959
Speaker 2: beliefs are, we're going to continue to have trauma responses.

571
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,760
Speaker 2: And so you know, I think when I think about

572
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:03,839
Speaker 2: in therapy, the work that I do, Yeah, a lot

573
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:09,600
Speaker 2: of what we're doing when we're exploring childhood experiences, even

574
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:11,959
Speaker 2: if I'm not using even if I might not use

575
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:19,319
Speaker 2: the word core beliefs with a client, that's what we're

576
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:25,920
Speaker 2: getting to. That's why we're processing those experiences to understand

577
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 2: what were the core beliefs about our set that we

578
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:37,440
Speaker 2: formed about ourselves based on things that we.

579
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:40,279
Speaker 3: Experience, And how is it shown up in our life

580
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:43,280
Speaker 3: today because a lot of times, yes, thoughts and actions,

581
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,160
Speaker 3: they go back to that core belief, whether we want

582
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:47,120
Speaker 3: to admit that core belief or not, whether we're aware

583
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:50,239
Speaker 3: of it, it's stemming from somewhere. So, lady, we have

584
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,760
Speaker 3: a little activity for yourself blockchat notebook. Hopefully you're using

585
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:59,880
Speaker 3: Hopefully you're using your Cultivating Her States notebook that you

586
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:03,239
Speaker 3: ordered from herspacepodcast dot com. But anyway, lady, just watch

587
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 3: your notebook and write down, let's say, five goals that

588
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 3: you have in your life right now. Flesh them out,

589
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:14,279
Speaker 3: provide some detail, write out those goals, right. And then

590
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:17,480
Speaker 3: once you're finished writing down those five goals, then I

591
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 3: want you to write down the immediate thoughts in feelings

592
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 3: that you have and that come up for you when

593
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:28,040
Speaker 3: you think about achieving those goals. Right. And I'm just

594
00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:31,440
Speaker 3: going to kind of give a couple examples. Recently, I

595
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:33,920
Speaker 3: wrote some goals down and some of them I was

596
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,440
Speaker 3: just like, oh yeah, I got this, like definitely going

597
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 3: to do this. There were some that made me nervous,

598
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:42,400
Speaker 3: and I don't want to go two into detail about

599
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 3: this particular example, but I'm just going to kind of

600
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:47,960
Speaker 3: speak about it vaguely. I'll maybe talk about it on

601
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:51,359
Speaker 3: another episode. But there was one goal in particular that

602
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:56,400
Speaker 3: felt really big. It felt really scary, and it was

603
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:57,799
Speaker 3: something that I was like, I don't know how that's

604
00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:00,600
Speaker 3: going to happen, but I'm going to manifest it. Because

605
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:02,799
Speaker 3: I began to learn more information about what it would

606
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 3: take for me to achieve the goal, for me chatting

607
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:08,759
Speaker 3: with people who could help me, you know, achieve it.

608
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:12,600
Speaker 3: Getting more information, I began to notice feelings in my

609
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:15,920
Speaker 3: body come up that were very different from my day

610
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 3: to day sort of baseline. And the feelings that came

611
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:22,440
Speaker 3: up like a little overwhelmed, like in my gut and

612
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:26,000
Speaker 3: my belly, kind of heating up, feeling a little defeated.

613
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:28,080
Speaker 3: And I began to think like, as I began to

614
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 3: get more information on how much it would cost for

615
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:32,400
Speaker 3: me to get this thing that I wanted, this goal,

616
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 3: I began to have these feelings of I don't know

617
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:38,399
Speaker 3: if I can do this shit Like that was really

618
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:40,359
Speaker 3: what came to mind. And although I wanted it so bad,

619
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:42,279
Speaker 3: I was like, I really want this thing. Those were

620
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 3: the feelings that came up, and it was very interesting

621
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:46,440
Speaker 3: to reflect on that later because I was like, oh,

622
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,319
Speaker 3: I noticed that there was a shift. There was an

623
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:51,920
Speaker 3: energetic shift, there was a very there was just a

624
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:54,200
Speaker 3: shift that I could feel in my body. And so

625
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:57,920
Speaker 3: as we talk about attracting you know, our reality, it's

626
00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:01,280
Speaker 3: important to also realize that just because we want something

627
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:03,680
Speaker 3: and just because we say we want it, doesn't mean

628
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:06,719
Speaker 3: that we're going to manifest it. You really like the manifestation,

629
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:09,359
Speaker 3: You got to feel that thing, and it's a process,

630
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:10,840
Speaker 3: it's it's work, and we're going to talk about the

631
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:13,920
Speaker 3: tools in a bit. But it's not just enough to say, oh,

632
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:18,120
Speaker 3: I'm beautiful and I love myself, Like that's cute, But

633
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 3: let's talk about what does it feel like to feel

634
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,759
Speaker 3: beautiful and love yourself? What does it look like to

635
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:28,319
Speaker 3: love yourself when you are being approached when it comes

636
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:32,960
Speaker 3: to relationships, right because someone who lovessel what is the behavior?

637
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 3: What does it look like in action? And when you

638
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 3: start aligning that with the words, then we're getting into

639
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:41,560
Speaker 3: the change. But if we're just if it's just lip

640
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:44,440
Speaker 3: service and we're just saying, oh, the affirmations, that's cute,

641
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:47,560
Speaker 3: but what are we doing to support that? Right?

642
00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:52,279
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yeah, I think that that's the key, right,

643
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:57,880
Speaker 2: is that like really being honest with yourself through this

644
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:04,800
Speaker 2: process and also being compassionate with yourself through this process

645
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:10,759
Speaker 2: because it you know, as you were giving your Exampletary,

646
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:12,920
Speaker 2: I think the thing that came up for me was like,

647
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:17,160
Speaker 2: it's hard to be that honest with ourselves at times

648
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:23,840
Speaker 2: to say, ooh, I'm over here trying to manifest something,

649
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:29,279
Speaker 2: but I'm feeling I'm thinking that I'm not gonna get it,

650
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:34,360
Speaker 2: or that I can't get it, or that I don't

651
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:42,440
Speaker 2: deserve it right, or I'm not worthy of it. Oh wait, okay,

652
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:50,120
Speaker 2: I'm having these thoughts. Let me pause and really be

653
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 2: gentle with myself in that moment and say, okay, I

654
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:05,200
Speaker 2: know where this is coming from, and let me have

655
00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:12,879
Speaker 2: a conversation with my inner self around you have come

656
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:23,279
Speaker 2: too far, you are worthy, you do deserve, and now

657
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:26,400
Speaker 2: let's look at the facts to make sure that this

658
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:30,480
Speaker 2: actually can happen, right, because there are times where we

659
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 2: are trying to manifest something that realistically the facts say

660
00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 2: it ain't happening absolutely right. So let's say I'm trying

661
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:55,520
Speaker 2: to think of an example. Okay, Let's say that I

662
00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:59,680
Speaker 2: decided that I want now I've changed my mind on

663
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 2: being child free and I want to have a kid. Now,

664
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:12,319
Speaker 2: let's say that I had a full hysterectomy. All right, lady,

665
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 2: as you're listening, disclaimer, this is hypothetical. I did not

666
00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:18,960
Speaker 2: have a full hysterectomy, Okay, But for the purposes of

667
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:20,680
Speaker 2: this story, let's say that I did.

668
00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:23,440
Speaker 3: Wait, don can you clarify what did you have? What

669
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 3: procedure did you have? Because you talked about it before,

670
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:26,360
Speaker 3: I want to.

671
00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:29,359
Speaker 2: Yes, I had a partial hysterectomy. So my ovaries are

672
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:33,600
Speaker 2: still intact. Okay, So my body does still produce eggs currently,

673
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:36,439
Speaker 2: but I can't I would not be able to carry

674
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:36,840
Speaker 2: a child.

675
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:37,680
Speaker 3: Okay.

676
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:41,120
Speaker 2: So let's say that I decided that I want I

677
00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:45,760
Speaker 2: changed my mind on being child free, and I want

678
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:56,879
Speaker 2: to be pregnant. Well, the facts, the biology says that

679
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 2: I cannot become pregnant, right, I can't carry. I can't carry.

680
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:07,080
Speaker 3: Okay.

681
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:12,360
Speaker 2: However, that doesn't mean that I still can't have a

682
00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 2: child if I wanted it to be biologically mine. There

683
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:22,160
Speaker 2: are procedures that I could do to have my eggs extracted. Okay,

684
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:29,440
Speaker 2: I could adopt, so there, So I want to be

685
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 2: clear that there are times when we need to like

686
00:43:32,719 --> 00:43:36,280
Speaker 2: be stepping really step back and look at the facts.

687
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 2: So while I'm over here saying I'm trying to manifest

688
00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 2: the kid, and my method to manifesting this kid is

689
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be pregnant. I'm going to carry this kid,

690
00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:51,920
Speaker 2: the facts say no, you ain't boo. Part of this

691
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:54,360
Speaker 2: story is not gonna happen because part of the story,

692
00:43:54,440 --> 00:44:03,440
Speaker 2: part of the story literally cannot happen. But the other

693
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:06,440
Speaker 2: part of the story there is, there is a way,

694
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:09,879
Speaker 2: and so let me be realistic with what that way,

695
00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:13,320
Speaker 2: what it looks like. And then now I'm going to

696
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:18,120
Speaker 2: shift my focus and my beliefs to making that piece

697
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:24,840
Speaker 2: come true. And so I use it. I use that

698
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:25,920
Speaker 2: extreme example.

699
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:29,640
Speaker 3: So that folks, that was so good down I'm glad

700
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:31,600
Speaker 3: you brought that up because I want to I want

701
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,280
Speaker 3: to take a quick pivot before we talk about techniques

702
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:37,360
Speaker 3: to change beliefs. And I have a slightly different belief

703
00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:41,279
Speaker 3: than yours. But I think it's beautiful because I think

704
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:43,879
Speaker 3: this is going to allow us to connect with more people,

705
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:45,440
Speaker 3: because they are going to be some people that are

706
00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:48,120
Speaker 3: like neutral, some people who are like Okay, I'm working

707
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:51,120
Speaker 3: with Dom's perspective and then I'm walking with Tea's perspective,

708
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:54,000
Speaker 3: and Lady, we support different perspectives. So I think when

709
00:44:54,040 --> 00:44:59,280
Speaker 3: it comes to the manifestation aspect, I often replace facts

710
00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:03,640
Speaker 3: with faith. And the reason I say that is because, so, lady,

711
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:06,800
Speaker 3: you have to read this book, right. Doctor Joe just

712
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:09,799
Speaker 3: spends this book you are the Placebo. One of the

713
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:14,000
Speaker 3: things he talks about in there are these medical miracles

714
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:19,120
Speaker 3: that are just unexplainable situations where people have certain organs

715
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 3: or body parts removed, and through meditation to other techniques,

716
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:28,000
Speaker 3: they these parts of their bodies grow back. Like it's

717
00:45:28,080 --> 00:45:31,560
Speaker 3: stuff that sounds out of this world. And because of

718
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:34,320
Speaker 3: where their faith is, what their beliefs were, their practices

719
00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:36,439
Speaker 3: they had. There was one woman you talked about who

720
00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:39,279
Speaker 3: she had her thyroid removed and grew back. So I

721
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:41,600
Speaker 3: say all that to say, lady, depending on where you

722
00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:44,279
Speaker 3: are in your life, like you may decide, like if

723
00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:47,160
Speaker 3: you were a down situation, you may decide to adopt

724
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:49,799
Speaker 3: or to get a circuit, or you may be in

725
00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:51,880
Speaker 3: a position where you some kind of way you in

726
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:54,080
Speaker 3: the universe figure something out and you figure out how

727
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:55,960
Speaker 3: to carry that. Maybe I think it all depends on

728
00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 3: what you believe, back to what we said earlier, even

729
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 3: if that belief is outlandish and other people are just like,

730
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:05,319
Speaker 3: what the fuck are you talking about? It depends on

731
00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:07,600
Speaker 3: what your belief is, and it's going to vary across

732
00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:13,080
Speaker 3: the board between people. So there we have it. Now,

733
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:18,120
Speaker 3: should we get into these techniques to change beliefs? Yes? Okay,

734
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:21,319
Speaker 3: So there are three core techniques, lady, that we're going

735
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:24,280
Speaker 3: to dig into. We may share some examples for each one,

736
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:29,719
Speaker 3: but the first here is cognitive restructuring. Right. This is

737
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:32,400
Speaker 3: the process kind of we talked about earlier of identifying

738
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:37,360
Speaker 3: the negative thoughts, challenging their validity, and replacing them with positive,

739
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:39,719
Speaker 3: realistic thoughts. And this goes back to the book I

740
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:43,560
Speaker 3: mentioned earlier about self esteem when I tell you, lady,

741
00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:47,520
Speaker 3: that to reprogram ourselves, especially oftentimes at this big age

742
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:49,880
Speaker 3: with a lot of times if you're listening to this podcast,

743
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:53,480
Speaker 3: we are not as young as we used to be, okay,

744
00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:56,719
Speaker 3: And so that means that we've had years of programming

745
00:46:57,640 --> 00:47:01,360
Speaker 3: that is now hardwired into our system that needs to

746
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 3: be reprogrammed. And the same way that those beliefs did

747
00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:10,440
Speaker 3: not happen overnight. The process for restructuring is not going

748
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:13,400
Speaker 3: to happen overnight. And so when I was in grad school,

749
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:15,560
Speaker 3: I talked about this on previous shows. But that was

750
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:17,759
Speaker 3: the time in my life. I had just gotten out

751
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:22,640
Speaker 3: of a very toxic mentally emotionally abusive relationship and I

752
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:24,160
Speaker 3: was getting into a place where I was like by

753
00:47:24,239 --> 00:47:26,880
Speaker 3: myself with myself, and I began to do the work.

754
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:30,400
Speaker 3: When I tell you that this work, it oftentimes feels hard.

755
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:35,960
Speaker 3: It sometimes feels like you are showing up and nothing's happening.

756
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:38,759
Speaker 3: But I lie to you not. I feel like for

757
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:41,640
Speaker 3: my self esteem journey, I did so much work. I

758
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:43,920
Speaker 3: did the you know, the activities of writing down my

759
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:48,760
Speaker 3: thoughts where they came from, trying to find factual statements

760
00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:51,920
Speaker 3: to describe myself versus getting onto the you know, the

761
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,759
Speaker 3: adjectives and the subjective stuff. And when I did that

762
00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:57,560
Speaker 3: work and began to commit to it, and as Donin

763
00:47:57,560 --> 00:48:01,040
Speaker 3: likes to say, trust the process, it feels like I

764
00:48:01,160 --> 00:48:03,080
Speaker 3: woke up one day and I was like, oh my gosh,

765
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:05,640
Speaker 3: I have more confidence. I feel better about myself. And

766
00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:09,319
Speaker 3: when you think about it, time it's such a wild construct, right,

767
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:13,400
Speaker 3: like what is time? I often think about how you

768
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:15,239
Speaker 3: ever think about down like a goal that you want

769
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:18,480
Speaker 3: to achieve, and you don't take any action on it,

770
00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:21,760
Speaker 3: and then time passes and you're like, damn, a whole

771
00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:24,320
Speaker 3: three years has passed and I could have been started

772
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:27,080
Speaker 3: filling the blank yep, but I didn't do it, so

773
00:48:27,160 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 3: I have nothing to show for it. But then you

774
00:48:28,680 --> 00:48:30,960
Speaker 3: think about something like I don't know, a goal to

775
00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:35,600
Speaker 3: start a podcast for black women, and you take a

776
00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:37,799
Speaker 3: step and you fell forward and you try it out

777
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:39,480
Speaker 3: and you figure it out, and then you look up

778
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:42,920
Speaker 3: and five and a half years later, your Domin te

779
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 3: on the Cultivating her Space podcast and you're making a

780
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:47,440
Speaker 3: global impact on the world. Right. So I think it

781
00:48:47,600 --> 00:48:51,800
Speaker 3: all boils down to taking baby steps, committing to the process,

782
00:48:51,880 --> 00:48:54,560
Speaker 3: not like you know, looking at yourself every day like

783
00:48:55,080 --> 00:48:56,879
Speaker 3: when you're work it out at the gym to see

784
00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:58,960
Speaker 3: what's changed. Just commit to the process and the look

785
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:01,319
Speaker 3: up a year from now and see you are right.

786
00:49:02,040 --> 00:49:05,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And I think so. I think part of

787
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:08,680
Speaker 2: it too, to remember is or to think about also

788
00:49:08,800 --> 00:49:11,000
Speaker 2: is if you are struggling with figuring some of these

789
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:13,440
Speaker 2: things out and how to navigate it, is that a

790
00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:16,240
Speaker 2: lot of these concepts that we're talking about in terms

791
00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:19,840
Speaker 2: of like our cognitions and our beliefs and those things.

792
00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 2: That's part of like a theoretical orientation in therapy called

793
00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:29,920
Speaker 2: cognitive therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy. And if you're wanting

794
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:34,560
Speaker 2: help in navigating these concepts you and figuring out how

795
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:38,040
Speaker 2: to really implement it in your life, you can also

796
00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:41,120
Speaker 2: seek out a therapist who specializes in that, right, like

797
00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:45,760
Speaker 2: who that's their area a focus, and they can help

798
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:53,440
Speaker 2: you really hone in and solidify how to utilize these techniques.

799
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:56,319
Speaker 3: Amen to that down because I will say I did

800
00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:58,520
Speaker 3: not have therapy in certain phases of my journey, so

801
00:49:58,560 --> 00:49:59,880
Speaker 3: I went to the books. But when I was a

802
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:03,680
Speaker 3: to get a therapist, it helped to expedite the results

803
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:05,600
Speaker 3: and made everything a lot more smoother because I had

804
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:08,600
Speaker 3: the accountability and that in person support. So so happy

805
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:11,320
Speaker 3: you mention that that's going to take us to number two, lady,

806
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:15,440
Speaker 3: which includes affirmations and self talk. We've talked about this before,

807
00:50:15,520 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 3: but our subconscious mind is so powerful, and a lot

808
00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:21,920
Speaker 3: of times our subconscious mind it's kind of on this

809
00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:25,160
Speaker 3: loop and it's like below the consciousness, right, It's a

810
00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:27,440
Speaker 3: subconsciousness below consciousness. So a lot of times we're not

811
00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:30,759
Speaker 3: even aware of what's happening in our subconscious mind, but

812
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:33,920
Speaker 3: it's showing up in our life how we engage with people,

813
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:37,319
Speaker 3: the thoughts that we have. And so for me, some

814
00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 3: of the techniques that I use in addition to affirmations

815
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:42,480
Speaker 3: in the morning, so literally, like this is the verbal

816
00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:46,440
Speaker 3: part we talked about earlier. I am beautiful, I am loved,

817
00:50:46,600 --> 00:50:50,080
Speaker 3: I am abundant, all those things right, saying that, also

818
00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:53,319
Speaker 3: feeling the feelings like I am abundant? What does it

819
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:56,360
Speaker 3: feel like to be abundant? Like feeling the feelings. I

820
00:50:56,560 --> 00:51:01,080
Speaker 3: also have been doing self hypnosis audio, so like I

821
00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 3: have an audio track that I've recorded of myself saying

822
00:51:04,239 --> 00:51:06,480
Speaker 3: amazing things about myself, and I sleep with that on

823
00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:10,480
Speaker 3: and I tell you it's been up leveling the subconscious

824
00:51:10,520 --> 00:51:13,680
Speaker 3: even more. That's another technique that's really good. What are

825
00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:15,800
Speaker 3: some of yours, donks, I know you had some from

826
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:17,680
Speaker 3: that we talked about before, as well as far as

827
00:51:17,719 --> 00:51:18,959
Speaker 3: affirmations and self talk.

828
00:51:20,239 --> 00:51:23,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think some of my affirmations, like one of

829
00:51:23,320 --> 00:51:28,680
Speaker 2: my favorites is I am enough right and I am worthy?

830
00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:32,400
Speaker 2: And so I think what helps is to identify the

831
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:37,800
Speaker 2: things that you want right, and make sure that these things,

832
00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:41,600
Speaker 2: your affirmations and your positive self talk, are truly relevant

833
00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:48,360
Speaker 2: to you. So somebody saying, oh I saw on ig, like,

834
00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:51,759
Speaker 2: oh I saw ten affirmations and one of them was

835
00:51:52,040 --> 00:51:56,680
Speaker 2: I am an athlete. If you are not an athlete,

836
00:51:56,840 --> 00:51:59,439
Speaker 2: if you are not trying to be an athlete, then

837
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:03,440
Speaker 2: that aff does not work for you. So don't say it.

838
00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:10,880
Speaker 2: Find the affirmations that truly are realistic and applicable to

839
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:16,800
Speaker 2: your life. Right. But let's say that you are wanting

840
00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:21,960
Speaker 2: to become an athlete, So then maybe your affirmation is

841
00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 2: I am an athlete, because that's what you're trying to

842
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:30,000
Speaker 2: get to. Because then it ceas into your self conscious

843
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:32,560
Speaker 2: and you start behaving in ways and it becomes a

844
00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:38,440
Speaker 2: self fulfilling prophecy because then you start behaving in ways

845
00:52:38,480 --> 00:52:43,360
Speaker 2: that say that show that you are an athlete.

846
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:47,799
Speaker 3: I love that. Dom that's so important to choose affirmations

847
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:49,680
Speaker 3: that connect with you so that when you say it,

848
00:52:49,719 --> 00:52:52,120
Speaker 3: you can fit. Sometimes I will say in the beginning,

849
00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:54,200
Speaker 3: when I was doing affirmations, I was like this shit

850
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:57,360
Speaker 3: feels abnormal. Like I was like, one, I don't believe

851
00:52:57,400 --> 00:53:00,480
Speaker 3: I'm beautiful. I don't believe I'm loved. I did keep

852
00:53:00,520 --> 00:53:02,839
Speaker 3: saying it because I wanted to become those things. Right. So,

853
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 3: like that said, do what resonates with you. Also, positive

854
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:08,920
Speaker 3: self talk. I cannot tell you how many times throughout

855
00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:11,640
Speaker 3: the day, especially when I was by myself walking around,

856
00:53:11,880 --> 00:53:15,320
Speaker 3: where I would have this negative like this negative soundtrack

857
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:18,040
Speaker 3: on loop right, where I'd be walking by people, I'm like,

858
00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:20,760
Speaker 3: oh shit, they're all looking at me. I look so dumb,

859
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:22,799
Speaker 3: like all my outfits, like all the things that I

860
00:53:22,840 --> 00:53:24,840
Speaker 3: saw in the house that I was insecure about. Oh,

861
00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:26,920
Speaker 3: my track is showing like whatever it might be. I

862
00:53:26,920 --> 00:53:30,000
Speaker 3: would just be saying that. And so now listen, if

863
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:32,239
Speaker 3: y'all would hear the stuff I say about myself as

864
00:53:32,239 --> 00:53:34,680
Speaker 3: I'm walking throughout the day, y'all would be like, oh,

865
00:53:34,719 --> 00:53:37,200
Speaker 3: she cocky, And I don't even give a fuck, because

866
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:38,960
Speaker 3: that's what I need. I know where I've been through.

867
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:40,000
Speaker 3: I know what I've been through.

868
00:53:40,200 --> 00:53:42,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know what I need to do to.

869
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:45,080
Speaker 3: Keep my confidence up and to be who I want

870
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:46,560
Speaker 3: to show up in the world to be. So baby,

871
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:49,279
Speaker 3: everything is you a bad bitch? Not really, but it's

872
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:52,080
Speaker 3: like you are amazing. You can do anything you put

873
00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:54,960
Speaker 3: your mind to you are incredible, you are worthy, you

874
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:57,480
Speaker 3: are enough. Like Don was saying, so as you're moving

875
00:53:57,480 --> 00:54:00,600
Speaker 3: throughout your day, walking across campus walk and you know

876
00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 3: at the job, say those things to yourself. It's okay

877
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:05,320
Speaker 3: for you to feel good about yourself, to be confident.

878
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:10,560
Speaker 2: Yes. And so then I think that takes us to

879
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:16,719
Speaker 2: the third, the third technique of visualizing it and mentally

880
00:54:16,840 --> 00:54:21,200
Speaker 2: rehearsing it. Right that Like, okay, so I'm going back

881
00:54:21,239 --> 00:54:25,120
Speaker 2: to this example of I am an athlete. So you

882
00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:28,600
Speaker 2: step back and you close your eyes and you visualize, Well,

883
00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:30,960
Speaker 2: maybe you don't have to close your eyes. For me personally,

884
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:34,719
Speaker 2: closing my eyes helps with the visualization, but maybe you

885
00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:39,839
Speaker 2: close your eyes and you picture yourself engaging in the

886
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:49,640
Speaker 2: athletic activity. And so then it starts to seep in. Right.

887
00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:57,200
Speaker 2: You're like, okay, so I'm a track star, all right,

888
00:54:59,040 --> 00:55:06,720
Speaker 2: and you visualize yourself being that track star, or maybe

889
00:55:06,719 --> 00:55:11,200
Speaker 2: you're running marathons, whatever it is like, you visualize yourself

890
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:17,839
Speaker 2: doing that, and you constantly engage in that visualization. It's

891
00:55:17,920 --> 00:55:23,319
Speaker 2: not like a one and done thing, right, Like I

892
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:30,160
Speaker 2: remember years ago, I say well years because it actually

893
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:34,640
Speaker 2: was more than two years. Having a conversation with my

894
00:55:34,800 --> 00:55:38,319
Speaker 2: therapist about what I wanted my life to look like.

895
00:55:41,520 --> 00:55:48,000
Speaker 2: And I think this is a testament to trusting the

896
00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:52,799
Speaker 2: process and the power of visualization, right, and also a

897
00:55:52,840 --> 00:55:57,200
Speaker 2: recognition that things don't always like when you have a visualization.

898
00:55:57,280 --> 00:56:01,000
Speaker 2: Things don't always play out exactly how you visualized it,

899
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:07,400
Speaker 2: but they do play out. And so one of the

900
00:56:07,440 --> 00:56:10,719
Speaker 2: things that I visualized was about the space that I

901
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:14,320
Speaker 2: live in. And I'm not saying too much because I

902
00:56:14,320 --> 00:56:18,160
Speaker 2: don't need people knowing where I live, but for my

903
00:56:18,200 --> 00:56:25,879
Speaker 2: privacy purposes, those that know no. And so in that

904
00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:29,799
Speaker 2: conversation with my therapists, like we talked about like what

905
00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:31,960
Speaker 2: it was that I wanted my life to look like,

906
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:34,000
Speaker 2: what it was that I wanted my home to look like.

907
00:56:35,239 --> 00:56:39,440
Speaker 2: And then but also it wasn't just in a conversation

908
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:44,279
Speaker 2: with my therapist, you and I team we had. We

909
00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:52,400
Speaker 2: went through visualization exercise together, right, and that was part

910
00:56:52,440 --> 00:57:01,839
Speaker 2: of that conversation. Now, I'll be honest, Like, I had

911
00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:06,840
Speaker 2: those conversations and I didn't necessarily keep coming back to

912
00:57:07,239 --> 00:57:13,320
Speaker 2: that particular aspect of the conversation, but by that point,

913
00:57:13,560 --> 00:57:17,200
Speaker 2: by the time, because those visualizations felt so powerful for me,

914
00:57:19,480 --> 00:57:25,920
Speaker 2: they had already seeped into myself conscious, my subconscious and

915
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:30,160
Speaker 2: as when I was ready. When I made the move

916
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:34,160
Speaker 2: from northern California to southern California and I started looking

917
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:39,920
Speaker 2: for places to live, things weren't feel like. Places weren't

918
00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:48,360
Speaker 2: feeling right. And for me, when I'm moving into a

919
00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:53,080
Speaker 2: new space, it needs to feel right. There's nothing tangible,

920
00:57:53,120 --> 00:57:57,240
Speaker 2: but it's a feeling that I get the place that

921
00:57:57,320 --> 00:57:59,959
Speaker 2: I am in now, I did not physically step foot

922
00:57:59,960 --> 00:58:05,840
Speaker 2: inside of it, but the area felt like, okay, this

923
00:58:06,080 --> 00:58:12,000
Speaker 2: was it. And then fast forward and I had a

924
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:16,480
Speaker 2: conversation with my therapist and then when I told you

925
00:58:16,520 --> 00:58:20,560
Speaker 2: to you about where I was moving, it was like, oh, yeah,

926
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:23,760
Speaker 2: you remember that visualization you did, and it was a

927
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:28,960
Speaker 2: reminder that yeah, this is what I this is what

928
00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:29,760
Speaker 2: I asked for.

929
00:58:32,680 --> 00:58:35,720
Speaker 3: I remember that too, Don. I was so excited to

930
00:58:35,720 --> 00:58:37,760
Speaker 3: be on the path with you, for you to let

931
00:58:37,760 --> 00:58:40,760
Speaker 3: me in because that's a very sacred space. You know,

932
00:58:40,760 --> 00:58:43,360
Speaker 3: those are sacred activities letting someone into the vision that

933
00:58:43,400 --> 00:58:45,280
Speaker 3: you have for your life. And Lady, when I tell

934
00:58:45,280 --> 00:58:47,800
Speaker 3: you that visualization and mental rehearsal is one of my

935
00:58:47,840 --> 00:58:50,680
Speaker 3: favorite things to do for a manifestation, I have a

936
00:58:50,680 --> 00:58:52,840
Speaker 3: new practice that I do daily that I'll share with you.

937
00:58:52,880 --> 00:58:56,120
Speaker 3: But when you think about visualization, it really does help

938
00:58:56,320 --> 00:59:00,280
Speaker 3: to bring about your desired outcome by reinforcing the new

939
00:59:00,320 --> 00:59:03,960
Speaker 3: beliefs and also increasing motivation. And so many of you

940
00:59:04,040 --> 00:59:08,000
Speaker 3: know that athletes use mental rehearsal, Like yes, I saw

941
00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:11,040
Speaker 3: a study that said ninety percent of Olympic athletes use

942
00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:14,800
Speaker 3: mental rehearsal. And what's even more impressive is ninety seven

943
00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:18,160
Speaker 3: percent of them believe that it helps their performance. And

944
00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:23,480
Speaker 3: so when I'm talking about before speaking engagements, before anything

945
00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:25,960
Speaker 3: big that I do, I'm visualizing it. So for me,

946
00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:29,400
Speaker 3: that looks like me meditating, getting super quiet. And still

947
00:59:29,480 --> 00:59:31,840
Speaker 3: I even do this for my days, like this week

948
00:59:32,120 --> 00:59:33,880
Speaker 3: has been a very busy week for me, and so

949
00:59:34,080 --> 00:59:37,120
Speaker 3: every morning I'll take some time five to ten minutes

950
00:59:37,160 --> 00:59:39,680
Speaker 3: because life is still pretty full and I don't have

951
00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:42,080
Speaker 3: time to do an hour meditation right now, but five

952
00:59:42,080 --> 00:59:44,920
Speaker 3: to ten minutes of meditation, and then I actually script

953
00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:47,480
Speaker 3: out my day, so I'll write down my day and

954
00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:51,640
Speaker 3: how it unfolds before it happens, so I can get

955
00:59:51,680 --> 00:59:53,760
Speaker 3: my mind mentally ready, like this is how it's going

956
00:59:53,800 --> 00:59:56,200
Speaker 3: to be. And when I tell y'all that I believe.

957
00:59:56,720 --> 00:59:58,200
Speaker 3: I know that, I know that I know that my

958
00:59:58,320 --> 01:00:00,160
Speaker 3: day is going to be how I script it, and

959
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:02,920
Speaker 3: it turns out so amazing. So yes, it takes work.

960
01:00:03,160 --> 01:00:05,360
Speaker 3: Yes it's a muscle that needs to be developed, but

961
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:07,160
Speaker 3: it works for me, and so I keep showing up

962
01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 3: to do it. Another thing I do is I have

963
01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:11,240
Speaker 3: a digital vision board that I look at every morning,

964
01:00:12,120 --> 01:00:14,080
Speaker 3: and I'm like in the weeds with this, y'all. So

965
01:00:14,120 --> 01:00:16,040
Speaker 3: I look at the vision board, I'm looking at everything

966
01:00:16,080 --> 01:00:18,400
Speaker 3: I think the universe. For all the things on the boards,

967
01:00:18,440 --> 01:00:20,920
Speaker 3: I know that they're already here and available to me.

968
01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:24,360
Speaker 3: And then I create a voice note right the next level,

969
01:00:24,640 --> 01:00:27,400
Speaker 3: and it's called my I Manifest Daily Voice Notes. So

970
01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:30,480
Speaker 3: in that voice note, I'm literally closing my eyes and

971
01:00:30,520 --> 01:00:32,840
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, my life is this, And I'm speaking

972
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:36,000
Speaker 3: all the things that I desire as if they're already here,

973
01:00:36,360 --> 01:00:38,960
Speaker 3: and I'm like getting super giddy and I'm excited. I'm

974
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:41,720
Speaker 3: like feeling all the emotions and the things that I've

975
01:00:41,720 --> 01:00:44,960
Speaker 3: been doing, the things that I've been stating over the

976
01:00:44,960 --> 01:00:48,120
Speaker 3: past couple months have all been coming to fruition. I

977
01:00:48,160 --> 01:00:50,919
Speaker 3: can't share them all right now, but Dom knows all

978
01:00:50,960 --> 01:00:53,439
Speaker 3: the things that I've been manifesting, and literally, one by one,

979
01:00:53,880 --> 01:00:57,080
Speaker 3: it's all just unfolding. Some of them are in miraculous

980
01:00:57,120 --> 01:00:59,800
Speaker 3: ways that don't make any sense on paper. On paper,

981
01:00:59,840 --> 01:01:01,920
Speaker 3: you'd be like, this don't make sense. How are we

982
01:01:01,960 --> 01:01:04,600
Speaker 3: doing this? But I'm in the energy right and so

983
01:01:04,680 --> 01:01:07,480
Speaker 3: I want to state that these three techniques that we

984
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:10,400
Speaker 3: just share it with you can really help to align

985
01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:13,720
Speaker 3: your beliefs with your desired reality. And the other thing

986
01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:16,280
Speaker 3: is a mantra that I use on a daily because

987
01:01:16,280 --> 01:01:18,960
Speaker 3: Don made a really good point in saying, like, just

988
01:01:18,960 --> 01:01:21,240
Speaker 3: because you want to manifest something, it may not unfold

989
01:01:21,280 --> 01:01:23,160
Speaker 3: the way that you want it to. And so the

990
01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:26,360
Speaker 3: mantra that I have is everything is working out for

991
01:01:26,440 --> 01:01:29,840
Speaker 3: my good even when I don't understand. So if it's

992
01:01:29,840 --> 01:01:31,800
Speaker 3: a certain car that I'm like, oh, I really want

993
01:01:31,800 --> 01:01:33,560
Speaker 3: this car. Oh my gosh, I want it, and then

994
01:01:33,560 --> 01:01:36,960
Speaker 3: something shifts and I get something different, and I'm like, oh,

995
01:01:37,280 --> 01:01:39,120
Speaker 3: this was working out for my good. I didn't understand

996
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:41,200
Speaker 3: it at the moment something shifted, but I'm grateful for

997
01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:43,640
Speaker 3: what I have. And so even when things don't work

998
01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:45,880
Speaker 3: out or they don't look how you want them to, look,

999
01:01:46,480 --> 01:01:48,800
Speaker 3: take a look, look a little deeper and see how

1000
01:01:48,840 --> 01:01:51,000
Speaker 3: it's still serving you right, because I truly believe that

1001
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:53,200
Speaker 3: can be true for us. So, Lady dom and I

1002
01:01:53,240 --> 01:01:55,520
Speaker 3: are going to do a quick recap of the techniques

1003
01:01:56,200 --> 01:02:00,560
Speaker 3: that can assist with changing your beliefs and ligning your

1004
01:02:00,560 --> 01:02:03,000
Speaker 3: beliefs with your desired reality. And then we're going to

1005
01:02:03,080 --> 01:02:06,120
Speaker 3: go record the after show and share some practical tips

1006
01:02:06,160 --> 01:02:09,160
Speaker 3: and exercises that you can implement on a daily basis

1007
01:02:09,160 --> 01:02:14,520
Speaker 3: to further attracting the life that you desire and deserve. So, Tom,

1008
01:02:14,560 --> 01:02:15,880
Speaker 3: do you want to do a recover? Do you want

1009
01:02:15,880 --> 01:02:17,720
Speaker 3: me to do it? So?

1010
01:02:18,240 --> 01:02:21,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, So the techniques, I'll take the techniques, the three

1011
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:28,600
Speaker 2: major techniques, cognitive restructuring, affirmations and positive self talk and

1012
01:02:28,680 --> 01:02:30,680
Speaker 2: visualization and mental rehearsal.

1013
01:02:32,000 --> 01:02:34,680
Speaker 3: There we go. You heard it here, lady. We are

1014
01:02:34,720 --> 01:02:37,840
Speaker 3: going to catch you in the after show. Re Listen

1015
01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:40,120
Speaker 3: to this episode for surelady, and get your notebook out

1016
01:02:40,160 --> 01:02:42,760
Speaker 3: or your journal and really think about where do you

1017
01:02:42,800 --> 01:02:45,840
Speaker 3: want to be in your life? What are your beliefs right,

1018
01:02:45,920 --> 01:02:48,680
Speaker 3: why do you believe them? And just know that anything

1019
01:02:49,320 --> 01:02:51,920
Speaker 3: that you think of any desire that you have, I

1020
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:54,439
Speaker 3: truly believe that the creator gave it to you because

1021
01:02:54,440 --> 01:02:57,160
Speaker 3: it's possible. So if you're dreaming and thinking about something

1022
01:02:57,160 --> 01:02:58,760
Speaker 3: that you want to do, or somewhere you want to live,

1023
01:02:58,840 --> 01:03:01,280
Speaker 3: or the type of relationship you want, it's not there

1024
01:03:01,280 --> 01:03:03,520
Speaker 3: for no reason you can do. It's announce the matter

1025
01:03:03,520 --> 01:03:06,680
Speaker 3: of figuring out how can you align your essence and

1026
01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:10,040
Speaker 3: who you are with that that you desire, that which

1027
01:03:10,080 --> 01:03:11,800
Speaker 3: you desire. So, lady, we're going to head onto the

1028
01:03:11,840 --> 01:03:14,880
Speaker 3: After show. Visit Herspace podcast dot com, click on Patreon,

1029
01:03:15,240 --> 01:03:17,920
Speaker 3: and support us on Patreon because we are a black

1030
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:21,800
Speaker 3: owned business, Like yeah, what dady? Lady? Are you supporting us?

1031
01:03:21,920 --> 01:03:23,360
Speaker 3: Come visit us on the after show and we'll talk

1032
01:03:23,360 --> 01:03:29,920
Speaker 3: to you soon. Lady bye, thanks.

1033
01:03:28,160 --> 01:03:32,200
Speaker 2: For joining us today. Please note that our show may

1034
01:03:32,280 --> 01:03:38,840
Speaker 2: contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and mental health,

1035
01:03:39,280 --> 01:03:42,160
Speaker 2: but is by no means meant to be a substitute

1036
01:03:42,240 --> 01:03:46,680
Speaker 2: for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained mental health provider.

1037
01:03:47,480 --> 01:03:50,200
Speaker 2: If you are someone you know is in need of

1038
01:03:50,240 --> 01:03:53,800
Speaker 2: mental health care, please visit a Therapy for Black Girls

1039
01:03:53,840 --> 01:03:59,440
Speaker 2: directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

1040
01:03:59,360 --> 01:04:01,120
Speaker 3: If you'd like you heard and want to keep the

1041
01:04:01,120 --> 01:04:05,560
Speaker 3: conversation going. Visit our website at herspacepodcast dot com and

1042
01:04:05,600 --> 01:04:07,920
Speaker 3: be sure to click the Patreon link to get access

1043
01:04:07,960 --> 01:04:12,080
Speaker 3: to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show. And

1044
01:04:12,200 --> 01:04:16,040
Speaker 3: before we meet again, repeat after me. The universe is

1045
01:04:16,080 --> 01:04:20,720
Speaker 3: conspiring for my success. I trust the process and surrender

1046
01:04:20,800 --> 01:04:21,320
Speaker 3: to the flow.