00:00:08 Speaker 1: Well, I invited you, hear thought. I made myself perfectly clear. 00:00:17 Speaker 2: But you're a. 00:00:17 Speaker 1: Guess to my home. You gotta come to me empty, and I said, no guests. Your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how did you dare to surbey me? 00:00:48 Speaker 3: Welcome to I said, no gifts. I'm Richard Wineger. I had an interesting day. I was at the grocery store earlier. I the Girl Scouts were set up outside. As I was entering the store, a woman was exiting with her shopping cart. The girls called out to her, would you like to buy some cookies? She held up the Keebler equivalent of Girl Scout cookies and said I already got some, but thanks and kept moving. So this episode is dedicated to you, you stonehearted ice Steam. And I just couldn't believe what I was watching it With that in mind, something I'm more excited about is my guest Dave Holmes. 00:01:28 Speaker 2: Hi, Dave, My mouth is a Gabe, Dave. 00:01:31 Speaker 3: It was, what's going on? This is what I've got to say about this interaction. I don't think that the woman knew she was being malicious. 00:01:38 Speaker 2: It was no, clearly not. 00:01:39 Speaker 3: It was very odd. 00:01:40 Speaker 2: So clearly not. But that is I still blame her. Oh, of course, course, still laziness on her. Yes, just think for one second. I think for one second, the Girl Scout cookie experience is about more than you putting cookies in your mouth. Oh. 00:01:54 Speaker 3: Absolutely, it goes way beyond that. And also, you saw these girl Scouts going into the store or sure you certainly thought about them while in the story, and then when you picked up the Keebler equivalent, you knew exactly what was going. 00:02:08 Speaker 2: To you monster. Did you get any Girl Scout cookies? 00:02:12 Speaker 3: I didn't get any. Well, you're kind of picture. I am the problem. Listen. I didn't buy anything. I don't even know why I was at the store, to be totally honest with you, I had been. I'd been driving all day. I needed a walk. Sure, I like, you know, the grocery store is my museum. I get to go in and just look at things and then exit free of charge. I should have bought something from the girls Skins. 00:02:32 Speaker 2: He really should have. Might give you this season. Not yet. 00:02:35 Speaker 3: Oh boy, Dave, this is my big confession, and I need to buy some Girl Scout cookies. I'm not that crazy about them. 00:02:41 Speaker 2: Okay, Well, let's let's talk me through your experience. Listen, just flavor by flavor. 00:02:46 Speaker 3: Okay, thin mints top of the pile, of course, I think for a lot of people. Okay, I I don't mind thin mint, A frozen print, thin mint, I'll eat it. 00:02:56 Speaker 2: You must be frozen. 00:02:57 Speaker 3: But how many thin mints am I supposed to eat? I feel like? And something that I've just discussed way too much on this podcast is that I eat three cookies a day. But three thin mints is not enough. Nothing that's basically fifty cent piece worth of cookies. 00:03:14 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a minty communion way for. 00:03:15 Speaker 3: Three times, Yes, absolutely so, But then I feel like you get into six And also don't I don't feel like you What is the beverage you're drinking when you're eating a thin mint? 00:03:26 Speaker 2: Uh? None? 00:03:29 Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't because like traditionally, you're gonna milk in my home? Well okay, And this is another thing that I've revealed about myself that's fully psychotic, as I do have milk in my home for other cookies. Interesting, but it doesn't go well with a thin mint. 00:03:41 Speaker 2: No, I guess it wouldn't. 00:03:41 Speaker 3: And you don't want to drink water with a thin mint. Then you just feel like, am I like a survivor of something? Am I like in a fallout shelter? And this is all that's left? 00:03:50 Speaker 2: Yeah? 00:03:50 Speaker 3: So what does that leave? 00:03:52 Speaker 2: A broth? A bro just a hearty beef brad and. 00:03:57 Speaker 3: You're dipping your thin mint? 00:03:58 Speaker 2: Yeah? 00:03:59 Speaker 3: Is it like a Is there a liquor that goes with a thin mint? I don't think so. Maybe a Bailey's, it seems, or maybe we're getting into hot chocolate territory. It might be that might make some level of sense. 00:04:11 Speaker 2: Yeah, And they do come at you in the winter time we don't really have yeah, I mean older climates. If we get down to fifty five, here, break out the hot chocolate. Okay, so the thin mint I think is decent enough. But I have these complicated feelings. Okay, but the one that I really have a problem with is the tag along and that is but I believe this is the one with a peanut butter. 00:04:33 Speaker 3: That is chocolate covered, chocolate covered short bread cookie. 00:04:36 Speaker 2: See, I really like that. 00:04:38 Speaker 3: It's my dream cookie. It's absolutely every element of it should be something that I love. I don't know what's happening. There's a disconnect. 00:04:46 Speaker 2: Now what was the last time you tried it? 00:04:48 Speaker 3: Probably, I'm gonna say three years ago. I've had them as a child, as an adult. I don't know what's going on. It's basically a peanut butter TwixT turned into a small cookie. 00:05:00 Speaker 2: A small cookie. 00:05:00 Speaker 3: But for some reason we're missing on the flavor. And I would love to get in touch with the Girl Scouts. 00:05:04 Speaker 2: I like them. 00:05:05 Speaker 3: Apparently a lot of people like them, and it goes you know, it's going towards a good cause. So maybe I buy a box for like desperate measures. 00:05:13 Speaker 2: Given another try must be frozen. You're freezing a peanut butter cookie. Absolutely, I actually don't understand. I think all Girl Scout cookies are better cold. 00:05:23 Speaker 3: Interesting, it's unlocking some flavor. 00:05:26 Speaker 2: Unless they're brand unless they're right out of the oven. Right better does a Girl Scout cookie come out of an oven? It doesn't seem like something that comes out of an oven, right Yeah. It's like pushed together by a machine, some sort of packing material or something. It's like from a mcmillion's uh yes factory. 00:05:45 Speaker 3: I love the mcmillion's lottery ticket. I could watch footage of the lottery ticket factory all day. 00:05:50 Speaker 2: I can watch that FBI agents. 00:05:52 Speaker 3: Oh it's fantastic, and printing press. And the woman with the red hair, who is love her? I have half a joint before bed, every nice I love her. She came out of a dream. She's an absolute Yes, the same dream that the birth tag along cookies. 00:06:09 Speaker 2: I like the taglongs, but they must be called do you have a thing? They don't become crunchy er Okay, it's just it's just a nice little it gives a nice little extra snap right right. I think my actual favorite now that I'm older, Okay, and then I fully turned into an old woman. Sure is the plain shortbread the tree for I was gonna say the shortbread has made a lot of headway in my personal cooking roads because you taste some, you taste some butter, you taste a little sugar, Yes you do. It's probably the most flavorful of the cookies. 00:06:39 Speaker 3: I would argue. 00:06:40 Speaker 2: It's yeah, I'll take it. Yeah, I'll go there with you. Also, they have a new Uhores flavor. Tell me about this, I will. It's like a Graham crackery. Okay, flavored cookie, which is flavor. 00:06:54 Speaker 3: Yeah, we have graham crackers available. 00:06:56 Speaker 2: We do, we do, we don't love them though. 00:06:59 Speaker 3: Dave, you don't come in here and just start attacking graham crackers in front of me. 00:07:04 Speaker 2: I love graham cracker. I think they're Okay, it's a weird thing. You never need to eat a gram cracker. No you don't, at what point are you? And then there's the sandiness of the will be that's on that sure and definitely on the tips of your fingers. Right, So it's the cookie evokes a Graham cracker, Okay. And then the insides are like melty chocolate and marshmallow and marshmallow. That's the delicious a sandwich cookie. I had a smore last night a homemademore. 00:07:32 Speaker 3: Well, I was. I was in Palm Springs. 00:07:34 Speaker 2: Okay, well, obviously capital of small capital of California, know of the world. 00:07:39 Speaker 3: Let's just let's give it to them. 00:07:41 Speaker 1: Uh. 00:07:42 Speaker 3: And the hotel I was saying that gave us smores. Wow, this is a dream. 00:07:46 Speaker 2: What may I ask what hotel? 00:07:47 Speaker 3: I would love to Sparrow's Lodge, Okay, I've never been. It's incredible. It's like staying in a little cabin. 00:07:52 Speaker 2: Oh. I love that. 00:07:53 Speaker 3: I really enjoy being there. It's very quiet. H they give you smores. What more can I ask for? 00:07:58 Speaker 2: I stated, well, I'll tell you where you can ask for. I stayed a hotel there a couple of years ago that I never stayed at. I forget the name of it. And they, you know how like certain hotels you can hang the thing on your door by two am and then they bring you breakfast at whatever time you indicate the next Oh sure, sure, sure this was if you get it in by like noon. It was a you fill out a thing for the martini that you want at five o'clock and martini cart goes around. It was one of these things. It's all on one level and it's yeah, it just there's a martini cart that goes around starting at like four thirty. 00:08:32 Speaker 3: Can I ask what hotel? 00:08:33 Speaker 2: I think it was called the Ingle Side, Ingle Side. 00:08:36 Speaker 3: Okay, this is I mean, it seems like a time portal. 00:08:39 Speaker 2: It was fantastic. And at that time I was like, I'm not I'm not a huge martini guy. Me see if I have acquired the taste for gin yet? 00:08:46 Speaker 3: Right? 00:08:46 Speaker 2: So a dirty gin martini with blue cheese olives, oh not almonds olives, and and I have officially acquired the taste. Yeah. 00:08:56 Speaker 3: So This kind of was the conversion. It was wow, this was incredible. These little things like this, s'mores or a martini are very small things in the grand scheme of things that make hotels feel like truly palace. 00:09:08 Speaker 2: They're significant. 00:09:09 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:09:09 Speaker 2: Yeah, buy a. 00:09:10 Speaker 3: Box of gram crackers and some marshmallows, and I will continue to come to your hotel for the rest of my life. 00:09:14 Speaker 2: Did they bring you a fully assembled more or do they brought us a fire pit? 00:09:19 Speaker 3: They brought us a plate with marshmallows, Hershey's bar and bran crackers, and then two you know sticks great, and then there were two, of course, people we didn't want to talk to, sitting by the fire, which we were forced to discuss things with. And I the only information I really got from them was that one of them loves the Goldbergs. 00:09:40 Speaker 2: That's nice. 00:09:40 Speaker 3: So there you go. You know, the. 00:09:42 Speaker 2: Eighties, that's the would you ever get away from a Hershey's in making us more ill? 00:09:48 Speaker 3: I do occasionally really actually too, this is just going to continue to make me look like a lunatic. I brought Reese's peanut butter cups to the hotel. I rarely do this, but I did it, and it was fully worth Like we dropped. We stopped at Rite eight on the way there, and there was a lot of scary you know, there was somebody out of their mind on math or something, so you know, there was getting into the Rite aid and getting out. Yeah, but the races was absolutely worth it. 00:10:15 Speaker 2: So you put that on us more. 00:10:17 Speaker 3: Then it's melted and it's peanut butter and it's marshmallow. My god, it's that's fantastic. Although I think all Reese's products also must be frozen. Interesting, wait, what other races are you freezing? 00:10:29 Speaker 2: Well, there's the Cops, there's the thins, which I recommends less peanut butter or is it less everything? 00:10:37 Speaker 3: Okay, so what's the deal. It's just you want less, it's. 00:10:40 Speaker 2: Yeah, and especially if you put it it's like it feels it's I mean, it's obviously less bullshit, right, it's half the amount of sure, which makes me eat twy as many twice of course. But then in the freezer it does give you a little like shattered. 00:10:53 Speaker 3: It becomes a little disk frozen peanut butter disc. 00:10:57 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah. But then there's also pieces. There's also the miniatures, the miniatures, the seasonal shapes. 00:11:03 Speaker 3: Let me ask you this, if you had to take five. Yes, I have recently rebranded ass, which I thought was a deeply underappreciated candy bar. Yeah, is becoming a candy bar podcast. That's okay, great, they've finally put the Reese's name on there. Why not, let's get the name out. I think it's a delicious combination of stuff. 00:11:20 Speaker 2: Yeah, if it if it involves peanut butter. 00:11:22 Speaker 3: Yeah I will. I am essentially just a dog. 00:11:25 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:11:26 Speaker 3: I just love peanut butter flavored. 00:11:27 Speaker 2: And I bought a five pound jug of Reese's peanut butter sauce off of Amazon. 00:11:36 Speaker 3: This is not just peanut butter. It's a sauce. 00:11:38 Speaker 2: It's a sauce because I do a peanut sauce at home, okay, a tight peanut sauce. Ye. And sometimes we'll use like a fresh ground peanut sauce. But I was like, what if I made this with bullshit? What if I made this with like just straight up Yeah? And I did, and it was better? 00:11:54 Speaker 3: Really? 00:11:55 Speaker 2: Yes? 00:11:56 Speaker 3: What do you think? 00:11:56 Speaker 2: Much better? 00:11:57 Speaker 3: Is it sweeter? 00:11:58 Speaker 2: No? This one it was saucier. Okay, you know what I mean? You could like you could dip, you could dip a very cold, Reese's thin creak and a half a treefoil, a short bread cookie. The sauce, my god, so I had one. I went through it fairly quickly and made peanut sauce a lot, And it was weird having it in the house, like when people would come over. 00:12:17 Speaker 3: It was like an industrial. 00:12:19 Speaker 2: Sized that of peanut butter sauce. That was just something like that cost I think it was around at the twenty five dollars. Christ points to just have a bunch of peanut sauce slashing around in your house. I think that's worth it. I think it is too. I'll do it worth it. I'll do it again. 00:12:32 Speaker 3: That reminds me. I worked at a Thai restaurant for a while and there was a There was a chef named Come Yeah. She was always making us food and one day she offered me some beef jerky, which I ate. Later on in the day, the owner's ba or the owner's husband came by and he said, everyone, if come offers you beef jerky, do not eat it. She had prepared the beef jerkey on the dumpster in the of the restaurant, so she had just left raw beef in the sun rashtle. Yeah, so that's my homemade Thai food store. 00:13:10 Speaker 2: Did you eat it? 00:13:11 Speaker 3: I had already in Yeah. And did you get sick? I guess not, but maybe. I mean, who knows what's living in me now? Yeah, it could be just waiting decades later it bursts out of me. 00:13:21 Speaker 2: You're indestructible. 00:13:22 Speaker 3: Well, that's absolutely a possibility. I'm actually just going to take that and believe it. 00:13:28 Speaker 2: I had an encounter with a psychotic person this week. 00:13:31 Speaker 3: Also, let's hear about it. 00:13:33 Speaker 2: I was at a place called AJ's Barbecue on Riverside, Riverside in the valley where I live, Riverside in Laurel. There is a place called AJ's, which is a barbecue place a little bit in the vein of home state. 00:13:47 Speaker 3: I've had their breakfast talkers. I was wondering if this is the place. 00:13:49 Speaker 2: Yeah, A's breakfast, very good, right, very good, which is I'll have that for lunch once every couple of months, meeting a friend there. And AJ's, as you know because you've been there, is connected to the worst bar in the right right named Pat's Cocktails. A fucking fantastic dive. 00:14:05 Speaker 3: I mean, that's the ultimate name for a dive. Yeah, Pat's Cocktails. 00:14:09 Speaker 2: It's incredible. The first time I went in there, I was sitting with some friends and there was there was like a crockpot full of chili in the back of the room. Sure, and I was like, oh, free snacks, and so we were talking for a while, and then I went back and like by the crockpot there was there were a couple of frame photographs and a candle and a rock that had the word like remember etched into it and uh. And it was at that point that I realized we had fully crashed someone's wake at Pat's Cocktail. 00:14:34 Speaker 3: This was a memorial memorial crockpot of chili. 00:14:37 Speaker 2: The son of the deceased made his way to our table and asked how we knew his father? Oh, fin nuts? 00:14:43 Speaker 3: Did you? I mean, did you make up a story? 00:14:45 Speaker 2: No? 00:14:45 Speaker 3: Oh no, so you just said, we've just been digging into the memorial chili. 00:14:49 Speaker 2: Yeah. He loved it, loved and he thought his father would love it too. 00:14:53 Speaker 3: I mean, I feel like, if you've lived a life where your wake ends up at Pat's Cocktails with a croc pot of chili, strangers eating. 00:15:01 Speaker 2: And yeah, and now that now here's a beautiful detail from the story that I just remembered. The sun was wearing a bit. It was a very informal kind of a memorial. Uh. He had a baseball cap on that had stitched onto the bill, not the. 00:15:19 Speaker 3: Bill, the hat whatever that's called. 00:15:22 Speaker 2: Uh, I d G A f O s okay okay. And and so I said, what's the hat all about? And he said, well, a couple of my aunts don't want to come because I'm feuding with them. And they said they wouldn't come unless I apologize so and so, and I wouldn't and they're not here, and so this says I don't give a fuck or shit. And he was wearing it just in case one of them. 00:15:50 Speaker 3: This is a custom made hat. 00:15:51 Speaker 2: It was a customer ship is It's such a great addition, Yeah, just in case you thought I might give a ship. 00:15:58 Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I don't give either. 00:15:59 Speaker 2: No. 00:16:00 Speaker 3: And I've got to make that there. 00:16:01 Speaker 2: You have to make it up absolutely clear if you know me and my family situation and like, uh, acronyms like you really have to know a lot of it. 00:16:12 Speaker 3: If you just want to play a guess my dad's wake, Yeah, that's. 00:16:16 Speaker 2: Anyway, that is okay. So the bartender from Patty. 00:16:19 Speaker 3: We have wait, we have not gotten to the psychotic person. No, oh, this is incredible. I feel like I've already seen a few psychos. 00:16:25 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah. So the So I'm sitting waiting for my friend. I can't and I have my dog with me, my adorable wheat and terrier. Okay, And I can't go inside to order my food because I have a dog. Sure, no one, I'll leave him outside. Uh. So I'm waiting for my friend to show up so that like he can go in order and then we'll trade and I'll go in whatever. So I'm sitting alone with the dog. This woman comes into Pat's Cocktails. It's one in the afternoon, and uh and she sees my dog. I'm gonna show you a picture of my dog. She sees my dog, who is once again a Wheat and Terrier listener. You can google it. You will see, you know, the faces all kind of look like he's an adorable door blocks a nice dog, nice scruffy dog. Like it looks like a dog. Yeah. She runs up to the dogs. She said, I beat him. I was like, yeah, of course, he looks just like Darth Vader. That certainly doesn't look like Darth Beser, My dog does not look anything. The dog is blonde, yes, and he's helmet was a blonde at some point, which I guess maybe Hayden Christiansen you make that point. He had like a weird like page Boy Bob. Yeah, look Darth Vader like I couldn't keep from and I thought, like do you do? I said, do you mean like an Ewok or or something, because no, Darth Vader is my favorite. And so then she just kept petting him and it went on for a really long time, and then it turned out she was the bartender at Patch, showing up for a day shift. She begged me to come in. She's like, we love dogs as long as they don't of course, as long as they don't go to the bathroom in you're of course this far. But yeah, it was very strange and I'm thinking about it ever since. He does not look not even remotely. 00:18:14 Speaker 3: There's nothing about this animal, no, unless you're keeping something from us. And it was wearing a helmet all time. Yes, no, yeah, that dog, it's a blonde. It basically looks like a like a cocker. 00:18:29 Speaker 2: Like a labradoodle, labradoodle. He it's confused for a labradodle. 00:18:33 Speaker 3: Good for her this Maybe she's dog blind. 00:18:36 Speaker 2: That a thing she might be that's very or or like iconic science fiction character blind. 00:18:42 Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess that would probably be close, which is probably more common than we think. 00:18:47 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know that may be the next big thing, the next big affliction. Yes, for doctor Phil to take on. 00:18:54 Speaker 3: I mean, as far as funerals go, does this feel like something that you would want after you die? Celebration along those lines, of course. I mean, you're you're you've probably got weeks to live. I could, Yeah, I mean we all do. 00:19:07 Speaker 2: Yeah. God, man, if I died before, Oh. 00:19:10 Speaker 3: It'll be so EERI before, were gonna love it? 00:19:14 Speaker 2: I yeah, not there, but I do. I do want to. I want something informal that that. 00:19:20 Speaker 3: Might be too far where it's like just at a place of business where normal people are hanging out. Feels a little. 00:19:26 Speaker 2: Not that, not church somewhere between. 00:19:28 Speaker 3: Yeah, church feels a little weird. 00:19:30 Speaker 2: It feels a lot weird. 00:19:30 Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't Yeah, I don't know that. I maybe I need to do some thinking about that. 00:19:36 Speaker 2: Have you never thought about? Who will? You? 00:19:39 Speaker 3: Dying? Constantly? But I've got to make the list. Yeah, it's time to make the list because some people just committed and then just yeah, better safe than I was in Palm Springs. Of course, for it was my fifth anniversary with my boyfriend. Nice, you've been in a relationship for a while. 00:19:58 Speaker 2: Long time. Yeah, anniversaries a something you do, uh kind of. Yeah, we met the day after my birthday. Okay, so it's sort of a little bit tied in with my birthday. Okay, great, but it's two separate things, of course. Of course, let's make them too different. Let's make them two different. 00:20:14 Speaker 3: You deserve your celebration, absolutely, the relationship deserves a celebration. 00:20:19 Speaker 2: They each deserve their moments. Yes, yeah, my birthday is March fourteenth. Okay, anniversaries on the fifteenth, and this year it's our fifteenth. 00:20:26 Speaker 3: Oh my god, congratulations. Yeah, so what sort of stuff for you are you buying each other presence? I didn't think so, okay, never we have, Okay, but maybe not this time. 00:20:35 Speaker 2: Maybe not this time. I mean, it is a significant one, so maybe we should. But I to you buy also, like we're really very much in the purging stage. Oh sure, yeah. 00:20:45 Speaker 3: So maybe you each secretly throw away another thing of the person that is a fun surprise. 00:20:50 Speaker 2: This is a real thing that I think NPR should do is like you know how like at the two hundred and fifty dollars level, you get the NPR total. Right at the five hundred dollars level, they should say, like, we will come to your home when you're sleeping and we will remove one toad back. That's a great idea because we have to pay for that, Yes, they would. I would please take. 00:21:09 Speaker 3: Some of this canvas from my home. 00:21:11 Speaker 2: Take it out, take it out. 00:21:14 Speaker 3: That's a not a bad idea. 00:21:16 Speaker 2: Do it, do it, n PR, do it case RW that free of charge. 00:21:20 Speaker 3: Don't be cowards. Just step up and remove things from people's home, yes, while they sleep. Okay, so you're not getting each other gifts. So I think we'll just go for a fancy dinner. Maybe we'll try to get away. Maybe we'll do a palm springs head out and get a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, you could all fall apart. You could die. As we've discussed, a lot of things can change. 00:21:40 Speaker 2: Not a couple of weeks, Darth Vader could death. 00:21:44 Speaker 3: Yeah. Maybe this woman is saying something you just haven't noticed yet. Suddenly you're strangled. Speaking of gifts. Yes, of course. You know we've been talking about you coming to do this podcast for a couple of weeks. Very upfront podcast is called I said no gifts. Yeah, it's in the emails. It's you know whatever. You show up tonight. You're holding a package. It's wrapped in what looks like newspaper. It is which is you know, I think it appears to be a gift? 00:22:21 Speaker 2: It is? 00:22:22 Speaker 3: Did you you didn't bring me a gift? 00:22:25 Speaker 2: I can't show up empty handed. I can't do it. What is it about you that you can't just I just can't do it? Nerves a little, Yeah, maybe it might be an OCD kind of thing. I feel crazy if I don't. If I show up to someone's home, sure without a bottle of wine something, you got it. You can't show up empty handed. You know what it was? It was? It was my first boyfriend in New York. It was like a fancy, mainline Philadelphia old money. 00:22:50 Speaker 3: Right, somebody whose parents really showed him manners. 00:22:54 Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, uh. And that was one of the things that he taught me early on, that you never show up anywhere impy handed. 00:23:00 Speaker 3: That's something I'm slowly learning. Yeah, there are situations though, when you're going to someone's house, let's say they don't drink, bottle of wine is such an easy thing to take. Of course, what are you taking? Flowers? Are you taking? You can mineral water. 00:23:14 Speaker 2: To be honest with you, you can still bring a bottle of wine to someone's home even if they are fully in recovery, because they will have to go to someone else's house at something. That's true, They just put it. Yeah, it's plate for yeah, piece of it, entering it into the great circle. 00:23:29 Speaker 3: Sure. Yeah, everybody's got a bottle of wine that once belonged to somebody else. Yeah, that makes sense exactly. Well, you've brought this here. I would feel bad not opening it for you. I mean I might as well. Take a look. I have to commend you for this very green wrapping paper. 00:23:45 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:23:46 Speaker 3: I feel like more people should just use newspaper. Yeah, and you know, magazine coupon circulars. You're getting that jump mail why not? 00:23:55 Speaker 2: And yeah, and then you can use them afterwards if you would like to read about the current state of Israel, and a stand is about fully up to date. In fairness, this is two sundays ago. Okay, so I don't it's not going to tell you anything. You don't hear nothing new for me. 00:24:09 Speaker 3: Now, let's open this up. Get this right by the microphone. What is this you don't Okay? It looks it's called you don't know My Life. It's a party game. It's a party game, a party game. Is this a game you've played before? 00:24:27 Speaker 2: I never have? 00:24:28 Speaker 3: Okay, So it looks like you like two It says the TMI party game with no wrong answers, just hashtag inappropriate. 00:24:39 Speaker 2: Hashtag inappropriate. 00:24:40 Speaker 3: So this game is going to get naughty very quickly. 00:24:44 Speaker 2: I mean, I'll get as naughty as you are willing to go now. 00:24:48 Speaker 3: One of the examples on the back is based off of knowing nothing about the game. Somebody has done the hashtag forest rump yeah rather than Forrest comes. So who knows what that means? 00:25:00 Speaker 2: Who knows how they got there? What will they think of next? 00:25:03 Speaker 3: Do you like it? 00:25:03 Speaker 2: What will they think of? Well, this particular person think of, well, this fictional person think of next? Are you a big party game player? Not at all? Really, not at all? 00:25:12 Speaker 3: At parties? What are you like? Let's say you're hosting a party. You'd just like to have people around in converse? 00:25:18 Speaker 2: Yeah, sometimes if it's small enough, I will cook sure to medium size, I'll grill out in the backyard. Generally we all just drink too much. 00:25:27 Speaker 3: In my mouth dropped. You're cooking for all kinds of people? Yeah, are you a good cook? 00:25:31 Speaker 2: I'm a decent cook. Okay, So yeah, do games ever get played? Does it ever brought up? Really in my home? I mean, I guess it could happen. The problem is me, and is the fact that if a game is being played, I have to win it. Oh, you're humorless in that. Sure, So I'm great at like pub trivia, right because well, we're gonna win. I won't cheat, but we're gonna win. And if we don't, or if it feels like we won't, everyone's night will be ruined. 00:26:00 Speaker 3: And how is that truly? How does that manifest itself? Are you yelling at people? 00:26:05 Speaker 2: It's real dark and people feel like if they say the wrong thing, I might snap. Where's a lot of coming from? Uh, it's it's just where all my darkness goes. I guess, right into games, right right into trivia, into competition. 00:26:19 Speaker 3: And yeah, what, I assume you're good with music trivia. I'm okay with music. 00:26:23 Speaker 2: Trivia. 00:26:24 Speaker 3: Where are you strongest? 00:26:26 Speaker 2: Yeah, all things pop culture, books, movies, music, and then just weird, like I'm good with weird facts, Like I'll know weird specific things. Now. I went there. There used to be Saturday afternoon pub trivia at Angel City Brewery, Okay, And I went down there like a month or two ago with some friends and and we did great. We were like we were gonna kill it right, right, and then like round six all basketball, you know, like just walk up. Yeah, it was just like there's not a sports guy. I screwed. No, we are screwed. And we were so typically like I know my blind spots, shoul. I have a couple of friends who are good with let's say geography, right, so I'm not or sports, which I'm absolutely not. So it's I like to assemble the right team, which is a big you've got. 00:27:19 Speaker 3: I mean, it's essentially you're doing an Ocean's eleven style, yes, picking and choosing people for their particular things. 00:27:26 Speaker 2: If I do it with my closest bunch of friends, which I did at this particular time, we all have roughly the same knowledge base. 00:27:33 Speaker 3: Right, I'm surrounded by people who know just pop culture, and then that's about it. If I have maybe one friend who actually listened in college, and then the rest of us can tell you what's happening on TV or a new song. 00:27:46 Speaker 2: Yeah, and then there's stuff that I've picked up from like the crossword, the Sunday Crossword. You know, you get a weird little fact from it about mythology. So sure, and you can usually like weave that back in. 00:27:58 Speaker 3: Tell people who Zeus was married to this. 00:28:00 Speaker 2: Short of off the top of my head. 00:28:02 Speaker 3: I don't know, Okay, I'm gonna I'm that feels right, feels right and again or not again. But you know you've said it on the podcast, and so now people will just have to believe that, and it will kind of snowball until the entire planet believes that Harold of Zeus's wife. I feel like had like a variety. 00:28:20 Speaker 2: Of fling concubines. 00:28:23 Speaker 3: Yeah, so who knows who's going to step to Zeus? Yeah, of course nobody. You're okay, so you're doing the crossword? How long have you been doing this? 00:28:34 Speaker 2: I think maybe my whole of the whole life. 00:28:35 Speaker 3: So you're good at it? Okay, can you do? Can you get through a Sunday Crossword. 00:28:39 Speaker 2: Sunday is not that hard. 00:28:41 Speaker 3: What is Sunday at the beginning? 00:28:42 Speaker 2: Sunday's the end. Sunday's well, Sunday's not really the end or the beginning. Saturday, Sunday is the void. Saturday is Saturday, and so Sunday is kind of like Sundays down, big Thursday, a big Thursday. Yeah, when this is psychotic big Wednesday and a half sometimes a Thursday. Okay. Can you get through a Saturday? No? No, not if I can get one answer on the board on a Saturday. 00:29:05 Speaker 3: Really, this is after you've been doing this your whole adult life. Yeah, this is so discouraging for me. No, satur but Saturday, Saturday is not even fun. Saturday fun for anyone. 00:29:15 Speaker 2: I don't think it is. I would venture to guess it is not. 00:29:17 Speaker 3: What I mean, what could they possibly be doing that makes it that difficult. 00:29:21 Speaker 2: It's just it's it's long answers right where Sunday is many shorter. 00:29:26 Speaker 3: Okay, sure, so you can kind of just guess at letters and eventually put you'll get that piece it together right there. 00:29:33 Speaker 2: Yeah, No, Saturday is a nightmare. Okay, Friday I can maybe complete half? 00:29:37 Speaker 3: And are you doing them every day? 00:29:40 Speaker 2: Of the year. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sunday pretty much Sunday only. Oh interest, I'll only get the Sunday paper. 00:29:45 Speaker 3: Okay. Sure. 00:29:46 Speaker 2: When I've occasionally done the thing where you can do the crossword every day. 00:29:50 Speaker 3: Right on your phone online, I mean, the rare time that I've done a crossword, I prefer to do it in pen or you know, on a newspaper rather than on your phone. It feels like temporary and not permanent enough. 00:30:07 Speaker 2: And I'm staring at my fucking phone long enough. 00:30:08 Speaker 3: Yeah. I don't need another reason for this thing to be my to have my eyes glued on it. I now have. You don't know my life? Yeah, which is I just want to read the back of this really quickly. What's something? It says, what's something you can't believe you physically hurt yourself doing? So, this is the sort of question it's going to be asking. Sure, let's let's use this question as an example. Okay, what's something you can't believe you physically hurt yourself doing. 00:30:37 Speaker 2: Okay, I hit myself in the face opening my own car door. I opened my own car door into my face. 00:30:45 Speaker 3: What happened? 00:30:46 Speaker 2: I just I don't I'm dumb. I don't know. Or it was like morning and I was I was not fully there yet or whatever, but I just like went up to my car and opened the door and just opened it into my face. 00:30:59 Speaker 3: Was there blood and bruise. There's that feeling of getting hit right in the nose, which is so horrible. Certain, Yes, it's like suddenly your whole face feels swollen. Okay, that feels like a terrible thing. I'm trying to think of something I've done that I've injured myself doing constantly small injuries throughout every single day. But I would say that does a sunburn count. 00:31:29 Speaker 2: Laying? 00:31:30 Speaker 3: I ended up in a hospital with the sunburn, I'll be damned. Yeah, you know this is this is a bad period for me. But I was on the beach for six hours and then I was in Venezuela and uh went up into a little remote village after getting the sunburn, put on some lotion and had some sort of reaction. Ended up in the hospital. My nurse was wearing a leather jacket and they took care of me. 00:31:55 Speaker 2: Wow. 00:31:56 Speaker 3: So I'm just gonna say, even within deep within Venezuela, socialized medicine took care of me. I love no Bill. 00:32:03 Speaker 2: Wow Leather Tuscadero came and yeah, absolutely hydrated me and got me out of there. I'll be damn. 00:32:11 Speaker 3: So I guess that's probably the the biggest injury I guess I could think of that I've done myself. Most of the other injuries have been other people. Older brothers, that sort of thing, s t siblings. 00:32:25 Speaker 2: I have two older brothers, And what's your relationship with them? They are they're like eight and ten years older. Okay, so we're we're not not closed, but we're not like we're not on the phone with each other all the time. 00:32:38 Speaker 3: You're all just like civil adults, yeah, who share common genes. Yeah, this sort of thing. Yeah, So as kids growing up, there was no like real rough housing, this sort of thing. 00:32:47 Speaker 2: Not a ton no, And like playing sports with them was useless, right, yeah, right they were. If I was seven, they were You're right, right, it's just no point. Sure, they used to throw me around. They'd be like, let's play cats. Oh yeah, and then they would throw me physically from one to the other, which should have I should have just relaxed and enjoyed it. But sure, it's just I was like this is terrifying, and one of you is gonna drop me to me. 00:33:12 Speaker 3: It's weird that as a child, other humans can just toss you. 00:33:16 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:33:17 Speaker 3: I like that. 00:33:18 Speaker 2: I don't. 00:33:18 Speaker 3: I never like you don't miss it. I think I could find myself enjoying just two huge adults throwing me around. Yeah, I feel like there's some fun in that, Like in a. 00:33:28 Speaker 2: Pool maybe, Oh yeah, in a pool, yeah, throwing you from one end of the pool and the other enjoyable. 00:33:34 Speaker 3: There was like a nine foot tall man who would just pick me up and toss me in the air. 00:33:38 Speaker 2: Oh you say that, but who knows then then it happens, Yeah, that it happens in suddenly you're you know, everything is going wrong. Yeah, terrible. 00:33:48 Speaker 3: So gift giving, as far as the anniversary stuff, it seems pretty low key birthday Is that sort of thing? Do you like getting gifts? 00:33:55 Speaker 2: I love getting gifts? 00:33:57 Speaker 3: You do like getting gifts? I know a lot of people don't. I personally don't enjoy. I mean, I of course like appreciate when people do it, but it makes me feel bad the sort of thing. But you're just. 00:34:05 Speaker 2: Able to just oh no, give it to me. What sort of stuff do you like? To get. Let's see, what do I like to get? Actually, I like to get stuff that I don't know that I want. Oh, sure, of course, Like if somebody brings over a book that they think I'll like, right, and that's great, and if they're correct, they've really given you something, They've really given me something. Yeah. I like a thing that indicates that the person knows me and has thought about what would make my life better. Right, And it is not just like a gesture, sure, I mean like a sweater at Christmas time, yes, which I like those two. 00:34:39 Speaker 3: Of course, there's nothing wrong with a gesture. 00:34:41 Speaker 2: Sure. 00:34:41 Speaker 3: Occasionally a gesture just increases your wardrobe. 00:34:44 Speaker 2: The gesture is great. Yes, I am in the stage right now of getting a lot of stuff. I work at Esquire magazine, right, so will occasionally get thing from fashion labels or whatever. And I'm never gonna say no because, of course, because to free fashion. Yeah. I also, I am absolutely the wrong person for this, but it's happening anyway. Because I'm the only staffer in California. My colleagues in New York get pitches for like luxury weed products all the time. Interesting, so they're just like, send it to Dave so they, like all of their publicists now have my address. So every now and then I'll get an email saying, like a messengers coming to your house this afternoon, can you be there to get it? Because they can't put it in mail of. 00:35:39 Speaker 3: Course, of course. 00:35:40 Speaker 2: So I've been getting, especially around Valentine's Day, a lot of like you know, like heart rot, weed, edibles. 00:35:51 Speaker 3: Oh what an interesting combination of I feel like there's too much going on in one product, way. 00:35:57 Speaker 2: Too much going on. So and I'm not an edibles guy at all. Sure, on Valentine's Day, then my partner and I were like, you know what, hell with it. Let's you know, we had a nice dinner. We wait until last minute to make a reservation. So our dinner, like yours, was at like quarter to. 00:36:10 Speaker 3: Five, yes, of course, of course. 00:36:12 Speaker 2: And then we're like, well, let's watch, you know, let's watch a movie or whatever it was we were watching, and like, tear off a tiny bit of this thing and see how it goes. So we did. 00:36:21 Speaker 3: And what was the thing. 00:36:22 Speaker 2: It was some almond granola cluster okay, that was infused with what turned out to be entirely too much weed. So like hours later we were both like, oh no, like I'm about to go to bed and just crazy this. Yeah. And then I had to fly out of town the next morning early makeup, I'm high, I have to get on a plane. It was not right the whole rest of the day. 00:36:47 Speaker 3: Where were you flying? 00:36:48 Speaker 2: I was going to Dallas. 00:36:49 Speaker 3: Oh so that's a decent length flight to. 00:36:51 Speaker 2: Be with a Yeah, with a layover in Las Vegas, which is such a gorgeous on a Saturday morning. So it's like people who came and left at weird times. 00:37:02 Speaker 3: Oh, the darkest time for the Las Vegas airport. Yeah, what are you doing here on a Saturday? I haven't been there in a few years. Is it so kind of maroon? I feel like there was a period when it was just this maroon, dark, maroon room with a bunch of slot machines. 00:37:18 Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely a lot of slots. Yeah. Yeah. And then I had my layover, was like at nine thirty in the morning, and I was like, I'm going to have a beer because I hi and I just want to why not, just want to feel that I'm a familiar feeling, right, So I had a beer and did it feel good? It felt better? 00:37:36 Speaker 3: Okay? Yeah, do you have any breakfast moored about this? 00:37:40 Speaker 2: No, I didn't. 00:37:40 Speaker 3: So you're just kind of wandering around Las Vegas Airport stoned, maybe a little buzz, yeah, stomach empty, yeah, Dave, not great, not I mean, but actually probably kind of par for the course in the Las Vegas Airport. That's what I figured. Probably just fit right when I figure. Now you work for Esquire, I I this is a very pro reading podcast magazines. What do we need to do with what does it? I've recently subscribed to a variety of magazines because I felt like I was doing the industry a disservice by not doing it. I love reading a magazine too. It's so much more enjoyable than a phone. Yes, and I better by the pool way better, way better, And you can just leave them around the house and you know, start up a little bit before bed, read a little bit, and go to bed a little bit and not worry about seeing somebody you hate or this sort of nonsense on Twitter or Instagram or whatever. 00:38:40 Speaker 2: Lovely, how long. 00:38:41 Speaker 3: Have you been working for a square? I mean they're five years, okay, And what do you feel like you've learned about magazines? 00:38:47 Speaker 2: And pooh? What have I learned about magazines. Uh, well, everyone's trying to figure out how to be one. Sure, you know, as like as in the world of like digital media, figuring out that like teen Vogue can do great political companies. 00:39:09 Speaker 3: They had a real resurgence four years ago. 00:39:12 Speaker 2: Yeah, like great stuff can live anywhere. So the idea of like a men's website is completely obsolete, right, right, And you know, the idea of a men's magazine, it's not obsolete, but it's like what you know, you really have to think hard about like what it means to be a men's magazine. You know, that's always a conversation. 00:39:35 Speaker 3: And what does it mean to be a men's magazine in twenty twenty? 00:39:39 Speaker 2: I okay. My take is that it's it's not necessarily about being a man as distinct from being a woman. I think it's about being a man as distinct from being a child. Oh, cult and like enrichment and you know, and style and accessories that can improve your life, right, and thought provoking pieces and good interviews and that kind of thing. That is where twenty years ago it would have been about like here's you know, here's fucking whoever Brooklyn Decker in a a you know, short code and you know, no shirts, she'll tell you a joke or now it's like it's it's we're trying to trying to be a thoughtful person in society, a thoughtful person as opposed to a teenage boy. 00:40:27 Speaker 3: And I know you cover more, you know, like arts and culture. But maybe you can answer this question for me, because it's been haunting me for about six months. About six months ago, somebody told me that we're post fashion. Does that sound right to you? It does actually, So that means I can just wear what I mean, yes, essentially whatever I feel comfortable where, yes, yeah, and that is this something we just get to live in for now. 00:40:50 Speaker 2: Or I think it is. Yeah. I think we're also post music trend that that I'm familiar with, Yeah, a little clothes. I know music enough that I can but with it feels very because my whole life I've been followed, you know, caught in each trend as it moves along, and they'n looking back at photos five years earlier and thinking, oh, you look horrible. 00:41:08 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:41:09 Speaker 2: I still think to some degree we will have that right because it always feels like you're at the end of fashion. It always feels like every we're just wearing everything now. But I do think that there's some of that that is true. I mean, we're getting a little bit away from fast fashion, okay, just as people get more conscientious. Yes, it's effect on the environment and whatever. So it is about recycling literal pieces that have been around. 00:41:33 Speaker 3: It is an interesting world to be living. 00:41:35 Speaker 2: It is also we're I mean, we're both getting older, right and we're not. It's a strange thing. I went in high school in the eighties. We had a lot of teachers who dressed like it was the seventies. Yes, and when you're a kid, you're like, well, that's a choice they're making, and they just think that looks cool and whatever. Now you know, it's the twenty twenties. I've for sure got some shit in my closet that's twenty years old. Of course, still where regularly right, And it's like it's not about like, oh, I'm frozen in this moment in fashion. It's just like, this is what I have now, this is what I have. 00:42:06 Speaker 3: Yeah, I have a shirt. Maybe my favorite shirt is fifteen years old. Yeah, and I'm just deal with it. Yeah, But I don't think the differences are as stark between now and fifteen years ago as they were between you know, nineteen eighty seven and nineteen seventy seven, right, I don't know, I do feel I do see a lot of things coming back from middle school is coming back to haunt me in a big way in the last few years. A lot of you know, wide leg Jeanes, this sort of thing, which is terrifying. Yeah, and I feel like you were you were probably on MTV in this period, the late nineties. 00:42:41 Speaker 2: Yeah, the baggy the baggy period. 00:42:43 Speaker 3: Right, And what's your take on music in that, Like, from ninety eight to let's say two thousand and one feels like a dark period for music. 00:42:54 Speaker 2: I loved it. 00:42:55 Speaker 3: I loved it, new metal, this sort of thing. 00:42:57 Speaker 2: Well, yeah, that was terrible, Okay, some degree I loved it because it was part of this life that I had. 00:43:03 Speaker 3: Just oh sure, of course. 00:43:05 Speaker 2: So it just felt like, yeah, every day I felt like a winning like I just scratched off a million dollar lottery. 00:43:13 Speaker 3: Right of course. So everything everything, it was like I was in love. 00:43:18 Speaker 2: Great. 00:43:18 Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's when you fell in love with corn. 00:43:20 Speaker 2: That is exactly what I really I was more of a limp biscuit. I always hated I mean, I could recognize that Limp Biscuit was terrible music, right, but it was part of the life that I was in sure, and so for that reason I kind of I kind of liked it. I also I wish I had been better about like the weird electronic y kind of shit that was coming out around that, right. I just at the time I was like, I don't do enough drugs for that and whatever. Some of it was really interesting. 00:43:45 Speaker 3: What sort of stuff are we talking about here? 00:43:47 Speaker 2: Oh? My god? Like AFX twin Oh, sure of course, like sort of mid Chemical Brothers. 00:43:54 Speaker 3: Yes, Chemical, I mean, I'll tell you Chemical. This is where again, where we just lose a thousand listeners and I just get into music. Chemical Brothers put out an album in twenty fifteen which I think is phenomenal and people should listen to it. 00:44:05 Speaker 2: I bet that they are still great. They're fantastic. Yeah, Chemical Brothers. I would have thought, do you okay, will you follow me to this? I think Fred Durst is unbelievably sexy, interesting, I really do. I've got to I've got to see a recent picture of Fred Darst. I don't know how he looks now. All I can picture is I bet shorts past the knee. Oh, terrible, terrible fashion. I can't even picture what his body looks like. I can't either. 00:44:30 Speaker 3: I mean she doesn't matter, Garfield, Yeah. 00:44:32 Speaker 2: It doesn't matter. But there's just something I don't know. There was just something about. 00:44:36 Speaker 3: I'm gonna I'm gonna quickly just google a picture fred Durst here and I'm gonna give up something. 00:44:42 Speaker 2: There's there's a flavor of the the weed dealer in the mall about him that is internal and sexy at the same time. 00:44:52 Speaker 3: I mean, I'm going to say, the first photo that comes up of fred Durst is absolutely unappealing. Tell me I'm wrong. That's fairly bad photo. 00:45:03 Speaker 2: That's he's just come off the golf course. 00:45:05 Speaker 3: Yes, this is odd, it's not it almost looks like powder. 00:45:09 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not great. I would say, yeah, like find a nineteen ninety eight Freddy. Here we go, fred Durst, there you go. Yeah, lovely eyes, good eyes. The soul patch leading into go tee is terrible. It's hard for me to look past this sort of thing. I know, but there's just something. There's something so wrong that I think. 00:45:32 Speaker 3: It's the aura, you like, the Spencer's gifts of him. I might it might be interesting the sleeve tattoo of him. Right, Oh yeah, that's exactly. I mean he is somebody that you would like, he'd eye you in them all, yes, yeah, yeah. And you could smell the cigarettes from one hundred feet away for sure. 00:45:52 Speaker 2: And he's like he's got like a gravity bongy some dumb thing. 00:45:58 Speaker 3: This is absolutely someone who is been fired from Orange Julius. 00:46:02 Speaker 2: Oh, there's no questions. 00:46:03 Speaker 3: And there's a real sex appeal to somebody who was too bad for o J. Yeah. So yeah, and that's Fred. I wonder what his career was prior to Olympiscuit. 00:46:14 Speaker 2: Prior to I mean, for sure, you know, selling bootleg T shirts outside of course, you know from Florida. He's from Florida. He is Florida. 00:46:23 Speaker 3: That entire music period came straight out of floor, came straight out of its toilet in Florida. 00:46:30 Speaker 2: Yeah. And now now I feel like he's directing movies. 00:46:33 Speaker 3: I think he directed the John Travolta movie. 00:46:36 Speaker 2: That looked wild. It did look pretty wild. I didn't see it. 00:46:38 Speaker 3: I don't know that anyone did, but maybe we should. All it's a movie where John Travolta is kind of a stalker. So I don't know. Fred dursty's trying everything. 00:46:48 Speaker 2: Yeah, he's like sex tape with who some some lady? 00:46:52 Speaker 3: When was this? 00:46:53 Speaker 2: This was? This was in the Sidekick era. Wait, because Sidekick got hacked a Kick phones, Sidekick phone. He shot a sex tape on a Sidekick Yeah, what does that even look like? Not good at all? 00:47:08 Speaker 3: Those phones could barely operate. 00:47:10 Speaker 2: Snake, Yeah, yeah, it's it's fourteen seconds long, and it's like it's two different things. One it's like a girl blowing him, sure, and then another one it's it's him, it's his POV and he is having sex with a lady. 00:47:24 Speaker 3: Fourteen seconds not long. It's a sex boomerang. 00:47:28 Speaker 2: That's crazy, but it's all they can hold. Fred. Then I bet you could find it. 00:47:33 Speaker 3: It got linked. Well I'm not. I'm not watching the Fred Durst sex tape on this podcast. No, I might put it afterwards. I might look into it. Fred Durst, he's done it all. He's truly done it all. He's done with us for quite a period. 00:47:47 Speaker 2: He is a true renaissance man. Inspect him. 00:47:51 Speaker 3: He has shifted culture in a big way. Well, Dave, I feel like we're we're gonna head to the game portion of the podcast. Do you want to play a game called Gift Master or a game called Gift or a Curse? 00:48:06 Speaker 2: Gift he a curse. 00:48:07 Speaker 3: We're gonna play Gift or a Curse. I need a number from you between one and ten six. Okay, I'm going to go into my calculation cave. While I'm doing this for an undetermined amount of time. You can promote whatever you want, you can recommend something, do whatever you want. 00:48:20 Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, he's doing it. Oh fuck it. I'm on Twitter at Dave Holmes. If I've got anything interesting to say, I'll probably say it there. Also on Instagram at Dave Holmes, you can see pictures of my dog, who doesn't look like Darth Vader at all. My book Party of One is on shelves right now, and it makes a wonderful gift. 00:48:39 Speaker 3: David does make a wonderful gift, and I'm back to play the game. 00:48:42 Speaker 2: Okay, let's do it. 00:48:43 Speaker 3: Gift he a curse. I'm just gonna name three things and you're gonna tell me if there are a gift or a curse and why. 00:48:49 Speaker 2: Okay, So, first up, gift her a curse? Night guards night guards for your teeth for your teeth, I don't. It's essentially a kind of a plastic retainer grinder, right grinder. I would say, I'm leaning. I'm leaning toward curse only because the amount of saliva that I would imagine they would allow to escape from your mouth in the middle of the nightway the benefits of not grinding, Okay, and then and then it's like it goes right through the pillow case and the pillows fucked by the way, another product that I'm about to get here as the one person who can accept CBD and thh CPS from a delivery person a THHC pillow a pillow. What's happening? I know, but I guess when you calm down on it, like particles of CBD come out and go into your face and help could possibly, But it's being delivered to my home. 00:49:55 Speaker 3: Well, we're gonna need some sort of update at some point. This feels like was like a health It seems real crazy. Don't let your dog go to sleep on the THHC pillow. 00:50:05 Speaker 2: It's it's CBD. It's it's CBD. 00:50:08 Speaker 3: Okay, so it maybe maybe well actually it probably just does nothing. It's just fine for sure. Absolutely fine. But if it makes you feel better, it gives you pleasant dreams, why not. Whatever, life short, Dave, You're absolutely right. Nightguards are a curse. I was recently pressured into buying one from my dentist, doctor Nancy. 00:50:28 Speaker 2: Doctor Nancy. She made she'd like. 00:50:31 Speaker 3: That first name for Nancy, doctor Sandra Nancy. I'm not giving away your last name, don't want to shame doctor Nancy too much. But she really put the sales pitch on to this thing. I've worn it once and it was hell. It sounds terrible, and you know, You've just got a giant piece of plastic in your mouth all night. And so now I'm just back to grinding my teeth, which doesn't seem great either. But no, what do you do if you're actually I'm just going to get these replaced with some sort of horse tooth or whatever. 00:51:07 Speaker 2: And who does like growing in twenty years, what is dentistry even going to look like? 00:51:13 Speaker 3: We're all going to have our teeth remove? Of course, it feels like something we should do. Yeah, let's just get some ceramics in there something. 00:51:20 Speaker 2: Yeah, So a single, just one nice, just. 00:51:23 Speaker 3: One figure run on each each level of your mouth and then you can just kind of take it out and wash it. I feel like dentistry and does need to take some strides forward. Yeah, teeth are a huge nuisance. 00:51:36 Speaker 2: They're a pain. Let's get rid of them. Let's get rid of them. 00:51:39 Speaker 3: I say, give the boot to tea. 00:51:40 Speaker 2: So much of going to the dentists is the same as it was when you were a child. 00:51:43 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's the kind of planes and dentistry we've just decided, like nineteen seventy nine, they hit the peak and we're like, this is what it will be. You know. 00:51:50 Speaker 2: The big leap forward in both of them is TV DV. Yes, and you can enjoy TV on I in neither of these situations. So whatever distraction, Yeah you're watching, you're gonna hate forever because yes, terrible. 00:52:02 Speaker 3: One hundred percent, one hundred percent. Last time I was at the dentist, we were watching who are those two horrible people on HGTV the couple Chip. 00:52:12 Speaker 2: And Joanne Chip? And you know them only from being in grocery stores and seeing them on Max. Joanna's gotta leave Chip, this guy's a loser. Let's move on. You're one for one. Number two Art Deco design gift wonderful gift. Tell me more. I love a glass cube. I love anything that feels like it could have been sold in the store that the girls took over after Edna's Edibles closed on the Facts of Life. 00:52:39 Speaker 3: Oh fantastic. 00:52:40 Speaker 2: You know a hot pink pencil right right at the top of it, it becomes a star. Yes, you just love a flamingo blow up flamingo. Have you ever heard of such a thing. I've never I've never heard of a blow up flamenco. Things that are a sea foam green. 00:52:56 Speaker 3: You're just like an ornate over the top. I like a Miami Miami really doesn't. 00:53:03 Speaker 2: They really do? South Beach really does it? 00:53:06 Speaker 3: Okay? 00:53:06 Speaker 2: I like it a lot. I stayed at a I filmed something in Miami a couple of years ago, and I stayed in a hotel in South Beach and I went into my room and I was like, you can literally do cocaine off of everything, off of the pillow, off of. 00:53:20 Speaker 3: Your CBD pillow. 00:53:21 Speaker 2: Yeah, And literally everything was mirrored and flat, and it was like, this is this was design to die? Yeah, to just nose bleeds, to go through all your heartbeats right and then die. 00:53:34 Speaker 3: To die in South Beach Dave, you're wrong. Decho is a curse, but unfortunately it's because you see these beautiful examples of it, let's say, in Miami, but then you see it replicated by some horrible architect in you know, Torrance, California or something, and it just looks gaudy and horrible. So it kind of it's kind of a haunting thing that I feel like. We have a few beautiful examples of it, you see here and there, but we're all whenever we try to chase art Deco, we fall flat on our faces. So unfortunately you're one hundred percent wrong. 00:54:09 Speaker 2: Well, I'm sorry. 00:54:09 Speaker 3: It's a curse, but you're not. You haven't failed. 00:54:12 Speaker 2: Your reasons are not art Deco's fault, I should point out. I don't care, Dave, I make the rules. Art Deco absolutely a curse, but you can save it here, gift or a curse. Talapia the fish, Tapia, the fish. I'm I have to tell you, I've never been pleased with the telapia. Okay, it the name evokes flakiness right in my mind. It's it's up there with a squad are a roughie. 00:54:45 Speaker 3: Okay. 00:54:46 Speaker 2: I do love a salmon. I do love a tuna steak, right, I any fish that you cannot eat like sushi style, I'm not I'm not into it. 00:54:57 Speaker 3: You're not into it. 00:54:57 Speaker 2: I'm gonna say, curse. 00:54:59 Speaker 3: Dave, my god, you've turned it around. Telapia is absolutely a curse. Yeah, there's no question that this fish is trash. 00:55:05 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not great. 00:55:06 Speaker 3: What are we eating telapia ever for? And it's bony, it's bony. It's like I kinda it's not fish texture to me. It's more of a pudding. Yeah, it's a disgusting, horrifying fish, which I just I feel like, let's stop putting it on the menu. 00:55:23 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm never going to order it. 00:55:24 Speaker 3: So no, And the word Yeah, it's not inviting at all. It feels like toxic or it's some sort of mutant or like a you know, a city in Texas, which doesn't work for me. 00:55:38 Speaker 2: No, I don't like it. 00:55:39 Speaker 3: So so glad you were great, Okay, And I'm glad that you were at least able to get two out of three. Yeah, your heart, I feel like your heart wasn't the right place with heart decho, but it fooled you, and I guess that's part of the curse. Of art deco. Yes, that of fools everyone. 00:55:52 Speaker 2: I guess. Well, but you don't know my life though. 00:55:55 Speaker 3: Oh, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, I know too much. We're gonna answer. We're in the final stretch of the podcast. It's called I said no questions. 00:56:07 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:56:07 Speaker 3: People are writing into I said no gifts at gmail dot com. They're so desperate they need question they need help picking gifts for people in their life. Okay, and so we're gonna give it a shot. I'll read a letter here and we'll see if we can find something for them to give whoever. Okay, let me read this all right, High Bridger, My wife and I have a friend whose fortieth birthday is coming up. This friend is the absolute cheapest person we've ever met, and we think she'd actually love to get cash as a gift. Do you think it's too ghost to give one hundred dollars cash instead of a massage, gift certificate or dinner out? That's from Thomas and New York. Wow, I've got thoughts, but I want to hear. I want to hear from a normal human being first. 00:56:53 Speaker 2: Okay, I'm not opposed to giving cash as a wedding gift right. As a matter of fact, I lean that way naturally. 00:57:04 Speaker 3: Wed in gift. It seems like, why not just help them build a little, nice, little something or they're gonna need to buy. 00:57:10 Speaker 2: Things, donate toward their honeymoon. This is a weird thing I have with my mom, like younger, like her grandkids are starting to get married now, and like you know, that generation of her life is starting to get married now. And frequently they'll say, we have everything we need, so just donate to. 00:57:29 Speaker 3: Our uh we're going to Sweden or have. 00:57:33 Speaker 2: You, And she's like the nerve. But for me, it's like I think just the opposite. I think, like, here's the soup ten we want, you know what I mean, Yeah, here's the you know, get us three forks out of this collection. 00:57:46 Speaker 3: Which by the way, is way more inconvenient. It's super inconvenient. 00:57:49 Speaker 2: It's super yeah. And it's like it just doesn't make any sense to me. And it is exactly the thing that I think my mom's complaining about, which is like, give me exactly what I want, right, you know what I mean, it's the same thing. It's just an experience as opposed to a salad fork. 00:58:07 Speaker 3: Yes, And it just requires you pushing a button essentially or writing a check. 00:58:11 Speaker 2: Right. Also, people when they get married nine times out of ten now are either adults, so they if they fucking want a soup toreen of their own, they've bought it. They've got theycy gravy boat, they have it. Or if they or they live together and just everything that they need as a couple, they've already acquired right to have the crock potter. Yes. Anyway, so long story short, I don't mind that for a wedding, giving a friend cash makes you feel like their uncle or grandparents. 00:58:47 Speaker 3: Sure, or you're worried about or. 00:58:49 Speaker 2: You're worried about them. Yeah, I think if I open those cars in a way that a gift card does not. Right, if it's the same amount of money. 00:58:55 Speaker 3: If I was at my birthday and I opened a card for a friend and they had just given me some amount of money, I think, what do you think is going on in my life? 00:59:04 Speaker 2: Yeah? 00:59:04 Speaker 3: Yeah, that said, being I relate to the situation as the cheapest person in the world, I would be secretly thrilled. Of course, here's some money to feder away on dinner. Yeah, but would you unless you have to use it? 00:59:20 Speaker 2: On dinner. 00:59:22 Speaker 1: Yes, I was. 00:59:22 Speaker 2: I waste money on food constantly. Here's a weird thing. I if somebody gives me a gift card, I fret over every goddamn penny. I am of it. 00:59:30 Speaker 3: They're my own money. 00:59:31 Speaker 2: I'm just I don't give a fuck. I'm like one percent sailor on Shorley. Haven't give a fuck. Take it with my work. But if somebody gives me like a twenty dollars Target gift card, I'm going to spend the day in Target trying to get twenty dollars worth of great shit. Dave. 00:59:48 Speaker 3: My wallet has a fifty dollars Target gift card in it right now. It's been in there since Christmas. I've been to Target multiple times. I probably spent two hundred dollars at Target. But the gift card is waiting for special little sudden, be something special? What will it be? What could possibly be great enough? Nothing? It's more valuable to me than Yeah, it's hard to part with. Yeah, it's a very hard odd thing. 01:00:13 Speaker 2: I would say, if your friend is truly cheap, then she probably will not. There was a mention of a massage. She probably won't get herself a massage, right, if you give her money toward a massage, and truly it is the only thing that you can exchange this thing for is a massage, then she will get it and she won't be thinking about the money that she's wasting getting a massage, which is why I never get a massage. That's all I think about it, Like it drives me nuts. I feel like I'm wasting time and money. Sure, but if somebody gave me like a one hundred dollars at Burke Williams or whatever, great I'll go. I'll spend the day and like, yeah, I might even put a little of my own money toward it to like upgrade the experience and get the facial two. 01:00:58 Speaker 3: Of course, because it's like you're really let's get the cherry on top. 01:01:02 Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say, yeah, restaurant gift card or massage Envy gift card. 01:01:08 Speaker 3: The massage thing gives me an idea. This person's cheap. Don't just give them the gift card, give them the tip, give them the money for the tip. Then it truly feels completely paid for. Their cheapness is out the window of time. Yeah, it's perfect. I do think that's the key with a gift card it can't be to a big box store because now I'm just living with this thing, waiting for the day that Target will have exactly what I want to because one dollar in the Target gift card is forty US dollars to me. And so yeah, you've got to just do the specific thing. Massage restaurant. We answered that. We did it. 01:01:46 Speaker 2: We absolutely did it, I think definitively. 01:01:50 Speaker 3: I mean, there's no excuse not to give this person exactly what her cheap ass deserves. 01:01:55 Speaker 2: And our answer echoes I think throughout the culture. Oh of course, it ripples across America. Yeah, the world. 01:02:01 Speaker 3: The word fALS even this is this is a cross cultural tip. Dave Ridger, We've been through such a journey here and I really appreciate it. I'm sorry that you missed one on the game, but that's fine, Okay. If it had been a perfect game, there'd be nothing to remember. 01:02:23 Speaker 2: There's a part of me that's dying, but that's okay. 01:02:24 Speaker 3: Of course, we talked about this earlier. You're having a hard time now, but it's I'm going to the night and just let go, let. 01:02:31 Speaker 2: It go, let it go. Yeah, I'm all right with it. Bless you drink it away. 01:02:35 Speaker 3: This is the end of the podcast. I said no Gifts isn't exactly right production. It's engineered by Earth Angel Stephen Ray Morris. The theme song is by Miracle Worker Amy Mann. You can follow the show on Instagram and Twitter. At I said no Gifts, and if you have a question or need help getting a gift for someone in your life, email me at I said No Gifts at gmail dot com. Listen and subscribe on Apple podcast, Stitcher or wherever you found me, and why not leave a review while you're at it? 01:03:06 Speaker 1: But I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear. But you're a guess to my home. You gotta come to me empty, And I said, no, guess, your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how did you dare to surbey me?