Speaker 1: Hi everyone.
Speaker 2: I'm Holly Robinson, pete, actor, author, advocate, do it All mom,
Speaker 2: and I'm also a caregiver. And this is care Walks,
Speaker 2: a podcast from iHeartRadio and Voltaian Arthritis Pain Gel. It's
Speaker 2: a show for family caregivers who give everything to everyone
Speaker 2: and need to make time for themselves through movement. Every
Speaker 2: episode is designed for you to walk as you listen,
Speaker 2: so just think of me and my guests as your
Speaker 2: weekly walking buddies.
Speaker 1: We'll hear stories.
Speaker 2: From caregivers and gain tips and insights from health experts
Speaker 2: and advocates who know how important it is to take
Speaker 2: care of yourself and manage joint pain due to arthritis
Speaker 2: that often a companies being a caregiver.
Speaker 1: Welcome to our very first episode of care Walks. Everyone.
Speaker 2: I'm so glad you're here and I'm so excited to
Speaker 2: be here with you. You may not know this about me,
Speaker 2: but my own journey as a family caregiver started when
Speaker 2: I was just nineteen years old. My father, Matt Robinson,
Speaker 2: who some of you may remember originated the role of
Speaker 2: Gordon on Sesame Street, was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. I
Speaker 2: loved my dad so much so when I was a
Speaker 2: freshman in college and his health started to deteriorate. The
Speaker 2: choice was very clear to me. While I was in school.
Speaker 2: I chose to also be my dad's primary caregiver. It
Speaker 2: was not an easy road, and I took care of
Speaker 2: him for twenty pretty challenging years, but I will never
Speaker 2: regret being able to spend that time with my dad.
Speaker 2: It gave us the chance to repair some of the
Speaker 2: issues we had in our relationship, and I was able
Speaker 2: to see him in a totally different light. And it
Speaker 2: was just such an important and influential time in my life.
Speaker 2: I only wish a show like care Walks was around then.
Speaker 2: There was so much I didn't know when I was
Speaker 2: starting my caregiving journey with my dad.
Speaker 1: I felt so lost at the start.
Speaker 2: So my goal is to make sure this podcast makes
Speaker 2: you feel a little little less alone in your caregiving journey
Speaker 2: and gives you some valuable resources to help you also
Speaker 2: take care of yourself. Now, a couple of things to
Speaker 2: note about our show. As I mentioned earlier, this show
Speaker 2: is meant for you to take a walk as you listen,
Speaker 2: So right now you're listening to the full version of
Speaker 2: this episode, which means you'll get a decent walk in
Speaker 2: if you're moving with us the whole time. But if
Speaker 2: you don't have time for a full walk today, then
Speaker 2: go check out our bridged version of this same episode.
Speaker 2: It's like cliff Notes for podcasts, so no matter how
Speaker 2: much time you have, you won't miss out on a
Speaker 2: great conversation. All right, now that that's settled, let's dig
Speaker 2: into this episode today. We're talking about taking care of
Speaker 2: ourselves when we're taking care of others. How do you
Speaker 2: make yourself a priority in it all? You know, I
Speaker 2: think this is honestly the hardest thing about being a caregiver.
Speaker 2: You give, and you give so much, and everyone relies
Speaker 2: on you to take care of things, and then when
Speaker 2: it comes to taking time for you can almost feel selfish.
Speaker 2: But the reality is self care is so important when
Speaker 2: you're a family caregiver. You cannot fill from an empty cup.
Speaker 2: Remember that you cannot run yourself into the ground and
Speaker 2: be the best version of yourself for the people you love.
Speaker 2: Taking time to care for yourself and do things that
Speaker 2: are good for your health, like taking a walk, will
Speaker 2: make you that much better at everything you do for others.
Speaker 2: To help us better understand the importance of self care
Speaker 2: for caregivers. I'm gonna chat with Nadine Robert's Cornish later.
Speaker 2: Nadine is the founder of The Caregiver's Guardian, and she's
Speaker 2: gonna help us get over the idea that we need
Speaker 2: to always put others first and give us advice on
Speaker 2: easy ways to start taking care of our needs. But
Speaker 2: before we get into today's conversation, let's begin our walk
Speaker 2: every week. I'm going to help you start your walk
Speaker 2: with a mindfulness exercise, So let's get started. First off,
Speaker 2: celebrate yourself and your body for showing up today and
Speaker 2: finding time to get active when you're a caregiver. I
Speaker 2: know it can be really tough, but it is so important,
Speaker 2: and I want you to keep telling yourself this every
Speaker 2: time a thought pops up, reminding you of other things
Speaker 2: that you have to get done today.
Speaker 1: So when you have a moment.
Speaker 2: Take a breath, a deep breath in through your nose
Speaker 2: and let that air fill your lungs. Feel the sensation
Speaker 2: of your stomach and your chest rising with your breath,
Speaker 2: and now breathe out through your mouth and let everything
Speaker 2: in your body relax as you release that air. Self
Speaker 2: care is what lets us refuel to be the best.
Speaker 1: Version of ourselves.
Speaker 2: Now, I want you to find a good pace to
Speaker 2: settle into for the rest of the show, And as
Speaker 2: you do that, I'm going to share my conversation with
Speaker 2: our guest, Nadine Roberts Cornish, and together we're going to
Speaker 2: keep you company and learn more about how we can
Speaker 2: take better care of ourselves as we care for others. Today,
Speaker 2: I'm joined by Nadine Roberts Cornish, the founder of The
Speaker 2: Caregiver's Guardian LLC. She founded the organization after her own
Speaker 2: experience of being a caregiver to her mother for fifteen years.
Speaker 2: Nadine discusses her story in her book Tears in My Gumbo,
Speaker 2: The Caregiver's Recipe for Resilience. Nadine, Welcome to care Walks.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Tally, It's great to see you.
Speaker 3: Great to be here.
Speaker 2: Yes, I love the title of your book, Tears in
Speaker 2: My Gumbo. Can you tell us a little bit about
Speaker 2: what your experience as a caregiver has been like?
Speaker 3: Absolutely so. My personal experience of fifteen years caring for
Speaker 3: my mom was the experience of a lifetime one. It
Speaker 3: was an opportunity for me to give back to the
Speaker 3: person who gave me life right. But it was probably
Speaker 3: the most challenging and difficult experience I have ever encountered.
Speaker 3: And as a result, my fifteen year experience caring for
Speaker 3: my mom, it literally prepared me and set me up
Speaker 3: for the work that I was placed here to do.
Speaker 3: And so it's been a heck of a journey. It's
Speaker 3: been now almost twenty five years of supporting caregivers across
Speaker 3: the country and helping caregivers recognize that they must, in
Speaker 3: fact make themselves the number one priority in their lives.
Speaker 3: What I tell all of my caregivers is that none
Speaker 3: of us choose this path, and we're having to wear
Speaker 3: hats or step into a role that we didn't see coming,
Speaker 3: and in some instances we did see it coming, but
Speaker 3: we still weren't ready for It is the most transformative
Speaker 3: journey you're ever gonna travel.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I know you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: It's so many caregivers we expect you, We really expect
Speaker 3: the journey to be as we anticipate it, or we
Speaker 3: expect that who we are and how we show up
Speaker 3: is good enough. But it really requires us to change
Speaker 3: who we are.
Speaker 2: It does, and you're never really prepared for how that
Speaker 2: manifests itself. Now just kind of have to go with
Speaker 2: the flow, and that is one of the hardest parts,
Speaker 2: at least for me. What would you say caregiving means
Speaker 2: to you? What does that term mean?
Speaker 3: So what's interesting is that probably for my first six
Speaker 3: or seven years of caregiving, I didn't see myself as
Speaker 3: a caregiver. I certainly didn't think I was wearing the
Speaker 3: caregiver's hat. I was a devoted daughter doing the best
Speaker 3: I could for the best mom in the world. It
Speaker 3: probably took a good six or seven years before I
Speaker 3: really recognized that term as being applicable to me. One
Speaker 3: I thought I was too young and too cute to
Speaker 3: be a caregiver, okay, and so I wasn't really ready
Speaker 3: or willing to embrace that title. But when I really
Speaker 3: came to understand what it was that I was doing,
Speaker 3: especially from an advocacy perspective, I was my mother's number
Speaker 3: one advocate. And when I think I was more willing
Speaker 3: to embrace that than I was the term caregiving. Because
Speaker 3: of the stigma associated with with caregiving and the fact
Speaker 3: that I just really didn't see myself as a care
Speaker 3: giver until my mother suffered a stroke and then I
Speaker 3: began the twenty four to seven journey of caring for
Speaker 3: her around the clock. Then I began to feel and
Speaker 3: identify as a caregiver.
Speaker 1: You mentioned the stigma of caregiving.
Speaker 2: I'd like to talk a little bit about that and
Speaker 2: what actually is that and how has that evolved over
Speaker 2: the years.
Speaker 3: Well, a lot of people, especially professional women, don't want
Speaker 3: to associate with the term caregiving because they feel like
Speaker 3: it could have an impact on their professional life, their career,
Speaker 3: the trajectory of that career, and so we reject those
Speaker 3: things that we don't want to self identify with. And
Speaker 3: many of the caregivers that I've worked with over the
Speaker 3: years have rejected the term and they will say, I'm
Speaker 3: a care partner. They will say, you know, look, I
Speaker 3: take care of my loved one, but I don't wear
Speaker 3: the caregiver hat or I don't identify as a caregiver.
Speaker 3: The unfortunate part about that is that when you don't
Speaker 3: identify as a caregiver, you oftentimes will close the door
Speaker 3: to resources that are available to you, very necessary resources
Speaker 3: that will support you through the journey, that will afford
Speaker 3: you the opportunity to do the best possible job of
Speaker 3: caring for your loved one as you navigate the journey.
Speaker 2: Nadine, what do you wish you knew before becoming a caregiver?
Speaker 2: What would have helped you on your journey?
Speaker 3: That is a great question. I wish I had known
Speaker 3: that saying yes to the caregiving journey meant that I
Speaker 3: would be required to change in such a way that
Speaker 3: I would be able to grow and to meet the
Speaker 3: demand of the journey. And that meant that means giving
Speaker 3: up some of the things that I thought were so
Speaker 3: important to me, being willing to do that so that
Speaker 3: I could change and find and meet a better version
Speaker 3: of myself. I had this idea that my life was
Speaker 3: set in terms of what it was that I was
Speaker 3: doing professionally. I had met my husband, and I was
Speaker 3: pretty good, and I didn't need any new scenario. I
Speaker 3: didn't need a new episode. I was really feeling good
Speaker 3: about where I was, And the need to change means
Speaker 3: that when life changes, you have to be willing to
Speaker 3: change as well. You don't get to play the same
Speaker 3: mode recording. You have to learn. You have to be
Speaker 3: open to the idea of learning and doing things that
Speaker 3: you never thought you'd ever do.
Speaker 2: You mentioned becoming an advocate for your mother as you
Speaker 2: took on the role of caregiving, But how did you
Speaker 2: approach advocating for yourself at that time? How did you
Speaker 2: find your own voice during a time. And that's just
Speaker 2: it's very hard to speak up for yourself.
Speaker 3: This is good because it's so necessary. I had an
Speaker 3: advantage with a background in public health. I knew how
Speaker 3: to advocate for my mother. What I didn't know was
Speaker 3: how to step back to take care of myself, to
Speaker 3: let other people take charge so that I could recharge,
Speaker 3: so that I could really do the necessary work on myself,
Speaker 3: so that I was ready. Yes, oftentimes we get really,
Speaker 3: we get it really twisted. We think that we are
Speaker 3: supposed to give and give and give and do and
Speaker 3: do until there is nothing left.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 3: And we also have this complex around stopping to take
Speaker 3: care of ourselves. Yes, this guilt associated for so many people,
Speaker 3: and this this warped idea that self care, taking care
Speaker 3: of yourself is a selfish act, when in fact it
Speaker 3: is mandatory. Yes, and my book I talk about it
Speaker 3: not it being non negotiable. Yes, you cannot take care
Speaker 3: of someone else if you are not making yourself a priority.
Speaker 3: In the program and if you are not finding a way,
Speaker 3: and I don't really subscribe so much to balance, because balance,
Speaker 3: to me is a fallacy. Yes, harmony, however impossible, You
Speaker 3: can find harmony, and creating harmony when you are caring
Speaker 3: for a loved one is absolutely essential, and sometimes that
Speaker 3: means giving up on the idea of who's supposed to
Speaker 3: support you along this journey. A lot of us get
Speaker 3: really caught up in the idea that our siblings are
Speaker 3: supposed to help carry the weight, and many times, in
Speaker 3: many families that simply isn't the case, but because the
Speaker 3: sibling isn't willing to do it, we say no to
Speaker 3: everyone else in community that would be willing to support us.
Speaker 3: And so really releasing the idea of who it must
Speaker 3: be and accepting whoever it is that shows up to
Speaker 3: support you in the journey is essential.
Speaker 2: That is a word right there. I have a brother
Speaker 2: and after my father passed, my brother said to me,
Speaker 2: you know, wow, you know you did a really good
Speaker 2: job taking care of him. I said, it was really hard.
Speaker 2: I needed a lot of help. And he said, well,
Speaker 2: why didn't you ask for it?
Speaker 1: Well, I mean I didn't ask, but could you see
Speaker 1: how hard. I was working, and you you didn't offer.
Speaker 2: And so I'm always telling people who ask, you know,
Speaker 2: ask for the help, because a lot of times we don't.
Speaker 2: We think that somebody sees how hard we're working and
Speaker 2: how stressed we are, and they're just supposed to step
Speaker 2: up and out of the goodness of their heart do it.
Speaker 2: But a lot of times they don't know how. And
Speaker 2: he said, I thought you had it. You look like
Speaker 2: you had everything. So it's interesting when you mentioned siblings.
Speaker 2: That's the first thing I thought of.
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, that's so good. And I appreciate that he
Speaker 3: told told you that, and you're sharing that with us
Speaker 3: because it is essential. It's essential to ask for help,
Speaker 3: and in some instances it's necessary to demand help. Yes,
Speaker 3: demanding my families. I say, hey, it's your time or
Speaker 3: your resources that are needed. This responsibility, especially as it
Speaker 3: pertains to siblings, should not fall on the shoulders of
Speaker 3: one individual. Yes, it takes a community, takes a village.
Speaker 1: It definitely, definitely does.
Speaker 2: We'll be right back with more from Nadine Roberts Cornish
Speaker 2: And now back to my conversation with Nadine Robert's Cornish.
Speaker 2: How do you recharge Nadine, what are your most vital
Speaker 2: self care practices?
Speaker 3: Prayer and meditation?
Speaker 1: Now, okay, good, good, good, talk about that a little bit.
Speaker 3: If you don't have a spiritual practice, if you don't
Speaker 3: even know what that is, caregiving will demand that you
Speaker 3: seek it out. You have to tap into something larger
Speaker 3: than yourself in order to adequately complete this assignment. And
Speaker 3: for me, that is prayer, that is meditation, that is
Speaker 3: writing and journally. That is my recharge. And that's a
Speaker 3: daily practice. That's not something that's done on an occasional basis.
Speaker 3: It is a discipline, a discipline around and making sure
Speaker 3: that I'm recharging and I'm filling my cup because caregiving
Speaker 3: will empty it every single day. There will not be
Speaker 3: a drop.
Speaker 1: Left, Yes, it will.
Speaker 2: And how important movement as a part of your own
Speaker 2: self care. You talked about journaling and praying, meditation, but
Speaker 2: how important is movement And what are your favorite ways
Speaker 2: to stay physically active?
Speaker 3: And movement is essential? I am now knocking on the
Speaker 3: door of sixty two, and I'm on that being active,
Speaker 3: being physically fit is really important to me. Dancing is
Speaker 3: a regular part of my regiment. I love music, I
Speaker 3: love moving my body. I can't necessarily do all of
Speaker 3: the latest moves, but I can give it a whirl.
Speaker 1: Right, I'll bet you can do most of them. Hey,
Speaker 1: I give it a good try. That's for sure.
Speaker 3: Getting to the gym, and when I can't get to
Speaker 3: the gym walking, I'm a power walker and cycling with
Speaker 3: something that I never saw. I didn't never saw myself
Speaker 3: as a cyclist, but during the summer months, I live
Speaker 3: in beautiful Colorado and we have some of the best
Speaker 3: mountain paths and trails in the country, and I take
Speaker 3: full advantage of it. I'm a cyclist, so I move
Speaker 3: my body. It is absolutely essential.
Speaker 2: You know, you've been very open about the challenges of
Speaker 2: caregiving and how hard it can be to prioritize oneself.
Speaker 2: How do you convince other caregivers to take time for themselves.
Speaker 3: So every Monday I talk to caregivers across the country,
Speaker 3: calling all caregivers is the call that we hold twelve
Speaker 3: noon Mountain standard time, and we welcome caregivers from across
Speaker 3: the country and we hold court around the necessity of
Speaker 3: self care and why it is non negotiable and what
Speaker 3: it is that a caregiver must do, especially for those
Speaker 3: who are especially challenged with the idea of taking care
Speaker 3: of themselves. In addition to that, we do consultations and
Speaker 3: coaching calls specifically for caregivers around this issue because it
Speaker 3: is such a foreign concept unfortunately for so many caregivers,
Speaker 3: women in particularly to make themselves a priority. So that's
Speaker 3: one of the first things that we teach our caregivers
Speaker 3: is we teach them the concept of a color coded
Speaker 3: calendar and to take whatever your favorite color is and
Speaker 3: make sure that that favorite color shows up every single week.
Speaker 3: Schedule yourself, make yourself a priority on your own calendar
Speaker 3: is the first step in making time and creating time
Speaker 3: for self.
Speaker 2: Wow, I love the calendar idea. I think that's great.
Speaker 2: These are things that when I was caregiving, as I
Speaker 2: started caregiving at nineteen when my dad was diagnosed with
Speaker 2: Parkinson's and I was young. Okay, I wasn't fifty seven
Speaker 2: like I am now, so I didn't have to worry about.
Speaker 1: Arthritis and my knees or any of that stuff.
Speaker 2: But I never thought that I should stop to take
Speaker 2: care of myself. My job was to take care of
Speaker 2: my dad, and that's what I was going to do,
Speaker 2: you know. And so what would you say, this is
Speaker 2: the simplest thing you would recommend to others to practice
Speaker 2: self care? And how do you help others find their
Speaker 2: self care practices?
Speaker 3: Absolutely, we talk about separating who you are from your
Speaker 3: caregiving responsibilities. And the first question we ask is what
Speaker 3: is it that you love to do before you became
Speaker 3: a caregiver, And so we start from there. You know,
Speaker 3: what are the three things that you love to do?
Speaker 3: Those things were important to you, then why are they
Speaker 3: not important to you now? And oftentimes people realize, wow,
Speaker 3: it's still important to me, I just don't make the
Speaker 3: time for it. Yes, one of the things that tends
Speaker 3: to go by the wayside as relationships. Ah, I used
Speaker 3: to you know, take time and I would spend time
Speaker 3: with my girls. Well, no, you don't have the time
Speaker 3: to do that like you did, but certainly you could
Speaker 3: probably find a day in the month where you're able
Speaker 3: to have that girl's night out. Mm hmm, right, if
Speaker 3: that's important to you. For some people, it's going to church.
Speaker 3: I would go to church and that would give me
Speaker 3: such an uplifting experience and I would feel so much better.
Speaker 3: And so it's like, Okay, let's figure out how we
Speaker 3: can get and find support for you so that you're
Speaker 3: able to go to church, so that you're able to
Speaker 3: do that thing that's most important to you.
Speaker 2: Could you maybe share a mantra that caregivers can use
Speaker 2: to start or even add to their mindfulness and meditation journey.
Speaker 3: One would be caregiving is what I do, It is
Speaker 3: not who I am. It's really important for the caregiver
Speaker 3: to separate themselves and not to be so incredibly engulfed
Speaker 3: in the caregiving experience that they confused the role of
Speaker 3: caregiving with their being.
Speaker 1: Oh, I absolutely love that.
Speaker 2: I love that when you started to really understand the
Speaker 2: importance of self care, How did that practice change caregiving
Speaker 2: for you?
Speaker 3: Well, when you feel better about yourself, you feel better
Speaker 3: about what you have to do, you feel better about
Speaker 3: the task of caregiving. You show up as a better
Speaker 3: version of yourself. You're not quite as miserable, not quite
Speaker 3: as grumpy or unhappy as you become when you don't
Speaker 3: make self care priority. I was really fortunate in having
Speaker 3: my husband as my monitor. He would constantly check in
Speaker 3: to say, Hey, you're looking a little tired or more
Speaker 3: so than usual. Your voice, you know, there's a little
Speaker 3: edge to your voice. To time out right, go and
Speaker 3: take a couple of hours, right, And so I was
Speaker 3: fortunate to have that, and I really believe that was
Speaker 3: absolutely a seed for me and the work that I do,
Speaker 3: because I understand how important it is for the caregiver
Speaker 3: to have that monitor, to have that support person who says,
Speaker 3: you know what, it's time for you to take a
Speaker 3: time out. You have earned a rest, you need to
Speaker 3: take a day, plan a couple days, plan a weekend,
Speaker 3: what have you?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 3: And so as the caregivers guardian, that is very much.
Speaker 1: What we do.
Speaker 3: What I do every day with caregivers is that reminder
Speaker 3: that monitor.
Speaker 2: Nadine Roberts Cornish, thank you so much for being a
Speaker 2: part of care Walks today. Your book tiers in my
Speaker 2: gumbo the caregivers Recipe for Resilience is out. Everybody should
Speaker 2: get that. I really appreciate having this conversation with you today.
Speaker 2: Thank you for being an amazing care giver.
Speaker 3: Thank you, Holly. It's been great and I really appreciate
Speaker 3: all that you are doing for caregivers across this country.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: I want to thank Nadine again for being my guest today.
Speaker 2: I really appreciate our conversation touching on the stigmas of caregiving,
Speaker 2: learning to prioritize your self care and being mindful of
Speaker 2: burnout to avoid losing your identity and caregiving, I for
Speaker 2: one fully relate to the struggles around making yourself a priority.
Speaker 2: That's it for today's episode. Thank you once again to
Speaker 2: Nadine Roberts, Cornish and don't forget to come back next
Speaker 2: week for another walk, where our guest doctor Amanda Nelson
Speaker 2: will share how movement and physical activity can help us
Speaker 2: take better care of ourselves and combat joint pain. And
Speaker 2: remember keep walking and don't forget to take care of
Speaker 2: yourself too. Care Walks is Pretty u by iHeartRadio in
Speaker 2: partnership with voltairean Arthritis Pain Gel and hosted by me
Speaker 2: Holly Robinson Pete. Our executive producer is Molly Sosha. Our
Speaker 2: head engineer is Matt Stillo. This episode was written and
Speaker 2: produced by Sierra Kaiser, with special thanks to our partners
Speaker 2: at GSK Platform, GSK, Weber, Shandwick and Edelman