WEBVTT - Meet Thelma & Louise 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:16.680 Hi, everyone, This is Thelma and Louise. Well actually that's 0:00:16.720 --> 0:00:19.599 not really our names, but some purposes of this. It's 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:22.079 going to be that way until we get comfortable with 0:00:22.120 --> 0:00:25.760 this concept. And since it's been about nine years that 0:00:26.440 --> 0:00:29.200 Thelma and I have been trying to navigate the dating 0:00:29.240 --> 0:00:34.640 world and haven't successfully got ourselves into a final destination 0:00:34.760 --> 0:00:38.320 chapter two relationship, we are hesitant to give our real names. 0:00:38.560 --> 0:00:41.400 But maybe one day we will be comfortable to give 0:00:41.479 --> 0:00:46.360 our real names. Anyways, here we are bestie since college. 0:00:47.040 --> 0:00:49.720 Did not think that we would end up where we are, 0:00:50.400 --> 0:00:53.360 which is divorced. But we've made lemonade out of lemons 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:57.640 and we are boots on the ground, normal people, not 0:00:57.880 --> 0:01:04.600 celebrities in our fifties children kids in college like ready 0:01:04.640 --> 0:01:07.800 to kind of focus on our chapter two. We spend 0:01:07.800 --> 0:01:11.800 a lot of time actually dating. We do the date prep, 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:16.120 we do the post mortem, and we are happy to 0:01:16.120 --> 0:01:18.920 be an open book and answer any and all questions 0:01:19.200 --> 0:01:21.959 because we are all in this together, ladies, and we 0:01:22.040 --> 0:01:27.320 all have a single goal of finding our unicorn. So Thelma, 0:01:27.440 --> 0:01:29.560 we thought it would be interesting if we were to 0:01:29.600 --> 0:01:32.199 talk to our friends out there and just talk about 0:01:32.240 --> 0:01:35.000 the concept of a first date, Right, Like, let's assume 0:01:35.520 --> 0:01:38.600 we've met somebody out or we've you know, gone on 0:01:38.640 --> 0:01:41.280 the dating app, and we have secured a first date, 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:44.520 and you and I have a lot of kind of 0:01:44.560 --> 0:01:47.840 thoughts and opinions on outfits and how we should be 0:01:47.920 --> 0:01:51.240 treated and expectations and all that, so let's just start 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:52.640 with the concept of a first date. 0:01:53.840 --> 0:01:57.000 Well, that's probably a good question for me because I 0:01:57.080 --> 0:01:59.680 feel like Louise has a lot more experience with first 0:01:59.760 --> 0:02:03.880 date than I do, so I'm still kind of getting 0:02:03.880 --> 0:02:07.360 the hang of it. But I ironically have two dates 0:02:07.400 --> 0:02:09.400 this week, so I can really talk in their first dates, 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:11.359 so I feel like I can really speak to this. 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:16.240 I think starting kind of it's step one is the 0:02:16.360 --> 0:02:20.959 date outfit. And I don't know about you all out there, 0:02:21.040 --> 0:02:25.000 but if I we have a uniform, well I think 0:02:25.040 --> 0:02:28.160 it is it's getting a uniform so that when you 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:31.120 get asked out on a date, you know what is 0:02:31.160 --> 0:02:33.919 your go to that makes you feel confident and good 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:36.919 about yourself. And also it's not that it's an hour 0:02:36.960 --> 0:02:39.280 before the date and you have closed all over your 0:02:39.280 --> 0:02:42.640 closet floor, you're freaking out, You're tempted to cancel and 0:02:42.760 --> 0:02:46.880 thinking this is not happening. Because if that's me and 0:02:46.960 --> 0:02:50.000 I'm not prepared and don't feel good, I either show 0:02:50.080 --> 0:02:52.920 up and I'm ready to polish off ten cocktails because 0:02:52.919 --> 0:02:55.720 I'm such a stress case, or I kind of want 0:02:55.720 --> 0:02:57.839 to can the whole thing. So I feel like we've 0:02:57.880 --> 0:02:59.640 really spent a lot of time to kind of figure 0:02:59.639 --> 0:03:03.440 out what is our signature look and like coming up 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:06.399 with a couple outfits that really work for us. 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:09.680 I think what's important about the first date outfit is 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:12.280 what message are you trying to give off about who 0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:12.679 you are? 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:13.160 Right? 0:03:13.480 --> 0:03:15.640 So for example, you know, are we going to go 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:17.560 in and are we going to wear, you know, at 0:03:17.600 --> 0:03:21.160 age fifty, like a camusol and nothing over our shoulders 0:03:21.240 --> 0:03:23.440 and just kind of say like hey, hey, like lucky 0:03:23.480 --> 0:03:25.560 you there could be action today, Or are we going 0:03:25.639 --> 0:03:28.359 to wear an elegant blouse, Like what imageer we try 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:31.640 to put forward that represents best who we are to 0:03:31.720 --> 0:03:34.480 give that first date person a sense. So I know 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:36.560 you and I spend a lot of time on you know, 0:03:36.640 --> 0:03:38.880 if we're going to wear, for example, a blouse and 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:40.960 maybe we'll wear a more fitted bottom, or if we're 0:03:40.960 --> 0:03:42.680 going to wear a camsol, then we're going to wear 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:46.360 like a leather jacket over our shoulders. So we're trying 0:03:46.400 --> 0:03:50.280 to do like a chic but sexy but elegant, you know, 0:03:50.400 --> 0:03:52.760 kind of age appropriate outfit. 0:03:53.040 --> 0:03:54.800 And if we feel good in it, then that's all 0:03:54.840 --> 0:03:57.440 that really matters to us. I also think that, like 0:03:58.360 --> 0:04:02.440 for me, venues kind of because I know that a 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:05.080 lot of people probably have their ideal for a date, 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:08.360 but for me, it's it's short and sweet. And I 0:04:08.400 --> 0:04:11.560 can speak to that because I've made this mistake. Now, 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:14.800 Like how many times, Louise, have I called you and said, 0:04:14.920 --> 0:04:17.039 oh my god, like, what is wrong? I just got 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:18.480 suckered into four hours? 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:20.360 Well, last week you were on a date. It was 0:04:20.400 --> 0:04:22.520 a first date, and it was like four hours. I 0:04:22.520 --> 0:04:23.960 couldn't get you on the phone, and I was like, 0:04:24.000 --> 0:04:27.120 either you're chopped up. I was got married and just 0:04:27.160 --> 0:04:29.720 eloped and didn't want your best friend to come. So 0:04:30.240 --> 0:04:32.200 I think you're right. I think the first date really 0:04:32.240 --> 0:04:35.160 should be capped at an hour, leave them wanting more, 0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:38.680 don't exhaust everything that we're talking about, right, Like, it 0:04:39.080 --> 0:04:41.720 should be short and sweet and just enough to give 0:04:41.800 --> 0:04:43.440 kind of a sense of like, hey, do I want 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:46.560 to go out with this person again, and if. 0:04:46.440 --> 0:04:49.920 You're anything like me, like set that up ahead of time, 0:04:50.120 --> 0:04:52.920 because I always get suckered into the two nice syndrome 0:04:53.040 --> 0:04:55.719 where it's like, if it's not terrible, I mean I 0:04:55.760 --> 0:04:57.680 can talk to a wall, you can talk to a wall. 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:01.920 I can make any date appear good, but we all 0:05:01.920 --> 0:05:03.640 know if you're feeling it or not. And I think 0:05:03.680 --> 0:05:06.360 for me, it's like I sit down in the conversation 0:05:06.480 --> 0:05:09.520 flows and then sometimes I feel guilty. And I also 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:12.080 think sometimes I'm so I don't know if it's my 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:15.599 ego or what it is, but sometimes I'm so fixated 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:18.760 on like wanting it to be a successful first date, 0:05:19.480 --> 0:05:22.640 that I get caught up in that as opposed to like, 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:25.599 what do I feel? Do I want to end this date? 0:05:25.720 --> 0:05:27.600 Is this a good use of my Thursday night? Or 0:05:27.640 --> 0:05:30.279 would I rather be at home on my couch or 0:05:30.760 --> 0:05:31.960 talking to my kids. 0:05:32.400 --> 0:05:34.160 I used to do that. I used to look at 0:05:34.160 --> 0:05:37.640 every first date as an audition because rejection was so 0:05:37.800 --> 0:05:39.320 hard for me that I would sit there and want 0:05:39.360 --> 0:05:41.559 to try to sign the date just to make sure 0:05:41.640 --> 0:05:43.479 that I was going to get the call back the 0:05:43.520 --> 0:05:45.799 next day, and then I would decide if I wanted 0:05:45.800 --> 0:05:47.919 to go out with them? And recently I kind of 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:51.960 switched my focus to your point of like, wait, does 0:05:52.000 --> 0:05:55.120 this person align with me? Am I interested? Do I 0:05:55.160 --> 0:05:56.159 want to go out them again? 0:05:56.240 --> 0:05:56.320 Like? 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:58.599 Are we kind of on the same page? And so 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:01.080 I made it less about advice gets the callback and 0:06:01.160 --> 0:06:03.520 more about like, do I want to go out with 0:06:03.520 --> 0:06:05.880 this person again? Is this somebody that I want to, 0:06:05.920 --> 0:06:09.280 you know, spend an hour quite frankly away from you, laughing, 0:06:09.400 --> 0:06:13.279 eating goof kitchen and sweats and putting the effort into 0:06:13.279 --> 0:06:16.280 getting dressed and putting makeup on and sitting there and 0:06:16.320 --> 0:06:20.440 going on a date. So I totally agree with you. 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:22.560 You know, it's interesting going back to the concept of 0:06:22.560 --> 0:06:25.760 a first date. I am one who does not and 0:06:25.800 --> 0:06:27.719 I know you feel the same way. We do not 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:30.039 do video chats, Like I think there's something that gets 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:32.520 lost in translation. I mean, that's part of the problem 0:06:32.560 --> 0:06:35.840 with this whole swipe mentality is it's all based on physicality, 0:06:35.920 --> 0:06:39.960 like swipe, swipe, swipe, sipe. Who's really reading the description? 0:06:40.080 --> 0:06:42.320 And I think so much has to do with like 0:06:42.360 --> 0:06:44.800 an energy and an aura and like almost like an 0:06:45.160 --> 0:06:48.040 ingredients of connection between two people on a date. So 0:06:48.240 --> 0:06:52.560 I actually don't do video chat first dates, But. 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:54.840 Do you insist on calling them or I mean or 0:06:54.880 --> 0:06:55.560 having a conversation. 0:06:55.600 --> 0:06:58.679 Always have a phone call, So try to pivot pretty 0:06:58.760 --> 0:07:01.279 quickly from a text to all unless it's a setup. 0:07:01.960 --> 0:07:04.200 If it's a setup, to be honest with you, and 0:07:04.240 --> 0:07:06.680 the person has been vetted from somebody in my life, 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:09.520 like I'm good just to have the kind of text 0:07:09.800 --> 0:07:12.320 to make the date arrangement and then meet them in 0:07:12.360 --> 0:07:15.480 person for the first time. If it's an app then 0:07:15.600 --> 0:07:17.880 I think a phone call is super super important. But 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:20.760 I I definitely like to meet in person for the 0:07:20.800 --> 0:07:23.720 first time. And I'm one who prefers a glass of 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:27.560 wine and not a hike for a coffee date. I 0:07:27.560 --> 0:07:30.240 think it's a personal preference of where somebody feels their 0:07:30.280 --> 0:07:34.280 most most comfortable. Some people want to, you know, wear 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:36.800 leggings and be like this is me, you know, love 0:07:36.880 --> 0:07:38.680 me for who I am, instead of done up with 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:43.640 like the glamor. I like the idea of, you know, 0:07:43.680 --> 0:07:47.400 putting myself together and showing up and sitting in a 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:50.360 place where there's a vibe and an atmosphere to kind 0:07:50.400 --> 0:07:53.160 of help kind of fuel the energy a little bit. 0:07:53.680 --> 0:07:56.200 And I'm always better on a goss of wine. Anyways, 0:07:56.600 --> 0:07:57.080 I am too. 0:07:57.200 --> 0:07:59.000 But did I tell you when I asked on my 0:07:59.120 --> 0:08:02.200 date this guy, I said, so, what makes you choose 0:08:02.200 --> 0:08:05.880 a coffee date of our cocktail date? And his answer, yes, 0:08:05.920 --> 0:08:07.960 this was his answer. He's like, I do it when 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:11.000 I'm not really sure of the pictures and if the 0:08:11.040 --> 0:08:14.440 girl is going to be truly how she's represented online, 0:08:14.800 --> 0:08:16.480 So I do it so that I can be sober 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:17.920 and really check her out. 0:08:18.240 --> 0:08:20.160 Interesting. I mean, look, there's a lot of people that 0:08:20.200 --> 0:08:22.080 have been at this game for a long time, and 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:27.320 everybody kind of has their greatest hits playlist of what 0:08:27.840 --> 0:08:31.080 works for them or what is their their comfort level, 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:35.320 and you know, it's almost indicative of like people connecting 0:08:35.400 --> 0:08:38.560 or not, Like does is our chemistry compass lined up? 0:08:38.679 --> 0:08:41.280 Or do our i hate to say, childhood wounds line up? 0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:46.080 Or our baggage. It's interesting, it's a fascinating it's a 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:49.920 fascinating game, and I've learned to love the idea of 0:08:49.920 --> 0:08:50.560 first dates. 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:53.120 Let's talk about dating apps, because aren't ninety nine of 0:08:53.200 --> 0:08:56.760 us kind of forced or subjected to that's what we 0:08:56.840 --> 0:08:59.880 need to do to meet people. I mean, these days, Louise, 0:09:00.120 --> 0:09:01.040 do agree. 0:09:00.800 --> 0:09:05.240 It's hard because I've I've been on apps briefly and 0:09:05.320 --> 0:09:08.679 it made me uncomfortable and I prefer setups, but setups 0:09:08.679 --> 0:09:12.840 are fewer and far between. So I kind of look 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:14.800 at all of it and I'm always just open to 0:09:14.840 --> 0:09:17.160 a first date, like if somebody wants to set me up, 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:19.640 or if there's somebody interesting enough on an app. Like 0:09:20.440 --> 0:09:22.520 my time is just not that valuable in that I 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:25.560 can spare an hour to meet somebody. And I think 0:09:25.600 --> 0:09:29.800 that people come into our lives because they're supposed to, right. 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:32.520 I don't believe in random encounters. I think whether somebody 0:09:32.679 --> 0:09:34.920 is supposed to be a lesson or a blessing, or 0:09:35.320 --> 0:09:37.680 it's somebody that can be you know, kind of punted 0:09:37.720 --> 0:09:41.400 to somebody else, right Like I remember I was once 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:44.040 having this conversation like one woman's trash could be another 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:48.320 woman's treasure, right. Like, So I'm always open to everything. 0:09:48.840 --> 0:09:51.640 And you know, I have a lot of friends who 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:53.160 spend a lot of time and they want to like 0:09:53.200 --> 0:09:55.880 Google and they want to know like where do they live, 0:09:55.960 --> 0:09:57.680 and what do they do, what's their job and this 0:09:57.720 --> 0:10:00.120 and that. It's like I don't even do the I'm 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:02.600 going to be in a safe space, public space, like 0:10:02.760 --> 0:10:04.439 I'm okay, Like I'm not going to Google, I'm not 0:10:04.480 --> 0:10:07.800 going to get preconceived motions. I go in now, super 0:10:07.880 --> 0:10:12.320 super open, and I think it's like kind of what 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:15.480 works for you and the way that we can increase 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:18.280 our numbers and of a dating app, which really, if 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:21.000 you think about it, it's like the days of standing 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:24.920 in a Starbucks line or you know what, guy approaches 0:10:24.960 --> 0:10:27.680 a table of five girls eating dinner. It's so rare. 0:10:28.080 --> 0:10:30.200 We'd be better off sitting at a bar by ourselves, 0:10:30.200 --> 0:10:32.760 which is kind of scary and I don't know, makes 0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:36.000 me feel super insecure. But a guy will talk to 0:10:36.040 --> 0:10:38.120 a girl sitting at a bar by herself, or maybe 0:10:38.160 --> 0:10:40.040 if you and I are like, look what happened last 0:10:40.160 --> 0:10:42.960 Oh god, what happened last week? Was that crazy? 0:10:43.080 --> 0:10:46.199 Oh my god? Oh my god? That was that was 0:10:46.240 --> 0:10:46.719 creat You. 0:10:46.679 --> 0:10:48.480 Have to tell the story because it talks about how 0:10:48.480 --> 0:10:51.520 we put our put ourselves together and the energy we 0:10:51.559 --> 0:10:52.000 give off. 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:56.000 Okay, well, so Louise and I are at a bar 0:10:56.320 --> 0:10:59.600 and we're sitting there in our slash bar. Yeah yeah, 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:02.959 and I I always and bibe a little more than 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:05.080 she does, so I'm always on my second glass of 0:11:05.080 --> 0:11:07.880 wine while she's still nursing her first I'm very measured, 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:11.440 so anyway, so I had ordered the second glass and 0:11:11.840 --> 0:11:16.120 there was a guy sitting next to Louise, and I 0:11:16.120 --> 0:11:18.480 guess he noticed that her glass was empty as I'm 0:11:18.559 --> 0:11:22.120 like halfway through with my second, and so he all 0:11:22.160 --> 0:11:24.760 of a sudden, glass of red wine shows up, and 0:11:25.000 --> 0:11:27.800 you know your glass was empty, clearly mine wasn't. And 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:31.760 so we start striking up a conversation with him, and 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:37.800 he was nice, but he was definitely older. He didn't 0:11:37.800 --> 0:11:39.839 look older. I think he actually looked great for his age. 0:11:39.880 --> 0:11:42.440 That's like the nice compliment I have here is that 0:11:42.480 --> 0:11:44.680 he looked great for his age. But it did proceed 0:11:45.040 --> 0:11:48.480 to get a little sketchy. But like we're gluttons for punishment, 0:11:48.520 --> 0:11:50.280 so we just kept on the conversation going. 0:11:50.520 --> 0:11:52.880 But we also felt bad, like he bought a drink 0:11:52.920 --> 0:11:54.600 for us. He was right next to us. We hadn't 0:11:54.600 --> 0:11:57.000 even gotten our food, so we were not going anywhere. 0:11:57.320 --> 0:12:00.679 Oh god, okay, I'm interrupting you. So that's a total topic. 0:12:00.720 --> 0:12:02.640 Where you and I think I think we disagree on 0:12:03.320 --> 0:12:08.080 is that I feel so uncomfortable when somebody has bought 0:12:08.080 --> 0:12:11.560 me dinner or a drink. And that's often why I 0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:13.640 have a hard time getting up during a date, because 0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:16.599 I somehow feel like I owe them something. Do you 0:12:16.640 --> 0:12:17.280 feel that way? 0:12:17.440 --> 0:12:19.559 Well, that was a different situation. We were still sitting 0:12:19.600 --> 0:12:20.960 there and he had just sent a drink and he 0:12:21.080 --> 0:12:23.600 was like, next us. You know what I'm saying. So 0:12:24.120 --> 0:12:27.520 I feel like again, I mean, this is let me 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:29.600 just put this bluntly. I had a friend who's dating 0:12:29.600 --> 0:12:32.679 a guy this was awful, and he paid for her 0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:36.280 to get her boobs done and some other work done, 0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:38.640 and then she calls me up two weeks post surgery. 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:41.000 She's like, yeah, I'm gonna break up with them. I go, what, 0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:45.240 you can't do that? Like he bought you boobs, Like 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:48.000 he's got it. You can't just be so obvious, right, 0:12:48.080 --> 0:12:51.240 So it's like I think those are extreme cases. But again, 0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:53.800 like if I in my own head have carved out 0:12:53.800 --> 0:12:56.080 that we're gonna have a drink for an hour and 0:12:56.520 --> 0:12:58.120 I have said I have a dinner I'm going to, 0:12:58.760 --> 0:13:01.360 then I'm okay with them buying me a drink. I 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:03.120 mean you and I look at that a little bit 0:13:03.200 --> 0:13:06.080 differently now if it's flowing like I was on a 0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:08.160 date last week and it was a drink date, and 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:11.960 it was a setup and we had agreed it was 0:13:12.000 --> 0:13:14.560 going to be an hour, and all of a sudden, 0:13:14.640 --> 0:13:17.200 like we're getting at the forty five minute mark, he's like, oh, 0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:19.200 by the way, I have another hour. And I was like, 0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:22.720 and I remember in my head thinking, okay, like I 0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:24.839 do like him, I'm enjoying him, but I don't want 0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:27.440 to be too available. So I was like, okay, I 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:30.320 have about twenty more minutes. Remember, because you and I 0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:34.720 met after for dinner. Yeah, and he bought my glass 0:13:34.720 --> 0:13:37.160 of wine and you know, he said do you want 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:40.400 an appetizer? Which I thought was super classy, but that 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:42.840 was based on the flow of that. It was clear 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:45.000 that we were having a good time and connecting. 0:13:55.440 --> 0:13:59.120 What do you feel if somebody has anyone ever asked 0:13:59.120 --> 0:14:01.360 you to split the bill or like, what's your take 0:14:01.400 --> 0:14:02.600 when people do that on a day? 0:14:02.760 --> 0:14:05.920 Look, I know this is not the popular, you know, 0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:08.840 kind of climate right now, but I don't think chivalry 0:14:08.920 --> 0:14:12.240 is dead. And for me, I'm raising two sons and 0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:16.640 I have taught them to be chivalrous and respectful of women, 0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:19.480 and it's really important to me, you know, I'm never 0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:21.760 going to be the girl who orders you know, the 0:14:21.840 --> 0:14:24.600 crazy steak or you know, the expensive thing on the menu. 0:14:24.760 --> 0:14:29.240 But if somebody's asked me out, I really appreciate when 0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:32.840 they pay for my pay for my wine. 0:14:33.160 --> 0:14:35.680 I mean, I totally agree to chivalry is not dead. 0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:39.400 I feel like I often like do the pull out 0:14:39.440 --> 0:14:42.080 the credit card or offer just so that I know 0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:44.120 that you know what I mean, that I'm making the effort. 0:14:44.600 --> 0:14:47.200 But between you and me, if then they take me 0:14:47.320 --> 0:14:49.920 up on it, I do, I'm kind of like, oh, 0:14:50.200 --> 0:14:52.960 like that's not really Like are you really a gentleman? 0:14:53.040 --> 0:14:54.680 And I'm not saying that if you go on multiple 0:14:54.760 --> 0:14:57.800 dates with somebody that you don't want to start or 0:14:57.840 --> 0:14:58.880 that I think while you're. 0:14:58.760 --> 0:15:02.400 Dating somebody, sure always pay for meals or whatever at. 0:15:02.280 --> 0:15:05.240 The beginning beginning. I think it's nice and it does 0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:08.440 mean yeah, I agree, and I'm not worrying alone. 0:15:09.040 --> 0:15:10.680 You know, one of the things, you know, you and 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:14.080 I speak a lot about, and you know, I think 0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:17.040 sometimes I ask simply too many questions to deflect the 0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:19.880 attention off of me, and I get scared of silence 0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:22.160 at a table because I don't like bad flow. So 0:15:22.720 --> 0:15:24.760 I'm always trying to think, and one of the things 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:27.480 I love to do is ask open ended questions because 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:31.239 you can learn a lot about somebody by the questions 0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:34.600 you ask. I mean super basic questions like where do 0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:37.360 you see yourself in five years? And what if they 0:15:37.360 --> 0:15:39.920 were to say like dating lots of people and then 0:15:39.960 --> 0:15:42.320 you're sitting there and you're saying yourself, Okay, this guy's 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:44.680 a player, Like he's not looking for a life partner, 0:15:44.760 --> 0:15:49.120 he's not looking for long a long term relationship. So 0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:51.480 I think that you know, it's always good to go 0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:55.800 on a date and have your kind of catchphrase questions 0:15:56.360 --> 0:16:00.440 that will help you pretty quickly size up who they 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:03.840 are and you know what their core value system is, right, 0:16:03.880 --> 0:16:07.600 because ultimately we're trying to chemistry is important, but it's 0:16:07.600 --> 0:16:10.880 really important to say, like, find somebody whose core value 0:16:10.880 --> 0:16:12.960 systems kind of line up with ours. 0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:15.560 So question for you when you go out on a 0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:18.720 first date with somebody, do you feel like when you 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:21.120 sit down and kind of you probably had a conversation 0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:24.000 or two write potentially with them, but when you sit down, 0:16:24.080 --> 0:16:26.080 do you feel like within the first five minutes, like, 0:16:26.960 --> 0:16:29.920 what is louder to you the chemistry that you're feeling 0:16:30.000 --> 0:16:34.360 or lack thereof, or the questions that you're asking them 0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:37.360 and their answers like this is so hard. 0:16:37.480 --> 0:16:39.680 I mean, I grapple with this all the time because 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:41.800 of course we all want that dopamine hit and that 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:44.600 like instant, like you know what we see in the movies, right, 0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:49.520 And I think that I again, like, well, I've read 0:16:49.520 --> 0:16:51.600 a lot of books because I'm trying to understand like 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:53.600 who am I, what am I looking for? And what 0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:56.160 makes the most sense for quite frankly, why do my 0:16:56.200 --> 0:16:59.720 marriage fail? And why have you know, these relationships that 0:16:59.760 --> 0:17:02.160 I in the last nine years, why haven't they stuck 0:17:02.280 --> 0:17:04.280 or why didn't it go the distance? Like they have 0:17:04.359 --> 0:17:07.680 felt like bridges to me? And what I've learned is 0:17:07.680 --> 0:17:09.280 is one thing I used to sit on a date 0:17:09.320 --> 0:17:11.479 and be like, is this my guy? Am I going 0:17:11.520 --> 0:17:13.000 to marry him? Or are we going to ride out 0:17:13.000 --> 0:17:15.359 from too the sense I don't do that anymore. I 0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:18.040 sit on my first date and I say, is this 0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:20.399 person interesting enough? Would I go out and have a 0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:22.440 second date with him? And then on the second date 0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:24.280 would I go out with them on a third date? 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:27.080 And what that has helped me do is learn to 0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:30.080 build a little bit more of a foundation and focus 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:35.240 less on the butterflies, because butterflies are really kind of 0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:40.040 like a trigger of something that's potentially familiar in a 0:17:40.080 --> 0:17:44.000 way that's triggering to what is your baggage? Right? And 0:17:45.480 --> 0:17:48.400 I think you have to have some degree of attraction 0:17:48.640 --> 0:17:51.359 for sure, But I think there is so much more 0:17:51.480 --> 0:17:55.560 that is important. And I think attraction you have to 0:17:55.600 --> 0:17:57.359 have some like I don't think it just can I 0:17:57.359 --> 0:18:00.199 think it can improve. I think it can grow, but 0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:04.480 you have to have some degree of attraction when you're 0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:09.600 sitting there. But I think it's like an entire almost pizza, right, 0:18:09.640 --> 0:18:13.199 there's like equal slices, a really important thing. So I 0:18:13.200 --> 0:18:18.320 think it's a combination of core values, chemistry, communication, connection, 0:18:18.680 --> 0:18:20.280 like are you living the same life? 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:20.439 Like? 0:18:20.800 --> 0:18:23.080 You know? What I've learned in my dating is I 0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:24.720 don't want to be a somebody who's not a parent. 0:18:24.840 --> 0:18:27.080 I don't want to be somebody's never been married. It 0:18:27.080 --> 0:18:30.480 doesn't work for me. We don't speak the same language. 0:18:30.720 --> 0:18:32.679 Some people might not care. They might not look at 0:18:32.720 --> 0:18:34.480 it like, oh there's no kids, great, there's more time 0:18:34.480 --> 0:18:36.600 for them to focus on me and work around my schedule. 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:40.720 What about you? What do you think how important chemistry 0:18:40.720 --> 0:18:42.320 on the first date for you, well. 0:18:42.240 --> 0:18:46.080 I think chemistry is important. Like if I'm absolutely not 0:18:46.119 --> 0:18:50.320 attracted to somebody, you know, it doesn't matter, that's not 0:18:50.359 --> 0:18:53.480 going to change. Although I think people can become more attractive, 0:18:53.680 --> 0:18:55.920 you know, the more you learn about someone. 0:18:55.680 --> 0:18:56.439 And their energy. 0:18:56.800 --> 0:18:58.840 No, and I completely agree with that, and we've talked 0:18:58.840 --> 0:19:02.440 about this. I think question we ask ourselves is how 0:19:02.520 --> 0:19:06.280 long do you stay in a relationship or how many 0:19:06.400 --> 0:19:10.000 dates do you go on before you ultimately either call 0:19:10.080 --> 0:19:13.679 it and decide do I want? Is this how I 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:17.040 want to be spending my time? And I think I 0:19:17.080 --> 0:19:20.639 feel like both of us are pretty lucky. You know, 0:19:21.080 --> 0:19:23.680 no one wants to be post divorced, but often post 0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:26.199 divorce I feel like means you're a little bit older 0:19:26.240 --> 0:19:28.960 and hopefully a little bit wiser. But we have pretty 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:32.320 good lives, right, I Mean, the reality is we have 0:19:32.680 --> 0:19:37.080 such good girlfriends, we love being with our kids, and 0:19:37.480 --> 0:19:39.960 it takes a lot for me to decide do I 0:19:40.119 --> 0:19:42.320 want to break away from all those things to go 0:19:42.359 --> 0:19:44.639 out on a date. But I think a lot of 0:19:44.640 --> 0:19:47.680 the dates that we've gone on, or relationships that I 0:19:47.880 --> 0:19:50.560