1 00:00:00,560 --> 00:00:03,400 Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the 2 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,800 Speaker 1: Death of Me A production of I Heart Radio. Oh, 3 00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:10,440 Speaker 1: good afternoon, Hello Brandon. How are you doing? I'm great. 4 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:12,840 Speaker 1: How are you? I'm well? Thank you? What would do 5 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:15,480 Speaker 1: we have any updates? We've had a lot of updates. Actually, 6 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:18,079 Speaker 1: I got some new rugs installed this week. People just 7 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:20,599 Speaker 1: need to check out your Instagram at Chelsea Handler to 8 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:22,680 Speaker 1: keep up with everything going on in your life. Because 9 00:00:23,079 --> 00:00:25,400 Speaker 1: there's a lot happening at the house and I'm home. 10 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,800 Speaker 1: I've been in l A for a while, and that 11 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,680 Speaker 1: I know irks you because you're ready for me to 12 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:32,879 Speaker 1: go away. Luckily, I have a trip coming up this weekend. 13 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:35,960 Speaker 1: Isn't that right? Feel like when you're on the road. 14 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,680 Speaker 1: This weekend, I had some friends over for mushroom Friday. 15 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:42,920 Speaker 1: We went swimming in my pool. We ordered food for ourselves, 16 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:47,120 Speaker 1: we ordered Postmates pizza. We were there. I didn't hear 17 00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 1: from you for two days, which can be concerning, right, 18 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:53,159 Speaker 1: But I also try and remember no news is good news, right. 19 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:56,080 Speaker 1: But I cleaned up after everybody left, some people late state. 20 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,280 Speaker 1: I was in bed by midnight. Everyone came over around 21 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:01,000 Speaker 1: six ish after we had our Bert's scare. We're gonna 22 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 1: have to get that dog tracking collar because he got 23 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:07,640 Speaker 1: one for me to. We were so scared. We lost 24 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:10,839 Speaker 1: Bert and we had workers at my house delivering the rugs. 25 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:12,840 Speaker 1: We couldn't find him. We couldn't find him. We raced 26 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:17,800 Speaker 1: around the neighborhood. My bell was screaming bird, bird, birt 27 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:21,840 Speaker 1: so many times it was overkill. And then finally Brandon 28 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:25,679 Speaker 1: found him wedged between the property gate of our neighbors 29 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:30,679 Speaker 1: and some cement block. Yeah, and and he dislikes me 30 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:34,640 Speaker 1: so much that he wedged himself further through just to escape. Yeah, 31 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:37,560 Speaker 1: to get away from you. And then yeah, so right 32 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:40,280 Speaker 1: into mama's arms. We right, he went right into my 33 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,760 Speaker 1: bell's arms. But we screamed and we screamed. And guess 34 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:44,679 Speaker 1: who didn't bark once to let us know that he 35 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:50,360 Speaker 1: was hearing our screams. Burt, because he's an idiot. So 36 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,680 Speaker 1: this week's show is Sarah Silverman and Me in San Francisco. 37 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:57,400 Speaker 1: We talked about at Harvard singing Acapella group a little bit. 38 00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 1: We talked about stand up and my real zation that 39 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,000 Speaker 1: I should probably start doing it again, which I now 40 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,520 Speaker 1: am doing it again. And we talk about female comics 41 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:10,320 Speaker 1: because girls aren't funny and that just has to keep 42 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:14,040 Speaker 1: being spoken about. Well, girls are funny now, so everybody 43 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,280 Speaker 1: needs to deal with it. I'm going to bring out 44 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:18,880 Speaker 1: one of my very favorite people in the whole wide world, 45 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:23,519 Speaker 1: and I know you're gonna be very, very very happy 46 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:26,960 Speaker 1: to see her, So please show your appreciation as I 47 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:43,079 Speaker 1: welcome my very dear friend, Sarah Silverman. Hi Chelsea, Hi, 48 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:51,959 Speaker 1: Hi Sarah. Thanks y'all. Mm hmm. We've been stoned together 49 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:57,160 Speaker 1: on a number of occasions. The most recent one was 50 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,200 Speaker 1: a very odd night we have if. I have a 51 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:02,440 Speaker 1: friend named al and he went to Harvard and there 52 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:05,560 Speaker 1: was an acapella group. What is it the Harvard Singing Group? 53 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,480 Speaker 1: Do you remember what they're called. I know that the 54 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,800 Speaker 1: Yale Ones are the Whiffin poofs, right, and they're the 55 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,560 Speaker 1: Harvard version of that. So it's like basically twenty year 56 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,000 Speaker 1: old boys singing. And when he said he was seeing 57 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 1: a bunch of guys that went to Harvard, I was like, oh, Sarah, 58 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: we're saying, oh, there's Harvard guys there, and she's like 59 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:25,720 Speaker 1: that sounds awful, and I said, let's brought in our horizons. 60 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:28,040 Speaker 1: It's could be cute, we'll be together, it'll be fine. 61 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,320 Speaker 1: And it was at some like store in Beverly Hills 62 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:34,520 Speaker 1: that selled perfume and men's clothing or something. So the 63 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,480 Speaker 1: lighting was it was tricky. So I go to our house, 64 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,400 Speaker 1: we smoke a joint, We go and meet up with 65 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 1: my friend, and all of a sudden, there's just enough 66 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 1: people to be awkward for us to leave. Yeah, they're 67 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:47,360 Speaker 1: like seventeen people, so we couldn't just be like, let's go. 68 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 1: And then also it was like cocktails at first, and 69 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,760 Speaker 1: then all of a sudden the show started and where 70 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 1: we happened to be standing became the front row because 71 00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: it was like so we there was no escape, No, 72 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,800 Speaker 1: it was the front row, and it was bright lights, 73 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,880 Speaker 1: so the people who were singing were staring straight at 74 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 1: Sarah and me, probably wondering why are these two girls here. 75 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,000 Speaker 1: We felt like child molesters. I was like, we have 76 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:15,240 Speaker 1: to get out of here. And then the singing is beautiful, right, 77 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:19,280 Speaker 1: I mean, if you're like and I like tight harmonies, 78 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:24,440 Speaker 1: I'm a sucker. First a nice tight harmony. And all 79 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:27,160 Speaker 1: of a sudden she's standing next to me and she goes, 80 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 1: I go, what are you doing? Waiting to get underknees. 81 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 1: What are you doing right now? And then and she's like, 82 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,360 Speaker 1: we're gonna watch them sing like this, and I'm standing 83 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:38,080 Speaker 1: next to her, so I get on mimies it. Chelsea goes, 84 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:42,719 Speaker 1: but I'm just so, this is what can I explain 85 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,320 Speaker 1: to you? When I get high, I love weed, and 86 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 1: I don't necessarily get paranoid. But the one paranoid element 87 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:54,320 Speaker 1: is that when I'm high, I feel convinced that I'm 88 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:59,360 Speaker 1: taking up too much space. And so I felt like 89 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:02,839 Speaker 1: no one could see behind, like no one behind me 90 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:09,400 Speaker 1: could see over my giant presence. So I try to 91 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:13,120 Speaker 1: just make myself very small. And then what I realized 92 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:15,600 Speaker 1: as soon as I got down was that it put 93 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,920 Speaker 1: you in a very precarious position to be. So then 94 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,440 Speaker 1: you got down, and by this point, my knees hurt 95 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:25,599 Speaker 1: so much. And then I got down. She goes, I 96 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,599 Speaker 1: gotta get back home, you know. I just my knees 97 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:33,359 Speaker 1: hurt so much. And then I you know, so we 98 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:39,720 Speaker 1: made a scene by desperately trying to be inconspicuous. Anyway, 99 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:42,679 Speaker 1: that was our most recent outing, and then also how 100 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 1: we met. We've said an interesting story, is it sure? Yeah, 101 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:49,839 Speaker 1: I'm sure. I mean, I'm sure it is. I don't remember. Oh, 102 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,720 Speaker 1: I remember at the Haiti fundraiser, right, Yes, I do. 103 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,160 Speaker 1: We were both in the industry and the same business 104 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,640 Speaker 1: for so many years because you were for a crossed path, 105 00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:00,360 Speaker 1: never really and I just assumed you didn't like me, 106 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,279 Speaker 1: because I always assume people don't like me, you know, 107 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,640 Speaker 1: I just just I go with that and that way, 108 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:09,320 Speaker 1: no one's disappointed, you know, like I remember. And then 109 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:13,280 Speaker 1: we would see each other at functions and I was 110 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:17,800 Speaker 1: too shy. Then finally at this thing, I just made 111 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:21,280 Speaker 1: myself go up to you. Yeah you did. You came 112 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 1: up and you're like, hey, Chelsea, we should be friends. 113 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:26,240 Speaker 1: I said, what, it's crazy. We don't know each other. 114 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,279 Speaker 1: That's so weird. Comics always know each other. Yeah. It 115 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:31,640 Speaker 1: was one of those moments where you have this protective guard, 116 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,599 Speaker 1: which I definitely had for so many years, where I 117 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,200 Speaker 1: was like, I don't need anybody to like me, and 118 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna do my thing and just and you 119 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:40,200 Speaker 1: have this protective thing and then you were successful before 120 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:41,680 Speaker 1: I was. I was in the comedy clubs and I 121 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:43,359 Speaker 1: saw you and you were somebody who was, you know, 122 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 1: a big stop Biddle. So when you said that, it's 123 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,400 Speaker 1: just such a great example of to be fucking nicer 124 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,440 Speaker 1: to everybody. We should all be reaching out and saying, hey, 125 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,360 Speaker 1: do you want to be friends? You know, and as 126 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:57,320 Speaker 1: since then we're great friends. It's just such a good reminder, 127 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,080 Speaker 1: especially girls like we need each other, reach out to 128 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:03,000 Speaker 1: each other, show up and be like especially friends that 129 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:06,040 Speaker 1: you don't normally have, you know. As a matter of fact, 130 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:11,239 Speaker 1: then we did a photo shoot together and she said, 131 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:15,160 Speaker 1: she went like this to my bra. She goes, what 132 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 1: is that? I have the same bra, you know, And 133 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 1: then she goes, I wear the same bra, but mine's 134 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:25,480 Speaker 1: not filthy, and um, I said, well, I have one 135 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:31,560 Speaker 1: that's like Caucasian nude and one that's black, and but 136 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:35,000 Speaker 1: the one that's black wasn't naturally black. It's just dirty. 137 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:39,360 Speaker 1: But we wear the exact same kind of like support 138 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:42,600 Speaker 1: bra and were the exact same size boob. And by 139 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:46,720 Speaker 1: the end of that shoot, like somebody just went with 140 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:51,440 Speaker 1: that piece of information. Oh yeah, comes her assistant with 141 00:07:51,480 --> 00:08:01,280 Speaker 1: a bag of forty of these and every bra I 142 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 1: were of Now I have several we're given to me 143 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:14,000 Speaker 1: by Chelsea handler. M Chelsea. She tries to hide it. 144 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:19,640 Speaker 1: But she is a caregiver beyond anything else. And you know, 145 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:21,840 Speaker 1: I was trying to when I wrote caregiver and then 146 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:27,200 Speaker 1: I go as a caretaker, the caregiver and caretaker mean 147 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,320 Speaker 1: that is it like getting the check? But it's like 148 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:35,280 Speaker 1: a bill. Right, Okay, We're gonna take a quick break 149 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:40,360 Speaker 1: and we'll be right back. I'm deciding whether to like 150 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:46,520 Speaker 1: go a little deeper, go or start. Oh, I'm sorry, 151 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:53,360 Speaker 1: I wasn't asking you. I'm sorry, um, because I loved 152 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 1: your book and I learned so much about you and 153 00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:00,680 Speaker 1: that changed the way I think, and I love when 154 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:05,320 Speaker 1: something changes me. And um, I just loved every part 155 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:08,520 Speaker 1: of it, and I think it's so special and can 156 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:14,280 Speaker 1: really not just let people learn your story? I mean 157 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:18,320 Speaker 1: talk about like there isn't anyone you couldn't love once 158 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 1: you've heard their story. You can even love Chelsea Handler 159 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:28,240 Speaker 1: once you've heard this story. But um, one thing that 160 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:31,880 Speaker 1: I thought was interesting is that your brother died on 161 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:36,200 Speaker 1: an adventure and that you are so adventurous. You're the 162 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,640 Speaker 1: most adventurous person I know, And I wonder if that 163 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:43,160 Speaker 1: has anything to do with that in some weird way. Yeah, yeah, 164 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,240 Speaker 1: that's a great question. Sarah, I know. I'm sorry. It's 165 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:50,360 Speaker 1: not no, it is question. You never thought about that. 166 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,400 Speaker 1: You know. I once went skydiving when I was nineteen 167 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:54,199 Speaker 1: years old. I remember I came out to California. I 168 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:55,480 Speaker 1: was like, yeah, this seems like a good place for 169 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,720 Speaker 1: me to relocate. And I went skydiving and I had 170 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,040 Speaker 1: all these pictures and I had hit them from my 171 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:02,760 Speaker 1: father because we weren't allowed to do stuff. I mean, 172 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,360 Speaker 1: we could do whatever we wanted obviously, but he you know, 173 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,440 Speaker 1: because of my brother's accident. It was height and it 174 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,719 Speaker 1: was you know, and I remember coming home one day 175 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:12,640 Speaker 1: my dad had the pictures scattered all across the kitchen 176 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:16,400 Speaker 1: island of me skydiving, and his face was just like, 177 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:18,840 Speaker 1: you know, like he had been in a fight, and 178 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:21,880 Speaker 1: he was like, how dare you jump out of a 179 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,800 Speaker 1: plane after your brother fell off of a cliff. And 180 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,599 Speaker 1: I was like, it's time for me to go to 181 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:31,400 Speaker 1: l a like. But you know, the pain was so 182 00:10:31,559 --> 00:10:33,920 Speaker 1: raw for all of us. It's almost like we had 183 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 1: to get away from each other in order to heal 184 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:39,360 Speaker 1: because it was so raw and it was so painful 185 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:42,520 Speaker 1: to go home and be ignored over and over again 186 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,160 Speaker 1: and be desperate for attention that you had your whole life, 187 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:48,320 Speaker 1: and it totally explains my career and wanting to be 188 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,880 Speaker 1: you know, I wanted attention, attention, attention. I thought what 189 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:54,439 Speaker 1: I wanted was a connection. You know, you get confused 190 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:56,840 Speaker 1: and you love the accolades and you love people. I 191 00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:58,440 Speaker 1: just wanted somebody to ask me where I had been 192 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:06,680 Speaker 1: all day. Know that takes me. I'm getting to the angiogram. 193 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:09,120 Speaker 1: What you talked about in the book is just being 194 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:11,240 Speaker 1: in motion and not being able to sit still. And 195 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:14,600 Speaker 1: then you took this, did I say right? Any? Yeah? 196 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,440 Speaker 1: So it's like this personality test that my doctor gave me. 197 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,840 Speaker 1: At first, I was like, is this astrology adjacent? And 198 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:23,120 Speaker 1: he's like no, and he basically came up. There are 199 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,680 Speaker 1: all these numbers that describe different personality types, and I'm 200 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:28,080 Speaker 1: a number eight, which is a fixer, which is somebody 201 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,760 Speaker 1: who goes in fixes everybody else's problems but never takes 202 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,199 Speaker 1: a look at themselves, which is exactly what I do. 203 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 1: You know, I'll fix anybody's problem. I'll sit on your 204 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,560 Speaker 1: bed morning, noon and night, and I will have as 205 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:41,200 Speaker 1: much sympathy as you need, and I will be the 206 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,040 Speaker 1: best friend and fixer. I'll throw money at any problem, 207 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 1: I'll show up, I'll fly to Germany if I have to. 208 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:49,160 Speaker 1: I will be there for anyone. But as far as 209 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,719 Speaker 1: empathy goes, you know I was lacking that. I was 210 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:55,080 Speaker 1: lacking empathy. The difference between sympathy and empathy is feeling 211 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,080 Speaker 1: sorry for somebody and actually thinking what it's like to 212 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,760 Speaker 1: be that person in that period. And he was like, 213 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,760 Speaker 1: you lack empathy, that's why you've had these issues. And 214 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,080 Speaker 1: so that was a big aha moment. And the number eight, 215 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,559 Speaker 1: which is the number I am an Instagram? Do you 216 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,800 Speaker 1: know what number you are? Sarah? No, I don't, but 217 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,240 Speaker 1: I just think it's interesting because you share number eight 218 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:20,200 Speaker 1: with who else? Donald Trump and some other really big assholes. 219 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:23,720 Speaker 1: But luckily, through my meditation, because Donald Trump's obviously not 220 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:26,920 Speaker 1: doing that, you can become self actualized. No matter what 221 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,280 Speaker 1: number you are. There are people who are not self aware, 222 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,480 Speaker 1: who are not present, who are not conscious, which is 223 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:33,640 Speaker 1: what I was doing for ten years. And to be 224 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:39,199 Speaker 1: able to go from that too, looking inward and realizing 225 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,160 Speaker 1: everything that you realize is so incredible. But it is 226 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:45,720 Speaker 1: interesting to look at your early life, where you came from, 227 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:50,440 Speaker 1: and how you became this wildly successful kind of like 228 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:55,319 Speaker 1: how Donald Trump became wildly successful, filling an unfillable hole 229 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:59,559 Speaker 1: and constantly staying in motion. And it's you know, he's 230 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:03,839 Speaker 1: never to look inward because I think if he Saul 231 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:10,080 Speaker 1: really looked at himself, he'd probably kill himself. But um, 232 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:15,120 Speaker 1: you just talked about how you didn't have empathy. But 233 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,760 Speaker 1: I beg to differ because when your mom was in hospice, 234 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 1: you gave her the greatest gift you could give her, 235 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:28,760 Speaker 1: which was pulling cots in and being with your siblings 236 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:32,280 Speaker 1: and laughing and talking. And you say earlier in your book, 237 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:33,880 Speaker 1: and I'm wondering if you made this connection. And I 238 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:37,000 Speaker 1: guess it's not a question. It's just me pontificating about 239 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:42,360 Speaker 1: how smart I am from reading your book that I 240 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,320 Speaker 1: think that is empathy. You gave her her greatest joy, 241 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:49,599 Speaker 1: which you say early in the book, was to be peripheral, 242 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:53,600 Speaker 1: to like what's going on, to not contribute. She didn't 243 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:55,520 Speaker 1: want to talk, but she wanted to just be around 244 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:59,320 Speaker 1: the conversation and the happenings, and you gave her that. 245 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:03,720 Speaker 1: That wasn't a question, but just saying it was a statement. 246 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:09,480 Speaker 1: It's funny because you talk about completely falling out of 247 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:13,040 Speaker 1: love with stand up, but is that really well? By 248 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,080 Speaker 1: doing that and taking the time and being on this 249 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,120 Speaker 1: tour and going around to these cities, I was like, Okay, 250 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 1: I do want to do stand up again, you know, 251 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 1: so I am going to do it again. And for 252 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,880 Speaker 1: years I was like, never again, never again, because I 253 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,960 Speaker 1: lost my joy. You know, I just was moving too fast. 254 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,160 Speaker 1: You know, there are too many huge moments I missed. 255 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,520 Speaker 1: But the answer to your question is yes, I needed 256 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,280 Speaker 1: to rediscover my love for stand up and it had 257 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 1: to be my own idea. Yeah, yeah, and uh oh 258 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:45,320 Speaker 1: right saying no, if someone told you ten years ago 259 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:47,960 Speaker 1: that in ten years you'd be promoting a book about 260 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:53,440 Speaker 1: politics and therapy, what would you have told? Though? Listen, 261 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:58,600 Speaker 1: I don't know this bitch. Either anything is possible. I mean, 262 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:01,760 Speaker 1: are you aren't you surprised? Or are you Maybe you're 263 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,800 Speaker 1: the opposite of me because we are opposites in so 264 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,400 Speaker 1: many ways. Are you surprised by the two changes that 265 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,360 Speaker 1: you take in your career and the different things that 266 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:12,040 Speaker 1: you do? I mean, does it feel natural? Is it intentional? 267 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,400 Speaker 1: Do you plan on it? Or is it I've never 268 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:18,360 Speaker 1: planned anything, and I never have thought of the future 269 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:22,560 Speaker 1: or like anything. I so I that's how I feel. 270 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,280 Speaker 1: I don't like to plan for the future. I just 271 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,320 Speaker 1: I'm like, well, let's see which way the wind blows. 272 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,000 Speaker 1: You know, maybe I want to do that. I don't plan. 273 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 1: I think it's more there's a different kind of energy 274 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,560 Speaker 1: about it. You've got to get hopped up about something 275 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,760 Speaker 1: and then you get really passionate about it. Yeah, for 276 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,760 Speaker 1: like two days, and then you're like, oh no, I'm 277 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:44,720 Speaker 1: not into that anywhere now. Sometimes I do. Somebody asked 278 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,440 Speaker 1: me yesterday, They're like, are you are good? Like we're 279 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,120 Speaker 1: having a silent retreat. I'm like, with no fucking silent retreats. Okay, 280 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:50,640 Speaker 1: I'm not there yet. I'm not on the other side 281 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:52,920 Speaker 1: of face. I'm like, I'm still normal. I don't want 282 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:55,880 Speaker 1: to be silent for three days in the woods. We're 283 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 1: not so different, Like I remember it. We all got 284 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 1: awards or certificate for soccer in high school, and um, 285 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:06,040 Speaker 1: everyone got positive things. And then they gave me least 286 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,880 Speaker 1: popular on the van. But it was because I made 287 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,160 Speaker 1: everyone's life hell when they were like trying to sleep 288 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:15,960 Speaker 1: and everything specific at least popular, I have to say, 289 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,120 Speaker 1: I loved it because it was so funny, it was 290 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:22,000 Speaker 1: very creative and very true. You know, it's an interesting thing, 291 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,600 Speaker 1: and it's kind of what you brought up just now 292 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:28,840 Speaker 1: asking me. But the one time I had like an 293 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 1: identity crisis with comedy was the first time I had 294 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:35,880 Speaker 1: my first special, because your first special is kind of 295 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:38,280 Speaker 1: like the accumulation of everything you've done so far and 296 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:41,840 Speaker 1: the best of it. And then that did well, and 297 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:44,240 Speaker 1: then I didn't know who I was because I couldn't 298 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:47,280 Speaker 1: do the same material anymore, so to write new material. 299 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:50,960 Speaker 1: But I wanted to please the audience and give them 300 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:54,040 Speaker 1: what they're expecting, which is to be surprised, And then 301 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:56,320 Speaker 1: how can you do that? And then I was so 302 00:16:56,400 --> 00:17:00,920 Speaker 1: paralyzed until I realized comedy dies in a second guessing, 303 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,360 Speaker 1: and you just have to start over and bomb and 304 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,960 Speaker 1: eat ship and lose fans and get new fans hopefully, 305 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,920 Speaker 1: and just stay with reflecting who you are, and hopefully 306 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:15,320 Speaker 1: who you are is always changing and growing. So how 307 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,439 Speaker 1: have your fans reacted if you felt a difference in 308 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:21,840 Speaker 1: your change and a change in them? Yeah, I mean 309 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,160 Speaker 1: I'm sure some people are probably like, oh, folk, she's 310 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,320 Speaker 1: got off the defend and some people know. You know, 311 00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:28,880 Speaker 1: this was an opportunity to share something good. I've spent 312 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,960 Speaker 1: my career over sharing and been rewarded for bad behavior 313 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:35,200 Speaker 1: my entire career. No, honestly, I mean drinking. And I 314 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:37,520 Speaker 1: wrote a book about sleeping around Everyone's like, yeah, this 315 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,800 Speaker 1: is great, you know, and I'm glad I did it. 316 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,239 Speaker 1: But you know, I didn't realize how easy it had 317 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,720 Speaker 1: been for me, how easy my life had been, how 318 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,199 Speaker 1: easy it is to be white and pretty and succeed. 319 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,880 Speaker 1: And yeah, you can claim you have talent, and anyone 320 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,520 Speaker 1: can have talent, and there are plenty of untalented people 321 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:56,199 Speaker 1: who are very famous and plenty of talented people who aren't. 322 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:59,240 Speaker 1: So it's really not about that. Another great thing from 323 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,080 Speaker 1: what happened was the election was it made me get 324 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,840 Speaker 1: out of my own ass. It made me look around 325 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,680 Speaker 1: and say, wait, racism, What is the fucking deal here. 326 00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:08,240 Speaker 1: I'm an idiot, I'm a white per I don't know 327 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:11,719 Speaker 1: shit about racism. You know, I'm part of the problem 328 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:14,040 Speaker 1: by not being educated about the problem. You know, I 329 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:17,080 Speaker 1: am complicit unless I, you know, do something, And so 330 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:20,520 Speaker 1: it made me really recalibrate the work I want to 331 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,919 Speaker 1: do and the way I want to contribute and to 332 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,719 Speaker 1: be aware of everybody that is outside of my lane, 333 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:29,719 Speaker 1: and that other people's experiences are unlike my own, and 334 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,600 Speaker 1: to get to know those experiences so we can make 335 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,520 Speaker 1: change and we can stick our next out for people 336 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,879 Speaker 1: that need us to support them and use our platforms 337 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:44,800 Speaker 1: for powerful ship. Okay, well, this sounds like a good 338 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:49,880 Speaker 1: time to take a break. Who do you look up 339 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,639 Speaker 1: to in comedy and and is there anyone in particular 340 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,840 Speaker 1: who's made you feel better about getting more personal? I mean, 341 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:59,040 Speaker 1: let's just keep this from getting uncomfortable, not including me. 342 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,240 Speaker 1: I never really wanted to be a comedian. I didn't 343 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,960 Speaker 1: know that's what I wanted. I didn't, you know, again, 344 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:10,560 Speaker 1: it was about initially, and I know this is what 345 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:12,600 Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be doing. I'm supposed to be communicating. 346 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,760 Speaker 1: I'm supposed to always just tell the story about what's 347 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,359 Speaker 1: going on with me, because what it's going on with me. 348 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 1: You know, I wrote this book. I thought I was 349 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,200 Speaker 1: telling my story. You're telling so many people's stories. We're 350 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:24,320 Speaker 1: all all of us. You know. You can't get through 351 00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:28,359 Speaker 1: the human experience without having trauma, without having grief, without 352 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,159 Speaker 1: having lost It's just a matter of whether or not 353 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 1: you've dealt with it, and a lot of us have 354 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,080 Speaker 1: and a lot of us haven't, and some may never 355 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:37,160 Speaker 1: and that's all right too. But it's it's about wanting 356 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,560 Speaker 1: to move forward in your life and take leaps and 357 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,880 Speaker 1: you know, and be grounded. For me, when people talk 358 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,199 Speaker 1: about spirituality, I was always like, oh, you know, stones 359 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,520 Speaker 1: and chakras and massages and healing and whatever, um. But 360 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,400 Speaker 1: for me, it's about being grounded. It's about being awake 361 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,359 Speaker 1: and like, you know, being engaged with every fucking person 362 00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,520 Speaker 1: you make eye contact with every single day. And and 363 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,280 Speaker 1: I had lost my way a little bit with that, 364 00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:00,919 Speaker 1: you know. I was just like taking everything for granted 365 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,960 Speaker 1: and you know, not looking people in the eye and 366 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:06,440 Speaker 1: being rushed and everything. And so so for that part 367 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,919 Speaker 1: to sit still, to get ground and to be like, okay, 368 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:12,200 Speaker 1: this is it. Every interaction is about all of us. 369 00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:15,080 Speaker 1: It's not just about me and my fucking paycheck. It's 370 00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:18,639 Speaker 1: about us. And that was a wake up call for me. 371 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,359 Speaker 1: You know, I think a lot of us feed ourselves 372 00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:23,480 Speaker 1: and our families, and we want to take care of 373 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:26,280 Speaker 1: our kids. Who wouldn't you want to take care of 374 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,080 Speaker 1: your family and you want to take care of yourself, 375 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,479 Speaker 1: and we lose our way with that because we're supposed 376 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,439 Speaker 1: to all be taking care of each other, and we 377 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:37,000 Speaker 1: now know it's a big fucking problem. So you know, 378 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:39,680 Speaker 1: the world's getting browner and gayer. So you just gotta 379 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:50,359 Speaker 1: hop on the fucking bus. Oh ship. Um so the 380 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:54,360 Speaker 1: world around you when Me Too happened and everything, how 381 00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:57,320 Speaker 1: did that affect you? What? What kind of awareness did 382 00:20:57,359 --> 00:21:01,200 Speaker 1: you have that that was a reality in the world. None. 383 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 1: I had no awareness. I did not know that. I mean, 384 00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:06,479 Speaker 1: I knew people we were sexually assaulted, but I had 385 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,919 Speaker 1: never been sexually assaulted. My friend Mary claims that I have, 386 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,280 Speaker 1: and I haven't remembered, but I don't recall that. She's 387 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,640 Speaker 1: like everyone's been Chelsea. She's like, of course you've been raped. 388 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:17,520 Speaker 1: You were just probably drunk. I'm like, I don't think 389 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:23,520 Speaker 1: I was raped, and then I'm like, okay, but um, 390 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:26,280 Speaker 1: I was really alarmed. I did not know that it 391 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:29,040 Speaker 1: was that rampant. I thought Harvey Weinstein slept with actresses. 392 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:31,199 Speaker 1: I didn't know that he was raping actresses. You know, 393 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:38,080 Speaker 1: what did you think? Were you surprised? Uh? No, not really. Yeah, 394 00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:41,120 Speaker 1: the first penis I ever saw I mean I had. 395 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:45,240 Speaker 1: You know, it's funny because the first penis I ever 396 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:49,600 Speaker 1: saw was my boss when I was a waitress in 397 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:53,160 Speaker 1: New Hampshire called me in and and I was so nervous. 398 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,879 Speaker 1: I thought I was in trouble. And then he was 399 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,800 Speaker 1: just like you having a good time here, you know, 400 00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:01,359 Speaker 1: just asking like dumb questions. And I'm eighteen and I 401 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,439 Speaker 1: had never, you know, seen a penis at that point, 402 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:08,359 Speaker 1: except for like my dad's when I was three by accident. 403 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:12,439 Speaker 1: But um, Adam Carolla has an excellent observation that everyone 404 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,879 Speaker 1: thinks they're dead has a huge penis because they always 405 00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:19,880 Speaker 1: see it when they're three by accident. But um, so true. 406 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,520 Speaker 1: That's about the right age you do see when you're three. 407 00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,000 Speaker 1: I saw it again at six, and then that was 408 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:30,719 Speaker 1: the last. But so this guy was just asking me 409 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:34,080 Speaker 1: like these just nothing questions, and I didn't understand why. 410 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:37,399 Speaker 1: And then I looked and he was openly like jerking off, 411 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,399 Speaker 1: and then you know, I just went, I have to 412 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:43,840 Speaker 1: clean the popcorn machine. And I I was choked up, 413 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:46,800 Speaker 1: and I was embarrassed, and I didn't tell my parents, 414 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,680 Speaker 1: and you know, I didn't grow up like we grew 415 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,120 Speaker 1: up with no taboos. We talked about everything, and it's 416 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:54,040 Speaker 1: so if that happened to me and I never told 417 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:57,080 Speaker 1: anyone in and like internalized, didn't kind of blame myself. 418 00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:00,679 Speaker 1: Then I just thought, well, this must happen all the time, 419 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,440 Speaker 1: And you know, it wasn't until I was much older 420 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:06,800 Speaker 1: than I was like, wow, you know, I wish those 421 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:10,960 Speaker 1: guys don't do that to us. Now they know their prey. 422 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,440 Speaker 1: They have an instinct of probably not consciously of like 423 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,840 Speaker 1: who they can do that too. That won't say anything. 424 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:19,679 Speaker 1: You know, if he did it to me now, or 425 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,199 Speaker 1: even like four years later, I would have been like, 426 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:26,119 Speaker 1: oh my god, Bobby just showed me as Penis, you know, 427 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:28,199 Speaker 1: like just like started jerking out, you know what I mean. 428 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,600 Speaker 1: I would have exposed it. But there's it is interesting 429 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:36,800 Speaker 1: that they have a sixth sense, a sixth sixth six, 430 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:41,240 Speaker 1: just like a sixth toe, they have a sixth sense. 431 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:44,760 Speaker 1: I guess it was another instance of me not being 432 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,159 Speaker 1: aware of the other stories that were going you know 433 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:50,280 Speaker 1: what I mean. It's another kind of rarefied existence where 434 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:54,080 Speaker 1: I didn't fully grasp what was happening. I'm so disgusted, 435 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,399 Speaker 1: you know, and alarmed by it, and I'm and also 436 00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,560 Speaker 1: embarrassed for myself for not knowing more are not being 437 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,359 Speaker 1: more educated, not knowing what that women are dealing without 438 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:06,199 Speaker 1: on a regular basis, And how rampant it was. Well, 439 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:08,520 Speaker 1: when you started doing stand up, I'm sorry, did you 440 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:15,159 Speaker 1: want to clap? Let me just stop that? All right? 441 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:20,439 Speaker 1: How about um? The word problem I love you. The 442 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:30,159 Speaker 1: word problematic comedy is not evergreen. So I know I 443 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:33,199 Speaker 1: have stuff in my life. Do you have stuff that 444 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,560 Speaker 1: you've done that you would look at now and say 445 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,760 Speaker 1: that's problematic? And how would you deal with that? How 446 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:40,880 Speaker 1: do you? I think now we are in a period 447 00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:44,720 Speaker 1: of high red alert and overcorrection. But it's necessary because 448 00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:48,600 Speaker 1: people abuse their power and there's no evolution. We can 449 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:52,480 Speaker 1: all change our jokes. They're still funny, shit happening. It's 450 00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,680 Speaker 1: not like the only funny stuff is to make fun 451 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:59,159 Speaker 1: of people who are in marginalized communities. There's other funny 452 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,080 Speaker 1: ship going on, and we can make fun of rich 453 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:05,000 Speaker 1: white guys. Now, let's get that party started. And isn't 454 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:08,560 Speaker 1: funny How horrified they are, how it's like, oh god, 455 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,920 Speaker 1: you can't even be a white male. I was like, no, 456 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:15,879 Speaker 1: you can't. It's just have a sense of you. You know, 457 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,600 Speaker 1: it's so it's just so odd. Well, they say that 458 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:22,480 Speaker 1: I read somewhere that was like equality feels like quality 459 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:24,440 Speaker 1: feels like a loss because it feels like something is 460 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,720 Speaker 1: being taken away from you. So people, white guys, old 461 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:31,480 Speaker 1: white guys are like, whoa, whoa, the party's over. It's like, like, 462 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:35,119 Speaker 1: I can't fail upward anymore. What the fuck? Yeah, I 463 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,040 Speaker 1: can't just grab Pussey's when I need them. It's like, no, no, 464 00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 1: that party is over. You find a new party, even 465 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,960 Speaker 1: just like in the comedy world, you know, I think there. 466 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:49,879 Speaker 1: First of all, I just want to say I have 467 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:53,680 Speaker 1: a lot of white male friends, and I like white males, 468 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,800 Speaker 1: but there are some you know, writers and stuff who 469 00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:58,520 Speaker 1: are like, I can't even get a job anymore, And no, 470 00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:01,959 Speaker 1: yes you can. You might have to be undeniable like 471 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,080 Speaker 1: the rest of us have had to be to succeed, 472 00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:05,840 Speaker 1: you know. And that's a good thing. I think that 473 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:11,320 Speaker 1: uhould be thrilled about that. But it's hard for them. 474 00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:14,640 Speaker 1: This divide and conquer thing that the man has put 475 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:17,600 Speaker 1: on us and that we've believed for so many it's 476 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,480 Speaker 1: ingrained in us. It's systemic, you know that, like the 477 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,560 Speaker 1: success of one woman must come at the failure of another. 478 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,840 Speaker 1: It's just it's it's not true, you know. But when 479 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,600 Speaker 1: we bond together, we're gonna do something the man's fears 480 00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:32,280 Speaker 1: very much will be a force, you know. And that's 481 00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:37,600 Speaker 1: I think you lead the way with that. You start 482 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:44,080 Speaker 1: your book talking about infantilizing yourself, that your success has 483 00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:47,359 Speaker 1: made you into an infant where you have several had 484 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,200 Speaker 1: made you into an infant where you of all these assistance, 485 00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:52,080 Speaker 1: you don't know how to work as fucking single thing 486 00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:56,040 Speaker 1: in your house. And it's interesting too now reading the 487 00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,040 Speaker 1: rest of your book, hearing the rest of your story 488 00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:03,160 Speaker 1: and going she didn't have the parenting she needed because 489 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,760 Speaker 1: of tragedy and your family, and you had to become 490 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:13,040 Speaker 1: the caregiver, caretaker, a late stage companion. And then you 491 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:18,480 Speaker 1: become successful because you're filling this unfillable hall and you 492 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:22,280 Speaker 1: get power and you get assistance, and you now know 493 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:25,360 Speaker 1: don't have to do for yourself, and that makes you 494 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:29,000 Speaker 1: atrophied in a whole new way. Yeah, it makes you atrophied. 495 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:30,840 Speaker 1: And I remember, you know, I know that feeling of 496 00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:32,959 Speaker 1: like you know, when I started Chelsea Lately and I 497 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:37,199 Speaker 1: was thank you, thanks and I remember walking to the 498 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:40,560 Speaker 1: stage one of the first shows and the EP and 499 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,240 Speaker 1: my executive producers walking and then there's a guy on 500 00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:47,000 Speaker 1: a walkie, the stage manager, who was like, she's walking, 501 00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,200 Speaker 1: she's walking, And I was like, oh, this is good. 502 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,600 Speaker 1: I like this, you know, like everyone's paying attention to me. 503 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:54,960 Speaker 1: Now everyone has to know where I am. I have 504 00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:56,600 Speaker 1: to be here at a certain time, I have to 505 00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,760 Speaker 1: be in hair and makeup. It was like I created 506 00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:01,199 Speaker 1: a life where everything was done for me so that 507 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:04,280 Speaker 1: I had finally parents in my mind. Everyone on the 508 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:06,240 Speaker 1: show had to take care of me and so I 509 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:08,600 Speaker 1: could be the boss and the baby at the same time. 510 00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,760 Speaker 1: And for me, that feeling was like I loved it, 511 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:13,920 Speaker 1: you know. And then eventually, of course I got sick 512 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,720 Speaker 1: of it because that's not what I was looking for. 513 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:17,399 Speaker 1: And it's not that I don't like to do what 514 00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:19,520 Speaker 1: I do. I do like to do it, but I again, 515 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,199 Speaker 1: it was the connection that I was missing. And you know, 516 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:24,600 Speaker 1: the attention, the attention, The attention gets you know where 517 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,480 Speaker 1: fast unless you are connecting with other people while that 518 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:32,120 Speaker 1: attention is happening. Yeah, because there's it's real, but it's 519 00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:35,679 Speaker 1: also not real. It's their survival is you, because you 520 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:37,280 Speaker 1: know they have to take care of and so you 521 00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:40,080 Speaker 1: start to feel like a mama bear and you're like, oh, 522 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,120 Speaker 1: and I'm a fixer. I'm a number eight. So that 523 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,720 Speaker 1: all lined up. It was all making sense, and you know, 524 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,720 Speaker 1: for a few years it was great and it was 525 00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:49,960 Speaker 1: wild and wonderful, and then eventually I got bored, because 526 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,520 Speaker 1: I will grow bored with anything. When you are injured 527 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,600 Speaker 1: like that, everything's a band aid everything, and it's not 528 00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:57,840 Speaker 1: that you're trying to fix that, but you're just trying 529 00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,959 Speaker 1: to ignore it and move on to the other fun stuff, 530 00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,240 Speaker 1: you know. And I had a lot of fun too, 531 00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,480 Speaker 1: so I always was like, well, I'm having a great time. 532 00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:07,160 Speaker 1: There can't be anything wrong with this behavior. I mean, 533 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 1: look how happy I am. And it was nice to 534 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,520 Speaker 1: say all the things that you're kind of thinking about yourself, 535 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,800 Speaker 1: but you're scared to tell anyone. You know, You're like, hey, 536 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:19,960 Speaker 1: I do some stuff that I'm kind of questioning. I 537 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:21,760 Speaker 1: need to tell somebody about it, but you can't tell 538 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,920 Speaker 1: anyone until we figure it out. And uh so it 539 00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:29,560 Speaker 1: was a great sort of awakening moment to learn about 540 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,959 Speaker 1: myself and have somebody insult me that was like, I 541 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,880 Speaker 1: was paying, you know, tell telling me, not insult me, 542 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:38,400 Speaker 1: but somebody telling me negative things about my personality or 543 00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:42,000 Speaker 1: my shortcomings that I was paying. I was like, this 544 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:44,760 Speaker 1: is a great exchange and trade of information. You know, 545 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:48,600 Speaker 1: it's not an opinion, it's a professional So it felt 546 00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:53,000 Speaker 1: right and it felt right to share because this is great. 547 00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:54,960 Speaker 1: And then I was like, oh, fuck, this is gonna 548 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:56,800 Speaker 1: be like on a my apology tour, Like am I 549 00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:58,600 Speaker 1: gonna have to make amends? Like people go to a 550 00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 1: A And I was like, you know, because I ended 551 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:04,520 Speaker 1: so many friendships or relationships because people did me wrong 552 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:07,000 Speaker 1: or they did something I found upsetting and I would 553 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,680 Speaker 1: just scorch earth. And he said, no, that's your blueprint 554 00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,440 Speaker 1: for a breakup. That's how you think relationships end, because 555 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,000 Speaker 1: that's how the first relationship ended. And now that you 556 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,160 Speaker 1: know that, you don't ever have to do it again, 557 00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:24,080 Speaker 1: and I never will. But it's not an apology. I mean, listen, 558 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:27,120 Speaker 1: you grow in your change, and you've shared every step 559 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:29,200 Speaker 1: of it with people. And even though you go, I 560 00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:32,160 Speaker 1: know you're not belittling your old books or your old work, 561 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,280 Speaker 1: but you go, oh, it's just easy. But what you 562 00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:38,000 Speaker 1: might not realize is like that gave so many women 563 00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:41,720 Speaker 1: keys to their own freedom, you know, and something that 564 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:45,520 Speaker 1: felt easy for you. And talk about what this guy said, 565 00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:50,560 Speaker 1: I means you also, while you were scorching Earth, were 566 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:55,080 Speaker 1: illuminating so many female voices. I mean, there are so 567 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:59,239 Speaker 1: many women comics I know from your show, you know, 568 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:01,400 Speaker 1: and that some any people are aware of from your 569 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:06,800 Speaker 1: show You Champion, you produced, you know, and it's you 570 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:10,200 Speaker 1: really have lived by example. So this may be an 571 00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:12,920 Speaker 1: apology chore, but people have a lot to be thankful 572 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:17,880 Speaker 1: for for you to be sucking your And I'm sorry 573 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:19,760 Speaker 1: you had to look at my back all night. That's 574 00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:24,160 Speaker 1: so terrible. We have to wrap it up. We're almost 575 00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:26,880 Speaker 1: out of time, but I wanted to just read something 576 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:31,280 Speaker 1: from my book before I go. All right, These bracelets 577 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:34,080 Speaker 1: are called I Decide bracelets, and the T shirts are outside. 578 00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:36,480 Speaker 1: All the proceeds, all the proceeds go to l g 579 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:40,760 Speaker 1: B t Q I a youth. So pick one up, 580 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:44,000 Speaker 1: give it away. It's going to a good cause. And 581 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:46,440 Speaker 1: it's I Decide. Is from a part of the book 582 00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:49,680 Speaker 1: that I'm gonna read to you, guys. I didn't know 583 00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:52,720 Speaker 1: then that my brother's death was defining me. I didn't 584 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:54,440 Speaker 1: know that I had the ability to say no to 585 00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:57,680 Speaker 1: being defined by death. Now I was with a person Dan, 586 00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:00,960 Speaker 1: who could help me process what hap be and turn 587 00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:02,840 Speaker 1: the parts of me that acted like a nine year 588 00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:06,200 Speaker 1: old into a self actualized adult who had come to 589 00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:09,520 Speaker 1: a better understanding of what it means to dig deep 590 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:13,360 Speaker 1: and admit that you're in pain, thereby beginning the process 591 00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:16,160 Speaker 1: of relinquishing that pain. I was in a place where 592 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:19,080 Speaker 1: my brother dying no longer had to define my existence. 593 00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,200 Speaker 1: It's part of who I am, perhaps the biggest part, 594 00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:24,840 Speaker 1: and it may have helped steer me in a certain direction, 595 00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:28,600 Speaker 1: but it is not all of me. I define me. 596 00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:32,480 Speaker 1: No event or person does this. I define me. I 597 00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:35,400 Speaker 1: decide who I am and how I'm going to behave 598 00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:38,680 Speaker 1: and I choose to be better to look more carefully, 599 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:41,959 Speaker 1: to trudge deeper, to think about other people's past, and 600 00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:46,080 Speaker 1: not judge someone for doing or handling something differently than 601 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:53,479 Speaker 1: I would. To understand my limitations, my shortcomings. That is 602 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:56,200 Speaker 1: my growth edge. To know I'm going through something and 603 00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:58,880 Speaker 1: not try to keep circling around it hoping to avoid it, 604 00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:03,600 Speaker 1: Go through it, sit experiencing and feeling it, not running 605 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:06,760 Speaker 1: to understand that things take time and to be okay 606 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,840 Speaker 1: sitting with my pain, not to rush through life, hop 607 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:13,120 Speaker 1: scotching over or around it. No one is fully cooked, 608 00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:16,760 Speaker 1: no person is complete. I decide to be better. You 609 00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:20,360 Speaker 1: can decide to thank you San Francisco, and thank you 610 00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,960 Speaker 1: Sarah sober of It. That was a fun show because 611 00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,360 Speaker 1: my sister and my niece were there. How did that 612 00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:28,560 Speaker 1: show differ having comedian on stage with you? It was 613 00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:32,760 Speaker 1: so nice actually, because Sarah knows how to command an audience, 614 00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:35,440 Speaker 1: so it was nice to be up there with somebody 615 00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:38,120 Speaker 1: who felt as comfortable as I did being in front 616 00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:41,000 Speaker 1: of that many people. And it felt like she was 617 00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,160 Speaker 1: going to take You know, when you're on stage with 618 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,560 Speaker 1: another person and it's your show, you feel responsible for everybody. 619 00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:50,400 Speaker 1: With her up there, I felt like sharing responsibility. She 620 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:53,800 Speaker 1: could keep yes yes, even though it wasn't her responsibility. 621 00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:57,280 Speaker 1: It felt like we were sharing responsibilities. And um, I 622 00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:59,800 Speaker 1: always you know how I feel about Sarah Silverman. I 623 00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:03,760 Speaker 1: respect her a lot. I added new stand up dates. 624 00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:07,680 Speaker 1: I added some places I've never been before, but I 625 00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:11,000 Speaker 1: added so right now. I start touring again on October 626 00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:15,480 Speaker 1: four in Brisbane, Australia, Sydney, Melbourne, Auckland, New Zealand, and 627 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:22,200 Speaker 1: then on November eleven, I come to Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Grand Rapids, Vancouver, Milwaukee, Indianapolis, 628 00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:26,960 Speaker 1: Kansas City, Salt Lake City, Go Mormons, Oklahoma City. I've 629 00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:31,640 Speaker 1: never performed there, but Karen's from there, and Toronto. I'm coming. 630 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,760 Speaker 1: I added more dates. I have fourteen new stand up dates. Everybody, 631 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:37,160 Speaker 1: so come and see me. My book is called Life 632 00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,200 Speaker 1: Will Be the Death of Me. I'm on my stand 633 00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:41,320 Speaker 1: up tour and I have accountable dot Us page for 634 00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:44,120 Speaker 1: anybody who wants to be more socially or politically active. 635 00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:45,640 Speaker 1: I have lots of things on there that can kind 636 00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:49,320 Speaker 1: of lead you in the right way to take action. Okay, branded, 637 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,919 Speaker 1: what are you doing this weekend? Whatever you're up to, girl, 638 00:34:53,400 --> 00:35:00,000 Speaker 1: one Big circle jerk by Life will Be the Death 639 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:01,759 Speaker 1: than Me as a production of I Heart Radio. For 640 00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:04,160 Speaker 1: more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I heart 641 00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:07,160 Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your 642 00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:07,800 Speaker 1: favorite shows.