Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, This is Thelma and Louise. Well actually that's
Speaker 1: not really our names, but some purposes of this. It's
Speaker 1: going to be that way until we get comfortable with
Speaker 1: this concept. And since it's been about nine years that
Speaker 1: Thelma and I have been trying to navigate the dating
Speaker 1: world and haven't successfully got ourselves into a final destination
Speaker 1: chapter two relationship, we are hesitant to give our real names.
Speaker 1: But maybe one day we will be comfortable to give
Speaker 1: our real names. Anyways, here we are bestie since college.
Speaker 1: Did not think that we would end up where we are,
Speaker 1: which is divorced. But we've made lemonade out of lemons
Speaker 1: and we are boots on the ground, normal people, not
Speaker 1: celebrities in our fifties children kids in college like ready
Speaker 1: to kind of focus on our chapter two. We spend
Speaker 1: a lot of time actually dating. We do the date prep,
Speaker 1: we do the post mortem, and we are happy to
Speaker 1: be an open book and answer any and all questions
Speaker 1: because we are all in this together, ladies, and we
Speaker 1: all have a single goal of finding our unicorn. So Thelma,
Speaker 1: we thought it would be interesting if we were to
Speaker 1: talk to our friends out there and just talk about
Speaker 1: the concept of a first date, Right, Like, let's assume
Speaker 1: we've met somebody out or we've you know, gone on
Speaker 1: the dating app, and we have secured a first date,
Speaker 1: and you and I have a lot of kind of
Speaker 1: thoughts and opinions on outfits and how we should be
Speaker 1: treated and expectations and all that, so let's just start
Speaker 1: with the concept of a first date.
Speaker 2: Well, that's probably a good question for me because I
Speaker 2: feel like Louise has a lot more experience with first
Speaker 2: date than I do, so I'm still kind of getting
Speaker 2: the hang of it. But I ironically have two dates
Speaker 2: this week, so I can really talk in their first dates,
Speaker 2: so I feel like I can really speak to this.
Speaker 2: I think starting kind of it's step one is the
Speaker 2: date outfit. And I don't know about you all out there,
Speaker 2: but if I we have a uniform, well I think
Speaker 2: it is it's getting a uniform so that when you
Speaker 2: get asked out on a date, you know what is
Speaker 2: your go to that makes you feel confident and good
Speaker 2: about yourself. And also it's not that it's an hour
Speaker 2: before the date and you have closed all over your
Speaker 2: closet floor, you're freaking out, You're tempted to cancel and
Speaker 2: thinking this is not happening. Because if that's me and
Speaker 2: I'm not prepared and don't feel good, I either show
Speaker 2: up and I'm ready to polish off ten cocktails because
Speaker 2: I'm such a stress case, or I kind of want
Speaker 2: to can the whole thing. So I feel like we've
Speaker 2: really spent a lot of time to kind of figure
Speaker 2: out what is our signature look and like coming up
Speaker 2: with a couple outfits that really work for us.
Speaker 1: I think what's important about the first date outfit is
Speaker 1: what message are you trying to give off about who
Speaker 1: you are?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: So for example, you know, are we going to go
Speaker 1: in and are we going to wear, you know, at
Speaker 1: age fifty, like a camusol and nothing over our shoulders
Speaker 1: and just kind of say like hey, hey, like lucky
Speaker 1: you there could be action today, Or are we going
Speaker 1: to wear an elegant blouse, Like what imageer we try
Speaker 1: to put forward that represents best who we are to
Speaker 1: give that first date person a sense. So I know
Speaker 1: you and I spend a lot of time on you know,
Speaker 1: if we're going to wear, for example, a blouse and
Speaker 1: maybe we'll wear a more fitted bottom, or if we're
Speaker 1: going to wear a camsol, then we're going to wear
Speaker 1: like a leather jacket over our shoulders. So we're trying
Speaker 1: to do like a chic but sexy but elegant, you know,
Speaker 1: kind of age appropriate outfit.
Speaker 2: And if we feel good in it, then that's all
Speaker 2: that really matters to us. I also think that, like
Speaker 2: for me, venues kind of because I know that a
Speaker 2: lot of people probably have their ideal for a date,
Speaker 2: but for me, it's it's short and sweet. And I
Speaker 2: can speak to that because I've made this mistake. Now,
Speaker 2: Like how many times, Louise, have I called you and said,
Speaker 2: oh my god, like, what is wrong? I just got
Speaker 2: suckered into four hours?
Speaker 1: Well, last week you were on a date. It was
Speaker 1: a first date, and it was like four hours. I
Speaker 1: couldn't get you on the phone, and I was like,
Speaker 1: either you're chopped up. I was got married and just
Speaker 1: eloped and didn't want your best friend to come. So
Speaker 1: I think you're right. I think the first date really
Speaker 1: should be capped at an hour, leave them wanting more,
Speaker 1: don't exhaust everything that we're talking about, right, Like, it
Speaker 1: should be short and sweet and just enough to give
Speaker 1: kind of a sense of like, hey, do I want
Speaker 1: to go out with this person again, and if.
Speaker 2: You're anything like me, like set that up ahead of time,
Speaker 2: because I always get suckered into the two nice syndrome
Speaker 2: where it's like, if it's not terrible, I mean I
Speaker 2: can talk to a wall, you can talk to a wall.
Speaker 2: I can make any date appear good, but we all
Speaker 2: know if you're feeling it or not. And I think
Speaker 2: for me, it's like I sit down in the conversation
Speaker 2: flows and then sometimes I feel guilty. And I also
Speaker 2: think sometimes I'm so I don't know if it's my
Speaker 2: ego or what it is, but sometimes I'm so fixated
Speaker 2: on like wanting it to be a successful first date,
Speaker 2: that I get caught up in that as opposed to like,
Speaker 2: what do I feel? Do I want to end this date?
Speaker 2: Is this a good use of my Thursday night? Or
Speaker 2: would I rather be at home on my couch or
Speaker 2: talking to my kids.
Speaker 1: I used to do that. I used to look at
Speaker 1: every first date as an audition because rejection was so
Speaker 1: hard for me that I would sit there and want
Speaker 1: to try to sign the date just to make sure
Speaker 1: that I was going to get the call back the
Speaker 1: next day, and then I would decide if I wanted
Speaker 1: to go out with them? And recently I kind of
Speaker 1: switched my focus to your point of like, wait, does
Speaker 1: this person align with me? Am I interested? Do I
Speaker 1: want to go out them again?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: Are we kind of on the same page? And so
Speaker 1: I made it less about advice gets the callback and
Speaker 1: more about like, do I want to go out with
Speaker 1: this person again? Is this somebody that I want to,
Speaker 1: you know, spend an hour quite frankly away from you, laughing,
Speaker 1: eating goof kitchen and sweats and putting the effort into
Speaker 1: getting dressed and putting makeup on and sitting there and
Speaker 1: going on a date. So I totally agree with you.
Speaker 1: You know, it's interesting going back to the concept of
Speaker 1: a first date. I am one who does not and
Speaker 1: I know you feel the same way. We do not
Speaker 1: do video chats, Like I think there's something that gets
Speaker 1: lost in translation. I mean, that's part of the problem
Speaker 1: with this whole swipe mentality is it's all based on physicality,
Speaker 1: like swipe, swipe, swipe, sipe. Who's really reading the description?
Speaker 1: And I think so much has to do with like
Speaker 1: an energy and an aura and like almost like an
Speaker 1: ingredients of connection between two people on a date. So
Speaker 1: I actually don't do video chat first dates, But.
Speaker 2: Do you insist on calling them or I mean or
Speaker 2: having a conversation.
Speaker 1: Always have a phone call, So try to pivot pretty
Speaker 1: quickly from a text to all unless it's a setup.
Speaker 1: If it's a setup, to be honest with you, and
Speaker 1: the person has been vetted from somebody in my life,
Speaker 1: like I'm good just to have the kind of text
Speaker 1: to make the date arrangement and then meet them in
Speaker 1: person for the first time. If it's an app then
Speaker 1: I think a phone call is super super important. But
Speaker 1: I I definitely like to meet in person for the
Speaker 1: first time. And I'm one who prefers a glass of
Speaker 1: wine and not a hike for a coffee date. I
Speaker 1: think it's a personal preference of where somebody feels their
Speaker 1: most most comfortable. Some people want to, you know, wear
Speaker 1: leggings and be like this is me, you know, love
Speaker 1: me for who I am, instead of done up with
Speaker 1: like the glamor. I like the idea of, you know,
Speaker 1: putting myself together and showing up and sitting in a
Speaker 1: place where there's a vibe and an atmosphere to kind
Speaker 1: of help kind of fuel the energy a little bit.
Speaker 1: And I'm always better on a goss of wine. Anyways,
Speaker 1: I am too.
Speaker 2: But did I tell you when I asked on my
Speaker 2: date this guy, I said, so, what makes you choose
Speaker 2: a coffee date of our cocktail date? And his answer, yes,
Speaker 2: this was his answer. He's like, I do it when
Speaker 2: I'm not really sure of the pictures and if the
Speaker 2: girl is going to be truly how she's represented online,
Speaker 2: So I do it so that I can be sober
Speaker 2: and really check her out.
Speaker 1: Interesting. I mean, look, there's a lot of people that
Speaker 1: have been at this game for a long time, and
Speaker 1: everybody kind of has their greatest hits playlist of what
Speaker 1: works for them or what is their their comfort level,
Speaker 1: and you know, it's almost indicative of like people connecting
Speaker 1: or not, Like does is our chemistry compass lined up?
Speaker 1: Or do our i hate to say, childhood wounds line up?
Speaker 1: Or our baggage. It's interesting, it's a fascinating it's a
Speaker 1: fascinating game, and I've learned to love the idea of
Speaker 1: first dates.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about dating apps, because aren't ninety nine of
Speaker 2: us kind of forced or subjected to that's what we
Speaker 2: need to do to meet people. I mean, these days, Louise,
Speaker 2: do agree.
Speaker 1: It's hard because I've I've been on apps briefly and
Speaker 1: it made me uncomfortable and I prefer setups, but setups
Speaker 1: are fewer and far between. So I kind of look
Speaker 1: at all of it and I'm always just open to
Speaker 1: a first date, like if somebody wants to set me up,
Speaker 1: or if there's somebody interesting enough on an app. Like
Speaker 1: my time is just not that valuable in that I
Speaker 1: can spare an hour to meet somebody. And I think
Speaker 1: that people come into our lives because they're supposed to, right.
Speaker 1: I don't believe in random encounters. I think whether somebody
Speaker 1: is supposed to be a lesson or a blessing, or
Speaker 1: it's somebody that can be you know, kind of punted
Speaker 1: to somebody else, right Like I remember I was once
Speaker 1: having this conversation like one woman's trash could be another
Speaker 1: woman's treasure, right. Like, So I'm always open to everything.
Speaker 1: And you know, I have a lot of friends who
Speaker 1: spend a lot of time and they want to like
Speaker 1: Google and they want to know like where do they live,
Speaker 1: and what do they do, what's their job and this
Speaker 1: and that. It's like I don't even do the I'm
Speaker 1: going to be in a safe space, public space, like
Speaker 1: I'm okay, Like I'm not going to Google, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to get preconceived motions. I go in now, super
Speaker 1: super open, and I think it's like kind of what
Speaker 1: works for you and the way that we can increase
Speaker 1: our numbers and of a dating app, which really, if
Speaker 1: you think about it, it's like the days of standing
Speaker 1: in a Starbucks line or you know what, guy approaches
Speaker 1: a table of five girls eating dinner. It's so rare.
Speaker 1: We'd be better off sitting at a bar by ourselves,
Speaker 1: which is kind of scary and I don't know, makes
Speaker 1: me feel super insecure. But a guy will talk to
Speaker 1: a girl sitting at a bar by herself, or maybe
Speaker 1: if you and I are like, look what happened last
Speaker 1: Oh god, what happened last week? Was that crazy?
Speaker 2: Oh my god? Oh my god? That was that was
Speaker 2: creat You.
Speaker 1: Have to tell the story because it talks about how
Speaker 1: we put our put ourselves together and the energy we
Speaker 1: give off.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, so Louise and I are at a bar
Speaker 2: and we're sitting there in our slash bar. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 2: and I I always and bibe a little more than
Speaker 2: she does, so I'm always on my second glass of
Speaker 2: wine while she's still nursing her first I'm very measured,
Speaker 2: so anyway, so I had ordered the second glass and
Speaker 2: there was a guy sitting next to Louise, and I
Speaker 2: guess he noticed that her glass was empty as I'm
Speaker 2: like halfway through with my second, and so he all
Speaker 2: of a sudden, glass of red wine shows up, and
Speaker 2: you know your glass was empty, clearly mine wasn't. And
Speaker 2: so we start striking up a conversation with him, and
Speaker 2: he was nice, but he was definitely older. He didn't
Speaker 2: look older. I think he actually looked great for his age.
Speaker 2: That's like the nice compliment I have here is that
Speaker 2: he looked great for his age. But it did proceed
Speaker 2: to get a little sketchy. But like we're gluttons for punishment,
Speaker 2: so we just kept on the conversation going.
Speaker 1: But we also felt bad, like he bought a drink
Speaker 1: for us. He was right next to us. We hadn't
Speaker 1: even gotten our food, so we were not going anywhere.
Speaker 2: Oh god, okay, I'm interrupting you. So that's a total topic.
Speaker 2: Where you and I think I think we disagree on
Speaker 2: is that I feel so uncomfortable when somebody has bought
Speaker 2: me dinner or a drink. And that's often why I
Speaker 2: have a hard time getting up during a date, because
Speaker 2: I somehow feel like I owe them something. Do you
Speaker 2: feel that way?
Speaker 1: Well, that was a different situation. We were still sitting
Speaker 1: there and he had just sent a drink and he
Speaker 1: was like, next us. You know what I'm saying. So
Speaker 1: I feel like again, I mean, this is let me
Speaker 1: just put this bluntly. I had a friend who's dating
Speaker 1: a guy this was awful, and he paid for her
Speaker 1: to get her boobs done and some other work done,
Speaker 1: and then she calls me up two weeks post surgery.
Speaker 1: She's like, yeah, I'm gonna break up with them. I go, what,
Speaker 1: you can't do that? Like he bought you boobs, Like
Speaker 1: he's got it. You can't just be so obvious, right,
Speaker 1: So it's like I think those are extreme cases. But again,
Speaker 1: like if I in my own head have carved out
Speaker 1: that we're gonna have a drink for an hour and
Speaker 1: I have said I have a dinner I'm going to,
Speaker 1: then I'm okay with them buying me a drink. I
Speaker 1: mean you and I look at that a little bit
Speaker 1: differently now if it's flowing like I was on a
Speaker 1: date last week and it was a drink date, and
Speaker 1: it was a setup and we had agreed it was
Speaker 1: going to be an hour, and all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: like we're getting at the forty five minute mark, he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: by the way, I have another hour. And I was like,
Speaker 1: and I remember in my head thinking, okay, like I
Speaker 1: do like him, I'm enjoying him, but I don't want
Speaker 1: to be too available. So I was like, okay, I
Speaker 1: have about twenty more minutes. Remember, because you and I
Speaker 1: met after for dinner. Yeah, and he bought my glass
Speaker 1: of wine and you know, he said do you want
Speaker 1: an appetizer? Which I thought was super classy, but that
Speaker 1: was based on the flow of that. It was clear
Speaker 1: that we were having a good time and connecting.
Speaker 2: What do you feel if somebody has anyone ever asked
Speaker 2: you to split the bill or like, what's your take
Speaker 2: when people do that on a day?
Speaker 1: Look, I know this is not the popular, you know,
Speaker 1: kind of climate right now, but I don't think chivalry
Speaker 1: is dead. And for me, I'm raising two sons and
Speaker 1: I have taught them to be chivalrous and respectful of women,
Speaker 1: and it's really important to me, you know, I'm never
Speaker 1: going to be the girl who orders you know, the
Speaker 1: crazy steak or you know, the expensive thing on the menu.
Speaker 1: But if somebody's asked me out, I really appreciate when
Speaker 1: they pay for my pay for my wine.
Speaker 2: I mean, I totally agree to chivalry is not dead.
Speaker 2: I feel like I often like do the pull out
Speaker 2: the credit card or offer just so that I know
Speaker 2: that you know what I mean, that I'm making the effort.
Speaker 2: But between you and me, if then they take me
Speaker 2: up on it, I do, I'm kind of like, oh,
Speaker 2: like that's not really Like are you really a gentleman?
Speaker 2: And I'm not saying that if you go on multiple
Speaker 2: dates with somebody that you don't want to start or
Speaker 2: that I think while you're.
Speaker 1: Dating somebody, sure always pay for meals or whatever at.
Speaker 2: The beginning beginning. I think it's nice and it does
Speaker 2: mean yeah, I agree, and I'm not worrying alone.
Speaker 1: You know, one of the things, you know, you and
Speaker 1: I speak a lot about, and you know, I think
Speaker 1: sometimes I ask simply too many questions to deflect the
Speaker 1: attention off of me, and I get scared of silence
Speaker 1: at a table because I don't like bad flow. So
Speaker 1: I'm always trying to think, and one of the things
Speaker 1: I love to do is ask open ended questions because
Speaker 1: you can learn a lot about somebody by the questions
Speaker 1: you ask. I mean super basic questions like where do
Speaker 1: you see yourself in five years? And what if they
Speaker 1: were to say like dating lots of people and then
Speaker 1: you're sitting there and you're saying yourself, Okay, this guy's
Speaker 1: a player, Like he's not looking for a life partner,
Speaker 1: he's not looking for long a long term relationship. So
Speaker 1: I think that you know, it's always good to go
Speaker 1: on a date and have your kind of catchphrase questions
Speaker 1: that will help you pretty quickly size up who they
Speaker 1: are and you know what their core value system is, right,
Speaker 1: because ultimately we're trying to chemistry is important, but it's
Speaker 1: really important to say, like, find somebody whose core value
Speaker 1: systems kind of line up with ours.
Speaker 2: So question for you when you go out on a
Speaker 2: first date with somebody, do you feel like when you
Speaker 2: sit down and kind of you probably had a conversation
Speaker 2: or two write potentially with them, but when you sit down,
Speaker 2: do you feel like within the first five minutes, like,
Speaker 2: what is louder to you the chemistry that you're feeling
Speaker 2: or lack thereof, or the questions that you're asking them
Speaker 2: and their answers like this is so hard.
Speaker 1: I mean, I grapple with this all the time because
Speaker 1: of course we all want that dopamine hit and that
Speaker 1: like instant, like you know what we see in the movies, right,
Speaker 1: And I think that I again, like, well, I've read
Speaker 1: a lot of books because I'm trying to understand like
Speaker 1: who am I, what am I looking for? And what
Speaker 1: makes the most sense for quite frankly, why do my
Speaker 1: marriage fail? And why have you know, these relationships that
Speaker 1: I in the last nine years, why haven't they stuck
Speaker 1: or why didn't it go the distance? Like they have
Speaker 1: felt like bridges to me? And what I've learned is
Speaker 1: is one thing I used to sit on a date
Speaker 1: and be like, is this my guy? Am I going
Speaker 1: to marry him? Or are we going to ride out
Speaker 1: from too the sense I don't do that anymore. I
Speaker 1: sit on my first date and I say, is this
Speaker 1: person interesting enough? Would I go out and have a
Speaker 1: second date with him? And then on the second date
Speaker 1: would I go out with them on a third date?
Speaker 1: And what that has helped me do is learn to
Speaker 1: build a little bit more of a foundation and focus
Speaker 1: less on the butterflies, because butterflies are really kind of
Speaker 1: like a trigger of something that's potentially familiar in a
Speaker 1: way that's triggering to what is your baggage? Right? And
Speaker 1: I think you have to have some degree of attraction
Speaker 1: for sure, But I think there is so much more
Speaker 1: that is important. And I think attraction you have to
Speaker 1: have some like I don't think it just can I
Speaker 1: think it can improve. I think it can grow, but
Speaker 1: you have to have some degree of attraction when you're
Speaker 1: sitting there. But I think it's like an entire almost pizza, right,
Speaker 1: there's like equal slices, a really important thing. So I
Speaker 1: think it's a combination of core values, chemistry, communication, connection,
Speaker 1: like are you living the same life?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: You know? What I've learned in my dating is I
Speaker 1: don't want to be a somebody who's not a parent.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be somebody's never been married. It
Speaker 1: doesn't work for me. We don't speak the same language.
Speaker 1: Some people might not care. They might not look at
Speaker 1: it like, oh there's no kids, great, there's more time
Speaker 1: for them to focus on me and work around my schedule.
Speaker 1: What about you? What do you think how important chemistry
Speaker 1: on the first date for you, well.
Speaker 2: I think chemistry is important. Like if I'm absolutely not
Speaker 2: attracted to somebody, you know, it doesn't matter, that's not
Speaker 2: going to change. Although I think people can become more attractive,
Speaker 2: you know, the more you learn about someone.
Speaker 1: And their energy.
Speaker 2: No, and I completely agree with that, and we've talked
Speaker 2: about this. I think question we ask ourselves is how
Speaker 2: long do you stay in a relationship or how many
Speaker 2: dates do you go on before you ultimately either call
Speaker 2: it and decide do I want? Is this how I
Speaker 2: want to be spending my time? And I think I
Speaker 2: feel like both of us are pretty lucky. You know,
Speaker 2: no one wants to be post divorced, but often post
Speaker 2: divorce I feel like means you're a little bit older
Speaker 2: and hopefully a little bit wiser. But we have pretty
Speaker 2: good lives, right, I Mean, the reality is we have
Speaker 2: such good girlfriends, we love being with our kids, and
Speaker 2: it takes a lot for me to decide do I
Speaker 2: want to break away from all those things to go
Speaker 2: out on a date. But I think a lot of
Speaker 2: the dates that we've gone on, or relationships that I
Speaker 2: won't speak for you, but for me, relationships that I've
Speaker 2: had we talk back to what you refer to as
Speaker 2: the bridge. And sometimes you get out of a relationship
Speaker 2: and it's super devastating or sad. You kind of wonder
Speaker 2: how you're going to push forward. And sometimes the next
Speaker 2: guy that comes along is totally different, but he helps
Speaker 2: you kind of look at your life through a different
Speaker 2: lens and move on so and gives you that restart
Speaker 2: right for potentially the next guy. I don't know if
Speaker 2: that makes sense. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1: I think for me a lot of times what happens
Speaker 1: is is I'll be dating or eye that on paper
Speaker 1: is a ten right, like everything I want, you know,
Speaker 1: and so I keep going to keep hoping that it's
Speaker 1: going to, you know, kind of go to the next
Speaker 1: level or I'm going to I remember once I was
Speaker 1: dating this guy and he was everything I wanted and
Speaker 1: I just wasn't feeling it, but I wanted it so
Speaker 1: bad and I kept trying, and I I remember going
Speaker 1: to a psychic plus saying can't you do something? Can't
Speaker 1: you do some waving around? So I like wake up
Speaker 1: and I'm like hit by a lightning bolt and I'm
Speaker 1: in love.
Speaker 2: So I just want to know is this my guy?
Speaker 2: Like when I talk to the psychic, I'm more like
Speaker 2: when am I going to meet the guy? Or is
Speaker 2: this the guy?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: And the thing about a psychic is what it does
Speaker 1: is it helps kind of put in your head so
Speaker 1: then you're manifesting and you're looking, and you're this, and
Speaker 1: you're I mean, we've all played that game because we
Speaker 1: want to believe that the right person is coming. But
Speaker 1: I think what I've learned is is, you know, there
Speaker 1: is value in every date, every experience, and it's all
Speaker 1: kind of building up and what right What might have
Speaker 1: been right for me when I was in my twenties
Speaker 1: looking for my husband is not right for potentially what
Speaker 1: is for me right now? You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But let's go back so again, as you know, like
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a little more difficult when it comes to
Speaker 1: certain things on dates, right, like do they walk me
Speaker 1: to my car?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Different things? How do you feel when you make a
Speaker 1: date and somebody has to reschedule? Like how does that feel?
Speaker 1: Unless if it's like a weird almost like a weird excuse.
Speaker 2: Well, it's a good question. I have a first story,
Speaker 2: I mean a first tan story I can share with you,
Speaker 2: which I think you may have heard before, but I
Speaker 2: feel like I have kids, I have a busy life,
Speaker 2: and so I think at this age, if somebody needs
Speaker 2: to reschedule and is polite about it and gives you,
Speaker 2: you know, enough notice, it doesn't have to be crazy notice.
Speaker 2: But the night before then it is what it is.
Speaker 2: I mean, maybe I'm disappointed, but the truth is, like
Speaker 2: I don't want to be I wouldn't want to be
Speaker 2: with somebody that was so rigid and unforgiving in a relationship,
Speaker 2: so I would kind of want to treat them the
Speaker 2: same way. What did they do it a second time? Okay,
Speaker 2: well so this wasn't a second time. But do you
Speaker 2: remember that I had a date and it was I mean,
Speaker 2: I thought, I know it was like objectively, I think
Speaker 2: I had a great date with somebody and we went out.
Speaker 2: He was a little bit farther away, so he was
Speaker 2: like an hour and a half away from where I lived.
Speaker 2: So it was always hard for us to schedule dates.
Speaker 2: But maybe we'd had a couple dates and we had
Speaker 2: a really great date on like a Friday night, and
Speaker 2: this was at a time where he was really busy
Speaker 2: and I was. My schedule was crazy for like weeks
Speaker 2: on end. But this date was so good, and we
Speaker 2: both at the date, we're like, oh my gosh, we
Speaker 2: totally want to see each other again. Can we figure
Speaker 2: out something?
Speaker 1: Well, distance makes it so challenging.
Speaker 2: Also, that's a totally other subject because I think a
Speaker 2: plane ride is actually easier than like an hour drive.
Speaker 2: But that's me. But anyway, so Monday, so Sunday we
Speaker 2: checked in with each other. We're like, okay, looking forward
Speaker 2: to tomorrow. And I had.
Speaker 1: Told and that was on the heels of your first kiss, by.
Speaker 2: The way, and I had revamped my whole day on
Speaker 2: Monday to accommodate a lunch date, which was like, candidly
Speaker 2: really inconvenient, but it's like, okay, we're both in it,
Speaker 2: and all of a sudden, Sunday he was great. Monday morning,
Speaker 2: I hadn't heard from him by like ten o'clock, and
Speaker 2: I was like, hey, just checking in to see, like
Speaker 2: are we meeting halfway? What are we doing? And he's like,
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. I just found out that I have
Speaker 2: to you know, I can't pick my I have to
Speaker 2: pick up my daughter. I have to do something I
Speaker 2: can't remember. He's like, I can't really make lunch and
Speaker 2: here's the deal, Like everybody has things with their kids.
Speaker 2: I do understand that, but he had said I thought
Speaker 2: I could swing it, but I was having a trouble
Speaker 2: having her time last night figuring it out. And again
Speaker 2: things happen, but I did.
Speaker 1: But you were bothered because you reached out to him.
Speaker 2: Well, And I was also bothered that, like if he
Speaker 2: thought it was going to be a problem the night before,
Speaker 2: like I understand, just say to me, Hey, I'm kind
Speaker 2: of having a hiccup here, I don't know if this
Speaker 2: is going to happen. But instead he kind of waited
Speaker 2: until the eleventh hour and then he canceled, and I
Speaker 2: remember calling you, remember, and I was so annoyed because
Speaker 2: I literally rescheduled like three other things, and I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell him that's it. And I was
Speaker 2: going to be actually super strong and rude, and you
Speaker 2: even helped me tone it down. Remember I texted him
Speaker 2: and I was like, hey, it was.
Speaker 1: A sharp you had a sharp tongue on that one.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was like, things come up for everybody, but
Speaker 2: in the future, like if you could, if you could
Speaker 2: have just reached out the night before, I would have appreciated.
Speaker 2: I you know, I rescheduled my day and he said
Speaker 2: something and I just like gave him the thumbs up.
Speaker 2: Do you remember that?
Speaker 1: He was like, oh, why, well that nothing like the
Speaker 1: thumbs up that is the biggest Like.
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, I gave him the thumbs up, which is
Speaker 2: all I really needed to say. And then he never
Speaker 2: called me again, So yeah he did.
Speaker 1: That's okay because next but but again, he was somebody
Speaker 1: you met on a dating app, and it goes to
Speaker 1: show you that there are some good people on there.
Speaker 1: But what I've learned is whether it's a set up
Speaker 1: or a dating app, where there's a will, there's a way, right,
Speaker 1: Like the truth of the matter is this is where
Speaker 1: he went wrong. Was he didn't get ahead of it
Speaker 1: and call you'd be like, hey, I really want to
Speaker 1: do this, like we did have such a great date,
Speaker 1: like I want to throw out another day. That kind
Speaker 1: of it kind of went off into the distance. So
Speaker 1: that felt bad, and I don't know, it just lost
Speaker 1: its team.
Speaker 2: But here's the deal. I know our date was good,
Speaker 2: and nothing happened between our date and me.
Speaker 1: Basically what's happened. But regardless of.
Speaker 2: What happened, I also think that the biggest thing that
Speaker 2: I've learned is like I spoke my truth. I said
Speaker 2: what I felt. If that was not what he wanted
Speaker 2: to hear, well, then he's not my guy. And so
Speaker 2: I really feel like I'm pretty good at this point
Speaker 2: to understand that, like if things aren't working out or
Speaker 2: I'm not connecting with somebody, then like just move on.
Speaker 1: That's the difference between dating now, you know, kind of
Speaker 1: post divorced with kids and versus like when we're just
Speaker 1: starting out. And I think that you know, when you're
Speaker 1: in our stage of our lives and we're looking for
Speaker 1: a chapter two, like it has to be totally additive, right,
Speaker 1: Like we're busy, we have children, we have jobs, we
Speaker 1: have family, we have friends. We're quite content to stay
Speaker 1: home and read a book, right and just like FaceTime
Speaker 1: with you.
Speaker 2: And I'm not looking for somebody to give me kids
Speaker 2: or a white picket fence like And I think it's
Speaker 2: also like shifting your perspective to find gratitude in that
Speaker 2: instead of desperation. You know what I'm saying, Because I
Speaker 2: think the greatest thing about not being twenty five and
Speaker 2: wondering like am I gonna have a child? And I
Speaker 2: don't want to say anything if people do or don't.
Speaker 2: You know, there are many people probably still wanting to
Speaker 2: have children, but like, I feel like I've already had
Speaker 2: a really full life and so I'm happy with my
Speaker 2: life and if somebody comes along to compliment it, then great,
Speaker 2: but if not, like that's okay too.
Speaker 1: And we've always talked about being golden girls and all
Speaker 1: of us living together and in our kind of you know,
Speaker 1: seventy year old sorority house with like all of our
Speaker 1: fun friends and living and watch you know, we watch
Speaker 1: Bellow's Place back then. Who knows what we'll be watching
Speaker 1: in ten years from now.
Speaker 2: And let's be honest, like, sometimes it's more fun. And
Speaker 2: I think that that brings up the comsation about dating
Speaker 2: and how about putting yourself out there because I feel
Speaker 2: like you it's so funny. Okay, you're kind of upset.
Speaker 2: You're more obsessed with my dating life than I think
Speaker 2: I am. If we're being.
Speaker 1: Oh well, let's talk about so what have I done?
Speaker 2: I mean, okay, well, here's the deal. In fairness, you
Speaker 2: are from here, so you get set up all the time. Okay,
Speaker 2: you're always getting set up with people. I am not
Speaker 2: from here. I moved here. I really have. I have friends,
Speaker 2: but like they're gay or they're my girlfriends. So it's
Speaker 2: not like I have a ton of opportunities. I mean
Speaker 2: maybe that's an excuse, but like a ton of opportunities
Speaker 2: to get set up. So you have really been pushing me,
Speaker 2: and I love how you always say to me there's
Speaker 2: no excuse, there's no excuse for you not going.
Speaker 1: It doesn't just drop out of sky.
Speaker 3: I get it.
Speaker 2: But you've been saying to me like you need to
Speaker 2: go on a day a week, A day a week.
Speaker 2: I'm like, where do you think I am going to
Speaker 2: procure a day to week? Like, I mean, am I
Speaker 2: asking out the guy? Journy mean at the grocery store?
Speaker 2: I mean, who am I asking out? So I feel
Speaker 2: like you've been really pushing me on that, which brings
Speaker 2: up the conversation of online dating. And so finally when
Speaker 2: I said to you, there's no way and how that
Speaker 2: I'm going to be able to get a guy a
Speaker 2: week to go out on a date with, let alone,
Speaker 2: do I want to go out in a day week?
Speaker 2: But I did humor you and say fine, So we
Speaker 2: did start online dating, and I don't.
Speaker 1: Know if we should you do let's repeat the week. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I don't really feel like this is cat fishing because
Speaker 2: it's kind of like, actually, I think it's in everyone's
Speaker 2: best interest. But here is here's how we kind of
Speaker 2: have made it work for us.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: I feel like online dating is a total drag, and
Speaker 2: I feel like people get or at least the reason
Speaker 2: I don't like it is.
Speaker 1: Told change the lens and look at it as an
Speaker 1: opportunity to cast the net win.
Speaker 2: I got it in the short term, like it's exhausting, right, Like,
Speaker 2: when I get home, I want to do five million
Speaker 2: other things than sit in swape. And I told you that.
Speaker 2: And so here was the compromise, right that we came
Speaker 2: up with. So he came over to my house. When
Speaker 2: was it was it election night? When was I don't
Speaker 2: even know when it was. You came over to my house.
Speaker 2: We watched TV.
Speaker 1: Now I had already started swiping election night. It was
Speaker 1: a few days prior.
Speaker 2: Okay, So we we mutually approved my pictures. We mutually wrote.
Speaker 1: Well, let's talk about the profile for one minute, okay.
Speaker 1: So I feel profiles need to be unique. It needs
Speaker 1: to It's kind of like a kid's essay to call,
Speaker 1: you know, application of college, Like we're all a diamond dozen.
Speaker 1: We like yoga, we like to go out to dinner,
Speaker 1: we like to travel. Like, how are we going to
Speaker 1: set you apart so that when somebody is you know,
Speaker 1: looking at the pictures and then reading the three sentences? Basically,
Speaker 1: how are we going to make you memorable?
Speaker 2: Oh and and let me say the first pass that
Speaker 2: I took at it, it said what is your dream Sunday?
Speaker 2: And I can't remember exactly what I said, but I
Speaker 2: said it was boring, something like wake up, go to
Speaker 2: the gym.
Speaker 1: It was so it was so unmemorable.
Speaker 2: And then and then I was like, you know, maybe
Speaker 2: meet friends for brunch, then do some errands, like make
Speaker 2: my list for the next week, like for the next
Speaker 2: week so I'm prepared for the week ahead, and rent
Speaker 2: watch a movie and go to bend.
Speaker 1: I was boring, so I rewrote it.
Speaker 2: Boring It's my dream Sunday, like I was authentic.
Speaker 1: I get it. But I changed it up a little
Speaker 1: bit and I rewrote it, and uh, we're we are
Speaker 1: dating together as we know, So basically, listeners, I am
Speaker 1: doing the online dating for Thelma and what happens is
Speaker 1: is I do the swiping, and then once we are
Speaker 1: quot a match, then we do some texting and then
Speaker 1: I give her phone number out and then I call
Speaker 1: her and I say, expect a phone call from this guy.
Speaker 1: Let me know how your first day goes. And it's
Speaker 1: actually been working. We've met really nice people so far.
Speaker 1: It hasn't been your person, but we are able to
Speaker 1: the one day to week. You've had a few breakup
Speaker 1: texts which we've worked on, which we've been fine.
Speaker 2: We should talk about that after the break How do
Speaker 2: you do the breakup text but.
Speaker 1: Be super transparent?
Speaker 2: It's been actually really it's because here's the fun we're
Speaker 2: doing it. Everything is more fun together, so I feel
Speaker 2: like it's not as painful to do it with a friend.
Speaker 2: I also think you could say it's misleading, but heresto,
Speaker 2: I think it only works because you and I have
Speaker 2: very we're both pretty one day, we could show up
Speaker 2: on the date together, yeah, and we do laugh. Remember
Speaker 2: I was like, what are we going to do if
Speaker 2: you totally fall in love with somebody? And then we
Speaker 2: were like, maybe we just both show up together and
Speaker 2: kind of it's a TV show then yeah, So anyway,
Speaker 2: it works because we kind of have the same personality
Speaker 2: in certain ways. We also know each other so well,
Speaker 2: so she can answer all of these things. But we
Speaker 2: have had some funny texts, like like she drinks coffee.
Speaker 2: I don't drink coffee, and I think if she says
Speaker 2: to one more guy, oh, I'm just sitting having coffee
Speaker 2: because I have been asked out on a lot of
Speaker 2: coffee dates and I'm like, okay, uh got to stop
Speaker 2: with the coffee because everybody's inviting me out to coffee
Speaker 2: and I don't drink coffee. So We've had a few
Speaker 2: funny things, and I definitely have to always look back
Speaker 2: at the profile to be like, Okay, what have we
Speaker 2: talked about?
Speaker 1: I told her to put into her contacts on her phone,
Speaker 1: like the person's name and like a little bumble bee.
Speaker 2: Oh, I've got like fifty five bumblebees. And I'm basically
Speaker 2: like a hostess at a restaurant, you know, who always
Speaker 2: has to write down like large dark haired man glasses.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean? With three kids in toe,
Speaker 2: I mean I basically have a note section on my
Speaker 2: phone so that when I get the call, it is
Speaker 2: hard between the spam calls that you get the random
Speaker 2: now numbers before I actually have entered it into my thing.
Speaker 2: It's like I never pick up my phone blindly. Like ever,
Speaker 2: let's talk about though, their profile pictures.
Speaker 1: The popcorn ceilings, the tank tops, the muscles.
Speaker 2: So like there's some things that are just obvious nos, right,
Speaker 2: But like, what do you think about when I mean,
Speaker 2: because we both have kids, what do you think about
Speaker 2: when a profile has uh, when they have pictures their
Speaker 2: kids and their pictures.
Speaker 1: Well, look, it's again for me, it's important that whoever
Speaker 1: I date has had children, because I have data people
Speaker 1: that don't have kids. So I don't think every picture
Speaker 1: should have kids in it. But I to see a
Speaker 1: picture of them like skiing with their kids, which shows
Speaker 1: me they're a good dad, and they're connected and they're
Speaker 1: doing activities and he has kids. One picture like that,
Speaker 1: I like that. Actually, something like that I would be
Speaker 1: more apt to swipe right than not right, because if
Speaker 1: I see a picture of just somebody, just his picture
Speaker 1: of his face or selfies, and I can't tell like
Speaker 1: who is you like, show me what you're interested in,
Speaker 1: show me a part of your life. Then you know
Speaker 1: it's easier for me and you get to sensitize. I
Speaker 1: mean it's like your finger just goes to the left,
Speaker 1: the left, the left is exhausting, then your eyes begin
Speaker 1: to dilate.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, if you see like six pictures of
Speaker 2: a loner in a bathroom taking selfies with like those
Speaker 2: awful fluorescensesn't align with.
Speaker 1: What we're looking for or or the kind of person
Speaker 1: that we want.
Speaker 2: I got it. But we might have to have a
Speaker 2: little talk after this, because I will tell you the
Speaker 2: kids thing. I mean, I'm never gonna put pictures of
Speaker 2: my kids online, especially initially, but I also I do
Speaker 2: appreciate if they want to put pictures of their kids,
Speaker 2: but for me being in my fifties with older kids,
Speaker 2: like if I see an infant or a toddler in
Speaker 2: a picture, it's like, yeah, it's like I don't walk
Speaker 2: because I mean not that I don't love kids, but
Speaker 2: like I love my kids. But I'm not done that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and I'm not looking. I'm not going back to I
Speaker 2: can't talk about how many people, how many people before
Speaker 2: we've even gone on a date. If one more guy
Speaker 2: who I literally have had one phone call with or
Speaker 2: one text with sends me pictures with his children before
Speaker 2: I've even met him. It's like, where do they think
Speaker 2: that this is hot? It's just it's so not And
Speaker 2: I don't know if they think that women think it's
Speaker 2: endearing that they have children. I'm like, I know you
Speaker 2: have kids, but I don't even know you. So one,
Speaker 2: don't try to pimp out your kids to me. And two,
Speaker 2: I'm not like, I don't want to play mom. I
Speaker 2: just want to date you.
Speaker 1: But also we're not interested in meeting somebody's kids right away,
Speaker 1: Like I have really strong I totally do. I've been
Speaker 1: you know, divorced for nine years and I've dated a lot,
Speaker 1: and my kids have met one person, and I you know,
Speaker 1: we've been dating, and I figured, you know, at this point,
Speaker 1: you know, my kids, I think really want me to
Speaker 1: find a good person. So I thought it was stored
Speaker 1: that you're home alone with important that well, I'm on
Speaker 1: three sixty still, so they see them out all the time,
Speaker 1: but that they that So I introduced them to somebody,
Speaker 1: as you know, and you know, they didn't really like him.
Speaker 1: And quite frankly, I've learned that none of my friends
Speaker 1: don't even liked him. So what do we do if
Speaker 1: your kids and your friends disapprove with somebody that you're enjoying.
Speaker 1: But I usually now, because that thing went up in flames,
Speaker 1: I think it's good that my kids met somebody at
Speaker 1: six months. It was not like a month. I think
Speaker 1: it's very strange when somebody wants you to meet their
Speaker 1: kids within a month, as if they're trying to slot
Speaker 1: in a new mommy or something. But I did six months,
Speaker 1: and you know, I thought that was appropriate because we
Speaker 1: are clearly exclusive. But now I'm going to think twice
Speaker 1: because you know, at this point, like my kids aren't
Speaker 1: even home. I mean, they're in college, They're on to
Speaker 1: their next their next chapter. So I'm not rushing it
Speaker 1: anytime soon. I wanted the next person that my kids
Speaker 1: meet because this thing did not go well, it's going
Speaker 1: to be somebody I pretty much know I'm going to
Speaker 1: end up with. Like I love being by children. I
Speaker 1: don't need a Brady budget, right, Like, I don't need
Speaker 1: to have this guy my kids all the time on
Speaker 1: the you know, rare nights that I even have them
Speaker 1: home anymore. So it's going to be even further apart
Speaker 1: when I do that.
Speaker 2: I think, in my mind, well, my ex husband I
Speaker 2: both said like six months, and I think he waited
Speaker 2: three years when he was with somebody, so like he
Speaker 2: was super respectful, and I think for me, I feel
Speaker 2: like six months is kind of the minimum for me.
Speaker 2: But more so it's I won't introduce anyone to my
Speaker 2: kids unless I see a potential future with them, because
Speaker 2: I just don't think it's worth it. Ay, it's kind
Speaker 2: of my private life, and I don't know if I
Speaker 2: don't ever think it's going to actually impact them, then, Like,
Speaker 2: there are a lot of days I don't have my children,
Speaker 2: so I don't need to introduce somebody to my kids,
Speaker 2: you know. I also think sometimes they are wondering what
Speaker 2: you're doing. So if it starts to be this one
Speaker 2: thing where you're with somebody all the time, I definitely
Speaker 2: like familiarize them with the idea.
Speaker 1: I tell my kids when I'm dating somebody. But I
Speaker 1: say them, I'm not going to sit you down at
Speaker 1: a table with them until I know that this is
Speaker 1: going to go, you know, the distance or somewhat of
Speaker 1: a distance. Like, but I do tell my kids what
Speaker 1: I'm doing, like I AlwaysOn.
Speaker 2: I said to my last boyfriend six months, and then
Speaker 2: six months came. It passed then it like eight months,
Speaker 2: ten months, and then he started being like, this is
Speaker 2: really weird. I want to meet your children, And I think.
Speaker 1: That was kind of addicative of what I know.
Speaker 2: But I finally after a year, did it. But it
Speaker 2: was also because it was long distance, and I feel
Speaker 2: like we always met, you know, so my kids were
Speaker 2: going to be there, we were going to have to
Speaker 2: sleep in the same house with this person. And I'm
Speaker 2: just super private about that with my kids, Like your
Speaker 2: kids don't want to envision you actually having a romantic life,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's just I mean, you know, it's amazing some there
Speaker 1: are This topic is endless. I mean, we could do
Speaker 1: nine thousand questions and like go on and on because
Speaker 1: we have so much experience. And I think what I
Speaker 1: find we're spreshing about always talking to you is a
Speaker 1: we're not we're not in this alone and it's ever changing,
Speaker 1: and you know, I don't know, like it's just such
Speaker 1: a connecting with people and meeting people and will life
Speaker 1: is right. It's relationships, it's friendships, it's you know, relationships,
Speaker 1: it's dates, it's relationships with our children or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: But I don't know, I feel like I love talking
Speaker 1: to you, and I feel like, you know, always up
Speaker 1: to answer people's questions or have these like kind of
Speaker 1: you know girls, girls chats about dating and navigating dating,
Speaker 1: and I don't know, like I'm I'm glad we're in
Speaker 1: this together, and I do love that I we're dating
Speaker 1: literally together. I appreciate it.
Speaker 2: And I mean basically, when or if I finally ever
Speaker 2: do get a boyfriend off of our online dating experience,
Speaker 2: I feel like, oh, I'm speaking at the wedding. I know, well, no,
Speaker 2: we're walking down the aisle together, aren't we? Oh?
Speaker 1: Yes? Oh yes? So anything else left to say? And
Speaker 1: we'll come back another time and ask a million other
Speaker 1: things like asking a on a first date for a
Speaker 1: second date. Is that a red flag? Or all of
Speaker 1: that stuff? Or do you text the next day to
Speaker 1: say thank you? I don't all those different things. It's
Speaker 1: you know, dating at twenty, dating at fifty. It's it's
Speaker 1: still dating, right, and everybody wants to love and be
Speaker 1: loved and find a person.
Speaker 2: I don't know. You might be my person, you might
Speaker 2: be my personally by way.
Speaker 1: I'd be okay with that. Like you know me, There's
Speaker 1: been many times that I've been dating somebody where When
Speaker 1: you call to say what are you doing that? I
Speaker 1: wish I could, you know, cancel my date and go
Speaker 1: out to dinner with you, even if it's just sitting
Speaker 1: at home and watching TikTok and ordering good kitchen.
Speaker 2: Totally agree, So let's plan our date for tonight.
Speaker 1: Okay, what are you gonna where? Thank you? Say bye.
Speaker 3: Hey, It's Jenny Garth. Thanks Thelma and Louise for that
Speaker 3: fun takeover. If you are a single and want dating advice,
Speaker 3: or if you're ready to find love again, we want
Speaker 3: to get to know you. Call us. The number is
Speaker 3: one eight four four four I Do Pod. That's one
Speaker 3: eight four four four four three six seven sixty three
Speaker 3: or email us at ID pod at iHeartRadio dot com,
Speaker 3: follow us on Instagram and TikTok at I Do Part
Speaker 3: two pod. All of this information will be in the
Speaker 3: show notes. Make sure to rate and review the podcast
Speaker 3: I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in
Speaker 3: love is the main objective.
Speaker 1: On three