Speaker 1: Hey, listeners, this is Laura. If you love listening to
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Speaker 1: Hi. I'm Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist,
Speaker 1: and speaker.
Speaker 2: And I'm Sarah hart Hunger, a mother of three, practicing physician, writer,
Speaker 2: and course creator. We are two working parents who love
Speaker 2: our careers and our families.
Speaker 1: Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about
Speaker 1: how real women manage work, family, and time for fun,
Speaker 1: from figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals.
Speaker 1: We want you to get the most out of life.
Speaker 1: Welcome to best of both worlds, This says Laura. This
Speaker 1: episode is airing in early March. Of twenty twenty four,
Speaker 1: Sarah's going to be interviewing Meggie Smith. Doctor Meggie Smith,
Speaker 1: who is a reproductive indocronologist. She works in the fertility industry.
Speaker 1: She will talk about how she went through her own journey, right, Sarmon,
Speaker 1: you can tell us a little bit more about it.
Speaker 3: What does she talk about?
Speaker 2: Yeah, so she talks about kind of two steps of it.
Speaker 2: First the choice to freeze her eggs while she was
Speaker 2: in her reproductive endocrinology fellowship, and then her choice to
Speaker 2: use those eggs. And I won't give away all the details,
Speaker 2: but it was a very intentional path, very thought through,
Speaker 2: and unlike some going through she was extremely knowledgeable about
Speaker 2: all of the nuts and bolts of these procedures as
Speaker 2: well as different risks and different chances.
Speaker 3: So it was really cool to hear it from her perspective.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if we sound a little bit different, it's because
Speaker 1: we're sitting in a hotel room together here in Naples, Florida.
Speaker 1: Sarah and I are recording a couple episodes live. We're
Speaker 1: doing the intro in Q and A for this one,
Speaker 1: which she recorded with Meggie at another point. But we're
Speaker 1: enjoying a little time together. But all right, So Sarah,
Speaker 1: given what Meggie did, she froze her eggs and used
Speaker 1: them on her own, is this something you would have
Speaker 1: ever considered if you hadn't gotten married, you know, when
Speaker 1: you did.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so, I mean, and similar to her,
Speaker 2: I don't know. You know, there's two options, right, you
Speaker 2: could just go straight with a donor, or you could
Speaker 2: do the freezing and then have a donor. I don't
Speaker 2: know which I would have picked. I mean, I felt
Speaker 2: very strongly pold to start a family by thirty, and
Speaker 2: so maybe I wouldn't have done the freezing stuff. It's
Speaker 2: kind of hard to know, especially because I finished my fellowship,
Speaker 2: you know, my early thirties. There stillould have been lots
Speaker 2: of fertility left when I was starting my first quote
Speaker 2: unquote real job and had more resources. So I do
Speaker 2: think this would have been something I would have considered.
Speaker 2: And listeners know, long time listeners know my sister went
Speaker 2: down a similar path. My niece is now four. She
Speaker 2: is the smartest, cutest little thing. And I mean, that's
Speaker 2: just a totally different story and a different path and
Speaker 2: a different lifestyle. But now I see two great examples
Speaker 2: of how that can work so well, So yeah, I
Speaker 2: think I would have done it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's hard to know, because I mean, I would
Speaker 1: want to have kids, So I don't know what I
Speaker 1: would have done if I had approached age thirty five
Speaker 1: or whatever and that wasn't looking like it was on
Speaker 1: the horizon for me. But yeah, I guess so good
Speaker 1: in life that never had to come to that to
Speaker 1: make that decision, because I think it's very challenging to
Speaker 1: raise a child on your own, even if you have
Speaker 1: all the resources in the world, and so undertaking that
Speaker 1: road knowing that, I mean, I know a lot of
Speaker 1: people wind up in that situation, whether they intended to
Speaker 1: or not. But undertaking that on your own, knowing that's
Speaker 1: what you're going into, I think would have been a
Speaker 1: big thing to get my head around.
Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, So it's kind of really cool to
Speaker 2: listen to doctor Meggie Smith's journey, and I think she's
Speaker 2: a very strong person, and yeah, let's hear from her all.
Speaker 1: Right, here we go.
Speaker 2: Well, I am so excited to welcome to best of
Speaker 2: both worlds. Doctor Meggie Smith, a reproductive endocrinologist and infertility
Speaker 2: specialist at Nashville Fertility Center. We also have some kind
Speaker 2: of long ago connections, and I emailed her by replying
Speaker 2: from an email from like twenty twelve. So welcome Meggie.
Speaker 3: Thank you. Yes, twenty twelve. I was still a medical
Speaker 3: school at that time, which is crazy to think about.
Speaker 3: And I guess were you a fellow at that time?
Speaker 2: I think I was. Yes, I was a fellow in
Speaker 2: twenty twelve, and I would have just had my first baby,
Speaker 2: who is now, you know, about to be twelve, so
Speaker 2: that's crazy.
Speaker 3: Yes, thank you so much for having me. I really
Speaker 3: appreciate it.
Speaker 2: I'm so excited to have you on and to have
Speaker 2: this chat and to hear more about your story. So
Speaker 2: we also seem to have some like random connections and
Speaker 2: a running connection in common. But we are not going
Speaker 2: to talk about running on this podcast. We have received
Speaker 2: some feedback that people would prefer that not be the
Speaker 2: main focus of it, although I'm always happy to nerd
Speaker 2: out on it when we can. Yes, but Meggie, I
Speaker 2: guess you can give us a background. You were like
Speaker 2: an old school blogger back in the day, and you
Speaker 2: still have quite a presence.
Speaker 3: Yet, so I guess I can't remember when I started up.
Speaker 3: It was when bloggs were popular. Josh like twenty eleven,
Speaker 3: twenty twelve, between my third and fourth years of medical school,
Speaker 3: I did a year of research and so I believe
Speaker 3: it was during that time because you know, didn't have
Speaker 3: as much going on, didn't have as much going on
Speaker 3: as you know did before the Actually it was like
Speaker 3: a really great way to meet that Plus Twitter at
Speaker 3: the time was a really great great way to meet people,
Speaker 3: and that's how I ended up meeting Sony and my
Speaker 3: friends in New York City at the time, and people
Speaker 3: that I'm still friends with now and then also like
Speaker 3: people that I maybe not don't talk to on a
Speaker 3: regular basis. But it's really interesting to see where people
Speaker 3: have gone in their lives since that time, because very
Speaker 3: few of us live in New York City anymore. But
Speaker 3: it's interesting to see just kind of where people moved
Speaker 3: to what they did with their lives, you know, children, marriages,
Speaker 3: all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2: Awesome, which we are definitely going to talk about when
Speaker 2: it comes to you. So, you did a bold thing
Speaker 2: a number of years back, and I believe it was
Speaker 2: on Instagram if you correct me if I have the
Speaker 2: wrong platform, and you shared a story about freezing your eggs.
Speaker 2: Can you talk about that? And also kind of where
Speaker 2: you were in your career trajectory at the time.
Speaker 3: Yes, so I was. So I was very fortunate that
Speaker 3: my fellowship would actually let fellows freeze their eggs for
Speaker 3: you know, basically very little we have pay for, you know,
Speaker 3: medications things like that. But ultimately I was like, Wow,
Speaker 3: why wouldn't I do this? Because egg freezing for most people, honestly,
Speaker 3: is mostly a financial decision. And if someone were having
Speaker 3: a flash say on egg freezing, and said, hey, you
Speaker 3: could do this for five hundred dollars, a lot of
Speaker 3: people in their young thirties would certainly do it. So
Speaker 3: I think, and I always you know, having done research
Speaker 3: and reproductive intochronology and infertility, I just knew that probably
Speaker 3: the best time really to freeze your eggs is in
Speaker 3: your young thirties if you can. Obviously, not everybody can
Speaker 3: or has that you know, wants to make that decision.
Speaker 3: But I decided to share it because I feel like
Speaker 3: there was a lot of like demystifying of the process.
Speaker 3: I think, first of all, people think it takes months,
Speaker 3: and it doesn't. And I think also that it really
Speaker 3: takes like two to two and a half weeks for
Speaker 3: most people, and also that like you're going to be
Speaker 3: crazy or hormonal or the shots are terrible, and like
Speaker 3: it's not like it's not the worst thing I've ever Like,
Speaker 3: it's not that bad, like in my experience. The other thing, too,
Speaker 3: is I think physically it's there parts of it it's hard. Emotionally,
Speaker 3: there are parts of it that it's hard. I think
Speaker 3: really what was most surprising to me at the time
Speaker 3: is you kind of have to grieve the loss of
Speaker 3: the life you thought you were going to live. Like,
Speaker 3: no one comes into my office thinking I'm going to
Speaker 3: have to freeze my eggs, I'm going to see a
Speaker 3: fertility doctor, any of these things. And so I think
Speaker 3: acknowledging and accepting that that, like, no one wants to
Speaker 3: have to do this, you know. And I think that
Speaker 3: was probably the most surprising hard part about it for me.
Speaker 3: But I was just glad I was able to share it,
Speaker 3: just to be like, hey, this isn't maybe the no
Speaker 3: one really wants to do this, but you can get
Speaker 3: through it. It's not so terrible, and yeah, so I
Speaker 3: shared it.
Speaker 2: I love that, and you shared like the nuts and
Speaker 2: fults in all the specifics. Is that still available if
Speaker 2: someone wants to like watch that story.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's on highlights. Actually I saved it because I
Speaker 3: did two cycles. Actually one when I was a first
Speaker 3: year fellow, so I was thirty one and that's actually
Speaker 3: the cohort of exit my daughter's from. And then I
Speaker 3: did another cycle and when I was at the end
Speaker 3: of my second year, and so I think I saved
Speaker 3: more of that on highlights, like mixing the medications, giving
Speaker 3: them to myself kind of, yeah, a little bit of everything.
Speaker 2: So, and how long does that process take? You mentioned
Speaker 2: it's not that bad, but like how many weeks.
Speaker 3: From the start of injections to the egg retrieval is
Speaker 3: about two to two and a half weeks, then about
Speaker 3: a week till you get your next period, depending on
Speaker 3: how you trigger. So it's really not as I think
Speaker 3: people think, it's like a month's long process, and it
Speaker 3: really isn't. Obviously there's a lot of lead up to it.
Speaker 3: Potentially you go on birth control pills for scheduling purposes
Speaker 3: and whatnot. But ultimately, like the time, it says, a
Speaker 3: portion of your life is a lot less than people realize.
Speaker 2: Very interesting. Well, I applaud your boldness and your your
Speaker 2: willingness to share that journey because I agree. I do
Speaker 2: feel like you were one of the first people to
Speaker 2: really talk about it, and the fact that it's a
Speaker 2: resource to still look at is amazing. So we're going
Speaker 2: to fast forward a little bit. So what year was that? Actually?
Speaker 2: Tell us one more time, like what was the timeframe
Speaker 2: that was?
Speaker 3: Okay, So that was December twenty seventeen and April twenty
Speaker 3: nineteen is when I froze my eggs, okay.
Speaker 2: And then take us to your decision process when you
Speaker 2: decided to move forward with things, and I know that's
Speaker 2: it's sensitive and like, yeah, whatever you're willing to share.
Speaker 3: Well, I think I always knew I wanted to have kids,
Speaker 3: and by virtue of what I do, I have to say, like,
Speaker 3: part of my job is being a fertility doctor. Part
Speaker 3: of my job is being like a therapist sometimes a
Speaker 3: marriage counselor relationship counselor. And so I guess at some
Speaker 3: point Number one, fertility is not forever. And even though
Speaker 3: I had frozen my eggs, you don't know how they're
Speaker 3: going to do right, You don't know. And the other
Speaker 3: thing is you know, yes you can carry it. You
Speaker 3: know the ASRM recommendation as you can transfer to the
Speaker 3: age of fifty four, but like, yeah, I mean I
Speaker 3: don't really want to be fifty years old with a newborn.
Speaker 3: So energy is not infinite either. So I wanted to
Speaker 3: at least have a child, like kind of within my
Speaker 3: same group, you know, friends having children and everything. And
Speaker 3: so I think the other thing that at least my
Speaker 3: job actually helped me with was realizing that there are
Speaker 3: a lot of imperfect relationship Like, there are a lot
Speaker 3: of like that marriage isn't necessarily easy. And also I
Speaker 3: started getting to the age where a lot of my
Speaker 3: friends got divorced, So I think kind of just seeing that,
Speaker 3: a lot of it, I think a lot of it's
Speaker 3: like perception, right where what if I had just got
Speaker 3: knocked up at some point, you know, like people just
Speaker 3: kind of I think it's the perception how you look
Speaker 3: at it. And ultimately I was like, I know, I
Speaker 3: want children, and at the age at which I was,
Speaker 3: so I'm now thirty eight, and I was like thirty
Speaker 3: six when I made this decision to do this, thirty
Speaker 3: seven when I transferred or just turned thirty seven, I
Speaker 3: was like, I'm either going to get a husband or
Speaker 3: children at this point in my life. But I probably
Speaker 3: won't get both, and probably not in the timeline that
Speaker 3: I'm going to want, or at least in that traditional
Speaker 3: timeline of like marriage children. So I was sort of like, okay,
Speaker 3: well what's more important to me? More important to me
Speaker 3: was having children just because I hate dating. I think
Speaker 3: it's really online dating especially, it's just very like hard.
Speaker 3: And I was like, well, the return on investment with
Speaker 3: this is not great, but I can do this for
Speaker 3: myself if this is what I want to do. And
Speaker 3: I have patients that like are like, no, I would
Speaker 3: never want to have a kid on my own, and
Speaker 3: that's fine, but I knew that I even though it's
Speaker 3: not going to be I don't think having children ever
Speaker 3: is easy. And I also thought about it too when
Speaker 3: I was thinking about like childcare and all these other things,
Speaker 3: even if I had a husband, I was like, I'm
Speaker 3: just still need all this help unless they were a
Speaker 3: stay at home dad, you know. So I guess I
Speaker 3: was kind of like, really, the only thing that having
Speaker 3: a partner with change is a secondary and cub And
Speaker 3: at that point I was like, well, I have a
Speaker 3: really good support system where I live. I'm now a
Speaker 3: fully fledged attending doctor kind of more settled in my practice,
Speaker 3: and yeah, I was like, at some point if you
Speaker 3: just if you don't do it, you're never going to
Speaker 3: do it. So I was like, let's just do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. I have so many questions. We're
Speaker 2: going to take a very quick break and be right
Speaker 2: back and I want to hear so much more. Okay,
Speaker 2: we are back, and I think that all makes so
Speaker 2: much sense. I loved your point about you don't know
Speaker 2: what you're getting in a marriage anyway. So even though
Speaker 2: some people and you've kind of witnessed this, even in
Speaker 2: your practice and couples trying to get pregnant, you've probably
Speaker 2: seen some of those couples dissolve and so they're left
Speaker 2: in the same place, or perhaps a much more awkward
Speaker 2: place compress.
Speaker 3: Well, And that's the I mean, that was the other
Speaker 3: is like, sometimes, I mean I've seen great relationships, I've
Speaker 3: seen relationships where they're not on the same page and
Speaker 3: this is really becoming like a crossroads for them. I've
Speaker 3: seen people, I mean, I've seen if it can happen,
Speaker 3: I've seen it all. You know, I've even seen a
Speaker 3: pation who came back to me one time for a
Speaker 3: post IVF console, and at the time I thought, unfortunately,
Speaker 3: their IVF cycle had gone terribly and you know, we
Speaker 3: didn't actually have any embryos to freeze for them. But
Speaker 3: as it turned out, when she came back in the interim,
Speaker 3: she had learned I guess her husband had lived like
Speaker 3: a total double life or something. So ultimately it was
Speaker 3: like a good thing.
Speaker 2: I was like, well, I.
Speaker 3: Guess this is a new positive So I think everyone
Speaker 3: like I applot people are like like who have in
Speaker 3: marriages that have lasted a long time and it's wonderful.
Speaker 3: But I just kind of realized that it wasn't. You know,
Speaker 3: I have friends that are getting to Like Also, if
Speaker 3: I got married just for the sake of getting married
Speaker 3: to have children and then you know, got divorced in
Speaker 3: ten years, that's not great right for me, Like that,
Speaker 3: it's not great to go into a marriage to be
Speaker 3: like I just need to get married so I can
Speaker 3: have kids, and like this may work out, it may
Speaker 3: not work out, Like I really this person needs to
Speaker 3: add value to my life if I'm going to bring
Speaker 3: them along at this point, Like I was like, I'm
Speaker 3: pretty happy in general by myself, so if they if
Speaker 3: I'm going to add somebody to it. They've got to
Speaker 3: bring value to my life. So I think at that point,
Speaker 3: I was just like, at some point, like life doesn't always.
Speaker 3: I think it's a very different day and age. I always.
Speaker 3: My daughter is actually named after the woman the black
Speaker 3: teen ager or pretty much that raised my grandmother, and
Speaker 3: I think of like her. And she had a couple
Speaker 3: of broken engagements, got married, had three kids, soon divorced.
Speaker 3: After my mom, you know, graduated high school. She I
Speaker 3: don't think she can even have her own credit card.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure she could. I think my uncle had
Speaker 3: to like coside out our house, like because she was
Speaker 3: a woman, right, And so I just think of all
Speaker 3: the advances that had come from that time, and how
Speaker 3: lucky I was that I could do this on my
Speaker 3: own if I wanted to, Like, I can have my
Speaker 3: own credit card, I can buy a house as an
Speaker 3: independent woman, you know all of these things. So I
Speaker 3: felt like, really, if you kind of flip it, it's
Speaker 3: a very positive thing. And as I tell my patients
Speaker 3: all the time, a child that's wanted and loved, it
Speaker 3: doesn't matter what the family structure might look like or
Speaker 3: how that child comes to you. That's all that really matters,
Speaker 3: I think at least, so I love that.
Speaker 2: I love that. I mean, it sounds very empowered the
Speaker 2: way you went about it. Yeah, Also, like I hear
Speaker 2: the untethering between like, Okay, I want a partner in
Speaker 2: a loving relationship and I want a kid, but like
Speaker 2: I don't need those two to like be linked because
Speaker 2: the timing may not work out, and at the end
Speaker 2: of the day, like the timing of the child matters
Speaker 2: more than the timing of the relationship, and thus let's go. Yes,
Speaker 2: I mean, I think it's great, and I think it
Speaker 2: makes so much rational sense in an area where ration
Speaker 2: may not may not govern everyone's actions.
Speaker 3: Correct. I think people are like scared to do it.
Speaker 3: I think that's the biggest fear. And actually what I
Speaker 3: did was I told people about a year before I
Speaker 3: did it, so in January of twenty two is what
Speaker 3: I kind of like floated the idea to my parents,
Speaker 3: I floated the idea to friends. And I'll have to say,
Speaker 3: because I think you're like worried about what people will say.
Speaker 3: Is it thing like like do you know what you're doing?
Speaker 3: Kids are so hard, they're so expensive, and so then
Speaker 3: they see how supportive people were. I was like, oh, okay,
Speaker 3: I will have to say, like I think ultimately people
Speaker 3: are are. I like to believe in the good in people,
Speaker 3: and they're just very people have been so supportive, so
Speaker 3: encouraging about this process and like me doing this on
Speaker 3: my own and very like interested too, which has been nice.
Speaker 3: And I really haven't had anyone say like, well, do
Speaker 3: you know what you're doing? She's not gonna have a
Speaker 3: dad like all this. You know, no one's really said
Speaker 3: anything along those lines to me. And you know, as
Speaker 3: I like to say, if you're not excited, you're not invited.
Speaker 3: So if you're not gonna like bring joy or happiness,
Speaker 3: then we're not bringing that energy here. I love it.
Speaker 2: All right, Well, let's move on to talking about logistics.
Speaker 2: And I don't mean logistics of the cycles necessarily, although
Speaker 2: I'm sure yeah, you probably share that as well, especially
Speaker 2: because it's your area of personal expert of professional expertise. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 2: but like logistics of this, you knew you had to
Speaker 2: support network. What are the things you thought about with
Speaker 2: respect to childcare, finances, housing, all of those things as
Speaker 2: you decided to move forward.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so housing is interesting. I ended up actually buying
Speaker 3: a house in the year before I got pregnant, and
Speaker 3: not because of actually having a child, to be honest,
Speaker 3: because after living in New York City for so many years,
Speaker 3: I kind of realized, like people do it in these
Speaker 3: tiny apartments so like you can, especially as like a
Speaker 3: little baby, they don't require as like as much. Obviously,
Speaker 3: like it was nice that I bought the house and
Speaker 3: moved into this house and all of this before I
Speaker 3: had a child, but I was not as concerned about
Speaker 3: the housing part, just because I had seen what people
Speaker 3: in New York City do obviously, like something down the
Speaker 3: road to consider was like backyard whatever. Childcare was my
Speaker 3: biggest I guess stressor because there are so many ways
Speaker 3: you can kind of go about childcare, but it's hard
Speaker 3: to find a lot of times it's expensive and that
Speaker 3: really I was like I almost need so I ended U.
Speaker 3: I looked into several different things in o pair, looked
Speaker 3: at a full time nanny. My nephews are in daycare,
Speaker 3: and so at least having seen them be in daycare
Speaker 3: really like it. I felt good about that as well.
Speaker 3: But then also they get sick, they're going to have
Speaker 3: to come home from daycare, like today, I thought, so really,
Speaker 3: actually My mom is the one who brought this up
Speaker 3: to me. She's like, that's some article about something called
Speaker 3: a family assistant. And what she would say is like,
Speaker 3: you really need someone to do stuff for you so
Speaker 3: that way, when you come home from work, you're able
Speaker 3: to then spend time with your child, and which is
Speaker 3: so true. So I ended up in rolling Scout getting
Speaker 3: into daycare, which is very fortunate that I got into one,
Speaker 3: because I put myself on waitless before I got pregnant
Speaker 3: and only got into one and it's crazy. So then
Speaker 3: and then I hire what's called a family I call
Speaker 3: her my family assistant. She works twenty five hours a
Speaker 3: week for me, and what she serves to do is
Speaker 3: she comes during the bulk of the day where she'll
Speaker 3: do stuff around my house, you know, take my dogs out, laundry,
Speaker 3: all these little things like yesterday she picked up pictures
Speaker 3: that my daughter her three lenthal pictures, and or like
Speaker 3: go buy the birthday present, whatever it is. So but
Speaker 3: if Scout gets sick, like if I were at work today,
Speaker 3: she could go pick her up and bring her back
Speaker 3: to my house. And I'm very fortunate that I raged
Speaker 3: my schedule that my assistant ends at three but she
Speaker 3: could always go overtime or whatever. But when I end patience,
Speaker 3: I could hopefully be home pretty quickly after. I would
Speaker 3: still have a document, probably call people and whatnot, but
Speaker 3: I could do that either another day or later. My
Speaker 3: biggest strussuer was figuring out the childcare piece and how
Speaker 3: expensive it was going to be, and figuring out like
Speaker 3: really what I could afford, and then just kind of
Speaker 3: like getting this lined up, how do I go about
Speaker 3: finding this family assistant? Ultimately I used an agency, so
Speaker 3: all of this was very is not cheap, is what
Speaker 3: I will say, but I feel ultimately it worked out
Speaker 3: well for me. I feel very fortunate to found good people.
Speaker 3: And then even when you have all this lined up,
Speaker 3: you're still going to have that chaotic day or there's
Speaker 3: a snowstorm, but no one could get anywhere where you're
Speaker 3: just like I'm doing tellealth at home seeing patients with
Speaker 3: my daughter in this swing, watching this Rachel and we're
Speaker 3: just gonna have to live with it.
Speaker 2: Yes, like sometimes there's just no perfect backup. I'm curious
Speaker 2: because one thing we've told people on this podcast is
Speaker 2: that it can be very difficult to find someone excited
Speaker 2: to do part time work whereas you have found it
Speaker 2: sounds like that unicorn and any special recruitment or I
Speaker 2: don't know what would you say if someone was having
Speaker 2: trouble finding that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I worked with an agency and at first
Speaker 3: I was going to hire this person for like forty
Speaker 3: hours a week, but then realized a couple of things.
Speaker 3: Just logistically, I don't really have forty hours a week
Speaker 3: of work for someone around my house. Like I'm sure
Speaker 3: I could find thanks for them to do, but like
Speaker 3: that's a lot to do. Then the other thing, too,
Speaker 3: is at some point, if you exceed a certain number
Speaker 3: of hours that you have this person employed, you're gonna
Speaker 3: have to pay taxes and what I like, it's a W
Speaker 3: two employee, which is hard. But ultimately when I advertise
Speaker 3: for it is like twenty to twenty five hours a week.
Speaker 3: I said my hours were flexible because they're going to
Speaker 3: need a second job, right, And so it ended up
Speaker 3: working out great that the person who works for me,
Speaker 3: she actually does pick up and drop off for another
Speaker 3: family so nearby, So she does like the morning pick
Speaker 3: and dropping off at school, comes to me and then
Speaker 3: leaves me and goes and picks up at school and
Speaker 3: brings back home and whatnot. So that kind of worked
Speaker 3: out well. And when I advertise, I also said, I'm
Speaker 3: very flexible on what hours this is with ther during
Speaker 3: the day, so that way, at least should they need
Speaker 3: something else to do something else, which they will for
Speaker 3: the most part, that I could say, Okay, well this
Speaker 3: is where I can flex it to be nine to
Speaker 3: two or tend to three or whatever it was. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so that makes sense.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, offering that flexibility I think is unique and
Speaker 2: my change as your kids get older, because I'm picturing like, okay,
Speaker 2: and then when they have to go to dance class,
Speaker 2: you may not have that flexibility. But this is a
Speaker 2: reminder that like we don't have to plan that many
Speaker 2: years in advance, like figure out what works now.
Speaker 3: Yes, Like I was like, my assistant is like said,
Speaker 3: we signed a contract for a year, and I told her, like,
Speaker 3: I would love for you to stay long term, obviously,
Speaker 3: but I said, my needs will probably change as she
Speaker 3: gets older. Right now, she's in daycare and that covers
Speaker 3: us of the workday, so she's kind of back up.
Speaker 3: But as Scout gets older, you know, yeah, they'll be
Speaker 3: after school activities or all these things that then I'm
Speaker 3: going to have to probably, you know, would have to
Speaker 3: shift her, and that might look differently, but we can
Speaker 3: cross that bridge. We get there right now, she's not
Speaker 3: going to dance class. She can't sit up.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I think that makes total sense. Yes, like
Speaker 2: you're dealing with this and you'll keep your mind open.
Speaker 2: But now that sounds awesome and actually not a solution
Speaker 2: we've really talked about before. So I'm excited because we've
Speaker 2: talked about a lot of different iterations. But having a
Speaker 2: part time wait what did you call it again? Home,
Speaker 2: I call our family family assistant a part time family assistant.
Speaker 2: It seems like it makes total sense in combination with daycare.
Speaker 3: It's actually the best thing I've ever done because when
Speaker 3: I come home after work, I pick Scout up at daycare,
Speaker 3: I come home, my house is clean, the counters are
Speaker 3: wiped down, which is always like a wonderful thing to me.
Speaker 3: The dishwasher's empty, the bottles are prepped for daycare the
Speaker 3: next day at least, like I'm not coming home to
Speaker 3: complete chaos, and so that to me seems really nice.
Speaker 3: And yeah, it just everything takes time, and you know
Speaker 3: time is your most important I guess resource and so yes,
Speaker 3: could I go on my day off to go get
Speaker 3: the birthday present for a birthday party? Yes, but maybe
Speaker 3: I want to do something else with my you know
Speaker 3: what I mean, like if I can, you know, it's fine,
Speaker 3: but like someone to go for me to drive, to
Speaker 3: go fifteen minutes to the place to get it, you know,
Speaker 3: all of that. Just the more I can have someone
Speaker 3: help me do stuff to then ultimately spend more time
Speaker 3: with my daughter or do something for myself like run
Speaker 3: or something, it's great.
Speaker 2: Yes, just enjoy your life more, which you fully deserve
Speaker 2: and have worked really hard for.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 2: Tell me about going back to work. How did that go?
Speaker 2: That reentry?
Speaker 3: Oh my god? So going back to work. So I
Speaker 3: had a night nurse a good bit, which was great
Speaker 3: because that was really what saved me probably the first
Speaker 3: two really the first two months almost three months of
Speaker 3: her life. And so at some point financially, I was like, well,
Speaker 3: I either go back to work or I give up
Speaker 3: the night nurse. And I was like, I want the
Speaker 3: night nurse. So because that just being able to sleep
Speaker 3: really was helpful. So going back, I think it was
Speaker 3: hard because your brain, my brain just didn't function as
Speaker 3: fast anymore. And I used to see like eleven to
Speaker 3: thirteen patients a day, and I was like, I'm gonna
Speaker 3: see three a day, and that seemed like a lot.
Speaker 3: The very first week, I was like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 3: how did I use to do this like so much faster?
Speaker 3: So I think it took a couple of weeks to
Speaker 3: just like be And also then you're also figuring out
Speaker 3: all the logistics of your new life daycare. You know,
Speaker 3: get what time she wakes up, feeding her daycare drop off,
Speaker 3: then coming all of this stuff, and so it ended
Speaker 3: up I would say by the time so I went
Speaker 3: back right before Thanksgiving, kind of by the time we
Speaker 3: got to the new year, and now I feel much
Speaker 3: more in a routine. I'm kind of back up to
Speaker 3: my normal volume. So I thought, I really it was
Speaker 3: just giving myself time to kind of start slow and
Speaker 3: ran it back up to my usual volume with that,
Speaker 3: because it just takes you longer to get I was like,
Speaker 3: and then figure out when you're gonna pump if you're
Speaker 3: doing that, you know, all of that, just all these
Speaker 3: new logistics. And I just told my staff when I
Speaker 3: was like making my templates for patients scheduling, said each
Speaker 3: month just come back and revisit with me before we schedule.
Speaker 3: Open it for the new month. Is open because this
Speaker 3: is going to continue to evolve. So like, for instance,
Speaker 3: I used to start at eight, Now I started eight
Speaker 3: thirty because I get to the office still at eight.
Speaker 3: But I pumped first and then see my patience and
Speaker 3: I don't actually need a break into lunch into it's
Speaker 3: a pump. So I'm like it just like everything, I
Speaker 3: was like, just keep coming back to me because this
Speaker 3: is going to keep evolving. But yeah, really the brain
Speaker 3: not functioning quiet, I've been ire be like how did
Speaker 3: I type notes this fast? How did I do these?
Speaker 3: You know, all of that was hard.
Speaker 2: And that's awesome that you're at a place that allowed
Speaker 2: you to do that ramp up because unfortunately, I'm not
Speaker 2: sure that that's in a co netword medicine phenomenon.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I mean I'm in a private practice which
Speaker 3: we own, like where it's physician owned. So yes, we
Speaker 3: can have that, which is really nice. That's very much
Speaker 3: a luxury. I remember thinking as I got to twelve weeks,
Speaker 3: I went back after nine weeks, twelve weeks, I would
Speaker 3: have felt pretty good. I think getting would have felt
Speaker 3: like moly, Like, okay, going back, I think sixteen weeks
Speaker 3: because at that point she was starting to sleep more
Speaker 3: through the night. So I think, like, really, if if
Speaker 3: I were having to go back up full volume, I
Speaker 3: would have needed like sixteen weeks minimum. Really wish you'd
Speaker 3: get more maternity leaf. But that's another conversation.
Speaker 2: Yes, that could be another edition of the podcast. I'm
Speaker 2: with you, Yes, yes, awesome. What would you say? Has
Speaker 2: been the most fun part of this journey so far
Speaker 2: and the most challenging part. Let's get both flip sides.
Speaker 2: You can start with whichever you prefer.
Speaker 3: I think the most fun part has been seeing how
Speaker 3: excited my friends are actually for like friends and family,
Speaker 3: that is, just seeing how excited everyone was and how
Speaker 3: everyone was really interested in wanting to take part. So like, actually,
Speaker 3: two of my best childhood friends came to my induction.
Speaker 3: They were like, can we come? And I was like,
Speaker 3: you do know, an induction takes a really long time,
Speaker 3: Like I'm thinking of this with the perspective of a
Speaker 3: former OGUIN resident, and I'm like, you want to sit
Speaker 3: on labor and delivery all day because I'm just knowing
Speaker 3: how long an induction takes and my duction started at
Speaker 3: night and they didn't come to the next day and
Speaker 3: I ended up having a C section, but they wanted
Speaker 3: to be and I was like, wow, that's so nice,
Speaker 3: Like sure, Actually it was quite fun because after having
Speaker 3: up a dural, I just sat there and we talked
Speaker 3: all day until I ended up having a C section.
Speaker 3: So I think that has been the most like exciting
Speaker 3: part and just everyone's overall excitement for me. Then, I
Speaker 3: think the hardest part for me has been figuring out
Speaker 3: like I have the work days figured out, but the
Speaker 3: non work days then being because I like always knew
Speaker 3: I would need help on work days, but then not
Speaker 3: having help on the non work days, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: I actually need to probably schedule some sort of babysitter
Speaker 3: or something so I can go on a run or
Speaker 3: go to the office if I need to or whatever.
Speaker 3: It is like acknowledging that just like if I don't
Speaker 3: schedule it, essentially it's not going to happen. So if
Speaker 3: I don't schedule and plan for my time to run
Speaker 3: with either childcare or whatever it is, because naps are
Speaker 3: not quite solid enough yet to really know that's going
Speaker 3: to work out, then it's not gonna happen. So I
Speaker 3: think that's been the biggest challenge, is like coming to terms.
Speaker 3: I knew I was always gonna need help, but I thought,
Speaker 3: oh am I not workdays, I'll be fine. Then acknowledging like,
Speaker 3: oh no, you're gonna need help on the non work
Speaker 3: days too. I will say the very beginning too, it
Speaker 3: was because you're changing all the diapers, right, I was like,
Speaker 3: we really know if someone else can change a diaper.
Speaker 3: But then I did think to myself, well, it would
Speaker 3: be nice to have someone else to change diapers, but
Speaker 3: it would also be worse if I had someone that
Speaker 3: I was like, can you change the diaper? And I
Speaker 3: resent fulter to them having it, you know. So I
Speaker 3: was like, it may sound nice to say I have
Speaker 3: someone else to change a diaper, but you just don't know,
Speaker 3: you know again, how that might play out totally.
Speaker 2: There could be complicated part that you are not having
Speaker 2: to deal with, which can be a positive. That is
Speaker 2: an awesome way to look at it, and I applaud
Speaker 2: your thought about getting some help on the weekends. I mean,
Speaker 2: on this podcast we talk about either hiring that out
Speaker 2: or figuring out some kind of swap with a co parent,
Speaker 2: but since there is no co parent, then your answer
Speaker 2: is to either a family member or a babysitter, and
Speaker 2: either way your baby will be in loving hands and
Speaker 2: you need a break. You're gonna need a break.
Speaker 3: So it's I mean, yeah, I mean I was like
Speaker 3: people that, like I remember as well, like which she
Speaker 3: was really I was like, gosh, you really can't stay
Speaker 3: home with it. I mean you can, but it's you'll go.
Speaker 3: It's MinC numbing because also you're just living in this
Speaker 3: coustant three hour cycle of like eat, awake, sleep, and
Speaker 3: like all this stuff, and especially when they're like right now,
Speaker 3: she's still not quite the point where the naps are
Speaker 3: very I know exactly what it's going to happen, how
Speaker 3: long it's going to be, so on and so forth.
Speaker 3: And the other thing too that I found really hard
Speaker 3: postpartum was like my life was so varied in terms
Speaker 3: of work, house renovation, redecorating, pregnancy, my friends, all this stuff,
Speaker 3: and now it went to just this one thing where
Speaker 3: it was like what's she going to eat? How much
Speaker 3: did she eat? Did she you know, did we you know?
Speaker 3: All this other stuff, and I think it was just like,
Speaker 3: oh my gosh, now my entire being is consumed with
Speaker 3: this one thing, and especially the newborn sleep part of it.
Speaker 3: That to me was really hard. I knew, I didn't
Speaker 3: know that newborns were such loud sleepers, and that like
Speaker 3: and the other thing too, is all I felt like.
Speaker 3: The sleep part just continued to evolve, like for a
Speaker 3: while she could like lay on her back because she
Speaker 3: had reflug. All of that was like, just you go crazy.
Speaker 2: It's a lot. It's a lot, and it's a lot
Speaker 2: to deal with with someone and probably even harder. I
Speaker 2: hope you have a big tribe of like online or
Speaker 2: real friends, like in real life friends, because yeah, the
Speaker 2: number of hours I spent googling some sort of looking
Speaker 2: for the internet like it was going to have some
Speaker 2: magical sleep solution on there. Yes, like it's not on there,
Speaker 2: Like I.
Speaker 3: Bought every book, asked everyone, did your child sound leaving?
Speaker 3: How do you do this sleep training? When can you
Speaker 3: do that? And actually my daughter's kind of on the
Speaker 3: small side. She's eleven pounds sent five months, so she's
Speaker 3: kind of a petit thing. So you know, a function
Speaker 3: of it is of weight, like and when they can.
Speaker 3: But I think ultimately, like I remember I was really
Speaker 3: like like could she have acid reflex medicine or whatever.
Speaker 3: My pediatrition was like, I just don't think she needs
Speaker 3: it like you can. But then she went through all
Speaker 3: this stuff. Me, I was like, all right, you're right,
Speaker 3: but she was like, ultimately, it just takes time. She's like,
Speaker 3: they just have to get bigger. And then and she
Speaker 3: was right, you know, I was like, you were right.
Speaker 3: And then I just remember my two month appointment also
Speaker 3: asking her when am I going to have a bed
Speaker 3: tech again? And she was like probably around three months,
Speaker 3: and she was right about the you know, now she
Speaker 3: pretty much consistently goes about a round seven and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 3: so it's very helpful to know, Okay, it's seven o'clock,
Speaker 3: she's going to be in the bed and bed for
Speaker 3: the night. She'll probably wake up somewhere between, you know,
Speaker 3: it's like five fifteen to six fifteen. And that to
Speaker 3: me is like, okay, at Lisa, I know that I
Speaker 3: may not no naps yet, but yeah, ultimately, like I
Speaker 3: was like, time them getting bigger and just the only
Speaker 3: cause that has changed right now essentially.
Speaker 2: Totally, Oh my gosh, I'm having so many flashbacks. So
Speaker 2: before we close, I wanted to have you. Well two things.
Speaker 2: I hope she has to run back to daycare by
Speaker 2: the way, everyone like she literally got called that her
Speaker 2: baby is a little sick and she has to head in.
Speaker 2: So this is very reality. But any advice you would
Speaker 2: give to someone contemplating a similar journey.
Speaker 3: I think, and this is what I tell my pages too.
Speaker 3: You have to decide, like not to side, but think
Speaker 3: about what do you want for your life. Not what
Speaker 3: you think society was for your life, or what you
Speaker 3: think is quote right, but what do you want for
Speaker 3: your life? And there's some people will say, my life
Speaker 3: will not be complete without having biologically related children or
Speaker 3: a child in some way however it comes to you,
Speaker 3: whether it's through eg donation, every adoption, but if that's
Speaker 3: something that's important to you. I think there's a lot
Speaker 3: of things with you know, being in twenty twenty four,
Speaker 3: social media, all these things, but one good thing about
Speaker 3: it is that and I don't want to say alternative lifestyle,
Speaker 3: but just like I feel like now it's great that
Speaker 3: like this whole people live a variety of different lives
Speaker 3: or ways of living. Like it's not just like the
Speaker 3: nuclear family of mom and dad. Two kids and all
Speaker 3: of that, Like there's so many different types of families,
Speaker 3: and overall, I think people are very accepting of that
Speaker 3: and want to help. Actually, on my street, which is crazy,
Speaker 3: two houses down is another single mom by choice that
Speaker 3: she just and she's probably her son's like ten, so
Speaker 3: she's like older, you know, like this is a very
Speaker 3: different stage of life. So I think their thing is
Speaker 3: like I think a lot of people think it's going
Speaker 3: to be easier if I have a partner, and I'm
Speaker 3: sure there are parts of it that's easier, but I
Speaker 3: think having children is hard in general, like just hard
Speaker 3: religious like it's good and it's hard, and so I
Speaker 3: think just not letting the hard things scare you, because ultimately,
Speaker 3: what I found, like through residency, fellowship, all these things,
Speaker 3: you figure out a way to rise to the occasion,
Speaker 3: like you just figure it out. So that and then
Speaker 3: I don't know, I don't I think, don't be like
Speaker 3: afraid of public perception because that was one of my fears,
Speaker 3: was like the fear of public perception, and no one
Speaker 3: cared really, which was good. So yeah, I think ultimately
Speaker 3: like just going if it's something you want, Like I
Speaker 3: think my saddest patients too. I have a lot of
Speaker 3: sad patients obviously, but I think some of my saddest
Speaker 3: people that come in are like people who are like
Speaker 3: thirty eight, thirty nine, forty and they want to freeze
Speaker 3: their eggs because they haven't found the right person, but
Speaker 3: they want to have kids. And then I'm giving them
Speaker 3: the reality statistics of like what this looks like, and
Speaker 3: they realize that, like with egg freezing, their chances while
Speaker 3: they're not zero, they aren't as good as they thought
Speaker 3: they were, and they're kind of just they're in a
Speaker 3: huge stage of grief. And so yeah, so I think
Speaker 3: ultimately like deciding knowing that for is it forever and
Speaker 3: if family is important to you, like you can make
Speaker 3: it happen.
Speaker 2: I love it. Well with that, do you have.
Speaker 3: To have one final point to Yeah, I have. I
Speaker 3: also tell patients or some of friends of mine as well.
Speaker 3: It's like, I think people think you have to be
Speaker 3: you must be a parent to have an impact on
Speaker 3: a child's life, and I tell people like I'd also
Speaker 3: come to terms with if I didn't have children, I
Speaker 3: have nephews, I could be a really great aunt and
Speaker 3: I could be really impactful in the lives of my
Speaker 3: nephews even without being their biologic parent. And so I
Speaker 3: think there are so many ways to be involved in
Speaker 3: a child's life outside of biologic parenthood. And not to
Speaker 3: discount that. So, oh, that's beautiful.
Speaker 2: Would you have a love of the week to share
Speaker 2: with our audience?
Speaker 3: So I have a couple of things that So outsourcing
Speaker 3: is my number one. Is my like outsourcing once it
Speaker 3: became an attend Yeah, outsourcing is where I was like
Speaker 3: once it became an attending and even just very recently,
Speaker 3: I'm like, you know what, Like one of my older
Speaker 3: partners in my practice said this to me. He's like, Meggie,
Speaker 3: there are certain things that only you can do as
Speaker 3: a reproductive This is with prospective work. He's like, and
Speaker 3: there are certain things that someone else in your practice
Speaker 3: can do for you, like colleing patients about their normal CBC.
Speaker 3: He was like, you don't need to do that. He's like,
Speaker 3: that's nice that you want to do that, but you
Speaker 3: can only do certain things. So and I think that's
Speaker 3: I look at like my life as well. There are
Speaker 3: only certain things I can do, but there are certain
Speaker 3: things I can outsource. So I like that, and I
Speaker 3: think and to that end as well, like just making
Speaker 3: that like outsourcing slash, finding that time to do whatever
Speaker 3: it is you need for you, whether it's two to
Speaker 3: three hours, that's like like embracing help. Even if you think,
Speaker 3: like in my mind, I'm like, am I getting too
Speaker 3: much help? I'm I'm spending too much enough time with her?
Speaker 3: And it's like, no, you spend a lot of time
Speaker 3: with her. It's fine. Like if you need a babysit
Speaker 3: for three hours, you can run, shower, do whatever. Like
Speaker 3: there's three hours, Like she might be napping for part
Speaker 3: of that. It's fine. She won't know the difference.
Speaker 2: She will not know the difference. I guarantee it. Even
Speaker 2: if those four hours, thank you exact that window if
Speaker 2: you if you decide to train for a marathon, which
Speaker 2: we're not going to talk about on this podcast, but
Speaker 2: I love it. Those are awesome. So outsourcing, did you
Speaker 2: say you had more? Or is it just all the
Speaker 2: types of outsourcing? Is there love of the one? All
Speaker 2: the types of outsourcing? I was trying to give anything else.
Speaker 3: I love this week. Oh I still really love like
Speaker 3: paper planning, like and you'll be I know you'll like yeakay,
Speaker 3: So that to be I really enjoy. So I have
Speaker 3: this family pad thing that I have from Sugar Paper
Speaker 3: La and that is one of my best purchases of
Speaker 3: twenty twenty four. And that's how my assistant I communicate
Speaker 3: and everything it has by day and I can make
Speaker 3: all these check marks and boxes and all the to
Speaker 3: do lists all this stuff. But yeah, I think that
Speaker 3: is like on my love list for sure of Like
Speaker 3: I have multiple paper planning things, but that like week
Speaker 3: to week family planning pad is one of my loves
Speaker 3: of the week.
Speaker 2: If you send me the exact link, I will it
Speaker 2: in the show notes. All of the week this week
Speaker 2: is wide let is wide leg pants because I'm just
Speaker 2: embracing the like new silhouette I feel cool and my
Speaker 2: wild life pants, Like I don't know why it took
Speaker 2: me so long, but I feel like I'm into it.
Speaker 2: So yeah, that's my love of the week. Great, I
Speaker 2: love it. Thank you so much for coming on. This
Speaker 2: was so much fun. We have to talk more yes
Speaker 2: offline of the podcast, and maybe if we ever do
Speaker 2: like another like IVF theme show or some kind of
Speaker 2: like repro endo show, we would love to have you
Speaker 2: back to talk more about like those medical specifics you
Speaker 2: would not be the first obgi N to appear on
Speaker 2: our podcast, and we've had some ENDO chronologists as well.
Speaker 2: But you know, these are very salient topics for our listeners,
Speaker 2: So thank you again.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Oh and where can they find you? Where can they
Speaker 2: find you? Sorry? Last question?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I probably changed my handle. It's MBS. Thanks. I
Speaker 3: used to have a website somehow got like hacked by
Speaker 3: some sort of Russian things. So I'll have to re
Speaker 3: figure that out. That happened right I was delivering and
Speaker 3: I was like, I don't have the brain space for
Speaker 3: this right now. So there. And then also my practice
Speaker 3: is Natural Fertility Center and that's where I see patients.
Speaker 2: Awesome, Well, thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker 3: Well we were back.
Speaker 1: Sarah was interviewing doctor Meggie Smith about various aspects of
Speaker 1: fertility and her own fertility journey raising a child on
Speaker 1: her own. So coming to another related question with pregnancy
Speaker 1: and things like this, Sarah, you want to read this one?
Speaker 3: Sure? Okay?
Speaker 2: So this is yes, very much on theme for the episode,
Speaker 2: and it comes from a listener who says she is
Speaker 2: thirty and the podcast serves as a big sister or
Speaker 2: mentor of sorts. So I just wanted to share that
Speaker 2: part because it made me really really happy, super cool.
Speaker 2: I love having listeners actually in every part of the
Speaker 2: kind of age and career journey spectrum, because we have
Speaker 2: others who have kids out of the house. All Right,
Speaker 2: I'll get to the question, but I just thought that
Speaker 2: was super sweet. Okay, So she writes, I am recently pregnant,
Speaker 2: but really struggling with first trimester nausea and fatigue, especially
Speaker 2: when it comes to work stamina. I work full time
Speaker 2: and I have a clinical type rule in hospital. I'm
Speaker 2: eight weeks in and I don't know how to navigate
Speaker 2: addressing these symptoms, especially at work since I haven't told anyone,
Speaker 2: and I'm extremely active and struggling with how these symptoms
Speaker 2: impact my energy and motivation to do my usual physical
Speaker 2: activities like running and strength training. So do you and
Speaker 2: Laura have tips or old post etsc For navigating this
Speaker 2: difficult period in the first trimester when it's really symptomatic
Speaker 2: but maybe not out in the open.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, just thoughts go out to you, because
Speaker 1: the first trimester is often terrible, and this is something
Speaker 1: that I think it comes as a psychological shock to
Speaker 1: a lot of folks, because I mean, a we don't
Speaker 1: know that many people who are in their first trimesters,
Speaker 1: because a lot of people do keep it secret for
Speaker 1: various reasons, which makes sense. I mean, I've miscarried in
Speaker 1: the past, and so I understand why you don't want
Speaker 1: to tell people and then have to tell them again.
Speaker 1: But it does, in fact feel terrible. And you've gone
Speaker 1: from being this healthy, active woman doing everything and then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you know, a couple weeks later,
Speaker 1: you are on your back, unable to move like half
Speaker 1: the time.
Speaker 3: You're so tired, you're.
Speaker 1: Nauseous, you feel awful, and I think people are just like, WHOA, like,
Speaker 1: how did this happen? Is this you know eternal? Am
Speaker 1: I now like screwed for life? And the truth is no, generally,
Speaker 1: not for the majority of people, the symptoms are going
Speaker 1: to get quite a bit better by about thirteen fourteen weeks,
Speaker 1: so you can hold out hope for then maybe you'll
Speaker 1: make yourself a little calendar, like an advent calendar of
Speaker 1: when my symptoms will get better. Are there's some percentage
Speaker 1: of people who don't, but obviously, if you're suffering from
Speaker 1: severe nausea or something like that, you can probably get
Speaker 1: some medical treatment for that too, So consider that. As
Speaker 1: for your responsibilities, I mean, really just take it down
Speaker 1: to the stuff you absolutely have to do. You can
Speaker 1: cancel things like you can strategically take sick days if
Speaker 1: you need to. I mean, this is the time you
Speaker 1: call it in and go from there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, if you are flat out feeling miserable,
Speaker 2: I guarantee you it's not in your head. If you're
Speaker 2: in your first trimester, like you probably really do feel
Speaker 2: terrible if you're having all those symptoms. So please be
Speaker 2: easy on yourself because you're probably a very hard worker.
Speaker 2: It sounds like you are from what you've written, and
Speaker 2: so this is a perfect time to just coast a
Speaker 2: little to the essential. And I will address the exercise
Speaker 2: portion of this as well to tell you that it
Speaker 2: is totally okay to kind of go off and on
Speaker 2: with exercise during pregnancy. There were definitely periods where I
Speaker 2: did much, much, much less, or really even maybe stop
Speaker 2: for a week or two just because I didn't feel
Speaker 2: it and then was able to pick it back up.
Speaker 2: And really the intensity that you exercise during a pregnancy,
Speaker 2: it doesn't matter. I mean, in retrospect, like I'm sure
Speaker 2: I sort of cared about it at the time, like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm still running, But like if I had been inclined
Speaker 2: walking or like moving really slowly on a bike, or like,
Speaker 2: you know whatever, or it probably wouldn't have made a
Speaker 2: big difference. I mean, as long as you're doing something,
Speaker 2: what you feel up to is probably what you should
Speaker 2: be doing.
Speaker 3: Because honestly, these.
Speaker 2: Are probably your body signals telling you that it wants
Speaker 2: to take it a little bit easy right now. So
Speaker 2: I would honor that and don't assume it doesn't mean
Speaker 2: you won't be able to buy those a lot of negatives,
Speaker 2: but pick it back up when the second and third
Speaker 2: try come along.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I would also say that you do have the
Speaker 1: choice to tell some people if you think that would
Speaker 1: be helpful in your situation, if you think people would
Speaker 1: be more understanding, and you're okay with the idea that
Speaker 1: if something went wrong you could go back and tell
Speaker 1: them again. But if you think it would buy you
Speaker 1: some more understanding, then it might not be a horrible
Speaker 1: idea to tell a few trusted folks about it. And
Speaker 1: I would say, I mean, from my personal experience, if
Speaker 1: you are really, really sick, it may mean that it's
Speaker 1: really really taken. So I'm not saying things won't go wrong,
Speaker 1: but I mean and hopefully not. But that's often a
Speaker 1: sign that you're well on your way. So anyway, we're
Speaker 1: really cheering for you, hoping that everything goes well, and yeah,
Speaker 1: that you'll be back to your usual self soon enough.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I always said I'd rather be forty weeks pregnant than seven,
Speaker 2: So it's gonna be better.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be better, we hope. All right, Well, this
Speaker 1: has been best of both worlds. Sarah is interviewing doctor
Speaker 1: Meggie Smith about her fertility journey and freezing her eggs
Speaker 1: having a baby on her own. We will be back
Speaker 1: next week with more on making work and life fit together.
Speaker 2: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the
Speaker 2: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram,
Speaker 2: and you.
Speaker 1: Can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This
Speaker 1: has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join
Speaker 1: us next time for more on making work and life
Speaker 1: work together.