1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:35,560 Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional profession. Hey, 2 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,879 Speaker 1: Professional home Girls is the kid of a name from 3 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:40,599 Speaker 1: the PSD podcast, the only place where you would hear 4 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,839 Speaker 1: interviews from black women an honestly on stories that will 5 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,839 Speaker 1: enlighten and expand on taboo topics. Now, if you hear 6 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: someone that sounds familiar, mind the business that pays you child. 7 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,120 Speaker 1: If you like the PhD podcast, please rate, review and 8 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:57,200 Speaker 1: subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Please five star reviews only. Hold 9 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,200 Speaker 1: me down, don't hold me up. 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Please keep in mind that 19 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: all of my guests are Annes, so let's again this 20 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:36,039 Speaker 1: week's episode. I am super excited to have my guests 21 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:39,560 Speaker 1: on the show today She is a motivational speaker and author, 22 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:43,800 Speaker 1: and an advocate for domestic balance awareness. She has been 23 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,600 Speaker 1: on numerous TV shows spoke all around the world sharing 24 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,800 Speaker 1: her story and it's the epitome of how your storyline 25 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 1: could be someone else's lifeline. To my guests, Happy New Year, 26 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 1: How are you doing, how are you feeling? I'm good, happy, 27 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:04,040 Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. I am good. I feel really grateful. 28 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,480 Speaker 1: I'm excited for what the new year has to come, 29 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,560 Speaker 1: what has to offer, shot say, and I've been chilling. 30 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:11,800 Speaker 1: This has been a really peaceful new year. Hopefully estates 31 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 1: like that. So as we are only only on day 32 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:20,480 Speaker 1: to child and one of my favorite um, one of 33 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 1: my favorite rappers, passed away yesterday against the Boot. I 34 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:29,920 Speaker 1: know she was such a such an important pinnacle in 35 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,880 Speaker 1: my life growing up singing her songs and I was 36 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:38,120 Speaker 1: a child. But so I fired a story on Lifetime 37 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:42,440 Speaker 1: and I was falling asleep and your story broke me up, 38 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 1: and I was like, wait, what's happened? Because the first 39 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:48,000 Speaker 1: year was like smiling. I remember when I was sleeping, 40 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:49,880 Speaker 1: I heard you like smiling, laughing and stuff. And then 41 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 1: when they got to a certain part which we're talking 42 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 1: about later, I was like, wait, what. So when I 43 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:56,520 Speaker 1: woke up, you know, I had to watch it from 44 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,320 Speaker 1: the beginning and I was just so speechless. So were 45 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:04,680 Speaker 1: you nervous about share your story on such like big platforms? No, 46 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,239 Speaker 1: because I had been signed up for so long. M 47 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:13,680 Speaker 1: It's basically like having something bottled up. And then once 48 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 1: I really started sharing it first and foremost, of course, 49 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,680 Speaker 1: I did it because I want to tell others. But 50 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,600 Speaker 1: the first thing that happened was it gave me a 51 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: different type of feeling mm hmm. And it's a type 52 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:34,560 Speaker 1: of release, like right, tell somebody and I feel like 53 00:03:34,639 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 1: it's important. But so I wasn't really nervous. Good. Now, 54 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,640 Speaker 1: I know your story has helped so many women like 55 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 1: I can only imagine the amount of love and support 56 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,760 Speaker 1: you receive on a daily basis. Yes, I had so 57 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:56,200 Speaker 1: appreciative of all of it. So let's start from the beginning. 58 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 1: Before we started started our conversation, I didn't know that 59 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 1: she was from Brooklyn, y'all, So why did your mom 60 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:09,720 Speaker 1: want you to move to Virginia? She's dancing right now, y'all. Um, 61 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:15,200 Speaker 1: So my mother is from Virginia. Okay, So she wasn't 62 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 1: so much that she wanted me to me. It just 63 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:23,159 Speaker 1: happened that way. And I always had like such a 64 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:29,120 Speaker 1: strong love for my grandparents and just wanting to see 65 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:32,320 Speaker 1: a different type of education. So it worked out that 66 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 1: I ended up going to Virginia. But then my plan was, 67 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:43,080 Speaker 1: I gotta get back to New York, right, So I 68 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:48,160 Speaker 1: already knew that, Okay, I only I was only in 69 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:52,040 Speaker 1: Virginia for two years, last two years of high school, 70 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,240 Speaker 1: and then it was like, okay, I gotta get back 71 00:04:54,279 --> 00:04:56,720 Speaker 1: to New York. And so that was my playing was 72 00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:01,320 Speaker 1: I'm leaving. M hmm, Now tell us about your passion 73 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:07,880 Speaker 1: and dreams for dancing. Yes, so it started, Oh my goodness. 74 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:15,640 Speaker 1: I I was in elementary oh wow, elementary school and 75 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,919 Speaker 1: always just had a love of dance. Always was that 76 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,560 Speaker 1: kid that was in the living room dancing too. But 77 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:26,360 Speaker 1: I always loved all types of dance, and I started 78 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 1: studying ballet and African dance at the community center. M hm, yes, yes, yes, yes, 79 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:40,600 Speaker 1: shout out to such a newie. She was amazing. This 80 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:45,760 Speaker 1: community center was right in the right in the middle 81 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 1: of the two buildings that I lived in, invert building, 82 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:55,960 Speaker 1: working and our community center. It offered so much to 83 00:05:56,839 --> 00:06:00,080 Speaker 1: our community. So to be there and take the is 84 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:05,120 Speaker 1: it just drew my passion even more. And when I 85 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:10,320 Speaker 1: came when I moved to Virginia, I ended up like 86 00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:14,280 Speaker 1: my audition was just like a breeze because I did 87 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:18,760 Speaker 1: for so long. So I started dancing in high school. 88 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 1: They actually had a dance true. I took dance in 89 00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 1: high school. First it's shot mm hmm. So I took 90 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:31,520 Speaker 1: dancing in high school. And then when I got to Virginia, 91 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:35,320 Speaker 1: I took dance and they had a dance true, and 92 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:39,760 Speaker 1: then ended up where they had a company. The dance 93 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,880 Speaker 1: teacher at school also had a company outside of school 94 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:47,400 Speaker 1: m and so I joined that. Then I ended up 95 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:51,960 Speaker 1: with auditioned for gifted and talented. And this was just 96 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 1: I e slept and drink dance. So that's that's I 97 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 1: love dance. I still do to this day trying. Let 98 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:05,880 Speaker 1: me talk about dance. You know what's so funny because 99 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,680 Speaker 1: I used to be in dance when I was a kid, 100 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:11,120 Speaker 1: Like I used to love dance, Like I learned ballet, 101 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 1: I was learned a little bit of tap. I used 102 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:16,920 Speaker 1: to be in a dance um, a dance group when 103 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:20,080 Speaker 1: I was in school. So like I definitely understand like 104 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 1: it wasn't my passion, but I really did enjoy it. Now, 105 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 1: tell us how did you meet Kevin Dance? Oh? You 106 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:35,000 Speaker 1: man gonna dance? I was performing at this festival that 107 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:41,360 Speaker 1: they had outside. Yeah, and so we performed that day 108 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: at the festival, and then as believing the festival while 109 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:55,360 Speaker 1: me as some of my friends who were walking, stop, Okay, 110 00:07:55,440 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 1: I saw you performing. That's how it's started. M mhm. Now, 111 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:03,320 Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of people always ask you 112 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,960 Speaker 1: this question, because you know, I did my research, But 113 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:08,560 Speaker 1: from watching your story, I feel like the only red 114 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:11,720 Speaker 1: flag I noticed was that throughout the story he was 115 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:14,920 Speaker 1: just controlling it was developing. Looking back, did you notice 116 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:22,000 Speaker 1: any other red flags? No? And my story and of course, 117 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:27,080 Speaker 1: after all of my training with domestic Vince teendated violence 118 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:31,360 Speaker 1: and things like that, my situation was totally different, right 119 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:38,320 Speaker 1: because his controlling had not really gotten out if he had, 120 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:43,120 Speaker 1: compared to like some stories and some circumstances, he was 121 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:51,640 Speaker 1: really smooth with it. Um, he was more helpful then 122 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:56,560 Speaker 1: it was controlled, right, and it was like he knew 123 00:08:56,720 --> 00:09:00,199 Speaker 1: that he could not control it, but so much so 124 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:05,120 Speaker 1: he can come in as an aggressive controller again just successible, 125 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:10,800 Speaker 1: just so dependable. So what he would do was, do 126 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:15,640 Speaker 1: you need a ride to dance class? Mm hmm. Oh, 127 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:19,360 Speaker 1: I can take the time you have to be mm hmm. 128 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:23,719 Speaker 1: He made sure that he he arrived and then a 129 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:27,280 Speaker 1: time to get me there, so I wouldn't go with 130 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:32,200 Speaker 1: someone else who get a different mode of transportation. He 131 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:34,800 Speaker 1: always was like, do you need to ride home? I 132 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:39,160 Speaker 1: think you're riding mm hmm. And whether he came and 133 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:44,880 Speaker 1: stayed or he came enough time to be there until 134 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:49,880 Speaker 1: the end, that he made sure that he was always 135 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:54,200 Speaker 1: right there, right, so you know, I couldn't be like, 136 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,800 Speaker 1: it's five o'clock and he's not here, let me go 137 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,000 Speaker 1: ahead and catch round with somebody else. No, he might 138 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 1: get there like four already, you know what. Like he 139 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:06,199 Speaker 1: was always just jotting on the spot, right, And that's 140 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 1: how he needs to to to be able to control 141 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 1: me without control right here, and I have to see 142 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:20,160 Speaker 1: everything's going on. Mm hmmm. I kind of know where 143 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:25,199 Speaker 1: you are, So I didn't go on our places, and 144 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:29,199 Speaker 1: surely I needed to go. I could call him or 145 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,360 Speaker 1: I did call him. Head, Oh yeah, I'm on my 146 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:35,400 Speaker 1: life right, I was at I'm on my lane right, 147 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:41,520 Speaker 1: you go to church every Sunday and it wasn't far away, 148 00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:46,199 Speaker 1: but it was a good not a good walk. And 149 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:51,760 Speaker 1: so you know, as from New York walking nothing, right, 150 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:55,640 Speaker 1: that's it. I got this maybe walking around the globe 151 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:58,760 Speaker 1: and that's nothing. That's nothing. So that's how I was 152 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:01,920 Speaker 1: in church, you know, in church clothes and everything, you know, 153 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,839 Speaker 1: and heels did everything, y'all. Let me get them walked in. 154 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:11,959 Speaker 1: And so he would sometimes he would take you to church, 155 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:15,200 Speaker 1: but a lot of times he would be, oh, do 156 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:18,600 Speaker 1: you need to do you need a ride afterwards? Because 157 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 1: you know when you get out it's a little hotter, 158 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:24,320 Speaker 1: you know, summer and everything, so oh you need a ride, 159 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,680 Speaker 1: you know, I'll keep you a ride. And so he 160 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 1: that's just what he would do with So what happened 161 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,120 Speaker 1: leading up to I don't want to rush the story, 162 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,520 Speaker 1: so you can stop me. But let me just tell 163 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:41,880 Speaker 1: you it was the sun dack mm hmm. Well, actually, 164 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:47,840 Speaker 1: let me tell he was calling the Saturday and him 165 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:51,560 Speaker 1: calling like all day into the nighttime until up until 166 00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:58,319 Speaker 1: like eleven clock. That was unusual that I was not. 167 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:06,839 Speaker 1: I wasn't I wasn't excessive. Mm hmmm. No, take my age, right, 168 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:12,760 Speaker 1: now there was no cell phones. There were no cell 169 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:16,920 Speaker 1: phones as amount of fact, there were no pages yet, 170 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:18,680 Speaker 1: but there was no way to get in contact with 171 00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:23,760 Speaker 1: people beside the house phone. Right that I wasn't there 172 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,520 Speaker 1: was like for him was like red flag pin with 173 00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:30,440 Speaker 1: could she be? But did your grandparents? But you know 174 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,120 Speaker 1: what I'll be feeling like grandparents they be old, so 175 00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,439 Speaker 1: they don't really paying attentions to too much things. But 176 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:40,480 Speaker 1: do they Was the age ever a red flag for them? No? 177 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:46,640 Speaker 1: But my grandparents were, Um, they were that type that 178 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:50,320 Speaker 1: they were on it. They weren't that old who didn't 179 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:53,480 Speaker 1: know what I mean? The grand parents like okay, So 180 00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:57,840 Speaker 1: with the age, I think that they knew that he 181 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:01,240 Speaker 1: was older, but didn't know how much of a big 182 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,840 Speaker 1: cat it was. You know, A lot every a lot 183 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:08,160 Speaker 1: of people had cars over car car, so that was 184 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:11,000 Speaker 1: it wasn't like I was probably like fourteen and for 185 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:14,600 Speaker 1: tuly like we're gone driving. But a lot of people 186 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:20,000 Speaker 1: had cars at sixteen seventeen, So that didn't really make 187 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:23,400 Speaker 1: them have a red flag about that. Um I was 188 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:29,600 Speaker 1: always so sure. So that was another thing. So yeah, no, 189 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:33,400 Speaker 1: I don't I don't recall them ever asking about an 190 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 1: age also to them, it didn't seem as serious. M hmm, 191 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:47,720 Speaker 1: just like for me it was not. It wasn't like 192 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,000 Speaker 1: we have been together for a long period of time. 193 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,200 Speaker 1: And even though I had known him by this time 194 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:57,000 Speaker 1: for a year and dating, it still was like an 195 00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:00,800 Speaker 1: often of one type of dating. I had not to 196 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 1: have been a relationship, so it was a lot of 197 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,319 Speaker 1: I don't know. I just felt like it wasn't as 198 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:12,240 Speaker 1: many questions, right, And I think I think that that's 199 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:15,959 Speaker 1: right now. I teach team data minds because a lot 200 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:20,680 Speaker 1: of times parents don't recognize the signs and teenagers don't 201 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 1: know the signs because most of the time it's like 202 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:27,360 Speaker 1: this is their first second relationship, right, I have that 203 00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:32,160 Speaker 1: type of experience. Right, So, when did you notice that 204 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 1: things were moving too fast near our relationship? I would 205 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:41,000 Speaker 1: say maybe like a month before mm hmm. When he okay, 206 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:46,920 Speaker 1: so I didn't notice anything serious that it was moving. 207 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:52,800 Speaker 1: Two times he asked um, Kevin asked me what I 208 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:59,160 Speaker 1: thought about now? Mm hmm. Base, it was very basic. 209 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:05,400 Speaker 1: But this is where the age yet comes in, because 210 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:09,600 Speaker 1: to me it seemed to basically in his mind it 211 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:14,760 Speaker 1: was already calculate. Right in his mind, he didn't really 212 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:18,160 Speaker 1: express it, but clearly this was in his mind. So 213 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,560 Speaker 1: he said, oh, you know, would you ever want to 214 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:24,120 Speaker 1: get married? Yes? Oh what kind of post would you like? Um? 215 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:28,479 Speaker 1: I think I would like a tune? Right? Okay, um 216 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,400 Speaker 1: kind of crow with your life? Do you think you 217 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:35,600 Speaker 1: would ever want to have children? I have actually to 218 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:39,920 Speaker 1: keep it And all of these are basic questions that 219 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:44,200 Speaker 1: you might talk to someone about. But I definitely didn't 220 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,080 Speaker 1: think that this was something that we were kind of 221 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:50,080 Speaker 1: be moving towards right away. I was just seventh seen 222 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,400 Speaker 1: when I think I was like seventeen when we had 223 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:56,600 Speaker 1: this conversation. And by the time, like right after that 224 00:15:56,800 --> 00:16:01,320 Speaker 1: turned eighteen, right, he was so young. It looks like 225 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:04,880 Speaker 1: boybody to get married? You thinking about it, You're like, 226 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 1: oh yeah one day because my Bobby, you know, just 227 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:13,040 Speaker 1: played with market dolls. So yeah, in my mind, I'm 228 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,040 Speaker 1: gonna go dancing like I'm trying to let me the 229 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:21,720 Speaker 1: next Debbie Alan boy could not tell me. He so yeah, 230 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:25,200 Speaker 1: me me thinking it was like, oh, you mean tim 231 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:29,960 Speaker 1: twenty years from now, right, That's what I was thinking, right. 232 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:33,480 Speaker 1: He wasn't thinking like tomorrow, definitely not Smark. So that 233 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:37,320 Speaker 1: was um, so the real red flag. When I was like, 234 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:42,520 Speaker 1: wait a minute, was when he said, went out on 235 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:48,880 Speaker 1: a date and stopped by his house and when I 236 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:54,040 Speaker 1: walked in, I noticed boxes and like like, who's moving? 237 00:16:56,800 --> 00:17:01,280 Speaker 1: And he saw my face like and he said, oh, yeah, 238 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,320 Speaker 1: you know I told you that we were there as 239 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:09,000 Speaker 1: a movie and the house is almost so soon you're 240 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 1: gonna have to start packing yourself too, and that right there, 241 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:17,520 Speaker 1: I was like, um, I felt like like then I 242 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:23,960 Speaker 1: felt like something to do. Really, that's what was going 243 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,879 Speaker 1: on in my mind. And I was just like speechless, 244 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:34,399 Speaker 1: and I didn't seem I think I was just processing 245 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:38,480 Speaker 1: all of this, like because it's a lot of process. Wait, 246 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:43,480 Speaker 1: we talked about this couple a month ago, but never 247 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:47,800 Speaker 1: to think that you did right now? Right? So I 248 00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:51,639 Speaker 1: just like I always have been the mind soo type 249 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:55,199 Speaker 1: of person to not hurt someone's feelings or trying not to. 250 00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:58,960 Speaker 1: So I think that's what I was also thinking, like, oh, 251 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:03,640 Speaker 1: I figured out, let know, like this is not happening moves. 252 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:07,399 Speaker 1: First of all, who is even gonna explain this to 253 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:12,160 Speaker 1: my family? That's what? Like what? And it was only 254 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:18,240 Speaker 1: like two months. Yes, I'm saying okay, now two months 255 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:30,920 Speaker 1: a but this is three months. Uh, the understanding that 256 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 1: would not wait for mm hm. Oh that's very weird 257 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,960 Speaker 1: because if y'all wasn't even together like that, if y'all 258 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:42,160 Speaker 1: was just dating, then that's like crazy. So what happened 259 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:46,560 Speaker 1: was once I graduated from high school, Now mind you 260 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,880 Speaker 1: to give before I knew him a whole almost two 261 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:54,000 Speaker 1: years or whatever, but never you would never like, oh 262 00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:58,760 Speaker 1: we were from girlfriend or anybody. Yeah, okay. So in 263 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:06,840 Speaker 1: June mhm, I guess like into I had explained to him, 264 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:15,360 Speaker 1: I'm leave. I am leaving. I know that I'm baby right. 265 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:20,320 Speaker 1: I'm taking dance at Norfolk State for the summer, but 266 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,399 Speaker 1: I'm leading. The plan is I'm leaping, right, Do you 267 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 1: want to go back home? I want to go back 268 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:29,520 Speaker 1: to New York. So my plan at first was I 269 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:35,560 Speaker 1: thought I was gonna be gone once I didn't in September, 270 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:40,960 Speaker 1: I say, okay, I know, like after Christmas, like I'm done, right, 271 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:50,679 Speaker 1: And so we weren't like there was no talk about 272 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:55,920 Speaker 1: long this is reach. It was basically like, look, don't 273 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:59,520 Speaker 1: get too comfortable because I'm gonna be gone, right. That 274 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:03,280 Speaker 1: was bas the conversation we had. I'm not looking for 275 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:07,880 Speaker 1: a serious relationship. I'm looking to date about my pains, 276 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 1: and I really want to date several people. What happened 277 00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:19,560 Speaker 1: was living with my grandfriends. That was right, it's not 278 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:21,640 Speaker 1: gonna be having all of the two different people. Then 279 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,800 Speaker 1: it understand thinking that it could just be we're going 280 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:29,239 Speaker 1: to the movies, recoming back to becoming back. They did 281 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:33,359 Speaker 1: not understanding that. So that worked in his favor that 282 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:38,320 Speaker 1: he was done right. It kind of worked out like that. 283 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,240 Speaker 1: But little did he know as soon as he went 284 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:43,720 Speaker 1: to Norfolk State, Yes, or really that's what I was 285 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:48,840 Speaker 1: just like, like, that's what you think, buddy, he could 286 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,760 Speaker 1: be here with my grandparents if you want to exactly 287 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:56,480 Speaker 1: exactly so yes, So that's why it was so awkward 288 00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:05,880 Speaker 1: when we talked about us. You gotta give any d Yeah. Yeah, 289 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,119 Speaker 1: so tell us about the day when he showed up 290 00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:11,439 Speaker 1: to your grandmother's houses with boxes. No no, no, so 291 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:17,439 Speaker 1: the boxing g oh it was his house and he 292 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:21,800 Speaker 1: was saying like, okay, soon I got to start packing. Okay, 293 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:25,240 Speaker 1: so I've seen maybe a week or two goes by, 294 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,119 Speaker 1: maybe the longer. I can't really call the time for you, 295 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:35,040 Speaker 1: hm fair now it's just he called all day Saturday also, 296 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:39,920 Speaker 1: so Saturday night. Okay, Now Sunday comes, he's still calling. 297 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,800 Speaker 1: So finally I he gets going from on Sunday, he goes, 298 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:49,200 Speaker 1: where were you? Where were you yesterday? Last night? Scooby 299 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:54,480 Speaker 1: Doo moment, a game, nothing about do nothing bad, it's 300 00:21:54,520 --> 00:22:03,280 Speaker 1: just you what right, just ask me where was? And 301 00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:09,960 Speaker 1: so that to me, um was the red flag in 302 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:14,800 Speaker 1: the boundary of you asking me where I was, because 303 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:19,800 Speaker 1: I knew that the tone and everything was that was 304 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:23,600 Speaker 1: a control right, that was a tact of someone trying 305 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,760 Speaker 1: to control where were you at? Tell me what you 306 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:28,640 Speaker 1: were doing? And it's like, wait a minute, even if 307 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:34,520 Speaker 1: we were a boyfriend girlfriends like the right to ask 308 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:37,840 Speaker 1: me where I was? I don't know, I guess because 309 00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:41,159 Speaker 1: um one thing that played there. I didn't have the 310 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,480 Speaker 1: experience of ever having this with someone else, but I 311 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:50,560 Speaker 1: did have grandparents of my parents were very s mm hm. 312 00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:58,760 Speaker 1: So to me that felt uncomfortable and made me think like, no, 313 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,119 Speaker 1: I'm not ready for marriage if this is where it 314 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:05,280 Speaker 1: would be like I've already had the control of you 315 00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:08,480 Speaker 1: gotta tell me where you're going, what you're doing, Ask 316 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,800 Speaker 1: me can you go, Yes you can go, No you 317 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,919 Speaker 1: can't go. And so that right there was already a 318 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:16,439 Speaker 1: turn off. I guess if nothing else, even if it 319 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:19,919 Speaker 1: wasn't red black, a turn off. And I said to 320 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:24,880 Speaker 1: him myself, well, you know, maybe we need to talk now. 321 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,440 Speaker 1: Here's another red flag that I kind of dismissed. He said, okay, 322 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:33,240 Speaker 1: if I'm coming over right, you didn't ask, You didn't 323 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:37,240 Speaker 1: do typic And this was this was not his normal. 324 00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:42,800 Speaker 1: His normal was hey, can you have come right? And 325 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:46,280 Speaker 1: I would say, well, let me go ask me, But 326 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:50,639 Speaker 1: this time he told me he didn't ask. And I 327 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:53,920 Speaker 1: immediately said okay, because I was like, oh, we need 328 00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:57,440 Speaker 1: to meet this but right now, and let me explain 329 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,679 Speaker 1: to him that right, but you a minute one and 330 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,680 Speaker 1: the way I was calling me all night and then 331 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:07,560 Speaker 1: another red flag for me was and it wasn't hard 332 00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 1: to so no, but he said, you didn't go to 333 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:17,080 Speaker 1: church to one guy got to do with it because 334 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,879 Speaker 1: you didn't call him on a ride. Yeah, he probably 335 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:24,800 Speaker 1: went by. He probably either went he didn't go before 336 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:29,000 Speaker 1: it started. He probably went lite that out mm hmm. 337 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:34,439 Speaker 1: He didn't see you me, wow. So it's like you 338 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:38,680 Speaker 1: needn't got church Tom not knowing more for me? Right? 339 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:43,960 Speaker 1: So that tells me though that you're tracking my habits 340 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:47,719 Speaker 1: as well. That's scary, as I was like it, you know, 341 00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:50,120 Speaker 1: so you get to see what it's like when someone 342 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:54,320 Speaker 1: stopping someone right. And and that's how people stopped because 343 00:24:54,359 --> 00:25:00,800 Speaker 1: they they learned how you do everything every day right, 344 00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,640 Speaker 1: Like okay, we might some day she goes to church. 345 00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:06,359 Speaker 1: We know that she was. So that was all of 346 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,919 Speaker 1: these things. Was throwing up red flex to him like, 347 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:12,520 Speaker 1: oh wait a minute, she's not at the she's not 348 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:15,119 Speaker 1: at a performance. What are you doing? That's what he 349 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,639 Speaker 1: was thinking. Where is she? Who was she with? What 350 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,960 Speaker 1: is she doing? Right? She didn't go to church, so 351 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:24,879 Speaker 1: that's another now, and so I said, you know you 352 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,560 Speaker 1: need to come. Yeah, I didn't even think anything of 353 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:31,040 Speaker 1: it that he didn't ask could he come over? Oh? 354 00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:33,280 Speaker 1: I did, and I dismissed it it. He came over, 355 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:37,520 Speaker 1: And the first thing that I did was I made 356 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:41,480 Speaker 1: sure to be attention to his body mm hmm. I 357 00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:43,520 Speaker 1: wanted to see his body than which I wanted to 358 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:47,000 Speaker 1: see his spacial expression. I wanted to see if there 359 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:53,840 Speaker 1: was any sign uh him being in right and and 360 00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:59,120 Speaker 1: then I would have my gardener. So no, like okay, man, 361 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:05,960 Speaker 1: where he's angry And he didn't h he came arrested. 362 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:14,560 Speaker 1: Nothing happened, nothing that that made me put my guard right, okay, 363 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:20,240 Speaker 1: community from collective, that's his usual demeanor. And he came in, 364 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,879 Speaker 1: he said old, he spoke to my brother was outside. 365 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,320 Speaker 1: He came in, he spoke to my money with us, 366 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:29,600 Speaker 1: and then we were in the mound and just started talking. 367 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,280 Speaker 1: And full time I'm watching him, I'm like, oh boy, 368 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:38,160 Speaker 1: And I started explaining to him, look moving to guys 369 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:46,760 Speaker 1: like we haven't been and the committed relationship where we've 370 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:51,280 Speaker 1: established that it's just you and I did we're moving 371 00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:56,760 Speaker 1: towards something, towards the future or anything like that. Already 372 00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:00,800 Speaker 1: you're talking about marriage and now you're talking about then 373 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,840 Speaker 1: and are explained to me that my good is the 374 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:10,639 Speaker 1: moves I'm going back to York. I don't see me 375 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:16,680 Speaker 1: coming back here even to established oh you'll be back 376 00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:19,560 Speaker 1: every three months or something. That just wasn't in my place, 377 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:24,959 Speaker 1: right that was that wasn't even like I didn't even 378 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,119 Speaker 1: think of that. So as I was explaining all of 379 00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:32,399 Speaker 1: this text, he was just like, okay, But but I 380 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:36,359 Speaker 1: before he even came over, all of this was on 381 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:42,200 Speaker 1: my months already. I basically had my whole list without 382 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:46,360 Speaker 1: even having to write it down anything. And I was like, Okay, 383 00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:50,480 Speaker 1: I just turned it to I had to have my 384 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:54,199 Speaker 1: own partner. I don't have a car, I don't have 385 00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,760 Speaker 1: a job, I don't have anything from my own self, 386 00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:03,679 Speaker 1: and I I have never lived alone even though, but 387 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:07,600 Speaker 1: I like it, just like letting on to the summer. Yeah, 388 00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:09,800 Speaker 1: you were just becoming a woman, like you just gotta 389 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:13,840 Speaker 1: high school, just gotta just gotta the cabin gown still 390 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:18,880 Speaker 1: right here? Yeah, like come on right now? So yeah, 391 00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:24,760 Speaker 1: I was like, I just jump up and moving with me. Now, 392 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:30,000 Speaker 1: this is another dynamic he was saying. So he basically 393 00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:34,119 Speaker 1: was saying for me not to believe me, stay in Virginia, 394 00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:42,560 Speaker 1: go to school, who take care of But it's basically 395 00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:47,920 Speaker 1: telling me forging about my tree. Right. So I explained 396 00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 1: to him that that I didn't want to do that. 397 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:57,120 Speaker 1: Another dynamic that stadium was that his parents would also 398 00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:00,080 Speaker 1: helped to me from my school. Wow, because they you 399 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:04,520 Speaker 1: come from money. Yes, I didn't want that dynamics, right. 400 00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:07,280 Speaker 1: I was like, what if it doesn't work out and 401 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:10,320 Speaker 1: then they want their money back? What if they do? Right? 402 00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:13,120 Speaker 1: You know, we're from New York. People be liking my 403 00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:18,040 Speaker 1: money guy down to the finny broun me that money 404 00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:21,720 Speaker 1: they really do really to really to family or not right. 405 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:25,640 Speaker 1: So I was like, but if they changed your man, 406 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:29,040 Speaker 1: they don't like me. Oh no, they're not like that. 407 00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:36,040 Speaker 1: So then another dynamics. He talked about west that even 408 00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:40,000 Speaker 1: though he was saying the house would be be I'm 409 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:48,600 Speaker 1: still talking about us living. It's yeah, yes, so they 410 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:51,000 Speaker 1: were building a house and he stated that the house 411 00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:53,640 Speaker 1: would have been East and west Wood, so we will 412 00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:57,000 Speaker 1: be on on the side. But I was like, well, 413 00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:00,360 Speaker 1: what if we get into a kind of argument anything 414 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:04,240 Speaker 1: quite naturally, don't take care of signs. What was he thinking? 415 00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:07,240 Speaker 1: Like do you think he because I'm assuming his parents 416 00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:10,520 Speaker 1: are together or they were together during that time, right, 417 00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,160 Speaker 1: so maybe I don't know, like because I know sometimes 418 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,240 Speaker 1: people have the idea like they want what their parents 419 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:16,880 Speaker 1: have or what their grandma's had, So is that what 420 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:19,200 Speaker 1: he wanted or like, I mean, we obviously know that 421 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,600 Speaker 1: something was wrong with him, but like for him to 422 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:25,280 Speaker 1: be that like and like he was imposing their own 423 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,280 Speaker 1: us And he was only seventeen, eighteen years old, but 424 00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:31,640 Speaker 1: he was young too, yes, to be one than that 425 00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:35,040 Speaker 1: and moving in and I was like, I'm not pregnant, Like, 426 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:39,680 Speaker 1: what's this rush? Yeah, what's the rush? And that's you 427 00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:44,000 Speaker 1: know now, like it's studying everything. That's one of the 428 00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:49,320 Speaker 1: main signs. That's the first black. But I was never 429 00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:52,800 Speaker 1: taught that the red slack is when someone tries to 430 00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:56,640 Speaker 1: rust the relationship when they get with you, and in 431 00:30:56,760 --> 00:30:58,959 Speaker 1: three months and six months they want to be engaged, 432 00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:02,480 Speaker 1: You want to be married, want to like the rush. 433 00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:08,560 Speaker 1: That's a major flag. That's a major But can that 434 00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:13,680 Speaker 1: be confused for being in love? Yeah? Because you love 435 00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:17,440 Speaker 1: that fast? Who said what you wouldn't fall in love that? 436 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:20,040 Speaker 1: You know? I don't know. Some people be in loving 437 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:27,040 Speaker 1: two days now. I know. Usually typically it may be 438 00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:30,800 Speaker 1: a lust and it may be and I'm not saying 439 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:34,160 Speaker 1: that you can't meet someone and everything like this seems like, 440 00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:39,000 Speaker 1: oh my goodness, everything sinks and blows and we have 441 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:44,480 Speaker 1: to say lights in the same, having the same and everything. 442 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:49,120 Speaker 1: But this, like, I guess I do a thing with 443 00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:53,640 Speaker 1: healthy relationships. And in two days and three days have 444 00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:57,920 Speaker 1: you seen that person angry? Do you really know that person? 445 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,080 Speaker 1: And in two three days that you already run a 446 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:07,280 Speaker 1: financial apart? Do you know the financial habits Are they 447 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,560 Speaker 1: the type of people that they save? Are they? Penny 448 00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:14,600 Speaker 1: Pictures are right? They they don't know about the budget, 449 00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:17,320 Speaker 1: they displurged, they get it and it's gone. You know, 450 00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:22,720 Speaker 1: you don't know a person enough, it may feel like 451 00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:32,440 Speaker 1: it may feel like that. Mm hmm. They are Um, 452 00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:34,920 Speaker 1: It's just a lot of dynamics, you know, Like I said, 453 00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:40,240 Speaker 1: right to figure out that fast and with me having 454 00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:44,680 Speaker 1: no experience, right and even as a young woman, like 455 00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:47,960 Speaker 1: just to be able to experience and just to find 456 00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:50,000 Speaker 1: out what you like in men, you know what I'm saying, 457 00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:52,920 Speaker 1: Just to explore in that realm when it comes to 458 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:58,160 Speaker 1: like relationships, you know, sexuality, Like come on now, I 459 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,960 Speaker 1: always talk about this with me being so weak young 460 00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,560 Speaker 1: because you know, I know a lot of young ladies 461 00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:09,200 Speaker 1: out there right now that may even be listening. And 462 00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:13,360 Speaker 1: at seventeen and eighteen and nineteen and twenty, it's like, no, 463 00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:15,600 Speaker 1: I don't like this, and I know what I like, 464 00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:21,920 Speaker 1: and it's like, but you really don't, because typically teenagers 465 00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:27,840 Speaker 1: and young adults change your mind, right, you change your mind. 466 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:29,720 Speaker 1: It's the day it could be. You could be so 467 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:32,280 Speaker 1: strong and adamant about it and then you need somebody else. 468 00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:34,160 Speaker 1: Did you'd be like, oh, I know, I said, I 469 00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:39,840 Speaker 1: never wanted a guy like that. It's that ship. And 470 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:43,920 Speaker 1: so when I was trying to have that conversation with 471 00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,600 Speaker 1: him that day, that was the one thing that I 472 00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:55,080 Speaker 1: told I said, getting like I think she right now. 473 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,920 Speaker 1: I knew he needed to leave because I need my currcy. 474 00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:01,400 Speaker 1: It was time, and I said, well, I guess we'll 475 00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:07,440 Speaker 1: talk tomorrow. And it not even in the same breath, 476 00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:10,759 Speaker 1: do you know what I said? So what, Well, maybe not, 477 00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,160 Speaker 1: maybe we should talk tomorrow. Well maybe we shouldn't. I 478 00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:19,239 Speaker 1: don't know, because I'm gonna be saying one thing I'm 479 00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:22,040 Speaker 1: gonna be talking about like a slowing down, and you're 480 00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:25,840 Speaker 1: gonna be talking marriage right now on two different pages. 481 00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:31,080 Speaker 1: So it's just that one one subject of the conversation. 482 00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:36,640 Speaker 1: I was back and forth. Mm hmm. It wasn't don't 483 00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:40,319 Speaker 1: call me tomorrow, don't call me any more. It was like, 484 00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:44,879 Speaker 1: I don't need ma. You was unsure, and so can 485 00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:49,839 Speaker 1: you imagine trying to get married back? Yeah, that would 486 00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:54,360 Speaker 1: have been oh a mess. Yeah, I mess. I wanted 487 00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:58,520 Speaker 1: to go, but I really wanted to come back. Kind 488 00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:05,399 Speaker 1: of miss that all night. Wow. So you know when 489 00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:07,520 Speaker 1: you think about us being young and dating. You can 490 00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:14,840 Speaker 1: go through that, right, And he was his first girlfriend, right? No? No, no, wow, 491 00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:19,960 Speaker 1: I don't think I was the first? Vic Wow? Really? 492 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,240 Speaker 1: I mean because we I know you wasn't the last. 493 00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:25,040 Speaker 1: We'll get to that later, because I was like, na, 494 00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:28,080 Speaker 1: I don't think I was the Firston the reason that 495 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:32,600 Speaker 1: I say that, it's because, um, once his parents found 496 00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:39,200 Speaker 1: out that he had attacked to me, they moved quickly 497 00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:43,759 Speaker 1: mm hmm, knowing what to do. The first thing you're 498 00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:48,200 Speaker 1: gonna do with You're gonna check yourself into a mental hospital. Oh, 499 00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,520 Speaker 1: this is what the parents told him. Yes, and then 500 00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:54,400 Speaker 1: you stay there for a certain amount of time. Now, well, 501 00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:56,880 Speaker 1: I was it important that he checked himself in the 502 00:35:56,960 --> 00:36:00,239 Speaker 1: mental hospital because he's acknowledging the fact that he has 503 00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:05,360 Speaker 1: an issue something wrong. Yes, not that. And if you 504 00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:13,480 Speaker 1: check yourself in, you can check yourself right as opposed 505 00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:16,160 Speaker 1: to like, see if someone else did it, it's not 506 00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:20,320 Speaker 1: against his will. Well, it is against his will, yes, wow, 507 00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:23,279 Speaker 1: you know, and someone else could use that for a 508 00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:27,279 Speaker 1: different type of defense and everything. Um. And if if 509 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:30,839 Speaker 1: the state was the check you in, then you would 510 00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:34,520 Speaker 1: have to stay his on this day sick, right, until 511 00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:38,280 Speaker 1: they feel like you're the sounding what is it able 512 00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:43,359 Speaker 1: and sounded mind and something like that. Yeah, yes, mine, 513 00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:46,359 Speaker 1: And so they told him to do that, and then 514 00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:50,359 Speaker 1: they made sure he had a lawyer and then so 515 00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:54,160 Speaker 1: when he did check himself out, then the lawyer was 516 00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:58,640 Speaker 1: right there. And you know, lawyers know it's the strategic 517 00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:02,480 Speaker 1: time to go in front of the magistrate so that 518 00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:07,520 Speaker 1: you won't be overnight. Right. Wow, And this is the 519 00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:09,880 Speaker 1: first time it's star on record and showing up with 520 00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:14,800 Speaker 1: annoy yet so he never spent a day in jail 521 00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:19,759 Speaker 1: that day, tend himself in and got out, like you know, 522 00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:21,920 Speaker 1: just went prop for king process. But wait, wait, we 523 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:25,600 Speaker 1: were speeding up. Were speeding up now? Is it hard 524 00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:28,160 Speaker 1: for you to share the part of the story of 525 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:30,399 Speaker 1: what he did to you? Oh? No, not at all. 526 00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:32,520 Speaker 1: But the only reason why I asked because I have 527 00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:34,920 Speaker 1: interviewed like a lot of survivors and stuff, and I'm 528 00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:38,279 Speaker 1: always mindful of like asking certain things when it comes 529 00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:42,520 Speaker 1: to like triggering situations that happened in one's life. Sotyle, 530 00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:44,120 Speaker 1: I was like the acts just to make sure, but 531 00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:45,880 Speaker 1: I'd like to give people context and living them know, 532 00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:47,960 Speaker 1: like hey, like this can happen to any one of us, 533 00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:54,959 Speaker 1: any one of us, no one, no. Um. So yeah, 534 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:59,080 Speaker 1: so he went home with the and it was really 535 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:04,000 Speaker 1: went back home m hm. And so um, so do 536 00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:05,680 Speaker 1: you want do you want to go back to that 537 00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:11,560 Speaker 1: day now? Yeah? But how have I will say, they 538 00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:15,040 Speaker 1: hear your story is not the same as watching it 539 00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:16,640 Speaker 1: on TV because you know, on TV they like to 540 00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:20,040 Speaker 1: chop it up and stuff. Yes, and I hate that 541 00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:22,760 Speaker 1: because I feel like hearing it now like I'm like, okay, 542 00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:24,640 Speaker 1: now it makes sense that I can actually see it. 543 00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:28,640 Speaker 1: But you know on TV it can be a little choppy. Yes, yes, yes, 544 00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:31,960 Speaker 1: that's why I hope a lot of people, um are 545 00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:34,560 Speaker 1: tuning in like they've already seen it, or they'll go 546 00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:37,279 Speaker 1: back and see it. And oh yeah, people gonna definitely 547 00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:41,320 Speaker 1: go back and see after this episode. So at this point, 548 00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:45,080 Speaker 1: hopefully just to throw it out there to all your 549 00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:50,840 Speaker 1: listeners that um, this is a trigger alert and that 550 00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:57,600 Speaker 1: um it's a lot of violence. So it's does disturb you. 551 00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:02,120 Speaker 1: This maybe the point of this interview that you might 552 00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:06,759 Speaker 1: want to to now and maybe come later, but this 553 00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:12,719 Speaker 1: can be very disturbing. So on that day, once we 554 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,600 Speaker 1: went over and we continued to talk back and for 555 00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:22,000 Speaker 1: back and forth. He didn't stated, oh it got late, 556 00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:24,840 Speaker 1: and I said it was time for the leave and 557 00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:28,000 Speaker 1: maclynina curfew. Yes, and that's when I was the back 558 00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:31,080 Speaker 1: and forth, maybe we share maybe Sharn called tomorrow whatever, 559 00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:35,880 Speaker 1: and he said, okay, And mind you, I'm still watching 560 00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:41,120 Speaker 1: the boding thing and nothing that I could see had shifted. 561 00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:46,680 Speaker 1: But at the same time, where we were sitting kind 562 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,279 Speaker 1: of shifted, so I'm not looking head on at him. 563 00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:53,440 Speaker 1: I'm kind of looking to the side. I'm more so 564 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:58,000 Speaker 1: looking down because I feel awkward that I'm sure he 565 00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:04,120 Speaker 1: feels awkward because as I'm basically saying that we won't 566 00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:08,799 Speaker 1: continue how we were, which is clearly me giving off 567 00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:12,120 Speaker 1: signs to him that we were moving more forward, then 568 00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:16,520 Speaker 1: maybe he felt like, Okay, well, because we've spent so 569 00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:18,759 Speaker 1: much time with just the two of us, maybe by 570 00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:22,520 Speaker 1: now she's ready to be with me forever and make 571 00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:25,160 Speaker 1: it more permanent. Yeah, And that that was not I 572 00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:29,279 Speaker 1: had not changed my mind at all, and so I 573 00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:34,160 Speaker 1: felt bad. I felt awkward, and I just was like 574 00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:39,279 Speaker 1: like here, I am like, oh poor God. Right, So 575 00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:43,439 Speaker 1: my guard is down and I hear him get ready 576 00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:47,440 Speaker 1: to get out, and as I hear him get up, 577 00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:49,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, I gotta get up, you know, walking 578 00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:53,600 Speaker 1: to the door. So I get up to go and walk. 579 00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:59,879 Speaker 1: I'm closer to the door, and just as I'm walcome die. 580 00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:05,560 Speaker 1: So many times be dismiss things I had beside my 581 00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:11,759 Speaker 1: turn around, but it says how I was thinking, turn 582 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:14,759 Speaker 1: around to make sure he's not handy, and then he's 583 00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:19,800 Speaker 1: not still sick. Right, So just as I go to turn, 584 00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:22,839 Speaker 1: before I can fully turn him ound to look at him, 585 00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,480 Speaker 1: just almost like at the corner of my act. So 586 00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:31,759 Speaker 1: I turned around, I see his heir like this, and 587 00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:37,400 Speaker 1: I'm thinking like he's about to strike, like punch means 588 00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:41,799 Speaker 1: like in a fist, but in the fist, it's a 589 00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:47,760 Speaker 1: pair of seasons. And before I can even have time 590 00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:52,440 Speaker 1: to act or anything. It only takes a second that 591 00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:56,719 Speaker 1: because he was already in stride, right, and he's just 592 00:41:56,719 --> 00:42:04,719 Speaker 1: sort of striking and I definitely different. Yes, yeah, so 593 00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:10,800 Speaker 1: I know that he's stabbed me. And I just started like, 594 00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:15,359 Speaker 1: like for the second, I'm not saying anything because I'm 595 00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:19,719 Speaker 1: just like shocked and shocked. And then I started screaming, 596 00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:26,200 Speaker 1: I'm married. I'm married. And as I'm screaming it, he's 597 00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:30,880 Speaker 1: just still coming for me, and it's almost like so 598 00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:35,759 Speaker 1: I was like I was off balance because I'm kind 599 00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:39,640 Speaker 1: of like I'm halfway turned and like to my feet 600 00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:43,359 Speaker 1: are not playing its solid. And then of course with 601 00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:47,080 Speaker 1: him just overpowering me kind of sward launching towards me, 602 00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:51,279 Speaker 1: I'm just like on the ground and I'm just trying 603 00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,960 Speaker 1: to get away from me. And as I'm trying to 604 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:59,040 Speaker 1: get away from him, basically like almost scooting and crawling 605 00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:01,760 Speaker 1: at the same time, gonna get away while you're stabbing 606 00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:07,080 Speaker 1: And nobody heard job. So the only person that's in 607 00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:12,360 Speaker 1: the house mm hmm, she's on the phone, so she 608 00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:17,239 Speaker 1: hears me saying I'm married out care but she don't 609 00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:22,479 Speaker 1: know why you're saying it. So she's thinking, she said 610 00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:24,960 Speaker 1: that the first her first instinct. But they must be playing, 611 00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:29,200 Speaker 1: I mean, and they must be like play fighting or whatever, 612 00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:31,360 Speaker 1: you know, like if somebody's sticking it, you're like, you 613 00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:36,200 Speaker 1: have you know, And then she has some stuff not 614 00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:42,680 Speaker 1: not gonna and she's like, so you know, it's you know, 615 00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:45,440 Speaker 1: just like anybody if you're on the phone and you 616 00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:49,919 Speaker 1: have the TV on and wearing the bag, so you're 617 00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,759 Speaker 1: hearing it. But you're like, what's going on back there? 618 00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:54,480 Speaker 1: But I'd say time somebody else is talking to you. 619 00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:58,239 Speaker 1: So that's what was happening, Like she got all the 620 00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:01,840 Speaker 1: other distractions is you don't know if they plan, you 621 00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:04,440 Speaker 1: don't know what going on. And then she said that 622 00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:07,440 Speaker 1: by I think it was like the something in my 623 00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:15,520 Speaker 1: voice made her like, great, maybe they're not late, right, 624 00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:18,719 Speaker 1: So she said that to my she was on the phone. 625 00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:23,640 Speaker 1: He said, she said, I better go because I think 626 00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:30,319 Speaker 1: they might fight. And just as she went, she hung up, 627 00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:34,360 Speaker 1: runs to the bag. Now she's a handy thing. She 628 00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:38,919 Speaker 1: listened it round, she's seeing it. She see no body 629 00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:43,960 Speaker 1: after the wrong. Just as she's about to go out 630 00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:50,759 Speaker 1: the door again, she hears me faintly common m hmm. 631 00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:53,200 Speaker 1: By this time he's pinned the over on top of 632 00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:56,719 Speaker 1: me and now he's struggling so many times. So it's 633 00:44:56,760 --> 00:45:01,200 Speaker 1: just like it's like almost like a whisper that I called. 634 00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:07,600 Speaker 1: And so that's when she realized they are in this room, 635 00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:09,480 Speaker 1: like where they are. So when she went back in 636 00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:12,600 Speaker 1: and she stood over, it was like against the wall, 637 00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:17,759 Speaker 1: but in the f m hmm, in the corner, and 638 00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:23,120 Speaker 1: she came and she just looked in the room over there, 639 00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:26,080 Speaker 1: and so he had me there was like a bar 640 00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:30,120 Speaker 1: and he had me paved potween the bar in the wall. 641 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:35,680 Speaker 1: That's where I was. I don't know, you know, if 642 00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:38,840 Speaker 1: I was just get away now even just let me 643 00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:43,000 Speaker 1: get in this corner right, So that's where we were, 644 00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:48,360 Speaker 1: and all she could see was his back and my 645 00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:54,520 Speaker 1: necks mm hmm. She could seem because that's how weird 646 00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:58,160 Speaker 1: she had. And so by this time she ran over. 647 00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:02,200 Speaker 1: She screaming at him, but he didn't hear. So she 648 00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:07,480 Speaker 1: screaming his name, not turning around, He's not nothing. She 649 00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:12,160 Speaker 1: grabs him to pull him off, and by and she 650 00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:14,800 Speaker 1: all she could see was his hand like striking motion. 651 00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:19,160 Speaker 1: So she's thinking he's punching. So when she pulled him off, 652 00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:22,520 Speaker 1: then that's when she saw the blood. That's where she 653 00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:27,640 Speaker 1: saw the seasons. Wow. And she had said to him, 654 00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:30,360 Speaker 1: what are you doing? What are you doing? What are 655 00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:32,160 Speaker 1: you doing? Get off her, get over her and muss 656 00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:35,920 Speaker 1: how she raped and and she saw it. Then her 657 00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:40,120 Speaker 1: shots said it and she started backing up and she 658 00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:44,040 Speaker 1: said that he just did at her. He stopped for 659 00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:47,239 Speaker 1: a second and just there, but he never said it work, 660 00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:52,960 Speaker 1: And so she thought, okay, I need to go and 661 00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:59,239 Speaker 1: grab a vamping. Yeah, right, and just so she was 662 00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:01,520 Speaker 1: back in, but she said she she had to make 663 00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:04,920 Speaker 1: it out of the phone. So she started back and 664 00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:08,160 Speaker 1: now once she got simple the words and about of 665 00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:11,799 Speaker 1: the room, he's staring at her. And once he sees 666 00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:15,040 Speaker 1: her to be about of the mom he goes back 667 00:47:15,120 --> 00:47:24,040 Speaker 1: to staff. Oh he is a demon. So she thoughts herself, 668 00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:31,080 Speaker 1: you know what, let me not get something to overpower 669 00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:37,200 Speaker 1: to try and because he's still young, you know, he's young, yeah, 670 00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:41,319 Speaker 1: and she's a little bit older. So and there's one 671 00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:48,640 Speaker 1: thing survival tactics, and there's another way. It's just you 672 00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:55,640 Speaker 1: haven't to victimize some and it's two different things. It's 673 00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:58,200 Speaker 1: one thing to trying to survive, but it's another thing 674 00:47:58,320 --> 00:48:02,680 Speaker 1: we've been trying to really kill. Right, And so she 675 00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:08,919 Speaker 1: ran to the phone instead and she died. And once 676 00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:17,680 Speaker 1: she started giving his dish and he heard it set. 677 00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:23,839 Speaker 1: This concludes part one of this week's episode. Please stay 678 00:48:23,920 --> 00:48:28,359 Speaker 1: tuned for part two, dropping next Tuesday. Until next time, 679 00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:29,959 Speaker 1: Everyone Later,