1 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:07,640 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to Stefan 2 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:19,800 Speaker 1: Never told You affection of iHeart Radio, and welcome to 3 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:24,599 Speaker 1: our first recording session of twenty twenty four. But yes, 4 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,319 Speaker 1: if we sound a bit rusty, we're getting back into 5 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 1: this way. 6 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 2: I think it's. 7 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,280 Speaker 3: Because we're rusty. 8 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:36,000 Speaker 1: Rusty, Yes, yes, but I did select a handful of 9 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:41,879 Speaker 1: classics that I wanted to bring back because I personally, 10 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,559 Speaker 1: and I have a Monday mini coming up about this. 11 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,680 Speaker 1: Am annoyed by a lot of the New Year's emails 12 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,520 Speaker 1: I'm getting. Oh no, no, I mean they're from companies, 13 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 1: they're from Yes, it's not me. No, I'll compeared from 14 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: you always. 15 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,959 Speaker 3: Because I don't think I emailed you. You emailed me first. 16 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:01,640 Speaker 2: I'm the problem with me. 17 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,920 Speaker 1: Well, no, no, no, I just feel that there's so 18 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:08,920 Speaker 1: many about like be the better you and do this, 19 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,720 Speaker 1: do this, do this, and so I'm just bringing back 20 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: some things where like. 21 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,000 Speaker 2: You know, let's counter that a bit. 22 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:20,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, And one is one you and I did called 23 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:25,959 Speaker 1: the Impossible Goal, and it was about setting goals for 24 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:29,399 Speaker 1: yourself that weren't realistic, kind of setting yourself up for 25 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:33,960 Speaker 1: a failure, chasing perfection and how that's just not good 26 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,360 Speaker 1: for you. And I do think there's a space for 27 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 1: really healthy goals and really healthy like self reflection, introspection 28 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:44,160 Speaker 1: and doing that. But I think a lot of the 29 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:48,320 Speaker 1: marketing I'm getting around New Year's it's not that they 30 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:54,640 Speaker 1: just want you to buy something exactly anyway. Yes, welcome 31 00:01:54,680 --> 00:02:02,760 Speaker 1: to twenty twenty four. Please enjoy this classic. Hey, this 32 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 1: is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Steph. Mom never 33 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 1: told you a protection of iheartradios how stuff work. Today 34 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 1: we're going to be talking about women and the Impossible Goal, 35 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 1: and Samantha and I love a good title. Yes, So 36 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:30,400 Speaker 1: that's partly where this came from. And then it just 37 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:34,720 Speaker 1: trickled out into all the things that did it did. 38 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:39,079 Speaker 1: And I will say, as I was typing in Possible Goal, 39 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,520 Speaker 1: the first thing that came up for like three pages 40 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:49,880 Speaker 1: was a goal scored by Roberto Carlos and people like dissecting. 41 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 3: How it happened, how it happened. 42 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:51,960 Speaker 2: So we're not talking about that. 43 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:53,760 Speaker 4: And if we want to talk about goals like that, 44 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:58,919 Speaker 4: we want to talk about women's soccer, we say usay, yeah, 45 00:02:59,040 --> 00:02:59,880 Speaker 4: ladies get paid. 46 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:08,120 Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, that's uh, definitely topic for upcoming podcast. So 47 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:11,520 Speaker 1: when we're talking about the the impossible goal, I think 48 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,720 Speaker 1: as women, we have a tendency to set goals for 49 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:19,919 Speaker 1: ourselves that are in fact impossible. So we are setting 50 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,520 Speaker 1: ourselves up for failure. And it reminds me of this 51 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:27,040 Speaker 1: song that I used to sing at karaoke. Yeah, it's 52 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,680 Speaker 1: no surprise to me that I am my own worst enemy. 53 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,160 Speaker 1: Everybody sing along, Oh it's stuck in your head? 54 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:33,640 Speaker 4: Wow, that lit song. 55 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:37,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't like you right now? Well is ever 56 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:38,160 Speaker 3: going to be in my head? 57 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:39,840 Speaker 2: Well? You did it. 58 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 1: A lot of people wrote in about that other song 59 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,640 Speaker 1: you sang in the routine episode, So that's cool. 60 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:45,200 Speaker 2: What was that song I don't want to hear? Weard 61 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:49,560 Speaker 2: of that again, Warwick song, Don't Move On? 62 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:56,960 Speaker 1: So, oh, we're sabotaging ourselves essentially, and part of that 63 00:03:57,040 --> 00:04:02,120 Speaker 1: is trying to get past unfit expectation society has on women. 64 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,480 Speaker 2: This all female cast movie better be good. 65 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,560 Speaker 1: And we're never making another one again, right, even though 66 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:11,720 Speaker 1: there's a lot of all male cast movies that aren't very. 67 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:12,960 Speaker 2: Good, and they get made all the. 68 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,919 Speaker 1: Time and sequeled and see Golden In Trilogy and all that. 69 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:20,680 Speaker 1: It happens, and some of those expectations we've internalized and 70 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:21,640 Speaker 1: put on ourselves. 71 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,240 Speaker 4: Yeah, and I would say this whole nonsense of having 72 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 4: it all is also a way of setting us up 73 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,680 Speaker 4: for impossible goals and failures, which, by the way, did 74 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:31,440 Speaker 4: you know it was actually based on a book by 75 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:32,679 Speaker 4: Helen Gurley Brown. 76 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:34,080 Speaker 2: I feel like I did know. 77 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,680 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think you knew this soon In nineteen eighty 78 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:39,560 Speaker 4: two she wrote having it All, love, success, sex, money, 79 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:42,279 Speaker 4: even when you start with nothing, and you know what, 80 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:46,159 Speaker 4: nineteen eighty two. I can understand this need for motivational 81 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,880 Speaker 4: pushing for women at that point in time because at 82 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:52,640 Speaker 4: that era we were still doing the housewive, being at 83 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:59,200 Speaker 4: home whatever the right, and still obviously seen as second 84 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:00,679 Speaker 4: class in the world working world. 85 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,320 Speaker 3: And I say that very generically. 86 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 4: However, now that seems almost like as a curse. And 87 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:10,600 Speaker 4: this whole idea of if you're not at this point 88 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:14,400 Speaker 4: in life and at this goal, then what's wrong with you? Yeah, 89 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:18,560 Speaker 4: kind of concept, which again is sabotaging yourself in this 90 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,080 Speaker 4: whole impossible goal of you must And by the way, 91 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,359 Speaker 4: it's also with this one set of you need to 92 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:26,080 Speaker 4: be perfect that sucks. You need to be perfect at 93 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:27,920 Speaker 4: getting money, you need to be perfect at being a wife, 94 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,480 Speaker 4: you need to be perfect being a partner, all those things. 95 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:31,720 Speaker 3: It's bullshit. 96 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,239 Speaker 4: But that's also one of those ways of like, why 97 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,159 Speaker 4: is this set on women? And it is specifically geared 98 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,080 Speaker 4: towards those who identify as female. 99 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:45,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, and it has huge implications. Think of all the 100 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 1: women who previously haven't run for office are applied to 101 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:53,800 Speaker 1: leadership positions and because they believe they aren't qualified, that 102 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:58,760 Speaker 1: they aren't good enough men in power, legislating women's bodies 103 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:02,119 Speaker 1: being in these basis for women, those aren't impossible goals, 104 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 1: they aren't. But being perfect in those roles that isn't impossible. 105 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:10,280 Speaker 4: I mean Senator Kirsten Gillibrand actually talks about it as 106 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:14,200 Speaker 4: well and rewarding it to being doing it all, which 107 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,360 Speaker 4: still seems kind of impossible, but hey, you can do it. 108 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,840 Speaker 1: And an important thing to say here is sometimes we 109 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 1: tell ourselves a goal is impossible when it isn't, like 110 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,320 Speaker 1: in this case, like you can run for office, right, 111 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 1: but it's the perfection part that makes it impossible in 112 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:33,760 Speaker 1: those roles. But also a lot of things I looked 113 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:39,560 Speaker 1: up said you get into this self help arena of 114 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:44,040 Speaker 1: don't nothing's impossible. Some things are impossible, right, but that 115 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:46,400 Speaker 1: I don't want to put any limits on anybody, like 116 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:48,800 Speaker 1: ask yourself why you think something is impossible? 117 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 4: Right, as well as the fact that we have to 118 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:57,520 Speaker 4: remember your all is different from other people's all, so 119 00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 4: having it all the impossible goal is very, very different. 120 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:02,720 Speaker 3: And what we're talking. 121 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,600 Speaker 4: About is that that standard of feeling. 122 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,679 Speaker 3: Like we might fail and then we. 123 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:12,520 Speaker 4: Going to an utter deep hole because we failed in 124 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,600 Speaker 4: some way, which is going to be inevitable. You're going 125 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:17,400 Speaker 4: to fail at something, and that doesn't have to be 126 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:19,080 Speaker 4: such a bad thing. 127 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:19,480 Speaker 3: It's not. 128 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:20,720 Speaker 2: It's a learning experience. 129 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,440 Speaker 3: You get up, you move on, keep going. 130 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 1: I wish I could remember because this was a very 131 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,320 Speaker 1: formative memory in my life. 132 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 2: I wish I could remember this formative memory. I wish 133 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 2: I could remember what book it was from. 134 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 1: But I was reading this book when I was nine 135 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 1: years old, and it had this line in there that said, 136 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:40,480 Speaker 1: the unfortunate truth for American children is that they're told 137 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,280 Speaker 1: all of their dreams are possible, but they aren't. You 138 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:46,880 Speaker 1: read this is yes, and it was comparing like the 139 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,280 Speaker 1: American dream to it's like in the UK, kids aren't 140 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:53,320 Speaker 1: told that no I just remember being devastated. 141 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,440 Speaker 3: Oh no, no, I can't. 142 00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:59,600 Speaker 1: The wool has been over my eyes this whole time, 143 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 1: foolish nine year old Annie. 144 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:05,000 Speaker 2: And I did want to add in here too. 145 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,560 Speaker 1: There are some goals that I would say are near impossible, 146 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 1: that you're essentially setting yourself up for failiar with these 147 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,559 Speaker 1: two are that they're unhealthy to try to achieve. 148 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,920 Speaker 2: Like for me, the cool girl one is. 149 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 1: A good example, because I tried to do that for 150 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 1: so long and I succeeded for a little bit, and 151 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:30,120 Speaker 1: it wasn't healthy, and just like that constant, you were 152 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,439 Speaker 1: like falling and always trying to catch yourself right. 153 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 4: The same thing for me with being like the perfect 154 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,000 Speaker 4: Christian girl when I was very caught up in that 155 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:40,680 Speaker 4: in college and feeling like I was failing all the 156 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,559 Speaker 4: time and feeling depressed because I couldn't meet that standard 157 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,880 Speaker 4: of being the subservient. And not that all religions are 158 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,680 Speaker 4: like that, and not that all not everybody's practicing Christianity 159 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,400 Speaker 4: is like that, but in my specific sect, we're supposed 160 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:55,280 Speaker 4: to be the supporter, and you know, the encourager and 161 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,680 Speaker 4: the and the good person that you know sits back 162 00:08:57,679 --> 00:09:03,680 Speaker 4: and supports at home type of thing. And obviously, I 163 00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:05,800 Speaker 4: think if you've gotten a little taste of my personality, 164 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:09,520 Speaker 4: that is not who I am, thank god, and so 165 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:12,439 Speaker 4: feeling like I was failing at that watching other women 166 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:14,240 Speaker 4: who can do that and who are great at that 167 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:19,320 Speaker 4: and who love doing that great, it just wasn't me, right. 168 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:25,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's the comparison trap, right right. But let's 169 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:29,320 Speaker 1: talk about self sabotage here, because that's kind of what 170 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 1: is going on or as part of this whole impossible 171 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:36,760 Speaker 1: goal thing. Self sabotaging behavior is pretty much what it 172 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,240 Speaker 1: sounds like, any type of behavior that gets in the 173 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,720 Speaker 1: way of a goal that you've set up for yourself. 174 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,360 Speaker 1: And we can do it in pretty much any part 175 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:48,280 Speaker 1: of our life, relationships, at work. Some of the most 176 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:54,120 Speaker 1: common ways we self sabotage procrastination, stress eating, self medicating 177 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:58,200 Speaker 1: with drugs or alcohol, and or interpersonal conflict. 178 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,240 Speaker 2: And I self medicate. 179 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:03,439 Speaker 1: For sure, and then I stretch it because I'm medicated 180 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 1: away my judgment. 181 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:09,280 Speaker 4: So you do the four o'clock at four am Chinese ordering, Yes, 182 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,120 Speaker 4: that's from you, yes, yes. 183 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,200 Speaker 1: And in fact, there's a joke around the office because 184 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,520 Speaker 1: people I know which places will deliver to you at 185 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,400 Speaker 1: four am and it's only three and they don't have 186 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:24,160 Speaker 1: the best menus, and people make fun of me. 187 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:25,080 Speaker 2: For anything from her place. 188 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, those are kind of shitty places. 189 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,520 Speaker 4: I think we can all say we all have habits 190 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:33,600 Speaker 4: of self sabotaging. I mean, we see our old habits 191 00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:36,080 Speaker 4: that are obvious signs of our fears and insecurities, and 192 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,400 Speaker 4: it's very quick, it's almost our go to. 193 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:43,360 Speaker 1: Reaction m And typically these behaviors are really small, but 194 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:47,040 Speaker 1: they add up. Sometimes they start small and they escalate, 195 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,520 Speaker 1: and you might catch yourself thinking, well, why do I 196 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:52,079 Speaker 1: do this to myself? Why do I keep putting myself 197 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:55,360 Speaker 1: in these situations? Why can't I learn things like that right? 198 00:10:55,960 --> 00:11:00,720 Speaker 1: And that begs the question why do we do these things? 199 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:04,480 Speaker 1: Why do we purposefully get in our own way? When 200 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,880 Speaker 1: you think about it, it doesn't on the surface makes sense, 201 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,239 Speaker 1: but experts have some suggestions. 202 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,120 Speaker 2: A big one is self worth. 203 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:17,120 Speaker 1: If you don't believe you are worthy of success, you 204 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,360 Speaker 1: might get in your own way, and this usually coincides 205 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:23,040 Speaker 1: with feelings of inadequacy that push you to work harder, 206 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 1: which is interesting because you're working harder, but also you 207 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:32,240 Speaker 1: don't think you're succeeding, and when that hard work does 208 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,720 Speaker 1: result in some type of success, that's when the self 209 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:37,920 Speaker 1: sabotage typically comes in. And we see this manifest in 210 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,240 Speaker 1: so many ways for women. We feel like we have 211 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:43,880 Speaker 1: to constantly prove ourselves, but that we never are. 212 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:47,000 Speaker 2: Enough, that we haven't earned success in some way. It 213 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:47,560 Speaker 2: was a fluke. 214 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,480 Speaker 1: It was because our boss thinks are pretty imposter syndrome 215 00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 1: runs them up. Yeah, and again with the impossible goal. 216 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:58,480 Speaker 1: If you have set yourself up for something that you 217 00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:02,120 Speaker 1: can't get to, I feel like it's it makes sense 218 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,000 Speaker 1: to me why you would sabotage yourself then, because then 219 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,040 Speaker 1: you are controlling the fact that you can't fin. 220 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:08,679 Speaker 3: You can have an excuse about why you. 221 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:12,640 Speaker 2: Feel exactly and that is that is another reason. 222 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:16,160 Speaker 1: We'll come back to you. But how does this work? 223 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 1: How do we convince ourselves we're a failure when we 224 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,680 Speaker 1: have all of these signs we're not. People have asked 225 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:25,720 Speaker 1: me this like in person because they've heard the podcast 226 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:29,320 Speaker 1: and said, I cannot believe you think when you've clearly 227 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,760 Speaker 1: done this, this and this, and oh, I can tell 228 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:36,720 Speaker 1: you it's cognitive dissonance. If we believe we are a failure, 229 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,520 Speaker 1: to start with. If our self worth is low, but 230 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:43,160 Speaker 1: we have accomplishments to show that we're not. Our brain 231 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:48,040 Speaker 1: corrects that inconsistency by sabotaging ourselves by giving ourselves proof. No, 232 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,720 Speaker 1: see I failed here, See, so I am a failure. 233 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:53,800 Speaker 1: And this comes back to those studies that have shown 234 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:57,319 Speaker 1: that girls who do worse in math because they internalize 235 00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:01,520 Speaker 1: message that girls are worse than So they don't want 236 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:04,840 Speaker 1: to prove out the stereotype. So you sabotage yourself purposely. 237 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:10,880 Speaker 1: You didn't try. Therefore, right, you can't. It doesn't confirm 238 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,199 Speaker 1: the stereotype necessarily. 239 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,560 Speaker 2: And I did. I did the same thing. 240 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:18,000 Speaker 1: I h math was my favorite subject in school, and 241 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,920 Speaker 1: then I got to high school and it became just 242 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:24,080 Speaker 1: very like somebody outright told me girls don't like math. 243 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:26,680 Speaker 2: Wow, boys don't want to date girls. I don't like math. 244 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,760 Speaker 2: And of course at the time that was my whole world. 245 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,160 Speaker 3: I actually said that to you. 246 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:31,480 Speaker 2: A teacher said that to me. 247 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,360 Speaker 3: That's such an archaic idea. 248 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,880 Speaker 2: What yep? Yep? Teacher said that to me? 249 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:38,480 Speaker 3: Was male or female? 250 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:39,080 Speaker 2: Female? 251 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:41,840 Speaker 3: Really? Y yes? 252 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,600 Speaker 1: She said, all the boys won't like it, You're gonna trend. 253 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:45,640 Speaker 1: They're like being smarter. 254 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:48,960 Speaker 3: But that's super weird. 255 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,160 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and I dropped out of it had a 256 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:56,520 Speaker 1: huge impact. I stopped taking calculus. It was my favorite subject. 257 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,439 Speaker 4: That's heartbreaking. 258 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:02,240 Speaker 1: And the dude tell me because I was beating him 259 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:06,440 Speaker 1: and he picked on me and got his friends to 260 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:06,920 Speaker 1: pick on me. 261 00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:12,360 Speaker 3: What a dick. That's just a plain out dick. 262 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,080 Speaker 2: Here's yeah. 263 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,480 Speaker 4: Another big reason is control, control over failure. If the 264 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,480 Speaker 4: possibility of failure is too real, too scary, you might 265 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 4: engineer it yourself. And yeah, that's a big motivator or 266 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:26,840 Speaker 4: the like thereof the fear of failure and rejection. 267 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,360 Speaker 3: I feel like that's one of my big things. 268 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,200 Speaker 4: I'm an all or nothing, so if I'm not the 269 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 4: best at it, I'm not gonna do it, which is. 270 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:33,960 Speaker 3: An absurd idea. 271 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,920 Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of my friends, my female 272 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,080 Speaker 1: friends in particular. I'd have to think about my male friends, 273 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:43,520 Speaker 1: but a lot of my female friends are too, that's interesting. 274 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:48,080 Speaker 1: Perceived fraudulence is another big one. It's very similar to 275 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:52,880 Speaker 1: imposter syndrome. The further up you climb in whatever ladder, 276 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:57,000 Speaker 1: the farther you have to fall, So the more responsibility 277 00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:00,000 Speaker 1: you have, the more people depending on you. The more 278 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:04,240 Speaker 1: people you have to let down if you fail. So 279 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 1: the more people that think of you as successful, the 280 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,840 Speaker 1: more you call yourself successful, the more you might attract 281 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:14,400 Speaker 1: the attention of people who could call you a fraud, who, 282 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:17,320 Speaker 1: in your mind, will see through you, will see you 283 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,360 Speaker 1: for the failure you believe that you are. So you 284 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,640 Speaker 1: feel like a fake and you're worried. The more attention 285 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:25,480 Speaker 1: you draw to yourself, the more people will realize that 286 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,280 Speaker 1: you are a fake, that you are a failure. 287 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:28,760 Speaker 2: So you sabotage yourself. 288 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:32,240 Speaker 1: If something makes you feel like a fake, you're less 289 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:35,200 Speaker 1: likely to do that thing and more likely to do 290 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 1: anything else to distract yourself. 291 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:39,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm feeling a little bit attacked right now. 292 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,960 Speaker 4: This is just just say I just feel a bit attacked. 293 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:44,480 Speaker 4: So slowly row. 294 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,320 Speaker 1: I think a lot of people can connect to this. Yes, 295 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:53,680 Speaker 1: consistency and familiarity. If you're used to failing, if you're 296 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,480 Speaker 1: used to being abused, neglected, and mistreated, you might put 297 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,760 Speaker 1: yourself in that position again, because while it might not 298 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:03,320 Speaker 1: make you happy, consistency is comforting the devil, you know. 299 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,240 Speaker 4: As I say, right, and this goes in line with 300 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:10,880 Speaker 4: the generational abuse. It's this whole idea that if it's normal, 301 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,600 Speaker 4: then it's better than what you don't know. 302 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,200 Speaker 3: So it becomes a cyclical thing. 303 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:17,880 Speaker 4: You've seen this in your family, you've seen this in 304 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:20,760 Speaker 4: your childhood, so this is what this is correct, and 305 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:24,240 Speaker 4: you move on because it's more comforting, oddly enough, to 306 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:26,200 Speaker 4: have something you know, you know what's going to be 307 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:26,720 Speaker 4: the outcome. 308 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, And if you. 309 00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:34,840 Speaker 1: I feel like, if you've experienced a lot of failure 310 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,360 Speaker 1: and that can get you down right, absolutely right, then 311 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:44,000 Speaker 1: you just feel like almost like not trying your hardest, 312 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,280 Speaker 1: because that's. 313 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:48,120 Speaker 3: That's a pessimistic view. That's my worldview. A lot of 314 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:49,040 Speaker 3: the times, I'm like. 315 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:52,960 Speaker 4: Eh, well, if I expect less, then I'll be pleasantly 316 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 4: surprised if it's better than that. 317 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:59,040 Speaker 1: My saying in high school was expect the worst, hope 318 00:16:59,040 --> 00:16:59,520 Speaker 1: for the vest. 319 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,560 Speaker 4: Yes, yes, And that has always been the thing for me. 320 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,440 Speaker 4: I'm like, Okay, I want to come in thinking it's 321 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,440 Speaker 4: going to be awful, and then when it's not, we'll 322 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:06,720 Speaker 4: be like. 323 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,280 Speaker 3: Oh, that's cool. M hm, that was a good day, 324 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,160 Speaker 3: which is an awful habit, y'all. 325 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,679 Speaker 1: Self Sabotage is also a convenient scapegoat. 326 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,040 Speaker 2: So when things go wrong, you. 327 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,879 Speaker 1: Can blame your self sabotage and behavior as opposed to 328 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:23,800 Speaker 1: you yourself, Like, for instance, I failed because I'm a procrastinator, 329 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,520 Speaker 1: when inside you might really be thinking I've failed because 330 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:30,360 Speaker 1: I'm not smart. So procrastinating is easier than admitting that 331 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,520 Speaker 1: you don't want to. I mean, I've known people that 332 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,119 Speaker 1: have done it, But in a conversation it's easier to 333 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:36,840 Speaker 1: be like, oh, I put that off to the last minute, 334 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,480 Speaker 1: so I didn't do a good job, as opposed to I. 335 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,840 Speaker 2: Just feel like I'm not very smart put together, Yeah, 336 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,359 Speaker 2: just to put it together quickly. 337 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:47,199 Speaker 1: Yeah, boredom. Sometimes we want some excitement, so what do 338 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:50,600 Speaker 1: we do. We stir up some trouble, sabotage ourselves. 339 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,240 Speaker 4: But yes, the whole drama idea, you need a little 340 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:56,000 Speaker 4: more excitement, so therefore you cause a little fuss. 341 00:17:56,480 --> 00:18:00,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I feel like in that case too, there's 342 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,040 Speaker 1: usually something you're avoiding that's scaring you. 343 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:06,600 Speaker 4: But to be fair, there are definitely those males out 344 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,320 Speaker 4: there that like to just pick a fight for no 345 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:10,040 Speaker 4: damn reason. 346 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:11,960 Speaker 2: Oh sure, I think this is pretty equal. 347 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:16,680 Speaker 4: Yeah, so the drama Queen is unnecessary titled because anybody 348 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,880 Speaker 4: keep it could be a drama queen. 349 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:20,159 Speaker 3: I'm gonn just put that as a title as a 350 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,800 Speaker 3: whole non gendered. 351 00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:23,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure. 352 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,480 Speaker 1: I feel like drama queen is very much another way 353 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:29,359 Speaker 1: of gaslighting, or it has been used someway. Yes, Ultimately, though, 354 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:35,560 Speaker 1: most self sabotaging behavior stems from fear of failure, trying 355 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:39,240 Speaker 1: your best and failing not being enough even when you 356 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 1: gave it everything you have. It's a protective behavior. Fear 357 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,480 Speaker 1: activates a stress response, which leads us to take actions 358 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:49,960 Speaker 1: to protect ourselves from being hurt, in this case, usually emotionally. 359 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: And you may have heard this called the paper tiger, 360 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,600 Speaker 1: the fact that we're not really having to deal with 361 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:58,440 Speaker 1: tigers anymore, but we have all these stressors at work, 362 00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:01,600 Speaker 1: and our body is interpreting them, our brain is interpreting 363 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,880 Speaker 1: them like we used to interpret biggers. 364 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,080 Speaker 3: Did we interpret tigers? 365 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:07,480 Speaker 2: Scary? 366 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:07,879 Speaker 4: There? Oh? 367 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:12,240 Speaker 3: Oh okay, okay, okay. Making sure I'm on the same. 368 00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:15,040 Speaker 2: Cat that I need to put right. 369 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:16,520 Speaker 4: I kind of want to be like, can I just 370 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,400 Speaker 4: hug it and then it mauls my face? I guess 371 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,320 Speaker 4: that would be the tiger idea, because it mauls your face. 372 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:23,399 Speaker 2: Yep. 373 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,800 Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think a lot of that also stems 374 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,120 Speaker 4: from just the fear of rejection in general. 375 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:30,840 Speaker 3: I know, and abandonment issues. For me. 376 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,959 Speaker 4: If I fail, that means someone doesn't like me in 377 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,040 Speaker 4: my mind, or someone's not gonna like me, or someone's 378 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:39,200 Speaker 4: gonna be disappointed with me or disapprove of me. Yeah, 379 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,480 Speaker 4: and all of those things mean I'm going to be rejected. 380 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 4: And that's kind of that whole. As long as I'm 381 00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,360 Speaker 4: great at it, I'll do it. If I'm not good 382 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:47,680 Speaker 4: at it, or if I don't know if I'm gonna 383 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,040 Speaker 4: be good at it, I won't do it. It's such 384 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,879 Speaker 4: a weird concept, but I think there's a lot of 385 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:57,439 Speaker 4: people who have that basis that it kind of just 386 00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:01,320 Speaker 4: that cleanliness of I need to be like or being 387 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:05,359 Speaker 4: in a positive manner. So if these are things that 388 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,880 Speaker 4: make me look bad, I'm not gonna do it. 389 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:09,280 Speaker 1: Yeah. 390 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:10,360 Speaker 2: And I do think. 391 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:18,479 Speaker 1: For a lot of women or other marginalized people, you 392 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,960 Speaker 1: do feel that pressure to be like I don't want 393 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,800 Speaker 1: to do a bad job, and they think all women 394 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,399 Speaker 1: do a bad job because women aren't common in this 395 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:29,480 Speaker 1: particular occupation or something like that. So you do feel 396 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:33,879 Speaker 1: an increased pressure and an increased fear of failure, and 397 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,480 Speaker 1: that might keep you from trying at all, which is terrible. 398 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,359 Speaker 4: And then the whole competitive nature of if I do something, 399 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,520 Speaker 4: I have to be better at this than this person, 400 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,280 Speaker 4: and typically is males like I have to be better 401 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,800 Speaker 4: at them to show that I'm actual because honestly, you're 402 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,399 Speaker 4: not going to get recognition unless that is the case. 403 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:53,320 Speaker 1: Right, and you're probably judged more harshly. And that's another 404 00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:55,800 Speaker 1: part of this whole impossible goal thing, is we're competing 405 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:59,600 Speaker 1: against a system that's not necessarily set up as exactly 406 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:03,680 Speaker 1: exactly anyway. All right, we have some more for you, 407 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,359 Speaker 1: But first we're gonna pause for a quick break for 408 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:21,920 Speaker 1: a word from a sponsor, and we're back, Thank you, sponsor, 409 00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:23,560 Speaker 1: And we're gonna. 410 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,240 Speaker 2: Talk about relationships. 411 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:29,399 Speaker 1: When it comes to relationships, this fear of failure often 412 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,600 Speaker 1: gets tied up with if you're a projection like you 413 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:36,280 Speaker 1: were talking about, Samantha, and I feel this stuff all 414 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,800 Speaker 1: the time. If the person sees me for the real me, 415 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,280 Speaker 1: they will leave. I am not lovable. So we take 416 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:47,720 Speaker 1: this sabotaging behavior and incorporate it into our relationships because 417 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,360 Speaker 1: if we believe that stuff deep down, we don't want 418 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 1: someone in our minds to prove it by leaving us. 419 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:55,479 Speaker 2: That hurts. 420 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:56,359 Speaker 3: That hurts. 421 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,280 Speaker 1: It hurts anyway, but that really hurts, and we don't 422 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:03,800 Speaker 1: want to have to face the emotional trying truth either way. 423 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 2: Like, either it is true and that's awful, and it's. 424 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:08,199 Speaker 1: Not true by the way, but you believe it to 425 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,639 Speaker 1: be true, so you feel it all right, isn't true 426 00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:13,480 Speaker 1: and you have to face w you feel that way? 427 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,400 Speaker 2: Right? Either way, it's difficult. 428 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:21,560 Speaker 1: Self sabotaging behavior in relationships can manifest by going all 429 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,879 Speaker 1: in too quickly and then retreating, having sexual early and 430 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:28,000 Speaker 1: feeling resentful about it, making too many demands. 431 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:31,199 Speaker 4: I mean, I think it also could be slutshaming yourself. 432 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:33,760 Speaker 4: I think people have this whole issue of why did 433 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,199 Speaker 4: I do that? Oh my god, I'm a slot. He's 434 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:37,840 Speaker 4: gonna see me as a slot. I'm doing this, this 435 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,760 Speaker 4: and this and this, and that's kind of self sabotaging 436 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:45,240 Speaker 4: instead of just enjoying and embracing whatever happened. Right, it 437 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,440 Speaker 4: could be a beautiful moment. At the same time, yes, 438 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:48,480 Speaker 4: it could be too quick. 439 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:53,600 Speaker 1: According to some psychologist, self sabotaging behavior is one of 440 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:57,439 Speaker 1: the primary reasons most of us who don't want to 441 00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:01,800 Speaker 1: be single are single, and three main beliefs are to blame. 442 00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:04,800 Speaker 1: I'm better off single, I don't have time to date, 443 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,119 Speaker 1: or I'll probably just get cheated on. 444 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,480 Speaker 3: Dang, that last one is real, real, harsh. 445 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,240 Speaker 2: It is it is. 446 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:18,760 Speaker 1: I have a friend who operates under that, perhaps all 447 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:19,480 Speaker 1: the makers. 448 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:24,320 Speaker 4: So when it comes to professional setting, we've outlined some 449 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,400 Speaker 4: ways the impossible goal of perfection keeps us from success 450 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:31,160 Speaker 4: and oftentimes even trying, like the imposter syndrome. Some other 451 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:34,399 Speaker 4: ways women specifically self sabotage themselves at work are thinking 452 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 4: too small, allowing concern about failure to overwhelm us and 453 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,320 Speaker 4: prevent us from progressing, trying to. 454 00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:43,240 Speaker 3: Do it all, Oh, trying to do it all. 455 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:50,720 Speaker 4: Putting limitations on ourselves like Captain Yes, not being truthful 456 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:54,159 Speaker 4: about our desires, and comparing ourselves to other women or 457 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:57,240 Speaker 4: to our younger selves, and bringing down other women, which 458 00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:00,440 Speaker 4: is so sad and so ugly. I don't know that 459 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,240 Speaker 4: could be said for all that, not just in professionalism, 460 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:08,280 Speaker 4: but having to take down other women for our own whatever. 461 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,360 Speaker 2: That's true, you could really apply that to relationship. 462 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,880 Speaker 4: Yeah, relationships, because I feel like the same when relationships 463 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:15,680 Speaker 4: when someone cheats. 464 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,320 Speaker 3: As we were talking about quick to blame the women. 465 00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,040 Speaker 2: I know, and I think I'm very much like Nope. 466 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:23,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, I remember in high school we had that situation 467 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:26,160 Speaker 4: where two good friends of mine and this one dude 468 00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:28,119 Speaker 4: and the women got mad at each other and I 469 00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:29,800 Speaker 4: got pissed at the dude. I was like, this is 470 00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:33,280 Speaker 4: all your fault, you asked, right, But that's the thing, 471 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:37,240 Speaker 4: is that it so quick? Why is that the first concept, 472 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:41,040 Speaker 4: like the first ideas it's her fault. We're so gared 473 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,320 Speaker 4: and we're so taught that we have to fight each 474 00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:46,760 Speaker 4: other hm instead of being there to uplift each other. 475 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:50,600 Speaker 4: It's absurd and celebrate one another because it's this whole 476 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:54,760 Speaker 4: idea that can only be one, is it? 477 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:54,919 Speaker 3: Like? 478 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:56,159 Speaker 2: What is that outlander? 479 00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:57,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, highlander? 480 00:24:58,240 --> 00:24:59,640 Speaker 4: But you know what I mean, Like, the whole idea 481 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,640 Speaker 4: is that can't be more than one successful woman. 482 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,040 Speaker 3: That's too many. That's too many, that's too many. 483 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:09,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just another insidious way of keeping us succeeding 484 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:15,440 Speaker 1: nagynistic world. And we wanted to touch briefly on self 485 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,679 Speaker 1: destructive behavior. We talked a little bit about this in 486 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:22,920 Speaker 1: our Trauma mini series and self sabotaging behavior can verge 487 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:26,400 Speaker 1: on or become self destructive. They're pretty similar, and there 488 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,680 Speaker 1: has been some recent science around why we do this 489 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:34,919 Speaker 1: when in theory, we are hardwired evolutionarily to survive, So 490 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:39,480 Speaker 1: why would we be doing these destructive things. A lot 491 00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:42,560 Speaker 1: of this was this recent research was looking into things 492 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:47,120 Speaker 1: like global warming. Some experts suggest that people who engage 493 00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:50,720 Speaker 1: in self destructive behavior might actually feel things more strongly 494 00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,000 Speaker 1: than others. And this is all very new research, but 495 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:57,680 Speaker 1: interesting stuff. More researchers needed. And then this brings us 496 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:03,320 Speaker 1: to perfection. Serena Williams wrote an essay related to all 497 00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:06,119 Speaker 1: of this that I love, and here's the. 498 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:06,679 Speaker 2: Quote from it. 499 00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:08,959 Speaker 1: I want to make it clear that perfection is an 500 00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:12,080 Speaker 1: impossible goal and should never be a true pursuit in life. 501 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:15,520 Speaker 1: While I think all women are superheroes, we are not superhuman, 502 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:17,720 Speaker 1: and we need each other's support. We need to give 503 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,520 Speaker 1: each other grace when we fall short, and when society 504 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:25,399 Speaker 1: sets unrealistic expectations on our workplaces or our workplaces have 505 00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:28,920 Speaker 1: antiquated rules, we must band together and fight for what's fair. 506 00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:33,080 Speaker 4: Did you read the new article from her, so you 507 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:36,400 Speaker 4: know Serena Williams was on Harbor bizarre, and she addressed 508 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,960 Speaker 4: the issue with the controversy last year about the bad 509 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,719 Speaker 4: calls essentially, and she talked about the fact that she 510 00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:46,160 Speaker 4: felt so guilty that she needed to text Naomi Osaka, 511 00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:49,080 Speaker 4: her opponent, to apologize, and it was really really nice 512 00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:51,840 Speaker 4: to see this whole concept, even though I think she 513 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:55,120 Speaker 4: was absolutely right. I think it was a sexless call 514 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:56,399 Speaker 4: all those things. 515 00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:58,560 Speaker 3: However, she was like. 516 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,280 Speaker 4: I did get really worried my head that I ruined 517 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,880 Speaker 4: this woman's moment who did a phenomenal job. And that's 518 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,119 Speaker 4: the one thing I wanted to make sure about anything 519 00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:09,399 Speaker 4: I felt guilty, and this is the one thing I regret. 520 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,760 Speaker 4: This is all paraphrasing obviously, that this was taken away 521 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,200 Speaker 4: from her her victory. And then she says in a response, 522 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,800 Speaker 4: and Osaka's response was fantastic when she was like, yeah, 523 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,560 Speaker 4: keep trail blazing, keep going. 524 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:24,680 Speaker 3: This needs to be said a lot of these things. 525 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,119 Speaker 3: Are You're right, this is. 526 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:29,280 Speaker 4: A sexist industry essentially, So I do love that and 527 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:31,800 Speaker 4: her own talk about imperfection. When we see her as 528 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 4: an iconic goal for many many athletes see her as 529 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,159 Speaker 4: the iconic goal. She's like, this is where I failed, 530 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,160 Speaker 4: and this is where I can call out my own mistakes. 531 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:41,200 Speaker 3: I love that. 532 00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:44,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's beautiful. 533 00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,200 Speaker 3: Beautiful thing. Love women love each other. 534 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,560 Speaker 2: Something else, Amy Pohlar. Something else. 535 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:54,080 Speaker 1: Amy Pohler said, Yes, she has a lot of quotes 536 00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:56,880 Speaker 1: about this. One of my favorites is what else are 537 00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:57,480 Speaker 1: we going to do? 538 00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:57,879 Speaker 2: Say no? 539 00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,919 Speaker 1: Say no to an opportunity that may be slightly out 540 00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:02,320 Speaker 1: of our comfort zone, quite our voice, because we are 541 00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:05,119 Speaker 1: worried it is not perfect. I believe great people do 542 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:09,919 Speaker 1: things before they are ready, Amy Polar Polar I want 543 00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:12,040 Speaker 1: to be her friend me too. I just want her 544 00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:15,919 Speaker 1: to come tell me inspirational things like that, So much. 545 00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:17,320 Speaker 2: Money do you have? I wonder if we can put 546 00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:21,280 Speaker 2: this in the budget fifty bucks? Maybe? 547 00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:22,400 Speaker 1: I mean. 548 00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:28,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, But I mean that is that. 549 00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:30,160 Speaker 4: Is a good question as we go back and forth 550 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,600 Speaker 4: this why why do we need to be perfect? 551 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:37,400 Speaker 3: Where did this come from? Who? Who said it has 552 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:39,480 Speaker 3: to be all or nothing? Like? Why do we have 553 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:40,920 Speaker 3: to have these standards? 554 00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:41,800 Speaker 4: Yeah? 555 00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,840 Speaker 1: And I think there there's a lot, I mean probably 556 00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:49,440 Speaker 1: obviously a lot going on with with why we think 557 00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,000 Speaker 1: we have to be all or nothing as women? 558 00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:52,480 Speaker 2: And I think a lot of it is. 559 00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:59,560 Speaker 1: That that just like insecurity, we're constantly built from fed 560 00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:02,720 Speaker 1: and then we build an internalize and we feel like 561 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 1: we have to be this good. 562 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,600 Speaker 4: I mean, it's constant thing of when you succeed in 563 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:09,160 Speaker 4: one thing, the next question is what about the next thing? 564 00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:11,960 Speaker 4: Kind of like the whole marriage idea, when you're dating 565 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,240 Speaker 4: one for a long time, when you're getting engaged, when 566 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:16,720 Speaker 4: you engaged, when you're getting married, when you're married, when 567 00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:19,080 Speaker 4: you're gonna have kids, Like, it's just this whole weird 568 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,640 Speaker 4: like one thing is not good enough to be celebrated, 569 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:23,360 Speaker 4: you have to look at the next step. 570 00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:28,280 Speaker 2: I'm sorry that brought back a memory. I haven't thought 571 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:31,320 Speaker 2: it a while. Brow. I used to teach this class 572 00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:33,080 Speaker 2: on dating and China. 573 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:37,680 Speaker 1: So yeah, oh, and the kids they were asking, they 574 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,920 Speaker 1: were like high school kids, and they were asking me, so, 575 00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:41,520 Speaker 1: what happens after the first date? And I was like, 576 00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:43,280 Speaker 1: usually a second date, and they kind of just kept 577 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:46,120 Speaker 1: asking and asking, and I was like, well, eventually you 578 00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:51,120 Speaker 1: get married. And they all gasped like I still don't 579 00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:51,760 Speaker 1: know why. 580 00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:56,160 Speaker 2: I still don't know why. 581 00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:57,840 Speaker 3: That was a shocking ending for them. 582 00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:01,080 Speaker 1: I think they were interpreting it as like and they 583 00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:03,120 Speaker 1: can speak pretty pretty good English. But I think it 584 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:07,320 Speaker 1: was just they didn't understand that I was. There was 585 00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:11,040 Speaker 1: a time jumping there not that soon, but eventually you 586 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:11,640 Speaker 1: get married. 587 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:13,080 Speaker 3: Day five we're married. 588 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,719 Speaker 4: You know what sometimes people do, sometimes they don't go 589 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:17,640 Speaker 4: for it either way. 590 00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:21,760 Speaker 1: Yes, anyway, if any of those students happen to be listening, 591 00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:26,320 Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. We do have a 592 00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:28,120 Speaker 1: little bit more for you listeners, but first we have 593 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,600 Speaker 1: one more quick break for word from our sponsor. 594 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:44,280 Speaker 3: And we're back. 595 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:45,040 Speaker 2: Thank you sponsor. 596 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,920 Speaker 1: So we have some advice if if you catch yourself 597 00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:52,640 Speaker 1: engaging and self sabotaging behavior, which like we've mentioned, probably 598 00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,800 Speaker 1: everyone does, there are a couple of things that you 599 00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:58,640 Speaker 1: can do, and the big one is noticing them at step. 600 00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:02,400 Speaker 1: First step, take note of any of those things that 601 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:05,640 Speaker 1: you're doing, any self judgments, and try to stop and 602 00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:08,160 Speaker 1: think where are they coming from? 603 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:11,680 Speaker 2: And then redefine how you view success. 604 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:16,920 Speaker 1: Yes, put a focus on the effort part as opposed 605 00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:18,400 Speaker 1: to the outcome. That's not to say, sort of the 606 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:21,160 Speaker 1: outcome out the window, but like you know, it's the 607 00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:22,480 Speaker 1: journey and not the destination. 608 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:23,960 Speaker 2: At least think about that. 609 00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,760 Speaker 4: I love that when you said journey, you literally did 610 00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:27,479 Speaker 4: a hand up. 611 00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,760 Speaker 1: Yes, you have to do that in motion which journey 612 00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:33,240 Speaker 1: every listener knows and they're. 613 00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:35,920 Speaker 4: Doing it like they do a wave up to the 614 00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:38,000 Speaker 4: sky exact flowy wave. 615 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,920 Speaker 1: Change the way you view failure as a learning experience 616 00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:45,840 Speaker 1: two hundred ways not to make a light bulb, for example, 617 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:50,440 Speaker 1: Or I know when I do acting and when I 618 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:52,320 Speaker 1: have to do an audition and I don't get it, 619 00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:56,360 Speaker 1: I see it as an opportunity to like practice and. 620 00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:57,520 Speaker 2: To play the character the. 621 00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,960 Speaker 1: Way I would play it and hopefully do a really 622 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:02,080 Speaker 1: good job. And people are like, you know what, not 623 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:06,280 Speaker 1: this time, but maybe next time. Or are a pop 624 00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:09,840 Speaker 1: culture example thank you next from Ori UNDERGROUNDE learn things 625 00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:14,400 Speaker 1: from thank you X and then moved on. Work on 626 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:18,400 Speaker 1: yourself worse and where your self worth comes from. Don't 627 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:22,200 Speaker 1: depend on other people for your self worth. Making others 628 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:25,479 Speaker 1: happy or feel loved, sure, but not the value that 629 00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:31,240 Speaker 1: they are assigning you. Be kind towards yourself and recognize 630 00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:34,120 Speaker 1: emotions for what they are and where they come from. Right. 631 00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:36,400 Speaker 3: You just may have had too much caffeine that day. 632 00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:38,240 Speaker 2: And we all have bad days. 633 00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:40,600 Speaker 3: We all have bad days exactly. 634 00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:45,720 Speaker 4: Accept compliments and constructive criticisms from trusted sources. Yes, you know, 635 00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:49,320 Speaker 4: And I think that's good both with like therapy as 636 00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:53,240 Speaker 4: well as good friends. I have a good crowd. That's 637 00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:56,920 Speaker 4: what I've thought about having. Who I go, Tom. I 638 00:32:56,960 --> 00:33:00,320 Speaker 4: was having a really crappy weekend, and so one of 639 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,360 Speaker 4: my ways of trying to get myself out of a 640 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:05,160 Speaker 4: funk is being around people I know that I can 641 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:08,920 Speaker 4: trust and be down with, but they're gonna uplift me. Yeah, 642 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:12,280 Speaker 4: you know, that's always a good thing. Identify some impossible 643 00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:15,080 Speaker 4: goals in your life. Oh and here are some common ones. Yes, 644 00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:18,160 Speaker 4: pleasing amble one not gonna happen. 645 00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:21,320 Speaker 3: I'm arning. I'm learning that very quickly with this podcast. 646 00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,120 Speaker 2: Yes, podcasting is a great way. 647 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:27,400 Speaker 4: To learn that, to build that hard shell and be like, Okay, 648 00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:29,880 Speaker 4: you don't have to like me, that's fine, moving on. 649 00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:30,400 Speaker 2: Hm. 650 00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:35,440 Speaker 4: Being in love all the time, that new exciting part 651 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:37,160 Speaker 4: of love not gonna happen. 652 00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:41,360 Speaker 3: I laugh. I'm sorry, I laugh because that's so true. 653 00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:44,960 Speaker 4: Like everything, it is such a whole idea of love 654 00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:47,960 Speaker 4: is an action, and it may not be every day 655 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,240 Speaker 4: you feel a certain way. Shoot, I don't like a 656 00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:52,720 Speaker 4: lot of people every day, but I may love them. 657 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:57,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think to just I know some friends 658 00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,440 Speaker 1: who have been in marriages for a couple and then 659 00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:04,600 Speaker 1: you you lose the spark, as they say. And that's 660 00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:06,160 Speaker 1: not to say you won't get it back, but it's just, 661 00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,640 Speaker 1: you know, it's not going to be that like super exciting. 662 00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:11,360 Speaker 1: We just met and oh my gosh, I want to 663 00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:13,640 Speaker 1: learn everything about you every second with you. 664 00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:14,880 Speaker 2: It's not gonna be that all the time. 665 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,560 Speaker 4: And a part of marriage and compromises to get past 666 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:21,600 Speaker 4: those points to work back up, yeah, renew that spark. 667 00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:24,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, and then it's kind of a you know, hit 668 00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:29,640 Speaker 1: or miss. I was gonna say, okay, okay, but I 669 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:32,160 Speaker 1: guess I guess it could be hit or miss, especially 670 00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:33,000 Speaker 1: if you made that face. 671 00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:33,720 Speaker 2: I'm sorry. 672 00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:38,240 Speaker 4: Yes, I'm a little data today. Never needing help. That's 673 00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:42,160 Speaker 4: not a true statement. It's okay to ask for help, 674 00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:45,120 Speaker 4: and as in fact, that is a showing of strength 675 00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:48,919 Speaker 4: knowing your limits. Knowing your limits is a good thing 676 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:58,600 Speaker 4: because it is impossible to do everything without anyone. So yeah, 677 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:00,839 Speaker 4: and then always being able to do what we could 678 00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:01,880 Speaker 4: do when we were younger. 679 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,359 Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like this is a slap in my face. 680 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:09,160 Speaker 4: Because I feel like my body is slowly like just 681 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,000 Speaker 4: giving up this race told me a lot. I want 682 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,319 Speaker 4: you to know that this hull ten k that we 683 00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:17,240 Speaker 4: just completed, Yeah, told me a lot about my body. 684 00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:22,640 Speaker 2: Like no, just no, Well you also had it run 685 00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:23,360 Speaker 2: in a while. 686 00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:26,719 Speaker 4: That's true, but the paints are different now. I'm like, 687 00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,040 Speaker 4: this hurts now, This hurts now, this hurts now, this 688 00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:30,040 Speaker 4: did not hurt before. 689 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:33,200 Speaker 2: That's fair, that's fair. M. 690 00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:38,560 Speaker 1: And then another thing I would add is learning the 691 00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:41,719 Speaker 1: difference between something that is extremely difficult and something that 692 00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:45,600 Speaker 1: is impossible. There are some things humans have told themselves 693 00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:48,200 Speaker 1: that are impossible but turned out not to be, Like 694 00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:50,520 Speaker 1: four minute mile, I would say, probably going to space, 695 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:54,879 Speaker 1: which is not possible for everyone, but if everyone told 696 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:57,520 Speaker 1: themselves it was impossible, no one would have pulled it off. Again, 697 00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:01,279 Speaker 1: also with a healthy dose of is this a healthy thing? 698 00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:02,560 Speaker 2: I'm in writing. 699 00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:09,480 Speaker 1: Because I feel like if I again the cool girl, 700 00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:10,600 Speaker 1: that wasn't healthy. 701 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:13,760 Speaker 2: So examine those kinds of things. 702 00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:17,840 Speaker 1: And I did read some things that said, you know, 703 00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:20,799 Speaker 1: ask yourself why you think something is impossible, and if 704 00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:22,799 Speaker 1: it is, find a more realistic goal. 705 00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:27,160 Speaker 2: If it isn't, don't let fear hold you back. 706 00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:28,680 Speaker 3: Have people to go with you. 707 00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:31,160 Speaker 2: Yeah. 708 00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:33,400 Speaker 1: So that brings us to the end of this episode, 709 00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:36,879 Speaker 1: and we would love to hear from you listeners how 710 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:40,759 Speaker 1: you deal with these impossible goals or don't deal with them, 711 00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:45,759 Speaker 1: or self sabotaging behaviors. And you can email us at 712 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:48,920 Speaker 1: Stuff Media, mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com, or you 713 00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:52,080 Speaker 1: can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast or 714 00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:54,719 Speaker 1: on Instagram at Stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks as 715 00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:57,160 Speaker 1: always to our super producer Andrew Howard. 716 00:36:57,920 --> 00:36:59,840 Speaker 2: Thanks to you for listening. 717 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,160 Speaker 1: Hey, Stuff I'll Never Told You is a protection of 718 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:05,719 Speaker 1: iHeartRadio's house Stuff Works. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit 719 00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:08,480 Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 720 00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:09,320 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.