Speaker 1: My baby ass been fat. That is a fact. But
Speaker 1: you know what, after a while, you get tired of
Speaker 1: your own bullshit and you're realized you got to make
Speaker 1: a change. And that's the space that I'm in right
Speaker 1: now when it comes to my life. Overall, dead ass
Speaker 1: booty included dead as dead ass. Now this ass is alive. Actually, Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm cadein and I'm devoured and we're the Ellises. You
Speaker 1: may know us from posting funny videos with our voys
Speaker 1: and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,
Speaker 1: I'll make you need derby most days. Wow. Oh and
Speaker 1: one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,
Speaker 1: we all. We created this podcast to open dialogue about
Speaker 1: some of them life's most taboo topics, things most folks
Speaker 1: don't want to talk about. Do the lens of a
Speaker 1: millennium married couple. Dead ass is a term that we
Speaker 1: say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're
Speaker 1: actually saying facts one hundred the truth, the whole truth,
Speaker 1: and nothing about the truth. Were about to take philow
Speaker 1: talk to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: Story time, you got a story time about my ass?
Speaker 1: I got I have a lot of stories. I'm sure
Speaker 1: you have lots of stories stories about that stories, but no, um,
Speaker 1: this story is going to take me back to November. Okay, November, Um,
Speaker 1: everybody knew I had my health issues or whatever. Blah
Speaker 1: blah blah. We talked about that. Kadein went to Jamaica.
Speaker 1: And when Kadein came back from Jamaica, she was looking
Speaker 1: at these pictures of herself from Jamaica and just to
Speaker 1: give you, you know, just to kind of let you
Speaker 1: guys know what it's how it's been. Um. Of course,
Speaker 1: the Quota was born November eight, twenty twenty one, after
Speaker 1: about nine weeks postpartum. Keanean's like you, I'm ready to
Speaker 1: get back in shape. January comes around and Conean's in
Speaker 1: the gym NonStop. I think it was from January to March. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you had got down to I think it was at
Speaker 1: one point like one hundred and fifty pounds. You were
Speaker 1: like about about one fifty five, but were not quite
Speaker 1: one fifty. But she wasn't really really good. She gave birth.
Speaker 1: I was that morning I stepped on the scale. I
Speaker 1: was like, wow, this was my biggest, heaviest pregnancy. So
Speaker 1: Coneanan got down to where she like, she like, I
Speaker 1: feel comfortable and feel good about where I am. And
Speaker 1: at the time, that was those three months from jan
Speaker 1: So we're about March heading into April. April was a
Speaker 1: heavy month for us, but it was my birthday, it
Speaker 1: was Jackson's birthday. On we had travel and then starting March,
Speaker 1: I mean starting in May, we had gotten into filming
Speaker 1: and I had filmed every month from May, I was
Speaker 1: in Canada, then we were down south. We did a
Speaker 1: bunch of stuff. Before we knew it, we were heading
Speaker 1: into podcast season. We're doing a live shows, and then
Speaker 1: we were heading into the birthday seasons with your Dad's
Speaker 1: birthday and Kyle's birthday. Before we knew it, six months
Speaker 1: had gone by and Kadeine and I had kind of
Speaker 1: fell off of being in the gym. That leads us
Speaker 1: to November. November. Kate was looking at some video and
Speaker 1: some pictures from herself in November and she said, devout,
Speaker 1: when did I get fat? And I said, what you mean,
Speaker 1: like when you get fat? She said, look at me?
Speaker 1: And she was like, She's like, look at me, look
Speaker 1: at me. I am a year postpartum. I was in
Speaker 1: better shape earlier this year than I am now and
Speaker 1: I can't take it, like I'm sick of it, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, baby, it's not that bad. She said, no,
Speaker 1: don't tell me it's not that bad. You're gonna have
Speaker 1: red carpets next year. I Am not going to be
Speaker 1: the wife that everyone looks at and says, oh, that's
Speaker 1: de Vio's wife. And from that moment, I've watched Kadein
Speaker 1: go to a transformation. This song is dedicated to my wife,
Speaker 1: who people have asked me if k has gotten to BBL,
Speaker 1: which is hilarious. I'll get into why I think that's hiliars.
Speaker 1: The song is dedicated to my wife cadem Oh my god.
Speaker 1: It's a song about I like big buts and I
Speaker 1: cannot lie you. Other brothers can't DENI when you see
Speaker 1: your pretty Facebook and then team you get sprung. Hey,
Speaker 1: you've been sprung from that law. I mean, granted, the
Speaker 1: booty wasn't booty and like it is now back in
Speaker 1: the day. Well, okay, but you I have booty to
Speaker 1: give you credit. When I met you, one hundred and
Speaker 1: fifteen pounds, your waist was probably about a twenty, but
Speaker 1: you always had a thirty nine inch hip, right, So
Speaker 1: you were always like, your hip to waste ratio was
Speaker 1: always above twelve to thirteen. And this is for all
Speaker 1: you gentlemen who trying to figure out how you know,
Speaker 1: like you like curvey women. To me, it's never been
Speaker 1: about how much a woman weighs. It's always been about
Speaker 1: the hip to waste ratio. That's a big thing. So
Speaker 1: when if if you're hip to waste ratio. For me,
Speaker 1: when I was younger, I was like, oh, it's about twelve.
Speaker 1: You know, we're looking at twenty six thirty eight, so
Speaker 1: very good standard that was. That was the minimum of
Speaker 1: where I was just like, oh, she she got a
Speaker 1: bumper when you get to the fourteen fifteen, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. When you're looking at twenty six forty
Speaker 1: twenty six forty one, you know what I'm saying. I
Speaker 1: was like, Oh, she hold it. You know, she dragging
Speaker 1: the wagon right there. So for me, that's that's what
Speaker 1: it has always been about, you know, when I'm looking
Speaker 1: at kids, like, she's always even when she's been pregnant,
Speaker 1: right Like I don't know if you've been following us
Speaker 1: long on Instagram, but Kay used to make fun of
Speaker 1: me exactly like I like her when she's fluffy, because
Speaker 1: there was a point where I don't remember what your
Speaker 1: waste was, but I remember your hips was like a
Speaker 1: forty four and I was enjoying myself. I was enjoying myself.
Speaker 1: So Codeine always had a nice hip to waste ratio.
Speaker 1: But I've seen that happening. But wait, wait, don't don't.
Speaker 1: Don't talk about it yet, because we got to if
Speaker 1: I got excited, we're talking about booties today, y'all died
Speaker 1: right in. He forgot about the bills. He's forgot about
Speaker 1: the ass. We're gonna take a quick break and we're
Speaker 1: to come back in and we're gonna unpack. All right,
Speaker 1: we're back, so let me yum. That story time was great,
Speaker 1: But I gotta I gotta tell this story. Right when
Speaker 1: I was dating k I remember going to her mom's
Speaker 1: We're seeing pictures from her mom's fiftieth birthdays. I didn't go.
Speaker 1: We weren't talking at the time. This is the time
Speaker 1: with me and Mimi wasn't vibing right right. But her
Speaker 1: mom for that year, turning fifty, had been in the gym, yes,
Speaker 1: because she was like, I'm turning fifty this year, I'm
Speaker 1: going to take care of myself. And I remember seeing
Speaker 1: your mom in this red dress at fifty and I
Speaker 1: remember saying, damn, yeah, my mom was looking. She was
Speaker 1: always kind of in the gym, you know, try to
Speaker 1: take care of but not this year in particular. She
Speaker 1: was like, for fifty, I'm gonna be And I remember
Speaker 1: my uncle Kevin and my Pops was just like, bro,
Speaker 1: if you're dating a girl, seriously, don't make a commitment
Speaker 1: until you see her mom's And I remember seeing your
Speaker 1: mom's and being like, this is fifty. You can see
Speaker 1: into the future. Signed me all the way up at
Speaker 1: that point. That was after three kids. That was after
Speaker 1: three kids, and then that meant that you had another good,
Speaker 1: solid at least thirty years, at least thirty years at
Speaker 1: least thirty years of you being fine. And then and
Speaker 1: the funny thing is now I come in the house
Speaker 1: and your mom still stacked. She still played tennis, she
Speaker 1: still walk around, and she's sixty five. She walk around,
Speaker 1: she's surprised she'd be running and jumping with the kids.
Speaker 1: And your mom is holding like a track athlete because
Speaker 1: she used to run track and play netball in Jamaica.
Speaker 1: So it kind of kills me when people be like,
Speaker 1: did kay get a BBL? And I'm like, have you
Speaker 1: seen mom? And my mom will tell you she'd be
Speaker 1: the first one who always tried to encourage me to
Speaker 1: lose dim my ass is light, all right, I said,
Speaker 1: meet me. I can't dim my ass is like because
Speaker 1: it came from you. Since like, how am I gonna
Speaker 1: How am I gonna dim the ass? Like? Okay? She
Speaker 1: said when she was a kid growing up that she
Speaker 1: used to get made fun of because she was stacked.
Speaker 1: And I said that's you know, normally as a kid,
Speaker 1: once you're getting made fun of, that's what she but yeah,
Speaker 1: And I was like, they probably wanted one, because now
Speaker 1: everybody wants the one right now. It's the boys making
Speaker 1: fun of her because they had crushes on her. But
Speaker 1: boys don't know how to tell you they like you,
Speaker 1: so they make fun of you. Know. It's like, you
Speaker 1: see the girl a pretty good I'm gonna pus you
Speaker 1: in the bush. That's what That's what boys do back
Speaker 1: in the day. I like this girl, I'm a tripper
Speaker 1: in the line, right, So you make fun of the
Speaker 1: things that you like. Look at you with your big
Speaker 1: old bud. She said. She used to try to hide
Speaker 1: it all the time. And in turn, I remember vividly
Speaker 1: being in ballet school at one point, and I would
Speaker 1: have been about thirteen fourteen. This is when I realized, like, oh,
Speaker 1: you kind of have like a little Kurt. Right. So
Speaker 1: I'm on the ballet bar with all of my you know,
Speaker 1: dance mates, and I remember my dance she used to
Speaker 1: have like this pointer stick thing and she just like,
Speaker 1: you know, tap you on your back or your shoulders
Speaker 1: or or your feet to turn out more. And she's
Speaker 1: always come and hit my ass to be like Kadeen
Speaker 1: t talk talk hips forward, hips forward. I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't know how much more forward you want the ghosts,
Speaker 1: but one thing this ass ain't gonna do is took
Speaker 1: not for you, not for nobody. And that's when I
Speaker 1: realized my ballerina hopes and dreams were out the window
Speaker 1: because I might have been a little too stacked to
Speaker 1: be the larina. You know. It was funny, but but yeah,
Speaker 1: um talking about body recomposition today, I think I'm just
Speaker 1: in this space, y'all. If I'm really just unpacking, like
Speaker 1: why I've just been in overtime and to speak to
Speaker 1: my story time and being tired of my own bullshit.
Speaker 1: Then it comes a point in life and I don't
Speaker 1: know if it's my approach to forty or what it is,
Speaker 1: but I am just over making excuses for myself. No,
Speaker 1: I not gett a b BL. No, set the record straight,
Speaker 1: because if you're gonna put this out as the topic
Speaker 1: of the show, No, I did not get a b BL, y'all.
Speaker 1: I don't think I've had, or will have, or ever
Speaker 1: have six to eight weeks to be able to not
Speaker 1: sit on my ass. I don't have time for that.
Speaker 1: Girls who are able to get to have the luxury
Speaker 1: to do that more power to uses. Whatever makes you
Speaker 1: feel good is great. But no, I did not get
Speaker 1: a b BL. But I think I'm just on this
Speaker 1: road now to just trying to take the best care
Speaker 1: of myself. And some of it is you know, of
Speaker 1: course physical, because wanting to be back on camera, I
Speaker 1: wanted to be considered for roles or wanting to you know,
Speaker 1: be a host again and be in that light. I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm no longer having to worry about starting
Speaker 1: all over again. So it's being pregnant, postpartum life, gaining
Speaker 1: the weight, losing the weight, not being consistent in the gym.
Speaker 1: I'm just over it at this point. I'm over myself
Speaker 1: self sabotaging. I'm over trying to make excuses for why
Speaker 1: I can't do things when I know I'm fully capable.
Speaker 1: And even more so, it's just the health stuff. As
Speaker 1: much as we joke about my mom and her body,
Speaker 1: you know, and her being in the gym, she was
Speaker 1: taking pretty decent care of herself and had a heart
Speaker 1: attack at fifty four. Yeah, Like a lot of this
Speaker 1: is internal for me too. My mother had to stress
Speaker 1: induced heart attack. Like who even knew, Like, you know,
Speaker 1: she would take, you know, pretty good care of results.
Speaker 1: She's not a big eater, worked out. It was very
Speaker 1: conscious of that. Now, granted, wasn't getting the sleep that
Speaker 1: she probably needed or the nutrients in, but you know,
Speaker 1: I'm wanting to do that for my family, Like I
Speaker 1: want to be in the best space that I can
Speaker 1: be physically. I don't know, if I just feel better
Speaker 1: in general, my mood is better. Our connection, you know,
Speaker 1: that's something that we do together, we take pride in.
Speaker 1: But what I really want to know is why people
Speaker 1: ain't ask him to valid if he got his body done.
Speaker 1: So that's the bigger question. I was going to talk
Speaker 1: to you about this because me and Trouble was laughing
Speaker 1: downstairs and I was like, this is the funniest part
Speaker 1: about the expectations to society, societal expectations for women. Kadein
Speaker 1: and I've been on this journey together, right, and the
Speaker 1: support has been amazing. Sidebar that I appreciate you. Thank
Speaker 1: you for that, No, because sometimes I think you'll post
Speaker 1: about it or you'll make comments and people think that
Speaker 1: it's misconstrued. They think that it's you forcing me to
Speaker 1: work out or forcing me to be in a particular
Speaker 1: shape because it's something that you want. But at no
Speaker 1: point is it that it's not all me speaking my
Speaker 1: goals aloud, speaking my dreams aloud, speaking you know, the
Speaker 1: need for support allowed, and you just showing up for
Speaker 1: me in that space. So I love you for that,
Speaker 1: because I know some days I ain't the easiest person
Speaker 1: to deal with. Then I get a little wishy washy,
Speaker 1: but I'm at the space now where I just really
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be more deliberate about what my life
Speaker 1: is going to look like. So no, I appreciate you
Speaker 1: you're saying that because I've also you know, seen some
Speaker 1: of the comments when we've been in the gym together
Speaker 1: and maybe like get my girl a rest, Like why
Speaker 1: are you so hard on her? Her body image shouldn't
Speaker 1: be the biggest thing on your plate. And I'm just
Speaker 1: like Kadeen wants to get in shape and I'm working
Speaker 1: out with her. I don't know how it became a
Speaker 1: thing where I'm forcing you, but that also talks about
Speaker 1: societal pressures and issues. Right if we work out together,
Speaker 1: people automatically assume that I'm forcing you to work out.
Speaker 1: We both get in the best shape of our lives.
Speaker 1: And they automatically assumed the devout went and got in
Speaker 1: the gym, but Codeine got her butt done. What people
Speaker 1: don't understand is I weigh two hundred pounds now. I've
Speaker 1: never been two hundred pounds of my life. My whole life,
Speaker 1: I've been on the slimmer side. I've been about one
Speaker 1: hundred and seventy five two hundred and eighty pounds over
Speaker 1: the last couple of years, I've been doing a lot
Speaker 1: more cardio type of work to be slim for television.
Speaker 1: But as Codein and I got into this journey together,
Speaker 1: she wanted to lose weight, but be more curvy. So
Speaker 1: we started to do a lot more heavy weightlifting like
Speaker 1: I did when I was playing football, and I gained
Speaker 1: thirteen pounds of muscle in the last four months because
Speaker 1: Codeine and I have been going to the gym. That
Speaker 1: was another thing. Codein and I had to have a
Speaker 1: gym in our house. Our house gym was is a
Speaker 1: maintenance gym, but Codein says she wanted to build her legs,
Speaker 1: built her butt. So we went started going to La Fitness.
Speaker 1: We in La Fitness three times a week, focusing on building.
Speaker 1: I am two hundred pounds and my waist is a
Speaker 1: thirty two. My waist was a thirty two when I
Speaker 1: was one hundred and seventy six pounds, which to me
Speaker 1: is crazy because even my boys would be like, Yodee,
Speaker 1: what you want Like your shoulders man big, Like you
Speaker 1: gotta stop lifting, Like it's the view from up top.
Speaker 1: For me, you know, it's the shoulders and it's the
Speaker 1: keep it up. So so I'm never gonna lose his
Speaker 1: weight now because if you if you enjoying it, I'm
Speaker 1: enjoyed enjoy it. But it was crazy to me that
Speaker 1: people see the change in my body and their first
Speaker 1: thing is why you've been in the gym. You look great,
Speaker 1: but they see the change in your body and their
Speaker 1: first thought is, codeine went and got her button done.
Speaker 1: And it's crazy to me that people hold women to
Speaker 1: higher beauty standards than men, because in our society, a
Speaker 1: man's value is in the money he makes, where a
Speaker 1: woman's value is in her ability to stay pretty and
Speaker 1: have kids, which to me is crazy because it's like,
Speaker 1: you don't think women put work into to be beautiful,
Speaker 1: Like why is it automatically that it's just okay if
Speaker 1: she got beautiful, right, she had to have something done,
Speaker 1: Oh for sure. I mean that's the culture that we're
Speaker 1: in now. It's like you it's like literally trying to
Speaker 1: dissect and decipher. First of all, you're trying to blow
Speaker 1: through you know, filters and photoshop and everything first off,
Speaker 1: you know, because then you'll meet somebody, you'll see a
Speaker 1: picture of them on Instagram and you see them in person,
Speaker 1: and you'd be like, wait a second, right, right, the
Speaker 1: same person right? Cap you know? Um? But also too,
Speaker 1: it's it's the time that we're in. Women are just
Speaker 1: electing to go and get surgery. You don't have an
Speaker 1: ask go buy one, like you know you want some tities,
Speaker 1: get them, Like, there's just so many different alternatives or
Speaker 1: options for people that no one is going to equate
Speaker 1: to hard work because that's not something I think that's
Speaker 1: necessarily valued as much nowadays. It's instant gratification. How we
Speaker 1: can make it happen quick and then keep it moving,
Speaker 1: which which I think is important that you're talking about
Speaker 1: instant gratification because when people see codein, they don't realize
Speaker 1: that for the past two years, you've seen cadein pregnant
Speaker 1: and then postpartum. So yeah, for two years you saw
Speaker 1: cadean one way, but the cadem you're seeing now is
Speaker 1: how codein naturally walks around, which I think for people
Speaker 1: to understand, it's almost like, oh, when I lived in California.
Speaker 1: When we live in California, exactly after I had Cass,
Speaker 1: we moved to California, Cass is about two. And it's
Speaker 1: important for women to know. And I'd say this because
Speaker 1: it's such a stressor for women after they have children.
Speaker 1: But scientifically, your body hormonally does not level out to
Speaker 1: your baseline hormonal level, which is still a little wonky.
Speaker 1: But when you're pregnant, it's like all over the place.
Speaker 1: But the baseline for where you are normally does not
Speaker 1: hit until at least nine months postpartum, but for most
Speaker 1: people a year. Yeah. Yeah, so that whole year, that
Speaker 1: first year. Yeah, your body is not necessarily responding the
Speaker 1: way you wanted to, which makes sense why you felt
Speaker 1: more invigorated in November after coming back from Jamaica. I did.
Speaker 1: I did because it was at that point a full year. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I noticed with me, for example, and every woman is
Speaker 1: different after having children, and I wait, my six weeks,
Speaker 1: I will then get into the gym, lose my weight
Speaker 1: and then somehow slowly start to regain it for whatever reason.
Speaker 1: And it could be with the breastfeeding and like you're
Speaker 1: eating a certain amount of calories to produce a certain
Speaker 1: amount of milk. There's so many different variables that you're
Speaker 1: trying to like figure out, right. So once you do
Speaker 1: all of that and you're like, Okay, now I'm finally
Speaker 1: a year out. That's kind of where I am. I'm
Speaker 1: fifteen months out postpartum, so now I feel like my
Speaker 1: body is like, oh, I remember how we used to flex.
Speaker 1: Not to mention, I'm no longer on a birth control method, right,
Speaker 1: So my mood. It has been completely different, and I've
Speaker 1: literally been trying to like monitor myself because I don't
Speaker 1: want to jump the gun and say like, oh, just
Speaker 1: because mentally I know that I'm off of some sort
Speaker 1: of birth control method that now things are naturally better.
Speaker 1: I think some of it is just my body naturally
Speaker 1: becoming what it's supposed to be, but also to me
Speaker 1: making the choice to say, you know what, I'm no
Speaker 1: longer going to just give into the lifestyle of oh,
Speaker 1: I can do it tomorrow. Like, No, I'm getting in
Speaker 1: the gym today. Like am I going to wait for
Speaker 1: devots to get in the gym? No. I want to
Speaker 1: see the results, So I'm going to get into the gym. Oh,
Speaker 1: I need to eat this way when I'm on the
Speaker 1: road to help me maintain the results that I'm seeing.
Speaker 1: I'm going to make those necessary adjustments and changes. Our writer,
Speaker 1: whenever we go to venues or anywhere, has a specific
Speaker 1: list of things that we should have in our green room.
Speaker 1: I literally just changed my writer to have protein shakes,
Speaker 1: protein bars, like just things that I know that will
Speaker 1: set me up for success. Codein is a me head now.
Speaker 1: Last night I heard Gadeen talk about something. Man, my
Speaker 1: appetition change. I gotta go get me a protein shape.
Speaker 1: I'll get by protein. She's like CoDeeN is officially a me.
Speaker 1: You know how much of a meat heat? I am?
Speaker 1: Not only am I drinking like protein shakes, right, So
Speaker 1: trying to find the best ones that don't have a
Speaker 1: lot of junk in it. But I also learned that
Speaker 1: the best source of protein that's like the most like
Speaker 1: just basic without any frills, nothing else in it is
Speaker 1: egg whites. Yeah. So I've been getting like cartons of
Speaker 1: egg whites. Oh my gosh. And now pour me a
Speaker 1: cup of it. And I found this this uh, this
Speaker 1: additive that you put in it. It's just a little
Speaker 1: something to give it a little bit of flavor. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's the tiva. That's the tiva. That's weird. Yeah st stevia,
Speaker 1: Look at you careful now, that's ef um stevia. But
Speaker 1: it's a flavored one. It's like a caramel talfie flavor.
Speaker 1: Put a couple of drops in that. Down me a
Speaker 1: cup of egg whites, Like, okay, that's my meal. That's
Speaker 1: that's my shake for the day. This is what she's
Speaker 1: on right now. And and here's the truth. I had
Speaker 1: to kind of understand, like, why would somebody say they
Speaker 1: could then get a b BO Like y'all know how
Speaker 1: much we work out. Y'all know what candeeds to look like.
Speaker 1: But I had to think about it. In twenty twenty one,
Speaker 1: when we first moved here, we got a huge jump
Speaker 1: because we had posted that we got a new house.
Speaker 1: I'm looking at how many followers I had. I had
Speaker 1: one point six million followers in twenty twenty one. It's
Speaker 1: now twenty twenty three. I have two million, which means
Speaker 1: that's four hundred thousand new followers who've only seen you
Speaker 1: pregnant true and then postpartum for the last two years, right,
Speaker 1: so their idea of who you are is this bigger
Speaker 1: version because you were pregnant in a postpartum. That's actually
Speaker 1: a really good point. So now, so that's four hundred
Speaker 1: thousand people. So now it comes to February twenty twenty
Speaker 1: three and Codein is snatched and they're just like, Yo,
Speaker 1: when did this happen? But it's like if you if
Speaker 1: you go back before that and see what Kadein looked like,
Speaker 1: because I've also you know, you get reminders and recently,
Speaker 1: because remember we moved into this house. Well, I moved
Speaker 1: into this house February thirteen, twenty twenty one. You had
Speaker 1: moved us in here a couple of days, but prior,
Speaker 1: but we just passed that February thirteenth moment, February thirteenth
Speaker 1: and February eleventh to thirteenth, I would still filming. Remember,
Speaker 1: used to set up your phone and take pictures and
Speaker 1: they came up in my phone as your memories, and
Speaker 1: you were just looking good. You was so slim in
Speaker 1: those photos. And I was just like, yo, this this
Speaker 1: is what Kadan looked like when we moved in here.
Speaker 1: And it's like two years later, you're back to that, right,
Speaker 1: And it's just like people haven't seen you like that.
Speaker 1: The introduced people to us who came recently. I aren't
Speaker 1: used to seeing you set me up, y'all. He knew
Speaker 1: how fine I was looking when I was sending him
Speaker 1: the pictures in the house, but he was filming and
Speaker 1: he came home, but it was both of us. He
Speaker 1: came home to the blue Light special that I created
Speaker 1: for exactly exactly, and he was just like, yeah, Badi Yadi,
Speaker 1: Yadi yadi, Yeah it was babyes. I will say this,
Speaker 1: I will give you, guys a couple of hits, as
Speaker 1: you guys know, in another life, well not in a life.
Speaker 1: In an earlier part of this life, I was also
Speaker 1: a trainer. I studied exercise physiology and kinesiology. I have
Speaker 1: my certificates in National Academy of Sports Medicine which is
Speaker 1: also known as NASOM. So when it comes to training,
Speaker 1: Codein literally lives with a trainer, a certified educated trainer,
Speaker 1: so I know how to do this right. One thing
Speaker 1: I adapted to Codeine's change in how she's getting her
Speaker 1: work done is we're no longer saying we're going to
Speaker 1: go to the gym three times a week and work
Speaker 1: out ninety minutes. Yes, I was to lose me. Yes,
Speaker 1: Cadan's like ninety minutes in the gym. Hell no, it's
Speaker 1: always I'll go tomorrow. I'll go tomorrow till tomorrow never comes. Right.
Speaker 1: This is the biggest change. And write this down. Codeine
Speaker 1: and I work out every day for a minimum of
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes. And when I say work out, I mean yeah, yours,
Speaker 1: yours is twenty. Yours is twenty minimum because you like
Speaker 1: to do more cardio, because you Codeine is still in
Speaker 1: a place where she wants to lose more weight in
Speaker 1: her face, so she likes to do cardio and walk
Speaker 1: in her arms because she's still trying to lose weight.
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to lose weight. So when I say workout,
Speaker 1: working out to us is getting on a treadmill and
Speaker 1: doing a high in client walk for twenty minutes. You
Speaker 1: can change your life drastically if you implement movement every
Speaker 1: single day for at least fifteen to twenty minutes. And
Speaker 1: when I say movement consistently, when I say movement, that
Speaker 1: walk isn't a straight like stroll walk. It is a
Speaker 1: high intensity any client walk, right, So what is a workout?
Speaker 1: But it's only for twenty minutes? Because some people have
Speaker 1: their little Apple watch on their fit but they're like,
Speaker 1: I got my steps in today and I think that
Speaker 1: they actually did a workout. That's not really no workout.
Speaker 1: You have to get your steps in and still do
Speaker 1: a high intensity workout just to make sure that you're
Speaker 1: burning the calories and keeping your body active when you're
Speaker 1: really not active. So this is our workout plan. Monday,
Speaker 1: we go to the gym. We only go to the
Speaker 1: gym for forty five minutes. On those mondays we go
Speaker 1: to the gym, it's all heavyweight lower body days. Becaudean
Speaker 1: is doing. I love deadlifts, squads, lunges, single leg push downs,
Speaker 1: adductor abducts. I'm talking about a series of exercises and
Speaker 1: heavyweight to help build her glutes, her hamstrings, in her calves,
Speaker 1: which is why everyone thinks that codein get a BBL. Yeah,
Speaker 1: her butt is on her back because on Monday we're
Speaker 1: doing all those heavy workouts. On Wednesday, I've always naturally
Speaker 1: just had bigger legs and always been developed. I think
Speaker 1: that has a lot to do with genetics as well. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but then on Wednesday we'll go back to the gym
Speaker 1: and now we'll do leg curl leg extensions, single leg pushdowns,
Speaker 1: squat jumps. So Wednesday it's another heavy leg day. Friday,
Speaker 1: we'll go back to the gym again and now she's
Speaker 1: doing sets of twenty. It's a lighter head day, but
Speaker 1: it's a high volume day. So we're attacking that core
Speaker 1: group three times during the week. And on Tuesday and
Speaker 1: Thursday she's downstairs in the gym twenty minutes doing her
Speaker 1: high inclined walk, or she'll do sprints sprints has definitely
Speaker 1: changed the way her lower body look, but also her
Speaker 1: mid section. Let me tell you guys something, when it
Speaker 1: comes to training, people say to me all the time, devout,
Speaker 1: how you gaining weight? Still have a six pack? I
Speaker 1: do sprints. I do not get on that treadmill and
Speaker 1: be on that treadmill for sixty minutes. You can ask
Speaker 1: the podcast group when they come here. I will put
Speaker 1: that treadmill on the highest thing with the highest speed
Speaker 1: is twelve miles per hour. I'll put that incline on
Speaker 1: a six point zero and I'll let the treadmill run.
Speaker 1: I'll jump on the treadmill. I'll sprint for ten seconds,
Speaker 1: I'll jump off, I'll do five hand cleans. I'll do
Speaker 1: that round for ten minutes straight, which means I'll end
Speaker 1: up getting ten sprints in and I end up doing
Speaker 1: ten sets of five hand clean which will put me
Speaker 1: at fifty hand cleans. As soon as I get done,
Speaker 1: I'll get off there and I'll do a thousand jump ropes.
Speaker 1: I'll do sets of one hundred jump ropes as fast
Speaker 1: as I can. Sprints and doing explosive movements is the
Speaker 1: quickest way to get rid of your mid section. It
Speaker 1: is not running on the treadmill like you're training for
Speaker 1: a marathon. But people make that mistake. Yep. When you
Speaker 1: train like that and you get on the treadmill for
Speaker 1: an hour every single day, first thing is you are
Speaker 1: guaranteed to hurt yourself because when you run like that
Speaker 1: for a long periods of time and you don't give
Speaker 1: yourself enough time to rest, you're ultimately breaking down the
Speaker 1: muscle you're trying to build. And when you get hurt,
Speaker 1: you can't train, and when you can't train, your body
Speaker 1: starts to gain weight setback. For sure, I've been able
Speaker 1: to reduce the amount of time I get injured by
Speaker 1: doing a lot more sprints than doing a lot more
Speaker 1: long term long distance running, and coupling that with a
Speaker 1: lot more weight training in I put Kadeen on the
Speaker 1: same regiment and there's not a day that goes by.
Speaker 1: We do that Monday through Friday. Saturday is Sunday. I
Speaker 1: told Kadeen, Yo, Saturday and Sunday, I don't want you
Speaker 1: to do nothing. I want you to rest. I go downstairs.
Speaker 1: Kadeen is on the treadmill doing high and klow walks.
Speaker 1: In twenty minutes, I say y'all. I thought I told
Speaker 1: you to rest, and I'm like, I thought you said
Speaker 1: I should be doing twenty minutes of something every day.
Speaker 1: This is not the same one. But not the same one,
Speaker 1: am I like, I just have no I don't I
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know. I think it's also to
Speaker 1: me having something to prove to myself, to get myself
Speaker 1: into the best shape of my life. I think part
Speaker 1: of it is me turning for you, because you know,
Speaker 1: I feel like within milestone birthday, it's like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm about to embark on a whole other decade. But
Speaker 1: also too just being tired of feeling like I've just
Speaker 1: been mediocre in general with just my physical being my body.
Speaker 1: I just feel like I've just always been kind of
Speaker 1: coasting skating by never really pushing myself to see what
Speaker 1: I could look and feel like at my best. So
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be with you shooting in the gym, but
Speaker 1: I gotta know the plan, Like, don't bring me to
Speaker 1: the gym blindly, and I need to know my workout
Speaker 1: ahead of time. I could wrap my mind around it,
Speaker 1: because every day is a struggle. And I think that's
Speaker 1: when Triple asked the biggest challenge for me with maintaining
Speaker 1: the fitness, it's just consistency and carving out time to
Speaker 1: do it, particularly when we travel. So traveling is hard.
Speaker 1: Like we had a rough past three weeks with the
Speaker 1: book tour and the live shows and stuff. So trying
Speaker 1: to set myself up for success when I'm traveling has
Speaker 1: been something that I have to actually coordinate. Like I
Speaker 1: walked with my little blender. I walk with my my
Speaker 1: ag one greens. I walk with my with my seed,
Speaker 1: my probiotic and jump rope. The jump rope is something
Speaker 1: easy to put in the bag, and it's something if
Speaker 1: you're in a hotel room and it's just like man,
Speaker 1: I can't get to the gym or they don't have
Speaker 1: a good enough gym. I can just do twenty minutes
Speaker 1: of jump rope. Something well, I gotta tell the story.
Speaker 1: We went to Houston and Dallas to go look at
Speaker 1: venues for the podcasts and K gets an Airbnb. I'm like,
Speaker 1: why don't we just stay in their hotel? Like I
Speaker 1: need an Airbnb. I'm like, whiting Airbnb. This is the
Speaker 1: new wife that I have. I need a washer and
Speaker 1: dry or wash my workout clothes and I need a
Speaker 1: place to jump rope. You're choosing where we stay around
Speaker 1: how you're gonna work out. That has never in my
Speaker 1: life been what my reality has been. I kid you not.
Speaker 1: This woman chose to stay in the airbnb so that
Speaker 1: she can have Washington Drive for her workout clothes and
Speaker 1: the space to jump rope. I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: know who you are about. I love you because he
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like the only lunatic in the house. I
Speaker 1: don't because you know me, I'll get my jump broke
Speaker 1: in a minute and I'll jump rope in the hotel.
Speaker 1: But then my clothes be stink because I work out
Speaker 1: and I got my stink clothes in the bag. But
Speaker 1: I know Condena is a hotel snob. She only likes
Speaker 1: to say certain places, and I want her to have
Speaker 1: enjoy herself. So I'm like, fine, I'll just deal with
Speaker 1: the stink close in my bag. But now it's like
Speaker 1: everything is revolving, and that's why people say like it's
Speaker 1: a life. It really being in shape and being fit
Speaker 1: is a lifestyle. Nutrition too. My question to you is how,
Speaker 1: because we've already discussed this, what would be your advice
Speaker 1: to women who don't enjoy working out because you don't.
Speaker 1: You don't you still to you still you don't like it.
Speaker 1: What would be your advice to women on how to
Speaker 1: get to the point you are now after dealing with
Speaker 1: everything you've belt with over the past ten years, especially
Speaker 1: having children. Understand that changes your outlook on your body
Speaker 1: and your life. But yeah, what would be your main
Speaker 1: thing how you got to the this point? Well, it's twofold.
Speaker 1: One thing. I just got sick and tired of being
Speaker 1: sick and tired of not being in a space physically
Speaker 1: that I wanted to be. So it was a big
Speaker 1: mental shift for me to just say to myself to
Speaker 1: talk myself into it, like Kadin, like enough is enough,
Speaker 1: Like you have to really take control. But also too,
Speaker 1: just finding the things that work for you is necessary.
Speaker 1: I feel like working out fitness, the lifestyle of it
Speaker 1: is not an all encompassing thing. There are different things
Speaker 1: that work for different people and you have to learn
Speaker 1: your body. So for me, I realized that I love weightlifting,
Speaker 1: That's my thing, right, So if weightlifting is my thing
Speaker 1: and that's something I actually enjoy when I'm in the
Speaker 1: gym versus going on the treadmill for thirty to forty
Speaker 1: to fifty minutes. It's finding a way to design a
Speaker 1: workout that's deliberate about the areas that I'm working on,
Speaker 1: but can be highly impactful in a short amount of time.
Speaker 1: So Devout has helped me create a program where I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: if I want to if I like to lift weights
Speaker 1: instead of jumping rope with the rope like when we're home,
Speaker 1: how about you use the bar and do push Jack's.
Speaker 1: So that way, I'm using a weight and I'm jumping,
Speaker 1: so it's a similar motion, but I'm working out the
Speaker 1: body parts that needs to be worked out, and it's
Speaker 1: a bit more enjoyable because it's something that I enjoy
Speaker 1: to do when I'm in the gym. Learn what works
Speaker 1: for you. There's never like something. If everyone has their thing.
Speaker 1: That's a piece of advice that I can give to women.
Speaker 1: Also to carving out the time for yourself. People love
Speaker 1: to throw around its self care, self care, self care,
Speaker 1: but how exactly are you showing up for yourself? And
Speaker 1: that's important to me. I realized that my mood, my
Speaker 1: mental clarity, the way I approach life and things outside
Speaker 1: of working out, just my family, my work. When I
Speaker 1: get a good workout in and I feel like I've
Speaker 1: invested in myself. I'm able to then output so much
Speaker 1: more and that has definitely helped me as well. So
Speaker 1: I think if you put all those things together, find
Speaker 1: ways to carver out those times for yourself, that's a
Speaker 1: great place to at least start. You know, you're not
Speaker 1: gonna be a meathead, you know, but you can at
Speaker 1: least develop some sort of system. It's like you have
Speaker 1: to schedule it in a lot of times, it's like
Speaker 1: I don't have the time for it. You have time
Speaker 1: for a lot of stuff. Think about the aimless scrolling
Speaker 1: that we do for thirty minutes. That's thirty minutes you
Speaker 1: could have been doing something and now absolutely endlessly scroll
Speaker 1: in between my workout. You know, absolutely, I have to.
Speaker 1: I think it's important to note because I know people
Speaker 1: will say this, and I've seen comments like this, Well,
Speaker 1: it's easy for the Coneian get in shape now because
Speaker 1: she's rich. You know, she got a gym at home,
Speaker 1: she can eat whatever she wants, she doesn't have to
Speaker 1: work full time. Like it's easy. It don't. Because if
Speaker 1: you look at Caneian's Instagram between two thou and sixteen
Speaker 1: to Now, we were not rich. When we were living
Speaker 1: in the apartment. We were barely making ends meet. We
Speaker 1: were working out asses off to every month make sure
Speaker 1: that the bills are paid on time. But we still
Speaker 1: find ways to work out and could. He was in
Speaker 1: great shape going into a thirty thirtieth birthday in twenty
Speaker 1: and fourteen. Yeah, Kadin was working full time. Shed we
Speaker 1: already already had one child. Going into twenty seventeen, when
Speaker 1: she got back in shape and got pregnant again, we
Speaker 1: had two children. Kadein was working, I was working. We
Speaker 1: were in the apartment yet so and I say that
Speaker 1: to say this, the excuses you make will be your
Speaker 1: own downfall. When you look at someone get in shape
Speaker 1: and you say, how do they do that? Don't make
Speaker 1: excuses to why you can't because of things they have.
Speaker 1: Start to make a plan of how you can get
Speaker 1: in it because the things you have. For example, I
Speaker 1: remember when I was working at the gym, Kdein at
Speaker 1: that point would be like, yo, I don't like going
Speaker 1: to the gym, but I know I got to pick
Speaker 1: my husband up from the gym. When I'm there, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do my twenty minutes. And at this point Kadean
Speaker 1: wasn't as big on weightlifting because Codein was big on them.
Speaker 1: I don't want to like a football player type body,
Speaker 1: and it took me a while to convince her that
Speaker 1: that was gonna happen. So she used to cycle. And
Speaker 1: that goes back to your you should do spin classes.
Speaker 1: And it makes me realize that you always have a
Speaker 1: way of getting back in shape when you need to.
Speaker 1: You find the thing that you like doing and you
Speaker 1: make your whole workout around that. So I would tell
Speaker 1: young ladies or even young men who want to get
Speaker 1: in shape, she is telling the truth. If you don't
Speaker 1: like weightlifting and you like running, run, make a game
Speaker 1: out of it and do it consistently. If you don't
Speaker 1: like running and you want to ride bikes, spin classes.
Speaker 1: If you don't like spin class and you want to
Speaker 1: do hit workouts, you can join a cross fit class,
Speaker 1: or you can And this is what one thing I
Speaker 1: will say, hire a professional to help professional to help
Speaker 1: you make a plan that has some sort of longevity.
Speaker 1: People always ask me, man, what's the point of training
Speaker 1: when you can work out on your own. Trainers because
Speaker 1: of the science teach you how to work out efficiently.
Speaker 1: That's it so that you're not just working, because there's
Speaker 1: a difference between progress and movement. Right, progress you're working
Speaker 1: purposefully to move forward. Right, you can run in place
Speaker 1: all day and not get anywhere. And also too, you
Speaker 1: have to realize everybody's body is different and responds differently,
Speaker 1: So going to classes sometimes are not expected for certain
Speaker 1: people because everybody is not losing weight the same way.
Speaker 1: Like you said, also to all movement is just not
Speaker 1: good movements. Yeah, because we've we've known people to our
Speaker 1: trainers and seeing people who have done things where it's
Speaker 1: just like people going there, they get a sweat, but
Speaker 1: their body looks the same same, right, And it may
Speaker 1: be because the nutrition is not on point, because that's
Speaker 1: a whole other thing. You have to make sure the
Speaker 1: nutrition is on point. But are you not doing deliberate
Speaker 1: exercises to target the places that you want? So if
Speaker 1: you're saying you want to build a butt, you want
Speaker 1: to snatch a waist, you want to build some leg muscles,
Speaker 1: you know, some things are naturally genetic in body shapes
Speaker 1: are different. But also too, if you're not working on
Speaker 1: those specific body parts and those specific muscle groups, you're
Speaker 1: not going to see the gains in those areas or
Speaker 1: the losses, if that's what you're looking for, and also
Speaker 1: if you're a young man who your significant others getting
Speaker 1: in shape. The hardest part to what cadein early on
Speaker 1: was getting her through those first two weeks of the
Speaker 1: intense soreness. She will tell you when she started working
Speaker 1: out crazy with them heavy weights. Was I not giving
Speaker 1: you massages? I was giving And I'm not talking about
Speaker 1: the massages I like to give, you know, I like
Speaker 1: to give massage engine And I'm gonna start rubbing places
Speaker 1: and then no, I'm talking about cadein. Get your ass
Speaker 1: in the cold tub, like literal, actual tears in the
Speaker 1: cold tub, and I'm putting in the cold toub for
Speaker 1: ten minutes, and I'm like, I'm gonna sit here with
Speaker 1: you and you're gonna do this. And then once you
Speaker 1: get out the cold tub, sit on that bed. Let
Speaker 1: me get that oil. And I'm with my forearm rubbing
Speaker 1: that it band, rubbing them quads, them cash. She's crying.
Speaker 1: I'm rubbing that lower back, her sides or her obliques
Speaker 1: from doing all of this ad work, and she's in pain,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, listen to me, babe, just do this
Speaker 1: for two to three weeks and let your body get
Speaker 1: used to that pain and that feeling, and after a
Speaker 1: while it was just like I don't feel that sore anymore.
Speaker 1: You're also know two that two weeks is like you're
Speaker 1: working out so intense and nothing's happening. Yes, nothing is happening.
Speaker 1: I'm literally after each workout in the mirror like, see
Speaker 1: you see anything different? You know there's anything different. There's
Speaker 1: a better fact. I'm literally in the mirror like every
Speaker 1: day after that. But I think it takes like a
Speaker 1: good like two weeks for your body to kind of
Speaker 1: be like, oh, okay, you're trying to do a little something,
Speaker 1: but there's a science to that. Then by four weeks
Speaker 1: you're like, oh okay, I'm starting to see something and
Speaker 1: there's an exact science to that. The first two weeks
Speaker 1: is you're teaching your body to be in shape to train.
Speaker 1: The first two weeks you don't even really do anything
Speaker 1: to change your body except get in shape. Lost half
Speaker 1: the people it's the truth, because people expect to see
Speaker 1: something after the first workout and second workout. The first workout,
Speaker 1: you're not even really going hard enough to see change.
Speaker 1: You only realistically start to see change after week three,
Speaker 1: four or five. If you continue working out at an
Speaker 1: intense pace and you continue to change the workouts. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what happens in the first three weeks are people you
Speaker 1: usually quit because it's a shot to your body. You
Speaker 1: get sore, you hurt, your chest hurts, and you're like,
Speaker 1: I can't do this, I'm done, So you quit before
Speaker 1: you actually saw any real results. By the three to
Speaker 1: four week moment, that's when your heart is strong enough
Speaker 1: to deal with intense workouts. That's when your length, your
Speaker 1: legs are strong enough to see I can push a
Speaker 1: little harder. And then from that moment you start to
Speaker 1: do some real intense shit that really gets your body changing,
Speaker 1: and the ship falls it literally the first three to
Speaker 1: four weeks, it's like it's nothing happening, nothing happening, intense, intense, intense.
Speaker 1: Now was falling off brou and add two more weeks
Speaker 1: onto that first two weeks. Yeah, you didn't have a baby, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because your pelvit floor and your abdomen talk about it
Speaker 1: literally feels like putty. Like I remember having to be
Speaker 1: in like a like a waste train or filet situation
Speaker 1: after the baby because my organs felt like they were
Speaker 1: like gonna fall out. Yeah, the doctor says, you had
Speaker 1: this what is it, that stasis RECTI pronouncing it right,
Speaker 1: but yeah, it's where the muscles literally separate in your abdomen.
Speaker 1: And I was very, very deliberate throughout all four pregnancies
Speaker 1: of doing transverse abdominal muscle exercises. That was just even
Speaker 1: while pregnant, squeezing my core and doing like ten to
Speaker 1: twenty a day, like if I would remember, I would
Speaker 1: just do it or still trying to just like keep
Speaker 1: my core intact because if people used to laugh that
Speaker 1: I'd still had two ab muscles at the top of
Speaker 1: my stomach even while I was like eight that months pregnant.
Speaker 1: But I'm hoping that that's what kind of helped to
Speaker 1: hoping I can tell you're my stomach again, because a
Speaker 1: lot of women can't recover from that, like they'll have
Speaker 1: to get a tummy tuck to have their ab muscles
Speaker 1: stitched back together. I can tell you that that is
Speaker 1: definitely the reason that why you've been able to bounce
Speaker 1: back every single time, because your muscles are your muscles
Speaker 1: can atrophy after a while of not using a muscle.
Speaker 1: It dies, so imagine you find out that you're pregnant,
Speaker 1: and you're like, okay, first trimester, I'm not gonna do
Speaker 1: any workout's want to make sure I get through the
Speaker 1: first trimester. Then the second trimester, you start to feel better,
Speaker 1: but your stomach is growing and you're kind of like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm not in the mood to work out. I'mant I'll
Speaker 1: start working out after i'm done. Then the third trimester,
Speaker 1: your stomach really grows. Now you spent six months of
Speaker 1: not using your abdominal muscles at all. Now the baby
Speaker 1: is growing and your abdominant wall is starting to stretch.
Speaker 1: There's no muscle fiber there to keep it tight and
Speaker 1: keep it together. The reason why this isn't good too,
Speaker 1: is because working out during your pregnancy helps you with labor.
Speaker 1: Your ability to contract and squeeze and push through comes
Speaker 1: from your abdominal cavity and that trans transverse abdominal movement.
Speaker 1: So when you work out throughout the pregnancy, it allows
Speaker 1: you to squeeze through, which is also why Codeine has
Speaker 1: also had really good deliveries because she's worked out the
Speaker 1: entire pregnancy. But imagine for nine months you don't do
Speaker 1: any of those things, and you just let your abdominal
Speaker 1: wall pretty much decay because as the muscles atrophy, it
Speaker 1: just sits and nothing happens. They go away. Then you
Speaker 1: have the breast. You don't feel like working out. You
Speaker 1: had another three to six months. Now you're going on
Speaker 1: almost two years of not using them, of dominant walls,
Speaker 1: and the first time you go work out, you're like,
Speaker 1: let me do some sit ups. You go to sit up,
Speaker 1: you can't move. We've watched it. I've cried through coming
Speaker 1: back after every baby. Yes, for that particular reason. You
Speaker 1: do a jumping jacket, piss yourself like you're a whole bladder,
Speaker 1: and everything is just weak. Everything is weak. And I
Speaker 1: get it, and I get it, but it gets better.
Speaker 1: Sis to my postpartum moms that are listening, don't put
Speaker 1: a time frame on it. Now. Whenever you're good and
Speaker 1: ready to feel like getting up and moving again, you
Speaker 1: get up and move again. I told him how to
Speaker 1: go to hell several times last year because I said,
Speaker 1: you have not carried about one baby up in here. Okay,
Speaker 1: so what you're not about to do is tell me
Speaker 1: what I need to be doing. But eventually it clicks
Speaker 1: for me. I felt like I needed to get back
Speaker 1: to a space where I could fit into my clothes again.
Speaker 1: I have a closet full of closed child that I
Speaker 1: have not warned some of these things in ages because
Speaker 1: there's a hope. Okay, there's a hope and a desire
Speaker 1: to get back into certain things. And I feel like
Speaker 1: now is the time. Now, it's if not now, then when.
Speaker 1: And I'm I'm loving it lifestyle more than more than
Speaker 1: I'm loving the booty. I'm loving the outlook. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: we both had health scares no one. That I have
Speaker 1: a partner that's invested in a long term health plan, yes,
Speaker 1: and wellness plan means a lot because I can look
Speaker 1: over to my left and be like, she, she's gonna
Speaker 1: be all right, We're gonna be here together. So that
Speaker 1: that makes me feel good. I mean, you got to
Speaker 1: control what you can control, right, And I feel like
Speaker 1: there's certain things that you don't have control over. Yeah. Um,
Speaker 1: God forbid, you can walk outside and get hit by lightning,
Speaker 1: you know. Um. But if health is the one thing
Speaker 1: that we have to take control of, especially after having
Speaker 1: preclampsia and that being a possible indicator for me having
Speaker 1: high blood pressure later on, I'm trying to negate all
Speaker 1: that now, and I'm trying to be proactive rather than reactive.
Speaker 1: All right, y'all, so we can dispel the myths, so
Speaker 1: we can dispel the rumors. Kidding his night, how to
Speaker 1: b b all, y'all. I'm just over here living in
Speaker 1: my Jamaican goodness and just trying to keep it up.
Speaker 1: I just want to keep my asks up by my
Speaker 1: shoulders and not by my ankles by age. As I age,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be Betty and Benjamin by n y'all. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's what we're trying to do. We're trying to find
Speaker 1: the found to do your fount of view. But what
Speaker 1: we did find is some listener letters, all y'all. I
Speaker 1: found those for sure. So we're gonna take a quick break.
Speaker 1: We're gonna listen to get into some ads. And I
Speaker 1: heard Photo crying around the corner. We're gonna check on
Speaker 1: him too. We'll be back. We'll be back for sure.
Speaker 1: All right, and we're back. You want to go first, Darling,
Speaker 1: or shall I? Yeah, I'll read first, because you've been
Speaker 1: going first the last couple of weeks. All right. Number one, Hey,
Speaker 1: Codeine and de Valle, I hope y'all both are doing amazing.
Speaker 1: We are thank you so much, and the family as well.
Speaker 1: The family is great. We hope the same for you.
Speaker 1: My name is Shay and I've been dating a guy
Speaker 1: for two years. We have really, really good times, and
Speaker 1: from time to time my arguments come from nowhere and
Speaker 1: are really bad, bad to a point where if he
Speaker 1: doesn't get his way, he threatens to kill himself. That's
Speaker 1: not healthy. My relationship before him was really abusive, so
Speaker 1: I now catch myself walking on pins and needles. That's
Speaker 1: not good. He blames his childhood and his past on
Speaker 1: how he navigates life, including our relationship, and now I
Speaker 1: am in a space where I no longer feel safe
Speaker 1: emotionally or mentally. I don't want to change him as
Speaker 1: a man. I want him to do that himself, but
Speaker 1: now I am at odds on staying or leaving. When
Speaker 1: we do have a disagreement, intense to put all of
Speaker 1: the blame on me, and when I shut down, I
Speaker 1: get bashed for being closed off and distant because now
Speaker 1: I no longer feel open enough to share anything with him,
Speaker 1: including how I'm feeling and my thoughts as a whole.
Speaker 1: He continues to make plans for the future, but at
Speaker 1: this moment, I am not seeing anything with him in
Speaker 1: the future until he can get it together. At times,
Speaker 1: I catch myself blaming myself as well, and now I
Speaker 1: am completely numb to not just him, but everyone outside
Speaker 1: of my kids, who have never witnessed any of our disagreements,
Speaker 1: thank god, but they love him to pieces, and I
Speaker 1: am really stuck on what to do than that sucks.
Speaker 1: When I did decide to cut him loose, he popped
Speaker 1: up at my house and I instantly was taken back
Speaker 1: to when I was getting abuse all over again. He
Speaker 1: didn't hit me. All he did was cry and begged
Speaker 1: for us to work through it. But I really don't
Speaker 1: know if I can any guidance for a thirty two
Speaker 1: year old that is literally lost. Check this out. Abuse
Speaker 1: comes in all forms. Just because someone doesn't hit you
Speaker 1: doesn't mean they're not abusing you. Abuse can also come
Speaker 1: in the form of manipulation, yes, and I'm not saying
Speaker 1: that he's using this as a way to manipulate you,
Speaker 1: but saying things like I'm going to kill myself and
Speaker 1: begging to take me back and all of these things
Speaker 1: is abusive to someone who's already been through an abusive
Speaker 1: relationship because that's triggering for you. And what I think
Speaker 1: you should do is be open and honest with him
Speaker 1: about how you feel and what you need to feel
Speaker 1: safe in this relationship. If he is not willing to
Speaker 1: work on those things to make you feel safe emotionally
Speaker 1: and both physically, I do think it's okay for you
Speaker 1: to move on. And what happens to him at this
Speaker 1: point is not on you. You know, you have one
Speaker 1: inaliable right and not to survive by any means necessary
Speaker 1: and have fun doing it. But you also have a
Speaker 1: right to protect your children. And what you don't want
Speaker 1: is to find yourself. Yes, you don't want to find
Speaker 1: yourself in a position where you cannot protect your children,
Speaker 1: not from harm, but from seeing something or seeing someone
Speaker 1: harm theirself, him to harm themselves. Talk to him, but
Speaker 1: make it clear what you need and what you want,
Speaker 1: and if he's not able to provide that, babe, it
Speaker 1: is okay to do what to do what's best for
Speaker 1: your mental health, your safety, and your children's safety. That
Speaker 1: was very well said, touching a lot of things that
Speaker 1: I was touching on, so we won't get redundant. Girl.
Speaker 1: Good luck to you definitely hope. So you hope that
Speaker 1: you guys are able to figure things out together that
Speaker 1: makes sense for you, Yeah for sure. All right, Hey guys,
Speaker 1: let me start by saying, I love you guys on
Speaker 1: your perspective on millennial love. Thank you for all you do.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Now. I am newly single, but have been
Speaker 1: in a terrible cycle of fuck boys. I'm thirty three
Speaker 1: years old, to very good care of myself, work, no kids,
Speaker 1: have everything on my own. I say that to say
Speaker 1: I'm looking for a partnership long term. I'm not a
Speaker 1: city girl. I love the thought of everlasting love. I
Speaker 1: don't need a sponsor or consistent dick. I believe I
Speaker 1: attract the same exact type of guy. I've been in
Speaker 1: three long term relationships, starting at sixteen, one for eight years,
Speaker 1: next for two years, and the last for six years.
Speaker 1: I try to have the heavy conversations about kids, marriage
Speaker 1: and building together very early on, but still end up
Speaker 1: in the same results. What tips can you provide about
Speaker 1: dating in the future? It is it the places that
Speaker 1: I go to? Is it the expectations? Anything helps? At
Speaker 1: this point, Uh, he's bubbling over over here because because
Speaker 1: she's attracting boys, is that just what it is. Okay,
Speaker 1: So here's my thing, right, You attract what you put out.
Speaker 1: It's number one. Number two, you also have to use
Speaker 1: discernment on who you're going to give your time. If
Speaker 1: you keep dating the same type of guy, that's a
Speaker 1: u problem. That's not the guy's problem. You're not using
Speaker 1: your past experiences to make better choices. You're just repeating
Speaker 1: the same behavior. And that's not saying you're a bad person.
Speaker 1: But at some point you have to realize if I
Speaker 1: keep dating the same guy over and over again, it's
Speaker 1: not them, it's me. If you realize that this is
Speaker 1: the same guy avoiding because you can attract this, but
Speaker 1: you don't have to sit in it exactly. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like it can be coming your way
Speaker 1: and you'd be like, ah, love red flags nowadays, right, Oh,
Speaker 1: I see a red flag popping up this time for
Speaker 1: me to make my exit for sure. But you also too,
Speaker 1: like she said, at least she's it seems like you're
Speaker 1: deliberate about having the conversations early on, and I'm hoping
Speaker 1: that in having those conversations and continue to be deliberate
Speaker 1: about what you want and what you are looking for
Speaker 1: will also help to bring the right kind of guy along,
Speaker 1: because what you don't want to do is end up
Speaker 1: in these quote unquote because she put put the long
Speaker 1: term in quotes. Yeah, these long term quote unquote relationships
Speaker 1: that are really going nowhere? Because is he wanting the
Speaker 1: same thing? Right? What exactly are you looking for and
Speaker 1: what are you presenting? And she seems to present someone who's,
Speaker 1: like she says, has been taking care of herself, doing
Speaker 1: her thing, working and all that. But what exactly are
Speaker 1: you putting out there that you're bringing this back? This
Speaker 1: is what I have a question for. Right, women off
Speaker 1: to say, I attract fuck boys? Right? Do you like
Speaker 1: fuck boys? Because if you keep entertaining and dealing with
Speaker 1: fuck boys, it's like, is that what you're chasing? You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, is that what you're chasing? Because
Speaker 1: it's the same thing my homeboys? Right? So many of
Speaker 1: the young kids that I'm doing and fuck these bitches,
Speaker 1: they always want one thing. They'd be doing the same thing.
Speaker 1: I said, Bro, you date the same girl? Oh some
Speaker 1: of them even look exactly the fucking same. Bro, Like
Speaker 1: at something and don't hit me with all women are
Speaker 1: the same. They are not all the women you date
Speaker 1: are the same, And I asked, I asked them, these
Speaker 1: are my homies. Are you attracted to that? And then
Speaker 1: find yourself turned off when you have to deal with
Speaker 1: the issues that come with that. For example, one of
Speaker 1: my homeboys owned I don't call them gold diggers because
Speaker 1: I don't think they're gold diggers. I think there are
Speaker 1: a certain type of women who know that, Hey, I'm gorgeous,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna marry well, and I'm going to marry a
Speaker 1: certain caliber man. And if you can't provide these things
Speaker 1: for me financially, I'm going to use you until I
Speaker 1: find someone else who can do better. There are some
Speaker 1: women who are just like they don't they don't care
Speaker 1: about anything else but that that's the woman that he
Speaker 1: always go after. And when I tell you, it's like
Speaker 1: carbon copy after carbon they even dressed the same, if
Speaker 1: they follow each other on Instagram that it's like, bro,
Speaker 1: they go to the same places. They some of them
Speaker 1: even went to the same high school. Like, dude, how
Speaker 1: do you manage to find it? And it's just like that,
Speaker 1: you know why I look at it? And that's what
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's the point because draft class, when yeah, class.
Speaker 1: When you see that woman, that's what is attracting to you.
Speaker 1: But you go into that person and say, I'm going
Speaker 1: to change that person and make that person what I
Speaker 1: want them to be, as opposed to saying I know
Speaker 1: that attracts me, but it's unhealthy for me. How about
Speaker 1: the people that attract the fun boys and fun girls,
Speaker 1: because this girls who's fun girls too, you attract that,
Speaker 1: that's what you're into. Is problematic. Then you find somebody
Speaker 1: who treats you so oh well, so well, and then
Speaker 1: you try to pick apart everything that's wrong with this
Speaker 1: person because they're not the usual or typical fuck boy
Speaker 1: and fun girl that you deal with. It's because, to me,
Speaker 1: relationships are like picking a meal. Right. You know, you
Speaker 1: need your vegetables, but you want to eat all the
Speaker 1: wrong shit all the time because it just takes better.
Speaker 1: Right you you know, you're like, man, I should get
Speaker 1: some keen while some brown rice, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: and some grilled chicken. But nope, I'm gonna eat this
Speaker 1: fried chicken. I'm gonna get me some collar greens, drizzles
Speaker 1: and syrup and honey, I'm gonna add this cheesecake on top.
Speaker 1: Of it. I'm a drink of sweet and it feel
Speaker 1: good in the moment, but then and that's that's just
Speaker 1: because it looks like it's something you want doesn't mean
Speaker 1: that it's good for you. And you have to start
Speaker 1: listening to yourself and saying to yourself. If I'm only
Speaker 1: attracting fun boys, if I keep dating fuck boys, I'm
Speaker 1: attracted to the dessert. I need the vegetables because the vegetables,
Speaker 1: the vegetables will give you longevity. Now, if you happen
Speaker 1: to be somebody like me, I find vegetables that are healthy.
Speaker 1: You like my candy ams, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Because the yam is a vegetable, so it's good for me.
Speaker 1: But it's sweet, you know what I'm saying. It's sweet,
Speaker 1: so it's good for me, and it tastes good. And
Speaker 1: if I don't like his food touching, no, how so
Speaker 1: you don't have his vegetables over here. Meanwhile I'm over
Speaker 1: here like no, I'm about the bite. I need to
Speaker 1: have the coligreens, snack and cheese, the the yam, the
Speaker 1: you go. You took my analogy in a different direction.
Speaker 1: That wasn't where I was going. But what I will say,
Speaker 1: is that start understanding what's good for you and not
Speaker 1: what you think is going to be a good time.
Speaker 1: If you start to realize what's good for you, you'll
Speaker 1: start to date in that vein as opposed to being
Speaker 1: like this will be fun and then getting your heartbroken.
Speaker 1: And that's for men and women, because it ain't just
Speaker 1: fun boys. It's also fun girls. But you have to
Speaker 1: be responsible for your own moment, all right, And that's
Speaker 1: that's only everybody. One thing I don't envy is y'all
Speaker 1: in the dating pool for sure, for sure. All Right, y'all,
Speaker 1: thank you for writing in. We always love to hear
Speaker 1: from you. If you want to be featured as one
Speaker 1: of our listener letters on a future show, be shut
Speaker 1: to email us at Dada's advice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: That's d E A D A d V. I know
Speaker 1: I'm better advice. I'm ungry too. That's d E A
Speaker 1: d A S S A d V I c E
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. All right, moment of truth time.
Speaker 1: So we're talking and Bodi yadi yadi yadi yadi ya
Speaker 1: d my body, um some moment of truth. The truth
Speaker 1: is Katina not get to be b l y'all. I
Speaker 1: could put my hand on the Bible yea um. But
Speaker 1: I think my moment of truth in all of this
Speaker 1: is um, no one is going to do for you
Speaker 1: like you. So at some point you have to realize
Speaker 1: that you are in control ultimately of all things for
Speaker 1: the most part when it comes to your life, aside
Speaker 1: for stuff that's not within your control. And if one
Speaker 1: thing I can do to control being more productive as
Speaker 1: a mom, as a wife, as a person as cadeine,
Speaker 1: if that means it's working out, if it's taking my
Speaker 1: nutrition under my belt and under control, taking that time
Speaker 1: for me to love on me, it's necessary, and I'm
Speaker 1: going to make the provisions to do that because I
Speaker 1: ain't getting any younger, y'all. I ain't getting any younger,
Speaker 1: and after a while, stuff is going to catch up.
Speaker 1: And we also can't keep talking about the things that
Speaker 1: run in our family, these ailments and these diseases that
Speaker 1: become chronic when we can be preventative rather than reactive.
Speaker 1: So I'm in a space where I'm really trying to
Speaker 1: buckle down on that, and I thank you, sir, for
Speaker 1: helping me do that, and for being my support and
Speaker 1: my motivation and my drill sergeant on days when I
Speaker 1: don't want to hear it, but I need to hear it,
Speaker 1: but also knowing when to kind of back off and
Speaker 1: just say, you know what, she's still figuring it out,
Speaker 1: so I appreciate that. Love you Love you too, baby.
Speaker 1: My moment of truth is I'm proud of you, um,
Speaker 1: you're killing it? You proud of me? Or you want
Speaker 1: a proud of me? Proud of me? Oh my god, Alicia,
Speaker 1: somehow she always get a gift, y'all. I don't know
Speaker 1: what it is. Proud of me. I'm proud of you.
Speaker 1: Create a gift when I can get moment without buying
Speaker 1: something ahead. Goal weight, like you know, there's a push
Speaker 1: present a goal weight. What's your goal weight? What's your
Speaker 1: goal weight? Right now? I like the way my body's transformed.
Speaker 1: I weigh about about a buck sixty now once fifty
Speaker 1: seven eight. When I get up in the morning on
Speaker 1: an empty stomach, after I pee, take my clothes off,
Speaker 1: I think, if I were to get down, if I'm
Speaker 1: to put a number on it. I don't really like
Speaker 1: to put a number on I just kind of go
Speaker 1: based off of vibes and how I feel and how
Speaker 1: my close fits, but I've always been comfortable historically at
Speaker 1: one fifty. If I get to that range another twelve pounds. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's in my arms, it's in my face, like best
Speaker 1: places that I feel like I can tighten up. So
Speaker 1: that's where I'm actively working on. I will say this
Speaker 1: about the weight, I don't think you'll ever be that
Speaker 1: small again because you've been doing so much heavy lifting
Speaker 1: and muscle weights more than fat as thick as your
Speaker 1: legs have gotten from all. This is the longest you've
Speaker 1: done heavy with lifting since we were doing Married to
Speaker 1: the gym in two thousand and twelve. Yeah, so I
Speaker 1: think you, to be honest, I think you could be
Speaker 1: down to one fifty and lose everything you want in
Speaker 1: your face and your arms. But the way you're building
Speaker 1: your legs, Like my waist is down to where I
Speaker 1: was in college, but I'm two hundred pounds because I've
Speaker 1: been building muscle the way you've been building muscle here.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's possible, but I do roll arms.
Speaker 1: Have you seen her arms lately between her and Angela Bassett? Yes,
Speaker 1: so they are aren't in Michelle Obama. They arm goals goals,
Speaker 1: but um, it's funny how I was giving my moment
Speaker 1: of truth and now you just took it over. But
Speaker 1: the whole episode has been honoring you because you you
Speaker 1: actually did a good job, and I was gonna get
Speaker 1: to my moment of truth real quick. A banging body
Speaker 1: is the byproduct of healthy living. That's just what it is. Um,
Speaker 1: you want your girl, your wife, your baby mother to
Speaker 1: look as good as you want to create a safe,
Speaker 1: healthy space to her to live stress free. I think
Speaker 1: that helps a lot. I'll try to make sure that
Speaker 1: you're stress free, make sure you have time, make sure
Speaker 1: you eat right, make sure you sleep, sleep, you drink water,
Speaker 1: and find whatever workout plan works for you consistently. There's
Speaker 1: no one way the skinny cat. There's thousands of ways
Speaker 1: to skinny cat. And I think that as a man,
Speaker 1: that's yeah. Well, I mean your your cat is skinned.
Speaker 1: He can sell it all my business on good day,
Speaker 1: I like the ball baby, shiny shiny ballaby like like, Okay,
Speaker 1: lazy Harrible has been good to us, Yes, but um,
Speaker 1: that is my moment of truth. I love this woman,
Speaker 1: and you can be sure to find us on Patreo
Speaker 1: to see exclusive dead Ass podcast video. I wanted to
Speaker 1: do it because you you did all the heavy lifting today,
Speaker 1: no pun intending when it came to the episode, so
Speaker 1: it's all good. Be sure to find us on Patreon
Speaker 1: and see exclusive Deadass podcast video content, and to find
Speaker 1: us on social media at dead as to podcasts, I'm Cadeen,
Speaker 1: I am and I am Devout, and if you're listening
Speaker 1: on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, subscribe, scribe,
Speaker 1: dead Ass, y'all, Badass, y'all, very much alive, Ass, y'all.
Speaker 1: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and
Speaker 1: it is produced by the Norapinia and Triple. Follow the
Speaker 1: podcast on social media at dead Ass to podcasts and
Speaker 1: never miss a Thing,