Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and
Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together
Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new
Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this very podcast which has
Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now, answer available ever.
Speaker 1: Rescue your podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right
Speaker 1: now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. Go
Speaker 1: listen to see you by. Hey, y'all. So we recorded
Speaker 1: these episodes before the news about COVID nineteen broke. We
Speaker 1: wanted to let you know that we are here for you,
Speaker 1: and we hope that these episodes can bring you a
Speaker 1: little bit of joy and escape in these uncertain times.
Speaker 1: A large part about dating, if you're dating with the purpose,
Speaker 1: is dating someone who parents like you. Dead ass. So
Speaker 1: you had the foresight to know that I was going
Speaker 1: to be a good mom, Yes I did. So why
Speaker 1: you be questioning me sometimes when I parent a certain
Speaker 1: kind of way because I don't want you to be good.
Speaker 1: I want you to be great. All right, I'll take
Speaker 1: that dead ass. Hey. I'm cade And and we're the Ellis.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting fundy videos with our
Speaker 1: boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,
Speaker 1: I'm making me derby most days. And one more important
Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We
Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's
Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk
Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead
Speaker 1: ass is a term that we say every day. When
Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,
Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about
Speaker 1: to take Philow's talk to a whole new level. Dead
Speaker 1: as starts now. So this story time is it's almost
Speaker 1: like I'm telling two stories at once because I remember
Speaker 1: being this age when my mom was doing the same
Speaker 1: thing to me that you were doing to Jackson. I
Speaker 1: walk in the house. This was two weeks ago, and
Speaker 1: Jackson had some homework that he needed to do. Now. Granted,
Speaker 1: Jackson is extremely smart. He loves mathematics, he hates to read,
Speaker 1: and Jackson when it comes down to his reading comprehension
Speaker 1: and his writing skills, he rushes because with math he
Speaker 1: can do equations in his head. So he just rushes
Speaker 1: through the math with the reading, he just puts down
Speaker 1: with any answers, and then Codeine ends up going over
Speaker 1: his homework on days when I'm not there. Now, typically
Speaker 1: I go over Jackson's homework. That's our thing. So I
Speaker 1: walk in the door. I've just seen Jackson's face and
Speaker 1: he loves he's about to cry, and his eyes a
Speaker 1: wide open, and I see codeine hand going fast, fast, fast,
Speaker 1: and I see a racer clippings all over the place.
Speaker 1: Codeine done erase the boy whole comprehensive, and the codein says,
Speaker 1: this is not this is not She got the mom
Speaker 1: facing the tight lips. This is not good, this is unacceptable. Jackson,
Speaker 1: did you read the paragraph? Did you read the paragraph?
Speaker 1: And Jackson's like, yes, I did read the paddog. She's
Speaker 1: like reading again out loud. So then Jackson now was annoyed.
Speaker 1: The TV is still on because Codeine had the TV on.
Speaker 1: She's trying to balance the other two boys, and she's
Speaker 1: trying to finish work for her blog. So she's short
Speaker 1: because she's trying to get her stuff done and she's
Speaker 1: trying to help him with the homework. And so I
Speaker 1: left it. I went to the gym, I was going
Speaker 1: for and then expect all the stuff that has to
Speaker 1: happen while I was going in. Now, so I come
Speaker 1: back and all this is going on. So she kept
Speaker 1: asking Jackson the same question. Jackson is peeking out his
Speaker 1: left side of his face because he was trying to
Speaker 1: see what's on TV. I just jumped in and said, hey, babe,
Speaker 1: you know what, let me do u faif I'm gonna
Speaker 1: grab Jackson, I'm gonna take him away because the TV
Speaker 1: is distracting him. I'm gonna pull him away. And she
Speaker 1: looked at me with the death stare, and I was like, no,
Speaker 1: finish your block. You got stuff to finish your blog.
Speaker 1: I grabbed Jackson. I walked him over to the dining
Speaker 1: room table and I said yea, okay, and he was
Speaker 1: just like, yeah, man, you know mom's always screaming at me.
Speaker 1: And I said, yo, listen, your mom tells you all
Speaker 1: the time how to do your homework. When you rush it,
Speaker 1: you're gonna get in trouble. Don't listen to how she
Speaker 1: saying it. Listen to what she's saying. Did you really
Speaker 1: say that I did? You had my back than I
Speaker 1: had you back? And he was just like okay, but
Speaker 1: she's crazy, and I said, I bet he whispered that. Oh,
Speaker 1: he definitely whispered, and I whispered. I'll be crazy now,
Speaker 1: but thank me later when you were a writing extraordinaire,
Speaker 1: putting apostrophes where they should be, capitals where they should be,
Speaker 1: punctuation and Grandma on point? How about that? See me then, trumble,
Speaker 1: Can you play the music and we get to Kara
Speaker 1: yoktan please, because she's about to put me on a
Speaker 1: Grandma lesson. This song is dedicated to my boys, Jackson, Cayron, Kaz.
Speaker 1: This is the song I sing with them on our
Speaker 1: way to school every morning, three to one. Hited like
Speaker 1: a cruise and I'm not trying to lose Hey, you
Speaker 1: left in dust, you stop by, you were some better
Speaker 1: be never love with me too. It's gonna be leaving
Speaker 1: me no dust and whatever. You all right, because sometimes
Speaker 1: I feel like the only girl in the house. You'll
Speaker 1: be leaving me in the dust because you'll be having
Speaker 1: how little like guy things. I can't even get through
Speaker 1: the song without being accused, so I'm trying to sing
Speaker 1: sunflower to us, and she here, you ain't gonna leave me,
Speaker 1: you know, dust and Sunflower and I me and my myself.
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to cala because then your next thing
Speaker 1: is gonna be like, we can change that, because I
Speaker 1: knew where this was going. I didn't even get to
Speaker 1: finish my karaoke guys. But since we here wanted another
Speaker 1: girl in the house and make that happen, you make
Speaker 1: that happen. No, no, no, just like me. We're all good.
Speaker 1: Now I'll be losing more here looking just like you,
Speaker 1: just like me. That's kind of scary first because I
Speaker 1: looked over you when I saw your goatee and your mustache,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, she would have a goatie in the
Speaker 1: mustache and long beautiful head, look just like a daddy
Speaker 1: hot mess. So yeah, today we're talking about like our
Speaker 1: kids and whatnot. How parenting and parenting styles kind of
Speaker 1: may differ, doesn't differ if your parenting a boy versus
Speaker 1: a girl, which we don't really can't speak to the girl,
Speaker 1: a situation we did though um on a different episode
Speaker 1: with the Tanks, the Tanks leads, no, they had boys too,
Speaker 1: We need to bring somebody with girls in here, girl
Speaker 1: and didn't have some more to talk about or maybe not,
Speaker 1: but yeah, you know, sometimes your kids act up, they
Speaker 1: act crazy, and you want to handle it one way,
Speaker 1: and then your partner might have other ideas and how
Speaker 1: they should handle it. So we're talking about how we
Speaker 1: negotiate different things parenting styles. Um who tends to be
Speaker 1: the good cop or the bad cop in the household?
Speaker 1: You know? How do you deal with kids with different
Speaker 1: personalities and discipline? Because there is no real one way
Speaker 1: to parent, especially when you have multiple children. So we're
Speaker 1: just gonna impact some of that today. So your story
Speaker 1: is funny to me because can we start before the story?
Speaker 1: Before the story? I think ahead, start before the story,
Speaker 1: all right, So, as you guys know, we have three
Speaker 1: beautiful boys. We have Jackson, the fearless leader. He's the
Speaker 1: first born. He's going to be nine. He had a shadow,
Speaker 1: the most sensitive of the three. He is the most nurturing,
Speaker 1: very empathetic. Conversionate thinks he's a little manipulated when he's ready,
Speaker 1: But I can see through those little eyes. His eyes
Speaker 1: look just like my Sabar. I won that contest. Jackson
Speaker 1: has eyes for sure. Then this Cairo, the Row Row Show.
Speaker 1: Cairo is three going on. Yes, like I always say,
Speaker 1: he is just a big boy. He is a free spirit.
Speaker 1: I mean he pretty much grew up in front of
Speaker 1: everyone's eyes because he was born on Instagram. He loves
Speaker 1: the camera. He does very very creative, very very independent too,
Speaker 1: very independent. Taught himself to dress himself. He's a super
Speaker 1: stuck a sponge. She's learning so much now. And then
Speaker 1: there's Mike Kazi. Yes, he's the very Cats Hendrix. He
Speaker 1: was actually born on Jimi Hendrick's birthday. I don't know
Speaker 1: if y'all know, but all three of our boys their
Speaker 1: middle names are after musicians that we love. So Carter, Shawn,
Speaker 1: Carter Jackson, Carter after jay Z and then Shakore, and
Speaker 1: then we have Kats and now Kas. Is funny because Cats,
Speaker 1: of all of all of the three boys, was the
Speaker 1: only one that was not playing. Kaz came immediately after Cairo.
Speaker 1: He was the oops baby. Kaz is the feistiest. Okay,
Speaker 1: let me tell you, Cats, It's like I maybe the
Speaker 1: baby of the family, but I'm packing some power behind
Speaker 1: these punches over here. Okay, punches, he kicks, he hits,
Speaker 1: he screams, he slams. His famous word is now you
Speaker 1: have to see his space. It's like, now, that's how
Speaker 1: he says it. But then he's like, good for some
Speaker 1: cuddles at night, and the great he says, A great
Speaker 1: smile he does. He looks the most like me, and
Speaker 1: he hates the camera if he didn't notice. If you
Speaker 1: ever wonder why Katz does not like to be in
Speaker 1: the vlogs on Instagram, I'll pull the camera out a
Speaker 1: stone face to turn and run away. So I respect
Speaker 1: that he doesn't want to be in front of the camera.
Speaker 1: I respect that. Yeah, we recently did some family portraits,
Speaker 1: like black and white shots to try to capture everyone's personality.
Speaker 1: I started to post them as my m cm my
Speaker 1: man crushed Mondays so already posted Jackson's um Cairo and
Speaker 1: then Cash will probably be by the time you guys
Speaker 1: hear this. But I wanted to try to get a
Speaker 1: picture that captures their personality. And I think Cass frowned
Speaker 1: in every picture. I can't believe He's like, how did
Speaker 1: I get here with this family? So those are three boys,
Speaker 1: if you don't know, I always knew growing up that
Speaker 1: I wanted to marry a woman that was a great mom,
Speaker 1: because I have a great mom and I have great aunts,
Speaker 1: and I have great grandmother's So I just knew I
Speaker 1: had to marry a woman that was going to personify
Speaker 1: that love that I got from all of these beautiful
Speaker 1: black women my whole life. So when I was dating,
Speaker 1: I was like, I gotta find someone who has nurturing quality,
Speaker 1: who's smart, um, who's disciplined in their own right, because
Speaker 1: all of the women in my life have been disciplined.
Speaker 1: So I met you, and I'm telling you right now,
Speaker 1: one of the things that drew me to you was
Speaker 1: your relationship with your brother and your sister, because, yes,
Speaker 1: being the oldest case, I'm the oldest as well, and
Speaker 1: there's ten years between you and Sakari, five years between
Speaker 1: you and Tristan, And I saw how deliberate you were
Speaker 1: with making sure they were always okay, but also telling
Speaker 1: them the real when they needed to be told the real.
Speaker 1: And I was like, Yo, this right here is a
Speaker 1: great example because my mom is the oldest, and that
Speaker 1: is my mother. My mother will tell me and my
Speaker 1: brother and my sister exactly how it is where we
Speaker 1: need to go and how we need to get there
Speaker 1: if we're not doing it the right way. But she
Speaker 1: also has her way of being nurturing, you know, she's
Speaker 1: not the most affectionate person, but my mom has a
Speaker 1: way of being nurturing. So you know, when I was
Speaker 1: dating and thinking about marriage, you, you definitely crossed that
Speaker 1: check check that box for I mean, I think I
Speaker 1: definitely felt that responsibility. Being the oldest. Um, I kind
Speaker 1: of inadvertently became like the second mom in the household too,
Speaker 1: So definitely have like a nurturing spirit, nurturing way. Um,
Speaker 1: my brother and my sister shout out to Chisten and Sakari.
Speaker 1: We have a very super ridiculously um strangely close relationship.
Speaker 1: What's weird about it? Like weirdly close we are? Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're like for siblings. Like there's no like rivalry, there's
Speaker 1: no fighting, there's no anything. I mean, naturally we disagree
Speaker 1: on things, and I think we have created a safe
Speaker 1: space between the three of us and Devout now that
Speaker 1: he's kind of been adopted into the family. Um, sometimes
Speaker 1: I'm adopted. They when it got tattoos, all of them together,
Speaker 1: of the three little birds, and I wasn't still feeling
Speaker 1: some kind of way about If you haven't seen the
Speaker 1: tattoo yet, go to my Instagram page. You're gonna see
Speaker 1: a nice black and white photograph taking by our good
Speaker 1: friend Joshua Dwayne were the three little birds. But we
Speaker 1: did tell the vow that he can opt to be
Speaker 1: the branch that holds up the three birds want to be.
Speaker 1: No draw branch on y'all, y'all tree on, y'all risk
Speaker 1: get out of here. But you'd uplift us in so
Speaker 1: many ways, like I'm gonna show we're taking video so
Speaker 1: you can see the three little birds, so we can
Speaker 1: totally draw in like a branch underneath there that we
Speaker 1: love to perch on for support. Babe, consider it. I
Speaker 1: think you should consider. But my mom, my mom did
Speaker 1: give me a lot of responsibility because my mother too
Speaker 1: was the oldest of six, so she also too felt like,
Speaker 1: you know, the responsibility was on me to of course
Speaker 1: had a good example, to kind of be the eyes
Speaker 1: and ears when she wasn't around, and of course to
Speaker 1: take care of my brother my sister, which I still
Speaker 1: pride myself on doing to this day. You know, sometimes
Speaker 1: loving them from a distance when I feel like they
Speaker 1: need the tough love to figure things out on their
Speaker 1: own and you don't give them a lot of distance. Um,
Speaker 1: we have a I can't be I can't be from
Speaker 1: a good place, just like with Jackson and his homework situation,
Speaker 1: it's always coming from a good place. So something what
Speaker 1: was going on in the homework so kind of okay?
Speaker 1: So you gave your what you walked into. Of course, um,
Speaker 1: prior to that, naturally you're going to the gym. So
Speaker 1: it's like I'm trying to make dinner, I'm trying to
Speaker 1: finish my blog. Kyro and Caz are running around, um
Speaker 1: trying to keep them occupied. Jackson finishes his homework, and
Speaker 1: I knew something was wrong when Jackson ran upstairs. I
Speaker 1: went to my home, my mom, okay, great, And I
Speaker 1: don't even think I finished cleaning the chicken yet before
Speaker 1: he was back downstairs, like he was done. He might
Speaker 1: have been going for like eight minutes, so I said, So,
Speaker 1: I said, Jackson, what how much homework did you have tonight?
Speaker 1: What did you do? Oh? I had math and I
Speaker 1: had reading comprehension, So already I knew in my mind
Speaker 1: I was prepared for reading comprehension because like that, valsaid,
Speaker 1: Jackson's stellar and Matthews like off the charts. Reading comprention, though,
Speaker 1: has been a little bit of a struggle. He brings
Speaker 1: the paper down to me totally. Just like breeze past.
Speaker 1: It wrote very vague answers. His handwriting was a little
Speaker 1: sloppy ish, like he was just trying to get it done.
Speaker 1: And it's not that he doesn't know. He has every ability.
Speaker 1: He just like you said, devout, I don't know because
Speaker 1: you claim this is like a boy thing. But he
Speaker 1: literally rushed through the homework and just didn't take his time.
Speaker 1: And I know that he has the ability to do better.
Speaker 1: So I feel like as a mother, as a parent,
Speaker 1: I would be remissed if I did not then sit
Speaker 1: down with him and say, Jackson, reread it the minute
Speaker 1: I asked him to reread it, or the minute I
Speaker 1: take out the eraser to erase. He wants to try
Speaker 1: to catch an attitude. I don't deal well with attitudes,
Speaker 1: especially from these little children. Okay that I grew and
Speaker 1: birth and raise and live in my house. For you
Speaker 1: to call yourself having an attitude at eight years old,
Speaker 1: it just is not gonna work. Yes, my face is
Speaker 1: getting tight, just thinking your face is getting tight for me.
Speaker 1: I see you. So what we're not going to do
Speaker 1: in my house is for me to be providing you
Speaker 1: with everything and more that you're eating your life and
Speaker 1: you can't do what you're supposed to do, Like you
Speaker 1: have homework to do. That's that's your job. You go
Speaker 1: to school, you do your homework. And that's why usually
Speaker 1: once homework is done, if I feel like he needs
Speaker 1: a little bit more challenge or if I need to
Speaker 1: follow up on something that he has issues with, I
Speaker 1: have a ton of different books that I have him
Speaker 1: working on and stuff. So it's just a matter of
Speaker 1: him being lazy in that moment. So speaking to him
Speaker 1: very nicely, Jackson, I think you need to reread this
Speaker 1: paragraph because question number one, and no I did initially
Speaker 1: it was just like, I think you need to reread this.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna erase it. But where things went arrived for
Speaker 1: me was when I got the but I did it already,
Speaker 1: but I read it already, and then there's just this
Speaker 1: the attitude and the body language, and that's when my
Speaker 1: octave drops a bit and I have to slow down
Speaker 1: and articulate, and then my face does the things that
Speaker 1: you say my face has been doing. So you know,
Speaker 1: it's just it's a it's a respect thing. It's um
Speaker 1: you know, I don't deal with the attitudes, like I said,
Speaker 1: but it's also me trying to say, you know what
Speaker 1: I understand. He's eight, He's gonna want to rush through things.
Speaker 1: He may not be that into reading comprehension. He has
Speaker 1: his favorite subject with this math. Math. It's cool, but
Speaker 1: this is something we're going to have to work at
Speaker 1: because I know he has the ability. It's not that
Speaker 1: he doesn't understand it or doesn't get it, he's just
Speaker 1: not taking the time to do it. And that's why
Speaker 1: I purposely got him a desk in his room. Sit
Speaker 1: in your room so you're away from distraction. He has
Speaker 1: no television in his room, no devices that he can
Speaker 1: get on, and that's where he should be for at
Speaker 1: least twenty minutes to a half an hour to do
Speaker 1: his reading that he's supposed to do. That's the extra
Speaker 1: reading on top of the homework. Can you or are
Speaker 1: you still going? You can still go? If he's like,
Speaker 1: I know you give you came into him about and
Speaker 1: in the minute he sees you, of course, then the
Speaker 1: waterworks start, you know, in his eyes, because he kind
Speaker 1: of feels like I have an alliance with Daddy and
Speaker 1: I become the bad cop and Daddy comes becomes a
Speaker 1: good cop. It happens a lot. But ahead, whatever you
Speaker 1: donna think you done, cannot interject. I'll take a breather,
Speaker 1: I'll take a sip of your Okay, So this, this is,
Speaker 1: this is a number of things here, all right. The
Speaker 1: first thing is you're absolutely right in your assessment of
Speaker 1: what jack And goes through. But your approach in dealing
Speaker 1: with Jackson it's not always correct. I tell you this.
Speaker 1: Your brother and your sister tell you this, your mother
Speaker 1: tell you. Don't try to use my brother my sister
Speaker 1: against me. Now listen, I'm gonna tell you your idea
Speaker 1: of I nicely said, it's not always everybody else's idea
Speaker 1: of nice he said, Jackson brings down the homework, you
Speaker 1: read it, pull out the pencil, and just start erasing
Speaker 1: all his work while lecturing him about what he didn't do.
Speaker 1: It's not how you approach an eight year old. Think
Speaker 1: about it. Think about it. And the reason why I'm
Speaker 1: saying this is because my mom used to do the
Speaker 1: same exact thing to me. So you have a little
Speaker 1: PTSD from that. You're like, I do have PTSD because
Speaker 1: you'all crazy mothers be crazy. Y'all think that since y'all
Speaker 1: grew us in birth does y'all can just do whatever
Speaker 1: you want to do and say whatever you want to
Speaker 1: say to us, and we gotta take it when the
Speaker 1: bottom line is we don't like we're people. He's a person.
Speaker 1: I guess he's a person. But at eight years old, well,
Speaker 1: because you have to, you have to teach him how
Speaker 1: to go through the process. I think mothers. Mothers expect right,
Speaker 1: and my mom was like this, I would get it,
Speaker 1: I would get an assignment. I would do the assignment
Speaker 1: to the best of my ability. At eight, my mother
Speaker 1: would completely tear up out the whole assignment, redo it
Speaker 1: with me. I would go into class and then my
Speaker 1: teacher would say, tell your mom, she did a great job,
Speaker 1: because y'all wanted to be done to the standard that
Speaker 1: y'all expect. But y'all forget that he's eight and he's
Speaker 1: a boy. So there's a process. It's still the middle
Speaker 1: of the school year. He may not be perfect and
Speaker 1: doing the homework assignment, but he's working towards perfection by
Speaker 1: the end of the year. So if there are mistakes,
Speaker 1: you don't just erase everything and tell him to do
Speaker 1: it again. Let's ask him a question. For example, when
Speaker 1: he comes to me and his homework is looking trashed
Speaker 1: because I know he rushed it because he got to
Speaker 1: go to the mom by academy and because he wants
Speaker 1: to give him his laptop. I don't just take the
Speaker 1: pencil on any races. I go, Jackson, do you think
Speaker 1: this is acceptable? And then now let's put the ball
Speaker 1: in his court. So now he's looking because he's like,
Speaker 1: something must be wrong because Dad is talking to me
Speaker 1: about it. So he's just looking. And if if he
Speaker 1: rushed to say yeah, I think it's acceptable, then I'll say, well,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you why it's not acceptable. But then
Speaker 1: sometimes he'll honestly look at it and'll be like, nah,
Speaker 1: I rushed, And I believe why do you rush? Because
Speaker 1: the lesson really isn't in the homework. The lesson is
Speaker 1: how he gets the homework done. And I know for
Speaker 1: women it's different when you're raising boys because you guys
Speaker 1: were never boys. As a boy, I have a little
Speaker 1: bit of, you know, idea of what it's like to
Speaker 1: be a boy, a little bit about it before. We don't.
Speaker 1: We don't like to be attacked and we don't like
Speaker 1: our creativity to just be torn apart. And a lot
Speaker 1: of times what moms do y'all take whatever else is
Speaker 1: going on in the house and then you whatever the
Speaker 1: kid is doing at that moment. You put all that
Speaker 1: pressure on him. You had a lot going on, you
Speaker 1: had your blog, you're trying to do, you had the
Speaker 1: other two kids, and I wasn't there, so you were
Speaker 1: probably upset about a whole bunch of other stuff that
Speaker 1: was going on that you just unloaded on him. Because
Speaker 1: my mom used to do that to me all the time.
Speaker 1: And the truth of the matter is it's not fair
Speaker 1: to him at eight years old. That's true. I get that,
Speaker 1: because you're absolutely right about that. And it's funny. I
Speaker 1: saw recently on I forget what page. It was one
Speaker 1: of those mom pages that I followed, but someone had
Speaker 1: said the same thing, and it was like there was
Speaker 1: like an honest mom moment. And in that honest moll moment,
Speaker 1: she said, Um, you know, in the mornings when I'm
Speaker 1: getting ready with the kids, I know that I snap
Speaker 1: at them and I don't start their day off well
Speaker 1: with good energy, and I know that I'm responsible for
Speaker 1: that because I can alleviate all this by getting up
Speaker 1: twenty minutes earlier, and that kind of that kind of
Speaker 1: stuck with me. That definitely stuck with me because I said, Wow,
Speaker 1: that's definitely how I felt some mornings, or even just
Speaker 1: trying to get out the house with multiple children. Sometimes
Speaker 1: it's like, oh my God, like I have so many
Speaker 1: things going on right now that I need to get done.
Speaker 1: We need to go somewhere, we need to do something,
Speaker 1: or things have to get done, and it's how am
Speaker 1: I going to juggle and balance all that at one time?
Speaker 1: So that that spoke to me, I also saw, I mean,
Speaker 1: that spoke to me. That was kind of like the
Speaker 1: two I didn't want to just like how I thought
Speaker 1: I said something and how everybody else I said it,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like I didn't tell I think my
Speaker 1: voice sometimes too is intimidating because it carries a bit
Speaker 1: and it can be able to be intimidating. You'll be
Speaker 1: balking at people and snapping happy. That's not true to
Speaker 1: I don't do that all the time. I don't sometimes
Speaker 1: I really try to make a conscious effort, especially with
Speaker 1: the children, because you've told me before that Jackson feels
Speaker 1: like sometimes I get on him, So I really do
Speaker 1: don't don't make fun of me. I really do try
Speaker 1: to make a conscious effort to say, you know what,
Speaker 1: let me try to speak nicely in this moment, and
Speaker 1: still it's taking out of context. So I feel like
Speaker 1: I can't win either way? Can I Can I be honest?
Speaker 1: Can I be honest? Listen, you get pregnant, right, everyone
Speaker 1: dotes on Youkadean can do and say whatever she wants
Speaker 1: because she's pregnant, right right, That's what That's what women
Speaker 1: have told you. You When she lashes out and she's
Speaker 1: upset that she's angry, you deal with it. It's the hormones,
Speaker 1: and you gotta deal with it because that's how she is.
Speaker 1: So you've become used to being in this space where
Speaker 1: you can constantly do and say whatever you want because
Speaker 1: that's the hormones. The kids. I'm tired. Then once the
Speaker 1: baby get here, just I don't sleep because it's so
Speaker 1: women are taught and you've been taught this that it's
Speaker 1: okay to just be that way. Me as a dad
Speaker 1: from the time you're pregnant. You know what I've been
Speaker 1: told by everybody. Be patient, Let her say what she wants,
Speaker 1: let her say how she feels, let her do this
Speaker 1: for ten months before the kids got here. I had
Speaker 1: to practice that patience in order to exist in my house.
Speaker 1: So you know what happens when the kids get here,
Speaker 1: I've already practiced that patience. Not that I'm a pro,
Speaker 1: but what happens is But listen, I'm being honest. Once
Speaker 1: you get accustomed to not reacting, but responding to someone
Speaker 1: because they are going through something, because what you're going
Speaker 1: through is not something that you just brush aside. Being
Speaker 1: pregnant and being hormonal is real. So when you do
Speaker 1: have a moment where you lash out or you don't
Speaker 1: do something right away, I do have to learn to
Speaker 1: take it in. I've approached our children with the same
Speaker 1: type of patience. M interesting, And I remember hearing that
Speaker 1: no one ever told you that as a as a mom,
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean from the perspective as a guy,
Speaker 1: like learning patients and we like like I remember my
Speaker 1: dad and men saying that to me, Like, as a dad,
Speaker 1: you have to be patient, and you learn that through
Speaker 1: pregnancy and you translate that and transfer that to your kids.
Speaker 1: I don't know what's said from women to women about
Speaker 1: but I don't know about women to women. I mean,
Speaker 1: I didn't get that per se from like the women
Speaker 1: in my family. I mean, yes, naturally, they're gonna let
Speaker 1: you know, like it's it's gonna be a lot, You're
Speaker 1: gonna be tired. You know, you're gonna have to, yes,
Speaker 1: exercise patients and whatnot. But sometimes too, maybe just the
Speaker 1: emotions get in my way. You know, I can't speak
Speaker 1: for every other woman, but sometimes the emotions must get
Speaker 1: in my way, and I just get a little high strong,
Speaker 1: you know. And I won't I won't say that you're
Speaker 1: not telling the truth with that. It's true. But I
Speaker 1: also see a lot of like for example, your dad.
Speaker 1: I even see how he deals with things, and I
Speaker 1: see how he will like lower his voice and he'll
Speaker 1: speak through things, even with the grandkids. Like if it's
Speaker 1: Jackson or or one of the other kids does something,
Speaker 1: he'll like bring it down and he will speak with
Speaker 1: them very quietly. I noticed you do that with the kids.
Speaker 1: That's a thing you've probably seen or experience with your father.
Speaker 1: I didn't experienced that in my household. I grew up
Speaker 1: in a western maa housele with my mom. My dad
Speaker 1: was actually very like more soft spoken and quiet, more passive.
Speaker 1: My mom, though she used to like light us up
Speaker 1: and not even night us up in terms of like,
Speaker 1: you know, corporal punishment. But my mom used to just
Speaker 1: like to scream and holler, and that that was her
Speaker 1: way of getting across, like she would get frustrated. That's
Speaker 1: what I experienced as a child. Now what I should
Speaker 1: do as an adult now knowing how that made me
Speaker 1: feel as a child, I should should be in the word,
Speaker 1: I should be able to say, you know what, I
Speaker 1: didn't like that as a kid. That's what I experienced.
Speaker 1: Because my brother will talk about it to this day,
Speaker 1: how my mother used to do and especially as a boy.
Speaker 1: It's funny he's he notices it more as a boy,
Speaker 1: and I noticed that he said it more as the
Speaker 1: only boy, how my mom has reacted to certain things,
Speaker 1: and how much he's still it's still kind of affects
Speaker 1: him to this day. And yes, I should and I
Speaker 1: try to make sure that I'm not doing this same things.
Speaker 1: But I'm telling you just it's just some moments get
Speaker 1: away from me. They do get away from me. But
Speaker 1: what I do appreciate about what you did, especially with
Speaker 1: the story time situation, was that you didn't in front
Speaker 1: of me kind of belittle me or make me feel
Speaker 1: as if I didn't know what I was doing right,
Speaker 1: because you drop down to your dad's voice. We affectionately
Speaker 1: affectionately called the vows dad's scoop, So you dropped into
Speaker 1: the scoop voice, and you said, hey, let me finish
Speaker 1: with Jackson, and you can finish doing this because that's
Speaker 1: what you've got a lot going on. Part of me
Speaker 1: was a little bit like, you don't intervene because I'm
Speaker 1: having a moment with Jackson. But I didn't need the help.
Speaker 1: So I appreciated you tagging me in as my partner
Speaker 1: and as my parenting partner, knowing and seeing that I
Speaker 1: was a little stressed in that situation. Jackson was starting
Speaker 1: to get frazzled, um, and then you kind of took
Speaker 1: him away so you can deal with that. And then
Speaker 1: Jackson I had a conversation after, of course, and I
Speaker 1: because we always make sure that we do that, even
Speaker 1: if we're teaching a lesson disciplining whatever, and it requires
Speaker 1: a conversation. But you know what's funny, I feel like
Speaker 1: we have like a really now that I'm looking at
Speaker 1: it from this perspective, and I never really looked at
Speaker 1: us as like parents from the outside in. We do
Speaker 1: have a really good balance. I say that because sometimes
Speaker 1: if I'm in the middle of doing something, for example,
Speaker 1: with Cairo, Cairo might have done something crazy, was something
Speaker 1: wow that he's done recently, Like, I don't know. If
Speaker 1: you want to tell less story, yes, we can tell
Speaker 1: the story about all right, So Cairo has been potty
Speaker 1: trained for over here now at least, yes, over yere.
Speaker 1: He's three and a half, so he's been potty trained
Speaker 1: for over a year and a half now, because he
Speaker 1: potty trained around twish. All right. I go upstairs the
Speaker 1: other day and I smell poop. It's I'm like, all right,
Speaker 1: so I'm chasing cats around, but I'm like, that's not kas.
Speaker 1: I get closer to our bedroom. I opened the door.
Speaker 1: There's a little poop turred on the floor or on
Speaker 1: the carpet in our bedroom. So I get a I
Speaker 1: get a phone call downstairs. I don't even she don't
Speaker 1: even scream. I'm just like what. So this is like
Speaker 1: one of those moments as a parent where you're like,
Speaker 1: let me just FaceTime my husband and show him this
Speaker 1: ship on the floor. You don't know what to say
Speaker 1: because it's like you're you're, you're, you're confused, you're, you're mad,
Speaker 1: you're literally So I was just like, why is this
Speaker 1: ship on the floor? So then I go back and
Speaker 1: I checked cats real quick. While I'm like telling about
Speaker 1: what's going on, cast still has on a full onesie
Speaker 1: with his pamper on. So I'm like, okay, he didn't
Speaker 1: ship and put his pamper back on. Okay. Then I
Speaker 1: was like, Jackson just went and do that. That So
Speaker 1: who's left but Cairo? Right, So I find Cairo and
Speaker 1: I'm like, Cairo, did you poop on the floor? No,
Speaker 1: it was Cassie, like that fast, this little negro is
Speaker 1: lying to my face that quick. It was Kaziro, did
Speaker 1: you poop on the floor? To the the VAL's coming
Speaker 1: down the hallway. So as Cairo is looking at me,
Speaker 1: which he's clearly lying, and he's looking a little flustered.
Speaker 1: I see him looking out the side of his eye
Speaker 1: and was now becoming So when Daddy came down the hallway,
Speaker 1: then what because because also we I still believe in
Speaker 1: corporal punishment when the time is necessary, Like we don't
Speaker 1: beat them with belts, we don't hit them with slippers
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. But I'll give them a little
Speaker 1: pop when I feel like there's something that's going to
Speaker 1: endanger them or something they need to learn. So and
Speaker 1: that's very rare, but it happens once in a while.
Speaker 1: For example, Cairo used to like to run into the street.
Speaker 1: So one day I let him just walk and I
Speaker 1: watched him as he was about to walk into the street,
Speaker 1: and I popped him right on his hand, and then
Speaker 1: he touched his hand and he looked at me, and
Speaker 1: I said, I told you not to look at walk
Speaker 1: into the street. And from that point on he realized like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's not playing. When he dropped his voice down and
Speaker 1: he tells me things over and he's not playing, and
Speaker 1: he could hurt, and I'd rather give him that little
Speaker 1: bit of pain that he can recover from rather than
Speaker 1: him run out in the middle of New York Avenue
Speaker 1: and get hit by the B forty four. So Kyro
Speaker 1: earlier that day was just looking for attention. He's the
Speaker 1: middle child, Jackson's the oldest. Hen Me and Jackson have
Speaker 1: a very special relationship because we go to Mamby Academy.
Speaker 1: He does jiu jitsu and Umkas is Mimi's baby, so
Speaker 1: Kas always up under Memi Chicago's Mimi, and I try
Speaker 1: as much as I can to bring Kyra with me
Speaker 1: and Jackson, but sometimes Jackson needs his own time, and
Speaker 1: I think this was one of the days. It was Wednesday, Kyro.
Speaker 1: Jackson was going to jiu jitsu, so Cairo seemed a
Speaker 1: little upset and he was throwing himself on the floor
Speaker 1: and he was just knocking stuff over, just seeming like
Speaker 1: he wanted attention. And when I got upstairs, it hit
Speaker 1: me that that's what this was about. So at the
Speaker 1: time he was getting the attention he wanted. Mimi was
Speaker 1: in there, Coadin is in there, Jackson's laughing, Kaz is
Speaker 1: running around, So everybody's in there wondering who pooped on
Speaker 1: the floor, And I'm really and like, Cairo is enjoying
Speaker 1: all of this. He realized that now, for once in
Speaker 1: his life, today, everyone's paying attention to something he did.
Speaker 1: So I asked, guys, easy, Kyro, who did this, Cassi,
Speaker 1: Cashi did this? Cassie. So I tell everybody to leave
Speaker 1: the room because I didn't want it to be an
Speaker 1: embarrassment thing. And I asked him, I said, you know,
Speaker 1: Ellisman always do what And he says, tell the truth,
Speaker 1: because that's what me and Jackson always say. Kyra doesn't
Speaker 1: really understand the idea of telling the truth, but he
Speaker 1: knows the words. So I was like, listen, who made
Speaker 1: the poop wonderful? And he said me? And I said why.
Speaker 1: He said, I don't know. I don't know. I already
Speaker 1: knew why. I know he doesn't know how to articulate it.
Speaker 1: But I said, this is unacceptable, and the fact that
Speaker 1: you lied about it is even worse. So I popped
Speaker 1: him a little bit, you know, gave him two little pops.
Speaker 1: And the sad thing is is your boy took the
Speaker 1: pops like a champ, like I popped him. He didn't
Speaker 1: even cry. He looked at me and I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: not in the business of hurting my children. And I said,
Speaker 1: do you understand why you got that pop? And he
Speaker 1: was just like yes, Daddy. I said, I go down
Speaker 1: to the whole way and get get ready for bed
Speaker 1: and go get in the shower. So he walked down
Speaker 1: the hallway, took his pops like a chance walk down
Speaker 1: the hallway. And in those moments, I'm always the bad
Speaker 1: guy because Codeine does not she doesn't hit them. She's
Speaker 1: not into the whole corporate punishment thing. We agree to
Speaker 1: disagree on that at times, but I feel like, as
Speaker 1: the father of three black boys, I'd rather discipline my
Speaker 1: boys rather than have the law or law enforcement discipline them,
Speaker 1: because that type of discipline can lead with you in
Speaker 1: jail or in the body bag. So I try to
Speaker 1: make sure that my boys know how to respect authority
Speaker 1: and stay in line. And one thing Conein and I
Speaker 1: never do when when we're in front of each other
Speaker 1: is disagree with each other in front of the children.
Speaker 1: If it's a time for corporal punishment, and I asked
Speaker 1: her to leave, she'll leave the room if she believes
Speaker 1: it's something that she needs to do. And I asked,
Speaker 1: and I realized in her face. I can tell in
Speaker 1: her eyes, but she's serious. I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 1: let me let her deal with this, and then after,
Speaker 1: when the kids are gone, we'll have these discussions and
Speaker 1: I'll be like, hey, why did you think that was appropriate?
Speaker 1: Or she'll say to me about why did you think
Speaker 1: he needed to be popped? And we'll have that discussion
Speaker 1: in this for sure. Absolutely, you'll sometimes say to me
Speaker 1: or I'll say to you, man, do you think that
Speaker 1: I should have done this a certain kind of way,
Speaker 1: or did I handle that well, you know, just to
Speaker 1: kind of get some feedback. Sometimes I appreciate that we
Speaker 1: can have the conversation after the fact, because like that
Speaker 1: moment with the poop, I probably would have picked it
Speaker 1: up and kept it moving like it was no big deal,
Speaker 1: whereas the val felt it was a need to teach
Speaker 1: a lesson in that moment. And though I kind of
Speaker 1: felt like it was a bit harsh at that time,
Speaker 1: he was adamant about it. So usually, if either of
Speaker 1: us are adamant about something, we'll kind of let them
Speaker 1: rock and then we'll have the conversation after. And I
Speaker 1: think that with every area of our relationship, because you
Speaker 1: talked about a lot about us, as you know, a
Speaker 1: married couple, about being individuals and being business partners, in
Speaker 1: being parents, we have to also allow ourselves great We
Speaker 1: talked about that a lot, so um, I think it
Speaker 1: was very necessary for me to kind of step back
Speaker 1: and say, you know, what Devil was once a boy.
Speaker 1: You know, he's coming from a place of experience that
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily know growing up as a boy. So
Speaker 1: I also appreciate the fact that, like you, said earlier,
Speaker 1: you found someone who you felt like would be a
Speaker 1: great mom, a great nurturer, would take care of your
Speaker 1: home and your children. I feel like I found that
Speaker 1: in you, seeing the man that you were and knowing
Speaker 1: the potential that you had even when we met at
Speaker 1: eighteen years old, and seeing the man you've become. I
Speaker 1: would love for our boys to be, you know, a
Speaker 1: fraction of who you are. No for sure, and you
Speaker 1: know we joke a lot on the show, but you
Speaker 1: know I love you, and I totally look at the
Speaker 1: man that you are, and I would love for my
Speaker 1: boys embody all that you are for the most part,
Speaker 1: except for like the piles of clothes you leave around
Speaker 1: on the floor because I'm tired of p one now
Speaker 1: you do the whole suitcase. But I appreciate the fact
Speaker 1: that that you are this person, and I I lean
Speaker 1: on you as their father to be that for them
Speaker 1: because I know that there's going to come a point
Speaker 1: where now, okay, the babies are kind of like all
Speaker 1: into Mommy and Nini and they like to be cuddled
Speaker 1: and whatnot, but there's going to come a point where
Speaker 1: the boy needs his dad. And Jackson, I feel like
Speaker 1: it's on that he's in that that weird um, that
Speaker 1: weird age where he's kind of like spiraled away from
Speaker 1: me and he's just like he's daddy's boy. Right now
Speaker 1: he's eight, yeah, I'm saying nine, and then he might
Speaker 1: float back my way around thirteen fourteen when he starts
Speaker 1: smelling herself and he's gonna want to ally. So that's
Speaker 1: why I tell Jackson, don't be trying to side at
Speaker 1: me when I'm crazy now, and then you want to
Speaker 1: come back to me when you and your father ain't
Speaker 1: on the good terms or you're thirteen and fourteen years old,
Speaker 1: because he might be trying to flex his muscles a
Speaker 1: little bit. You know. Then I'm gonna need you to
Speaker 1: remember this conversation. Okay, when Jackson becomes a teenager and
Speaker 1: it comes time where that discipline is going to have
Speaker 1: to be a lot harder. Because this is the one
Speaker 1: thing that kills me about discipline kids. Right. These experts
Speaker 1: and all of these people, right, all of these books
Speaker 1: and all these things about how you're supposed to discipline kids, right,
Speaker 1: and here's the reality. They talk about disciplining kids who
Speaker 1: don't deal with the black experience. Right, You can't you
Speaker 1: can't deal with corporate punishment. You shouldn't scream it them.
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah blah blah. What kills me about that
Speaker 1: is my son's when they walk out into the world,
Speaker 1: are not gonna be dealt with the same way as
Speaker 1: every other normal kid that walks out into the world.
Speaker 1: So I can't discipline in the same way, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Like when I was growing up, I
Speaker 1: remember asking my grandmother who grew up in South Carolina.
Speaker 1: She um, she grew up in South Carolina, dealt with
Speaker 1: Jim Crow, my grandfather, my grandfather, dealt with Jim Crow,
Speaker 1: fought in the Korean War, dealt with racism overseas while
Speaker 1: fighting for this country. Right. I remember saying, like, non, no,
Speaker 1: Like why you always hit us with the fly swatter?
Speaker 1: Why we got to hit with the belt? Like what's like?
Speaker 1: Why why you gotta beat us like slaves? Right? And
Speaker 1: she made a very very strong point. She said, when
Speaker 1: I was growing up, if you were a black boy
Speaker 1: and you stepped out a line, you could die and
Speaker 1: nobody will come to your defense. And I remember saying, like,
Speaker 1: what you mean you could die? She was like, somebody
Speaker 1: could kill you. Somebody you step out of line. You
Speaker 1: you're supposed to be somewhere, you're not there, someone can
Speaker 1: snatch you, lynch you kill you. So for her, she
Speaker 1: like she parented with force because she was trying to
Speaker 1: protect her kids. And as often as people say, well
Speaker 1: now we know better, we got to do different. Times
Speaker 1: have changed, Times have not changed that much. People are
Speaker 1: still getting killed in the street. Mass incarceration is still
Speaker 1: huge in America. And then when you think about the
Speaker 1: things that came out with Mike Bloomberg and what he said,
Speaker 1: we grew up in stopping frisk. I've been stopped in
Speaker 1: frisk as an adult, as a full fledged tax paying adult,
Speaker 1: I would stop and frisk my stuff through on the floor.
Speaker 1: So from me, when people say to me, oh, well
Speaker 1: we have to you know things have changed, they have not.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna parent my boys with that same ferocity
Speaker 1: as my parents and grandparents did because that's what made
Speaker 1: me who I am. That's what kept me safe in
Speaker 1: the streets. Being alert, being aware of being respectful, understanding authority,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Always being on time, being
Speaker 1: where you're supposed to be. It's easy for some people
Speaker 1: to say, oh, you know, they'll learn, boys will be boys,
Speaker 1: kids will be kids. Because your kids and your boys
Speaker 1: are given leeway, My boys may not be given the
Speaker 1: same leeway. You can see by the way we're punished
Speaker 1: in the judicial system, criminal justice system like and that's
Speaker 1: the reason why our parents so hard. And I think
Speaker 1: you know, for you as a mom, you guys like
Speaker 1: you and your mom nurture in the world. You want
Speaker 1: them to come to a safe place love. I want
Speaker 1: for that and then and they need both. But I
Speaker 1: think you know for people listening, Becaudine and I have
Speaker 1: had these conversations plenty of times. So when it comes
Speaker 1: time to making a decision of how we're gonna parent
Speaker 1: our kids, we speak to each other first and we
Speaker 1: give each other the why why is it important for
Speaker 1: you devoured a parent like this? Well, why is it
Speaker 1: important for you to con deem to be no training?
Speaker 1: You want to know why? It's important because when the
Speaker 1: kid gets you know, a little bit of harsh love
Speaker 1: from his dad, it's good to run into your mom's
Speaker 1: arms and still know that home is a safe place
Speaker 1: for you know what I'm saying. So it's important for
Speaker 1: us to have different perspectives on how to parent but
Speaker 1: if we share with each other, we can both parent
Speaker 1: these boys and give them the best of ourselves so
Speaker 1: they can go out in the world and be prepared.
Speaker 1: That was a great point because I was gonna ask you, like,
Speaker 1: what did you learn from like your parents when you
Speaker 1: think about your approach to discipline and parenting. So that's
Speaker 1: that actually goes back to your grandparents, since you spend
Speaker 1: so much time with them, you know, in the summertime.
Speaker 1: So that makes a whole lot of sense, and I
Speaker 1: can understand it. And that's why I've never really stepped in.
Speaker 1: And even when you do discipline, and for example, if
Speaker 1: you do feel like a time out is necessary, you know,
Speaker 1: you put cat in time out, make you go get
Speaker 1: cats out of time out, because I never want to
Speaker 1: make a scene like he could play both sides, you know,
Speaker 1: we we never do that either. It's like we don't
Speaker 1: We don't do the whole like Daddy's gonna put you
Speaker 1: in time out and then mom is going to come
Speaker 1: to the rescue, because then that kind of forces the
Speaker 1: good cop back cat to surface. So I always whoever
Speaker 1: started that discipline is going to finish it off and
Speaker 1: end with the big hug because I'm glad you said that,
Speaker 1: because that's important. That's that's a rule that we made
Speaker 1: in our house. Whoever starts to discipline finishes the discipline.
Speaker 1: So if Kay puts one of the kids in time out,
Speaker 1: she is responsible for taking them out of time out
Speaker 1: so that they get the completion of the discipline. They
Speaker 1: don't feel like one parent rescued them from the other.
Speaker 1: The same way if if you start corporate punishment, you
Speaker 1: have to finish with a hug and a conversation like
Speaker 1: that's That's one thing I think I've I've changed from
Speaker 1: my grandparents, and I got this from my parents. My
Speaker 1: father never hit me without an explanation. Growing up with
Speaker 1: my grandparents, they grew up with a children were to
Speaker 1: be seen and not heard. So you got hit, sometimes
Speaker 1: you got beat, and then you couldn't even ask why.
Speaker 1: You wouldn't even be told why. And if you ask
Speaker 1: why I get beat it, well you ask you you're
Speaker 1: talking back. My parents weren't like that. My parents disciplined me,
Speaker 1: and they had tons of conversations, and I remember even
Speaker 1: some of my aunt's uncles would be like, you know
Speaker 1: what your problem is? You talk too much to them? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was gonna say because with the even with the
Speaker 1: attitude of the talking back, Like, where do we draw
Speaker 1: the line with children when we enable them and we
Speaker 1: want them to be or encourage them to be vocal
Speaker 1: about how they feel, but it's not to a point
Speaker 1: where they feel like they can always have the last word.
Speaker 1: Because we do a lot to have conversations with Jackson too,
Speaker 1: but sometimes he will go back and forth with me,
Speaker 1: is if this is some sparring match, and I'm just like,
Speaker 1: what we're not gonna do is you're gonna go back
Speaker 1: and forth with me like you have to have the
Speaker 1: last word, you know. So there's like a fine line
Speaker 1: between wanting them to be vocal and expressing how they feel,
Speaker 1: but also knowing like a challengese to stay within their place.
Speaker 1: A child definitely needs to stay in the challenge place.
Speaker 1: But I think there's a fine line between wanting an
Speaker 1: answer and then getting the answer that you want. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. I think sometimes with children they
Speaker 1: won't stop until they get the answer they want. And
Speaker 1: for me as a parent, it's like I'm giving you
Speaker 1: an answer. Once I've given you an answer, you take
Speaker 1: it and that's it, and that's it. And I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna not give you an answer, because the thing I
Speaker 1: used to hate the most when I was a kid
Speaker 1: was don't ask me no questions or because I said so.
Speaker 1: Because I said so to me was probably like the
Speaker 1: dumbest thing I ever heard of. My mom used to
Speaker 1: just say no, and I'd be like, it's something simple
Speaker 1: as like hey, can I go next door and play
Speaker 1: with my friends? And She'll just say no, and I'll
Speaker 1: be like, well, well, why no? Like why I can't
Speaker 1: say yes to everything? You know? I have to say no?
Speaker 1: Sometimes I can't say yes to everything, and I'm just
Speaker 1: understand why what? And then but then now I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: g she is me. She We become our parents. We
Speaker 1: become our parents because something happens to you when you
Speaker 1: become a parent, and everything that you think you're gonna
Speaker 1: do when you're not a parent changes because that person,
Speaker 1: that heartbeat that was inside you was now out here
Speaker 1: with arms and legs in a face, looking just like you,
Speaker 1: walking around in this tough, difficult world. It's funny because
Speaker 1: I was looking at um on our sheet today is
Speaker 1: talking about some stuff that came from some facts from
Speaker 1: very well family. There's four kinds of parenting styles, and
Speaker 1: you could be anyone or combination of these. So the
Speaker 1: one that you just said literally was the authoritarian parenting.
Speaker 1: So pretty much this person is famous for saying because
Speaker 1: I said so, when a child questioned the reason behind
Speaker 1: the rule, they're not interested in negotiating and their focus
Speaker 1: is on obedience. So that's the very old school mentality
Speaker 1: at least. I know our grandparents had my mom, you know,
Speaker 1: my dad. Coming from the Islands, it was like this
Speaker 1: kind of the same effect, very similar to your grandparents
Speaker 1: in the South. It's like, don't ask me any questions,
Speaker 1: That's what I said. Then there's the authoritative parents, who
Speaker 1: invests time and energy into preventing behavior problems before they start.
Speaker 1: They also use positive discipline strategies to enforce good behavior,
Speaker 1: like praise and reward systems. I can say we pull
Speaker 1: from that for sure. That a little bit of that.
Speaker 1: Then there's the permissive parenting. They often only step in
Speaker 1: when there's a serious problem. They're quite forgiving, and they
Speaker 1: adopt an attitude of kids will be kids. You do
Speaker 1: that a lot to like they're they're boys. There can
Speaker 1: jump around, they can jump around. When they do use consequences.
Speaker 1: They may not make those consequences stick. They might give
Speaker 1: privileges back if the child begs, or if they allowed
Speaker 1: a child to get out of time out early if
Speaker 1: he promises to be good. Actually, you know, that's that's
Speaker 1: neither of us. We could probably scratch that wholemise the
Speaker 1: whole yeah, the premise of one. And then um, the
Speaker 1: uninvolved parenting. So, uninvolved parents tend to have little knowledge
Speaker 1: of what their kids are doing. They tend to be
Speaker 1: fear Okay, so this is not us at all. The
Speaker 1: kids may not be received much guidance nurturing. Okay, so
Speaker 1: the uninvolved parent, that's definitely not us. And I don't
Speaker 1: think I know many parents like that. I want to say,
Speaker 1: we're maybe around the authority for sure, you know, but
Speaker 1: I can sometimes be an authoritarian at times. Be as
Speaker 1: of the factors that I expressed, I do fear that
Speaker 1: my kids will grow up at some point in their
Speaker 1: life they may feel privileged because they used to speak
Speaker 1: in their mind and not understand that if you speak
Speaker 1: your mind to the wrong person in this country, you
Speaker 1: can lose your life. I do fear that, and sometimes
Speaker 1: I feel like you just need to be obedient and
Speaker 1: know went how to get out of the situation. Come
Speaker 1: get your dad, and now we're gonna handle the importance
Speaker 1: be able to navigate that and to say, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna stop talking. I don't need to have
Speaker 1: the last word exactly, and move forward after that. The
Speaker 1: one thing that I've learned from my uncle Kevin, who
Speaker 1: twenty four years on the police department as a detective.
Speaker 1: The first thing you need to do is get home.
Speaker 1: You can deal with everything else later. You get into
Speaker 1: it back and forth with a cop about respect and
Speaker 1: stuff like that, you ask me, not get home. You
Speaker 1: have to get home. Once you get home, you get
Speaker 1: a badge number, you get a name. Let's deal with
Speaker 1: it accordingly. You know what I'm saying. You have to
Speaker 1: get home first. There's no need to talk about respect
Speaker 1: if you can't even get home. And I think that
Speaker 1: comes to learning how to be obedient and discipline in
Speaker 1: a moment so that you can make the right move.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. You have to make the
Speaker 1: right move in order to get your point across. And
Speaker 1: this is a four years in the police department. He said,
Speaker 1: he told me this, and that's the one thing I
Speaker 1: do worry about and it's sad that I'm still thinking
Speaker 1: about the same things, but I do grow up when
Speaker 1: I think about my boys. That's what I fear. I
Speaker 1: fear about them going to to college and making a
Speaker 1: poor decision and now their whole life is ruined because
Speaker 1: they made a poor decisions true, or even some of
Speaker 1: those strong qualities that they do have. You know, I
Speaker 1: feel like all of our boys have these strong independent
Speaker 1: qualities within themselves, and they deal with things differently, and
Speaker 1: their processes may be different, but I like that all
Speaker 1: of them are vocal um. Casts tend to be a
Speaker 1: little bit where he's a baby still, so we're still
Speaker 1: trying to figure out casts. But cast seems to have
Speaker 1: a little temporary situation um, you know if even if
Speaker 1: he does something wrong, if you drop something, gets mad
Speaker 1: at himself and all that. But it's like some of
Speaker 1: those qualities that they have. I want them to be
Speaker 1: able to be vocal and speak up for themselves and
Speaker 1: just be able to engage in conversation with other people,
Speaker 1: adults and whatnot, but just knowing when to scale back.
Speaker 1: There's always like that that fine line um with it.
Speaker 1: But I think we do a pretty good job. You know,
Speaker 1: it's funny watching um you as a parent. You know,
Speaker 1: one of the questions we had today on the rundown
Speaker 1: was how it affects our relationship or how it's changed
Speaker 1: our relationship you and I watching the other person parents,
Speaker 1: or watching the other person as a mom or dad? Um,
Speaker 1: has anything changed for you since I've become a mom
Speaker 1: thinking about me back then or maybe maybe a mom
Speaker 1: of multiple children? Now? Do you think anything has changed
Speaker 1: for you in terms of how you look at me?
Speaker 1: Or is it kind of just yeah, things things have
Speaker 1: changed because when you when you get married and you're
Speaker 1: in love with a person, you just think about that
Speaker 1: person as you're that's my partner, you know, like that's
Speaker 1: that's my partner. Her responsibility is me. My responsibility is her.
Speaker 1: You know, all of your ideas and thoughts and energy
Speaker 1: needs to go towards me because I'm putting the same
Speaker 1: energy into you. I literally sit back now and watch
Speaker 1: you put so much energy into three little people. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So it's kind of like I
Speaker 1: get I get it, Like I get it, you know,
Speaker 1: like I'm not the priority anymore. I'm not. You know,
Speaker 1: we're talking in relationships so often about how your partner
Speaker 1: still has to be a priority. I think that's okay
Speaker 1: when you're an empty nestor. But we both have three
Speaker 1: little people who didn't have to be here. They're here
Speaker 1: off of our guilty pleasures, so we owe it to
Speaker 1: them to make them the priority in these next eighteen years.
Speaker 1: So ultimately it's changed because I've learned how not to
Speaker 1: be the priority. Yeah, I mean that's difficult for you
Speaker 1: sometimes because I wanted I was, as you're saying this,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking to myself, it sounds good that they're the priority,
Speaker 1: but you definitely have your moments where you still need
Speaker 1: your wife absolutely, you know. And that's that's something that
Speaker 1: we also are trying to work through also, because yes,
Speaker 1: these children are here. It may seem like we have
Speaker 1: so much time with them, but we don't. I forget
Speaker 1: what the saying says. It's like the nights are long,
Speaker 1: but the years are short, or something like that. And
Speaker 1: I had seen that the other day and literally got
Speaker 1: all taria because I'm like, this is so true. Like
Speaker 1: he's eight in like another decade. I think about it,
Speaker 1: We've been married a decade. In another decade, he'll be
Speaker 1: eighteen years old, Like what nine years? I mean technically
Speaker 1: nine years half of his time he's going to spend
Speaker 1: what he spent it already. Don't say that he'll be nine.
Speaker 1: I know nine years from now he'll be graduate from
Speaker 1: high school and headed off to college. If I mean, though,
Speaker 1: eighteen is like adult what we claim to be adult now.
Speaker 1: But still I might a step You are such a
Speaker 1: thinking about the leaveing the house. Oh my god, I'm
Speaker 1: not ready. Guys, gonna have to commit me. I'm not.
Speaker 1: But it's just yeah, it's like it's parenting. It's it's
Speaker 1: so complex and there's so many different layers, and you know,
Speaker 1: I just feel fortunate, Like I actually the question how
Speaker 1: looking at me? If you look at me any differently
Speaker 1: as a as a as a woman, as a wife,
Speaker 1: as a mom, having kids, and for me, when I
Speaker 1: look at you, it's funny. I hear a lot of
Speaker 1: women say that they fall even more in love with
Speaker 1: their spouse or you know, with their their child's father
Speaker 1: when they see them as a father, especially when they're
Speaker 1: such a dynamic father like you are. I think it
Speaker 1: just makes me love you that much more because I
Speaker 1: see how much you pour into those children you're trying
Speaker 1: to what is coming around the corner. Let me past.
Speaker 1: Can I not speak from the heart, you can know,
Speaker 1: but seriously, like there's there's definitely the you in that.
Speaker 1: And I see that and I appreciate that, and it
Speaker 1: just makes me. It reiterates to me that I feel
Speaker 1: like we both have made the right decision. I absolutely
Speaker 1: do think about how much you love me. If we
Speaker 1: had a girl, think about that. Can you snap your
Speaker 1: fingers and year if I gave you a little codeine?
Speaker 1: That would be interesting to see how it would be different,
Speaker 1: the different dynamics. I think the dynams would be totally different.
Speaker 1: But I think it'd be great too, for sure. And
Speaker 1: I do, I do love have a different type of
Speaker 1: love for you now is the mother of my children? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: like I We we have these conversations amongst my friends
Speaker 1: all the time, like my girl. This for the record,
Speaker 1: there it is Tiger Woods is one of our most
Speaker 1: inspiring sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters.
Speaker 1: I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior,
Speaker 1: but here it is what turn to glory. This is
Speaker 1: All American, a new series from Stitcher, hosted by me
Speaker 1: Jordan Bell, you realize Tiger Wis doesn't know who he
Speaker 1: is in the history of golf, no question in my mind.
Speaker 1: And this season, with the help of journalist Albert Chen,
Speaker 1: we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that
Speaker 1: the media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong?
Speaker 1: All American Tiger is out now. Listen in Stitcher, Apple
Speaker 1: Podcasts or your favorite podcast app. Friend, you see my girlfriend,
Speaker 1: don't mess with me and my girlfriend. I'll suck you up.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. That's my wife. You know,
Speaker 1: it's my wife. You know. I'll go to jail for
Speaker 1: my wife, the mother of my children. I die for
Speaker 1: the mother of my children. Facts, I would like that's
Speaker 1: is that serious for me? I hear you, you know.
Speaker 1: And like I said, I don't mind not being a priority,
Speaker 1: but I don't want to be forgotten, you know absolutely,
Speaker 1: That's that's where that comes from. I can't forget you.
Speaker 1: I can't forget you. And before the kids got here,
Speaker 1: it was be bro yeah you buddy. All right, So
Speaker 1: we talked to Parrington today. We're gonna take a quick
Speaker 1: break and move into listener letters after we get into
Speaker 1: some ads. Let's stick around, all right, guys, we're back
Speaker 1: to Codeine's favorite part of the show. Oh God, you
Speaker 1: act like that's in the script every time you say
Speaker 1: it every week, triple? Can we change that in the
Speaker 1: script that my favorite time nosy Wednesdays. All right, I'll
Speaker 1: read this one first. Let's go question divinan Codeine? How
Speaker 1: do I co parent with someone I do not like?
Speaker 1: My child is six months old. The father was not
Speaker 1: there for me during my extremely rough pregnancy, and since
Speaker 1: our son was born, he has moved closer to be
Speaker 1: with him. Although I'm grateful for the help, I have
Speaker 1: resentment because I would break up was so bad because
Speaker 1: he had me blocked the entire nine months I was pregnant.
Speaker 1: He largely contributed to my prenato depression. How do I
Speaker 1: compare with him when I can't stand him and I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm not respected by him? Well, here's a
Speaker 1: simple thing, you guys. Relationship has to be separated from
Speaker 1: his relationship as a dad. The one thing I'll say
Speaker 1: that I've seen people do is they take out all
Speaker 1: their resentment from the relationship and place it and use
Speaker 1: the child as a pond. If he's a good father,
Speaker 1: you co parent on those standards That he's a good father.
Speaker 1: Everything else you have to leave behind because once again,
Speaker 1: that child did not ask to come here, period. So
Speaker 1: what don't don't include anything with the child has to
Speaker 1: do everything we're comparing now. If he chooses to disrespect
Speaker 1: you in front of the child, you have to have
Speaker 1: a conversation with him about that. But bringing up the past,
Speaker 1: bringing up the past and stuff that happened prior to
Speaker 1: the child being Yeah, sorry, han Man, but but I
Speaker 1: feel like you just need to let that go and
Speaker 1: just co parent. Let him be what he is, which
Speaker 1: is a dad. You be what you are, which is
Speaker 1: a mom, and y'all love that child equally. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: separation is so real, like um, the co parenting versus
Speaker 1: versus the relationship. But I can understand where she's coming from.
Speaker 1: As a woman who's been pregnant, having difficult pregnancies and
Speaker 1: just you know, having prenatal depression, that can be a
Speaker 1: really rough and lonely time, especially if that's someone who
Speaker 1: you both like, clearly created a child together, your child's
Speaker 1: only six months. Part of it, maybe you're dealing with
Speaker 1: a little bit of postpartum depression as well. If you
Speaker 1: had a difficult pregnancy, not having the support from him,
Speaker 1: because naturally you probably wanted the support from the child
Speaker 1: of your the father of your child, so you may
Speaker 1: have a little bit of a residual effect of that,
Speaker 1: um that you're dealing with now too. But I kind
Speaker 1: of tend to agree with Devout in the sense, I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, trying to separate the two. I know it's
Speaker 1: probably difficult, and I know, probably even just having the
Speaker 1: conversation sometimes to just you know, decide on like Okay,
Speaker 1: you're gonna pick up the kid on this day, or
Speaker 1: like what time are we gonna do that. Sometimes simple
Speaker 1: conversations cannot be that simple when you don't like someone,
Speaker 1: and I've seen that from just other friends and family
Speaker 1: members that we've had, you know, dealing with you know,
Speaker 1: happen to co parent. It's like sometimes you really just
Speaker 1: don't want to have to pick up the phone to
Speaker 1: deal with this person. But for the betterment of the child,
Speaker 1: for the child to grow up in a somewhat healthy
Speaker 1: environment on both sides, Um, you know, try to see
Speaker 1: how you can just kind of put that aside and
Speaker 1: just kind of deal with it, because I know it's
Speaker 1: it's hard, especially he blocked her the entire nime months
Speaker 1: and stuff, and we don't know the back story either
Speaker 1: about what happened with their breakup in their relationship. You
Speaker 1: know why he felt the need to do that. But
Speaker 1: but my thing is, if she can find peace within
Speaker 1: herself and happiness within herself, it's not gonna matter what
Speaker 1: happened with them pre natal because if she can find
Speaker 1: that peace and happiness, her ability to co parent will
Speaker 1: be the father's ability to be a great father with
Speaker 1: the son, and that's all they need to co parent.
Speaker 1: So as long as she can find happiness, and that's
Speaker 1: you know, that's my advice to you, all right, don't
Speaker 1: worry about everything that happened in the past because you
Speaker 1: can't change it. The past is the past. Take this
Speaker 1: time while trying to co parent and create a peace
Speaker 1: in a space where you are happy within yourself, you'll
Speaker 1: find it easy to deal with a lot of people
Speaker 1: you don't like, because if you like yourself and you're happy,
Speaker 1: then people gonna kick rocks. And that's not just for
Speaker 1: the father of your your child. That could be for
Speaker 1: your coworker, that could be for family, that could be
Speaker 1: for friends who have done you wrong. Once you find
Speaker 1: peace within yourself. Dealing with people on a daily basis
Speaker 1: that you don't like becomes normal. It becomes regular because
Speaker 1: you're happy. So fine, happiness, fine happiness for gain, don't
Speaker 1: worry about all the other bull find happiness. Or you
Speaker 1: could be a great mom and help him be a
Speaker 1: great dad. Sounds I like that good way to end that.
Speaker 1: So I have a thirteen year old daughter and a
Speaker 1: ten year old daughter. Unfortunately, both my daughters don't get
Speaker 1: along with their dad due to some issues we've had
Speaker 1: and still some are ongoing. Due to my issues with him,
Speaker 1: my daughters have lost much respect for their father and
Speaker 1: they won't communicate with him unless I'm around. Please help
Speaker 1: me figure out a way that my man and I
Speaker 1: can argue less in front of our girls. We'll see
Speaker 1: this this man, this is, this is this been and ten.
Speaker 1: So they all and they know exactly what's going on.
Speaker 1: That's that's I mean you you you said you have
Speaker 1: to argue less in front of your Yeah, from jump,
Speaker 1: that's one thing that we definitely try, especially at this
Speaker 1: age thirteen and ten. I mean, those girls are very
Speaker 1: well aware of what's happening, and depending on what the
Speaker 1: nature of the conversations are what you're arguing about, how
Speaker 1: you're arguing, how loud they are, if they get physical,
Speaker 1: I don't know. But they're at the age where they
Speaker 1: can technically at this point formulate their own opinion about people,
Speaker 1: and that being done in front of them naturally is
Speaker 1: going to make them just you know, feel a lack
Speaker 1: of respect towards their father. So that just was kind
Speaker 1: of self explanatory, I feel, But what you said really
Speaker 1: makes sense. They're ten and thirteen. They can form their
Speaker 1: own opinion, right, But at ten and thirteen, can you
Speaker 1: really form an educated opinion about what you're seeing. No, So,
Speaker 1: for that being said, parents have to do a better
Speaker 1: job of delegating time to where they could have those discussions.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying with the children about the
Speaker 1: children around like, that's that's pretty simples. It's totally discretion.
Speaker 1: But now she's asking how she can fix it, not
Speaker 1: what to do, you know, because it's hard to fix
Speaker 1: it by changing your behavior. Now, I think you have
Speaker 1: to sit down with those girls and y'all need to
Speaker 1: have some family discussions and discuss what they've seen, why
Speaker 1: they feel this way, and try to work through it
Speaker 1: through conversations, therapy, I think, so I was gonna say therapy,
Speaker 1: maybe having somebody intervened and speak with all four of them,
Speaker 1: because also to sometimes what adults are going to be
Speaker 1: arguing about. Children don't necessarily need to be prevy too,
Speaker 1: nor are they going to understand what's what exactly is
Speaker 1: transpiring between their mother and their father, So that doesn't
Speaker 1: necessarily need to be the conversation. But what they've witnessed,
Speaker 1: I think they should be able to speak about that
Speaker 1: and how it makes them feel, because now it's putting
Speaker 1: a damper on the relationship with their dad, it right,
Speaker 1: I know what. I don't think any child wants to
Speaker 1: see either parent disrespected in any circumstance or any light,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? So, um, yeah, I think
Speaker 1: it's worth having a sit down with them. I mean,
Speaker 1: they're old enough where you can probably have you know,
Speaker 1: somewhat of a conversation with them without divulgion too much,
Speaker 1: but also trying to get from them what they're feeling
Speaker 1: and what they're they're they're understanding from it and then
Speaker 1: clarifying it from there. Yeah, you know, it sounds like
Speaker 1: a plan, all right, Well, if you want to be
Speaker 1: featured as one of our listener letters. Email us at
Speaker 1: dead as Advice at gmail dot com. Yeah, moment of
Speaker 1: truth time. Moment of truth time. So my moment of
Speaker 1: truth would be when dating, choose someone who not only
Speaker 1: want to spend the rest of your life with, but
Speaker 1: who you want to create a life with. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So when you're thinking about who you
Speaker 1: want to be with, how much money they make, what
Speaker 1: religion they are, look at how they nurture the people
Speaker 1: around them and use that as an example of how
Speaker 1: they're going to nurture your children if you decide to
Speaker 1: have kids. It will make it easier at that point
Speaker 1: when you do have kids to work together through your
Speaker 1: differences of how to parent them together. So started early,
Speaker 1: if you're if you're if you're dating with a purpose,
Speaker 1: start looking at those things early, right, so it doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be something announced like hey, I'm looking to
Speaker 1: have kids one day. I'm just trying to you know,
Speaker 1: but you can just tell you can pick up. So
Speaker 1: having that little like almost check list in your mind
Speaker 1: as you're just saying okay, okay, I can see you
Speaker 1: have this you don't have that, you know, And it
Speaker 1: starts before the kids even get there for sure, picking
Speaker 1: up for the picking that right person need starts before
Speaker 1: for sure. For sure, I guess my moment of truth
Speaker 1: as we spoke about different um scenarios and stories with
Speaker 1: our children. UM. Just being mindful about my tone and
Speaker 1: the way I interact with the children, especially when it
Speaker 1: comes to disciplining. So making sure that I'm I'm doing
Speaker 1: the you know, the tough mom thing, but I'm also
Speaker 1: nurturing at the same time. UM, I want to do
Speaker 1: a better job with that because I don't want to
Speaker 1: also drive a wedge between myself and my voice, because
Speaker 1: they just feel like my mom is crazy and my
Speaker 1: mom's gonna come down to me and all she makes
Speaker 1: me do is like extra work and read though I
Speaker 1: know they'll benefit from it later on in life, I
Speaker 1: don't want to lose that short span of years where
Speaker 1: I can get you know, that maximum time and you
Speaker 1: know adoration from my boys that I know I want.
Speaker 1: So just being able to make sure I'm just like
Speaker 1: towing the line between being the forceful disciplinarian but also
Speaker 1: being the nurturing mom as well. UM. And yeah, and
Speaker 1: watching my tone because everyone claims that I say things
Speaker 1: a certain way, but I sound another way, I have
Speaker 1: a tone. Um, I don't know, maybe it's something with
Speaker 1: my voice. I don't know it works for podcasting, but
Speaker 1: people take that as me being forceful sometimes, but whatever,
Speaker 1: you know. But yeah, I'm just knowing that each child
Speaker 1: needs different things sometimes, you know, so not lumping them
Speaker 1: into like these are the three kids, and this is
Speaker 1: how we're going to apparent kind of style. Stepping towards
Speaker 1: their individual needs I think is important as well. So
Speaker 1: many moments of truth that we can come up with
Speaker 1: when it comes to parenting, but we'll leave you all
Speaker 1: with those for today. Thank you all so much for listening,
Speaker 1: and be sure to follow us on social media. Cadeen
Speaker 1: I Am and I Am, and subscribe to dead Ass
Speaker 1: on Stitcher, Spotify, Apple podcast wherever you listen, and if
Speaker 1: you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate review us.
Speaker 1: Subscribe makes You Tell a New Friend. The season three
Speaker 1: underway Dead as dead Ass is a production of Stitcher.
Speaker 1: We are produced by Jackie Sojico and No Opinion. Our
Speaker 1: executive producer t Square. Our associate producers are Triple and
Speaker 1: Kristin Torres. Our Chief content Officer is Chris Bannon, our
Speaker 1: studio engineer and original music is by Brendan Burns and
Speaker 1: last but not least, we are mixed by Andy Kristen.
Speaker 1: We'll back. I'm Drew McGarry and I'm David Roth. We
Speaker 1: have a podcast going on right now as part of
Speaker 1: the Stitchen Everywhere called Substraction that's available everywhere. Get the
Speaker 1: podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right now to
Speaker 1: the Distraction, right now, it's out. Do it please,