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Speaker 1: Hope you on this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: Independence is not about your pride that independence is about

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Speaker 2: being able to think for yourself, even if it means

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Speaker 2: that other people are not going to like the decision

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Speaker 2: that you make. An independence means being able to take

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Speaker 2: care of yourself, and sometimes within that taking care of yourself,

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Speaker 2: it requires asking for help and tapping into your village.

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Speaker 2: But you have to let go of that ego.

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Speaker 1: Hopefully today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit Cultivating her Space to access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 2: women like you. We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Brussard, a

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Speaker 2: college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 1: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 1: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 1: fibroids to fake friends, and create a safe space where

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Speaker 1: black women can just be Hey, lady, it's Terry here

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Speaker 1: from the Cultivating her Space podcast. I'm hosting a free

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Speaker 1: podcasting masterclass where I'm going to teach you how to

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Speaker 1: create your impactful podcast and how you can generate multiple

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Speaker 1: streams of income. You can visit podcast with Terry dot

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Speaker 1: com to register for free to see there.

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Speaker 2: Our quote of the day, a child's first teacher is

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Speaker 2: its mother. That quote comes to us from China's First

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Speaker 2: Lady hong Lea You win Tea. That quote has some

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Speaker 2: pretty heavy implications. A child's first teacher is its mother.

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Speaker 2: What comes up for you when you hear that quote?

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Speaker 1: Girl, I did not expect to get emotional for this episode,

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Speaker 1: but actually what I thought about was my daughter and

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Speaker 1: just what I mean. I'm so involved in her life,

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Speaker 1: and I value our relationships so much, and I'm so

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Speaker 1: eager and excited to be her person like the I

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Speaker 1: mean obviously her dad as well, right, but like just

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Speaker 1: the female figure that she can look up to and

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Speaker 1: confide and have a safe space, you know with I

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Speaker 1: just I think about that and the things that I

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Speaker 1: teach her, And yeah, it's true. But I think it's

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Speaker 1: true for the positive and the negative.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 1: I think about some of the great lessons that my

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Speaker 1: mom taught me, and we're going to talk about some

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Speaker 1: of those today, But I also think about some of

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Speaker 1: the negative and I want to say, self defeating and

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Speaker 1: not so positive things that I learned from my mom

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Speaker 1: because I saw those things firsthand and as I grew

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Speaker 1: up saying to myself, well, I'm not going to do

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Speaker 1: what my mom did, and I saw that I actually

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Speaker 1: possessed some of those traits, right, So yeah, it definitely

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Speaker 1: in most cases it's true.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: I know that everyone has not been raised by their

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Speaker 1: mother and may not have a relationship with their mother,

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Speaker 1: may not know their mother, but I think that when

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Speaker 1: moms are present, oftentimes the moms tend to be those

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Speaker 1: first teachers, especially for young girls. What about you?

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Speaker 2: Don you know as you said that, something came up

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Speaker 2: from me that I was thinking about that, like, how

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Speaker 2: literally true? That is no matter your rellyf relationship with

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Speaker 2: your mother, because the person she's the person who gave

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Speaker 2: you life, right, who brought you in, who physically carried

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Speaker 2: you into this world. And so no matter what that

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Speaker 2: current relationship is, she literally was your first teacher.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: So I think about folks who were put up for

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Speaker 2: adoption at birth, right what the lesson is that they learned?

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Speaker 2: And it depends on everyone's story, right, but there's still

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Speaker 2: a lesson in that. And so no matter your relationship

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Speaker 2: currently with the person who gave birth to you, they

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Speaker 2: were still your first teacher.

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Speaker 3: And that's pretty powerful.

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Speaker 1: I would agree. This is going to be a loaded conversation, lady,

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Speaker 1: So just sit back and get ready. What we're going

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Speaker 1: to do first is we're going to dive into our

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Speaker 1: favorite or this memory of us and our mothers. Dom

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Speaker 1: and I were then going to talk a bit about

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Speaker 1: the state of the relationships that we have with our moms,

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Speaker 1: and then we're going to talk about the lessons that

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Speaker 1: we learned from our mothers. So Dom, I'll go ahead

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Speaker 1: and go first.

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Speaker 2: Girl.

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Speaker 1: So I was thinking about this right as we were

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Speaker 1: preparing for the episode. I feel like I can't give

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Speaker 1: our worth out today, y'all. I was thinking about this

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Speaker 1: as we were preparing for the episode, and I thought

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Speaker 1: back to a handful of memories, right, but this one

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Speaker 1: in particular, really shines right for me. And it was

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Speaker 1: years ago when I was in Philly. I think it

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Speaker 1: was sometime before twenty nineteen, and my mom and I

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Speaker 1: were hanging out and I was driving and Kanye West

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Speaker 1: and Jamie Fox the song came on the radio, right,

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Speaker 1: go Digger right, and my dad who passed away, he

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Speaker 1: used to love this song. And so my mom and

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Speaker 1: I were in the car and I was rapping Kanye's

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Speaker 1: part and my mom was ad living and I actually

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Speaker 1: recorded it. It was such a wholesome, like even when

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Speaker 1: I look at the video on social media, I think

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Speaker 1: I posted years ago. It was such a wholesome moment.

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Speaker 1: So I'm like, you know the song, right, Dom, so

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Speaker 1: I love I know it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know the song.

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Speaker 1: So I'm raphing my part. You know, she was supposed

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Speaker 1: to buy a shorty tycho with your money. She would

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Speaker 1: take this doctor. I like, for I was singing the

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Speaker 1: whole song right, and she's doing her part and we're laughing,

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Speaker 1: and we got so much feedback.

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Speaker 3: It's so funny.

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Speaker 1: I didn't post it for social media, but we got

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Speaker 1: so much feedback and people were just like, wow, I'm

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Speaker 1: so happy to see this moment. You know of YouTube

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Speaker 1: based on like our story and the past and all that.

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Speaker 1: So it was such a really great moment and I

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Speaker 1: still smile about today, despite where we might be today

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Speaker 1: with our relationship. It's something that is wholesome that makes

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Speaker 1: me happy and it is a very fond memory. So

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Speaker 1: that is my favorite memory at this point. What about you?

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Speaker 3: You know?

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Speaker 2: At first I was like, well, I don't know, And

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Speaker 2: then when I gave myself time to like kind of

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Speaker 2: really sit and really think about it, I think I

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Speaker 2: have multiple fond memories, right, And a lot of those

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Speaker 2: fond memories are so there's one set of memories that

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Speaker 2: centered around the holidays and how my mom was really

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Speaker 2: good about helping us create these traditions. So and I

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Speaker 2: remember at the time not being a fan of this shit, right.

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Speaker 2: So I remember at the time because we were Catholic

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Speaker 2: and we would go to midnight Mass on Christmas Eve

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Speaker 2: leading into Christmas morning, and when we were younger, halfway

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Speaker 2: through the day she would make us take a nap

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Speaker 2: so that we would be awake for midnight Mass. And

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Speaker 2: I just remember being at a certain age, like around eleven,

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Speaker 2: like I'm too grown for a nap, Like I don't

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Speaker 2: need no nap no, and knowing full well that I

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Speaker 2: would like end up falling asleep during Mass if I

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Speaker 2: didn't get that nap in right, because I'm not normally

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Speaker 2: up at midnight. But I distinctly remember that right. And

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Speaker 2: then what also comes along with those memory, Marie, are

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Speaker 2: the drives from our house to my grandparents' church where

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Speaker 2: we would go to midnight Mass and we would be

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Speaker 2: seeing like around the holidays, my mom would play like

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Speaker 2: Mariah Carey's Christmas album and like Harry Connel Junior because

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Speaker 2: he's from New Orleans and like pl and have all

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Speaker 2: this Christmas music, this holiday music. And so for me

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Speaker 2: that's like a lasting fond memory because to this day,

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Speaker 2: around the holidays, like I have to have holiday music,

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Speaker 2: and it just brings out this joyfulness to have that

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Speaker 2: holiday music. So that's like one set of like really

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Speaker 2: fond memories. And then the other set is like around

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Speaker 2: my mom hosting sleepovers for us. So our house, you know,

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Speaker 2: we had five kids in the house, so there was

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Speaker 2: always room, Like my best friend would come and spend

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Speaker 2: summers at my house, like and but then periodically my mom.

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Speaker 3: Would hold sleepovers.

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Speaker 2: And I think she probably started when I was like

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Speaker 2: in like third grade or something like our house would

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Speaker 2: be the house where everybody would come over and we

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Speaker 2: would watch movies and then she would like be really

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Speaker 2: good at like telling us these scary stories. And so

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Speaker 2: the sleepovers were the thing, you know, And so it's like,

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Speaker 2: those are the types of things from childhood that like

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Speaker 2: stand out and that when I think about how they

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Speaker 2: shape who I am as an adult.

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Speaker 4: No, lady, you know, this is a grown woman podcast, okay,

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Speaker 1: You made me think of some more stories down but

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Speaker 1: I love that you told. When you share those stories,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I was going back in time kind

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Speaker 1: of like trying to envision those moments and it just

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Speaker 1: feels so just so wholesome and beautiful, and it's like

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Speaker 1: you get that nostalgic feeling like, oh my gosh, the

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Speaker 1: good old days. Right, we just sleepover two girls we

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Speaker 1: used to do like the pedicures, and we'd have all

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Speaker 1: the snacks and the one thing I have to share, y'all,

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Speaker 1: is that my mom and dad they used to pick

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Speaker 1: us up from school early some times and we would

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Speaker 1: go to Red Lobster. This is like an elementary school.

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Speaker 1: So we my sister and I thought we was the shit,

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Speaker 1: okay because we were going to Red Lobster in the

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Speaker 1: middle of the day and they would bring us back

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Speaker 1: to school after and it was just such a vibe.

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Speaker 1: We were like, oh my god, that chick at.

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Speaker 2: School, you know.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, good times, right. I love that you share those, So, yeah, lady,

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Speaker 1: think about your memories that you might have, right, what

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Speaker 1: memories do you have with your mom or your mother

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Speaker 1: figure or you know, the person that raised you. I know,

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Speaker 1: for me, I've been very vocal on the podcast now,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you know this about the fact that my

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Speaker 1: mom and I are estranged today, and although I do

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Speaker 1: miss the good times and there are beautiful parts of her,

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Speaker 1: there is there are many reasons should I say that

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Speaker 1: I'm unable to be in touch and you know, in

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Speaker 1: relationship with her today. And it all really really boils

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Speaker 1: down to what supports my mental health and peace. And

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Speaker 1: I'm really proud of myself because I was a people

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Speaker 1: pleaser for so long and had a hard time saying

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Speaker 1: no and setting boundaries, and today I just move very differently,

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Speaker 1: like my mental health is my priority and with all

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Speaker 1: you know, I say all that to say, regardless of

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Speaker 1: what our relationships are with our moms today, I believe

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Speaker 1: that we can learn something from them. Right. If mom

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Speaker 1: wasn't there, maybe you learn something from you know, another figure,

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Speaker 1: whether it was grandmother. I know my grandmother was very

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Speaker 1: active in my life, or maybe it was like a

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Speaker 1: foster parent or someone else that was there with you.

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Speaker 1: So I just, yeah, I think that that's important to

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Speaker 1: say before we dive into these lessons. Oh, I want

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Speaker 1: to say, although we're going to dive into some of

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Speaker 1: the lessons, but also maybe some not so positive experiences

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Speaker 1: that taught us lessons. I will say, and I've said

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Speaker 1: this in another episodes, I appreciate and I'm grateful for

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Speaker 1: the experiences that I've had because it really did make

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Speaker 1: me who I am. And I wouldn't have those lessons

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Speaker 1: and the resilience that I have if it wasn't for

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Speaker 1: you know, the abuse that I endured, right or the

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Speaker 1: adverse situations, And so not to excuse the behavior by

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Speaker 1: any means, but me as an individual, like, I'm grateful

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Speaker 1: for my holistic experience because it does inform how i'm

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Speaker 1: mother today.

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Speaker 2: And I think that's important to point out, right, like

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Speaker 2: the power of healing and doing the work to heal, right,

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Speaker 2: because I think not doing that work will prevent you

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Speaker 2: from being in the space where you can see the

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Speaker 2: benefits from even the negative situations, right. And so lady,

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Speaker 2: if you're listening and you're like, well, I'm a stranger

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Speaker 2: from my mom or I'm holding xyz resentments towards my mom.

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Speaker 3: I highly encourage you to do the work to heal.

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Speaker 2: And you know, as a therapist, I automatically say that

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Speaker 2: therapy is a way to heal, but I also recognize

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Speaker 2: that therapy is not the only way to heal. And

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Speaker 2: so identifying what the work, what it looks like for

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Speaker 2: you to heal, what you need to do that work,

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Speaker 2: and do the work. It's not easy, but it's important

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Speaker 2: for you as in an individual to be in your

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Speaker 2: healthiest space. And so, you know, I think about my

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Speaker 2: own relationship with my mom, and I think, you know,

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Speaker 2: when I reflect, I do believe that my relationship with

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Speaker 2: my mom is not uncommon that mothers and daughters have

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Speaker 2: complex relationships and they have ebbs and flows. Because I

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Speaker 2: was the parentified child and the eldest child. As a kid,

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Speaker 2: it felt like I was my mom's confidant, right, and

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Speaker 2: I will you know, I definitely acknowledge that my mom

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Speaker 2: was pretty open minded, and that we'll get into that

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Speaker 2: and as we talk about the lessons. But what that

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Speaker 2: made for was a space where I felt comfortable bringing

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Speaker 2: things to her, and my friends felt comfortable bringing things

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Speaker 2: to her that they didn't feel comfortable bringing to their

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Speaker 2: own moms, right, And I'm grateful for that, But I

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Speaker 2: also know that I relationship has evolved over time, and

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Speaker 2: we have had periods of time where we did not

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Speaker 2: speak to one another, and there have been For me,

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Speaker 2: most of that really has been about me taking care

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Speaker 2: of myself because do you like you? And I've talked

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Speaker 2: about this on the podcast as well, about being a

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Speaker 2: people pleaser, right and being in a space where I've said, Okay, well,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna even though I don't like this, I'm not

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Speaker 2: gonna speak on it, and I'm going to continue to

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Speaker 2: allow this to happen to keep the peace right. Meanwhile,

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Speaker 2: I'm the one who internally is not feeling good, right,

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Speaker 2: and so I had to get to a space where

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Speaker 2: I made the decision. And again, some of this is

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Speaker 2: lessons that I've learned from her of I needed to

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Speaker 2: take care of me, and and part of taking care

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Speaker 2: of me meant speaking up for what I believe in

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Speaker 2: and what I needed. And there have been points where

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Speaker 2: that has been contradictory to who my mom is and

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Speaker 2: what she wanted or what she needed, and that's okay,

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Speaker 2: and being in a space of recognizing that that's okay.

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Speaker 2: I think the other part of my journey has also

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Speaker 2: been getting to a space of acknowledging that every mother

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Speaker 2: daughter relationship is going to look different, recognizing that my

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Speaker 2: sisters each have their own unique relationship with my mom right,

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Speaker 2: and their relationship is their relationship and that's okay. And

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Speaker 2: also recognizing that if you are not getting that mothering

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Speaker 2: need met from your mother, that there are other spaces

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Speaker 2: where you can get that need met. And I am

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Speaker 2: grateful that even when my mom and I were in

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Speaker 2: good spaces, like when our relationship was in a good space,

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Speaker 2: I have always had mother figures around that I could

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Speaker 2: always lean on.

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Speaker 1: I love that dime. I think that was beautifully stated,

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Speaker 1: and I think it's important to state that there is

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Speaker 1: hope if you don't have a relationship with your mom

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Speaker 1: or you don't have that energy or that energy. Is

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Speaker 1: that what I'm just saying. Yeah, yeah, the mother energy, y'all.

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Speaker 1: It's been a long day. Okay, forgive me, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: if you don't have that mother energy, I was like, wait,

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Speaker 1: what happened? But yeah, if you don't have that, it's

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Speaker 1: important to stay like, there is hope. So, lady, is

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Speaker 1: you're listening and you don't have that, We do have

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Speaker 1: other conscients, so go check out some of our other episodes.

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Speaker 1: Today we're going to focus on the lessons that we've

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Speaker 1: learned from my mother's but we have done so I mean, girl,

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Speaker 1: we have two hundred plus episodes. Now you gotta go

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Speaker 1: into that archive. You can literally search for mom or

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Speaker 1: mother or mommy and put our podcast name in Google

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Speaker 1: and you'll see some of those episodes come up. But

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Speaker 1: thank you so much for touching on that dome. I

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Speaker 1: guess we should dive into the lessons if I'm so

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Speaker 1: excited about so. Number one, the one of the lessons

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Speaker 1: that my mom taught me when I was younger was

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Speaker 1: be aware of your surroundings. This was one of those

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Speaker 1: street smart lessons. I mean she was telling us, like,

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Speaker 1: lock your doors as soon as you get in the car.

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Speaker 1: I still do that to this day. I go to

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Speaker 1: the gym in the morning and I have to walk

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Speaker 1: through some like sketchy areas and it's pretty dark because

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Speaker 1: it's like, you know, fives or five thirty six in

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Speaker 1: the morning or so, and so I'm like, my head

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Speaker 1: is on a swivel. I don't have headphones in, I

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Speaker 1: ain't listening to shit, but what's around me? So I'm

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Speaker 1: study looking around and got my mace ready in my hand,

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Speaker 1: like I'm aware, you know, because she always taught us

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Speaker 1: that when we were younger, like be aware your surroundings.

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Speaker 1: She used to always tell us these vivid stories from

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Speaker 1: her life and they were so intriguing and talked with

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Speaker 1: so many lessons and tips on just being on point

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Speaker 1: and you know, little just little pro tips, like if

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Speaker 1: you go into a room, try to have your back

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Speaker 1: against the wall so that you can observe. You know

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Speaker 1: where the exit is and who's coming in, and your

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Speaker 1: your back is against the wall so that no one

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Speaker 1: can like speak up behind you, right, Like you're just

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Speaker 1: observing everything that's around and just trusting your gut and

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Speaker 1: your intuition and just being on point. So that was

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Speaker 1: one of the lessons that my mama told me, Dom.

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Speaker 1: Can you relate to any of that as your Does

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Speaker 1: that resonate with you?

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Speaker 2: Yes, as you were saying that, I thought about that,

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Speaker 2: like of that lesson of and I think it's a

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Speaker 2: common lesson in black communities, right of locking your doors right, yes,

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Speaker 2: and we particularly if you live in an urban environment

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Speaker 2: that you lock your car doors as soon as you

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Speaker 2: get in, but you also keep your house door locked,

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Speaker 2: right Like I remember when we like I wasn't the

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Speaker 2: one that really played outside like that my siblings were,

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Speaker 2: but like it was like you know, in addition to

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Speaker 2: the not going in and out, you know, because not

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Speaker 2: letting the air conditioning out and all that, right, but

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Speaker 2: more so if you're not right in front the house,

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Speaker 2: like that door needs to be locked, like because we

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Speaker 2: ain't taking no chances on somebody coming in. And yes,

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Speaker 2: when we're walking to and from the bus stop, like

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Speaker 2: keep your head on a swivel. Make sure don't walk

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Speaker 2: places alone, like take one of your siblings with you.

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Speaker 3: Let someone know where you're going. Like those things.

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Speaker 2: Are were super important about the awareness of your surroundings

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Speaker 2: because I think also at the time when I was

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Speaker 2: coming up in the early nineties, New Orleans was labeled

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Speaker 2: as like the murder capital of the world, so it

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Speaker 2: was considered a pretty dangerous space to be in at

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Speaker 2: that time. So that was a really important lesson of

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Speaker 2: like being being aware of your surroundings. But part of

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Speaker 2: being aware of your surroundings also included this lesson that

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Speaker 2: I that my mom taught us about the importance.

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Speaker 3: Of having a village.

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Speaker 2: Right. So, my mom is one of five siblings and

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Speaker 2: so on, or one of five kids and so and

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Speaker 2: for a good part of my life, like all of

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Speaker 2: them lived in the same area. We never lived more

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Speaker 2: than fifteen minutes from my grandparents' house, and so there

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Speaker 2: was constantly a village. I remember being in elementary school

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Speaker 2: where it was carpooling with you know, one of the

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Speaker 2: church members taught at our school, taught at the elementary

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Speaker 2: school that my sister and I went to, so sometimes

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Speaker 2: we would ride to school with her and her kids, right,

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Speaker 2: And it was And then there was one neighborhood where

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Speaker 2: we lived in where I was like, well, let's to

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Speaker 2: damn nosey. But and as an adult, it makes sense

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Speaker 2: that there was a there were a couple of neighbors

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Speaker 2: who knew everybody's whereabouts, you know, like they legit where

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Speaker 2: the neighborhood watch and like as a teenager, yes, I

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Speaker 2: felt like she was nosy as hell and was like,

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Speaker 2: why she all up in my business? Why she knows stuff?

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Speaker 2: And I don't think my mama needs to know. But

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Speaker 2: as an adult I get the importance of that because

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Speaker 2: my mom was a single parent, and when she's having

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Speaker 2: to work and leaving us at home, it's important to

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Speaker 2: have people in the neighborhood who she could rely on,

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Speaker 2: that could keep an eye out for us, so that

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Speaker 2: she knew we were safe. So I think that importance

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Speaker 2: of like having a village, And to this day, whenever

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Speaker 2: I move, I that's one of the things that I

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Speaker 2: work on, is cultivating a village around me so that

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Speaker 2: when I whenever I'm in need, I have a village.

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Speaker 1: I love that. That is such a great life hack

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Speaker 1: in general, don because the village, I mean, we've all

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Speaker 1: most of us have heard that growing up right, it

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Speaker 1: takes a village to raise a child, And it really

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Speaker 1: takes a village. I feel like for all aspects of life, right,

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Speaker 1: whether you're moving into a new area like you said,

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Speaker 1: and you need to find your people. So I love

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Speaker 1: that you share that. And as funny as you were

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Speaker 1: talking about the person that was that went to your

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Speaker 1: church was a teacher and the neighbor, all I heard

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Speaker 1: was y'all couldn't get away with nothing because they was

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Speaker 1: all in y'all business. The family members fifteen minutes away,

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Speaker 1: you know how it was back there day were I

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Speaker 1: don't know if this was your generation, don but my

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Speaker 1: my uncles. And then we talk about this where the

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Speaker 1: neighbor would like, you know, whoop the kids?

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Speaker 3: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think that we were because but it

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Speaker 1: wasn't going down. But it's just the villa village aspect though, right,

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Speaker 1: it's so important. So my next tip is just I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna say, it's like an umbrella tip, y'all. It's just

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00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 1: life skills in general. And I thought this was all

435
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 1: normal until I met some women in college who weren't

436
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 1: raised with their moms and they were just like they

437
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:17,399
Speaker 1: weren't taught some of these things, and I was like,

438
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 1: oh damn, I'm really grateful for this. So for me cooking,

439
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 1: I come from a family of cooking women. They know

440
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 1: how to throw down in the kitchen of cow. I'm talking,

441
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:30,120
Speaker 1: I'm talking back in cheese, I'm talking cone break, I'm

442
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:34,640
Speaker 1: talking yams, kyla greens, Okay, pig feet, chitlings. I don't

443
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 1: make the I don't do the pig feed and chilllings

444
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 1: no more. But like that's what we were raised on,

445
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:43,399
Speaker 1: you know, the good Southern food, y'all. So yeah, cooking women,

446
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:46,399
Speaker 1: you know you're like my I ain't full of with it,

447
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:51,400
Speaker 1: but knowing how to make your own meal, cleaning, hustling.

448
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 1: My mom was a hustler and still was a hustler

449
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 1: right entrepreneurship. I saw her and my dad have various businesses,

450
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:01,840
Speaker 1: balancing mom life and career and just being independent in general.

451
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 1: One of the things that my grandfather taught my mom

452
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 1: that I was also taught was never depend on a

453
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:11,640
Speaker 1: man for anything, Like have your own money wherever, whether

454
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 1: you're going on a date with somebody, you always have

455
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:16,320
Speaker 1: a way out. So whether it's your money on the side,

456
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,600
Speaker 1: whatever it is, you always have your own. And I'm

457
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,880
Speaker 1: so grateful for all those lessons because it really made

458
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 1: me who I am today. A couple other little protips

459
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 1: that kind of go under life skills. Prepping my clothes

460
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 1: for the week, which I still do today for me

461
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:31,480
Speaker 1: and the baby was just so convenient, so our clothes

462
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:33,439
Speaker 1: are picked out for the week. Now, this is going

463
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:36,360
Speaker 1: to be a little old school, y'all. But y'all remember

464
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,560
Speaker 1: back in the day when we go to church and

465
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 1: they my grandmother and Mim will always make sure we

466
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:47,200
Speaker 1: had a slip on under our dress and some stocking

467
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:49,920
Speaker 1: stocking and some shorts. Sometimes you had to wear shorts too.

468
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:51,680
Speaker 1: I was like, God, damn, now, I don't know, I

469
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:53,879
Speaker 1: know about slips these days, okay. And then also cleaning

470
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:55,639
Speaker 1: behind your ears. That was like a big thing, like

471
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,560
Speaker 1: clean behind you. Make sure you clean behind your ears,

472
00:26:57,880 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 1: make sure you don't have no earbacks in year. Those

473
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,639
Speaker 1: are all the little LFE skills and little tips.

474
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 3: Listen, lady, okay, y'all. So I'm gonna put this out here.

475
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:11,880
Speaker 2: I don't think I think I kept slips in my.

476
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 3: Drawer up until.

477
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 2: Thirty five, maybe until up until.

478
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 1: I was friend.

479
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 3: Oh wait, the other day, I don't.

480
00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 2: Wear I wear I wear the new the modern slips, spanks.

481
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:34,280
Speaker 2: That's that's the new slip for me. But and I

482
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:38,919
Speaker 2: don't wear stockings. But I guess, yes, that is a

483
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:42,080
Speaker 2: life skill. That is one of those life skills that

484
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:45,959
Speaker 2: I distinctly remember, particularly for church, right, that was the

485
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 2: main thing you were going to church any time where

486
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:52,360
Speaker 2: you had to wear your Sunday's best. I don't even

487
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:56,920
Speaker 2: know if children know what Sunday's best is these days,

488
00:27:56,560 --> 00:28:00,640
Speaker 2: but yet that those were one of those life skills.

489
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 2: And like the thing about the prepping for the week, Yes,

490
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:07,119
Speaker 2: those life skills were important because and we wore uniforms

491
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 2: to ours to school, and so we like that was

492
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:14,120
Speaker 2: key for prepping for the week, Like you made sure

493
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 2: your uniforms were ironed and ready to go for the

494
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:20,200
Speaker 2: whole week. Now I will say my siblings, they don't

495
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 2: be ironing. I don't know, I don't understand, but I

496
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 2: still keep it iron and I've upgraded and have a steamer,

497
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:31,440
Speaker 2: so it's rare you're gonna catch me wrinkled in these streets.

498
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 2: So yes, that's one of those life skills, Yes, that

499
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 2: I did learn. And I think for me, the big

500
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:43,880
Speaker 2: the lesson within that though, was just about how to

501
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 2: cook and clean. Right, So learning and for me living

502
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:53,920
Speaker 2: by myself. Y'all have heard me share on the episodes

503
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 2: before that I don't really cook. Now, let's be clear,

504
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:01,800
Speaker 2: I know how to cook. I just don't really do

505
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:05,480
Speaker 2: it because how I grew up a lot of the

506
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:08,680
Speaker 2: things that I learned to cook, I learned to cook

507
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 2: for in big portions. So sometimes when I when I

508
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:17,280
Speaker 2: really get in there and cook, I'm ending up with

509
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:21,320
Speaker 2: lots of leftover. So unless I'm putting it in the freezer, like,

510
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:23,520
Speaker 2: it might go to waste cause it's just me in here.

511
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:27,400
Speaker 3: But I know how to cook.

512
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 2: I remember in high school it was either junior or

513
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 2: senior year in high school, I hosted a friends giving

514
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 2: and I cooked that turkey like, so I know how

515
00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 2: to cook. I also know how to clean. Y'all have

516
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,960
Speaker 2: also heard me talk about how my life is made

517
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 2: easier because I have a cleaner like the cleaning lady

518
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:54,120
Speaker 2: just left up earlier today, I know how to do it.

519
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 2: It saves me time to have someone else come and

520
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 2: do it. But the key is that I know how

521
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:01,480
Speaker 2: to to do it and that and the other thing

522
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 2: that's important with that is that even though I might

523
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 2: pay someone else to do it, because I know how

524
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 2: to do it. I'm not going to get taken advantage

525
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:13,360
Speaker 2: of because I know what it should look like.

526
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 1: I love that girl, and you are speaking facts. I mean,

527
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 1: it's important to know how to do it, even if

528
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:21,480
Speaker 1: you don't do it on a regular because if the

529
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:23,800
Speaker 1: person clinting person can't come and you might have a

530
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 1: guest coming, it's like, all right, I know what to do.

531
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 1: I know how to get on my hands and needs

532
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 1: to scrub this floor. Get my wind decks and my paper,

533
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, or your windecks and your

534
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:35,800
Speaker 1: newspapers if you really know. If you don't know, yo,

535
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:37,600
Speaker 1: what's the last time the newspaper?

536
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:38,240
Speaker 2: All right?

537
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:42,840
Speaker 1: All right, anyway, onto the next lesson. The next lesson

538
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 1: is that education is paramount. Oh my gosh. In our household,

539
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:50,760
Speaker 1: my mom had an at home curriculum first, so we

540
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 1: went to school, right, we weren't homeschool. We went to school,

541
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 1: and we also had an at home curriculum that included

542
00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:01,480
Speaker 1: reading competitions, studying the Bile, and reading different books in

543
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 1: the Bible, our books of the Bible. I still literally

544
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:06,720
Speaker 1: know all the books of the Bible, Old Testament and

545
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 1: New Testament in order to this day, because I know

546
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:13,680
Speaker 1: one day I'm gonna have to. I was like randomly

547
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:15,760
Speaker 1: just going to do it for isn't it correct? Because

548
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:17,480
Speaker 1: it's so ingrained. My sister and I were on the

549
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 1: phone recently and were just like we were like, you

550
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 1: still remember the books the Bible like m M because

551
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:23,880
Speaker 1: we learned it as a kid and it just stuck

552
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 1: so that we were in like spelling bees. We did

553
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 1: all these reading challenges, so we my parents did not play.

554
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 1: My mom especially did not play about us really using

555
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 1: our brain. And she would always say like it's not

556
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,920
Speaker 1: just about the looks like you gotta you gotta have

557
00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:43,080
Speaker 1: some brains, brains and beauty, right, And so we were

558
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 1: very very serious by education in my.

559
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:48,959
Speaker 2: Household, I would say we were also, Yes, we were

560
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:50,760
Speaker 2: also pretty serious about education.

561
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 3: My mom was really big on spelling and grammar.

562
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:58,760
Speaker 2: So that's probably where I that's not probably, that is

563
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 2: definitely where I got that from. Like I don't play

564
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 2: about the spelling and the grammar. And when I make

565
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 2: a mistake, like I noticed someone pointed out to me

566
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 2: the other day that I had a mistake on my

567
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 2: link tree, and I was like so utterly embarrassed because

568
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 2: that was something that was drilled into me about making

569
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 2: sure that things are spelled correctly and that you are

570
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 2: using proper grammar. So, yes, education is really important. I

571
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 2: think in our household it was at a minimum you

572
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:36,720
Speaker 2: graduate high school like college and for everybody, but you

573
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:38,560
Speaker 2: better graduate from high school. And all of us did

574
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:42,480
Speaker 2: graduate high school. I think the lesson. The next lesson

575
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 2: for me was about independence, right. And I know that

576
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 2: earlier I said there's a lesson in the importance of

577
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 2: having a village, But what I learned is that it

578
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:57,440
Speaker 2: is important to also be able to take care of

579
00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 2: yourself right. Growing up, I noticed that there were various

580
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 2: points where my mom struggled with paying the bills right.

581
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:13,000
Speaker 3: But then there was also this.

582
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:14,720
Speaker 2: Thing of like, well, she's going to figure out how

583
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:20,160
Speaker 2: to make it happen right. And the lesson that I

584
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 2: took away from that is that what independence really looks like,

585
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 2: that independence is not about your pride. That independence is about.

586
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 3: Being able to think for yourself.

587
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:41,400
Speaker 2: Even if it means that other people are not going

588
00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 2: to like the decision that you make. An independence means

589
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:49,240
Speaker 2: being able to take care of yourself, and sometimes within

590
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:54,200
Speaker 2: that taking care of yourself, it requires asking for help.

591
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:58,320
Speaker 2: And tapping into your village. But you have to let

592
00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 2: go of that ego. And so I think that for me,

593
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:07,400
Speaker 2: that is the biggest lesson within independence is that independence

594
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 2: and an ego are not synonymous.

595
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 1: That is so powerful. Don That is a whole word

596
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,759
Speaker 1: right there, And I would definitely agree with that. And

597
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 1: I think that kind of goes back to what my

598
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,879
Speaker 1: grandfather and my mom were, you know, teaching me as

599
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 1: I grew up. But I do believe that they're asking

600
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:29,800
Speaker 1: for help peace. That's so important too, Like independent enough

601
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,480
Speaker 1: to ask for help when you need it, right, Like,

602
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:35,120
Speaker 1: that's part of knowing yourself and being aware of you

603
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 1: know what, I need some damn help over here. So yes,

604
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:39,920
Speaker 1: I would definitely agree with that. I would say for me,

605
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 1: the next lesson is just keeping up with my parents

606
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:46,760
Speaker 1: and taking care of myself as a woman. I've always

607
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 1: been a girly girl, y'all. I remember literally being a

608
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:52,120
Speaker 1: toddler and having chapstake in a little Paca book, probably

609
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:54,360
Speaker 1: because my moms she used to always keep us matching

610
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:56,319
Speaker 1: and having our hair done. We used to get our

611
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:59,760
Speaker 1: hair done, I mean, since we were just younger, like everything,

612
00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:03,399
Speaker 1: just super girly and little pricey like that, that's been

613
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 1: me y'all day one, So still that way, Manny's and petties,

614
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 1: having a tidy home, smelling good, wearing perfume, that was

615
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:15,160
Speaker 1: big in my household. Good hygiene, dental appointments, and just

616
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:18,840
Speaker 1: valuing health in general. Those were all really important. I

617
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 1: will say, though, someone reached out to me or girl

618
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 1: I went to college with years ago, and she says

619
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:27,279
Speaker 1: something like, yeah, girl, like you always like you've been

620
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:29,239
Speaker 1: through so much, like you always make it look good.

621
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:30,360
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, shit, I need to just

622
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 1: be telling you all what's going on behind the scenes,

623
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:33,839
Speaker 1: because I'd be a hot mess at all the time.

624
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:37,239
Speaker 1: So for me, I thought that although I do value,

625
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:40,879
Speaker 1: you know, how things look on the outside, I think

626
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 1: the most important part is how they look on the inside.

627
00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:46,320
Speaker 1: So although it looks so cool, I really want to

628
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:48,600
Speaker 1: make sure I'm like happy on the inside and not

629
00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:53,239
Speaker 1: just displaying this image that this false image of reality,

630
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 1: you know. So I really think it's important to have

631
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 1: internal peace because what I learned at my household was

632
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:01,360
Speaker 1: that we were big on perchain, traying a certain image.

633
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:03,480
Speaker 1: One of my mentors used to say that we kind

634
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:05,359
Speaker 1: of look like the family on the fan at church.

635
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 2: You know.

636
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:07,600
Speaker 1: I used to that little family and they just got

637
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 1: the perfect family behind closed door. Satan was living up

638
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 1: in the house, but us like it was just all

639
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,280
Speaker 1: hell was breaking loose at home. But on the outside,

640
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 1: everybody's looking nice for church, everybody's smiling and pictures, but

641
00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:22,360
Speaker 1: shit really and good you know. So that's that's a

642
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 1: lesson there too. Two lessons there.

643
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,160
Speaker 2: Those are important lessons, right of I love what you

644
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:32,840
Speaker 2: said about the taking care of your inside more so

645
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:37,600
Speaker 2: than the outside, right. And then this this image maintenance,

646
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:40,239
Speaker 2: right that we that we engage in, and I think

647
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:43,399
Speaker 2: that there's a lot of us that can relate to that,

648
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:46,320
Speaker 2: this need to maintain a certain image. I think for

649
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 2: me growing up, like as you were talking about, like

650
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:51,840
Speaker 2: keeping up your appearance my mom.

651
00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:52,840
Speaker 1: I remember.

652
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:57,319
Speaker 2: That was something that was important to us or is

653
00:36:57,360 --> 00:37:01,799
Speaker 2: important to my mom. But what's coming up for me

654
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:05,320
Speaker 2: in terms of the memories, it was centered around church, right,

655
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 2: and that our hair was done church in school, so

656
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:16,319
Speaker 2: we got our hair done for holidays, and we would

657
00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:21,320
Speaker 2: always get new outfits for major holidays. My personal preference

658
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:23,360
Speaker 2: was Easter because we got two outfits for Easter. You

659
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 2: got that new you got that new church outfit, and

660
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:30,239
Speaker 2: then you got that fly. It's springtime after church fit.

661
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:35,280
Speaker 2: And since I can as far back as I can remember,

662
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 2: that was something that was always important to my mom,

663
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 2: and even if she couldn't afford it, she might have

664
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:44,839
Speaker 2: been making dresses. So like I go back and look

665
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:47,800
Speaker 2: at some of those photos and we could tell the

666
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:49,759
Speaker 2: dresses that at the time where she was like she

667
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:53,359
Speaker 2: had that sewing kid that she was making stuff. Right now,

668
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:56,280
Speaker 2: I will say, like I remember as a kid being

669
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:59,719
Speaker 2: like lightweight, embarrassed, like why are we wearing this homemade

670
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:03,960
Speaker 2: homemade as dressed? Like this is not but the skill

671
00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 2: of knowing how to sew independence right right, So like

672
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:13,000
Speaker 2: if I ever, I mean like in high school, I

673
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:15,840
Speaker 2: him my own skirts, like because I felt things was

674
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:20,080
Speaker 2: too long, but and I taught my friends how to

675
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 2: do it, how to him their skirts, Like I made

676
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 2: some pillows, like like I bought some pillows and like

677
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:29,719
Speaker 2: you bought the fabric and covered the pillows. Still have

678
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:34,920
Speaker 2: those pillows to this day, Like so's it's those life

679
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:39,359
Speaker 2: skills that are important, right, I think in terms of

680
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:42,080
Speaker 2: like taking care of yourself as a woman, the lesson

681
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,759
Speaker 2: the bigger lesson that comes up for me is my

682
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 2: mom's openness to conversations about sex. So this goes back

683
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:53,120
Speaker 2: to what I was saying when I referenced earlier about

684
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:55,960
Speaker 2: how my friends would come and have conversations with my

685
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 2: mom that they didn't feel comfortable having with their own moms.

686
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:03,839
Speaker 2: So my mom held the philosophy that she would rather

687
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:08,239
Speaker 2: us come to her to have these conversations then learn

688
00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:12,359
Speaker 2: it from somewhere else. I'm a wholehearted believer in that

689
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:16,880
Speaker 2: as well, that parents parents should feel comfortable enough to

690
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 2: have the conversations about sex. Like I remember being eight

691
00:39:20,719 --> 00:39:23,799
Speaker 2: and having a conversation about periods with my mom. I

692
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:26,759
Speaker 2: wasn't even there, Like my first period didn't. I was

693
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:28,920
Speaker 2: a late bloomer, so my first period didn't come till

694
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 2: like I was fourteen. But we started that conversation at eight, right,

695
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:38,000
Speaker 2: Like started that conversation about about my body and so

696
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 2: having and we probably started sooner than that, But that's

697
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:44,799
Speaker 2: the earliest memory that I can recall, And so when

698
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:50,560
Speaker 2: different things came up throughout my life regarding sex, I

699
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:54,839
Speaker 2: felt comfortable going to her to have those conversations, like

700
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:57,880
Speaker 2: the first time I had sex, Like I felt comfortable

701
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:00,799
Speaker 2: going to her and saying, all right, it's about that

702
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:03,680
Speaker 2: time we go to the gynecologists and we need to

703
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 2: start talking about birth control. Because I didn't have sex. Now,

704
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:11,239
Speaker 2: I didn't give her no details because she didn't need

705
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:15,400
Speaker 2: to know all that, but but I did feel comfortable

706
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:18,319
Speaker 2: enough to go to her to let her know that

707
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:24,480
Speaker 2: it was happening. And so I've always tried to be that, right,

708
00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:27,600
Speaker 2: like I try to be that for my nieces and

709
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 2: then as my nephews get, you know, get ready to

710
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 2: have those conversations. Like I've tried to set that foundation.

711
00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:40,760
Speaker 2: And my research in graduate school was centered around sexual

712
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 2: health and sexuality, so in sex education, so that to me,

713
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:53,080
Speaker 2: having those conversations, being open to having those conversations was

714
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:53,920
Speaker 2: a big lesson.

715
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 1: That is so important. Dom. I love that you pointed

716
00:40:57,480 --> 00:41:00,760
Speaker 1: that out. It's so important as parents and as mothers

717
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:04,160
Speaker 1: to be to create that safe space for your children

718
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:08,600
Speaker 1: or the children that you are under your I want

719
00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 1: to say tutelage, right, or the children that you that

720
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:15,000
Speaker 1: you're monitoring, or the folks that you're mentoring, to create

721
00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 1: that safe space because you know when they go out

722
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:19,399
Speaker 1: to their friends, they getting they getting the BS most

723
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:21,440
Speaker 1: of the times, or what their friend had saw on

724
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 1: social media or YouTube or whatever. So I love that

725
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:26,719
Speaker 1: your mom created that space for you. I will say

726
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:29,680
Speaker 1: that my mom did do that in some instances, and

727
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:32,680
Speaker 1: we did have those conversations about body and you know,

728
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:36,040
Speaker 1: using the correct terminology for our bodies and being open.

729
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:38,479
Speaker 1: But I feel like there's something shifted. And my sister

730
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:40,680
Speaker 1: and I were thinking about how at one point it

731
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 1: was like, you know, she would say, y'all can come

732
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:44,520
Speaker 1: and tell me stuff, and then we come and tell

733
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:46,319
Speaker 1: them that we get in trouble or she snapped, and

734
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:47,960
Speaker 1: we're just like, well, god, damn, we ain't gonna tell

735
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:50,280
Speaker 1: you nothing no more. So I'll say at a certain

736
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:52,800
Speaker 1: point we had we had to calm down on sharing stuff.

737
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:55,719
Speaker 1: But I love that you that you shared that. But

738
00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 1: I will say my next tip for my mom is

739
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:01,720
Speaker 1: definitely a good one. Y'alls give ready for this. She said,

740
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:05,760
Speaker 1: don't ship where you sleep. Now. I forget what age

741
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 1: I was when she said this, but I think at

742
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:08,880
Speaker 1: first I was like, way, why was you shit in

743
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:11,360
Speaker 1: the bed where you're sleeping. That's so weird. But no, no,

744
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:13,359
Speaker 1: she had a break. I know she had to break

745
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:17,719
Speaker 1: it down you want shit in the bed with the

746
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:20,799
Speaker 1: fuck No. She broke it down for me and talked

747
00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:24,760
Speaker 1: about having a good reputation, especially where you live and work,

748
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:27,840
Speaker 1: and that has really saved me. I think throughout my career.

749
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 1: I remember even when I was in college, like I

750
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:33,279
Speaker 1: wasn't fucking on nobody at you know, in college when

751
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:35,879
Speaker 1: I was at college. No judgment if you did, lady,

752
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:37,800
Speaker 1: I'm just saying that was my experience. I was approved

753
00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:39,839
Speaker 1: for the first few years of college, and then when

754
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 1: I did start, you know, I did start getting out there.

755
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:48,040
Speaker 1: My boyfriend lives in another state, and then when I did,

756
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:50,799
Speaker 1: you know, if I did decide to do something with someone,

757
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 1: it was like way after after school, you know.

758
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:53,759
Speaker 2: What I mean.

759
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 1: So trying to just keep that reputation. It's a little

760
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:58,840
Speaker 1: interesting these days with social media, but that was a

761
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 1: valuable lesson of like, I'm not going to cross the

762
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 1: boundaries at work or in these certain settings I have

763
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:05,399
Speaker 1: to be in because it could come back to bite

764
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:07,840
Speaker 1: you later. So that was very valuable for me.

765
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:11,760
Speaker 2: I think that is an important lesson of figuring out

766
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:17,120
Speaker 2: discernment and discretion. I think those are the two words

767
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:18,839
Speaker 2: that come up for me when I think about that,

768
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:22,960
Speaker 2: because I also want to acknowledge that for some folks,

769
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:26,120
Speaker 2: like when we think about the law of attraction and

770
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:30,799
Speaker 2: this concept of who you're most likely to be attracted to,

771
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:34,839
Speaker 2: is this concept of near exposure, right, that you are

772
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 2: more likely to be attracted to the people that you

773
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 2: see and interact with on a regular basis. So you

774
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:42,640
Speaker 2: are going to be if you're in school, in college,

775
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:44,319
Speaker 2: you are going to be attracted to the people that

776
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:46,239
Speaker 2: you're in classes with or that.

777
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:49,839
Speaker 3: Are in your dorm, right. And when you're in a.

778
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:53,000
Speaker 2: Workplace setting and you don't get a chance to get

779
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:55,200
Speaker 2: out and socialize a whole lot, you are going to

780
00:43:55,239 --> 00:43:58,080
Speaker 2: naturally be attracted to the people that you are working

781
00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 2: with on a regular basis, right, And so I want

782
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:04,440
Speaker 2: to acknowledge that that is a normal thing that comes

783
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 2: up for folks with the key in that lesson that

784
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 2: that statement that your mom made is about discernment and discretion.

785
00:44:16,239 --> 00:44:19,360
Speaker 1: And you are speaking facts right now. But I just

786
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:22,240
Speaker 1: wanted to say really quickly, I didn't make good decisions

787
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:24,120
Speaker 1: all the time, Like I definitely had my whole phase

788
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 1: and I met my husband in grad school too, So

789
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:29,040
Speaker 1: let me don't get a twisted I wasn't like squeaky clean,

790
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:31,279
Speaker 1: but like an undergrad for the most part, that was

791
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:33,080
Speaker 1: like that was my experience, so I just had to

792
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:37,600
Speaker 1: put that out there. But yes, discretion and discernment you used.

793
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:41,360
Speaker 2: You use discernment and discretion and determining that it was

794
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:47,160
Speaker 2: okay for you and your husband to date like that.

795
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:50,640
Speaker 2: I think that that's the biggest lesson out of that piece, right,

796
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 2: is discernment and discretion.

797
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:55,279
Speaker 3: So the thing that I also.

798
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:59,000
Speaker 2: Learned from my mom is speaking your mind.

799
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:00,960
Speaker 1: Now.

800
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:04,520
Speaker 2: I know I also earlier talked about being a people pleaser, right,

801
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:09,879
Speaker 2: But what I learned from her is that she had

802
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:14,359
Speaker 2: no problem speaking her mind. And I'm going to come

803
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:17,279
Speaker 2: back and use those words discernment and discretion. What I

804
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 2: observed is that there were moments where I believed she

805
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:24,319
Speaker 2: didn't have the best discernment and discretion on when she

806
00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:29,839
Speaker 2: was speaking her mind. But the takeaway, the key takeaway

807
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:30,319
Speaker 2: from that.

808
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 3: Is that.

809
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:38,120
Speaker 2: She did not have a problem standing up for herself. Right,

810
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:43,720
Speaker 2: And as a people pleaser, that was hard to watch often.

811
00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:46,439
Speaker 2: But now as an adult and.

812
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:48,440
Speaker 3: A reformed people pleaser.

813
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:55,320
Speaker 2: I practice good boundary setting, and part of good boundary

814
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 2: setting is about communicating those boundaries, and so I speak

815
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 2: up when I believe it's important to set a boundary.

816
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:08,080
Speaker 2: I also speak up when it's important for my opinion

817
00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:12,239
Speaker 2: or thoughts to be put out there. So I'm not

818
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:16,760
Speaker 2: gonna always like I can be in conversation with someone

819
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 2: and I might just listen. That's part of the skills

820
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:23,920
Speaker 2: of being a good therapist is that I listen. But

821
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:27,760
Speaker 2: if I believe that it's important for me to speak

822
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:33,000
Speaker 2: up in that moment, I will. I learned from my

823
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:38,439
Speaker 2: mom that put your words out there, make your thoughts known,

824
00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:42,880
Speaker 2: and I think that that's an important skill to have

825
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:47,000
Speaker 2: in combination with expression and discernment.

826
00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:51,280
Speaker 1: Amen to that girl, our mom might be, our moms

827
00:46:51,320 --> 00:46:53,759
Speaker 1: might be sisters. A girl, because I remember some instances

828
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:57,799
Speaker 1: child or she Okay, years ago, long long time ago,

829
00:46:58,120 --> 00:47:00,480
Speaker 1: we run Popeyes, and I remember her getting this old

830
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:03,160
Speaker 1: white man's face and like she was so close to it,

831
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:04,719
Speaker 1: like you had her finger on his face, and I

832
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:07,160
Speaker 1: was just like, oh shit, So I mean it was

833
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:09,240
Speaker 1: like it was a little I mean, she was definitely

834
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 1: spoke up for herself, and I took some lessons from that,

835
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 1: but I feel like I was not as outspoken, but

836
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:16,239
Speaker 1: she empowered us to do that when like someone made

837
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:19,319
Speaker 1: us so uncomfortable or you know, she would advocate for

838
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:22,440
Speaker 1: us and like, you know, when our teachers were out

839
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:25,600
Speaker 1: of pocket. But the funny thing is sometimes the speaking

840
00:47:25,719 --> 00:47:28,280
Speaker 1: up for ourselves didn't apply when it came to speaking

841
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:29,359
Speaker 1: of ourselves to her.

842
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 3: Of course, I already know where you like it.

843
00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:38,320
Speaker 1: That's how that's how it works, right. So my last

844
00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:42,360
Speaker 1: lesson dome that i'll like close off on is child

845
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:45,239
Speaker 1: wearing in general. And so the two big lessons I

846
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:47,960
Speaker 1: remember my mom teaching when we were younger because I have,

847
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 1: you know, seven siblings. I helped raise my four younger siblings,

848
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:53,840
Speaker 1: and so I watched my siblings be born and I

849
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:55,359
Speaker 1: saw a lot of this ever since I was eight

850
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:58,560
Speaker 1: years old, and so she was always adamant about not

851
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:01,319
Speaker 1: doing any baby talk with the baby babies. So we

852
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:03,120
Speaker 1: did not play that baby talk because she's like, is

853
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:04,840
Speaker 1: that how you want them to really talk? No, So

854
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:07,399
Speaker 1: we talked to them as if they already understand, which

855
00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:11,399
Speaker 1: I've experienced with my daughter. It is worked magic because

856
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 1: she definitely understands us. And then the importance of breastfeeding.

857
00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:17,320
Speaker 1: I did get to see my mom breastfeed my siblings,

858
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:19,919
Speaker 1: and you know, I feel blessed that I was able

859
00:48:19,960 --> 00:48:22,880
Speaker 1: to breastfeed my daughter for sixteen months and we had

860
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 1: a beautiful breastfeeding journey, and the health benefits were just

861
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:28,800
Speaker 1: so great. And because I saw that when I was younger,

862
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:31,399
Speaker 1: when I knew that I was pregnant, in my mind,

863
00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:33,160
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, yeah, of course I'm going to breastfeed, right,

864
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:36,000
Speaker 1: I was just manifesting and assuming that everything would be

865
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:38,840
Speaker 1: great with my milk supply. And so that was another

866
00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 1: lesson that has definitely informed the way that I mother.

867
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:46,240
Speaker 1: I will say, Dom, you know, as we're having this conversation,

868
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:49,840
Speaker 1: I'm also thinking of ways in which my mother was lacking.

869
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:52,520
Speaker 1: I know that our moms did the best they could

870
00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:55,319
Speaker 1: with what was available to them, even though it may

871
00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:57,680
Speaker 1: not have been best for us. They did the best

872
00:48:57,680 --> 00:48:59,359
Speaker 1: that they could based on the tools that they had

873
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:02,440
Speaker 1: at the time. You know that they were raising us,

874
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:05,440
Speaker 1: and so even though she was lacking in some areas,

875
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:08,160
Speaker 1: I still learned from her. And although there were certain

876
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:10,320
Speaker 1: experiences that I had with my mom that I would

877
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:14,160
Speaker 1: never want my daughter to experience with me or from me,

878
00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:18,799
Speaker 1: I am still doing the work on myself consistently. So

879
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:22,880
Speaker 1: I'm reading books about parenting, about discipline, about how to

880
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:26,440
Speaker 1: manage a toddler. I'm checking myself and also trying to

881
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:29,919
Speaker 1: be a conscious mother, because I don't know if i'd

882
00:49:29,960 --> 00:49:32,920
Speaker 1: have the same sensitivity that I have now if I

883
00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:35,160
Speaker 1: didn't have those experiences with my mom, and if she

884
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:37,719
Speaker 1: didn't show up the way that she showed up, if

885
00:49:37,760 --> 00:49:39,960
Speaker 1: I had the perfect mom, I don't know how I

886
00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 1: would be today. So that's why I say I am

887
00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:44,239
Speaker 1: grateful for the experiences, but I'm going to mother in

888
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:46,880
Speaker 1: a totally different way, but also taking some of the

889
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:51,360
Speaker 1: lessons that I do resonate with and respect and value.

890
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:54,319
Speaker 2: I think that that is so important, right, is to

891
00:49:55,000 --> 00:50:01,560
Speaker 2: recognize one like you said that our mothers did the

892
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:06,480
Speaker 2: best they could with what they had in that time, right,

893
00:50:07,719 --> 00:50:11,120
Speaker 2: And it's you know, it goes to that phrase, when

894
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:12,840
Speaker 2: you know better, you do better.

895
00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:13,480
Speaker 3: Right.

896
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:18,720
Speaker 2: And when I think of that phrase, when you know better,

897
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:22,560
Speaker 2: you do better, I look at it from a generational perspective. Right.

898
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:26,920
Speaker 2: My mom was open to talking to us about talking

899
00:50:26,920 --> 00:50:31,400
Speaker 2: with us about sex because her mom wasn't wasn't equipped

900
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:37,279
Speaker 2: to do that, right, And so my expectation is that

901
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:40,960
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not a mom, but that when I

902
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:44,360
Speaker 2: look at my sisters, that they would look at how

903
00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:47,360
Speaker 2: my mom raised us, and, like you said.

904
00:50:47,239 --> 00:50:48,359
Speaker 3: Take the good.

905
00:50:49,640 --> 00:50:53,239
Speaker 2: And apply that, but then also take the bad and

906
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:57,839
Speaker 2: make sure that you don't repeat that. And you know,

907
00:50:57,880 --> 00:51:02,080
Speaker 2: one of the things that I think about out is

908
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:06,759
Speaker 2: a mother's individual relationship with each of their children, right,

909
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:11,160
Speaker 2: And I talked about this earlier, but really one of

910
00:51:11,200 --> 00:51:14,480
Speaker 2: the lessons that the thing that I take away is

911
00:51:14,600 --> 00:51:19,120
Speaker 2: recognizing that my mom had a different relationship with each

912
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:23,200
Speaker 2: of us, has a different relationship with each of us,

913
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:29,200
Speaker 2: and that is to be expected because we are all different.

914
00:51:30,760 --> 00:51:36,440
Speaker 2: But also within that not putting the thing that I

915
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:40,879
Speaker 2: the space that I'm in now with in my relationship

916
00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:45,799
Speaker 2: with my mom is that my boundary is that I

917
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:54,239
Speaker 2: don't get involved in her relationships with my siblings. That

918
00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:58,680
Speaker 2: I am going to be respectful of the dynamics that

919
00:51:58,719 --> 00:52:03,480
Speaker 2: you all have, and my focus is on our dynamic

920
00:52:05,560 --> 00:52:08,600
Speaker 2: and so then my expectation is that that's respected.

921
00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:09,560
Speaker 3: Right.

922
00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:15,680
Speaker 2: That I appreciate the relationships you have with each of

923
00:52:15,680 --> 00:52:19,319
Speaker 2: my siblings, and I know that my relationship with you

924
00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:23,120
Speaker 2: is different, and it's been that way from day one.

925
00:52:23,360 --> 00:52:26,640
Speaker 2: And I think that oftentimes parents like to say, well

926
00:52:27,120 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 2: I don't have a favorite, or I treat all my

927
00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:32,839
Speaker 2: kids the same, and we know that the reality that

928
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:39,879
Speaker 2: that's not the reality that even if you treat all

929
00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:44,920
Speaker 2: of your children equally equally, looks different for each child

930
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,960
Speaker 2: and what they need. And to me, that's the important

931
00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:51,840
Speaker 2: thing is that recognizing that you will have a unique

932
00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:55,920
Speaker 2: relationship with each of your children. And that's okay, that

933
00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:56,919
Speaker 2: is totally okay.

934
00:52:57,040 --> 00:52:59,839
Speaker 1: I love that down because, like you said, each child

935
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:03,480
Speaker 1: as an individual that has their own unique needs. I

936
00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:07,120
Speaker 1: guess in closing, I'll just say that, lady, think about

937
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:10,760
Speaker 1: what's something that you wish your mom or mother figure

938
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:13,360
Speaker 1: would have taught you and how can you share that

939
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:16,719
Speaker 1: wisdom with another young person or women or folks that

940
00:53:16,760 --> 00:53:19,120
Speaker 1: are in your life. I think money management would be

941
00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:20,520
Speaker 1: one for me, Like I wish that I would have

942
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:23,279
Speaker 1: learned that from someone an adult in my life. So

943
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:27,120
Speaker 1: we hope you enjoy the conversation, Lady. Be sure to

944
00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:30,280
Speaker 1: connect with us on Instagram at her space podcast. Lady,

945
00:53:30,280 --> 00:53:32,760
Speaker 1: if you stayed until the end and you've valued anything

946
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:35,680
Speaker 1: from this episode, don't be stingy, girl. Let us know

947
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:38,560
Speaker 1: a leading us a review on Apple iTunes. That helps

948
00:53:38,640 --> 00:53:41,200
Speaker 1: us to one connect with you and know what you're thinking,

949
00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 1: and it also helps our ratings and it helps us

950
00:53:43,680 --> 00:53:46,719
Speaker 1: find more amazing women like you to listen to the podcast.

951
00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:49,719
Speaker 1: So support please, We appreciate you, and we hope to

952
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:52,840
Speaker 1: see you in the next episode. Now let's go to

953
00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:54,120
Speaker 1: the after show. Girl.

954
00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:57,960
Speaker 2: Hey lady, this is doctor dom here from the Cultivating

955
00:53:57,960 --> 00:54:01,920
Speaker 2: her Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the

956
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:07,080
Speaker 2: state of California and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well,

957
00:54:07,120 --> 00:54:11,360
Speaker 2: if so, please reach out to me at doctor Dominique

958
00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:16,040
Speaker 2: Brusard dot com. That's d R D O M I

959
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:21,480
Speaker 2: N I q U E B R O U S

960
00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:26,600
Speaker 2: s ar D dot com to schedule a free fifteen

961
00:54:26,640 --> 00:54:32,000
Speaker 2: minute consultation. I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks

962
00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:36,160
Speaker 2: for joining us today. Please note that our show may

963
00:54:36,160 --> 00:54:42,760
Speaker 2: contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and mental health,

964
00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:46,120
Speaker 2: but is by no means meant to be a substitute

965
00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:50,600
Speaker 2: for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained mental health provider.

966
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:54,080
Speaker 2: If you are someone you know is in need of

967
00:54:54,120 --> 00:54:57,680
Speaker 2: mental health care, please visit a Therapy for Black Girls

968
00:54:57,719 --> 00:55:02,880
Speaker 2: directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

969
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:04,960
Speaker 1: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

970
00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:08,880
Speaker 1: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and

971
00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:13,879
Speaker 1: Twitter at herspace podcast or check out our website at

972
00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:17,680
Speaker 1: herspace podcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat

973
00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:22,480
Speaker 1: after me. I attract abundance and prosperity with ease