1 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:06,080 Speaker 1: What do you do in life doesn't go according to 2 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:09,680 Speaker 1: plan that moment you lose the job, or a loved one, 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:14,040 Speaker 1: or even a piece of yourself. I'm Brookshields and this 4 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:18,680 Speaker 1: is now What, a podcast about pivotal moments as told 5 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:21,520 Speaker 1: by people who lived them. Each week has to till 6 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,800 Speaker 1: with a guest to talk about the times they were 7 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: knocked off course and what they did to move forward. 8 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:33,240 Speaker 1: Some stories are funny, others are cut wrenching, but all 9 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:38,320 Speaker 1: are unapologetically human and remind us that every success and 10 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:42,680 Speaker 1: every setback is accompanied by a choice, and that choice 11 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:51,519 Speaker 1: answers one question, now what. I'm definitely a big believer 12 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:54,640 Speaker 1: that everything is figured outible except for in which is 13 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 1: ironic because of obviously what people know me from. The 14 00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 1: only way that you can really really freak me to 15 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:02,680 Speaker 1: funk out, as if there's blood, Like I'm very calm 16 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:06,920 Speaker 1: in most emergencies, I'm actually calm. Blood is the thing 17 00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:10,240 Speaker 1: that does you. But the minute that there's actual, real 18 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:13,120 Speaker 1: amounts of blood, I'm like, I'm out, I'm out, I 19 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:17,160 Speaker 1: don't care. I would like turn on a child. Did 20 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:19,400 Speaker 1: you have to have scenes with blood and graze? I 21 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: knew that that was like the flavored colored corn syrup. 22 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:27,559 Speaker 1: That didn't bother me. It's not real blood. That voice 23 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:31,039 Speaker 1: you just heard is Jessica Capshop. Jessica is an actress, 24 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:35,279 Speaker 1: a wife, a businesswoman, and a mom to four amazing kids. 25 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,680 Speaker 1: She got her start in film and TV back in 26 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:40,440 Speaker 1: the nineties, but really made her mark as the beloved 27 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:45,040 Speaker 1: doctor Arizona Robbins in Grey's Anatomy. I personally was a 28 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,440 Speaker 1: huge fan, and I would tune in each week to 29 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:51,440 Speaker 1: watch her character's amazing arc and love story with surgeon 30 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 1: Dr Calli Torres. She's a ball of energy and positivity, 31 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,120 Speaker 1: and I'm so happy to share her perspective and her 32 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:07,320 Speaker 1: personal story with you all. Here is Jessica Capshaw. I'm 33 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:11,280 Speaker 1: talking to Jessica Capshaw. So excited, um, and I want 34 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:13,760 Speaker 1: to really thank you for for your for your time, 35 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:18,040 Speaker 1: but also because I know that you take your responsibilities 36 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:21,360 Speaker 1: to heart. You to me, have always seemed like someone 37 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:26,079 Speaker 1: who's really honored and been appreciative of where you were 38 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 1: and what you were doing at that moment. By the way. 39 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,680 Speaker 1: That means so much to me that that you say that, 40 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:34,080 Speaker 1: because I feel that I think that gratitude is probably 41 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:37,200 Speaker 1: my number one priority. I do feel like everything sort 42 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,720 Speaker 1: of enumerates from there. How did you get how did 43 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,919 Speaker 1: you find that? How did you find that? Because you've 44 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:44,800 Speaker 1: always done that, You've always been like there was a 45 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:48,760 Speaker 1: presence that was just in the moment, no matter what 46 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:53,360 Speaker 1: the moment was. I'm curious as to how did you 47 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,840 Speaker 1: learn it over time? I think I think, yeah, I mean, 48 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:58,520 Speaker 1: I think that you know, it's interesting. And I was 49 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 1: talking to a bunch of girls of friends about a 50 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:05,079 Speaker 1: million different things, and I'm so I'm so lucky that 51 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,080 Speaker 1: I have, you know, incredible people in my life to 52 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:09,079 Speaker 1: talk to about all things, because it really that helps 53 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:10,440 Speaker 1: you have a new one. By the way, I'm not 54 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:13,960 Speaker 1: a you know, I'm not a sit on it person. 55 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:15,880 Speaker 1: I'm like to talk about it person, and I'll be 56 00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:17,760 Speaker 1: a wave about it. I will just keep crashing on 57 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,480 Speaker 1: people's shores. And kids love that. But kids love talking 58 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:23,359 Speaker 1: about the feelings, talking about it some more. But I 59 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,640 Speaker 1: think that, you know, part of the reason that we 60 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:28,120 Speaker 1: talk about things, whether you're talking to your girlfriends, or 61 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,640 Speaker 1: you're in therapy, or you're hashing something out, or you 62 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:33,240 Speaker 1: go to you know, a support professional or whatever it is. 63 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,680 Speaker 1: I think that what we're all getting towards is I 64 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,080 Speaker 1: would like to know how I was put together, Like 65 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 1: my child is important. My childhood is important to me 66 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:42,760 Speaker 1: because I want to know how I was put together, 67 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 1: not because I want to flame or a sign who 68 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:50,680 Speaker 1: I am to you know, X, Y or Z, thing 69 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:52,920 Speaker 1: that happened that one of my parents did or did 70 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,160 Speaker 1: not do for me, or that the world did or 71 00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:58,240 Speaker 1: did not do for me. Um. And so my my 72 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,000 Speaker 1: my point is that as an adult, that I find 73 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:05,600 Speaker 1: that perspective emboldening in a way that leads me straight 74 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,800 Speaker 1: to gratitude. And I feel like straight gratitude is the 75 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:12,680 Speaker 1: straight road to joy. Were you always like this, like, no, no, 76 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 1: you're You're a little kid. You're in You grew up 77 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:22,320 Speaker 1: in Missouri, Missouri. Okay, so you said Missouri or Missouri 78 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:28,280 Speaker 1: miss I was born in Missouri to um Bob cat 79 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:32,640 Speaker 1: Sean and Kathy sou Now. And they met at University 80 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:36,240 Speaker 1: of Missouri, and both of them were going into education, 81 00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:40,599 Speaker 1: and in the first iteration of their lives, they um, 82 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,839 Speaker 1: we're going to be teachers. And they fell in love 83 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:44,600 Speaker 1: and then they had me, and all that was really 84 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:48,200 Speaker 1: great and wonderful, and um then during their teaching life, 85 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:50,600 Speaker 1: someone said to my mom. You know, I think there 86 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:53,760 Speaker 1: was some There was one girl from her community that 87 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,680 Speaker 1: had ended had landed herself on the cover of like 88 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:59,200 Speaker 1: seventeen magazine, and then everybody around her was like, oh 89 00:04:59,279 --> 00:05:01,159 Speaker 1: my god, kath you're so pretty. You can be on 90 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,880 Speaker 1: the cover of seventeen magazine, Like why couldn't you? So 91 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,680 Speaker 1: you should, you should take some pictures and go to 92 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,359 Speaker 1: the city. So Bob took some pictures in the backyard 93 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 1: that are amazing. She and Bob got on a plane 94 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,160 Speaker 1: with their like, you know, more, ha spent having spent 95 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:16,800 Speaker 1: more money on one weekend than they would spend in 96 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:20,279 Speaker 1: six months living in She went into Eileen Ford's office 97 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 1: and Eileen signed her on the spot, and she had 98 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 1: a she had a modeling agent. And then they I know, 99 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,560 Speaker 1: and then they moved with me. And then they almost 100 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,400 Speaker 1: immediately I knew that they were not meant for each 101 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,560 Speaker 1: other and got divorced separated when I was about two 102 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:36,400 Speaker 1: and a half or three. And did they both stay 103 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,600 Speaker 1: in New York? They both stayed in New York for 104 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:41,320 Speaker 1: a bit, and then my mom started really working, So 105 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,680 Speaker 1: you kind of had a single mom in a in 106 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 1: a way. Did you stay and like did you have 107 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 1: a relationship with your dad? It was tough. You know, 108 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:54,120 Speaker 1: I look back on it and and now having kids 109 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:58,599 Speaker 1: and just you know, the calamity that is divorced, like 110 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,680 Speaker 1: just I mean, and again I know that good things 111 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:02,640 Speaker 1: are born of it, but it's just such a tough 112 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:07,560 Speaker 1: tough thing, right when the splitting responsibilities and splitting families, 113 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:11,039 Speaker 1: and you know, I was a little girl, and when 114 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 1: they got divorced, it was also just a really tough 115 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:20,840 Speaker 1: time financially, emotionally, and again you know, with many years 116 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:25,119 Speaker 1: between that and and now, it was really really hard. 117 00:06:25,279 --> 00:06:28,080 Speaker 1: It was really really hard. I don't bemoan it because 118 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,800 Speaker 1: I don't know that I would be who I am 119 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,960 Speaker 1: without it. Do you think that that was a now 120 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,920 Speaker 1: what moment for you and that sort of era? I 121 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:39,480 Speaker 1: think I think that that at that time, I think 122 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:42,159 Speaker 1: every moment wasn't now what, and and the now what 123 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,040 Speaker 1: was kind of like the answer to now what? Was 124 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:48,440 Speaker 1: keep going So in a weird way in my adult life, 125 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,159 Speaker 1: I feel like because I was, you know, I was 126 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,719 Speaker 1: reading over all the amazing things that you talk about 127 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,200 Speaker 1: and the and the concept behind the podcast, and I 128 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,720 Speaker 1: was thinking that really, truly, I feel pretty strongly that 129 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,040 Speaker 1: my answer to know what has always been keep going. 130 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 1: And that's for good or bad, by the way, because 131 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,240 Speaker 1: there's sometimes you shouldn't keep going and you should stop 132 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,760 Speaker 1: and you need to like figure out the moment. But 133 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:14,120 Speaker 1: the way that I was put together, my my default 134 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:17,560 Speaker 1: setting is just keep going, and I would keep going 135 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:22,360 Speaker 1: until whatever the adversity was or whatever the challenge was 136 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:26,560 Speaker 1: had had calmed itself or quiet itself to a level 137 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,280 Speaker 1: at which I felt I could handle, and then I 138 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:32,160 Speaker 1: could address it. So and so, if to be a 139 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,880 Speaker 1: little more specific, I think we all have these moments, 140 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 1: but to hear it from you, I think it would 141 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,720 Speaker 1: it would sort of help listeners. What are some of 142 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:43,920 Speaker 1: those now what moments that really stick out for you? 143 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 1: I think that maybe one of my first professional now 144 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 1: what moments was, you know, I had gone to graduated 145 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:57,240 Speaker 1: high school. Um, I had many friends who were, you know, 146 00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:01,600 Speaker 1: on or around my age that had sort of foregone 147 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:05,640 Speaker 1: typical or traditional college routes to be like, I'm gonna 148 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 1: go have at it with this career in acting or 149 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:11,119 Speaker 1: music or whatever, and they had succeeded. And so again 150 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,040 Speaker 1: kind of like you know, people saying to my mom, 151 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:15,760 Speaker 1: that girl over there and that county got a cover 152 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 1: of seventeen. Kathy, you should go and do it. I 153 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,360 Speaker 1: was like, oh, I could do this, right because I 154 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,360 Speaker 1: have friends that are doing it up. For sure, I 155 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:24,200 Speaker 1: can do this. So you graduated from high school in 156 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,080 Speaker 1: one and then you went to and then I ended 157 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:28,080 Speaker 1: up going to Brown. But by the way, I mean 158 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 1: talk about like moments where you're like if you could 159 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,960 Speaker 1: go back in time and just like smack someone upside 160 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,600 Speaker 1: the head. I was very excited to go to college. 161 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,839 Speaker 1: I was very grateful that I had figured out a 162 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,800 Speaker 1: way to get into school that I was so excited about. 163 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:42,520 Speaker 1: But there was also this part of me that just 164 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 1: sort of felt like, let's get on with it, Like 165 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,960 Speaker 1: I'm ready to be an actress, now, why why do 166 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,600 Speaker 1: I need to go to school? Like this is cute. 167 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:54,520 Speaker 1: It happened, and you're kind of at that time, Yeah, 168 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 1: this is cute. I'll just I'll do this for you know, 169 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 1: I'll just grow up. I'll just mature a little bit 170 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:00,920 Speaker 1: and then I'll get on to the real business. Um. Anyways, 171 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 1: I started going after it, if you will, and like 172 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 1: the world that I wanted was I was not booking 173 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 1: the jobs. It was you know, at first it was 174 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,640 Speaker 1: like not even a call back. Then it was a 175 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,600 Speaker 1: call back. Then it got to be like me, like 176 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:15,679 Speaker 1: between you and the girl who got it. But then 177 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:20,000 Speaker 1: it just sort of stayed there seemingly intermint was just 178 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,040 Speaker 1: like between you and the girl who got it away, 179 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 1: it's always you and it's all but it's down to 180 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,720 Speaker 1: you and somebody else. But then then the somebody else 181 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:30,239 Speaker 1: always gets it. People don't realize that we get rejected 182 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:34,000 Speaker 1: and don't get much a part so much more right, 183 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:40,120 Speaker 1: totally completely, So you were what you and your mom's remarried. 184 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:46,240 Speaker 1: My mom's remarried. My mom met my stepfather when I 185 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,280 Speaker 1: was fifteen. They got married, but we mom met when 186 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,719 Speaker 1: we were six. I you know, sort of considered I 187 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,600 Speaker 1: got a bonus dad and you got a bonus famous dad, 188 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:57,559 Speaker 1: which is which is interesting, Like that didn't make anything 189 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:02,960 Speaker 1: more simple that to simplify things, having Steven Spielberg as 190 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:07,240 Speaker 1: your stepdad and wanting to be in this business and 191 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:11,320 Speaker 1: having it be frustrating, how do you grapple with that? 192 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,920 Speaker 1: Did you talk to your mom about it? Did you? 193 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:15,679 Speaker 1: I mean we talked about it all the time, because 194 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:18,080 Speaker 1: we're in a family that's very like name it to tamous. 195 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:21,280 Speaker 1: We talked again, we're talkers. But I think that I 196 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:24,440 Speaker 1: think that our family has always really felt strongly that 197 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,920 Speaker 1: to who much has given, much is expected, and part 198 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:32,199 Speaker 1: of what is expected is an understanding of what's really necessary. 199 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,520 Speaker 1: So all of the people in my life that were 200 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:38,680 Speaker 1: role models worked really hard. They happened to work in 201 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:42,600 Speaker 1: businesses that obviously got attention in a very specific and 202 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:46,679 Speaker 1: directional way. But for me, it felt very much like 203 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:50,400 Speaker 1: whatever wrote I was going to go down was certainly 204 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,400 Speaker 1: going to have to be earned. I mean, I saw, however, 205 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:54,240 Speaker 1: my parents were tonight, and I saw that there was 206 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:55,920 Speaker 1: a lot of times that they didn't get what they wanted, 207 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 1: or that they made something and they put all of 208 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:01,800 Speaker 1: their heart into it and it wasn't met with the 209 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,880 Speaker 1: kind of reaction that they wanted it to be met with. 210 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 1: There's there's deep disappointment in work. I mean, you and 211 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 1: I both know that this business is a constant hustle, 212 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:17,880 Speaker 1: and your mom and your stepdad had to hustle constantly. Mean, 213 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,320 Speaker 1: did they ever give you any advice? Always? Always, but 214 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:21,839 Speaker 1: it was but it was I don't know. I was 215 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:24,400 Speaker 1: also so independent. I don't know, I feel like, I'm 216 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,560 Speaker 1: I hear about you know, about the eighteen nineteen year olds, 217 00:11:27,559 --> 00:11:29,880 Speaker 1: twenty year olds talking to their parents about this, that 218 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,120 Speaker 1: and the other, and I always said, gosh, not that 219 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:33,640 Speaker 1: all of them are the same. But it didn't it 220 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,400 Speaker 1: doesn't resonate with me because I didn't want anybody's help. 221 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:40,400 Speaker 1: I was like, I've got this. I don't actually even 222 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,440 Speaker 1: want your opinion because I'm gonna because if I get 223 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:44,960 Speaker 1: your opinion and then I don't listen to it, I'm 224 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,800 Speaker 1: gonna feel some sort of responsibility to that where there's 225 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,640 Speaker 1: gonna be some friction or conflict between us. And the 226 00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:51,240 Speaker 1: truth is, I just want to make my own decisions. 227 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 1: So basically, like twenty two, my decisions were landing me 228 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:58,160 Speaker 1: and you know, I mean, and I was like, I 229 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,480 Speaker 1: mean again, hustling. I mean, I would I remember having 230 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,320 Speaker 1: like five editions a day and having my ap fits 231 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,480 Speaker 1: in the car and changing and then you know, going 232 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:06,640 Speaker 1: back out again and being in all the different lots 233 00:12:06,679 --> 00:12:09,120 Speaker 1: when you know, you'd go from one studio to the 234 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:11,320 Speaker 1: next studio and you'd be auditioning, and pilot season was 235 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:14,040 Speaker 1: the craziest. So that leads me to this. Everybody thought 236 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,400 Speaker 1: they were real actress. The real actors were intell in 237 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,880 Speaker 1: film and that if you were in television you were 238 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:21,360 Speaker 1: sort of less. Then do you remember that period? Oh yeah, No, 239 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,600 Speaker 1: I was and that and I was in television at 240 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,680 Speaker 1: that point. I didn't say. Was that probably right around 241 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,760 Speaker 1: when you were a giant hit and television well, and 242 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:29,600 Speaker 1: I don't know about that, but I was definitely in 243 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:33,800 Speaker 1: the less the less than the category. And I remember 244 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 1: seeing um Helen Hunt and mad about You and thinking, Okay, 245 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,960 Speaker 1: if she can do this, she's I looked at her 246 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,480 Speaker 1: as that thespien and I looked at the film actress, 247 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:48,600 Speaker 1: and I was like, she's doing this television show. That 248 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,280 Speaker 1: is my permission. I am going to go for this 249 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,920 Speaker 1: because I believe that this is a medium that I 250 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,960 Speaker 1: can I can really kind of stick my teeth into. 251 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 1: So you're auditioning. So was auditioning for all this film 252 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,120 Speaker 1: and I wasn't getting it. And then my first pilot 253 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:06,960 Speaker 1: season came and again like five auditions a day, and 254 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I went from going on auditions 255 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,200 Speaker 1: and hearing nothing back to all of a sudden, like 256 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:16,080 Speaker 1: I wasn't even out the door and my cell phone 257 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:17,440 Speaker 1: would be ringing and they'd be like they want to 258 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:19,199 Speaker 1: they want to test you, and this in this day 259 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,240 Speaker 1: and the test deals coming and I was like, this 260 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 1: is the best and this is the best ever for 261 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:26,360 Speaker 1: people that don't know, pilot season is when all described me, 262 00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:28,480 Speaker 1: you really don't have a pilot season anymore. I mean 263 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:31,000 Speaker 1: this that was the era and not that's not really 264 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,960 Speaker 1: the same. But all the scripts come in and all 265 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,120 Speaker 1: at once, it's as if everybody is trying to get 266 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 1: into seven or ten yeah shows. Yeah, and they're competing, 267 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,840 Speaker 1: they're competing for actors, and you're in the room with people, 268 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,200 Speaker 1: which is like, well, you go sit in that room 269 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,079 Speaker 1: and you're looking at all these other girls and you're 270 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,040 Speaker 1: all trying to get the same thing, and you're and 271 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,960 Speaker 1: you think you're the only one that thought, you know 272 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,520 Speaker 1: of the idea to where you know what an x 273 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,080 Speaker 1: fill in the blank, right, like the prairie skirt or 274 00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:00,120 Speaker 1: the you know, the cowboy hat or whatever it is. 275 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,680 Speaker 1: And then you walk into the room and every fucking 276 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,920 Speaker 1: girl in there was got a prairie skirt or a cab. 277 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,079 Speaker 1: I thought I was I thought I was so prepared 278 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:09,840 Speaker 1: and I was going on on a limb. I was 279 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:14,280 Speaker 1: really showing myself. Um. But so that was when I 280 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:17,400 Speaker 1: ended up shifting and then I really got a taste 281 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:21,000 Speaker 1: of what it felt like to succeed. So I do 282 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 1: this pilot and it was called odd Man Out and 283 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:27,480 Speaker 1: we should ended up shooting you know, ten episodes and 284 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,640 Speaker 1: then we got canceled. But it was also on the 285 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,640 Speaker 1: Warner Brothers lot at the time that it felt like again, 286 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,120 Speaker 1: I just graduate from college. So I was like I 287 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,440 Speaker 1: went from one campus to another campus because the Warner 288 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,960 Speaker 1: Brothers a lot at that time. All the different stages 289 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,920 Speaker 1: housed the shows in sort of like a unit, and 290 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,440 Speaker 1: we were right next to eat Our and I was 291 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:49,000 Speaker 1: Staged six. Oh you were there too, Yeah, so you 292 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,400 Speaker 1: were across from Friends because they were Stage twenty four. 293 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,120 Speaker 1: I was across from friends, and I started I started 294 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 1: at Friends and then got suddenly Susan. So I was 295 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,760 Speaker 1: at Stage twenty six. But going into that lot, when 296 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,520 Speaker 1: you with you, when you get to go in the 297 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,680 Speaker 1: right land because you have a pass, did you have 298 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:08,760 Speaker 1: a parking spot? Um? Hello? Was this series regular? Brook? Hello? 299 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:12,000 Speaker 1: I know it was magical to be there. I mean 300 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 1: to go to the commissary and say, liked be like, hey, 301 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,640 Speaker 1: what's up George Clooney, that's going to say the commissary. 302 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:20,280 Speaker 1: I have a George Clooney commissary story, and I was brazen. 303 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,640 Speaker 1: I mean, I look back on myself now and I 304 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:23,680 Speaker 1: die because I mean, I guess I haven't changed, but 305 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:27,520 Speaker 1: I just had like major moxie. I would go up 306 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,520 Speaker 1: to anyone at any time and I would just be like, 307 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:34,640 Speaker 1: how's it going. I mean I did that too, and 308 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:37,920 Speaker 1: so because so so that gets canceled and then it 309 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,440 Speaker 1: was grace on that lot. Now, so how does that? 310 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:43,440 Speaker 1: How do you get to I mean, if you were 311 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:46,320 Speaker 1: to fast forward, basically, what ends up happening is that 312 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,600 Speaker 1: I do that. I realized how much I love comedy. 313 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,200 Speaker 1: And yet what I then realized is is that once 314 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:55,080 Speaker 1: that experience is done, I'm put back into the world 315 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,760 Speaker 1: of the film business, where I sort of never quite deliver. 316 00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,240 Speaker 1: I mean, I end up doing like you know, at 317 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,080 Speaker 1: the time, like hor movies, where a big thing to do, 318 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,160 Speaker 1: and I did want like a Warner Brothers. One was 319 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,840 Speaker 1: that frustrating to you was that it was sort of 320 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,120 Speaker 1: I mean, at that point in life, truly, it was 321 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,760 Speaker 1: also a means to an end, like I had to 322 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:14,440 Speaker 1: make money, like you had to make money. So a 323 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,960 Speaker 1: lot of things, not that I don't really remember doing that, 324 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:18,760 Speaker 1: they can tell you like one or two jobs that 325 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,080 Speaker 1: I was like, I really would not have done that 326 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,200 Speaker 1: unless I needed money. But there have been so many 327 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,400 Speaker 1: times where I've just been at the very very tipping 328 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:28,280 Speaker 1: point of like should I be doing this anymore? And 329 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:32,120 Speaker 1: then here's your next chapter. So for me at that point, 330 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,560 Speaker 1: it was The Practice, which is this legal show that 331 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,000 Speaker 1: David Kelly was doing. I got the Practice, and I 332 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,800 Speaker 1: was probably ten dollars in credit cardit and I my 333 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:44,400 Speaker 1: first episode paycheck like literally like cleared that and then um, 334 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:46,040 Speaker 1: and then I got out, and then I went back 335 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,960 Speaker 1: to again pilots, doing pilots everything else. Then I ended 336 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,320 Speaker 1: up doing a pilot for You'll remember them because they 337 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 1: were NBC, UM David Cohen and Max Munchnik, and I 338 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,640 Speaker 1: signed it to their show. And then I find out 339 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,960 Speaker 1: I'm pregnant with our first son, and I go to 340 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,800 Speaker 1: them and I'm like, I'm so sorry, which, of course, 341 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,879 Speaker 1: looking back on it now, I don't know why we 342 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:08,000 Speaker 1: as women go like I'm so sorry I'm pregnant, but um, 343 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,840 Speaker 1: I was pregnant. We shot the pilot anyway. Again, they 344 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,080 Speaker 1: never had a show that wasn't picked up, and this 345 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:18,040 Speaker 1: was their first. Oh god, well that's probably blessing because 346 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,600 Speaker 1: you had then you had the baby, but it's going forth. 347 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,000 Speaker 1: So then you go forward, you have this baby. Right now, 348 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,159 Speaker 1: you've got a new baby. So he's like two weeks old. 349 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:26,879 Speaker 1: And I get a phone call from my agent who says, 350 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,239 Speaker 1: I would never ask you to do this, but I 351 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:31,960 Speaker 1: know this is your favorite show. They're they're doing. You know, 352 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,720 Speaker 1: they've got a really juicy guest starring part on Gray's 353 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,000 Speaker 1: Anatomy coming up? Do you want to go in? And 354 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,480 Speaker 1: I was like, what, Like, I'm like lactating, I'm a mess. 355 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,360 Speaker 1: This is there's no way in the world. And so 356 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 1: but I did it and I somehow like grabbed it, 357 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,400 Speaker 1: like put it all together. It was the first time 358 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,879 Speaker 1: I met Shonda and it was a great and I 359 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,440 Speaker 1: read what it was for a part that I didn't 360 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,720 Speaker 1: get and I end up reading with Patrick Dempsey because 361 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:55,560 Speaker 1: it was like a love interest. But I didn't get 362 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,480 Speaker 1: the job. Then I kept trying to get jobs, kept 363 00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:59,920 Speaker 1: trying to get jobs. I didn't. I didn't. I get 364 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,560 Speaker 1: hold again for Grays one more time for a different part. 365 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:07,600 Speaker 1: I go in, I don't get it, and I'm really 366 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:10,040 Speaker 1: starting to question, like maybe this is I don't want 367 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: to live like this, Like this is just so hard. 368 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,080 Speaker 1: Did you have a backup plan? Like did you have 369 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,240 Speaker 1: a I love writing, and I did think to myself 370 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,800 Speaker 1: I could write. But I ended up getting one more 371 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:26,879 Speaker 1: phone call that basically said, we've auditioned twice. We really 372 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,679 Speaker 1: do love you. We're thinking she's thinking about creating a 373 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,479 Speaker 1: role for you to come in for a three episode arc. 374 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,680 Speaker 1: And I said, okay, great, I'll believe it when I 375 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 1: see it. I got it. I went, I had three episodes. 376 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:41,159 Speaker 1: I was I couldn't have been happier. And that was 377 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:51,840 Speaker 1: Dr Arizona. That was Doctor Arizona Weapons. Now, between the 378 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,160 Speaker 1: time that it was the three episodes and it becomes 379 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:58,240 Speaker 1: a series regular, was that a quick because I remember 380 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:01,560 Speaker 1: when you because I was obsessed with the show. Then 381 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:07,480 Speaker 1: I remember when you came on and I was so well, 382 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:11,040 Speaker 1: I was happy for Cathie obviously, um, you know, I 383 00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:13,840 Speaker 1: just take it very personally, but that it was such 384 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:19,080 Speaker 1: a amazing thing to sort of see this relationship between 385 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,919 Speaker 1: these two women. Really for one of the first times 386 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,080 Speaker 1: I had ever really fully seen that I want to vision. 387 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,919 Speaker 1: So when I got the first script, it was just 388 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:31,160 Speaker 1: she was the peds surgeon. And then the third group 389 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,000 Speaker 1: comes out. I get called to Shaunda's office. I mean, well, 390 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,280 Speaker 1: part of me really was just trying to like like 391 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,480 Speaker 1: blend in so that no one would ask me to leave, 392 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:42,760 Speaker 1: Like I just kept feeling if nobody like I'm just doing, 393 00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:45,479 Speaker 1: don't worry about me, just stay. But I knew that 394 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 1: the third was my last, and so I get this 395 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,800 Speaker 1: phone call and should go into her office. And at 396 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:54,439 Speaker 1: that time, she was really truly like writing editing. It 397 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,640 Speaker 1: was Gray's Grays, Grays, Grays Gray, so she was super 398 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,119 Speaker 1: busy and I remember going in there and she in 399 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,080 Speaker 1: my memory it was sort of like the table read. 400 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:04,560 Speaker 1: We're gonna have the table read. The third episode is out, 401 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,840 Speaker 1: and you're gonna have a relationship with Cali? Are you 402 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:11,640 Speaker 1: cool with that? And I remember the first words coming 403 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,119 Speaker 1: out of my mouth like yeah, totally. I was on 404 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:17,159 Speaker 1: the L word. Oh god, it had been on the 405 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,520 Speaker 1: L word, Like of course it could be a lesbian. 406 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:23,320 Speaker 1: I've already been a lesbian. I can do that, okay, 407 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,159 Speaker 1: But so then did it happen pretty quickly then was 408 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:29,239 Speaker 1: it That episode was the Dirty Bar Bathroom Kissed. So 409 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:32,399 Speaker 1: we went into which if you look back on it, like, 410 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,440 Speaker 1: I would love to see how it all tracks, because 411 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,399 Speaker 1: the truth is, again we had zero connectivity. I didn't 412 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,439 Speaker 1: even have any scenes together. And then all of a sudden, 413 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:42,080 Speaker 1: I'm like laying one honor in the bathroom and shows 414 00:20:42,359 --> 00:20:45,919 Speaker 1: and I think it was like episode eleven or twelve 415 00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,080 Speaker 1: of season five, and then I think they said, like, 416 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,679 Speaker 1: can we have her for three more? And then it 417 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,920 Speaker 1: was through the rest of that season and then it 418 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 1: was pilot season again. So I had a decision to 419 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:58,680 Speaker 1: make because I needed a job, and I remember saying Toshanda, 420 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,399 Speaker 1: like should I go out for pilot season? Because of 421 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,280 Speaker 1: course I wanted her to say, no, you need to 422 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,800 Speaker 1: stay here with us, and she did it. She would 423 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,679 Speaker 1: not give it to me, and she said, well if 424 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,760 Speaker 1: you if you want to, So I auditioned first. I 425 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:13,240 Speaker 1: started editioning for stuff and I end up getting a 426 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,520 Speaker 1: test deal offer for her Parenthood, which went on to 427 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,800 Speaker 1: become a huge show. And I was like, okay, so 428 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,080 Speaker 1: now should I test for Parenthood or do you or 429 00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:24,000 Speaker 1: do you want me to stay? And she was like, 430 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:27,440 Speaker 1: you should do whatever. You want, like, damn it, Oh god, 431 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:30,280 Speaker 1: that's so frustrating. But then we got to the end 432 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:32,480 Speaker 1: of the year and then and I obviously ended up 433 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:35,920 Speaker 1: not testing her parenthood, and I just decided to bet 434 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,520 Speaker 1: on Gray's. And then I remember when I did get 435 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,520 Speaker 1: picked up, when when my option got picked up. Um, 436 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:46,640 Speaker 1: I was just ecstatic, ecstatic right now. Okay, so then 437 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,639 Speaker 1: that's you. You're in that for ten years and during 438 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:54,520 Speaker 1: which you have how many more children? Three during So 439 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,320 Speaker 1: how did they how did they deal with that? Because 440 00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,600 Speaker 1: they never dealt with it. I was never pregnant on 441 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,320 Speaker 1: the show. They just film you from the neck up. 442 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,240 Speaker 1: I can't well, you know, I know know they they 443 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,320 Speaker 1: this is I, this is not I'm not insulting myself 444 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:09,280 Speaker 1: by saying this. I have a full face. I've always 445 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,560 Speaker 1: had a full face. It's not like you always look 446 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,120 Speaker 1: so young by the way. I've always had a full face. 447 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:17,600 Speaker 1: So when I was pregnant, the part of me that 448 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,359 Speaker 1: changed was my mid I would be behind a lot 449 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,120 Speaker 1: of counters. Oh yeah, well, that's easy in a hospital, 450 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:25,040 Speaker 1: I guess. I have the X rays, like the big 451 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,440 Speaker 1: X rays. I'd just be holding them during conversations. Did 452 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,399 Speaker 1: that bother you though, like, did it because you know? 453 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,440 Speaker 1: It's funny if you go online. I mean, I love 454 00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:34,880 Speaker 1: how personal people take these things. And if you sort 455 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,520 Speaker 1: of go online a little bit, you'll see that fans 456 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,640 Speaker 1: are bothered by it. Did it bother you that that 457 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:44,400 Speaker 1: was the direction they went with it? No, because you're acting, 458 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,120 Speaker 1: you know, I mean, I understand that now we get 459 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,520 Speaker 1: to know people and a actor is in a more 460 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,359 Speaker 1: intimate way, but you're playing a part. But that's so 461 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,080 Speaker 1: interesting that you say that, because just to sort of 462 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,480 Speaker 1: shift a little bit in the l g b t 463 00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:00,280 Speaker 1: Q community, right, you're you were in the l Word, 464 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:04,440 Speaker 1: you are in Grey's Anatomy, and now there's so much 465 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:12,040 Speaker 1: um discussion about actually um casting lgbt Q actors for 466 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,919 Speaker 1: these roles. Do you have an opinion on that? I 467 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:18,639 Speaker 1: think it's a wildly compelling conversation. I don't think that 468 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:22,080 Speaker 1: there's any right answer. I think because ultimately, if there's 469 00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:24,000 Speaker 1: a right answer, then some people have to be wrong. 470 00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:26,880 Speaker 1: And I sort of don't. I like the answers that 471 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,240 Speaker 1: that move in the direction of like, well, who's being 472 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:32,800 Speaker 1: represented here and why and what does it feel this 473 00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,200 Speaker 1: way or that way about it? UM? I can say 474 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:39,240 Speaker 1: that that likely, given the way that things are right now, 475 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,439 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have had the opportunity to play her. It's 476 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:44,600 Speaker 1: as you're right, it's there's no right or wrong answer, 477 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,359 Speaker 1: and I do think it is a very interesting conversation 478 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:50,159 Speaker 1: to have. But like you said, you know, at that point, 479 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:53,320 Speaker 1: you were playing a role in a character, and you're 480 00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:57,000 Speaker 1: doing it for ten years. People love that relationship, They 481 00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:01,119 Speaker 1: love you altogether. Take me a little bit fast forward 482 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:05,560 Speaker 1: to the moment you realize that you're going to leave. 483 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:10,479 Speaker 1: Did you was that your decision? What it was? It was? 484 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,920 Speaker 1: It was truly a super now looking back on it, 485 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:19,679 Speaker 1: it was a super, super super complicated situation. I think 486 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:22,000 Speaker 1: that I thought it was complicated then, but I actually 487 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,040 Speaker 1: look back on it now, and a lot of times 488 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:25,640 Speaker 1: when you get ahead of stuff and you look back, 489 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,639 Speaker 1: things seem a little clearer, but there's still parts of 490 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,919 Speaker 1: it that are a little blurry. I sort of remember saying, 491 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:34,280 Speaker 1: and I think I still feel the same way, which 492 00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:37,960 Speaker 1: is that I feel like there's certainly there, certainly will 493 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:41,000 Speaker 1: be a time and place for anybody who's actually still 494 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,320 Speaker 1: interested and or I'm not sure which you know, direction 495 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,560 Speaker 1: it will it will need to be told in it 496 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,240 Speaker 1: just hasn't come yet. How did you decide then, okay, 497 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,960 Speaker 1: so this happens. How did you keep doing? Moving forward? 498 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,879 Speaker 1: From all of a sudden you don't get a call sheet, 499 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,399 Speaker 1: you don't get a script, You're now no longer a 500 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,360 Speaker 1: part of some thing that has been such an integral 501 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,240 Speaker 1: part of your career in your life. How do you 502 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:07,880 Speaker 1: move forward? My particular way is you just keep going? 503 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:12,119 Speaker 1: And so it wasn't um, it wasn't a huge, huge 504 00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:13,800 Speaker 1: I mean, yes I didn't have a call sheet, and 505 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:15,600 Speaker 1: yes I didn't have that. I didn't know that I 506 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,240 Speaker 1: wasn't on call all the time like I had been. 507 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:22,080 Speaker 1: But I was still living the same life. I was 508 00:25:22,119 --> 00:25:24,359 Speaker 1: still the same mother, I was still the same partner. 509 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:28,359 Speaker 1: I was still the same daughter and community member. I 510 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:32,280 Speaker 1: just didn't have this piece of my life as my 511 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:35,359 Speaker 1: my work. Do you think that having that foundation and 512 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:39,920 Speaker 1: the family, how do you think that affected that perspective 513 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,880 Speaker 1: of being an actress? Well? I remember it goes back 514 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,119 Speaker 1: to something. I mean you asked if my parents gave 515 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:48,400 Speaker 1: advice my mom. I remember after I filmed my first 516 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,800 Speaker 1: movie on location, and I had a million firsts, right, 517 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,399 Speaker 1: I mean, I completely I was in love with you know, 518 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:57,040 Speaker 1: the cast that I was with, the show that I 519 00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,199 Speaker 1: was on, the lifestyle, the whole thing. And then I 520 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,560 Speaker 1: came home and I was like deeply depressed. And I 521 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:03,520 Speaker 1: called my mom as like, I'm so depressed. What do 522 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,040 Speaker 1: you do after you do this thing that you love 523 00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:06,600 Speaker 1: so much and then you come home and you have nothing. 524 00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,119 Speaker 1: You have no you know, routine, you have no structure 525 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:12,840 Speaker 1: of nothing, nothing. I have nothing. And my mom said, 526 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,040 Speaker 1: let's take a breath in this business, like the work 527 00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:20,239 Speaker 1: we do is so enjoyable and can be mistaken for 528 00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:24,320 Speaker 1: real life. And she said, you have to realize that 529 00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:27,040 Speaker 1: you go and you do a job and then you 530 00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:29,960 Speaker 1: live your life. Your life is not your job, and 531 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,639 Speaker 1: your job is not your life. So I took that 532 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:35,680 Speaker 1: very seriously. I was living my life. I just had 533 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,240 Speaker 1: this job. So when I was done, I think the 534 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:41,080 Speaker 1: way that I if I categorize it as like just 535 00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,400 Speaker 1: keep going, it was like honor that last bit, which 536 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,240 Speaker 1: I did, and I journal the ship out of my life, 537 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:52,000 Speaker 1: and I just I wrote letters and I got letters, 538 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:53,919 Speaker 1: and I you know, all the things that meant so 539 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,560 Speaker 1: much to me, and I looked at what, you know, 540 00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:57,760 Speaker 1: where I was when I started and where I ended, 541 00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:01,119 Speaker 1: and like the impact then and I just went, Okay, 542 00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:03,040 Speaker 1: what's going to be my next job? Like what do 543 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,199 Speaker 1: I want? What do I want to do? Are you 544 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:08,640 Speaker 1: experiencing this over? I think because you have a round 545 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,560 Speaker 1: your face, I think you will perpetually look young. Who 546 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,840 Speaker 1: wasn't like Katherine to have said, at a certain age, 547 00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:15,520 Speaker 1: you have to pick between your ass and your face. 548 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:19,160 Speaker 1: It's like when I gain weight, people think I look younger. Yeah, 549 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:22,159 Speaker 1: have you felt ages? And like if you felt I 550 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,480 Speaker 1: don't know if it's like my avoidant nature combined with 551 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:29,359 Speaker 1: my like peppy optimism, that's like just it's like, please, 552 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,199 Speaker 1: I don't know, I mean truly the past. I think 553 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:33,760 Speaker 1: it's been what it's been like three or four years 554 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:35,639 Speaker 1: since Grace ended. I mean it was it's been an 555 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:37,800 Speaker 1: interesting time. And I don't know that I can fairly 556 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:41,080 Speaker 1: like report in either direction, because you know, when I 557 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,320 Speaker 1: left there, I knew I had to take a minute. 558 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,119 Speaker 1: It was just too big of a job. And I 559 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,320 Speaker 1: was and I was so clear. I mean still when 560 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,560 Speaker 1: people see me, it's like am I Jessica Capture or 561 00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,119 Speaker 1: am I Arizona Robbins? Right? Like you're so that's like 562 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:54,360 Speaker 1: a duel that's a blessing and a curse. I mean, 563 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:58,119 Speaker 1: it's totally and I'm again, I mean I couldn't be luckier, 564 00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:00,159 Speaker 1: and like I really feel for the ones, for the 565 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:02,680 Speaker 1: people who play these like really deeply convincing villains, and 566 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:04,240 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I would not want to walk through 567 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,560 Speaker 1: life like well, and then people missing to hug me 568 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:10,399 Speaker 1: all the time. I mean, they miss you on you know, 569 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:11,960 Speaker 1: they miss you on the show, which is good, but 570 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:15,639 Speaker 1: now you're playing you're finally playing a mom. I know, 571 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,560 Speaker 1: I know. It's on Hulu, right, Yes, it's on Hulu. 572 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,960 Speaker 1: It's a limited series, and um it is a it's 573 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:23,960 Speaker 1: based on a book called Tell Me Lies, where it's 574 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,720 Speaker 1: just all about this insanely toxic relationship but it's got 575 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,720 Speaker 1: like mystery and intrigue and maybe a little soft porny 576 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,360 Speaker 1: but not totally soft porny. Not me, by the way, 577 00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,399 Speaker 1: and not me I am not naked in it, um 578 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,520 Speaker 1: but by the way. So that's so that's what has 579 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:40,240 Speaker 1: been the interesting part was that I left G I 580 00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:41,880 Speaker 1: sort of knew I needed to take a minute. Then 581 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:43,880 Speaker 1: I had actually committed to do something that we went 582 00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:46,840 Speaker 1: to go shoot and like our table read was March thirteenth, 583 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:50,040 Speaker 1: the year the world shut down, and then it was COVID, 584 00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:52,320 Speaker 1: and then I had four children, and talk about when 585 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,600 Speaker 1: I really knew I had four children was during COVID. 586 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,880 Speaker 1: And then this last year I got this phone call 587 00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:00,480 Speaker 1: um because I had danished a Netflix be with Emma 588 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,200 Speaker 1: Roberts and she was producing this show and she said, 589 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,360 Speaker 1: will you come and play this like cool mom person? 590 00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:10,200 Speaker 1: And I was like yeah. But we also definitely did 591 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:12,800 Speaker 1: have moments where they would be looking through the camera 592 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:15,480 Speaker 1: and be like, I'm not I don't completely understand the 593 00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:18,040 Speaker 1: math here because she's eighteen. I think she's eighteen in 594 00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:20,520 Speaker 1: the show, and he would do both on camera and 595 00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:23,000 Speaker 1: they'd be like, Okay, great, we're just gonna go with 596 00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:24,800 Speaker 1: the math, being like you had a really young like 597 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:26,000 Speaker 1: I don't know, like when do you when do you 598 00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:28,640 Speaker 1: have I don't know, Like you just remember thinking you 599 00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:31,400 Speaker 1: guys were sisters. Well I don't know the sisters, but 600 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:33,360 Speaker 1: I think that. But I do think that, and I 601 00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:36,800 Speaker 1: just clearly wasn't paying attention. I do think Hollywood does 602 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,480 Speaker 1: seem to do that, which I think is irritating for 603 00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:43,960 Speaker 1: moms to be like unrealistically young like you know what 604 00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:46,520 Speaker 1: I mean, like one more thing that Hollywood does I 605 00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:49,560 Speaker 1: know or kind of bizarre. I'm like why, Like what's 606 00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:51,760 Speaker 1: what's even the point of it? I don't even understand 607 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:54,240 Speaker 1: what it's solved, or even in love interests like love 608 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:57,840 Speaker 1: interests like they'll you'll have like someone who's much much 609 00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,280 Speaker 1: older as a man will have like a twenty something. 610 00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:03,720 Speaker 1: You're old actors playing the part of the ground, whereas 611 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:07,000 Speaker 1: it doesn't work in reverse. No, I know, I think 612 00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:11,920 Speaker 1: that acting after forty, given to day's um climate and 613 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:16,880 Speaker 1: today's possibilities in where from where I sit, has turned 614 00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:21,360 Speaker 1: into a little bit more. I'm not so sure that 615 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:23,240 Speaker 1: I'm not going to have to be a part of 616 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:25,760 Speaker 1: creating what it is that I want to do next, 617 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,400 Speaker 1: like the now what might have to be something that 618 00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:34,640 Speaker 1: comes from me. That was the wonderful Jessica Capshaw. If 619 00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:36,760 Speaker 1: you want to see more of her, check out her 620 00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:41,640 Speaker 1: new film Dear Zoe or the Hulu series Tell Me Lies. 621 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:45,160 Speaker 1: If you want to hear more from me, well, subscribe 622 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:49,400 Speaker 1: to this podcast now What with Brookshields on the I 623 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:55,880 Speaker 1: Heart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Now 624 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:59,160 Speaker 1: What is produced by the wonderful Julia Weaver with help 625 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:03,600 Speaker 1: from Darby mass Our. Executive producer is Christina Everett. The 626 00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:07,040 Speaker 1: show is mixed by Bahid Fraser and Christian Bowman. A 627 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:10,200 Speaker 1: special thanks to nicky Etre and Will Pearson.