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Speaker 1: Fred Show is on. It's stay or go. It's gone

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Speaker 1: too far, Bella, It's gone too far. We obtained an

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Speaker 1: actual photograph of Bella Hamine, our intern who if you

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Speaker 1: missed it a few minutes ago. She believes that she

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Speaker 1: should be honored as the first daughter of her hometown

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Speaker 1: in California because her dad is the part time mayor.

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Speaker 1: And if you go to our instagram, Fred Show Radio,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna see that this is an image that she

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Speaker 1: posted herself. This is unbelievable. She had a full on

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Speaker 1: photo shoot and everything. The haters are going to say

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Speaker 1: it's photoshop because of the hands, but she has manley hands.

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Speaker 1: She has manly hands, shoulders, and she's part black, which

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Speaker 1: a lot of people didn't know. I didn't know that

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Speaker 1: about it. But man talk about taking his shine away

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Speaker 1: from her dad who's doing the hard work. This is crazy.

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Speaker 1: This is the image Fred Show Radio was like. Last

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Speaker 1: we grew on this esteemed panel for this international radio conference.

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Speaker 1: They flew us to Toronto. We're on this panel and

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Speaker 1: this dude has been listening. We said more than a dude.

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Speaker 1: He's a he too, is an esteemed European radio manager.

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Speaker 1: Yeah right, big, big time guy and apparently he'd been

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Speaker 1: listening to our show for weeks and like picking out

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Speaker 1: moments and then use it for this this slideshow kind

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Speaker 1: of presentation thing and the question and answer in front

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Speaker 1: of all these radio people from all over the world.

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Speaker 1: And one of the images he found was of Kiki's

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Speaker 1: cord and Kiki has three hands in the image. He's

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Speaker 1: has three hands and one's white or two might be white.

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Speaker 1: I'm not even sure. But okay, here we are. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's like, miss you should know. You know, if you came,

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Speaker 1: you're thinking you were going to get secrets. The secret

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Speaker 1: is we don't have any money for a graphic designer.

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Speaker 1: That's the secret. We don't have to say something. We do.

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Speaker 2: We do what we can photographers, none of the videographers.

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Speaker 1: But I had to just say it. I had to

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Speaker 1: say just I had to get it out of the

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Speaker 1: way and say, guys, we're aware that Kiki has three

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Speaker 1: hands in this that's that's what we're working with in

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Speaker 1: the United States. Guys, Hey, Amanda, good morning, Well, hi Amanda,

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Speaker 1: welcome to the show. Welcome to Stay or Go. We

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Speaker 1: appreciate your note. What's going on with this boyfriend of yours?

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Speaker 1: Is his name? Well, what I'm gonna say his name,

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Speaker 1: but he's been around for six months, this boyfriend.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, we've been dating for about six months.

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Speaker 4: And you know, as a disclaimer, he's not a heavy

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Speaker 4: drinker like whatsoever.

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Speaker 3: But you know, he does like to go out over

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Speaker 3: the weekend.

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Speaker 4: On his days off, and he does usually getting he

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Speaker 4: gets really drunk.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so what Okay, So the guy, this guy even dating,

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Speaker 1: he doesn't drink, Like, so what is like not during

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Speaker 1: the week he doesn't drink, but then when he goes

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Speaker 1: out he beings drinks. Is that the story?

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Speaker 4: Yeah? I mean, well, the thing is that he just

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Speaker 4: turns into a different person when he starts drinking. And

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Speaker 4: he's you know, he really is such a kind and

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Speaker 4: considerate boyfriend, but you know, on the weekends when he drinks,

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Speaker 4: he's just not as sweet and he starts like picking

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Speaker 4: fights with me and even like just people around in

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Speaker 4: the bar.

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Speaker 3: It's just really weird.

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Speaker 4: Like he gets like overly protective, like he like he

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Speaker 4: thinks that guys are flirting with me when they're not.

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Speaker 1: He's a tough guy when he's drinking.

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Speaker 4: I mean, that's the thing is like I know him

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Speaker 4: as this big softy. But you know, there are times

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Speaker 4: like where he's even like left me at the bar

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Speaker 4: and he's gone home like without me, without telling me,

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Speaker 4: and it seems like he's he found a reason to

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Speaker 4: be like really mad.

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Speaker 3: I don't know, but the whole.

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Speaker 4: Thing is that he doesn't even remember leaving me, you know,

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Speaker 4: Like I did talk to him about it. It's just

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Speaker 4: that he explain that he I don't know if this

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Speaker 4: is an excuse or not, but he said that he

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Speaker 4: probably did that because he knows his limits and he

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Speaker 4: was getting too drunk.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's you know, you would say that. I mean,

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Speaker 1: you're his partner. So if that were the case, and

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Speaker 1: I realized when you're drinking, you're not necessarily in your

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Speaker 1: right mind. But that's something you would say to your partner.

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Speaker 1: You wouldn't leave your partner somewhere. I mean, that's something.

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Speaker 1: I'm the thing of the iris exit when I have

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Speaker 1: met a little bit too much or whatever, when it's time,

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Speaker 1: I usually to sneak out, but I don't have anybody

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Speaker 1: with me. I don't leave anybody where we were. You

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Speaker 1: can't do that, right, Like, at.

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Speaker 4: Least let me know that you know, you need to

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Speaker 4: go home or something, because I know he would be

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Speaker 4: so modified did that to him, you know, But like

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Speaker 4: I said, I mean, he he it's not just about

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Speaker 4: like checking out boxes. But he really is such a

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Speaker 4: great boyfriend outside of when he drinks. He's like it

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Speaker 4: seems like he's perfect for me other than that, And

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Speaker 4: I don't know, it's just it's not like I would

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Speaker 4: say he's cross ried of having a huge drinking problem

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Speaker 4: because he only drinks like once or twice a weekend.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but if he's drinking and again not an alcohol

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Speaker 1: substance abuse counselor, but if he's drinking to that level

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Speaker 1: once or twice a week, that's still a problem. I mean,

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Speaker 1: the problem isn't necessarily And again, someone who's welcome to

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Speaker 1: call and correct me on this eight five five five

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Speaker 1: nine one oh three five. I don't think it's the frequency.

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's if you drink every day or

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Speaker 1: if you just get hammered twice a week. It sounds

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Speaker 1: like he may have a problem with alcohol. And I

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Speaker 1: think the question is, I mean, have you have you

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Speaker 1: said to him? And again, I don't know that I'm

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Speaker 1: qualified to give this advice, but I'm gonna try I mean,

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Speaker 1: have you said you have you had this conversation with him? Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm concerned about your drinking. I'm concerned about your behavior

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Speaker 1: when you drink. I mean, have you have you had

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Speaker 1: like a like a kind sort of constructive conversation about that.

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Speaker 5: I have I've had.

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Speaker 4: I would say, yeah, like a few very light conversations

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Speaker 4: around it. And I think, you know, he gets a

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Speaker 4: little bit defensive, like I'm attacking him for all like

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Speaker 4: the good things that he does do for me, And

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Speaker 4: so I don't think he really like understands how it

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Speaker 4: affects me and like other people, because he doesn't remember,

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Speaker 4: you know. So yeah, it's kind of like tricky.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I hate to say this, but my gut tells

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Speaker 1: me you got to go. My gut tells me that

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Speaker 1: it's it's you're early in this relationship. It's going to

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Speaker 1: be a difficult thing. It's going to be difficult thing

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Speaker 1: to mitigate. I don't know if it's your job to

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Speaker 1: save this guy. You know, he gets to fend mean you.

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Speaker 1: I think you can tell him, you know, in a caring,

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Speaker 1: loving way. Hey, this this concerns me. I care about you.

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Speaker 1: I like you, you know, but you don't seem to

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Speaker 1: be acknowledging what is a serious problem here, And someone

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Speaker 1: texted that Ben's drinking is a form of alcohol. Is

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think again it's I don't think you

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Speaker 1: have to get hammered every day to be to have

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Speaker 1: a problem. I think you can get If you're getting

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Speaker 1: hammered consistently in any frequency, that's probably an issue, especially

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Speaker 1: if he's doing it to to sort of mask other issues,

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Speaker 1: insecurities or whatever. I don't know. I mean, this could

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Speaker 1: be something you deal with the entire length of your relationship.

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Speaker 1: This may never go away.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that would really thinks.

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Speaker 4: I really like him so much and I really care

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Speaker 4: for him, so it's it's really hard to end it just.

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Speaker 3: Like that, you know. But yeah, I totally hear what

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Speaker 3: you're saying.

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Speaker 1: I've dealt with this a little bit in my life,

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Speaker 1: and all I can tell you is that this is

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Speaker 1: a decision that the person using the substance, they have

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Speaker 1: to make that decision. Like you can beg him, you can,

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Speaker 1: you can, you know, ultimatums, you can do all this

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Speaker 1: different stuff, But ultimately, I think it's just going to

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Speaker 1: cause a divide. I feel like if you're saying to

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Speaker 1: him look, I really care about you, and you are

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Speaker 1: a lot of things that I want, But this is

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Speaker 1: a problem and in order for this relationship to continue,

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Speaker 1: you're going to need to manage this somehow. And he's

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Speaker 1: telling you all I don't know, or he's used it

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Speaker 1: making excuse you why to remember? Okay, Well, then don't

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Speaker 1: drink as much you might, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: I think the only real option here is for him

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Speaker 1: to stop drinking or manage the drinking, or get some

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Speaker 1: help or do something if he wants to save the relationship.

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Speaker 1: If he's not willing to do any of that, then

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Speaker 1: I don't know that this changes, right, I.

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Speaker 4: Mean, what do you think if you know he says,

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Speaker 4: you know, change shouldn't happen overnight, Like you have to

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Speaker 4: just like trust me with it, like let me, you know, take.

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Speaker 3: Care of it. And then it kind of it's like

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Speaker 3: a ball, It seems like a ball.

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Speaker 4: Then is in my court to like let him deal

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Speaker 4: with it and try not to like micromanage these actions.

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Speaker 1: Well, you bring it up.

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Speaker 2: If he's getting defensive when you bring it up, it

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Speaker 2: doesn't even sound like he's really acknowledging that there's an issue.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like he I feel like he knows.

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Speaker 4: I think he's like it feels vulnerable.

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Speaker 1: Okay, But again, I mean this, this is going to

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Speaker 1: affect your life too. And so if he's serious about

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Speaker 1: this relationship and it's and it really is becoming a problem,

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Speaker 1: whether it's the way he acts, it's about the way

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Speaker 1: he treats you, or leaving you places of it about

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Speaker 1: your safety. You know, again, I think you're in you

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Speaker 1: have You have every right to communicate your concern. You

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Speaker 1: have every right to wish of him that he changes

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Speaker 1: his behavior. You can offer him help, you can offer

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Speaker 1: him support. But I mean, if he's not going to

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Speaker 1: do any of that and deny it, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: He may not be as perfect as you think. And

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Speaker 1: I'm again I'm not I'm not advocating you just dump

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Speaker 1: the guy and leave him. But I mean, if you

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Speaker 1: express your care and you express your concern, ultimately he

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Speaker 1: has to make the decision. If he's telling you he

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Speaker 1: doesn't have a problem, that's I think that says a lot.

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Speaker 6: Yep.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, No, you have a point there, Especially with leading

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Speaker 4: and stuff, it's like becomes more of a safety issue.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, the text is blowing up, it's overwhelmingly.

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Speaker 1: You've got to go run a lot of people, you know,

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Speaker 1: sharing their personal experience. I mean, it's hundreds of texts already. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: this is something that I think affects a lot of people.

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Speaker 1: But let me take some phone calls. Maybe there are

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Speaker 1: some people more qualify, anyone's more qualified than me to

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Speaker 1: be giving you advice on this, because again, this is

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Speaker 1: not something to play with. You know, this is a

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Speaker 1: this could be a disease, this could be you know,

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Speaker 1: a dependency that he needs real help with. And I

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Speaker 1: don't I don't want to say anything that you know,

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Speaker 1: I shouldn't say because I'm certainly not an expert. But

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Speaker 1: let me take some calls and and see people have

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Speaker 1: to say, and keep the radio one, and man, I

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Speaker 1: wish you the best. Thank you for sharing that with us.

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Speaker 1: Good luck? Yeah, yeah, eight five five five, one one

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Speaker 1: oh three five. Nick, you're a you're a mental health therapist.

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Speaker 7: I am, I am. How's everybody doing today?

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Speaker 1: Good morning? So you hear this story? What what what

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Speaker 1: comes to mind?

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Speaker 7: What comes to mind is not immediately you like leave. Obviously,

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Speaker 7: he is like struggling, and what he's struggling with is

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Speaker 7: impacting their relationship and he clearly needs some form of

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Speaker 7: therapy to address these concerns. Because Fred, I agree with you,

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Speaker 7: it's not necessarily about the frequency. It's also about like

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Speaker 7: how much you're drinking in that two day period that

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Speaker 7: he's getting blackout drunk. That could qualify as like a

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Speaker 7: potential binge eatings or binge drinking disorder, and that definitely

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Speaker 7: needs to be addressed. So I think maybe putting the

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Speaker 7: relationship on like a probation and saying, hey, if within

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Speaker 7: this six month time period you don't seek help or

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Speaker 7: make any changes, and we don't communicate what you're doing

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Speaker 7: to make these changes, then I can't be with you anymore.

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Speaker 7: This has become unsafe.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, man, good advice. Thank you, Nick, thanks for listening.

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Speaker 7: Have a good day anytime you guys to love you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I love you too. I mean, it's said, you

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Speaker 1: don't want to leave someone who care about, who you

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Speaker 1: think has all these qualities, You don't want to just

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Speaker 1: leave them. But again, if I know anything about this,

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Speaker 1: and sadly it's in my family and it's been part

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Speaker 1: of my life. Unfortunately, it's the kind of thing where

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Speaker 1: the person having the issue and I don't mean to

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Speaker 1: I don't mean to isolate that person, but that person,

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Speaker 1: in my experience, has to make the decision that they

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Speaker 1: want that for their life and that people that they

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Speaker 1: matter and that the people around them matter enough. But

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Speaker 1: like again, you can threaten, you might threaten your whole relationship.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna leave you if well, guess what, If you

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Speaker 1: don't leave, then then then your threats don't mean anything anymore.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you know, ultimatums aren't going to work. And

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Speaker 1: if you're going to leave, then leave, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean. And you can offer so much support, but

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Speaker 1: then if they don't want to take the support, this

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Speaker 1: could be an issue for a very long time. Hey Bianca, Yes, hi, Hi,

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Speaker 1: good morning. So this resonates with you, this story.

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Speaker 5: Oh yes, I've been in a seventeen year relationship. I

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Speaker 5: have a child, blended family. He's a great guy. I mean,

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Speaker 5: don't mean he's a family guy. But seventeen years weekend

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Speaker 5: drinker doesn't get better. Definitely needs some kind of therapy there.

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Speaker 5: You know, It's just it's a hard situation. You're six

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Speaker 5: months and you know you have your whole life ahead

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Speaker 5: of you. It's sometimes it's not worth it now, It's

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Speaker 5: gotten better through the years, but you don't want to

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Speaker 5: wait seventeen years for it to get better, you know

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Speaker 5: what I mean. Like he's like he has really calmed

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Speaker 5: down through the years, but you know it was hardy,

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Speaker 5: nothing but heartache and heartbreak and coming and going into

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Speaker 5: the house, and then when you have children, it just

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Speaker 5: makes it even worse because it's just like you just

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Speaker 5: feel stuck and I'm a product of a divorce, you know,

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Speaker 5: divorced parents, and you know, I've been through relationships and whatnot,

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Speaker 5: and it's just it's a hard you want to make up.

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Speaker 5: I say, Oh, he's a teddy bear, he's this, he's

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Speaker 5: a family guy. He does great things, very successful, very this,

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Speaker 5: very that. But it's you know, you're willing to spend

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Speaker 5: the rest of your time with somebody who just constantly

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Speaker 5: drinks on the weekend. It's it's it's never going to change,

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Speaker 5: and they're never going to change, and you know, there's

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Speaker 5: deeper issues there.

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Speaker 3: There's deeper, deeper issues there, Beyonca.

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Speaker 1: You what you're saying resonates with me a little bit,

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Speaker 1: and I think probably other people in the room who

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Speaker 1: are the product of a divorced family because because I

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Speaker 1: know Caitlin Is, I am Paulina was. It's like, I

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Speaker 1: think if I were married and I had kids, I

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Speaker 1: can tell you that I would, and I think in

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Speaker 1: some ways it maybe is preventive of me getting into

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Speaker 1: a serious relationship. I don't want to be to someone

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Speaker 1: else what my parents were to each other at that time,

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Speaker 1: you know. I mean like, I don't want to. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to. I don't want to be in a

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Speaker 1: situation where I get divorced. I don't want to be

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Speaker 1: in a situation where I have kids and I break

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Speaker 1: up the family or the family is broken up by

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Speaker 1: my actions are someone else's. And so I think I

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Speaker 1: would be inclined to stick with things and behaviors and

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Speaker 1: mannerisms that are unhealthy. And I think this is trapped

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Speaker 1: a lot of people fall into where it's like, well,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to break up for the kids, I

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Speaker 1: don't want to divorcely, But it's like, hey, how long

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Speaker 1: can you live like that?

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's very hard.

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Speaker 5: You know, I cheat her in my own head here

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Speaker 5: and there. It's kind of like, but I stuck around

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Speaker 5: this long? Yeah, why am I going to leave?

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Speaker 6: Now?

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Speaker 1: You know?

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Speaker 5: But I mean, like I said, through the years that

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Speaker 5: has gotten a lot better, but you know, you do

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Speaker 5: suffer through. I suffer through a lot of years in

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Speaker 5: between where I'm like, hey, you know, what the heck

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Speaker 5: am I doing? You know, like, this is not right

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Speaker 5: and it's not and it's not fair if you're bringing

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Speaker 5: you know, other little people into the world and they

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Speaker 5: see that, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, well they see that mom or dad

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Speaker 1: isn't happy. And I know you think you're doing the

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Speaker 1: right thing, but sadly, you know, this stuff does permeate.

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Speaker 1: And look, I thank you for sharing. Very brave of you, Bianca,

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Speaker 1: and I appreciate you calling and for offering your perspective.

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Speaker 1: Have a good morning.

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Speaker 3: Thank you too.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, sadly this is I mean, a lot of these

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Speaker 1: calls are the same. It's almost universally go yeah, so yeah, Molly, Hi,

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Speaker 1: good morning. Hi, how are you?

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Speaker 5: Hey?

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Speaker 1: You say good, thanks for calling for listening. So just

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Speaker 1: said Recapa and Stair go hear. This woman called and

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Speaker 1: she's been with the guy for six months. She thinks

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Speaker 1: he's perfect in every way except and these are my words,

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Speaker 1: but he binge drinks on the weekend and he gets combative,

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Speaker 1: not with her, but with other people. He leaves her places,

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Speaker 1: doesn't communicate well when he's reached his limits, and you know,

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Speaker 1: she's wondering, is this something that I need to overlook

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Speaker 1: or that I can overlook? And I mean overwhelmingly people

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Speaker 1: are saying no.

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Speaker 6: Right, she absolutely needs to go. So my reasoning is

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Speaker 6: that since they've only been together for six months, if

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Speaker 6: the relationship does get any longer, and let's say they

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Speaker 6: have kids, or they get married, or something happens at

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Speaker 6: his job and then there's more stressors or his life,

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Speaker 6: he might start drinking more. And with the if he's

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Speaker 6: already being mister macho man at the bar, like, he's

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Speaker 6: probably going to be physically abusive towards her and she

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Speaker 6: definitely does not need that in her life.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I hate that she feels that he's perfect

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Speaker 1: in every way except for this. And I don't know

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Speaker 1: the guy, but that's a big this, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean, He's perfect in every way except he's a

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Speaker 1: binge drinker and he and it seems like it's somebody

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Speaker 1: that he wants to deny and and doesn't isn't going

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Speaker 1: to be able to adjust easily that that Unfortunately, that

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Speaker 1: means you might deserve more he might not be as

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Speaker 1: perfect as you think. Yeah, oh, that's a big issue.

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Speaker 2: And then if you bring children into the mix, a

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Speaker 2: lot of people are saying, you know, they stay for

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Speaker 2: the kids. The worst thing you can do is say

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Speaker 2: these situations for your kids.

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Speaker 1: I agree.

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Speaker 2: The kids are traumatized because they're scared of dad on

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Speaker 2: the weekend.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. I agree. It's a it's a serious

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Speaker 1: and it's a sad situation. But you know, six months

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Speaker 1: might be it might be more than enough to know

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Speaker 1: that this is what you're up against and it's sad.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Mollie, thanks for calling. Have a good day.

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Speaker 6: Thanks love you guys.

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Speaker 1: I love you too. I only got time for one more. Sophia,

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Speaker 1: you're a therapist as well. Good morning. Hi.

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Speaker 8: Yes, I'm so glad that I got through because I'm

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Speaker 8: never a caller in for the radio, but I felt

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Speaker 8: like I needed to be because I actually have I

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Speaker 8: am a therapist. But I also have firsthand experience within

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Speaker 8: my family of this happening where my brother in law

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Speaker 8: became somebody that was a drinker, and unfortunately is he

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Speaker 8: took it out on my sister and he became physically abusive,

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Speaker 8: and it is very sad situation. One night he drank

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Speaker 8: too much, he became abusive, and she almost.

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Speaker 3: Died because of the situation.

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Speaker 8: So this is just like in my gut, like you

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Speaker 8: need to go, Like there is no waiting for them

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Speaker 8: to get help. You're you're so new in the relationship,

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Speaker 8: you're going to find another guy that texts every box

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Speaker 8: and there is no this that you have to kind

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Speaker 8: of roll out. But it's just it's the beginning signs

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Speaker 8: of abuse. If he's already doing it in public, just

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Speaker 8: when he's gets home, it's going to become even worse

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Speaker 8: because there's no audience.

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Speaker 3: She needs to go.

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Speaker 1: Ye, so good day, keep for calling. Yeah, I hate

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Speaker 1: to say it them. And in my personal experience too,

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Speaker 1: I think sometimes people need to hit rock bottom. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: they need to either stand to lose or lose everything

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Speaker 1: absolutely before they can come to the Sadly, some people

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Speaker 1: that that's not enough either. But you know, again, the

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Speaker 1: threats aren't going to do anything unless you actually follow

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Speaker 1: through with it. And the truth is if if he

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Speaker 1: feels for you what you feel for him, then maybe

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Speaker 1: he looks in the mirror and says, this is a

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Speaker 1: change I need to make if I want to be

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Speaker 1: with this person, and if he doesn't make that change,

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Speaker 1: I think that you then learned in six months what

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Speaker 1: you didn't need to take ten years to learn.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, yes, he has to want something more than he

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Speaker 1: wants to drink. Yeahstly it sounds like it. And thanks

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Speaker 1: for the actual professionals for calling, because I mean it's

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Speaker 1: unfortunately we've all lived many of us in this room

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Speaker 1: have lived there. Yes, but at the same time, I

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Speaker 1: don't claim to, you know, know exactly the path to take.

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Speaker 1: But all right, we'll get back to smut. The Entertainer

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Speaker 1: Report is up next and eight hundred bucks show Bizkiiky

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Speaker 1: in the Showdown thirty and four is uh, how do

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Speaker 1: you say love Rena Junior? How do you say Junior

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Speaker 1: Lavane Lorena Jugnor? Because Shelley is love Rena. We'll go

415
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,280
Speaker 1: with that shot. I think he just called her a home.

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Speaker 1: But anyway, it's like we'll play that Fred show is

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Speaker 1: a