Speaker 1: It's nothing to promote, absolutely nothing to promote.
Speaker 2: It couldn't have less to promote.
Speaker 1: And you walk to your bus but walking first twenty
Speaker 1: five minute walk to the bus stop.
Speaker 3: Okay, Holly way, And I see you looking over at
Speaker 3: me sometimes, Mitra, I'm only.
Speaker 4: Here to observe today.
Speaker 2: Oh amazing.
Speaker 3: I was curious what the show is like when I'm
Speaker 3: not always there for the show.
Speaker 4: What happens when I'm not there?
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I just want to kind of get a
Speaker 3: sense of that, so you know, for all intents and purposes,
Speaker 3: I'm not here, do the survey with Hayes like everyone
Speaker 3: does great, and then at the end of that, you know,
Speaker 3: maybe I'll throw a couple different scenarios at you, guys,
Speaker 3: show type scenarios for you to kind of walk through
Speaker 3: and demonstrate so that I can kind of see what's
Speaker 3: working and what's not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just get some unpaid show with a sort.
Speaker 5: Of but we are getting paid, you guys are, yes.
Speaker 2: You are? Yeah, Okay, that's great that you guys are.
Speaker 4: We are studios.
Speaker 5: We're getting paid new studio. That's awesome. We're getting paid.
Speaker 2: No, it's so cool. The purple.
Speaker 5: And you see us in this environment and you are
Speaker 5: frustrated by our success or nourished by it? Uh?
Speaker 2: Nourished because I know you guys like need that pretty bad.
Speaker 5: Okay, we're nourished by it as well.
Speaker 2: I'm happy to hear it.
Speaker 5: Because we are eating.
Speaker 4: I'm slaked.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm are you hydrated?
Speaker 4: I know I said it was just gonna observe. I'm slaked.
Speaker 2: You're slaked.
Speaker 1: You're slack, slough oed slack queen slick queen boots.
Speaker 5: And Kevin is here as well. Kevin is muted and
Speaker 5: he is not visible today. You know our producer chef Kevin.
Speaker 2: Of course.
Speaker 5: And why is he hid? That's not because he has
Speaker 5: a big dindym He needs to eat. He did not
Speaker 5: text us before saying he has a very big dindin
Speaker 5: to eat tonight.
Speaker 3: He's if you think he's tucking into just the most
Speaker 3: massive playoff cischetti you've ever seen, get that out of
Speaker 3: your mind, Get that image out of your mind.
Speaker 4: He's not doing that.
Speaker 2: Kevin promised me, You've got vino.
Speaker 5: I promise me.
Speaker 4: True.
Speaker 1: Thank you, slaked, big Ham, big Ham Veno says, oh,
Speaker 1: and a side of pie, no doubt.
Speaker 4: Ham and wine.
Speaker 5: What did we do before with me.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we have something with you?
Speaker 5: Is there like a thing with you?
Speaker 2: Long ago?
Speaker 1: We sang many songs that was that was what like
Speaker 1: forty studios ago for you guys.
Speaker 5: Okay, you were one of the songs singer was I
Speaker 5: remember some of our song singer gas. Don't remember you
Speaker 5: being one of them.
Speaker 2: No, that's okay.
Speaker 3: I had some musicians that we did songs with. I
Speaker 3: don't recall just randomly doing something.
Speaker 5: Don't think of you that way. You should as a musician, as.
Speaker 1: Someone who could, okay, someone who has potential okay to
Speaker 1: make music.
Speaker 4: Okay, I myself have no formal training. I am naturally musical.
Speaker 2: That's off.
Speaker 1: You seem like it mm hmm even just the mm hm.
Speaker 3: Right, the timber them, the tambour Timberland timber did Jeffrey
Speaker 3: tamber Oh.
Speaker 2: Back better than ever?
Speaker 5: I hope. I noticed your emotional support collaborators aren't here today.
Speaker 2: Sandy and Alyssa.
Speaker 5: Sandy and Alyssa.
Speaker 1: Yeah you didn't you what it was? Two last minute
Speaker 1: could get it together? Three people you had to go
Speaker 1: just one.
Speaker 5: We didn't invite them.
Speaker 2: I got the call last night, Vin, that's an oversight.
Speaker 1: I got the call very last night, late late last night,
Speaker 1: late late late last night of an inappropriate time.
Speaker 5: Inappropriate time, mm hmm.
Speaker 2: Kevin.
Speaker 5: Kevin also it was a FaceTime. Part of the bigness
Speaker 5: of his dindin tonight was, sources say, a refusal to
Speaker 5: finish his din din last night.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and so that's why he was up so late.
Speaker 3: He was having a staring contest with the plate and saying,
Speaker 3: I'm not going to break this plate will break before
Speaker 3: I will.
Speaker 2: And now Kevin loses to plate.
Speaker 3: So then he wasn't allowed to have his phone, he
Speaker 3: couldn't text, and you got to text late last night.
Speaker 4: And I know you like singing songs. It's reminding me a.
Speaker 3: Little bit of a sort of a camp song that
Speaker 3: we used to hear sometimes. Hey, let me know if
Speaker 3: you know this one.
Speaker 4: Late last night when we were all in bed, Kevin producer,
Speaker 4: he called me up and said, there could be a
Speaker 4: podcast at the iHeart two night.
Speaker 3: And then you'd be like, Mitra, Mitra, Mitra, Right, do
Speaker 3: you know this one? Missus O'Leary.
Speaker 5: I could have answered in advance, if it's a camp song,
Speaker 5: I know it, So I could have said, you said,
Speaker 5: let me know if you know this one? The answer
Speaker 5: is yes, I know it because it's from Camp. Yeah,
Speaker 5: I listened to Camp songs.
Speaker 2: I don't go right, but you love the music of Camp.
Speaker 4: I didn't really go either.
Speaker 3: My sister would bring the songs home to me and
Speaker 3: we would enjoy them.
Speaker 1: When I lived in Ohio, I went to Art Venture
Speaker 1: Camp for a week at the Blash Rec Center and
Speaker 1: we just played in the woods the whole week.
Speaker 5: I think I think you should say. When I hear
Speaker 5: you say when I lived in Ohio, I'm thinking she
Speaker 5: is going to live in Ohio again. So I what
Speaker 5: I would say, is the last time I lived in Ohio. Yeah, totally,
Speaker 5: Because it's the way you say it is it it's
Speaker 5: like it's just behind you when like as soon.
Speaker 4: As Ohio, what about back home in Ohio.
Speaker 5: Over yonder back, because that it could be like you're
Speaker 5: just visiting here.
Speaker 2: Yes, I wish.
Speaker 5: Your wish is granted, Sweetie, I.
Speaker 2: Can go home.
Speaker 5: You have to pack up the bag, you have to
Speaker 5: go back to Ohio. That's what I'm getting. That's just
Speaker 5: what I'm picking up. You will be back in Ohio
Speaker 5: very soon. Maybe not in the part of Ohio that
Speaker 5: you're even from, though, so maybe this is the back
Speaker 5: home in Ohio. That's a problem. You might end up
Speaker 5: in just a completely different part.
Speaker 2: Of Ohio, shivering by the lake.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, in the part of Ohio I grew up in.
Speaker 3: I used to go to art Venture, but now in
Speaker 3: the part of Ohio that I live.
Speaker 2: In today, and will will die?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 4: And yes where I will die?
Speaker 2: And when do you think I'll die?
Speaker 3: So this is something we were talking about before you
Speaker 3: came in, and it's really interesting because we're a little
Speaker 3: bit split.
Speaker 5: We agree that it's souon oh okay, but we don't
Speaker 5: know how old you are right now? How old do
Speaker 5: you think? I think you're one hundred and ninety nine
Speaker 5: years old. You're going to be live to be two
Speaker 5: hundred years old.
Speaker 3: Whoa, no way, I said, she's not one hundred and
Speaker 3: ninety nine. I said, you're being actually absurd.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I peg you.
Speaker 5: Around eighty close?
Speaker 2: Okay, you're both really close.
Speaker 4: One hundred ninety nine is like comedically large.
Speaker 1: Guess yeah, but eighty but eighty I would say eighty
Speaker 1: and one hundred ninety nine are both incredibly close.
Speaker 2: The number that's closest to both of those.
Speaker 5: The number that's closest to both of those.
Speaker 4: Yeah, closest to both of those.
Speaker 2: Sorry, Oh yes, I always forget that. You guys didn't
Speaker 2: go to college.
Speaker 5: Did not end up going to college. And in a way,
Speaker 5: school was my college, you.
Speaker 4: Know what I mean, it was college charity.
Speaker 3: I learned so what a lot of people learn at college,
Speaker 3: I actually learned it at high school.
Speaker 2: Whoa.
Speaker 3: We were going to classes, we were reading books. I
Speaker 3: mean that's what school was back then, you know. So
Speaker 3: it was an incredible experience. And when I did I
Speaker 3: wouldn't say I didn't go to college. But when I did,
Speaker 3: stop by, they said.
Speaker 2: You're good, you know it, keep walking, keep on walking.
Speaker 2: You could be out now, outwear out. Just in the world.
Speaker 4: Don't got to tell me twice out in the world.
Speaker 2: Out here Los Angeles, out here.
Speaker 3: Auditing the iHeart Studios, you know, observing the interplay between
Speaker 3: a what.
Speaker 5: Is the purple? I don't even see the pinder. This
Speaker 5: is the second time you've brought it up. That's not
Speaker 5: purple maroon? What is it? I mean? I guess, yeah,
Speaker 5: it's definitely not purple. Fine, it's just that you brought
Speaker 5: up twice.
Speaker 2: Okay, fine, it's purple.
Speaker 5: No one ever would say that purple.
Speaker 2: No big deal.
Speaker 5: You're on your collaborators where I think the listeners will
Speaker 5: just be interested in, like a check in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean Alyssa is on the moon and Sandy
Speaker 1: is in the ocean, and so that's why.
Speaker 4: So they're they're in contact. Huh.
Speaker 2: Yes, one controls the other, but I can't say who.
Speaker 5: Yes, hello, uh oh, this.
Speaker 3: Is Richie totally normal way to enter a room, and
Speaker 3: everyone's feeling comfortable as hell.
Speaker 5: He's never done this before.
Speaker 1: The me camera seems to be moving, which is always
Speaker 1: a good sign.
Speaker 5: The camera, Well, he's never decided before. I need to
Speaker 5: get in there right now.
Speaker 2: Something really bad is happening to the viewer.
Speaker 5: He's really he's opening up the back panel of the
Speaker 5: US camera smoking and he's got out welder's mask.
Speaker 2: Maybe make always putting on a makeup filter.
Speaker 5: He is actually smearing makeup on the land.
Speaker 2: Yosef filter.
Speaker 5: Wow.
Speaker 4: He's turned the camera around to point it at himself and.
Speaker 5: Now he is Wow, he's shaking.
Speaker 4: Shooting it at himself like a guns.
Speaker 5: He looked at the king. He did shake his head
Speaker 5: and leave, and he did look at his watch as
Speaker 5: if to establish time of death.
Speaker 1: For the podcast, I think I would love to be
Speaker 1: the reason it's Stott call it. After all these dozens
Speaker 1: of years that you guys have been doing podcast.
Speaker 5: I think it's good. I think it's good to be consistent,
Speaker 5: to do something for a long time, and you make
Speaker 5: up nobody does anymore you. When you start a podcast,
Speaker 5: your body makes a promise, and the listener you honor
Speaker 5: their promise by you never stop doing the podcast.
Speaker 1: You your body makes promise. My body keeps a score
Speaker 1: of doing Hollywood Handbook four times.
Speaker 5: And I was gonna ask it has actually been four times,
Speaker 5: but that would not be honoring your body.
Speaker 2: Actually don't know.
Speaker 5: Which is keeping a score, but it might not be right.
Speaker 1: No, but it's keeping a score, okay, of what I
Speaker 1: have endured by entering into the millions of studios.
Speaker 5: So fucking go?
Speaker 4: Then may I tell you? May I tell you?
Speaker 3: So?
Speaker 5: Why do you just fucking leave? Then?
Speaker 4: May I tell you what we have right now in
Speaker 4: this episode? Huh a three body problem? Have a three
Speaker 4: body problem?
Speaker 2: Know we we do?
Speaker 3: One's keeping the score? Do have made a promise? Takes
Speaker 3: two bodies to make a promise.
Speaker 5: And this is what he does like he like he's
Speaker 5: a diffuser, and he uses comedy that way, yeah, and
Speaker 5: referential comedy for like shows and movies that areopular.
Speaker 3: In family counseling, Mitra, I would be known as the
Speaker 3: mascot of the family. And so I feel the conflict,
Speaker 3: you know, when.
Speaker 1: Hay screams, it means so much like we can see
Speaker 1: the spit flying across the me camera, like, what role
Speaker 1: is that?
Speaker 2: The like perpetrator?
Speaker 4: I will say, I never realized how well named you are.
Speaker 4: But me, me, Mitra, It's always me. The me camera
Speaker 4: should be Mitra, me Hari.
Speaker 6: Because it's just that I never have heard any guests
Speaker 6: thinking about themselves so much. We are trying to talk
Speaker 6: about the podcast as the living, breathing organism, and once again,
Speaker 6: it's Mimi, Mimi, Me Mitra.
Speaker 3: And it's just your parents did a good job, or
Speaker 3: is it. I don't know what she came first, they
Speaker 3: destined you for this, But.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I have found that anger for me is a
Speaker 5: healthy transitional. Honest most you'll notice I'm not screaming right now,
Speaker 5: but you were.
Speaker 4: It's a safe feeling to feel, a safe.
Speaker 1: Feeling to feel for the two men, one looming on
Speaker 1: a screen that is even bigger than the wall. Of
Speaker 1: this room and the other one over seven feet tall
Speaker 1: in the purple room.
Speaker 4: Hey, I don't make the screen, toney, I just loom
Speaker 4: on them, you know.
Speaker 1: And y'all have been kicked out of every studio that
Speaker 1: you have been a part of.
Speaker 2: No, because what is this the seventeen studio? In four episodes, we.
Speaker 5: Have actually kicked ourselves out of every studio. And as
Speaker 5: we were and as we're kicking, their foot is kind of
Speaker 5: kicking too, And so the force of our different kicks
Speaker 5: who shooting us backward?
Speaker 2: I just like, I just start.
Speaker 1: And the viewers at home who are watching this on
Speaker 1: like I don't know, Instagram Live or whatever, are seeing
Speaker 1: hay foot approaching me inches away from my face at
Speaker 1: fresh after facial rec instructive surgery. By the way, I
Speaker 1: got the half theway face lift.
Speaker 5: And I was not going to say anything about it
Speaker 5: because last time, I now remember, this is your thing.
Speaker 5: You say, you look at my body too.
Speaker 3: Much, accuse us of discussing her body, yes and no,
Speaker 3: and now bringing up her own.
Speaker 5: Face and my entire thing before you came on the
Speaker 5: show and decide I needed a different thing was that
Speaker 5: I look, I check it out. I say, what I see.
Speaker 5: That was my thing on the show, and it kind of.
Speaker 3: Worked for a long time until oh that was That
Speaker 3: was something that listeners loved. Something they cherished about the
Speaker 3: experience of listening was getting Hayes's take, which sometimes could
Speaker 3: be surprising.
Speaker 2: On what he was seeing of women are all.
Speaker 7: It doesn't matter, it's they They want to hear his
Speaker 7: perspective on the show, being paid for Hayes's opinion, and
Speaker 7: so whether it's a woman his body or whether it's
Speaker 7: a woman's face.
Speaker 8: Anything, shape, size, color, anything, and he shoots.
Speaker 4: From the hip, you know what I mean, no filter.
Speaker 4: That's what made it so thrilling to hear. Yeah, you
Speaker 4: know you mentioned you mentioned that you got a facelift.
Speaker 3: You also slandered a woman who I don't think we
Speaker 3: can necessarily prove, you know, what works.
Speaker 4: She's been done.
Speaker 3: But I've been hearing a lot about this sort of
Speaker 3: upper bleff surgery that people get. But you are the
Speaker 3: first person that I know of who also went middle
Speaker 3: and lower bleff.
Speaker 2: Yes, I got it.
Speaker 5: So can we get every blessing?
Speaker 2: I blefft every part of my face.
Speaker 5: Bleff your heart. I got the full blesff.
Speaker 2: I bluffing parts that people didn't even know you could
Speaker 2: bluff on a body. Hm hmm, I want.
Speaker 3: To yes, Oh, well, you know this seems like a trap.
Speaker 4: Now, by the way, this isn't even the part of
Speaker 4: the show I do. Okay, what I do is I diffuse.
Speaker 3: Hayes infuriates someone he talks about their body. They become enraged.
Speaker 3: He then starts prodding them more. I'm sort of the mascot,
Speaker 3: you know, where I say, hey, look over here, and
Speaker 3: I'm doing some silly thing.
Speaker 4: I don't know what it is, but like.
Speaker 5: You say, you absorb the conflict and then it build
Speaker 5: it builds up, and he and you you think everything's
Speaker 5: okay with him, but he's actually been crazier and angrier
Speaker 5: than me.
Speaker 3: Because I'm in the most pain, I don't know how
Speaker 3: to express my anger. It's not a safe feeling for
Speaker 3: me to feel. I don't know what's going to happen
Speaker 3: once I take the cork out of that box.
Speaker 9: For me, Mama.
Speaker 5: Really happens when he gets a little too real and
Speaker 5: for me, I hotel energent.
Speaker 2: Right, Oh hi, you're back.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I felt myself getting angry, and so I went ahead
Speaker 3: and froze the internet.
Speaker 2: That's you have that power.
Speaker 4: I broke the internet, as we often do with our
Speaker 4: viral clips. Do you have an idea for a clip
Speaker 4: you'd like to have shared from the episode, because we
Speaker 4: do try to get I know a lot of this
Speaker 4: will be us.
Speaker 3: Talking, but we do try to get a moment we
Speaker 3: can use to sort of promote the show.
Speaker 5: What's your most viral moment online?
Speaker 10: Ever?
Speaker 5: H WHOA?
Speaker 2: I can't think of any.
Speaker 4: Did you slag someone off?
Speaker 2: I assume at some point I was flagging.
Speaker 5: So you can't think of a and I didn't say
Speaker 5: it had to be like hugely viral. Just what's the
Speaker 5: most viral one? And I actually think you did think
Speaker 5: of it and you didn't want to say it.
Speaker 1: No, I really can't think of anything, but I know
Speaker 1: that I have. In the days of Twitter, I was
Speaker 1: going viral.
Speaker 5: You never did front facing.
Speaker 1: I did do one TikTok and I deleted after about
Speaker 1: an hour because I made myself sick. When I saw myself,
Speaker 1: I was like character hate her.
Speaker 2: I was singing a song that I made up and
Speaker 2: I remember the lyrics.
Speaker 4: Okay, it was a parody of Missus O'Leary, the old
Speaker 4: camp song was well.
Speaker 1: I tried that but I saw that the Chicago fire
Speaker 1: some other people had already gone viral for that, so
Speaker 1: I wanted to at least respect that.
Speaker 5: What what's the song this one?
Speaker 1: So the song was something that I was humming to myself.
Speaker 1: Yes I am ugly and no one else's and I
Speaker 1: was like, that's kind of funny, horrible like thing to
Speaker 1: think about it on the internet.
Speaker 5: And it was it was was it doing? Was it
Speaker 5: doing too well? Do you remember some of the early
Speaker 5: relation to.
Speaker 1: It was actually worse is that it didn't light up anything.
Speaker 5: It was like not a single view, there's no good option. Really,
Speaker 5: you don't want a video like that to be doing
Speaker 5: too well, right.
Speaker 1: Or that It's true, Yeah, it's like you want it
Speaker 1: either needs to just like kind of get you know,
Speaker 1: like ten thousand views or something.
Speaker 2: Or it needs to I don't know. I deleted it
Speaker 2: very quickly.
Speaker 5: And this is twenty twenty, twenty twenty.
Speaker 2: This was like when it was all beginning.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I.
Speaker 2: Was like maybe I could be young enough to do that,
Speaker 2: But now you got.
Speaker 4: To wait till it's over.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna start TikTok next year when it's done.
Speaker 5: With Kalab with kayla an Eva.
Speaker 2: I don't have the goods, but they do.
Speaker 5: You don't think like you And I know when you
Speaker 5: say you don't have the goods, you actually think that
Speaker 5: you do.
Speaker 2: I don't. I tried.
Speaker 5: I agree, you don't.
Speaker 2: I know, I don't. There's evidence that I don't. Well,
Speaker 2: it's been deleted, it's been scrubbed, so the evident.
Speaker 5: Oh.
Speaker 1: Actually, I had a page that I was maintaining for
Speaker 1: a while that I'm just remembering maintaining a page.
Speaker 4: It was.
Speaker 1: Edits of me covering songs like rolling in the Deep
Speaker 1: using only photos.
Speaker 5: Of owls, and you would sing along with a song.
Speaker 1: I would be seeing the Deep and you would say
Speaker 1: an edit of a bunch of photos of.
Speaker 5: Owls, and you were maintaining the.
Speaker 2: Pay It was like owl Singer or something. And I
Speaker 2: deleted that as.
Speaker 5: Well, and say like this is by Metra. You would
Speaker 5: just be owl singer and if it if it does well,
Speaker 5: then maybe at some point you can like it would
Speaker 5: pop out and say I.
Speaker 1: Was having the time of my life. It was like
Speaker 1: owl like spinning in different whoa.
Speaker 2: We could have had it up.
Speaker 1: And then it spins in the frame and then it
Speaker 1: goes out of the frame, and I had like hundreds
Speaker 1: of photos of owls.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's called owl tamer, Oh tamer. So I probably part.
Speaker 5: Of the concept is that these owls are performing to
Speaker 5: the song and they're spinning into frame because you have.
Speaker 4: Tamed them, You've trained them to do that.
Speaker 5: Yes, yes, exactly, I think taming out. I mean, you
Speaker 5: like taming they usually talk about with like a lion
Speaker 5: for example, or something that like hmm could really like
Speaker 5: hurt you really bad. Yeah, but Sean has a movie.
Speaker 3: I mean, unfortunately, there is a name already for what
Speaker 3: you were purporting to do, which is falconry. But it
Speaker 3: doesn't have owl in the title, right, but it applies
Speaker 3: to all those raptors you know.
Speaker 1: Well, I just wanted it to be accessible to people
Speaker 1: who didn't, like, you know, grow up like without and
Speaker 1: falconry is part of their media diet.
Speaker 4: Oh okay.
Speaker 5: I saw two birds today and you got one big stone.
Speaker 5: They were this is the moment they were being trained.
Speaker 5: One was like the trainee bird, and they were like big,
Speaker 5: like those like kind of big crazy birds. And someone
Speaker 5: passing by was like saying to his kid, like, look,
Speaker 5: there's two falcons and they walk by and they get
Speaker 5: pretty far away, and I see one of the bird
Speaker 5: people like, think about it for a long time, and
Speaker 5: he turns and goes they are Paris Hawks. But they
Speaker 5: were already way too far away, so he said he
Speaker 5: said it to me, and he.
Speaker 3: Was like, I can't exist unless I say this out loud.
Speaker 3: I don't actually want the engage hawks Paris hawks?
Speaker 2: Didledge?
Speaker 5: Oh, I sound like, oh, big birds? You want your
Speaker 5: voice to be heard.
Speaker 4: Hayes was saying, actually that he he saw two birds
Speaker 4: today that he was able to take out with one stone.
Speaker 3: One was we have to release a Hollywood Handbook episode,
Speaker 3: and the second was to end Metri's career.
Speaker 2: Oh do it?
Speaker 5: So my headphones unplugged for a second, can you tell
Speaker 5: me what he said? I know it's a list of
Speaker 5: two things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I said, kill two birds with one stones.
Speaker 1: One of them is that there's a movie that you
Speaker 1: have to put out in the in the future.
Speaker 2: And then the other one is that this girl's on fire.
Speaker 5: This girl's on fire, Like that must remind you of
Speaker 5: a song, a song, and would you like to sing
Speaker 5: the song you really wanted to?
Speaker 1: No, I've already I've already done that on this show.
Speaker 1: I'm looking to show people that I can do.
Speaker 5: So much more. Said, what you do on the show
Speaker 5: is sing even though that we sip, it's not, but.
Speaker 2: I would say that, yes I have.
Speaker 9: And then everything on the show before always come on
Speaker 9: this show and live.
Speaker 2: We did songs that show yelling.
Speaker 4: Yeah that's what you do such.
Speaker 2: A this is too important to me.
Speaker 5: I promised myself. I wouldn't let you fuck up the
Speaker 5: show again.
Speaker 2: I dare you to hit me.
Speaker 5: She dared me.
Speaker 4: Have you heard it? Dare him?
Speaker 2: She dared me, I dare you?
Speaker 5: You heard it?
Speaker 4: Daring is a sacred code that supersedes the wa.
Speaker 1: Here's what I actually think. I think you and I
Speaker 1: would have a really funny fight.
Speaker 5: Like I mean, that's what we did. Like whether or
Speaker 5: not we're meaning to do there's a reason we got
Speaker 5: into this, you know what I mean, There's a reason
Speaker 5: we do what we do. People start people just started laughing, and.
Speaker 4: We were like, oh, oh, clowns, aren't we I like.
Speaker 5: The way that feels and whether or not like we're
Speaker 5: meaning to do it or what, like this is what
Speaker 5: we do in my family dynamic.
Speaker 3: It's like almost like I was sort of a mascot figure.
Speaker 9: Is the mascot where you know the release that would
Speaker 9: be created, the tension dissipating, right, you know that was
Speaker 9: really the desired result, whether that lead to.
Speaker 4: You know, me getting paid a couple bucks or whatever.
Speaker 3: You know that now get up on stage or get
Speaker 3: on a microphone.
Speaker 4: You know that that wasn't necessarily the goal, but you
Speaker 4: know what, you get addicted to it, don't you meet
Speaker 4: raw But you're.
Speaker 2: Gonna tell us how many is therapy? Too many?
Speaker 5: Mmm?
Speaker 4: And that is interesting.
Speaker 3: I guess I'm expressing some stuff here. It's pretty painful stuff.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's like so many people like don't know
Speaker 1: how to get that out, but you figure out a
Speaker 1: way to do it on stage and give people a
Speaker 1: couple of laughs along the way. And I think that
Speaker 1: you really can't put a price tag on that, but
Speaker 1: I hope Netflix puts billion.
Speaker 3: Well, Metri your song, some of your songs that you
Speaker 3: do actually are therapy as well. I know that you
Speaker 3: consider that to be your primary contribution is singing.
Speaker 2: So you really don't remember my first episode?
Speaker 5: So you say you sang songs on it? We made
Speaker 5: up songs, Okay, what were some of the songs? And
Speaker 5: I know if it was our show. They were based
Speaker 5: on top forty hits from that time.
Speaker 2: Kevin sang a song about my teeth. That's what I remember.
Speaker 5: Kevin sang a song about your teeth.
Speaker 2: Okay, this is gaslighting. Ruh, this is got teeth through Kevin.
Speaker 1: This is gaslighting, Kevin. I'm shivering, Kevin. I actually my
Speaker 1: teeth are chattering. You can probably hear it on the mic,
Speaker 1: but my teeth are chatting.
Speaker 4: That's giving Kevin an idea for us.
Speaker 5: Kevin, I think, and then this is just what I'm
Speaker 5: saying right now. I think, so you so this doesn't
Speaker 5: become a problem for you. I think you need to
Speaker 5: remember the song that you say about Mitri's teeth and
Speaker 5: sing it, because otherwise I think this could end up
Speaker 5: being a problem for you. She has already established that
Speaker 5: her body keeps perfect score.
Speaker 4: I I kind of remember now, But Kevin, you do it.
Speaker 4: You gotta see this sign.
Speaker 5: Yeah, the ocean fixes everything.
Speaker 2: Do you agree?
Speaker 4: It's been very helpful for me.
Speaker 5: We should take you out to the middle of it
Speaker 5: to drop you in with Sandy. With Sandy also aptly named.
Speaker 4: Twenty thousand leaks under the seat, pretty safe down there.
Speaker 4: I got a safe space for.
Speaker 5: You, Kevin Watery Grave, Kevin, I hear there's other people
Speaker 5: in the room monitoring and did situation.
Speaker 3: So he puinted at the and I think that what
Speaker 3: really what the sign said was I haven't been listening,
Speaker 3: which is okay, Like he's got this dinner, you know,
Speaker 3: he got in trouble, like he's already been fighting about
Speaker 3: whether he's gonna eat dinner or not, and like now
Speaker 3: sort of gotta take the l eventually, just to be
Speaker 3: allowed to sleep in his bed and not sitting up
Speaker 3: in a chair at the kitchen.
Speaker 1: Table, right the table with the maximum amount of food
Speaker 1: on it.
Speaker 4: Was the song was Kevin was singing, was maybe about you?
Speaker 4: And I hate that. If I'm wrong, I'm gonna hate
Speaker 4: bringing this up. Was it about you having like stinky breath?
Speaker 11: That's that sounds right? I can't I can't open the door.
Speaker 11: Oh okay, I was locked in.
Speaker 2: Does that sound right, Kevin?
Speaker 5: He just said, Actually, you didn't hear it. He did,
Speaker 5: just say it sounds right.
Speaker 2: I didn't. I didn't hear.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was the first thing he said. He said
Speaker 5: he heard the idea of you having stinky breath, and
Speaker 5: he said that sounds right, and since it came up.
Speaker 5: Since it came up, you'll notice that there's only one
Speaker 5: other person at the studio this week.
Speaker 3: And Ritchie, who was always inside, was like, let me
Speaker 3: go ahead and just do most of this one from
Speaker 3: out in the other.
Speaker 2: I am noticing there are a lot of curtains between.
Speaker 5: Us and these other guys they're normally here for every episode,
Speaker 5: are actually in different states completely. Yeah, because my thing
Speaker 5: is I got a look of course, or it was,
Speaker 5: and their thing is they gotta smell and they don't
Speaker 5: like it. I mean, that's your thing on the show.
Speaker 5: I'm just remembering now. My thing is stink, stinky breath.
Speaker 3: And I why it took you so long to say
Speaker 3: you We were like, what's your thing? You're like making
Speaker 3: up songs and it's like, what's the song about?
Speaker 4: I think it's about my teeth, and it's like.
Speaker 5: Well close.
Speaker 2: I mean, they're part of it.
Speaker 4: They're a character in the song.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're part of the tapestry of stink.
Speaker 5: Kevin, do you remember the song? Hi, what is going
Speaker 5: on for you over there? What did you do?
Speaker 3: One thing the ocean can't fix? But just Kevin's contribution
Speaker 3: to this episode, what did.
Speaker 5: You go out to the patio for so piece and quiet.
Speaker 11: When I started talking, everyone stopped and looked over at
Speaker 11: their shoulder. When I said, do you see the sign?
Speaker 5: Because you were sitting at the dinner table with your
Speaker 5: computer and then you started talking to your computer.
Speaker 11: They weren't sure who I was talking everyone.
Speaker 5: And you, and that you were looking at your competer
Speaker 5: the whole time, and then you started, and then I
Speaker 5: started looking at you too much. Not an updo purple teeth?
Speaker 5: I don't.
Speaker 11: Jack's gonna look it up for me. I can't find it.
Speaker 11: But it's wrong, something about your chin. You said, what's
Speaker 11: wrong with your chin? And I chime in from the
Speaker 11: engineer booth. That's another song. Whoa but the teeth one
Speaker 11: stand by for teeth.
Speaker 1: I did get a bluff there, so hopefully things are
Speaker 1: looking different. At least you would hope that something was
Speaker 1: looking different. After he got a bluff on.
Speaker 4: The put a bluff anywhere.
Speaker 2: I know, that's the whole point. I got a full
Speaker 2: body bluff.
Speaker 5: But at some point, when it's full body, it kind
Speaker 5: of just like cubs all the way back around.
Speaker 2: Well, you're just like tugging it all.
Speaker 1: It's like, yes, like you could theoretically tug it all
Speaker 1: the way back around, but right now it's just a
Speaker 1: two inch tug.
Speaker 5: But it's like if you tug the two inches of
Speaker 5: wind direction and.
Speaker 4: That under that name. Should we just wait for the song?
Speaker 3: Now it's kind of marinate in the two inch tug.
Speaker 4: That's a Hayes joke that I've decided to steal.
Speaker 5: Well, I stole it from someone else.
Speaker 4: Yeah, of course, of course, But I do like that.
Speaker 4: The property, it's a it's a it's what we call
Speaker 4: a street joke in the business metro. What business it's
Speaker 4: out there? You just anybody could come pick it up?
Speaker 4: What business?
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm.
Speaker 4: Uh Hedge fund management?
Speaker 7: Cool?
Speaker 4: Now do I have your attention? Yeah? You just you
Speaker 4: just love to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2: Huh, I do.
Speaker 4: I think I'm talking about the business of comedy. I
Speaker 4: was like a mascot in my family, you.
Speaker 3: Know what I mean, Like when there was something wrong,
Speaker 3: like I just couldn't take it, you know, it was
Speaker 3: so thick in the air.
Speaker 12: What can I do? Put my bejama pants on my
Speaker 12: head or something. I'd go out, I do a little routine.
Speaker 12: I'd make up one of you know, a song like
Speaker 12: you said, or something. Now, no focus on me, we're
Speaker 12: talking about me. You know, they can't fuel those feelings anymore.
Speaker 12: It didn't make it go away, it.
Speaker 4: Didn't fix it, but it just it kept us calm.
Speaker 3: You think of the family unit as a mobile, like
Speaker 3: what hangs over a child's crib. Yes, and when one
Speaker 3: is out of balance, everything else has to adjust to
Speaker 3: that side, you know, And so then you try to
Speaker 3: kind of pull it down your way with whatever tools
Speaker 3: you have.
Speaker 4: For me, it was comedy.
Speaker 3: I was a mascot, and so I pulled out on
Speaker 3: that that tries to kind of balance it.
Speaker 4: But then, oh, now Sis is acting up. You know,
Speaker 4: she's on a whack. She's shaving her head or going goth,
Speaker 4: you know what I mean? Can I say something eying
Speaker 4: something different color?
Speaker 5: I guess.
Speaker 1: I hope you transcribe all of this verbatim. Do it
Speaker 1: as stand up, don't add a single joke.
Speaker 5: Can be a little dangerous, making the crowd your therapist.
Speaker 1: But I think for some it could be so healing.
Speaker 1: Some of the most funny of all are basically not.
Speaker 5: For a minute. But then you take a wound and
Speaker 5: you open it up, so it bleeds right in front
Speaker 5: of everyone, and they clap and cheer more more. We
Speaker 5: love the wound, and you start to think that the
Speaker 5: pain actually feels good because you want them. If they're happy,
Speaker 5: everything must be going okay, right, they're trying new things
Speaker 5: in the back there again that's never gone off before.
Speaker 5: They're saying, let's just try turning this light off.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because people can see the scars from the bluff.
Speaker 4: Probably speaking of turning things off, I might jump soon.
Speaker 3: I want to see what happens with the teeth song
Speaker 3: and everything, but.
Speaker 5: I might have to hop everyone. I mean, did you
Speaker 5: have any.
Speaker 4: Questions for me? Mitrum?
Speaker 1: I guess in your current family unit, do you consider
Speaker 1: yourself mascot or are you kind of reigning with terror
Speaker 1: the way you do on this podcast?
Speaker 3: You find ways to recreate these roles as adults, don't
Speaker 3: we don't We find ways to recreate these same dynamics
Speaker 3: and roles as adults without.
Speaker 4: Even realizing we're doing it.
Speaker 3: That's suddenly, yes, it all snaps into place, and the
Speaker 3: curtains pulled back and the puppeteer is revealed your past.
Speaker 2: WHOA, you should cut the strings?
Speaker 5: You ever think about that the mascot strings.
Speaker 2: Yeah, cut the puppeteer strings on the mascot of you.
Speaker 5: They do an amazing I just want to say, like
Speaker 5: the arena puppeteers, like what they could do with those
Speaker 5: strings on the mascot, how they can make those guys
Speaker 5: flip and dunk and even like pretend to kiss someone
Speaker 5: in the crowd there.
Speaker 4: Yes, that's right, it's it's it's nearly humanoid.
Speaker 2: You think there's someone doing it?
Speaker 4: You would, you would?
Speaker 3: Yeah, But I might split time to be heat as
Speaker 3: they say, just I got my own stuff going on.
Speaker 1: And cause's night where you are. You probably want to
Speaker 1: go to bed.
Speaker 4: It's not night, it's not night.
Speaker 2: Just a narth room by choice. You like that?
Speaker 4: Well, do you like me to open the curtain?
Speaker 5: It's dark? And here it's like all the curtains are
Speaker 5: closed here too. I mean, like it doesn't mean it's nighttime.
Speaker 2: You can tell it's day here based on like behavior
Speaker 2: where for.
Speaker 11: Your right to party?
Speaker 5: That's what we say.
Speaker 11: I went tro when it started.
Speaker 5: Wow, you were doing a lot at that time. Huh?
Speaker 5: That was on her first episode. What happened to you, Kevin?
Speaker 5: You were really you were you were chiming in and
Speaker 5: like really doing a lot of still.
Speaker 11: Wild man, dude, I try to pick my choices a
Speaker 11: little more clearly.
Speaker 4: Now, try to pick my choices a little more clearly.
Speaker 2: You need to get out of your life. It was nice.
Speaker 11: You guys want to see the ocean?
Speaker 4: Yeah, get out of your comfort zone. Yeah, sure it
Speaker 4: fixes everything, all right? You want to see a lake? Yes,
Speaker 4: hang on, let's see. Since she thinks it's night not
Speaker 4: night m HM said, we.
Speaker 5: Can get all right.
Speaker 2: It looks like about ten pm over there. Wow, that
Speaker 2: is beautiful.
Speaker 5: Which one are you and your family?
Speaker 2: What else?
Speaker 1: Is there?
Speaker 2: A butt mascot?
Speaker 5: Well, Sean is the mascot. There's all different, there's uh,
Speaker 5: there's the leading scorer, there's the relief picture.
Speaker 2: Is this a real thing?
Speaker 5: Like everyone has their role that they play in the family,
Speaker 5: and this is all like yeah, everyone plays there.
Speaker 3: By the way, By the way, you look around the
Speaker 3: family and you can't spot the mascot. It's probably you,
Speaker 3: probably you and you.
Speaker 5: I was thinking, like you have like sorry, I'm not
Speaker 5: a look no no, no sorry, it's like illegal for
Speaker 5: me to no I have to like see anything. You're
Speaker 5: not allowed for me to like have my eyes open
Speaker 5: and like even glance at somebody that's like against the
Speaker 5: real Sorry, I just almost it again.
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry.
Speaker 3: Basically existing in a space as a living being.
Speaker 5: Uh, if I were to commit the sin of observation,
Speaker 5: I might say that you have huge puffy muscles that
Speaker 5: are like it for me, all right? So he like
Speaker 5: and he's mad a little bit too, because like he
Speaker 5: calls off the mascot, but like he he wants that
Speaker 5: to be because he has these like huge puffy muscles,
Speaker 5: you know. Yeah, but I mean this fantasy front of you.
Speaker 5: It's like crazy to.
Speaker 2: Me because the huge puffy muscles.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, very like super defined like big bicep like.
Speaker 2: People can't see under like T shirt.
Speaker 5: Big ab yeah one mm got the rest left off?
Speaker 1: Huh?
Speaker 2: Well sanded? Okay, sanded?
Speaker 5: And so what am I allowed to do on this show?
Speaker 5: And you didn't say what role you play in your family?
Speaker 5: And Richie didn't say And Richie didn't say what role
Speaker 5: he played because.
Speaker 2: I don't even know how to know that.
Speaker 5: Okay. So I'm the arena announcer.
Speaker 2: You're just saying what people are up to.
Speaker 5: I say when they walk in mop, I say from
Speaker 5: Bucknell University, my mommy and that, and just like what
Speaker 5: you know, if they and I say what they're up to,
Speaker 5: and if they do something wrong, what about the right?
Speaker 5: There isn't really a process Like also, we'd be here all.
Speaker 2: Day if you said what they do right.
Speaker 5: My family is always doing things that are right, and
Speaker 5: so it's too big a job to just be listing
Speaker 5: off all the wonderful things my family is doing, and
Speaker 5: so you think them, well, it's it can be nice
Speaker 5: unless it's your job to like find the things that
Speaker 5: are wrong.
Speaker 2: And it's your job, and that's my job, my choice.
Speaker 5: I'm the in arena announcer.
Speaker 1: I think I'm snack it, snack it, snack giver.
Speaker 5: Snack giver, yes, snack. So you're the person like so
Speaker 5: say this is like a the metaphor is like a
Speaker 5: basketball game, which is kind of what the other ones are.
Speaker 5: You are someone who has brought snacks. You brought food
Speaker 5: for everyone everyone at the game, professional NBA basketball game,
Speaker 5: and I give it. You gave it to everybody who
Speaker 5: wants and so you offered it a little bit first,
Speaker 5: you stay at the end of the aisle and do
Speaker 5: a like a.
Speaker 2: I'm on the court.
Speaker 5: You're offering it to everyone from the court.
Speaker 2: I'm going out there.
Speaker 5: And people are getting to say if they want it
Speaker 5: or not. In the crowd, each person gets to say
Speaker 5: whether they want it or not that one by one.
Speaker 2: I'm going by one.
Speaker 1: I've got a huge backpack, insulated backpack full of grape.
Speaker 5: Leaves, dolmas. Okay, let me know if you want you
Speaker 5: have enough dolmas, which you said the backpack is insulated,
Speaker 5: then these have to be. So they are created, and
Speaker 5: you made them, purchased, you bought them.
Speaker 2: I'm the snack giver, not the snack maker. That's a
Speaker 2: different job.
Speaker 1: In the arena, underneath the arena, the snacks are made, milk,
Speaker 1: milk lemonade.
Speaker 2: Under the arena, the snacks are made.
Speaker 5: So you bought the grape leaves from under the arena,
Speaker 5: brought them.
Speaker 2: I didn't buy them.
Speaker 5: I just brought them. You said you purchased those.
Speaker 2: No, you're not listening. So I went down to under
Speaker 2: the arena.
Speaker 1: Uh huh where the mink lemonade down the corners made,
Speaker 1: and then I get the grape leaves. I put them
Speaker 1: in my insulated backpack. Okay, huge, And then I go
Speaker 1: up to the court and just like in between plays
Speaker 1: like I'm not being disruptive.
Speaker 5: And here I think, but that's so, that's way too
Speaker 5: many people to have grape leaves for everyone. But the
Speaker 5: truth is people probably mostly don't want them.
Speaker 2: Mostly people don't want them.
Speaker 5: So you you found you don't actually have to bring
Speaker 5: that many grape leaves.
Speaker 1: One backpack full of grape leaves is usually big. It's
Speaker 1: a big backpack.
Speaker 2: So it's still hunt.
Speaker 5: Out of the say like twelve thousand people in at
Speaker 5: an NBA game, how many of them are having grape leaves.
Speaker 2: It's like, not that many. It's just like eleven thousand.
Speaker 5: Eleven thousand of them are having grape leaves. So to me,
Speaker 5: that's a lot, well to you. To me, out of
Speaker 5: twelve thousand, that's a lot.
Speaker 1: But see, I have a huge extended family, so I'm
Speaker 1: used to that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2: So maybe it's cultural.
Speaker 5: Okay, so this is all This is starting to make
Speaker 5: me think of the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Speaker 5: because of the grape leaves. Because of you talking about
Speaker 5: your huge extended family feeding everyone grape leaves, that's kind of.
Speaker 2: It's an interesting connection to the read like.
Speaker 5: The thing that happens in that movie you don't you
Speaker 5: think that's wrong? You think that was unfair of me
Speaker 5: to think about by big fat Greek.
Speaker 2: I was saying, it's an interesting connection for you to make.
Speaker 5: Mm hm. Okay, did Sean leave? Sean did leave?
Speaker 2: Sean left right when the going got tough.
Speaker 5: Yeah, he left about maybe five minutes ago. What did
Speaker 5: you do in that time?
Speaker 6: Uh?
Speaker 5: What's your guys favorite dessert? Can we see? Can you
Speaker 5: just take us into the room with your whole family, please, Kevin,
Speaker 5: I went to a different They're upstairs.
Speaker 11: They're on the eighth floor.
Speaker 2: What what floor are you on?
Speaker 5: I just saw someone behind you. I literally just saw
Speaker 5: someone go beside you. You're such a liar. I can't
Speaker 5: believe everyone's lying on the show. Just go show you
Speaker 5: just she just lied and she said that she didn't
Speaker 5: buy the Dolmas.
Speaker 2: I've never lied listening, but you know I've never lied.
Speaker 5: Wait, Kevin, we were just talking about huge families. Go
Speaker 5: show everyone. Go show us your huge family.
Speaker 11: Okay, here they all are.
Speaker 4: Oh bye.
Speaker 10: Bye me, Trumps.
Speaker 13: You wake up late for school and you don't brush
Speaker 13: your teeth.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, this is brutal. Ask your mom please, But.
Speaker 13: She still says brush your teeth again. You missed two
Speaker 13: classes because.
Speaker 5: You didn't brush your teeth.
Speaker 13: But your teacher preaches class like, you really need to
Speaker 13: brush your teeth. You gotta brush your teeth and pah, okay,
Speaker 13: the top teeth look they're pretty good, but those bottom
Speaker 13: teeth look like.
Speaker 5: A piece of one.
Speaker 13: Come on, Kevin, living at home is such a problem
Speaker 13: because your teeth need a little work in the bottom area.
Speaker 10: It's a problem.
Speaker 5: Busted.
Speaker 13: You gotta brush your teeth, specifically the bottom area.
Speaker 5: That's it, Thank you. I need something better to go
Speaker 5: out on, Kevin. You have to keep going.
Speaker 14: Sorry, you gotta brush.
Speaker 5: So you have some over, some real time to think
Speaker 5: about it. But I really need like a like a
Speaker 5: really either super mean or like just a really good
Speaker 5: line to get out on.
Speaker 13: You have a cavity, and we didn't discuss sin. But
Speaker 13: I'm here and sorry me drop it's gonna hurt.
Speaker 5: Okay, so not there.
Speaker 10: I'm gonna rip it out.
Speaker 5: That's right, doctors in.
Speaker 13: Side out of the second song, we're gonna attack that chin.
Speaker 5: Whoa, whoa. She didn't offer that.
Speaker 13: You gotta brush your teeth and address the cavity.
Speaker 2: What's wrong with my chin?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 13: You gotta brush your teeth and floes the bottom ones.
Speaker 5: Okay, let's think gums are bleeding. M h, we need
Speaker 5: to talk about that too.
Speaker 14: It's okay, we're not gonna get it.
Speaker 10: Byelywood, Hamburg