WEBVTT - Prioritizing Self-Care When You Take Care of Others 0:00:02.960 --> 0:00:03.680 Hi everyone. 0:00:03.960 --> 0:00:08.160 I'm Holly Robinson, pete, actor, author, advocate, do it All mom, 0:00:08.560 --> 0:00:12.280 and I'm also a caregiver. And this is care Walks, 0:00:12.760 --> 0:00:17.040 a podcast from iHeartRadio and Voltaian Arthritis Pain Gel. It's 0:00:17.079 --> 0:00:20.720 a show for family caregivers who give everything to everyone 0:00:20.840 --> 0:00:24.480 and need to make time for themselves through movement. Every 0:00:24.520 --> 0:00:27.120 episode is designed for you to walk as you listen, 0:00:27.440 --> 0:00:29.400 so just think of me and my guests as your 0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:30.639 weekly walking buddies. 0:00:31.240 --> 0:00:32.400 We'll hear stories. 0:00:32.080 --> 0:00:35.800 From caregivers and gain tips and insights from health experts 0:00:36.040 --> 0:00:38.480 and advocates who know how important it is to take 0:00:38.520 --> 0:00:42.120 care of yourself and manage joint pain due to arthritis 0:00:42.120 --> 0:00:43.919 that often a companies being a caregiver. 0:00:49.159 --> 0:00:52.599 Welcome to our very first episode of care Walks. Everyone. 0:00:53.040 --> 0:00:55.680 I'm so glad you're here and I'm so excited to 0:00:55.680 --> 0:00:58.360 be here with you. You may not know this about me, 0:00:58.520 --> 0:01:01.440 but my own journey as a family caregiver started when 0:01:01.480 --> 0:01:05.080 I was just nineteen years old. My father, Matt Robinson, 0:01:05.080 --> 0:01:07.880 who some of you may remember originated the role of 0:01:07.959 --> 0:01:12.720 Gordon on Sesame Street, was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. I 0:01:12.760 --> 0:01:15.600 loved my dad so much so when I was a 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:18.720 freshman in college and his health started to deteriorate. The 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:21.800 choice was very clear to me. While I was in school. 0:01:21.840 --> 0:01:25.800 I chose to also be my dad's primary caregiver. It 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:28.039 was not an easy road, and I took care of 0:01:28.120 --> 0:01:31.640 him for twenty pretty challenging years, but I will never 0:01:31.720 --> 0:01:34.080 regret being able to spend that time with my dad. 0:01:34.800 --> 0:01:36.640 It gave us the chance to repair some of the 0:01:36.680 --> 0:01:39.440 issues we had in our relationship, and I was able 0:01:39.440 --> 0:01:42.160 to see him in a totally different light. And it 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:45.959 was just such an important and influential time in my life. 0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:48.760 I only wish a show like care Walks was around then. 0:01:49.480 --> 0:01:51.120 There was so much I didn't know when I was 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:53.200 starting my caregiving journey with my dad. 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:55.920 I felt so lost at the start. 0:01:56.240 --> 0:01:59.360 So my goal is to make sure this podcast makes 0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:02.600 you feel a little little less alone in your caregiving journey 0:02:02.920 --> 0:02:05.600 and gives you some valuable resources to help you also 0:02:05.720 --> 0:02:09.480 take care of yourself. Now, a couple of things to 0:02:09.520 --> 0:02:12.280 note about our show. As I mentioned earlier, this show 0:02:12.360 --> 0:02:14.639 is meant for you to take a walk as you listen, 0:02:15.080 --> 0:02:17.360 So right now you're listening to the full version of 0:02:17.400 --> 0:02:19.920 this episode, which means you'll get a decent walk in 0:02:19.960 --> 0:02:22.360 if you're moving with us the whole time. But if 0:02:22.400 --> 0:02:24.840 you don't have time for a full walk today, then 0:02:24.880 --> 0:02:27.919 go check out our bridged version of this same episode. 0:02:28.040 --> 0:02:31.320 It's like cliff Notes for podcasts, so no matter how 0:02:31.360 --> 0:02:33.640 much time you have, you won't miss out on a 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:38.399 great conversation. All right, now that that's settled, let's dig 0:02:38.440 --> 0:02:42.200 into this episode today. We're talking about taking care of 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:45.440 ourselves when we're taking care of others. How do you 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:48.840 make yourself a priority in it all? You know, I 0:02:48.880 --> 0:02:52.000 think this is honestly the hardest thing about being a caregiver. 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:55.880 You give, and you give so much, and everyone relies 0:02:55.919 --> 0:02:58.040 on you to take care of things, and then when 0:02:58.040 --> 0:03:01.679 it comes to taking time for you can almost feel selfish. 0:03:02.440 --> 0:03:05.080 But the reality is self care is so important when 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:08.720 you're a family caregiver. You cannot fill from an empty cup. 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:12.919 Remember that you cannot run yourself into the ground and 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:15.800 be the best version of yourself for the people you love. 0:03:16.440 --> 0:03:18.800 Taking time to care for yourself and do things that 0:03:18.800 --> 0:03:21.720 are good for your health, like taking a walk, will 0:03:21.720 --> 0:03:25.000 make you that much better at everything you do for others. 0:03:26.200 --> 0:03:28.760 To help us better understand the importance of self care 0:03:28.800 --> 0:03:32.640 for caregivers. I'm gonna chat with Nadine Robert's Cornish later. 0:03:33.160 --> 0:03:36.560 Nadine is the founder of The Caregiver's Guardian, and she's 0:03:36.600 --> 0:03:38.680 gonna help us get over the idea that we need 0:03:38.720 --> 0:03:42.120 to always put others first and give us advice on 0:03:42.240 --> 0:03:45.640 easy ways to start taking care of our needs. But 0:03:45.760 --> 0:03:49.800 before we get into today's conversation, let's begin our walk 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:56.520 every week. I'm going to help you start your walk 0:03:56.560 --> 0:04:02.480 with a mindfulness exercise, So let's get started. First off, 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:06.680 celebrate yourself and your body for showing up today and 0:04:06.720 --> 0:04:10.640 finding time to get active when you're a caregiver. I 0:04:10.720 --> 0:04:13.400 know it can be really tough, but it is so important, 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:16.160 and I want you to keep telling yourself this every 0:04:16.200 --> 0:04:19.520 time a thought pops up, reminding you of other things 0:04:19.520 --> 0:04:20.760 that you have to get done today. 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:23.480 So when you have a moment. 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:27.960 Take a breath, a deep breath in through your nose 0:04:28.480 --> 0:04:33.240 and let that air fill your lungs. Feel the sensation 0:04:33.400 --> 0:04:36.880 of your stomach and your chest rising with your breath, 0:04:38.600 --> 0:04:42.039 and now breathe out through your mouth and let everything 0:04:42.080 --> 0:04:46.599 in your body relax as you release that air. Self 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:49.920 care is what lets us refuel to be the best. 0:04:49.760 --> 0:04:50.920 Version of ourselves. 0:04:54.800 --> 0:04:57.240 Now, I want you to find a good pace to 0:04:57.279 --> 0:05:00.280 settle into for the rest of the show, And as 0:05:00.279 --> 0:05:03.080 you do that, I'm going to share my conversation with 0:05:03.120 --> 0:05:06.840 our guest, Nadine Roberts Cornish, and together we're going to 0:05:06.920 --> 0:05:09.640 keep you company and learn more about how we can 0:05:09.680 --> 0:05:15.880 take better care of ourselves as we care for others. Today, 0:05:16.000 --> 0:05:19.840 I'm joined by Nadine Roberts Cornish, the founder of The 0:05:19.880 --> 0:05:24.200 Caregiver's Guardian LLC. She founded the organization after her own 0:05:24.279 --> 0:05:27.400 experience of being a caregiver to her mother for fifteen years. 0:05:28.200 --> 0:05:32.560 Nadine discusses her story in her book Tears in My Gumbo, 0:05:32.880 --> 0:05:38.080 The Caregiver's Recipe for Resilience. Nadine, Welcome to care Walks. 0:05:39.200 --> 0:05:41.600 Thank you so much, Tally, It's great to see you. 0:05:41.640 --> 0:05:42.479 Great to be here. 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:46.680 Yes, I love the title of your book, Tears in 0:05:46.760 --> 0:05:50.400 My Gumbo. Can you tell us a little bit about 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:53.600 what your experience as a caregiver has been like? 0:05:54.600 --> 0:05:58.920 Absolutely so. My personal experience of fifteen years caring for 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:03.560 my mom was the experience of a lifetime one. It 0:06:03.560 --> 0:06:06.440 was an opportunity for me to give back to the 0:06:06.480 --> 0:06:10.200 person who gave me life right. But it was probably 0:06:10.240 --> 0:06:14.120 the most challenging and difficult experience I have ever encountered. 0:06:14.600 --> 0:06:18.560 And as a result, my fifteen year experience caring for 0:06:18.680 --> 0:06:22.520 my mom, it literally prepared me and set me up 0:06:22.560 --> 0:06:24.800 for the work that I was placed here to do. 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:29.240 And so it's been a heck of a journey. It's 0:06:29.279 --> 0:06:33.560 been now almost twenty five years of supporting caregivers across 0:06:33.600 --> 0:06:38.360 the country and helping caregivers recognize that they must, in 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:42.480 fact make themselves the number one priority in their lives. 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:47.039 What I tell all of my caregivers is that none 0:06:47.040 --> 0:06:50.719 of us choose this path, and we're having to wear 0:06:50.839 --> 0:06:54.160 hats or step into a role that we didn't see coming, 0:06:54.480 --> 0:06:56.880 and in some instances we did see it coming, but 0:06:57.000 --> 0:07:02.400 we still weren't ready for It is the most transformative 0:07:02.520 --> 0:07:05.120 journey you're ever gonna travel. 0:07:05.400 --> 0:07:07.800 Yeah, and I know you know what I mean. 0:07:08.680 --> 0:07:12.280 It's so many caregivers we expect you, We really expect 0:07:12.280 --> 0:07:17.400 the journey to be as we anticipate it, or we 0:07:17.480 --> 0:07:20.320 expect that who we are and how we show up 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:24.120 is good enough. But it really requires us to change 0:07:24.480 --> 0:07:25.120 who we are. 0:07:26.440 --> 0:07:29.400 It does, and you're never really prepared for how that 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:33.000 manifests itself. Now just kind of have to go with 0:07:33.280 --> 0:07:36.040 the flow, and that is one of the hardest parts, 0:07:36.080 --> 0:07:39.520 at least for me. What would you say caregiving means 0:07:39.560 --> 0:07:41.320 to you? What does that term mean? 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:45.600 So what's interesting is that probably for my first six 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:49.640 or seven years of caregiving, I didn't see myself as 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:52.600 a caregiver. I certainly didn't think I was wearing the 0:07:52.640 --> 0:07:56.920 caregiver's hat. I was a devoted daughter doing the best 0:07:56.960 --> 0:08:00.240 I could for the best mom in the world. It 0:08:00.320 --> 0:08:03.440 probably took a good six or seven years before I 0:08:03.520 --> 0:08:07.560 really recognized that term as being applicable to me. One 0:08:07.600 --> 0:08:09.560 I thought I was too young and too cute to 0:08:09.600 --> 0:08:14.800 be a caregiver, okay, and so I wasn't really ready 0:08:15.120 --> 0:08:18.160 or willing to embrace that title. But when I really 0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:21.280 came to understand what it was that I was doing, 0:08:21.640 --> 0:08:26.560 especially from an advocacy perspective, I was my mother's number 0:08:26.600 --> 0:08:30.800 one advocate. And when I think I was more willing 0:08:30.840 --> 0:08:35.280 to embrace that than I was the term caregiving. Because 0:08:35.320 --> 0:08:40.040 of the stigma associated with with caregiving and the fact 0:08:40.080 --> 0:08:44.160 that I just really didn't see myself as a care 0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:49.160 giver until my mother suffered a stroke and then I 0:08:49.280 --> 0:08:53.120 began the twenty four to seven journey of caring for 0:08:53.160 --> 0:08:57.400 her around the clock. Then I began to feel and 0:08:57.880 --> 0:08:59.880 identify as a caregiver. 0:09:01.120 --> 0:09:03.720 You mentioned the stigma of caregiving. 0:09:04.720 --> 0:09:06.760 I'd like to talk a little bit about that and 0:09:06.800 --> 0:09:09.800 what actually is that and how has that evolved over 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:10.560 the years. 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:15.560 Well, a lot of people, especially professional women, don't want 0:09:15.640 --> 0:09:18.920 to associate with the term caregiving because they feel like 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:23.240 it could have an impact on their professional life, their career, 0:09:23.720 --> 0:09:28.199 the trajectory of that career, and so we reject those 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:32.240 things that we don't want to self identify with. And 0:09:32.640 --> 0:09:35.480 many of the caregivers that I've worked with over the 0:09:35.559 --> 0:09:39.640 years have rejected the term and they will say, I'm 0:09:39.640 --> 0:09:42.959 a care partner. They will say, you know, look, I 0:09:43.160 --> 0:09:45.840 take care of my loved one, but I don't wear 0:09:45.920 --> 0:09:49.160 the caregiver hat or I don't identify as a caregiver. 0:09:49.880 --> 0:09:53.000 The unfortunate part about that is that when you don't 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:58.280 identify as a caregiver, you oftentimes will close the door 0:09:58.440 --> 0:10:03.600 to resources that are available to you, very necessary resources 0:10:03.640 --> 0:10:07.000 that will support you through the journey, that will afford 0:10:07.040 --> 0:10:10.840 you the opportunity to do the best possible job of 0:10:10.920 --> 0:10:15.680 caring for your loved one as you navigate the journey. 0:10:14.679 --> 0:10:18.480 Nadine, what do you wish you knew before becoming a caregiver? 0:10:18.800 --> 0:10:20.679 What would have helped you on your journey? 0:10:21.559 --> 0:10:25.800 That is a great question. I wish I had known 0:10:27.240 --> 0:10:34.040 that saying yes to the caregiving journey meant that I 0:10:35.000 --> 0:10:38.520 would be required to change in such a way that 0:10:38.679 --> 0:10:44.040 I would be able to grow and to meet the 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:49.520 demand of the journey. And that meant that means giving 0:10:49.640 --> 0:10:51.839 up some of the things that I thought were so 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:54.960 important to me, being willing to do that so that 0:10:55.160 --> 0:10:58.439 I could change and find and meet a better version 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:04.080 of myself. I had this idea that my life was 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:07.080 set in terms of what it was that I was 0:11:07.120 --> 0:11:11.800 doing professionally. I had met my husband, and I was 0:11:11.920 --> 0:11:17.760 pretty good, and I didn't need any new scenario. I 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:22.720 didn't need a new episode. I was really feeling good 0:11:22.760 --> 0:11:27.040 about where I was, And the need to change means 0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:32.400 that when life changes, you have to be willing to 0:11:32.520 --> 0:11:36.520 change as well. You don't get to play the same 0:11:36.559 --> 0:11:40.160 mode recording. You have to learn. You have to be 0:11:40.400 --> 0:11:45.440 open to the idea of learning and doing things that 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:46.800 you never thought you'd ever do. 0:11:47.720 --> 0:11:50.000 You mentioned becoming an advocate for your mother as you 0:11:50.040 --> 0:11:53.839 took on the role of caregiving, But how did you 0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:57.480 approach advocating for yourself at that time? How did you 0:11:57.520 --> 0:12:00.600 find your own voice during a time. And that's just 0:12:00.760 --> 0:12:02.720 it's very hard to speak up for yourself. 0:12:03.440 --> 0:12:07.480 This is good because it's so necessary. I had an 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:11.760 advantage with a background in public health. I knew how 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:15.600 to advocate for my mother. What I didn't know was 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:20.120 how to step back to take care of myself, to 0:12:20.280 --> 0:12:24.439 let other people take charge so that I could recharge, 0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:29.520 so that I could really do the necessary work on myself, 0:12:29.800 --> 0:12:34.079 so that I was ready. Yes, oftentimes we get really, 0:12:34.080 --> 0:12:37.040 we get it really twisted. We think that we are 0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:39.480 supposed to give and give and give and do and 0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:42.120 do until there is nothing left. 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:42.920 Yep. 0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:47.679 And we also have this complex around stopping to take 0:12:47.720 --> 0:12:52.240 care of ourselves. Yes, this guilt associated for so many people, 0:12:53.240 --> 0:12:58.640 and this this warped idea that self care, taking care 0:12:58.720 --> 0:13:03.000 of yourself is a selfish act, when in fact it 0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:07.360 is mandatory. Yes, and my book I talk about it 0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:13.839 not it being non negotiable. Yes, you cannot take care 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:18.480 of someone else if you are not making yourself a priority. 0:13:18.840 --> 0:13:23.559 In the program and if you are not finding a way, 0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:27.840 and I don't really subscribe so much to balance, because balance, 0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:32.640 to me is a fallacy. Yes, harmony, however impossible, You 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:37.000 can find harmony, and creating harmony when you are caring 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:40.800 for a loved one is absolutely essential, and sometimes that 0:13:40.960 --> 0:13:44.160 means giving up on the idea of who's supposed to 0:13:44.600 --> 0:13:48.440 support you along this journey. A lot of us get 0:13:48.440 --> 0:13:52.880 really caught up in the idea that our siblings are 0:13:52.920 --> 0:13:56.920 supposed to help carry the weight, and many times, in 0:13:56.920 --> 0:14:00.199 many families that simply isn't the case, but because the 0:14:00.280 --> 0:14:02.840 sibling isn't willing to do it, we say no to 0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:07.319 everyone else in community that would be willing to support us. 0:14:07.960 --> 0:14:12.240 And so really releasing the idea of who it must 0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:16.560 be and accepting whoever it is that shows up to 0:14:16.600 --> 0:14:19.200 support you in the journey is essential. 0:14:20.840 --> 0:14:23.120 That is a word right there. I have a brother 0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:27.160 and after my father passed, my brother said to me, 0:14:28.280 --> 0:14:30.080 you know, wow, you know you did a really good 0:14:30.160 --> 0:14:32.400 job taking care of him. I said, it was really hard. 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:34.640 I needed a lot of help. And he said, well, 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:35.720 why didn't you ask for it? 0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:40.480 Well, I mean I didn't ask, but could you see 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:44.080 how hard. I was working, and you you didn't offer. 0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:47.440 And so I'm always telling people who ask, you know, 0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:50.920 ask for the help, because a lot of times we don't. 0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:53.680 We think that somebody sees how hard we're working and 0:14:53.720 --> 0:14:56.360 how stressed we are, and they're just supposed to step 0:14:56.440 --> 0:14:58.600 up and out of the goodness of their heart do it. 0:14:58.640 --> 0:15:00.680 But a lot of times they don't know how. And 0:15:00.720 --> 0:15:02.360 he said, I thought you had it. You look like 0:15:02.400 --> 0:15:06.840 you had everything. So it's interesting when you mentioned siblings. 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:08.200 That's the first thing I thought of. 0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:11.640 Oh, yeah, that's so good. And I appreciate that he 0:15:11.760 --> 0:15:14.400 told told you that, and you're sharing that with us 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:17.800 because it is essential. It's essential to ask for help, 0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:22.440 and in some instances it's necessary to demand help. Yes, 0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:26.320 demanding my families. I say, hey, it's your time or 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:31.120 your resources that are needed. This responsibility, especially as it 0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:34.640 pertains to siblings, should not fall on the shoulders of 0:15:34.680 --> 0:15:39.440 one individual. Yes, it takes a community, takes a village. 0:15:40.240 --> 0:15:42.000 It definitely, definitely does. 0:15:45.320 --> 0:15:56.560 We'll be right back with more from Nadine Roberts Cornish 0:15:56.600 --> 0:16:03.440 And now back to my conversation with Nadine Robert's Cornish. 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:06.760 How do you recharge Nadine, what are your most vital 0:16:06.800 --> 0:16:07.920 self care practices? 0:16:08.600 --> 0:16:09.640 Prayer and meditation? 0:16:09.800 --> 0:16:13.560 Now, okay, good, good, good, talk about that a little bit. 0:16:13.800 --> 0:16:15.960 If you don't have a spiritual practice, if you don't 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:18.960 even know what that is, caregiving will demand that you 0:16:19.080 --> 0:16:23.640 seek it out. You have to tap into something larger 0:16:23.680 --> 0:16:29.720 than yourself in order to adequately complete this assignment. And 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:32.680 for me, that is prayer, that is meditation, that is 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:36.400 writing and journally. That is my recharge. And that's a 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:40.840 daily practice. That's not something that's done on an occasional basis. 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:46.320 It is a discipline, a discipline around and making sure 0:16:46.560 --> 0:16:52.680 that I'm recharging and I'm filling my cup because caregiving 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:56.000 will empty it every single day. There will not be 0:16:56.120 --> 0:16:57.040 a drop. 0:16:57.000 --> 0:16:58.840 Left, Yes, it will. 0:16:58.880 --> 0:17:02.480 And how important movement as a part of your own 0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:05.840 self care. You talked about journaling and praying, meditation, but 0:17:05.920 --> 0:17:09.320 how important is movement And what are your favorite ways 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:10.760 to stay physically active? 0:17:11.520 --> 0:17:15.159 And movement is essential? I am now knocking on the 0:17:15.200 --> 0:17:18.640 door of sixty two, and I'm on that being active, 0:17:18.880 --> 0:17:23.480 being physically fit is really important to me. Dancing is 0:17:23.520 --> 0:17:27.000 a regular part of my regiment. I love music, I 0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:30.639 love moving my body. I can't necessarily do all of 0:17:30.680 --> 0:17:32.880 the latest moves, but I can give it a whirl. 0:17:33.119 --> 0:17:35.920 Right, I'll bet you can do most of them. Hey, 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:38.119 I give it a good try. That's for sure. 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:41.359 Getting to the gym, and when I can't get to 0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:46.320 the gym walking, I'm a power walker and cycling with 0:17:46.440 --> 0:17:49.159 something that I never saw. I didn't never saw myself 0:17:49.200 --> 0:17:52.360 as a cyclist, but during the summer months, I live 0:17:52.440 --> 0:17:55.520 in beautiful Colorado and we have some of the best 0:17:55.640 --> 0:17:59.080 mountain paths and trails in the country, and I take 0:17:59.080 --> 0:18:02.920 full advantage of it. I'm a cyclist, so I move 0:18:03.080 --> 0:18:05.880 my body. It is absolutely essential. 0:18:07.240 --> 0:18:09.439 You know, you've been very open about the challenges of 0:18:09.480 --> 0:18:12.639 caregiving and how hard it can be to prioritize oneself. 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:16.480 How do you convince other caregivers to take time for themselves. 0:18:17.760 --> 0:18:20.840 So every Monday I talk to caregivers across the country, 0:18:20.880 --> 0:18:25.320 calling all caregivers is the call that we hold twelve 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:29.280 noon Mountain standard time, and we welcome caregivers from across 0:18:29.359 --> 0:18:35.439 the country and we hold court around the necessity of 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:40.600 self care and why it is non negotiable and what 0:18:40.800 --> 0:18:44.160 it is that a caregiver must do, especially for those 0:18:44.200 --> 0:18:48.280 who are especially challenged with the idea of taking care 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:52.359 of themselves. In addition to that, we do consultations and 0:18:52.359 --> 0:18:57.520 coaching calls specifically for caregivers around this issue because it 0:18:57.600 --> 0:19:02.200 is such a foreign concept unfortunately for so many caregivers, 0:19:02.520 --> 0:19:07.920 women in particularly to make themselves a priority. So that's 0:19:07.960 --> 0:19:10.520 one of the first things that we teach our caregivers 0:19:11.040 --> 0:19:13.919 is we teach them the concept of a color coded 0:19:14.000 --> 0:19:17.679 calendar and to take whatever your favorite color is and 0:19:17.760 --> 0:19:21.520 make sure that that favorite color shows up every single week. 0:19:21.720 --> 0:19:26.400 Schedule yourself, make yourself a priority on your own calendar 0:19:26.960 --> 0:19:31.280 is the first step in making time and creating time 0:19:31.720 --> 0:19:32.640 for self. 0:19:33.560 --> 0:19:36.480 Wow, I love the calendar idea. I think that's great. 0:19:37.000 --> 0:19:39.359 These are things that when I was caregiving, as I 0:19:39.400 --> 0:19:42.479 started caregiving at nineteen when my dad was diagnosed with 0:19:42.480 --> 0:19:46.920 Parkinson's and I was young. Okay, I wasn't fifty seven 0:19:47.000 --> 0:19:49.560 like I am now, so I didn't have to worry about. 0:19:49.480 --> 0:19:51.720 Arthritis and my knees or any of that stuff. 0:19:52.240 --> 0:19:56.760 But I never thought that I should stop to take 0:19:56.800 --> 0:19:59.600 care of myself. My job was to take care of 0:19:59.600 --> 0:20:01.359 my dad, and that's what I was going to do, 0:20:02.240 --> 0:20:04.800 you know. And so what would you say, this is 0:20:04.840 --> 0:20:07.360 the simplest thing you would recommend to others to practice 0:20:07.359 --> 0:20:10.880 self care? And how do you help others find their 0:20:10.880 --> 0:20:12.000 self care practices? 0:20:12.600 --> 0:20:17.960 Absolutely, we talk about separating who you are from your 0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:23.720 caregiving responsibilities. And the first question we ask is what 0:20:23.840 --> 0:20:28.760 is it that you love to do before you became 0:20:28.800 --> 0:20:32.600 a caregiver, And so we start from there. You know, 0:20:32.680 --> 0:20:34.800 what are the three things that you love to do? 0:20:35.560 --> 0:20:38.480 Those things were important to you, then why are they 0:20:38.560 --> 0:20:42.600 not important to you now? And oftentimes people realize, wow, 0:20:43.160 --> 0:20:45.560 it's still important to me, I just don't make the 0:20:45.640 --> 0:20:49.000 time for it. Yes, one of the things that tends 0:20:49.040 --> 0:20:53.120 to go by the wayside as relationships. Ah, I used 0:20:53.160 --> 0:20:55.280 to you know, take time and I would spend time 0:20:55.320 --> 0:20:57.680 with my girls. Well, no, you don't have the time 0:20:57.720 --> 0:21:01.240 to do that like you did, but certainly you could 0:21:01.320 --> 0:21:05.760 probably find a day in the month where you're able 0:21:05.880 --> 0:21:09.560 to have that girl's night out. Mm hmm, right, if 0:21:09.560 --> 0:21:13.040 that's important to you. For some people, it's going to church. 0:21:14.000 --> 0:21:16.040 I would go to church and that would give me 0:21:16.280 --> 0:21:20.280 such an uplifting experience and I would feel so much better. 0:21:20.560 --> 0:21:23.520 And so it's like, Okay, let's figure out how we 0:21:23.600 --> 0:21:26.840 can get and find support for you so that you're 0:21:27.000 --> 0:21:29.239 able to go to church, so that you're able to 0:21:29.320 --> 0:21:33.240 do that thing that's most important to you. 0:21:33.240 --> 0:21:36.640 Could you maybe share a mantra that caregivers can use 0:21:36.960 --> 0:21:41.480 to start or even add to their mindfulness and meditation journey. 0:21:42.560 --> 0:21:46.960 One would be caregiving is what I do, It is 0:21:47.040 --> 0:21:51.760 not who I am. It's really important for the caregiver 0:21:51.920 --> 0:21:57.600 to separate themselves and not to be so incredibly engulfed 0:21:57.640 --> 0:22:02.520 in the caregiving experience that they confused the role of 0:22:02.600 --> 0:22:04.960 caregiving with their being. 0:22:05.520 --> 0:22:06.959 Oh, I absolutely love that. 0:22:07.520 --> 0:22:11.119 I love that when you started to really understand the 0:22:11.119 --> 0:22:14.399 importance of self care, How did that practice change caregiving 0:22:14.520 --> 0:22:14.920 for you? 0:22:15.880 --> 0:22:19.639 Well, when you feel better about yourself, you feel better 0:22:20.359 --> 0:22:23.920 about what you have to do, you feel better about 0:22:24.080 --> 0:22:31.600 the task of caregiving. You show up as a better 0:22:31.720 --> 0:22:36.640 version of yourself. You're not quite as miserable, not quite 0:22:36.640 --> 0:22:40.919 as grumpy or unhappy as you become when you don't 0:22:41.000 --> 0:22:45.080 make self care priority. I was really fortunate in having 0:22:45.080 --> 0:22:51.120 my husband as my monitor. He would constantly check in 0:22:51.200 --> 0:22:54.760 to say, Hey, you're looking a little tired or more 0:22:54.800 --> 0:22:58.399 so than usual. Your voice, you know, there's a little 0:22:58.520 --> 0:23:01.840 edge to your voice. To time out right, go and 0:23:01.880 --> 0:23:04.480 take a couple of hours, right, And so I was 0:23:04.560 --> 0:23:07.800 fortunate to have that, and I really believe that was 0:23:07.880 --> 0:23:11.720 absolutely a seed for me and the work that I do, 0:23:11.840 --> 0:23:15.720 because I understand how important it is for the caregiver 0:23:16.160 --> 0:23:19.920 to have that monitor, to have that support person who says, 0:23:20.240 --> 0:23:22.159 you know what, it's time for you to take a 0:23:22.200 --> 0:23:26.520 time out. You have earned a rest, you need to 0:23:26.560 --> 0:23:29.680 take a day, plan a couple days, plan a weekend, 0:23:30.160 --> 0:23:30.840 what have you? 0:23:31.080 --> 0:23:31.280 Right? 0:23:31.560 --> 0:23:34.800 And so as the caregivers guardian, that is very much. 0:23:34.640 --> 0:23:35.360 What we do. 0:23:35.480 --> 0:23:40.240 What I do every day with caregivers is that reminder 0:23:40.640 --> 0:23:41.400 that monitor. 0:23:42.440 --> 0:23:46.080 Nadine Roberts Cornish, thank you so much for being a 0:23:46.119 --> 0:23:49.679 part of care Walks today. Your book tiers in my 0:23:49.760 --> 0:23:54.720 gumbo the caregivers Recipe for Resilience is out. Everybody should 0:23:54.760 --> 0:23:58.520 get that. I really appreciate having this conversation with you today. 0:23:58.560 --> 0:24:00.320 Thank you for being an amazing care giver. 0:24:00.960 --> 0:24:04.560 Thank you, Holly. It's been great and I really appreciate 0:24:04.640 --> 0:24:08.200 all that you are doing for caregivers across this country. 0:24:08.600 --> 0:24:09.600 Thank you so much. 0:24:13.600 --> 0:24:16.439 I want to thank Nadine again for being my guest today. 0:24:16.960 --> 0:24:21.439 I really appreciate our conversation touching on the stigmas of caregiving, 0:24:21.880 --> 0:24:25.320 learning to prioritize your self care and being mindful of 0:24:25.359 --> 0:24:29.000 burnout to avoid losing your identity and caregiving, I for 0:24:29.080 --> 0:24:33.000 one fully relate to the struggles around making yourself a priority. 0:24:33.880 --> 0:24:36.679 That's it for today's episode. Thank you once again to 0:24:36.760 --> 0:24:39.800