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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's teaching men how to self

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Speaker 1: care with new motor oil infused bath bombs. Relax and

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Speaker 1: unwind with the industrial aroma that'll give your skin that

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Speaker 1: healthy glowing sheene like you were just recovered next to

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Speaker 1: the Exxon Valdis.

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Speaker 2: Duckling oil spill joke from twenty years ago. Still funny.

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Speaker 1: Laser Stories the segment where we read weird news stories

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Speaker 1: around the globe, just like everyone else does, except we've

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Speaker 1: got a laser as other greasy weasels just don't. This

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Speaker 1: first laser story is out of Sinking Springs, Pennsylvania. Oh

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Speaker 1: that's delivery driver for FedEx faced a bizarre situation the

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Speaker 1: other day. He was an a normal suburban neighborhood when

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Speaker 1: he dropped off a package at someone's door. He then

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Speaker 1: turned to walk back to his vehicle and I'll just

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Speaker 1: let the local TV news anchor take it from there.

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Speaker 3: A FedEx driver drops off a package Wednesday. The two

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Speaker 3: men from separate cars run to the front steps. The

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Speaker 3: person in the hooded sweatshirt grabs the box. The other

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Speaker 3: person grabs a flower pot, possibly for protection. What a

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Speaker 3: responding officer said, this is the first time he's experienced

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Speaker 3: something like this in his twenty years of service.

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Speaker 1: So two different porch pirates both went for the same

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Speaker 1: package at the same time.

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Speaker 4: They were working together, not working together, did they hit

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Speaker 4: the other.

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Speaker 5: One with a flower pot? Like this feels like a

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Speaker 5: cartoon at.

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Speaker 1: That point, if you're having a hard time picturing it.

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Speaker 1: I watched the video. It was caught by a doorbell

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Speaker 1: camera and you can see that on our instat stories

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Speaker 1: at Brooke and Jeffrey. But it looks like something out

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Speaker 1: of an SNL skit, like the TV guys said. Two

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Speaker 1: thieves arriving in two separate vehicles both sprint up to

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Speaker 1: the same package and end up fighting each other over god,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, what are the rules?

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Speaker 2: Is it Rochambeau rock in it? Those I know what's

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Speaker 2: in it?

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Speaker 1: Because one of the porch pirates made off with the package,

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Speaker 1: which was a phone from AT and T. The residence

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Speaker 1: says it's fishy that both thieves seemed to know.

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Speaker 2: That it was something valuable.

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Speaker 1: AT and T released an official comment that just said,

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Speaker 1: don't look at me, I.

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Speaker 2: Didn't do shit.

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Speaker 5: That's quite the comment.

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Speaker 2: Classic AT and T.

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Speaker 1: This nextre's the show is out of Milwaukee. I thought

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Speaker 1: fire hydrants would be the weirdest thing that we'd see

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Speaker 1: stolen this year, or at least this month.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, those were going in California or something.

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Speaker 2: But this might top it.

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Speaker 1: Wisconsin's Department of Natural Resources had to put out a

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Speaker 1: statement telling people to stop stealing cicadas from state parks.

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Speaker 5: Why would you want more of them?

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Speaker 1: They got multiple reports of someone harvesting them from a

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Speaker 1: spot called Bigfoot Beach, and it's not clear why the

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Speaker 1: person needed the cicadas or why they needed so many.

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Speaker 5: Are they supposed to be kind of delicious?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's one theory, because a handful of restaurants

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Speaker 1: have been mixing cicadas into their menu during the big

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Speaker 1: double brood hatch that's been going on, and a bar

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Speaker 1: in Chicago is also selling cicada shots, So it could

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Speaker 1: it could be, you know, one of those restaurants that

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Speaker 1: ran out of inventory.

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Speaker 4: It's just a good entrepreneur who's like, screw the hot

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Speaker 4: dog stand, I'm going to do a cicada stand.

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Speaker 1: And there's also a chance they were harvested as food,

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Speaker 1: but not for humans. Lizards, birds, and even pet rats

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Speaker 1: like to eat them tasty.

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Speaker 5: Oh yeah, they probably feel a lot of animal.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I know you're not supposed to take anything

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Speaker 4: out of a park, but really they can't take I know.

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Speaker 1: So many we came to this park to be sworn

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Speaker 1: with cicadas.

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Speaker 2: Another God, I'm going to miss one bison. It's fine.

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Speaker 1: Crickets can cost ten cents apiece at pet stores when

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Speaker 1: cicadas are one hundred percent free can catch. They haven't

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Speaker 1: tracked down whoever's been harvesting them. But if they are caught,

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Speaker 1: they could face a stiff fine they get arrested.

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Speaker 2: What if it's just the mom cicada coming to get

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Speaker 2: her kid. This next laser story is out of Tokyo.

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Speaker 1: Sure, if you love ramen and you have a death wish,

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Speaker 1: you're the target market here. I'm happy because Cup of

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Speaker 1: Noodles just unveiled a new fun flavor, deadly Blowfish.

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Speaker 2: No, not the Japanese pufferfish. I know all about this thing.

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Speaker 1: It's flavored with fugu, which is a type of pufferfish

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Speaker 1: that can kill you if it's not prepared correctly.

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Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, you need a license to beat it.

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Speaker 5: Okay.

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Speaker 4: I can't read Japanese and I don't know exactly what

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Speaker 4: this label says, but even not knowing, I feel like

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Speaker 4: there's not enough.

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Speaker 2: Warning scarier labels.

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Speaker 4: The puffer fish picture looks like a cute Pokemon cartoon

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Speaker 4: is adorable.

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Speaker 5: I would buy it.

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Speaker 3: For my kids.

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Speaker 1: That pufferfish is the second most poisonous vertebrate in the

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Speaker 1: world after Columbia's golden poison frog, which we all will

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Speaker 1: be tasting in our summer challenge. Make sure to stay

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Speaker 1: tuned for details on that.

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Speaker 5: It's gonna be a wild video.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sure, but the Cup of Noodle's version comes

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Speaker 1: with a special fugu seasoning oil that you pour on top,

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Speaker 1: and they haven't said how it's prepared, so dining at

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Speaker 1: your own risk because the fugu skin, organs, bones, and

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Speaker 1: blood are all loaded with poison. If you order this

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Speaker 1: resushi and it touches one of the organs as they're

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Speaker 1: cutting the meat, you could die.

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Speaker 4: Whoever has to harvest this, it's really risking their lives.

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Speaker 1: Chefs in Japan have to train for two years before

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Speaker 1: they're even allowed to serve it.

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Speaker 5: Okay, it's gonna be allowed to add some water and

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Speaker 5: colm dead.

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Speaker 1: People are wondering if Cup of Noodles are the right

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Speaker 1: people to be doing this. Nonetheless, it is on store

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Speaker 1: shelves right now for two dollars a cup. Only in Japan, okay,

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Speaker 1: And if you're wondering, a Japanese reporter tried it and

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Speaker 1: said he couldn't even taste.

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Speaker 5: The FuGO, but he said something, which is a good sign.

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Speaker 1: He was on his deathbed when he said that. So

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Speaker 1: this next Lazer story is out of Snack Central. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: The blog Eat This Not That has a list of

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Speaker 1: the forty unhealthiest snacks on the planet.

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Speaker 5: The ones that taste the best is what you're gonna.

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Speaker 2: Tell us, wouldn't you know it?

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Speaker 1: Lil Debbie is not happy because her zebra cakes are

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Speaker 1: number one. They don't taste like anything real in life.

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Speaker 1: It does seem a little dramatic, but with thirty four

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Speaker 1: grams of added sugar on top of the normal amount

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Speaker 1: of sugar in it, one cake does exceed your recommended

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Speaker 1: daily intake by a lot. Here's the rest of the

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Speaker 1: top ten unhealthiest snacks. Number two is Smucker's goober Grape.

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Speaker 1: You know those jars where peanut, butter and jelly is

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Speaker 1: mixed into the same one.

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Speaker 5: It's just sugar good.

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Speaker 1: Number three Ritz Bits Cheese sandwich crackers.

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Speaker 5: Those are they just hit?

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Speaker 1: A number four Turtle Checks mix, Number five Little Debbie

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Speaker 1: Swiss rolls.

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Speaker 5: Oh those ones, those ones I can get down with.

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Speaker 1: Number six Nacho cheese doritos. Those are the normal ones. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: A lot of people listening are probably bummed to hear

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Speaker 1: that's on the list.

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Speaker 5: Are we shocked? Do we think it was hell? You

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Speaker 5: eating it? Nobody's picking up a bag being like, well

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Speaker 5: this was good.

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Speaker 1: For Number seven Max Salt and vinegar pork skins.

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Speaker 5: My dad's like sos.

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Speaker 1: Just saying that sentence gave me fourteen grams of fat

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Speaker 1: right there. Number eight Hostess Old Fashioned Doughnuts used an

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Speaker 1: entire sleeve of those every single morning.

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Speaker 5: Donuts. Those are the powdered ones.

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Speaker 2: The little tiny ones.

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Speaker 1: A number nine single TwixT candy bar, the first candy

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Speaker 1: bar to make it on the list, you both, and

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Speaker 1: rounding out the group of unhealthiest snacks according to the

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Speaker 1: blog eat this, not that. Number ten Chewy dips chocolate

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Speaker 1: chip granola bars.

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Speaker 5: Those are so good.

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Speaker 2: It has granola in it. How could it be bad?

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Speaker 5: I mean, I grew up with those as healthful.

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Speaker 1: I know you're surely wondering about hot pockets. Those came

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Speaker 1: in at number nineteen.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, so they're healthy. Yeah, give me the broccoli life.

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Speaker 1: I know this guy's most favorite unhealthy snack, crock Pockets.

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Speaker 1: You'll go through a twelve pack in one hour. That

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Speaker 1: sound means Laser Stories has come to an end for

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Speaker 1: the day. We'll do it again, same time on Monday.

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Speaker 5: Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.