Speaker 1: In order to do social media as a family, your
Speaker 1: spouse does not have to agree with everything you.
Speaker 2: Want to do.
Speaker 3: We are living proof.
Speaker 4: I'm happy to know that I'm not the only spouse
Speaker 4: in the two that was not signed.
Speaker 3: Up for this shit, but I'm enjoying the hell out
Speaker 3: of it. Dead ass.
Speaker 4: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoured, and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 2: You may know us from posting funny videos with.
Speaker 4: Our voice and reading each other publicly as.
Speaker 3: A form of therapy.
Speaker 2: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Speaker 3: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 2: Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 1: li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 3: Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred
Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 1: To take billow talk to our whole new level.
Speaker 3: Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: All right, So we're gonna talk about we really talked
Speaker 1: about this, but uh, in honor of our guest today,
Speaker 1: I have a special song for them because it represents
Speaker 1: them so well. They're comedians, they love to joke around,
Speaker 1: so this song is dedicated to them.
Speaker 2: He got jungle feed, but she got Jump. That's not
Speaker 2: the song. That's not the song.
Speaker 5: It doesn't matter. It's your black, old white going Saturday night.
Speaker 2: Send me.
Speaker 5: I believe the miracles, Spight.
Speaker 2: I don't know none of them.
Speaker 4: It's taking me back to the Golden Girls with you
Speaker 4: and Jackson. Lea didn't know none of the words.
Speaker 3: Thank you for being a friend.
Speaker 4: No, we can joke in karaoke because we understand this couple.
Speaker 1: So you meet this couple and see how funny they are,
Speaker 1: you will understand everything.
Speaker 3: Yes for sure.
Speaker 1: All right, story time, So I'm gonna take y'all back
Speaker 1: to two thousand and.
Speaker 2: Eighteen Halloween.
Speaker 1: We had three sons at this point, and Kadeen and
Speaker 1: I were in park Slope taking our boys to go
Speaker 1: trick or treating, and I had this grand idea to
Speaker 1: do a video, right, and the video was going to
Speaker 1: be about bullying and how me and Jackson were fighting
Speaker 1: against the bullies throwing eggs.
Speaker 2: Right, So we pull up and we pull up and
Speaker 2: see you.
Speaker 1: Park and I'm like, all right, kay, were about to
Speaker 1: do a video and Case sucker teeth, I'm like you
Speaker 1: to suck.
Speaker 3: Your teeth for I'm just trying to trigger treat and
Speaker 3: go home.
Speaker 2: Yeah see, you be trying to trick or treat and
Speaker 2: go home.
Speaker 1: But all the stuff that needs to get paid for
Speaker 1: for trick or treating gets paid more by these videos.
Speaker 1: So if you're gonna tell me you want to do this,
Speaker 1: you want to go ahead, you want to do that,
Speaker 1: but then every time I'm trying to do work, it's
Speaker 1: gonna be a problem. So I was like, Babe, all
Speaker 1: we gotta do is do this video. Is gonna take
Speaker 1: us about twenty minutes, and then we can go trick
Speaker 1: or treating. Right every two minutes, Case sucking her teeth
Speaker 1: romhas I freaking lose it.
Speaker 2: I freaking lose it in front of the kids. I'm like, nah, fuck, this,
Speaker 2: ain't nobody going trick or treated. If we can't do
Speaker 2: no videos, we going home. Jackson gonna look at me.
Speaker 1: So now I can't go trick or treat it because
Speaker 1: y'all too, we'll argue about doing videos. At that part,
Speaker 1: it kind of got to my spirit a little bit,
Speaker 1: and I was like damn, I can't do this to
Speaker 1: my son. So I was like, hey, look, look, look,
Speaker 1: look look what you're doing. So at first, you know
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do it all dads do. I blame mom.
Speaker 1: I say, see what you're doing to the babies. You
Speaker 1: see what you're doing to the babies. Can we just
Speaker 1: do the.
Speaker 2: Video real quick.
Speaker 1: It's gonna take fifteen minutes. We do video fifteen minutes,
Speaker 1: and then we go trick or treated. She said, fine,
Speaker 1: Grin and Barry right, we do the video. I post
Speaker 1: a video before we go trick or treated. By the
Speaker 1: time we started trick or treating thirty minutes later, we
Speaker 1: had one hundred and seventy thousand views.
Speaker 2: I pointed.
Speaker 1: I said, hey, hey, you see this, babe. Look how
Speaker 1: many views we got. I said, ain, no week I
Speaker 1: got them views.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm a paid actress. Pay me, pay me in
Speaker 3: this job that I did not apply for, sir.
Speaker 1: Oh, you get paid. You get paid every other night
Speaker 1: and twice on weekends.
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 4: That was a good one though, because I remember we
Speaker 4: were two seconds away from going home, and poor Jackson
Speaker 4: was like, so we can't go trick or treat, So
Speaker 4: why do we have a costume, So why did we
Speaker 4: get a costume?
Speaker 2: That was a good time?
Speaker 6: Yay?
Speaker 3: It was social media life that I got bullied. I
Speaker 3: got I got bullied into social media.
Speaker 2: You did, you know? And I'm unapologetic. I don't care.
Speaker 3: And now I'm the one like babes we're posting today.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I got to wait for them, but once the
Speaker 4: bag started rolling in, I was just like, oh, this
Speaker 4: is this is nice.
Speaker 2: You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: This is nice.
Speaker 1: You're welcome, But listen, we're gonna take a quick break.
Speaker 1: We have some special guests with us today. You want
Speaker 1: to meet them when we come back.
Speaker 4: That's correct, Stay tuned, y'all will be back.
Speaker 3: All right, y'all, we're back. Thank you for sticking or around.
Speaker 4: Man, I remember those days where we used to fuss
Speaker 4: and fight over content. Yes, and I said, you know what,
Speaker 4: we should bring in some reinforcements. I want to talk
Speaker 4: to some other families who deal with this whole social
Speaker 4: media life and what that looks like, you know, because
Speaker 4: sometimes it can be very very feeling oversaturated as a market,
Speaker 4: but also very very lonely. Yes, And I just want
Speaker 4: to know if anybody can empathize with me you know
Speaker 4: what I'm saying. And Rowalland is a comedian, host, storyteller,
Speaker 4: and director whose social media presence has won so many
Speaker 4: of us over. We've watched her family grow from just
Speaker 4: her and her husband Ben to now a family of three,
Speaker 4: and now on their new Pad podcast, Fly on the Wallen,
Speaker 4: which I absolutely love that Fly on the Wall and
Speaker 4: Amber and Ben give us hilarious and insightful advice about
Speaker 4: love and relationships. Amber and Ben thank you all so
Speaker 4: much for being here.
Speaker 6: Hey, hello, Hello, It's so good to be here.
Speaker 3: So guys, Oh my god, so happy to have y'all were.
Speaker 7: I feel so validated by the story that was just told,
Speaker 7: because in the early days, every single moment I was
Speaker 7: stopping you like, let me get this for my Snapchat,
Speaker 7: and then m became let me get this for my Instagram,
Speaker 7: let me get this for my TikTok, and then that
Speaker 7: first check wrote it, he was like, oh, get it,
Speaker 7: get it for your garden now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, let's be real.
Speaker 6: So I was a teacher at this point. I was
Speaker 6: one moment really hit me when I was trying to
Speaker 6: help a student and like, I'm sorry, mister Wallan, I
Speaker 6: just saw you in your underwear yesterday on your work
Speaker 6: talk account and I said, oh fudge, are we allowed
Speaker 6: to swear can?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. So I was like fuck. And
Speaker 6: then one of and one of my co teachers one time,
Speaker 6: as an April fool's joke, was like, Hey, the principal
Speaker 6: wants to talk to you about your wife's TikTok account
Speaker 6: and as a joke, and I was like, I'm going
Speaker 6: to get fucking fired, Like that was his joke to me.
Speaker 6: So I this might give some context to the hesitancy
Speaker 6: of like not wanting to make everything a video. But yeah,
Speaker 6: once the money started coming in, I was like, fuck
Speaker 6: those kids, I'm ready to be.
Speaker 7: That's right.
Speaker 6: Well yeah, it's like yeah, yeah, you saw my wife's Instagram.
Speaker 6: Have you seen her? Only fans like, let's go come on, Like.
Speaker 4: I got to trust magic about the only fans who
Speaker 4: said we could make talk about Fly on the Wall
Speaker 4: and people have said, man, wish we could be on
Speaker 4: a Fly on the Wall with y'all because we're we're
Speaker 4: almost certain that stuff goes down.
Speaker 2: I'll put some cameras on, you know.
Speaker 4: So shoot, talk about multiple streams.
Speaker 1: This is this is the biggest thing I think people
Speaker 1: don't realize why vlogging is so important, right, and why
Speaker 1: creating content is so important. We grew up during the
Speaker 1: time where family matters, Fresh Prints, the Nanny, The world
Speaker 1: was filled with family content, where people could watch other
Speaker 1: families and say, hey, I can resonate with that when
Speaker 1: you look at the way the world is now. They
Speaker 1: do have reality shows, but typically these reality shows are
Speaker 1: rooted in evils and mess and they want to see people,
Speaker 1: you know, go through issues together. And it's very rare
Speaker 1: that you find a reality show that's just all about community.
Speaker 1: And I think that vlogging has taken a place for
Speaker 1: that ninety sitcom right. You don't really see any more
Speaker 1: nineties sitcoms anymore. Now you have YouTube pages and you
Speaker 1: have YouTube family. So I think that this is definitely
Speaker 1: a space where people who can create content and make
Speaker 1: it relatable would also make it funny slightly scripted can
Speaker 1: do well.
Speaker 2: So kudos to you.
Speaker 1: Guys for seeing that up front and getting it done.
Speaker 7: I agree with that. I think I also grew up
Speaker 7: in the era of like loving like the Flavor Flames,
Speaker 7: like just kind of very crunchy, because I was, like,
Speaker 7: I loved those shows growing up loved the Cosby family
Speaker 7: and everything like that, but I was like, this family
Speaker 7: is too perfect, Like you're a doctor, you're a lawyer,
Speaker 7: and in my house it was kind of it was
Speaker 7: the same busyness, but it was a little bit more
Speaker 7: wild and chaotic. So I think, right, people people might
Speaker 7: watch all all be like, look at this whost of family,
Speaker 7: and people watch us and be like, Okay, we ain't
Speaker 7: that mad, we we ain't quite that annoying. So I
Speaker 7: think there's that level of like, wow, these girls won't flave. Okay,
Speaker 7: I don't agree, but let me keep let me keep watching.
Speaker 1: Because we watched, We watched Flavor of It was Flavor
Speaker 1: of Love, I Love New York. Who was the other guys?
Speaker 1: It was the two brothers Chance.
Speaker 3: Oh, and yes, were they a spin off from this?
Speaker 2: They will spin a real and Chance really Chance?
Speaker 6: Right?
Speaker 1: But those shows were also wholesome, even in their mess
Speaker 1: because they weren't trying to break anybody up. They wanted
Speaker 1: to see people find love, and not everybody's the bachelor
Speaker 1: or the bachelorette. Sometimes you got somebody who's like a
Speaker 1: Flavor of Love, who who may not be everyone's typical
Speaker 1: person of love.
Speaker 2: But this is someone who wants to find someone to
Speaker 2: spend with us in their life with.
Speaker 1: So I think that in a way, we all have
Speaker 1: that type of love because when me and k first started,
Speaker 1: we were into the apartment and we were struggling and
Speaker 1: we were grinding, and there was nothing perfect about our
Speaker 1: love story at that time, Like people had a lot
Speaker 1: to say, they had a whole lot to say, but
Speaker 1: we were able to work through it byt just continuously
Speaker 1: being our authentic selves and the people were able to
Speaker 1: find the love through all of the mess.
Speaker 2: Similar to you, guys, I.
Speaker 4: Want our question for Ben because I feel like me
Speaker 4: and Ben are kind of on the similar wavelength here,
Speaker 4: but weren't necessarily signed up for this life, but here
Speaker 4: we are and we're enjoying the bags that come in now.
Speaker 4: But what was like the turning point for you other
Speaker 4: than of course like it becoming lucrative. Did you just
Speaker 4: fall in love with the idea of Amber, like just
Speaker 4: really being committed to this or did you feel like
Speaker 4: maybe she was onto something Like at what point did
Speaker 4: it turn for you where you were like, oh, that's
Speaker 4: a good question. Social media family thing may be a
Speaker 4: thing for me.
Speaker 6: Well before I met Amber, I was a thestspian myself.
Speaker 6: It's different than a lesbian an actor. So I did theater,
Speaker 6: but I did theater in college. I loved like Tennessee
Speaker 6: Williams Place. I loved like drama and like acting. And
Speaker 6: we actually took improv classes together like some people get
Speaker 6: marriage therapy, but we just took improv classes because it
Speaker 6: was a little bit cheaper.
Speaker 2: And so.
Speaker 6: No, it is it's like there's yes anning and like
Speaker 6: building characters, and I think there's a lot of like
Speaker 6: marital like So I would recommend anybody who's married or
Speaker 6: like in a long term relationship like taking improv class
Speaker 6: because even if you're not comfortable with that, you can
Speaker 6: really learn with that persons. This was all before this
Speaker 6: was all before all of that. So I've always liked
Speaker 6: acting with Amber. And Amber was like doing funny things
Speaker 6: on snapchap and one time there's a comedian and I
Speaker 6: really really respect Andy Rowl and he one time Amber
Speaker 6: like put on a debaby song and I was like,
Speaker 6: I can do something with this on my violin. So
Speaker 6: I busted out my violin and I made this like
Speaker 6: crazy like addition to this, this is when the baby
Speaker 6: wasn't as controversial as he is now, and so I
Speaker 6: did some like really cool stuff because I'm a classically
Speaker 6: trained violinist and my and our friend and he was
Speaker 6: like yeah, yeah, and Andy, thank you, thank you, and
Speaker 6: I'm sorry you say this. Can you say this directly
Speaker 6: to Amber? Like say that again?
Speaker 7: But like, look at Amber, Can I ask you what
Speaker 7: it was like to support me? And on the table?
Speaker 6: So I was I was.
Speaker 2: Tot him to do that.
Speaker 4: He said, you put me in this job that I
Speaker 4: didn't apply for, So here's my resume.
Speaker 3: No one asked.
Speaker 6: I think. I think it was just a big moment
Speaker 6: was when uh TikTok came about. Because the reach of
Speaker 6: TikTok was so incredible and my ego is in need
Speaker 6: of such boosting that when we started to get like
Speaker 6: so many views, I was like, all right, this is
Speaker 6: this is fun. And I it might have been I
Speaker 6: think I don't it could have been the money, but
Speaker 6: I think it was also just the fact knowing I
Speaker 6: was making people laugh was so was so good and
Speaker 6: making people not feel bad about themselves and we're like
Speaker 6: it was positive content For the most part. It's pretty
Speaker 6: like a political like but like we are you know,
Speaker 6: so I anybody could laugh at what we did, we
Speaker 6: would hope. And I think that's a really good way
Speaker 6: to bring people together at a time of like very
Speaker 6: absolutely bipolarization. And so I think the comedy is a
Speaker 6: powerful tool. And so it was definitely probably the moment
Speaker 6: of like TikTok, I think when I was like, Yeah,
Speaker 6: this is this is great, let's do this.
Speaker 2: Well, I'll say this.
Speaker 1: I want to pat Amber on the back of myself
Speaker 1: on the back for showing you guys how to dig
Speaker 1: into your talent groups and stop judging yourself and just
Speaker 1: be who you really want to be. Because if it
Speaker 1: wasn't for me and Amber, y'all would just be You
Speaker 1: would be a teacher, you would be in the office,
Speaker 1: y'all would just have miserable lives, not making people last,
Speaker 1: not making people last, not not being.
Speaker 2: Silly taking yourself.
Speaker 1: So, because I could see Ben right now being a
Speaker 1: serious science teacher right now, if he wasn't doing this,
Speaker 1: he would be very serious. Nobody everybody be quiet in
Speaker 1: my class has spoken. So I want to thank Amber
Speaker 1: on myself for forgetting you guys butterflies science teacher for sure.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I'm like I remind every time we go out
Speaker 7: to eat and they say, still are sparkling. I'm like,
Speaker 7: who do you love? Who do you love? Because we
Speaker 7: didn't even know there was a question to be asked
Speaker 7: in the before times.
Speaker 6: That's right, idea sparkling that I want. I want toilet
Speaker 6: bowl water personally for me, I want the cheapest water.
Speaker 7: I tell them all the time, like when I when
Speaker 7: I met him, he was slipping on the food time. Okay,
Speaker 7: so I'm like, remember remember that when you start arguing
Speaker 7: with me, you could go back to that food time life.
Speaker 3: Okay, yow again.
Speaker 4: Hostile over here and these dead ass fly on the
Speaker 4: wall and streets right now.
Speaker 1: But no, but but but to be honest, man, someone
Speaker 1: has to jump out the window and say we can
Speaker 1: do this. There has to be someone, But there has
Speaker 1: to be I was going to try and see that,
Speaker 1: but I couldn't get it down.
Speaker 3: I just wanted to pat me and Ben on the backroom.
Speaker 3: But go ahead.
Speaker 1: But I was trying to give you your flowers, but
Speaker 1: you took your flowers and snatched and take your flowers,
Speaker 1: you and bend and run with your flowers.
Speaker 3: All right, it's it right.
Speaker 4: What's set up on the corner in New York Ben
Speaker 4: can play the violin out tad.
Speaker 3: Dance and we'll just like make some money that way.
Speaker 4: Literally we'll be earning our keep to Ben. Right.
Speaker 1: But no, but seriously, though, this shows you how like realistically,
Speaker 1: when Ben said improv classes is good for marriage, I
Speaker 1: agree because the biggest thing with improv is listening. What
Speaker 1: people don't realize is that if you really want to
Speaker 1: communicate well in your marriage, you got to listen. People
Speaker 1: think communication is just knowing what to say to get
Speaker 1: your pointed.
Speaker 2: For us, no, communication is about listening.
Speaker 1: And when I took improv classes in college and in
Speaker 1: post college, it was all about, you know what, let
Speaker 1: me understand where my partner's coming from.
Speaker 6: Right.
Speaker 1: So this is kudos to all four of us to
Speaker 1: finding a way to listen to what our partner is
Speaker 1: saying and being a support system even if we didn't
Speaker 1: see the vision, right because you guys first didn't see
Speaker 1: the vision. But it's like, you know what, I love
Speaker 1: this person and they have a passion for it, so
Speaker 1: let me rock out and us not knowing that us
Speaker 1: knowing that y'all didn't see the vision, but being like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I see something in this person and
Speaker 1: we can do this. So that's entrepreneurship. Entrepreneur is a
Speaker 1: huge improv class.
Speaker 7: Yeah, cause you you literally you can't do the scene
Speaker 7: by yourself. You can try, but if people are signing
Speaker 7: up to see a scene, not a one woman show,
Speaker 7: you you kind of at some point need somebody. And
Speaker 7: I was, I know, in the beginning, I was very
Speaker 7: nervous because I had my own comedy career in Chicago
Speaker 7: and TikTok is the land of TikTok is the land
Speaker 7: of you see one interesting thing in the back of
Speaker 7: somebody's video, and then everybody in the comments is looking
Speaker 7: at that interesting thing. So I think it literally became
Speaker 7: sort of one time Ben walking through and obviously people
Speaker 7: are like, who is that white man in your house?
Speaker 7: And then I was like, oh, y'all, don't y'all don't
Speaker 7: want to talk to Ben. They were like, actually we do.
Speaker 7: We want to learn more. And it's like, you know,
Speaker 7: that was a shock to my ego. First, I was like,
Speaker 7: what a woman in comedy, years of improv and stand
Speaker 7: up classes and y'all want to see Ben. You know
Speaker 7: that that mob scene where like SpongeBob just mopping the
Speaker 7: floor in the back and squit was like, I'm playing
Speaker 7: a clarinet. What's everybody looking at?
Speaker 6: Right?
Speaker 7: That's kind of how Ben started. And eventually I kind
Speaker 7: of had to humble myself and be like, you know what,
Speaker 7: he is a part of it, and you kind of
Speaker 7: need a dramatic character and then like the straight man
Speaker 7: of the scene to respond off of. That's how every
Speaker 7: like every movie works that way, every good sitcom.
Speaker 2: Works that way.
Speaker 7: You can't just have too crazy so or you can't
Speaker 7: have two muted characters. So it really did end up
Speaker 7: working for the best. And you know, you know when
Speaker 7: babies get involved that that's just like we have to
Speaker 7: talk about anybody else on the internet because it's like, no,
Speaker 7: we got enough content in our home.
Speaker 6: Well, Amber is very clearly the director, Like Amber is
Speaker 6: a writer at heart. Like recently we went to a
Speaker 6: bar and she read me some of her stand up
Speaker 6: and I was like vomiting, like of laughter, like I
Speaker 6: was throwing off my whist.
Speaker 7: I was like, say it right, You're like I was
Speaker 7: vombing it. It was so bad.
Speaker 6: It was so funny. I like I was like crawling
Speaker 6: on the floor laughing, like drinking like a nicer whiskey.
Speaker 6: And I was really upset that she made me spit
Speaker 6: out my whiskey. But like it's very clearly I think
Speaker 6: if people follow us long enough, that Amber is the director,
Speaker 6: Like she knows what she's doing, and so all all
Speaker 6: our successes come down to you know her, because as
Speaker 6: what the Great Nini leaks said, like no one knew
Speaker 6: me before they knew you or something like that. I
Speaker 6: don't know, that's what you.
Speaker 1: Go to me, The Great Nini is a front of
Speaker 1: the show.
Speaker 3: So yeah, for sure, for sure.
Speaker 4: So is it safe to say that for people who
Speaker 4: aspire to do what we do right? The social media content,
Speaker 4: the family content, and this is kind of the recipe
Speaker 4: for it. You have the one person who's like the director,
Speaker 4: the creator that has like is the innovator that knows
Speaker 4: the comedy, the beasts and all that. And then you
Speaker 4: have me and Ben, who's the person that falls in
Speaker 4: line and just knows the.
Speaker 3: Script and just goes along with the flow.
Speaker 4: That pretty much kind of sums up what it looks
Speaker 4: like right for a couple of.
Speaker 1: Say it, if I'm being honest, yeah, I mean, I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, you can't have a with too many you
Speaker 1: can't have a kitchen with too many chefs, right, someone
Speaker 1: has to follow, someone has to be the sioux chef.
Speaker 1: But and also it takes a lot to be able
Speaker 1: to flow with the direction that the director is going, right, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure Amber may think of some things up
Speaker 1: the cuff, and it takes Ben to be able to
Speaker 1: pick it up and do it.
Speaker 2: You do that for me very well.
Speaker 1: You know, I'll come with a script and a lot
Speaker 1: of times in the beginning I'll tell, Okay, this is
Speaker 1: what we're saying, this is the aim, and every time
Speaker 1: we would do it, she would say some wild shit
Speaker 1: that be hilarious, and she'd be like, oh, was I
Speaker 1: supposed to say that? I'm like, nah, just keep going,
Speaker 1: I do write it, Just keep going. And then just
Speaker 1: like you, I'm like, Kay became the star, and I
Speaker 1: was just like, yo, like there can be two stars
Speaker 1: in here. And people ask us all the time, right
Speaker 1: like how will y'all how do y'all deal with being married?
Speaker 2: And who's the most important person? And I'm like, nobody
Speaker 2: really be thinking about that over here.
Speaker 1: We provide content based on what happens in our life,
Speaker 1: and if one wins, we both win.
Speaker 2: And a lot of times this videos, I think I'm
Speaker 2: gonna be the star in the video. She to start.
Speaker 1: Then there's some videos all right, and I'm like, yo, okay,
Speaker 1: they gonna think this is funny, and Davo was funny.
Speaker 1: So I'd like, forget trying to be who's the star.
Speaker 1: Let's just put out the content and it's.
Speaker 3: And then you roll the kids into it. Now, so
Speaker 3: you guys have a three year old?
Speaker 4: Is it?
Speaker 7: She sixteen months?
Speaker 3: I don't know where are not three year old from? Okay,
Speaker 3: so three of.
Speaker 6: Us don't put those years on us yet, no way.
Speaker 4: Jet A by the bags on the eyes, she about
Speaker 4: three second, you'll never sleep again ever in life.
Speaker 3: So I'm welcome, welcome, y'all.
Speaker 4: So when you start adding the layer of children like
Speaker 4: you said now too, then that becomes like an added
Speaker 4: layer of content, right because people then are just like,
Speaker 4: forget de valecadeen, forget we want to see the babies.
Speaker 4: At this point, I mean, she can't really tell you
Speaker 4: guys if she wants to be on camera or not.
Speaker 4: So that's gonna be another added layer when she starts
Speaker 4: talking and letting you know what she wants and doesn't want.
Speaker 4: Because with us having four children, we have like one
Speaker 4: we have one that's just like, no, I.
Speaker 3: Don't want to do it. No, I don't want to
Speaker 3: do a video.
Speaker 2: No, not for and we're cool with it.
Speaker 1: And the funny thing is people will be like people
Speaker 1: will be like, how come kas ain't in any in
Speaker 1: the videos?
Speaker 2: And I'm just like, kads don't want to be in
Speaker 2: the video.
Speaker 3: I don't care about y'all.
Speaker 2: To draw, he wants to pain. He don't want to
Speaker 2: talk to nobody. So we like, go ahead and do
Speaker 2: what you want to do, so.
Speaker 4: For sure, So we laugh in jokes sometimes about dead
Speaker 4: ass being in our what almost eleven twelve season. At
Speaker 4: this point, I'm being almost like a form of therapy
Speaker 4: for us as a couple because we get to just
Speaker 4: actively talk about things that I mean, sometimes stuff come
Speaker 4: up here just in conversation and I'm like, I didn't
Speaker 4: know you felt like what that?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Or he'd be like, hey, really like these surprise aha
Speaker 4: moments like who are you? Who am I sleeping next
Speaker 4: to this stranger? So we speak openly and candidly, but
Speaker 4: we also like to bring levity to challenges and stuff
Speaker 4: that come along with marriage. So have you guys felt
Speaker 4: the same way at all with having just social media
Speaker 4: content or even your podcast. Has that worked for you
Speaker 4: guys in terms of being married couple but also speaking
Speaker 4: about things so openly, Oh for sure.
Speaker 6: I mean I actually write things to bring up on
Speaker 6: the podcast because the podcast is like a buffer, because
Speaker 6: she can't get too mad at me on.
Speaker 7: You know, he'll be like, okay, so this ps far
Speaker 7: for the listeners purposes. I'm like, now we are four k.
Speaker 6: Right, and I'll yeah, I think I think in some
Speaker 6: ways I things will come up. But we have definitely
Speaker 6: like things have come up on a podcast and it
Speaker 6: got too real and so we had to like edit
Speaker 6: that out or like oh wait, no, no, no, we're
Speaker 6: not ready to talk about this yet, anything like being
Speaker 6: which is fair, which yeah, because it is like this
Speaker 6: in many ways, what y'all are doing is an open
Speaker 6: journal for people because you are talking things and then
Speaker 6: sometimes you need to like edit that. And so I
Speaker 6: found podcasting, even if we had zero listeners, I found
Speaker 6: it just helpful for us to communicate and to listen.
Speaker 6: Like one time Amber was editing the podcast, She's like,
Speaker 6: I talk over you too much, you know what I mean.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's great like a highlight tape almost because You're like,
Speaker 7: there it is on display. I have to edit it,
Speaker 7: and I'm like, I can't even use this clip because
Speaker 7: I was talking over my person. So like, mister, which
Speaker 7: I'm sure you told me for years, but I was like,
Speaker 7: the writing is on the wall here, so podcast, I said,
Speaker 7: he had to say it as it.
Speaker 1: So, yeah, I've been telling my wife a long time too,
Speaker 1: and she don't care. We got into an argument last night. Now,
Speaker 1: well it wasn't an argument, it was a discussion. And
Speaker 1: I said two words and she just went on. Six
Speaker 1: minutes later, she's like, you understand, and I was just like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I got it. I said, do you understand where I'm
Speaker 1: coming from? She said where where you coming from? I said,
Speaker 1: you don't know because you wouldn't let me speak. And
Speaker 1: she said, well that's fine, that's fine as long as
Speaker 1: we're in under standing. And she walked away.
Speaker 7: But we done here, But did you understand?
Speaker 1: I did understand. I understood. I was just like, what
Speaker 1: I understand is that you don't care about how.
Speaker 3: Well we arrive at the.
Speaker 4: Doll. We arrive at the destination the Lord, that's funny,
Speaker 4: but I mean I think that we just take it
Speaker 4: in stride. Because it takes a lot of guts for
Speaker 4: us to do what we do to be able to share.
Speaker 4: I know when I started doing the social media content
Speaker 4: with Deval, my family was not sold on it. Do
Speaker 4: y'all get any backlash from your family members about like
Speaker 4: putting too much out there? Because I know at first
Speaker 4: my family was just like, girl, why are you talking
Speaker 4: about your issues on social media?
Speaker 3: This is crazy? Why why are cameras in your house?
Speaker 4: I'm like, it's not cameras, it's the phone, you know,
Speaker 4: But after editing and producing content, it looks like it's
Speaker 4: an actual.
Speaker 3: Footage of people in our homes.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 3: Do you guys get any backlash from family members and stuff?
Speaker 7: Yeah, especially in early days when they're not when they're
Speaker 7: just saying the storytelling and the sharing and they're not
Speaker 7: seeing you know, Jp Morgan's benefits, right, They're not seeing
Speaker 7: they're not seeing capital one. But I think now, you know,
Speaker 7: because our parents are from the generation of like, family
Speaker 7: don't air out your laundry, and family business is family business,
Speaker 7: and don't let people see the almost like the holes
Speaker 7: in your ship and your boats, and so I think
Speaker 7: for that generation, they're like, you're sharing your marital issues
Speaker 7: to other people, why they're gonna think you're falling apart.
Speaker 7: But people feel more seen when they're like, Okay, everybody's
Speaker 7: marriage isn't perfect because they did come from They came
Speaker 7: from the the era of keeping up with the Joneses,
Speaker 7: and I think everybody is now like we're a mess.
Speaker 7: You two great, let's talk about it. So I think
Speaker 7: I think there's more money in that when people feel
Speaker 7: like they're on FaceTime with us versus just like aesthetically
Speaker 7: pleasing Instagram couples.
Speaker 2: For me personally, yeah, so and that hey, listen, that's
Speaker 2: the truth.
Speaker 1: I told Kay because k used to when I used
Speaker 1: to start videos in the morning.
Speaker 2: She'd have a it on. She like wait wait, wait,
Speaker 2: wait wait, let me I said no, no, no.
Speaker 3: No, let me brush my teeth.
Speaker 1: I said no, let them smell your breath through the phone,
Speaker 1: like I gotta smell it every morning, Like let them
Speaker 1: see how real it is. Keep the bonnet on, don't
Speaker 1: brush your teeth. And people would literally say, I ain't
Speaker 1: hear nothing. Daval said, it's Kadean wearing a bonnet being
Speaker 1: bothered for me, and it's just the reality. It's real,
Speaker 1: like it's everybody's not made up every day. We don't
Speaker 1: speak kindly to each other all the time. No, we argue,
Speaker 1: so we we disagree on a lot of things, but
Speaker 1: you know what we do, we love each other through it,
Speaker 1: and that's what people really want to see.
Speaker 2: Like I don't. We don't got to be perfect people
Speaker 2: to be in love.
Speaker 1: Like nah, sometimes k don't like me, sometimes I don't
Speaker 1: like her, But you know what we're gonna do. Go
Speaker 1: to bed at night, talk about our issues, wake up
Speaker 1: in the morning, and try to be better the next day.
Speaker 2: Like that's just what it is.
Speaker 4: It was just a learning curve for me because I
Speaker 4: know you guys probably have also dealt with this maybe
Speaker 4: now or early on, but getting past what people are
Speaker 4: seeing in the comments right because you're concerned about how
Speaker 4: this is going to be received. So for me early on,
Speaker 4: that was just me looking from a space of oh
Speaker 4: my god, So now I'm putting my business out there,
Speaker 4: which my family said I shouldn't do, and now I'm
Speaker 4: getting backlash for it or people are commenting on all
Speaker 4: the things.
Speaker 3: That are wrong in this set video.
Speaker 4: So that was just me learning how to get kind
Speaker 4: of tough skin and just not even going to the
Speaker 4: comment section half the time now and just being like
Speaker 4: it is what it is, y'all can take what you
Speaker 4: want from it and leave leave the rest.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we've we've spoken already about how we got through that.
Speaker 1: How did you guys get through that? Dealing with the comments?
Speaker 6: Uh? Oh, well, with the comments. I think we we
Speaker 6: would read them and then cry to each other was
Speaker 6: one way with it.
Speaker 3: I think she had each other or like.
Speaker 6: Sometimes we oh man. I think for Amber especially there,
Speaker 6: we got some nasty messages like just like the racism
Speaker 6: was just.
Speaker 2: Of course because you're an intracial company.
Speaker 6: Was yeah for me because like white white people, you know,
Speaker 6: date outside their race and they're open minded, and like
Speaker 6: black people date outside their race and is like you
Speaker 6: hate your own race, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: So I that's very true.
Speaker 6: So you would see elements of like, you know, like
Speaker 6: white man, you know, white man power type of thing
Speaker 6: for you know. And I say that completely ironically, like
Speaker 6: they like.
Speaker 7: Oh, you're handling all that over here. They're like, you
Speaker 7: black bitch, where where is your man? I'm just like
Speaker 7: what I do?
Speaker 1: It is it is a different dynamic because where are
Speaker 1: you guys located?
Speaker 7: We live in La now, but we're in Chicago for
Speaker 7: ten years.
Speaker 2: Oh so you lived in la world in Chicago.
Speaker 1: I mean the white people in Atlanta wouldn't have been
Speaker 1: as nice to you been I'll be honest with you.
Speaker 1: Doing the motherfuckers is racist and then you see you
Speaker 1: with a black woman and they'd have been racist as hell.
Speaker 1: But trust me that so no, no, I got you
Speaker 1: go ahead.
Speaker 6: I think just like reading those comments and like laughing
Speaker 6: at them. Uh. And then at one point we sort
Speaker 6: of I just I love trolling people. I was I
Speaker 6: have three I just I think it's so much fun.
Speaker 6: Like like one time someone sent a comment being like
Speaker 6: you you've referenced like Amber dying, like we know that
Speaker 6: you're gonna kill her, and like I was like because
Speaker 6: I mentioned something about getting life insurance and like I
Speaker 6: would pull the plug if needed, because I like, just
Speaker 6: like funny and it's to be funny. Yeah, it's and
Speaker 6: people that doesn't hit with people. So when I hear that,
Speaker 6: I just I double down and I'm like, yeah, and
Speaker 6: this is how I would do it if I were
Speaker 6: And then and then I'll be like Amber, like how
Speaker 6: would you kill me? Yeah?
Speaker 7: We taught We talked on our podcast we would killy together.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, But to be very clear, like I love horror,
Speaker 6: like I love slasher films. I think this stuff is
Speaker 6: just like interesting in aesthetic way, and that doesn't sit well.
Speaker 6: It doesn't sit well sometimes with our families as well.
Speaker 6: Some of our jokes, like we both grew up churchy,
Speaker 6: Like my dad is a hostile pastor and your father
Speaker 6: is a deacon. Your mom's very involved in the church.
Speaker 7: So when same over here, Yes, so we're talking about
Speaker 7: sex on the pot or yeah, stuff like that, they're kind.
Speaker 2: Of like same over here, yes, cringe over here.
Speaker 6: I think, Like, but then what happens if I take
Speaker 6: my mom to Paris and I say, you're in Paris
Speaker 6: right now because I talked about Amber's pussy, like you know,
Speaker 6: then they're okay with it.
Speaker 7: We laugh, We I don't want them.
Speaker 2: That's so that's so true to both of our families.
Speaker 2: Both of our families very churchy people. I don't know,
Speaker 2: I can't I can't do it. I can't do it.
Speaker 1: But then when you have a party and you fly
Speaker 1: people with places and then then they now family members
Speaker 1: are like, can you help me with.
Speaker 2: My YouTube channel? Oh? Yeah, now you want to start
Speaker 2: a YouTube.
Speaker 4: YouTube channel links I had to look at recently. Can
Speaker 4: you just give me some feedback and tips on how
Speaker 4: to get my subscribers up? I said the same person
Speaker 4: that was just like, why are you putting your business
Speaker 4: out there on the street?
Speaker 6: Now?
Speaker 3: You want to put your business on the street? Sin
Speaker 3: that good luck, good lackly.
Speaker 7: I also think going back to the comments thing, and
Speaker 7: I'm sure you felt this way as well, Devello, I
Speaker 7: was like, they probably can't see. So for me, I
Speaker 7: was like, I am a trained comedian, So everybody's not
Speaker 7: gonna like the joke. Everybody's not gonna like that, or
Speaker 7: they might have liked the joke, hated the outfit, hated
Speaker 7: the hair, whatever it is. These days, but I have
Speaker 7: seen so many content creators forget what they were originally
Speaker 7: doing because they're arguing with everybody in the comments. So
Speaker 7: I'm like, girl, I used to follow your page because
Speaker 7: you did a wig tutorials. Now you you over here
Speaker 7: to talk about some you know, user five seven steven
Speaker 7: I got time today and I'm like, no, you don't
Speaker 7: have time.
Speaker 6: You don't have time.
Speaker 7: And now this this page that used to be about
Speaker 7: hair and protective styles has now become just like attack
Speaker 7: of the comment section. Whenever reality, if you get to
Speaker 7: a point where you're popular enough, people that are down
Speaker 7: for you will attle people in your comment section like
Speaker 7: they will do the dirty work for you. You just need
Speaker 7: to move on to the next video, to the next idea,
Speaker 7: that's the next thing, because you'll forget why you wanted
Speaker 7: to present yourself on the Internet.
Speaker 1: I have found absolutely no you're you're absolutely right. I
Speaker 1: got on before I got into television film.
Speaker 2: I was an athlete. I play in the NFL for
Speaker 2: four years.
Speaker 1: The first thing they tell you is do not watch
Speaker 1: sports television because if you go watch sports television or
Speaker 1: you're going to be reminded of of whatever mistake the
Speaker 1: person watching thinks you made. So for example, and they
Speaker 1: tell you this with football all the time, the people
Speaker 1: watching football don't know football. So when they're telling you
Speaker 1: how to do your job and you want to argue
Speaker 1: with people about how you're supposed to do what you're
Speaker 1: a coach to do, you're taking time away from being
Speaker 1: better at your job.
Speaker 2: I took the same approach.
Speaker 1: When it came to doing TV film, and the same
Speaker 1: approach of doing social media.
Speaker 2: I told Kadean from the very beginning. Stop reading the comments.
Speaker 1: The people who are looking to comment are probably trolls
Speaker 1: number one, but probably don't even know what you're trying
Speaker 1: to portray. They just want to find something to nitpit
Speaker 1: because they have nothing to do. If you spend time
Speaker 1: arguing with them, you've taken away from the message you
Speaker 1: were trying to portray. Anyway, exactly, get your message across.
Speaker 1: Make a video, then make another video, then make another video,
Speaker 1: and before you know it, all the trolls on that
Speaker 1: one page will be going anyway.
Speaker 2: And it has worked like clockwork.
Speaker 1: I don't pay no attention to comments because you know
Speaker 1: what's funny, everybody's entitled to make a comment. Who am
Speaker 1: I to tell you that you can't comment on my page.
Speaker 1: That's the reason why I started a page right to
Speaker 1: get social commentary. So if someone don't like my joke,
Speaker 1: or like the video, or like what I'm wearing, you're
Speaker 1: entitled to that opinion. I am mad at you, Like
Speaker 1: that's your opinion, I'm still tomorrow.
Speaker 7: Now you got the video on the algorithm to gage
Speaker 7: that movie engage honey, that that video got a ring, honey,
Speaker 7: because people, I'm sure there are We've made so much
Speaker 7: content over the years, so there are people arguing on
Speaker 7: videos from three, four or five years ago. At this point, absolutely,
Speaker 7: you couldn't even keep up with every cause it's it's
Speaker 7: and they smell blood in the water too. So if
Speaker 7: you try to just comment from one person, they could
Speaker 7: be like, ooh, I got Kiddingen's attention, let me now,
Speaker 7: now let me They go crazy with it. So if
Speaker 7: there's anybody out there trying to make content, you need
Speaker 7: to help with your YouTube page. Just don't respond to
Speaker 7: the comments.
Speaker 4: That would be my price, just right, and don't start altering, right,
Speaker 4: and don't start altering your content to what people are
Speaker 4: saying in the comments, because then you're losing the authenticity
Speaker 4: of why you even have people follow you to begin with.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, I think that was the biggest message when
Speaker 1: when you said Amber, is that people will lose sight
Speaker 1: of why they got on social media anyway just to
Speaker 1: defend one video. Yes, and now I'm no longer here
Speaker 1: getting the content on what it is sad to see,
Speaker 1: but that's human nature. I watched the same thing. In sports.
Speaker 1: You no longer want to play receiver. Now you want
Speaker 1: to prove that you can be quarterback. Just to prove
Speaker 1: that the quarterback threw you the ball wrong in that
Speaker 1: last play. That has nothing to do what happened. But
Speaker 1: now you're out here trying to do something that's not
Speaker 1: your job description so that you'll have a strong founday.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and then you miss.
Speaker 7: It out on that money bag. That's that's what you
Speaker 7: really don't know, because because I talk to so many creators,
Speaker 7: they're like, I haven't had a brand deal of years.
Speaker 7: I'm like, girl, you're showing hood fights in Baltimore.
Speaker 2: What browd? That's the whole thing.
Speaker 7: You're not marketable anymore because you're arguing with people in
Speaker 7: every video.
Speaker 6: Something that I loved learning as a teacher is going
Speaker 6: back when you're like, who's the star of this video?
Speaker 6: Was that centering it not around a person, but around
Speaker 6: the great thing. So there's this great writer, a great
Speaker 6: teacher called The Courage to Teach by Parker Palmer, and
Speaker 6: he says people argue teacher centered classroom, student centered classroom. No,
Speaker 6: it should be what he calls the great thing. So
Speaker 6: if it's mathematics, center everything around mathematics our page. The
Speaker 6: great thing is that it's comedy. We want to make
Speaker 6: people laugh. And if I am the center of this
Speaker 6: video and make people laugh. That's it. It ambers the
Speaker 6: center of the video makes people laugh, that's it. If
Speaker 6: Wild's the center of the video makes people laugh, that's it.
Speaker 6: The center is the comedy. It's not about who's the star.
Speaker 6: And same thing about football. The center is not like
Speaker 6: it's your job is to learn football, right the center.
Speaker 6: That's the great thing is the football, the playing. I
Speaker 6: always find that really helpful in dealing with comments because
Speaker 6: it's not about me, it's about what's actually funny. So
Speaker 6: I don't know, I go back to that, what is
Speaker 6: our great thing?
Speaker 1: No, I think, to be honest, I think I love
Speaker 1: first of all what Amber said about focusing on what
Speaker 1: you do. But then what Ben said about the great thing.
Speaker 1: I love that because that's a that's a different perspective
Speaker 1: that we haven't been able to articulate. But it's literally
Speaker 1: what we do. We don't we don't make it about
Speaker 1: even one of us. We make it about whatever the
Speaker 1: messages in.
Speaker 3: The video video.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but also this is a good time to take
Speaker 1: a break because when we come back, we heard y'all
Speaker 1: also do listener letters like we do.
Speaker 3: Oh do you give advice? We have time we prob
Speaker 3: about two of.
Speaker 4: Them or one, because this is do you have people
Speaker 4: writing in entire discaar?
Speaker 7: I mean, this is.
Speaker 3: A memoir, a whole memoir.
Speaker 4: And the thing is it's probably on us because sometimes
Speaker 4: they gave us small paragraphs and we're like, we don't
Speaker 4: have any context. We can't give you, guys, any hour
Speaker 4: two cents because we don't know what you're trying to say.
Speaker 3: Well, cut to this dissertation over here.
Speaker 1: What we're gonna do is take a quick break, pay
Speaker 1: some bills. I gotta pay some bills, and when we
Speaker 1: come back, we're going to jump into this listening letter
Speaker 1: because I want to see how y'all would break down this.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Amber and Ben stick around so we can see
Speaker 4: if we can help this person out. All right, All right,
Speaker 4: Amber and Bang you're still there.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I get these people. It's getting these people
Speaker 3: business real quick, you know, saying.
Speaker 2: Let me read this book real quick. Okay.
Speaker 1: Hi to Valiant K love you both and have been
Speaker 1: following your journey since Black Love so proud of the growth.
Speaker 1: I'll try to give you the context and quick bullet
Speaker 1: points followed by my question. I'm twenty eight, a black
Speaker 1: woman with a college degree, no kids, a full time job,
Speaker 1: a business that I own, a few side hustles in
Speaker 1: my own car. Wow, my boyfriend, you got time for
Speaker 1: a boyfriend with all that. My boyfriend of almost three
Speaker 1: years is thirty four, no kids, drives and works a
Speaker 1: full time job. We live together in the city that
Speaker 1: he's from. This is my fifth year here, and since
Speaker 1: I moved here solely for work, I don't have actual
Speaker 1: friends here, more so colleagues and co workers. Okay, so
Speaker 1: here's my dilemma. So we have all the context here
Speaker 1: in big capital letters. I have no social life, or
Speaker 1: at least that's how it feels most of the time.
Speaker 1: My life revolves around my jobs and relationship. My boyfriend
Speaker 1: is not as adventurous as I am and is satisfied
Speaker 1: spending his weekends in the house playing video games, whereas
Speaker 1: I'm a bit of a spontaneous free spirit who lives
Speaker 1: by work hard, play hard. He only asked me out
Speaker 1: if it's with his friends, who are great but just
Speaker 1: not my kind of people, or family. Even though I'm
Speaker 1: expressed to him how important routine date nights are to me,
Speaker 1: he often flipped sit back on me to come up
Speaker 1: with the day ideas and basically plan it all myself.
Speaker 1: I get turned off when he does that because it
Speaker 1: just adds extra task to my CVS receipt of my
Speaker 1: CVS receipt of a to do list.
Speaker 2: I'm almost just.
Speaker 1: I'm also just not used to my partner being my
Speaker 1: closest friend within proximity, which sounds pathetic at my big age,
Speaker 1: all of my close friends are states away, and I
Speaker 1: really have time funds to visit them as much as
Speaker 1: i'd like. You got five jobs and three hustles and
Speaker 1: you can't visit your friends.
Speaker 2: What kind of side the hustles you got?
Speaker 3: She's maybe hustling. She hustling enough, she's busy hustling.
Speaker 1: I've tried making new friends, which sucks as an adult
Speaker 1: in my opinion, but there's usually an undertone of envy disrespect.
Speaker 1: They take advantage of me in some way while personalities
Speaker 1: just don't mesh. Well, what advice do you have for
Speaker 1: someone in my situation? How can I improve my social
Speaker 1: life both in and outside of my relationship?
Speaker 2: Thanks? Abut love you both. We love you too. Sorry.
Speaker 1: I really tried to make it not too long. M
Speaker 1: let me go, let's hear wallins.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's y'all think?
Speaker 6: I have opinions? So I'm gonna I'm gonna use a
Speaker 6: phrase from a book called The Relationship Cure. It's a
Speaker 6: very helpful book, but in there they use the term
Speaker 6: emotional bids. And basically, it's this idea that you put it.
Speaker 6: You've been sounds like this woman has been putting a
Speaker 6: bid out there, an emotional bid. So I'm bidding, hey,
Speaker 6: let's do this thing. And what will happen is someone
Speaker 6: doesn't want to hang out with you. They'll be like,
Speaker 6: uh yeah, all right, yeah, maybe whatever. They won't give
Speaker 6: you a hard time. But if they do like you,
Speaker 6: they'll they'll respond. I can't do this now, but let's
Speaker 6: set a specific day in time later. So based on that,
Speaker 6: the man you're with does not like you, like, he
Speaker 6: does not like you, he doesn't want to hang out
Speaker 6: with you, he doesn't care about you, like, let's be real,
Speaker 6: and you've been doing these emotional bids for a while
Speaker 6: and he doesn't get he doesn't give a fuck like,
Speaker 6: So I think you have to have a really real
Speaker 6: you have to recoverish it.
Speaker 7: No, like you have to give up fund I'm sorry.
Speaker 6: It's and the data proves it like emotional bids is
Speaker 6: a huge indicator of like lasting friendships and relationships, Like
Speaker 6: there's data behind this emotional bid, So you're doing it,
Speaker 6: he's not returning. So that's my idea on the romantic relationship.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's emotional.
Speaker 7: It's hard because it sounds to me if I listened
Speaker 7: correctly that she moved to the city to be with him. Yes,
Speaker 7: So if I moved to your city to be with
Speaker 7: you and you can't take me down to the cheesecake
Speaker 7: factory one night and get off that game, and I've
Speaker 7: asked you, I've given ten bids and you've knocked me
Speaker 7: down each time, I might have to start packing boxes
Speaker 7: me personally because I gave up friends, my hometown. Maybe
Speaker 7: I used to be a block away from my mama.
Speaker 7: I did all that to be here with you, just
Speaker 7: sitting in the house playing games.
Speaker 6: That's wild.
Speaker 7: But for the friendship thing, I would definitely recommend I
Speaker 7: would write down a list of like five activities that
Speaker 7: I to do. Oh, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: Talking about talking about my bad. My bad. I just
Speaker 2: wanted to correct you. She didn't move there for him.
Speaker 1: She said she moved there solely for work, So I
Speaker 1: think she might have moved there for work and met him.
Speaker 1: And the only reason why I say that because then
Speaker 1: it's not his responsibility to make sure that she has
Speaker 1: a social life.
Speaker 2: I would agree with the movies is why I cut
Speaker 2: you off. But go ahead, make sure we got that correct.
Speaker 7: Yes I misspoke. I would definitely I agree with you.
Speaker 7: I think it is not his responsibility to facilitate your
Speaker 7: social life. What I would do if I was hurt,
Speaker 7: I would write down about three to four hobbies that
Speaker 7: I have of things I like to do, and I
Speaker 7: would go to those things by myself. I'm a big
Speaker 7: yoga girl, so I started going to the yoga studio
Speaker 7: by myself, started slowly making friends at the studio, and
Speaker 7: then I was up there, one doing something that I
Speaker 7: wanted to do physically, and two making friends. So I
Speaker 7: think because it was a little strange what she said
Speaker 7: in the letter, like any new friends I have, they
Speaker 7: start to be jealous of me. I'm not saying that
Speaker 7: that's not true. But like every new friend you made.
Speaker 3: You right, what did they do? Right?
Speaker 2: Yo? I two things.
Speaker 1: First thing, the emotional big thing makes sense though, Right
Speaker 1: if a god likes you and you keep putting out hey,
Speaker 1: I would like to do this. How hey, I would
Speaker 1: like to do this, and they can never find time
Speaker 1: typically because they're not that into you.
Speaker 2: That's that's the truth.
Speaker 1: The second thing is she says she got a full
Speaker 1: time job, a business she owned, and several hustles, but
Speaker 1: she don't got money to travel and see her friends.
Speaker 2: That don't make sense to me, because you.
Speaker 1: Don't have a bad if you don't have she hustling backwards.
Speaker 1: It sounds like she's putting more money into her businesses
Speaker 1: than she is putting into her herself.
Speaker 4: Right, It's like it's even just based off of what
Speaker 4: we read, it's just giving busy work. It looks like
Speaker 4: she's running around in circles and she has no clear
Speaker 4: like like there's no real actual tasks as they're being
Speaker 4: achieved other than running around in the circles. Because I
Speaker 4: just got dizzy even about reading the whole the whole thing.
Speaker 7: Right, because she didn't tell you what the business was,
Speaker 7: I was like, what's the business? Because it was a
Speaker 7: lot of her what's the business?
Speaker 1: She said, a business she owned and several hustles plus
Speaker 1: a full time job. Which one thing I will say
Speaker 1: is she a go getter that also tell her about
Speaker 1: her personality. When she wants something, she gonna go get it.
Speaker 1: So when she say to her boyfriend, I want to
Speaker 1: go do this, if you don't want to do it,
Speaker 1: she's gonna be upset.
Speaker 2: What she really needs to do is find someone who.
Speaker 1: Is just as much of a go getter as she is,
Speaker 1: so she don't got to fight with him on doing
Speaker 1: things she wants to do.
Speaker 2: That would be my advice.
Speaker 7: Yeah, like sign up for a business class, sign up
Speaker 7: for a new business owners class, and then make some
Speaker 7: friends there. But I've never hung out with a new
Speaker 7: friend and felt jealousy for them or them jealous for me.
Speaker 7: That's the one.
Speaker 3: Like jealousy and envy off the bat.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it does make me wonder what kind of energy
Speaker 4: you're giving out there, especially if your people are not
Speaker 4: You know, you can't attract honeywoo a big What do
Speaker 4: you say you can't attract bes with vinegar?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 1: So girl, first of all, shout out to Triple Triple,
Speaker 1: talk about you. She learned how to play video games
Speaker 1: because some man played video games. No, she's gonna be
Speaker 1: terrible at the video games and gonna be mad that
Speaker 1: you playing video games with him.
Speaker 2: And you messing up his school break up.
Speaker 6: Anyway, I'm gonna disagree slightly with you. Uh So, recently
Speaker 6: I bought a Nintendo Switch and ambers like, I don't
Speaker 6: play video games. I'm like, we're doing something different tonight
Speaker 6: because I want to spend time with you and video
Speaker 6: games are important artistic endeavors for me. And so I
Speaker 6: was like, I was like, you are going I like
Speaker 6: literally because I like spending time with her. So if
Speaker 6: someone likes I like doing things and I likes people
Speaker 6: that I like to try the things that I like.
Speaker 6: So I forced her to sit down and she played
Speaker 6: Mary Card and at the end she's like, I got you, bitch.
Speaker 6: Like she's like yelling and screaming at me, like jumping
Speaker 6: out of the couch.
Speaker 7: And then I was like, Okay, we're gonna order some
Speaker 7: wings after this, give me a little outside.
Speaker 6: Yeah. But that's but that's our relationship as far as
Speaker 6: the go. It sounds your phrase like hustling backwards. It's
Speaker 6: interesting when people are go getters but they're not getting
Speaker 6: you know, like those are like I'm a go getter,
Speaker 6: but you're not getting anything. It's like, are you a
Speaker 6: go getter?
Speaker 2: Like you're just.
Speaker 7: Imagine if this person listened like so anxiously, like yes,
Speaker 7: they finally chose my letter.
Speaker 1: She at the house like, no, no, listen, this is
Speaker 1: now here's the funny part.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: When you got two people, well two couples where they
Speaker 1: speak candidly with each other, we're gonna speak candidly with everybody,
Speaker 1: like that's just the bottom line. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: say anything to you that I wouldn't say to my
Speaker 1: wife or wouldn't expect my wife to say to me,
Speaker 1: because I could tell you right now if I told
Speaker 1: Okay that I had a part time job and for
Speaker 1: side hustles, but I ain't had no money, she would
Speaker 1: honestly say to me, nigga, what the.
Speaker 2: Fuck are you doing?
Speaker 1: Come home, come home, recalibrate and figure this out, because
Speaker 1: whatever you're doing is not work.
Speaker 3: It's not working.
Speaker 2: That's what she would say to.
Speaker 4: Feel like people writeing and they feel like we're kind
Speaker 4: of like friends, right, so we have and we're in
Speaker 4: a little friend circle, and this is your friend circle
Speaker 4: girl telling you stop just go get in and just
Speaker 4: go go get and then not just go.
Speaker 1: Also, also, it is hard to move to a different
Speaker 1: city right and find people like you have to create
Speaker 1: a village that doesn't That's not easy.
Speaker 2: It's not an easy tak Yeah.
Speaker 4: I think that's where Amber's advice comes in, Like go
Speaker 4: to places that you enjoy, doing things that you like,
Speaker 4: and then you'll find probably like minded people.
Speaker 7: In a sense, you don't you know what probably happened there.
Speaker 7: She probably invited one of them new friends to brush
Speaker 7: and then try to combine these hustles with the fresh
Speaker 7: and be like girl, you know, I still a seam
Speaker 7: off's girl, and the friend Frid's.
Speaker 4: She don't want to support your business, and now she's
Speaker 4: jealous because she don't want to buy your off.
Speaker 7: I was getting fresh. Tell me if you try to
Speaker 7: sell me off.
Speaker 6: If there is only like some online website that allows
Speaker 6: you to connect with other people on shared hobbies, I
Speaker 6: don't know, like maybe meet up or like a million
Speaker 6: of other bumbles.
Speaker 3: For friendships.
Speaker 2: They have that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm so glad.
Speaker 7: That means you haven't been on the apps in a while.
Speaker 7: Good answer, great answer.
Speaker 4: I don't think we've ever been on a dating appeas
Speaker 4: years ago.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's when we started dating.
Speaker 4: The trenches and he lives to see another day and
Speaker 4: he's still here.
Speaker 7: Happened and happy to go through it too. You better
Speaker 7: say that period love.
Speaker 2: It wouldn't rather be anywhere else.
Speaker 3: Period.
Speaker 4: What we also loved, though, was having y'all to day
Speaker 4: on the Showy hour.
Speaker 3: Went by so quick. I'm like, oh my god, I can't.
Speaker 2: Believe we're like a No, I can't believe it was
Speaker 2: an hour already.
Speaker 3: Wow, Oh my goodness.
Speaker 4: Well, I want you guys to close out by telling
Speaker 4: everybody all y'all business, where they can find you, where
Speaker 4: they can follow, where they can tune in, where they
Speaker 4: can listen, give them all the tea because amb we
Speaker 4: had such a great time with y'all today.
Speaker 3: Y'all are hilarious.
Speaker 7: Yay, thank you we did. Good man. You might get
Speaker 7: something tonight.
Speaker 2: Get something to play card.
Speaker 3: You better go get some period. They got some wings for.
Speaker 7: After yet, right, and I'm not above wings after six,
Speaker 7: so take some up period wings wings, wings. Yes, y'all
Speaker 7: been together.
Speaker 3: Y'all know that we get make it spicy. Literally.
Speaker 1: Oh if I could tell y'all something, I can tell
Speaker 1: you some things that are happening in this house with
Speaker 1: wings and sects.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, it don't even be me though, Yes,
Speaker 2: it don't even be me. It'd be hurt be.
Speaker 3: Asked with a spice baby, right, what you gotta do?
Speaker 6: Okay?
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, very longer. We need some tips for those
Speaker 7: listen who want a little bit more of us. You
Speaker 7: can follow me on all social handles, from TikTok to
Speaker 7: Instagram at Burr Underscore I am so b you are
Speaker 7: our underscore I am, and we host Fly on the
Speaker 7: Wiland podcast together. We're actually going on tour soon. Our
Speaker 7: first tour day is going to be in New York
Speaker 7: City on October twenty fifth. So if you're in New
Speaker 7: York for New Jersey or you know in that little circuit,
Speaker 7: you can say all, I'm from the South. If you're
Speaker 7: in Maine area, we'll talk well offline. He's from Long Island.
Speaker 7: If you're in the Tri state area. We will be
Speaker 7: in New York City at City Winery on October twenty fifth.
Speaker 6: Also we live in.
Speaker 7: La but Burr I am and Fly on the Wiland.
Speaker 7: Thank y'all so much.
Speaker 6: And I just want to say, as a union, thank
Speaker 6: y'all so much. I just want to.
Speaker 7: Say, they got four they got four kids. Man.
Speaker 6: As a Union delegate, y'all did an episode on SAG
Speaker 6: and the importance of unions and honestly like that is
Speaker 6: amazing work that you're doing. It was funny.
Speaker 2: So thank you so much.
Speaker 6: No, seriously, like I feel like there's not enough people
Speaker 6: who are giving full context and anybody who wants to
Speaker 6: understand unions in a very like clear direct way not
Speaker 6: too heady and also laugh like you need to listen
Speaker 6: to that episode that y'all did, so thank you.
Speaker 2: So much for I appreciate that.
Speaker 7: Man Manday listeners know to listen today's show. But but yes,
Speaker 7: thank you so much.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 6: I'm just saying, like, if you missed that.
Speaker 3: One us our flower.
Speaker 7: There to listen to dead Ass podcast, Well, I was
Speaker 7: just very it just warmed my heart.
Speaker 6: It did warm my heart to hear great.
Speaker 4: Yeah, anyway, thank you receive those flowers.
Speaker 2: I love.
Speaker 3: We appreciate y'all.
Speaker 2: Y'all.
Speaker 3: Thank y'all so much for joining us today. You back
Speaker 3: in the future.
Speaker 7: All right, y'all, we're coming back. Thank y'all.
Speaker 3: It's wild for us.
Speaker 4: We will we will all right, take care of y'all.
Speaker 4: All right, moment for in Ben today. You know what
Speaker 4: my moment of truth is that Amber and Ben made
Speaker 4: me feel that much more normal in this social social
Speaker 4: media space.
Speaker 3: I know we've been doing it for seven years. It's
Speaker 3: been a while.
Speaker 4: It feels like a long as seven years, and so
Speaker 4: much has happened, But it's just refreshing to see another
Speaker 4: couple who can laugh at themselves and joke at themselves
Speaker 4: and not take things too seriously andnot be bogged down
Speaker 4: by the weight of the world and everything that's going on,
Speaker 4: and they can just laugh, they can share, they can
Speaker 4: put it out there, and people take what they want
Speaker 4: from it and they leave the rest. It just makes
Speaker 4: me feel like we have like a little group of
Speaker 4: you know, like minded couples who are doing the same
Speaker 4: things for their families and for the culture, for the
Speaker 4: for y'all's viewing pleasure.
Speaker 2: I agree.
Speaker 1: I think there was something that Ben and Amber said
Speaker 1: to me that made the most sense, which'll be my
Speaker 1: moment of truth, is that when you get into this
Speaker 1: business of trying to be a quote unquote example, being
Speaker 1: an example doesn't mean you have to be perfect. Being
Speaker 1: example means I can be exactly who I am, and
Speaker 1: I can be an example that being who I am
Speaker 1: it's perfectly fine. I love that with all the flaws
Speaker 1: and everything so shout out.
Speaker 4: To whoever's going will support regardless, like y'all, thank you
Speaker 4: so much for listening. I love how when we have
Speaker 4: listener letters too, like yeah, it's always starts with someone
Speaker 4: like giving us our flowers, right, Yes, so we appreciate
Speaker 4: y'all for that.
Speaker 3: We love y'all for it. Thank y'all for listening. We
Speaker 3: hope you had a great time listening.
Speaker 4: If you want to be a featured listener letter, we'll
Speaker 4: go through all the housekeeping stuff. If you want to
Speaker 4: be featured as a listener letter, continue to write into
Speaker 4: us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: That's d e A d A d v I c
Speaker 2: E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: And be sure to follow us d e.
Speaker 1: A d A s s A d v i c E.
Speaker 1: I just said dead advice, dead ass advice at Gmail.
Speaker 3: I don't even pick up on it this time. Look
Speaker 3: at that.
Speaker 4: But also if you, uh, if you haven't yet, be
Speaker 4: sure to subscribe and join us on Patreon, where you
Speaker 4: can get a lot more long form content of the
Speaker 4: Ellis Family Dead Ass Podcast, exclusive video clips, shoo access
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Speaker 4: gonna get only on Patreon, and then you can follow
Speaker 4: us on social media at dead Ass the Podcast. My
Speaker 4: page is Kadine I am.
Speaker 1: And I am Devout and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review, subscribe, and also get your
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Speaker 3: Baby Let's Go run it Up, y'all.
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