1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:16,520
Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, It's Sophia. Welcome to Work in Progress. Hey Whipsmarties,

2
00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:19,319
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. Today we are going to

3
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:24,160
Speaker 1: interview an author whose book I adore, who you probably

4
00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:28,000
Speaker 1: know because she also happens to be an incredibly accomplished

5
00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:33,200
Speaker 1: actress with a fascinating story. Sarah Shahe is here today,

6
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,000
Speaker 1: and she is not known for playing it safe. She

7
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:39,360
Speaker 1: is an actor, an author, a former NFL cheerleader. She

8
00:00:39,479 --> 00:00:44,280
Speaker 1: studied opera. She has built a career pushing boundaries. She

9
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:49,080
Speaker 1: gravitates towards characters who hold power and vulnerability, like the

10
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:53,000
Speaker 1: incredible woman she played on Sex Life, her character in

11
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,960
Speaker 1: the hit political murder mystery Paradise, which is coming back

12
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,400
Speaker 1: for season two on February twenty third. She's also managing

13
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:02,000
Speaker 1: to find the time to film the sequel to Red

14
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:06,520
Speaker 1: White and Royal Blue, and is publishing her first book,

15
00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:11,240
Speaker 1: Life Is Lifey that offers an unfiltered and laugh out

16
00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:16,880
Speaker 1: loud reflection on resilience, womanhood, sex power, and the messy

17
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,680
Speaker 1: middle where real growth happens.

18
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,440
Speaker 2: Let's dive in with Sarah Shahi.

19
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:38,440
Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, beautiful, how are you.

20
00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:41,200
Speaker 2: I'm so good. I've been thinking about you.

21
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,480
Speaker 1: I'm so happy you're here, and I'm like, God, we

22
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,240
Speaker 1: have been trying to hang out since we saw each

23
00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:46,120
Speaker 1: other at the airport.

24
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:49,120
Speaker 3: I know, that's so crazy. I feel like you have

25
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:54,480
Speaker 3: lived nine lives since then, and I have two. So

26
00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,440
Speaker 3: this catchup will probably cover a lot of things.

27
00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:58,480
Speaker 2: I love it.

28
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,920
Speaker 3: Are you home in la I am? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

29
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:05,400
Speaker 3: I just got back a couple of days ago. Where

30
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:08,680
Speaker 3: were you? I was all over I was in London

31
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:11,960
Speaker 3: doing a movie, and then I went to and then

32
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,560
Speaker 3: I just I was on book tour. So then we

33
00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:19,839
Speaker 3: were in London, New York, Nashville, Miami, Austin, and then yeah,

34
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,639
Speaker 3: I just got back a couple of days ago. Wow, Yeah,

35
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:23,400
Speaker 3: it was cool.

36
00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:25,799
Speaker 2: You're trying to figure out what time zone you're into,

37
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:28,079
Speaker 2: the amount.

38
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,040
Speaker 3: Of times I wake up in the morning this last week,

39
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:34,120
Speaker 3: and I'm like where am I? Like, which hotel, what state,

40
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:37,760
Speaker 3: what time? Like, where is this? Yeah? But yeah, no,

41
00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:40,640
Speaker 3: it's just you know, it's like I had a partner

42
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:46,120
Speaker 3: one time who didn't understand that. Like it's it's not

43
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:51,560
Speaker 3: being ungrateful to say like I'm tired or venting about

44
00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:55,320
Speaker 3: a really hard schedule, Like I am equally grateful, like

45
00:02:55,360 --> 00:03:00,320
Speaker 3: I'm allowed to say I'm looking tired and still love

46
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,040
Speaker 3: what I do. At the same time, it doesn't mean

47
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:03,880
Speaker 3: I'm not grateful, you know what I mean. So it's like,

48
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:08,200
Speaker 3: and I thought about that often on like this time

49
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,359
Speaker 3: in my life, because I'm like, how lucky am I

50
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,200
Speaker 3: that I get to be tired from doing something that

51
00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,360
Speaker 3: I love so much and something that I created, you know? So?

52
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,560
Speaker 3: But yeah, but no, I definitely need a vacation. Girl,

53
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:21,480
Speaker 3: I need a vacation.

54
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:23,040
Speaker 2: Oh honey, I feel you.

55
00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:24,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, really interesting.

56
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:25,639
Speaker 2: I've thought a lot about that.

57
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:29,280
Speaker 1: Friend of mine likewise said to me once, everybody complains

58
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:30,160
Speaker 1: about their job.

59
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,880
Speaker 4: And just because other people think your.

60
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:36,000
Speaker 1: Job is fancy, yeah, it does not mean your job

61
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:37,520
Speaker 1: is not really hard.

62
00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:39,320
Speaker 3: It's all relative, isn't it.

63
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:42,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, And she was like, it's okay for you to

64
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:43,520
Speaker 2: say this is hard.

65
00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:47,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're a human. You're not a robot, you're not

66
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:51,680
Speaker 1: an avatar. And it really reminded me. I was like, oh, right, Like,

67
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:56,040
Speaker 1: you know, a CEO who makes forty times what I

68
00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,800
Speaker 1: make a year is complaining about his job too, So

69
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,200
Speaker 1: I'm allowed to have hard days and then be like, wow,

70
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,440
Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm so lucky that this is my job.

71
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:07,320
Speaker 3: It's both exactly exactly you can carry both at the

72
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:07,880
Speaker 3: same time.

73
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:08,640
Speaker 4: Yeah.

74
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, one of the things I just am obsessed

75
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:15,320
Speaker 1: with you about, I mean, aside from like personally but professionally, is.

76
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,840
Speaker 2: The way you do your job and you and you

77
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:20,240
Speaker 2: do all of.

78
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,440
Speaker 1: It, and you do it with grace and you do

79
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,480
Speaker 1: it with fire, and you are one of those people

80
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:28,799
Speaker 1: that I observe as being completely.

81
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,559
Speaker 2: Not to say that you don't carry fear.

82
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:35,840
Speaker 1: It's like you're just not intimidated enough by what you

83
00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:37,320
Speaker 1: want to do that you don't do it.

84
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:39,960
Speaker 3: Are you talking about on screen or are you talking

85
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:41,080
Speaker 3: about all.

86
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,880
Speaker 4: Of it in every way?

87
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:46,839
Speaker 1: Like your job's on screen, life choice is this book

88
00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:47,760
Speaker 1: you've written.

89
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:48,599
Speaker 2: Like all of it?

90
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,440
Speaker 1: And I you're just consistently one of the women I

91
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:55,080
Speaker 1: think about when I think about brave women, when I'm trying.

92
00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:56,400
Speaker 2: To encourage yourself to be brave.

93
00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:58,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it.

94
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,080
Speaker 1: And I I know, we like jumped right in because

95
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,680
Speaker 1: I'm so happy to tell you, but like, yeah, one

96
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:05,320
Speaker 1: of the things.

97
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,640
Speaker 4: I normally ask people right when we start is if.

98
00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:13,080
Speaker 1: You see yourself, versions of yourself, traits in yourself in

99
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:18,880
Speaker 1: younger you like if you got to interact with Sarah

100
00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:22,640
Speaker 1: at eight or nine years old, like, would you be

101
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,880
Speaker 1: interacting with a brave little girl?

102
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,920
Speaker 2: Or is that something you've had to learn through your life.

103
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,039
Speaker 3: It's something I've really had to learn, you know, and

104
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,719
Speaker 3: I think it's it's interesting because I think one of

105
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,320
Speaker 3: the dumbest things I've ever heard in my life is

106
00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:41,159
Speaker 3: when people say, oh, don't be afraid or you know,

107
00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:45,479
Speaker 3: that's not that scary, because everyone's fear factor is different, right,

108
00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,960
Speaker 3: And it's something that I talk about in the book

109
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,120
Speaker 3: and what I had to learn. You know, I had

110
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:54,640
Speaker 3: a very interesting upbringing. My mom is incredible, Like I

111
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:58,400
Speaker 3: have had an abusive father. I talked about this in

112
00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,279
Speaker 3: the book. He held a gun to my head and

113
00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:01,920
Speaker 3: I were in and out of women's shelters at one

114
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:07,640
Speaker 3: point in my life. And she really and she she

115
00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:10,760
Speaker 3: was always able to take a situation like even that.

116
00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:12,440
Speaker 3: I remember one time she woke me up in the

117
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,080
Speaker 3: middle of the night. I was probably about five or

118
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,559
Speaker 3: six years old, and she was like, are you ready?

119
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:18,120
Speaker 3: Are you ready to go on like a really fun

120
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,520
Speaker 3: adventure and we're going to go on a sleepover. You know.

121
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:26,440
Speaker 3: It wasn't this like panic right, And so I feel

122
00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:30,520
Speaker 3: like my outlook, which I have noticed is uh not

123
00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:34,240
Speaker 3: the norm for most people. My outlook happens to be

124
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:38,200
Speaker 3: very glass, more glass half full than half empty. And

125
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:40,679
Speaker 3: that was something that I learned from a young age.

126
00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:44,080
Speaker 3: But courage is something that, like we have to actively

127
00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:48,719
Speaker 3: practice because the way our brains are wired, our brains

128
00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,880
Speaker 3: are wired for fight or flight. We're wired for survival.

129
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:55,080
Speaker 3: So if there's a situation that feels scary to us,

130
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,440
Speaker 3: obviously our natural instinct is to retreat or to not

131
00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:01,159
Speaker 3: go forward, which is I you know, if we just

132
00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:06,080
Speaker 3: take it back to relationships or any type of dynamic

133
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:09,640
Speaker 3: in life, we would rather choose a familiar hell than

134
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:18,320
Speaker 3: an unfamiliar mystery potentially. But I have always thought that

135
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:23,320
Speaker 3: not having fear is stupid, because it's a very natural

136
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:26,040
Speaker 3: thing to have. But I also have learned to have

137
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:29,320
Speaker 3: a relationship with my fear or my nerves, and I've

138
00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:32,160
Speaker 3: been able to look at it and say, Okay, I'm

139
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,000
Speaker 3: going to take you in and I'm going to see

140
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,200
Speaker 3: what you're trying to teach me, and I'm going to

141
00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:38,160
Speaker 3: walk with you anyway, and we're going to go through

142
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:42,720
Speaker 3: this thing that's really scary. So, yeah, that's just how

143
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:46,480
Speaker 3: I've always and in terms of that, that's something I've

144
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:49,080
Speaker 3: had to learn as I've gotten older and as life

145
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:53,600
Speaker 3: has gotten trickier and having children and you know, standing

146
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:57,960
Speaker 3: up to people and really using your voice. Yeah, that

147
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,080
Speaker 3: was something I had to learn later in life.

148
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:04,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really interesting because you know, talk about the

149
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,840
Speaker 1: mark of a healed person, right, you can talk about something.

150
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,520
Speaker 2: Really extreme in a way that is.

151
00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:14,680
Speaker 1: Like talking about the weather, like the experiences you had

152
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:17,120
Speaker 1: as a kid, what you were dealing with with with

153
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:20,800
Speaker 1: a really abusive parent. Like, Yeah, and one of the

154
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:23,920
Speaker 1: things I've had to do on my own journey to

155
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:27,840
Speaker 1: figure out my own is God. Like, Oh, there were

156
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:31,080
Speaker 1: things I learned. There were experiences I had that felt

157
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:35,360
Speaker 1: normal to me that were not so my scale of

158
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:40,080
Speaker 1: like what's really bad or scary, what deserves fear versus

159
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,280
Speaker 1: like what joy should look like? Was really out of whack.

160
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:49,640
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you had to recalibrate where your

161
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,640
Speaker 1: fear lived, like to get out of that fight or flight,

162
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:56,160
Speaker 1: to get out of that early childhood trauma or do

163
00:08:56,200 --> 00:09:00,000
Speaker 1: you think your mom's bravery.

164
00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:04,120
Speaker 2: Her ability to like have you hold you.

165
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,720
Speaker 1: Take care of you, no matter how hard the circumstances

166
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:10,079
Speaker 1: got Like did she become your sort of marker for

167
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:16,360
Speaker 1: a version of normalcy or like healthy safety or did

168
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:21,760
Speaker 1: you two have to rejigger.

169
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,640
Speaker 2: That in a way together as you got out of

170
00:09:22,679 --> 00:09:23,439
Speaker 2: that situation.

171
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:29,160
Speaker 3: Well that's interesting because yes and no, you know what

172
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:34,360
Speaker 3: my mom was able to model for me was you know,

173
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:39,280
Speaker 3: especially after she and my father split, our life was chaotic,

174
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:43,000
Speaker 3: but there was no tension, there was no friction, and

175
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,400
Speaker 3: so it was nice to be able to experience that

176
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:49,240
Speaker 3: type of peace. But then what I also what the

177
00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:53,320
Speaker 3: other side to that point is that as an adult

178
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:58,840
Speaker 3: at learning how to be in dynamics with again, whether

179
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:03,840
Speaker 3: it's work relationship, whether it's romantic relationships, I came from

180
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:07,520
Speaker 3: a lot of abandonment issues, right Like I really feel like,

181
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:11,679
Speaker 3: you know, as adults, we enter different chapters of our

182
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,840
Speaker 3: life based on the last chapter we were in. And

183
00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:17,200
Speaker 3: for me, it took me a long time to be

184
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,840
Speaker 3: able to and it's something I'm still working on to

185
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:24,720
Speaker 3: be able to recognize or pinpoint when I'm acting from

186
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,360
Speaker 3: that little girl place who just wants to be chosen

187
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,720
Speaker 3: by her father, or when I'm being a confident woman

188
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:35,480
Speaker 3: who's using her voice in a very mature, responsible, highly

189
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,320
Speaker 3: emotionally intelligent way.

190
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:41,120
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, something you write about in the book.

191
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,240
Speaker 1: And it's funny because I want to ask you questions

192
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:45,200
Speaker 1: for the listeners who haven't read it, and then also

193
00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:47,760
Speaker 1: spoil it for the people who haven't read it. So

194
00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:50,640
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm like, is this what film reviewers feel like?

195
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:54,440
Speaker 2: Like, Oh, but you talk about you know, you have

196
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:55,800
Speaker 2: this chapter on courage.

197
00:10:56,200 --> 00:11:01,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, on choosing to leave a reallyationship, a life that

198
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:02,559
Speaker 1: looked perfect from the outside.

199
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, we need to have a bottle of wine about this.

200
00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:09,760
Speaker 3: But the.

201
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:14,120
Speaker 1: Really interesting thing that you're just talking about with your

202
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:17,840
Speaker 1: childhood makes me think about that moment in adulthood, like

203
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:22,320
Speaker 1: when you grow up in abandonment, when you grow up

204
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:25,640
Speaker 1: wanting to fix a wound, wanting to have the great

205
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:29,199
Speaker 1: version of the relationship that your parents didn't do.

206
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,600
Speaker 2: Do you feel like, in addition to.

207
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,480
Speaker 1: Becoming what I think so many of us do as

208
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,840
Speaker 1: women is people pleasing people pleasers?

209
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:38,120
Speaker 3: Yeah?

210
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,400
Speaker 2: I love the way you talk about it in the book. Again,

211
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:43,000
Speaker 2: do you think it.

212
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:45,000
Speaker 1: Also is the kind of thing where you look back

213
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,920
Speaker 1: and you go, oh, I see, I see why I

214
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:52,920
Speaker 1: overstayed that And in this relationship because I wanted to

215
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,680
Speaker 1: make it work because failing meant it was like the

216
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:57,280
Speaker 1: bad thing I grew up around.

217
00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:02,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I think it's it's that what you

218
00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:06,120
Speaker 3: just said. And because I think you know so, and

219
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,800
Speaker 3: this isn't this doesn't even I'm very woo woo, right,

220
00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:14,600
Speaker 3: you know, I'm one step away from walking around barefoot everywhere, like,

221
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,600
Speaker 3: but this is not even woo woo as much as

222
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:20,520
Speaker 3: it is science. What happens with our brain is we

223
00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:23,360
Speaker 3: have a relationship where we have a behavior or a

224
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,560
Speaker 3: pattern and our brain, the neurons in our brain are

225
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:29,480
Speaker 3: used to firing in a certain direction. So when you're

226
00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:32,920
Speaker 3: a child of abandonment, you're constantly wanting to be picked.

227
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:37,800
Speaker 3: You're constantly wanting to prove your worth. So, at least

228
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:42,640
Speaker 3: for me speaking, if my dad stayed, like my dad

229
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,440
Speaker 3: was very in and out. Sometimes he was there, sometimes

230
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:48,640
Speaker 3: he wasn't there, And as a child you always associate.

231
00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:51,840
Speaker 3: You're like, oh, I'm the reason he left, So if

232
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:55,440
Speaker 3: I can be good enough the next time he comes around,

233
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:59,080
Speaker 3: then he'll stay. Well. I remember, like I used to

234
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:02,960
Speaker 3: be like a cat, like purring in between his legs

235
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:06,200
Speaker 3: as a little girl, hoping that he wouldn't leave. So

236
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:11,079
Speaker 3: what that started forming in my brain was this behavior

237
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:14,520
Speaker 3: or this pattern that in order for a man to

238
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:19,800
Speaker 3: UH want me, I have to prove my worth. I

239
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,640
Speaker 3: have to prove my value and I need him to

240
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:29,160
Speaker 3: pick me. So that absolutely played out in my relationship

241
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:32,960
Speaker 3: dynamics when there were situations that I probably should have

242
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:37,520
Speaker 3: exited way before I did because I had this built

243
00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:41,720
Speaker 3: in pattern that my brain was like, no, no, you

244
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:45,199
Speaker 3: need to You need to fulfill this pattern from childhood. Remember,

245
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,600
Speaker 3: like you need to be chosen, he needs to pick you.

246
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:51,320
Speaker 3: You need to prove your worth. So but but you know, Sophia,

247
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:54,800
Speaker 3: I also so yes to all of that, but then

248
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,280
Speaker 3: I take it one step further, which is like, I

249
00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,680
Speaker 3: also believe that we attract situations to us in order

250
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,600
Speaker 3: to serve our highest growth and to help our healing.

251
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:10,280
Speaker 3: And every situation that I was in, every UH I was,

252
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,560
Speaker 3: I don't think I was. I would have been able

253
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:16,080
Speaker 3: to exit a minute sooner than I had because I

254
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:19,440
Speaker 3: needed to stay in order to serve my highest growth.

255
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:23,120
Speaker 3: And I, like, you know, one of my favorite quotes ever,

256
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,600
Speaker 3: I'm a walking bumper sticker. As you know, the book

257
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:29,160
Speaker 3: is like full of quotes like I love I love quotes, right,

258
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:32,240
Speaker 3: I like to speak in quotes. But it's like God

259
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:35,280
Speaker 3: never puts the stars in the wrong place. So trust

260
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:39,520
Speaker 3: the timing of your life. In every situation that I

261
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,800
Speaker 3: was in where I added more stress to myself with's

262
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,320
Speaker 3: like oh do I speak up tonight after dinner? Or

263
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:48,120
Speaker 3: should I wait till tomorrow morning? You know, or like whatever,

264
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:51,400
Speaker 3: It's like it didn't matter because when you let it go,

265
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:54,560
Speaker 3: when you let everything go, and you're like, you know what,

266
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,600
Speaker 3: Like this is another philosophy I talk about in the

267
00:14:56,600 --> 00:15:01,040
Speaker 3: book You Follow Your Happy. So you know, I'm covering

268
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,080
Speaker 3: so many subjects here, but they're all kind of like

269
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:07,440
Speaker 3: interconnected somehow. But it's like I you know, as people,

270
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:10,960
Speaker 3: we are used to, you know, our egos want to

271
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,560
Speaker 3: figure things out. We want to know what are we

272
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,480
Speaker 3: doing tonight? What is what does tomorrow look like? Like?

273
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,800
Speaker 3: The mystery feels very uncomfortable for us because when we

274
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:23,160
Speaker 3: know things, we feel safe. We spend so much time

275
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:27,120
Speaker 3: trying to figure things out. We spend so much time

276
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:31,240
Speaker 3: trying to solve the equation in our head. And how

277
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,280
Speaker 3: do I get this person to react like this? And

278
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,240
Speaker 3: what happens if I do this, and should I speak

279
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,520
Speaker 3: up now or should I speak up later? And we

280
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:41,000
Speaker 3: just put a lot of energy into the uh I

281
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:45,080
Speaker 3: don't know in figuring it out phase when my point

282
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:49,680
Speaker 3: is it's like it's not worth it. Like what instead

283
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:53,040
Speaker 3: I feel like we should do is just follow our happy.

284
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,560
Speaker 3: So the reason you may not know like what to

285
00:15:56,680 --> 00:16:00,320
Speaker 3: do in this particular moment at five twelve pm on

286
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,320
Speaker 3: a Wednesday, it's because you're not supposed to know right now.

287
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,840
Speaker 3: The pieces haven't fallen together yet. So trust the timing

288
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:10,280
Speaker 3: of your life and just focus on what you do know.

289
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:14,080
Speaker 3: Focus on whatever it is that brings you joy. If

290
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,440
Speaker 3: you'd rather have that extra chocolate chip cookie, if you

291
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:17,920
Speaker 3: want to go for a walk, if you want to

292
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:22,120
Speaker 3: cancel on your friends in favor of a quieter night,

293
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,320
Speaker 3: like it, put down the emails, put down the phone,

294
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,320
Speaker 3: like do something else that sparks some joy, and little

295
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,760
Speaker 3: by little, the things you don't know, the things that

296
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:34,400
Speaker 3: you were chasing, the answers to those answers will just

297
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:35,680
Speaker 3: kind of fall into your lap.

298
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,400
Speaker 5: And now a word from our sponsors who make this

299
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:40,280
Speaker 5: show possible.

300
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:54,280
Speaker 1: It's one of the tactics that I try to use

301
00:16:54,440 --> 00:17:00,600
Speaker 1: to undo the shame stuff, you know, because women were

302
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:03,680
Speaker 1: cultured with so much shame. You know, not to say

303
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:05,840
Speaker 1: that other women don't have it hard or harder, but

304
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:10,600
Speaker 1: I do think there's a specific ingredient that having a

305
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:14,080
Speaker 1: version of fame adds to that, where how dare you

306
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,160
Speaker 1: be unhappy? How dare you ask for more? How dare

307
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,760
Speaker 1: you be unsatisfied? Because you're so much luckier than all

308
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:25,120
Speaker 1: these other people? And for me, one of the greatest

309
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:28,440
Speaker 1: antidotes to that kind of shame of wow, I wish

310
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,439
Speaker 1: I'd figured that out sooner. I wish I'd learned that

311
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:34,040
Speaker 1: less and faster, you know, essentially telling myself I'm stupid

312
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:38,679
Speaker 1: and slow is to say, there was no way for

313
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,320
Speaker 1: you to learn that until you learned it exactly. There

314
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,200
Speaker 1: was no way for you to know in your bones

315
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:48,720
Speaker 1: until you tried every avenue, and then you knew the answer.

316
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:49,679
Speaker 3: That's right.

317
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:53,720
Speaker 1: You can't like guess and then feel confident in your guests.

318
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:59,479
Speaker 1: You have to live and then adjust as you feel.

319
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:04,000
Speaker 1: And one of the things I found really profound, and

320
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,720
Speaker 1: I wonder about this for you as well, is that

321
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,040
Speaker 1: when I made this decision as an adult, you know,

322
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:13,560
Speaker 1: technically midlife forty one.

323
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,320
Speaker 2: To well forty.

324
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:16,880
Speaker 1: But you know, approaching my forty first birthday to leave

325
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,080
Speaker 1: a marriage that I was unhappy and even though it

326
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:23,200
Speaker 1: looked perfect, sure, even though I'd done all the right things,

327
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:27,840
Speaker 1: there were so many people that felt permission to share

328
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:33,600
Speaker 1: their own dissatisfaction, their own walking on eggshells in their home,

329
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,520
Speaker 1: their own desire for something else. And then there was

330
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,679
Speaker 1: a group of women that were like, oh, if you

331
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:44,800
Speaker 1: think happy is the measure for your life or your marriage,

332
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:47,240
Speaker 1: like you got another thing come in, honey, And I.

333
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:51,200
Speaker 2: Was like, you don't think you're supposed to be happy.

334
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:51,960
Speaker 4: In the house you live in?

335
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:56,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, and like that. My response to people like that

336
00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:59,080
Speaker 3: is I'm like, because because instantly what I hear is

337
00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:04,360
Speaker 3: how unhappy they are, and you know, misery loves company, right,

338
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:08,840
Speaker 3: And it's just I you know, when when my marriage ended,

339
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:12,440
Speaker 3: I definitely lost friends and that's totally fine. But it's

340
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:16,080
Speaker 3: like what I say when people, I don't even waste

341
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:21,560
Speaker 3: energy in engaging in that type of frequency. And my

342
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,280
Speaker 3: whole thing is, I'm like, I pray for you. I

343
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,960
Speaker 3: pray for you. I pray for your mental health and

344
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,000
Speaker 3: your sanity, because wow, like life is so much more

345
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:34,920
Speaker 3: fun when you realize that joy and happiness and going

346
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:38,959
Speaker 3: after the life of your dreams is fulfilling. You know.

347
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,000
Speaker 3: It's like we're here for such a blip of an eye,

348
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:47,600
Speaker 3: like tomorrow is not guaranteed. None of this is guaranteed,

349
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:52,159
Speaker 3: you know. And if people think that they are here

350
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:58,160
Speaker 3: simply to service other people, like that's not why we

351
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:05,959
Speaker 3: were put here, know so yeah, like those haters, they

352
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,639
Speaker 3: don't even exist to me, Like I don't totally you know,

353
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,880
Speaker 3: they don't. I pray for you totally.

354
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,679
Speaker 1: Well, and that's that's just it, Like it sends me,

355
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,840
Speaker 1: I mean to your point, Like I'm I'm also very

356
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,119
Speaker 1: woo woo meets science because it's the only way I

357
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:23,280
Speaker 1: can make sense of like big feelings. I'm like, what's

358
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,679
Speaker 1: the data say? And then how do I put them together?

359
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:29,400
Speaker 3: Sure? And it's fun from that, yeah.

360
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:32,560
Speaker 1: And it's like it's why I think dreaming and setting

361
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,400
Speaker 1: your goals and then you know, thinking about quantum mechanics

362
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:39,000
Speaker 1: is fun. And for me, I really had to get

363
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,840
Speaker 1: to a point where I was like, I don't know

364
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,920
Speaker 1: what this life is or what it's going to be,

365
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,080
Speaker 1: but I actually think that the bare minimum.

366
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:50,600
Speaker 4: To ask for not not the highest. I actually think

367
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:51,680
Speaker 4: the lowest.

368
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,879
Speaker 1: Part of the bar is I'd like to be happy

369
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,480
Speaker 1: in the four walls of my own home. Yes, yeah,

370
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:59,200
Speaker 1: because like everything else out in the world is hard enough.

371
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,399
Speaker 3: Man. And you know what, Sophia the minute, what I

372
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,359
Speaker 3: have found is that when you have the courage to

373
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:09,080
Speaker 3: do what's in your highest good and you operate from

374
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,800
Speaker 3: that place, it trickles down to everybody else.

375
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:13,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love it.

376
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,960
Speaker 3: It's not it is actually one of the most selfless

377
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:20,600
Speaker 3: things you can do is to be selfish in that

378
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:22,880
Speaker 3: sense of course. Yeah.

379
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:27,000
Speaker 1: And something I just am always again kind of gobsmacked

380
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:30,120
Speaker 1: by with you is your ability. Like we're sitting here

381
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:33,960
Speaker 1: having a very deep conversation about the trials and tribulations

382
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 1: of life and growth and manifestation and science to all

383
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:43,760
Speaker 1: the things. Yeah, you also have an absolutely filthy sense

384
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:47,600
Speaker 1: of humor. You are wickedly funny. Like there's a part

385
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,600
Speaker 1: of your book you are there. There's even a part

386
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 1: in your book where you talk about like here I am,

387
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:54,880
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm going to ask for a divorce after

388
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 1: you know, eighteen years in a relationship, I'm go out

389
00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:59,520
Speaker 1: there and start over. And I'm forty and my tits

390
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:02,800
Speaker 1: aren't pert anymore. Yeah yah, yeah, that's bravery. And I

391
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:04,840
Speaker 1: just was like, get out of town, like I know

392
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,800
Speaker 1: exactly what you mean, and.

393
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:08,919
Speaker 4: I don't know.

394
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:12,359
Speaker 1: Sometimes I find that the smartest people I know that

395
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 1: are also the funniest people I know have like really

396
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,879
Speaker 1: been through some and figured out how to get through it.

397
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,160
Speaker 4: So, like, where does your levity come from?

398
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,440
Speaker 1: Have you always had it? Or is that also a

399
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,160
Speaker 1: learned skill like bravery?

400
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:29,720
Speaker 3: Well, I think I don't know my levity. That's a

401
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,159
Speaker 3: great way of putting it, because actually don't consider myself

402
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,280
Speaker 3: a funny person, like I know people who can. I

403
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:39,880
Speaker 3: I don't consider myself funny. I consider myself real and

404
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:44,000
Speaker 3: I think the humor comes from that place and just

405
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:49,119
Speaker 3: my ability to be super authentic Like yeah, it's that,

406
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 3: you know. But I'm not somebody who can like regale

407
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:57,120
Speaker 3: a crowd with my amazing ability to tell a story,

408
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like, I'm not that person.

409
00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:01,600
Speaker 3: You know. I can cry in front of people, I'll

410
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:03,679
Speaker 3: do that all day long, but in order to like

411
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:07,679
Speaker 3: tell a joke, like I can't remember anything like that's

412
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 3: so funny. Yeah yeah, yeah, But I just know how

413
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:14,840
Speaker 3: to be really real. But and yes, I think that

414
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 3: is something that I just came into this world with

415
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 3: as I haven't I didn't have fear, or maybe or

416
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,119
Speaker 3: I have less fear than most. There are times when

417
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:29,440
Speaker 3: I do in terms of just being super super real.

418
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 3: And maybe that came from my very humble beginnings, you know,

419
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:37,080
Speaker 3: growing up in Texas in a middle to low class

420
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,680
Speaker 3: area with a single working mom. I don't know, I

421
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,840
Speaker 3: don't know where that came from, but I've always been

422
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,880
Speaker 3: like that. And also it was important to me that,

423
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:50,200
Speaker 3: like when writing this book, I don't like being lectured to,

424
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,840
Speaker 3: and I think we learn better or at least I

425
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:59,040
Speaker 3: know I learned better with humor, and nobody reads anymore.

426
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:03,119
Speaker 3: Like if I if I want to get my information

427
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,879
Speaker 3: across to a group of people that are I'm asking

428
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 3: to sit down with an actual book, like I wanted

429
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 3: to hook them from the first line. So humor was

430
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:16,160
Speaker 3: an important part in terms of like putting the book

431
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,480
Speaker 3: together and getting the message across for sure.

432
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 2: And I think about like you were just saying, you know,

433
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:22,679
Speaker 2: you grew up in Texas, single.

434
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 4: Mom, and I'm like, hold the phone.

435
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:27,639
Speaker 1: There's a big asterisk here that maybe also leads to

436
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,480
Speaker 1: your sense of humor because you grew up as an

437
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:36,800
Speaker 1: Iranian Spanish kid in Texas. Yeah, yeah, you know, there

438
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:40,280
Speaker 1: are so many places where that might have been easier,

439
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 1: Like I don't know in New York, Like how was

440
00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 1: your community there were you were you like other body?

441
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 2: Very okay?

442
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 3: But here was the trick is it's like I didn't

443
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 3: have a work a name like Maria, you know, like

444
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 3: I didn't have you know, like my real name is

445
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 3: ahu ahu Jahan su Shahi. So I got I got

446
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:08,399
Speaker 3: ridiculed in school, and I had a unibrow, and I

447
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:12,400
Speaker 3: was made fun of every single day, and nobody I

448
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 3: liked ever liked me back. And you know, and I

449
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,840
Speaker 3: was a nerd and you know who literally had tape

450
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:23,399
Speaker 3: on my glasses and like I it was. It was

451
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 3: not the easiest place to grow up in that sense.

452
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:32,680
Speaker 3: But so I didn't have a community in in a

453
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,959
Speaker 3: way that most kids with the white picket fence like

454
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,520
Speaker 3: you know and a mom and a dad like did

455
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 3: have a community. I didn't have that. But again I

456
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:43,280
Speaker 3: and I credit a lot of this to my mom.

457
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,639
Speaker 3: Like my mom is such a stuper woman and to

458
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 3: this day she still is. She's seventy five and she

459
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:51,400
Speaker 3: climbs up on the roof and she's like, we don't

460
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:54,160
Speaker 3: need a repair man. I can fix the air conditioning myself,

461
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 3: like home depot with her name the market. I'm like,

462
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 3: in the next life, Mom, you got to come back

463
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:01,520
Speaker 3: as a man, because I don't know, like she runs

464
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 3: circles around me in terms of her energy and her

465
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:11,199
Speaker 3: ability to like get done. And so our mother was

466
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 3: just she never made us feel like we were missing something,

467
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 3: like whatever the other kids had, we also had. And

468
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 3: she also taught me from a really young age. And

469
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 3: I think, you know, she came from a war torn

470
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:27,840
Speaker 3: country to be the daughter of a foreigner. It's an

471
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:32,400
Speaker 3: interesting experience and one I have felt that sometimes I

472
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 3: don't resonate as deeply with adults who have not come

473
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 3: from hardship because of this, Like from the time that

474
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 3: we were young, like she was like, you got to

475
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:48,919
Speaker 3: have a four to one k together, Like let's go.

476
00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter if you're you know, nine, Like you

477
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 3: need to think about your future. You need to think

478
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,960
Speaker 3: about whatever and be grateful for what you have. Because

479
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,840
Speaker 3: she came from a country where we know what's happening there.

480
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,200
Speaker 3: Now you know without to take it into that direction

481
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:08,679
Speaker 3: so much, but it's like it was an education was

482
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,840
Speaker 3: a privilege for women where she came from, you know,

483
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,800
Speaker 3: and so and she had to work for everything that

484
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 3: she had. And it wasn't about patting yourself on the back.

485
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 3: But it's like, there is no difference between you and

486
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:24,720
Speaker 3: the person next to you. So if you want something,

487
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:26,879
Speaker 3: work your ass off and go get it.

488
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 2: Yeah.

489
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:32,560
Speaker 3: And so so that type of ethic and discipline was

490
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:37,000
Speaker 3: instilled in me from a young age. And and yeah,

491
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:38,920
Speaker 3: and like I said, like she was like, there's there's

492
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:42,439
Speaker 3: no difference between you and that person, Like if you

493
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:45,960
Speaker 3: want it, go get it, go get it. It's yeah.

494
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 3: And she also told me from a very young age too,

495
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:49,760
Speaker 3: like you know, we didn't have money, so she was

496
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 3: and everyone knew I wanted to get out of Texas.

497
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,960
Speaker 3: I always I was always hungry for a life that

498
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,120
Speaker 3: was bigger than the one that I was leading. And

499
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 3: so she was like, if you want that, then you

500
00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:01,199
Speaker 3: need to get yourself there, Like you need to do this.

501
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 3: She was like, I'll support you as much as I can,

502
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,400
Speaker 3: but it's going to be on you. So I really

503
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 3: do credit my mom for that kind of hustle, you know,

504
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,720
Speaker 3: but the flip to that is as an adult, and

505
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 3: you know, I'm in this interesting phase in my life.

506
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 3: I'm single for the first time in twenty three years.

507
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 3: I've been single off for a year, and where I'm

508
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,720
Speaker 3: so used to the hustle and I'm so used to

509
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 3: the chase that now I'm I'm learning how to cut

510
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:29,960
Speaker 3: that off and I'm learning to be more like in

511
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 3: the receptive mode. And you know when I am like,

512
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 3: my chase is appropriate when it comes from a very

513
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 3: inspired place of action. But if it's all about just

514
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 3: wanting a guy to like me, that's the wrong inspired action.

515
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 3: So I'm really so I'm continually learning lessons about my

516
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:54,120
Speaker 3: personality and sides like where they service me and where

517
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 3: they come from a more ego place. And you know,

518
00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 3: I need to I need to quiet that bitch down and.

519
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:04,720
Speaker 1: Just totally totally be like, oh, you're not the part

520
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 1: of myself that gets to operate the vehicle, thank you,

521
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 1: like getting the backseat.

522
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm very much, very much on that journey.

523
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:16,640
Speaker 5: Yes, And now a word from our sponsors.

524
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 1: When you talk about like the hustle and the work, like,

525
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 1: one of my favorite things in your story is it's

526
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:39,400
Speaker 1: the swift switch from studying opera in college and then

527
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 1: right after you're cheering for the Dallas Cowboys, Like yeah, what, yeah,

528
00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:50,720
Speaker 1: you it's like a vida to Friday Night Lights, Like

529
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:52,480
Speaker 1: how what.

530
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:55,720
Speaker 2: Is that timeline for you? Like can you take us back?

531
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 1: Why opera in the first place? Then how did the cheering?

532
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,240
Speaker 1: Like it's so crazy, it feels like it's out of

533
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 1: a movie. And I just like, I need the I

534
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 1: need the synopsis.

535
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:08,720
Speaker 3: Well, I was. I was a show choir kid, and

536
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:11,480
Speaker 3: you know, I was always on stage from the time

537
00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 3: that I was young, even if it wasn't acting. I

538
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:19,120
Speaker 3: was like Rachel Berry and Blee but Lesstie and and uh.

539
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:21,720
Speaker 3: I just love that word and anyway I do too.

540
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 4: I think we deserve to own it the like hard.

541
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:29,719
Speaker 3: Syllables, like in the beginning and the end. It's just brilliant. Anyway,

542
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 3: So I yeah, So I was at Southern Methodist University

543
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 3: and I was, like I said, I was always in

544
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 3: show choir. So opera was something that I fell into

545
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:45,719
Speaker 3: very naturally. And I was in a play. I was

546
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 3: in a musical theater production at SMU, and I had

547
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:53,720
Speaker 3: always wanted to be an actress, but I didn't know

548
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:56,800
Speaker 3: how to do it. But everybody in the play knew

549
00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 3: that I wanted to be an actress. So they were

550
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:01,440
Speaker 3: like and that I had of going to LA but

551
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 3: I was like, I don't know how to get there right,

552
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:06,520
Speaker 3: Like I didn't have money. Like, so they were like, well,

553
00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:09,800
Speaker 3: why don't you try out for the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders

554
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 3: because back in nineteen ninety five they were on SNL

555
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:16,719
Speaker 3: so and I was always an athlete in school. I

556
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 3: was never a cheerleader, and so I was like, okay,

557
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 3: And so I just drove to Texas Stadium that day

558
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 3: not knowing like again, like when they you know, I

559
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 3: was so naive, like there was no part of me

560
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,400
Speaker 3: that was like, oh, let me look it up online.

561
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:35,040
Speaker 3: Like I didn't even know what online was, like AOL

562
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 3: was a dial up, and so I was like, let me.

563
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:42,160
Speaker 3: I just drove to Texas Stadium one afternoon and auditions

564
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 3: were literally like three weeks from that date and they

565
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 3: had posted it and so I was like, oh, great,

566
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 3: I'll just sign up. So I signed up and I

567
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:57,080
Speaker 3: made the team and a director named Robert Goltman. And

568
00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:58,960
Speaker 3: it breaks my heart the amount of times I have

569
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:02,240
Speaker 3: to spell out who he is, but I know you

570
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 3: know who he is. He's essentially the godfather of film. Like,

571
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:06,920
Speaker 3: for the listeners who don't know who he is, do

572
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 3: yourselves a favor. Go look up Robert Outmann and just

573
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:13,320
Speaker 3: like treat yourself to an afternoon of his films. He was.

574
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 3: He came to Texas to film a movie called Doctor

575
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 3: teen the Women with Richard gear, Kate Hudson, and Lyft Tyler.

576
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 3: And in the movie the girls were cheerleaders, so he

577
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 3: used our rehearsal facilities for about two weeks that he

578
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 3: was there, and all the cheerleaders we were just extras

579
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 3: in the background. Yeah. I didn't know who he was

580
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:37,520
Speaker 3: at all, Like I had no there was nothing in

581
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,880
Speaker 3: me that was like, oh, Hollywood director, maybe he can

582
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:43,480
Speaker 3: help me. Like there was like it did not exist

583
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:47,719
Speaker 3: in my head. For whatever reason, the stars aligned and

584
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:50,840
Speaker 3: he took a great, big liking to me. And every

585
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:53,960
Speaker 3: day I sat with him. I had my own chair, Sophia,

586
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:57,400
Speaker 3: get this, I had my own chair in video village,

587
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:03,239
Speaker 3: nineteen year old me. Next Robert Altman. Wow, And and

588
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 3: like literally a PA would come and be like, Sarah,

589
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,400
Speaker 3: your chairs here today, And I'm like, oh my god,

590
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:12,520
Speaker 3: thank you so much. Like I was like, cool, oh

591
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:14,200
Speaker 3: am I supposed to sit there? They're like, yeah, that's

592
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 3: your chair, and I'm like what. So I would sit

593
00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:21,120
Speaker 3: next to him and we would speak about everything other

594
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 3: than acting, and it was his It was his like

595
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,800
Speaker 3: third to last day that he was there when he

596
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:28,520
Speaker 3: finally was like, what do you want to do? And

597
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 3: I said, well, I want to be an actress. I

598
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 3: just don't know how to do it. And he was like,

599
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:34,880
Speaker 3: I think you have what it takes. He gave me

600
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 3: his cell number and his office number, and he said,

601
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 3: I think you have something. If you ever move out

602
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:44,840
Speaker 3: to LA, I want to help you. I went home

603
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:49,240
Speaker 3: that night and I googled him because again I was like,

604
00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 3: who is this person? Like can he really help me?

605
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:55,880
Speaker 3: So I went home I googled him. Of all the

606
00:33:56,080 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 3: incredible OSCARED nominated movies he did, the only one that

607
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 3: I really recognized was the movie. That movie that almost

608
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,960
Speaker 3: tanked his career and Robin Williams's career was a movie

609
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 3: called Popeye. So I told my mom. I was like, mom,

610
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 3: the guy who directed Popeye is telling me I got

611
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:16,440
Speaker 3: a shot. So I packed up my truck. I quit cheerleading,

612
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:20,279
Speaker 3: I quit SMU, I quit everything that I knew, and

613
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:26,880
Speaker 3: I moved out West twenty in two thousand and I

614
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:29,239
Speaker 3: never looked back. There was no part of me like

615
00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 3: when they say too like, you know, ignorance is bliss, Sophia.

616
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:34,680
Speaker 3: The amount of times people were like, well, what's your backup?

617
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 3: What's your what's your plan B? I'm like, what is

618
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:39,640
Speaker 3: a plan B? And they're like, well, a backup plan

619
00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:41,400
Speaker 3: like if you don't make it? And I'm like, what

620
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:42,920
Speaker 3: do you mean if I don't make it? Like, well,

621
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 3: of course I'm gonna make it.

622
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:45,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is what I'm doing.

623
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:50,680
Speaker 3: It was manifestation at a level that I didn't even understand.

624
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,799
Speaker 3: And now that I've gotten older and you know, life

625
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:57,280
Speaker 3: got a little heavier at times, I often remind myself

626
00:34:57,320 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 3: of how I was that nineteen to twenty five year

627
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 3: old self that was just like just operating out of

628
00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 3: her bliss like moments a moment, I was just so

629
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,440
Speaker 3: in my bliss like there was no like I remember

630
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 3: going to an audition for the first time. I didn't

631
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 3: even know what an audition was. I wasn't memorized it

632
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:16,960
Speaker 3: was a producer session. There was all the scoot in

633
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:19,000
Speaker 3: the back of the room for the producers. I thought

634
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 3: it was for the actors. So I go in and

635
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 3: I start making myself a plate and people are like,

636
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:27,279
Speaker 3: how long have you been acting? And I go, I

637
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:31,880
Speaker 3: don't know, since Tuesday. And they're like, they're like, how

638
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 3: did you get your start? I'm like, well, do you

639
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:37,279
Speaker 3: know Robert Altman? And their jaws were drop. They're like,

640
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 3: you know Robert Altman. I'm like, yeah, if you told me,

641
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 3: I should come try it out. So I'm here and

642
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 3: a little by and it's interesting because when I came

643
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:48,360
Speaker 3: out to LA, he was still in Texas filming and

644
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:52,279
Speaker 3: we were playing phone tag with one another. So as

645
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:54,800
Speaker 3: I was sharing the story of how I came to LA,

646
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,400
Speaker 3: while I was in LA, people were also giving me

647
00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:00,880
Speaker 3: an education on who Robert Altman was, and they were like,

648
00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:03,480
Speaker 3: you should go back and watch his films. Anyway, long

649
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:07,160
Speaker 3: story short, by the time he called me back last

650
00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:09,600
Speaker 3: I was too intimidated to talk to him, so I

651
00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:13,319
Speaker 3: didn't call him back. And then he passed a couple

652
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:17,960
Speaker 3: months after, so he was literally like the acting angel,

653
00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 3: Like my catalyst for coming out was him.

654
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:25,800
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, yeah yeah, yeah, like just the nudge

655
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 1: you needed on your on your energetic path.

656
00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:31,719
Speaker 3: That's right. He was, yeah, he was. He was just

657
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:33,520
Speaker 3: he gave me that little push and then that was

658
00:36:33,719 --> 00:36:38,719
Speaker 3: that was it. Our chapter was closed. Yeah. Oh my god, Yeah, yeah,

659
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:39,279
Speaker 3: really cool.

660
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:40,719
Speaker 4: That's incredible.

661
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:43,200
Speaker 2: I don't know why. My brain was just like, oh

662
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 2: my god.

663
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,719
Speaker 1: The closest I have to that story is when I

664
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:51,800
Speaker 1: never called Rihanna Back in the day for whatever reason.

665
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,520
Speaker 1: There was like a New York Fashion Week and then

666
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:58,000
Speaker 1: a series of events that I kept seeing Rihanna at

667
00:36:58,040 --> 00:36:59,719
Speaker 1: and we got seated next to each other at a

668
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:03,640
Speaker 1: dinner and we vibed and She's like, she's Rihanna, She's

669
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:07,120
Speaker 1: the coolest person alive on player. And after like our

670
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 1: third hang she was like, take my number. We got

671
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,799
Speaker 1: to hang out for real, and then I like took her.

672
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 1: I put her number in my BlackBerry, like.

673
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:16,359
Speaker 4: That's how long the was?

674
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:16,720
Speaker 3: God?

675
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:18,400
Speaker 4: And then I never.

676
00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 1: Called her because I was like, what do I say

677
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:23,960
Speaker 1: to Rihanna?

678
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 4: Like I don't.

679
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:30,400
Speaker 3: Had umbrella come out? Yes, Oh my god, I was

680
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:31,440
Speaker 3: like so fully.

681
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 1: I just was like this is such a weird, like

682
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 1: what is a person text?

683
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 4: And my friends were just like yeah. When I told

684
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:38,720
Speaker 4: them the story.

685
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,880
Speaker 1: Years later, my best friend, one of my best friends,

686
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 1: was like, I will never forgive you for this, like

687
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:44,839
Speaker 1: she's our favorite. I was like, I know, but what

688
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 1: am I going to do invite her over to a party?

689
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:48,840
Speaker 1: And she was like yeah, yeah, And I was like

690
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't actually think I can interact with

691
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 1: a person who's famous like that because I lose my

692
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 1: capacity to behave like a human. And then I'm like, well,

693
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 1: what do you text? And people were like, what do

694
00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:01,240
Speaker 1: you text anyone?

695
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:01,919
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't.

696
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:05,239
Speaker 1: I don't actually know, right, It's like the only way,

697
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:07,279
Speaker 1: the only thing I know to liken it to is

698
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:10,279
Speaker 1: like the thing where you're really in the vibe on

699
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:12,920
Speaker 1: set and then suddenly something happens and you get self

700
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:17,200
Speaker 1: conscious of rioting, and the way I know that like, oh,

701
00:38:17,239 --> 00:38:20,080
Speaker 1: I'm in my nervousness about acting. Body is suddenly I

702
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:23,759
Speaker 1: don't know what to do with my hands, Like I'm

703
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:24,920
Speaker 1: just like what are arms?

704
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 4: Where do they go? Like where do I?

705
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:30,520
Speaker 3: Yeah?

706
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:32,040
Speaker 4: Like what do you mean?

707
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:33,719
Speaker 2: Where do I put my hands? They're just part of

708
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:34,200
Speaker 2: my body.

709
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:37,959
Speaker 4: But it's exactly it's like energetically that, right, And.

710
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:41,480
Speaker 2: I can't believe you.

711
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:43,840
Speaker 1: Had a version of it with Robert Altman being like,

712
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:45,320
Speaker 1: oh my god, he's so amazing.

713
00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:47,719
Speaker 2: I cannot like, what are you going to say to

714
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:49,279
Speaker 2: him now that you know who he is?

715
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 3: Yeah? Exactly. And it was just interesting because a person

716
00:38:52,719 --> 00:38:57,239
Speaker 3: that I but that also goes to show you your mind, right,

717
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,959
Speaker 3: and how we are not our minds, because our mind

718
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 3: can sell us some pretty warped, warped stories. Yes, but yeah,

719
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:07,000
Speaker 3: this was a person that I found so much in

720
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 3: common with with, spoke so freely with, and the minute

721
00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:15,279
Speaker 3: other people started telling me about his accomplishments, I clammed up.

722
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:19,400
Speaker 3: You know, That's why I pressurized it. Yeah, And it's like,

723
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:24,480
Speaker 3: now I go into I don't go into situations really

724
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:27,759
Speaker 3: investigating the person or researching what they've done or who

725
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:30,280
Speaker 3: they are. You know when they say ignorance is bliss,

726
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 3: like it really is true. You know, you don't need

727
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:33,760
Speaker 3: to know everything?

728
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 2: No, I don't. I don't need to feel more anxious

729
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:37,600
Speaker 2: than I already do.

730
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:41,719
Speaker 3: Thank you, right right, right, right, right exactly exactly.

731
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 1: I'm really curious though, like when you when you really

732
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:50,280
Speaker 1: got to working your acting career was blossoming, was also

733
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 1: when you first became a mom. Yeah, yeah, you know

734
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:56,359
Speaker 1: we were. We were certainly not in the moment as

735
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,759
Speaker 1: women that we're in now. Granted it's not like it's

736
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 1: all that much better, but was that incredibly complicated to

737
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:06,520
Speaker 1: be really succeeding in your career and also to have

738
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:09,759
Speaker 1: to be a mom because it is it is just

739
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 1: different for women in parenthood.

740
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is different. You know. The expectation is also different.

741
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:21,520
Speaker 3: Like it's interesting, Like as much as I love feminism

742
00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 3: and I am a feminist, I feel like we're now

743
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:25,680
Speaker 3: expected to be the boss at home and the boss

744
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 3: at work, which is a very unrealistic set of expectations

745
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,319
Speaker 3: that have been placed on us. But my career really

746
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:36,680
Speaker 3: started blossoming whenever I had my firstborn. And you know,

747
00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:40,360
Speaker 3: I love babies. I did homebirds with all of my kids,

748
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:44,719
Speaker 3: including the flins, and one was breach, And I just

749
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:47,799
Speaker 3: think babies bring such good luck. You know, if I

750
00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 3: had somebody today, i'd get pregnant tomorrow, you know what

751
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:54,160
Speaker 3: I mean. Like, babies are just incredible. But it was tough.

752
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 3: But you know, I'm not somebody who sits here and says,

753
00:40:57,320 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 3: oh I did it all alone. No, I had had

754
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 3: a nanny. It was important for me, it also breastfeeds,

755
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:05,360
Speaker 3: so we would build it into the pumping schedule. We

756
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:08,320
Speaker 3: would build my pumping and breastfeeding schedule into the schedule

757
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:12,280
Speaker 3: for the day. And yeah, you just make it work.

758
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:13,400
Speaker 3: You just make it work.

759
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:14,400
Speaker 2: Yeah.

760
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

761
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,600
Speaker 1: And now you're here with the book and you're talking

762
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:22,400
Speaker 1: about this messy middle period of life, and you know,

763
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:23,280
Speaker 1: you fast forward.

764
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:24,280
Speaker 2: You have three kids.

765
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 1: You realize you love being their mom, and you also

766
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 1: don't love being married to their dad.

767
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:33,200
Speaker 2: You want to shift in your life.

768
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:37,720
Speaker 3: I think you know, when relationships end, it's never something

769
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:42,840
Speaker 3: that happens overnight. Right, It's like a downward slope, and

770
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:48,360
Speaker 3: it's never one person. It's two people and for whatever reason,

771
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:50,879
Speaker 3: and there's no judgment here, and this is neither good

772
00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:54,439
Speaker 3: nor bad. But the goose just doesn't lay the golden

773
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:58,160
Speaker 3: egg anymore. It's just that simple, right. You know. It's

774
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,840
Speaker 3: like I experienced the breakup last year that you know,

775
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 3: became somewhat public, and it's like there was no table flipping,

776
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:08,120
Speaker 3: there was no one person did the other dirty. It

777
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 3: was nothing like that. It's just the dance has lost

778
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:20,799
Speaker 3: its step, right, and to be able to say I

779
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:22,920
Speaker 3: do love you, I do care about you, and I

780
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 3: love you enough to let you go. Yeah, because this

781
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 3: is not serving either of us. It's actually one of

782
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 3: the most courageous things, bravest things that someone can do.

783
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:35,360
Speaker 2: I agree.

784
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:41,280
Speaker 3: And it's not a failure. I never thought my divorce

785
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:45,560
Speaker 3: was a failure. I was like, we were together for

786
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:49,319
Speaker 3: eighteen years, and we grew up together. We shaped each other.

787
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,839
Speaker 3: Like what a privilege, What a privilege to be in

788
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:55,799
Speaker 3: connection with somebody from the time that you're in your

789
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 3: early twenties until you're in your forties. Like that's cool,

790
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:03,959
Speaker 3: you know. And we have three incredible children. We're great

791
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:08,960
Speaker 3: co parents, and we are committed to this life with

792
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:12,440
Speaker 3: each other for our children. And it's a really beautiful

793
00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:17,960
Speaker 3: feeling knowing that we've reached this space with one another,

794
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:22,160
Speaker 3: you know, like that prior dynamic did not work, but

795
00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 3: we are in a new dynamic with one another. And yes,

796
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:27,279
Speaker 3: it took time to get there and took you know,

797
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:33,239
Speaker 3: emotional emotional evolvement on both people's parts, but we're in

798
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:37,319
Speaker 3: this really lovely space and the kids are the most

799
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:41,000
Speaker 3: important thing, and they're really benefiting from their parents being

800
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:44,440
Speaker 3: able to co parent healthily. Yeah, and you know, and

801
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:46,239
Speaker 3: that's all that matters for he and I.

802
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:50,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, and now a word from our wonderful sponsors.

803
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:02,640
Speaker 1: Friend of mine said something really interesting to me, you know,

804
00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:06,880
Speaker 1: talking about progress and obviously the you know, the backlash

805
00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:09,600
Speaker 1: we see around the world to it, particularly for women,

806
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:12,440
Speaker 1: and she said, you know, I think one of the

807
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:15,839
Speaker 1: things I've come to realize is that one of the

808
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:20,640
Speaker 1: greatest markers of progress for our generation, and it might

809
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:23,640
Speaker 1: not be something people see till later, because I think

810
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:27,520
Speaker 1: we're the first generation of women. Not to say I'll

811
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:30,719
Speaker 1: stay for the kids, but to say I'm leaving for

812
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:35,600
Speaker 1: my kids. I'm leaving to model something better for my

813
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:38,919
Speaker 1: children than what was modeled for me. I don't want

814
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 1: to teach them to seek this out and whether this

815
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:47,760
Speaker 1: is something toxic, whether it's abusive, whether.

816
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:49,520
Speaker 2: It's just not happy.

817
00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:54,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, to reframe, as you said, whether it's

818
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:59,200
Speaker 1: divorce or an ending or anything as a success to

819
00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:02,160
Speaker 1: say I walked up alongside this person for years. Yeah,

820
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:05,359
Speaker 1: we learned things, and then we came to the day,

821
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 1: after a long time of shifting apart, we came to

822
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:11,719
Speaker 1: the day where we were meant to go on our

823
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:15,879
Speaker 1: own journeys. Yeah, Like, what a gorgeous thing as you said,

824
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:20,799
Speaker 1: to experience portions of your life alongside someone and then

825
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:25,160
Speaker 1: to be generous enough with yourself and for them to say,

826
00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:28,680
Speaker 1: I deserve what's next for me, and you deserve what's

827
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:32,319
Speaker 1: next for you, instead of let's stay because once we

828
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 1: said we would, and let's be miserable forever.

829
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:42,120
Speaker 3: You know, I've always felt that forever. It's wrong to say,

830
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:44,319
Speaker 3: you know, till death do us part. And look, people

831
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:47,240
Speaker 3: who take those vows and feel great about them, that's incredible.

832
00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:51,480
Speaker 3: And look I did too, right, But we've all been there.

833
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:54,319
Speaker 3: We've all been there, So it's like, I understand, and

834
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:56,560
Speaker 3: I know that at the time when you're saying those things,

835
00:45:56,560 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 3: you really mean it. Nobody gets married planning their divorce,

836
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:02,640
Speaker 3: no like, and you know, and I was like, I

837
00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:06,280
Speaker 3: want to when we die, I want to be buried

838
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:08,080
Speaker 3: on top of you and come back as ghosts and

839
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:11,520
Speaker 3: haunt people, you know what I mean. My love carries

840
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:15,759
Speaker 3: into the afterlife. So so it's a very deep love.

841
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 3: But you know, at the same time, it's you know,

842
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:26,759
Speaker 3: like you said, it is an act of bravery. It

843
00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:29,319
Speaker 3: is just an act of bravery, and it is one

844
00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:31,680
Speaker 3: of the most selfless things. You know, you can do

845
00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:33,600
Speaker 3: is to be able to say we're going to let

846
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:36,520
Speaker 3: each other go because this isn't serving either of us anymore.

847
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:38,719
Speaker 3: And when you do have kids, you have to think

848
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:41,239
Speaker 3: about you have to think about what you're modeling for

849
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:44,279
Speaker 3: them by staying yes. You know, It's like, I have

850
00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 3: a daughter and two sons, and so for me, it

851
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:51,279
Speaker 3: was like, would I be happy if my daughter were

852
00:46:51,320 --> 00:46:53,880
Speaker 3: in a relationship like this? If my daughter felt like

853
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:57,560
Speaker 3: the way I feel, ye, would I want this for her?

854
00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:01,200
Speaker 3: And the answer was absolutely not. With my boys, is

855
00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:05,560
Speaker 3: I was like, am I okay modeling this for them?

856
00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:09,600
Speaker 3: Do I want them to think that this is how

857
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 3: a woman should act when she's not happy a woman?

858
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:15,879
Speaker 3: And it was like no. And it doesn't mean there's

859
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:18,560
Speaker 3: no tears. It doesn't mean that it's not hard, you know,

860
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:20,799
Speaker 3: one of the hardest. You know, I really got my

861
00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 3: PhD and pain management when I got my divorce right.

862
00:47:24,280 --> 00:47:26,759
Speaker 3: So it was like, what do you do with the ring?

863
00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:28,520
Speaker 3: What do you do with the pictures on the wall?

864
00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 3: Like what do you do with all that stuff? Where

865
00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:33,759
Speaker 3: does the love go? You know, you carry all this

866
00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 3: love for somebody for so long, like it doesn't just

867
00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:39,719
Speaker 3: disappear and also especially when you have children with them,

868
00:47:39,719 --> 00:47:44,440
Speaker 3: you're still connected to them. Oh, really learning what to

869
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:48,880
Speaker 3: do with all those energies that were once flowing in

870
00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 3: one direction so heavily, Where does it now go? I

871
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:54,359
Speaker 3: spent a lot of time in that space, right, and

872
00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 3: you know, and talk about it in the book, and

873
00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:00,319
Speaker 3: also just healing and heartbreak, like how do you get

874
00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:04,520
Speaker 3: through it? You know, like everyone there's no there's no

875
00:48:04,719 --> 00:48:07,680
Speaker 3: one way to grieve. And I feel like people don't

876
00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:10,200
Speaker 3: talk enough about grieving because pain is something that we've

877
00:48:10,239 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 3: been conditioned to sort of like not feel, right, like

878
00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:18,560
Speaker 3: from the time that we're young. If we fall, our moms,

879
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:20,640
Speaker 3: you know, they put a band aid on it, tell

880
00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:22,359
Speaker 3: us not to cry, We get a double scoop ice

881
00:48:22,360 --> 00:48:25,000
Speaker 3: cream cone, and we're off on our way, right, you know,

882
00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:27,399
Speaker 3: it's like, oh, you're okay, you're fine, don't cry. Good,

883
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:31,560
Speaker 3: it's all good. You're fine. But if anything, pain is inevitable, right,

884
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:34,319
Speaker 3: So it's like you can't go through life without experiencing pain.

885
00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:37,319
Speaker 3: But we need to learn to open ourselves up to pain.

886
00:48:37,719 --> 00:48:40,360
Speaker 3: And it was the moment when I stopped numbing myself.

887
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:44,960
Speaker 3: It was the moment that I stopped escaping or trying

888
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:49,280
Speaker 3: to run or replace my pain or you know that.

889
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:53,279
Speaker 3: That's and when I finally was like, Okay, where are you?

890
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:57,000
Speaker 3: What are you trying to teach me? When I finally

891
00:48:57,040 --> 00:48:59,680
Speaker 3: looked at my pain, that's when I was able to

892
00:48:59,760 --> 00:49:02,440
Speaker 3: love myself enough to be able to get out of

893
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:05,080
Speaker 3: something that wasn't serving me anymore. Mm.

894
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:07,560
Speaker 2: That's really beautiful.

895
00:49:08,800 --> 00:49:11,439
Speaker 1: You talk about this in the book, but I would

896
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:13,839
Speaker 1: love to touch on it a little bit, because, yeah,

897
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:18,200
Speaker 1: you share about how you know of all the things

898
00:49:18,239 --> 00:49:21,319
Speaker 1: that you've worked on that are wonderful. Also side note,

899
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:23,319
Speaker 1: I'm the biggest fan of Paradise. I can't talk about

900
00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:28,200
Speaker 1: Oh thank you, but sex Life was so breath taking

901
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 1: it felt like revolutionary in.

902
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:31,480
Speaker 3: A lot of ways. It did.

903
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:35,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, And to read about how it came to you

904
00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:38,920
Speaker 1: in a moment where you were really not just on

905
00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 1: screen as this character, but in your own life processing

906
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:47,520
Speaker 1: what you're talking about, processing feel agency, where you got

907
00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:54,399
Speaker 1: to explore desire and taboo and happiness and the lack

908
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:56,520
Speaker 1: thereof through a character.

909
00:49:57,400 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, holy sh Yeah.

910
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 1: I learned so much more about it through the book

911
00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:06,279
Speaker 1: than I knew. Yeah, So I mean, please, if you

912
00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:08,759
Speaker 1: could just speak to it I think it's so incredible.

913
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:12,040
Speaker 1: And then in the book you're offering some advice about sex,

914
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:14,680
Speaker 1: which I feel like you had to be emboldened to

915
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:16,200
Speaker 1: do by the show one.

916
00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:20,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was also like you know, Sophia, I feel

917
00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:24,000
Speaker 3: like we live in this age where viagra, like I

918
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:26,600
Speaker 3: talked about in the book, viagra, which is something that

919
00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:31,160
Speaker 3: makes a limp dick hard, just rolls off of everyone's

920
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 3: tongue like it's every day vernacular and we just accept it.

921
00:50:34,280 --> 00:50:36,920
Speaker 3: But if a woman is talking about her period or

922
00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:40,480
Speaker 3: the gesterone or any kind of hormonal change, we have

923
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:43,560
Speaker 3: to do it behind closed doors. Like I'll never forget.

924
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:46,160
Speaker 3: There was this one day on set where I was

925
00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:48,320
Speaker 3: on my period and I asked a pa if I

926
00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:51,400
Speaker 3: could have some tampons and she was like oh, and

927
00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:52,920
Speaker 3: she you know, got on the walk and she was like,

928
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:56,560
Speaker 3: you know, turned to channel one hundred and five and

929
00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:58,960
Speaker 3: I was like, what's going on? And then they were like, yes,

930
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:01,560
Speaker 3: there are a few want to step and trailer will

931
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:03,719
Speaker 3: bring you what you need. And I was like what

932
00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:07,319
Speaker 3: and they I go into my trailer and then you

933
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:09,400
Speaker 3: know this, you know, knock on the door, and the

934
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:12,280
Speaker 3: door kind of like ominously swings open and this little

935
00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:15,080
Speaker 3: like package is like just through the crack, and it

936
00:51:15,120 --> 00:51:17,040
Speaker 3: was in a Manila envelope, and I'm like, are you

937
00:51:17,239 --> 00:51:20,520
Speaker 3: kidding me? Everybody came out of the out of a

938
00:51:20,600 --> 00:51:24,279
Speaker 3: vagina here, Like it's not like my period. The fact

939
00:51:24,280 --> 00:51:27,520
Speaker 3: that I'm bleeding shouldn't be this like thing that she

940
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:30,760
Speaker 3: you know, like I should feel ashamed for talking about

941
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:33,279
Speaker 3: like what. So it was it was also important for

942
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:36,480
Speaker 3: me to be part of the conversation to help like

943
00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:39,319
Speaker 3: switch the dynamic a little bit. But when I was

944
00:51:39,320 --> 00:51:41,680
Speaker 3: on Sex Life, yes, like you know, not only was

945
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:43,799
Speaker 3: it like a battle cry for so many women that

946
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:48,560
Speaker 3: were unhappy and felt unseen. You know, the show came

947
00:51:48,640 --> 00:51:52,120
Speaker 3: at a time in my life where the character of

948
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:56,440
Speaker 3: Billy had the courage to question all of the things

949
00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:59,880
Speaker 3: that I was silently questioning and I was scared to question.

950
00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 3: So it really was fate, you know, I'm going to work.

951
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:08,319
Speaker 3: I felt like I was. It was therapy for me.

952
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:11,720
Speaker 3: I felt like I was reading out of the pages

953
00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:14,600
Speaker 3: of my heart. Like it was just a very interesting

954
00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:18,560
Speaker 3: time in my life, you know. So, yes, and one

955
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:20,960
Speaker 3: in which I will be forever grateful too. But the

956
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:25,560
Speaker 3: sexual component of the show was also interesting. And you know,

957
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:26,840
Speaker 3: I mean, you know how it is when you do

958
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:29,319
Speaker 3: a project, You're never thinking it's going to be this.

959
00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:30,839
Speaker 3: You don't go into it going, oh my god, this

960
00:52:30,880 --> 00:52:33,800
Speaker 3: is going to be the biggest thing ever. Your responsibility

961
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:36,360
Speaker 3: is to the character. You want to tell the highest

962
00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:38,600
Speaker 3: degree of truth for the story, and you're there to

963
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:43,240
Speaker 3: tell a story. Whether or not it resonates with people

964
00:52:43,360 --> 00:52:46,959
Speaker 3: is beyond your control. And so when the show came

965
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 3: out and I kind of got put on this platform

966
00:52:50,719 --> 00:52:54,480
Speaker 3: for unhappily married women or women who didn't know how

967
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:58,080
Speaker 3: to use their voice, and I was just flooded with

968
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:00,440
Speaker 3: women who were like, how did you have the couraged

969
00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:03,480
Speaker 3: you know, to leave? And also I've never had an

970
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 3: orgasm before? How do I speak up? And I was

971
00:53:06,640 --> 00:53:11,120
Speaker 3: just like, oh my god, like orgasms and sexuality, like

972
00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:14,680
Speaker 3: these are god given rights, Like this isn't something that

973
00:53:14,719 --> 00:53:19,400
Speaker 3: should be taboo like oh no, like or sorted like

974
00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:22,320
Speaker 3: women's sexuality is not a sordid thing to talk about,

975
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:25,719
Speaker 3: Like it's very natural and something in which we were

976
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:31,680
Speaker 3: all born with this again, this birthright to experience pleasure

977
00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:36,400
Speaker 3: to the almost degree. So it was a little scary

978
00:53:36,440 --> 00:53:38,439
Speaker 3: for me to write about it because I was like,

979
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:41,120
Speaker 3: you know, again, I was afraid of judgment. I was

980
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:43,960
Speaker 3: you know, I have three children. You know, I was like, Okay,

981
00:53:44,120 --> 00:53:46,440
Speaker 3: how is this going to come across. But at the

982
00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:49,319
Speaker 3: same time, for me, anytime I do feel afraid to

983
00:53:49,400 --> 00:53:52,600
Speaker 3: do something, that's a signal for me to step into it,

984
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:56,240
Speaker 3: and so like, I know, I'm going to do something

985
00:53:56,280 --> 00:54:00,480
Speaker 3: that is create some sort of change or conversation, and

986
00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:03,000
Speaker 3: I feel like that's what we're here to do, that's

987
00:54:03,040 --> 00:54:03,920
Speaker 3: what makes life fun.

988
00:54:04,080 --> 00:54:05,200
Speaker 2: I think it's incredible.

989
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:09,319
Speaker 1: I think it's incredible, especially you know when you just

990
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:13,719
Speaker 1: said that thing, which is so normal for all of us.

991
00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:16,319
Speaker 2: Well, I have three children. Oh my parents will read this.

992
00:54:16,440 --> 00:54:20,600
Speaker 1: Oh ah yeah, It's like sure, but again, even speaking

993
00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:24,279
Speaker 1: to what I want this marriage for my children, right,

994
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:26,879
Speaker 1: I also think there's something you know, when you talk

995
00:54:26,920 --> 00:54:30,040
Speaker 1: about all of the women out there who've never experienced

996
00:54:30,040 --> 00:54:33,920
Speaker 1: an orgasm, who've been married from you know, to ten years,

997
00:54:33,960 --> 00:54:34,360
Speaker 1: it's like you.

998
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 3: Gotta start tickling that clip, like get it on it, Like.

999
00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:40,480
Speaker 1: No, But in my brain I'm like, wait, so then

1000
00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:44,000
Speaker 1: all these women are experiencing their lives being used for

1001
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:47,879
Speaker 1: a man's pleasure and not being allowed to participate, Like

1002
00:54:48,520 --> 00:54:49,719
Speaker 1: that's vulgar to me.

1003
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:55,040
Speaker 3: That's or not choosing to participate because they they inherently

1004
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 3: are holding themselves back because of their earlier programming. That's

1005
00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:02,760
Speaker 3: dirdy or sex is not you know whatever.

1006
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:05,680
Speaker 1: So it's like, yeah, well, and they might not be

1007
00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:07,719
Speaker 1: choosing or by the way, they might not even be

1008
00:55:07,719 --> 00:55:12,839
Speaker 1: being acknowledged participating. And I love that you wrote this

1009
00:55:12,880 --> 00:55:15,880
Speaker 1: book and you talk about these things with your three kids,

1010
00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:19,040
Speaker 1: because don't we want all of our kids to say, Hey,

1011
00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:22,840
Speaker 1: if I'm going to have an intimate or sexual experience,

1012
00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:25,279
Speaker 1: I'm going to be a full participant in it. I'm

1013
00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:28,640
Speaker 1: going to have agency, I'm going to consent, I'm going

1014
00:55:28,719 --> 00:55:30,919
Speaker 1: to enjoy myself.

1015
00:55:30,680 --> 00:55:37,399
Speaker 3: Exactly, exactly, that's exactly. I want my children to grow

1016
00:55:37,480 --> 00:55:42,080
Speaker 3: up feeling confident in themselves, to be in respectful relationships

1017
00:55:42,080 --> 00:55:46,880
Speaker 3: where desire and pleasure and sensuality is mutually exchanged, you

1018
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 3: know what I mean. It's like that most of the

1019
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:49,439
Speaker 3: good things in life.

1020
00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:52,760
Speaker 1: Yes, you know, if they're going to have healthy intimate

1021
00:55:52,840 --> 00:55:58,800
Speaker 1: relationships in their adulthood, conversations about sexuality and intimacy cannot

1022
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:02,160
Speaker 1: be tampons in them and envelope it just cannot be that.

1023
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:07,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, I did not want that. So yeah, it's it's

1024
00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:12,279
Speaker 3: it's it's interesting. And also it's like, you know, being

1025
00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:16,560
Speaker 3: single now, I've been learning about myself in a different

1026
00:56:16,600 --> 00:56:20,920
Speaker 3: way and in terms of like how I carry myself

1027
00:56:20,960 --> 00:56:24,960
Speaker 3: through the world. And I think before I'm not saying

1028
00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 3: that this was as a result of any of my

1029
00:56:28,080 --> 00:56:31,520
Speaker 3: partners putting this on me, but I think I was.

1030
00:56:31,840 --> 00:56:35,360
Speaker 3: I didn't. I'm an aries rising, Okay, And if you

1031
00:56:35,400 --> 00:56:38,919
Speaker 3: know anything about astrology, like aries is the fire sign,

1032
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:44,000
Speaker 3: and so I like to have a little wink and

1033
00:56:44,080 --> 00:56:47,520
Speaker 3: mischief in my eyes wherever I go. Like, it doesn't

1034
00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:49,600
Speaker 3: mean that I want to somebody. It doesn't mean that

1035
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:52,560
Speaker 3: I'm necessarily like putting the vibes out there for them.

1036
00:56:52,640 --> 00:56:56,360
Speaker 3: I could flirt with I could flirt with the wall

1037
00:56:56,960 --> 00:56:59,560
Speaker 3: the same way that I could flirt with the female

1038
00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:02,239
Speaker 3: or male barista at Starbucks, you know what I mean. So, Okay,

1039
00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:04,640
Speaker 3: there is no it's me, it's the face. It's actually

1040
00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:09,400
Speaker 3: for you, it's my sacred fire, it's it's just me.

1041
00:57:10,120 --> 00:57:14,120
Speaker 3: And in my relationships for the last twenty three years,

1042
00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:18,880
Speaker 3: i've kind of put I've suppressed that a bit because

1043
00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:21,080
Speaker 3: I don't want to come across as disrespectful, and I

1044
00:57:21,120 --> 00:57:23,760
Speaker 3: don't want to, you know, send the wrong signals and

1045
00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:25,680
Speaker 3: I don't want to whatever. And so it's like I

1046
00:57:25,720 --> 00:57:29,480
Speaker 3: have held myself back a little bit and or a lot,

1047
00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:34,680
Speaker 3: and I have now realized like, oh no, this is

1048
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:37,480
Speaker 3: kind of this is who I am. And you know,

1049
00:57:38,040 --> 00:57:41,160
Speaker 3: the next and how I take up space in the world.

1050
00:57:41,520 --> 00:57:44,920
Speaker 3: And you know, the thing about sexuality and sensuality doesn't

1051
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:49,360
Speaker 3: even have to be sex. Like sensuality and especially women femininity,

1052
00:57:50,680 --> 00:57:53,200
Speaker 3: this is how I take up space. You know. This

1053
00:57:53,280 --> 00:57:55,760
Speaker 3: is how like I look at myself in the mornings

1054
00:57:55,800 --> 00:57:58,040
Speaker 3: and I like giving myself a little wink. You know.

1055
00:57:58,200 --> 00:58:02,240
Speaker 3: It's like it's it's it's play, it's it's and it's

1056
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:06,840
Speaker 3: what I feel really good doing, you know, and yeah,

1057
00:58:06,880 --> 00:58:10,120
Speaker 3: it's it's and that and that landscape can change each day,

1058
00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:13,560
Speaker 3: like what sensuality looks like, what femininity looks like like

1059
00:58:13,680 --> 00:58:15,760
Speaker 3: that can change day to day. There are many different

1060
00:58:15,800 --> 00:58:18,320
Speaker 3: ways and types to be feminine. I wrote a subset

1061
00:58:18,560 --> 00:58:20,880
Speaker 3: article about this one time because it's like there's so

1062
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 3: much judgment about like what a woman looks like or

1063
00:58:24,440 --> 00:58:29,320
Speaker 3: should look like, and whether someone is you know, wearing

1064
00:58:29,400 --> 00:58:34,160
Speaker 3: scantily clad clothing great amazing, like good for them, Or

1065
00:58:34,200 --> 00:58:36,920
Speaker 3: if somebody wants to be head to toe like Tom

1066
00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:40,320
Speaker 3: the Tomboy look great, good for them. Like it's just

1067
00:58:40,440 --> 00:58:43,960
Speaker 3: it's all equal there, there is no judgment on anything.

1068
00:58:44,200 --> 00:58:48,439
Speaker 3: So being able to be single in this time has

1069
00:58:48,480 --> 00:58:51,080
Speaker 3: allowed me to explore parts of myself that I have

1070
00:58:51,200 --> 00:58:55,280
Speaker 3: quieted for a long time. And I'm excited about whatever

1071
00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:57,640
Speaker 3: my next relationship looks like because I feel like I'm

1072
00:58:57,680 --> 00:59:01,280
Speaker 3: actually going to be able to enter it as the fullest,

1073
00:59:01,680 --> 00:59:05,440
Speaker 3: you know, a version of myself, the soft and the fire,

1074
00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:09,200
Speaker 3: you know. And I wouldn't have never been able to

1075
00:59:09,240 --> 00:59:11,480
Speaker 3: do that had I not been single. Mm.

1076
00:59:12,400 --> 00:59:12,960
Speaker 2: I love that.

1077
00:59:13,000 --> 00:59:17,640
Speaker 1: It's beautiful and it feels very cool again when things

1078
00:59:17,640 --> 00:59:20,000
Speaker 1: come at the right moment that you're having this exact

1079
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:23,360
Speaker 1: experience when this book is being born out into the world.

1080
00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:26,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like it doesn't feel coincidental to me.

1081
00:59:27,440 --> 00:59:30,680
Speaker 3: Well, what's crazy is like when I wrote the book,

1082
00:59:31,720 --> 00:59:35,919
Speaker 3: I was in a relationship, and the book has come

1083
00:59:35,960 --> 00:59:38,960
Speaker 3: out when I'm not in a relationship. So it's like

1084
00:59:39,120 --> 00:59:42,360
Speaker 3: I really am the person who is putting her money

1085
00:59:42,360 --> 00:59:45,560
Speaker 3: where her mouth is. And like, speaking from experience and

1086
00:59:45,640 --> 00:59:48,600
Speaker 3: I am the reader, so yeah, it's interesting.

1087
00:59:48,920 --> 00:59:51,800
Speaker 1: I am having the best time talking with Sarah Shahu today.

1088
00:59:52,320 --> 01:00:02,880
Speaker 1: Join us for part two.