WEBVTT - BA Q&A: My Friends Are Counting My Pockets 0:00:05.360 --> 0:00:09.119 It's time for the b a q a A b 0:00:09.360 --> 0:00:10.959 a q A What you say? 0:00:11.200 --> 0:00:13.880 The b a q eight with Mandad, the b a 0:00:14.280 --> 0:00:17.840 q eight with Tiffin, the b a q a. 0:00:17.320 --> 0:00:24.599 A What's up? Be a fam Welcome to b a q. 0:00:24.640 --> 0:00:28.960 A word your favorite brown girlies answer your business, career, 0:00:29.080 --> 0:00:33.239 personal finance questions. But we are not your mama. We 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:36.440 are not your doctor, your attorney, your financial advisor. 0:00:36.760 --> 0:00:37.279 We are just. 0:00:37.280 --> 0:00:42.159 Merely your fave non related financial girly cousins who are 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:42.919 really smart and. 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:43.680 C or whatever. 0:00:44.720 --> 0:00:47.040 But we want you to tap into the people that 0:00:47.080 --> 0:00:49.280 you do pay for advice. So you take us with 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:50.239 the smallest grand of salt. 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:52.320 Okay, okay. If you have a question, though, you can 0:00:52.520 --> 0:00:52.959 ask us. 0:00:53.159 --> 0:00:55.480 Go to Bran and Bits from podcast dot com, click 0:00:55.560 --> 0:00:58.760 contact us, sign to the d MS on Insta, Brianna 0:00:58.800 --> 0:01:02.960 bis and podcast, the BA podcast on Twitter, and Bradnavision 0:01:03.000 --> 0:01:08.120 Podcasts at gmail dot com. Zuck, all right, Mandra, you 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:10.319 wanna which one you want to go to? Be one 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:11.679 first or you want to do the second one. The 0:01:11.720 --> 0:01:13.640 second one is kind of messy, honey, you failing messy? 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:14.920 Are you feeling inspirational? 0:01:15.600 --> 0:01:17.880 Ooh, I'm kind of feeling messy. Okay, okay, I'll start 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:18.440 with inspiration. 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:23.040 Okay, okay, okay, this is from Well. You didn't say 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:24.759 your name, so we're gonna call you jam Rock because 0:01:24.840 --> 0:01:27.959 you live in Jamaica, which I love. Ooh, good nights. 0:01:28.000 --> 0:01:30.080 I love this West thingda is why y'all do that? 0:01:30.360 --> 0:01:32.040 Good night, Hope all as well? You know how you 0:01:32.880 --> 0:01:35.520 know they answer the phone good night, good day. I 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:39.040 love it anyway, good manners, good night Hope all is well. 0:01:39.319 --> 0:01:41.480 I have a question. How do you know when you're 0:01:41.480 --> 0:01:44.480 ready for your next big financial step. I'm looking to 0:01:44.520 --> 0:01:48.040 either attain a home or car or car, however, the 0:01:48.120 --> 0:01:52.200 home is the higher priority. Currently I have no loans, 0:01:52.280 --> 0:01:56.600 student loans paid off, or debt okay, Jamaica, I'm also 0:01:56.840 --> 0:02:00.600 investing in have savings. Sending love from Jamaica. First of all, 0:02:00.680 --> 0:02:01.320 jam Rock, we. 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:01.840 Love this for you. 0:02:02.680 --> 0:02:03.200 I love it. 0:02:03.320 --> 0:02:05.520 We love this for you that you are in a 0:02:05.560 --> 0:02:09.120 position where, like you know, no dead, you have savings 0:02:09.360 --> 0:02:11.640 and so this is more like a mental shift. So 0:02:11.720 --> 0:02:14.400 how like Mandy, when you are you know, like when 0:02:14.440 --> 0:02:16.120 you before you bought the house with Enrique even I 0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:19.280 remember when you guys were contemplating the tesla, like what 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:22.200 is the mindset shift that you like tussle with in 0:02:22.280 --> 0:02:24.320 order to make those changes, those financial changes? 0:02:24.880 --> 0:02:26.840 How do I get my husband to agree with me? 0:02:29.200 --> 0:02:31.440 It sucks when you have to make big financial decisions 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:36.160 as a unit because we each may have different ideas 0:02:36.160 --> 0:02:38.800 of one what ready is? And I feel like the 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:41.320 first thing is if you're by yourself and it's just you, 0:02:41.320 --> 0:02:44.560 yourself and you, that almost makes things easier. I don't 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:46.680 know if you have a family, but as far as 0:02:46.720 --> 0:02:49.320 like when are you ready for the move? The beautiful 0:02:49.360 --> 0:02:51.799 thing is that you've created a space where you are 0:02:51.800 --> 0:02:57.359 financially prepared. I think for you, it's like, let's take 0:02:57.400 --> 0:02:59.440 the next steps to find out what would that look 0:02:59.560 --> 0:03:00.880 like for you. Do you know where you want to 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:02.600 have a house? Do you know what your budget would be? 0:03:03.600 --> 0:03:05.400 Do you know the process for getting a mortgage? I 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:07.480 don't know what that's like in Jamaica. If that's brings 0:03:07.520 --> 0:03:10.200 for Jamaica, mm hmm, yeah, Like what would that process 0:03:10.200 --> 0:03:12.399 look like for you? And then you know, I don't 0:03:12.400 --> 0:03:14.520 feel like it's a It doesn't also doesn't have to 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:16.519 It may not have to be a house or car, 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:21.240 but which one serves you in your lifestyle? Right now, 0:03:21.400 --> 0:03:23.800 Renting is fine, Renting is cute. You want to have 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:25.640 a nice car and keep renting, that's you know, you 0:03:25.639 --> 0:03:28.520 can do your thing. But you know, if you decide 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:31.760 you one person you want to like invest in some property, 0:03:31.840 --> 0:03:34.400 then that can be the better decision. But I think 0:03:34.440 --> 0:03:38.680 it's just about you not getting stuck at analysis analysis 0:03:38.720 --> 0:03:42.080 paralysis and actually like thinking through what the next steps 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:44.520 would look like for you in either scenario. And I 0:03:44.520 --> 0:03:46.840 feel like the house is the big one that is 0:03:46.920 --> 0:03:49.760 going to take more than just going to a dealership. 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:54.240 Right yeah. Yeah. If I was on my own, husby 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:57.720 is currently fighting about car number two. I'm thinking I'm 0:03:57.760 --> 0:04:00.920 a long term person. I I don't really care about 0:04:00.960 --> 0:04:04.160 cars so much. I know that there's plenty of households 0:04:04.160 --> 0:04:07.480 in America that have two kids and one car and 0:04:07.520 --> 0:04:10.320 they're doing just fine. I was one of those households 0:04:10.360 --> 0:04:12.280 for a long time. We were doing just fine. It 0:04:12.280 --> 0:04:15.840 would be more convenient, sure, but I'm doing just fine. 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:18.039 So for me, I'm able to be like, Eh, car 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:20.240 not so much. Let's like focus long term on our 0:04:20.279 --> 0:04:24.360 next property. Okay, but we're just at a stalemate right now. 0:04:24.960 --> 0:04:26.760 But we're saving for a thing. We just don't have 0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:27.920 integrated on what the thing is. 0:04:28.120 --> 0:04:28.279 You know. 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:30.640 I love that, So maybe that's part of the advice too, 0:04:30.800 --> 0:04:33.599 is like, you know, even if you haven't decided which 0:04:33.640 --> 0:04:35.920 is going to be the thing, continue to save and 0:04:36.000 --> 0:04:39.359 just say this is my savings for a call it 0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:41.800 big goal, you know. And I don't know how it 0:04:41.839 --> 0:04:45.080 is in Jamaica. But here in USA, USA, as my 0:04:45.120 --> 0:04:48.040 cousin would call cousins would call it. In Nigeria, we're 0:04:48.040 --> 0:04:52.719 an USA. If you purchase a car and you get 0:04:54.000 --> 0:04:56.840 that you finance the car, it will prohibit you from 0:04:57.000 --> 0:04:59.800 likely getting a home for some months because they don't 0:04:59.839 --> 0:05:02.040 like to see that you recently got into new debt 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:04.240 in order to So just I don't know what it 0:05:04.279 --> 0:05:04.880 is like in Jamaica. 0:05:04.880 --> 0:05:05.880 Maybe it's totally different. 0:05:06.320 --> 0:05:08.719 I also know in many countries, like Nigeria, for example, 0:05:08.760 --> 0:05:12.000 you buy the land first and then you actually build 0:05:12.040 --> 0:05:13.320 your home. So I don't know if it's like that 0:05:13.360 --> 0:05:16.520 in Jamaica. So what I would say is that in 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:18.960 the United States, at least, there are classes that you 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:21.640 can take, not so much for the car, but definitely 0:05:21.680 --> 0:05:23.760 for home ownership. So see if I don't know if 0:05:23.800 --> 0:05:25.640 your local bank offers that I don't know how it works, 0:05:25.960 --> 0:05:28.520 and jam Rock right, like, if it's if there are 0:05:28.560 --> 0:05:30.760 classes that you could take to understand the process of 0:05:30.800 --> 0:05:32.880 like what it looks like to purchase a home and 0:05:32.920 --> 0:05:34.279 what some of those expenses might be. 0:05:34.600 --> 0:05:35.920 So maybe I like to whatever. 0:05:35.960 --> 0:05:39.760 I'm trying to the shift because to me, at your core, 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:43.240 at the core of your question, it's like, how do 0:05:43.320 --> 0:05:45.520 I make decisions or how do I make decisions when 0:05:45.520 --> 0:05:47.880 I'm ready to go to the next level financially? And 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:50.880 first things first, I like to ask myself what's the 0:05:50.920 --> 0:05:53.240 desired outcome for me? How do I see my life? 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:54.280 How do I want it to go. I want to 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:55.280 be in the house, I want to have this car, 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:57.960 I want to whatever. And then to second is I 0:05:58.080 --> 0:06:01.039 like to gather information to reach out to friends and 0:06:01.080 --> 0:06:03.240 family that own homes. Maybe I want to take a 0:06:03.279 --> 0:06:06.279 course or a class so I can start to frame 0:06:06.600 --> 0:06:10.000 my decision based upon what I want and to this 0:06:10.080 --> 0:06:12.600 additional information. And then three, there has to be a 0:06:12.680 --> 0:06:14.440 moment where you take the leap and say I'm committed 0:06:14.480 --> 0:06:17.360 to this, to this choice. But you're in a great position, 0:06:17.400 --> 0:06:18.920 So I just want to give you a round of applause, 0:06:19.200 --> 0:06:22.240 jam Rock for setting yourself up to get whatever it 0:06:22.279 --> 0:06:23.840 is that you want. There's no right or wrong however 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:25.800 you want to rock it out, rock it out. So 0:06:26.440 --> 0:06:28.240 if you do end up buying a home in Jamaica, 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:31.160 I'm just saying me and Mandy, would you know. 0:06:33.080 --> 0:06:35.599 To the beach? That's all I want to exactly right, 0:06:35.720 --> 0:06:38.279 because switch with my husband. His family lives in the 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:45.960 middle of the island. Okay, Dominican Republic vacation. 0:06:45.680 --> 0:06:50.920 But no beach, they say, Now we are a. 0:06:50.839 --> 0:06:52.360 Whole separate vacation after this. 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:54.960 But Jamaica, hoes say, is one of the most beautiful islands. 0:06:54.960 --> 0:06:57.800 I've been like a couple of times. It is so gorgeous. 0:06:58.360 --> 0:06:59.960 And you know the people that be thinking I'm jamake 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:02.520 it anyway with my lox or whatever, you know, So 0:07:02.600 --> 0:07:03.640 you just let me know I could. 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:07.159 I could blend right into family sidebar. You know who 0:07:07.160 --> 0:07:09.960 has the most incredible locks, Ava Duverne. Have you seen 0:07:10.000 --> 0:07:12.080 the images of her stunning looks. 0:07:12.200 --> 0:07:13.120 She's just so beautiful. 0:07:13.120 --> 0:07:16.000 I wonder how long. Yeah, it's stunning. Yeah, but thank 0:07:16.040 --> 0:07:19.080 you for your question. And just one last thing. One 0:07:19.080 --> 0:07:21.840 of those items, house or a car is an investment, 0:07:21.960 --> 0:07:24.920 is an investment. The other one typically not an investment. 0:07:24.960 --> 0:07:27.040 That's all. I'm just gonna say. It's fine. If you 0:07:27.040 --> 0:07:29.800 want to get the car, just know that you're buying 0:07:29.800 --> 0:07:34.400 a depreciating asset. The one exception is when we actually 0:07:34.400 --> 0:07:36.920 made money on our car by selling it during the pandemic. 0:07:36.920 --> 0:07:41.760 But that's because of like crazy weird economics. It really 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:43.559 happens rarely, rarely. 0:07:43.720 --> 0:07:47.240 Yeah, must mind some classic car or something like that 0:07:47.280 --> 0:07:47.960 for a collectible. 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:50.920 But yeah, oh this is true, this is true. Oh 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:52.800 but night drink in the whole can of worms that 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:53.480 I am not prepared. 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:56.360 Now, let's just roll it on back in either way, yeah, bring, 0:07:56.480 --> 0:07:59.200 but let us know either way what you decide. 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:03.240 Yeah, all right, jam Rock, I love that name. I 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:06.120 know it's not your name. Okay, So I'm gonna read 0:08:06.120 --> 0:08:06.720 the next question. 0:08:06.760 --> 0:08:09.080 Well, we're gonna take a break, a busy breaks. We 0:08:09.080 --> 0:08:11.560 can pay some bills, slow all the way down your. 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:14.440 Time. 0:08:14.680 --> 0:08:17.680 After eight years, I finally remember things too. 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:20.680 I love it. I need you great here. 0:08:22.000 --> 0:08:23.360 All right, So we're gonna take a break, guys, and 0:08:23.400 --> 0:08:25.720 we'll be back and black and browner than ever. 0:08:28.520 --> 0:08:31.360 Okay, b a fam, We are back after our break 0:08:31.360 --> 0:08:33.920 with our second question. This one is from anonymous and 0:08:33.960 --> 0:08:35.520 Tiffany has promised me it will be. 0:08:35.480 --> 0:08:38.719 Messy, just a little messy, so we're gonna actually call you. Well, 0:08:38.880 --> 0:08:40.760 I feel like it's not fair because you're not messy, 0:08:40.800 --> 0:08:42.600 but I want a nice messy name. 0:08:43.280 --> 0:08:45.200 Like what should we call like? So that way? 0:08:45.480 --> 0:08:50.240 Mess of them all? Uh? All I can think about 0:08:50.280 --> 0:08:54.040 is Marjorie Taylor Green Right now in this moment, Cannon's 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:56.760 gonen messy. It's all them kids? 0:08:57.080 --> 0:08:59.320 What about wember Wendy Williams, what about we call it Wendy? 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:02.680 Okay, because we know you're not messy, but it's messy 0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:03.679 like around you know it's around it. 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:04.680 Okay, we can call you Wendy. 0:09:04.840 --> 0:09:08.199 Okay, Okay, all right, Wendy says, I'm a big fan 0:09:08.240 --> 0:09:10.480 of the podcast. Keep doing a great job. I'm a 0:09:10.520 --> 0:09:13.360 single mom who recently went from making forty K to 0:09:13.480 --> 0:09:17.080 one hundred K, and I'm nice and I made the 0:09:17.120 --> 0:09:20.440 mistake of telling way too many people about my achievement, 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:23.120 thinking that they would be happy. Oh this is a 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:29.160 good one. Since then, I've had friends start counting my pockets. 0:09:29.760 --> 0:09:31.480 One try to set me up on a date and 0:09:31.559 --> 0:09:35.360 snapchated the guy that he could use me and several 0:09:35.640 --> 0:09:38.319 have been asking or assuming they can have money now, 0:09:38.800 --> 0:09:41.440 or telling me how I should spend mine. What is 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:44.560 the best idea to handle this scenario. My therapist said, 0:09:44.600 --> 0:09:46.760 I should tell them that I lied about how much 0:09:46.800 --> 0:09:51.559 I make, but I don't think that's realistic. Also, as 0:09:51.600 --> 0:09:54.520 someone who is used to being pretty poor, what advice 0:09:54.559 --> 0:09:57.880 do you have for a big increase in income? Okay? 0:09:57.880 --> 0:10:00.320 These are oh man, this makes me sad. 0:10:00.559 --> 0:10:02.840 You know, Wendy, Wendy, wend. 0:10:03.920 --> 0:10:08.600 Yeah, you listen. I think we you made you made 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:12.719 an error. I think you really need to and I'm 0:10:12.760 --> 0:10:15.440 all about salary transparents. You don't get me wrong, but 0:10:15.559 --> 0:10:17.760 it has to be at the benefit of both people 0:10:17.800 --> 0:10:20.160 who were finding out. So you know, like, for example, 0:10:20.200 --> 0:10:21.760 if they can learn from you, you learn from them. 0:10:21.800 --> 0:10:23.240 I'm trying to help you get to the next level. 0:10:23.280 --> 0:10:28.200 There's an understanding that we're sharing compensation to Like I'm sorry, 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:30.120 I'm answering the question that I just asked Tiffany. I 0:10:30.160 --> 0:10:31.280 should have shut up and let. 0:10:31.120 --> 0:10:36.480 You it's good, No, I continue. 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:37.480 Just stop. 0:10:40.840 --> 0:10:43.560 Yeah, So, I feel like in this case, both people 0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:46.920 should be benefiting from this conversation. And when you tell 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:51.400 just anybody what you make you are giving them. Yeah, 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:53.600 you're giving them a piece of a data about yourself 0:10:53.640 --> 0:10:55.360 that can be used against you, and you don't know 0:10:55.360 --> 0:10:57.640 how they're going to use it. And I'm really sorry 0:10:57.760 --> 0:10:59.960 that friends and family that you thought was it just 0:11:00.040 --> 0:11:02.319 friends or as a family to but you know, people 0:11:02.920 --> 0:11:06.760 in your circle that you thought would be excited for you, 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:08.680 you're finding out the lesson that a lot of people do, 0:11:08.760 --> 0:11:12.280 which is that people have a hard time and they're humans, right, 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:14.199 so you can't really blame them so much, but they 0:11:14.200 --> 0:11:17.080 have a hard time feeling excited because of the comparison 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:19.960 thing that they're immediately going to do to what they're earning, 0:11:20.320 --> 0:11:23.160 and because they may feel, you know, insecure about where 0:11:23.200 --> 0:11:25.400 they're at in their life, they may lash out and 0:11:25.440 --> 0:11:29.319 project and cause you problems because they can't stand they 0:11:29.360 --> 0:11:32.680 really don't like the idea that you're doing better than them. So, yeah, 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:35.520 it's a good lesson for in salary transparency and all 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:39.080 this talk that especially I do about you know, being 0:11:39.120 --> 0:11:42.680 open about sharing your salary with other people. It's important 0:11:42.679 --> 0:11:44.760 because I think that that is how we can create 0:11:44.760 --> 0:11:49.240 a more equitable space. But do it with people who 0:11:49.480 --> 0:11:52.600 like there's a mutual benefit you know people in your industry, 0:11:52.800 --> 0:11:55.520 someone who you're trying to help level up, someone who's 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:57.520 trying to help you level up, who's like a little 0:11:57.520 --> 0:12:00.600 bit more you know, advanced than you, someone who's you know, 0:12:00.679 --> 0:12:02.520 in the same space you are, and you're just trying 0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:05.040 to like, you know, get a sense of what to charge. 0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:08.280 A good example is I just got invited by a 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:10.720 brand to do an event, and I know a friend 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:14.240 of mine also was invited, and I slid into her 0:12:14.360 --> 0:12:19.000 DMS to ask her how the negotiations went because I 0:12:19.120 --> 0:12:22.720 was having a you know, an interesting experience, and you know, 0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:25.720 she let me know how hers went. And yeah, it's 0:12:25.720 --> 0:12:28.480 just it's that's different. I'm not going to get a 0:12:28.480 --> 0:12:31.120 brand deal and then just like go tell everybody and 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:34.080 you know how much I'm making off of this or that. 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:37.160 And the third end, yeah, it's people do not always 0:12:37.160 --> 0:12:38.959 have your best interests at Heartwindy. 0:12:40.000 --> 0:12:40.480 Yeah. 0:12:40.520 --> 0:12:43.000 And I'll say, like, one, I never thought about that 0:12:43.000 --> 0:12:44.719 that when you're sharing that was like a really good 0:12:44.720 --> 0:12:46.880 perspective that like does it benefit both people. 0:12:46.920 --> 0:12:48.080 I never thought about that. 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:53.160 You know. One, I have to say, girl, this person 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:55.200 to try to set you up to have this date, 0:12:55.280 --> 0:12:59.480 run your pockets I hope you block them expeditiously. 0:13:00.640 --> 0:13:02.640 Yeah, is that like the girl who had her what 0:13:02.679 --> 0:13:05.640 are those ugly shoes? Would make your toes look like 0:13:05.640 --> 0:13:06.480 a ninja turtle? 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:08.559 And then the guy stole them and gave it to 0:13:08.600 --> 0:13:09.160 his girlfriend. 0:13:09.400 --> 0:13:11.959 Yes, the guy stole the shoes on the date. That's 0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:15.000 like what like was he told, Hey, that girl's got 0:13:15.000 --> 0:13:17.480 these fancy shoes, you should ask her out, and then 0:13:17.480 --> 0:13:19.800 he like ripped her off and stole her shoes. Anyway, 0:13:19.840 --> 0:13:20.640 I'm just thinking, well, I. 0:13:20.600 --> 0:13:22.000 Don't know them, well, I don't. 0:13:22.160 --> 0:13:22.439 I don't know. 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:22.880 I don't think so. 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:24.360 I think she met him on Hinge in one of 0:13:24.400 --> 0:13:26.920 these dating amps, and you know, they went home and 0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:28.839 he was like, oh, my girl been talking about the 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:32.320 ugly shoes and stole them, which is so the ghetto. 0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:36.200 I mean, first of all, though, I have questions about 0:13:36.200 --> 0:13:39.400 the girlfriend. If your man brings home these shoes, no box, 0:13:39.440 --> 0:13:43.440 no nothing like, sir, where did you get these from? 0:13:43.920 --> 0:13:44.599 Yeah? 0:13:44.600 --> 0:13:46.240 And then when he asked you for them back, you 0:13:46.280 --> 0:13:47.920 weren't like, bruh, what was happening? 0:13:48.240 --> 0:13:51.319 And there's no little plastic tech connecting the marshals. When 0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:55.240 you get a great brand for less, I mean, no box. 0:13:55.880 --> 0:13:59.680 We saw Wendy. We we so one that person that 0:13:59.720 --> 0:14:01.840 tried to set you up. I mean, I would hope 0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:04.640 there's no second. We're not we don't have to spend 0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:06.719 the block. Since it's done, we're not talking anymore. You're 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:10.600 not my friend. That's terrible. Like you know, like, hey, 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:13.000 date my friend. You can use them for money because 0:14:13.040 --> 0:14:16.120 she makes good money. It's one thing. Sometimes friends will 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:17.360 certainly be like, ooh, this is my friend. 0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:19.320 They have a good job. Da da dada. That's one thing. 0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:22.920 But like you specifically said, she snapchatted them to say 0:14:23.960 --> 0:14:28.480 he could use you child, you know. And yeah, as 0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:32.840 far as because I'm like, I don't your therapists suggesting 0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:33.280 that you lie. 0:14:33.320 --> 0:14:37.600 I'm like, girl, I don't know the damage. 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:42.560 I just don't know that. That's I'm not a therapist. 0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:44.800 So therapists. Maybe way in did we ever encourage people 0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:47.720 to lie? I guess so maybe for safety for sure, 0:14:47.760 --> 0:14:49.200 like you know, you have an abusive husband or something 0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:52.880 like that, certainly, But I just feel like this might 0:14:52.920 --> 0:14:55.600 be a good time to kind of like reset friendships 0:14:55.920 --> 0:14:58.560 because this is like, you know, there are certain things 0:14:58.600 --> 0:15:01.600 that like highlight who you really who you work with. 0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:05.880 Basically and friends that are going to not respect the 0:15:05.920 --> 0:15:08.080 boundary and say, hey, honestly, it makes me feel uncomfortable 0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:11.560 when you X y Z. If a friend can't respect 0:15:11.600 --> 0:15:14.200 the new boundary that you're setting, then it's like, it's good, 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:17.120 thank you for showing me, because I certainly, as my 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:20.240 business has done better, it helped to reveal some people 0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:22.240 that when I was a preschool teacher, it was all 0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:24.040 good and as I did better, even just from when 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:26.000 I moved to the Halfway Hood when I was living 0:15:26.040 --> 0:15:28.840 in you know, like with Jarell and like the Halfway 0:15:28.840 --> 0:15:31.680 Hood versus when I bought my house, you know, like 0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:33.880 the difference when people came over and the look on 0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:36.480 their faces. There are people who literally just stopped coming over. 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:40.240 And I just remember being like, oh, but I didn't 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:43.040 mind it because it was like better to know that, 0:15:43.120 --> 0:15:45.520 you know that we're not aligned, you know, and not 0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:49.200 because I'm making more but something you know, You're just 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:51.720 we're just not aligned anymore. So I don't know about lying, 0:15:52.120 --> 0:15:55.160 but certainly setting new boundaries with the people in your 0:15:55.200 --> 0:15:59.120 life and they don't respect those boundaries, you know, realigning 0:15:59.160 --> 0:16:02.120 with other people who do. And so let's talk about 0:16:02.120 --> 0:16:04.240 the money part. Though, which is the exciting part. First 0:16:04.240 --> 0:16:06.320 of all, girls, do we even take congratulations because that's. 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:09.960 Huge relations Oh yeah, I mean you double. 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:12.760 Just downis I hope you like that's it. 0:16:12.800 --> 0:16:14.440 I can understand why you want to tell the world 0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:17.160 because it's like that's incredible, that's life changing. 0:16:16.920 --> 0:16:17.640 For you and your baby. 0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:19.120 Yeah, you know. So. 0:16:19.280 --> 0:16:23.200 One, I hope you are maxing out your retirement accounts 0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:25.720 because you ain't had that money before, you know, so 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:27.960 you have the opportunity to max out your retirement accounts, 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:31.240 you know. So One, I would like make make that 0:16:31.280 --> 0:16:33.800 my focus. I'm going to max have retirement accounts. Two 0:16:34.400 --> 0:16:35.920 I would be thinking about what does it look like 0:16:35.960 --> 0:16:38.280 as far as, like, you know, maybe increasing what I'm 0:16:38.280 --> 0:16:41.160 putting toward debt. Three I would be setting aside for 0:16:41.280 --> 0:16:45.160 a cost of living increase, but not I'm making forty, 0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:47.480 I'm living at this now, I'm making a hundred. I'm 0:16:47.520 --> 0:16:50.800 living at a hundred. It's I'm living at minus my 0:16:51.800 --> 0:16:54.560 retirement account max out minus increasing a little bit what 0:16:54.680 --> 0:16:57.880 I put toward debt minus increasing savings. When that's all 0:16:57.920 --> 0:17:00.080 said and done, then I can do a cost of 0:16:59.840 --> 0:17:03.040 life increase. So maybe it looks more like you're living 0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:06.160 at like sixty now instead of forty certainly not one hundred, 0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:06.920 if that makes sense. 0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:08.960 Also I would I. 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:10.159 Wouldn't ain't gonna let you do that. 0:17:10.880 --> 0:17:13.240 But you know what I like first and foremost, whatever 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:15.480 like big money comes in, I always have like, okay, 0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:16.919 what is retirement? 0:17:17.320 --> 0:17:18.680 What is debt? I don't have any deb anymore, but 0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:20.720 at the time, what is debt? What is savings? 0:17:20.720 --> 0:17:23.520 Once those are then if there's money, as there's money 0:17:23.600 --> 0:17:25.600 left over, then then I use that as like. 0:17:25.640 --> 0:17:26.879 How can I make my life better? 0:17:27.040 --> 0:17:28.720 And I think if you think about it that way, 0:17:29.000 --> 0:17:33.520 it'll allow you to always live relatively safely below your means, 0:17:33.560 --> 0:17:35.320 but in a way that you still get to enjoy 0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:38.520 a better life, but one that you can maintain, you know. 0:17:38.600 --> 0:17:41.359 So that's what I would be thinking about. But yes, congratulations, 0:17:41.440 --> 0:17:43.240 Like that's amazing. 0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:46.760 And I don't want your friend's reaction to take away 0:17:46.760 --> 0:17:49.760 from yeah, that feeling of I did this for me 0:17:49.880 --> 0:17:52.600 and my child because as a single mom, Like thanks 0:17:52.600 --> 0:17:55.159 for reminding me I forgot you was a single mom. Yes, 0:17:55.800 --> 0:18:00.440 that is life changing and I hope that And also, 0:18:00.520 --> 0:18:02.720 you know the thing about knowing someone's salary without any 0:18:02.760 --> 0:18:06.160 context is like one hundred k where because one hundred 0:18:06.200 --> 0:18:09.720 k in New York. I'm sorry, even if you're by 0:18:09.760 --> 0:18:11.639 your like if you're a dual income you're making a 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:14.639 hundred or you're by yourself, you're not living large, no, 0:18:14.960 --> 0:18:17.879 like your paycheck to paycheck. Yes, it's just true, you know. 0:18:18.000 --> 0:18:19.960 That's that's the sad truth about a lot of places. 0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:22.760 And it's not just New York, you know, even in Atlanta. 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:25.720 I feel like that would be tough or Charlotte or anyway. 0:18:25.800 --> 0:18:28.960