1 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:26,356 Speaker 1: Pushkin. This ball marks the fifth birthday of the Happiness Lab. 2 00:00:26,556 --> 00:00:29,156 Speaker 1: Since twenty nineteen eight, we've put out hundreds of episodes. 3 00:00:29,236 --> 00:00:32,236 Speaker 1: For for our anniversary season, I've asked my producer, Ryan 4 00:00:32,316 --> 00:00:34,996 Speaker 1: Dilly to pull my five favorite episodes from the archive 5 00:00:35,116 --> 00:00:37,476 Speaker 1: to release again so you can check them out. Ryan, 6 00:00:37,636 --> 00:00:38,916 Speaker 1: what's our number four episode? 7 00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:41,356 Speaker 2: This one's called nerd Out The Happiness of. 8 00:00:41,356 --> 00:00:43,676 Speaker 3: Being a Fan. Oh right, I love this one. 9 00:00:43,716 --> 00:00:46,556 Speaker 1: This is an entire episode about the happiness benefits of 10 00:00:46,556 --> 00:00:47,196 Speaker 1: being a fan. 11 00:00:47,476 --> 00:00:48,676 Speaker 3: Something Ryan that as my. 12 00:00:48,596 --> 00:00:50,596 Speaker 1: Friend, you know, I spend a lot of time doing. 13 00:00:50,836 --> 00:00:53,956 Speaker 4: That's true. So tell the audience other than psychology, what 14 00:00:53,996 --> 00:00:54,636 Speaker 4: do you nerd out? 15 00:00:55,076 --> 00:00:57,076 Speaker 1: Well, one thing, as you know, is that I nerd 16 00:00:57,116 --> 00:00:59,916 Speaker 1: out a lot about Star Wars. In fact, at the 17 00:00:59,916 --> 00:01:02,196 Speaker 1: most recent comic con in my city, I got to 18 00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:05,036 Speaker 1: meet Billy d Williams the Rando Calli scene from the 19 00:01:05,076 --> 00:01:07,836 Speaker 1: Star Wars series with my mom, which is a wonderful memory. 20 00:01:08,076 --> 00:01:09,716 Speaker 1: But the show is about a lot more than just 21 00:01:09,756 --> 00:01:12,236 Speaker 1: being like a Star Wars or Star Trek, as we 22 00:01:12,276 --> 00:01:15,596 Speaker 1: talk about in this episode fan. It's really more about 23 00:01:15,636 --> 00:01:18,196 Speaker 1: the psychological benefits that you can get from certain kinds 24 00:01:18,236 --> 00:01:22,156 Speaker 1: of relationships that we have with celebrities and fictional. 25 00:01:21,836 --> 00:01:23,036 Speaker 3: Characters and so on. 26 00:01:23,436 --> 00:01:25,436 Speaker 1: It also talks a lot about the kinds of ways 27 00:01:25,476 --> 00:01:27,756 Speaker 1: that we can be kinded to ourselves by being open 28 00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,076 Speaker 1: to some of the goofiness that comes from fandom, and 29 00:01:30,116 --> 00:01:33,156 Speaker 1: it also includes one of my favorite celebrity guests. So 30 00:01:33,236 --> 00:01:35,716 Speaker 1: here it is nerd out the happiness of being a fan. 31 00:01:38,996 --> 00:01:41,316 Speaker 3: I blush when I think about this because it's like, oh, 32 00:01:41,396 --> 00:01:46,276 Speaker 3: it's like remembering it's loved first sight. 33 00:01:46,876 --> 00:01:49,716 Speaker 1: This is author Tabatha Carbon. She's telling me how she 34 00:01:49,796 --> 00:01:51,076 Speaker 1: fell for the man of her dreams. 35 00:01:51,796 --> 00:01:55,916 Speaker 3: I was getting a takeaway coffee in a cafe, which 36 00:01:55,956 --> 00:01:58,196 Speaker 3: was a novel experience to me because I had been 37 00:01:58,236 --> 00:02:00,956 Speaker 3: breastfading and pregnant for so long. Like I just felt 38 00:02:00,996 --> 00:02:02,956 Speaker 3: like I hadn't drunk coffee in a thousand years. 39 00:02:03,436 --> 00:02:06,716 Speaker 1: Before motherhood, Tabatha enjoyed an active career and lots of 40 00:02:06,756 --> 00:02:10,356 Speaker 1: interest in hobbies. But after motherhood, Tabitha's two kids became 41 00:02:10,396 --> 00:02:13,116 Speaker 1: the focus of her entire world. She had no time 42 00:02:13,156 --> 00:02:15,636 Speaker 1: for herself or her own emotional needs. 43 00:02:16,116 --> 00:02:21,876 Speaker 3: I wasn't depressed, I wasn't unwill I was just preoccupied. 44 00:02:22,516 --> 00:02:24,716 Speaker 3: I just I realized I just didn't know who I 45 00:02:24,796 --> 00:02:27,116 Speaker 3: was anymore. I couldn't hold on to any of the 46 00:02:27,156 --> 00:02:29,996 Speaker 3: pieces that used to be there. They were completely gone. 47 00:02:30,516 --> 00:02:33,036 Speaker 1: It was in this moment of personal crisis that he 48 00:02:33,436 --> 00:02:34,356 Speaker 1: finally appeared. 49 00:02:34,716 --> 00:02:37,036 Speaker 3: I was waiting for my coffee and the newspaper was 50 00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:39,396 Speaker 3: open on a table and I saw an ad. 51 00:02:40,036 --> 00:02:42,876 Speaker 1: The ad, Inocuous Enough, was for a new season of 52 00:02:42,876 --> 00:02:47,396 Speaker 1: the television series Sherlock Holmes, starring the actor Benedict Cumberbatch. 53 00:02:47,836 --> 00:02:52,156 Speaker 3: I had seen Benedict Cumberbatch many times before. I had 54 00:02:52,236 --> 00:02:54,556 Speaker 3: thought not much of him other than he was an 55 00:02:54,636 --> 00:02:59,076 Speaker 3: unusual looking man who appeared in many, many shows that 56 00:02:59,116 --> 00:02:59,796 Speaker 3: I seemed to watch. 57 00:03:00,436 --> 00:03:03,836 Speaker 1: But Tabitha's reaction to this Benedict photo at this particular 58 00:03:03,876 --> 00:03:06,836 Speaker 1: moment in her life felt very, very different. 59 00:03:07,676 --> 00:03:11,556 Speaker 3: Just the sight of this man pulling on a leather glove, 60 00:03:11,836 --> 00:03:14,996 Speaker 3: and I just had this surprising feeling which I can 61 00:03:15,076 --> 00:03:17,956 Speaker 3: only describe as yearning. Like I was like, I want 62 00:03:17,956 --> 00:03:18,756 Speaker 3: to watch that show. 63 00:03:19,276 --> 00:03:22,156 Speaker 4: Something's coming, there is mariaty. 64 00:03:23,196 --> 00:03:26,676 Speaker 3: I sat down to watch the latest episode of Sherlock, 65 00:03:26,836 --> 00:03:30,956 Speaker 3: and I just I found myself at this point completely 66 00:03:30,956 --> 00:03:33,796 Speaker 3: captivated by this man who I had seen one hundred 67 00:03:33,876 --> 00:03:37,356 Speaker 3: times before. This time, he looked completely different from me. 68 00:03:37,876 --> 00:03:42,996 Speaker 3: I was mesmerized by his physical appearance, everything about him 69 00:03:43,236 --> 00:03:46,276 Speaker 3: just it felt like he shook my bones. I just 70 00:03:46,396 --> 00:03:50,276 Speaker 3: felt more alive and awake in the moment watching this 71 00:03:50,356 --> 00:03:54,236 Speaker 3: TV show than I had in the years previous raising 72 00:03:54,436 --> 00:03:57,156 Speaker 3: my children. And that's a shocking thing to say, because 73 00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:59,716 Speaker 3: you know, raising your children is supposed to be you know, 74 00:03:59,756 --> 00:04:05,276 Speaker 3: it is an objectively meaningful thing. But the reality is this, 75 00:04:06,196 --> 00:04:11,156 Speaker 3: sitting down to watch this completely silly, trivial TV show 76 00:04:12,316 --> 00:04:19,796 Speaker 3: somehow affected me more emotionally than all those years of mothering. 77 00:04:20,716 --> 00:04:24,516 Speaker 1: Tabitha watched and rewatched all the seasons of Sherlock. She 78 00:04:24,596 --> 00:04:27,956 Speaker 1: became engrossed with the actor's many movies. She read and 79 00:04:27,996 --> 00:04:31,796 Speaker 1: re read Benedict's online interviews, and she scrolled and smiled 80 00:04:31,876 --> 00:04:35,876 Speaker 1: endlessly at his countless online photos. Nearly all of her 81 00:04:35,916 --> 00:04:38,956 Speaker 1: free time was soon taken up with that distinctive face 82 00:04:38,996 --> 00:04:43,396 Speaker 1: of his. Tabitha had become smin with Benedict Cumberbatch. 83 00:04:44,316 --> 00:04:46,996 Speaker 3: So the thing about that incumabatch is that it starts 84 00:04:47,196 --> 00:04:50,396 Speaker 3: with the voice like a jaguar trapped in a cello, 85 00:04:50,756 --> 00:04:53,556 Speaker 3: is how his voice has been described. The next thing 86 00:04:53,596 --> 00:04:57,396 Speaker 3: is the cheekbones he has very distinctive cheekbones. And then 87 00:04:57,436 --> 00:05:00,596 Speaker 3: the eyes actually make him look weird because they are 88 00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:03,236 Speaker 3: just too far apart on his head. And then I 89 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:06,716 Speaker 3: think it's the lips, very full lips, excellent cupid bow, 90 00:05:07,036 --> 00:05:08,996 Speaker 3: excellent hair. Should I keep going? 91 00:05:09,596 --> 00:05:12,116 Speaker 1: But despite the joyful thrill that her new obsession brought, 92 00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:15,276 Speaker 1: becoming so obsessed with a person she'd never met also 93 00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:18,076 Speaker 1: made Tabitha feel kind of embarrassed. 94 00:05:18,436 --> 00:05:22,036 Speaker 3: I feel ashamed is actually it sounds like an extreme emotion, 95 00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:26,036 Speaker 3: but it seemed like something you should not be proud of. 96 00:05:26,636 --> 00:05:30,196 Speaker 3: It felt inappropriate, It felt juvenile, It felt like an 97 00:05:30,396 --> 00:05:34,076 Speaker 3: mental and emotional regression to a time that you were 98 00:05:34,076 --> 00:05:36,836 Speaker 3: supposed to be completely done with by the time you're 99 00:05:36,916 --> 00:05:42,916 Speaker 3: almost forty. And it made me feel profoundly embarrassed, to 100 00:05:42,996 --> 00:05:45,276 Speaker 3: the point that I didn't tell anyone about it for 101 00:05:45,316 --> 00:05:45,956 Speaker 3: a long time. 102 00:05:46,876 --> 00:05:49,636 Speaker 1: Now, it's entirely possible that you've never fallen as hard 103 00:05:49,676 --> 00:05:52,636 Speaker 1: as Tabitha did for some random celebrity. You may not 104 00:05:52,716 --> 00:05:55,036 Speaker 1: yet have felt the thrill and embarrassment that comes with 105 00:05:55,116 --> 00:05:58,076 Speaker 1: being It's called being cumber botched. 106 00:05:58,196 --> 00:06:02,436 Speaker 3: Cumber bat, cumber bat, coumba bat cumber botched. That's that's 107 00:06:02,476 --> 00:06:05,396 Speaker 3: when it goes wrong that sounds. 108 00:06:06,916 --> 00:06:09,036 Speaker 1: You may not personally know the thrill and embarrassment that 109 00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:12,436 Speaker 1: comes with being cumber batched, but I'm guessing that at 110 00:06:12,476 --> 00:06:15,236 Speaker 1: some point in your life you had something that you 111 00:06:15,316 --> 00:06:18,436 Speaker 1: really geeked out about, that band or book or game 112 00:06:18,556 --> 00:06:20,876 Speaker 1: or movie that you knew way too much about, that 113 00:06:20,956 --> 00:06:23,516 Speaker 1: you spent far too much money in time on the 114 00:06:23,636 --> 00:06:25,676 Speaker 1: kind of thing you adored so much that it went 115 00:06:25,716 --> 00:06:28,836 Speaker 1: from being a regular, everyday sort of appreciation to a 116 00:06:28,836 --> 00:06:32,996 Speaker 1: full blown, geeky, guilty pleasure. But could embracing a deep 117 00:06:33,036 --> 00:06:36,356 Speaker 1: love of a seemingly trivial thing and doing so openly 118 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,156 Speaker 1: and without guilt be the key to feeling more connected 119 00:06:39,236 --> 00:06:41,876 Speaker 1: and more present? Would each of us become a lot 120 00:06:41,876 --> 00:06:46,276 Speaker 1: happier if we two could, at least metaphorically get cumber batched. 121 00:06:47,716 --> 00:06:49,676 Speaker 1: Our minds are constantly telling us what to do to 122 00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:52,316 Speaker 1: be happy. But what if our minds are wrong? What 123 00:06:52,356 --> 00:06:54,796 Speaker 1: if our minds are lying to us, leading us away 124 00:06:54,836 --> 00:06:57,636 Speaker 1: from what will really make us happy. The good news 125 00:06:57,716 --> 00:06:59,836 Speaker 1: is that understanding the science of the mind can point 126 00:06:59,916 --> 00:07:02,516 Speaker 1: us all back in the right direction. You're listening to 127 00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:13,636 Speaker 1: the happiness lap with me, Doctor Laurie Santos As Tabitha's 128 00:07:13,636 --> 00:07:17,116 Speaker 1: excitement over all things Benedict grew, she slowly began revealing 129 00:07:17,156 --> 00:07:19,996 Speaker 1: her obsession to the people closest to her. Most of 130 00:07:19,996 --> 00:07:22,596 Speaker 1: her friends admitted to being pretty confused. 131 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:26,596 Speaker 3: They find it just inexplicable, and it required an entire 132 00:07:26,636 --> 00:07:27,716 Speaker 3: book for me to explain. 133 00:07:28,316 --> 00:07:30,596 Speaker 1: That book is entitled this is not a book about 134 00:07:30,596 --> 00:07:34,956 Speaker 1: Benedict Cumberbatch. The joy of loving something anything like your 135 00:07:34,956 --> 00:07:35,796 Speaker 1: life depends on it. 136 00:07:35,996 --> 00:07:38,276 Speaker 3: And initially what I thought I was writing about was 137 00:07:38,316 --> 00:07:42,196 Speaker 3: why did this crazy thing happen to me, this perfectly 138 00:07:42,236 --> 00:07:46,436 Speaker 3: normal person. You know, it seemed beneath me. Sounds really snobby, 139 00:07:46,476 --> 00:07:48,076 Speaker 3: but I mean that is how I That is how 140 00:07:48,116 --> 00:07:50,996 Speaker 3: I feelt about something like a celebrity crush, that it 141 00:07:51,076 --> 00:07:53,436 Speaker 3: was not the kind of thing that someone like me 142 00:07:54,116 --> 00:07:55,276 Speaker 3: should fall into. 143 00:07:56,396 --> 00:08:00,356 Speaker 1: Tabitha experienced a complicated set of emotions, both about Benedict 144 00:08:00,556 --> 00:08:03,836 Speaker 1: and about her obsession with Benedict. She'd never felt more 145 00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:07,116 Speaker 1: joyful or alive as she did watching Sherlock, but spending 146 00:08:07,156 --> 00:08:09,436 Speaker 1: so much time being a fangirl came with a lot 147 00:08:09,436 --> 00:08:09,836 Speaker 1: of guilt. 148 00:08:10,676 --> 00:08:14,396 Speaker 3: I was using my precious free time and precious free 149 00:08:14,556 --> 00:08:18,516 Speaker 3: brain space to think about this guy. When you I 150 00:08:18,556 --> 00:08:20,756 Speaker 3: felt like I should be using that time to either 151 00:08:20,756 --> 00:08:24,156 Speaker 3: think about my husband or my children the housework. 152 00:08:24,556 --> 00:08:27,396 Speaker 1: Wasting her time on something so trivial also made her 153 00:08:27,396 --> 00:08:28,316 Speaker 1: feel selfish. 154 00:08:28,516 --> 00:08:32,436 Speaker 3: It's not about serving the needs of other people. It's 155 00:08:32,476 --> 00:08:35,196 Speaker 3: not about tending to the needs of your children, or 156 00:08:35,196 --> 00:08:39,516 Speaker 3: your family or your domestic environment. It is something that 157 00:08:39,716 --> 00:08:41,956 Speaker 3: is just for you. 158 00:08:42,876 --> 00:08:45,796 Speaker 1: She'd also seen how the actors hardcore fans who lovingly 159 00:08:45,836 --> 00:08:49,276 Speaker 1: referred to themselves as cumber bitches were portrayed in the news. 160 00:08:49,876 --> 00:08:53,956 Speaker 1: The media called the cumber bitches hysterical, crazed, cultlake and 161 00:08:53,996 --> 00:08:55,276 Speaker 1: even terrifying. 162 00:08:55,556 --> 00:08:57,796 Speaker 3: You know, I didn't look at that and think, oh, yeah, 163 00:08:57,836 --> 00:09:00,796 Speaker 3: these are my people, like I want to join that community, 164 00:09:00,996 --> 00:09:03,636 Speaker 3: sign me up. That was a huge stumbling blog. I 165 00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:06,236 Speaker 3: was like, hell, no, I'm not gonna I'm not going 166 00:09:06,316 --> 00:09:08,596 Speaker 3: to put my hand up to be the subject of 167 00:09:08,636 --> 00:09:10,156 Speaker 3: things going kind of insults. 168 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:13,836 Speaker 1: But Tabitha wasn't just afraid of jeers and mockery. Her 169 00:09:13,836 --> 00:09:16,636 Speaker 1: infatuation with her new crush was so powerful that it 170 00:09:16,716 --> 00:09:20,876 Speaker 1: scared her. Tabitha hadn't experienced anything that extreme since she 171 00:09:20,956 --> 00:09:21,676 Speaker 1: was a teenager. 172 00:09:22,356 --> 00:09:25,996 Speaker 3: All I was doing was simply pursuing a feeling which 173 00:09:25,996 --> 00:09:29,716 Speaker 3: made me feel good. It's amazing the extent to which 174 00:09:29,716 --> 00:09:31,036 Speaker 3: that felt scary. 175 00:09:32,076 --> 00:09:34,636 Speaker 1: But intense feelings like this are kind of what fandom 176 00:09:34,716 --> 00:09:37,396 Speaker 1: is all about. I mean, the term fan comes from 177 00:09:37,436 --> 00:09:41,876 Speaker 1: the Latin fanaticus, meaning frenzied by the gods. These days, 178 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:45,556 Speaker 1: we of course use the term for less divinely inspired circumstances. 179 00:09:45,996 --> 00:09:49,716 Speaker 3: It's just that some things seem normal for us to 180 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,756 Speaker 3: fan over, and some things don't. 181 00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:54,636 Speaker 1: Take sports, no one bats an eye if you spend 182 00:09:54,676 --> 00:09:57,156 Speaker 1: hundreds of dollars on T shirts and posters and bumper 183 00:09:57,156 --> 00:10:00,436 Speaker 1: stickers to show your devotion to a football team. No 184 00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:03,196 Speaker 1: one calls you hysterical if you scream at the television 185 00:10:03,196 --> 00:10:06,196 Speaker 1: when your favorite basketball player hits the perfect shot, or 186 00:10:06,236 --> 00:10:07,876 Speaker 1: if you sulk when the home team loses. 187 00:10:08,436 --> 00:10:12,756 Speaker 3: I mean, sports fandom is so normalized, you know, it's 188 00:10:12,756 --> 00:10:16,036 Speaker 3: on the news every single night. That's wonderful, Like it's 189 00:10:16,076 --> 00:10:19,516 Speaker 3: a wonderful thing that we have nourished and supported as 190 00:10:19,556 --> 00:10:22,676 Speaker 3: a society because sports fans get a huge return on 191 00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:27,116 Speaker 3: investment from that kind of dedication. And then, actually, that 192 00:10:27,276 --> 00:10:30,476 Speaker 3: is all I was feeling towards Bagic Cumberbatch was exactly 193 00:10:30,556 --> 00:10:31,076 Speaker 3: the same thing. 194 00:10:31,836 --> 00:10:33,716 Speaker 1: So how can we overcome this stigma that has been 195 00:10:33,836 --> 00:10:37,396 Speaker 1: historically attached to nerding out and happily embrace our passions 196 00:10:37,476 --> 00:10:40,476 Speaker 1: no matter what they are. To find out, I tagged 197 00:10:40,516 --> 00:10:43,276 Speaker 1: in an expert who understands the joys and downsides of 198 00:10:43,396 --> 00:10:44,876 Speaker 1: unashamed fandom. 199 00:10:45,196 --> 00:10:48,236 Speaker 3: Good morning, good morning. Can you hear us? 200 00:10:48,756 --> 00:10:50,076 Speaker 4: I can can you see me? 201 00:10:51,116 --> 00:10:53,916 Speaker 1: Someone who's had a unique glimpse into both sides of 202 00:10:53,956 --> 00:10:58,996 Speaker 1: the fandom relationship. Now we can see you, and with 203 00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:01,516 Speaker 1: the seeing you comes the like, oh my god, oh 204 00:11:01,556 --> 00:11:02,756 Speaker 1: my god, oh my god, geeking out. 205 00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:04,636 Speaker 3: But I'm going to try to hold it together. 206 00:11:04,836 --> 00:11:07,916 Speaker 4: Ah, You're doing a great It's. 207 00:11:07,796 --> 00:11:10,516 Speaker 1: Also a celebrity who turns me into a bit of 208 00:11:10,516 --> 00:11:11,636 Speaker 1: a fangirl myself. 209 00:11:12,116 --> 00:11:16,396 Speaker 5: It's weird to introduce myself. Hi, my name is Will Wheton. 210 00:11:16,956 --> 00:11:19,716 Speaker 1: If you're a nerd like me, Will needs no introduction. 211 00:11:20,276 --> 00:11:22,396 Speaker 1: Will is an author, a blogger, the host of the 212 00:11:22,436 --> 00:11:25,996 Speaker 1: YouTube board game show Tabletop, and most famously, he played 213 00:11:26,036 --> 00:11:29,796 Speaker 1: Wesley Crusher on Star Trek the Next Generation. But these days, 214 00:11:29,876 --> 00:11:32,836 Speaker 1: Will is happy to be known as a geek. In fact, 215 00:11:33,076 --> 00:11:35,676 Speaker 1: justin Geek was the title of his first memoir, which 216 00:11:35,756 --> 00:11:37,836 Speaker 1: chronicled his first steps towards fandom. 217 00:11:38,196 --> 00:11:40,356 Speaker 5: It was third grade when we went to the library 218 00:11:40,836 --> 00:11:44,476 Speaker 5: and I got my first sci fi book like I 219 00:11:44,756 --> 00:11:47,716 Speaker 5: devoured it, like I think I finished it that day, 220 00:11:48,356 --> 00:11:51,636 Speaker 5: and that really started me on the path that I walked. 221 00:11:51,316 --> 00:11:53,156 Speaker 4: For the rest of my life. 222 00:11:53,276 --> 00:11:56,756 Speaker 1: Young Will was especially drawn to one particular sci fi franchise. 223 00:11:57,436 --> 00:11:59,916 Speaker 1: He fell completely in love with the nineteen sixties TV 224 00:11:59,996 --> 00:12:01,116 Speaker 1: show Star. 225 00:12:00,956 --> 00:12:05,236 Speaker 5: Trek, watching it in syndication over and over and over again, 226 00:12:05,356 --> 00:12:08,556 Speaker 5: like every time it was on, just everything stopped and 227 00:12:08,556 --> 00:12:09,836 Speaker 5: I would watch that. 228 00:12:09,836 --> 00:12:11,356 Speaker 4: That's what I really really loved. 229 00:12:11,916 --> 00:12:16,156 Speaker 5: So when I was fourteen and found out I was 230 00:12:16,196 --> 00:12:21,996 Speaker 5: auditioning for a new Star Trek series, I was beside myself. 231 00:12:22,676 --> 00:12:24,836 Speaker 1: It's pretty rare that a fan gets to become part 232 00:12:24,876 --> 00:12:27,636 Speaker 1: of the thing they love so much. Will remembers what 233 00:12:27,676 --> 00:12:29,996 Speaker 1: it felt like to put on his first Starfleet uniform 234 00:12:30,476 --> 00:12:32,476 Speaker 1: and to walk onto the set of the Enterprise for 235 00:12:32,556 --> 00:12:33,236 Speaker 1: the first time. 236 00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:37,876 Speaker 5: When you get there, you cannot see anything else except 237 00:12:38,236 --> 00:12:41,356 Speaker 5: the reality of the starship that you are on. I 238 00:12:41,396 --> 00:12:45,596 Speaker 5: loved walking there. I loved being alone there. I loved 239 00:12:45,636 --> 00:12:48,116 Speaker 5: sitting in that set and pretending it was all real. 240 00:12:48,756 --> 00:12:52,196 Speaker 5: It was a really safe, really happy place for me. 241 00:12:52,716 --> 00:12:55,316 Speaker 1: But nerding up to star Trek stuff wasn't Will's only 242 00:12:55,356 --> 00:12:58,276 Speaker 1: happy place, you see. Ever since he was a kid, 243 00:12:58,436 --> 00:13:00,916 Speaker 1: Will has allowed himself to love lots and lots of 244 00:13:00,956 --> 00:13:04,836 Speaker 1: nerdy things, all as deeply as any cumber bitche worships Benedict. 245 00:13:05,236 --> 00:13:06,996 Speaker 4: I am familiar with cumber bitches. 246 00:13:08,036 --> 00:13:10,516 Speaker 1: Will geeks out to Dungeon the Dragons and old school 247 00:13:10,596 --> 00:13:14,036 Speaker 1: arcade machines and tabletop board games and action figures and 248 00:13:14,076 --> 00:13:18,396 Speaker 1: comic books and fantasy novels and Harry styles do. 249 00:13:18,516 --> 00:13:22,636 Speaker 5: I absolutely adore and I never would have, like, why 250 00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,676 Speaker 5: would I have listened to a boy band guy ever. 251 00:13:24,516 --> 00:13:25,316 Speaker 4: In my life? 252 00:13:25,556 --> 00:13:29,996 Speaker 5: That guy is amazing? What a remarkable human being and 253 00:13:30,196 --> 00:13:31,196 Speaker 5: so talented. 254 00:13:31,796 --> 00:13:35,196 Speaker 1: As he explains in his new annotated memoir Still Jessic Geek, 255 00:13:35,636 --> 00:13:38,756 Speaker 1: Will loves having the very intense band based passion that 256 00:13:38,876 --> 00:13:40,116 Speaker 1: scared Tabith is so much. 257 00:13:40,636 --> 00:13:44,436 Speaker 5: Being a nerd is not about the thing you loved, 258 00:13:44,916 --> 00:13:49,796 Speaker 5: It's about the way you love that thing. I really 259 00:13:50,036 --> 00:13:54,796 Speaker 5: love the part of me that wakes up and sings 260 00:13:55,316 --> 00:13:57,676 Speaker 5: when I'm around people who love the things with that 261 00:13:57,876 --> 00:14:02,236 Speaker 5: kind of unself conscious, non judgmental enthusiasm. 262 00:14:02,836 --> 00:14:06,716 Speaker 1: Will is evangelical about the benefits of just absolutely loving stuff. 263 00:14:07,276 --> 00:14:10,156 Speaker 1: He's gone from being just a professional game to becoming 264 00:14:10,276 --> 00:14:11,516 Speaker 1: a geek evangelist. 265 00:14:11,556 --> 00:14:13,996 Speaker 4: As it were, It's totally cool to be a nerd 266 00:14:14,036 --> 00:14:14,796 Speaker 4: and love stuff. 267 00:14:14,836 --> 00:14:16,476 Speaker 5: Like I've always said, as long as the thing you 268 00:14:16,516 --> 00:14:20,356 Speaker 5: love doesn't hurt another person, love it as hard as 269 00:14:20,356 --> 00:14:22,636 Speaker 5: you can, and get as much out of it as 270 00:14:22,676 --> 00:14:23,676 Speaker 5: you possibly can. 271 00:14:24,316 --> 00:14:26,316 Speaker 1: And it turns out that the science agrees with Will 272 00:14:26,396 --> 00:14:29,716 Speaker 1: on this point. Being a geek, loving dorky things like 273 00:14:29,756 --> 00:14:33,036 Speaker 1: your life depends on it has far more powerful psychological 274 00:14:33,116 --> 00:14:36,716 Speaker 1: benefits than you might expect. We'll explore why when the 275 00:14:36,716 --> 00:14:38,716 Speaker 1: Happiness Lab returns after the break. 276 00:14:45,476 --> 00:14:47,396 Speaker 2: So when I was in high school, I was really 277 00:14:47,436 --> 00:14:51,076 Speaker 2: into Party of Five. I was really into Buffy the 278 00:14:51,116 --> 00:14:54,996 Speaker 2: Vampire Slayer, the original Roswell. I have a very long 279 00:14:55,076 --> 00:14:57,156 Speaker 2: list of all of these shows that I sort of 280 00:14:57,196 --> 00:14:58,756 Speaker 2: went through one by one. 281 00:14:59,196 --> 00:15:01,756 Speaker 1: This is my former Yale student, a psychologist, a New 282 00:15:01,836 --> 00:15:05,076 Speaker 1: York Times best selling hy A fiction author, Jennifer Lynn. 283 00:15:04,836 --> 00:15:08,116 Speaker 2: Barnes, And it would always be I like watching the 284 00:15:08,196 --> 00:15:12,076 Speaker 2: show and then it into the imaginative but what if, 285 00:15:12,636 --> 00:15:16,036 Speaker 2: where you start running out all the scenarios and coming 286 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:19,716 Speaker 2: up with theories and thinking about it before the next 287 00:15:19,756 --> 00:15:21,956 Speaker 2: episode comes, because that was back when I was watching 288 00:15:21,996 --> 00:15:25,356 Speaker 2: week to week, and that's sort of my default mode 289 00:15:25,476 --> 00:15:28,236 Speaker 2: of media consumption and has been my entire life. 290 00:15:29,156 --> 00:15:31,836 Speaker 1: Jen is an expert on this kind of fandom. As 291 00:15:31,836 --> 00:15:34,516 Speaker 1: a young adult fiction author, She's created a few of 292 00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:37,796 Speaker 1: her own big fan franchises. You should definitely check out 293 00:15:37,796 --> 00:15:42,156 Speaker 1: her hugely popular Inheritance game book series. Like actor Will Wheaton, 294 00:15:42,436 --> 00:15:45,516 Speaker 1: Jen is also a self proclaimed nerd. She's seen many 295 00:15:45,556 --> 00:15:47,596 Speaker 1: of the benefits of geeking out firsthand. 296 00:15:48,116 --> 00:15:51,676 Speaker 2: I did a lot of daydreaming about fictional characters. I 297 00:15:51,756 --> 00:15:55,236 Speaker 2: did a lot of that emotional investment, and it did, 298 00:15:55,316 --> 00:15:57,556 Speaker 2: I think, make me less lonely. 299 00:15:58,316 --> 00:16:01,716 Speaker 1: But perhaps most importantly, Jen is also an academic psychologist 300 00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:04,876 Speaker 1: who publishes on the cognitive and emotional benefits of fandom. 301 00:16:05,436 --> 00:16:07,316 Speaker 1: Jen has found that if you look at the list 302 00:16:07,316 --> 00:16:10,116 Speaker 1: of evidence based happiness boostings strategies that I share with 303 00:16:10,156 --> 00:16:13,556 Speaker 1: my students, geeking out about your favorite TV show, film, 304 00:16:13,636 --> 00:16:16,516 Speaker 1: or comic book seems to check a lot of those boxes. 305 00:16:17,036 --> 00:16:19,196 Speaker 1: Let's start with one of the best known stress reducers 306 00:16:19,236 --> 00:16:23,556 Speaker 1: around play, particularly the kind that emerges when fans become 307 00:16:23,636 --> 00:16:26,676 Speaker 1: so creatively engaged with the characters they care about that 308 00:16:26,676 --> 00:16:29,316 Speaker 1: they begin to invent new adventures for them to embark on. 309 00:16:30,116 --> 00:16:34,396 Speaker 2: I have argued very specifically in specific publications that fan 310 00:16:34,476 --> 00:16:37,396 Speaker 2: fiction is a form of a maginary play, that it 311 00:16:37,476 --> 00:16:42,236 Speaker 2: is parallel to either daydreaming in adulthood or actual pretend 312 00:16:42,276 --> 00:16:43,276 Speaker 2: play in childhood. 313 00:16:44,116 --> 00:16:46,316 Speaker 1: Jen and others have argued that when fans get together, 314 00:16:46,676 --> 00:16:49,836 Speaker 1: especially at big fan gatherings like conventions or cons as 315 00:16:49,836 --> 00:16:52,516 Speaker 1: they're called, they tend to experience what's known as a 316 00:16:52,556 --> 00:16:55,716 Speaker 1: shared pretensive reality. It's kind of the adult version of 317 00:16:55,756 --> 00:16:58,436 Speaker 1: the happiness boosting flow that kids experience when they play 318 00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:02,476 Speaker 1: together with toys, that fun, cooperative imagined reality where you 319 00:17:02,516 --> 00:17:05,956 Speaker 1: get to joke around, be social, make believe, and create together. 320 00:17:06,876 --> 00:17:10,076 Speaker 1: This shared playful reality is something that PEK evangelist Will 321 00:17:10,076 --> 00:17:12,596 Speaker 1: Wheton really savors. 322 00:17:12,396 --> 00:17:16,596 Speaker 4: At a con. That energy is everywhere. 323 00:17:17,636 --> 00:17:19,276 Speaker 5: One of my favorite things at a con is to 324 00:17:19,316 --> 00:17:22,316 Speaker 5: walk through the artists area and the vendors hall and 325 00:17:22,356 --> 00:17:27,276 Speaker 5: see the small indie artists who make unbelievably gorgeous works 326 00:17:27,316 --> 00:17:32,996 Speaker 5: of art and jewelry and paintings and stickers and figurine 327 00:17:33,436 --> 00:17:37,396 Speaker 5: that just make stuff to celebrate the fandom that brings 328 00:17:37,396 --> 00:17:39,036 Speaker 5: so much joy into our lives. 329 00:17:39,596 --> 00:17:42,356 Speaker 1: But this creative, playful side of geeking out is just 330 00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:45,236 Speaker 1: the tip of the fandom happiness Iceberg. A lot of 331 00:17:45,236 --> 00:17:47,316 Speaker 1: the well being boost that comes from being a hardcore 332 00:17:47,396 --> 00:17:50,996 Speaker 1: fan stems from social connection, especially the kind you get 333 00:17:51,036 --> 00:17:54,156 Speaker 1: from loving the object of your geeky affection through what's 334 00:17:54,196 --> 00:17:56,076 Speaker 1: known as a parasocial relationship. 335 00:17:56,476 --> 00:18:00,836 Speaker 2: So parasocial relationships are what media psychologists call the one 336 00:18:00,876 --> 00:18:04,116 Speaker 2: sided relationships that you form with people you don't actually 337 00:18:04,156 --> 00:18:07,996 Speaker 2: know through consuming media about them. And those relationships can 338 00:18:07,996 --> 00:18:12,836 Speaker 2: be formed with real people like singers, politicians, actors, anyone 339 00:18:12,876 --> 00:18:13,476 Speaker 2: you don't know. 340 00:18:13,836 --> 00:18:17,316 Speaker 1: Parasocial relationships can also be formed with people who don't exist, 341 00:18:17,716 --> 00:18:20,356 Speaker 1: like Sherlock Holmes or Lieutenant Wesley Crusher. 342 00:18:20,796 --> 00:18:23,716 Speaker 2: And psychologically, based on the literature, it doesn't seem to 343 00:18:23,756 --> 00:18:26,836 Speaker 2: matter that much whether the person you're forming a relationship 344 00:18:26,876 --> 00:18:30,116 Speaker 2: with is a real person in your favorite boy band 345 00:18:30,756 --> 00:18:34,436 Speaker 2: or a fictional character that you've consumed to show about. 346 00:18:34,796 --> 00:18:38,236 Speaker 2: Either way, these relationships seem to have a lot of 347 00:18:38,236 --> 00:18:41,996 Speaker 2: the real world benefits of actual relationships. 348 00:18:42,516 --> 00:18:44,156 Speaker 1: A lot of the recent work on the benefits of 349 00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:48,236 Speaker 1: parasocial relationships comes from the University of Buffalo psychologist Shira 350 00:18:48,276 --> 00:18:52,916 Speaker 1: Gabriel who proposed what's called the social surrogacy hypothesis. 351 00:18:52,516 --> 00:18:56,156 Speaker 2: And this hypothesis basically says that we are very social 352 00:18:56,156 --> 00:18:59,356 Speaker 2: creatures with a lot of social needs, but that our 353 00:18:59,356 --> 00:19:03,676 Speaker 2: brains can be very sneaky about how we are fulfilling 354 00:19:03,716 --> 00:19:04,316 Speaker 2: those needs. 355 00:19:04,916 --> 00:19:06,836 Speaker 1: Let's say you have a spouse that supports you and 356 00:19:06,876 --> 00:19:09,036 Speaker 1: friends to hang out with, but you're a busy mom 357 00:19:09,116 --> 00:19:11,716 Speaker 1: who lacks a sense of adventure in her life. Your 358 00:19:11,716 --> 00:19:14,716 Speaker 1: brain will probably be on the lookout for someone, anyone 359 00:19:14,756 --> 00:19:17,636 Speaker 1: who can fill that excitement hole. And if a sarag 360 00:19:17,636 --> 00:19:20,476 Speaker 1: it happens to come along, say a fictional character like 361 00:19:20,516 --> 00:19:23,156 Speaker 1: Sherlock who's smart and dashing and hangs out with you 362 00:19:23,356 --> 00:19:26,956 Speaker 1: every night on television, then your brain quickly latches on. 363 00:19:27,836 --> 00:19:30,476 Speaker 1: But we don't just use specific characters or celebrities to 364 00:19:30,516 --> 00:19:33,596 Speaker 1: fill our social needs. Let's say you're a geeky kid 365 00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:36,476 Speaker 1: like the young Will who doesn't feel like he belongs. 366 00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:40,196 Speaker 1: You might gravitate towards an entire fictional world where nerds 367 00:19:40,236 --> 00:19:43,196 Speaker 1: like you feel more seen, and the evidence suggests that 368 00:19:43,276 --> 00:19:45,716 Speaker 1: doing so literally expands your horizons. 369 00:19:46,036 --> 00:19:49,796 Speaker 5: Star Trek looks through the screen and it says, there 370 00:19:49,876 --> 00:19:53,156 Speaker 5: is a place specifically for you in the future. I 371 00:19:53,316 --> 00:19:56,956 Speaker 5: loved that. I loved feeling like I wanted to belong somewhere. 372 00:19:57,036 --> 00:19:59,876 Speaker 5: I wanted to be special. And these people who are 373 00:19:59,876 --> 00:20:03,516 Speaker 5: not recognizing how special you are are going to be 374 00:20:03,756 --> 00:20:06,236 Speaker 5: forced to recognize it in the future because it will 375 00:20:06,236 --> 00:20:08,236 Speaker 5: be undniable. 376 00:20:09,196 --> 00:20:11,356 Speaker 1: Spares out the importance of the kind of belonging that 377 00:20:11,396 --> 00:20:14,076 Speaker 1: young Will and other fans get from Star Trek. There's 378 00:20:14,116 --> 00:20:16,996 Speaker 1: evidence that thinking about a beloved fictional character or world 379 00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:19,836 Speaker 1: can make you feel less lonely, and studies show that 380 00:20:19,876 --> 00:20:22,876 Speaker 1: writing about the target of your parasocial relationship can boost 381 00:20:22,876 --> 00:20:23,676 Speaker 1: your self esteem. 382 00:20:24,236 --> 00:20:27,916 Speaker 2: So all of these sort of social benefits that you 383 00:20:27,956 --> 00:20:30,676 Speaker 2: can receive from real world relationships, it seems like there's 384 00:20:30,676 --> 00:20:33,596 Speaker 2: a version of those benefits that you can receive from 385 00:20:33,636 --> 00:20:35,476 Speaker 2: these fictional relationships as well. 386 00:20:35,796 --> 00:20:38,356 Speaker 1: When we geek out about our favorite celebrity, we don't 387 00:20:38,396 --> 00:20:41,836 Speaker 1: only get a social connection boost from parasocial bonds. Fandom 388 00:20:41,876 --> 00:20:44,556 Speaker 1: can also promote in real life social connection. 389 00:20:44,796 --> 00:20:48,596 Speaker 2: So it's often very common for a friendship to start 390 00:20:48,596 --> 00:20:51,396 Speaker 2: in fandom. You have a mutual interest, you're hanging out 391 00:20:51,396 --> 00:20:54,356 Speaker 2: at the same spots online, you're reading each other's stories 392 00:20:54,516 --> 00:20:57,036 Speaker 2: or talking about it. You talk when the show is on, 393 00:20:57,556 --> 00:21:00,596 Speaker 2: but then it goes past that, and these people become 394 00:21:00,956 --> 00:21:02,836 Speaker 2: your friends, lifelong friends. 395 00:21:02,876 --> 00:21:06,236 Speaker 1: Often the social connection that comes from communities like these 396 00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:08,396 Speaker 1: can lead to the kind of well being bump that 397 00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:10,196 Speaker 1: young will experienced firsthand. 398 00:21:10,716 --> 00:21:15,196 Speaker 5: My childhood was very much defined by loneliness and isolation. 399 00:21:16,116 --> 00:21:20,476 Speaker 5: I just couldn't find people who I felt safe with. 400 00:21:21,396 --> 00:21:22,116 Speaker 4: I had been. 401 00:21:22,036 --> 00:21:25,756 Speaker 5: Raised to believe that all these things that were really 402 00:21:25,836 --> 00:21:29,596 Speaker 5: important to me were weird and kind of stupid. And 403 00:21:29,636 --> 00:21:31,956 Speaker 5: when I found other people who loved the things that 404 00:21:32,036 --> 00:21:35,756 Speaker 5: I loved, actually found people who loved me and accepted 405 00:21:35,796 --> 00:21:41,036 Speaker 5: me and didn't judge me and welcomed me into the community. 406 00:21:41,516 --> 00:21:44,596 Speaker 4: But like all of that was a revelation to me. 407 00:21:45,196 --> 00:21:48,236 Speaker 2: And I think that's what fandom does for many people. 408 00:21:48,356 --> 00:21:52,276 Speaker 2: It gives them not just a community and not just friends, 409 00:21:52,876 --> 00:21:56,196 Speaker 2: but that sort of deep and very compelling feeling of 410 00:21:56,396 --> 00:21:57,596 Speaker 2: this is where I belong. 411 00:21:58,276 --> 00:22:01,076 Speaker 1: Being a fan can also bring a sense of identity. 412 00:22:01,196 --> 00:22:04,236 Speaker 1: You become a treky or a cumber bitche you wind 413 00:22:04,316 --> 00:22:07,276 Speaker 1: up being part of an in group. Researchers like Jen 414 00:22:07,316 --> 00:22:10,196 Speaker 1: have argued identifying as a member of a fan franchise 415 00:22:10,636 --> 00:22:12,916 Speaker 1: works a lot like being part of any group you 416 00:22:12,996 --> 00:22:15,396 Speaker 1: identify with a bigger collective that can give you a 417 00:22:15,396 --> 00:22:18,716 Speaker 1: sense of pride and boost your self esteem. Studies show 418 00:22:18,756 --> 00:22:21,436 Speaker 1: that fandoms also work like other in groups, and that 419 00:22:21,476 --> 00:22:24,196 Speaker 1: they tend to promote pro social behavior within the group. 420 00:22:24,676 --> 00:22:27,076 Speaker 1: Doing exactly the sorts of kind and generous things for 421 00:22:27,156 --> 00:22:32,276 Speaker 1: other people that we know can boost our mood. But 422 00:22:32,316 --> 00:22:34,396 Speaker 1: the in group identity that comes from being a fan 423 00:22:34,596 --> 00:22:37,596 Speaker 1: can also lead to the same darker psychological processes that 424 00:22:37,636 --> 00:22:41,076 Speaker 1: are observed in real world groups, especially when in group 425 00:22:41,116 --> 00:22:44,476 Speaker 1: identities get threatened. I mean, think of all the awful 426 00:22:44,516 --> 00:22:48,196 Speaker 1: atrocities committed by political, religious, or ethnic groups throughout history. 427 00:22:48,796 --> 00:22:50,956 Speaker 1: In the fan world, that dark side of in group 428 00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:53,876 Speaker 1: identity can lead to what's called toxic fandom. 429 00:22:54,196 --> 00:22:56,996 Speaker 2: It's important to point out that the vast majority of 430 00:22:57,036 --> 00:22:59,636 Speaker 2: fans never turn toxic. But when you have a very 431 00:22:59,716 --> 00:23:03,516 Speaker 2: large fandom, the one percent who has that level of 432 00:23:03,556 --> 00:23:07,996 Speaker 2: investment and who also maybe has some personality traits or 433 00:23:08,036 --> 00:23:11,676 Speaker 2: tendencies that would be problematic even outside of fandom, then 434 00:23:11,716 --> 00:23:13,916 Speaker 2: you can see those problematic things happening. 435 00:23:14,316 --> 00:23:17,036 Speaker 1: Actor will we ensoft just how bad toxic fandom can be. 436 00:23:17,516 --> 00:23:20,636 Speaker 1: His next generation character Wesley Crusher provoked the ire of 437 00:23:20,716 --> 00:23:23,716 Speaker 1: many Star Trek fans as a smug teenager who seemed 438 00:23:23,756 --> 00:23:26,396 Speaker 1: to save the day a few times too often. It 439 00:23:26,436 --> 00:23:29,516 Speaker 1: wasn't Will's fault that Wesley's character wasn't beloved by the viewers, 440 00:23:30,036 --> 00:23:32,236 Speaker 1: but the fans aimed their hate directly at the then 441 00:23:32,356 --> 00:23:33,356 Speaker 1: eighteen year old. 442 00:23:33,196 --> 00:23:35,196 Speaker 4: Actor, and it was really rough. 443 00:23:35,956 --> 00:23:39,316 Speaker 1: Those years of being harassed so badly contributed to Will's 444 00:23:39,356 --> 00:23:41,276 Speaker 1: decision to step away from the part. 445 00:23:41,436 --> 00:23:44,836 Speaker 5: I will throw my body down in front of every 446 00:23:44,876 --> 00:23:48,556 Speaker 5: single person who is being attacked by toxic fandom right now, 447 00:23:48,596 --> 00:23:49,036 Speaker 5: because I. 448 00:23:49,076 --> 00:23:51,236 Speaker 4: Know what it feels like, and I know that you 449 00:23:51,276 --> 00:23:52,156 Speaker 4: don't deserve it. 450 00:23:52,596 --> 00:23:55,956 Speaker 1: But despite the toxic behavior he experienced, Will still believes 451 00:23:55,956 --> 00:23:58,676 Speaker 1: that the benefits of geeking out far away the negatives. 452 00:23:59,116 --> 00:24:01,676 Speaker 1: Will has also seen that being a fan can literally 453 00:24:01,676 --> 00:24:05,116 Speaker 1: be life changing. There were adult fans that hated Wesley Crusher, 454 00:24:05,396 --> 00:24:07,876 Speaker 1: but Will says that many younger fans were inspired to 455 00:24:07,876 --> 00:24:10,036 Speaker 1: see a teenager on the ridge of the enterprise. 456 00:24:10,716 --> 00:24:14,436 Speaker 5: Kids loved that, And I know because I have met 457 00:24:14,876 --> 00:24:19,156 Speaker 5: hundreds of thousands of them who became adults who are scientists, 458 00:24:19,276 --> 00:24:23,156 Speaker 5: who are researchers, who are engineers, who are parents, who 459 00:24:23,756 --> 00:24:28,516 Speaker 5: who are politicians? Just who grew up inspired by Star Trek. 460 00:24:29,076 --> 00:24:31,996 Speaker 1: So geeking out provided you play nice, can be hugely 461 00:24:32,036 --> 00:24:35,396 Speaker 1: beneficial to your connection and your well being. But throwing 462 00:24:35,436 --> 00:24:38,316 Speaker 1: ourselves fully into a geeky pursuit is still a thing 463 00:24:38,356 --> 00:24:41,076 Speaker 1: that many of us are kind of embarrassed about. It 464 00:24:41,116 --> 00:24:44,916 Speaker 1: can still sometimes feel a bit cringe worthy. So how 465 00:24:44,916 --> 00:24:47,596 Speaker 1: can we overcome all the guilt and let our proverbial 466 00:24:47,636 --> 00:24:51,956 Speaker 1: geek flag fly? After the break Cumberbridge, Tabitha Carbon will 467 00:24:51,996 --> 00:24:54,396 Speaker 1: share how she was able to throw herself into her 468 00:24:54,436 --> 00:24:57,956 Speaker 1: obsession wholeheartedly, and how the benefits that came from that 469 00:24:58,236 --> 00:25:00,396 Speaker 1: were far more powerful than she expected. 470 00:25:01,196 --> 00:25:05,756 Speaker 3: If you find something, anything, that sparks the sense in 471 00:25:05,836 --> 00:25:10,196 Speaker 3: you of fulfilling a want that is just you, not 472 00:25:10,276 --> 00:25:12,636 Speaker 3: for anyone else, and if you were able to embrace it, 473 00:25:13,196 --> 00:25:16,636 Speaker 3: then it can lead you places that you couldn't anticipate 474 00:25:17,396 --> 00:25:18,756 Speaker 3: when you took that first step. 475 00:25:19,716 --> 00:25:21,636 Speaker 1: The happiness lab will be back in a moment. 476 00:25:32,876 --> 00:25:35,316 Speaker 3: This feeling that I had towards him was not something 477 00:25:35,356 --> 00:25:38,436 Speaker 3: that I was looking for in my life. Arthur. 478 00:25:38,476 --> 00:25:41,396 Speaker 1: Tabitha Kravin was initially scared by her level of obsession 479 00:25:41,396 --> 00:25:44,556 Speaker 1: with the actor Benedict Cumerbauch. She eventually came to accept 480 00:25:44,556 --> 00:25:46,836 Speaker 1: her extreme crush and all the joys that came with it. 481 00:25:47,156 --> 00:25:50,036 Speaker 3: You know, the thing that is scary about it is 482 00:25:50,076 --> 00:25:54,636 Speaker 3: that I haven't experienced that since of wanting something so 483 00:25:54,876 --> 00:25:59,556 Speaker 3: much and pursuing it so wholeheartedly in a long time. 484 00:25:59,836 --> 00:26:01,956 Speaker 3: And that's actually not something to be afraid of. 485 00:26:02,636 --> 00:26:05,316 Speaker 1: Tabitha's love of the Sherlock star was something she initially 486 00:26:05,436 --> 00:26:09,036 Speaker 1: enjoyed an isolation from other fans. That is, until she 487 00:26:09,196 --> 00:26:11,436 Speaker 1: was grabbing a book about the actor off a shelf 488 00:26:11,516 --> 00:26:12,476 Speaker 1: or her local library. 489 00:26:13,156 --> 00:26:16,316 Speaker 3: It fell open onto this page that had post it 490 00:26:16,356 --> 00:26:19,836 Speaker 3: note and an invitation to visit this website to discuss 491 00:26:20,316 --> 00:26:24,036 Speaker 3: Sherlock and to look at photos of Benedict comforbat. 492 00:26:24,716 --> 00:26:27,436 Speaker 1: Despite having previous misgivings about joining the ranks of the 493 00:26:27,436 --> 00:26:30,236 Speaker 1: cumber bitches, Tabitha's curiosity took over. 494 00:26:30,916 --> 00:26:34,916 Speaker 3: It went to the forum and connected with the person 495 00:26:34,916 --> 00:26:38,436 Speaker 3: who left the note, and she was someone just like me. 496 00:26:39,236 --> 00:26:43,036 Speaker 1: Suddenly Tabitha wasn't alone. She found a gateway to her community. 497 00:26:43,556 --> 00:26:45,396 Speaker 3: I really believed that when it first happened to me, 498 00:26:45,436 --> 00:26:47,876 Speaker 3: that I was the first person this could possibly have 499 00:26:47,956 --> 00:26:51,276 Speaker 3: ever happened to to fall in such a way. Turns 500 00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:53,836 Speaker 3: out no, In fact, there are like millions of women 501 00:26:54,356 --> 00:26:57,676 Speaker 3: my age and much older in many cases who have 502 00:26:57,836 --> 00:27:01,316 Speaker 3: just followed the exact same experience, And when I connected 503 00:27:01,316 --> 00:27:04,596 Speaker 3: with them online, it just generated the most incredible energy. 504 00:27:05,236 --> 00:27:08,636 Speaker 1: That energy is exactly what the psychologist Jennifer Lanbarnes saw 505 00:27:09,396 --> 00:27:12,676 Speaker 1: and her scientific work on fandom, the comfort and joy 506 00:27:12,676 --> 00:27:14,476 Speaker 1: of belonging to a like minded crew. 507 00:27:15,036 --> 00:27:19,516 Speaker 3: In those online spaces, no one was ashamed or embarrassed 508 00:27:19,636 --> 00:27:22,076 Speaker 3: or guilty, and it just you know, they were just 509 00:27:22,116 --> 00:27:24,876 Speaker 3: letting it all hang out. It's just it was a 510 00:27:24,916 --> 00:27:27,356 Speaker 3: wonderful shared community experience. 511 00:27:27,796 --> 00:27:30,036 Speaker 1: The boost Tabitha got from connecting with the cumber Bitch 512 00:27:30,076 --> 00:27:33,796 Speaker 1: community impowereder to go fully public. She stopped hiding her 513 00:27:33,796 --> 00:27:37,196 Speaker 1: love for Benedict. She didn't realize that being so vulnerable 514 00:27:37,276 --> 00:27:39,836 Speaker 1: would lead to even more opportunities to connect with the 515 00:27:39,836 --> 00:27:40,716 Speaker 1: people around her. 516 00:27:41,156 --> 00:27:44,476 Speaker 3: The thing that struck me the most is when I 517 00:27:44,596 --> 00:27:47,596 Speaker 3: actually just went for it and like stuck up the 518 00:27:47,636 --> 00:27:50,636 Speaker 3: Benedict Comba Batch pictures at my desk at work and 519 00:27:50,756 --> 00:27:55,476 Speaker 3: started wearing the Benedict Comba Batche memorabilia. Yeah, people just 520 00:27:55,756 --> 00:27:59,836 Speaker 3: like it. People are grateful to have something to talk 521 00:27:59,876 --> 00:28:00,156 Speaker 3: to you. 522 00:28:00,156 --> 00:28:04,076 Speaker 1: About, and far from being a trivial obsession. Tabitha learned 523 00:28:04,076 --> 00:28:06,476 Speaker 1: that finding Benedict had changed the lives of his other 524 00:28:06,556 --> 00:28:08,756 Speaker 1: fans in surprising and profound ways. 525 00:28:09,316 --> 00:28:15,756 Speaker 3: Hearing about divorces, new relationships, redirections of sexuality and gender, 526 00:28:16,796 --> 00:28:21,316 Speaker 3: career changes, every single possible change that you can possibly imagine. 527 00:28:21,596 --> 00:28:23,996 Speaker 3: They and they wanted to talk about this change in 528 00:28:24,036 --> 00:28:27,036 Speaker 3: the context of Benetdict combabatch, because in their mind those 529 00:28:27,076 --> 00:28:27,876 Speaker 3: things were connected. 530 00:28:28,396 --> 00:28:31,756 Speaker 1: Of course, Benedict wasn't swooping in and personally convincing people 531 00:28:31,796 --> 00:28:35,116 Speaker 1: to make these happiness boosting life changes, but the powerful, 532 00:28:35,116 --> 00:28:38,356 Speaker 1: one sided parasocial relationship that these fans formed with the 533 00:28:38,396 --> 00:28:42,436 Speaker 1: actor sometimes allowed them to identify important, unfulfilled needs that 534 00:28:42,476 --> 00:28:44,796 Speaker 1: they previously hadn't been able to notice. 535 00:28:44,876 --> 00:28:46,716 Speaker 3: They were at a point in their life where they 536 00:28:46,716 --> 00:28:49,996 Speaker 3: felt stuck, just as I as I felt, you know, 537 00:28:50,076 --> 00:28:52,156 Speaker 3: they felt in some way that they were not living 538 00:28:52,196 --> 00:28:55,076 Speaker 3: a life that was representative of who they wanted to be. 539 00:28:55,836 --> 00:28:58,876 Speaker 1: Fan after fan explained to Tabitha that allowing themselves to 540 00:28:58,916 --> 00:29:01,676 Speaker 1: love something as trivial as a television actor, and to 541 00:29:01,716 --> 00:29:05,676 Speaker 1: do so so enthusiastically and so non judgmentally opened a 542 00:29:05,716 --> 00:29:07,396 Speaker 1: doorway they hadn't anticipated. 543 00:29:07,716 --> 00:29:10,676 Speaker 3: If you kind of stepped through the doorway saying, you know, 544 00:29:10,836 --> 00:29:13,156 Speaker 3: this is I like this. You know this is something 545 00:29:13,196 --> 00:29:16,076 Speaker 3: that is making me happy. You know, it starts you 546 00:29:16,156 --> 00:29:20,236 Speaker 3: down a path where you can remember that capacity you 547 00:29:20,356 --> 00:29:24,196 Speaker 3: have of doing what you want and knowing what you want. 548 00:29:24,556 --> 00:29:27,036 Speaker 3: You know, you start to maybe remember those feelings that 549 00:29:27,076 --> 00:29:30,556 Speaker 3: you had when you were younger, when you knew who 550 00:29:30,596 --> 00:29:33,756 Speaker 3: you were, or you knew the kind of joy you 551 00:29:33,796 --> 00:29:37,876 Speaker 3: were capable of. And once you start to exercise that capability, 552 00:29:38,276 --> 00:29:41,236 Speaker 3: it seems you start to demand it more. You start 553 00:29:41,276 --> 00:29:44,196 Speaker 3: to be able to see in your life the ways 554 00:29:44,236 --> 00:29:47,796 Speaker 3: in which you can change your path to achieve it. 555 00:29:48,516 --> 00:29:51,876 Speaker 1: But did Tabitha also experience the happiness boosting doorway effect 556 00:29:51,996 --> 00:29:53,516 Speaker 1: from geeking out over Benedict. 557 00:29:53,916 --> 00:29:56,916 Speaker 3: God, it made me happier than I was at the time. 558 00:29:57,196 --> 00:30:00,956 Speaker 3: The doorway effect for me was real. He completely got 559 00:30:00,956 --> 00:30:03,316 Speaker 3: me out of a very bad place. 560 00:30:04,596 --> 00:30:06,996 Speaker 1: Tabitha has clear advice for those who may be into 561 00:30:07,036 --> 00:30:10,516 Speaker 1: a celebrity TV series or film friend, but are still 562 00:30:10,556 --> 00:30:13,276 Speaker 1: reluctant to give their passion free reign for fear of 563 00:30:13,316 --> 00:30:15,516 Speaker 1: being belittled or meant to feel self indulgent. 564 00:30:16,156 --> 00:30:19,516 Speaker 3: You're entitled to it. You're completely entitled to it. To 565 00:30:19,636 --> 00:30:22,316 Speaker 3: just put up that kind of block in reaching your 566 00:30:22,316 --> 00:30:25,596 Speaker 3: own happiness, to me now seems crazy. 567 00:30:26,116 --> 00:30:28,116 Speaker 1: She also has advice for those of us yet to 568 00:30:28,156 --> 00:30:31,356 Speaker 1: be cumberbatched, people who still haven't found that thing to 569 00:30:31,356 --> 00:30:32,036 Speaker 1: geek out over. 570 00:30:32,676 --> 00:30:36,196 Speaker 3: I don't like the idea that people will hear this 571 00:30:36,276 --> 00:30:38,676 Speaker 3: and think, but I don't love anything, you know, I 572 00:30:38,716 --> 00:30:42,836 Speaker 3: don't have a passion. I understand that reaction entirely because 573 00:30:42,836 --> 00:30:44,476 Speaker 3: that is how I felt before. But I don't think 574 00:30:44,516 --> 00:30:48,116 Speaker 3: you need anything else to feel bad about. I think 575 00:30:48,156 --> 00:30:51,196 Speaker 3: that you just need to be conscious of your interests 576 00:30:51,556 --> 00:30:54,476 Speaker 3: and facilitate them in your life a little more, and 577 00:30:54,556 --> 00:30:56,676 Speaker 3: also even just to carve out a little bit of 578 00:30:56,716 --> 00:30:58,676 Speaker 3: mental space for yourself. 579 00:30:59,356 --> 00:31:01,676 Speaker 1: And once you give yourself that mental space to notice 580 00:31:01,676 --> 00:31:04,036 Speaker 1: your interests, you also need to make sure that you're 581 00:31:04,036 --> 00:31:05,556 Speaker 1: mindfully paying attention. 582 00:31:05,756 --> 00:31:13,276 Speaker 3: Stay alert to that feeling that spark of you know, intriguing, 583 00:31:13,556 --> 00:31:17,996 Speaker 3: and instead of shutting it down, instead of talking yourself 584 00:31:18,036 --> 00:31:21,916 Speaker 3: out of it, instead of feeling ashamed or embarrassed, or 585 00:31:21,956 --> 00:31:25,956 Speaker 3: redirecting your energy onto something that seems more important, just 586 00:31:27,316 --> 00:31:30,596 Speaker 3: fan the flame of that spark a little and see 587 00:31:30,636 --> 00:31:31,516 Speaker 3: what happens next. 588 00:31:32,516 --> 00:31:35,676 Speaker 1: And as Tabitha herself is seen, what often happens next 589 00:31:35,796 --> 00:31:38,996 Speaker 1: is more unbridled joy and play and connection and even 590 00:31:39,036 --> 00:31:41,076 Speaker 1: happiness than we initially expected. 591 00:31:41,996 --> 00:31:46,036 Speaker 3: It seems so trivial, it seems so meaningless, it seems 592 00:31:46,076 --> 00:31:48,476 Speaker 3: so pointless, you know that. I think that's one of 593 00:31:48,476 --> 00:31:51,196 Speaker 3: the reasons that so many people cut themselves off at 594 00:31:51,196 --> 00:31:53,556 Speaker 3: the past when they have these feelings. I'm not going 595 00:31:53,596 --> 00:31:56,836 Speaker 3: to waste my time on this silly thing, but ultimately 596 00:31:56,876 --> 00:32:01,156 Speaker 3: it can lead you to extremely meaningful places just by 597 00:32:01,396 --> 00:32:03,876 Speaker 3: exercising that capability for joy. 598 00:32:05,116 --> 00:32:07,956 Speaker 1: When that motivation strikes to dive deeper than you initially 599 00:32:07,996 --> 00:32:11,036 Speaker 1: feel is appropriate into some movie or sci fi series 600 00:32:11,156 --> 00:32:14,316 Speaker 1: or celebrity crush, you might feel embarrassed or like there 601 00:32:14,396 --> 00:32:17,436 Speaker 1: have to be healthier, more happiness promoting uses of your time. 602 00:32:17,916 --> 00:32:20,356 Speaker 1: But the science shows that geeking out about something, no 603 00:32:20,396 --> 00:32:22,756 Speaker 1: matter how trivial it is, can boost your sense of 604 00:32:22,756 --> 00:32:26,396 Speaker 1: connection and presence. When you become a hardcore fan, you 605 00:32:26,516 --> 00:32:29,516 Speaker 1: end up harnessing an important psychological trick that can make 606 00:32:29,556 --> 00:32:33,356 Speaker 1: you kinder, more playful, and more joyous. So unleash you're 607 00:32:33,396 --> 00:32:36,196 Speaker 1: inner geek commit to getting cumber batched with your own 608 00:32:36,276 --> 00:32:38,996 Speaker 1: unique target of joy. You could do a deep dive 609 00:32:39,036 --> 00:32:42,116 Speaker 1: into a traditional geek interest like star wars or video 610 00:32:42,156 --> 00:32:44,756 Speaker 1: games or that hot new TV star. Or you could 611 00:32:44,796 --> 00:32:47,316 Speaker 1: geek out about a topic all your own. You could 612 00:32:47,356 --> 00:32:50,116 Speaker 1: become a sour dough bread geek, or a croquet geek, 613 00:32:50,276 --> 00:32:53,156 Speaker 1: or a history geek. The key, as Tabitha put it 614 00:32:53,156 --> 00:32:55,316 Speaker 1: in the title of her book, is to give yourself 615 00:32:55,316 --> 00:32:58,916 Speaker 1: permission to love something anything like your life depends on it. 616 00:32:59,516 --> 00:33:02,476 Speaker 1: The happiness benefits that follow might be more profound than 617 00:33:02,516 --> 00:33:03,116 Speaker 1: you expect.