Speaker 1: What do you do in life doesn't go according to
Speaker 1: plan that moment you lose the job, or a loved one,
Speaker 1: or even a piece of yourself. I'm Brookshields and this
Speaker 1: is now What, a podcast about pivotal moments as told
Speaker 1: by people who lived them. Each week has to till
Speaker 1: with a guest to talk about the times they were
Speaker 1: knocked off course and what they did to move forward.
Speaker 1: Some stories are funny, others are cut wrenching, but all
Speaker 1: are unapologetically human and remind us that every success and
Speaker 1: every setback is accompanied by a choice, and that choice
Speaker 1: answers one question, now what. I'm definitely a big believer
Speaker 1: that everything is figured outible except for in which is
Speaker 1: ironic because of obviously what people know me from. The
Speaker 1: only way that you can really really freak me to
Speaker 1: funk out, as if there's blood, Like I'm very calm
Speaker 1: in most emergencies, I'm actually calm. Blood is the thing
Speaker 1: that does you. But the minute that there's actual, real
Speaker 1: amounts of blood, I'm like, I'm out, I'm out, I
Speaker 1: don't care. I would like turn on a child. Did
Speaker 1: you have to have scenes with blood and graze? I
Speaker 1: knew that that was like the flavored colored corn syrup.
Speaker 1: That didn't bother me. It's not real blood. That voice
Speaker 1: you just heard is Jessica Capshop. Jessica is an actress,
Speaker 1: a wife, a businesswoman, and a mom to four amazing kids.
Speaker 1: She got her start in film and TV back in
Speaker 1: the nineties, but really made her mark as the beloved
Speaker 1: doctor Arizona Robbins in Grey's Anatomy. I personally was a
Speaker 1: huge fan, and I would tune in each week to
Speaker 1: watch her character's amazing arc and love story with surgeon
Speaker 1: Dr Calli Torres. She's a ball of energy and positivity,
Speaker 1: and I'm so happy to share her perspective and her
Speaker 1: personal story with you all. Here is Jessica Capshaw. I'm
Speaker 1: talking to Jessica Capshaw. So excited, um, and I want
Speaker 1: to really thank you for for your for your time,
Speaker 1: but also because I know that you take your responsibilities
Speaker 1: to heart. You to me, have always seemed like someone
Speaker 1: who's really honored and been appreciative of where you were
Speaker 1: and what you were doing at that moment. By the way.
Speaker 1: That means so much to me that that you say that,
Speaker 1: because I feel that I think that gratitude is probably
Speaker 1: my number one priority. I do feel like everything sort
Speaker 1: of enumerates from there. How did you get how did
Speaker 1: you find that? How did you find that? Because you've
Speaker 1: always done that, You've always been like there was a
Speaker 1: presence that was just in the moment, no matter what
Speaker 1: the moment was. I'm curious as to how did you
Speaker 1: learn it over time? I think I think, yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: I think that you know, it's interesting. And I was
Speaker 1: talking to a bunch of girls of friends about a
Speaker 1: million different things, and I'm so I'm so lucky that
Speaker 1: I have, you know, incredible people in my life to
Speaker 1: talk to about all things, because it really that helps
Speaker 1: you have a new one. By the way, I'm not
Speaker 1: a you know, I'm not a sit on it person.
Speaker 1: I'm like to talk about it person, and I'll be
Speaker 1: a wave about it. I will just keep crashing on
Speaker 1: people's shores. And kids love that. But kids love talking
Speaker 1: about the feelings, talking about it some more. But I
Speaker 1: think that, you know, part of the reason that we
Speaker 1: talk about things, whether you're talking to your girlfriends, or
Speaker 1: you're in therapy, or you're hashing something out, or you
Speaker 1: go to you know, a support professional or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: I think that what we're all getting towards is I
Speaker 1: would like to know how I was put together, Like
Speaker 1: my child is important. My childhood is important to me
Speaker 1: because I want to know how I was put together,
Speaker 1: not because I want to flame or a sign who
Speaker 1: I am to you know, X, Y or Z, thing
Speaker 1: that happened that one of my parents did or did
Speaker 1: not do for me, or that the world did or
Speaker 1: did not do for me. Um. And so my my
Speaker 1: my point is that as an adult, that I find
Speaker 1: that perspective emboldening in a way that leads me straight
Speaker 1: to gratitude. And I feel like straight gratitude is the
Speaker 1: straight road to joy. Were you always like this, like, no, no,
Speaker 1: you're You're a little kid. You're in You grew up
Speaker 1: in Missouri, Missouri. Okay, so you said Missouri or Missouri
Speaker 1: miss I was born in Missouri to um Bob cat
Speaker 1: Sean and Kathy sou Now. And they met at University
Speaker 1: of Missouri, and both of them were going into education,
Speaker 1: and in the first iteration of their lives, they um,
Speaker 1: we're going to be teachers. And they fell in love
Speaker 1: and then they had me, and all that was really
Speaker 1: great and wonderful, and um then during their teaching life,
Speaker 1: someone said to my mom. You know, I think there
Speaker 1: was some There was one girl from her community that
Speaker 1: had ended had landed herself on the cover of like
Speaker 1: seventeen magazine, and then everybody around her was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, kath you're so pretty. You can be on
Speaker 1: the cover of seventeen magazine, Like why couldn't you? So
Speaker 1: you should, you should take some pictures and go to
Speaker 1: the city. So Bob took some pictures in the backyard
Speaker 1: that are amazing. She and Bob got on a plane
Speaker 1: with their like, you know, more, ha spent having spent
Speaker 1: more money on one weekend than they would spend in
Speaker 1: six months living in She went into Eileen Ford's office
Speaker 1: and Eileen signed her on the spot, and she had
Speaker 1: a she had a modeling agent. And then they I know,
Speaker 1: and then they moved with me. And then they almost
Speaker 1: immediately I knew that they were not meant for each
Speaker 1: other and got divorced separated when I was about two
Speaker 1: and a half or three. And did they both stay
Speaker 1: in New York? They both stayed in New York for
Speaker 1: a bit, and then my mom started really working, So
Speaker 1: you kind of had a single mom in a in
Speaker 1: a way. Did you stay and like did you have
Speaker 1: a relationship with your dad? It was tough. You know,
Speaker 1: I look back on it and and now having kids
Speaker 1: and just you know, the calamity that is divorced, like
Speaker 1: just I mean, and again I know that good things
Speaker 1: are born of it, but it's just such a tough
Speaker 1: tough thing, right when the splitting responsibilities and splitting families,
Speaker 1: and you know, I was a little girl, and when
Speaker 1: they got divorced, it was also just a really tough
Speaker 1: time financially, emotionally, and again you know, with many years
Speaker 1: between that and and now, it was really really hard.
Speaker 1: It was really really hard. I don't bemoan it because
Speaker 1: I don't know that I would be who I am
Speaker 1: without it. Do you think that that was a now
Speaker 1: what moment for you and that sort of era? I
Speaker 1: think I think that that at that time, I think
Speaker 1: every moment wasn't now what, and and the now what
Speaker 1: was kind of like the answer to now what? Was
Speaker 1: keep going So in a weird way in my adult life,
Speaker 1: I feel like because I was, you know, I was
Speaker 1: reading over all the amazing things that you talk about
Speaker 1: and the and the concept behind the podcast, and I
Speaker 1: was thinking that really, truly, I feel pretty strongly that
Speaker 1: my answer to know what has always been keep going.
Speaker 1: And that's for good or bad, by the way, because
Speaker 1: there's sometimes you shouldn't keep going and you should stop
Speaker 1: and you need to like figure out the moment. But
Speaker 1: the way that I was put together, my my default
Speaker 1: setting is just keep going, and I would keep going
Speaker 1: until whatever the adversity was or whatever the challenge was
Speaker 1: had had calmed itself or quiet itself to a level
Speaker 1: at which I felt I could handle, and then I
Speaker 1: could address it. So and so, if to be a
Speaker 1: little more specific, I think we all have these moments,
Speaker 1: but to hear it from you, I think it would
Speaker 1: it would sort of help listeners. What are some of
Speaker 1: those now what moments that really stick out for you?
Speaker 1: I think that maybe one of my first professional now
Speaker 1: what moments was, you know, I had gone to graduated
Speaker 1: high school. Um, I had many friends who were, you know,
Speaker 1: on or around my age that had sort of foregone
Speaker 1: typical or traditional college routes to be like, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go have at it with this career in acting or
Speaker 1: music or whatever, and they had succeeded. And so again
Speaker 1: kind of like you know, people saying to my mom,
Speaker 1: that girl over there and that county got a cover
Speaker 1: of seventeen. Kathy, you should go and do it. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I could do this, right because I
Speaker 1: have friends that are doing it up. For sure, I
Speaker 1: can do this. So you graduated from high school in
Speaker 1: one and then you went to and then I ended
Speaker 1: up going to Brown. But by the way, I mean
Speaker 1: talk about like moments where you're like if you could
Speaker 1: go back in time and just like smack someone upside
Speaker 1: the head. I was very excited to go to college.
Speaker 1: I was very grateful that I had figured out a
Speaker 1: way to get into school that I was so excited about.
Speaker 1: But there was also this part of me that just
Speaker 1: sort of felt like, let's get on with it, Like
Speaker 1: I'm ready to be an actress, now, why why do
Speaker 1: I need to go to school? Like this is cute.
Speaker 1: It happened, and you're kind of at that time, Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is cute. I'll just I'll do this for you know,
Speaker 1: I'll just grow up. I'll just mature a little bit
Speaker 1: and then I'll get on to the real business. Um. Anyways,
Speaker 1: I started going after it, if you will, and like
Speaker 1: the world that I wanted was I was not booking
Speaker 1: the jobs. It was you know, at first it was
Speaker 1: like not even a call back. Then it was a
Speaker 1: call back. Then it got to be like me, like
Speaker 1: between you and the girl who got it. But then
Speaker 1: it just sort of stayed there seemingly intermint was just
Speaker 1: like between you and the girl who got it away,
Speaker 1: it's always you and it's all but it's down to
Speaker 1: you and somebody else. But then then the somebody else
Speaker 1: always gets it. People don't realize that we get rejected
Speaker 1: and don't get much a part so much more right,
Speaker 1: totally completely, So you were what you and your mom's remarried.
Speaker 1: My mom's remarried. My mom met my stepfather when I
Speaker 1: was fifteen. They got married, but we mom met when
Speaker 1: we were six. I you know, sort of considered I
Speaker 1: got a bonus dad and you got a bonus famous dad,
Speaker 1: which is which is interesting, Like that didn't make anything
Speaker 1: more simple that to simplify things, having Steven Spielberg as
Speaker 1: your stepdad and wanting to be in this business and
Speaker 1: having it be frustrating, how do you grapple with that?
Speaker 1: Did you talk to your mom about it? Did you?
Speaker 1: I mean we talked about it all the time, because
Speaker 1: we're in a family that's very like name it to tamous.
Speaker 1: We talked again, we're talkers. But I think that I
Speaker 1: think that our family has always really felt strongly that
Speaker 1: to who much has given, much is expected, and part
Speaker 1: of what is expected is an understanding of what's really necessary.
Speaker 1: So all of the people in my life that were
Speaker 1: role models worked really hard. They happened to work in
Speaker 1: businesses that obviously got attention in a very specific and
Speaker 1: directional way. But for me, it felt very much like
Speaker 1: whatever wrote I was going to go down was certainly
Speaker 1: going to have to be earned. I mean, I saw, however,
Speaker 1: my parents were tonight, and I saw that there was
Speaker 1: a lot of times that they didn't get what they wanted,
Speaker 1: or that they made something and they put all of
Speaker 1: their heart into it and it wasn't met with the
Speaker 1: kind of reaction that they wanted it to be met with.
Speaker 1: There's there's deep disappointment in work. I mean, you and
Speaker 1: I both know that this business is a constant hustle,
Speaker 1: and your mom and your stepdad had to hustle constantly. Mean,
Speaker 1: did they ever give you any advice? Always? Always, but
Speaker 1: it was but it was I don't know. I was
Speaker 1: also so independent. I don't know, I feel like, I'm
Speaker 1: I hear about you know, about the eighteen nineteen year olds,
Speaker 1: twenty year olds talking to their parents about this, that
Speaker 1: and the other, and I always said, gosh, not that
Speaker 1: all of them are the same. But it didn't it
Speaker 1: doesn't resonate with me because I didn't want anybody's help.
Speaker 1: I was like, I've got this. I don't actually even
Speaker 1: want your opinion because I'm gonna because if I get
Speaker 1: your opinion and then I don't listen to it, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna feel some sort of responsibility to that where there's
Speaker 1: gonna be some friction or conflict between us. And the
Speaker 1: truth is, I just want to make my own decisions.
Speaker 1: So basically, like twenty two, my decisions were landing me
Speaker 1: and you know, I mean, and I was like, I
Speaker 1: mean again, hustling. I mean, I would I remember having
Speaker 1: like five editions a day and having my ap fits
Speaker 1: in the car and changing and then you know, going
Speaker 1: back out again and being in all the different lots
Speaker 1: when you know, you'd go from one studio to the
Speaker 1: next studio and you'd be auditioning, and pilot season was
Speaker 1: the craziest. So that leads me to this. Everybody thought
Speaker 1: they were real actress. The real actors were intell in
Speaker 1: film and that if you were in television you were
Speaker 1: sort of less. Then do you remember that period? Oh yeah, No,
Speaker 1: I was and that and I was in television at
Speaker 1: that point. I didn't say. Was that probably right around
Speaker 1: when you were a giant hit and television well, and
Speaker 1: I don't know about that, but I was definitely in
Speaker 1: the less the less than the category. And I remember
Speaker 1: seeing um Helen Hunt and mad about You and thinking, Okay,
Speaker 1: if she can do this, she's I looked at her
Speaker 1: as that thespien and I looked at the film actress,
Speaker 1: and I was like, she's doing this television show. That
Speaker 1: is my permission. I am going to go for this
Speaker 1: because I believe that this is a medium that I
Speaker 1: can I can really kind of stick my teeth into.
Speaker 1: So you're auditioning. So was auditioning for all this film
Speaker 1: and I wasn't getting it. And then my first pilot
Speaker 1: season came and again like five auditions a day, and
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I went from going on auditions
Speaker 1: and hearing nothing back to all of a sudden, like
Speaker 1: I wasn't even out the door and my cell phone
Speaker 1: would be ringing and they'd be like they want to
Speaker 1: they want to test you, and this in this day
Speaker 1: and the test deals coming and I was like, this
Speaker 1: is the best and this is the best ever for
Speaker 1: people that don't know, pilot season is when all described me,
Speaker 1: you really don't have a pilot season anymore. I mean
Speaker 1: this that was the era and not that's not really
Speaker 1: the same. But all the scripts come in and all
Speaker 1: at once, it's as if everybody is trying to get
Speaker 1: into seven or ten yeah shows. Yeah, and they're competing,
Speaker 1: they're competing for actors, and you're in the room with people,
Speaker 1: which is like, well, you go sit in that room
Speaker 1: and you're looking at all these other girls and you're
Speaker 1: all trying to get the same thing, and you're and
Speaker 1: you think you're the only one that thought, you know
Speaker 1: of the idea to where you know what an x
Speaker 1: fill in the blank, right, like the prairie skirt or
Speaker 1: the you know, the cowboy hat or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: And then you walk into the room and every fucking
Speaker 1: girl in there was got a prairie skirt or a cab.
Speaker 1: I thought I was I thought I was so prepared
Speaker 1: and I was going on on a limb. I was
Speaker 1: really showing myself. Um. But so that was when I
Speaker 1: ended up shifting and then I really got a taste
Speaker 1: of what it felt like to succeed. So I do
Speaker 1: this pilot and it was called odd Man Out and
Speaker 1: we should ended up shooting you know, ten episodes and
Speaker 1: then we got canceled. But it was also on the
Speaker 1: Warner Brothers lot at the time that it felt like again,
Speaker 1: I just graduate from college. So I was like I
Speaker 1: went from one campus to another campus because the Warner
Speaker 1: Brothers a lot at that time. All the different stages
Speaker 1: housed the shows in sort of like a unit, and
Speaker 1: we were right next to eat Our and I was
Speaker 1: Staged six. Oh you were there too, Yeah, so you
Speaker 1: were across from Friends because they were Stage twenty four.
Speaker 1: I was across from friends, and I started I started
Speaker 1: at Friends and then got suddenly Susan. So I was
Speaker 1: at Stage twenty six. But going into that lot, when
Speaker 1: you with you, when you get to go in the
Speaker 1: right land because you have a pass, did you have
Speaker 1: a parking spot? Um? Hello? Was this series regular? Brook? Hello?
Speaker 1: I know it was magical to be there. I mean
Speaker 1: to go to the commissary and say, liked be like, hey,
Speaker 1: what's up George Clooney, that's going to say the commissary.
Speaker 1: I have a George Clooney commissary story, and I was brazen.
Speaker 1: I mean, I look back on myself now and I
Speaker 1: die because I mean, I guess I haven't changed, but
Speaker 1: I just had like major moxie. I would go up
Speaker 1: to anyone at any time and I would just be like,
Speaker 1: how's it going. I mean I did that too, and
Speaker 1: so because so so that gets canceled and then it
Speaker 1: was grace on that lot. Now, so how does that?
Speaker 1: How do you get to I mean, if you were
Speaker 1: to fast forward, basically, what ends up happening is that
Speaker 1: I do that. I realized how much I love comedy.
Speaker 1: And yet what I then realized is is that once
Speaker 1: that experience is done, I'm put back into the world
Speaker 1: of the film business, where I sort of never quite deliver.
Speaker 1: I mean, I end up doing like you know, at
Speaker 1: the time, like hor movies, where a big thing to do,
Speaker 1: and I did want like a Warner Brothers. One was
Speaker 1: that frustrating to you was that it was sort of
Speaker 1: I mean, at that point in life, truly, it was
Speaker 1: also a means to an end, like I had to
Speaker 1: make money, like you had to make money. So a
Speaker 1: lot of things, not that I don't really remember doing that,
Speaker 1: they can tell you like one or two jobs that
Speaker 1: I was like, I really would not have done that
Speaker 1: unless I needed money. But there have been so many
Speaker 1: times where I've just been at the very very tipping
Speaker 1: point of like should I be doing this anymore? And
Speaker 1: then here's your next chapter. So for me at that point,
Speaker 1: it was The Practice, which is this legal show that
Speaker 1: David Kelly was doing. I got the Practice, and I
Speaker 1: was probably ten dollars in credit cardit and I my
Speaker 1: first episode paycheck like literally like cleared that and then um,
Speaker 1: and then I got out, and then I went back
Speaker 1: to again pilots, doing pilots everything else. Then I ended
Speaker 1: up doing a pilot for You'll remember them because they
Speaker 1: were NBC, UM David Cohen and Max Munchnik, and I
Speaker 1: signed it to their show. And then I find out
Speaker 1: I'm pregnant with our first son, and I go to
Speaker 1: them and I'm like, I'm so sorry, which, of course,
Speaker 1: looking back on it now, I don't know why we
Speaker 1: as women go like I'm so sorry I'm pregnant, but um,
Speaker 1: I was pregnant. We shot the pilot anyway. Again, they
Speaker 1: never had a show that wasn't picked up, and this
Speaker 1: was their first. Oh god, well that's probably blessing because
Speaker 1: you had then you had the baby, but it's going forth.
Speaker 1: So then you go forward, you have this baby. Right now,
Speaker 1: you've got a new baby. So he's like two weeks old.
Speaker 1: And I get a phone call from my agent who says,
Speaker 1: I would never ask you to do this, but I
Speaker 1: know this is your favorite show. They're they're doing. You know,
Speaker 1: they've got a really juicy guest starring part on Gray's
Speaker 1: Anatomy coming up? Do you want to go in? And
Speaker 1: I was like, what, Like, I'm like lactating, I'm a mess.
Speaker 1: This is there's no way in the world. And so
Speaker 1: but I did it and I somehow like grabbed it,
Speaker 1: like put it all together. It was the first time
Speaker 1: I met Shonda and it was a great and I
Speaker 1: read what it was for a part that I didn't
Speaker 1: get and I end up reading with Patrick Dempsey because
Speaker 1: it was like a love interest. But I didn't get
Speaker 1: the job. Then I kept trying to get jobs, kept
Speaker 1: trying to get jobs. I didn't. I didn't. I get
Speaker 1: hold again for Grays one more time for a different part.
Speaker 1: I go in, I don't get it, and I'm really
Speaker 1: starting to question, like maybe this is I don't want
Speaker 1: to live like this, Like this is just so hard.
Speaker 1: Did you have a backup plan? Like did you have
Speaker 1: a I love writing, and I did think to myself
Speaker 1: I could write. But I ended up getting one more
Speaker 1: phone call that basically said, we've auditioned twice. We really
Speaker 1: do love you. We're thinking she's thinking about creating a
Speaker 1: role for you to come in for a three episode arc.
Speaker 1: And I said, okay, great, I'll believe it when I
Speaker 1: see it. I got it. I went, I had three episodes.
Speaker 1: I was I couldn't have been happier. And that was
Speaker 1: Dr Arizona. That was Doctor Arizona Weapons. Now, between the
Speaker 1: time that it was the three episodes and it becomes
Speaker 1: a series regular, was that a quick because I remember
Speaker 1: when you because I was obsessed with the show. Then
Speaker 1: I remember when you came on and I was so well,
Speaker 1: I was happy for Cathie obviously, um, you know, I
Speaker 1: just take it very personally, but that it was such
Speaker 1: a amazing thing to sort of see this relationship between
Speaker 1: these two women. Really for one of the first times
Speaker 1: I had ever really fully seen that I want to vision.
Speaker 1: So when I got the first script, it was just
Speaker 1: she was the peds surgeon. And then the third group
Speaker 1: comes out. I get called to Shaunda's office. I mean, well,
Speaker 1: part of me really was just trying to like like
Speaker 1: blend in so that no one would ask me to leave,
Speaker 1: Like I just kept feeling if nobody like I'm just doing,
Speaker 1: don't worry about me, just stay. But I knew that
Speaker 1: the third was my last, and so I get this
Speaker 1: phone call and should go into her office. And at
Speaker 1: that time, she was really truly like writing editing. It
Speaker 1: was Gray's Grays, Grays, Grays Gray, so she was super
Speaker 1: busy and I remember going in there and she in
Speaker 1: my memory it was sort of like the table read.
Speaker 1: We're gonna have the table read. The third episode is out,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna have a relationship with Cali? Are you
Speaker 1: cool with that? And I remember the first words coming
Speaker 1: out of my mouth like yeah, totally. I was on
Speaker 1: the L word. Oh god, it had been on the
Speaker 1: L word, Like of course it could be a lesbian.
Speaker 1: I've already been a lesbian. I can do that, okay,
Speaker 1: But so then did it happen pretty quickly then was
Speaker 1: it That episode was the Dirty Bar Bathroom Kissed. So
Speaker 1: we went into which if you look back on it, like,
Speaker 1: I would love to see how it all tracks, because
Speaker 1: the truth is, again we had zero connectivity. I didn't
Speaker 1: even have any scenes together. And then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: I'm like laying one honor in the bathroom and shows
Speaker 1: and I think it was like episode eleven or twelve
Speaker 1: of season five, and then I think they said, like,
Speaker 1: can we have her for three more? And then it
Speaker 1: was through the rest of that season and then it
Speaker 1: was pilot season again. So I had a decision to
Speaker 1: make because I needed a job, and I remember saying Toshanda,
Speaker 1: like should I go out for pilot season? Because of
Speaker 1: course I wanted her to say, no, you need to
Speaker 1: stay here with us, and she did it. She would
Speaker 1: not give it to me, and she said, well if
Speaker 1: you if you want to, So I auditioned first. I
Speaker 1: started editioning for stuff and I end up getting a
Speaker 1: test deal offer for her Parenthood, which went on to
Speaker 1: become a huge show. And I was like, okay, so
Speaker 1: now should I test for Parenthood or do you or
Speaker 1: do you want me to stay? And she was like,
Speaker 1: you should do whatever. You want, like, damn it, Oh god,
Speaker 1: that's so frustrating. But then we got to the end
Speaker 1: of the year and then and I obviously ended up
Speaker 1: not testing her parenthood, and I just decided to bet
Speaker 1: on Gray's. And then I remember when I did get
Speaker 1: picked up, when when my option got picked up. Um,
Speaker 1: I was just ecstatic, ecstatic right now. Okay, so then
Speaker 1: that's you. You're in that for ten years and during
Speaker 1: which you have how many more children? Three during So
Speaker 1: how did they how did they deal with that? Because
Speaker 1: they never dealt with it. I was never pregnant on
Speaker 1: the show. They just film you from the neck up.
Speaker 1: I can't well, you know, I know know they they
Speaker 1: this is I, this is not I'm not insulting myself
Speaker 1: by saying this. I have a full face. I've always
Speaker 1: had a full face. It's not like you always look
Speaker 1: so young by the way. I've always had a full face.
Speaker 1: So when I was pregnant, the part of me that
Speaker 1: changed was my mid I would be behind a lot
Speaker 1: of counters. Oh yeah, well, that's easy in a hospital,
Speaker 1: I guess. I have the X rays, like the big
Speaker 1: X rays. I'd just be holding them during conversations. Did
Speaker 1: that bother you though, like, did it because you know?
Speaker 1: It's funny if you go online. I mean, I love
Speaker 1: how personal people take these things. And if you sort
Speaker 1: of go online a little bit, you'll see that fans
Speaker 1: are bothered by it. Did it bother you that that
Speaker 1: was the direction they went with it? No, because you're acting,
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, I understand that now we get
Speaker 1: to know people and a actor is in a more
Speaker 1: intimate way, but you're playing a part. But that's so
Speaker 1: interesting that you say that, because just to sort of
Speaker 1: shift a little bit in the l g b t
Speaker 1: Q community, right, you're you were in the l Word,
Speaker 1: you are in Grey's Anatomy, and now there's so much
Speaker 1: um discussion about actually um casting lgbt Q actors for
Speaker 1: these roles. Do you have an opinion on that? I
Speaker 1: think it's a wildly compelling conversation. I don't think that
Speaker 1: there's any right answer. I think because ultimately, if there's
Speaker 1: a right answer, then some people have to be wrong.
Speaker 1: And I sort of don't. I like the answers that
Speaker 1: that move in the direction of like, well, who's being
Speaker 1: represented here and why and what does it feel this
Speaker 1: way or that way about it? UM? I can say
Speaker 1: that that likely, given the way that things are right now,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have had the opportunity to play her. It's
Speaker 1: as you're right, it's there's no right or wrong answer,
Speaker 1: and I do think it is a very interesting conversation
Speaker 1: to have. But like you said, you know, at that point,
Speaker 1: you were playing a role in a character, and you're
Speaker 1: doing it for ten years. People love that relationship, They
Speaker 1: love you altogether. Take me a little bit fast forward
Speaker 1: to the moment you realize that you're going to leave.
Speaker 1: Did you was that your decision? What it was? It was?
Speaker 1: It was truly a super now looking back on it,
Speaker 1: it was a super, super super complicated situation. I think
Speaker 1: that I thought it was complicated then, but I actually
Speaker 1: look back on it now, and a lot of times
Speaker 1: when you get ahead of stuff and you look back,
Speaker 1: things seem a little clearer, but there's still parts of
Speaker 1: it that are a little blurry. I sort of remember saying,
Speaker 1: and I think I still feel the same way, which
Speaker 1: is that I feel like there's certainly there, certainly will
Speaker 1: be a time and place for anybody who's actually still
Speaker 1: interested and or I'm not sure which you know, direction
Speaker 1: it will it will need to be told in it
Speaker 1: just hasn't come yet. How did you decide then, okay,
Speaker 1: so this happens. How did you keep doing? Moving forward?
Speaker 1: From all of a sudden you don't get a call sheet,
Speaker 1: you don't get a script, You're now no longer a
Speaker 1: part of some thing that has been such an integral
Speaker 1: part of your career in your life. How do you
Speaker 1: move forward? My particular way is you just keep going?
Speaker 1: And so it wasn't um, it wasn't a huge, huge
Speaker 1: I mean, yes I didn't have a call sheet, and
Speaker 1: yes I didn't have that. I didn't know that I
Speaker 1: wasn't on call all the time like I had been.
Speaker 1: But I was still living the same life. I was
Speaker 1: still the same mother, I was still the same partner.
Speaker 1: I was still the same daughter and community member. I
Speaker 1: just didn't have this piece of my life as my
Speaker 1: my work. Do you think that having that foundation and
Speaker 1: the family, how do you think that affected that perspective
Speaker 1: of being an actress? Well? I remember it goes back
Speaker 1: to something. I mean you asked if my parents gave
Speaker 1: advice my mom. I remember after I filmed my first
Speaker 1: movie on location, and I had a million firsts, right,
Speaker 1: I mean, I completely I was in love with you know,
Speaker 1: the cast that I was with, the show that I
Speaker 1: was on, the lifestyle, the whole thing. And then I
Speaker 1: came home and I was like deeply depressed. And I
Speaker 1: called my mom as like, I'm so depressed. What do
Speaker 1: you do after you do this thing that you love
Speaker 1: so much and then you come home and you have nothing.
Speaker 1: You have no you know, routine, you have no structure
Speaker 1: of nothing, nothing. I have nothing. And my mom said,
Speaker 1: let's take a breath in this business, like the work
Speaker 1: we do is so enjoyable and can be mistaken for
Speaker 1: real life. And she said, you have to realize that
Speaker 1: you go and you do a job and then you
Speaker 1: live your life. Your life is not your job, and
Speaker 1: your job is not your life. So I took that
Speaker 1: very seriously. I was living my life. I just had
Speaker 1: this job. So when I was done, I think the
Speaker 1: way that I if I categorize it as like just
Speaker 1: keep going, it was like honor that last bit, which
Speaker 1: I did, and I journal the ship out of my life,
Speaker 1: and I just I wrote letters and I got letters,
Speaker 1: and I you know, all the things that meant so
Speaker 1: much to me, and I looked at what, you know,
Speaker 1: where I was when I started and where I ended,
Speaker 1: and like the impact then and I just went, Okay,
Speaker 1: what's going to be my next job? Like what do
Speaker 1: I want? What do I want to do? Are you
Speaker 1: experiencing this over? I think because you have a round
Speaker 1: your face, I think you will perpetually look young. Who
Speaker 1: wasn't like Katherine to have said, at a certain age,
Speaker 1: you have to pick between your ass and your face.
Speaker 1: It's like when I gain weight, people think I look younger. Yeah,
Speaker 1: have you felt ages? And like if you felt I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's like my avoidant nature combined with
Speaker 1: my like peppy optimism, that's like just it's like, please,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I mean truly the past. I think
Speaker 1: it's been what it's been like three or four years
Speaker 1: since Grace ended. I mean it was it's been an
Speaker 1: interesting time. And I don't know that I can fairly
Speaker 1: like report in either direction, because you know, when I
Speaker 1: left there, I knew I had to take a minute.
Speaker 1: It was just too big of a job. And I
Speaker 1: was and I was so clear. I mean still when
Speaker 1: people see me, it's like am I Jessica Capture or
Speaker 1: am I Arizona Robbins? Right? Like you're so that's like
Speaker 1: a duel that's a blessing and a curse. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's totally and I'm again, I mean I couldn't be luckier,
Speaker 1: and like I really feel for the ones, for the
Speaker 1: people who play these like really deeply convincing villains, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I would not want to walk through
Speaker 1: life like well, and then people missing to hug me
Speaker 1: all the time. I mean, they miss you on you know,
Speaker 1: they miss you on the show, which is good, but
Speaker 1: now you're playing you're finally playing a mom. I know,
Speaker 1: I know. It's on Hulu, right, Yes, it's on Hulu.
Speaker 1: It's a limited series, and um it is a it's
Speaker 1: based on a book called Tell Me Lies, where it's
Speaker 1: just all about this insanely toxic relationship but it's got
Speaker 1: like mystery and intrigue and maybe a little soft porny
Speaker 1: but not totally soft porny. Not me, by the way,
Speaker 1: and not me I am not naked in it, um
Speaker 1: but by the way. So that's so that's what has
Speaker 1: been the interesting part was that I left G I
Speaker 1: sort of knew I needed to take a minute. Then
Speaker 1: I had actually committed to do something that we went
Speaker 1: to go shoot and like our table read was March thirteenth,
Speaker 1: the year the world shut down, and then it was COVID,
Speaker 1: and then I had four children, and talk about when
Speaker 1: I really knew I had four children was during COVID.
Speaker 1: And then this last year I got this phone call
Speaker 1: um because I had danished a Netflix be with Emma
Speaker 1: Roberts and she was producing this show and she said,
Speaker 1: will you come and play this like cool mom person?
Speaker 1: And I was like yeah. But we also definitely did
Speaker 1: have moments where they would be looking through the camera
Speaker 1: and be like, I'm not I don't completely understand the
Speaker 1: math here because she's eighteen. I think she's eighteen in
Speaker 1: the show, and he would do both on camera and
Speaker 1: they'd be like, Okay, great, we're just gonna go with
Speaker 1: the math, being like you had a really young like
Speaker 1: I don't know, like when do you when do you
Speaker 1: have I don't know, Like you just remember thinking you
Speaker 1: guys were sisters. Well I don't know the sisters, but
Speaker 1: I think that. But I do think that, and I
Speaker 1: just clearly wasn't paying attention. I do think Hollywood does
Speaker 1: seem to do that, which I think is irritating for
Speaker 1: moms to be like unrealistically young like you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, like one more thing that Hollywood does I
Speaker 1: know or kind of bizarre. I'm like why, Like what's
Speaker 1: what's even the point of it? I don't even understand
Speaker 1: what it's solved, or even in love interests like love
Speaker 1: interests like they'll you'll have like someone who's much much
Speaker 1: older as a man will have like a twenty something.
Speaker 1: You're old actors playing the part of the ground, whereas
Speaker 1: it doesn't work in reverse. No, I know, I think
Speaker 1: that acting after forty, given to day's um climate and
Speaker 1: today's possibilities in where from where I sit, has turned
Speaker 1: into a little bit more. I'm not so sure that
Speaker 1: I'm not going to have to be a part of
Speaker 1: creating what it is that I want to do next,
Speaker 1: like the now what might have to be something that
Speaker 1: comes from me. That was the wonderful Jessica Capshaw. If
Speaker 1: you want to see more of her, check out her
Speaker 1: new film Dear Zoe or the Hulu series Tell Me Lies.
Speaker 1: If you want to hear more from me, well, subscribe
Speaker 1: to this podcast now What with Brookshields on the I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Now
Speaker 1: What is produced by the wonderful Julia Weaver with help
Speaker 1: from Darby mass Our. Executive producer is Christina Everett. The
Speaker 1: show is mixed by Bahid Fraser and Christian Bowman. A
Speaker 1: special thanks to nicky Etre and Will Pearson.