WEBVTT - Episode 343: Global Options (Feat. AJ Johnson) 0:00:02.320 --> 0:00:05.920 What up, it's a lift service. I'm Angela Yee, I'm G. G. Maguire, 0:00:06.080 --> 0:00:10.520 I'm Stephanie Santiago, I'm A D. Johnson, A J. Johnson. 0:00:10.720 --> 0:00:15.480 Is that everybody just telling her? This is a record 0:00:15.560 --> 0:00:18.480 breaking thing for us. This is the first because we've 0:00:18.520 --> 0:00:21.480 never had a guest come back this quickly. I'm honored. 0:00:21.920 --> 0:00:26.160 I'm honored that we could break records. Right. We had 0:00:26.200 --> 0:00:28.520 a few repeat guests. Some people have been here like 0:00:28.560 --> 0:00:32.400 three or four times, but not like not in we 0:00:32.440 --> 0:00:34.199 have to bring you right back there. Last time you 0:00:34.240 --> 0:00:37.680 were on, things went a little viral, a little a 0:00:37.720 --> 0:00:40.320 lot of viral, a lot of we could talk about 0:00:40.360 --> 0:00:43.760 the threesome with the two men. Okay, so we wanted 0:00:43.800 --> 0:00:45.920 to come back and really like address that right away, 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:48.200 amongst other things. Because, by the way, you look amazing. 0:00:48.240 --> 0:00:52.280 Just got back from St. Thomas. Yeah, everybody's like, I 0:00:52.280 --> 0:00:55.320 don't like tailnes. I'm like, well, I love and how 0:00:55.360 --> 0:00:59.360 do you know your tan without Yeah? The St. Thomas 0:00:59.520 --> 0:01:03.880 and got Love Retreat, Yes they do the self love retreat. 0:01:03.920 --> 0:01:07.600 Off the chain. Gotta get you all with me. Everybody 0:01:07.680 --> 0:01:10.080 was crazy, but you gotta come. I mean the peace 0:01:10.680 --> 0:01:13.200 and just like you know, swimming with the fish and 0:01:13.600 --> 0:01:18.479 praying at sunset and silent meditations on a yacht cruising. 0:01:18.520 --> 0:01:20.880 I mean, you know, I pulled out all the stops 0:01:20.920 --> 0:01:22.840 for for the group and it was amazing. How dare 0:01:22.840 --> 0:01:29.360 we be at work right? Right? But since you said 0:01:29.360 --> 0:01:37.880 you gotta come, let's get right into it, right, she said, 0:01:37.959 --> 0:01:41.360 CEO mean you here? You that's what I heard. I know, 0:01:42.000 --> 0:01:44.039 now listen to a lot of people had things to 0:01:44.080 --> 0:01:46.960 say and weigh in on you, you know, and like 0:01:47.000 --> 0:01:50.000 you said, you did never said you had intercourse with 0:01:50.040 --> 0:01:51.680 these two men. But even if you did so, well, 0:01:51.720 --> 0:01:53.600 but you said, that's not what you said. It was 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:57.040 a dance, and people had a lot of things to 0:01:57.040 --> 0:01:58.800 say about it. They were saying it was a train. 0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:01.320 And remember I was saying, for some reason, when a 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:03.600 woman is with two men, they call it a train, 0:02:04.080 --> 0:02:07.320 but when a man is with two women, it's a right. 0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:11.000 So okay, So can I ask a question? Because we 0:02:11.040 --> 0:02:12.640 didn't know what was gonna happen like that, so we 0:02:12.680 --> 0:02:15.160 really didn't even talk about those details. So I kind 0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:19.120 of want to know, as as my girls, what you think, like, okay, 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:21.760 let me just say this. I was very, very surprised 0:02:22.080 --> 0:02:25.919 that there was so much judgment. Are you really No? 0:02:26.120 --> 0:02:29.880 I was because the thing, but you know, I was, yeah, 0:02:29.880 --> 0:02:31.960 you're used to the course. No, I was because I 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:37.079 feel like nowadays we should be so free with expressing 0:02:37.400 --> 0:02:39.840 who we are and how we are that I was 0:02:39.840 --> 0:02:42.240 really really shocked that there would be so much judgment, 0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:45.600 primarily for men, which I also think leads to another 0:02:45.639 --> 0:02:48.600 thing we're gonna talk about, which is the why. Well, 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:50.320 I'm gonna tell you why I and I want to 0:02:50.360 --> 0:02:52.840 change where we're going. Why I'm not surprised is because 0:02:52.960 --> 0:02:55.720 we got a lot of judgment on this podcast period, 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:57.880 just for even talking about sex, which is why I 0:02:57.919 --> 0:02:59.959 did it, right. I love that. The reason why I 0:03:00.160 --> 0:03:02.520 did this podcast was because I feel like it's so taboo, 0:03:02.600 --> 0:03:05.600 in particular for black women and women of color to 0:03:05.639 --> 0:03:09.920 be talking about sex. People hate that. Um guys would 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:11.960 be like, you guys are hoes, no matter what it 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:14.200 is that you're talking about. Women will be like, y'all 0:03:14.200 --> 0:03:16.839 are disgusting. Why are you discussing this. There's bigger things 0:03:16.880 --> 0:03:19.880 happening in this world, and it's like I've struggled in 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:22.120 my relationships because of some of the things that we 0:03:22.200 --> 0:03:24.720 talked about on this podcast, But I really I have 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:28.680 never understood why it's so taboo to have these conversations that, 0:03:28.840 --> 0:03:30.519 by the way, on the flip side, a lot of 0:03:30.560 --> 0:03:32.880 people said they've learned a lot, a lot of people 0:03:32.919 --> 0:03:34.960 have said it's educational. A lot of people have said, 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:37.880 now you know, I don't feel alone and things that 0:03:37.920 --> 0:03:40.360 I know other people are doing, things that I never 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:42.520 had anybody to talk to about. Now I can listen 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:47.160 to your podcast and feel like and that's that. That's 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:48.320 kind of where I was going with it. When I 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:50.240 want when I want to ask you, how do you 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:53.960 feel about the openness of the conversation. I think that's 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:56.040 the biggest thing to me, you know, coming back around 0:03:56.040 --> 0:03:58.840 talking about it. Yes, there's judgment, but I just don't 0:03:58.920 --> 0:04:01.960 understand why we're so judgment as a community. It's like, 0:04:01.960 --> 0:04:04.280 if you're not into it, that's fine. You know, there's 0:04:04.320 --> 0:04:06.200 things I'm not into that you may do, but it 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:08.360 doesn't mean I judge you for it. It just means 0:04:08.400 --> 0:04:10.800 that's not my thing. So I wanted to hear how 0:04:10.840 --> 0:04:14.120 you felt about the judgment side of Really what we 0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:16.760 were talking about was being a woman that's free with 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:20.400 her not only her sexual conversation, which is what this 0:04:20.480 --> 0:04:23.479 forum is. I love that I felt so comfortable and 0:04:23.520 --> 0:04:26.279 so free to talk to you guys. I love That's 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:30.360 all I say. It's a no judgment soon. It's a 0:04:30.400 --> 0:04:34.839 safe space for women and for our listeners and viewers 0:04:34.880 --> 0:04:37.760 to be able to get feedback and so forth. Yeah, 0:04:37.839 --> 0:04:40.160 I you know, it goes into so much. I'm gonna 0:04:40.200 --> 0:04:42.279 let you decide where we're going, but it goes into 0:04:42.520 --> 0:04:44.080 I mean, I had so many women, first of all, 0:04:44.120 --> 0:04:45.680 let's talk about this. I like you taking the lead, 0:04:45.760 --> 0:04:50.440 by the way, but I just respect that you are. 0:04:52.080 --> 0:04:53.520 But I want to share with you because you know, 0:04:53.520 --> 0:04:55.560 we we've been all been so busy that we kind 0:04:55.600 --> 0:04:57.040 of knew that it were viral, but we just kind 0:04:57.040 --> 0:04:59.160 of said whoa, But we didn't talk about the details. 0:04:59.360 --> 0:05:02.320 But I mean, so many women hit me about my 0:05:02.360 --> 0:05:05.360 retreat and of course, my retreats are not about sex 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:08.039 and freedom. My retreats are about self empowerment. So to me, 0:05:08.279 --> 0:05:10.240 do you guys feel like that's possibly one and the 0:05:10.240 --> 0:05:14.080 same hand, isn't that well maybe maybe if you feel 0:05:14.120 --> 0:05:16.240 that way. I was shocked. It's like so many people 0:05:16.320 --> 0:05:17.360 hit me up like I want to be on one 0:05:17.360 --> 0:05:19.200 in your retreat, and I was thinking, Okay, I hope 0:05:19.240 --> 0:05:33.039 you don't think that that's right, especial because you know 0:05:33.040 --> 0:05:34.400 how they used to be, like in the club, every 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:36.440 guy gotta bring a girl, every girl gotta break two 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:39.719 guys to come on. You know who knows we're doing. 0:05:40.240 --> 0:05:43.640 But you know, I mean, so many women enjoyed the 0:05:43.680 --> 0:05:47.480 freedom of speech and freedom of expression, and I feel 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:50.119 like if, like you said, and if so many women 0:05:50.160 --> 0:05:53.280 are wanting to and and either afraid to, which is 0:05:53.320 --> 0:05:56.159 another question, where's the fear coming from for women to 0:05:56.160 --> 0:05:58.440 talk about it and for men to accept it? And 0:05:58.480 --> 0:06:00.680 that's kind of the responses I was given, Like, you know, 0:06:00.720 --> 0:06:03.680 you're telling on yourself in terms of how you feel 0:06:03.680 --> 0:06:07.000 about you by projecting your feelings onto mean black women 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:10.480 are it had to be repressed about their sexuality and 0:06:10.520 --> 0:06:14.640 it's not Why do you think because there's this standard 0:06:14.839 --> 0:06:17.640 of what women should be and how women should act 0:06:17.680 --> 0:06:20.600 and how women should carry themselves, and you know where 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:23.640 hell to this standard that I think it's bullshit? Personally, yeah, 0:06:23.760 --> 0:06:26.560 very old school, and it's not fair. It's not fair 0:06:26.600 --> 0:06:29.719 at all because you know, going back to oh, if 0:06:29.800 --> 0:06:32.159 you have this many guys your home, but if a 0:06:32.200 --> 0:06:34.800 man has this many girls, he's the man. He just 0:06:34.839 --> 0:06:38.599 needed to do that before he settled down, just for women, 0:06:39.400 --> 0:06:41.600 and I you know, you're calling it not fair. I 0:06:41.640 --> 0:06:43.840 also think now we're in a time where it's low 0:06:43.920 --> 0:06:47.880 key bullying, it's high key shaming. It is very you 0:06:47.960 --> 0:06:50.000 know what I mean? And I think that's another thing 0:06:50.000 --> 0:06:53.880 that keeps us as women oppressed in our expression and 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:58.120 then our self empowerment, especially sexually, because I should not 0:06:58.240 --> 0:07:01.400 be this anomaly talking about what a lot of women 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:03.360 have done done and I saw I want to do, 0:07:03.480 --> 0:07:05.640 but I saw a lot of women hyping it up 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:10.600 to they were excited. And I do feel like a 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:13.560 lot of conversations when it comes to sex, there's gonna 0:07:13.600 --> 0:07:15.920 be some people that are like, oh my god, you're discussing. 0:07:15.920 --> 0:07:18.680 But then there's also always people who are like, you go, 0:07:18.840 --> 0:07:23.920 that's amazing. I'm down. I can't wait for my birthday. 0:07:24.680 --> 0:07:26.680 And you know the other thing too, is you know 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:29.840 I went from the old hoe because I waited to 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:33.400 do it to to you know too. I'm sure you 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:36.560 know that was probably really empowering and freeing because now 0:07:36.720 --> 0:07:39.000 you know, you know, I, like I said, I know 0:07:39.040 --> 0:07:41.360 who I am I'm comfortable and who I am, and 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:44.720 there's nothing I'm after where I fear what someone's gonna 0:07:44.760 --> 0:07:47.280 think of me. And that's the other thing that's fear, 0:07:47.600 --> 0:07:49.600 like the fear of what are you going to think? 0:07:49.640 --> 0:07:51.840 What are people gonna say? Why? Why are we so 0:07:52.000 --> 0:07:55.160 led by fear and women like that? I feel like 0:07:55.160 --> 0:07:57.680 I let that go a long time ago. Yeah, I 0:07:57.720 --> 0:08:03.520 know again it's Monday for But that's why people love you, 0:08:03.600 --> 0:08:07.560 Gi because you are so like honest about your experiences 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:10.520 and you don't hold back, like you let people know 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:13.040 what it is. But I gave a j a whole 0:08:13.280 --> 0:08:16.280 headful in the airport where we were before we got 0:08:16.320 --> 0:08:18.280 the plane. We flew back to Atlanta together and the 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:20.160 same Actually, you know what's crazy, And not only did 0:08:20.240 --> 0:08:23.120 we fly back to Atlanta together, we sat right next 0:08:23.120 --> 0:08:27.160 to each other and it was not playing, so we 0:08:27.160 --> 0:08:29.280 were definitely be together. Guy. When you were leaving, I 0:08:29.280 --> 0:08:34.640 was like, y'all probably saying other no matter what happened, 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:36.240 like in the car, like she jumped out the car 0:08:36.280 --> 0:08:37.520 and she was like, should I wait? And I said no, 0:08:37.720 --> 0:08:40.280 they're having trouble with our luggage. She flies to the 0:08:40.320 --> 0:08:42.280 airport that of course we make it in time to 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:44.079 wait for the gate where at the same gate, and 0:08:44.080 --> 0:08:45.640 then she's like, should I wait to get on? Like no, no, 0:08:45.679 --> 0:08:48.079 because I carried fifty tho things on the plane and 0:08:48.120 --> 0:08:50.640 get on the plane. I was like, really, she's being 0:08:50.679 --> 0:08:53.920 I was like, of course, perfect. Yeah. But I gave 0:08:53.920 --> 0:08:57.080 her a whole headful of, you know, just experiences that 0:08:57.120 --> 0:08:59.120 I had growing up, and like a lot of it 0:08:59.160 --> 0:09:01.240 was most of it was sexually. And she's like, girl, 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:04.480 and I'm like, it's a book, it's a movie. I'm 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:06.640 just She's like, you're telling me all of this and 0:09:06.640 --> 0:09:09.920 I'm like, that's my life. These are my experiences. I 0:09:09.960 --> 0:09:13.559 have no problem talking about. To talk about it is 0:09:13.559 --> 0:09:16.240 if it affects somebody else, Like you're not gonna Yeah, 0:09:16.400 --> 0:09:19.240 there's a secret society, a trust. I'm gonna tell my truth, 0:09:19.280 --> 0:09:21.400 but I'm never gonna tell your business. I want to 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:24.319 say this too that I feel like I know for me, 0:09:24.480 --> 0:09:27.080 I got free talking to other women who are free, 0:09:27.600 --> 0:09:29.800 Like even with that oral sex class that we talked about, 0:09:30.240 --> 0:09:32.280 I went to that party like the fact that this 0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:34.719 woman was talking about it so freely it opened me 0:09:34.800 --> 0:09:36.400 up to talk about it freely. And I feel like, 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:39.480 the more we are those examples, the more women are 0:09:39.520 --> 0:09:42.840 gonna say, oh, okay, there's power in that, there's freedom 0:09:42.840 --> 0:09:44.880 in that. And so I'm glad that we could be 0:09:44.880 --> 0:09:48.319 an example. That's my lip service exists seriously, because your 0:09:48.360 --> 0:09:52.319 desires shouldn't necessarily define who you are. Like if you 0:09:52.520 --> 0:09:55.080 if you like something sexually, doesn't mean that you're a 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:58.080 bad person, right, It just means that's something that you're interested. 0:09:58.080 --> 0:10:01.200 And and there's always some buddy that likes the saying 0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:04.360 ship Like, there's a lot of people a lot and 0:10:04.840 --> 0:10:06.520 the people that I feel bad for are the ones 0:10:06.559 --> 0:10:09.880 who can't express it or feel like it's nasty. Those 0:10:09.880 --> 0:10:14.319 are the people that like end up because fear like 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:21.480 crossing the line. And like you, they're like they're getting 0:10:21.520 --> 0:10:26.480 their nose, they're putting it in there. I just I 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:29.120 was I was skilling women and men. It's like, listen, 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:32.560 you know, aside from the conversation I was commenting to 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:34.360 some men, and I feel like this is important for 0:10:34.400 --> 0:10:37.040 them to hear, either through us as women or even 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:40.520 just women together, is well what leads to that, like 0:10:40.559 --> 0:10:42.000 if you have a problem with it as a man, 0:10:42.760 --> 0:10:45.960 like I was saying, I'm a monogamous spirit by spirit 0:10:46.000 --> 0:10:48.640 and by nature a monogamous. The problem is I got 0:10:48.720 --> 0:10:52.240 bored with the men that that I was trying to date, 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:55.000 and so I felt like, okay, there's there's a lot 0:10:55.040 --> 0:10:57.080 of different facets to me as a person and as 0:10:57.120 --> 0:10:59.520 a woman, and in order for you to maintain my attention, 0:10:59.840 --> 0:11:02.000 you got to meet all those and if you can't, 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:04.320 then I think it's okay for me to say I 0:11:04.360 --> 0:11:07.280 love that we work out and go bowling and travel together, 0:11:07.840 --> 0:11:11.680 and I love that, but I don't like and I do, 0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:13.319 and you don't like the beach, but I do, and 0:11:13.400 --> 0:11:15.960 it's okay. But that doesn't mean I'm going to settle 0:11:15.960 --> 0:11:18.840 for no beach, no roller skating. So once again, like 0:11:18.880 --> 0:11:20.959 why is that a problem? Why is it okay? If 0:11:21.000 --> 0:11:22.600 if you're if you're okay with it as a man, 0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:25.360 and I'm okay with it, and there's another man that 0:11:25.440 --> 0:11:28.200 can go roller skating and bowling, then what's the problem. 0:11:28.200 --> 0:11:30.880 Why Why should I settle for one man that is 0:11:30.920 --> 0:11:34.280 not meeting my twenty five meats? And I do feel 0:11:34.280 --> 0:11:37.199 like a lot of times women will be okay with 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:41.520 their man having another woman and they accept that are 0:11:41.559 --> 0:11:43.080 like sometimes women don't even want to be in a 0:11:43.120 --> 0:11:46.920 situation where he's with other women with you, but they 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:48.800 just do it because they feel like there's no other way. 0:11:49.360 --> 0:11:50.920 Or let's talk about the fact that a lot of 0:11:50.960 --> 0:11:54.920 times because I think men know that women don't like it. 0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:57.320 So now we get into cheating because I was like, 0:11:57.360 --> 0:11:59.640 what's the difference between what you're doing what I'm doing. 0:11:59.679 --> 0:12:01.839 I'm just telling you to your face, I have two men, 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:03.880 and if you want to meet them, and not that, 0:12:04.120 --> 0:12:05.560 not that we have to be in the same bed together, 0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:08.600 but the fact is there's more than just you. And 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:10.920 I'm being honest with you. What you're doing is you're 0:12:10.960 --> 0:12:13.719 cheating by making me think we're monogamous and we're not. 0:12:14.280 --> 0:12:16.640 And I think you even even comment on that stuff 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:18.480 about you know, just you know, don't don't lie to 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:21.319 my face, yes, you know, don't lie to me and 0:12:21.600 --> 0:12:24.080 then and then call me the hole. But I'm telling 0:12:24.160 --> 0:12:26.480 you I got I got two men. So people feel 0:12:26.480 --> 0:12:28.760 like men can't be host too. I've heard that what 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:33.680 data biggest, no seri is that men cannot be home 0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:36.240 And that's the thing, right society has put it to 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:38.760 the point where there are these labels, Oh well, that's 0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:44.920 just how men are. You know, that's that's nature. Y'all know, 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:49.480 y'all know that's me, right, I was always the all 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:52.839 men cheat and that's just how they are, and it's 0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:55.880 in their nature. And get in the past and it gives. 0:12:56.080 --> 0:13:01.120 But guess what I found, the loyal, the committed, the 0:13:01.360 --> 0:13:03.840 man that proved me wrong. So now I sit here 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:06.760 today like I was wrong. But it's men and women 0:13:06.880 --> 0:13:10.319 that continue to have that, like push that narrative forward. Right, 0:13:10.360 --> 0:13:12.240 So men have that ideas like, well, you know, I'm 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:14.600 a man, you know, that's just what we do. And 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:16.600 then women too, so it kind of allows them to 0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:19.560 continue to do it. Meanwhile, they think women are supposed 0:13:19.559 --> 0:13:21.280 to be monogamy as were supposed to put up with 0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:23.600 this and be one with one man. So that's where 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:27.600 the double standard continues. And I feel like also when women, 0:13:28.320 --> 0:13:31.200 women are expected to stay when a man cheats, because 0:13:31.240 --> 0:13:34.680 you're supposed to fight for your relationship, so you're not 0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:38.360 supposed to give us he's supposed to be right, supposed 0:13:38.360 --> 0:13:41.040 to understand, Yeah, you're supposed to understand. Look, he's a 0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:44.760 powerful man. This is what happens. And you rather stay 0:13:44.800 --> 0:13:47.120 with the cheetah that you know than the one who 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:51.920 you don't like. I've heard all of these everybody in 0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:54.040 my last relationship I went through. I might as well 0:13:54.160 --> 0:13:56.040 stay with him and deal with his bullshit. At least 0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:57.880 I know what I'm getting. Then try to deal with 0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:00.800 somebody else's bullshit. I did that. I want ask why, 0:14:00.920 --> 0:14:04.680 as women, are we constantly okay with putting ourselves in 0:14:04.760 --> 0:14:10.080 position of tolerating. I'm tolerating that he's a cheater. I'm 0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:12.760 tolerating that he's the powerful one. I'm tolerating that I'm 0:14:12.800 --> 0:14:15.200 supposed to behave a certain way as opposed to But 0:14:15.320 --> 0:14:19.400 you're powerful. We're all powerful. So if we're powerful and 0:14:19.440 --> 0:14:21.920 we have options as women, then what is the man's 0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:25.000 responsibility to understand? Not that i'm saying tipped for tad, 0:14:25.520 --> 0:14:28.560 but if we're women of power and of options, now 0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:35.760 what you know, I've got global options global So so again, 0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:42.560 if i'm if I'm dealing with like that, So I mean, 0:14:42.600 --> 0:14:44.640 if I'm if I'm meeting men and talking to men 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:48.160 from all of the world and I love the conversation, No, no, 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:50.680 no shame, But so so, bro from Detroit, what are 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:53.880 you talking about? I'm not saying no, I'm just saying 0:14:54.120 --> 0:14:55.960 you've got to know who you're dealing with. You have 0:14:56.000 --> 0:14:59.280 to bring conversation, you know what I mean. Listen, I've 0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:01.200 had excess come to me and my d m s 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:04.320 and my text since our first talk. Can you please 0:15:04.320 --> 0:15:07.480 just say it's me? I'm like, you know what, ain't you? 0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:10.000 I know, but all my friends think it's me, So 0:15:10.000 --> 0:15:12.040 so okay, don't you have to say it's me? Because 0:15:12.080 --> 0:15:13.680 I said, well, what did you say when they asked you? 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:24.520 I said maybe really the aftermath of the viral, It's like, 0:15:25.160 --> 0:15:26.960 let me ask you, this didn't bother you at all? 0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:30.800 Like honestly, because I know sometimes like things can happen 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:32.640 with me and people who don't know me be like, 0:15:32.720 --> 0:15:34.840 yeah she always was. I'm like, I don't even know you, 0:15:35.120 --> 0:15:37.160 but did it bother you at all? That so many 0:15:37.160 --> 0:15:39.800 people are commenting on something that you chose to share 0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:41.920 and having things to say, like the people who are 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:44.480 really negative, did it get under your did? I gotta 0:15:44.520 --> 0:15:48.960 tell you because before our talk, I already decided that 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:52.400 my assignment is to teach. For example, I already know 0:15:52.480 --> 0:15:54.840 that that's what where life therapy comes from and couples 0:15:54.880 --> 0:15:57.360 retreat comes from. I already know that part of my 0:15:57.520 --> 0:16:00.840 assignment is to share and teach and shift the narrative. 0:16:01.200 --> 0:16:03.320 So if it was time for me to shift the 0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:07.480 narrative when it comes to a polyamorous relationship or monogamy 0:16:07.560 --> 0:16:09.960 versus not monogamy, I was open to it. And of course, 0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:12.000 like you, you know, I've been in this business for 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:14.280 over twenty years, so I know there's gonna be yea 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:17.680 and nay. But my thing was, when you say nay, 0:16:17.840 --> 0:16:20.880 make sure it's intelligent, it makes sense. Don't don't come 0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:23.960 from me on my page because you're gonna get your 0:16:24.000 --> 0:16:30.600 feeling certain. Listen, right, it's educating. Like people say, don't 0:16:30.600 --> 0:16:35.000 explain yourself. It was. It's definitely more explanation and education. Yeah, 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.720 because you wasn't like trying to embarrass people. You were 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:41.880 just or insulting people or anything. Yeah, you know what 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:44.240 it is. Here's another limited mind frame. And this is 0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:46.440 a great example of a guy who made me think 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:48.520 maybe there's two for me because I can't, you know, 0:16:48.560 --> 0:16:50.720 because I'm bored with one like him. And I was 0:16:50.760 --> 0:16:53.680 saying stuff like that, like you're a perfect example why 0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:57.360 I was born this mentality, this whole idea of I'm 0:16:57.400 --> 0:16:59.240 supposed to be a certain way because I'm a woman. 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:01.280 But when again, it's like you know, I would say, 0:17:01.440 --> 0:17:03.280 if you have not traveled the world, we can't even 0:17:03.320 --> 0:17:06.080 have a conversation brought you were bringing a butter knife 0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:11.280 to a cannon fight. I don't know, like like you know, 0:17:11.359 --> 0:17:13.840 I'm on my second book in a year, because they 0:17:13.840 --> 0:17:16.480 don't they don't replace pages anymore. Do you even know 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:20.959 that about? No, I don't even know. They didn't get 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:23.040 the book with the pages on it. But if not, 0:17:23.080 --> 0:17:24.920 you got to get a whole new, whole one. Yeah, 0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:28.320 they don't even add pages anymore. So I mean, if 0:17:28.320 --> 0:17:30.560 you're not even yet, then we can what are we 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:33.080 talking about? And I think also, once you're comfortable in 0:17:33.119 --> 0:17:36.000 your truth, you're able to come onto thisism more. I 0:17:36.119 --> 0:17:39.800 think that's it too, um, And I'm comfortable. I'm comfortable 0:17:39.880 --> 0:17:41.879 in my truth. I'm comfortable who I am and comfortable 0:17:41.880 --> 0:17:44.600 with my choices. I mean, there's nothing I regret, there's 0:17:44.600 --> 0:17:47.280 no shame to my game. And so I think that's 0:17:47.320 --> 0:17:49.320 why it's like you know, and I also know that 0:17:49.400 --> 0:17:52.160 most people who are nay saying they've never had the experience, 0:17:52.200 --> 0:17:58.439 and they don't. I didn't seeing the pictures of the guys, 0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:01.320 and I think most but the women had an issue 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:08.560 and some of the guys were I know, not the level. 0:18:08.880 --> 0:18:12.440 So it's okay, exact damn if you don't If you 0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:14.639 don't do something, it's going to be criticism. If you 0:18:14.720 --> 0:18:16.679 do something, it's going to be criticism. So you might 0:18:16.720 --> 0:18:18.600 as well just do what makes you feel. But now 0:18:18.680 --> 0:18:21.040 let's talk about this. What's on our bucket list of 0:18:21.160 --> 0:18:24.280 things that we haven't done yet that we would like 0:18:24.400 --> 0:18:28.600 to do. I gotta be honest, you know, no, no, no, no, 0:18:29.280 --> 0:18:31.680 but these things that are happening are not necessarily like 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:36.080 bucket list options. It's just that opportunities come. And like 0:18:36.160 --> 0:18:38.040 I said, I didn't know even that night that's going 0:18:38.080 --> 0:18:41.760 to happen. Right, it was are the best time. But 0:18:41.960 --> 0:18:44.040 I do think that there are some things that were like, 0:18:44.880 --> 0:18:46.680 you know, it makes you think, like, what's something that 0:18:46.760 --> 0:18:50.560 I haven't done that I would like? Sexually? Sexually? Oh, sexually? 0:18:51.440 --> 0:19:00.639 What is something but have sex on my honeymoon? Tomato? Tomato? Know, 0:19:00.760 --> 0:19:04.439 I mean I probably had my period of honey If 0:19:04.480 --> 0:19:06.360 I had my period of my honeymoon, we laying down 0:19:06.359 --> 0:19:12.600 the time. Now you got to yeah, period right, right, um, 0:19:13.040 --> 0:19:16.080 what's on my bucket list to honestly stop faking it 0:19:16.200 --> 0:19:20.119 so much. I'm I'm surprised at you. You fake it, 0:19:20.280 --> 0:19:23.600 You're not honest, like well, I mean, you know, see 0:19:23.640 --> 0:19:26.480 the way you would be like okay, honey, no, let 0:19:26.560 --> 0:19:31.119 me Yeah. Most of the time, I'm like, so, you know, 0:19:32.160 --> 0:19:34.160 so let's let's talk about it, because for me, it's 0:19:34.160 --> 0:19:36.680 like I don't want to be overbearing with directions, like 0:19:36.760 --> 0:19:38.200 I don't want to be the ways in the bed 0:19:38.800 --> 0:19:41.200 or the or the Google maths the bed. I don't 0:19:41.680 --> 0:19:43.919 want to be you know, a new app for how 0:19:43.960 --> 0:19:46.080 to how to please me? But at the same time 0:19:46.480 --> 0:19:49.359 sexy GPS. Yeah, But at the same time, you know, 0:19:49.440 --> 0:19:51.680 there's men who are open to some guidance in direction. 0:19:52.080 --> 0:19:54.520 I think there's more men who need it. I think 0:19:54.520 --> 0:19:55.879 it depend how you can do it. I think it 0:19:55.920 --> 0:19:57.359 depends on how you do it too, because it's a 0:19:57.440 --> 0:20:01.080 sexy way to give guy instructions where it's not like GPS, 0:20:01.760 --> 0:20:04.120 where it's like oh yeah, I like when you do that, yes, 0:20:04.280 --> 0:20:06.560 do that more. Yet, you know what I'm saying, it 0:20:06.720 --> 0:20:09.159 is how you say it too. I agree, I agree, 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:15.480 But I think I'm like GPS like, turn up three 0:20:15.560 --> 0:20:27.080 minutes because you're doing something, and then he stops the 0:20:27.200 --> 0:20:30.040 rhythm he had and you was back and the rest 0:20:30.080 --> 0:20:34.680 of it everything, and then he changes and you're like, no, 0:20:34.960 --> 0:20:37.040