1
00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:03,800
Speaker 1: This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast

2
00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:04,680
Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio.

3
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:08,720
Speaker 2: This new segment, Almost Good Advice has been something we've

4
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:12,880
Speaker 2: really enjoyed doing, and as listeners, we really appreciate you listening.

5
00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:16,720
Speaker 2: Your feedback and your insights and your questions have been amazing.

6
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,000
Speaker 2: It's been a bit since we did an almost Good Advice,

7
00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:24,120
Speaker 2: not because of a lack of success, mostly because of

8
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:26,880
Speaker 2: the success of the Almost Famous podcast and all the

9
00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:28,960
Speaker 2: interviews we've had coming out and all the great people

10
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:31,720
Speaker 2: we get to talk to. But your questions have been

11
00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:35,400
Speaker 2: piling up in our inboxes, and so today we're doing

12
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,960
Speaker 2: an almost Good Advice. We got some good questions, Ashley,

13
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:39,560
Speaker 2: take it away.

14
00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:45,839
Speaker 3: The first one is probably our juiciest h It's from

15
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:50,199
Speaker 3: anonymous says I found a box of empty condoms at

16
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:54,200
Speaker 3: my boyfriend's place, and we don't use condoms. And before

17
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:57,120
Speaker 3: you jump to the okay, maybe it's an old box

18
00:00:57,120 --> 00:01:00,640
Speaker 3: and he's a messy dude who just keeps empty things around. Well,

19
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,880
Speaker 3: her boyfriend thirty years old and she twenty eight years old,

20
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:10,600
Speaker 3: have been together for over a year, almost two years. Anyway,

21
00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:12,919
Speaker 3: I'm allergic to latex and I've been on birth control

22
00:01:12,959 --> 00:01:16,320
Speaker 3: for years, so we've never used condoms. In fact, we've

23
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:19,640
Speaker 3: never even mentioned or talked about using them. Well, today

24
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:23,440
Speaker 3: I found a box of condoms in my boyfriend's underwear

25
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:27,120
Speaker 3: drawer and it's empty, and he most definitely didn't use

26
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:34,560
Speaker 3: them with me. What do I do? What would you do?

27
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:41,560
Speaker 3: You guys live alone. It's in his underwear drawer. Oh,

28
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:45,640
Speaker 3: it's bad, bad stuff right here. What you gotta do

29
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:50,480
Speaker 3: is confront him, and you have to. He might give

30
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:54,080
Speaker 3: you bullshit and you might have to figure out how

31
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,160
Speaker 3: to see through it. He might tell you the truth.

32
00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:01,200
Speaker 3: But it's really hard for me to believe that that

33
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:04,160
Speaker 3: box has been sitting there empty for two years.

34
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:07,480
Speaker 2: At the beginning of this, you said, before you jump

35
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,560
Speaker 2: to the conclusion that this could be an old box,

36
00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:11,720
Speaker 2: you said, don't do that. Why'd you say don't do that?

37
00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:14,800
Speaker 3: Well, I said, well, thinking that like they were in

38
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:21,120
Speaker 3: a new relationship, a newer relationship. Yeah, years, two years

39
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:22,880
Speaker 3: sitting in the in the drawer.

40
00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:25,720
Speaker 4: I don't know, would you, I don't know.

41
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,240
Speaker 2: Not shocking if somebody left a box of something in

42
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:30,440
Speaker 2: their drawer for two years.

43
00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:33,480
Speaker 3: I know I'm thinking the same thing. Like my nightstand,

44
00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:36,400
Speaker 3: I definitely have things I probably haven't used for two years.

45
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:41,280
Speaker 2: I mean, this is this to me? Is this would

46
00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:46,440
Speaker 2: be a really difficult thing to find. My advice would be,

47
00:02:46,639 --> 00:02:49,760
Speaker 2: don't let your mind go to the worst possible place

48
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:50,440
Speaker 2: right away.

49
00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:53,560
Speaker 3: But can we at least admit that it seems like

50
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:56,080
Speaker 3: the most plausible of all of the things.

51
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,760
Speaker 2: I actually don't know if it's the most possible.

52
00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:02,160
Speaker 3: Really, you're very sweet, Well I do.

53
00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:06,640
Speaker 2: I just would hate for their mind to jump to this.

54
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:10,120
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, this is awful. This is what's happening.

55
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:13,919
Speaker 2: Who's it happening with? Kind of like path before me.

56
00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,760
Speaker 2: My advice is have the conversation. I mean, you found

57
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:18,600
Speaker 2: it in a place. This is different than finding on

58
00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:20,240
Speaker 2: its phone. If you found on its phone or a computer,

59
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,960
Speaker 2: it gets really hard because then you're like, hey, I

60
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,000
Speaker 2: was kind of like looking into your stuff. I had

61
00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:26,600
Speaker 2: a reason to look into your stuff. I intentionally was

62
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:29,919
Speaker 2: trying to find something. I'm assuming here with his underwear door,

63
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:35,600
Speaker 2: you weren't trying to find anything that was going to

64
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:36,800
Speaker 2: be bad.

65
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:38,960
Speaker 3: You're probably putting laundry away.

66
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:41,360
Speaker 2: You probably putting laundry away. You found this, and so

67
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:43,360
Speaker 2: I think you go, hey, what is this? Like you

68
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,520
Speaker 2: just have to ask the question now, like what is this?

69
00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:50,080
Speaker 2: I found these and you could. I think in this situation,

70
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:56,000
Speaker 2: the best statement to make is I trust you, and

71
00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:59,800
Speaker 2: so I don't want my mind to jump to like

72
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,200
Speaker 2: worse possible scenarios, but it's hard for my mind not

73
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:05,440
Speaker 2: to jump there, and so I want to ask you

74
00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:08,640
Speaker 2: what this is so that you can tell me and

75
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,560
Speaker 2: if it is, if it is worst case scenario, I

76
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,080
Speaker 2: want you to be able to tell me that too,

77
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:17,280
Speaker 2: because that's only fair to both of us. I think

78
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:21,960
Speaker 2: going in with that is helpful because it won't lose

79
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:25,400
Speaker 2: trust if it is maybe a mistake, like hey, yeah,

80
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,360
Speaker 2: I've had it there for three years. I totally forgot

81
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,440
Speaker 2: I was in there, not a thing. I promise whatever

82
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:33,320
Speaker 2: you not attacking right away, not making assumptions right away,

83
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,480
Speaker 2: will still hold the value of trust in your relationship

84
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,320
Speaker 2: and allow them the space and kind of the calmness

85
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:42,680
Speaker 2: in your voice and your tone to tell you also, hey, yeah,

86
00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:46,800
Speaker 2: I have been messing around. And then you can get

87
00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:49,320
Speaker 2: as mad as you want. Really, you can fire away,

88
00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:53,160
Speaker 2: or you can be forgiven for it. Which it was

89
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,360
Speaker 2: a whole different conversation, but you got to go into

90
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:59,960
Speaker 2: it like take up deep breast, be very calm about it,

91
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,479
Speaker 2: vary at peace about it before kind of like jumping

92
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,839
Speaker 2: down the throat and making all the assumptions. I think

93
00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:08,039
Speaker 2: it's just having that conversation in a calm way, leaving

94
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:10,440
Speaker 2: the space open for the two of you to actually

95
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:13,160
Speaker 2: have a conversation, even if that conversation isn't going to

96
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:15,800
Speaker 2: go in a path, that is what either of you

97
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:20,080
Speaker 2: maybe want. And so just tell them, hey, I found this.

98
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:22,440
Speaker 2: I don't want my mind to jump. I trust you

99
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,560
Speaker 2: what is this? And then allow him the space to

100
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:25,880
Speaker 2: tell you.

101
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:31,279
Speaker 3: Our next question is from Ginny. My friend always has

102
00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:34,520
Speaker 3: negative feedback about my plan. I have this friend whom

103
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,320
Speaker 3: I always support and I give her all the advice

104
00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,599
Speaker 3: that she needs. When she has a planner is asking

105
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,080
Speaker 3: for some ideas. She wants to start a business, a

106
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:45,880
Speaker 3: business that I have already, but because of some reason

107
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,720
Speaker 3: I stop, and now she wants to try that thing.

108
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,680
Speaker 3: She asked me about it, and I share with her

109
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,240
Speaker 3: almost everything. And then when the time comes that I

110
00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:56,359
Speaker 3: want to start a different business, I ask her for

111
00:05:56,440 --> 00:06:00,159
Speaker 3: some ideas and everything she says is negative, and now

112
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:03,279
Speaker 3: I have doubts if I will continue my plan.

113
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:03,640
Speaker 1: Or what.

114
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:08,279
Speaker 3: I know that I can do it myself. But I'm

115
00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:10,760
Speaker 3: just thinking, is she going to be here to encourage me?

116
00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,400
Speaker 3: What do you think? Should I continue my plan and

117
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:17,320
Speaker 3: start the business or just listen to her? Okay? So, Jenny,

118
00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,719
Speaker 3: I'm just trying to get this straight. You want a business,

119
00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:23,720
Speaker 3: you have an idea for a business, and she keeps

120
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,520
Speaker 3: poopooing the idea, but then she also kind of wants

121
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:30,200
Speaker 3: to take on the idea and do it herself. Ben,

122
00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:31,800
Speaker 3: Is that how you're interpreting this.

123
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,840
Speaker 2: How I'm interpreting this is that Ginny has a business

124
00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:39,080
Speaker 2: right now that her friend also wants to start a

125
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,800
Speaker 2: similar business too.

126
00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:43,839
Speaker 3: When she says that sounds like a copycat.

127
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,440
Speaker 2: She wants to start a business, a business that I

128
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:51,040
Speaker 2: have already, but because of some reasons, I stopped the business,

129
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,000
Speaker 2: and now she wants to try that thing. So Ginny

130
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:57,800
Speaker 2: had this business, she has stopped it because of some

131
00:06:57,839 --> 00:07:00,160
Speaker 2: reasons that she's not telling us. Her friend now to

132
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,440
Speaker 2: start a similar business, and Jenny is sitting there now

133
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,840
Speaker 2: kind of without a job. I'm assuming and going, hey,

134
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,599
Speaker 2: I want to start a new business, something that was

135
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,360
Speaker 2: not like my old business, and her friend is kind

136
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,640
Speaker 2: of poopooing the ideas and giving her negative feedback.

137
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:18,200
Speaker 3: Like, is she even just somebody to trust with throwing

138
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:18,880
Speaker 3: out ideas too?

139
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:19,680
Speaker 2: Is yeah?

140
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:24,320
Speaker 3: I think we're Yeah, I mean probably not. Do you

141
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:26,360
Speaker 3: have another friend that you can talk to you about

142
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:30,600
Speaker 3: ideas because it seems like one she kind of stole

143
00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:38,160
Speaker 3: your idea and two she's not even really supportive, So like,

144
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:42,160
Speaker 3: find someone else to talk to, is my advice.

145
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:48,040
Speaker 2: I always come with the simple advice, Ben, I actually

146
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:51,880
Speaker 2: think she's been a good friend. I want friends when

147
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:55,680
Speaker 2: it comes to especially business. I know the saying is

148
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,800
Speaker 2: business is business. I think I'm not like.

149
00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,920
Speaker 3: I don't love mixing business with friends.

150
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,400
Speaker 4: It's not always the best.

151
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,840
Speaker 2: But I mean I'm saying I actually do like mixing

152
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:06,640
Speaker 2: business with friends. You know, most of the things I

153
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,560
Speaker 2: do are with friends. I think business is business is

154
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,520
Speaker 2: the saying. I don't think that's always true, but I

155
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,720
Speaker 2: do think there is a world in which it is true,

156
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:17,200
Speaker 2: meaning it's not true when you are hurting somebody else

157
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:21,920
Speaker 2: in the pursuit of your success. I don't think business

158
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,200
Speaker 2: is business. Then I do think business is business when

159
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,760
Speaker 2: it comes to honest feedback and opinions from people you trust.

160
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,280
Speaker 2: And love and that love you. I can't tell you

161
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:32,720
Speaker 2: if you should start this business or not. I don't

162
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,480
Speaker 2: know what this business is. I don't know the plan

163
00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:36,000
Speaker 2: you have, I don't know the model you have, and

164
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:39,679
Speaker 2: I don't know your skill set. And if you are

165
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:44,360
Speaker 2: built to run this business, I don't think you should

166
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,439
Speaker 2: just jump to find a friend that's just going to

167
00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:51,120
Speaker 2: be your yes person. That's why good boards exist within

168
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,960
Speaker 2: organizations is because the boards should never be the yes person.

169
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:58,120
Speaker 2: They should always be the one asking the questions, digging

170
00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:02,600
Speaker 2: a little deeper, being critical, making you answer some of

171
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,679
Speaker 2: the thoughts and ideas that they have, because it's only

172
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:08,760
Speaker 2: going to make you better or more prepared for the

173
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,079
Speaker 2: difficult situation.

174
00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:13,760
Speaker 3: The reason that I say that like she hasn't been

175
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:17,760
Speaker 3: supportive in like a she's she hasn't been critical in

176
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,920
Speaker 3: a good way is because she ended up just stealing

177
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:24,280
Speaker 3: the idea and taking over the business, which makes me

178
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:28,400
Speaker 3: like worried about her morality here you know what I mean?

179
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:32,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, but if I had a business, Okay, for example, podcasts,

180
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:36,080
Speaker 2: If I have a podcast almost same as podcasts, this

181
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:41,120
Speaker 2: podcast stops and then you go on to do another

182
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:46,079
Speaker 2: similar show on your own without me, am I going

183
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,120
Speaker 2: to lose my trust in you as a friend, not

184
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,920
Speaker 2: at all. It's not going to be easy. Maybe I'm

185
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:54,199
Speaker 2: not going to be like I'm gonna have questions for you,

186
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:58,120
Speaker 2: of course, like, hey, what's going on here? Why don't

187
00:09:58,160 --> 00:09:59,360
Speaker 2: you you know, why don't you ask me to be

188
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,760
Speaker 2: a part of this? But you have every right to

189
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:03,720
Speaker 2: do that. And it's not you being a bad friend.

190
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:07,600
Speaker 2: It's you seeing maybe a gap or a hole in

191
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,520
Speaker 2: what we have here almost famous, and saying I think

192
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:13,000
Speaker 2: I could do this better on my own without Ben,

193
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,760
Speaker 2: and then you do it. And that's okay. That's not

194
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:20,480
Speaker 2: a like, that's not a morality issue. That's just you saying, hey,

195
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:23,720
Speaker 2: there's only one way this model works in my mind

196
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,679
Speaker 2: right now, and that model works with you know, Ashley

197
00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:29,439
Speaker 2: and Jared co hosting it together, or you and somebody else,

198
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:33,720
Speaker 2: or are you doing alone. I'm not against this friend

199
00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,400
Speaker 2: saying hey, you stopped doing this business and now I

200
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:38,200
Speaker 2: think I want to do it because I saw what

201
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:40,440
Speaker 2: you went through and I disagreed with you on some

202
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,440
Speaker 2: of your decision making, and I felt like I could

203
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:45,000
Speaker 2: find success in ways that you didn't. So I'm going

204
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:46,440
Speaker 2: to take it over and I'm going to try it

205
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,400
Speaker 2: my way now because I learned from you. I want

206
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:50,960
Speaker 2: to give you the credit for learning from you. But

207
00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,360
Speaker 2: I learned from you, and you know, I think I

208
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:55,280
Speaker 2: can do this thing. I don't have a problem with that.

209
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:56,600
Speaker 2: And I also want to have a problem with some

210
00:10:56,679 --> 00:11:00,079
Speaker 2: friend being critical of whatever pursuit you have next. Starting

211
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:03,199
Speaker 2: a business is not easy. It's not just fun and games.

212
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,560
Speaker 2: It's really hard. It's oftentimes going to cost a lot

213
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:10,199
Speaker 2: of money, and your success is going to be dependent

214
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:14,000
Speaker 2: on how you handle chaos and how you get launched.

215
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:16,600
Speaker 2: And so I think your friend hopefully is coming from

216
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:19,760
Speaker 2: a spirit of love and support, but asking questions that

217
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,680
Speaker 2: they have on their mind to maybe poke holes in

218
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,640
Speaker 2: what you're trying to build, so either you can adapt

219
00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:29,240
Speaker 2: and evolve or you don't do it so you don't

220
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,680
Speaker 2: end up on the back end of a really bad pursuit.

221
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:37,800
Speaker 3: Okay, that's a respectable answer. Thank you, Ben for being

222
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:38,800
Speaker 3: so understanding.

223
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,400
Speaker 2: Well, I have friends, I mean, when you know, when

224
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:44,240
Speaker 2: I start something, I have friends that I trust deeply

225
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,360
Speaker 2: who have told me no, don't do it. Like what

226
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,920
Speaker 2: are you thinking, like this isn't going to work? Like

227
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,079
Speaker 2: have you thought about this, and this and this. Those

228
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,640
Speaker 2: are the friends I would still call tomorrow if I

229
00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:56,760
Speaker 2: had something going on, because hopefully, at some point in

230
00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:58,880
Speaker 2: their life too, they've been in They've said no, I

231
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,559
Speaker 2: think it's a good idea. Let's run.

232
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:11,959
Speaker 4: Yeah.

233
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,720
Speaker 3: This is from Joey. Me and my girlfriend are in

234
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,600
Speaker 3: college and we've been dating for over a year now.

235
00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:20,160
Speaker 3: During her honeymoon phase, we would spend almost every moment

236
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:23,160
Speaker 3: and every night together and we would never fight. I'd

237
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,640
Speaker 3: say six months down the road. After summer and the

238
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:30,400
Speaker 3: next year started, we would tend to argue and fight more,

239
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:33,560
Speaker 3: but we would still spend every moment with each other.

240
00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:36,479
Speaker 3: And I feel like it's unhealthy because she gets frustrated

241
00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:38,440
Speaker 3: or mad whenever I try to do something with my

242
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:42,280
Speaker 3: friends or if I want to do something on my own.

243
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:46,000
Speaker 3: Her best friends and her have recently been in a

244
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:48,520
Speaker 3: huge fight for months, and it's looking like they won't

245
00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:52,080
Speaker 3: be friends again because she has put so much energy

246
00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,880
Speaker 3: into me and not her best friends, which has resulted

247
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,480
Speaker 3: in her not having any more close friends other than

248
00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:02,280
Speaker 3: me and two other people she just started recently hanging

249
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:05,360
Speaker 3: out with me. On the other hand, I still put

250
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:07,960
Speaker 3: effort and hang out with all my best friends and

251
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:11,400
Speaker 3: when it comes it but it comes with a price

252
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:15,440
Speaker 3: every time right now, in an argument, whether it's me golfing,

253
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:18,559
Speaker 3: watching sports, or just wanting to go hang out with friends,

254
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,359
Speaker 3: it results in an argument and it's getting very frustrating.

255
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,520
Speaker 3: I tried to set boundaries with her by sleeping on

256
00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:27,840
Speaker 3: my own once a week, but every time it came

257
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:30,640
Speaker 3: to that, it would result in a fight. I'm not

258
00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:33,680
Speaker 3: sure if anyone has dealt with a girlfriend who has

259
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:37,240
Speaker 3: separation issues, but it's to the point where, even if

260
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:39,560
Speaker 3: we are not in the same state for summer, she

261
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,760
Speaker 3: constantly feels like she has to have me on FaceTime

262
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,480
Speaker 3: all day long. For example, last night, we were on

263
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:47,200
Speaker 3: FaceTime for two hours and I told her I'm going

264
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:52,240
Speaker 3: and I told her I'm going to smoke weed and

265
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,600
Speaker 3: watch a show, and she got very mad at me

266
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:57,839
Speaker 3: because I felt like I didn't even talk to her

267
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:01,160
Speaker 3: even though it's been two hours. It's the point where

268
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:04,760
Speaker 3: I'm not if I'm not with her or doing something

269
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,920
Speaker 3: without her, she gets very upset and starts a fight.

270
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,679
Speaker 3: I'm just looking for advice and other people's opinion on this.

271
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:16,840
Speaker 3: You down a bad cycle, my friend. I don't know

272
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:21,040
Speaker 3: where it went wrong, but it did, and now she's

273
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:29,760
Speaker 3: that girl. I understand your frustration there. I have a

274
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:33,080
Speaker 3: best friend that when we became best friends, she became

275
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:37,600
Speaker 3: very possessive to the point where like she got very

276
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,800
Speaker 3: jealous every time we would I would hang out with

277
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:45,600
Speaker 3: another friend and it really upset me. And it was

278
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,960
Speaker 3: a short term thing and she got over it and

279
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:52,360
Speaker 3: blah blah blah. But I just remember being very upset

280
00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:55,960
Speaker 3: about the frustration that would come when I'd be like, oh,

281
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,880
Speaker 3: I can't hang out today I have I'm gonna hang

282
00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:01,160
Speaker 3: out with so and so. That's so the closest comparison

283
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:04,080
Speaker 3: I have, And this is way deeper. This is your

284
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:07,520
Speaker 3: girlfriend who you've been with for like about a year

285
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:07,960
Speaker 3: and a half.

286
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:08,240
Speaker 2: Now.

287
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:13,120
Speaker 3: It's not a good It happens a lot that people

288
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:16,800
Speaker 3: end up distancing themselves from their friends when they're in

289
00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:21,920
Speaker 3: a new relationship. So she's now dependent on you for

290
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:26,320
Speaker 3: the friendship element as in addition to the romantic relationship element.

291
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:29,600
Speaker 3: And I don't know how you go back, because it

292
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,320
Speaker 3: sounds like if you're going to bring this up to

293
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:37,200
Speaker 3: her that she's just gonna get very she's gonna get heated,

294
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,080
Speaker 3: She's gonna deny it all.

295
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,120
Speaker 2: Well, it's you're right. It's not going to get better.

296
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:46,400
Speaker 2: This is not going to magically fix itself and it Honestly,

297
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:51,840
Speaker 2: I've never known of a scenario where talking through it

298
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:59,520
Speaker 2: fixes it either. This feels like a personal growth moment

299
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:05,000
Speaker 2: for your girlfriend and probably yourself too. Both of you

300
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,400
Speaker 2: need to grow. I'm not saying grow up, mature all those.

301
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,240
Speaker 2: I'm not saying you're not that. I'm just saying this

302
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,480
Speaker 2: feels like a moment where the two of you are

303
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:15,640
Speaker 2: no longer compatible, compatible as a couple, and you aren't

304
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:19,360
Speaker 2: making each other your best selves. Because few hints one

305
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,320
Speaker 2: she's lost friendships being with you. That doesn't mean that

306
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,360
Speaker 2: you've caused it. It just means that she's lost friendships

307
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,880
Speaker 2: during the time of your relationship. That's not healthy for

308
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:32,840
Speaker 2: anybody to be losing people that you love and that

309
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,520
Speaker 2: care for you because you are now with somebody else. Also,

310
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:40,840
Speaker 2: you you sound exhausted, You sound resentful. You from the

311
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:44,080
Speaker 2: message that you say, it sounds like you are constantly

312
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:50,440
Speaker 2: walking on eggshells to not be in trouble. So here's

313
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:53,320
Speaker 2: my advice. It's not going to get better. You've got

314
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:56,840
Speaker 2: to make the decision of what you now foresee your

315
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,360
Speaker 2: life looking like, do you want this as a partner forever?

316
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:00,120
Speaker 4: Like?

317
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,840
Speaker 2: Do you want to continue this path where as you

318
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:06,320
Speaker 2: get married? You know what, You're never able to hang

319
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:09,679
Speaker 2: out friends. The two of you are together all the time.

320
00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:15,000
Speaker 2: You have very little freedom of your own. For me,

321
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:19,400
Speaker 2: I read this and I get anxiety because as an

322
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:23,080
Speaker 2: introvert myself, there's many moments where I have to be

323
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,159
Speaker 2: away from Jess. Doesn't mean I'm going to hang out

324
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,440
Speaker 2: with friends necessarily, but I'm going away like I'm doing

325
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,000
Speaker 2: my thing. I'm going to lunch by myself, or I'm

326
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,000
Speaker 2: going to a movie by myself or whatever. She just

327
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:35,080
Speaker 2: understands that. She accepts it, she loves it, she appreciates it.

328
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,800
Speaker 2: She just knows that's going to make me my best

329
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:41,480
Speaker 2: version of myself. I think your girlfriend needs to ask

330
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,440
Speaker 2: herself how is Joey going to be the best version

331
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:48,240
Speaker 2: of himself? For himself, for us, for his friends, for

332
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:52,160
Speaker 2: his family, whatever. And she has to kind of, as

333
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:57,280
Speaker 2: we said early, she has to commit to allowing you

334
00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,959
Speaker 2: that space. You have to also ask that for herself.

335
00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:01,840
Speaker 2: For her, say, how is she going to be the

336
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:05,720
Speaker 2: best version of herself? In this relationship. So here would

337
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:10,040
Speaker 2: be my advice. Honestly, this is hard advice. You got

338
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,919
Speaker 2: to take a break. You've got to cut communication for

339
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,240
Speaker 2: a period of time so that both of you can

340
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:18,960
Speaker 2: kind of take a deep breath and grow on your

341
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:24,639
Speaker 2: own without each other, rebuild maybe past relationships, commit to

342
00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:28,800
Speaker 2: a period of investing into friendships, and then not give

343
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:31,000
Speaker 2: up on the idea that they're in the future could

344
00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:34,119
Speaker 2: still be a potential for the two of you to

345
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:37,440
Speaker 2: get back together. But before you do that, you gotta

346
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:40,440
Speaker 2: grow because right now the two of you, at least

347
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:45,440
Speaker 2: from this email, your girlfriend is very dependent on you,

348
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:51,320
Speaker 2: and having that dependence to that level will never go

349
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:55,320
Speaker 2: well in the long term. You can't be her everything

350
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,840
Speaker 2: all the time at every moment. We're not made for

351
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,600
Speaker 2: that as humans. Has to take some time to invest

352
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,720
Speaker 2: into herself, to invest into things outside of you, to

353
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:08,679
Speaker 2: ask yourself, to question why she's so dependent, and then

354
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,840
Speaker 2: maybe you can get back together as that growth has happened.

355
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,480
Speaker 2: Because I've seen that happen, I've just never seen it

356
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,960
Speaker 2: a couple continue on this path and it get any

357
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:20,640
Speaker 2: better at any moment. Very good.

358
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:22,440
Speaker 3: I'm surprised, actually, Ben, I thought you were going to

359
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:26,159
Speaker 3: have an alternative a fix but I but like in

360
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,679
Speaker 3: my but the anxiety that is built from this story

361
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:30,480
Speaker 3: between you and I.

362
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,080
Speaker 2: You know too many people you've known too. We've all

363
00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:37,720
Speaker 2: heard so many moments of this is in college too,

364
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,840
Speaker 2: Like if this was in your twenty twenties, who like

365
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,120
Speaker 2: twenty six, twenty seven to going up to thirty, you'd

366
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:46,760
Speaker 2: be we'd all be reading this like, WHOA something really

367
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:50,000
Speaker 2: weird it's happening here. This is a very common thing, Joey,

368
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,240
Speaker 2: Like when you ask have you ever heard of this before? Yes,

369
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:56,520
Speaker 2: all the time, and every friend's relationship in college that

370
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,639
Speaker 2: I've ever had, one of the people were questioning why

371
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,800
Speaker 2: I'm not spending as much time together, you know whatever,

372
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:07,800
Speaker 2: It's not uncommon. I've just never seen it continue without

373
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:12,760
Speaker 2: there being some break to kind of revisit who what

374
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,600
Speaker 2: they care about and who they are is people outside

375
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,880
Speaker 2: of their relationship. So that's my opinion.

376
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,960
Speaker 3: All right, Well, guys, that has been almost good advice.

377
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:25,840
Speaker 3: We appreciate you for listening. Send in your questions and

378
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:31,120
Speaker 3: concerns and stories to Ben and Ashley at iHeartRadio dot

379
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:35,640
Speaker 3: com until next time. Signing off, This has been Ashley

380
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 3: and I've been Ben, I've been Ashley.

381
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:39,600
Speaker 2: What's going wrong with you?

382
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:40,400
Speaker 3: I don't know.

383
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:45,960
Speaker 1: Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on iHeartRadio,

384
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:48,480
Speaker 1: or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.