WEBVTT - Just B Rant: Cold FaceTime? Straight to Jail

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<v Speaker 1>So the dating pod has been sort of back alive,

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<v Speaker 1>and I've been dabbling. I'm a dating dabbler. Now, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>a dating dabbler. And once you get one person who's

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<v Speaker 1>very interested in you that you sort of like, it's like,

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<v Speaker 1>that's when your burner gets going. That's when the Viking

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<v Speaker 1>stove has something on boil, something you took off, something simmering,

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<v Speaker 1>something on the middle, something just waiting to be put

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<v Speaker 1>on the stove, and something just waiting to be taken off.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm a big believer, and get your burners going

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<v Speaker 1>and don't lock anything down. That being said, it is

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<v Speaker 1>almost worse when someone likes you more than you like them,

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<v Speaker 1>because they're so great and so nice and such a

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<v Speaker 1>good pursuer and so persistent. But if you don't love it,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't like it. If you don't know, yes, it's no,

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<v Speaker 1>And you don't want to like put someone in the

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<v Speaker 1>friend zone, and you don't want to make some and

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<v Speaker 1>feel bad. And it's definitely something to navigate when someone

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<v Speaker 1>really likes you much more than you like them. So

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<v Speaker 1>be mindful, be respectful, be kind, And you have to

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<v Speaker 1>find that sweet spot between blowing someone out because you

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<v Speaker 1>just think that you definitely don't like them, because in

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<v Speaker 1>the past there have been people that you don't love,

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<v Speaker 1>so you don't like. But there are so many stories

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<v Speaker 1>if someone people weren't into but then it surprised them.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe they had sex with them and then it all

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<v Speaker 1>came alive. Maybe they saw the way they handled when

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<v Speaker 1>you were sick. Maybe they dealt with your child in

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<v Speaker 1>a certain way. Maybe they're super compassionate. So you gotta

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<v Speaker 1>find the delicate balance. But it is almost more difficult

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<v Speaker 1>when they like you more than you like them. Hold

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<v Speaker 1>face signing someone is a fucking assault. Hold face signing

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<v Speaker 1>someone is a hate card. I love people that I

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<v Speaker 1>don't speak too often. Text me out of the blue

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes that's jarring. Calm me out of the blue, that's

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<v Speaker 1>way more.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, FaceTime me. Are you a sociopath? Lunatic? Are you

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<v Speaker 2>in your fucking mind?

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<v Speaker 1>It is like someone giving me a rectal exam mid day, Like,

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<v Speaker 1>what are you doing?

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<v Speaker 2>No, get off my phone.

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<v Speaker 1>It's freaking me out that if I accidentally hit this,

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<v Speaker 1>you're gonna like.

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<v Speaker 2>See my face right now, like immediately. No. And likewise,

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<v Speaker 2>I the someone.

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<v Speaker 1>Try to date me and we're just on the phone

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<v Speaker 1>and then they all of a sudden hit face time

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<v Speaker 1>like no, I want to No, I don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>see you right now? Okay, seeing is not talking and texting.

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<v Speaker 1>It's so annoying. And that's related to the ick. You

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<v Speaker 1>get the ick when you're dating someone. Even if you

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<v Speaker 1>get a half a knick fucking over, there's nothing. The

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<v Speaker 1>ick is so incredibly icky. It is so icky. And

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<v Speaker 1>and love bombing is icky. And I've been getting like

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<v Speaker 1>sort of version of love bombing and it's like so

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<v Speaker 1>and when someone slathers something on and you didn't ask

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<v Speaker 1>for it, and then they slather it on more, you're like,

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't ask for the slaughter the first time.

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't want the first swath of butter or cream teaste.

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<v Speaker 2>Why you doubling down?

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<v Speaker 1>If I didn't respond to it and say, oh I

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<v Speaker 1>love a slatter, I want more frostic. If I didn't

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<v Speaker 1>say that, don't fucking give me more. People like try

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<v Speaker 1>to like keep going with the love bombing and the comments,

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<v Speaker 1>and you're like, oh, now I can ever seek you again.

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<v Speaker 1>It's the worst.

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<v Speaker 2>Any version of it is the biggest stick in the world.

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<v Speaker 1>Do not gaslight yourself because someone seems nice and I

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<v Speaker 1>like you so much with the.

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<v Speaker 2>Gross run ick is icky no way.

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<v Speaker 1>I got invited to the Sports Illustrated Swim Show. I

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<v Speaker 1>had no idea what to expect. I thought what they

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<v Speaker 1>were doing was interesting with different types of women from

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<v Speaker 1>the outside peripherally, I didn't really understand it. I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>gonna pretend I knew everything about it. I didn't know

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<v Speaker 1>ninety eight percent of the women there. But I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 1>tell you, guys, do not let people tell you.

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<v Speaker 2>Now. I'm being serious. Listen, if you say.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to be a brain surgeon and you are

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<v Speaker 1>a baker, I think that you should be told no.

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<v Speaker 2>But I'm just telling you. I have ten examples.

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<v Speaker 1>I have ten examples of emphatically being told no to

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<v Speaker 1>things that I knew were yes, okay, so green means go.

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<v Speaker 1>I was told emphatically by someone on my team, you

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<v Speaker 1>TikTok is not for you. It's for eight to eleven

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<v Speaker 1>year olds, and that's not for you. I was told

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<v Speaker 1>emphatically in writing by someone on my team. Sports Illustrated

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<v Speaker 1>would not want you. Everybody's already seen you in a

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<v Speaker 1>bathing suit a bunch of times. That's a hard no.

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<v Speaker 1>I was told things about Forbes magazine is a hard No.

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<v Speaker 1>I was told Skinny Girl was not a fuck you

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<v Speaker 1>idea that I thought it was, and to just go

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<v Speaker 1>back and focus on reality TV. I was told no,

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<v Speaker 1>not to do The Housewives by everybody, and I was

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<v Speaker 1>told not to come back to the Housewives when I

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<v Speaker 1>came back. I was told, I was told, I was told,

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<v Speaker 1>I was told. I was told, no, do not listen

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<v Speaker 1>to other people. Put up your guardrails. It is dangerous

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<v Speaker 1>because what happens is people are told and most people listen.

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<v Speaker 2>I say fuck off.

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<v Speaker 1>I was told, no, you can't cancel today on HSN

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<v Speaker 1>when you don't want to sell the those bathing suits

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<v Speaker 1>to people because you think they look like shit on everybody.

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<v Speaker 1>You're not gonna do that to people. Let me remind

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<v Speaker 1>you all, because it's because I just did a swim show.

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<v Speaker 1>I was launching bathing suits. We had spent sixty thousand

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<v Speaker 1>dollars on these bathing suits and we were launching them.

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<v Speaker 1>Ww D had written an article I was going on

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<v Speaker 1>live on HSN to sell bathing suits. Tried them on

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<v Speaker 1>after we'd done many reviews and designer zooms during a

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<v Speaker 1>pandemic to change them they were ill fitting, they fit

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<v Speaker 1>like shit.

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<v Speaker 2>I said, I'm not doing it.

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<v Speaker 1>My business manager said, you have to do it, yelling

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<v Speaker 1>at me. We sent all this money, HSN, et cetera.

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<v Speaker 1>I called it just then. I said, I'm not going on.

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<v Speaker 1>HSN understood. It wasn't perfect or convenient, but they understood

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<v Speaker 1>because they don't want to sell ship bathing suits. And

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<v Speaker 1>my business manager said, we'll sell them to like off

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<v Speaker 1>price stores, meaning like a Marshal's or something that like

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<v Speaker 1>sells for less. I go, so, we're gonna let poor

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<v Speaker 1>people look like shit like I was. So I did

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<v Speaker 1>not go on and sell them. I don't listen or

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<v Speaker 1>what other people say if I know it's right, and

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<v Speaker 1>neither should you. You do not let people determine your boundaries. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>you do not, because I walk that runway and that

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<v Speaker 1>person on my team was wrong, and I have been

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<v Speaker 1>so tempted to just say I can't believe.

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<v Speaker 2>I almost listen to you, but there's no upside. It

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<v Speaker 2>doesn't matter.

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<v Speaker 1>But that person told me no, and they were wrong,

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<v Speaker 1>and they should call me now and say I was wrong,

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<v Speaker 1>and they know who they are. So I have had

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<v Speaker 1>a struggle with long lost family because some people say

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<v Speaker 1>that they love their friends more than their family. And

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<v Speaker 1>just because someone's your blood doesn't mean they're your family

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<v Speaker 1>because you don't know them and you haven't had a

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<v Speaker 1>relationship with them. And over the years, I've had long

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<v Speaker 1>lost family reach out to me. And it's because I

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<v Speaker 1>had a family of my fathers for years reach out

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<v Speaker 1>to me.

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<v Speaker 2>I never knew them.

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<v Speaker 1>And like, I'm a very I came from a very dysfunctional,

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<v Speaker 1>very guarded, very abusive, insane child like household. Like it's

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<v Speaker 1>hard to believe and it seems insane if you even

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<v Speaker 1>tell somebody what my child who was like. And I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not looking for any sort of sympathy whatsoever. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>like to talk about it. And when I go out

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<v Speaker 1>on a date and someone asks me, like where are

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<v Speaker 1>you from?

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<v Speaker 2>What's this? Where religion are you? Where did you grow up?

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<v Speaker 2>What about your parents? I cringe.

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<v Speaker 1>I wither. I just want to I want to die.

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<v Speaker 1>And so I don't trust people.

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<v Speaker 2>I try.

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<v Speaker 1>I have the same friends from high school. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>trust people. You're in or you're out, I'm loyal to you,

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<v Speaker 1>or I couldn't give a shit, like I don't really

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<v Speaker 1>have I'm a loyal person, meaning in business, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>fuck people over and if I say it, I mean it.

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<v Speaker 1>I never betray someone's trust. I never tell anyone's secret.

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<v Speaker 1>I have secrets on people from like the bravosphere that

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<v Speaker 1>I don't speak to nor care for. But I would

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<v Speaker 1>never divul to text or something someone told me. I

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<v Speaker 1>am in the Witness Protection program. And that's sort of

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<v Speaker 1>like another code too of growing up with like mafia

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<v Speaker 1>ties and the racetrack, Like it's just like, don't fuck around.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm extremely hardcore and loyal and you always know what's

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<v Speaker 1>going on with me. You always know where you stand

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<v Speaker 1>with me. And that can be frightening to people that said,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not really touchy feeling and I'm not looking for

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of new friends.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, I'm really not. So when long lost family.

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<v Speaker 1>Reaches out to me, it's not comfortable and it's cringe

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<v Speaker 1>cringe to me, and I don't want to do it

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<v Speaker 1>because I don't know them and other people and in

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<v Speaker 1>Hallmark films they say, like, it's your family and wouldn't

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<v Speaker 1>that be nice and bring could have cousins and all

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<v Speaker 1>this stuff because they have kids, But like, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>want to meet new people, and I really don't trust people.

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<v Speaker 1>And some of the people have been slightly more persistent

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<v Speaker 1>since I've been a well known person, and that could

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<v Speaker 1>also because they've seen me more publicly and it's reminded

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<v Speaker 1>them of it, but it could also not, And like,

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<v Speaker 1>I just don't know how to go back. And even

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<v Speaker 1>if you have a family member that was like a

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<v Speaker 1>father or a mother or a stepfather that you didn't

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<v Speaker 1>speak to for like ten or twenty years, for me,

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<v Speaker 1>like it's impossible. I can't do it, and I'm upset

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<v Speaker 1>with myself. I kind of want to know what you

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<v Speaker 1>guys think about this, because I get upset with myself

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<v Speaker 1>and I think about it and I try to be

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<v Speaker 1>nice to them and like say something nice to them

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<v Speaker 1>to make them feel good. But I'm like that with

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<v Speaker 1>friends that I was within friends with in high school

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<v Speaker 1>and college too. If I lost touch with you for

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<v Speaker 1>twenty years, I don't want you to reach out to

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<v Speaker 1>me and like ask me for things or like get

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<v Speaker 1>together because I'm paranoid and I think you're with me

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<v Speaker 1>for the wrong reasons because we haven't spoken for twenty years,

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<v Speaker 1>but you were friends of me years ago when I

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't anybody. But it's just like my circle's closed, and

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<v Speaker 1>it's kind of sad, not because I'm lonely or not,

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<v Speaker 1>it's just my circles closed. And I don't know what

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<v Speaker 1>you guys think of that, Like do you think we

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<v Speaker 1>should be opening up the circle? I mean new people

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<v Speaker 1>through business that I get together with. I mean new

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<v Speaker 1>people through dating that I get together with. I have

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<v Speaker 1>new friends that I've met through dating. It's just sort

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<v Speaker 1>of in the former friends and very distant family that

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<v Speaker 1>I have no relationship with. And also it's connected to

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<v Speaker 1>my mother or father, which represents such a dysfunctional household

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<v Speaker 1>that people that are connected to them or all want

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<v Speaker 1>to talk about it. Like someone reached out to me

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<v Speaker 1>about my stepfather the other day by social media, and

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<v Speaker 1>they want to tell stories about the racetrack. But like

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<v Speaker 1>I'm traumatized for my childhood. I don't want to go

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<v Speaker 1>back there. My mother died, I went back there, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I cried on the internet. I did like an hour

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<v Speaker 1>long thing about death and her and what it was,

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<v Speaker 1>and it like I had to heal. I don't want

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<v Speaker 1>to go back, and maybe that's wrong, and maybe I

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<v Speaker 1>have a blind spot and I'm missing something like that.

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<v Speaker 1>I should be going back, but I just feel like

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<v Speaker 1>you're fifty. Your your fifty is like, what are we doing?

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>So like people want to reach out and they think that, oh, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I used to know your dad, I used to.

0:10:36.640 --> 0:10:38.520
<v Speaker 2>Know your mom. I was your mom's brothers whatever.

0:10:38.600 --> 0:10:40.840
<v Speaker 1>They used to say this about you, or they used

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<v Speaker 1>to do to do this at the racetrack, or this

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<v Speaker 1>happened I die same thing in third grade, Like, oh

0:10:46.280 --> 0:10:48.600
<v Speaker 1>I was in your third grade class. Hi, I remember this,

0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:50.440
<v Speaker 1>and there was a sadness in you and this about

0:10:50.440 --> 0:10:53.040
<v Speaker 1>your parent. I don't want to go back there. And

0:10:53.160 --> 0:10:55.520
<v Speaker 1>therapists probably want you to crack it open. And actually

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<v Speaker 1>this is what I have to talk to my therapist

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<v Speaker 1>about because I just don't want to do it. And

0:10:59.480 --> 0:11:04.000
<v Speaker 1>it's like it's just trauma and it's trauma associated and

0:11:04.000 --> 0:11:06.000
<v Speaker 1>it's triggering. And I guess I've answered my own question,

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<v Speaker 1>but I just don't know if there's something that's there

0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:09.920
<v Speaker 1>that like I don't know, and I'm making a mistake.

0:11:10.000 --> 0:11:10.440
<v Speaker 2>I don't know.

0:11:10.559 --> 0:11:13.360
<v Speaker 1>Every time it happens, I punt it. I'm very grateful

0:11:13.360 --> 0:11:16.680
<v Speaker 1>that my daughter begged me to meet my mother. Because

0:11:16.720 --> 0:11:18.960
<v Speaker 1>then the box got to be checked. She met my mother,

0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:23.640
<v Speaker 1>but I didn't. I went back there and saw my

0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:25.240
<v Speaker 1>mother when my daughter was cause I wasn't gonna have

0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:26.959
<v Speaker 1>them just be had my daughter be with her alone.

0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:30.040
<v Speaker 1>But like, I didn't feel anything like I felt anger

0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:33.240
<v Speaker 1>and triggered. I didn't feel like a movie like opened

0:11:33.320 --> 0:11:34.600
<v Speaker 1>up and like you're my mom.

0:11:34.840 --> 0:11:37.960
<v Speaker 2>Like I didn't feel that at all. I felt triggered.

0:11:38.240 --> 0:11:41.960
<v Speaker 1>And like heightened, and I had to control myself and

0:11:41.960 --> 0:11:44.480
<v Speaker 1>control my emotions in the way that I felt because

0:11:44.480 --> 0:11:45.800
<v Speaker 1>there's no upside and I'm.

0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:47.319
<v Speaker 2>Very good at regulating myself.

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<v Speaker 1>But I didn't feel like I wanted to like piece

0:11:50.080 --> 0:11:53.280
<v Speaker 1>everything back together after twenty thirty years of having no relationship,

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<v Speaker 1>but just it doesn't seem realistic. So I just don't

0:11:56.000 --> 0:11:58.360
<v Speaker 1>know what you guys think, and you might know something different,

0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:01.840
<v Speaker 1>but it's certainly it's certainly not what they say in

0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:02.320
<v Speaker 1>the movies.