Speaker 1: You're in control. You. You. You decide what you consume,
Speaker 1: You decide what you believe, You decide who you surround
Speaker 1: yourself with. You decide what you put out. Take on accountability. Yeah,
Speaker 1: everybody wants to blame right now. I am so excited
Speaker 1: to be talking to you today. I can't believe it.
Speaker 1: My new book Eight Rules of Love is out and
Speaker 1: I cannot wait to share it with you. I am
Speaker 1: so so excited for you to read this book, for
Speaker 1: you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook.
Speaker 1: If you haven't got it already, make sure you go
Speaker 1: to eight Rules of Love dot com. It's dedicated to
Speaker 1: anyone who's trying to find, keep, or let go of love.
Speaker 1: So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up,
Speaker 1: or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book.
Speaker 1: And I'd love to invite you to come and see
Speaker 1: me for my global tour Love Rules. Go to Jay
Speaker 1: shehtytour dot com to learn more information about tickets, via experiences,
Speaker 1: and more. I can't wait to see you this year, Gay.
Speaker 1: It's been three years since I've seen you, and it's
Speaker 1: been way too long. It's nice to be back. It's
Speaker 1: nice to be back. Man, we're always back here. This
Speaker 1: is like, I think, the third time I've interviewed you
Speaker 1: in this room, and it's just it's always awesome when
Speaker 1: I hear from you, when we're in touch. Man. So
Speaker 1: I'm hoping that we can kick that off again. I
Speaker 1: love it. Yeah, I love it. I want to start off.
Speaker 1: I have to ask you. I've got a ton of questions.
Speaker 1: I know we've got limited amount of time. I want
Speaker 1: to start off asking how was Vegon? I was watching
Speaker 1: It looked amazing. I was following everything online. It was great.
Speaker 1: We were really happy with it. I've been telling a
Speaker 1: lot of my friends and family, Like you know, I
Speaker 1: really held back a lot. Meaning it was since it
Speaker 1: was the first time. I didn't know what I was
Speaker 1: getting into. So it went super well, which has me
Speaker 1: crazy excited for the next one. It was educational, it
Speaker 1: was about community. It felt right, and now I think
Speaker 1: I can build off of that base. I like context
Speaker 1: a lot, and so I needed to contextualize throwing an
Speaker 1: event of that size. Now that I've calibrated, I think
Speaker 1: about it like a like a fighter the first round.
Speaker 1: They want to feel each other out. You want to
Speaker 1: take that first punch. Can you take the guy or
Speaker 1: Gal's power. Um, now that we've done that, I feel
Speaker 1: like I can be even more ambitious with the next one.
Speaker 1: So it was it was really good. Nice man. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the people I know that went as not as speakers,
Speaker 1: but his visit is that a great time. I'm glad.
Speaker 1: So yeah, that's when the Universal takes which for a
Speaker 1: first year event at that size, I'll take it. Your
Speaker 1: team posted this beautiful video is literally yesterday and I
Speaker 1: was just I was scrolling through and it's this video
Speaker 1: of a moment between you and your dad. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I was just like, you know, to hear that from
Speaker 1: your dad, I'm going to read it out. He said,
Speaker 1: you don't even realize what you did on that stage.
Speaker 1: You completely changed my brain. And then he said you're
Speaker 1: really special, and like we've seen moments with you and
Speaker 1: your dad on social a ton before. Obviously, what was
Speaker 1: different about that moment and what was even what did
Speaker 1: you side? What's challenging for me is like, you know, look,
Speaker 1: my dad's a very popular figure. I do a good
Speaker 1: job in popular he's the best. But my dad and
Speaker 1: I are very different. My dad grew up with a
Speaker 1: very different mom than I did. My dad grew up
Speaker 1: in a very different place. The USSR is not an
Speaker 1: optimistic place. You know, a lot of Americans and a
Speaker 1: lot of people listening around the world don't know this.
Speaker 1: The USSR was a jail. It wasn't only that it
Speaker 1: was a difficult country. We have difficult countries around the world.
Speaker 1: You couldn't leave, you know, I'm not educated. I think
Speaker 1: you can't leave North Korea right, Like, if you leave
Speaker 1: it right, North Korea is the comp like, you couldn't
Speaker 1: leave the USSR. So that's called jail. And so you know,
Speaker 1: he grew up in a very different place. That manifested
Speaker 1: in my father looking at his employees very differently than
Speaker 1: I do, looking at the world differently. And we had
Speaker 1: some very serious conversations in the last ninety six hours
Speaker 1: because I made this connection point. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: put them out there yet. I think that's for him
Speaker 1: to put out there if he wants to. But my
Speaker 1: last book, Twelve and a half Ingredients, I realized when
Speaker 1: I wrote it was, Oh, it's not just empathy. Oh
Speaker 1: it's not just ambition. Like we're the makeup of like
Speaker 1: these three combos, these four combos in this situation, these
Speaker 1: two combos and what I think happened is there was
Speaker 1: one ingredient that my dad wasn't using in combination that
Speaker 1: if he starts using the way he has been the
Speaker 1: last two three days, Ay, everybody around him is going
Speaker 1: to be happier, but for me selfishly, he's going to
Speaker 1: be happier. And I'm really glad that moment's connected. My
Speaker 1: Dad's had stop and starts of like optimistic points of
Speaker 1: view in the past. We all have. I've had stops
Speaker 1: and starts with candor. Let me make it about myself.
Speaker 1: I've had finally over to hump in the last three
Speaker 1: four years. But it was a special moment and like,
Speaker 1: I'm incredibly emotional about it because it could be a
Speaker 1: really big impact. It was really beautiful to see him, Man,
Speaker 1: thank you, Billy, And I loved how your response is, like, Dad,
Speaker 1: you should have come and look, it's fun to do
Speaker 1: this with you because you're also one of the human
Speaker 1: beings on earth that communicates in a way that helps people.
Speaker 1: It's a very heavy feeling to know that you can
Speaker 1: say something and can change someone's life, you know. I
Speaker 1: think it's intoxicating. I think it's why a lot of
Speaker 1: therapists love their job. I think it's why a lot
Speaker 1: of people that are into meditation. I think it's why
Speaker 1: teachers love their job. I think it's why a lot
Speaker 1: of parents. My mom had real, real sadness, empty nest
Speaker 1: when AJ left. She was an Hall of Fame mother.
Speaker 1: When he left, she didn't get the player. You know.
Speaker 1: Like so, I think for many of us around the world,
Speaker 1: we do it publicly, but a lot of people do
Speaker 1: it privately or in small micro climates. There's nothing like
Speaker 1: saying something that provides someone else value when that person
Speaker 1: ends up being some of the people you love the
Speaker 1: most that goes to a different planet. Yeah, it's really special.
Speaker 1: And I think what you just said that it accord
Speaker 1: with me because I think we always want the answer
Speaker 1: to be like, well, should I be this or should
Speaker 1: I be that? Right, you're talking about the opposites, and
Speaker 1: it's like I be affectionate or should I be active?
Speaker 1: And it's like it's always and yeah, something I've been
Speaker 1: really tapping into is and versus or Yeah, I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm very effective because of our political temperature to
Speaker 1: last decade, you know, Purple America has been really told
Speaker 1: in many different ways and it's a left and right issue. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is not picking on any one party. It's just
Speaker 1: the climate. It's the popular culture. I'm watching my friends
Speaker 1: and acquaintances and business associates change their opinion on issues
Speaker 1: because they feel they have to be one hundred percent
Speaker 1: read or one hundred percent blue. It's it's incredibly devastating
Speaker 1: to me. I know where they stand. I'm watching them
Speaker 1: change their mind because they're treating it as a tribe
Speaker 1: and the answers purple, yeah, and so purple and versus or.
Speaker 1: This is a lot of the work I'm working on
Speaker 1: within myself, through my content, affecting my team and then
Speaker 1: you know, you know, family, team, employees, the world. You know.
Speaker 1: I'm spending a lot of time on it. And that's
Speaker 1: why that book was so fun for me, because you know,
Speaker 1: I'm an enigma. I confuse people. I'm a contradiction. People
Speaker 1: struggle with it, and I see it as the strength.
Speaker 1: It is the end that makes me work like I
Speaker 1: want to build the biggest companies of all time. Yet
Speaker 1: I haven't come across a lot of people really genuinely
Speaker 1: naturally DNA. I'm not special luck of the draw. Really
Speaker 1: want everyone else to win like, I'm really about that life.
Speaker 1: I love that you just said that because I had
Speaker 1: a really dear friend who I respect, who we both
Speaker 1: know is very accomplished in their own world, he said
Speaker 1: to me. Recently, he said to me, Jay, the reason
Speaker 1: why I love having conversations with you is because I
Speaker 1: can have a spiritual conversation. We can then switch to
Speaker 1: strategy and then we can talk about content. And he's like,
Speaker 1: I appreciate that you're one person that we can go there.
Speaker 1: And I was, and that gave me permission to be
Speaker 1: that because, by the way, I'm the same paradox people
Speaker 1: that were used to be a monk, but now you
Speaker 1: do media and you manage companies, and people can't not
Speaker 1: always figure that out. Like, but I am all of
Speaker 1: them and I'm okay with that, and I'd rather be
Speaker 1: all of them than have to choose one. And a
Speaker 1: lot of people don't like juggling six balls, and I
Speaker 1: think that's awesome. I think life needs to be talked
Speaker 1: way more around self awareness and self love. Like I
Speaker 1: can't pick one thing, Gary, so many of my friends,
Speaker 1: well intended, most accomplished people on earth. Gary, if you
Speaker 1: ever decided to pick one thing in focus. You would,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I would die. Yeah, you think because
Speaker 1: you did, and it works for you. That's awesome. And
Speaker 1: that's why when I make content, i say it with
Speaker 1: such passion and conviction. I'm always trying to use longer
Speaker 1: format platforms like this to take a step back and
Speaker 1: create some clarity. I'm asking people to do the things
Speaker 1: on their terms as passionately and all in as I am.
Speaker 1: I'll talk about tactics. Yes, TikTok is an arbitrage attention
Speaker 1: machine right now. Yes, I believe you should post three
Speaker 1: four times a day, but you don't have to. And
Speaker 1: more importantly, if you just like posting on TikTok the
Speaker 1: way I dislike reading, then you should do it. Never Yes,
Speaker 1: and that's the part the people. They want everything so
Speaker 1: black and white, when everything everything is gray. I'm always
Speaker 1: trying to share my conviction, talk about the ease of
Speaker 1: leaning into oneself. But remind people don't be me. I
Speaker 1: have high energy. I have levels of charisma that aren't trained,
Speaker 1: Like mommy and Daddy made love at the right second,
Speaker 1: and I was born with certain things. It's the same
Speaker 1: reason that I've struggled with candor do you know me?
Speaker 1: Five minute meetings I have that are such a waste
Speaker 1: of time because they're could have been an eighteen second
Speaker 1: reading of an email, but I can't do it. And
Speaker 1: and and I just I was a DNF student because
Speaker 1: even as a child, I had some sort of subconscious
Speaker 1: force that just wasn't interested in not being me, you know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I just want that for more people like and
Speaker 1: then that goes into a framework that I get very
Speaker 1: passionate about. My favorite thing about walking around Earth is
Speaker 1: how visceral I am against judging people. In an era
Speaker 1: that judgment of others has become the most popular pastime,
Speaker 1: but it starts with me not judging myself. I have standards,
Speaker 1: I have morals, but I don't beat myself up. And
Speaker 1: as you know, because I'm sure you're on the receiving
Speaker 1: end of different but many of the same messages that
Speaker 1: I get, people are just so good at beating themselves up.
Speaker 1: And I'm like why, like everybody else sucks too, Like great,
Speaker 1: so you're not good at this, or you missed your
Speaker 1: kids baseball game and you're not a bad parent when
Speaker 1: you're we need you know. Another thing Jay that I'm
Speaker 1: very passionate about intent needs to have a seat at
Speaker 1: the table. We've eliminated the ability to try to figure
Speaker 1: out one's intent. You suck because of this. Do you
Speaker 1: know why they got there? Do you know how this happened? Like,
Speaker 1: we've just eliminated intent. So these are all the feelings
Speaker 1: I think through. But you know, like I am, I
Speaker 1: definitely like doing a lot of things. Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: love what you're saying because we'd rather project that label
Speaker 1: of judgment onto someone because then we don't have to
Speaker 1: do the work to figure out how they got there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, envy and jealousy are incredibly powerful traits. I
Speaker 1: tend not to a lot of my friends throw it
Speaker 1: out about me, about themselves. I actually never go there.
Speaker 1: It's very real. I'm just trying to figure out the solve, yes,
Speaker 1: which is like big things like can we reframe success?
Speaker 1: Can we create clarification? For example, with me, I've spent
Speaker 1: the last five years trying to really explain why I
Speaker 1: want to buy the New York Jets because it's a
Speaker 1: fun game, not like I need the New York you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like, I'm in a weird place
Speaker 1: now where I kind of want, like Karen Thompson to
Speaker 1: buy the jets and be the biggest first. Like, good job, Karen,
Speaker 1: you did it. Like I'd want to try to buy
Speaker 1: the jets. I don't need the jets. I want to
Speaker 1: try to build big companies. It's fun process over the trophies.
Speaker 1: I don't need the trophies to close gaps of insecurity. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and so like redefining success. That was at talk right
Speaker 1: after becon a couple of days ago in Vegas. Lady said,
Speaker 1: you know, and she was so damn happy, and she's like,
Speaker 1: but I'm not, you know, making the dollars like everybody
Speaker 1: in this room like are you happy? She's like really happy.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're the winner of the room. We have
Speaker 1: to redefine success. You know, I'm not against money. I'm
Speaker 1: an entrepreneur. I was born in the USSR and grew
Speaker 1: up in America. I'm like very pro anything in balance,
Speaker 1: capitalism and balance excites me to no end. It's around merit.
Speaker 1: But we need to teach all of ourselves the simplicity
Speaker 1: of like, how like redefining success. Yeah. Yeah, Well that's
Speaker 1: the fascinating thing about self awareness. Going back to earlier
Speaker 1: point that I've found that envy and jealousy. When you
Speaker 1: don't have self awareness, you envious and jealous of everyone. Correct,
Speaker 1: when you have self awareness, it at least limits your
Speaker 1: envy and jealousy to what you do, and then you
Speaker 1: can actually do something with it and do something about it.
Speaker 1: And so self aware and its actually gets you halfway
Speaker 1: there in the battle against jendency. And I'm obsessed with it.
Speaker 1: You know, it brings you better relationships. When a humanist
Speaker 1: tone deaf of like how people are affected by them,
Speaker 1: They're in a very, very vulnerable spot. Self awareness is
Speaker 1: very attractive and something that I hope society keeps pounding on.
Speaker 1: I believe that you're someone who has an even better
Speaker 1: private life than you do public life. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: you know obviously listen, I've gone, you know, through my
Speaker 1: personal things like anybody else, But you know what, you
Speaker 1: know how I would answer that I'm wildly content and
Speaker 1: at peace, and I don't think that would make sense
Speaker 1: to most people that consume me because I'm so frantic
Speaker 1: as a communicator. I'm such high energy. I think the
Speaker 1: thing I always enjoy when people get close to me
Speaker 1: and I'm looking at dustin set behind, It's like there's
Speaker 1: incredible levels of confusion on the omness and like the
Speaker 1: ability to absorb, you know, bad situations, and that has
Speaker 1: so much to do with personal life, right like friends
Speaker 1: and family. I feel really good about it. I think
Speaker 1: a lot of it has to do with the lack
Speaker 1: of expectation I have of others. Doesn't mean I don't
Speaker 1: require like any human being, but like, I'm incredibly compassionate,
Speaker 1: not just empathetic, and I think when you combine compassion
Speaker 1: and empathy you get into a really zeny fun place.
Speaker 1: I find that, you know, I've been really thinking this through.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, those two because not only can I
Speaker 1: feel you, but when you come with something that isn't great,
Speaker 1: I'm going quickly to are you okay? Versus this hurts me?
Speaker 1: And so that gives me a very good personal life.
Speaker 1: I again trials and tribulations like any human on life
Speaker 1: from different various things, especially candor. I would tell you
Speaker 1: that everything that I've had challenges within my life professionally
Speaker 1: and personally has been because I'm non confrontational, which again
Speaker 1: blows people away because on stage I'm incredible at it
Speaker 1: because I'm talking to the world. When I'm talking to
Speaker 1: the world, I can't see your name or your face,
Speaker 1: And so I can just have really good observations to
Speaker 1: incredibly clean data because very few people on Earth read
Speaker 1: the comments from human beings at the level that I do.
Speaker 1: That's what I do for a living. Yeah, so I
Speaker 1: have crazy insights. One that really caught me was how
Speaker 1: many wealthy kids were upset with their parents for paying
Speaker 1: things but didn't want to give up the parents. That
Speaker 1: one really triggered me in four or five years, because
Speaker 1: I didn't grow up in that environment. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is a wild one. This is a very unhappy
Speaker 1: twenty five year old with a Tesla, a sick apartment
Speaker 1: in la an unlimited uber equinox. But they really but
Speaker 1: the subconscious is starting to take over and they realize
Speaker 1: their parents think they're losers, that's why they're paying for everything.
Speaker 1: And it becomes, you know, breaking those things down. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I think I am very happy because I'm
Speaker 1: very simple. I'm way simpler in business and content, and
Speaker 1: people realize I'm very simple in life. I don't really
Speaker 1: want stuff. I like playing. I like playing, you know,
Speaker 1: I like competition. That's something I'm passionate about. Everythink a
Speaker 1: lot about competition. You know, I'm thinking about why is
Speaker 1: there's so much anxiety in the system. Of course social
Speaker 1: media pipes. I don't blame social the way people do.
Speaker 1: I just think that people are being exposed. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: this was this was happening at dinner tables and so
Speaker 1: like that's right, yeah, like so like so I think
Speaker 1: people want to blame platforms. This is about a human thing,
Speaker 1: and I think every country is different, every religion's different,
Speaker 1: race genders, a lot going on. But I really think
Speaker 1: that there's a lot of fun little pieces put together
Speaker 1: that got us to certain places. I think eliminating merit
Speaker 1: and demonizing competition has been a misstep. I think it
Speaker 1: came from great intent. I think parents didn't want kids crying.
Speaker 1: They didn't want them to feel bad. But we started
Speaker 1: training that eighteen place is the same as first place.
Speaker 1: Eliminating merit is not a happy place. It leads to
Speaker 1: a very unhappy place. And so, you know, it's funny
Speaker 1: the things that get me going, ambition and competition. I'm
Speaker 1: in feels very red kindness over anything else, including those
Speaker 1: two things. Marie. You know, and because it's purple, and
Speaker 1: that's where my soul is right now. For the world,
Speaker 1: because I think so much of what I am and
Speaker 1: what I became was my mom and my DNA and
Speaker 1: my circumstance filled all the gaps along the way. I
Speaker 1: walked into high school four foot eleven, four ft eleven confident,
Speaker 1: not because I thought I would get the cheer leader
Speaker 1: or it was going to be the most popular, because
Speaker 1: I had zero interest in that validation. Yeah, not that
Speaker 1: I thought it was better, not that I thought it
Speaker 1: was better. And I think these, you know these, I
Speaker 1: just wanted to be nice to everybody. I want to
Speaker 1: do my baseball card shows, I want to get my
Speaker 1: d's and f's on my way to go into the
Speaker 1: wine business. I wanted everybody to be happy, and it
Speaker 1: really hasn't stopped. The Buddha thousands of years ago called
Speaker 1: it the middle path, right, the idea that we're trying
Speaker 1: to go. Is it left or is it right? Is
Speaker 1: it this or that? It's like, no, it's the middle path.
Speaker 1: And what you were just saying around eliminating merit. I
Speaker 1: think one of the bigger challenges is trying to eliminate
Speaker 1: pain early on in life, because you just become fragile, correct,
Speaker 1: And it's fascinating to me how much we don't realize
Speaker 1: that fragility is being spread by limiting. I was beaten
Speaker 1: up every day at school, primary school, every single day
Speaker 1: because I was the only ending kid at school. I
Speaker 1: was the only overweight kid in school, and so I
Speaker 1: got beaten up every single day. And it was just
Speaker 1: what I went through in same same as you, similarly,
Speaker 1: funnily enough, and we never talked about this, but people
Speaker 1: always like, did that affect you? I'm like, no, not really,
Speaker 1: because I wasn't looking for love from that person, because
Speaker 1: even then I knew that that person had more pain
Speaker 1: in their life to me. They grew up on the
Speaker 1: council estate, they had their parents had a broken marriage.
Speaker 1: They had so much more context even at that age
Speaker 1: that I could go home to my mom and dad.
Speaker 1: I think, I think it's real. I think kids not
Speaker 1: going outside like parents are two involved. I get it again,
Speaker 1: best intent, best intent, but I believe in it. I
Speaker 1: believe that we have demonized losing when losing is the best.
Speaker 1: Like for me, it was school was telling me I
Speaker 1: was going to be a failure. So you've grown ups
Speaker 1: left and right, friends, parents and teachers, you will be
Speaker 1: a garbage. I remember the favorite thing back in the eighties,
Speaker 1: you're gonna be garbage man, big shout out to the
Speaker 1: garbage first of all. But that was the cliche thing
Speaker 1: in eighty four to eighty seven, like I can't wait
Speaker 1: to be like I'm gonna be a garbage like they
Speaker 1: like they just really it was only college, it was
Speaker 1: only grades. So that and then I competed twenty four seven.
Speaker 1: I was always competing, and when you compete all the time,
Speaker 1: you're losing a lot. And I cried. I cried from
Speaker 1: six to twelve every time I lost than anything video games, checkers, uno, football,
Speaker 1: because I hated the feeling. But the layers of skin
Speaker 1: that I have, you know, and that makes sense to
Speaker 1: me about you. You can't be out there at the
Speaker 1: level we're out there. If you don't have that stomach,
Speaker 1: you won't do it. You won't put yourself. We all
Speaker 1: now can everybody can put themselves out there. People won't
Speaker 1: do it if they don't have that layer of skin.
Speaker 1: And I, you know, I agree with you, like, and
Speaker 1: it's a tough challenge, but we have to get kids
Speaker 1: to like get comfortable with losing, yeah, get comfortable with discomfort,
Speaker 1: even if they're not losing. Yet she's getting comfortable with
Speaker 1: discounts and we've really gone the other way, especially if
Speaker 1: there's money, if the family has a couple of bucks,
Speaker 1: it's been completely eliminated. Yeah, parents are going to school
Speaker 1: fighting for their kids, like my kids should have gotten
Speaker 1: like we're doing too much. And then they're twenty two
Speaker 1: and they have to live life and they go into
Speaker 1: the workplace and they're like, I should be the VP
Speaker 1: of this company. Gary, I'm like, you've been here four weeks. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm like, start your own company. Like, yeah, have you
Speaker 1: found you found clever ways with with your daughter to
Speaker 1: be able to do things like that? Like have you
Speaker 1: found I'm hacking all the time with my two kids? Competition?
Speaker 1: How do you do that with giving it? Because beat them,
Speaker 1: beat them and everything. My dad used to do that.
Speaker 1: I wish AJ was here like a My mom used
Speaker 1: to get so mad at me because we were siblings.
Speaker 1: Not it's your child and I'm eleven years older. So
Speaker 1: we're playing one on one basketball. I'm eighteen, he's seven,
Speaker 1: and I am beating them for a couple of reasons.
Speaker 1: One I believed it. Two I didn't want to lose.
Speaker 1: Three I always know when it happened. I'm like, one
Speaker 1: day he's gonna be seventeen and I'm gonna be, you know,
Speaker 1: twenty eight, and he's gonna beat me. He's gonna be
Speaker 1: and you know, like I needed to get my wins
Speaker 1: on the board because yeah, I think beating them. I
Speaker 1: think talking about adversity, explaining non conformant leaning in you know,
Speaker 1: and so that's how Yeah, I like that, And my
Speaker 1: dad was like that. It was really interesting because I
Speaker 1: think men and women react differently to that. But as
Speaker 1: a guy like my dad was like that, he would
Speaker 1: never passed. He would he would get in front of
Speaker 1: an open goal soccer. I'm talking about game in front
Speaker 1: an open goal. He could pass to me for his
Speaker 1: son to score, and he'd go. In school, we'd been
Speaker 1: playing father and son, and honestly, you know, I've been
Speaker 1: thinking a lot because I'm so soft skilled. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: so many moms I know that were like, well never
Speaker 1: let like the dad is. I'm thinking about one couple
Speaker 1: right now where it's like, I just think it's a
Speaker 1: DNA trait, it's a culture trait. But I think competition
Speaker 1: in losing an adversity need to be championed. Zero to twelve,
Speaker 1: when they've been completely taken out of the equation. And
Speaker 1: I believe the entitlement and the pain is a direct correlation.
Speaker 1: I really do, Yeah, I really do. What I go
Speaker 1: to out of that was that it helped me become
Speaker 1: my own man because I didn't have my dad passing
Speaker 1: me the boy. I didn't have my dad passing it on,
Speaker 1: and so for me, it gave me no framework to
Speaker 1: the extreme. By the time I was eighteen or nineteen,
Speaker 1: I was I mean, this is really I think my
Speaker 1: dad's about to start consuming my content. So I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be very I'm gonna tread lightly here, but Dad, if
Speaker 1: you're listening, At eighteen or nineteen, I became equally as
Speaker 1: important to the business, and by twenty two I was
Speaker 1: much more important into business, and so like I took
Speaker 1: it to the extreme, right, like you know, the responsibility,
Speaker 1: the putting it on your own two feet, Like we
Speaker 1: need a lot more of that. No parent is doing
Speaker 1: their kid a favor by putting training wheels on their life. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I love that, Karry, I'm asking this would love And
Speaker 1: you know, for me, this was a big thing. I
Speaker 1: think it was like I think i'd been making content
Speaker 1: for two years before I introduced my community to my wife. Yes,
Speaker 1: and everyone's like, Jay, you're married, Like people had no
Speaker 1: idea because I just didn't talk about her because we
Speaker 1: just got married, We've been together for a few years
Speaker 1: before that. I was like, I need to be careful about,
Speaker 1: of course, what we're going to say, where this is going,
Speaker 1: how this feels. You've recently been more open about your relationship. Yes,
Speaker 1: we don't have to go there. This is being very
Speaker 1: kind and I appreciate it because I respect you. I
Speaker 1: am incredibly private, as you know and the world knows,
Speaker 1: because I'm going through a transition in my life. I
Speaker 1: felt like it got to a place where it was
Speaker 1: not sustainable for me to be one hundred percent private,
Speaker 1: and so I've been a little more public. It is
Speaker 1: something that I'm desperately not interested in, even the part
Speaker 1: we just talked about with my kids, Like, it's not
Speaker 1: somewhere I want to go. I don't want to go.
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about my kids. I don't
Speaker 1: want to talk about my personal No. No, I want
Speaker 1: you to keep this and I'll tell you why. I
Speaker 1: want to remind people you're in control. Yeah, it's incredibly
Speaker 1: important and appropriate, and I appreciate especially being very cordial
Speaker 1: for people to ask and things of that nature. But
Speaker 1: I want to remind people they're in control. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: want to provide value and put out things. In my
Speaker 1: professional career, I'm incredibly private and feel that the world
Speaker 1: is entitled to what you give it. So when I
Speaker 1: watch people get upset when people get into their business,
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're giving them your business by the way,
Speaker 1: you're leveraging your business. I don't want to leverage nor
Speaker 1: give my personal life to the world. I don't think
Speaker 1: that's the right way, by the way. I just think
Speaker 1: it's my way. Yeah. So the reason I have a
Speaker 1: little bit to what you're referring to is it became
Speaker 1: not sustainable because it's been a long time and like
Speaker 1: I was in a trance, like it just it was
Speaker 1: the appropriate time and I needed to just get some
Speaker 1: context out there. But I'm it's not where I'm going
Speaker 1: to go. Yeah, And that's what I was more interested.
Speaker 1: To me. It's not listen us being together. My brain
Speaker 1: goes into maximize the value at the highest levels because
Speaker 1: we have the opportunity too. For as many people are listening.
Speaker 1: The takeaway there from my perspective is you're in control. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you have a learning disability and you want to share it.
Speaker 1: Mazzeltof you don't great. It took me back to something
Speaker 1: less serious. It took me fifteen years of public life
Speaker 1: to say I'm not candorous and it's hurt me my
Speaker 1: personal life, and it's hurt me in my business life.
Speaker 1: You get to share what you want to share. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I think people should be careful of what they share. Yes,
Speaker 1: you share your abs as like as like you're a
Speaker 1: good shape dude. People don't talk about your body for
Speaker 1: rest of your life. Yeah, but you did that. You're
Speaker 1: gonna show your kid all the time. They're gonna talk
Speaker 1: about that relationship. They're gonna talk. You're giving the world permission.
Speaker 1: I'd prefer not to give the world permission because that's
Speaker 1: a sacred place for me. Yeah. You know, even look
Speaker 1: at my mom. She like the greatest gift I could
Speaker 1: give to the world, is my mom to the world
Speaker 1: the greatest. She's alpha me, She's more experienced. She's a
Speaker 1: different perspective as a mom, as she doesn't want it
Speaker 1: the end, right. I thought my dad and mom would
Speaker 1: be reverse. My dad, I never thought would love the
Speaker 1: limelights so much. But you know, so, I think if
Speaker 1: you're listening right now, please if you're not going on
Speaker 1: social media because you have a skeleton in your closet,
Speaker 1: you have a disease, you have a bad you know situation.
Speaker 1: You're like me and like grew up in a family
Speaker 1: where like personal life is private. That's I think, you know,
Speaker 1: in Russia that was like people would go to jail
Speaker 1: if anybody knew anything about you. So I think it
Speaker 1: ingrained in my parents, which then ingrained in me and
Speaker 1: my sister and brother, Like we're private that way, you know.
Speaker 1: I think you have to understand you're in control. Facebook
Speaker 1: and TikTok and podcasts on YouTube don't make you do anything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they don't make you do anything. I'm so glad you
Speaker 1: addressed up because I think there's and this is why
Speaker 1: I brought it up. I think there's been a mosque
Speaker 1: of false vulnerability that's been encouraged because of social media.
Speaker 1: So people think that the more vulnerable or more open
Speaker 1: shore that shows authenticity. Yeah, I love you for that.
Speaker 1: You're going to a very smart place, I would argue,
Speaker 1: I see more lack of authenticity in the way that
Speaker 1: people are leveraging their family and personal life because they
Speaker 1: know it does well. Yeah. I don't want to go
Speaker 1: too deep because again, this is what's fun about being
Speaker 1: Canadas in general. But I would never ever say this
Speaker 1: to a human being. There's people who are leveraging their
Speaker 1: children for brand deals. That's something thinking about. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: like right now, those kids aren't talking about that to
Speaker 1: you because they don't talk because they're four or because
Speaker 1: they're sixteen not ready to have that combo. But like,
Speaker 1: I think all of us have to think about things
Speaker 1: like that. Yeah, And I think for me, as an
Speaker 1: observer of you, I always respect. Then That's why I
Speaker 1: was so intrigued and I still respect. I still respect,
Speaker 1: but it's because I went through that journey in my
Speaker 1: own head. Yeah, even with my own wife that had
Speaker 1: been together with and even what we share and where
Speaker 1: we should you really intention like to me, your family
Speaker 1: is the most sacred. Like that's who's going to be
Speaker 1: around you when you're dying. Yeah, like right, and so
Speaker 1: like you have to think three times before you start
Speaker 1: letting anything in. Right. And by the way, the other
Speaker 1: thing is I don't want to make decisions for other people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was built to be unstoppable, you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 1: like when you suhere, I'm going like for that judgment
Speaker 1: if that person it's hard enough if you choose it,
Speaker 1: imagine someone else choosing it for you. Yes, and so like,
Speaker 1: please everyone be thoughtful on this one. And by the way,
Speaker 1: if you're listening right now and it's really hitting, but
Speaker 1: you already opened up Kimono's box, it's never close. It's
Speaker 1: never related to close it. You can close that. We evolve,
Speaker 1: we change, I will make mistakes, I will change, I
Speaker 1: will evolve. I will do good things. Like we need
Speaker 1: a lot more civility and patience for each other. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you've been sharing everything and you decide off of
Speaker 1: this podcast, which I'm sure there's five to five hundred
Speaker 1: people that just decided right now, then you just stop.
Speaker 1: And when people ask, where's Johnny your boyfriend? Because like you,
Speaker 1: you can answer it, you don't have to answer it.
Speaker 1: But like you're in control, people have to understand they're
Speaker 1: in control. Accountability. You know, V Friends is Mike is
Speaker 1: the scaled version of me. You know V Friends. You
Speaker 1: know this is actually something I should talk to you
Speaker 1: about offline. You should really debate this the building intellectual
Speaker 1: property to scale one's message is very powerful. So I'd
Speaker 1: love to Yeah. Yeah, Like like I met this woman
Speaker 1: in our late sixties early seventies, somebody introduced me to her.
Speaker 1: I want to I'm looking and potentially hire her to
Speaker 1: be a storyteller. And V Friends short for Jim Henson. Wow,
Speaker 1: we're just getting to know each other. But like the
Speaker 1: brief for Fraggle Rock, the brief for the entire show
Speaker 1: was stop war, and it was like the most profound
Speaker 1: out of all these sixteen months. That's been the most
Speaker 1: profound moment so far of my journey of V Friends.
Speaker 1: Because V Friends is to make people happier, but I
Speaker 1: think happiness comes in a lot of forms, not demonizing competition.
Speaker 1: My favorite character I want to develop as accountable Aunt Jay.
Speaker 1: I think the lack of accountability is leading to so
Speaker 1: much unhappiness. Like life is so much better when you're
Speaker 1: like this was my fault. Yeah, you're in control. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and so like you know, this was like a wrap
Speaker 1: up to control. You're in control. You You you decide
Speaker 1: what you consume, you decide what you believe, You decide
Speaker 1: who you surround yourself up with. You decide what you
Speaker 1: put out. Take on accountability. Yeah, everybody wants to blame
Speaker 1: right now the algorithm they're acting as. The algorithms are
Speaker 1: like hypnosis and I understand endorphin hits and all that,
Speaker 1: but like you can delete the app, you can like
Speaker 1: where's accountability in this? Yeah? Right? Yeah? Absolutely. We have
Speaker 1: an alcohol, we have tobacco, we have drugs, we have weapons,
Speaker 1: and we have all sorts of issues. But most people
Speaker 1: play within moderation. That's on you. Yeah. And it's a
Speaker 1: tough truth, right, It's it's a tough. It's a tough,
Speaker 1: especially when you're unhappy. Yeah. Yeah, that goes back to
Speaker 1: why it's important. It's like the chicken and egg. It's
Speaker 1: like working out, Like I got into better shape the
Speaker 1: last eight years. Nothing comes less natural to me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: nothing comes right Like, but like I was like, I
Speaker 1: just would like to live longer. Yes, I would just
Speaker 1: like to live longer. Yeah, and go figure. It's not
Speaker 1: apple cider gummies, it's not steroids, it's not implants I've
Speaker 1: thought about. I'm like, can I get chest in plants?
Speaker 1: I put in a lot of work. I feel like
Speaker 1: I've like Seth's good. Like I feel like Seth but
Speaker 1: like my body type, like you know, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I probably haven't but but but no, it's like eat, well,
Speaker 1: go in the gym, do the right things, and so
Speaker 1: saying for life, you know, whether it's meditation, whether it's exercise,
Speaker 1: whether it's therapy, whether it's good conversations, whether it's surrounding
Speaker 1: you know, you know, back to us not having a
Speaker 1: certain you know, we've had some meals, we've had some interactions.
Speaker 1: They're always like they're nice. I would like that, and
Speaker 1: I will build on that. I think, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: spending more time thinking about spending more time with more
Speaker 1: while doubling down on core. You know, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: because I've been I did a really good job in
Speaker 1: the last ten years of doubling down on core. But
Speaker 1: but I think being as busy and I love what
Speaker 1: I do, you know, I really do want to build
Speaker 1: out a more of a friend network more. I want
Speaker 1: to take more people from lightweight acquaintance to solid acquaintance.
Speaker 1: I want to take people from a paintance to friend,
Speaker 1: from friend to best friend. And so I'm on a
Speaker 1: journey like everybody else. But I think that um god,
Speaker 1: I think believe it or not, and this is going
Speaker 1: to sound so crazy for so many The world actually
Speaker 1: has so much potential for everybody listening to be the
Speaker 1: best time to be alive. Medicine and technology and there's
Speaker 1: so much, but we're caught right now. It's like a
Speaker 1: hamster wheel. We're in the momentum of focusing on you know,
Speaker 1: the bad. Yeah, and there's there's always bad. Yeah. The
Speaker 1: Holocaust was bad. Genocide is always going on. Genghis Khan
Speaker 1: was not a fun time to be a human. Yeah, Like,
Speaker 1: you know, like we we are very bad at history.
Speaker 1: I was a really bad student, but I did well
Speaker 1: in history. Like, but that starts with you. What are
Speaker 1: you going to do about it? Because right now everyone's
Speaker 1: like pointing and feels like it's on someone else. Starts
Speaker 1: with ourselves. I mean when you said that and you
Speaker 1: brought up the Holocaust. I recently read Edith Eager's book
Speaker 1: The Gift. She lived through the Holocaust, and she had
Speaker 1: that mindset in the Holocaust. So she said the only
Speaker 1: way she got through it is she realized that she
Speaker 1: wasn't a prisoner, that the only prisoners were the gods,
Speaker 1: because they were prisoners of their own conscience. Unbelievable, that
Speaker 1: was her mindset. She's right, and it's and you know,
Speaker 1: she's like overnight in now or even older, and it's
Speaker 1: like it's just phenomenal that her Victor Franco, who wrote
Speaker 1: Man set for Meaning, these two phenomenal books, if anyone
Speaker 1: hasn't read them like they had that in that scenario. Well,
Speaker 1: that's the point I always make to everybody, Like, you know,
Speaker 1: the only thing that works for me is trying to
Speaker 1: contextualize moments in time. Yeah, and like you know, our
Speaker 1: great great great grandparents had it rough by comparison the
Speaker 1: way we have it, and sure they had some things
Speaker 1: that were better on simplicity, but we must choose optimism
Speaker 1: because what's the alternative pessimism? Like are you just gonna decide?
Speaker 1: Because once you decide, where are you? Once you decide,
Speaker 1: it's bad, it's actually bad. And so like, one of
Speaker 1: the things that makes me very passionate to communicate is
Speaker 1: practical optimism or the fact that I believe negativity is
Speaker 1: much better at marketing than positivity. Oh, for sure, I
Speaker 1: feel a huge sense of responsibility what has become out
Speaker 1: of all the things you've pursued, Because I'm guessing at
Speaker 1: different stages in your life, and anyone who hasn't heard
Speaker 1: of interviewed to Gary twice before, so you can go
Speaker 1: back and listen to those You've pursued different things at
Speaker 1: different times, and every time I meet you, it's a
Speaker 1: really What I love about it is that you just
Speaker 1: there's so much growth and acceptance and embracing of this
Speaker 1: new you. Every time we talk, I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: talking to an even more self aware of human, which
Speaker 1: is a really fun feeling when you're checking in with
Speaker 1: someone in this way. And so I go, what have
Speaker 1: you found currently to be the most worthy pursuit? What
Speaker 1: is it that you're pursuing that you've found worthy of.
Speaker 1: It's always been the same thing for me. It's almost
Speaker 1: as if I'm living two separate lives. The most worthy
Speaker 1: pursuit is I'm wildly gifted and helping other people, and
Speaker 1: I'm incredibly comfortable of also being okay with feeding myself
Speaker 1: around my own interests. The most worthwhile pursuit of my friend,
Speaker 1: I think this is going to land with you is
Speaker 1: the continuous balanced beam that I walk on that is
Speaker 1: called equal parts selfish and equal parts selfless and refining
Speaker 1: that skill set. And I think in the three times.
Speaker 1: If I may off of your analogy, I think the
Speaker 1: beam is getting thinner, and I'm still walking it. You know,
Speaker 1: maybe the first time we met it was like an
Speaker 1: Olympic beam or a high school beam. Maybe the second
Speaker 1: time was you know. My hope is that as I
Speaker 1: continue to go, I'll be on a tight rope across
Speaker 1: Manhattan and walk it easily, because me playing my game
Speaker 1: of entrepreneurship gives me so much energy that I'm able
Speaker 1: to deploy it in a positive manner at scale, and
Speaker 1: I find it fascinating, and so that is what I
Speaker 1: continue to go After that, Gary, forty minutes with you
Speaker 1: feels like an hour and two hours with someone else.
Speaker 1: Thank you man, Thank you best, Thank you. I appreciate
Speaker 1: you so much