WEBVTT - Gary Vee ON: Living Without Judgment & How to Stop Beating Yourself Up When You Make Mistakes 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.279 You're in control. You. You. You decide what you consume, 0:00:03.840 --> 0:00:06.440 You decide what you believe, You decide who you surround 0:00:06.440 --> 0:00:10.239 yourself with. You decide what you put out. Take on accountability. Yeah, 0:00:10.320 --> 0:00:19.160 everybody wants to blame right now. I am so excited 0:00:19.160 --> 0:00:21.640 to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. 0:00:21.840 --> 0:00:25.239 My new book Eight Rules of Love is out and 0:00:25.560 --> 0:00:28.240 I cannot wait to share it with you. I am 0:00:28.360 --> 0:00:31.159 so so excited for you to read this book, for 0:00:31.240 --> 0:00:33.520 you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. 0:00:33.640 --> 0:00:36.279 If you haven't got it already, make sure you go 0:00:36.360 --> 0:00:39.800 to eight Rules of Love dot com. It's dedicated to 0:00:39.840 --> 0:00:43.640 anyone who's trying to find, keep, or let go of love. 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:46.599 So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, 0:00:46.720 --> 0:00:49.479 or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. 0:00:49.760 --> 0:00:51.800 And I'd love to invite you to come and see 0:00:51.840 --> 0:00:55.560 me for my global tour Love Rules. Go to Jay 0:00:55.680 --> 0:01:00.960 shehtytour dot com to learn more information about tickets, via experiences, 0:01:01.200 --> 0:01:04.200 and more. I can't wait to see you this year, Gay. 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:06.560 It's been three years since I've seen you, and it's 0:01:06.600 --> 0:01:08.840 been way too long. It's nice to be back. It's 0:01:08.920 --> 0:01:10.560 nice to be back. Man, we're always back here. This 0:01:10.640 --> 0:01:12.480 is like, I think, the third time I've interviewed you 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:16.360 in this room, and it's just it's always awesome when 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:17.840 I hear from you, when we're in touch. Man. So 0:01:17.880 --> 0:01:20.240 I'm hoping that we can kick that off again. I 0:01:20.360 --> 0:01:21.880 love it. Yeah, I love it. I want to start off. 0:01:21.880 --> 0:01:23.119 I have to ask you. I've got a ton of questions. 0:01:23.120 --> 0:01:24.880 I know we've got limited amount of time. I want 0:01:24.880 --> 0:01:27.120 to start off asking how was Vegon? I was watching 0:01:27.120 --> 0:01:29.759 It looked amazing. I was following everything online. It was great. 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:32.520 We were really happy with it. I've been telling a 0:01:32.520 --> 0:01:35.240 lot of my friends and family, Like you know, I 0:01:35.280 --> 0:01:38.200 really held back a lot. Meaning it was since it 0:01:38.240 --> 0:01:39.360 was the first time. I didn't know what I was 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:44.120 getting into. So it went super well, which has me 0:01:44.200 --> 0:01:47.720 crazy excited for the next one. It was educational, it 0:01:47.760 --> 0:01:51.600 was about community. It felt right, and now I think 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:54.200 I can build off of that base. I like context 0:01:54.240 --> 0:01:57.200 a lot, and so I needed to contextualize throwing an 0:01:57.200 --> 0:01:59.960 event of that size. Now that I've calibrated, I think 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:02.480 about it like a like a fighter the first round. 0:02:03.080 --> 0:02:04.760 They want to feel each other out. You want to 0:02:04.760 --> 0:02:06.640 take that first punch. Can you take the guy or 0:02:06.680 --> 0:02:10.440 Gal's power. Um, now that we've done that, I feel 0:02:10.480 --> 0:02:12.359 like I can be even more ambitious with the next one. 0:02:12.440 --> 0:02:14.960 So it was it was really good. Nice man. Yeah, 0:02:15.000 --> 0:02:17.120 the people I know that went as not as speakers, 0:02:17.160 --> 0:02:18.960 but his visit is that a great time. I'm glad. 0:02:19.040 --> 0:02:22.200 So yeah, that's when the Universal takes which for a 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:25.359 first year event at that size, I'll take it. Your 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:28.080 team posted this beautiful video is literally yesterday and I 0:02:28.120 --> 0:02:31.000 was just I was scrolling through and it's this video 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:33.320 of a moment between you and your dad. Yeah, and 0:02:33.360 --> 0:02:35.240 I was just like, you know, to hear that from 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:37.000 your dad, I'm going to read it out. He said, 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:39.200 you don't even realize what you did on that stage. 0:02:39.280 --> 0:02:43.079 You completely changed my brain. And then he said you're 0:02:43.080 --> 0:02:45.080 really special, and like we've seen moments with you and 0:02:45.120 --> 0:02:49.079 your dad on social a ton before. Obviously, what was 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:51.960 different about that moment and what was even what did 0:02:52.040 --> 0:02:57.239 you side? What's challenging for me is like, you know, look, 0:02:57.800 --> 0:02:59.560 my dad's a very popular figure. I do a good 0:02:59.639 --> 0:03:04.200 job in popular he's the best. But my dad and 0:03:04.240 --> 0:03:07.040 I are very different. My dad grew up with a 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:09.400 very different mom than I did. My dad grew up 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:12.400 in a very different place. The USSR is not an 0:03:12.440 --> 0:03:14.679 optimistic place. You know, a lot of Americans and a 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:16.440 lot of people listening around the world don't know this. 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:19.320 The USSR was a jail. It wasn't only that it 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:22.040 was a difficult country. We have difficult countries around the world. 0:03:22.200 --> 0:03:25.440 You couldn't leave, you know, I'm not educated. I think 0:03:25.480 --> 0:03:27.720 you can't leave North Korea right, Like, if you leave 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:30.880 it right, North Korea is the comp like, you couldn't 0:03:30.960 --> 0:03:35.880 leave the USSR. So that's called jail. And so you know, 0:03:36.200 --> 0:03:38.720 he grew up in a very different place. That manifested 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:42.160 in my father looking at his employees very differently than 0:03:42.240 --> 0:03:45.880 I do, looking at the world differently. And we had 0:03:45.920 --> 0:03:49.000 some very serious conversations in the last ninety six hours 0:03:49.280 --> 0:03:51.000 because I made this connection point. I'm not going to 0:03:51.080 --> 0:03:54.240 put them out there yet. I think that's for him 0:03:54.280 --> 0:03:57.360 to put out there if he wants to. But my 0:03:57.440 --> 0:04:00.760 last book, Twelve and a half Ingredients, I realized when 0:04:00.800 --> 0:04:05.200 I wrote it was, Oh, it's not just empathy. Oh 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:08.600 it's not just ambition. Like we're the makeup of like 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:11.960 these three combos, these four combos in this situation, these 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:16.240 two combos and what I think happened is there was 0:04:16.360 --> 0:04:21.200 one ingredient that my dad wasn't using in combination that 0:04:21.279 --> 0:04:23.280 if he starts using the way he has been the 0:04:23.360 --> 0:04:26.760 last two three days, Ay, everybody around him is going 0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:29.800 to be happier, but for me selfishly, he's going to 0:04:29.880 --> 0:04:34.279 be happier. And I'm really glad that moment's connected. My 0:04:34.360 --> 0:04:37.159 Dad's had stop and starts of like optimistic points of 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:39.920 view in the past. We all have. I've had stops 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:42.400 and starts with candor. Let me make it about myself. 0:04:42.600 --> 0:04:44.960 I've had finally over to hump in the last three 0:04:45.040 --> 0:04:48.880 four years. But it was a special moment and like, 0:04:49.000 --> 0:04:51.960 I'm incredibly emotional about it because it could be a 0:04:51.960 --> 0:04:54.240 really big impact. It was really beautiful to see him, Man, 0:04:54.279 --> 0:04:56.400 thank you, Billy, And I loved how your response is, like, Dad, 0:04:56.400 --> 0:04:59.440 you should have come and look, it's fun to do 0:04:59.480 --> 0:05:01.760 this with you because you're also one of the human 0:05:01.760 --> 0:05:05.880 beings on earth that communicates in a way that helps people. 0:05:06.200 --> 0:05:09.360 It's a very heavy feeling to know that you can 0:05:09.440 --> 0:05:13.200 say something and can change someone's life, you know. I 0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:15.320 think it's intoxicating. I think it's why a lot of 0:05:15.360 --> 0:05:17.400 therapists love their job. I think it's why a lot 0:05:17.440 --> 0:05:19.360 of people that are into meditation. I think it's why 0:05:19.360 --> 0:05:21.080 teachers love their job. I think it's why a lot 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:24.600 of parents. My mom had real, real sadness, empty nest 0:05:24.600 --> 0:05:27.360 when AJ left. She was an Hall of Fame mother. 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:29.680 When he left, she didn't get the player. You know. 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:33.000 Like so, I think for many of us around the world, 0:05:33.240 --> 0:05:35.479 we do it publicly, but a lot of people do 0:05:35.520 --> 0:05:40.320 it privately or in small micro climates. There's nothing like 0:05:40.520 --> 0:05:44.440 saying something that provides someone else value when that person 0:05:44.560 --> 0:05:46.080 ends up being some of the people you love the 0:05:46.120 --> 0:05:49.320 most that goes to a different planet. Yeah, it's really special. 0:05:49.360 --> 0:05:52.000 And I think what you just said that it accord 0:05:52.080 --> 0:05:55.080 with me because I think we always want the answer 0:05:55.120 --> 0:05:56.839 to be like, well, should I be this or should 0:05:56.839 --> 0:05:59.440 I be that? Right, you're talking about the opposites, and 0:05:59.440 --> 0:06:02.440 it's like I be affectionate or should I be active? 0:06:02.480 --> 0:06:06.440 And it's like it's always and yeah, something I've been 0:06:06.480 --> 0:06:10.320 really tapping into is and versus or Yeah, I feel 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:12.640 like I'm very effective because of our political temperature to 0:06:12.720 --> 0:06:17.880 last decade, you know, Purple America has been really told 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:20.360 in many different ways and it's a left and right issue. Yeah, 0:06:20.720 --> 0:06:23.120 this is not picking on any one party. It's just 0:06:23.160 --> 0:06:27.080 the climate. It's the popular culture. I'm watching my friends 0:06:27.080 --> 0:06:30.719 and acquaintances and business associates change their opinion on issues 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:32.240 because they feel they have to be one hundred percent 0:06:32.320 --> 0:06:35.240 read or one hundred percent blue. It's it's incredibly devastating 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:37.960 to me. I know where they stand. I'm watching them 0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:41.479 change their mind because they're treating it as a tribe 0:06:41.880 --> 0:06:47.880 and the answers purple, yeah, and so purple and versus or. 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:49.760 This is a lot of the work I'm working on 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:55.760 within myself, through my content, affecting my team and then 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:59.839 you know, you know, family, team, employees, the world. You know. 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:02.600 I'm spending a lot of time on it. And that's 0:07:02.640 --> 0:07:05.120 why that book was so fun for me, because you know, 0:07:05.880 --> 0:07:09.479 I'm an enigma. I confuse people. I'm a contradiction. People 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:11.840 struggle with it, and I see it as the strength. 0:07:12.520 --> 0:07:14.600 It is the end that makes me work like I 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:17.600 want to build the biggest companies of all time. Yet 0:07:17.720 --> 0:07:20.000 I haven't come across a lot of people really genuinely 0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:24.200 naturally DNA. I'm not special luck of the draw. Really 0:07:24.240 --> 0:07:27.160 want everyone else to win like, I'm really about that life. 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:30.160 I love that you just said that because I had 0:07:30.160 --> 0:07:32.880 a really dear friend who I respect, who we both 0:07:32.920 --> 0:07:35.840 know is very accomplished in their own world, he said 0:07:35.880 --> 0:07:37.320 to me. Recently, he said to me, Jay, the reason 0:07:37.360 --> 0:07:39.200 why I love having conversations with you is because I 0:07:39.200 --> 0:07:41.720 can have a spiritual conversation. We can then switch to 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:44.960 strategy and then we can talk about content. And he's like, 0:07:45.480 --> 0:07:48.600 I appreciate that you're one person that we can go there. 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:50.640 And I was, and that gave me permission to be 0:07:50.800 --> 0:07:53.760 that because, by the way, I'm the same paradox people 0:07:53.760 --> 0:07:55.720 that were used to be a monk, but now you 0:07:55.800 --> 0:07:59.000 do media and you manage companies, and people can't not 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:01.640 always figure that out. Like, but I am all of 0:08:01.680 --> 0:08:04.680 them and I'm okay with that, and I'd rather be 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:08.360 all of them than have to choose one. And a 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:12.840 lot of people don't like juggling six balls, and I 0:08:12.880 --> 0:08:15.040 think that's awesome. I think life needs to be talked 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:18.280 way more around self awareness and self love. Like I 0:08:18.320 --> 0:08:20.880 can't pick one thing, Gary, so many of my friends, 0:08:20.880 --> 0:08:24.720 well intended, most accomplished people on earth. Gary, if you 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:27.160 ever decided to pick one thing in focus. You would, 0:08:27.600 --> 0:08:30.320 and I'm like, I would die. Yeah, you think because 0:08:30.360 --> 0:08:32.320 you did, and it works for you. That's awesome. And 0:08:32.360 --> 0:08:35.520 that's why when I make content, i say it with 0:08:35.720 --> 0:08:38.920 such passion and conviction. I'm always trying to use longer 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:41.080 format platforms like this to take a step back and 0:08:41.120 --> 0:08:45.960 create some clarity. I'm asking people to do the things 0:08:46.000 --> 0:08:49.560 on their terms as passionately and all in as I am. 0:08:50.320 --> 0:08:53.200 I'll talk about tactics. Yes, TikTok is an arbitrage attention 0:08:53.280 --> 0:08:55.600 machine right now. Yes, I believe you should post three 0:08:55.640 --> 0:08:58.160 four times a day, but you don't have to. And 0:08:58.240 --> 0:09:02.400 more importantly, if you just like posting on TikTok the 0:09:02.480 --> 0:09:05.959 way I dislike reading, then you should do it. Never Yes, 0:09:06.240 --> 0:09:08.880 and that's the part the people. They want everything so 0:09:08.960 --> 0:09:13.280 black and white, when everything everything is gray. I'm always 0:09:13.520 --> 0:09:18.520 trying to share my conviction, talk about the ease of 0:09:18.640 --> 0:09:23.000 leaning into oneself. But remind people don't be me. I 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:27.520 have high energy. I have levels of charisma that aren't trained, 0:09:27.920 --> 0:09:30.319 Like mommy and Daddy made love at the right second, 0:09:30.640 --> 0:09:32.720 and I was born with certain things. It's the same 0:09:32.720 --> 0:09:34.599 reason that I've struggled with candor do you know me? 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:36.520 Five minute meetings I have that are such a waste 0:09:36.520 --> 0:09:38.280 of time because they're could have been an eighteen second 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:41.079 reading of an email, but I can't do it. And 0:09:41.440 --> 0:09:45.000 and and I just I was a DNF student because 0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:48.680 even as a child, I had some sort of subconscious 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:54.080 force that just wasn't interested in not being me, you know, Yeah, 0:09:54.360 --> 0:09:56.559 And I just want that for more people like and 0:09:56.960 --> 0:09:59.080 then that goes into a framework that I get very 0:09:59.080 --> 0:10:03.680 passionate about. My favorite thing about walking around Earth is 0:10:03.720 --> 0:10:07.360 how visceral I am against judging people. In an era 0:10:07.520 --> 0:10:10.480 that judgment of others has become the most popular pastime, 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:14.640 but it starts with me not judging myself. I have standards, 0:10:14.840 --> 0:10:18.000 I have morals, but I don't beat myself up. And 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:20.240 as you know, because I'm sure you're on the receiving 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:22.960 end of different but many of the same messages that 0:10:23.000 --> 0:10:26.360 I get, people are just so good at beating themselves up. 0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:30.720 And I'm like why, like everybody else sucks too, Like great, 0:10:30.880 --> 0:10:33.199 so you're not good at this, or you missed your 0:10:33.240 --> 0:10:36.079 kids baseball game and you're not a bad parent when 0:10:36.080 --> 0:10:38.319 you're we need you know. Another thing Jay that I'm 0:10:38.400 --> 0:10:41.600 very passionate about intent needs to have a seat at 0:10:41.600 --> 0:10:45.679 the table. We've eliminated the ability to try to figure 0:10:45.679 --> 0:10:49.080 out one's intent. You suck because of this. Do you 0:10:49.120 --> 0:10:52.079 know why they got there? Do you know how this happened? Like, 0:10:52.080 --> 0:10:54.559 we've just eliminated intent. So these are all the feelings 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:58.920 I think through. But you know, like I am, I 0:10:58.960 --> 0:11:01.439 definitely like doing a lot of things. Yeah, and I 0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:04.440 love what you're saying because we'd rather project that label 0:11:04.480 --> 0:11:07.720 of judgment onto someone because then we don't have to 0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:09.920 do the work to figure out how they got there. Yeah, 0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:16.040 I mean, envy and jealousy are incredibly powerful traits. I 0:11:16.160 --> 0:11:18.000 tend not to a lot of my friends throw it 0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:21.400 out about me, about themselves. I actually never go there. 0:11:21.640 --> 0:11:25.880 It's very real. I'm just trying to figure out the solve, yes, 0:11:26.240 --> 0:11:29.800 which is like big things like can we reframe success? 0:11:31.040 --> 0:11:33.960 Can we create clarification? For example, with me, I've spent 0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:37.920 the last five years trying to really explain why I 0:11:37.920 --> 0:11:39.840 want to buy the New York Jets because it's a 0:11:39.880 --> 0:11:42.880 fun game, not like I need the New York you 0:11:42.880 --> 0:11:45.320 know what I mean. Like, I'm in a weird place 0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:47.560 now where I kind of want, like Karen Thompson to 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:50.280 buy the jets and be the biggest first. Like, good job, Karen, 0:11:50.320 --> 0:11:52.959 you did it. Like I'd want to try to buy 0:11:53.000 --> 0:11:55.080 the jets. I don't need the jets. I want to 0:11:55.120 --> 0:11:59.360 try to build big companies. It's fun process over the trophies. 0:11:59.400 --> 0:12:03.119 I don't need the trophies to close gaps of insecurity. Yeah, 0:12:03.160 --> 0:12:06.199 and so like redefining success. That was at talk right 0:12:06.200 --> 0:12:09.760 after becon a couple of days ago in Vegas. Lady said, 0:12:09.800 --> 0:12:12.080 you know, and she was so damn happy, and she's like, 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:15.480 but I'm not, you know, making the dollars like everybody 0:12:15.480 --> 0:12:17.800 in this room like are you happy? She's like really happy. 0:12:17.800 --> 0:12:20.600 I'm like, you're the winner of the room. We have 0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:24.839 to redefine success. You know, I'm not against money. I'm 0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:27.080 an entrepreneur. I was born in the USSR and grew 0:12:27.160 --> 0:12:30.959 up in America. I'm like very pro anything in balance, 0:12:31.120 --> 0:12:34.160 capitalism and balance excites me to no end. It's around merit. 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:38.360 But we need to teach all of ourselves the simplicity 0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:42.439 of like, how like redefining success. Yeah. Yeah, Well that's 0:12:42.440 --> 0:12:44.839 the fascinating thing about self awareness. Going back to earlier 0:12:44.920 --> 0:12:48.440 point that I've found that envy and jealousy. When you 0:12:48.520 --> 0:12:51.680 don't have self awareness, you envious and jealous of everyone. Correct, 0:12:51.720 --> 0:12:54.200 when you have self awareness, it at least limits your 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:56.640 envy and jealousy to what you do, and then you 0:12:56.640 --> 0:12:59.040 can actually do something with it and do something about it. 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:01.400 And so self aware and its actually gets you halfway 0:13:01.480 --> 0:13:04.679 there in the battle against jendency. And I'm obsessed with it. 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:08.640 You know, it brings you better relationships. When a humanist 0:13:08.640 --> 0:13:11.439 tone deaf of like how people are affected by them, 0:13:11.679 --> 0:13:15.120 They're in a very, very vulnerable spot. Self awareness is 0:13:15.200 --> 0:13:19.040 very attractive and something that I hope society keeps pounding on. 0:13:19.320 --> 0:13:22.800 I believe that you're someone who has an even better 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:26.000 private life than you do public life. Yeah, I mean 0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:28.280 you know obviously listen, I've gone, you know, through my 0:13:28.640 --> 0:13:32.200 personal things like anybody else, But you know what, you 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:37.760 know how I would answer that I'm wildly content and 0:13:37.800 --> 0:13:43.640 at peace, and I don't think that would make sense 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:46.760 to most people that consume me because I'm so frantic 0:13:46.800 --> 0:13:51.040 as a communicator. I'm such high energy. I think the 0:13:51.040 --> 0:13:53.480 thing I always enjoy when people get close to me 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:56.679 and I'm looking at dustin set behind, It's like there's 0:13:56.760 --> 0:14:01.480 incredible levels of confusion on the omness and like the 0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:06.120 ability to absorb, you know, bad situations, and that has 0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:08.720 so much to do with personal life, right like friends 0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:12.000 and family. I feel really good about it. I think 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:14.240 a lot of it has to do with the lack 0:14:14.280 --> 0:14:17.800 of expectation I have of others. Doesn't mean I don't 0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:22.480 require like any human being, but like, I'm incredibly compassionate, 0:14:23.160 --> 0:14:26.200 not just empathetic, and I think when you combine compassion 0:14:26.280 --> 0:14:29.480 and empathy you get into a really zeny fun place. 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:32.480 I find that, you know, I've been really thinking this through. 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:35.680 I'm like, oh, those two because not only can I 0:14:35.720 --> 0:14:40.040 feel you, but when you come with something that isn't great, 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:45.640 I'm going quickly to are you okay? Versus this hurts me? 0:14:47.000 --> 0:14:49.680 And so that gives me a very good personal life. 0:14:49.480 --> 0:14:52.320 I again trials and tribulations like any human on life 0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:55.600 from different various things, especially candor. I would tell you 0:14:55.640 --> 0:14:59.040 that everything that I've had challenges within my life professionally 0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:02.320 and personally has been because I'm non confrontational, which again 0:15:02.760 --> 0:15:05.880 blows people away because on stage I'm incredible at it 0:15:06.200 --> 0:15:08.960 because I'm talking to the world. When I'm talking to 0:15:09.000 --> 0:15:11.000 the world, I can't see your name or your face, 0:15:11.480 --> 0:15:13.400 And so I can just have really good observations to 0:15:13.480 --> 0:15:17.280 incredibly clean data because very few people on Earth read 0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:19.400 the comments from human beings at the level that I do. 0:15:19.440 --> 0:15:21.400 That's what I do for a living. Yeah, so I 0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:25.040 have crazy insights. One that really caught me was how 0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:27.400 many wealthy kids were upset with their parents for paying 0:15:27.440 --> 0:15:30.920 things but didn't want to give up the parents. That 0:15:30.920 --> 0:15:33.200 one really triggered me in four or five years, because 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:35.560 I didn't grow up in that environment. I was like, oh, 0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:39.120 this is a wild one. This is a very unhappy 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:42.160 twenty five year old with a Tesla, a sick apartment 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:46.520 in la an unlimited uber equinox. But they really but 0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:49.840 the subconscious is starting to take over and they realize 0:15:49.880 --> 0:15:52.640 their parents think they're losers, that's why they're paying for everything. 0:15:52.640 --> 0:15:57.200 And it becomes, you know, breaking those things down. So yeah, 0:15:56.360 --> 0:15:59.480 I think I think I am very happy because I'm 0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:02.840 very simple. I'm way simpler in business and content, and 0:16:02.960 --> 0:16:05.840 people realize I'm very simple in life. I don't really 0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:10.280 want stuff. I like playing. I like playing, you know, 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:13.200 I like competition. That's something I'm passionate about. Everythink a 0:16:13.200 --> 0:16:15.880 lot about competition. You know, I'm thinking about why is 0:16:15.880 --> 0:16:19.600 there's so much anxiety in the system. Of course social 0:16:19.640 --> 0:16:22.200 media pipes. I don't blame social the way people do. 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:26.080 I just think that people are being exposed. Yeah, yeah, 0:16:26.080 --> 0:16:28.440 this was this was happening at dinner tables and so 0:16:28.480 --> 0:16:31.040 like that's right, yeah, like so like so I think 0:16:31.040 --> 0:16:33.640 people want to blame platforms. This is about a human thing, 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:37.200 and I think every country is different, every religion's different, 0:16:37.280 --> 0:16:40.520 race genders, a lot going on. But I really think 0:16:40.560 --> 0:16:43.560 that there's a lot of fun little pieces put together 0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:47.040 that got us to certain places. I think eliminating merit 0:16:47.480 --> 0:16:51.480 and demonizing competition has been a misstep. I think it 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:55.400 came from great intent. I think parents didn't want kids crying. 0:16:55.400 --> 0:16:58.280 They didn't want them to feel bad. But we started 0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:01.640 training that eighteen place is the same as first place. 0:17:01.880 --> 0:17:05.480 Eliminating merit is not a happy place. It leads to 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:08.600 a very unhappy place. And so, you know, it's funny 0:17:08.600 --> 0:17:12.080 the things that get me going, ambition and competition. I'm 0:17:12.119 --> 0:17:16.960 in feels very red kindness over anything else, including those 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:20.080 two things. Marie. You know, and because it's purple, and 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:23.399 that's where my soul is right now. For the world, 0:17:23.480 --> 0:17:25.280 because I think so much of what I am and 0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:28.520 what I became was my mom and my DNA and 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:32.600 my circumstance filled all the gaps along the way. I 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:37.879 walked into high school four foot eleven, four ft eleven confident, 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:41.000 not because I thought I would get the cheer leader 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:43.080 or it was going to be the most popular, because 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:46.240 I had zero interest in that validation. Yeah, not that 0:17:46.280 --> 0:17:48.119 I thought it was better, not that I thought it 0:17:48.200 --> 0:17:51.040 was better. And I think these, you know these, I 0:17:51.080 --> 0:17:53.520 just wanted to be nice to everybody. I want to 0:17:53.520 --> 0:17:55.359 do my baseball card shows, I want to get my 0:17:55.440 --> 0:17:57.320 d's and f's on my way to go into the 0:17:57.480 --> 0:18:00.840 wine business. I wanted everybody to be happy, and it 0:18:00.880 --> 0:18:03.960 really hasn't stopped. The Buddha thousands of years ago called 0:18:03.960 --> 0:18:06.400 it the middle path, right, the idea that we're trying 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:07.720 to go. Is it left or is it right? Is 0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:09.600 it this or that? It's like, no, it's the middle path. 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:12.240 And what you were just saying around eliminating merit. I 0:18:12.240 --> 0:18:15.119 think one of the bigger challenges is trying to eliminate 0:18:15.200 --> 0:18:19.880 pain early on in life, because you just become fragile, correct, 0:18:20.040 --> 0:18:22.399 And it's fascinating to me how much we don't realize 0:18:22.440 --> 0:18:25.960 that fragility is being spread by limiting. I was beaten 0:18:26.040 --> 0:18:28.280 up every day at school, primary school, every single day 0:18:28.320 --> 0:18:29.840 because I was the only ending kid at school. I 0:18:29.840 --> 0:18:31.879 was the only overweight kid in school, and so I 0:18:31.920 --> 0:18:34.520 got beaten up every single day. And it was just 0:18:34.920 --> 0:18:37.080 what I went through in same same as you, similarly, 0:18:37.080 --> 0:18:39.760 funnily enough, and we never talked about this, but people 0:18:39.800 --> 0:18:42.000 always like, did that affect you? I'm like, no, not really, 0:18:42.040 --> 0:18:45.480 because I wasn't looking for love from that person, because 0:18:45.480 --> 0:18:47.360 even then I knew that that person had more pain 0:18:47.400 --> 0:18:48.960 in their life to me. They grew up on the 0:18:48.960 --> 0:18:51.919 council estate, they had their parents had a broken marriage. 0:18:51.960 --> 0:18:55.120 They had so much more context even at that age 0:18:55.200 --> 0:18:56.720 that I could go home to my mom and dad. 0:18:56.840 --> 0:18:58.679 I think, I think it's real. I think kids not 0:18:58.720 --> 0:19:03.200 going outside like parents are two involved. I get it again, 0:19:03.800 --> 0:19:08.159 best intent, best intent, but I believe in it. I 0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:11.600 believe that we have demonized losing when losing is the best. 0:19:12.680 --> 0:19:15.399 Like for me, it was school was telling me I 0:19:15.480 --> 0:19:17.120 was going to be a failure. So you've grown ups 0:19:17.200 --> 0:19:19.760 left and right, friends, parents and teachers, you will be 0:19:19.800 --> 0:19:21.800 a garbage. I remember the favorite thing back in the eighties, 0:19:21.800 --> 0:19:23.600 you're gonna be garbage man, big shout out to the 0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:26.199 garbage first of all. But that was the cliche thing 0:19:26.200 --> 0:19:28.200 in eighty four to eighty seven, like I can't wait 0:19:28.200 --> 0:19:29.679 to be like I'm gonna be a garbage like they 0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:33.399 like they just really it was only college, it was 0:19:33.440 --> 0:19:37.000 only grades. So that and then I competed twenty four seven. 0:19:37.119 --> 0:19:39.640 I was always competing, and when you compete all the time, 0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:43.040 you're losing a lot. And I cried. I cried from 0:19:43.080 --> 0:19:47.760 six to twelve every time I lost than anything video games, checkers, uno, football, 0:19:48.160 --> 0:19:52.160 because I hated the feeling. But the layers of skin 0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:54.639 that I have, you know, and that makes sense to 0:19:54.640 --> 0:19:56.240 me about you. You can't be out there at the 0:19:56.359 --> 0:19:58.760 level we're out there. If you don't have that stomach, 0:19:59.080 --> 0:20:01.360 you won't do it. You won't put yourself. We all 0:20:01.440 --> 0:20:05.120 now can everybody can put themselves out there. People won't 0:20:05.160 --> 0:20:07.160 do it if they don't have that layer of skin. 0:20:07.600 --> 0:20:09.760 And I, you know, I agree with you, like, and 0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:12.480 it's a tough challenge, but we have to get kids 0:20:12.480 --> 0:20:16.000 to like get comfortable with losing, yeah, get comfortable with discomfort, 0:20:16.119 --> 0:20:18.359 even if they're not losing. Yet she's getting comfortable with 0:20:18.359 --> 0:20:21.040 discounts and we've really gone the other way, especially if 0:20:21.080 --> 0:20:23.240 there's money, if the family has a couple of bucks, 0:20:23.480 --> 0:20:27.000 it's been completely eliminated. Yeah, parents are going to school 0:20:27.080 --> 0:20:29.160 fighting for their kids, like my kids should have gotten 0:20:29.359 --> 0:20:31.360 like we're doing too much. And then they're twenty two 0:20:31.400 --> 0:20:33.560 and they have to live life and they go into 0:20:33.560 --> 0:20:35.280 the workplace and they're like, I should be the VP 0:20:35.359 --> 0:20:37.520