1 00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:06,920 Speaker 1: I actually watched it with my parents and they were like, ah, 2 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 1: got a nightmare. Hey, this is Annie and you're listening 3 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:24,840 Speaker 1: to stuff I've never told you. And today on the 4 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:28,640 Speaker 1: podcast we have another guest co host, our good friend 5 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:31,200 Speaker 1: and co worker, Tari Harrison. Thank you so much for 6 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:34,479 Speaker 1: being here, Tari. Hey Annie, thanks for having me. Tarry 7 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:40,600 Speaker 1: is a producer. She's normally behind the scenes, so to speak. Um, 8 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:45,080 Speaker 1: but your pitch is really interesting idea, UM, making friends 9 00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaker 1: with loneliness. Can you explain what that means and why 10 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 1: you wanted to talk about that today? Yes, I can so. UM. 11 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: I pitched this topic after reading an article my friend 12 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:01,760 Speaker 1: posted on Facebook about Tracy Ellis Raw, the daughter of 13 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,880 Speaker 1: the famous Diana Ross, star of the hit show Blackish 14 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:09,160 Speaker 1: and last year's Glowed and Globe winner for Best Actress, 15 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,000 Speaker 1: that also happens to be forty five a Mary and 16 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 1: doesn't have kids or the desire to be married with children. 17 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:19,120 Speaker 1: So Tracy, I'm just gonna refer to Tracy as if 18 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:22,560 Speaker 1: I know her personally. I don't, but maybe one day 19 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,120 Speaker 1: I would get to know her on the first name basis, 20 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:28,559 Speaker 1: But for now, just because I want to be short 21 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,400 Speaker 1: and concise, I'm not gonna say Tracy Ellis Ross all 22 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:34,720 Speaker 1: the time. It's too much. Anyway, back to the subject 23 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 1: at hand, Tracy in this article, Tracy simply denounced cultural 24 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:43,080 Speaker 1: pressures that society places own women about marriage and babies. 25 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:47,320 Speaker 1: She has his great sense of pride and of singleness 26 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:51,240 Speaker 1: and self love. That to me, I think it's simply admirable. 27 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,280 Speaker 1: The more I read within this article, the more it 28 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,480 Speaker 1: helped me understand why my friend posted this article. To 29 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:01,200 Speaker 1: begin with, I promised I would use her name, so 30 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: when I mentioned my friend, I will refer to her 31 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:09,639 Speaker 1: as my friend. So my friend. She was very adamant 32 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:13,320 Speaker 1: about not wanting to have kids, and I was like, 33 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,280 Speaker 1: this is very difficult for me to understand. I'm like, 34 00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:18,639 Speaker 1: how can you not want to have kids? Like you're 35 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,519 Speaker 1: so great if your nieces and nephews, like she took 36 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:25,919 Speaker 1: them on a Disney cruise and those come cheap. Those 37 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,760 Speaker 1: are pretty pricey. And at one point I was like, hey, 38 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,919 Speaker 1: can you adopt me? I want to go into Disney cruise. 39 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:35,760 Speaker 1: But anyways, like she's a nurse by profession, like she's 40 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,280 Speaker 1: a natural nurture and out of our group of friends, 41 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,839 Speaker 1: she's the one who's taking care of everyone and making 42 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 1: sure everyone is good and so um. I have reached 43 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,200 Speaker 1: out to her before doing this interview and I asked 44 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:48,800 Speaker 1: her can I share a story? And she said it 45 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:52,080 Speaker 1: was okay, And these are the word she expressed to me, 46 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:55,560 Speaker 1: So I quote for me, the bigger picture isn't and 47 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:59,640 Speaker 1: wasn't always a family and husband. I assume one would 48 00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:03,320 Speaker 1: be there, but honestly, self worth and happiness means more 49 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:07,040 Speaker 1: than being someone's wife to me. After talking to my 50 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:10,880 Speaker 1: friend and digesting this article and its entirety, I began 51 00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:14,960 Speaker 1: to understand her choice and it even changed my perspective 52 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:20,160 Speaker 1: for my own life. So in June, I turned the 53 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:23,960 Speaker 1: big time to grow up and take life serious age 54 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:28,079 Speaker 1: of thirty, dirty thirty, that's what I call it. I 55 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 1: don't think anyone else calls it that. No, lots of 56 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:34,640 Speaker 1: people call it that good because I also recently turned 57 00:03:34,639 --> 00:03:38,080 Speaker 1: thirty and I was very drunkenly broadcasting it at a 58 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 1: work event like dirty thirties coming up from the people 59 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,360 Speaker 1: were giving me a strange life. So that makes me 60 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:48,200 Speaker 1: feel better, sorright. It's a big age to me, dirty thirty. 61 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:51,480 Speaker 1: It's like your last hurrah, sort of like paying homage 62 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:54,120 Speaker 1: to a decade of your young wild and three years 63 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 1: of your twenties, and after the celebration is all over 64 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 1: and the alcohol has wore off, you were minded that 65 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 1: thirty is actually the age to embrace adulting and take 66 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:08,960 Speaker 1: life more seriously. It's kind of hard to transition after 67 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:13,240 Speaker 1: twenties you had so much fun. Yeah, our office manager 68 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:14,840 Speaker 1: made it sound like I was never gonna have fun 69 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,840 Speaker 1: again when turns and she was like, well, now you're 70 00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:21,320 Speaker 1: an adult, And I said, what really? Like, Oh, this 71 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:26,120 Speaker 1: is fun. I wasn't ready for it. I'm still processing it. 72 00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:28,320 Speaker 1: You know. She was not that long ago, so I 73 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,640 Speaker 1: still kind of feel like I'm in my twenties anyways, 74 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,960 Speaker 1: So um, turning this age, you know, it's just really 75 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:38,680 Speaker 1: started making me question things and wondering how do I 76 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:42,160 Speaker 1: look still partying and doing things I would have done? 77 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:45,760 Speaker 1: Asked I was in my twenties and questioning myself and 78 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:50,080 Speaker 1: my living to keep up with society and I aiming 79 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:53,000 Speaker 1: for marriage and children to please my mom? Or am 80 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 1: I doing it because of this fear of being alone? 81 00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:00,200 Speaker 1: Or is it something I truly desire to have? So 82 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,960 Speaker 1: many questions arise, and that I didn't have the answer 83 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,800 Speaker 1: to and still today I don't have the answer too. 84 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,160 Speaker 1: Back to Tracy, she stated in the interview with Glamor 85 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:12,680 Speaker 1: magazine that she had to make friends with loneliness. These 86 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 1: words stuck to me like metal on a magnet. I 87 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,560 Speaker 1: couldn't get it out of my head, and everything started 88 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 1: to click. My brain would off like ding ding ding ding. 89 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,720 Speaker 1: I got it. The more you age, the more you 90 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:28,800 Speaker 1: learn about yourself through out the changes, the many changes 91 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:33,119 Speaker 1: in your life that occur. It's really about finding self love. 92 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:37,080 Speaker 1: So I think that's my take on making friends with loneliness. 93 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,680 Speaker 1: It all draws to knowing and loving yourself for getting 94 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:44,320 Speaker 1: everyone's expectations and living your life for you and not 95 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:48,920 Speaker 1: for someone else. Tracy stress the importance of knowing the 96 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:54,039 Speaker 1: difference between solitude and loneliness, because there is a clear 97 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:57,880 Speaker 1: difference that we will get into later. But to make 98 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,880 Speaker 1: friends with loneliness is in my pay in a choice 99 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:04,480 Speaker 1: to enjoy doing things alone and to truly embrace that 100 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,480 Speaker 1: time with yourself as you partake in activities that you 101 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:11,080 Speaker 1: would normally do with another counterpart, value your time with 102 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:14,400 Speaker 1: self by schedule it. It's into your daily routines and 103 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:17,960 Speaker 1: simply learning to appreciate those moments, to have me time, 104 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:22,599 Speaker 1: all me time. Yeah, we were talking a little bit 105 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:26,720 Speaker 1: about this when we were planning this episode, and um, 106 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,040 Speaker 1: I think you and I have a lot of similarities 107 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,480 Speaker 1: in our in our family. Um, and how they kind 108 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,720 Speaker 1: of react to this idea. Um, don't you You get 109 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:38,560 Speaker 1: a lot of questions about this from your family? Sorry, 110 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 1: you don't you have like a reality TV story? My 111 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:47,800 Speaker 1: mom's gonna kill me? Yes, I did. I think We'll see. 112 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:50,799 Speaker 1: I'm originally from Portland, Oregon and liveing in Atlanta, George. 113 00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:53,440 Speaker 1: I'm all the way across the country, and so every 114 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:56,039 Speaker 1: time I go back home for the holidays, I'm getting acts. 115 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,160 Speaker 1: Who am I seeing? Who am I dating? Even at 116 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:01,240 Speaker 1: one point my grandmother she was trying too. When she 117 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,599 Speaker 1: was alive. She was trying to set me up with 118 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:07,440 Speaker 1: a pastor, God bless her heart, and in the right place. 119 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:11,560 Speaker 1: But um, the way I enjoy cocktails, that would have 120 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:17,239 Speaker 1: never worked. But it was m the reality show. So 121 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:21,040 Speaker 1: my mom, I don't know she was serious or she 122 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,800 Speaker 1: was playing, but I think if I would have done it, 123 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:26,320 Speaker 1: she would have been happy. But she wanted me to 124 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:29,840 Speaker 1: go on Fox's Love Connection show. Have you seen it. 125 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:34,239 Speaker 1: I have not seen that. I've seen it. I actually 126 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:38,560 Speaker 1: watched it with my parents and they were like, got 127 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: an idea, you should be on it, and I'm like, 128 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:44,120 Speaker 1: I would never ever, Like this is the most, Like 129 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:50,520 Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm actually on Smitty right, this is connection. 130 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,040 Speaker 1: I didn't want to tell you, but this is the 131 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:58,120 Speaker 1: most I've ever shared my personal life, especially in regards 132 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:01,400 Speaker 1: to dating. So me going on a reality show, no, 133 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:06,200 Speaker 1: that would never happen. Never. So um yeah, my mom 134 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 1: she wanted me on that show, and I said, no, 135 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:15,120 Speaker 1: I would never. So yeah, even though I know my 136 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:19,040 Speaker 1: mom's um hopes and whatnot, for me getting on that 137 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,160 Speaker 1: show was all in the right place because you know, 138 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:25,400 Speaker 1: her and my dad, they've been married since forever, so 139 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:29,160 Speaker 1: many years, thirty plus years. I was tracked. But she 140 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:33,840 Speaker 1: wants me to be as happy as they are. And 141 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:37,720 Speaker 1: I'm sure like if my grandma was here today, she 142 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,280 Speaker 1: would have wanted me as happy as her and my 143 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:45,440 Speaker 1: grandfather were. Um. But last year I made a postal Facebook. 144 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,400 Speaker 1: I was stating that my Christmas gift came early because 145 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 1: my mom stopped questioning about my dating life. And so 146 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:56,320 Speaker 1: I've always been one that's just been career focus, like 147 00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:00,120 Speaker 1: school and finding my place and the entertainment feel has 148 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 1: always been my priority and I will always say it's 149 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 1: the right one comes along, then it's meant to be. 150 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:09,880 Speaker 1: But I don't really feel like I have control of that, 151 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:13,480 Speaker 1: and I don't have the power to say I want 152 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 1: this awesome, loyal guy that has everything I want to. 153 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,040 Speaker 1: I wanted a man to appear because I don't think 154 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,800 Speaker 1: he really exists. Like to go on and on, but 155 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:27,480 Speaker 1: I really enjoy my time alone and I fear that 156 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:30,360 Speaker 1: being with the same person every day will become boring. 157 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,040 Speaker 1: And I know I will want my own space even 158 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,600 Speaker 1: if we share a house. I'm gonna need a woman's 159 00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:40,040 Speaker 1: cave for sure. But that's outside of the point. I 160 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,720 Speaker 1: know my famili's, you know, I just know they want 161 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,880 Speaker 1: me to be happy, regardless of which, and they still 162 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:50,240 Speaker 1: want this whole family structure thing. Yeah. You touch on 163 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 1: a lot of interesting things there, because um, I to 164 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:58,880 Speaker 1: value my alone time. But I wonder I read summer 165 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,679 Speaker 1: recently that more and more people are like living like 166 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:05,679 Speaker 1: they're married, but they're living in separate houses or separate 167 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:09,880 Speaker 1: I love that there you go, so that there are options, 168 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:13,920 Speaker 1: there are options for you maybe. UM. I get questions 169 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:17,880 Speaker 1: about this all the time, and I'm sure they're not 170 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:22,840 Speaker 1: meant to make me feel like an incomplete person, but 171 00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:27,600 Speaker 1: they do like I'm missing something. I haven't found this 172 00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:31,480 Speaker 1: piece that I need and I was thinking about because 173 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:34,400 Speaker 1: I'm always thinking about movies. I guess, um the line 174 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 1: you completely, it's so much. It does because saying I 175 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:48,679 Speaker 1: was incomplete without you, I don't know. UM. To me, 176 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,440 Speaker 1: it makes it seem like it says, Okay, so my 177 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,320 Speaker 1: life was not full before meeting you, and to me, 178 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:58,600 Speaker 1: that's kind of whack. If I was ever married somebody, 179 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 1: I will want to say you and hance my life 180 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,360 Speaker 1: because now I have someone to share the bills with, 181 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,959 Speaker 1: or even someone nice enough to pay them all. That 182 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,800 Speaker 1: would be great, even though I don't think that person 183 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:12,800 Speaker 1: is real, but that would be so great. Um. But yeah, 184 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,880 Speaker 1: I don't want to say, oh, my life was like 185 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,560 Speaker 1: you complete me. That's just giving way too too much 186 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,800 Speaker 1: for me. I don't know. Yeah, I like that. I 187 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:26,679 Speaker 1: like you enhance my life. You enhance better. I'll keep 188 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:30,960 Speaker 1: your round. But yeah, I would think I could complete 189 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:34,240 Speaker 1: my own life, you know, regardless if I didn't, if 190 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,920 Speaker 1: I had or didn't have that other person. You know, 191 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:42,280 Speaker 1: that's what you're living forward to. You're constantly working every 192 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:46,360 Speaker 1: as every year progressed to find ways to complete yourself. 193 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:53,040 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Yeah. I live alone and I'm not dating anybody, 194 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,079 Speaker 1: but I do have a lot of close friendships, and 195 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:59,880 Speaker 1: I would say that my life is pretty full. And 196 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:04,560 Speaker 1: in fact, most people I know in serious relationships that 197 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,160 Speaker 1: they don't do as much as I do, which makes 198 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,679 Speaker 1: sense because if you've got somebody that you're cool with 199 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,600 Speaker 1: just staying in and hanging out with, you probably do 200 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: that more often. Um. And it does sting a bit 201 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 1: when friends of mine start dating someone new, and I 202 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,200 Speaker 1: feel a little bit like an old toy that they 203 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:23,840 Speaker 1: just put away on the shelf because now they have 204 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:27,360 Speaker 1: this new It's terrible. I have a friend I can 205 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,319 Speaker 1: tell every time she starts dating someone new because all 206 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:33,040 Speaker 1: of a sudden, it's like you don't your silence. Yeah, 207 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:36,520 Speaker 1: I hate that, and it's like, Hey, the times that 208 00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:39,800 Speaker 1: I've been in a relationship, I stayed by your side. 209 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:43,720 Speaker 1: I was I never Dutch your calls. I made sure 210 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,880 Speaker 1: I answered your calls. I gave you the same amount 211 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:50,520 Speaker 1: of time as when I was single. For in when 212 00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:53,240 Speaker 1: I was in a relationship, so but not everyone's wired 213 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,480 Speaker 1: like me, so I have to give them a pass. 214 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:59,320 Speaker 1: It's true. And yeah, once once kids get in the mix, 215 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:03,760 Speaker 1: a kid, well then yeah it makes sense. But it 216 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,640 Speaker 1: does hurt a little bit, right, And it's kind of 217 00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:09,600 Speaker 1: sad because you know you're saying goodbye to this part 218 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:13,920 Speaker 1: of your friendship where it was it was I guess easier, um, 219 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,359 Speaker 1: And it's nobody's fault. That's just kind of a natural progression. 220 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,960 Speaker 1: But it does, Yeah, it does sting a bit. Um. 221 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:23,640 Speaker 1: And with so much of society structured around this idea 222 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:28,840 Speaker 1: of the nuclear family of success being the family and 223 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:34,520 Speaker 1: the house, it can feel like I at least sometimes 224 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,720 Speaker 1: I get the feeling that people think I have not 225 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:42,440 Speaker 1: succeeded in life because I don't have those things. Recently, 226 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,960 Speaker 1: I was at a friend's wedding and I caught the bouquet, which, 227 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 1: in case you don't know, means you're next in line 228 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:53,959 Speaker 1: to get me. You're planning your wedding now, yes, if 229 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:57,400 Speaker 1: you've got wedding plans. Well, a lot of people came 230 00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,160 Speaker 1: up to me after, and I got to say most 231 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 1: of them were like old dudes, but they came up 232 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:04,800 Speaker 1: to me after and asked, well, who is the lucky guy? 233 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,440 Speaker 1: And I would say, nope, no one, not really in 234 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,720 Speaker 1: the cards. And I got so many follow up questions, 235 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:15,400 Speaker 1: why not? How can this be? You're a fine looking lady, 236 00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:17,760 Speaker 1: I'm sure you could get somebody, to the point that 237 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 1: my friend who got married, he came up and he 238 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:24,080 Speaker 1: was like, are these people hounding hear? It's just funny 239 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:30,240 Speaker 1: how much I guess this is what we're told we 240 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:34,720 Speaker 1: should be moving towards. And when we were talking about 241 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:38,600 Speaker 1: this earlier, UM, I sort of got to thinking maybe 242 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:42,160 Speaker 1: it's generational because my mom got married when she was 243 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 1: really young, like a twenty or twenty one, and me 244 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,800 Speaker 1: that that's before you have a chance to have those 245 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,320 Speaker 1: years where you're growing up and figuring out who you 246 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:53,360 Speaker 1: are as an adult, because if I look back at 247 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:57,920 Speaker 1: twenty that was a different person. I changed so much 248 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:01,600 Speaker 1: in the decade that is the an ease. And now 249 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:03,640 Speaker 1: that she and my dad have grown apart, she's sort 250 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,800 Speaker 1: of having to learn that stuff, that who am I 251 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,600 Speaker 1: kind of stuff. And it's been really interesting for me 252 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:12,720 Speaker 1: because she'll call and ask for advice on what should 253 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,400 Speaker 1: I do. I don't know what to do with my time, 254 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,720 Speaker 1: and I'll ask, well, what do you like to do? 255 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:21,320 Speaker 1: And she didn't have a response ready at first, And 256 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:25,840 Speaker 1: when we kind of started talking about it, um, she 257 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,960 Speaker 1: she felt like the things she liked to do with 258 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 1: things that you shouldn't do alone, especially as a woman. 259 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:35,280 Speaker 1: She loves hiking. She didn't think she should go hiking 260 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,720 Speaker 1: alone as a woman. And I gave her the info 261 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,120 Speaker 1: for a hiking club that I know, and now she's 262 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,760 Speaker 1: gone on several hikes with them, and she's gone on 263 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:46,840 Speaker 1: some by herself. She started texting me a lot of pictures. 264 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:51,520 Speaker 1: You know. Good to you, um. And there are still 265 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:54,680 Speaker 1: things that are far more acceptable to do with a 266 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:58,280 Speaker 1: significant other or or even another person. A friend of 267 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:02,000 Speaker 1: mine canceled last in it last Friday, I think, a 268 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:05,640 Speaker 1: couple of Fridays ago before Harry Potter Live Orchestra showing 269 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,080 Speaker 1: of the Chamber of Secrets. So I had to go 270 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:12,360 Speaker 1: by myself, and I definitely got some looks. I don't 271 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:14,760 Speaker 1: think that was in my head. I think people were like, 272 00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:18,880 Speaker 1: this woman, is that a Harry Potter event on a Friday? Tire? 273 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:24,200 Speaker 1: But I wanted to go because sometimes you have to 274 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:28,200 Speaker 1: do that. You can't just wait out for somebody else 275 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:33,760 Speaker 1: to do the things you enjoy, like um, for instance, 276 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,119 Speaker 1: I remember there was this big movie premiere for Preciures. 277 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 1: I was wanting to see. It's so bad. I heard 278 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:43,960 Speaker 1: great reviews about it, and every time I try to 279 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,040 Speaker 1: connect with one of my friends, they were like, oh, 280 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:47,800 Speaker 1: I can't go this day, and I'm like, I don't 281 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,280 Speaker 1: want to wait. I don't want to wait, like I 282 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 1: want to see it now. And so usually I would 283 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:56,680 Speaker 1: never ever go see a movie um the premiere weekend alone, 284 00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:00,440 Speaker 1: but I said, forget it, I'm gonna do it because 285 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,320 Speaker 1: I need to be a part of this conversation. So 286 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,840 Speaker 1: I went alone and it was it was kind of 287 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:09,720 Speaker 1: weird because it was just me. I didn't have anyone 288 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:13,639 Speaker 1: wants to talk to. Wow um trailers for that the 289 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:17,480 Speaker 1: movies were, um right. I do enjoy trailers, but some 290 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:20,120 Speaker 1: of them I'll talk through. But I didn't have anybody 291 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,360 Speaker 1: to talk to. Luckily, I could just like scroll through 292 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:26,000 Speaker 1: my phone. So like places that I go by myself, 293 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:29,239 Speaker 1: initially too, I'm on my phone and that kind of 294 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:33,439 Speaker 1: helps transition me into like, Okay, I'm there, I'm alone. 295 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 1: It's okay, I have company on my phone. Yeah, yeah, 296 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:45,840 Speaker 1: having a phone being alone an event can be a lifesaver, 297 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:48,480 Speaker 1: just because it gives you something to do. But after 298 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:50,439 Speaker 1: a while I do start to feel like I have 299 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:55,880 Speaker 1: checked everything and people, I'm still alone. The other day, 300 00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:59,040 Speaker 1: on the other day, it was like months ago, I 301 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:02,040 Speaker 1: was at an event it by myself. I didn't know anybody, 302 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:06,679 Speaker 1: and it was a really nice event, and I just 303 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,520 Speaker 1: felt like I was the if you typed into Google 304 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:15,880 Speaker 1: sad single lady image that would have popped up. But 305 00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:18,639 Speaker 1: I actually ended up meeting a lot of cool people 306 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,840 Speaker 1: that night, which is an argument to make about, you know, 307 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:27,159 Speaker 1: just being social and putting your phone away. But yeah, yeah, 308 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,639 Speaker 1: what what I like about? Like when I read an 309 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:37,840 Speaker 1: article UM for strategies for like dealing with just being 310 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:42,760 Speaker 1: alone and like your loneliness UM and being comfortable with that, 311 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:47,280 Speaker 1: she says she has like a toolbox that she uses 312 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,800 Speaker 1: that she would go through, and I wanted to suggest 313 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:54,440 Speaker 1: some of my toolboxes of the tools I'll pick out 314 00:18:54,880 --> 00:19:00,000 Speaker 1: for the times of when I'm making friends with my loneliness. UM. 315 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:04,000 Speaker 1: So Netflix is definitely on there because I love movies 316 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:08,960 Speaker 1: and music for good vibes and my addiction to Facebook 317 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:14,240 Speaker 1: is among them. In my toolbox. I'm like, so my hammer, 318 00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:18,240 Speaker 1: what I would refer to as my hammer, screwdriver, wrenched 319 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:21,080 Speaker 1: like those important tools. It would be my TV, phone 320 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:25,200 Speaker 1: and laptop. Of course, those are my companions at a 321 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:28,920 Speaker 1: day when I have time to be lonely and I'm 322 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:32,680 Speaker 1: not as busy, which doesn't really come often, but when 323 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:38,040 Speaker 1: it does, um, those three like literally get me through anything. 324 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:41,000 Speaker 1: So I sleep with my phone like up to my laptop, 325 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,600 Speaker 1: and I date my TV. It's like the perfect relationship 326 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:48,200 Speaker 1: because I always need to be entertained, Like being board 327 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 1: is traumatizing for me. I cannot stand it. So you 328 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,960 Speaker 1: should have a wedding ceremony where you in the TV 329 00:19:57,359 --> 00:20:01,480 Speaker 1: lockdown there. I mean they did have one of those 330 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:08,679 Speaker 1: weird marriages. Somebody married their iPhone. You're right, I forgot 331 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:13,720 Speaker 1: about that. Well. See, I will not be that extreme. 332 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,760 Speaker 1: I will not marry my iPhone and I would not 333 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:21,560 Speaker 1: marry myself. Do you people do that? I don't need it. 334 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:25,879 Speaker 1: You talk to your your phone and your computer. No, 335 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:28,440 Speaker 1: I don't want to talk to Siri. You don't talk 336 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,960 Speaker 1: to SI. Talk to SI. No, I talked to my 337 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:39,440 Speaker 1: phone sometimes. It's more like when I drop it. I apologize. 338 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:47,240 Speaker 1: Oh um, so I thought we could define loneliness here 339 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,000 Speaker 1: because we are talking about the difference between loneliness and 340 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:54,680 Speaker 1: solitude and being lonely. So the dictionary definition is affected 341 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:59,920 Speaker 1: with characterized by or causing a depressing feeling of being alone, lonesome, 342 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:05,119 Speaker 1: destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse support, et cetera. 343 00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:10,360 Speaker 1: But that is different than solitude or just being by yourself. 344 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:14,000 Speaker 1: You don't have to be lonely when you're alone, if 345 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:17,159 Speaker 1: that makes sense. And this brings us to that Tracy 346 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:20,480 Speaker 1: Ellis Ross interview. But first it brings us to a 347 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:32,600 Speaker 1: quick break for word from our sponsor and we're back, 348 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:36,400 Speaker 1: thank you sponsor. Okay, so sorry, why don't you tell 349 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:40,600 Speaker 1: us about this Tracy Ellis Ross interview? Well, pretty much 350 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:45,240 Speaker 1: in this interview, um, Tracy is just talking about her 351 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:49,160 Speaker 1: life at being forty five years old and not married 352 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:53,760 Speaker 1: without kids, and how she's successful, but yet people are 353 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:57,200 Speaker 1: still questioning her like when she's going to have kids, 354 00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,840 Speaker 1: like as if her life hasn't really equated to my 355 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:04,359 Speaker 1: because she still doesn't have kids in a family, which sacs, 356 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:08,919 Speaker 1: that's not cool, like and stopping this whole shaming women 357 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:12,960 Speaker 1: for the fact if they don't have that, and she's um. 358 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,359 Speaker 1: I think it was the two thousand seventeen Glamour Summit. 359 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:21,919 Speaker 1: She had gave a speech pretty much about how to 360 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:26,360 Speaker 1: make friends with loneliness and just loving yourself, finding yourself, 361 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:30,200 Speaker 1: work worth in enjoying every aspect of yourself, and just 362 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:34,240 Speaker 1: being comfortable with not having a fit in society standards. 363 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:38,600 Speaker 1: M hmm, yeah, it's it was a great interview, and 364 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:47,960 Speaker 1: to me it's both sad and um comforting because she's 365 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:52,639 Speaker 1: obviously done a lot. She's successful, super successful, like I 366 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:56,119 Speaker 1: didn't even know she was a doctor. Yeah, And to 367 00:22:56,200 --> 00:23:01,320 Speaker 1: have people still assume that she's not quite successful, or 368 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,719 Speaker 1: that she's not complete, or that her life is missing 369 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:08,080 Speaker 1: this thing. I guess, no matter what level of fame 370 00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:12,080 Speaker 1: and success you achieve, at least at this point in 371 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:17,120 Speaker 1: our society for women, they're still going to be this, Well, 372 00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:21,560 Speaker 1: when are you gonna settle down and have kids? Yeah? 373 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,160 Speaker 1: And someone, because she stated that someone at fifty two 374 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:28,040 Speaker 1: years old told her it's never too late. I adopted 375 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:33,640 Speaker 1: and I was like, wow, that's pretty messed up. But 376 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,639 Speaker 1: what what I don't like is like if a guy 377 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,520 Speaker 1: says I'm not trying to man bash here, but if 378 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,720 Speaker 1: a guy says I want to be a bachelor for life, 379 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,960 Speaker 1: like he gets a nod. But if a female says that, 380 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:49,520 Speaker 1: they're like, oh that's kind of sad. Yeah, yeah, it's 381 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:54,320 Speaker 1: a different standard for sure. Um. And she she spoke 382 00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:58,400 Speaker 1: about in the article well meaning people telling her yeah, 383 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,480 Speaker 1: it's never too late, or like you need to give 384 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:05,320 Speaker 1: your life meaning and she said quote as if all 385 00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:07,960 Speaker 1: that I have done and who I am doesn't matter. 386 00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:11,159 Speaker 1: And to sort out all of her mixed feelings about this, 387 00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:13,720 Speaker 1: she decided to write about it in a journal and 388 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,399 Speaker 1: the first thing she wrote was my life is mine 389 00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:19,879 Speaker 1: and just writing that, the sentiment behind it moved her 390 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:24,600 Speaker 1: to tears, which was really powerful because when when you 391 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,680 Speaker 1: say that my life is mine, it just puts things 392 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,560 Speaker 1: more into perspective of Okay, this is what I want. 393 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,080 Speaker 1: You start thinking more like, Okay, maybe I don't want kids, 394 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:37,280 Speaker 1: or maybe I do, like who knows, Like for me 395 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,400 Speaker 1: in my own life, UM, I know I don't want 396 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,840 Speaker 1: to have kids because I felt my friends bellies while 397 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:49,200 Speaker 1: they were pregnant and I was disgusted. Wow, that's what 398 00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:53,440 Speaker 1: I haven't heard like. It seems like aliens in there, 399 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:55,520 Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't know, I don't I'm like, 400 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:58,840 Speaker 1: I still seem so immature on that matter, because I'm like, 401 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:01,679 Speaker 1: I don't know if I will something growing in me. 402 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,960 Speaker 1: And I was like, if I did have kids, I 403 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,760 Speaker 1: have to be with somebody rich because I'm not rich, 404 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,280 Speaker 1: because we would need a s arrogant because I don't 405 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:13,679 Speaker 1: think I could carry a baby. Well, you can always 406 00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:17,040 Speaker 1: adopt Tory. But see, I'm selfish. I want if I 407 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:18,920 Speaker 1: do have a kid, I want the kid to look 408 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:23,400 Speaker 1: like me. Okay, okay, that's it. Just to have a kid, 409 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,680 Speaker 1: to see what a miniature version of me looks like. 410 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,080 Speaker 1: You got, You got a lot of layers to this. 411 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:35,320 Speaker 1: I have so many layers. Um, if we go go 412 00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:38,280 Speaker 1: back to the article, away from a fear of alien 413 00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:42,840 Speaker 1: babies growing inside of you, uh, chasey Ellis Ross said, 414 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,119 Speaker 1: I have had to really make friends with loneliness and 415 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:49,760 Speaker 1: know the difference between choiceful solitude and lonely. I find 416 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:51,760 Speaker 1: comfort in being able to name it, to say I'm 417 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,879 Speaker 1: feeling lonely. Then to have a tribe of people I 418 00:25:53,880 --> 00:26:01,040 Speaker 1: feel safe enough with to share this is how I feel. Yeah, 419 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:05,280 Speaker 1: it is, it is and we all feel lonely. Um, 420 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:07,480 Speaker 1: this is not to say that Darry and I are 421 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:14,360 Speaker 1: somehow immune we've achieved some kind of anti lonely bubbles 422 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,119 Speaker 1: if we haven't, but it's good to be able to 423 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,240 Speaker 1: recognize it and know the difference between being alone and 424 00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:23,800 Speaker 1: being lonely. And this kind of brings us to something 425 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:26,959 Speaker 1: that I know a lot of you listeners have concerns 426 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:32,080 Speaker 1: about our questions about, and that is making friends as 427 00:26:32,119 --> 00:26:36,800 Speaker 1: an adult. Yeah, it is, and we've done a couple 428 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:40,719 Speaker 1: of episodes on it. Actually research bears out some of 429 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,399 Speaker 1: what Tracy Ellis Ross is talking about here, because the 430 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,960 Speaker 1: mid twenties is around the time people start losing friends 431 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:49,360 Speaker 1: and it's largely because of settling down and starting families 432 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:52,040 Speaker 1: that thing we were talking about earlier, or people figuring 433 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,600 Speaker 1: out who they're close friends are and focusing more on them. 434 00:26:56,000 --> 00:27:00,119 Speaker 1: So kind of trimming your friend group, I guess. And 435 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:03,280 Speaker 1: I feel that at least in my case, I'm very 436 00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:07,639 Speaker 1: lucky and that I have more friends than ever. Some 437 00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:11,000 Speaker 1: maybe that is changing, is all of these goal posts 438 00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,040 Speaker 1: are kind of moving later in life. People are getting 439 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:16,720 Speaker 1: married later, they're having kids later, So maybe you're making 440 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:20,560 Speaker 1: these stronger friendships when you're more of an adult and 441 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,560 Speaker 1: you know, everyone has a better sense of who they are. 442 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:30,960 Speaker 1: But I don't know, I don't know. I think for me, 443 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:35,159 Speaker 1: it's like I've been categorizing friends. So I'm like, Okay, 444 00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:37,080 Speaker 1: this is the kind of friend I have. Like I 445 00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,080 Speaker 1: try to set people for who they are, so I'm 446 00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:42,240 Speaker 1: like some people am like, Okay, this is an associated friend. 447 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,120 Speaker 1: This is not the person I'll tell all my my 448 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:49,119 Speaker 1: deep dark secrets too. But we can go to the 449 00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:54,159 Speaker 1: bar together and have a great conversation. But you know, 450 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:57,679 Speaker 1: everyone has out of my friend groups, like I have 451 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:01,119 Speaker 1: levels to them. So um, bringing on new people, Like 452 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,160 Speaker 1: I'm open to meet new friends, but I just put 453 00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,960 Speaker 1: them in like a category like Okay, you are this 454 00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:08,919 Speaker 1: kind of friend that I could share these these tails with, 455 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:10,600 Speaker 1: or are you this kind of friend that I could 456 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:15,480 Speaker 1: go to this kind of events with. But um, yeah, 457 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,920 Speaker 1: like I would say, like when I was in undergrad, 458 00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:20,520 Speaker 1: it was kind of hard making new friends because I 459 00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:24,520 Speaker 1: just didn't trust people. I'm like, oh, what if they're 460 00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:26,919 Speaker 1: shady or do something kind of trifle, And it was 461 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:29,440 Speaker 1: it was hard. But the older you get, the more 462 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:35,359 Speaker 1: you you're able to see personalities and see um behaviors 463 00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:38,440 Speaker 1: as which you'll feel like, Okay, I can trust this person, 464 00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:43,280 Speaker 1: I could let them in. Yeah. And the reason that 465 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:49,600 Speaker 1: we're talking about this is because in regards to not 466 00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:53,560 Speaker 1: being single, making friends with loneliness and important aspect of 467 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,040 Speaker 1: that is having that tribe that Tracey Ellis Ross was 468 00:28:56,080 --> 00:29:00,640 Speaker 1: describing are that friend group, that support group, whatever it is. UM. 469 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:03,720 Speaker 1: She talks about an article how she's the one that's there. 470 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:07,800 Speaker 1: She's like, if you need her for anything, she she 471 00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:11,440 Speaker 1: will be there for you. And I think that is 472 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:15,360 Speaker 1: a very fulfilling thing to be, to be that friend. 473 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,000 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm also the one if you text me, 474 00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:21,960 Speaker 1: I'll probably be there if you're like Annie, there's an 475 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:26,240 Speaker 1: event tonight. And it is fulfilling. But then on the 476 00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:29,479 Speaker 1: same note, because I feel like I'm that friend too, 477 00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:33,840 Speaker 1: it's also exhausting because when you need that friend, they're 478 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:37,880 Speaker 1: not there. Right. It's like one of my close friends. 479 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:40,440 Speaker 1: I love her to death, Like she's one of my 480 00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 1: friends that are called sister UM. To this point, well, 481 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:48,600 Speaker 1: she's like in a relationship. It's like what I call her, 482 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:53,680 Speaker 1: she doesn't answer, but she expects me to answer every 483 00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:57,360 Speaker 1: time she calls me. And so it's like now lately, 484 00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:59,360 Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, I'm going to treat her as she 485 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:02,000 Speaker 1: treats me, Like I'm not going to always be available 486 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:05,240 Speaker 1: because I think a lot of my friends they just 487 00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:07,520 Speaker 1: know like, oh, they can count on me, like I'm 488 00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:10,280 Speaker 1: so dependable, like tar is always going to be available 489 00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:12,280 Speaker 1: when we need here. And now I'm just like I'm 490 00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:15,680 Speaker 1: going to stop doing that. Yeah, and that's good. You 491 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:22,240 Speaker 1: wanna equitable friendship you don't want I think it's called ah, 492 00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:24,400 Speaker 1: it's some kind of vampire term. I should know it. 493 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:27,800 Speaker 1: I love vampires. Um, yeah, but you don't want it 494 00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:31,000 Speaker 1: to be one sided. If that's not what a good 495 00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:36,120 Speaker 1: friendship is. One of the the biggest things that people 496 00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:39,040 Speaker 1: will throw in your face when you tell them you're 497 00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:41,760 Speaker 1: a okay with being single. You're no rush to find 498 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:46,000 Speaker 1: anybody is who is going to take care of you 499 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:49,680 Speaker 1: when you get older? What if you fall and you 500 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:54,600 Speaker 1: can't get up, Tari, I'm going to use the alert 501 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:57,880 Speaker 1: get get life alert. There you go. There, you're not 502 00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:03,040 Speaker 1: an answer of this show. I will have life alert. 503 00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:06,200 Speaker 1: I like that you've already you've got it planned out. 504 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:18,520 Speaker 1: That commercial I literally cried, it's finny I know you're 505 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:22,600 Speaker 1: not supposed to laugh at that, but that commercial is hilarious. Well, 506 00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:28,520 Speaker 1: the actor wasn't great. We're making fun of what we're 507 00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:32,160 Speaker 1: gonna be one day. No, I wouldn't speak that into existence. 508 00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:34,920 Speaker 1: That will not happen for my life, hopefully not. I 509 00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:39,040 Speaker 1: cannot have that bad karma. But no, that commercial is hilarious, 510 00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:41,880 Speaker 1: and I haven't seen it a long time, but you 511 00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:45,840 Speaker 1: mentioned it has tears running down my eyes, you know. 512 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:51,400 Speaker 1: But yeah, friends have told me that they're like, oh, 513 00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:54,280 Speaker 1: you know, who's gonna come visit you in a retirement home? 514 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:58,160 Speaker 1: Like you don't have kids? And um, they just want 515 00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:01,240 Speaker 1: to scare you with that whole loneliness, like you're gonna 516 00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:05,720 Speaker 1: be all alone? Like one is the loneliest number? Did 517 00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:12,120 Speaker 1: I say that? Sounk? No? I want to go for it. Yeah, people, 518 00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:16,200 Speaker 1: I like to ask questions like that, who's going to 519 00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:17,600 Speaker 1: take care of you, who's going to pay for the 520 00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:21,760 Speaker 1: retirement home? Who's going to call you? Who's going to 521 00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:23,880 Speaker 1: be sad sitting by the phone. I guess I just 522 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:27,240 Speaker 1: hope that I could be like the Golden girls. What's 523 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:31,680 Speaker 1: the what was the most outgoing one? I've never seen 524 00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:35,560 Speaker 1: a golden girl. Oh mg, well, I want to be 525 00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:41,440 Speaker 1: the um cougar one one. Okay, there's a cougar one 526 00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:45,520 Speaker 1: forgot her day. You were talking about how there's not 527 00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:49,840 Speaker 1: really a male equivalent for cougar. Yes, when in our 528 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:55,280 Speaker 1: language there isn't. It's interesting, but normally the depiction you 529 00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:59,680 Speaker 1: see of older single women in the media is um. 530 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:02,160 Speaker 1: It's one that's to be feared or pitied. It's the 531 00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:06,760 Speaker 1: crazy cat lady, the jealous hag, the murderous which we 532 00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:10,040 Speaker 1: talked a little about this in Our Mother Destroyer Episode two. 533 00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:15,320 Speaker 1: Society's fears around single women, but this trope doesn't reflect reality. 534 00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:18,520 Speaker 1: More and more of women are choosing to live alone. 535 00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:22,080 Speaker 1: The majority of the twelve point one million adults living 536 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:26,120 Speaker 1: alone in the sixty plus range are women. And there's 537 00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:28,320 Speaker 1: all kinds of reasons for this. It could be divorced, 538 00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:31,280 Speaker 1: it could be widowhood, but you don't one you don't 539 00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:35,160 Speaker 1: hear about is choice. More and more women are choosing 540 00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:38,840 Speaker 1: to live alone. Eric Kleinbert literally wrote the book on this, 541 00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:42,440 Speaker 1: and it's called Going Solo. The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising 542 00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:45,760 Speaker 1: Appeal of Living Alone. In his research, he found that 543 00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,040 Speaker 1: folks who live alone are more likely to reach out 544 00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:51,960 Speaker 1: and socialize and build strong support groups. He wrote, clearly, 545 00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:55,200 Speaker 1: contrary to popular believe, for more of us, living alone 546 00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:59,320 Speaker 1: is a choice, not a sentence, and the percentage of 547 00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:02,440 Speaker 1: folks eight five are older living in retirement homes has 548 00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:06,000 Speaker 1: dropped at the same time from in nineteen eighty five 549 00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:10,839 Speaker 1: to nineteen percent in n Researchers speculate this might be 550 00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:15,200 Speaker 1: because of declining disability rates, or increased options for home care, 551 00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:18,600 Speaker 1: or both. And yet another study out of the UK 552 00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:21,440 Speaker 1: found that single people live more active lives than married 553 00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:24,120 Speaker 1: folks because they are less likely to skip out on 554 00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:28,319 Speaker 1: physical activities they're signed up for. Married couples were less 555 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:31,600 Speaker 1: likely to exercise on fifty minutes per week, which I 556 00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:35,719 Speaker 1: believe is the recommended amount in the United States. Yeah, 557 00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,320 Speaker 1: the thing is you can be in a marriage, have kids, 558 00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:40,799 Speaker 1: all that stuff that we've held up as the norm 559 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:43,480 Speaker 1: as what you're striving for for so long in our 560 00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:47,719 Speaker 1: society and still feel lonely. You can be single and 561 00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:51,239 Speaker 1: not feel lonely or feel lonely. We all experience loneliness 562 00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,000 Speaker 1: at some point or another. A study out of the 563 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:56,960 Speaker 1: University of California from twelve found that out of the 564 00:34:57,080 --> 00:35:01,760 Speaker 1: one thousand sixty four adults over sixty surveyed reported feelings 565 00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:10,719 Speaker 1: of loneliness, and of that sixty two were married. So yeah, 566 00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:15,160 Speaker 1: we're all feeling kind of alone sometimes. Another study found 567 00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:17,800 Speaker 1: that in older folks, when blood pressure rises and reaction 568 00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:21,960 Speaker 1: to some types of stress, loneliness accentuates that response it 569 00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:25,839 Speaker 1: makes it worse. Barbara Dane, who is a ninety one 570 00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:29,640 Speaker 1: year old jazz musician, described her observations of aging and 571 00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:32,759 Speaker 1: loneliness like this. As you get older, you see the 572 00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:35,640 Speaker 1: world writing you off, so you tend to become passive 573 00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:38,439 Speaker 1: and think, I don't want to bother anybody. You lose 574 00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:41,560 Speaker 1: contact with your own kind, your tribe, and before you 575 00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:44,160 Speaker 1: know it, you're feeling bad. It's kind of like a 576 00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:47,160 Speaker 1: self fulfilling prophecy. Your eyes start to fasten on the 577 00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:53,360 Speaker 1: sunset and you start walking toward it. And that quote 578 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:58,680 Speaker 1: really resonated with me. Um, I have to my own detriment, 579 00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,200 Speaker 1: and I think a lot of us do this. I 580 00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:03,719 Speaker 1: get it in my head that I don't want to 581 00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:09,439 Speaker 1: annoy anybody, that they're better off without me. Yeah. Yeah, 582 00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:13,160 Speaker 1: but it's just like a we're all insecure, right, And 583 00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:17,120 Speaker 1: and then on the other end of that conversation, my friend, 584 00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:20,919 Speaker 1: who I'm trying to not annoy with my presence thinks, well, 585 00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:23,399 Speaker 1: she doesn't want to hang out with me. So it's 586 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:30,640 Speaker 1: just miscommunication and it's impacted some of my friendships, and 587 00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:38,319 Speaker 1: so I try to be less insecure. Yes, you're overthinking it. 588 00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:42,360 Speaker 1: You have to get out your head. Yeah, yeah, that's true. 589 00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:47,880 Speaker 1: And speaking of not overthinking it, we do have some 590 00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,279 Speaker 1: advice for you. But first we have one more quick 591 00:36:50,320 --> 00:37:02,520 Speaker 1: break for a word from our sponsor m hm, and 592 00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:07,239 Speaker 1: we're back. Thank you sponsor. And we do have some advice, um, 593 00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:13,760 Speaker 1: some advice on dealing with solitude. I personally used to 594 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:18,200 Speaker 1: tell my friends that I'm thinking of one friend in particular, 595 00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:22,200 Speaker 1: and she just wasn't okay being single. She always had 596 00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:26,200 Speaker 1: to be dating. And I would tell her, you need 597 00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:28,719 Speaker 1: to learn to be okay with being alone by yourself 598 00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:33,600 Speaker 1: and figure out why you're not okay with that, because 599 00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:35,640 Speaker 1: I think if you can get to the heart of that, 600 00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:40,440 Speaker 1: then you can work on it and you can find 601 00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:45,319 Speaker 1: ways to be okay being by yourself to make that 602 00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:49,640 Speaker 1: time better. And I think that that in turn will 603 00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:55,040 Speaker 1: make your relationships better. If you are this complete person, 604 00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:58,319 Speaker 1: if you're not waiting for someone to complete you, then 605 00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:00,239 Speaker 1: I think that will be it will lead to a 606 00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:05,319 Speaker 1: healthier life for you, in or not in a relationship. 607 00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:09,960 Speaker 1: So that's one I have. Um. If you're looking to 608 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:14,000 Speaker 1: make friends, I'm a big believer of shifting your mindset 609 00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:17,480 Speaker 1: to be more about this kind of thing, more about 610 00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:21,200 Speaker 1: making friends with yourself and with loneliness. And I know 611 00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:23,600 Speaker 1: it sounds kind of trite, Well what do you like 612 00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:26,640 Speaker 1: to do? Get you know, ask yourself, get to the 613 00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:29,520 Speaker 1: bottom of what makes you happy, what are you interested in, 614 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:32,200 Speaker 1: what do you want to learn about, and then pursue 615 00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,600 Speaker 1: those things, join a group or a club that does 616 00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:37,600 Speaker 1: those things, and then you already have that shared interests. 617 00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:40,759 Speaker 1: You don't have to worry about planning or scheduling or 618 00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:44,879 Speaker 1: finding a place, so that pressure has taken off of you. 619 00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:49,120 Speaker 1: So I think that's a that's a good way. For 620 00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:52,080 Speaker 1: the technically savvy, there are apps and websites that are 621 00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:55,439 Speaker 1: all about finding friends or social events. For single people 622 00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:58,600 Speaker 1: not looking to date anybody, there are so many options. 623 00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:03,200 Speaker 1: You've got Bumblebee, f Tender, Social, Meet my Dog for 624 00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:05,680 Speaker 1: those who want to meet up with other dog owners 625 00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,440 Speaker 1: at LEO. I don't know why I said it that way. 626 00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:11,960 Speaker 1: It's a t l e O for sports lovers and athletes. 627 00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:15,279 Speaker 1: Um So, if there's something you're interested in, there are 628 00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:17,160 Speaker 1: a lot of options for you. And I think a 629 00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:18,920 Speaker 1: lot of us are interested in it because in the 630 00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:23,120 Speaker 1: first week bumble Bff came out, there were a million swipes. 631 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:28,719 Speaker 1: So I think you know, technology can help you in this. 632 00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:30,680 Speaker 1: It can also hurt you, but it can help you. 633 00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:34,680 Speaker 1: Do you have any any advice? Sorry for making friends 634 00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:39,040 Speaker 1: with loneliness. I would say go out your comfort zone, 635 00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:42,680 Speaker 1: like do the stuff that you would normally do with friends, 636 00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:45,040 Speaker 1: like I guess, like going to a concert, or like 637 00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:50,040 Speaker 1: for you, going on Harry Potter ride. Say I didn't 638 00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:53,320 Speaker 1: mention this in the episode. This ride I'm determined to ride. 639 00:39:53,760 --> 00:40:00,440 Speaker 1: It's tied just through the under the bus. It's fun. 640 00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:04,399 Speaker 1: It's fine. You have to have someone four ft are 641 00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:09,040 Speaker 1: shorter with you or you can't ride the ride. And surprise, surprise, 642 00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:12,400 Speaker 1: people aren't super enthused to let you borrow their kids 643 00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:14,920 Speaker 1: to ride this ride. But I will one day find 644 00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:17,880 Speaker 1: a way. It's a Jurassic Park ride, to be clear, 645 00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:22,279 Speaker 1: to ride that ride. But yeah, we've talked about on 646 00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:25,480 Speaker 1: this show before. Doing things like that, like traveling alone 647 00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:28,960 Speaker 1: and how rewarding it can be. Um, going to the 648 00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:32,279 Speaker 1: movies alone is the one that I love. Um, I 649 00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:36,280 Speaker 1: just saw Halloween by myself and don't tell Ramsey because 650 00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:39,960 Speaker 1: we promised we'd see it together, but I had an 651 00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:43,320 Speaker 1: opportunity and I really wanted to go. I've been waiting 652 00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:50,000 Speaker 1: for weeks. So there. Yeah, I think that is good advice, right, 653 00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:56,439 Speaker 1: And I would say we're making it sound like we're 654 00:40:56,480 --> 00:41:01,120 Speaker 1: just promoting being single. Yes, but no, no, no kidding, 655 00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:06,520 Speaker 1: I'm kidding. I think that. Yeah, it's a valid lifestyle 656 00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:09,280 Speaker 1: and we should treat it as such. People are complete people. 657 00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:13,680 Speaker 1: They can be human beings outside of relationship, women, especially 658 00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:19,879 Speaker 1: in this context. But ah, make yeah, make friends, make 659 00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:25,040 Speaker 1: friends with loneliness and love every part of you, finding 660 00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:28,840 Speaker 1: your worth and just enjoying being you and doing the 661 00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:31,759 Speaker 1: things that you love the most. That's trying to put 662 00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:35,799 Speaker 1: up there. Yeah, and I I we've heard from a 663 00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:40,759 Speaker 1: lot of you who have been experimenting more with doing 664 00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:43,160 Speaker 1: things by yourself that are it is outside of your 665 00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:45,680 Speaker 1: comfort zone and your adventures. We would love to keep 666 00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:49,120 Speaker 1: hearing more of those stories. And I love One listener 667 00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:54,280 Speaker 1: described it as luxurious, being able to do things alone. 668 00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:56,799 Speaker 1: I think she had in her case, she had a 669 00:41:56,880 --> 00:42:00,080 Speaker 1: family and kids, and not that she I'm sure you 670 00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:03,760 Speaker 1: love them, but just that having that that moment to 671 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:07,560 Speaker 1: to be by yourself and to appreciate at that loneliness. 672 00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:11,240 Speaker 1: And I think for so long we've kind of made 673 00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:14,440 Speaker 1: loneliness the villain. But it doesn't have to be. It 674 00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:17,560 Speaker 1: doesn't have to be like a super sad thing. It doesn't. No, 675 00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:22,360 Speaker 1: it's fun. You can take it from two single ladies 676 00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:26,040 Speaker 1: on the town. It's fun, and this whole episode is 677 00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:30,239 Speaker 1: we need to give it right to our parents. So 678 00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:33,520 Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us. Sorry, thanks for 679 00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:37,440 Speaker 1: letting me ramble. I appreciate it. Yes, anytime, anytime you've 680 00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:40,279 Speaker 1: got a topic that you want to to pitch to me, 681 00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:44,719 Speaker 1: I am all ears and we would love to hear 682 00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:48,000 Speaker 1: from you listeners. How do you make friends with loneliness? 683 00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:50,279 Speaker 1: You can email us at mom Stuff at house to 684 00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:52,920 Speaker 1: forks dot com, or you can find us on Twitter 685 00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:56,160 Speaker 1: at mom Stuff Podcast and on Instagram at stuff I've 686 00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:59,800 Speaker 1: Never Told You. Thanks as always to our producer Andrew Howard. 687 00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:01,760 Speaker 1: Thanks to you for listening.