WEBVTT - The Monstrefact Omnibus: D&D Monsters

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Stuff to Blow Your Mind, a production of iHeartRadio.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi, my name is Robert Lamb and this is The

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<v Speaker 2>Monster Fact, a short form series from Stuff to Blow

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<v Speaker 2>Your Mind, focusing in non mythical creatures, ideas and monsters.

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<v Speaker 2>In time, we have a special omnibus episode of The

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<v Speaker 2>Monster Fact here for you this week, collecting four past

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<v Speaker 2>episodes about miscellaneous creatures from the Dungeons and Dragons universe

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<v Speaker 2>and the possible science behind them. This was actually a

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<v Speaker 2>listener submitted idea, so we hope you enjoy the experiment

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<v Speaker 2>up verst the Nosferatu. Countless variations of the vampire have

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<v Speaker 2>emerged from our popular culture, fed by the blood of

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<v Speaker 2>global myths, folk tales, and legends. Some are sparkly and sexy,

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<v Speaker 2>others sinister and dangerous, others altogether monstrous. The Nosfaratu vampire

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<v Speaker 2>has come into its own, a pale, emaciated body with

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<v Speaker 2>ghoulish features, bat like ears, and a pair of elongated

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<v Speaker 2>incisors for piercing the skin of their victims rather than

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<v Speaker 2>the elongated canine teeth found in so many other vampire depictions.

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<v Speaker 2>While not always completely devoid of humanity, they tend toward

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<v Speaker 2>the purely monstrous end of the vampiric spectrum. They have

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<v Speaker 2>been consumed by their unnatural thirst, and this may leave

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<v Speaker 2>them in a primal state, or one in which their

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<v Speaker 2>human memories have faded gossamer thin Naturally. This monster dates

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<v Speaker 2>back to the nineteen twenty two silent German expressionist film Nosferatu,

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<v Speaker 2>a symphony of harm, which in turn has been reimagined

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<v Speaker 2>many times, including in the Werner Herzog nineteen seventy nine

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<v Speaker 2>film Nosphora to the Vampire. I find the nosferatu particularly

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<v Speaker 2>engaging in light of what we know of obligate sanguevares

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<v Speaker 2>in the natural world, particularly vampire bats. It is a

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<v Speaker 2>highly specialized diet blood and not at all an easy

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<v Speaker 2>survival path. Unlike their insect and fruit eating relatives, vampire

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<v Speaker 2>bats cannot hibernate or migrate. They lack the fat store,

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<v Speaker 2>so instead they must feed every night, lapping up fifty

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<v Speaker 2>percent of their body weight in order to survive. So, too,

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<v Speaker 2>the Nosferatu seems shackled to its thirst. In the fifth

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<v Speaker 2>edition of Dungeons and Dragons, the Nosfatu merits its own

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<v Speaker 2>monster manual entry, separate from all the other blood drinkers

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<v Speaker 2>with a level eight challenge rating. It's no pushover, but

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<v Speaker 2>it's both powerful and in some ways fragile. Hyper sensitive

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<v Speaker 2>to sunlight. It has a few different attack actions at

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<v Speaker 2>its disposal, including blood disgorge, in which quote the nosferatu

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<v Speaker 2>vomits blood in a fifteen foot cone. In doing this,

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<v Speaker 2>it inflicts necrotic damage on any hapless hero in its way.

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<v Speaker 2>In the natural world, scavenging vultures are known to disgorge

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<v Speaker 2>their meals when threatened, perhaps to bribe the attacker or

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<v Speaker 2>to lighten their load for an escape flight. This would

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<v Speaker 2>be a fit in comparison for the Nosferatu, but the

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<v Speaker 2>Texas horned lizard boasts an impressive defense as well. While

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<v Speaker 2>its camouflage is generally quite effective, it can also shoot

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<v Speaker 2>a stream of blood out of its eyelids with a

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<v Speaker 2>range of up to five feet. According to the Oklahoma

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<v Speaker 2>Department of Wildlife Conservation. The blood also contains a bitter chemical,

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<v Speaker 2>possibly derived from ants and the lizard's diet, which predators

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<v Speaker 2>such as coyotes find particularly distasteful. The lizard can use

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<v Speaker 2>up to a third of its total blood supply in

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<v Speaker 2>this counter attack, but it gets the Messa across, and

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<v Speaker 2>now let's discuss the owl bear. The owl bear has

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<v Speaker 2>a long history in the world of Dungeons and Dragons,

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<v Speaker 2>dating all the way back to the gaming table of

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<v Speaker 2>dn D pioneer Gary Gygax, who was allegedly inspired by

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<v Speaker 2>the design of a Japanese Kaiju toy which he used

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<v Speaker 2>as a mini on his gaming table. You can look

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<v Speaker 2>up images of the toy, a slightly dirty beaked monster

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<v Speaker 2>in yellow plastic, standing in the traditional stance of an

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<v Speaker 2>old school t rex toy. Now you'll find various choices

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<v Speaker 2>of dedicated owl bear miniature today, as the creature has

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<v Speaker 2>become a standard of fantasy role playing adventures. A hulking,

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<v Speaker 2>flightless owl beast that stalks the forests, hunting anything that

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<v Speaker 2>moves and littering its layer with their bones. It is

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<v Speaker 2>not an evil monster, but rather a neutral denizen of

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<v Speaker 2>the fantastic forest. The fifth edition Monster Manual tells us

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<v Speaker 2>that while the exact origins of the owl bear are unknown,

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<v Speaker 2>there are two prevailing theories. Either a mad wizard spliced

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<v Speaker 2>an owl and a bear together into a single beast,

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<v Speaker 2>or it has simply always been a part of the

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<v Speaker 2>fay wild, which I guess is basically like saying it's

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<v Speaker 2>a naturally occurring organism. Fair enough, in the world of

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<v Speaker 2>dungeons and dragons, magic has an objective reality, as do

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<v Speaker 2>just about every god and devil you could possibly imagine.

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<v Speaker 2>But what fascinates me about the owl bear is that

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<v Speaker 2>none of that seems quite required. It feels highly probable.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a whole different kettle of fish compared to something

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<v Speaker 2>like a beholder or even a fire breathing dragon. It is,

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<v Speaker 2>in essence, a large, flightless owl that has come to

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<v Speaker 2>fill the ecological niche formally occupied by a bear. In

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<v Speaker 2>the natural world, most bear species are omnivores, with pandas

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<v Speaker 2>and polar bears representing the dietary extremes on either side

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<v Speaker 2>herbivore and carnivore, respectively. It's implied that owlbears are carnivores,

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<v Speaker 2>but I think we can easily imagine them obtaining nourishment. However,

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<v Speaker 2>they can from freshly mauled adventures and scavenged corpses to

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<v Speaker 2>elvin compost bins and maybe a few fresh berries. You

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<v Speaker 2>might counter that owls, on the other hand, are certainly carnivorous,

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<v Speaker 2>but the burrowing owl, which will chase its prey across

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<v Speaker 2>the ground, consumes fruit and seeds in addition to various

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<v Speaker 2>invertebrates and small vertebrates. The burrowing owl is still capable

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<v Speaker 2>of flight and will swoop down on its prey, but

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<v Speaker 2>its scampering tactics make it perhaps the closest thing to

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<v Speaker 2>an actual owl bear in our world, despite its small size.

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<v Speaker 2>A more fitting match from prehistoric times, however, it can

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<v Speaker 2>be found in the giant Cuban owl or ornie megalonics,

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<v Speaker 2>which thrived on the island of what is now Cuba

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<v Speaker 2>during the late Plusticcene period. These owls measured three feet

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<v Speaker 2>seven inches or one point one meters in height and

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<v Speaker 2>were either flightless or nearly flightless. They are the largest

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<v Speaker 2>owls known to have ever existed in the natural world.

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<v Speaker 2>The giant Cuban owl and other large prehistoric birds, including

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<v Speaker 2>the moa, thrived on islands and continents that land mammals

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<v Speaker 2>hadn't reached yet. In these places, they filled niches typically

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<v Speaker 2>filled by carnivorous mammals and megafauna. So, as far as

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<v Speaker 2>my thinking goes, we don't need mad wizards to arrive

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<v Speaker 2>at the owl bear. We just need an ecosystem isolated

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<v Speaker 2>from mammals, in which some manner of ground hunting owl

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<v Speaker 2>can steadily adapt toward filling the role traditionally occupied by bears.

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<v Speaker 2>This would also work if some previously dominant organism had

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<v Speaker 2>been wiped out and owls were able to move into

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<v Speaker 2>that vacant niche. But of course, in the world of

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<v Speaker 2>dungeons and dragons, dinosaurs and dragons coexists, so it's hard

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<v Speaker 2>to imagine there being too many opportunities for evolving organisms

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<v Speaker 2>like this, So maybe a mad wizard is required after all. Well,

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<v Speaker 2>my son Sebastian, who actually just gave me an owl

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<v Speaker 2>bear mini for Father's Day, suggests that it could have

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<v Speaker 2>been the work of druids seeking not to release a

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<v Speaker 2>ferocious monster on the world and challenge adventurers, but rather

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<v Speaker 2>to bolster a challenged environment where perhaps adventurers had wiped

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<v Speaker 2>out the bears and there was this lovely niche that

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<v Speaker 2>needed filling. Well, why not the owl? Why not the

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<v Speaker 2>owl bear? Thanks to my son Sebastian for chiming in

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<v Speaker 2>on this one. Our third selection is the salt dragon.

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<v Speaker 2>From green dragons to golden dragons, from solar dragons to

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<v Speaker 2>lou dragons, the world of dungeons and dragons, as well

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of dragons. One variety that hasn't officially seen

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<v Speaker 2>the light of days since second edition is the salt

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<v Speaker 2>dragon of the Forgotten Realms the setting. These pale, yellow

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<v Speaker 2>and white dragons were said to inhabit salt encrusted lands,

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<v Speaker 2>and their breath weapon was fittingly salt themed as well.

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<v Speaker 2>They expelled a cone of salt crystals that could blind

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<v Speaker 2>and wound enemies both above and beneath the water. While

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<v Speaker 2>there are no true salt dragons in the natural world,

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<v Speaker 2>we do have the Galapagos marine iguana, an endemic algae

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<v Speaker 2>eating iguana species that adapted to thrive on the isolated

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<v Speaker 2>islands of the Galactos. These are marvelous creatures to watch,

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<v Speaker 2>sometimes comical and amusing as they bass on shore side

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<v Speaker 2>rocks and landings, but utterly graceful in the water. Sure

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<v Speaker 2>they frequently appear to sneeze, this is actually a means

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<v Speaker 2>of clearing excess salt from their bodies via special glands

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<v Speaker 2>at the nostrils. The resulting salt crystals sometimes encrust the

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<v Speaker 2>thorny heads of the lounging creatures, giving them an even

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<v Speaker 2>saltier appearance. Those horny protrusions on the head, by the way,

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<v Speaker 2>help scrape algae away from the rocks during feeding. So

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<v Speaker 2>for the marine iguana, salt sneezes are a means of

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<v Speaker 2>removing excess levels of salt from the body, not a

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<v Speaker 2>means of defense. Though even Charles Darwin in his book

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<v Speaker 2>The Voyage of the Beagle described the act as follows quote.

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<v Speaker 2>They do not seem to have any notion of biting,

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<v Speaker 2>but when much frightened, they squirret a drop of fluid

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<v Speaker 2>from each nostrul. First impressions surely, as the basting iguanas

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<v Speaker 2>seem to regularly emit salt regardless of perceived fright Still,

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<v Speaker 2>this curious feature allows us an avenue by which to

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<v Speaker 2>imagine the physiology of a fantastic salt dragon. Instead of

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<v Speaker 2>expelling all of its excess salt, perhaps the giant fantastic

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<v Speaker 2>creature is able to safely store the crystals or concentrated

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<v Speaker 2>saline solution inside its body for later use as a

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<v Speaker 2>defensive or offensive breath weapon. And for a final selection,

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<v Speaker 2>let's head into the cave. Nothing beats a good Dungeons

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<v Speaker 2>and Dragons cave environment. Whether you're talking about an isolated

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<v Speaker 2>cavern layer for a surface rampaging monster, or the dark

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<v Speaker 2>subterranean kingdoms of the underdark. Either way, there's no shortage

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<v Speaker 2>of exotic monsters to populate these environments, and at least

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<v Speaker 2>two of them stand out for their mimicry of stalactites

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<v Speaker 2>and stalagmites. First, let's refresh on the nature of stalactites

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<v Speaker 2>and stalagmites. Stalactites derived from the Greek to drill is

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<v Speaker 2>a mineral formation caused by dripping that forms on the ceiling.

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<v Speaker 2>The corresponding formation on the floor of the cavern is

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<v Speaker 2>a stalagmite. Some folks might keep the straight in their

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<v Speaker 2>own heads by reminding themselves that stalactite has a C

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<v Speaker 2>in it for ceiling and stalagmite has a G in

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<v Speaker 2>it for ground. At any rate, let's start on the floor.

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<v Speaker 2>Amid the stalagmites of D and D you'll find the

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<v Speaker 2>occasional roper, a large, one eyed monster that mimics a

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<v Speaker 2>silent cone of stone until an adventurer strays too close.

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<v Speaker 2>Then its tentacles lash out and pull the victim in

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<v Speaker 2>towards its deadly maw. Amid the stalactites, you'll find an

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<v Speaker 2>even more fascinating creature, the piercer. This predatory mollusk has

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<v Speaker 2>a sharp stalactite shaped shell, enabling it to blend in

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<v Speaker 2>on a cavern ceiling until guess what, along comes another

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<v Speaker 2>hand apless adventure and the piercer drops like the sword

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<v Speaker 2>of Damocles and hopefully skewers the poor sap to the floor.

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<v Speaker 2>If this is a success, the piercer or piercers, because

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<v Speaker 2>sometimes they apparently live in groups, begin the feast. A fail, however,

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<v Speaker 2>means the creature has to slowly crawl back up the

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<v Speaker 2>wall to the ceiling in order to try its gravity

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<v Speaker 2>assisted attack once more. The piercer is a fantastic monster concept,

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<v Speaker 2>and both of these cave dwellers have been lashing out

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<v Speaker 2>against adventurers since the first edition of Dungeons and Dragons. However,

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<v Speaker 2>when we turn to the cave environments of the natural world,

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<v Speaker 2>we don't find creatures that employ such tactics. While there

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<v Speaker 2>are many amazing subterranean organisms with unique adaptations, you might

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<v Speaker 2>well ponder over the seeming absence of stalactite and stalagmite mimics,

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<v Speaker 2>as evolutionary developmental biologist William R. Jeffrey points out in

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<v Speaker 2>his two thousand and nine paper Regressive evolution in a

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<v Speaker 2>Dionacs cavefish quote. In surface dwelling animals, pigmentation is used

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<v Speaker 2>for protection from sunlight, camouflage, mimicry, and species and sex recognition,

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<v Speaker 2>all of which are irrevolent in the dark cave environment.

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<v Speaker 2>Jeffrey is dealing chiefly with cavefish here in this paper,

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<v Speaker 2>but I think we can safely apply this concept to

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<v Speaker 2>other cave dwellers as well. Again, we have to remember

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<v Speaker 2>that these are lightless worlds, where sight in the organs

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<v Speaker 2>of sight lose their importance. Other senses become the coin

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<v Speaker 2>of the realm in dungeons and dragons. However, we have

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<v Speaker 2>to remember that these wholly fictional cave environments revolve entirely

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<v Speaker 2>around the inevitable arrival of generally cited characters, and that

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<v Speaker 2>they're often aided by magical vision lamps and or a

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<v Speaker 2>plethora of bioluminescent fungi. And we have to remind ourselves

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<v Speaker 2>that mimicry in the real world doesn't have to be visual.

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<v Speaker 2>It can certainly be auditory. For instance, the greater mouse

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<v Speaker 2>bat has been observed to mimic the sounds of buzzing

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<v Speaker 2>hornets to scare away predatory owl species. Meanwhile, Chinese cicadas

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<v Speaker 2>are also known to use intraspecific sexual mimicry that means

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<v Speaker 2>males using female sounds in this case, which amounts to

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<v Speaker 2>a similar sort of auditory deception. And hey, D and

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<v Speaker 2>D has us covered there as well, with the Lucratum

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<v Speaker 2>monstrous be said to lure in their victims by mimicking

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<v Speaker 2>the voices of humans and other intelligent species, inspired by

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<v Speaker 2>the half hyena half lion creatures described by Plenty of

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<v Speaker 2>the Elder said to reside in Ethiopia, yet quote mimics

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<v Speaker 2>the voices of men and cattle. Tune in for additional

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<v Speaker 2>episodes of the Monster Fact each week. As always, you

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<v Speaker 2>can email us at contact at stuff to Blow your

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<v Speaker 2>Mind dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>Stuffed Blow your Mind is production of iHeartRadio. For more

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