Speaker 1: I won't let my body out outway everything that I'm made,
Speaker 1: DOT won't spend my life trying to change. I'm learning
Speaker 1: to love who I am. I get, I'm strong, I
Speaker 1: feel free and know who every part of me it's
Speaker 1: beautiful and then will always out way if you feel
Speaker 1: it with yours in here, she'll love to the boom there.
Speaker 1: Let's say good day editor, did you and die out?
Speaker 1: Happy Saturday, Outweigh fam Amy here and I am with
Speaker 1: my friend cry O Cat today. Hey Cat, Hey, Happy Saturday.
Speaker 1: And Cat is joining me because we're just gonna talk
Speaker 1: about commenting on other people's bodies and why we don't
Speaker 1: need to be doing it. And we've talked about that
Speaker 1: a lot here on Outweigh, And normally I like to
Speaker 1: have an expert on as my guest, but today I
Speaker 1: just gotta be fun to have a friend on. And
Speaker 1: we just talked like we're a group of girlfriends, and
Speaker 1: if you're a guy listening, you're welcome here too, about
Speaker 1: how we would talk for sitting around the kitchen table,
Speaker 1: like oh my gosh, oh yeah. And when I was practiced,
Speaker 1: one time my grandma's boyfriend said this, which is what
Speaker 1: started this whole conversation, and the inviting cat on is
Speaker 1: because ever since well you were in high school, I
Speaker 1: know you've dealt with body image issues and disordered eating,
Speaker 1: and particularly when you got pregnant with your son, I
Speaker 1: know that will you put on a hundred pounds, Which
Speaker 1: we're not saying there's any number that you need to
Speaker 1: gain or not gain when you are pregnant. So Cat
Speaker 1: and I are making sure again since we're not experts,
Speaker 1: were just people that you know are coming alongside you like, hey,
Speaker 1: we've been there, and we don't want you to feel alone.
Speaker 1: But I also don't want to say anything triggering. So
Speaker 1: if you're pregnant and you've gained whatever, we don't really
Speaker 1: care the number. But for Cat, that was her number.
Speaker 1: And your grandma's boyfriend said something really tacky to you.
Speaker 1: But I saw a psychology say that if we comment
Speaker 1: on other people's bodies in that type of way, that
Speaker 1: often it's a reflection of ourselves and our own feelings
Speaker 1: about our bodies, which some people are listening, maybe they
Speaker 1: were built more like their dad, and then they had
Speaker 1: other family members or someone say, oh, well, really built
Speaker 1: like your dad, aren't you, And then that was very
Speaker 1: damaging to them, and it's more like, Okay, why do
Speaker 1: you even have to say that? Why is there's this
Speaker 1: feminine look and then this masculine look and that why
Speaker 1: is there even a comment about what my body looks
Speaker 1: like and my build because it's not like you would
Speaker 1: go up to the one that was maybe potentially, I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm just saying like, built like the mom,
Speaker 1: because that would sound kind of creepy if you're like, oh, hey,
Speaker 1: looks like you really got your mom's figure. You know.
Speaker 1: It's like, so tell us what grandma's boyfriend said. Well,
Speaker 1: first of all, when you say that, you know, my
Speaker 1: favorite thing is what you say about me says more
Speaker 1: about you. It says about me. That's right, Thanks for
Speaker 1: the projection. But no. So, I was at a basketball game,
Speaker 1: Duke basketball game, with my grandmother and her boyfriend, about
Speaker 1: probably seven months pregnant or so, and he thought it
Speaker 1: would be okay to say, well, look at mighty husky,
Speaker 1: aren't you? And you know I wasn't feeling amazing about
Speaker 1: myself at the time. Um, And then he proceeded to
Speaker 1: tell me how thin his wife got during her five
Speaker 1: pregnancies and how she lost seventeen pounds but had these
Speaker 1: healthy babies just just bizarre, like, So I'm sitting there
Speaker 1: just this is my nightmare. You know, you've ruined the
Speaker 1: duke game, and so how did you respond? Just? I
Speaker 1: probably was yeah, just took it like and unfortunately, um,
Speaker 1: my husband was with me, and so I could vent
Speaker 1: to him like what in the f is happening here?
Speaker 1: And I just tune I mean, he's the type person though,
Speaker 1: like your irrelevant, will tune you out a bit, I know.
Speaker 1: But it's something about sometimes older generations post war, if
Speaker 1: you fall into that category, it's like, oh, I'm just
Speaker 1: going to say whatever. I'm thinking whatever. Yeah, they were
Speaker 1: kind of a ruthless bunch, but I will say I think, um,
Speaker 1: we've talked about the millennials and that younger generation, like
Speaker 1: they are we're shifting it. Yes, yes, yes, it is.
Speaker 1: It is changing. And that's why I think it's just
Speaker 1: good to have this conversation because if you get triggered
Speaker 1: in any way by stuff that comes up, it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you can remember I'm not the only person that this
Speaker 1: has happened too, and it is really the other person's problem,
Speaker 1: not mine, and then hopefully you can take the steps
Speaker 1: to work through it yourself. And but I know you
Speaker 1: were also in a romantic relationship. When you were pregnant
Speaker 1: and had put on weight, you weren't feeling probably your
Speaker 1: most confident, But then there was a time where you
Speaker 1: were loving yourself like you were like, I am feeling
Speaker 1: good right now, and it still wasn't good enough for
Speaker 1: someone in your life. Right right at that point, I'm
Speaker 1: fueling well, I'm feeling the best I ever had, feeling
Speaker 1: like um with all the good foods you wanted, and
Speaker 1: that we're nourishing to your body well and to me.
Speaker 1: I still and I still sometimes have this thought of
Speaker 1: I'm eating. Do you ever have that, Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I'm eating. I ate a full day's worth of food
Speaker 1: and it's amazing. Eating adequately is what I like to
Speaker 1: call it. Okay, you are much more educated than this
Speaker 1: department than I am on terminology. No, but just so
Speaker 1: much in my recovery and truly getting into it. Step
Speaker 1: one was eat adequately because I spent so much time restricting,
Speaker 1: and so it was almost a daily mantra for me
Speaker 1: when I first started my recovery. Eat adequately, eat adequately,
Speaker 1: Eat adequately, because if you're not, then my body is
Speaker 1: not getting the calories and the fuel and the like
Speaker 1: you said, fueling your body like you were fueling your body.
Speaker 1: And so I knew that if I wanted to make
Speaker 1: it past the binge restrict cycle that I was on,
Speaker 1: I needed to eat adequately. So you're fueling your body
Speaker 1: properly and feeling good. Right. So at this point when
Speaker 1: after I had yet and I'm feeling really good about myself, like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I'm eating, and this person had the
Speaker 1: nerve to say things like you need to do more
Speaker 1: squats and lunges and really pack on the muscle and weight.
Speaker 1: And it was a toxic relationship though, you know, like
Speaker 1: our red flags where it sent me into a frenzy
Speaker 1: because all I wanted was approval, you know, But then
Speaker 1: why does it matter? I I had that approval from myself.
Speaker 1: I loved where I was, And it's a shame that
Speaker 1: my mind still wasn't strong enough at that point where
Speaker 1: I let him control get in there and get in
Speaker 1: their control and and shut myself a steam down. So
Speaker 1: do you think if that was said to you at
Speaker 1: this point in your life, how would you respond to
Speaker 1: it differently? I just don't care. I just I have
Speaker 1: lost all desire to care, no energy. But you do
Speaker 1: care about life? You mean you just don't. You're not
Speaker 1: going to care what someone else about. Like, I know
Speaker 1: where I've been, I know how far I've come, I
Speaker 1: know why I look the way that I do. Right now,
Speaker 1: I'm good on comments, And so if you have anybody
Speaker 1: in your life that's commenting on your body and you
Speaker 1: don't like it, well you can do your best to
Speaker 1: change the conversation, like, hey, I don't really want to
Speaker 1: talk about this right now, and you can totally change
Speaker 1: the topic. Can I say that? I would say be
Speaker 1: honest because I went through a period of where I
Speaker 1: would just stay quiet then have conflict, but then I
Speaker 1: feel like the only person that harmed was me. So
Speaker 1: maybe you can gently be honest and say, hey, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm struggling in this department. And when you say that,
Speaker 1: you're just amplifying what I'm going through. Yeah, you can
Speaker 1: assess if that's a relationship where you feel like you
Speaker 1: can say that, because yeah, that's gonna be what starts
Speaker 1: to make. It's like one conversation at a time, one
Speaker 1: step at a time leads towards change, and one conversation
Speaker 1: at a time, So I like that you said that.
Speaker 1: It's instead of changing the topic quickly, just say, look,
Speaker 1: I don't like you commenting about my body, or I
Speaker 1: really would rather not talk about food today or what
Speaker 1: I'm eating or what I should be eating, because it
Speaker 1: could be comments about food, not necessarily comments about body.
Speaker 1: People like to make comments about all kinds of things.
Speaker 1: So we hope that this is just helpful in you
Speaker 1: knowing again that you're not alone and there are ways
Speaker 1: out of the conversation. You don't have to sit there
Speaker 1: and just take it, especially if Grandma's boyfriend's really given
Speaker 1: it to you talking about how his wife, Yeah, how good,
Speaker 1: and then she looks her pregnancies. Yeah. And it's just
Speaker 1: interesting how as a society losing weight equals good and
Speaker 1: gaining weight equals bad, sort of like how we put
Speaker 1: a label on foods. This food equals good and this
Speaker 1: food equals bad, and there really is no moral value
Speaker 1: in those things. So just remember that there's no moral value.
Speaker 1: There's two takeaways from this, actually three. You can walk
Speaker 1: away from conversations, but also at the same time, you
Speaker 1: can be honest about why you're done with that conversation.
Speaker 1: You need to eat adequately, and then also remind yourself
Speaker 1: there's no moral value around food and body. There's just not.
Speaker 1: Just because people are different sizes doesn't mean some people
Speaker 1: are better than others. Before we go, I just want
Speaker 1: people to know one thing. Just remember, no one person
Speaker 1: has it all. I like that quote, thank you, no
Speaker 1: one person has it all. Say it again, no one
Speaker 1: person has it all. I hope y'all are having the
Speaker 1: day that you need to have and I will see
Speaker 1: y'all on Tuesday for the fifth thing with therapy Cat
Speaker 1: instead of Cryo Cat. And everyone like and subscribe post
Speaker 1: your Instagram. Oh thanks Cat, You're welcome. So supportive by