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Speaker 1: What's at this lift service. I'm Angela Ye, I'm G. G. Maguire,

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Speaker 1: I'm Lourial and we have a special guest, Divin Franklin.

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Speaker 1: We all know him as the author of the new

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Speaker 1: book The Tooth About Man. But this isn't your first book,

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Speaker 1: so this is not your first rodeo. No, no, it's

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Speaker 1: not his number four and number four and we love

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Speaker 1: the book that you did with your wife was making

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Speaker 1: good about waiting, Thank you, thank you. Yeah, we had

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Speaker 1: had a good time with that. Of course none of

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Speaker 1: us waited, but now it's a nice theory, not waited.

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Speaker 1: But it's not a bad idea to try, you know.

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Speaker 1: I have to say, like being in a new relationship, Um,

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Speaker 1: maybe things will go differently, like you said, if we

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Speaker 1: try something different and get to know each other, you know. Um,

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Speaker 1: But today we're going to be bombarding you with questions

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Speaker 1: about our own personal lives, all right, just to get

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Speaker 1: to you. I look forward to it. Let's do it, yeah,

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Speaker 1: because you know we got issues. But I'm going to

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Speaker 1: start with some things that have been happening, like in

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Speaker 1: the rumors. And I want to talk about b Smith

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Speaker 1: because I'm sure you saw this story and see your input.

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Speaker 1: So you know, she has Alzheimer's, a lot of things

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Speaker 1: she can't remember, and we know what Alzheimer's does you

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Speaker 1: know to you? So her husband has a girlfriend and

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Speaker 1: the girlfriend is living in the house with them, and

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Speaker 1: he basically didn't want to stop his life because it

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Speaker 1: was a lot for him taking care of his wife

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Speaker 1: and she doesn't even really know exactly what's going on.

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Speaker 1: But people feel like it's really foul that he has

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Speaker 1: another woman living in the house. So for you, divine,

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Speaker 1: I want to see what your thoughts are and that, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know when I saw that, um, you know, it

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Speaker 1: was painful because she is alive and she's here, and

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Speaker 1: when you take those vows, you know it's for better

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Speaker 1: or worse, you know. And I look, I mean none

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Speaker 1: of us can judge. We are in that situation, so

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Speaker 1: I don't know how he feels. But it's something about

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Speaker 1: it just didn't didn't vibe right with me, you know.

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Speaker 1: And also the desire to come public with it and

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Speaker 1: to do like a photo shoot and all those things.

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Speaker 1: I just like, Yeah, I mean when you look at

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Speaker 1: the photos and people, I mean, that was a photo

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Speaker 1: shoot that wasn't like, you know, a personal photo. Somebody

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Speaker 1: went and took that picture, and I just thought it

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Speaker 1: was just again my opinion, I thought it was in

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Speaker 1: poor taste. And uh, you know, if she had all

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Speaker 1: her faculties, clearly it's not something that would be done. Um.

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Speaker 1: You know, I don't know what it's like when you

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Speaker 1: care for a love one in those scenarios and the situations.

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Speaker 1: Who knows the amount of stress that would have produced

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Speaker 1: this sort of thing. But with that being said, uh,

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Speaker 1: it did disappoint me. You know, Um, when you read

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Speaker 1: their book, which is a powerful book, which I think

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Speaker 1: came out a couple of years ago if I'm correct,

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Speaker 1: you know, they have an incredible love story, and um,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's just it just it just saddened me

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Speaker 1: to see that we were discussing this downstairs. Now, Lawry,

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Speaker 1: y'all jump in with what you were saying. Okay, So basically,

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Speaker 1: so okay, I get what you're saying about publicly. Now,

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Speaker 1: that's something I agree with. I think that taking the

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Speaker 1: public is weird. But as far as like, like you said,

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Speaker 1: I don't know their situation, but let's just say this

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Speaker 1: is the situation. She's not in her right mind. He's

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Speaker 1: caring for her he wants to be there twenty four

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Speaker 1: seven or maybe not twenty four seven, but as much

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Speaker 1: as he could be there if they're nothing going on

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Speaker 1: between them anymore. And I understand they're married, but she's

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Speaker 1: no longer in her right mind, so I don't think

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Speaker 1: he can have sex with her when that be kind

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Speaker 1: of like rape. That's weird, like to meet all of

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Speaker 1: that is weird. So he has needs as a human being,

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Speaker 1: and I feel like for him to have uh companion

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Speaker 1: or something he may want to be with. I think

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Speaker 1: that that might be okay because she's not in her

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Speaker 1: right mind. He's not dealing with her in that capacity,

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Speaker 1: and sex is one need. But but yes, I'm sure,

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Speaker 1: but maybe it's not even companionship, like he can't really

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Speaker 1: hold a real conversation with her that she's gonna remember

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Speaker 1: tomorrow or well, I don't know like how bad it is,

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Speaker 1: but if that's the case, like that has to be

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Speaker 1: painful to go through, and maybe he needs somebody to

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Speaker 1: lean on and he doesn't want to leave her in

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Speaker 1: the care of anybody else, So moving somebody else in

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Speaker 1: the house is what's his option. That's how I looked

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Speaker 1: at it. But when you take it public and bring

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Speaker 1: everybody else into it. That's what I have a problem with.

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Speaker 1: It's like, if this is what's happening, and the family

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Speaker 1: is okay and there's no outrage, then let that man

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Speaker 1: do what he's doing and take care of his wife,

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Speaker 1: you know, because he feels like he could take best

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Speaker 1: care of her maybe I don't know, you know, rather

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Speaker 1: than a home attendant. But they're still married married, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: they're still that that My feeling is just why not

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Speaker 1: do things in order decently and which is you know, again,

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Speaker 1: to judge, not less she be judged. This is hypothetical,

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Speaker 1: but it's like, divorce her, set it up so that

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Speaker 1: she has care and he's taking care of her, and

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Speaker 1: then start the new thing versus I'm still married to

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Speaker 1: her and I'm bringing my girlfriend into the situation. That

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Speaker 1: just doesn't seem like respect. But I got that girlfriend,

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Speaker 1: I would be uneasy. Why I wouldn't even want to

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Speaker 1: live in the next woman's life. Don't you feel like

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Speaker 1: once he if he gets a divorce, he kind of

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Speaker 1: gives up his power for say so, Like he would

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Speaker 1: have the power to say she was our life support,

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Speaker 1: to pull the plug. If he gets a divorce, he

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Speaker 1: doesn't have power for nothing, So maybe that's how he's

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Speaker 1: looking at it to keep his power. Possibly. I mean,

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Speaker 1: you know, when I know, all the ramifications are on

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Speaker 1: what they kind of worked out before she Let's say

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Speaker 1: that she was on the other foot, Let's say the

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Speaker 1: man was the one that was sick and the wife

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Speaker 1: was taking care of him and moved in her boyfriend.

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Speaker 1: Wouldn't there be outraged even worse because they would be like,

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Speaker 1: because it's double standards of how you know, men can

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Speaker 1: get away with certain things but women can't. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: think they would definitely look at it differently if it

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Speaker 1: was a woman who did that. I mean, I can't

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Speaker 1: say for sure, but I'm sure there would be some

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Speaker 1: type of like damn and with like and how like

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Speaker 1: how would he feel? Would he be okay with that?

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Speaker 1: Would he be okay with? Like? You know, that's just

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Speaker 1: weird to me. Do you think people care more because

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Speaker 1: she's a white woman? I think that had something to

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Speaker 1: do with it all. He moved the white I personally,

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Speaker 1: it was just I mean, the story generate what just

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Speaker 1: somebody is a close by move her into the same home,

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Speaker 1: and even if he wants to be the one to

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Speaker 1: be there to take care of her, get a little

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Speaker 1: side apartment and handle a business there, have her there, Like,

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Speaker 1: I just think that the respect level is at below zero?

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Speaker 1: Is that normalizing cheating? Now? But I think this is

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Speaker 1: a very it's not. It's I don't cheating. It is

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Speaker 1: such an uncommon situation. It maybe poor judgment, but it doesn't.

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Speaker 1: And yes, technically it's quote unquote cheating, but it's so

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Speaker 1: different in that it's an extreme situation. Would you say,

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Speaker 1: would you give your significant other their blessing? Like, look,

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Speaker 1: if something like this would happen to me, I want

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Speaker 1: you to still be happy because it's a possibility she

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Speaker 1: could have done. So y'all want to have something crazy?

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Speaker 1: My aunt actually said to me, and she didn't even

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Speaker 1: say it to my mother, but she said it's there.

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Speaker 1: It's not a blood hunts and it's gonna sound crazy

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Speaker 1: when I say it, but she said that if she

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Speaker 1: passes away, that she will want my mother to marry

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Speaker 1: her husband what and take care of him. Is that crazy?

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Speaker 1: Because she said she wants to see him be happy

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Speaker 1: and she thinks that they would be a good match.

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Speaker 1: That is well, but they're not blood. They're not blood.

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Speaker 1: They're back in the day, she her best friend was

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Speaker 1: dating this guy and her best friend got really sick

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Speaker 1: or one of her close friends got really sick, and

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Speaker 1: the close friends said, when I die, it's okay for

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Speaker 1: you to date him, you see. And she passed away

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Speaker 1: and they date for years. You see what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: It's like the older thing like that. I don't know

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Speaker 1: that i'd be comfortable with that. Back in the day

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Speaker 1: they used to sleep with like other people in the

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Speaker 1: family and up marrier exactly. And that's what made me

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Speaker 1: think of it, because my friend told me his dad

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Speaker 1: has his aunt's named tattooed on his arm, and he

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Speaker 1: was he didn't never know and he's seen it. He

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Speaker 1: was like, what is that? And they were like, you

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Speaker 1: didn't know he used to date your aren't for earth?

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Speaker 1: And then he had a baby. Didn't happen in the

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Speaker 1: Jackson family, Yeah, they got a baby by the same woman,

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Speaker 1: um one of them, Yeah, sono or something all. And

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Speaker 1: then another thing we wanted to ask you about is

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Speaker 1: the bow Wow situation. I'm sure you've seen what happened.

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Speaker 1: His face biz are scratched up. Now, we don't know

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Speaker 1: the details of what went on, you know, in their kindominium.

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Speaker 1: But we do know that they both got arrested for battery,

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Speaker 1: and it looks like she attacked him, you know, just

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Speaker 1: from the visible scars and stuff that we've seen him,

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Speaker 1: from his statement from his reps saying that she attacked him.

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Speaker 1: She was drunk, and she threw a lamp and beat

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Speaker 1: him with the lamp and all of it. He was

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Speaker 1: trying to get away from her. Now, as a man,

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Speaker 1: what should you do in a situation when a woman

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Speaker 1: is physically assaulting you. Yeah, I think it's a man

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Speaker 1: you do your very best to diffuse a situation without violence.

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Speaker 1: That is That is the way I believe we should

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Speaker 1: handle it. Um. You know, I don't know the particulars

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Speaker 1: of what he did or didn't do, but you know,

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Speaker 1: if a woman came at me violently, I am going

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Speaker 1: to do everything in my power to protect myself without

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Speaker 1: inflicting violence on her. That is what I think should happen.

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Speaker 1: I've had people tell me that if you don't try

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Speaker 1: to attack your man, then you've never been in love.

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Speaker 1: That somebody has told me that I said I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: put my hands on anybody, and they were like, well,

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Speaker 1: then you've never been in love. Before I've heard that

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Speaker 1: you're just not crazy. It's difference, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: There's a difference. Are they Is she still together? Um?

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Speaker 1: You're supposed to want to love, not fight. But there's

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Speaker 1: been situations with people in this room right that things

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Speaker 1: have gotten that things have gotten physical. And I'm looking

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Speaker 1: at both these ladies here, So I want to hear

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Speaker 1: your views now as you get older, like as far

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Speaker 1: as you guys, and you see what just been with

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Speaker 1: bad one. People are making jokes about it, but it

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Speaker 1: really isn't funny, you know, but talk about your own situations.

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Speaker 1: I've been in situations on various levels. You know. There

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Speaker 1: was a time when I was with somebody who was

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Speaker 1: full on abusive and really try to end my life. Um.

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Speaker 1: There was what that happened twice in two different situations. UM.

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Speaker 1: There was also a time where the anger had you know,

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Speaker 1: level level, level level up until I kind of just

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Speaker 1: like blew up, and you know, violence came out then

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Speaker 1: and that was on my behalf. UM. But you know,

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Speaker 1: all of this was years ago. But I feel like, UM,

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Speaker 1: as adults, we should learn how to talk and communicate

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Speaker 1: and express ourselves without violence. UM. But sometimes when you

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Speaker 1: don't do that. Things happen. Um, I'm not saying that

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Speaker 1: it's right for anyone to fight, you know, their their partner,

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Speaker 1: but in some situations you just feel so disrespectulu were

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Speaker 1: so angry that you lash out, but can't you just

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Speaker 1: got to try to hold that back. What can you

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Speaker 1: do when you feel that disrespected? It at the best

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Speaker 1: thing to do is, I think to normally voice it

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Speaker 1: and get yourself out of the situation, you know, and

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Speaker 1: if you can't voice it in a civil way, get

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Speaker 1: yourself out a situation. Because we all kind of know

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Speaker 1: when our buttons are being to a degree where it's like, wait,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna come back to this, but if I, if

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Speaker 1: I stay in it, things are gonna gop real quick.

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Speaker 1: Remove And then once you calm down, figure out the

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Speaker 1: best way to at least express how you're feeling before

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Speaker 1: you do something that you won't be able to take back,

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Speaker 1: like destroying property. What do you think about that? Look?

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Speaker 1: I always and I had before, like I was in

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Speaker 1: an abusive relationship, So yeah, I would do things that

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Speaker 1: like just withoud, like affect him because I knew I

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Speaker 1: couldn't beat him because obviously he was always beating me up,

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Speaker 1: so um, it just kind of ended up being like, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this to this because it's material and

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Speaker 1: I know that that would get to him, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. But I agree with you with the

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Speaker 1: I do that often because I know I get very

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Speaker 1: very angry, and sometimes I say things that I don't

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Speaker 1: mean just to hurt the person's feelings. If I felt disrespected,

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Speaker 1: I hurt. So I like to take a step back.

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Speaker 1: And even sometimes I gotta tell myself because I'll be

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Speaker 1: wanting to just like say something immediately, but I know

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Speaker 1: it's gonna be the wrong thing, and I know I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna say something nasty and I know like I'm gonna yell.

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Speaker 1: So what I do is I now. You know, it

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Speaker 1: took me a while even like sometimes ill you know,

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Speaker 1: slip into it if I felt some kind of a way,

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Speaker 1: But like in my older years, I'm kind of gathering myself,

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Speaker 1: like you got to relax, figure out what you're angry about,

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Speaker 1: how you're gonna say it in a decent way, and

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Speaker 1: do it that way. But sometimes people provoke you, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, You're trying to just relax and

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Speaker 1: wait a second, and they're like, well, you ain't going

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Speaker 1: and that's when, right, But you know, much like you

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Speaker 1: can't really get people the power to be able to

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Speaker 1: push your buttons like that because you're doing it on purpose. No, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I understand that too, Like I think people want

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Speaker 1: that reaction, and the best reaction is no reaction, right,

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Speaker 1: you know, And that's always been And what you talk

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Speaker 1: about in your book is something that I've always done, right,

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Speaker 1: which you said you count to ten before you do something.

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Speaker 1: And when I get mad instead of and you y'all

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Speaker 1: know me, and you know that I don't react in

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Speaker 1: certain situations. I'll count to ten backwards in my head

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Speaker 1: because I never want to put something out there that

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Speaker 1: I'm like, damn, I took it too fun Now I'm wrong.

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Speaker 1: Now she's funny because she'll get mad. She'll start laughing.

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Speaker 1: I actually took that from her, and it helps me. Like,

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Speaker 1: but then the person will get mad because it seems

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Speaker 1: like you, but it's kind of like just you're mad,

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Speaker 1: it's all you just you know what, let's exactly because

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Speaker 1: that means I'm thinking something. Oh no, I'm gonna say

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Speaker 1: that there's something that I learned from your book that

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Speaker 1: I'm going to try to implement. And that's that's too.

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Speaker 1: Think about the consequences. I think about in the long room,

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Speaker 1: what's going to happen, Think about a little effective this

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Speaker 1: is starting before you do it. When I read it

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Speaker 1: in your book, I was like, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: use that. It's like this, then this person is gonna

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Speaker 1: move here, and then I'm gonna move here, and then

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Speaker 1: this is gonna happen. And then because it helps you know,

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Speaker 1: we were we all on on certain levels, are impulse driven.

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Speaker 1: And and so when you play it all the way out,

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Speaker 1: you begin to say, okay, wait is this if I

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Speaker 1: act on this impulse, is it worth the result? And

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Speaker 1: when you give yourself a chance to play it out,

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Speaker 1: most of the time you say, no, no, it's not

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Speaker 1: I ain't even gonna ain't gonna even do it, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: step away, I'm gonna do something different. So you know,

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Speaker 1: I really wanted to put that in the book, you know,

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Speaker 1: as a way to really help us manage these moments

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Speaker 1: and these impulses better, because in the moment it seems

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Speaker 1: like a good ass idea, and especially like you're going

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Speaker 1: on again now and then you think about it. He's like,

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Speaker 1: because this it's actually happened to me this year, and

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Speaker 1: I actually know to last year because I had to

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Speaker 1: really stop and think about it, like all right, this,

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Speaker 1: that and this is before I read the book. So

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Speaker 1: when I started reading, I've seen a lot of things

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Speaker 1: that I put in my home like that. I didn't

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Speaker 1: even think about it, like that's something I'll bring back.

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Speaker 1: Like you said, now I could think further life, how

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Speaker 1: do I stop myself from whatever I think of the consequence? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: come on, now, let's talk about like disrespect. Okay, if

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Speaker 1: someone talks to you crazy, because this is something we

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Speaker 1: were discussing before you walked in here. Because sometimes we

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Speaker 1: get into relationships and like you said, we say things

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Speaker 1: that maybe we don't mean in the heat of the

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Speaker 1: moment and moving forward from that, right, can you move

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Speaker 1: forward from that? When somebody says something that is so

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Speaker 1: crazy that you're like, I don't even know how to

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Speaker 1: handle this. Well, if someone says it's like in a

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Speaker 1: relationship sense, you know, yeah, here, here's what I believe

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Speaker 1: a lot of times when you hear something like that

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Speaker 1: from somebody, If someone says something like that, that intentionally

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Speaker 1: or sometimes unintentionally hurt you. And people are smart enough

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Speaker 1: to know, okay, you know on one level this is

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Speaker 1: gonna hurt. One level is not. Like, So when someone's

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Speaker 1: saying something, they say that that is a huge red

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Speaker 1: flag that cannot be dismissed. And I and so many

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Speaker 1: women that come to me, then I try and help

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Speaker 1: them in their situation. There were red flags early on

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Speaker 1: when this type of disrespect was shown, and and and

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Speaker 1: but because there was a desire to keep the relationship,

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Speaker 1: there was a desire to see him change, they stayed

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Speaker 1: in something that from the beginning was at a level

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Speaker 1: of disrespect that never was at the level of respect

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Speaker 1: it should have been. So as a result, they patch

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Speaker 1: up that moment, they disregard it, and then it keeps happening, repeatedly, repeatedly, repeating.

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Speaker 1: So I think the first thing, the moment that there's disrespect,

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Speaker 1: it is important to say, hey, wait a minute, we're

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Speaker 1: gonna we're gonna set the table for what is okay

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Speaker 1: and what's not this How you just talked to me

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Speaker 1: and what you said. I don't know how else you've

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Speaker 1: talked to other people. This is unacceptable. If you can't

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Speaker 1: roll with that, no problem, I'll blessed, I'll see you later.

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Speaker 1: But moving forward, I need you to know that I

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Speaker 1: can't have another moment like this because what happens is

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Speaker 1: expectations that are set, and once you set expectations, then

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Speaker 1: you can hold somebody accountable. However, sometimes if you endure

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Speaker 1: that disrespect and you just say, oh, well, you know what,

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Speaker 1: he was upset, It's okay, I'm gonna sweeping under the

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Speaker 1: rail and it comes, then you go, right, we were suppressing,

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Speaker 1: you know, and then that suppression ends up, you know,

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Speaker 1: like you said, becoming a pile. Anything be suppressed. We empower.

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Speaker 1: So I think it's really important when there's disrespect to

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Speaker 1: call it out immediately. And also don't feel like you're

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Speaker 1: being petty anything that rubs your spirit wrong, especially in

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Speaker 1: the early stages of dating somebody, you got it, you

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Speaker 1: got about it. And that is for not just relationships,

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Speaker 1: to friendships, friendships and relationships anything. If you feel like

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Speaker 1: somebody's disrespectful, even if they're like, oh, you're being petty, no,

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Speaker 1: you should bring those things up because if not, it

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Speaker 1: is going to pile up. And it's important to set boundaries.

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Speaker 1: It's really important to set boundaries, parameters, how do we engage,

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Speaker 1: What are the rules of engagement? What what does respect

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Speaker 1: look like to you? What is it like to me?

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Speaker 1: And all those different settings. It's so important because the

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Speaker 1: truth is, sometimes people will do things and people, you know,

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Speaker 1: look in our flesh. We do a lot of stuff

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Speaker 1: we may not we shouldn't do. But sometimes people do

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Speaker 1: things just to push, like you said, just to see

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Speaker 1: are they gonna say something, Are they gonna push back?

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Speaker 1: How far can I go before they'll get upset? You

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Speaker 1: know what. People want to know where the boundaries are

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Speaker 1: in any situation. So sometimes it's like, oh, you want

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Speaker 1: to know, let you know, here's the boundary right here,

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Speaker 1: you know, so that way we can move forward in respect,

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Speaker 1: we can move forward in love, we can move forward,

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Speaker 1: you know, in camaraderie. But if I don't let you

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Speaker 1: know that what just happened a cross the line for me?

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Speaker 1: Then what I couldn't stand here and I don't say anything,

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Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, that's the way far. But

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Speaker 1: do you feel like some guys, because I do. I

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Speaker 1: think some guys look at when you stop and be like,

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Speaker 1: all right, I don't like this on Oh you're nagging

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Speaker 1: or you're being argumentative, but you're really just trying to say, like,

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Speaker 1: this is not what I'm cool with, like or that's

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Speaker 1: not what I'm used to you know what I mean that?

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Speaker 1: How do you take that into account? And said it

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Speaker 1: up thinking you're being confrontational? Yeah. I think two things

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Speaker 1: are important. One tone, tone is everything, so so how

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Speaker 1: you deliver it sometimes it's important as to deliver it

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Speaker 1: alf So once you have the tone, you know right

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Speaker 1: where it's not confrontational, it's it's conversational. The other thing

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Speaker 1: is that truth be told. Most men don't like to

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Speaker 1: be called on their stuff. Yeah, but so even when

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Speaker 1: the tone is right, you're still gonna get some pushback, right.

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Speaker 1: That pushback is not your concern. Your concern is I

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Speaker 1: said what I had to say. I said it in love,

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Speaker 1: because most of the time some a man will say that,

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Speaker 1: but they take it in right, you know, Okay, God

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Speaker 1: is she didn't like that? Okay, even though I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: why are you nagging me? Up? I heard you heard

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Speaker 1: that agent with right, and it's better to plant that seed.

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Speaker 1: And even if they say nagging, plant the seed, it's okay.

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Speaker 1: They'll get over it because in time, they will see, Oh,

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Speaker 1: this is a woman that respects herself, she wants me

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Speaker 1: to respect her, and those things are valued. What about

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Speaker 1: what clothing? Sex? What do you think about that? Like

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Speaker 1: if you get into something, let's say, you know, you

405
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Speaker 1: know what, just for me to prove my extra points

406
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,280
Speaker 1: to you, you ain't getting none. Well, here here's this

407
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:31,119
Speaker 1: is I'll unpack this. So um, it depends on you

408
00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 1: know what stage we're talking about. So I was at Facebook,

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Speaker 1: um just a little while ago talking doing a lecture

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Speaker 1: on the book, and the audience was predominantly women, and

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Speaker 1: so I was I gave this kind of analogy relative

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Speaker 1: to sex. I said, okay, so um, for the women

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Speaker 1: in the audience, Um, a month in when you're dating

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Speaker 1: a guy, Um, would you give them the code to

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Speaker 1: your phone? Said no? They said, oh, don't you talk

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Speaker 1: about a month? And no? I said, Okay. For some

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Speaker 1: of you in previous situations, why may have you given

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Speaker 1: that same man? You wouldn't give a code of your phone?

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Speaker 1: Why would you have already given your body within a month.

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Speaker 1: If you don't trust him enough with your phone, why

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Speaker 1: would you trust them with your body? But about it

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Speaker 1: as so so so going back to withholding sex. Listen,

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Speaker 1: you know my point of view. I believe sexhually we

424
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,320
Speaker 1: should wait until marriage. However, most of I couldn't do that,

425
00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:30,399
Speaker 1: so my my advice. But oh so okay, great, So

426
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:33,360
Speaker 1: in a married situation, UM, I don't think you should

427
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,720
Speaker 1: use sex as a weapon because I think that that

428
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:40,600
Speaker 1: can only bear really bad fruit for your marriage. If

429
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,760
Speaker 1: you're upset, talk about it. Now. Here's what's gonna normally

430
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,800
Speaker 1: happen in situations, because this has happened to Megan. I

431
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,680
Speaker 1: you know, when it's time to have sex, and there's

432
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,800
Speaker 1: another issue. Most of the time, as man, we may

433
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,359
Speaker 1: not know there's an issue with with what we may

434
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,160
Speaker 1: have said or done until it's time and then oh

435
00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:59,720
Speaker 1: heay wait, oh so you're you're upset about Oh I

436
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,960
Speaker 1: didn't even know that, right. So it's never that sex

437
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,680
Speaker 1: is ever with held as a weapon. But sometimes the

438
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:09,200
Speaker 1: desire to have sex or not to have sex offense.

439
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:11,359
Speaker 1: So we have sex maybe laying there like this, you know,

440
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:22,119
Speaker 1: moving no, so with your hilarious what's wrong baby? Not

441
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:38,160
Speaker 1: almost done? Straight in that situation? Is that right? Right?

442
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:51,719
Speaker 1: That had better? Yeah? Better you lebron has off night

443
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 1: at a time like that, all right now, let's talk

444
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,719
Speaker 1: about rebuilding trusts right once that trust has been broken,

445
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 1: because this happens a lot, and I get emails all

446
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,479
Speaker 1: the time for people are saying, Okay, me and my girlfriend,

447
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:08,480
Speaker 1: I cheated on her, we broke up. I really want

448
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 1: her back, but she's given me a hard time and

449
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,720
Speaker 1: vice versa as well. What are some ways that you

450
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:15,640
Speaker 1: can start rebuilding that trust? Um? One of the key

451
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 1: ways is if you're a man and you have broken

452
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 1: or violated the trust with a woman, UM, you have

453
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:27,119
Speaker 1: to do your work in yourself that produced the violation

454
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 1: to begin with. Because what I mean by that is

455
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,440
Speaker 1: a lot of times and that's why I wrote the book,

456
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,200
Speaker 1: because you know, men have lust, they have this dog,

457
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,480
Speaker 1: and when you start to feed it, your desire is

458
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:39,719
Speaker 1: how can I please this over anything else? And a

459
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,159
Speaker 1: lot of times I can lead to violations within a

460
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:45,080
Speaker 1: marriage or in a relationship. And most of the time

461
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:46,879
Speaker 1: a man who really loves a woman and he has

462
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 1: hurt her, even if he's cheating on her, he wants

463
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,760
Speaker 1: to make it right. But a lot of the times

464
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,680
Speaker 1: the making it right is just getting her back, not

465
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:57,760
Speaker 1: doing the work on himself that produced the desire to

466
00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,359
Speaker 1: go outside the relationship to begin with. So if you

467
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 1: really want to show a woman that you're serious, it's

468
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 1: not just about wooing her back. It's about why did

469
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 1: I do this? What's going on in me? And how

470
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 1: do I get help for this? Who do I need

471
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:12,800
Speaker 1: to talk to? I need to get a counseled. I

472
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:14,480
Speaker 1: need to get a therapist. What do I need to

473
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,680
Speaker 1: do regularly? I need a consistent program? You know that

474
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 1: to me? I think we'll speak volumes to a woman

475
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:22,800
Speaker 1: who really loves a man, who has been hurt by

476
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:25,399
Speaker 1: that man, seeing that man do his own work to

477
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 1: get this issue under control, because when you're asking a

478
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:32,240
Speaker 1: woman to trust you again, there needs to, in my opinion,

479
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,760
Speaker 1: be something more than face value. Well, you asked me

480
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:36,680
Speaker 1: to trust you the last time, and this I still

481
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:39,560
Speaker 1: got here. So you want me just on blind faith

482
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,200
Speaker 1: just to trust you again. When you're not doing your work,

483
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:45,240
Speaker 1: I don't see that you're doing anything differently. The reality

484
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 1: is if you keep doing the same thing over and

485
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 1: over again, inspecting different results, we all know what that is. Insanity.

486
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 1: And so on some level, a man asking a woman

487
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 1: to to come back after he cheated on her and

488
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:58,160
Speaker 1: he's not gonna do anything differently is insane. So it's

489
00:24:58,200 --> 00:24:59,960
Speaker 1: important for that man to do his work. And then

490
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 1: in when you have offended somebody, it is so important

491
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:07,439
Speaker 1: that whatever they need to make it right, that's what

492
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:10,320
Speaker 1: you do right. And and too often when someone has

493
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 1: offended someone else, the person that has done the offense

494
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 1: wants to set the terms by which they no longer

495
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,320
Speaker 1: have to say I'm sorry. It doesn't work that way.

496
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:20,920
Speaker 1: When I've heard somebody, I have to own it. I

497
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,119
Speaker 1: had to be accountable and and I gotta say, okay, baby, listen.

498
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,640
Speaker 1: If you need me to say sorry every day, that's

499
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,960
Speaker 1: what I'll do whatever you need me to do to

500
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 1: to get you to a place of healing and wholeness

501
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,760
Speaker 1: and trust. Then, as the man, if you have violated

502
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,359
Speaker 1: that trust, you got to commit to it and do it.

503
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 1: And even when you feel like I wish I didn't

504
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,800
Speaker 1: have to, well, guess what you do. If you really

505
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 1: love her, it's really, really, really important to not say

506
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:46,399
Speaker 1: well every time she brings it up. Well, a lot

507
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,160
Speaker 1: of times she's bringing it up because it never got

508
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:53,160
Speaker 1: resolved in the first place, because it's still the wound

509
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,919
Speaker 1: is still flat. To be persistent or to leave that

510
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,040
Speaker 1: person alone and give them space if you're trying to

511
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,400
Speaker 1: get them back. You know, I honestly think if you're

512
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:05,400
Speaker 1: sincere about it. Um, I think uh, persistence is important

513
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 1: because even when someone's mad at you, that persistent still

514
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,359
Speaker 1: lets him know you care. Uh. And even if a

515
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 1: woman says, hey, I need space, you can still give

516
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:17,440
Speaker 1: him space without you know, being overbearing or becoming a stalker.

517
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:19,399
Speaker 1: But to still say, hey, you know I love you,

518
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 1: I want to work this out, I'm here, I'm sorry,

519
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:24,560
Speaker 1: you forgive me. There's a way to do that without

520
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,160
Speaker 1: it avering into the territory of abuse. But I think

521
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:30,399
Speaker 1: persistence is better because, you know, you want to make

522
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:33,640
Speaker 1: sure she knows you're you're you're serious, because sometimes even

523
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,719
Speaker 1: when she's mad at you, she still wants to know

524
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 1: because he still want this, because he still want to

525
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,639
Speaker 1: make it work. Am I important? Does he Did he

526
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 1: really love me? Or was I mistaken this case? If

527
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:44,199
Speaker 1: he disappears and gives you space, you're like, oh, so

528
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:51,159
Speaker 1: he's with her now, that's what you think. He was

529
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:53,800
Speaker 1: hit me every day saying good morning. Now he stopped

530
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,400
Speaker 1: right right now? What if you're not attracted to your

531
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,359
Speaker 1: partner anymore? Let's just say they let themselves go. You know,

532
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,919
Speaker 1: they look a mess and they gained a lot of

533
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 1: weight and lazy. Yeah, they're not dressing nicely, they're not

534
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:10,119
Speaker 1: doing just all kinds of things just because they're too comfortable.

535
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:13,119
Speaker 1: How do you address a situation like that and be

536
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 1: like mindful of their feelings at the same time. There's

537
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,880
Speaker 1: a great book that I referenced in in my book

538
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:22,639
Speaker 1: called His Needs, Her Needs UM by Dr Willard Harley Junior.

539
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,920
Speaker 1: And Megan and I do this every single year, and

540
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:29,639
Speaker 1: in the book there are ten emotional needs that he lists,

541
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,840
Speaker 1: which are basically all of our different needs, but he

542
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 1: says men's and women's needs are different. So every year

543
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 1: Megan and I get together and we prioritize what are

544
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:41,359
Speaker 1: our you know, emotional needs, so that mine are different

545
00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 1: than hers. But she knows what mine are so I

546
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:44,760
Speaker 1: can become great at meeting hers, and she know and

547
00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:46,720
Speaker 1: I know what hers are, so she can become great

548
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:51,720
Speaker 1: at meeting mine. One of those emotional needs is physical attractiveness. Right,

549
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:55,280
Speaker 1: So so in this situation you're bringing up, it's important

550
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:59,680
Speaker 1: to address it head on and say, this is one

551
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,720
Speaker 1: of my needs. I can't tell you why it is,

552
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:09,480
Speaker 1: but it is exactly when our but when our emotional

553
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 1: needs are not met. This is one of the main

554
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 1: things that least us to look outside of relationship to

555
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 1: getting mad. All of us have needs and if if

556
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 1: those you know, core needs are not being met by

557
00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:20,719
Speaker 1: our significant other, whether we like it or not, we're

558
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 1: gonna start looking outside. And so when it comes to

559
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,679
Speaker 1: you know, physical attractiveness, yeah, you got you gotta say,

560
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:28,359
Speaker 1: hey baby, look, uh, you know, let's talk about this.

561
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:29,800
Speaker 1: I don't I don't want to make you feel bad.

562
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 1: I don't want to make you feel insecure, but this

563
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:33,879
Speaker 1: is one of my needs. And what can we do

564
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 1: about that? You know, I mean Megan not talking about

565
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:37,919
Speaker 1: it all the time. You know. Look, she'll tell me,

566
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 1: hey baby, this is what I need. So I'm like, okay,

567
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 1: all right, I'm not gonna judge her need. It is

568
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:44,320
Speaker 1: what she needs, and I'll do my best to meet

569
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:47,360
Speaker 1: it by keeping myself in a in a you know,

570
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:49,240
Speaker 1: look where it's good for me. But it's also making

571
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:51,480
Speaker 1: sure that she feels like I'm valuing what she wants

572
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:56,040
Speaker 1: out of it. Obviously it needs change. So that's yeah,

573
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:57,600
Speaker 1: because there are things change, they go up and down

574
00:28:57,600 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 1: and sometimes I don't even know her needs and change

575
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:01,320
Speaker 1: to ask it. That's a good thing to even think about, Like,

576
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 1: g you're in a relationship, what are your needs? We

577
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 1: ain't got all day? What are your needs in your relationship? Um?

578
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 1: I can say my number one knee at this very

579
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 1: moment moment is honesty, trust, um, and just communication is

580
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 1: really big right now, like we need to really communicate

581
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:30,520
Speaker 1: with each other on all levels. Has that been working?

582
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 1: Have you guys? I mean it's like these are the

583
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 1: things that we're working on. So yeah, I mean we

584
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:40,520
Speaker 1: were together. Okay, that's the first step together. Now there's

585
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:44,760
Speaker 1: a quizin here lurial for women, are you dealing with

586
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:49,920
Speaker 1: the dog? Okay? Because lury you're single? Right? Yeah? Okay,

587
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 1: so and I would divine for you to weigh in

588
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 1: on some of her answers here. Okay, okay, okay. If

589
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 1: you're single, when you go out a date, it's sex

590
00:29:56,200 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 1: your date's main objective? My date? Is that an objective? Um? No,

591
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 1: it shouldn't be. But it's not feet together. No, I'm

592
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:06,000
Speaker 1: not just going to go out on a date with

593
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:08,320
Speaker 1: somebody that just wants to have sex. But he probably

594
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:11,000
Speaker 1: does want to have sex like every other guy. So yes,

595
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 1: jump in that true. So yes, I didn't think every guy.

596
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:22,120
Speaker 1: But it's the main objective from what he wants from

597
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 1: you in that moment now, because then he wouldn't take

598
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 1: me on a date. He would just try to constantly. Yeah,

599
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 1: as I felt like a date is more like you

600
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:34,240
Speaker 1: want to get to know somebody a little bit, because

601
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 1: I'm totally representative. Well, that's why you do in the book,

602
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 1: you know, as you all know, I mean love is

603
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:48,880
Speaker 1: the master, right, So every man has love and lust.

604
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 1: Love is the master. Lust is the dog. So you

605
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:53,600
Speaker 1: have to master the dog. And a lot of men

606
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:57,920
Speaker 1: will lead with the master, but it's secretly they're really

607
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 1: going with the dog the dog. So like, for example, um,

608
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 1: one of the got a I sent out a bunch

609
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 1: of early copies and so there was a young woman

610
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 1: who read the book and she said, wow, I got

611
00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 1: a true testimony I gotta give. She said, on the

612
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:13,240
Speaker 1: first when I'm this guy, on the first day we

613
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 1: prayed together, oh man, he showed me the master. That's

614
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 1: day he was you know, he was revealed that also

615
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:27,840
Speaker 1: all he wanted was says right. So even though he

616
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:32,720
Speaker 1: took a round all that it was only about you know,

617
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 1: he was praying for he was, but the third day

618
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 1: it was clear what he wanted. And so she said,

619
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,120
Speaker 1: because she read the book, it actually gave her the

620
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 1: information she needed to navigate the situation. Instead of being mad, upset, disappointed,

621
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 1: she's like, oh, got it, this is what's really going on.

622
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 1: This is what you really want, and that's not what

623
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 1: I'm into right now. So as a result, it actually

624
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:54,720
Speaker 1: gave her the ability to deal with it in a

625
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 1: more constructive way than how she said she normally would

626
00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:00,800
Speaker 1: have dealt with So in that situation, some in their

627
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 1: m oh maybe all that, you know, the dating and

628
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:05,280
Speaker 1: the taking out and the spending money, but they still

629
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 1: have the same objective that other men may front about

630
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 1: it would happen. So you gotta sometimes give it time

631
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 1: to see is this man really you know who I think,

632
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 1: or is he really want what most men? Who is

633
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,320
Speaker 1: the better guy out of those two, the one that's

634
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 1: trying to hide it to you or the one that's

635
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 1: putting it out on the front because he's being honest

636
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,240
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, right, Well, you know what,

637
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 1: I think that both Uh, it depends on the situation.

638
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 1: But I think at the end of the day, you

639
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:33,080
Speaker 1: know some men that are more manipulatives. It's not better

640
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 1: or worse. I think it comes down to the person

641
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,640
Speaker 1: that they're trying to manipulate for them to say, hey, look,

642
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 1: I'm not just gonna take this at face value, you know,

643
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:42,360
Speaker 1: ensure it's great that that man said, Hey, here's what

644
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 1: I like. I think that's a good thing. Hey the

645
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 1: all I'm into a sex Do you want to do it? Great? Don't.

646
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:55,480
Speaker 1: But I believe that most men are not that honest.

647
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:58,280
Speaker 1: I believe so too. I believe so too. They may

648
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:00,760
Speaker 1: not even realize it themselves too, that if they don't

649
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:04,240
Speaker 1: think about it, they're just operate. It just becomes a

650
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:06,840
Speaker 1: remote behavior. Alright. Has someone stopped dating you because you

651
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 1: wanted to wait for sex until marriage. I've never said

652
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:16,360
Speaker 1: that before. No, I would try. I actually when I

653
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 1: was reading the book, and I like, I was just

654
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 1: thinking about things, and I know you and Megan did

655
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:24,600
Speaker 1: write the book about waiting, and I think, if anything,

656
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:27,520
Speaker 1: that's what made me think about it, the fact that

657
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:29,920
Speaker 1: you guys talked about it, and because I don't know

658
00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 1: anybody that's done that to be honest, like, yeah, wait,

659
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 1: but not till marriage, you know what I mean, Like

660
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 1: I've waited like months or something like that, Like I'll

661
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:42,840
Speaker 1: wait like whatever, But it's not just like, well when

662
00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 1: I get married then. But I think because at one

663
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 1: point I wasn't ready to get married. So maybe that's

664
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:52,720
Speaker 1: why that wasn't my objective. But now, like I could

665
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 1: see that now because I'm older, it would be a

666
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 1: great wife. Yeah, I would be a great wife obviously.

667
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:01,800
Speaker 1: But you know, I like you also. I feel like

668
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,080
Speaker 1: you have to be ready for you can't just be

669
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 1: like because some guys think because you're a woman, you

670
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:09,279
Speaker 1: just automatically want to get Guys do think that they

671
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:11,440
Speaker 1: that's your objective on the first eight They in their

672
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,280
Speaker 1: head think she's already picking out me to the babies

673
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 1: and thinking about marriage. And sometimes we're just trying to

674
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:21,759
Speaker 1: see we even like you. Right now, Um, does the

675
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:26,720
Speaker 1: man you're with watch pornography regularly? You know you can't

676
00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 1: see it. I probably watched more porn than he. All right,

677
00:34:31,239 --> 00:34:37,560
Speaker 1: now let's delve into pornography because I didn't listen after

678
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:40,239
Speaker 1: reading the book, right he talks about watching pornography and

679
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 1: how could be detriment. Yeah, but I know up here

680
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,799
Speaker 1: we all have talked about the pornography. And you know

681
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:49,400
Speaker 1: what's interesting, everybody here has said they watched pornography of

682
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:52,440
Speaker 1: things that they would never do. And so it's not

683
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:55,960
Speaker 1: necessarily like you watch stuff that this is reflective of

684
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:57,879
Speaker 1: your life. But it's more like I would never do this.

685
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 1: But this is crazy because kid, I don't watch like

686
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 1: regular sex porn and I have regular things that what

687
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:12,239
Speaker 1: I'm saying, yeah, like regular sex. No, So what do

688
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 1: you think about that? Because you said that it is

689
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:16,560
Speaker 1: detrimented and I started thinking, like, damn, we always talk

690
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,840
Speaker 1: about porn. You know, look, this is this is the

691
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:23,399
Speaker 1: first time I've actually had a conversation with women watching porn.

692
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:26,319
Speaker 1: So this is this is something new I'm learning. Yes,

693
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:36,800
Speaker 1: I'm they didn't study they said the numbers. I wrote it. Actually,

694
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 1: you know, from a standpoint of thinking about men and

695
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:42,799
Speaker 1: you know, seeing how destructive it is on men, you know, um,

696
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 1: and I think that you know, every man has to

697
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 1: really look at that because you know, it is a

698
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 1: world that becomes that can be very hard when you're

699
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:51,719
Speaker 1: in that fantasy world all the time and then you

700
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:53,520
Speaker 1: try to live in a normal you know, day to

701
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 1: day life, it can be very challenging. And I talked

702
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:58,120
Speaker 1: about feeding the doll, you know, and that's where it

703
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:00,759
Speaker 1: feeds the dog. What about though, like for women, you

704
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 1: think it's different or you think it's the same thing. No,

705
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 1: I actually think there's lust in all of us, and

706
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:08,160
Speaker 1: I think the more that we feed that lust, the

707
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 1: more challenges we have managing it. And sometimes we aren't

708
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,360
Speaker 1: always aware of what could seem casual, you know, it's like,

709
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:16,760
Speaker 1: oh it's cool, no problem, it comes out in other ways.

710
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:19,839
Speaker 1: So I would caution anyone no matter what it is,

711
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,840
Speaker 1: that vice feeds the lust in us, and we always

712
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 1: have to look at that. Yeah. I've heard say that

713
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 1: they were really thought about it the way I did,

714
00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:34,240
Speaker 1: not read about it. Wrote about people being like Terry Crews.

715
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:37,360
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, yeah, like that, you know, was like

716
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 1: dang to me, because yeah, I mean I watched porn

717
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 1: a lot, but I don't think that I'm predicted that

718
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:45,440
Speaker 1: I need. Yeah, like I'm not sitting at home for hours,

719
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:50,480
Speaker 1: and but um, porn. I wrote the numbers down and

720
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 1: I don't feel like being a nerd to go look

721
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:55,800
Speaker 1: it up. But like porn has more viewers per second

722
00:36:55,880 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 1: than Amazon. Yeah. Netflix. I read it and I was like,

723
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:05,759
Speaker 1: this is crazy. Simply it's so easily accessible on it.

724
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 1: Before you have to order videotapes. Now you can just

725
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 1: get your phone and go Instagram. I've never watched porn

726
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 1: on TV on my TV Next Level, but we were

727
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:18,839
Speaker 1: talking to one of our friends and she says that

728
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:22,760
Speaker 1: she has sex airplane. Yeah. Wow, the porn is on TV.

729
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:28,200
Speaker 1: She has sex. What's it watching? Watching? Like she'll stream

730
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:30,480
Speaker 1: it from her phone via airplane to her TV and

731
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:32,360
Speaker 1: have it playing on the TV while she's having sex.

732
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe that is just something that is

733
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:45,880
Speaker 1: like the dog and in her See is it okay?

734
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:48,759
Speaker 1: Sometimes in your relationships, say you're in love to have

735
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:51,520
Speaker 1: less field feelings towards the person you're in love with, Well, see,

736
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:55,319
Speaker 1: I would say those are actually from the master, right

737
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 1: when I when I love the woman in my life,

738
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:01,759
Speaker 1: that love there's a passion there, there's a sexuality there,

739
00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:04,480
Speaker 1: There's there's a chemistry there. So and that's a healthy

740
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 1: way to deal with it because you're in a situation

741
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:09,160
Speaker 1: that has commitment, that has trust, and that has love.

742
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:11,799
Speaker 1: So to me, when I look at lust, you know

743
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 1: that lust is I don't care about this person, right,

744
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:18,440
Speaker 1: I just have a feeling. I have an urge. I'm horning,

745
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,360
Speaker 1: whatever it may be, and I want that that feeling

746
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:24,600
Speaker 1: to be satisfied. Doesn't sometimes even matter who satisfied. To me,

747
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 1: that's lust. Love is I love my wife, She's amazing.

748
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:31,040
Speaker 1: Of course I have sexual feelings for her. Of course

749
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:33,920
Speaker 1: I have passion for her. So to me, that's the master,

750
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,759
Speaker 1: and the master is where those feelings are are coming from. Right,

751
00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 1: Because if I just have lust, it's like it's independent

752
00:38:41,239 --> 00:38:43,000
Speaker 1: of any sort of commitment or love that I may

753
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:46,120
Speaker 1: have for someone. Anybody can get it. Now, does the

754
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:47,839
Speaker 1: man you're with hanging out with other men who are

755
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:52,520
Speaker 1: known harassers or cheaters? That's hard harrasser seems a little

756
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:58,680
Speaker 1: bit hard o cheater? Yeah, does that make you feel weird?

757
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:01,400
Speaker 1: Like if he's going out with his boys or something like?

758
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:03,000
Speaker 1: You know what makes me feel weird? It makes me

759
00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:07,000
Speaker 1: feel weird when my guy, when his friends that are

760
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:11,399
Speaker 1: in known relationships try to start relationships or like get

761
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 1: with my friends or that's weird to me because why

762
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:18,640
Speaker 1: should they even feel comfortable doing exactly? And then it

763
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:21,160
Speaker 1: also makes me feel that behind my back, they're trying

764
00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:23,200
Speaker 1: to get my guys trying to get with their have

765
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:26,840
Speaker 1: an understanding. Yeah, it's like, but then when your girlfriends

766
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:29,839
Speaker 1: talk about it, well, you know what becomes weird is

767
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 1: if I know that Joey has a girlfriend, and then

768
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 1: Joey comes around and Joey likes Tammy, and then Joey

769
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:43,040
Speaker 1: and Tammy starts speaking and become something whatever, and then

770
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:46,799
Speaker 1: Joey comes around with his girlfriend or baby mama, and

771
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:52,560
Speaker 1: then you feel like, yeah, no, I feel like, yeah,

772
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:55,040
Speaker 1: I feel shady because it's like I'm smiling up in

773
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:57,480
Speaker 1: your girlfriend's face knowing damn well, joe was just up

774
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:58,840
Speaker 1: in my girlfriend. And then you have to be like,

775
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:00,680
Speaker 1: I don't want to be involved in please don't have

776
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:03,400
Speaker 1: this around. And then they're gonna bring the side check instead,

777
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:06,080
Speaker 1: and you're not gonna be around neither. It's gonna be

778
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:14,839
Speaker 1: Joey telling me the side And that's how that be saying.

779
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 1: That's though, because it's okay for Joey to cheat on

780
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 1: his and with my friends and the ship then and

781
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:23,880
Speaker 1: then then Joey eyes, it's okay to you for you

782
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:25,560
Speaker 1: to cheat on me, but that friend you're gonna be

783
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:27,120
Speaker 1: kicking your back and I'm like, why are you always

784
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 1: that bring her around. She's a hater. She's gonna tell

785
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:33,279
Speaker 1: this and that, and then your man needs to be like, look,

786
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:35,399
Speaker 1: I don't want that around my girl. Yeah, but you're

787
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:38,600
Speaker 1: not how to be My bribind would definitely be like,

788
00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:41,759
Speaker 1: I don't want her around that. He would definitely say that, like,

789
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:44,759
Speaker 1: don't bring that around my girlfriend because she's not gonna

790
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 1: like that. But that's why I asked that question, and

791
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:49,480
Speaker 1: I put it in there because I think it's important

792
00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:52,160
Speaker 1: for you know, especially as men, to look at who

793
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:55,840
Speaker 1: do we associate with, what qualities are in our circle,

794
00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:59,239
Speaker 1: because the qualities in our circle reflection the reflection of

795
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:02,200
Speaker 1: my quality. And if I'm making the decision that you

796
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:04,319
Speaker 1: know what, I'm trying to master this doll, I'm trying

797
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:06,440
Speaker 1: to become different. I gotta hang with men that want

798
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:08,279
Speaker 1: to become different. You know what. Doesn't mean I have

799
00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:11,360
Speaker 1: to cut everybody off, but I do have to navigate

800
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:13,480
Speaker 1: how much I'm spending time with people that are going

801
00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:17,000
Speaker 1: in a completely different well, not not with the brothers

802
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:21,120
Speaker 1: that that ain't gonna keep your honest married. If your

803
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 1: friends is married, then I mean if the guy's friends

804
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:26,520
Speaker 1: is married, then he should be more of the kind

805
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:28,399
Speaker 1: of guy that you're looking for, what you would hope,

806
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:30,400
Speaker 1: So as long as those married men, because sometimes you

807
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:35,239
Speaker 1: can be married and still Yeah, on the Breakfast Club

808
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 1: that on lip Service, my friends all think that all

809
00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:40,359
Speaker 1: men che and so I just want to hear what

810
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:42,080
Speaker 1: he has to say about that, because that's something that

811
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:45,239
Speaker 1: I specifically on the show has said that that's the

812
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:47,920
Speaker 1: word that all men. I feel like I changed my

813
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 1: mind on men chi. I think that a lot of

814
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 1: men chi, and I think in the industry that we're in,

815
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:56,839
Speaker 1: because that's what I always is thinking of all men,

816
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 1: all the men around me, and all the men around me,

817
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:02,120
Speaker 1: I do think cheat. But that's because I'm in the

818
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 1: entertainment industry, and I mean, obviously there's a lot of

819
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:10,160
Speaker 1: things being thrown at both sides to defense, you know

820
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 1: what I mean, women and men. So that's what I

821
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:15,279
Speaker 1: think that people in the entertainment industry, and maybe a

822
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:18,440
Speaker 1: little harder for them to be faithful. And I get it.

823
00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:22,160
Speaker 1: There's temptations in the world regular animals. Cheats are doctors.

824
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:24,960
Speaker 1: Excuse me, they said the number one cheaters are doctors. Ye,

825
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:27,160
Speaker 1: because they're never home right and they cheat a lot

826
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:32,439
Speaker 1: of times and stuff like, yeah, that was a pole

827
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:36,279
Speaker 1: that they had done at that same hospital back they

828
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:40,840
Speaker 1: didn't already came away. But like most men cheat or

829
00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:46,040
Speaker 1: or will yeah, and then there's different levels of cheat,

830
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:48,239
Speaker 1: and there's a motional cheating. You know, it doesn't have

831
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:50,560
Speaker 1: to just be physical. It's I feel like cheating is

832
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:52,600
Speaker 1: anything that you wouldn't do comfortably in front of me

833
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:55,880
Speaker 1: that you do behind my back. And I feel like

834
00:42:56,000 --> 00:43:00,320
Speaker 1: most men. But about fight, no, I'm justudging should be

835
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:03,160
Speaker 1: able to far from me. I don't care what you said. Girls,

836
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:07,880
Speaker 1: that's true, right, don't fire girls. Man Megan to this

837
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:13,800
Speaker 1: day what she wants doing. That's closer. She farted in

838
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:15,360
Speaker 1: front of you. I don't know if I feel closer

839
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:20,360
Speaker 1: smell side, I would be shocked. Maybe she does, but

840
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:23,040
Speaker 1: her first don't smell. I don't think that's the Maybe

841
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:26,680
Speaker 1: she walked out the room you have, Actually you don't.

842
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:32,239
Speaker 1: She's seven years they were almost seven years, and she

843
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:34,880
Speaker 1: ain't done it yet. I haven't seen her go to

844
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:37,719
Speaker 1: the bathroom to take a number two or yeah, yeah,

845
00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do in front of her. Yes, Okay, so

846
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:50,480
Speaker 1: you've already opened up that man. You guys are discussing listen.

847
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:53,279
Speaker 1: I definitely like farted in my sleep and woke myself up, like,

848
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 1: oh sorry, you can't help that, all right? Sorry, I

849
00:43:57,760 --> 00:43:59,360
Speaker 1: think it's funny. I mean, it's not like you do

850
00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:02,280
Speaker 1: it on purpose, is because that's rude. But if it happens,

851
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:05,719
Speaker 1: if something slides out, you have i'd you yourself up,

852
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:11,680
Speaker 1: talk you extra beans. But those things, I think that

853
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:14,279
Speaker 1: really signify how much y'all care about each other. Like

854
00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:17,000
Speaker 1: when you can be who you truly? Are you far

855
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:20,040
Speaker 1: in front of me? No, I don't fart. I don't

856
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:26,239
Speaker 1: know what that was. I been honest. We cannot act

857
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:31,920
Speaker 1: like we don't fight. I don't far. Yeah, him, he

858
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 1: likes that actually with him. Just now, what about open

859
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:48,359
Speaker 1: relationships because that's been something that a lot of people

860
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:50,799
Speaker 1: have been discussing, and some people have admitted that, yes,

861
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:53,400
Speaker 1: I'm in a open relationship or I've tried it. What

862
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:55,120
Speaker 1: do you say the couples that are like, you know what,

863
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,960
Speaker 1: we're in an open relationship. I really feel like, you know,

864
00:44:58,000 --> 00:44:59,759
Speaker 1: I don't want to restrict them from doing their thing,

865
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:01,560
Speaker 1: don't want to be restricted from doing my thing. As

866
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 1: long as we let each other know what's going on,

867
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:06,600
Speaker 1: and we agreed upon it. We're good. You know. It's Um.

868
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:08,520
Speaker 1: I mean, look, every couple has to do what they

869
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:11,359
Speaker 1: feel works best for them at the end of the day. Um,

870
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:14,719
Speaker 1: it's certainly you know, as a slippery slope. Um. You know,

871
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:17,719
Speaker 1: you are definitely on some level playing with fire because

872
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,719
Speaker 1: I think it's it's it's near impossible for both people

873
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:22,759
Speaker 1: in a relationship, no matter what you're dealing with, to

874
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:26,680
Speaker 1: be on the same emotional plane. And no one knows

875
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:28,600
Speaker 1: how something like that is going to affect the other

876
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:31,319
Speaker 1: until you you dabble with it. For some it's easy

877
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 1: to deal with. For others, you get into it and

878
00:45:34,239 --> 00:45:36,960
Speaker 1: next thing you know, Uh, nothing is is enough. So

879
00:45:37,480 --> 00:45:39,120
Speaker 1: for those couples that choose to do it, I mean

880
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:41,560
Speaker 1: that's the right, it's their choice. Uh. Is it something

881
00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:44,839
Speaker 1: that works for me? No, something works for Megan? No. Um,

882
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:48,399
Speaker 1: you know, to start introducing other people into our relationship. Uh,

883
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:51,719
Speaker 1: it's something about it feels very disruptive. Um in a

884
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:55,680
Speaker 1: way that when I think of the long term, it

885
00:45:55,680 --> 00:45:58,439
Speaker 1: would be very destructive. But he thinks that the consequences

886
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:02,360
Speaker 1: because the consquince STI didn't have an open relationship. So

887
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 1: this happened. Next thing, I know the other woman is pregnant.

888
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:08,800
Speaker 1: That's why didn't. Worst case, that's what happened. I was

889
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:10,880
Speaker 1: in the open relationship, I left it for two and

890
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:13,120
Speaker 1: a half years, and then somebody else popped up with

891
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:15,799
Speaker 1: a baby. And the reason that really it wasn't even

892
00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:18,239
Speaker 1: the fact that she was pregnant, because clearly that's one

893
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:20,600
Speaker 1: of the consequences that can happen if you're dealing with

894
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:23,759
Speaker 1: other women, she could possibly get pregnant, And it was

895
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 1: the fact that he lied to me about it, Like

896
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:27,600
Speaker 1: I couldn't. I could take the fact that she was

897
00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 1: pregnant more than I could take the fact that he

898
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:32,000
Speaker 1: wasn't honest to me when I knew facts that this

899
00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:34,759
Speaker 1: lady was pregnant for him, and I confronted him about it,

900
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:37,279
Speaker 1: and he still denied that this lady was having his baby.

901
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:40,200
Speaker 1: And it's like why I at this point that was

902
00:46:40,239 --> 00:46:43,279
Speaker 1: crazy than a movie, isn't it? The things that we

903
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:46,640
Speaker 1: end up going what happens if you bring more a

904
00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:49,440
Speaker 1: lot more to the table than your significant other, Like

905
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:52,200
Speaker 1: as women who are working, sometimes we aren't gonna date

906
00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:55,239
Speaker 1: guys that bring the same amount to the table or

907
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:57,360
Speaker 1: bring all of that, and we end up you know,

908
00:46:57,480 --> 00:46:59,120
Speaker 1: bearing a lot of that. What is your advice for

909
00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 1: something like that? You know, I think it's twofold, you know. One.

910
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:05,320
Speaker 1: You know, when Megan and I started dating, there's no

911
00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:07,400
Speaker 1: doubt that even though I was you know, when we

912
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:10,279
Speaker 1: started dating, I was an executive at Sony Pictures. You know,

913
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 1: I was doing fine, but she was doing better financially

914
00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 1: for me, I didn't think anything of it. I was like,

915
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:18,480
Speaker 1: this is great, you know, to become one. I mean,

916
00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:21,319
Speaker 1: we both got more resources. I never thought less than

917
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:23,320
Speaker 1: or more than. I was like, cool, this is what

918
00:47:23,360 --> 00:47:26,879
Speaker 1: we're bringing to the table. Well, let's say it's significant different.

919
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:32,719
Speaker 1: So so what I would say, Well, well, I think

920
00:47:32,760 --> 00:47:35,480
Speaker 1: it's I think it's important one um to the men

921
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:37,800
Speaker 1: because a lot of times men have this problem, you know,

922
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,680
Speaker 1: And I think what it is is there's there's an insecurity. Uh.

923
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:43,640
Speaker 1: And that insecurity is that society says, to be a man,

924
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:45,480
Speaker 1: here are the things that fit in that box. You

925
00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:48,200
Speaker 1: gotta provide, you gotta be the breadwinner. And if you don't,

926
00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:51,720
Speaker 1: most men that don't feel bad about it on some level.

927
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,360
Speaker 1: And that is what produces the insecurity. So if a

928
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:56,160
Speaker 1: man has a problem with what a woman makes is

929
00:47:56,160 --> 00:47:59,200
Speaker 1: because he feels like, how could I ever live up

930
00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:01,920
Speaker 1: to that? What a woman or a man makes is

931
00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:04,360
Speaker 1: not a measure of the person. It just isn't so

932
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:06,680
Speaker 1: to me. I think it's important for any man to

933
00:48:06,840 --> 00:48:10,880
Speaker 1: feel comfortable one with all your woman brings to the table,

934
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 1: not just in financially, but professionally, personally, so on and

935
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:17,160
Speaker 1: so forth, and and accept it. Don't say, oh, you

936
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:19,279
Speaker 1: know it makes me feel worse. No, she chose you.

937
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:22,080
Speaker 1: You chose her that you should be like, great. The

938
00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 1: more she wins, the more we win. Now here's the

939
00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:27,440
Speaker 1: other part of that. That same man has to steal

940
00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:31,479
Speaker 1: put themselves in a process every day where they don't

941
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:35,920
Speaker 1: just freeload. They don't just get by because they know

942
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 1: the woman is doing better. No, no, no, you still

943
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:44,600
Speaker 1: you still got to get out there and stay on

944
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:47,040
Speaker 1: your housetle, do your thing so that you can bring

945
00:48:47,239 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 1: as much as you can to the table. Again, not

946
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:52,120
Speaker 1: about finances, but it's about effort. It's about energy. And

947
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:54,279
Speaker 1: it's like listen, I'm not just gonna benefit you know,

948
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:56,560
Speaker 1: and not put in as much as I can from

949
00:48:56,719 --> 00:48:59,440
Speaker 1: from an energy and from a mindset standpoint. Now, for

950
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,400
Speaker 1: a woman, I think it's important to not think, oh,

951
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:04,479
Speaker 1: because I make more money, that means I have more, say,

952
00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:06,839
Speaker 1: you know, or for a man that's making more money.

953
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 1: In a relationship, it comes down to if I'm choosing

954
00:49:09,719 --> 00:49:12,040
Speaker 1: this man and this is what he's doing, do I

955
00:49:12,120 --> 00:49:14,800
Speaker 1: accept him for who he is where he is? Or

956
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:17,280
Speaker 1: am I accepting him and I want him to become different?

957
00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:19,920
Speaker 1: And I think that's where the change comes in. If

958
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,560
Speaker 1: you met him and he wasn't really you know, applying

959
00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:25,040
Speaker 1: himself in life, and he kind of was, you know,

960
00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:28,000
Speaker 1: half doing it, then if you love him right there,

961
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:30,600
Speaker 1: don't then love him expect him to become different? Right?

962
00:49:31,160 --> 00:49:34,320
Speaker 1: And I think that's a hard truth because sometimes we

963
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:49,799
Speaker 1: see potential in the other person do it. He's got

964
00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:51,600
Speaker 1: to want to jump on his own, he's got to

965
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:53,080
Speaker 1: want to jump on his own, and he's got to

966
00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:56,000
Speaker 1: have his own motivation in life. Uh. And if he

967
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:58,839
Speaker 1: has those things, then then great. We all want better

968
00:49:58,920 --> 00:50:01,360
Speaker 1: for the people that we are in relationship with. However,

969
00:50:01,800 --> 00:50:03,200
Speaker 1: we have to make the decision do we love him

970
00:50:03,239 --> 00:50:06,000
Speaker 1: as they are? And if we don't, then it's important

971
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:09,320
Speaker 1: to identify that before going further. Now, I want to

972
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:10,920
Speaker 1: ask you this um and this is gonna be our

973
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:12,680
Speaker 1: last question, because I know you're doing a lot of

974
00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:15,719
Speaker 1: promo right now. Um, so let's just say we were

975
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:18,400
Speaker 1: very serious about wanting to settle down and get married. Right.

976
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:21,239
Speaker 1: How soon are we supposed to discuss these things when

977
00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:24,120
Speaker 1: we meet someone, and what are some indications that this

978
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:26,640
Speaker 1: is the type of person that is a master I

979
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:29,080
Speaker 1: think we should answer when we do it first, and

980
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:31,600
Speaker 1: then he should tell us that we're doing it wrong. Okay,

981
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:36,480
Speaker 1: go ahead, But I got a third all right, so

982
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:39,480
Speaker 1: if we I talk about it right away, like first date,

983
00:50:40,160 --> 00:50:42,920
Speaker 1: this is what I'm looking for in my life, not

984
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:46,440
Speaker 1: from you necessarily, but this is what I because I

985
00:50:46,480 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 1: don't know you know what I mean. But yeah, I

986
00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:51,040
Speaker 1: want to have kids. I want to get married. I

987
00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:56,239
Speaker 1: make that clear from the first date. Damn over a cocktail. Yeah,

988
00:50:56,239 --> 00:50:58,040
Speaker 1: but I'm not saying that it happen to be with

989
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:02,360
Speaker 1: It's just like period. I think, don't wait wait. I

990
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:03,800
Speaker 1: think that I would wait until I knew that that

991
00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:06,120
Speaker 1: was a person I wanted to be with in that way,

992
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:08,400
Speaker 1: and then you know, unless it just came up in

993
00:51:08,440 --> 00:51:10,200
Speaker 1: your real conversation. But I'm not gonna be on the

994
00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:12,080
Speaker 1: first day, like Okay, so my life goes is married

995
00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:16,320
Speaker 1: rich I think more if you're having a conversation and

996
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,040
Speaker 1: it's like do you want more kids or do you

997
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:22,640
Speaker 1: want kids? But I do want to get here you

998
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:28,840
Speaker 1: thin if you like it better? Like that serious. I

999
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:31,520
Speaker 1: just felt like you should talk about things like what

1000
00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:34,240
Speaker 1: you want like period as soon as you can, because

1001
00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:37,800
Speaker 1: I don't want to even if it's my friend, like

1002
00:51:37,960 --> 00:51:40,000
Speaker 1: you don't know, we might just turn out to be friends.

1003
00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:42,160
Speaker 1: You know what I want? Oh well, I'll talk about

1004
00:51:42,160 --> 00:51:44,600
Speaker 1: it on the podcast, like that's just something that I

1005
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:47,560
Speaker 1: do like. But it's not like I'm sitting down like okay,

1006
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:48,920
Speaker 1: so I'm like, you know right now I want to

1007
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:52,840
Speaker 1: be married. It's just like you nice to me to

1008
00:51:57,200 --> 00:52:00,680
Speaker 1: like not my name is with my rings? Yeah, several

1009
00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:03,360
Speaker 1: different questions and talk about several different things, and then

1010
00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:05,879
Speaker 1: that will just be one of the things like yeah,

1011
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:08,120
Speaker 1: you see the newsday down it's crazy. I want to

1012
00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:14,359
Speaker 1: get two kids. I think for myself, it's not something

1013
00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:17,440
Speaker 1: I think about right away until I feel like there's potential,

1014
00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:20,439
Speaker 1: like do I see myself even liking this person? Because

1015
00:52:20,480 --> 00:52:22,800
Speaker 1: but if I don't even like you, you know, and

1016
00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:25,440
Speaker 1: also marriage, this is gonna sound bad, but it's not

1017
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:29,359
Speaker 1: like on the top of my listing priorities sounds bad.

1018
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:33,319
Speaker 1: And I'm in a relationship, but I don't even felt

1019
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:35,040
Speaker 1: like they remember, yeah you did feel like that, And

1020
00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:38,000
Speaker 1: I'm in a relationship and I'm everything is cool and smooth.

1021
00:52:38,480 --> 00:52:41,200
Speaker 1: For some reason, I'm just not thinking about it, which

1022
00:52:41,239 --> 00:52:44,000
Speaker 1: is good. I mean I would I would defer more

1023
00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:46,560
Speaker 1: to what you all have said in terms of you know,

1024
00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:49,680
Speaker 1: you're evaluating. So for that first day, you don't even

1025
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 1: know if you like the brother, So give it some

1026
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:55,239
Speaker 1: time before you make it. Once you make the decisions, Okay,

1027
00:52:55,280 --> 00:52:58,440
Speaker 1: yeah I like him, then okay, great, now you know,

1028
00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:00,200
Speaker 1: before we go further, I want to tell you some

1029
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:01,879
Speaker 1: truths and what I think because a lot of times,

1030
00:53:02,040 --> 00:53:03,360
Speaker 1: if you don't even know if you like him, you

1031
00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:05,600
Speaker 1: could be wasting all this on somebody that doesn't even

1032
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:07,399
Speaker 1: need to know all that they're not even worthy even

1033
00:53:07,480 --> 00:53:10,120
Speaker 1: earned the right to know all the things that you

1034
00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:12,279
Speaker 1: may want to share about where you're going and what

1035
00:53:12,400 --> 00:53:13,880
Speaker 1: you want out of life. So I think it's important

1036
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:17,160
Speaker 1: to give it, you know, a period of time evaluate. Uh,

1037
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:19,040
Speaker 1: you know, look at the situation. Is this the right

1038
00:53:19,080 --> 00:53:20,960
Speaker 1: person who is leading with the master, What are their

1039
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:23,080
Speaker 1: commitments in life? What are their what are their goals?

1040
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:25,239
Speaker 1: What are the ambitions? Earlier today I did, UM, after

1041
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:27,400
Speaker 1: I saw you all did a interview and they asked me,

1042
00:53:28,160 --> 00:53:30,600
Speaker 1: you know, what are the two you know questions you

1043
00:53:30,600 --> 00:53:32,920
Speaker 1: should ask on a date. And I said, you know

1044
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:40,920
Speaker 1: for women and I said, are you married an kids? Um?

1045
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:43,680
Speaker 1: But you know one? UM? You know, what are your

1046
00:53:43,719 --> 00:53:47,080
Speaker 1: intentions and where are you going in life? And I said,

1047
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:49,440
Speaker 1: I said. The crazy thing is like right now, if

1048
00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:52,479
Speaker 1: we call an uber or a left we go down

1049
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:55,800
Speaker 1: and the first thing we check is is it the

1050
00:53:55,880 --> 00:53:57,400
Speaker 1: right car? How do we know it's the right car

1051
00:53:57,560 --> 00:53:59,799
Speaker 1: because we put in the destination. If we're going getting

1052
00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:01,200
Speaker 1: in a car that's going to the wrong destination, we

1053
00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:04,359
Speaker 1: get out. It's the same thing dealing with people. Where

1054
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:06,200
Speaker 1: are you going? What do you want out of life?

1055
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:08,680
Speaker 1: And if that's not where we want to go, don't

1056
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:11,320
Speaker 1: don't don't get in the car, don't get this uberpool

1057
00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:16,120
Speaker 1: then make it six stops before seriously, seriously, So it's

1058
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:18,960
Speaker 1: important what a man's intentions, where is he going in life?

1059
00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:20,600
Speaker 1: And then is that where you want to go? And

1060
00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:23,040
Speaker 1: if it is great, then go through the process get

1061
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:25,480
Speaker 1: to know one another, date, see where it where it leads,

1062
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:28,600
Speaker 1: but give yourself time to evaluate. You mean, after three

1063
00:54:28,680 --> 00:54:30,759
Speaker 1: days you may say this is not even the right person,

1064
00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:33,879
Speaker 1: and then you just block them and just never Oh

1065
00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:36,080
Speaker 1: my god, you have to block somebody, I do. Why

1066
00:54:36,120 --> 00:54:38,320
Speaker 1: do you block? Because they don't stop hitting you? Like

1067
00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:43,000
Speaker 1: they don't I'm tired, crazy, And even when you block them,

1068
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:49,600
Speaker 1: if they know somewhere where you are Saturday stalker, Yeah,

1069
00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:52,359
Speaker 1: that's riding by the way, but you think about i'd

1070
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:54,440
Speaker 1: be places like the juice bar or something like that.

1071
00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:57,200
Speaker 1: You people where to come. Fine, everybody knows I'm at

1072
00:54:57,239 --> 00:54:58,920
Speaker 1: It's my year at the juice bar. We go to

1073
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:00,759
Speaker 1: the juice Bar all the time. So it's like you,

1074
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:03,040
Speaker 1: you know, you just trying to do some weak grass

1075
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:05,680
Speaker 1: in your eyes and run out. Y'all keep coming to it,

1076
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:11,200
Speaker 1: just fans you're buying something. He keep looking. But certain

1077
00:55:11,239 --> 00:55:13,400
Speaker 1: things are red flags, like if you're on the first date,

1078
00:55:13,480 --> 00:55:20,160
Speaker 1: like somebody who's too touchy. I know, yeah, don't be

1079
00:55:20,200 --> 00:55:22,600
Speaker 1: trying to kiss my cheek. Don't touch me, don't do it.

1080
00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:25,800
Speaker 1: Y'all know. I had like a date from hell. The

1081
00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:28,520
Speaker 1: guy kept trying to like kiss me and like hug

1082
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:30,800
Speaker 1: on me, and I'm just like because we were out before,

1083
00:55:30,920 --> 00:55:33,400
Speaker 1: but with friends and then I don't know whether he

1084
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:36,000
Speaker 1: thought we had this amazing connection. I thought he was cool.

1085
00:55:36,160 --> 00:55:38,479
Speaker 1: I was willing to give him a you know, a date,

1086
00:55:38,760 --> 00:55:43,400
Speaker 1: like out of it and trying to finger she's dragging.

1087
00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 1: But when I tell you, I know, red flag. This

1088
00:55:48,719 --> 00:55:50,759
Speaker 1: was the red flag. As soon as he came walking up,

1089
00:55:50,840 --> 00:55:52,360
Speaker 1: he went to lean and to kiss me, and I

1090
00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:55,640
Speaker 1: was like, whoa like a suple hair shake will do,

1091
00:55:58,360 --> 00:56:00,800
Speaker 1: because I don't know why we'll be I don't know.

1092
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:03,120
Speaker 1: Another bad sign is somebody who's on their phone all

1093
00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:04,839
Speaker 1: the time. I feel like, if you're on a date,

1094
00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:12,160
Speaker 1: seeing you gotta put your phone away. Yeah, somebody like

1095
00:56:12,320 --> 00:56:15,520
Speaker 1: it's it was contagious. Like my boyfriend he was always

1096
00:56:15,560 --> 00:56:17,560
Speaker 1: on the phone. Yeah, so I was on the phone

1097
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:19,800
Speaker 1: because it's like, who am I talking to myself? But

1098
00:56:19,920 --> 00:56:22,080
Speaker 1: now it's a habit of my like a bad habit.

1099
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:24,600
Speaker 1: Let's break that. I'd be like, come on, let's put

1100
00:56:24,600 --> 00:56:26,400
Speaker 1: our phones away. Yeah, I mean I put that in

1101
00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:28,799
Speaker 1: the book. I mean, you know, social media phone use

1102
00:56:29,040 --> 00:56:33,000
Speaker 1: is can be a date and relationship killer because it's

1103
00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:36,800
Speaker 1: a fundamental communication that spending time this time with you

1104
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:39,480
Speaker 1: is not as important, and so I just have to

1105
00:56:39,520 --> 00:56:41,000
Speaker 1: be managed. I mean, we're in a world where they

1106
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:43,560
Speaker 1: are part of our lives. So you know, it's like, okay, cool,

1107
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:45,279
Speaker 1: we're on this date. While we're at dinner, we're putting

1108
00:56:45,280 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 1: the phones away, right, Okay, god it so we can

1109
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:49,759
Speaker 1: plug in when or when we get home. We're gonna

1110
00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:51,439
Speaker 1: watch this show, but we're not gonna use our phone.

1111
00:56:51,680 --> 00:56:53,480
Speaker 1: Whatever those rules are. Everybody has to figure out what

1112
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:55,919
Speaker 1: works for them, but it's important to have something. She'd

1113
00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:58,080
Speaker 1: be on the date playing video games. I'm like, now,

1114
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,840
Speaker 1: think about like when I'm at her and we're watching

1115
00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:05,200
Speaker 1: a movie, I play a game while I'm watching. Can't

1116
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:07,399
Speaker 1: you just watch the baby? They or something I can't

1117
00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:09,919
Speaker 1: just focus on, Like I have to watch both. I'll

1118
00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:12,839
Speaker 1: get bored if I'm just watching the movie. Yes, yeah,

1119
00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:15,279
Speaker 1: unless I'm in a movie theater, because I'm not gonna

1120
00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:18,000
Speaker 1: be ignorant with the light all Brandon, That's the only

1121
00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:20,720
Speaker 1: way you could get me to like look at the TV.

1122
00:57:20,920 --> 00:57:23,800
Speaker 1: And that's it. Like, if not, I'm on. If it's

1123
00:57:23,880 --> 00:57:27,880
Speaker 1: route to the waiter, that's another sign. Yeah, that's a huge. Yeah,

1124
00:57:29,040 --> 00:57:32,440
Speaker 1: how you see people that's right, but especially people that

1125
00:57:32,760 --> 00:57:35,320
Speaker 1: can't do anything for them. You know, what if he

1126
00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:40,760
Speaker 1: tries to go Dutch on the first date? Yeah, I

1127
00:57:42,080 --> 00:57:50,720
Speaker 1: thought about, like nag flag it comes to I'm like, na,

1128
00:57:51,400 --> 00:57:55,560
Speaker 1: that's that's nah. Bro. What if he pays but asked

1129
00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:58,240
Speaker 1: you to leave the tip on the first date? You

1130
00:57:58,320 --> 00:58:00,680
Speaker 1: know what I would say in a my during since

1131
00:58:01,120 --> 00:58:06,360
Speaker 1: that's I would say, okay, that's a good exception. But

1132
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:09,080
Speaker 1: because if it came up and you offered and you're like,

1133
00:58:09,280 --> 00:58:12,040
Speaker 1: he's okay, cool, that's cool. But I think if you're

1134
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:15,440
Speaker 1: taking a be prepared to take and the tem but

1135
00:58:15,480 --> 00:58:18,560
Speaker 1: if he doesn't leave tip, that is a good sign

1136
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 1: that there's a problem that he doesn't properly value you know,

1137
00:58:22,520 --> 00:58:24,800
Speaker 1: people and service and whatnot. That's class. But do you

1138
00:58:24,840 --> 00:58:27,000
Speaker 1: think you should look at the receipt just the check

1139
00:58:27,080 --> 00:58:28,640
Speaker 1: to make sure be doing that. I just like to

1140
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:31,960
Speaker 1: know because sometimes I side before, like, you know, you

1141
00:58:32,040 --> 00:58:34,760
Speaker 1: gotta leave him a little because I definitely I leave

1142
00:58:34,880 --> 00:58:37,240
Speaker 1: really good tips, and so I do and I hate

1143
00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:38,800
Speaker 1: that I do that, but I always do check because

1144
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:41,720
Speaker 1: outside a little extra. I was out with my friends

1145
00:58:42,600 --> 00:58:45,040
Speaker 1: and um, it was we were celebrating the birthday, had

1146
00:58:45,040 --> 00:58:47,240
Speaker 1: a little dinner party, and since it was a large party,

1147
00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:50,640
Speaker 1: the gratuity was included. But I still slid the waitress. Yeah,

1148
00:58:51,200 --> 00:58:52,480
Speaker 1: I know, I'm a pain in the ass in the

1149
00:58:52,520 --> 00:58:55,600
Speaker 1: restaurant because I need extra this and low ice and

1150
00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 1: this and that, and you know I ran her a

1151
00:58:57,640 --> 00:58:59,840
Speaker 1: couple of times. So I just felt like the gratuity

1152
00:59:00,040 --> 00:59:02,640
Speaker 1: it was already included, just wasn't really felt so bad

1153
00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:07,040
Speaker 1: for dropping your ice on the floor. You know that. Well, listen,

1154
00:59:07,120 --> 00:59:09,720
Speaker 1: we appreciate you show much divine for coming through and

1155
00:59:09,800 --> 00:59:11,160
Speaker 1: helping us out with this book. I know we asked

1156
00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:13,680
Speaker 1: you a lot of our own personal questions. It's just

1157
00:59:13,720 --> 00:59:21,240
Speaker 1: like a free session for us, so we don't sendscription

1158
00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:27,520
Speaker 1: appreciate and I do want to say, like for the ladies,

1159
00:59:27,560 --> 00:59:29,040
Speaker 1: I have seen all of our growth from when we

1160
00:59:29,080 --> 00:59:31,200
Speaker 1: first started doing this podcast and what our thoughts and

1161
00:59:31,320 --> 00:59:33,840
Speaker 1: views on relationships were to where they are now. And

1162
00:59:33,920 --> 00:59:35,720
Speaker 1: I see a lot of that reflective when I read

1163
00:59:35,760 --> 00:59:37,880
Speaker 1: a book like this where you discussed that, and I

1164
00:59:37,920 --> 00:59:39,320
Speaker 1: can say, oh I do do that, Oh I do

1165
00:59:39,440 --> 00:59:41,240
Speaker 1: do this. It makes me feel good. That's some things

1166
00:59:41,280 --> 00:59:45,280
Speaker 1: we gotta work on. Of course, we yes, we are

1167
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:47,280
Speaker 1: all works in progress, but it's comforting to know that

1168
00:59:47,360 --> 00:59:50,400
Speaker 1: we are growing. Am absolutely thank you on so much.

1169
00:59:50,520 --> 00:59:53,080
Speaker 1: Thank you. I was about to say the same thing,

1170
00:59:53,160 --> 00:59:54,880
Speaker 1: thank you for right now. I've learned so much so far,

1171
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:56,919
Speaker 1: and honestly I haven't finished it yet, but I'm about

1172
00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:59,320
Speaker 1: this and I can't wait to get to the end.

1173
00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:00,880
Speaker 1: Why do you think that it's a lot more women

1174
01:00:01,080 --> 01:00:03,840
Speaker 1: kind of reacting to this than men right now? It's

1175
01:00:03,920 --> 01:00:05,880
Speaker 1: just the nature of books, you know, I mean, just

1176
01:00:05,960 --> 01:00:10,040
Speaker 1: the book industry in general. Women by the majority of books, especially,

1177
01:00:10,280 --> 01:00:12,200
Speaker 1: you know, in the self help you know genre. It's

1178
01:00:12,200 --> 01:00:13,880
Speaker 1: just it's just it's just the way it is. How

1179
01:00:13,920 --> 01:00:16,440
Speaker 1: do we get men to read more? This is? This

1180
01:00:16,560 --> 01:00:20,040
Speaker 1: is how this is this The way it works is

1181
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:22,440
Speaker 1: that women read the books, they start talking about it.

1182
01:00:22,680 --> 01:00:24,960
Speaker 1: It gets to a point where men hear about it

1183
01:00:25,040 --> 01:00:28,520
Speaker 1: so much to engage, right That's that's how it's It's

1184
01:00:28,560 --> 01:00:31,120
Speaker 1: kind of reverse, but that's how it works. So for me,

1185
01:00:31,280 --> 01:00:33,440
Speaker 1: especially with this book, you know, I'm like, all right,

1186
01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:35,480
Speaker 1: you know, I'm gonna go and do everything I can

1187
01:00:35,560 --> 01:00:37,000
Speaker 1: to get men, but let me make sure women are

1188
01:00:37,040 --> 01:00:39,920
Speaker 1: part of this conversation and so doing, you know, conversations

1189
01:00:39,920 --> 01:00:41,760
Speaker 1: like this is so important, and the more that women

1190
01:00:41,840 --> 01:00:43,480
Speaker 1: take hold of this book, we're gonna get to the

1191
01:00:43,480 --> 01:00:45,200
Speaker 1: place where eventually men get it. And there are some

1192
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:49,600
Speaker 1: men that have already reached out want information or getting

1193
01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:50,960
Speaker 1: the book. So there's a lot of men out there

1194
01:00:50,960 --> 01:00:53,120
Speaker 1: who want help, and I think that's what's great about

1195
01:00:53,120 --> 01:00:54,560
Speaker 1: the opportunity for a book like this. There's a lot

1196
01:00:54,600 --> 01:00:57,240
Speaker 1: of men struggle and when they see another man, who

1197
01:00:57,280 --> 01:00:59,160
Speaker 1: again I haven't I don't have it all figured out,

1198
01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:00,919
Speaker 1: but when they see another a man pointing the way,

1199
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:03,640
Speaker 1: even sometimes secretly, they reach out. And there's been a

1200
01:01:03,720 --> 01:01:06,280
Speaker 1: lot of men that have surprised me that have reached

1201
01:01:06,320 --> 01:01:09,120
Speaker 1: out to me personally, um to get help or to

1202
01:01:09,240 --> 01:01:11,400
Speaker 1: find out what they can do because I've written the book.

1203
01:01:11,440 --> 01:01:13,960
Speaker 1: So it's important to bring them both in the conversation.

1204
01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:16,200
Speaker 1: But because women by the majority of books, you're going

1205
01:01:16,240 --> 01:01:18,960
Speaker 1: to see a book like this initially be found and

1206
01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:21,439
Speaker 1: read by more women. Women. It reminds me of a movie.

1207
01:01:21,560 --> 01:01:24,320
Speaker 1: What was the movie making within that? Yeah, I think

1208
01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:27,120
Speaker 1: like a man, because the guys started reading the book

1209
01:01:27,160 --> 01:01:30,480
Speaker 1: after they've seen those women going after it, so that

1210
01:01:30,760 --> 01:01:33,720
Speaker 1: that's absolutely right. Yeah, I think like a man. I know,

1211
01:01:33,880 --> 01:01:35,560
Speaker 1: and now I gotta go see you. What is it? Um? What?

1212
01:01:36,320 --> 01:01:38,280
Speaker 1: One and one? What do you want to be able

1213
01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:42,960
Speaker 1: to read a man's mind? Yep, yes, dangerous, even if

1214
01:01:43,000 --> 01:01:45,240
Speaker 1: it wasn't something they lasted forever. But think about the

1215
01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:48,160
Speaker 1: things that you think and think. I don't want to

1216
01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:52,120
Speaker 1: read a woman's mind. Maybe they can all kind of random. Yes, man,

1217
01:01:53,200 --> 01:01:58,040
Speaker 1: no man, no man on this planet could handle knowing

1218
01:01:58,080 --> 01:02:00,040
Speaker 1: what a woman thinks, and no woman could handle what

1219
01:02:00,080 --> 01:02:02,360
Speaker 1: it mean because you'll be thinking some weird things. Probably

1220
01:02:03,960 --> 01:02:05,600
Speaker 1: I think you all could handle better than we could

1221
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:07,919
Speaker 1: handle on your thoughts because we know what you're thinking,

1222
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:11,200
Speaker 1: because not even not even just that it's it's just

1223
01:02:11,440 --> 01:02:15,680
Speaker 1: that a man, you know, our pride, our ego, could

1224
01:02:15,680 --> 01:02:19,680
Speaker 1: probably be hurt so quick. But you know, I think

1225
01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:21,880
Speaker 1: I think on some level you already think men think

1226
01:02:21,920 --> 01:02:25,760
Speaker 1: a certain way, so yeah, you're kind of it. But

1227
01:02:25,880 --> 01:02:28,720
Speaker 1: I think for men, you know, we're raised to think,

1228
01:02:28,760 --> 01:02:30,360
Speaker 1: oh we're the same of the universe. And then to

1229
01:02:30,480 --> 01:02:33,880
Speaker 1: know woman's thoughts it she ain't thinking of your back,

1230
01:02:35,440 --> 01:02:37,600
Speaker 1: would be like, man, I know he's not talking me crazy.

1231
01:02:40,600 --> 01:02:46,120
Speaker 1: I like, baby, I love you. I don't want to know.

1232
01:02:48,160 --> 01:02:51,360
Speaker 1: That's a good idea, but we had so much time

1233
01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:52,960
Speaker 1: with you. Thank you so much. To Man, we really

1234
01:02:52,960 --> 01:02:54,880
Speaker 1: appreciate it. Thank you. I appreciate it as well.