1
00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:15,160
Speaker 1: So the dating pod has been sort of back alive,

2
00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:18,480
Speaker 1: and I've been dabbling. I'm a dating dabbler. Now, I'm

3
00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:21,320
Speaker 1: a dating dabbler. And once you get one person who's

4
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,600
Speaker 1: very interested in you that you sort of like, it's like,

5
00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:26,000
Speaker 1: that's when your burner gets going. That's when the Viking

6
00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:30,200
Speaker 1: stove has something on boil, something you took off, something simmering,

7
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,360
Speaker 1: something on the middle, something just waiting to be put

8
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,520
Speaker 1: on the stove, and something just waiting to be taken off.

9
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:38,000
Speaker 1: So I'm a big believer, and get your burners going

10
00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:41,599
Speaker 1: and don't lock anything down. That being said, it is

11
00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:45,680
Speaker 1: almost worse when someone likes you more than you like them,

12
00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:49,320
Speaker 1: because they're so great and so nice and such a

13
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:53,599
Speaker 1: good pursuer and so persistent. But if you don't love it,

14
00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,680
Speaker 1: you don't like it. If you don't know, yes, it's no,

15
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,440
Speaker 1: And you don't want to like put someone in the

16
00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:00,120
Speaker 1: friend zone, and you don't want to make some and

17
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:04,880
Speaker 1: feel bad. And it's definitely something to navigate when someone

18
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,720
Speaker 1: really likes you much more than you like them. So

19
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:11,360
Speaker 1: be mindful, be respectful, be kind, And you have to

20
00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:15,120
Speaker 1: find that sweet spot between blowing someone out because you

21
00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:17,720
Speaker 1: just think that you definitely don't like them, because in

22
00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:19,600
Speaker 1: the past there have been people that you don't love,

23
00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,639
Speaker 1: so you don't like. But there are so many stories

24
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:26,080
Speaker 1: if someone people weren't into but then it surprised them.

25
00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:27,520
Speaker 1: Maybe they had sex with them and then it all

26
00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:30,120
Speaker 1: came alive. Maybe they saw the way they handled when

27
00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,440
Speaker 1: you were sick. Maybe they dealt with your child in

28
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:36,000
Speaker 1: a certain way. Maybe they're super compassionate. So you gotta

29
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:39,720
Speaker 1: find the delicate balance. But it is almost more difficult

30
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:47,080
Speaker 1: when they like you more than you like them. Hold

31
00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:51,440
Speaker 1: face signing someone is a fucking assault. Hold face signing

32
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,360
Speaker 1: someone is a hate card. I love people that I

33
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,960
Speaker 1: don't speak too often. Text me out of the blue

34
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,880
Speaker 1: sometimes that's jarring. Calm me out of the blue, that's

35
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:00,200
Speaker 1: way more.

36
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:05,160
Speaker 2: Oh, FaceTime me. Are you a sociopath? Lunatic? Are you

37
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:06,760
Speaker 2: in your fucking mind?

38
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:10,880
Speaker 1: It is like someone giving me a rectal exam mid day, Like,

39
00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:11,640
Speaker 1: what are you doing?

40
00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:13,360
Speaker 2: No, get off my phone.

41
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:16,200
Speaker 1: It's freaking me out that if I accidentally hit this,

42
00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:16,960
Speaker 1: you're gonna like.

43
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:21,280
Speaker 2: See my face right now, like immediately. No. And likewise,

44
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:22,639
Speaker 2: I the someone.

45
00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:23,880
Speaker 1: Try to date me and we're just on the phone

46
00:02:23,919 --> 00:02:25,240
Speaker 1: and then they all of a sudden hit face time

47
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,440
Speaker 1: like no, I want to No, I don't want to

48
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,760
Speaker 1: see you right now? Okay, seeing is not talking and texting.

49
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:34,240
Speaker 1: It's so annoying. And that's related to the ick. You

50
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,200
Speaker 1: get the ick when you're dating someone. Even if you

51
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:39,160
Speaker 1: get a half a knick fucking over, there's nothing. The

52
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:43,280
Speaker 1: ick is so incredibly icky. It is so icky. And

53
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:46,240
Speaker 1: and love bombing is icky. And I've been getting like

54
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:48,440
Speaker 1: sort of version of love bombing and it's like so

55
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,160
Speaker 1: and when someone slathers something on and you didn't ask

56
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,200
Speaker 1: for it, and then they slather it on more, you're like,

57
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:56,240
Speaker 1: I didn't ask for the slaughter the first time.

58
00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:59,320
Speaker 2: I didn't want the first swath of butter or cream teaste.

59
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:00,760
Speaker 2: Why you doubling down?

60
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,560
Speaker 1: If I didn't respond to it and say, oh I

61
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:05,520
Speaker 1: love a slatter, I want more frostic. If I didn't

62
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,040
Speaker 1: say that, don't fucking give me more. People like try

63
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:11,480
Speaker 1: to like keep going with the love bombing and the comments,

64
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,760
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, now I can ever seek you again.

65
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,320
Speaker 1: It's the worst.

66
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:18,919
Speaker 2: Any version of it is the biggest stick in the world.

67
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,400
Speaker 1: Do not gaslight yourself because someone seems nice and I

68
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:23,240
Speaker 1: like you so much with the.

69
00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:28,079
Speaker 2: Gross run ick is icky no way.

70
00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:37,360
Speaker 1: I got invited to the Sports Illustrated Swim Show. I

71
00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:40,480
Speaker 1: had no idea what to expect. I thought what they

72
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,000
Speaker 1: were doing was interesting with different types of women from

73
00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:45,480
Speaker 1: the outside peripherally, I didn't really understand it. I'm not

74
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:47,400
Speaker 1: gonna pretend I knew everything about it. I didn't know

75
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:52,920
Speaker 1: ninety eight percent of the women there. But I'm gonna

76
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,400
Speaker 1: tell you, guys, do not let people tell you.

77
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,720
Speaker 2: Now. I'm being serious. Listen, if you say.

78
00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,760
Speaker 1: I want to be a brain surgeon and you are

79
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,520
Speaker 1: a baker, I think that you should be told no.

80
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:04,320
Speaker 2: But I'm just telling you. I have ten examples.

81
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:07,400
Speaker 1: I have ten examples of emphatically being told no to

82
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,280
Speaker 1: things that I knew were yes, okay, so green means go.

83
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,800
Speaker 1: I was told emphatically by someone on my team, you

84
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:15,840
Speaker 1: TikTok is not for you. It's for eight to eleven

85
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,960
Speaker 1: year olds, and that's not for you. I was told

86
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,320
Speaker 1: emphatically in writing by someone on my team. Sports Illustrated

87
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,360
Speaker 1: would not want you. Everybody's already seen you in a

88
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,640
Speaker 1: bathing suit a bunch of times. That's a hard no.

89
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,560
Speaker 1: I was told things about Forbes magazine is a hard No.

90
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,200
Speaker 1: I was told Skinny Girl was not a fuck you

91
00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:33,120
Speaker 1: idea that I thought it was, and to just go

92
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,680
Speaker 1: back and focus on reality TV. I was told no,

93
00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:38,440
Speaker 1: not to do The Housewives by everybody, and I was

94
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,200
Speaker 1: told not to come back to the Housewives when I

95
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,719
Speaker 1: came back. I was told, I was told, I was told,

96
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,400
Speaker 1: I was told. I was told, no, do not listen

97
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,479
Speaker 1: to other people. Put up your guardrails. It is dangerous

98
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:52,400
Speaker 1: because what happens is people are told and most people listen.

99
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:53,400
Speaker 2: I say fuck off.

100
00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:58,120
Speaker 1: I was told, no, you can't cancel today on HSN

101
00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,719
Speaker 1: when you don't want to sell the those bathing suits

102
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:05,120
Speaker 1: to people because you think they look like shit on everybody.

103
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,640
Speaker 1: You're not gonna do that to people. Let me remind

104
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,680
Speaker 1: you all, because it's because I just did a swim show.

105
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,800
Speaker 1: I was launching bathing suits. We had spent sixty thousand

106
00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:15,640
Speaker 1: dollars on these bathing suits and we were launching them.

107
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,080
Speaker 1: Ww D had written an article I was going on

108
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:21,680
Speaker 1: live on HSN to sell bathing suits. Tried them on

109
00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:24,920
Speaker 1: after we'd done many reviews and designer zooms during a

110
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:28,120
Speaker 1: pandemic to change them they were ill fitting, they fit

111
00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:28,760
Speaker 1: like shit.

112
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:30,600
Speaker 2: I said, I'm not doing it.

113
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:33,920
Speaker 1: My business manager said, you have to do it, yelling

114
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,599
Speaker 1: at me. We sent all this money, HSN, et cetera.

115
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,720
Speaker 1: I called it just then. I said, I'm not going on.

116
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:43,720
Speaker 1: HSN understood. It wasn't perfect or convenient, but they understood

117
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,080
Speaker 1: because they don't want to sell ship bathing suits. And

118
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,760
Speaker 1: my business manager said, we'll sell them to like off

119
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,280
Speaker 1: price stores, meaning like a Marshal's or something that like

120
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,960
Speaker 1: sells for less. I go, so, we're gonna let poor

121
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,920
Speaker 1: people look like shit like I was. So I did

122
00:05:56,960 --> 00:06:00,120
Speaker 1: not go on and sell them. I don't listen or

123
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,160
Speaker 1: what other people say if I know it's right, and

124
00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:05,640
Speaker 1: neither should you. You do not let people determine your boundaries. Okay,

125
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,800
Speaker 1: you do not, because I walk that runway and that

126
00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:11,719
Speaker 1: person on my team was wrong, and I have been

127
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,760
Speaker 1: so tempted to just say I can't believe.

128
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,400
Speaker 2: I almost listen to you, but there's no upside. It

129
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:16,960
Speaker 2: doesn't matter.

130
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,679
Speaker 1: But that person told me no, and they were wrong,

131
00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,039
Speaker 1: and they should call me now and say I was wrong,

132
00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:38,800
Speaker 1: and they know who they are. So I have had

133
00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:42,880
Speaker 1: a struggle with long lost family because some people say

134
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,800
Speaker 1: that they love their friends more than their family. And

135
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:46,919
Speaker 1: just because someone's your blood doesn't mean they're your family

136
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,560
Speaker 1: because you don't know them and you haven't had a

137
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,760
Speaker 1: relationship with them. And over the years, I've had long

138
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:57,560
Speaker 1: lost family reach out to me. And it's because I

139
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:01,560
Speaker 1: had a family of my fathers for years reach out

140
00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:01,800
Speaker 1: to me.

141
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:03,240
Speaker 2: I never knew them.

142
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:07,240
Speaker 1: And like, I'm a very I came from a very dysfunctional,

143
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:12,200
Speaker 1: very guarded, very abusive, insane child like household. Like it's

144
00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,320
Speaker 1: hard to believe and it seems insane if you even

145
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,760
Speaker 1: tell somebody what my child who was like. And I'm

146
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:19,120
Speaker 1: not looking for any sort of sympathy whatsoever. I don't

147
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:20,400
Speaker 1: like to talk about it. And when I go out

148
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,240
Speaker 1: on a date and someone asks me, like where are

149
00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:22,679
Speaker 1: you from?

150
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:24,920
Speaker 2: What's this? Where religion are you? Where did you grow up?

151
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,440
Speaker 2: What about your parents? I cringe.

152
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,920
Speaker 1: I wither. I just want to I want to die.

153
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:33,280
Speaker 1: And so I don't trust people.

154
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:34,000
Speaker 2: I try.

155
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:35,880
Speaker 1: I have the same friends from high school. I don't

156
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:39,120
Speaker 1: trust people. You're in or you're out, I'm loyal to you,

157
00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:40,960
Speaker 1: or I couldn't give a shit, like I don't really

158
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,800
Speaker 1: have I'm a loyal person, meaning in business, I don't

159
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,800
Speaker 1: fuck people over and if I say it, I mean it.

160
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:49,080
Speaker 1: I never betray someone's trust. I never tell anyone's secret.

161
00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:52,080
Speaker 1: I have secrets on people from like the bravosphere that

162
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,360
Speaker 1: I don't speak to nor care for. But I would

163
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:58,040
Speaker 1: never divul to text or something someone told me. I

164
00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,520
Speaker 1: am in the Witness Protection program. And that's sort of

165
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:03,200
Speaker 1: like another code too of growing up with like mafia

166
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,960
Speaker 1: ties and the racetrack, Like it's just like, don't fuck around.

167
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:06,400
Speaker 2: I don't.

168
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,120
Speaker 1: I'm extremely hardcore and loyal and you always know what's

169
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:10,640
Speaker 1: going on with me. You always know where you stand

170
00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,600
Speaker 1: with me. And that can be frightening to people that said,

171
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,400
Speaker 1: I'm not really touchy feeling and I'm not looking for

172
00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:17,320
Speaker 1: a lot of new friends.

173
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:20,440
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm really not. So when long lost family.

174
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,720
Speaker 1: Reaches out to me, it's not comfortable and it's cringe

175
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,160
Speaker 1: cringe to me, and I don't want to do it

176
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,800
Speaker 1: because I don't know them and other people and in

177
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:29,880
Speaker 1: Hallmark films they say, like, it's your family and wouldn't

178
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:31,720
Speaker 1: that be nice and bring could have cousins and all

179
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,920
Speaker 1: this stuff because they have kids, But like, I don't

180
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:35,800
Speaker 1: want to meet new people, and I really don't trust people.

181
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:38,840
Speaker 1: And some of the people have been slightly more persistent

182
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,199
Speaker 1: since I've been a well known person, and that could

183
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,640
Speaker 1: also because they've seen me more publicly and it's reminded

184
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,480
Speaker 1: them of it, but it could also not, And like,

185
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,640
Speaker 1: I just don't know how to go back. And even

186
00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:50,200
Speaker 1: if you have a family member that was like a

187
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,680
Speaker 1: father or a mother or a stepfather that you didn't

188
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:55,120
Speaker 1: speak to for like ten or twenty years, for me,

189
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:59,480
Speaker 1: like it's impossible. I can't do it, and I'm upset

190
00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:00,800
Speaker 1: with myself. I kind of want to know what you

191
00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:03,560
Speaker 1: guys think about this, because I get upset with myself

192
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,040
Speaker 1: and I think about it and I try to be

193
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,400
Speaker 1: nice to them and like say something nice to them

194
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,680
Speaker 1: to make them feel good. But I'm like that with

195
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,600
Speaker 1: friends that I was within friends with in high school

196
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,760
Speaker 1: and college too. If I lost touch with you for

197
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,840
Speaker 1: twenty years, I don't want you to reach out to

198
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,760
Speaker 1: me and like ask me for things or like get

199
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,480
Speaker 1: together because I'm paranoid and I think you're with me

200
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,839
Speaker 1: for the wrong reasons because we haven't spoken for twenty years,

201
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,880
Speaker 1: but you were friends of me years ago when I

202
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:29,160
Speaker 1: wasn't anybody. But it's just like my circle's closed, and

203
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,360
Speaker 1: it's kind of sad, not because I'm lonely or not,

204
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,480
Speaker 1: it's just my circles closed. And I don't know what

205
00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,360
Speaker 1: you guys think of that, Like do you think we

206
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,720
Speaker 1: should be opening up the circle? I mean new people

207
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,520
Speaker 1: through business that I get together with. I mean new

208
00:09:40,559 --> 00:09:42,480
Speaker 1: people through dating that I get together with. I have

209
00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:45,200
Speaker 1: new friends that I've met through dating. It's just sort

210
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:50,120
Speaker 1: of in the former friends and very distant family that

211
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:53,760
Speaker 1: I have no relationship with. And also it's connected to

212
00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:58,880
Speaker 1: my mother or father, which represents such a dysfunctional household

213
00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,440
Speaker 1: that people that are connected to them or all want

214
00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,480
Speaker 1: to talk about it. Like someone reached out to me

215
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,640
Speaker 1: about my stepfather the other day by social media, and

216
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:07,560
Speaker 1: they want to tell stories about the racetrack. But like

217
00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:11,120
Speaker 1: I'm traumatized for my childhood. I don't want to go

218
00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:14,040
Speaker 1: back there. My mother died, I went back there, you know,

219
00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:15,880
Speaker 1: I cried on the internet. I did like an hour

220
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,520
Speaker 1: long thing about death and her and what it was,

221
00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:21,040
Speaker 1: and it like I had to heal. I don't want

222
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:24,120
Speaker 1: to go back, and maybe that's wrong, and maybe I

223
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:26,680
Speaker 1: have a blind spot and I'm missing something like that.

224
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,480
Speaker 1: I should be going back, but I just feel like

225
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,400
Speaker 1: you're fifty. Your your fifty is like, what are we doing?

226
00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:31,960
Speaker 2: I don't know.

227
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,040
Speaker 1: So like people want to reach out and they think that, oh, yeah,

228
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:36,600
Speaker 1: I used to know your dad, I used to.

229
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:38,520
Speaker 2: Know your mom. I was your mom's brothers whatever.

230
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,840
Speaker 1: They used to say this about you, or they used

231
00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,520
Speaker 1: to do to do this at the racetrack, or this

232
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:46,240
Speaker 1: happened I die same thing in third grade, Like, oh

233
00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,600
Speaker 1: I was in your third grade class. Hi, I remember this,

234
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,440
Speaker 1: and there was a sadness in you and this about

235
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:53,040
Speaker 1: your parent. I don't want to go back there. And

236
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,520
Speaker 1: therapists probably want you to crack it open. And actually

237
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:56,880
Speaker 1: this is what I have to talk to my therapist

238
00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:59,440
Speaker 1: about because I just don't want to do it. And

239
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:04,000
Speaker 1: it's like it's just trauma and it's trauma associated and

240
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,000
Speaker 1: it's triggering. And I guess I've answered my own question,

241
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,720
Speaker 1: but I just don't know if there's something that's there

242
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,920
Speaker 1: that like I don't know, and I'm making a mistake.

243
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:10,440
Speaker 2: I don't know.

244
00:11:10,559 --> 00:11:13,360
Speaker 1: Every time it happens, I punt it. I'm very grateful

245
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:16,680
Speaker 1: that my daughter begged me to meet my mother. Because

246
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,960
Speaker 1: then the box got to be checked. She met my mother,

247
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:23,640
Speaker 1: but I didn't. I went back there and saw my

248
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,240
Speaker 1: mother when my daughter was cause I wasn't gonna have

249
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:26,959
Speaker 1: them just be had my daughter be with her alone.

250
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,040
Speaker 1: But like, I didn't feel anything like I felt anger

251
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:33,240
Speaker 1: and triggered. I didn't feel like a movie like opened

252
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:34,600
Speaker 1: up and like you're my mom.

253
00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:37,960
Speaker 2: Like I didn't feel that at all. I felt triggered.

254
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:41,960
Speaker 1: And like heightened, and I had to control myself and

255
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,480
Speaker 1: control my emotions in the way that I felt because

256
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:45,800
Speaker 1: there's no upside and I'm.

257
00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:47,319
Speaker 2: Very good at regulating myself.

258
00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:49,760
Speaker 1: But I didn't feel like I wanted to like piece

259
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:53,280
Speaker 1: everything back together after twenty thirty years of having no relationship,

260
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,000
Speaker 1: but just it doesn't seem realistic. So I just don't

261
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,360
Speaker 1: know what you guys think, and you might know something different,

262
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:01,840
Speaker 1: but it's certainly it's certainly not what they say in

263
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:02,320
Speaker 1: the movies.