Speaker 1: Wind down with Janet Kramer and i'heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2: So lots of in going on. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3: And uh, I don't I'm just gonna let you take
Speaker 3: the floor.
Speaker 2: Would you like to talk about anything or no?
Speaker 4: I mean you can ask me questions if you want.
Speaker 2: To ask you questions.
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, here's just me taking the floor is not
Speaker 4: going to be okay.
Speaker 2: Why am I getting emotional?
Speaker 3: Like why oh man?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: I am, Well, do you want to talk about it
Speaker 2: or not?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 3: Sure, okay, because I don't want you to. I've always
Speaker 3: wanted this platform to be about helping other people, and
Speaker 3: and I think through shared experiences, through my experiences, through
Speaker 3: you know, Sarah Gretzky's experience is about her miscarriages, or
Speaker 3: in letting people have a voice to come on here
Speaker 3: and again just share their experiences, because I think sharing
Speaker 3: helps in heals but also helps other people.
Speaker 2: Sure, and so.
Speaker 1: You are very.
Speaker 3: I think at first this coming on the podcast, you
Speaker 3: were not hesitant, but like not as open.
Speaker 5: To share absolutely, which is you know.
Speaker 3: That's why I was like, girl, you don't have to
Speaker 3: do this if you don't like, I'm not like, I know,
Speaker 3: you're my best dam I og, but like, I'm not
Speaker 3: like forcing you. And I understand that, you know, there
Speaker 3: is backlash with being open and having your life picked apart,
Speaker 3: and I see that firsthand. And but I also know
Speaker 3: from the other side of it, the people that have
Speaker 3: you know, stopped me or stopped you or you know,
Speaker 3: and have related. And now people have been relating to
Speaker 3: your story. And you know, you've been open about getting
Speaker 3: married young and some of the challenges in your marriage
Speaker 3: and and I'm I'm really proud of you, but would
Speaker 3: you like to share.
Speaker 4: Yes, Oh, you're so much better at this now. So
Speaker 4: we are getting a divorce, you know, it's one of
Speaker 4: those things we were We have been married for fifteen years,
Speaker 4: which is long time, got married at twenty three and
Speaker 4: twenty five. I'm very different than you. You know, I'm
Speaker 4: very non affectionate. I will own that. I'm you know,
Speaker 4: it's harder for me to be vulnerable. You know, there's
Speaker 4: a lot of things that as a woman are harder
Speaker 4: for me that are normally easier for women. I would say, so,
Speaker 4: you know, long story short for us. Yes, we got
Speaker 4: married young, but there have been issues for years, you know,
Speaker 4: and the last you know, I'd say, even five years.
Speaker 4: It's basically we've just you know, we've become roommates, you know,
Speaker 4: and it's one of those things that we probably would
Speaker 4: have stayed roommates forever. I know he would have, but
Speaker 4: through going to therapy, you know, I mean, that was
Speaker 4: a big I decided I wanted to go back to
Speaker 4: therapy and make a decision and figure out what was
Speaker 4: best for not only me but him and the kids.
Speaker 4: I mean, and I know that's not for me to
Speaker 4: say what's best for him, but what I felt like
Speaker 4: in the end would.
Speaker 5: Be better for everybody.
Speaker 4: So yeah, so I kinda I mean, we made a decision,
Speaker 4: you know, and you know, we're just kind of walking
Speaker 4: through it. It's very new. Just told the kids not
Speaker 4: too long ago. That was tough. That was real tough.
Speaker 5: But as crazy as.
Speaker 4: It sounds, we've gotten along really, really, really well. And
Speaker 4: that's all I've prayed for, Like, I mean, I just
Speaker 4: wanted this to go smoothly. I want us to get along.
Speaker 4: I want us to be friends. I mean, we've got
Speaker 4: three kids that are crazy busy, you know. So we've
Speaker 4: gotten along really well. He's been super emotional about it,
Speaker 4: I'll be honest, and that's hard, and I've had my
Speaker 4: emotions too. I mean it's not that I haven't. I've
Speaker 4: definitely had my emotions around it, but I think that
Speaker 4: I've had more time to really sit with it because
Speaker 4: I've been trying to make a decision for a while now.
Speaker 4: And I told him that. So yeah, so that's you know,
Speaker 4: kind of what we're walking now. And you know, in
Speaker 4: the end, I feel like it's something that I did
Speaker 4: for all of us, but it's also really to protect
Speaker 4: my mental health and my happiness. And you know, it's
Speaker 4: sometimes hard to take what seems like a selfish step,
Speaker 4: you know, to take care of yourself, but I think
Speaker 4: that that's what needed to be done. So yeah, I
Speaker 4: mean that's basically.
Speaker 3: Well, I just when you were sharing that, I was
Speaker 3: just like, man, there's gonna be so many women that
Speaker 3: can relate to that.
Speaker 5: I hope.
Speaker 4: So it feels very lonely to be that kind of woman,
Speaker 4: I'll be honest, it really does, because I mean I
Speaker 4: don't even really have any friends that are that way,
Speaker 4: you know. I mean it's just and so it's kind
Speaker 4: of it really is kind of a lonely feeling, you
Speaker 4: feel like, you know, we always joked for so long,
Speaker 4: Nick's the girl in the relationship and I'm the guy
Speaker 4: because I'm just you know, I mean, I am emotional.
Speaker 4: I definitely cry and am emotional, but it's just harder
Speaker 4: for me to be vulnerable. And that's a lot of
Speaker 4: from growing up in situations growing up. But also I'm realizing, like,
Speaker 4: you know, I can get there. I just need to
Speaker 4: work on it and I need to work on myself
Speaker 4: and I'll get there. And you know, at the end
Speaker 4: of the day, no one's to blame. I think we
Speaker 4: both had issues in our marriage and things, but you know,
Speaker 4: I think in the end, I will I can work
Speaker 4: through that and kind of get But yeah, I hope
Speaker 4: that helps people that feel that way, women especially, I
Speaker 4: know men feel that way a lot. But you know,
Speaker 4: and I've had a few people reach out to me,
Speaker 4: you know, that say that it's like, oh, you know,
Speaker 4: I feel that way too, and it's I feel like
Speaker 4: nobody else does. So I do hope that that kind
Speaker 4: of helps people, and you know, I'm happy to, you know,
Speaker 4: help that in any way.
Speaker 5: I hope that that does.
Speaker 4: Help some people that feel that way.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know it will, and you'll, I know, listeners
Speaker 3: that are relating to this right now will out pour
Speaker 3: to you and then also and be asked for your
Speaker 3: advice too, and you can you can become that vessel
Speaker 3: of helping. It's not about it's not guiding, You're just
Speaker 3: speaking from your experience. And that's kind of you know
Speaker 3: where I've always tried to go like this is just
Speaker 3: my experience and and and that's you're doing the same thing,
Speaker 3: and like you're helping people not feel alone. And I
Speaker 3: also think one of the thing too, that like something
Speaker 3: you always said to me that it's like you in
Speaker 3: a way I don't if i'm miss speaking, like please
Speaker 3: correct me, but like you almost carried shame, like he
Speaker 3: didn't do like he didn't cheat on me.
Speaker 2: He didn't. He's on it like he didn't.
Speaker 3: And it's like, I don't think people realize that you
Speaker 3: don't like there doesn't have to.
Speaker 2: Be a like a. It can just be what you're
Speaker 2: going through it.
Speaker 4: I mean, that was the last I don't know how
Speaker 4: long I've been seeing Amy, but that's what I would
Speaker 4: tell her all the time. But he didn't do anything wrong.
Speaker 4: You know. It's like so it's really hard and you
Speaker 4: know it's again it is a decision I will say
Speaker 4: that we've made together. I mean, obviously I don't want
Speaker 4: I want my kids to feel that, you know, to
Speaker 4: feel that way, but yeah, I mean it was one
Speaker 4: of those that's just like you didn't do anything wrong
Speaker 4: and I love you as a friend, but like it's time,
Speaker 4: you know, And that's tough that I battled with that
Speaker 4: for some time and he probably did too, you know.
Speaker 4: So yeah, I mean that's been a battle for a
Speaker 4: very very long time. Granted my you know, my parents
Speaker 4: were divorced in very similar situation, and you know, she
Speaker 4: they tried to stay together for the for us for
Speaker 4: so long, and that's one thing I didn't want to.
Speaker 4: It's one thing I really struggled with. I'm like, is
Speaker 4: this really healthy for them? Like they need to see
Speaker 4: and we told them that, like you need to see
Speaker 4: a marriage where your parents are affectionate and your parents Yeah,
Speaker 4: I mean we've been very open with them, very very
Speaker 4: and you know it's like and you know, I think
Speaker 4: they know that deep down that that's what but they
Speaker 4: haven't seen it. They really truly haven't seen it. So yeah,
Speaker 4: I mean it was a struggle. But once I made
Speaker 4: the decision, and you know, it was. I feel as
Speaker 4: good as you can about it. I guess that's I
Speaker 4: don't want to sound insensitive because I know it's it's
Speaker 4: harder on him. I'll be honest, it is and I
Speaker 4: don't want to be insensitive to that, but I truly
Speaker 4: feel like it's going to be what's best for everybody.
Speaker 2: Well, we all love you.
Speaker 3: I love you, and I'm I'm just I'm really proud
Speaker 3: of you, just like the work that you've done in
Speaker 3: the last you know, a couple of years, and I
Speaker 3: know you made a very not easy decision, and you know,
Speaker 3: Queendom's here for you. Wind Down, wind Down, Queendom is all.
Speaker 3: You know that we're all We're all here to support.
Speaker 3: And I think again, this is just another opportunity to
Speaker 3: help people not feel alone. And I think especially with
Speaker 3: you know, this being Mental health month, and I think
Speaker 3: so many people internalize things by themselves, which is and
Speaker 3: then you know they it's it's just not and this
Speaker 3: is a way to be able to okay, like you're
Speaker 3: not alone. You are going through things and other people
Speaker 3: are going through the same thing.
Speaker 2: You just might not know.
Speaker 3: That right for sure, But I am really proud of
Speaker 3: you and we're gonna can I like continue to check
Speaker 3: in on you?
Speaker 2: Yeah, You're so sweet, You're so good.
Speaker 4: I'm like, wait, I'm supposed to be the one checking
Speaker 4: on you.
Speaker 2: No, girl, I am, I am, I am.
Speaker 3: I'm a year out from my divorce and I'm you
Speaker 3: know I it's now it's all about loving myself because
Speaker 3: you know, for for me, after my divorce, I was
Speaker 3: like a man was always something that defined me, like
Speaker 3: being in a relationship with something that defined me. And
Speaker 3: now it's like, no, it's it's finding me and healing alone,
Speaker 3: and like that's been that's been the work that I've
Speaker 3: had to do. And but no, I mean your days
Speaker 3: of checking up on me are are done.
Speaker 2: For now. We're switching roles here.
Speaker 3: And I think you know and I always said and
Speaker 3: say this to her, and because I've known, you know,
Speaker 3: obviously this is struggles. And I think you can to
Speaker 3: ask a friend what do you like?
Speaker 2: What do you need?
Speaker 3: And how can I support you? Because somebody might not
Speaker 3: be ready. Like as much as I wanted y'all, of course,
Speaker 3: I love both of you dearly, and I would have
Speaker 3: loved y'all's relationship to work. At the same time, I
Speaker 3: also think y'all deserved, you know, right, other things as well.
Speaker 3: So it's like, what can I how can I support
Speaker 3: can because I will support you fighting for this and
Speaker 3: I'll also support you, you know, being a single mom,
Speaker 3: and if you can get on my ever other weekends
Speaker 3: so we can.
Speaker 5: Go working on it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, I mean you've been super supportive and I
Speaker 4: truly appreciate that, and I do.
Speaker 5: I don't.
Speaker 4: I know, I couldn't have done it if it wasn't
Speaker 4: for my friends and Amy. I know that for a fact.
Speaker 2: So she's a she's a bestseller.
Speaker 3: Yes, well, we love you and we'll we'll circle back
Speaker 3: around when we have all of more people that come
Speaker 3: on that can you know, help with that. But sure,
Speaker 3: everyone go love on some Catherine right now. And uh,
Speaker 3: this episode is actually sponsored by uber Eats and I
Speaker 3: don't know about you, but Catherine, we're gonna you know,
Speaker 3: our our girl Wednesday nights are just going to be
Speaker 3: wild with and uber eats. We can uh you know,
Speaker 3: we can order chocolate. We can order uh Kleenex and tissues,
Speaker 3: and I think we can.
Speaker 5: Get stuff for our pool parties because pool parties.
Speaker 3: Right, yeah, we can, we can, we can get it
Speaker 3: all with uber eats. So that's uh, I just encourage
Speaker 3: all the mamas, single mama's, dad as grandparents. Uber Eats
Speaker 3: is an incredible app. It's actually just not for just
Speaker 3: getting food delivered your house. It's anything and everything. Like
Speaker 3: I just ordered towels and I needed Jolie wanted to
Speaker 3: play down, so I was like, I don't.
Speaker 2: Have time to get your kids in here, but yes,
Speaker 2: let's just do this.
Speaker 3: We're gonna take a break and then we're going to
Speaker 3: get on Corinne Fox and talk more about what this
Speaker 3: month means to her. Hi.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so nice to see you.
Speaker 2: So nice to see you too. I'm Jana.
Speaker 3: This is Catherine, my hair is. Nice to meet you, sweetie.
Speaker 3: I actually saw I saw you. My one girlfriend did
Speaker 3: beach Sizam Julie.
Speaker 5: Oh she did, she did. I didn't realize that she
Speaker 5: was on the show.
Speaker 2: She was on the show.
Speaker 3: So yeah, my friend, my friend Julie Solomon. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: you know, married to my ex John and whatever and
Speaker 3: so but yeah, it was like, god, how many years
Speaker 3: was that? It was probably like four years ago because
Speaker 3: she's literally the girl that was like it can play
Speaker 3: one chord and she knows it and I'm like, can
Speaker 3: you play the whole song because I still don't know, like,
Speaker 3: oh oh no, I mean.
Speaker 1: I'm the DJ on the show.
Speaker 2: I know, and I remember seeing man.
Speaker 1: Admittedly, there are songs where I'm like, I don't know
Speaker 1: how you could get it this fast because it's actually
Speaker 1: very hard.
Speaker 2: It's so hard.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I remember seeing you and just going, God,
Speaker 3: she is beautiful. And then what I didn't know at
Speaker 3: the time was that you know, your dad is Jamie Fox.
Speaker 3: So I was just like, oh wow, Like that's so
Speaker 3: cool that you know she's working with her dad, and
Speaker 3: how cool that one must be. So well, my friend's
Speaker 3: on the show. I'm kind of just like, you know,
Speaker 3: and he's like my daughter, and I was like, this
Speaker 3: is so cool.
Speaker 1: That's so random. I cannot believe you know someone who's
Speaker 1: on the show. I was so curious, like what happens
Speaker 1: to our contestants because I have fall in love with them.
Speaker 1: They always have like such great stories, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: they do such a good job at like vetting these people,
Speaker 1: and they come in with so much energy and they're
Speaker 1: so excited. So what a small world.
Speaker 2: I know it was.
Speaker 3: It was crazy, but I mean, and you're so do
Speaker 3: you love doing that?
Speaker 1: I love doing it. I'm actually right now I'm in
Speaker 1: Ireland and shooting the fifth season of the show, which
Speaker 1: is crazy, but it's a blast. And working with my
Speaker 1: dad is amazing. I mean, I don't know if you
Speaker 1: have watched multiple episodes, but he just has so much
Speaker 1: energy and he's like a big kid. So I'm like
Speaker 1: parenting him on the show where I'm like, he's doing
Speaker 1: dance breaks and he doing dances he shouldn't be doing
Speaker 1: for his age, and I'm always like, hey, let's get
Speaker 1: back to the show, dad, So we have a really
Speaker 1: fun relationship that I also think like a lot of
Speaker 1: fathers and daughters can relate to with me, like iye
Speaker 1: rolling in him, you know, trying to do like a
Speaker 1: funny bit and I'm just not having it. So I
Speaker 1: think a lot of people like to watch us and
Speaker 1: and can relate.
Speaker 2: Sure.
Speaker 3: Speaking of Ireland, I was out there last October. I
Speaker 3: did name that tune and they also filmed that in Ireland.
Speaker 1: So yes's and that's the that's the same creator I
Speaker 1: think of our show.
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, but you need to go Have you gone
Speaker 3: to the Cliffs of Bling Lower.
Speaker 1: Or have you gone I went to Dublin in college
Speaker 1: for uh okay, so I did go there very hungover.
Speaker 1: I think I need to go again.
Speaker 2: But it's gorgeous, it's so pretty. Yeah.
Speaker 3: No, so I took like a day trip and we
Speaker 3: went there, went to Galway and then I want to
Speaker 3: go there if it's super cute. It's just like cobblestones
Speaker 3: and like you just skipping.
Speaker 2: Just skipping me married, Yeah, I just like drink some.
Speaker 3: Tea and so you did. I read an interview that
Speaker 3: you wanted to change your last name.
Speaker 1: I considered it and I said the interview and then
Speaker 1: I feel like it just exploded on the internet. But
Speaker 1: I think I grew up. You know, everyone was always
Speaker 1: looking at me. They were always interested in the things
Speaker 1: that I was doing. And when I was going to college,
Speaker 1: I considered for a brief moment, taking on my mom's
Speaker 1: last name, just so I could get a fair shot.
Speaker 1: I always like ruggled with making friends and really feeling like,
Speaker 1: you know, are they being genuine? Do they want something
Speaker 1: for me? Do they just want concert tickets? Do they
Speaker 1: just want to go to movie premieres? And not that
Speaker 1: that ever really happened to me, but it's a constant
Speaker 1: like insecurity and fear, and I think going into college,
Speaker 1: I thought, well maybe if I, you know, take my
Speaker 1: mom's last name, you know, people won't know who I
Speaker 1: am and they'll you know, not want things from me.
Speaker 1: And I didn't ultimately do that, but it was something
Speaker 1: that I did deal with and struggle with. And obviously
Speaker 1: I've been given so many blessings from my dad's career,
Speaker 1: but there were some things that were also not so
Speaker 1: great about it as well.
Speaker 3: In a way, do you kind of think, like, like,
Speaker 3: what are the things that you wish that you that
Speaker 3: weren't great about it?
Speaker 1: You know, not much. I mean, I've been so blessed
Speaker 1: to be able to do so many great things. And
Speaker 1: when I was ten years old, I attended the Oscars
Speaker 1: with my dad when he won his first Oscar, and
Speaker 1: so it's like you can't really complain. But I think
Speaker 1: because I was constantly looked at or I felt like
Speaker 1: people were always keeping an eye on me, I became
Speaker 1: a bit of a perfectionist and I never wanted to
Speaker 1: mess up. I never wanted to you know, embarrass my
Speaker 1: dad anything that he was putting that on me. It
Speaker 1: was just me putting it on myself, and I felt
Speaker 1: like I couldn't really be authentic for a while, until
Speaker 1: you know, I got older and really found my voice.
Speaker 1: But for a while, I really struggled with not wanting
Speaker 1: to mess up, and I didn't really give myself the
Speaker 1: grace to be a human. And I think children of
Speaker 1: celebrities kind of go one of two ways. Either you
Speaker 1: become you know, the crazy party kid that you read
Speaker 1: about all the time, or you become me, someone who
Speaker 1: didn't curse until I was like sixteen or seventeen because
Speaker 1: I thought stupid was a bad word and I didn't
Speaker 1: want to, you know, do something and say the wrong thing.
Speaker 1: And that was a lot of pressure for a kid.
Speaker 3: You know, Yeah, I think, yeah it is. And also,
Speaker 3: you know, people love to troll behind a computer and
Speaker 3: say things that they don't know about you. So I'm sure, like,
Speaker 3: is that something that you have a hard time dealing
Speaker 3: with too? People that and how do you deal with that?
Speaker 1: I think my both my parents did such a great
Speaker 1: job at teaching me the difference between what's real and
Speaker 1: what's not real and whose opinion to value. And my
Speaker 1: dad is like very harsh on social media in the
Speaker 1: terms of like not believing trolls and and and not
Speaker 1: even giving your time a day to it. But I
Speaker 1: think I struggled with people saying, you know, assuming I
Speaker 1: guess like I'm spoiled and I don't work hard and
Speaker 1: all of those things. And I always felt like I
Speaker 1: had to prove myself. And I always felt like I
Speaker 1: had to show up, you know, even more prepared than
Speaker 1: somebody else, and even more you know, impressive than some
Speaker 1: body else. And I think that was really tough on me.
Speaker 1: But ultimately, you know, it served me. It created this
Speaker 1: work ethic that I have that I'm very proud of
Speaker 1: and that I get praised on all the time. And so,
Speaker 1: you know, it was tough, but it also you know,
Speaker 1: build character.
Speaker 2: How is it dating with your you know, your dad?
Speaker 1: Oh, I get asked this all the time, you know,
Speaker 1: in high school. It was tough. We wrote a whole
Speaker 1: TV show about it. We did a show on Netflix
Speaker 1: called Dad' Stuff Embarrassing Me, which was mostly about my
Speaker 1: dating experiences with my dad because I think he was
Speaker 1: like waiting to play this role of you know, he
Speaker 1: grew up in Texas, so he wanted to do the
Speaker 1: whole like shotgun bit. And so my first boyfriend that
Speaker 1: came around, he was so hard on him. And even
Speaker 1: my college boyfriend the next one, he was so hard
Speaker 1: on him. And finally he learned his lesson and my
Speaker 1: boyfriend now he is so sweet too. But I had
Speaker 1: to go through it. I had to go through my
Speaker 1: dad knocking on their front doors and threatening them and
Speaker 1: threatening their families.
Speaker 4: And I cannot imagine this is a high school.
Speaker 3: Relationship is unchanged exactly, No, exactly, he really I think he.
Speaker 1: Just I think he was playing a character because he's
Speaker 1: such a softy. This man cries all the time. He's
Speaker 1: super sensitive, So I think he was just like honestly
Speaker 1: playing a character.
Speaker 2: That's so funny.
Speaker 3: Is there something that your dad taught you that you
Speaker 3: now like within your relationship now or the relationships that
Speaker 3: you have that is it?
Speaker 2: Did he teach you your worth?
Speaker 1: Is it?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 5: What?
Speaker 2: Where?
Speaker 3: What are some things that like the positive things that
Speaker 3: he instilled, like for you to have healthy relationships, assuming
Speaker 3: you have a great healthy I have relationship.
Speaker 1: My dad has instilled in me this incredible self worth.
Speaker 1: My dad thinks the world of me. He tells me
Speaker 1: all the time. He's always like, do you know who
Speaker 1: you are? And not in this sense of like my
Speaker 1: last name, but in the sense of how wonderful and
Speaker 1: amazing and brilliant I am. And he makes me really
Speaker 1: feel that. And so that's how I've always looked for
Speaker 1: a partner, not that I'm looking for my dad, but
Speaker 1: I'm looking for someone that sees me through his eyes
Speaker 1: and like sees how wonderful I am. And so I've
Speaker 1: never really been in like a toxic relationship. I've never
Speaker 1: really settled for any guy that wouldn't treat me well
Speaker 1: because I was just like, well, my dad treats me
Speaker 1: so wonderful, you know. It's like the opposite of daddy issues,
Speaker 1: you know, and so I really thank him for that.
Speaker 1: And he also does it to my younger sister who's
Speaker 1: thirteen right now, but that's going to carry on into
Speaker 1: the relationships that she has and I can see it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's I mean, it's something that's you know, because
Speaker 3: I'm I'm doing a lot of like childhood trauma work again.
Speaker 2: I feel like I do it like every five years.
Speaker 3: But yeah, that's what I was talking to someone because
Speaker 3: I'm going away to this place, and you know, I
Speaker 3: was like, God, like, how am I here again? And
Speaker 3: so He's like, honestly, he goes, I do it tune
Speaker 3: up every year. He's like, I think, you know, even
Speaker 3: if you didn't have a bad childhood or whatever, it's
Speaker 3: like sometimes you learn something new or you have a
Speaker 3: tune up and it's it's needed. But at the same time,
Speaker 3: I'm just like, Okay, I know, like when my dad
Speaker 3: cheated on my mom, it made me feel like I
Speaker 3: wasn't enough, and you know, it's like and it's interesting
Speaker 3: like when little not little things, well, when moments like
Speaker 3: that happen in your life, you start to believe that
Speaker 3: that is then what you're worth is and like then
Speaker 3: you start looking like, oh, well that's why I've been
Speaker 3: in toxic and after toxic and haven't loved myself enough
Speaker 3: because I didn't think.
Speaker 2: My dad loved me. And then it's like, you know,
Speaker 2: it just goes into this like spiral.
Speaker 3: So I'm always like, okay, like how do I like
Speaker 3: because I don't want this for my gen like my
Speaker 3: kids generated.
Speaker 5: Well, that's an interesting perspective. The opposite of that, Yeah,
Speaker 5: my dad really.
Speaker 4: Lifting her up and treating her. I mean, it's very interesting.
Speaker 4: Makes you want to make sure that the men are very.
Speaker 5: Good to kids.
Speaker 1: Good on you for breaking the cycle, you know, like
Speaker 1: and noticing it and not wanting to like pass that
Speaker 1: on because I think so many people don't do the work.
Speaker 1: So much easier to not do the work. I've been
Speaker 1: in therapy since I was fourteen, so it is like
Speaker 1: my favorite topic. It isn't my favorite thing in the world.
Speaker 1: And you know, I do think like our generation are
Speaker 1: is the generation that's actually like stopping these cycles because
Speaker 1: you can see like how our parents were affected by
Speaker 1: our grandparents so much. They're not as aware, and I
Speaker 1: feel like we're very aware of like how our parents
Speaker 1: have influenced us. And like even me, I'm like I
Speaker 1: had a wonderful childhood, but I became a perfectionist. And
Speaker 1: that's also something that doesn't serve me necessarily.
Speaker 2: Well, it's not that it doesn't.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's gotten you right to a great place
Speaker 3: having that, but it's something that you know you don't
Speaker 3: need to hold on to, like you don't have to
Speaker 3: be a perfectionist. You can use it in certain aspects,
Speaker 3: you know, like I think, you know, I think being
Speaker 3: guarded doesn't serve me, But at the same time, being
Speaker 3: guarded has helped me recognize things or maybe not allow
Speaker 3: things in, but the wrong things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're the wrong thing.
Speaker 3: But it's it's so hard when you go back to
Speaker 3: well the conditioning of what we believed as little kids,
Speaker 3: and so it's it's it's trickery.
Speaker 1: We all are just like eight year olds operating as adults.
Speaker 3: It's interesting, have you figured out what age you are?
Speaker 3: Because I'm five? So when I get what is this?
Speaker 3: So it's the moment that you that you basically your
Speaker 3: worth was determined. So what age? And there was something
Speaker 3: that I had to yeah, so or I had to
Speaker 3: go back, and there was there was one point. Well
Speaker 3: five is when I you know, I felt fear, and
Speaker 3: then at thirteen was the second the second age. So
Speaker 3: I'm either I'm between a five and a thirteen year
Speaker 3: old when I have my like daddy issues quote unquote,
Speaker 3: I mean, and it's funny, like you say, like now
Speaker 3: you know with my dad, it's they they did the
Speaker 3: best they could with they did because I looked at
Speaker 3: my grandpa, I'm like, oh my grandpa was he didn't know.
Speaker 3: They didn't go to therapy, you know, when when they
Speaker 3: were that age. So it's like they you know, they
Speaker 3: they didn't understand that, but yeah, it's it's it's fascinating.
Speaker 3: So we encourage anyone to do some childhood work.
Speaker 5: Yes, yes, we want.
Speaker 1: To do the age thing. I've been in therapy since
Speaker 1: I was fourteen, and I feel like I've covered it all,
Speaker 1: but we have not done what.
Speaker 3: Age am I Yeah, it's and then and then it's
Speaker 3: all about like the experiential work that you do with that,
Speaker 3: and it's you basically talk to that age. It's mind blowing,
Speaker 3: like it really is, like it's.
Speaker 2: You kind of like I know you want to you
Speaker 2: would switch seats.
Speaker 3: With you like you're you're however old girl would be,
Speaker 3: and then you're you're talking to it. I mean it's
Speaker 3: like yeah, and I'm probably gonna have to redo that
Speaker 3: again when I go this weekend.
Speaker 5: Sounds like I need to call.
Speaker 3: But I do love though that someone you know, you
Speaker 3: obviously have such a big following and you're so vocal
Speaker 3: about anxiety, and I love like, I love that because
Speaker 3: we talk a lot about anxiety on this podcast, because
Speaker 3: I suffer from anxiety, and you know, I think at
Speaker 3: times you definitely it's different, it's but it's still for sure,
Speaker 3: and I'm just curious, like is does the anxiety come
Speaker 3: from the perfectionism or does it come from a different place.
Speaker 1: You know, I think I had a genetic predisposition to it,
Speaker 1: and then I think it was triggered by things in
Speaker 1: my childhood, including you know, all of the pressures or
Speaker 1: the self imposed pressures of my last name. But there's
Speaker 1: there's a few moments in my life that I can
Speaker 1: definitely pinpoint to where this anxiety developed. But it wasn't
Speaker 1: until I was fourteen that I really understood what was
Speaker 1: going on. And that's actually a very normal time. I'm
Speaker 1: an ambassador for NAMI, which is the National Alliance on
Speaker 1: Mental Illness, and seventy five percent of mental health disorders
Speaker 1: start between the ages of fourteen and twenty four, So
Speaker 1: as soon as I turned fourteen, I was like right on,
Speaker 1: right on time. But I remember sitting in my English
Speaker 1: class and I could just feel my heart pounding and
Speaker 1: my palms were and I was having this thought that
Speaker 1: a plane was going to crash into the building and
Speaker 1: probably some trauma from nine to eleven that I just
Speaker 1: like didn't really understand, and I realized, Okay, this isn't normal.
Speaker 1: I'm sure that not every other kid is sitting here
Speaker 1: feeling this way, and for whatever reason, I had the
Speaker 1: wherewithal to go to my parents, which seems like the
Speaker 1: last thing a fourteen year old would do is like
Speaker 1: be like, Mom, Dad, I'm not feeling good. But I did,
Speaker 1: and you know, they were so gry about it, and
Speaker 1: I met my therapist, who I still have today. I'm
Speaker 1: twenty eight, so I'm approaching the year where I've been
Speaker 1: with her longer than I have not been with her.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I've been working with on me ever since,
Speaker 1: and it's been so rewarding for me.
Speaker 2: I love that. What do you do? You still have
Speaker 2: anxiety attacks?
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say panic attacks anymore. I do have panic disorder,
Speaker 1: so I guess I could have one. But I've really
Speaker 1: learned so many tools fourteen years in therapy that I
Speaker 1: can feel when one's coming on. I have a toolkit.
Speaker 1: I have this note in my phone that I've been
Speaker 1: writing for the last I don't know ten years of
Speaker 1: all these things to do if I'm not feeling well,
Speaker 1: and I really rely on that, and it's things like
Speaker 1: exercising and meditating and journaling and calling a friend and
Speaker 1: all these things that seems simple but when you're having
Speaker 1: an anxiety attack, you completely forget. You're just like, I
Speaker 1: have no tools. I'm a little baby, and I'm you know, flailing,
Speaker 1: and I need help. And so having this notes app
Speaker 1: really is just like, Okay, I can just go to that.
Speaker 1: What do I do? Ooh, I haven't done that?
Speaker 2: Let me do that, you know, yeah for sure.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: It's kind of the same thing where I'm like, all right,
Speaker 3: I don't have to call the ambulance anymore. I know
Speaker 3: how to do the five four three two one or
Speaker 3: what I'm like, I'm like, what five things do I
Speaker 3: see in the room that like, you know, and then
Speaker 3: the breathing, But is there one that like works the
Speaker 3: best for you?
Speaker 2: Like technique wise, I think.
Speaker 1: Breath control was the biggest game changer for me when
Speaker 1: I started meditating. I really understand because of course, yes
Speaker 1: it's calming, but there are like physiological changes that happen
Speaker 1: if you can get your heart rate down your set
Speaker 1: at least for me, And so when I learned how
Speaker 1: to take a deep breath when I want to just hyperventilate,
Speaker 1: that changed the game for me because it gives you
Speaker 1: your control back, because when you're having an anxiety attack.
Speaker 1: It's a complete loss of control. So if you could
Speaker 1: do something that actually changes your physiological state, you know
Speaker 1: it's over. You know, the panic attack is over.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Well I love that you, you know, are such
Speaker 3: an advocate for that, and I you know, I appreciate that.
Speaker 3: And where can our listeners go to find more about that?
Speaker 1: Well, if they're struggling right now, they can go to
Speaker 1: nome dot org. They have so many resources there. But actually,
Speaker 1: right now, it's it's Mental Health Awareness Month, and I
Speaker 1: just partnered with this brand called Shine the light On
Speaker 1: to create this collection of like tees and honeys and
Speaker 1: crew necks and bucket hats, and forty percent of the
Speaker 1: proceeds are going to not me. So if they want
Speaker 1: to just support Ammy, they can go to shine the
Speaker 1: light on dot com and get some swag and look
Speaker 1: cute and support mental health.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 3: For me, one of the big things is whenever I
Speaker 3: feel one coming on, expressing it and talking about it
Speaker 3: like I'm having a panic attack, because trying to hold
Speaker 3: it in to pretend that I'm not having a panic attack,
Speaker 3: it makes it like ten million times worse.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, for sure, because I mean it grows bigger
Speaker 1: inside of you, and so when you can just like
Speaker 1: let it out a little bit, it's like it's power
Speaker 1: goes down.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, right exactly. It's like you're you're popping,
Speaker 3: You're popping the air out of it. But well, I
Speaker 3: just I so appreciate you coming on and doing what
Speaker 3: you do and just keeping the light that you are
Speaker 3: because you're beautiful, and I just I appreciate you so
Speaker 3: thank you.
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you so much. It was so wonderful.
Speaker 2: You're sweet.
Speaker 3: Thanks girl, have a great one, yeah too, Bye bye.
Speaker 3: She's so sweet.
Speaker 1: She is.
Speaker 2: Just a breath of fresh air.
Speaker 4: That just made me think about the time we were
Speaker 4: in the small airplane.
Speaker 1: Oh god, and.
Speaker 2: I really haven't dealt with probably.
Speaker 5: Yes, yes, it was after and that really hadn't dealt
Speaker 5: with panic.
Speaker 4: I mean I've never truly had a panic attack, never
Speaker 4: really been around people with panic were in this.
Speaker 5: I mean it was a small plane.
Speaker 3: Can we no, No, let's just let's just go back.
Speaker 3: It's not just a small plane. I mean you can't move.
Speaker 3: It's a what was a four seater the six? Okay,
Speaker 3: but like the six it was like pilot. Yeah, it
Speaker 3: was like like like you know, you can't see me
Speaker 3: right now in the thing. But we're like literally like
Speaker 3: this and I had just we had just Bratley and
Speaker 3: I had just broken up and I was a hot mess.
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh. Well just made me think of that
Speaker 4: extra time about how you to talk about it, Oh,
Speaker 4: you had to talk about it?
Speaker 5: Was like but can I get off the plane if
Speaker 5: I have to? And I'm like, no, you can't.
Speaker 4: Get off the plane and she's like, but if I
Speaker 4: have to, that's what you're saying, is it?
Speaker 3: Because like the worst thing about having a panic attack
Speaker 3: is like you can't, like you feel stuck, right. So
Speaker 3: I'm like, so I'm like starting to feel it come on,
Speaker 3: and I'm already like, oh my god, like I'm gonna be.
Speaker 5: Alone forever.
Speaker 4: As much as I do. It all makes so much
Speaker 4: more sense. But in the moment, because I mean, i mean,
Speaker 4: we knew.
Speaker 5: Each other well, but like it was the first true.
Speaker 4: I was just like, finally, I was like, oh, I'm
Speaker 4: supposed to tell her we can get off the plane.
Speaker 5: Yeah it's not possible, but sure, yeah we can get
Speaker 5: off the plane. It's fine.
Speaker 3: I'm glad you finally caught onto that because I was like,
Speaker 3: it took me a little, and I was like with
Speaker 3: Lisa with us too? Was that the one Lisa was
Speaker 3: oncause I think she was having a panic attack too.
Speaker 4: I'll have to remember you. I just remember you being
Speaker 4: in front of me. I can still visualize it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I'm like, Catherine, I'm having a panic attack.
Speaker 3: I don't want to do the show. I don't want
Speaker 3: to do I can't do the show. And You're like,
Speaker 3: we have to do the show. And I was like, no, no, Gather,
Speaker 3: I can't do the show. And then I'm having a
Speaker 3: companion attack. I'm like, how do I cancel the show?
Speaker 3: This is like when I was like, somewhat on top
Speaker 3: of not not you have someone, you know, successful in music.
Speaker 2: You were like, and so you know what I mean now?
Speaker 2: Like I was like I actually had a label and stuff.
Speaker 3: But and then I was like, well, I need to
Speaker 3: I need you to turn the plane around. She's like,
Speaker 3: we can't turn the plane around.
Speaker 2: I was like, what are mean we.
Speaker 5: Can't turn the plane around?
Speaker 3: Please?
Speaker 4: Like I'm going to have to get on this thing
Speaker 4: and tell him, yeah around.
Speaker 3: So I was like, I get I'm glad you finally
Speaker 3: caught on to the fact that I was like I
Speaker 3: need you to tell me we can turn this plane around.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we're not going.
Speaker 2: To, but if we had to, I was like what
Speaker 2: if I dit like if.
Speaker 3: We had to turn the plane around too? Like That's
Speaker 3: what I remember. One time, I think I was fine
Speaker 3: to Scotland. Oh yeah I was, and I was my ex.
Speaker 3: We were flying to Scotland for a friend, my friend's
Speaker 3: wedding and we just had Jason. So I was like,
Speaker 3: so like you know, hormonal or whatever, anxious, and I
Speaker 3: remember I started to have a panic attack on the
Speaker 3: plane because I'm like, this is a ten hour it's
Speaker 3: like and I remember going back to the flight aten
Speaker 3: I was like, can I least have some ice because
Speaker 3: I wanted you know, one of the tricks is to
Speaker 3: put ice on your like your palm, your back, of
Speaker 3: your neck. And I just started like doussing myself with
Speaker 3: like ice.
Speaker 2: And then I was like, so it's like someone had
Speaker 2: to stop the plane because of like a panic attack
Speaker 2: or like you know.
Speaker 3: She was just like I would basically say, like what
Speaker 3: what is the protocol for that? Like how does like
Speaker 3: this does one does one get.
Speaker 2: To stop a plane?
Speaker 3: And she was basically just like I mean, if it
Speaker 3: was like a dire situation.
Speaker 2: So I was like, enough, so if I have to
Speaker 2: like flail myself, which I'll never do, knock on wood,
Speaker 2: but like, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4: Yeah, like except for unless you're stuck on the interstate
Speaker 4: with bad weather and then by golly, you're getting off.
Speaker 2: Oh we're getting off. Hey. But you should be very
Speaker 2: proud of me.
Speaker 3: I have started to drive on the expressway, very big step.
Speaker 3: Like you've done it multiple times now, I think three times.
Speaker 3: I sent a picture as I'm driving. I sent a
Speaker 3: picture to Queendom and I was like, look girls, I'm
Speaker 3: on the expressway.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 4: The thing is that you didn't even say, look girls,
Speaker 4: I'm on the express It was just a phone and
Speaker 4: everybody knew.
Speaker 5: That's sure, that's sure.
Speaker 2: That was my internal brain.
Speaker 5: And you're right. I didn't say we all knew.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I was like, you know, but I think
Speaker 3: and what you will see too is some things that
Speaker 3: maybe you It could be with affection, I don't know,
Speaker 3: but like or whatever, like with my anxiety or me
Speaker 3: feeling like I always have to have a relationship, which
Speaker 3: now I'm like, I don't want one. I'm going to
Speaker 3: love them. I'm going to be happy alone, Like I'm
Speaker 3: going to drive on an expressway. I don't need a
Speaker 3: man that like make me feel like a few daddy issues.
Speaker 3: I'm on my third round of like an intensive therapy thing, like.
Speaker 2: Let's do this.
Speaker 1: Go.
Speaker 3: So it's like, you know, you start to like feel
Speaker 3: like oh, like little little moments of like healing are
Speaker 3: like good.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And that was like a small, small victory.
Speaker 4: Small victories, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2: Like going on uber eats app.
Speaker 3: You know that, small little victories when you don't have
Speaker 3: to like get the kids in the car. Yeah, and
Speaker 3: four different places. Yeah, because I needed a speaker for
Speaker 3: the pool party, I needed towels, I needed groceries and
Speaker 3: then and.
Speaker 4: You were probably about to have a panic attack because
Speaker 4: you didn't have it.
Speaker 1: Do I eat?
Speaker 3: Yes, seriously, so thank you Uber eats. And if you
Speaker 3: want to do a one stop on your phone, you
Speaker 3: can get it all that day?
Speaker 2: Oh did you so? I started writing some new songs.
Speaker 5: Did you hint?
Speaker 2: Did that one song remind you of something? Which one
Speaker 2: this somewhere or out there?
Speaker 4: And I don't think so, okay, well there was shouldn't have.
Speaker 3: Well we're in the middle of right the song and
Speaker 3: I go, guys, does this remind you of that one song,
Speaker 3: that one song, No but fible No somewhere Beneath the Palm,
Speaker 3: come on, I mean vaguely, it's like I'm trying to
Speaker 3: sing in a chipmunk voice, okay or whatever that.
Speaker 2: It's like a it's not it's like song.
Speaker 3: The whole song was basically about, like I know here,
Speaker 3: you're out there somewhere.
Speaker 2: It's it's Linda Ron's status from American Tale. It is fireful, You're.
Speaker 5: Lindsat Man.
Speaker 2: I can't remember how it goes, but I'm gonna do.
Speaker 3: We have a little odd I don't even think we
Speaker 3: could probably play it, but AnyWho, it is for some reason,
Speaker 3: because the whole song was like I'm I was like,
Speaker 3: what's like the next song I'm gonna write about?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 3: So I was like, all right, I'm good, but like
Speaker 3: I just I wonder, like if you're out there praying
Speaker 3: like I'm praying for it, you know, like one day, yeah,
Speaker 3: it'll be a great day, but right now, like, stay
Speaker 3: the heck away, I'm good.
Speaker 2: I'm kidding.
Speaker 5: I don't need you.
Speaker 1: I don't need you.
Speaker 2: Oh man.
Speaker 3: Well, I love you guys, and I hope you guys
Speaker 3: have a great rest of the day and go to
Speaker 3: Catherine's page and fill her with lots of love because
Speaker 3: we love you, Cat, and hopefully we were able to
Speaker 3: give you some smiles.
Speaker 2: And you know you can always make fun of me, right.
Speaker 3: Because that's that's how you make Thank you Sorry.
Speaker 2: She's like, as long as we can like crack jokes at.
Speaker 5: You, it just makes me feel at home.
Speaker 3: Next week we will be back and we will be
Speaker 3: in one step closer to healing. But let's not forget
Speaker 3: to download the uber eats app because it is easy.
Speaker 3: It saves time. So save your time and order with
Speaker 3: the uber eats app today again.
Speaker 2: You can get anything like from.
Speaker 3: Groceries to I don't know if you want to order,
Speaker 3: like I ordered a Pokey bowl the other day because
Speaker 3: I was hungry for dinner. Cookbooks now that I'm on
Speaker 3: a big crock pot recipe search, Oh I need that too.
Speaker 2: Yeah I know, Katherine.
Speaker 3: Catherine DM me and goes hey, single mom, send me,
Speaker 3: send me the recipe about to be one.
Speaker 5: What we do have in commonists We both can't cook, Yeah.
Speaker 3: I know, so, oh you know we should do Wednesday night.
Speaker 3: Can't cook single mom night.
Speaker 5: We teach like we teach each other how to cook see.
Speaker 3: Little things, and Uber eats is going to help us
Speaker 3: with that with the cookbooks because we can get anything
Speaker 3: from there.
Speaker 2: Download the app today, See you guys next week.