1 00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:06,800 Speaker 1: Welcome to j dot Il, a production of I Heart Radio. Hi, 2 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:12,600 Speaker 1: Hi everybody. This is one of the very rare occasions 3 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:16,160 Speaker 1: that we don't start off with the music. We just 4 00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:20,599 Speaker 1: want to stay where we are in this moment. Today 5 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:28,000 Speaker 1: we're gonna be talking about therapy versus self care versus 6 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:31,319 Speaker 1: praying the pain away. Let me just say this is 7 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:34,320 Speaker 1: J dot Ill the Podcast. My name is Jill Scott. 8 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:39,040 Speaker 1: I'm here with Lah st Clair and Aga Graydon Danceler. 9 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:45,720 Speaker 1: We're having a moment, good people. This is how humanity goes. 10 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:51,520 Speaker 1: You know that sometimes we are dealing and facing things 11 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:59,560 Speaker 1: that who that don't have a drop off section. You 12 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:04,560 Speaker 1: can't just put it somewhere and say I'll get back 13 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,520 Speaker 1: to it. A lot of things in life we can. 14 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 1: But there are some things in life that we just 15 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:17,120 Speaker 1: carry and they show up. They show up in places 16 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,840 Speaker 1: we least expect, on days we least expect. The sun 17 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:23,600 Speaker 1: could be shining and families around and fun is happening, 18 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:33,959 Speaker 1: but they show up real life heartaches. There's a lot 19 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:38,920 Speaker 1: of reason for them. You very well could be experiencing 20 00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:41,720 Speaker 1: trauma from your childhood. There's a lot of that, you know, 21 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:46,160 Speaker 1: you could be experiencing a divorce or a breakup of 22 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:50,120 Speaker 1: a relationship that really matters to you. Um, you could 23 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:55,560 Speaker 1: be dealing with the loss of a child, a loss 24 00:01:55,600 --> 00:02:04,920 Speaker 1: of a parent. Guys, bear with me. We're talking about 25 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:12,320 Speaker 1: the effort and the tools to get through these things. 26 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,040 Speaker 1: I don't even know if it's the through. Is it 27 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:21,359 Speaker 1: the through, y'all to get through it? It's definitely the 28 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:29,160 Speaker 1: true so that you can move forward and continue to 29 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 1: treasure the moments that you've had to treasure at the 30 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:37,640 Speaker 1: moments that made you smile and glow from the inside. 31 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 1: We are all up in here sharing tears this morning 32 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,680 Speaker 1: or this day, this evening, whenever you're listening to us, 33 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:50,560 Speaker 1: we are completely inside this thing because we all understand it. 34 00:02:52,200 --> 00:03:00,639 Speaker 1: And it doesn't matter who how successful you are, or 35 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:07,720 Speaker 1: how long it's been, or what you're doing in your life, 36 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 1: the heartaches of our life do affect us. Therapy versus 37 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:26,280 Speaker 1: self care versus praying it away. Mm hmmm. Uhliah has 38 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,320 Speaker 1: said when we first talked about this that she felt 39 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:32,560 Speaker 1: like that everything that that is all about a combination 40 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:36,600 Speaker 1: of the three, and that's really important to kind of 41 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:40,280 Speaker 1: know the difference between them. I mean, this morning, I 42 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,160 Speaker 1: knew we were going to have this conversation, and I 43 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:46,720 Speaker 1: was really looking forward to it, actually, and I was 44 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 1: looking forward to having this conversation specifically with y'all because 45 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 1: I've had different conversations with you guys separately about just 46 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 1: kind of how you're working through the stuff that you're 47 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 1: dealing with, and you know, just we've had talks about it, 48 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,360 Speaker 1: even touched on it on the podcast many times, and 49 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,520 Speaker 1: I knew that it was gonna be a good conversation. 50 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:10,200 Speaker 1: And I started out this morning having a really beautiful 51 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 1: conversation with a good friend of mine who is so 52 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 1: honest with me and was really helping me to see 53 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 1: some some strengths and some things I needed to change, 54 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:22,360 Speaker 1: and really just kind of you know, being a sister girl, 55 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:26,280 Speaker 1: just really showing up in the most intelligent and beautiful way. 56 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:31,560 Speaker 1: And I felt really empowered after that conversation. And then, 57 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:37,480 Speaker 1: like things happen, sometimes grief does this thing that they 58 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 1: call it waves, And this wave of grief just went 59 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:53,000 Speaker 1: over me because that connection and love oftentimes is uplifting 60 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:57,760 Speaker 1: for me. Obviously, who wouldn't Philip lifted by love? But 61 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,520 Speaker 1: sometimes it's a certain kind of love that I arians 62 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:05,120 Speaker 1: that also triggers a lot of pain for me. This 63 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:10,960 Speaker 1: is going into is going into year three since my 64 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:18,039 Speaker 1: mother passed away from the physical and this morning the 65 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:23,839 Speaker 1: grief just who I mean, it just came in and 66 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 1: just washed into my heart and spirit and I just 67 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,920 Speaker 1: was trying so hard. Girl. I was using all my tools. 68 00:05:32,839 --> 00:05:36,240 Speaker 1: I was like, okay, you know, I listened to some 69 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:40,840 Speaker 1: inspirational music and I said, okay, boom boom. I went downstairs. 70 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 1: I was feeling accomplished. I was cleaning, I was doing things, 71 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,839 Speaker 1: you know, to really feed my spirit. And I was like, 72 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,240 Speaker 1: I knew I was gonna have this good conversation today 73 00:05:49,279 --> 00:05:53,320 Speaker 1: and I was ready, and it just settling my chest. 74 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:59,040 Speaker 1: It just settling me and looked me and my eye 75 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,080 Speaker 1: you know, you know how like a baby will do 76 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:04,640 Speaker 1: you when you sleep, little tyler will crawl up on you, 77 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:11,760 Speaker 1: sit on your chest, look at you. Feed me, deal 78 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:16,520 Speaker 1: with me, deal with me. And that grief was like, hoh, 79 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 1: deal with me now, and I just was like, Nope, 80 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:26,159 Speaker 1: not today, grief. I ain't fucking with you. Today. Today 81 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,799 Speaker 1: is a good day. And I got all my stuff. 82 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,240 Speaker 1: I went down stairs and came down here to the 83 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 1: office where I typically will record set up all my ship, 84 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 1: and I said to myself, Aga, this is happening, ma'am, this, 85 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:44,599 Speaker 1: this has happening. If you don't call somebody and get 86 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:48,680 Speaker 1: it out, it's gonna come out while you're working. It's 87 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:50,640 Speaker 1: gonna come out, and you're wonna be able to stop it. 88 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,760 Speaker 1: So I called my sister and I said, Tasha. She said, hey, 89 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:58,360 Speaker 1: you know, let's see it. I said, are you busy? 90 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:03,160 Speaker 1: She's yeah, what's wrong? I said, I gotta get this 91 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 1: out now. I got twenty minutes. I gotta get it 92 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 1: all out. She's like, go ahead. So I started talking 93 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:15,160 Speaker 1: and oh, I mean just crying, like bent over pye 94 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:21,800 Speaker 1: cry on the phone my sister. And it felt very 95 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:27,480 Speaker 1: much like a cleansing, but it wasn't done. And I 96 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 1: tried to get it out, and I just feel so 97 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 1: foolish because you don't you try to control the conversation 98 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,280 Speaker 1: with green, with your feelings, with your emotions. You actually, 99 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,760 Speaker 1: I don't know about y'all, but I actually it's dumb 100 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:46,080 Speaker 1: enough to think if I just get it five minutes, okay, 101 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:49,680 Speaker 1: I can just gotta. I could flush it out and whatever. 102 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:51,600 Speaker 1: And when the girls asked me, why my face looking 103 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,640 Speaker 1: ask I'm gonna be honest, but I would have gotten out. 104 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 1: And so I got out, got off phone, told my sisters, 105 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:03,000 Speaker 1: all right, good, I gotta go. Me sign on. As 106 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 1: soon as I got on, Eve's asked me what was 107 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:12,560 Speaker 1: it like here? How are you doing? What? Then? Why 108 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:16,680 Speaker 1: the hell? Why would you even ask me that? Yeah? 109 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:19,200 Speaker 1: Eaves asked, that's how we were doing? And I looked 110 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:27,040 Speaker 1: at Asia and I said, Asia, how you doing? Girl? Child? Shy? 111 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:32,679 Speaker 1: If y'all cads a breakdown, five four, it won't even countdown. 112 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:37,439 Speaker 1: It wasn't even a countdown. I was having technical difficulties 113 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:40,360 Speaker 1: this morning. So I clicked off and but when I 114 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,720 Speaker 1: clicked back on and I saw your face, I said, oh, 115 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:49,679 Speaker 1: what is going on here? And today is a a 116 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:55,439 Speaker 1: day since? And I want to be clear. I've been 117 00:08:55,559 --> 00:09:00,040 Speaker 1: I've been therapy. I know it's how to get on 118 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:03,120 Speaker 1: my knees, baby, I know how to prostrate, I know 119 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:06,560 Speaker 1: how to go into my closet. I know all of that. 120 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:10,440 Speaker 1: I know all of that. I have good friends, I 121 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: have good family. I know how to sit my ass down, 122 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:19,960 Speaker 1: and so the tools are there to help it, but 123 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,079 Speaker 1: it doesn't cure it. That's take it away. And Jill 124 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:27,880 Speaker 1: just said this so poignantly. It's the through you have 125 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,520 Speaker 1: to go through, the through. You know, you gotta go 126 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 1: through it. And there's a there's something about grief, and 127 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:38,800 Speaker 1: you can grieve all kinds of things, right, it's something 128 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:43,360 Speaker 1: about grief that does not it is a thing that 129 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:47,680 Speaker 1: will not allow you to deny it, and so you 130 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,800 Speaker 1: have to figure out what you're gonna go to take 131 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:53,520 Speaker 1: it through it. But yeah, I've I've done all of 132 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:56,800 Speaker 1: those those things and and and the tools do help, 133 00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:01,560 Speaker 1: but it's the commitment to the through. I don't know 134 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,920 Speaker 1: if this is a part of it too though. That's 135 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,920 Speaker 1: that's the thing. We didn't add this on into the topic. 136 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,520 Speaker 1: But you're supposed to let this happen as well, Like 137 00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:10,400 Speaker 1: this is all a part of it. You're supposed to 138 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:12,600 Speaker 1: let when this you get overcome. You're not supposed to 139 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:15,120 Speaker 1: hold that in and figure it out later. You supposed 140 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:18,520 Speaker 1: to just let all that ship out. M m hmm. 141 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,400 Speaker 1: That's what she's supposed to do. That's getting through it too, 142 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:25,079 Speaker 1: getting through it again. It was ugly. It's not a tractor, No, 143 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 1: it's not. It's not beautiful. We need to talk about 144 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:31,160 Speaker 1: it more though, so people can feel more comfortable and 145 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,760 Speaker 1: the ugly of it. You know, I want to see 146 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:37,920 Speaker 1: a grief coach. I'll come back and you lie, smart woman, 147 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:42,000 Speaker 1: and I will take no credit for that. I have 148 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,720 Speaker 1: a good friend. And this is why. Let me just 149 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,200 Speaker 1: say this to you. And I know some women do 150 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:49,280 Speaker 1: struggle with this, and we've talked about this on the podcast, 151 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:54,200 Speaker 1: but this is why. Who women friends in any amount, 152 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:59,280 Speaker 1: in any amount will save your life. Come on, you 153 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,160 Speaker 1: ain't got to have on thousand of them, but I 154 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:04,920 Speaker 1: promise you, if you've got a good circle of women friends, 155 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,040 Speaker 1: they will save your life. And so I had a 156 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:08,719 Speaker 1: good friend who called me and said, hey, I got 157 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,440 Speaker 1: a friend who's does this grief coaching and I she 158 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,240 Speaker 1: said she was gonna be doing some sessions and I 159 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,040 Speaker 1: thought about you. That's how I came to do that. 160 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:19,680 Speaker 1: But I went to grief culture and she was telling 161 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:26,160 Speaker 1: me about this process around allowing the person to fall apart, 162 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:31,160 Speaker 1: allowing that whole thing to happen, to letting that ball drop. 163 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,080 Speaker 1: And for people with children, you know, it's rough because 164 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,960 Speaker 1: it's like you don't you be trying to decide how 165 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:41,360 Speaker 1: broken you want your kids to see you? And I 166 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:45,400 Speaker 1: have people around me all the time seven, and so 167 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:47,960 Speaker 1: I had to kind of come to terms with the 168 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:52,560 Speaker 1: humanity of it, all of allowing the humanity part of 169 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:56,559 Speaker 1: myself to be seen, and that it could also help 170 00:11:57,040 --> 00:12:01,040 Speaker 1: other people to understand their own humanity. So when you're 171 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:02,960 Speaker 1: asked that I want to share this, that was what 172 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:06,920 Speaker 1: I tried to think about, was that it doesn't help 173 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:11,760 Speaker 1: me or anybody else to appear as if I'm just 174 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:16,120 Speaker 1: always handling it. It's always together. They benefits nobody. And 175 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:17,880 Speaker 1: then you say your kids had a conversation with you 176 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:22,800 Speaker 1: about this, when initially when it first happened, and you 177 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:26,719 Speaker 1: weren't and you was acting a certain way, and it 178 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,920 Speaker 1: was like girl hot to ask me. It wasn't all 179 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:32,600 Speaker 1: the kids, it was that son, son. It was that 180 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:40,160 Speaker 1: big one, y'all. It was that big one. I was 181 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,400 Speaker 1: acting a hot ask fool because a lot of times 182 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,679 Speaker 1: people think with grief is they think about sadness. They 183 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:48,080 Speaker 1: don't think about anger. And that's another thing I learned 184 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:51,360 Speaker 1: in grief coaches that your grief you have to be 185 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:53,840 Speaker 1: able to name some of the words, how are you feeling, 186 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:56,439 Speaker 1: are you angry? Do you feel abandoned? Do you feel 187 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:59,800 Speaker 1: you know? Start to really pull out those vocabulary words 188 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:03,000 Speaker 1: or your ass like there's more to this than just 189 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:06,960 Speaker 1: I'm sad and I'm upset. But I was really very short. 190 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:10,080 Speaker 1: My attitude was really short, and I got into a 191 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:14,800 Speaker 1: confrontation with my adult son that didn't go well. He's 192 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,440 Speaker 1: about to go back to school and here and I 193 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 1: were literally arguing, well, I was acting crazy job, fussing 194 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:26,840 Speaker 1: and gary and all about nothing because you know what 195 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,680 Speaker 1: I mean, telling everybody they could go to hell. I 196 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:32,440 Speaker 1: had left, I pulled my car, child dove around the corner. 197 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,800 Speaker 1: He called me on the phone. I was just like, Mom, 198 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:42,000 Speaker 1: if you don't find some time for yourself, this is 199 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:47,040 Speaker 1: gonna continue to explode. And he said, we don't know 200 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,760 Speaker 1: how to give you that space. Unfortunately, because we don't, 201 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,680 Speaker 1: we don't really know how to do it. We're not 202 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:55,280 Speaker 1: used to it. So you have to assert that for yourself. 203 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:58,280 Speaker 1: We want to give you what you need, but you're 204 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:05,360 Speaker 1: gonna have to tell us what you need. Mm hmm. Girl, 205 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,640 Speaker 1: that he could put a word to that, like Jude, 206 00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:10,040 Speaker 1: that he could put a word to that, like those feelings, 207 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,959 Speaker 1: because that's the part he could say that, Oh my god, 208 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:18,040 Speaker 1: that's just I've written about it in the past that's fantastic. 209 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:22,960 Speaker 1: And that is such a tribute to you and Fatina's 210 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:27,080 Speaker 1: parents that you allowed and helped your son to be 211 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:33,840 Speaker 1: sensitive to other people. That's beautiful. I wrote about this 212 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:37,160 Speaker 1: before and I told him, I said, you know, that 213 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:41,640 Speaker 1: was the day I realized that I had given birth 214 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:47,000 Speaker 1: to a friend. Mm hmmm, mm hmmm. And that was 215 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:50,400 Speaker 1: two years ago. And he and I continue to have 216 00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:54,560 Speaker 1: some very good conversations and very open ones also about 217 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:57,640 Speaker 1: his own grief process. And that's the thing also too 218 00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:00,840 Speaker 1: with children or with young people, because mother all kinds 219 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:02,760 Speaker 1: of young people, so they don't actually have to come 220 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:06,520 Speaker 1: from from our birthing, but we mother and and do this. 221 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 1: And it's really important with young people because young people 222 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 1: will oftentimes have Hella trauma in which they are not 223 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:18,160 Speaker 1: processing with you. They are taking on that process on 224 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:23,240 Speaker 1: their own, and they hide many things. Young people are 225 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 1: very very good double life people. It was all one 226 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:35,600 Speaker 1: girl where we not a social media without social media. 227 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,400 Speaker 1: So what kind of magician you gotta be? Now? She 228 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:43,760 Speaker 1: the kind of magician you've got to be. Now, come on, 229 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,960 Speaker 1: you have got to be now. I asked my children, 230 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,600 Speaker 1: just do your best? Can we just do our best? 231 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:54,640 Speaker 1: That both of your lives can look as closely alike 232 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,600 Speaker 1: as possible for me, so that I might help and 233 00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:03,520 Speaker 1: love on you the proper. But I feel like it's 234 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 1: our thing where we just hadn't been socialized to handle 235 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:09,200 Speaker 1: our stuff, and that's how we pass it on. The 236 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 1: humanity hard to be a human. So you have a 237 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:21,720 Speaker 1: parent that gets drunk a lot or uses drugs a lot, 238 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:28,600 Speaker 1: you know, just excessive ways to cope when a conversation 239 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:35,560 Speaker 1: is necessary and mandatory. And the fact that your son 240 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:43,760 Speaker 1: with love checked you in love who it is. It's 241 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:48,080 Speaker 1: something to celebrate. My grandmother and my um used to 242 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,960 Speaker 1: say one thing. And my girlfriend, Kim Kim Mitchell, she 243 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:56,600 Speaker 1: she always said, you can't hold your stomach in forever. Yeah, 244 00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 1: eventually you're gonna have to breathe. And that's really what 245 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:06,280 Speaker 1: it is. We're out here and and hurting and trying 246 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:09,720 Speaker 1: to act like it doesn't. It will show up on you. 247 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,800 Speaker 1: So we even And there's one thing in particular, Aga 248 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:18,480 Speaker 1: and Layah and I, you know, we agree, we're so 249 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:22,359 Speaker 1: proud of you because you constantly make this effort to 250 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:25,840 Speaker 1: feed your mind in a time where people are not 251 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:30,440 Speaker 1: necessarily I won't say they're not trying to be learners, 252 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,840 Speaker 1: you know, and you're out here making the effort to learn. 253 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,679 Speaker 1: And even in all of that intelligence and the quest 254 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:45,120 Speaker 1: for it, some ships hurt so bad that you cannot 255 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:50,400 Speaker 1: pretend that it doesn't. This is an issue. I want 256 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,480 Speaker 1: to try hard not to you know, I want to 257 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:59,119 Speaker 1: try hard not to pretend. I'm not interested in pretending 258 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:03,320 Speaker 1: you allow time for it. So that's it's also that too, 259 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 1: So sometimes you you don't pretend, but are you allowing 260 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:12,199 Speaker 1: time for this? The moments? And that's the thing is 261 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,360 Speaker 1: that they come to the surface when you've been pushing 262 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:18,560 Speaker 1: them aside. That's the thing is that they make themselves 263 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:21,080 Speaker 1: known because you've not carved out the space for them 264 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:25,320 Speaker 1: to exist. And I've been someone open about this on 265 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:29,359 Speaker 1: my social media about the process of the grief and 266 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:33,080 Speaker 1: everything and what I've been going through about my mom. 267 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:35,720 Speaker 1: But there's always a little voice in your mind and says, 268 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:37,960 Speaker 1: so people are tired of hearing about this. They want 269 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:41,120 Speaker 1: you to get over it. That's oh, Asia, that's how 270 00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:44,800 Speaker 1: that's me all day. That's me all day. I do 271 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:50,919 Speaker 1: this and there's no time frame, there's no time. Let me, 272 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,520 Speaker 1: let me get my ship together then and trying to 273 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:59,639 Speaker 1: trying to rationalize your pain is causing you pain. Amen, 274 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,399 Speaker 1: We're gonna take a quick break and then we'll be 275 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:15,280 Speaker 1: right back. But can I tell you, guys, this is 276 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,840 Speaker 1: the for me. This is so this is the perfect 277 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,600 Speaker 1: example of how that comes full circle because no, Lie, 278 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:25,080 Speaker 1: my grandmother's birthday was on Friday, and I went through 279 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:26,719 Speaker 1: the whole well, what do I post it? What I do? Well, 280 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,240 Speaker 1: maybe people don't you know, and I'm gonna just and 281 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,280 Speaker 1: I ended up not really doing anything, and then I 282 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,240 Speaker 1: kind of just let the day go by. And it's 283 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:36,879 Speaker 1: funny because you feel like you don't You don't want 284 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:39,040 Speaker 1: people think you forgot because you deal with this on 285 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,879 Speaker 1: the daily like I have. I have the breakdowns, but 286 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,520 Speaker 1: I also, like I tell you, I sit here and 287 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,679 Speaker 1: I talked to my grandmother you know as well. But 288 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:49,399 Speaker 1: it ain't always sweet. It is moments where you and 289 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,560 Speaker 1: she's my grandmother, so I can only imagine. And then 290 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:54,560 Speaker 1: that's the thing too, It's like she's a grandparent, so 291 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:57,159 Speaker 1: you know, we expected that they're going to pass and 292 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,480 Speaker 1: everyone's gonna outlive them. So you're trying to deal with 293 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,040 Speaker 1: that grief too. But then and then you know, you 294 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 1: gotta deal with the grief of your mother and a 295 00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:07,359 Speaker 1: daughter who's lost. It's just it's it's it's so, it's so, 296 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:11,720 Speaker 1: and it all has a significance because it's about how 297 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,359 Speaker 1: it touches the person and who that person was in 298 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,120 Speaker 1: your space and life, you know. But then I had 299 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:21,040 Speaker 1: view in my life too, and so I'm like, just provides. 300 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,399 Speaker 1: I'm grateful for this. I have to tell you a 301 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,200 Speaker 1: very close friend to me had a very bad breakup 302 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:33,800 Speaker 1: and I came over to just be with her, to 303 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,840 Speaker 1: be her support system. At the time, she did some 304 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:40,359 Speaker 1: ship I wasn't ready for. She She got on the 305 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:44,000 Speaker 1: floor and she just had a pillow and was screaming 306 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,920 Speaker 1: and rolling around on the floor. And I was like, Oh, 307 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,560 Speaker 1: I don't know to do. I don't know to do. 308 00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:53,240 Speaker 1: What's so odd about that is I had a moment 309 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,480 Speaker 1: like that with my grandmother. My mother told me to 310 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:58,080 Speaker 1: leave her alone and let her be. But this time 311 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,159 Speaker 1: I'm a grown up and I'm watching my friend in 312 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:04,720 Speaker 1: this outrageous amount of pain, and I just laid down 313 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,840 Speaker 1: with her. M I just laid with her and and 314 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,359 Speaker 1: just held her because I didn't know what else to 315 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,200 Speaker 1: do or say, and I don't you know these times 316 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,159 Speaker 1: as a friend, you don't know what to do, but 317 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:20,160 Speaker 1: you know, check on you, how you're doing, check on you. 318 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:23,520 Speaker 1: You know, just just hug along because of breaking up, 319 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:27,200 Speaker 1: because jail, a break up in COVID at a certain age, 320 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:34,920 Speaker 1: like it's that's a grief. That's great. Oh, by all 321 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,960 Speaker 1: the things. And I tell you something, a hug will 322 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:42,160 Speaker 1: pull it out your ass and peep, somebody put their 323 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:47,000 Speaker 1: hands on you, and you got anything that's floating up 324 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:51,480 Speaker 1: there to SERVI fo baby. That's the hardest part, one 325 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:54,920 Speaker 1: of the hardest one. When Eve said, how you doing that? 326 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:58,280 Speaker 1: Was that? That was that? Yo? No line, I swear 327 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,000 Speaker 1: to god. I was riding my bike on the beach 328 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,520 Speaker 1: like two weeks ago, and I saw this girl and 329 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:03,800 Speaker 1: I saw the back of her, and I said, I 330 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,199 Speaker 1: just knew it because I had already talked to one 331 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,000 Speaker 1: the phone, knew she was moving here. But one of 332 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,440 Speaker 1: my favorite interns in a I saw the back of 333 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,320 Speaker 1: her and I was like, she was on her roller 334 00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:14,639 Speaker 1: skates and she turned around and I grabbed her. And 335 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,359 Speaker 1: mind you, this girl is like six ft two. I 336 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,440 Speaker 1: love I love all of you. Her whole family a bounces, 337 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,120 Speaker 1: but I just knew it was her, and I hadn't 338 00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:22,160 Speaker 1: grabbed somebody and hugged somebody like that that I had 339 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:26,760 Speaker 1: that I had just uh. Oh, it felt so good, y'all. Oh, 340 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,400 Speaker 1: it felt so good. I don't know what I didn't 341 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:30,680 Speaker 1: kill y'all. When I see y'all, I don't know. I 342 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:32,600 Speaker 1: might squeeze the life out of y'all. I'm gonna bite 343 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:40,359 Speaker 1: the funk out. I'm gonna bite y'all. I'm gonna need 344 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:45,840 Speaker 1: to hug. That's what. That's how I feel about y'all. Though. 345 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:50,800 Speaker 1: One of the blessings of of grief, grieving anything, is 346 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:54,359 Speaker 1: it if you allow yourself to scream on the floor, 347 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:58,960 Speaker 1: come on, if you allow yourself to actually feel it, 348 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:04,680 Speaker 1: to feel your feelings. Yes, there is a deep pealing 349 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:10,440 Speaker 1: and a deep power in that, because, like I said, 350 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,960 Speaker 1: I'm gonna circle it back to this, you're reminding yourself 351 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:18,760 Speaker 1: of your own fucking humanity, your own humanity, and you know, 352 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:23,520 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go here. As a black woman, this is 353 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:28,720 Speaker 1: a thing that we have to assert daily. We have 354 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:32,000 Speaker 1: to daily assert our humanity in resistance to what it 355 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:35,399 Speaker 1: is that we're consistently getting. And one of the biggest 356 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:39,359 Speaker 1: blessings of this grief. And let me be clear, I 357 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:43,159 Speaker 1: will take all the reverting back in my maturity and 358 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,760 Speaker 1: emotional development to have my mother here in the physical 359 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:53,080 Speaker 1: police believe it. Okay, However, I cannot deny what has 360 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:59,440 Speaker 1: happened in my spirit, how I have discovered myself and 361 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:03,320 Speaker 1: where days that I would never have had I not 362 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:09,360 Speaker 1: had to fall on the ghol round. If I had 363 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:14,200 Speaker 1: to be on the floor, it's a different perspective in it. 364 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:19,399 Speaker 1: There's so much power getting up off the floor going 365 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:23,720 Speaker 1: and what I thank God for is the women that 366 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:27,680 Speaker 1: pulled me up and the arms that were waiting, and 367 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:31,560 Speaker 1: there's so many, Oh my god, there's so many. And 368 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,840 Speaker 1: I say this not to trigger anyone who doesn't have that, 369 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,440 Speaker 1: because I realized that too, that that's a blessing and 370 00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:43,000 Speaker 1: a privilege to have love. Yeah huge. I say this 371 00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:46,520 Speaker 1: to say that in this moment, if there's somebody who 372 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:51,560 Speaker 1: is experiencing this, I just really want to reach my 373 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,760 Speaker 1: hand out and help them then pull him up off 374 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:57,359 Speaker 1: the floor, because even if it's just this moment with us, 375 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:02,600 Speaker 1: it's in important to have it and that you're just 376 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:06,720 Speaker 1: so powerful on the inside, you really are, and that 377 00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,920 Speaker 1: God creates all of this, even grief. God creates grief, 378 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,480 Speaker 1: even to your better bit, Come on, all of this 379 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:17,000 Speaker 1: is for you. It really is. It's for you. It 380 00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:19,400 Speaker 1: feels like a thing that's happening to you, but it's 381 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:22,520 Speaker 1: for you. What is growth without the rain? I hate 382 00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:27,200 Speaker 1: to sound cliche, but seriously cliche, but it's not. There 383 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:30,159 Speaker 1: has to be rain in order for the flowers to bloom. 384 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:34,440 Speaker 1: I want to say this is a little known fact, 385 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:39,080 Speaker 1: but it's a very very big deal. Years ago, Erica 386 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,600 Speaker 1: by Dude and I were on the phone and we 387 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:46,360 Speaker 1: were talking about a lot of things, but this one 388 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:50,600 Speaker 1: particular thing stood out. We were talking about prayer, and 389 00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:54,160 Speaker 1: she said, I don't ask for things, I just thank 390 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:57,920 Speaker 1: God for everything. And in that moment she taught me 391 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,639 Speaker 1: how to pray. I grew up as a Jehovah's witness, 392 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,520 Speaker 1: you know. I visited a lot of places, Catholicism and 393 00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:12,480 Speaker 1: Hinduism and Buddhism, visited the Koran and learning about that, 394 00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,680 Speaker 1: and that was the first time anybody had ever really 395 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,840 Speaker 1: said something about prayer that It just it was like 396 00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:29,720 Speaker 1: a mind blow. Mmm. So I suggest two everyone, and 397 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:33,399 Speaker 1: I have to say that that has changed my life 398 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:38,800 Speaker 1: and when you are in the place and and now, 399 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:42,359 Speaker 1: of course I'm I'm thinking about all the people that 400 00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,560 Speaker 1: I love and that you know I lost, and I'm 401 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:49,440 Speaker 1: and I'm crying for you, Asia, because I see it 402 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:54,680 Speaker 1: and I feel it. These other times when you get 403 00:26:54,840 --> 00:27:01,760 Speaker 1: really silly about and and and really use your all 404 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:05,159 Speaker 1: your words to say thank you for everything. Thank you 405 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:09,760 Speaker 1: for the sandwich, thank you for these socks that feel 406 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:13,080 Speaker 1: good on my feet. Thank you for the bath i'm 407 00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:15,159 Speaker 1: about to run. Thank you for the water in it. 408 00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:19,000 Speaker 1: Thank you for this ginger beer that's calm in my stomach. 409 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:23,280 Speaker 1: Thank you for every moment. Thank you for my grandmother's 410 00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:31,760 Speaker 1: hands and her sweet kisses and all the things and 411 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:37,159 Speaker 1: and do it so much that it irks yourself that 412 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:42,240 Speaker 1: you get on your damn nerves, your own nerves. Being grateful, Yeah, 413 00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:47,920 Speaker 1: it changes things. It lightens the load. Even if you 414 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:49,920 Speaker 1: know you're being a bit of a smart ass, God 415 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:55,120 Speaker 1: knows you, go ahead and be as smart ass you know, think, 416 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:59,399 Speaker 1: just be grateful for all of it, because there was 417 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:03,240 Speaker 1: someone that touched your life in such a way that 418 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:07,639 Speaker 1: you'll never be the same, That they shared time with you, 419 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:12,600 Speaker 1: that they loved you, and cared for you and was 420 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 1: honest with you and harsh with you at times, enough 421 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,359 Speaker 1: so that you can scab and heal. You know what 422 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:22,719 Speaker 1: I'm saying. You know this is that the prayer portion 423 00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:26,840 Speaker 1: of of our conversation. Don't ask for anything. I tell 424 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,119 Speaker 1: you all the time. I mean, and I say this light, 425 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,720 Speaker 1: but I also said in a very heavy way because 426 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:34,879 Speaker 1: I am more present now that my grandmother has passed, 427 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:38,240 Speaker 1: my relationships with God it's become so much more close 428 00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:41,400 Speaker 1: and less unofficial, you know what I mean. And and 429 00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:45,400 Speaker 1: I also feel like I got somebody like I don't know. 430 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,400 Speaker 1: I know, I swear, I know for sure, I swear 431 00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:50,680 Speaker 1: to God. I mean, I swear to God. But I 432 00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:53,880 Speaker 1: know for sure that my grandmother is whispering in his 433 00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,160 Speaker 1: ear because of the things that have happened in my 434 00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:58,200 Speaker 1: life since her passing. And as you were talking and 435 00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:00,560 Speaker 1: talking about the things that have happened to you and 436 00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:04,000 Speaker 1: with you and how you evolved, you have to acknowledge 437 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:06,480 Speaker 1: that that is your mama as well. And I know 438 00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:08,360 Speaker 1: you acknowledge her. You know she has ever pressed to 439 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 1: do it all the time. But I say that to 440 00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,200 Speaker 1: everybody else that's listening in a way to like I cheat. 441 00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:16,600 Speaker 1: My grandmother is all ever so present, and I say, 442 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,280 Speaker 1: and to what Jill said, when you're talking about praying, 443 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:22,320 Speaker 1: I think the easiest way to start with acknowledging being 444 00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:24,440 Speaker 1: grateful is in these moments. This is what I do 445 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:26,920 Speaker 1: in these moments when I'm asking God like why, like 446 00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:29,000 Speaker 1: why me? Like what is the plan? Like I don't know. 447 00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:33,640 Speaker 1: I checked myself and I go, thank you, thank you guy, 448 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:35,640 Speaker 1: thank you for my blessings. I do not want you 449 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:38,479 Speaker 1: to ever think that I am ungrateful. I acknowledge my blessings, 450 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:40,959 Speaker 1: and I acknowledge and I have faith in this journey 451 00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:43,000 Speaker 1: that you have written out for me. And I just 452 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,320 Speaker 1: I sometimes I just I get nervous and I'm sorry 453 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:46,880 Speaker 1: and I asked. But I just want you to know 454 00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:50,320 Speaker 1: that I am so so grateful. I have to do 455 00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:52,480 Speaker 1: this because I know that I am blessed. I know 456 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:55,600 Speaker 1: that I have beautiful people in my life for a reason. 457 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,800 Speaker 1: I know I'm not a bad person, and I know 458 00:29:57,920 --> 00:29:59,520 Speaker 1: you got the best in mind for me. So with 459 00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:01,680 Speaker 1: that all in mind, I'm not gonna question you no more, 460 00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:05,840 Speaker 1: and I'm just gonna say thank you, thank you, thank you. Amen. 461 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:11,760 Speaker 1: Gratitude is it tho. Yeah, I mean that's the it, 462 00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:16,080 Speaker 1: because gratitude is that precursor for joy, and the enjoy 463 00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:17,960 Speaker 1: is the thing that no one can take from you. 464 00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:21,800 Speaker 1: That's that's the thing that cannot die, that cannot pass away, 465 00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:25,560 Speaker 1: that cannot you know, leave you or break up with you, 466 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,480 Speaker 1: that cannot pay for anything. You know, you know what 467 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,360 Speaker 1: I'm saying. It's not people. Joy is just joy. And 468 00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:35,160 Speaker 1: that is a thing that we as as a people 469 00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:39,200 Speaker 1: have tapped into so lovely in terms of our tenacity 470 00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,960 Speaker 1: and growth and and and all the things that we're 471 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:45,720 Speaker 1: able to pull from. And we can recognize it no 472 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:48,320 Speaker 1: matter where it shows up. That's why when you experience 473 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:54,840 Speaker 1: us in Christianity or Islam or or your have y'all 474 00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:57,800 Speaker 1: been watching that thing special on the Black Church. I 475 00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:01,280 Speaker 1: have not seen it as yet. I'm sorry. It's interesting 476 00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:05,680 Speaker 1: that it came out because y'all know I read something. Yes, yes, ma'am, 477 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:09,560 Speaker 1: you know, sorry I did, but I did. I did 478 00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:12,960 Speaker 1: just be something and if they and I had to 479 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,080 Speaker 1: laugh at my old self because I was like, oh, 480 00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:20,400 Speaker 1: let's risk up about that. But I had stumbled over 481 00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:24,800 Speaker 1: this thing about the Bokogo people and how they come 482 00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:29,280 Speaker 1: from an area of West Africa and absolutely show up 483 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:31,640 Speaker 1: in the bloodline of many African Americans, as we all 484 00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:34,200 Speaker 1: know that West Africa was such a hub for the 485 00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:37,760 Speaker 1: slave trade, and that many of the traditions of the 486 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:42,000 Speaker 1: Bicago people and their belief and of how they view 487 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:45,120 Speaker 1: the cosmos and how they view the life cycle show 488 00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:49,640 Speaker 1: up in early and current practices and Black Christianity as 489 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:53,480 Speaker 1: well as Black as slum, and so many different elements 490 00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:57,000 Speaker 1: of that show up in our spaces, and particularly this 491 00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:00,320 Speaker 1: one thing called the ring shout. And all black people 492 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:03,600 Speaker 1: know about shouting in church. Come on now, But as 493 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:05,800 Speaker 1: I was growing up, you know, you know, you ever 494 00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:08,080 Speaker 1: re reading some stuff and you're black. I knew. I 495 00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:14,400 Speaker 1: knew it. I told my girlfriend years ago, I said, yeah, girl, 496 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:17,000 Speaker 1: I'm Muslim by stuff. I love shouting. I think shouting 497 00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:18,920 Speaker 1: is the most beautiful, blackest thing I've ever seen in 498 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:22,680 Speaker 1: my life. I said, that's something that's so African that 499 00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:26,720 Speaker 1: she was like, that's interesting that you're said from that way, Yeah, girl, 500 00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:31,760 Speaker 1: that's that's us. And so reading this and understanding that 501 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,960 Speaker 1: the ring shout comes from the Picago people and that 502 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:39,480 Speaker 1: that was part of our traditional religious belief and that 503 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:43,960 Speaker 1: we incorporated that and that it has sustained itself even 504 00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:47,560 Speaker 1: after we introduced it into African Methodist Episcopal Church and 505 00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:52,240 Speaker 1: they tried to send us down. He's Black leadership tried 506 00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:54,480 Speaker 1: to do away with it, and we would have nothing 507 00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,440 Speaker 1: of it. That even when we couldn't shout in a circle, 508 00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:01,240 Speaker 1: guess what we did shouting standing still in the seat 509 00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:06,360 Speaker 1: where we were. So I think, again, this is a 510 00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:11,760 Speaker 1: thing that's joy, this thing that we can access that 511 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,880 Speaker 1: there's so many pathways to it. So there is the 512 00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:20,760 Speaker 1: spiritual pathway, which is really our birthright and our blood right. 513 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,280 Speaker 1: And then there's the self care aspect of it, in 514 00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:27,920 Speaker 1: which we allow ourselves to be human being, hone in 515 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,560 Speaker 1: on our own humanity and remind ourselves of it day. 516 00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:34,200 Speaker 1: And then there's the therapeutic aspect of it that teaches 517 00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:37,240 Speaker 1: us how to use these tools to move through these things. 518 00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:41,520 Speaker 1: That there is such a thing as actual tools. There 519 00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:47,320 Speaker 1: are actual tools that people know, information and you know, intelligence, 520 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,720 Speaker 1: things that we can tap into others. They say, hey, look, 521 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:54,360 Speaker 1: I recognize what's happening with you, and you're normal, You're okay. 522 00:33:56,560 --> 00:34:00,800 Speaker 1: And that's the thing about therapy. It's the process. It's 523 00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:05,960 Speaker 1: going through the process I know that on Tuesday at 524 00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,560 Speaker 1: three thirty, I'm going to talk about this. And it 525 00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:10,880 Speaker 1: may be a day that you show up on Tuesday 526 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:12,839 Speaker 1: at three thirty and you don't have anything to say. 527 00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:16,879 Speaker 1: That's okay too, that's okay too. You know, it's better 528 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:21,840 Speaker 1: if you have insurance. But you know, and which generally 529 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:25,040 Speaker 1: it covers people out there, but it but the process 530 00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:28,440 Speaker 1: of it all, you know, being able to express yourself 531 00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:32,840 Speaker 1: about that particular thing at this time is really important, 532 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:38,759 Speaker 1: just to allow it and release it. The holding on 533 00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,520 Speaker 1: business is what makes our shoulders go up around our 534 00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:45,040 Speaker 1: ears and our back hurt and our blood pressure raise. 535 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,960 Speaker 1: And you must know that. And I'm you know, I 536 00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:51,000 Speaker 1: know that you know, but I'm just saying it anyway 537 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:54,840 Speaker 1: because it's true that what's going on in our mind 538 00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:59,080 Speaker 1: and our emotion it does have every effect on our bodies. 539 00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:03,560 Speaker 1: Say it. It absolutely does. And your mind and your 540 00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:09,239 Speaker 1: energy can absolutely make you physically sick. Yes, listen. My 541 00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:12,640 Speaker 1: grief coach asked me one day, she said, how does 542 00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:17,160 Speaker 1: this brief show up in your body? I've never had 543 00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:20,480 Speaker 1: a therapist asked me that, how is this showing up 544 00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:23,480 Speaker 1: in your body? Name it? When you're feeling this what 545 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:28,560 Speaker 1: does your body do? Yes, girl, listen, this is a 546 00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:31,960 Speaker 1: time period in which people are way more comfortable understanding 547 00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:37,520 Speaker 1: that sick that you can be vegan, You can be 548 00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:40,200 Speaker 1: working out five six times a day. You can be 549 00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:42,560 Speaker 1: doing all of those things which are important to do. 550 00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,680 Speaker 1: And I don't want to diminish that it's important to 551 00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:48,680 Speaker 1: eat properly into and to exercise and move the body. 552 00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:52,040 Speaker 1: But you can be doing those things and still a 553 00:35:52,160 --> 00:36:00,560 Speaker 1: thing creep up mhm, A thyroid m A cancer information. Yeah, 554 00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:03,560 Speaker 1: any of these things can creep up on me because 555 00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:05,800 Speaker 1: there's a thing going on in the heart. It's a 556 00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:07,840 Speaker 1: thing going on in the emotions and the braining of 557 00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:10,960 Speaker 1: the mind. And you just you spoke a word to 558 00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:13,960 Speaker 1: me just then, because this is the thing that I 559 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,800 Speaker 1: feel like, really is the monkey on our backs that 560 00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:20,000 Speaker 1: we really have to deal with. I say all the time, 561 00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:23,279 Speaker 1: I think trauma should be a public health emergency. It 562 00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:30,239 Speaker 1: should be number one on the public health agene. We'll 563 00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:45,920 Speaker 1: be back after the break this. I'm just having several 564 00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:48,560 Speaker 1: full circle moments. I literally was just talking to a 565 00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:50,759 Speaker 1: girlfriend this morning who have been trying to get her 566 00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:54,719 Speaker 1: sister to go to therapy for the longest and her 567 00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,600 Speaker 1: sister got offended because the first word the therapist throughout 568 00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:01,279 Speaker 1: it is trauma, which is ill because some people can't 569 00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:04,960 Speaker 1: even face the fact that they have trauma in their life. 570 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:06,360 Speaker 1: I was like, what were she? She you? She was 571 00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:08,480 Speaker 1: like just a month and then and and definitely this 572 00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:10,920 Speaker 1: woman has been through trauma her life that she's never never, never, 573 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,040 Speaker 1: never dealt with. And then it led into a whole 574 00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:16,560 Speaker 1: another conversation too, of deciding your therapist because literally, Asia, 575 00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:18,440 Speaker 1: as you were talking about your your grief counsel, I 576 00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:21,920 Speaker 1: was like, dang is because she does your grief counselor 577 00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:26,120 Speaker 1: have a resource for other therapists because it's so hard 578 00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:28,400 Speaker 1: to to Once you want to go to therapy, then 579 00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:32,120 Speaker 1: you gotta find your match that part. You know that part. 580 00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:35,880 Speaker 1: And I have a good girlfriend. Her name is Kamilla Rasha, 581 00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:39,399 Speaker 1: and I can name her because she does this work 582 00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:45,479 Speaker 1: and she talks about the importance of black people having 583 00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:49,399 Speaker 1: either black therapists or therapists who are doing specific work 584 00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:55,720 Speaker 1: around equipping themselves to have discussion with black patients specifically 585 00:37:57,600 --> 00:38:00,640 Speaker 1: and that often times and particularly people who are dealing 586 00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:02,560 Speaker 1: with very I think the word is a cute, but 587 00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,680 Speaker 1: stuff that's very far up the spectrum on emotional and 588 00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:12,320 Speaker 1: mental disability that oftentimes they're they're desired to be in therapy. 589 00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:15,800 Speaker 1: To not be in therapy comes from that disassociation, that 590 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:20,160 Speaker 1: isolation from going into a therapeutic situation. That's it's particularly 591 00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:23,320 Speaker 1: for black men and black boys, where they're going in 592 00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:26,279 Speaker 1: and they're not only not talking to a male they're 593 00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:33,360 Speaker 1: talking to a white female therapist, not at all tied 594 00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:37,840 Speaker 1: into their experiences or what nothing. And then we're like, oh, 595 00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:41,000 Speaker 1: well we try therapy with them. We tried to put 596 00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:44,759 Speaker 1: them in therapy and it ain't working. Well. You know 597 00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,719 Speaker 1: you know what, Hair, here's a gag. My therapist is 598 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:52,520 Speaker 1: a white man. Wow? How is wow? How? I had 599 00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:56,480 Speaker 1: one of those, and I'm how do you? We have 600 00:38:57,280 --> 00:39:03,400 Speaker 1: very similar ideas, I suppose on life. I'm not looking 601 00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:06,120 Speaker 1: for him, I personally am not looking for him to 602 00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:09,520 Speaker 1: understand me as a black woman. I'm more interested in 603 00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:13,520 Speaker 1: him understanding or not even understanding me. But you know 604 00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:18,000 Speaker 1: how therapy is, it's it's it's gentle nudging guidance as 605 00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:21,680 Speaker 1: the questions. It's asking the right questions for you to 606 00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:25,480 Speaker 1: come up with the answers for yourself. Because when you 607 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:29,759 Speaker 1: do the work yourself, it sticks. When somebody else tells 608 00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,280 Speaker 1: you something you know it can it can be really fleeting. 609 00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:36,040 Speaker 1: But my my therapist is a white man, and um, 610 00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:39,759 Speaker 1: he asked the right questions for me, because it's not 611 00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:44,520 Speaker 1: all I absolutely believe it's if your matches. I think 612 00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:46,719 Speaker 1: it's important to keep these things on the table so 613 00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:49,359 Speaker 1: that we don't begin to get discouraged when we can't 614 00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:53,000 Speaker 1: find someone who is And I don't hold anything back 615 00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:57,560 Speaker 1: at all. Right, that's not why I can't to bullshit. 616 00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:02,440 Speaker 1: Come to this is build means I don't bullshit and 617 00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:04,960 Speaker 1: high and there are exceptions to every rule and just 618 00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:07,359 Speaker 1: to the script. I have another girlfriend, I saying her name, 619 00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:09,000 Speaker 1: but she just got rid of her therapist because she 620 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:15,720 Speaker 1: was too damn judgmental black woman therapist. Okay, like my secrets, 621 00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:18,719 Speaker 1: because now you're like, you still you're still dealing with him, 622 00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:25,640 Speaker 1: Know that you still you still dealing with that girl, 623 00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:27,800 Speaker 1: but you know you know better. Wait a minute. But 624 00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:30,520 Speaker 1: I didn't want to pick up to the writers of 625 00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:32,480 Speaker 1: This is Us because they attacked us on this with 626 00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:35,160 Speaker 1: Sterlen Brown when he was seeing a white woman therapist, 627 00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:37,520 Speaker 1: and I loved that the conversation came up where he 628 00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:40,239 Speaker 1: for him he needed a black man for what he 629 00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:43,160 Speaker 1: was going through, right, And so that's that's really what 630 00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,560 Speaker 1: moren So I'm saying is that when it doesn't connect, 631 00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:48,680 Speaker 1: then there may be these other elements that are in 632 00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:52,040 Speaker 1: the room that are keeping us from necessarily making that connection. 633 00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:54,759 Speaker 1: And then we can that we have the option of 634 00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:59,560 Speaker 1: taking into account these kinds of things. But girl, listen, 635 00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:05,160 Speaker 1: I was very surprised. Was y'all love it first sight? Ji, 636 00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:09,200 Speaker 1: y'all love it first sight? He and I? Yeah, like, no, no, 637 00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:13,680 Speaker 1: I was going through a divorce and I was trying 638 00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:17,400 Speaker 1: to deal with everything that occurred and they're not listening 639 00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:20,360 Speaker 1: to myself portion of the show. You know, when you 640 00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:23,359 Speaker 1: know better, but you do something anyway, you know that moment. 641 00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:26,399 Speaker 1: I was trying to deal with that, like, Okay, I'm 642 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:29,279 Speaker 1: not gonna beat myself up forever about this. I'm very 643 00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:33,040 Speaker 1: glad that it's over, but I don't want to do 644 00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:36,080 Speaker 1: this these things again, and I have to talk it 645 00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:38,960 Speaker 1: out and I have to address myself. So I went 646 00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:42,200 Speaker 1: to therapy for that and once I moved past that, 647 00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:45,880 Speaker 1: and that took some time. I was also dealing with 648 00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:51,040 Speaker 1: a job that I felt was brutal, and it almost 649 00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:56,680 Speaker 1: stopped me from wanting to do anything creative. That added 650 00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:58,840 Speaker 1: on to it, you know, our next that was the 651 00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:03,319 Speaker 1: next conversation, how to move past that. So he had 652 00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:06,200 Speaker 1: kind of just grew as I grew, you know, from 653 00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:10,720 Speaker 1: one situation to the next. And you know, I honestly, 654 00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:15,120 Speaker 1: I'm I'm away from home now and I miss him. Really, 655 00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,759 Speaker 1: I do. I miss my therapist. I do because to 656 00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:23,400 Speaker 1: do the online day. It's a great relationship. I know, 657 00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,920 Speaker 1: I know we could absolutely So I like the office. 658 00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:31,560 Speaker 1: I like that sofa. I like that he is uh, 659 00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:35,960 Speaker 1: the spaces is warm, and I like the no nonsense 660 00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:40,239 Speaker 1: of the place. I came to purge. I came to deal, 661 00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:43,320 Speaker 1: I came to face. I came to address myself and 662 00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:48,120 Speaker 1: check myself. You know, I like that. But I started 663 00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:51,960 Speaker 1: the grief counseling during the pandemic, so I have never 664 00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:56,440 Speaker 1: been in physical contact with the grief coach, who is, 665 00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:58,840 Speaker 1: by the way, a white woman, but who was also 666 00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:02,480 Speaker 1: a white woman who first by a person who knew 667 00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:05,440 Speaker 1: and understood that she knew and understood some things that 668 00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:09,920 Speaker 1: were basics. So she never shied away from those conversations 669 00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:12,040 Speaker 1: with me and was clear that if there was a 670 00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:13,960 Speaker 1: point in which I felt she couldn't understand what it 671 00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:17,720 Speaker 1: is I was dealing with, that I should feel absolutely 672 00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:22,640 Speaker 1: okay with moving forward. But I think that more than anything, 673 00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:26,680 Speaker 1: it was an experience that I needed that was beyond that. 674 00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:33,120 Speaker 1: It was more so I needed someone to make things 675 00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:36,600 Speaker 1: plain for me because I'm that type of person where 676 00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:39,840 Speaker 1: I'm so used to being a person in charge. I 677 00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:43,680 Speaker 1: got all these children, Uh, you know, I've been an 678 00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:46,960 Speaker 1: independent artist for a long time now. I'm used to 679 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:54,839 Speaker 1: being in charge. I needed someone to give me homework assignment, 680 00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:58,320 Speaker 1: to give me things that I could do, that I 681 00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:02,359 Speaker 1: could do and things I could implement. And even though 682 00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:06,120 Speaker 1: therapy worked, yeah, therapy worked in a different way from me. 683 00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:08,480 Speaker 1: So it's like Jill said, therapy was more so a 684 00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:11,760 Speaker 1: conversation that helped me work through and talk through things 685 00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:15,120 Speaker 1: that I could work out for myself. Grief coaching was 686 00:44:15,239 --> 00:44:17,480 Speaker 1: something I did that I felt like was more like 687 00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:20,719 Speaker 1: I had these activities and I'm doing these things and 688 00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:25,480 Speaker 1: implementing these things that helped me to clear the noise 689 00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:29,600 Speaker 1: and actually do things with my life that I could 690 00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:33,880 Speaker 1: take away from this and giving me language and that 691 00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:36,600 Speaker 1: that really helped me. You know, there was one time 692 00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:39,960 Speaker 1: where I was she asked me to I want to say, 693 00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:42,600 Speaker 1: it was like make some piece of art or something 694 00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:46,880 Speaker 1: that expressed like the legacy that my mother left me. 695 00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:51,200 Speaker 1: And I knew right away that I was going to paint. 696 00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:55,520 Speaker 1: My mother was a painter, and I knew that painting 697 00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:58,279 Speaker 1: was the It let me paint something. Mind you, I 698 00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:05,000 Speaker 1: adn't paint anything in a thousand years, and it did 699 00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:09,920 Speaker 1: everything for me to think about legacy and think about 700 00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:13,279 Speaker 1: what my mom left me and who I am as 701 00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:16,720 Speaker 1: a person and express that through some sort of creative space. 702 00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:23,880 Speaker 1: That activity did more for me in that that moment 703 00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:29,480 Speaker 1: then just talking about it being able to implement an 704 00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:33,440 Speaker 1: action in my life. And so that opened up a 705 00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:36,360 Speaker 1: big door from me and other things that I wanted 706 00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:40,279 Speaker 1: to do in action to celebrate her legacy. So I 707 00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:42,879 Speaker 1: say this, and I'll circle back to what Lijah said 708 00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:47,560 Speaker 1: about her grandmother's birthday. If your grandmother's birthday is a 709 00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:50,400 Speaker 1: time that you want to celebrate and a time that 710 00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:53,200 Speaker 1: it's important to you, you can attach an action to it, 711 00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:56,839 Speaker 1: and that action they'll have to involve anybody. It could 712 00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:59,480 Speaker 1: be posting, it could be throwing her a birthday party. 713 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:03,719 Speaker 1: It could be going to have her favorite foods or 714 00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:07,600 Speaker 1: you know, giving or gifting somebody something that was important 715 00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:09,600 Speaker 1: to her and saying, you know, every day on her birthday, 716 00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:12,840 Speaker 1: I'm gonna givet this organization someone or I'm gonna do 717 00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:15,680 Speaker 1: such and such a stuff. I love that. I love that. 718 00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:22,640 Speaker 1: I'm like Alzheimers. Yes, yes, yuys Alzheimer's at a dance party. Yes, girl, 719 00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:29,120 Speaker 1: great coaching. I've just thought of this, and I meant 720 00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:31,560 Speaker 1: to say it earlier. I just never want to take 721 00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:39,760 Speaker 1: away the with close relationship that Native Indians had with shouting. 722 00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:43,920 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I don't. I don't want to take that 723 00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,680 Speaker 1: away that that I agree with you. I mean, I said, 724 00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:48,319 Speaker 1: I grew up as a Jehovah witness, so we ain't 725 00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:51,520 Speaker 1: shout nowhere, m And the first time that I saw 726 00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:54,239 Speaker 1: shouting is scared the crap out of me. I was like, 727 00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:59,000 Speaker 1: what is happening? Why? Or what is happening? And even 728 00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:02,680 Speaker 1: now the surports to me that understand and and the 729 00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:06,600 Speaker 1: reasons why what I don't understand is the same dance. 730 00:47:07,640 --> 00:47:09,719 Speaker 1: You know, I don't understand that portion of the show 731 00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:17,719 Speaker 1: because I know y'all it's always specific dances for specific things. No, no, no, 732 00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:21,200 Speaker 1: I just mean the nature Americans, I mean Native Indians. 733 00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:24,920 Speaker 1: I understand that that's a cultural thing. So I suppose 734 00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:27,520 Speaker 1: it's the same thing. In church, it's a specific kind 735 00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:31,880 Speaker 1: of dance for for shouting h okay and then the 736 00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:33,960 Speaker 1: beat the same thing. You can only do the same thing. 737 00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:40,239 Speaker 1: There's some variations on for sure, there's variations on it. 738 00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:42,880 Speaker 1: And then there's clapping, and then there's the clap, the 739 00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:48,600 Speaker 1: clap shout combo. Girl. When I've seen it, and it 740 00:47:48,719 --> 00:47:52,800 Speaker 1: was genuine, it was a beautiful thing to see. You're funny, 741 00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:54,319 Speaker 1: You're gonna act like his kids. You ain't never get 742 00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:55,920 Speaker 1: scared by somebody got the holy ghost of their church, 743 00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:58,840 Speaker 1: because I know I did. But no, no, no, not fronting. 744 00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:00,880 Speaker 1: I thought that was very strange. I was like, I 745 00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:02,520 Speaker 1: don't know what was happening. I grew up with the 746 00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:07,439 Speaker 1: African Methodist, Episcopal Baptist combo, so at A and me church, 747 00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:10,239 Speaker 1: they didn't do none of that. But in Baptist Church 748 00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:12,480 Speaker 1: they did. Now some people ay and me, dude, I 749 00:48:12,520 --> 00:48:14,360 Speaker 1: don't know, because I don't even want to get into that, 750 00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:16,600 Speaker 1: because you know, I don't even know what my letters are. 751 00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:18,160 Speaker 1: I just thought it was about I'm just learning from 752 00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:21,239 Speaker 1: the PBS thing about the derivatives of Baptist, Pentecostal A 753 00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:24,719 Speaker 1: and me. But I'm like God right, Baptist right. So 754 00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:28,080 Speaker 1: like I said, I grew up around Methodists and A 755 00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:31,839 Speaker 1: and menited Methodists is totally different. But again that's about 756 00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:33,840 Speaker 1: that was the mixture on my mom's side, on my 757 00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:37,720 Speaker 1: daddy side, on Baptist. So again, going to those two places, 758 00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:39,719 Speaker 1: you saw a different kind of thing going. But that's 759 00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:42,480 Speaker 1: the beauty of black culture. It does have nuance and 760 00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:46,200 Speaker 1: differences once you start digging all the way in. But yeah, 761 00:48:46,239 --> 00:48:48,400 Speaker 1: I mean you you're gonna see a whole different type 762 00:48:48,400 --> 00:48:53,560 Speaker 1: of shout. You go to a Southern Pentecostal church, it's different. 763 00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:58,640 Speaker 1: The first time my my cousin took me to Deliverance, 764 00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:02,200 Speaker 1: y'all know, delivering to RELI. I went to Deliverance. It 765 00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:04,759 Speaker 1: was a very big church at the time, and I 766 00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:07,520 Speaker 1: went to Deliverance and this was my first time seeing 767 00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:11,880 Speaker 1: anybody's shout and the lady was so so into it 768 00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:19,920 Speaker 1: that she inadvertently slapped me across the face and I 769 00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:28,920 Speaker 1: hit her back. I hit her back because I didn't, 770 00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:32,160 Speaker 1: you know. I couldn't understand why she was, why she 771 00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:35,120 Speaker 1: would hit me. You know, I just didn't understand. And 772 00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:45,279 Speaker 1: I was like I was a little better growing woman there, 773 00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:47,439 Speaker 1: But how do I know better? You know, how would 774 00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:51,439 Speaker 1: I know better? I only experienced sat in the stories 775 00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:54,520 Speaker 1: you told us. I get I expected you to do guests, Yeah, 776 00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:56,960 Speaker 1: I didn't know what was happening. That is what led 777 00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:59,640 Speaker 1: me to go to other places. I hold up, it's 778 00:49:59,640 --> 00:50:02,360 Speaker 1: a whole of the world out here. What are they doing? 779 00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:05,880 Speaker 1: What are they doing in the Catholic Church? And I 780 00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:08,520 Speaker 1: was like, oh, we're gonna get on our knees again. Okay, 781 00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:13,319 Speaker 1: all right again, okay girl, all right? Women you want 782 00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:15,719 Speaker 1: me to go were in the box and go to 783 00:50:15,840 --> 00:50:23,680 Speaker 1: box and say what okay, confess who's in there? Like like, 784 00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:27,000 Speaker 1: what's happening in his side? People? I can't see him. 785 00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:28,440 Speaker 1: This is why I was so happy when my mother 786 00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:30,520 Speaker 1: just said, you know, baby, we're just a spiritual people. 787 00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:32,360 Speaker 1: You know, we don't have to be don't really. You know, 788 00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:35,160 Speaker 1: I did the Muslim thing turned it was his Lam 789 00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:36,960 Speaker 1: for me, and she was just like, we're just gonna 790 00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:43,000 Speaker 1: be loved the Muslim thing, you know them, She was like, 791 00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:45,239 Speaker 1: and I was, you know, praise the Christian So we're 792 00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:46,560 Speaker 1: just gonna go to this church and you know, I 793 00:50:46,600 --> 00:50:48,799 Speaker 1: still got the Karan and you know I walked by 794 00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:54,040 Speaker 1: and praise Jacksons and yes, Lord child, before were getting 795 00:50:54,040 --> 00:50:56,160 Speaker 1: all types of trouble. Let's put it like this. Oh, 796 00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:02,120 Speaker 1: let's put it like this, because I'm gonna tell you something. 797 00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:04,839 Speaker 1: Our folks don't play about their beliefs. That's number one. 798 00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:08,920 Speaker 1: So it's super important. But um, no matter what, I 799 00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:12,040 Speaker 1: don't think we're paying I want to say. I know 800 00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:14,200 Speaker 1: he wasn't playing. I just was saying. I just want 801 00:51:14,239 --> 00:51:17,600 Speaker 1: to make sure that we circle back, yes, specifically to 802 00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:25,280 Speaker 1: saying this thing, that this pathway, the spiritual pathway to healing, 803 00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:28,560 Speaker 1: that this pathway that we all decide to choose, no 804 00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:31,279 Speaker 1: matter what that pathway is, if it's the hybrid of things, 805 00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:35,439 Speaker 1: if it's a specific pathway, whether you know, no matter 806 00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:41,160 Speaker 1: what it is, that that connection is important to having 807 00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:44,160 Speaker 1: a perspective on the world, and it is important to healing. 808 00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:48,239 Speaker 1: It is important to adding that into your kind of 809 00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:58,960 Speaker 1: recipe of well being. That is, you know, and we 810 00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:02,000 Speaker 1: may not always under stand everybody's pathway. You know what 811 00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:04,360 Speaker 1: I'm saying, and it's not for us to know it 812 00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:07,360 Speaker 1: really isn't. It's like anything else in life, it's to 813 00:52:07,560 --> 00:52:11,360 Speaker 1: understand its purpose, yea, to understand its purpose. You may 814 00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:14,560 Speaker 1: not understand it, but you understand its purpose. I love that. Yeah, 815 00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:17,080 Speaker 1: I've seen people use that in many, many ways, which 816 00:52:17,120 --> 00:52:19,919 Speaker 1: is why I've always had really good relationships with people 817 00:52:19,960 --> 00:52:22,359 Speaker 1: who had different beliefs. I've had some of the best 818 00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:25,319 Speaker 1: and most beautiful conversations about God with people who did 819 00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:28,480 Speaker 1: not practice the same religions myself. I love that right now, 820 00:52:28,600 --> 00:52:30,680 Speaker 1: no matter what religion you practice. I love that we're 821 00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:34,920 Speaker 1: all meditating. I love that. I love that that we're 822 00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:38,480 Speaker 1: exchanging meditations and you know apps and stuff like that. Like, 823 00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:40,520 Speaker 1: I love we're doing this way more than we were 824 00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:43,399 Speaker 1: doing ten years ago. I just, yeah, I think there's 825 00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:45,480 Speaker 1: a there was a fear, and I think that that's 826 00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:49,000 Speaker 1: something that does keep people from allowing their you know, 827 00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:53,520 Speaker 1: gumbo of self well being, Yeah, from having more than 828 00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:58,239 Speaker 1: one ingredients. Fear is that fear that if if I 829 00:52:58,400 --> 00:53:01,360 Speaker 1: rely on something outside of God or what is perceived 830 00:53:01,440 --> 00:53:05,440 Speaker 1: to be God and religion, that somehow I'm I'm dishonoring God. 831 00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:07,920 Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm just as how, somehow I'm dishonoring my my 832 00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:12,000 Speaker 1: belief and relying totally on God. And I think that 833 00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:15,799 Speaker 1: that is a fair conversation because I think people need 834 00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:19,000 Speaker 1: to have it fully in order to open themselves up 835 00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:22,960 Speaker 1: to these other ingredients. If we don't address that, that 836 00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:28,040 Speaker 1: is a real concern. If we're not serious about allowing 837 00:53:28,080 --> 00:53:31,680 Speaker 1: people to work through that feeling, then they will always say, 838 00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:34,280 Speaker 1: I ain't doing that meditation or I ain't doing that therapy. 839 00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:38,839 Speaker 1: You know, they're gonna continue to reject it if we're 840 00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:42,759 Speaker 1: not real about the fact that, yes, I understand that 841 00:53:42,880 --> 00:53:45,720 Speaker 1: what you're saying is that I rely solely on my Creator. 842 00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:49,120 Speaker 1: I get that. I get it, and I think you 843 00:53:49,360 --> 00:53:52,480 Speaker 1: got to be able to validate that feeling. That feeling 844 00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:55,800 Speaker 1: is real. But I do think that just like food 845 00:53:55,840 --> 00:53:58,960 Speaker 1: in the ground and just look like water you used 846 00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:01,759 Speaker 1: to wash you but and just like medicines that you 847 00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:04,360 Speaker 1: use to get rid of your headache and all of 848 00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:07,600 Speaker 1: those things, that we have a we have a world 849 00:54:07,680 --> 00:54:09,920 Speaker 1: that's full of tools and places and spaces that we 850 00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:14,120 Speaker 1: can go in order to strengthen ourselves. And that that 851 00:54:14,400 --> 00:54:18,080 Speaker 1: is not discrediting God, and that is not putting God's second. 852 00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:20,440 Speaker 1: That is actually saying God, I know you made a 853 00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:23,319 Speaker 1: big world, and I will use all the things at 854 00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:27,320 Speaker 1: my disposal to feel the way that I need to feel. 855 00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:32,920 Speaker 1: I mean, that's just my thinking. You know, faith without 856 00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:40,080 Speaker 1: efforts fruitless that part. So it's all about doing the 857 00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:44,240 Speaker 1: work and whatever that means, whatever that means, because quite frankly, 858 00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:47,839 Speaker 1: you know, life is really the biggest gift to anybody's 859 00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:52,719 Speaker 1: ever going to give you ever, And it's a much 860 00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:57,480 Speaker 1: better life when you're living in gratefulness and in grace 861 00:54:58,239 --> 00:55:03,200 Speaker 1: than in whoe. What was heavy. It's a burden. You 862 00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:08,759 Speaker 1: carry it. At some point you have to put it down. 863 00:55:09,480 --> 00:55:11,960 Speaker 1: You have to put it down, and you got to 864 00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:13,759 Speaker 1: go through the work in order to be able to 865 00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:18,720 Speaker 1: even reach for the ground on that one carrying it around. 866 00:55:19,239 --> 00:55:20,719 Speaker 1: And not to say that you won't pick it up. 867 00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:24,880 Speaker 1: Sometimes Hello, you pick it up again. It'll show up 868 00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:27,200 Speaker 1: just like you did this morning for you and sat 869 00:55:27,280 --> 00:55:29,400 Speaker 1: on your chest and looked you in your face. Agent, 870 00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:33,840 Speaker 1: you know, like a whole toddler. I'm still here looking 871 00:55:33,880 --> 00:55:37,200 Speaker 1: in your eye. Are you in there because I'm here? 872 00:55:37,800 --> 00:55:40,600 Speaker 1: You in there because I'm here? And you have to 873 00:55:40,719 --> 00:55:44,560 Speaker 1: face me. You got to face me. This is a 874 00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:47,520 Speaker 1: part of it all. Friends, this is a part of 875 00:55:47,560 --> 00:55:50,440 Speaker 1: the journey, and I'm so grateful that to be able 876 00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:57,600 Speaker 1: to share this with you. Friends, Friends, I knew you 877 00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:03,880 Speaker 1: when you had new titties. I don't know I had 878 00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:08,200 Speaker 1: for a long time. I I'm just saying they they 879 00:56:08,239 --> 00:56:12,800 Speaker 1: were still fresh. Y was actually referring, She's referring to 880 00:56:12,960 --> 00:56:21,000 Speaker 1: my my very very used, very true. Oh yeah, I 881 00:56:21,080 --> 00:56:23,640 Speaker 1: didn't think, you know what, Jail. That was rather brilliant, 882 00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:29,360 Speaker 1: just very true because my first time meeting Jail, I 883 00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:33,400 Speaker 1: had no children, and my titties were very fresh and unused. 884 00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:47,040 Speaker 1: You don't remember pictures dolling. I was dog Laugh is 885 00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:53,319 Speaker 1: still the best medicine. Laughter is still the best men. 886 00:56:55,120 --> 00:56:58,200 Speaker 1: Throw that in there, throw it, throw it all in there. 887 00:56:58,200 --> 00:57:04,160 Speaker 1: It's a gumbo of forwardness, of moving forward into gracefulness 888 00:57:05,040 --> 00:57:11,239 Speaker 1: and gratefulness. That's the gumbo. Some some therapy, we need 889 00:57:11,360 --> 00:57:15,279 Speaker 1: some of that. Some prayer, certainly need some of that, 890 00:57:16,320 --> 00:57:20,080 Speaker 1: and all of that self work. Those you know, forgive 891 00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:27,880 Speaker 1: me the long walks, and you know, I'm just saying 892 00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:34,040 Speaker 1: all of those things are important forward because this is life, 893 00:57:34,520 --> 00:57:44,720 Speaker 1: and sometimes that motherfucker hurt. Thank you so much for listening. 894 00:57:45,880 --> 00:57:50,400 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for commenting and having discussions outside 895 00:57:50,440 --> 00:57:53,280 Speaker 1: of this one hour we share with you every week. 896 00:57:53,960 --> 00:57:57,840 Speaker 1: We appreciate that this is Jay dot Il the podcast 897 00:57:58,320 --> 00:58:11,120 Speaker 1: and we'll talk how do You Eat an Elephant? One 898 00:58:11,480 --> 00:58:20,080 Speaker 1: by Ti. Hey, everyone is producer Eaves and it's time 899 00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:24,320 Speaker 1: for the resources. Aga mentioned her girlfriend, Dr Kamila Rashad. 900 00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:28,000 Speaker 1: Dr Rashad is the founder and president of the Muslim 901 00:58:28,120 --> 00:58:32,520 Speaker 1: Wellness Foundation and founding co director of the National Black 902 00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:37,600 Speaker 1: Muslim COVID Coalition. She also established the Black Muslim Psychology Conference. 903 00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:40,440 Speaker 1: I'll drop links so you can learn more about her 904 00:58:40,920 --> 00:58:44,480 Speaker 1: and her work in the episode description. Also, seek out 905 00:58:44,520 --> 00:58:47,640 Speaker 1: a therapist in your area or through an online service 906 00:58:47,800 --> 00:58:50,920 Speaker 1: or app. You know. We advocate for therapy all day 907 00:58:51,080 --> 00:59:07,240 Speaker 1: on this show. All right, until next episode, y'all. Hi, 908 00:59:07,720 --> 00:59:10,080 Speaker 1: if you have comments on something you said in this 909 00:59:10,240 --> 00:59:14,600 Speaker 1: episode called eight six six, Hey, Jill, if you want 910 00:59:14,640 --> 00:59:17,720 Speaker 1: to add to this conversation, that's eight six six four 911 00:59:17,840 --> 00:59:21,120 Speaker 1: three nine five four five BI, don't forget to tell 912 00:59:21,200 --> 00:59:24,000 Speaker 1: us your name and the episode you're referring to. You 913 00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:28,360 Speaker 1: might just hear your message on a future episode. Thank 914 00:59:28,440 --> 00:59:31,600 Speaker 1: you for listening to Jill. Scott presents Jay dot Il 915 00:59:31,840 --> 00:59:35,680 Speaker 1: the podcast. This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott, Layah 916 00:59:35,760 --> 00:59:40,080 Speaker 1: st Clair, and Agr Graden Danceler. It's executive producers are 917 00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:44,120 Speaker 1: Jill Scott, Shawn g and Brian Calhoun's produced by Layah 918 00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:47,560 Speaker 1: st Clair and me Eves Jeff Cope. The editing and 919 00:59:47,640 --> 00:59:51,000 Speaker 1: sound design for this episode we're done by Christina Larenger. 920 01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:03,320 Speaker 1: A dot Ill is a production of I heart Radio. 921 01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:07,000 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i 922 01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:11,560 Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to 923 01:00:11,680 --> 01:00:12,760 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.