Speaker 1: How I Suck at Dating with de Ungler and Jared
Speaker 1: Haven and I heard radio podcast. All right, welcome to
Speaker 1: an all new episode of help by Suck at Dating.
Speaker 1: I'm Jared Haven joined by Dean Hunger. We have a
Speaker 1: very special guest on the line, and we just heard
Speaker 1: that it's her first podcast ever, and I'd argue she's
Speaker 1: joining the greatest podcast of all time. It is Lexie
Speaker 1: Buchanan from season twenty four, also known as Peter Webber
Speaker 1: season of The Bachelor. Lexie, howaiya good? How are you guys?
Speaker 1: I'm good? Oh, thanks for coming. So where are you
Speaker 1: in the country right now? I'm gonna Ryland. Dean's in Vegas.
Speaker 1: I would imagine that's correct. Ye. I am in Arlington, Virginia,
Speaker 1: so right outside of DC, and um, yeah, I've been
Speaker 1: here for about two years now. So my wife actually
Speaker 1: is from Great Falls. Yeah, I M I probably just
Speaker 1: tell people d C because no one really realizes that
Speaker 1: for Arlington's right outside of it and I love it.
Speaker 1: We like have a little house and I have my
Speaker 1: own backyard and a driveway, so very different from New York.
Speaker 1: Whenever I my fiance is from Fredericksburg. Really we create
Speaker 1: a little triangle down there, which, um, that's interesting. I
Speaker 1: like it out there too. I went out there last
Speaker 1: year or two years ago for a Thanksgiving and I've
Speaker 1: never been to d C or anywhere in that area
Speaker 1: and it was nice. So, um, kutas to you. It
Speaker 1: seems like a great place. Obviously if Ashley and Klin
Speaker 1: can be from there, I don't see how anyone could
Speaker 1: speak ill of it, right, No, I can think of
Speaker 1: some things. Yeah, yeah, there's probably some things that aren't
Speaker 1: so savory. Um. But Lexi, So it's your first podcast ever.
Speaker 1: We're so honored to have you part of the experience
Speaker 1: here with us um and as a co host then
Speaker 1: the less so you we saw you on Peter season. Um,
Speaker 1: what have you been up to since then? Because that
Speaker 1: was like, at this point, that was like three years
Speaker 1: ago now, wasn't it was a long time ago? Yeah,
Speaker 1: actually as of September it was three years ago. So yeah,
Speaker 1: pre COVID It honestly feels like a lifetime ago. Um,
Speaker 1: so much has changed, but I think I credit a
Speaker 1: lot of it to going on the show. So, um,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm in a very happy relationship. Um, that
Speaker 1: kind of happened right after this show and from there
Speaker 1: I moved to Arlington. Raham Now, I UM love my job.
Speaker 1: I got a dog. That is my whole life. Like
Speaker 1: I became one of those dog people. I guess it
Speaker 1: just happens to you, whether you wanted to or not.
Speaker 1: But I think when I went on this show, I
Speaker 1: was in New York, I loved my life. I was
Speaker 1: very single, dating a lot, like definitely looking for a relationship,
Speaker 1: but I think I was I didn't know what I wanted.
Speaker 1: I needed to find myself and I think the show
Speaker 1: helped me find what I actually wanted in a relationship.
Speaker 1: But I was looking for in a partner. Uh, just
Speaker 1: kind of put some pieces together. And um, I mean
Speaker 1: I personally don't think I was built for the show.
Speaker 1: It was hard and I'm not a competitor when it
Speaker 1: comes to dating. Like I loved the girls. I just
Speaker 1: fell in love with all the girls and my friends,
Speaker 1: and I saw how much they liked you know, Peter,
Speaker 1: and I liked him too. But I was like, I
Speaker 1: can tell you guys are connecting, Like I don't want
Speaker 1: to get in the way of that, like I want
Speaker 1: you to it seems like you guys really like it.
Speaker 1: Just so I don't know it was I struggled with
Speaker 1: the competitive aspect. I absolutely love it. I had the
Speaker 1: best time and it was such a good experience. But
Speaker 1: I think it helps me leaving the show know who
Speaker 1: I was and what I wanted in a relationship and
Speaker 1: just kind of set me up for success. To your
Speaker 1: point about the other girls forming connections, I think maybe
Speaker 1: that just makes you um less willing to lie on
Speaker 1: TV about something, because I feel like a lot of
Speaker 1: people will inflate their feelings towards the person that they're
Speaker 1: supposed to be just makes a better human being at
Speaker 1: the end of the day. Yeah, I mean that's good,
Speaker 1: and I mean I I guess that's true. I was
Speaker 1: very honest and I didn't realize that other maybe part
Speaker 1: of it was kind of lying to yourself a little
Speaker 1: bit too, maybe inflate that connection. But I mean we've
Speaker 1: all been through it. You're so wrapped up in that
Speaker 1: moment and those are your only thoughts and that's all
Speaker 1: you really know, so it you know. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: I didn't like Peter. I did. I really was trying
Speaker 1: to find the point parts of us that connected, and
Speaker 1: there were some things that I was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: could actually see myself with this person, but I was
Speaker 1: looking for more of a connection and not necessarily, um,
Speaker 1: just a fiance, right, fiance for the sake of fiance.
Speaker 1: So good for you, right, good for you? Yeah? And
Speaker 1: then and then how did you meet your boyfriend? Was
Speaker 1: there any type of like sliding into the d m
Speaker 1: s afterwards? Because you say you credit a lot from
Speaker 1: the show, and so I would imagine there has to
Speaker 1: be some like connection there, right, Yes, Well, we actually
Speaker 1: dated in college, so I knew him in college. We
Speaker 1: moved to New York together, we were kind of together,
Speaker 1: and about nine months in he broke up with me,
Speaker 1: and I was devastated, like beyond devastated. I really thought
Speaker 1: that he was the person I was going to be with,
Speaker 1: and it just kind of shocked me. But it ended
Speaker 1: up being the best thing because we were best friends
Speaker 1: and both of us being right out of college being
Speaker 1: new to New York, like we needed the time to
Speaker 1: be individuals and just experienced the city and focus on
Speaker 1: career and our own wants and goals and um, not
Speaker 1: that we couldn't do that together, but it was just
Speaker 1: too early. So um, I like was shocked that he
Speaker 1: broke up with I still tell them that where we're
Speaker 1: together now and I'm like, I still can't believe you,
Speaker 1: you know, did that, but uh, not to bring up
Speaker 1: old wounds. But you know, now I'm curious. No, it's
Speaker 1: not it's it's really not even a wound, because I
Speaker 1: think it just part of our story now. But he
Speaker 1: was like it was a little scary, it was all
Speaker 1: too much, too young. I wanted to focus on career
Speaker 1: and and I, you know, I thanked him. We ran
Speaker 1: into each other at a bar like nine months later,
Speaker 1: and I was just like, you know, like, thank you.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate you doing that, because I don't think
Speaker 1: I had this strength to do it. But in hindsight,
Speaker 1: it was what needed to happen. Um, neither of us
Speaker 1: ever had a bad word to say about each other.
Speaker 1: You know, we we kind of ran in the same
Speaker 1: circles in New York, but never really crossed paths, which
Speaker 1: was great. Um, but we both would hear, you know, well,
Speaker 1: we only has good things to say about you, and
Speaker 1: I would say the same, and then you know, I
Speaker 1: was going on the show is really I think me
Speaker 1: putting that to bed, being like, okay, that relationship is over,
Speaker 1: so that that ended in Like, I didn't go on
Speaker 1: the show until so those three years I was just
Speaker 1: you know, exploring the dating of New York, which is
Speaker 1: way harder than The Bachelor. And yeah, people are career
Speaker 1: focused and I like that. I think it's a city
Speaker 1: for you know, focusing on work. And when I think
Speaker 1: when I think of a guy in New York, I
Speaker 1: think of a guy in a suit with slicked back hair,
Speaker 1: clean shaven, on a scooter on his way to work.
Speaker 1: I swear to God, like the amount of electric scooters.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're grown anyway, continue, But that's that I
Speaker 1: would assume is the dating pool in New York. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean you get a mix of everybody in New York.
Speaker 1: But I don't know, I think, um, you know, the
Speaker 1: breakup was definitely a pivotal point in my personal growth
Speaker 1: of like, Okay, I'm going to be more of an individual.
Speaker 1: I'm in New York. He it was hard, but he
Speaker 1: really did do me a favor. So let me just
Speaker 1: live my life and see what happens. Um. So I
Speaker 1: did that. The show happened, and I end up going
Speaker 1: on the show, and obviously, and then I get back,
Speaker 1: I get my phone and I had a text message
Speaker 1: from him, just really nice. We hadn't talked in years,
Speaker 1: but it's like, so proud of you for putting yourself
Speaker 1: out there. I think it's awesome. You're gonna make your
Speaker 1: family like. So it was just a really kind, nice message.
Speaker 1: This person is my my best friend like for years.
Speaker 1: So um it made me like emotional and I was like,
Speaker 1: how can I be getting this emotionally, I haven't even
Speaker 1: talked to you in years and no offense, But I
Speaker 1: cared more about this person than like the experience that
Speaker 1: I just did for six weeks. So it put things
Speaker 1: in perspective for me of like, that was a connection
Speaker 1: that I think I'll always have. I wanted the best
Speaker 1: for him regardless, like let it go and maybe it'll
Speaker 1: come back. And we started dating. I wasn't going to
Speaker 1: go on paradise because I now have, you know, this
Speaker 1: new relationship. And then COVID happened, so I didn't even
Speaker 1: have to worry about that and here we are two
Speaker 1: and a half years later. So for for all of
Speaker 1: its flaws that the show has, I think one of
Speaker 1: the great things about it is, um, if you're gone
Speaker 1: long enough, you have the experience to like see what
Speaker 1: it's like living life without your cell phone, right or
Speaker 1: like other distractions. It's it's great, right. And then so
Speaker 1: it like forces you to think of and focus on
Speaker 1: things that maybe you wouldn't before or like dive deeper
Speaker 1: into them. And I think it's interesting because I think
Speaker 1: that there are a few people that have you know,
Speaker 1: you're on the show, and while you're killing the hours
Speaker 1: of downtime that you have, all you're doing is thinking
Speaker 1: about like back home and people that you know and
Speaker 1: all these things. Like I don't know, it just it
Speaker 1: does kind of help provide some some clarity and other
Speaker 1: assets or other places of your life. So I mean,
Speaker 1: I definitely it's so interesting. Is like you're like supposed
Speaker 1: to be on the show dating a person, and like
Speaker 1: even when I was on the show the first time,
Speaker 1: I was thinking about my ex girlfriend and I was,
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's just weird. It's like why am
Speaker 1: I even thinking about this girl? And I'm supposed to
Speaker 1: be doing this girl? But I don't know. I think
Speaker 1: when you're in the on the show, like you have
Speaker 1: to think about such serious things, like you're thinking about
Speaker 1: how will our families you know, like each other when
Speaker 1: they meet, or how will we build a life together?
Speaker 1: Now now that you you know the person you're dating
Speaker 1: on the show lives in X city and your ine
Speaker 1: y city, Like, how will we make that work? You're
Speaker 1: thinking about like real things, So I think, of course
Speaker 1: you're going to reflect on past relationships. But I think
Speaker 1: as far as my relationship, this was my big love
Speaker 1: and I was really like, I thought that was really
Speaker 1: gonna stick. So I went on the show and I
Speaker 1: explored other options and it kind of just ended up
Speaker 1: leading me back to that person. So for me, it worked,
Speaker 1: just not the way normally. Doice. I also think going
Speaker 1: on the show makes people confront the fact that their
Speaker 1: significant other or their ex significant other has finally moved on.
Speaker 1: I feel like I've heard a lot of stories about
Speaker 1: people going on the show and then they're back together
Speaker 1: with their X and it's interesting because I do I
Speaker 1: went through a similar situation obviously much different because I'm
Speaker 1: happily married with Ashley, but where there was an X
Speaker 1: and I was on the show and it caused them
Speaker 1: to come back into the picture. Because it's weird seeing
Speaker 1: your ex date someone else, and really it's not even
Speaker 1: just date someone else. It it makes you think like
Speaker 1: they're they're done, they're over, like they have moved on
Speaker 1: with their life. It is over between you two. And
Speaker 1: I think that a lot of people have this negative
Speaker 1: condemnation towards that, which I don't agree with, because I
Speaker 1: think people are flawed and I think if you don't
Speaker 1: think you're flawed, then you're full of crap. And I
Speaker 1: think some people need to kick in the ass. And
Speaker 1: I think sometimes people need a put to do, to
Speaker 1: act or to follow their heart. And I'm not saying
Speaker 1: I just I don't know. I don't think that that's
Speaker 1: such a bad thing, you know, because like there'd be
Speaker 1: I'm sure that when that guy reached out to you,
Speaker 1: if you told your friends, your friends probably told that,
Speaker 1: they were like, tell this guy to kick rocks. Get that,
Speaker 1: like now you're on the show and he wants to
Speaker 1: reach back out, and you know, in more words, yes,
Speaker 1: a sense of oh he's only back because he went
Speaker 1: on the show, But that genuinely wasn't like it just
Speaker 1: knowing him, he's not really a person for the spotlight
Speaker 1: in general, but like you said, he goes. I kind
Speaker 1: of thought you could really be married, like you could
Speaker 1: be engaged, and then that would be it and absolute really,
Speaker 1: because you know, we had four years that we could
Speaker 1: have tried it again and we really didn't. We really like,
Speaker 1: we're just gonna let bygones and icons and just be
Speaker 1: happy for each other and support ab of each other
Speaker 1: people with the classic Jared Haben out of his hat.
Speaker 1: Damn right, he pops on instead of pulling a rabbit,
Speaker 1: pulls a little patchy facial here boy pulling out of
Speaker 1: the hat. Yeah yeah, he says, Oh, you're into someone
Speaker 1: else not happening, So you're coming with me? Now the
Speaker 1: time to act, right, I mean now, I mean we've
Speaker 1: stood the test of time. I think there was definitely
Speaker 1: some initial like are you sure you want to get
Speaker 1: back into that? You know, like you you're you're on
Speaker 1: the Bachelor. Why would you not go on Paradise? Why
Speaker 1: would you say no to this? And I'm like, because
Speaker 1: that's not what I care about. I'm like, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I don't like I genuinely I cared more about finding Well,
Speaker 1: did you like, do you make him sweat it out
Speaker 1: for a little while? At least? I think that would
Speaker 1: be like, actually made me sweat it out a couple
Speaker 1: of months, not not too long. But it was funny
Speaker 1: timing because we went like our first like we hung
Speaker 1: out in New York in February, like around Valentine's Ish time,
Speaker 1: and then New York shut down in March twenty one,
Speaker 1: so like a month later COVID happened, we would have gone,
Speaker 1: and we both never went back to New York. So
Speaker 1: if we didn't, you know, like actually meet up or
Speaker 1: hang out within that month of time, we may never have.
Speaker 1: So it's it's just funny how timing works. So you
Speaker 1: guys been together for two and a half years. You said,
Speaker 1: is there any because and you guys aren't engaged, and
Speaker 1: if you're not engaged, is there any talk of engagement
Speaker 1: coming up? Yeah? I mean we we go to so
Speaker 1: many weddings. I feel like all I've done this year
Speaker 1: and go to friends weddings, and now it's to the
Speaker 1: point where it's like, oh, any anything, Like we talked
Speaker 1: about it, it's definitely in the cards, but I want
Speaker 1: to be totally surprised, and I have not pressuring him whatsoever. Um,
Speaker 1: so we'll see. We're we're definitely on the way there,
Speaker 1: but how much longer? How long can you last without
Speaker 1: eventually having to apply a little bit of pressure. It's
Speaker 1: a good question. I'm almost thirty. I'll be thirty in June,
Speaker 1: and I think that's what our birthdays or three days apart.
Speaker 1: So we're planning some sort of big thirtieth birthday trip
Speaker 1: and he's probably gonna watch this podcast later. So if
Speaker 1: he wants to do it around my thirtieth birthday on
Speaker 1: our big trip, that would be fine. That's then you
Speaker 1: wouldn't be surprised. That's true. God, Jared, I don't know
Speaker 1: anywhere around that, and we're in the thirties. I don't
Speaker 1: want to be like a. I don't want to be
Speaker 1: UM thirty three and you know, still be dating. I
Speaker 1: think that's kind of my window. But now that you
Speaker 1: have said it and you think he's not gonna do
Speaker 1: because you want to be surprised, maybe now he's gonna
Speaker 1: do it because it's like a like a reverse psychology
Speaker 1: kind of thing, you know. I'm a I'm a big
Speaker 1: advocate for for that idea solely because I want all
Speaker 1: like um anniversaries to be on the same date. I
Speaker 1: really want, like, like, if you guys have two birthdays
Speaker 1: three days apart, why not just throwing engagement in there.
Speaker 1: On the same right around the same day. You guys
Speaker 1: have the same type of life, you know, you have
Speaker 1: the same moment here because he's like that was he
Speaker 1: actually asked me to be his girlfriend right around our birthday,
Speaker 1: so that could just all be one beegnd, I love it. Well,
Speaker 1: I know you're recently engaged, and I know that was
Speaker 1: you know, a long time coming. So congrats, thank you,
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. But and that's where this she I
Speaker 1: told her it was going to happen before the end
Speaker 1: of so she uh, she claimed she didn't know, but
Speaker 1: I think she did no more than she's putting on.
Speaker 1: She was more angry than anything else. Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: gotta marry this guy now. But it's funny. Oh yeah, no.
Speaker 1: I was talking more just spending the rest of her
Speaker 1: life with this difference right here. But she's already signed
Speaker 1: up for that, so it was the hike that she
Speaker 1: probably didn't sign up for that day. Well, so we're
Speaker 1: talking about our wedding and she was asking when I
Speaker 1: wanted to get married, and I said, I want to
Speaker 1: get married on the same day we got engaged. That way,
Speaker 1: we could just like have one anniversary. But it turns
Speaker 1: out the same day. Next year's on a Tuesday, And
Speaker 1: I was like, great, let's get married on a Tuesday.
Speaker 1: And obviously that's not gonna happen, so obviously going to happen.
Speaker 1: Just I agree, I agree, but I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't have a Tuesday wedding be totally out of the box. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's my dream, but you celebrate all week after, so
Speaker 1: you just have like a whole That sounds great. It's true.
Speaker 1: I should do that. You should only try to base
Speaker 1: your relationship in your wedding around content for this podcast,
Speaker 1: and having a wedding on a Tuesday gives us talking points.
Speaker 1: So on a Thursday, that's right, that's right. Um, if
Speaker 1: if I had it my way, that's how we would
Speaker 1: do it. But the thing is it's not it's not
Speaker 1: my day, so it's mostly her column the shots, which
Speaker 1: is fine. I'm fine with it. You know, I'm happy
Speaker 1: to come around a lot like I'm like, okay, I
Speaker 1: kind of with you. Now, let's just celebrate our birthday
Speaker 1: and our dating anniversary in one weekend. There's always a day,
Speaker 1: there's always some listening. So Jared, let me ask you this.
Speaker 1: So you now you started dating on a certain day,
Speaker 1: you got engaged, on a certain day, you got married
Speaker 1: on a certain day. You celebrate birthdays. Do you guys,
Speaker 1: do something for every single one of those occasions? You
Speaker 1: dropped them, Like, once you get married, you can drop
Speaker 1: the engagement. So that's what I signed up for, but
Speaker 1: apparently not because still every every year because my wife
Speaker 1: has a hundred and twenty thousand photos on her phone
Speaker 1: or whatever, so every day it's a constant reminder. This
Speaker 1: is when we first said I love each other. This
Speaker 1: is when you came out with your feelings. This is
Speaker 1: when we first started dating. This is when we officially
Speaker 1: started first dating. This is when we got engaged. This
Speaker 1: is when I called my grandmother to tell her we
Speaker 1: got engaged. This is my birthday, This is our wedding anniversary.
Speaker 1: Now it's holidays, this is my nieces. Because the problem
Speaker 1: is families got it. Literally every day is something sorry
Speaker 1: to like go on that tangent, but there's always like
Speaker 1: that you needed to get that off your chest. So
Speaker 1: I just need a lot of calendars. We didn't strike
Speaker 1: a nerve, it seems like we have. You guys ever
Speaker 1: seen the show Parks and Recreation. Yes, I love that
Speaker 1: show too. Leslie, Nope. There's an episode where she's like,
Speaker 1: she does that exact same thing. She's like, this is
Speaker 1: the time that and and I first heard Taylor Swift together.
Speaker 1: This is the time that we first ate our pancakes together.
Speaker 1: That's that's kind of how actually comes across to me
Speaker 1: in terms of celebrating annivers Its very sweet, but it
Speaker 1: would make my life so much easier if I agree
Speaker 1: with you both if it was just around the same time.
Speaker 1: Granted five years ago, when I didn't have as much
Speaker 1: going on. Of course, I was the person saying, no,
Speaker 1: get married on a different day, like have different days,
Speaker 1: really enjoy it. But now there's just too much going on,
Speaker 1: and it's like, let's just narrow this down as much
Speaker 1: as possible, so I you know, we can actually like
Speaker 1: enjoy our lives a little bit anyway, anyway, um anniversaries,
Speaker 1: so you can just take a back seat, I would think,
Speaker 1: I know I will. It's it's hard because he gets
Speaker 1: so much attention, rightfully, so um that like sometimes I'll
Speaker 1: smother human attention and naturally's like I want attention, and
Speaker 1: I'm like I'm being a good father. Leave me alone, woman, Lexie,
Speaker 1: do you see kids in the future for you guys,
Speaker 1: if and when you end up getting married. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I'm part of a big family. I have five
Speaker 1: younger siblings, so I grew up like in a crazy
Speaker 1: household with tons of little kids turunning around. Um and
Speaker 1: because of that, I want, like to max but um, no,
Speaker 1: I do have kids. Is this something you guys have
Speaker 1: talked about and it's like everyone knows, like all on
Speaker 1: the same page and everything. Yeah, we talked about literally everything. Um.
Speaker 1: We just like we like to plan, we like to
Speaker 1: talk about like how it will be, but we don't, Um,
Speaker 1: I don't know. We don't have like a set plan,
Speaker 1: which I personally like. I like I said, I kind
Speaker 1: of want to be surprised. But yeah, it's getting to
Speaker 1: the point where, like I said, I'm getting to thirty
Speaker 1: and I know that's young, but it's to me a milestone.
Speaker 1: H I'm like, wow, I should probably being more of
Speaker 1: a planner. Well, especially if you want two kids. I mean,
Speaker 1: it is young, but you do have your biological clock.
Speaker 1: I guess that you need to keep keep in mind
Speaker 1: when you do. When you guys do end up getting married,
Speaker 1: how do you picture your wedding over the top extravagant
Speaker 1: or like a low key elopement. Um, I don't like.
Speaker 1: I want something kind of in the middle. I want
Speaker 1: it to be small ish, like intimate, but definitely it
Speaker 1: feels like a celebration. Um. I kind of want a
Speaker 1: destination wedding, which I don't know if people like or
Speaker 1: don't like. But both of our families live in Florida,
Speaker 1: and I don't really want a wedding in Florida. Um,
Speaker 1: So you could do like St. Bart's or Caribbean or something. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I'm one of like it sounds like silly,
Speaker 1: but I'm just not one of those people that I've
Speaker 1: ever really thought about their wedding. I'm someone decisive. I
Speaker 1: changed my mind so much like my my opinions change,
Speaker 1: my style changes. I feel like by the time I
Speaker 1: get married, I'll have an exact idea of what I want.
Speaker 1: That's true. We're still always we're not even engaged yet,
Speaker 1: so I guess I was kind of jumping the gun
Speaker 1: a little bit there. Rings Ring Shapes is where we're Okay,
Speaker 1: let's talk about that. Like you said, he might listen
Speaker 1: to this podcast, So just generally speaking, not to anyone specific,
Speaker 1: what type of engagement ring style? Would you prefer really
Speaker 1: simple like just school band one diamond um, like emerald
Speaker 1: cut or just a round cut? Um? Yeah? How many?
Speaker 1: How many carrots are we looking at here? I'm not
Speaker 1: going to be picky. I have small hands, so I
Speaker 1: think like even one carrot would look really big on
Speaker 1: my hands. So exactly do you feel like you do?
Speaker 1: Am I jinxing myself by tomorrow and like seeing Um?
Speaker 1: It's funny because you have the exact same style as
Speaker 1: Kaylin's thin gold band one emerald cut diamond um, so
Speaker 1: you know, is coming back like just a really classic
Speaker 1: stuff and I think that's that's what I want? Did it?
Speaker 1: It's funny too that you said you have small hands.
Speaker 1: I was talking to Wells about his engagement ring to
Speaker 1: Sarah and he's like, I'm lucky man. Sarah's got small hands,
Speaker 1: so the diamond ring looks way bigger on her than
Speaker 1: it actually is. So he's like a baby hands and
Speaker 1: I really have child hands, so he's he's he can
Speaker 1: get me like an actual child. So I was ring
Speaker 1: and it would probably fit. I think I have a
Speaker 1: four and a half really small fingers. Oh wow, that
Speaker 1: is small. Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say I think
Speaker 1: Caln's is six. Yeah, fun factor on me. Child hands. Um,
Speaker 1: I did get because I lost Caylin's first engagement ring,
Speaker 1: so I had to get her a second one, and
Speaker 1: it's only it's a small little baby half caret and
Speaker 1: even that one looks pretty big because she's got small
Speaker 1: hands as well. But any update on Nope, I cleaned
Speaker 1: the garage yesterday. I still no ring, so moving on
Speaker 1: to the next room in the house. But yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: well but one of those things where you just like
Speaker 1: blacked out because you had so you're so much pressure
Speaker 1: on you about this ring and you don't remember where
Speaker 1: it is. It's just it's just me generally being an idiot. Um.
Speaker 1: I thought about it two I've done I've done a
Speaker 1: lot of like personal reflection and introspection about this, and
Speaker 1: I was like, this is gonna sound so late. I
Speaker 1: was like sitting meditating for like an hour one day,
Speaker 1: just like breathing and just trying to like access a
Speaker 1: part of my brain that I've never accessed before, just
Speaker 1: because I'm like, there's no if I can't remember doing something,
Speaker 1: how can I be certain that I ever did it?
Speaker 1: In the like you know, in the first place, and
Speaker 1: so I sat there for an hour, didn't say anything,
Speaker 1: kept my eyes closed and just tried to focus, and
Speaker 1: I got bored, so so bored. But I was like,
Speaker 1: I have to do this, and it was walking by
Speaker 1: right now, isn't explaining this story and I couldn't. I
Speaker 1: couldn't remember it at all, and I like, I kept
Speaker 1: hitting this roadblock, and I was like, then, I just
Speaker 1: I couldn't have moved it. It It wasn't me. And then
Speaker 1: just this past week, I've um, I've had a couple
Speaker 1: of things in the exact same vein that I know
Speaker 1: I'm the only person that's touched and they're just completely
Speaker 1: missing now. So I know I've accepted full responsibility. At
Speaker 1: this point in my life, I have moved it. I
Speaker 1: accept that fate of mine. I just don't know where
Speaker 1: it is, but it'll turn up still eventually. At some point,
Speaker 1: I think she's messing with you and just moving stuff around.
Speaker 1: She really could be. It could be. I do agree,
Speaker 1: there's like a sliver of chance that she's just messing
Speaker 1: with me, moving up around. Maybe she stole the ring
Speaker 1: and she's going to propose to you with said ring. Yes,
Speaker 1: that would be. That would be a baller move. But
Speaker 1: I I think there's less Yeah, I think there's anything
Speaker 1: else in the world. Yeah, I would agree, But man,
Speaker 1: what a great ending it would be. Yeah, wouldn't that
Speaker 1: be cool? He didn't lose the right now, that's yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the silver line that would probably part. Uh. Well,
Speaker 1: we do have some hot topics that we want to
Speaker 1: get to. Um So before we do that, let's take
Speaker 1: a quick break. Welcome back to help I Suck at
Speaker 1: Dating Dean myself. Lexi Buchanan is a special guest host today.
Speaker 1: We do have some hot topics we want to get
Speaker 1: to before we wrap this podcast up. The first one
Speaker 1: is about, well, what I guess I would say is,
Speaker 1: in my personal opinion, the goat power couple. Because there's
Speaker 1: no longer Tom ad Zell, it's Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck.
Speaker 1: Do you think that that there? Most like, do you
Speaker 1: think that that that's the goat power couple? Now? Number
Speaker 1: Ray says ja Z and Beyonce, But jay Z cheated
Speaker 1: and Lively that's a good one. What about Mila an Ashton? Yeah,
Speaker 1: they they're like probably up there. What about don't feel
Speaker 1: as real to me? What about Cluney and I'm all,
Speaker 1: well wait, Cluney, now get the hell out of here
Speaker 1: with that. Um Actually, I don't even know. This is
Speaker 1: all like personal bias as well, the fact that I
Speaker 1: love Benefer so much because j Lo is like the
Speaker 1: Queen of Queens and Ben's like such a rugged Boston
Speaker 1: guy who's just like you know, was an alcoholic, performed himself,
Speaker 1: you know, Like I can't belave he's with Jennifal Lopez again.
Speaker 1: It's so amazing. But yeah, Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively.
Speaker 1: I gotta be honest, I really like Ryan Reynolds, but
Speaker 1: I've never been a He's just there's just too much.
Speaker 1: It's too much of the same with with Ryan Reyolds
Speaker 1: for me right now. It's just I need him to
Speaker 1: be a little bit different some of his movies, or
Speaker 1: a different character, because like even in all the interviews
Speaker 1: I see, it's like he's dead everywhere he is, so
Speaker 1: like I I just really need Ryan Ralds to do
Speaker 1: something different and then I'll be back on the Ryan
Speaker 1: Railds train. Anyway, this is not about that. I move
Speaker 1: on Jennifer Lopez on dating Ben Affleck for the first time,
Speaker 1: way back twenty years ago, when I was still a teenager. Quote.
Speaker 1: It turned out to really bite us. So j Low
Speaker 1: reflects on a relationship the first time around with Ben Affleck. Quote,
Speaker 1: we were so young and so in love at that time,
Speaker 1: really very care free, no kids, no attachments. We were
Speaker 1: just living our lives, being happy out there. It didn't
Speaker 1: feel like we needed to hide from anybody or really
Speaker 1: be discreet at all. Now, obviously they broke up in
Speaker 1: two thousand four, and she said quote, we were just
Speaker 1: living out loud, and it turned out to really bite us.
Speaker 1: There was a lot underneath the surface there, people not
Speaker 1: wanting us to be together, people think I wasn't the
Speaker 1: right person for him. I never shot away from the fact,
Speaker 1: uh that for me, I always felt like there was
Speaker 1: real love there, a true love there. People in my
Speaker 1: life know that he was very very special in my life.
Speaker 1: When we reconnected, those feelings for me were still very real.
Speaker 1: I don't know that I recommend this for everybody. Sometimes
Speaker 1: you outgrow each other or you just grow differently. The
Speaker 1: two of us we lost each other and found each other.
Speaker 1: So Lexie, I feel like this kind of is a
Speaker 1: little bit of your guys story as well, where you
Speaker 1: broke up needed to go your separate ways and then
Speaker 1: you came back together. I as someone who's also kind
Speaker 1: of gone through the same thing, and dean to the
Speaker 1: very very small fraction of it because it was only
Speaker 1: a few days where he left and came back. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonda,
Speaker 1: and sometimes you kind of need to let something go
Speaker 1: and see if it comes back to you. I agree
Speaker 1: with that. I mean, I think that it's all about
Speaker 1: timing truly, Like you can always that can always be
Speaker 1: a connection or the right person in the you know,
Speaker 1: in one sense of the word. But the timing and
Speaker 1: whether or not it really like works out, um, I
Speaker 1: think is really critical. Like I knew that he was
Speaker 1: right person for me, or I had that inkling, but
Speaker 1: I was so young I wasn't really ready for it,
Speaker 1: and now I'm just distracted by the cue. Furry man
Speaker 1: that joined this also agrees distance makes the heart grow fonder. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I agree with that. I think to Lexi's experience,
Speaker 1: not to obviously speak for Alexei, but you were saying
Speaker 1: you guys did a little bit in college. It's kind
Speaker 1: of nice that way because you kind of get like
Speaker 1: build a foundation, and then you go off and do
Speaker 1: your own thing for a little bit, and then you
Speaker 1: come back and you remember how great something was, and
Speaker 1: then you're just like a better person at that time
Speaker 1: in your life. Anyway, So um yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: don't And Jared happened to you too. Well. I think
Speaker 1: j Loo and Ben are a little bit of the
Speaker 1: exception as well. I mean they said they went off
Speaker 1: their separate ways. I mean Ben had kids. Does Jlo
Speaker 1: have kids? Okay? She does? Sorry with Mark Anthony, Mark Anthony,
Speaker 1: Thank you, Alexi. See I could just ask Lexi. I
Speaker 1: don't need Ashley for information. Uh. But they went off,
Speaker 1: they got married, had kids with other people, and then
Speaker 1: each one of them obviously got divorced and came back
Speaker 1: to each other. Um, so that's, you know, a little
Speaker 1: bit of exception to the rule. But I also think,
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, it's not m hm like to
Speaker 1: your point, Lexi, when John ended up ending things with
Speaker 1: you and then you guys went your separate ways and
Speaker 1: then you came back to each other. I mean I
Speaker 1: think that you should let an X prove that he's
Speaker 1: still into you if they want to get back together
Speaker 1: with you. You know, Ashley certainly they did that with me.
Speaker 1: It seems like Lexie, you did that with John. So
Speaker 1: I would recommend if like sure, timing can work out,
Speaker 1: but if there has to be some discretion where you
Speaker 1: have to make sure that they're not just doing this
Speaker 1: out of jealousy, that if they're they want to get
Speaker 1: back with you, they have to really prove it and
Speaker 1: they have to, you know, put effort in and you
Speaker 1: have to see changes in growth before you can really
Speaker 1: commit to the person totally. I mean then my personal experience,
Speaker 1: it was really just a matter of timing. I think
Speaker 1: if you know, the relationship has a lot of issues,
Speaker 1: and you have trust issues or infidelity issues or whatever
Speaker 1: it may be, um and it was a toxic relationship
Speaker 1: or a bad relationship, and then that person comes back
Speaker 1: years later when you're clearly doing well and they try
Speaker 1: to get back in your life, Yeah, I don't. I
Speaker 1: would never. I don't think I would have even entertained
Speaker 1: it or considered opening that door again. I think because
Speaker 1: it was such a good relationship and I went out
Speaker 1: and dated and really explored and I just never found
Speaker 1: that connection again. And I even went to the extent
Speaker 1: of you know, putting myself out there on TV and
Speaker 1: really like seeing what could be um, and I always
Speaker 1: kind of had him in my mind, but I was
Speaker 1: ready to shut that and see if there was someone
Speaker 1: else that was better suited for me. So I think
Speaker 1: really putting that to bed and then it ending up
Speaker 1: coming back, but it being such a positive relationship and
Speaker 1: it only being like it it was. It was always
Speaker 1: what I was looking for. It wasn't me just falling
Speaker 1: back into something or um, you know, just accepting what
Speaker 1: was it was. We gave it time, We really let
Speaker 1: each other go, We really grew as people, and we
Speaker 1: came back at the right time and we're able to
Speaker 1: form something stronger than before. M Yeah, I um, I
Speaker 1: agree with how much and put on this topic Ben talk,
Speaker 1: I gotta be. I think that's what it's coming down to.
Speaker 1: It's not my favorite subject. You know, I kind of
Speaker 1: zone out when it comes to the the hot topics.
Speaker 1: The dating headlines of the couples are hard because I
Speaker 1: just feel like there's like a little bit of you know,
Speaker 1: the media involved. Yeah. I don't like to say because
Speaker 1: I really don't feel like we know them at all.
Speaker 1: But I just used to support Ben and j Love
Speaker 1: and that's great. I definitely support them, and I support
Speaker 1: you and supporting them. I don't support you and supporting
Speaker 1: him supporting them. Um. It's just it's something I've never
Speaker 1: It's hard, it's not hard. But Calin is really into
Speaker 1: these these things as well. Maybe not as much as Ashley. Um,
Speaker 1: but she is always interested in what's going on in
Speaker 1: in all these these people's lives, which is great. I'm
Speaker 1: happy that she's interested in it. But I just I
Speaker 1: can't seem to to find the care, you know. Not
Speaker 1: that it's not that, not that I don't care about them.
Speaker 1: I just I think, like you guys said, I think
Speaker 1: media can sometimes paint a picture of someone and then um,
Speaker 1: you don't get the full picture, and then you know,
Speaker 1: maybe it's wrong or maybe it's right or whatever. And
Speaker 1: then I just feel like, because it's happened to me
Speaker 1: before too, where the media has done said something about
Speaker 1: my relationship that was entirely false, and so maybe I've
Speaker 1: just taken that and I'm like, well, if there's lying
Speaker 1: about my relationship, there may be lying about everyone else's relationship.
Speaker 1: To see, I'm not really into like the gossip. That
Speaker 1: doesn't really get my interest. It's more of the relatability
Speaker 1: with these couples that really like the Ben Flick dunkin
Speaker 1: Donuts photos. If you guys have seen that where he's
Speaker 1: like carrying the duncan through through the front door and
Speaker 1: he's disheveled and he's like spilling the coffee like that
Speaker 1: I love so much, And like there's that video. It's
Speaker 1: the funniest thing. It's where Ben and Jayla are walking
Speaker 1: through and then somebody comes up to him and he's like, oh, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: it's good to see you. And then as soon as
Speaker 1: he turns his head, his smile immediately just gets dead
Speaker 1: serious and he's like, oh, it's good to see you.
Speaker 1: And it was the most relatable thing. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god. So that's what that's what gets me.
Speaker 1: I don't really care about the gassip Like I feel
Speaker 1: bad that they have to be on all the time.
Speaker 1: I mean, like even the tiny little bit of attention
Speaker 1: that I got post show, I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: the people are people know me in a restaurant like
Speaker 1: I have to like always, they just have to. You
Speaker 1: feel like you have to be perfect. So I can't
Speaker 1: imagine being Ben in gent Oh my god. I think
Speaker 1: I think that's eventually, I think, eventually, guess to the
Speaker 1: point where they like just like maybe at the beginning
Speaker 1: for them, I bet you they were like always wanted
Speaker 1: to be polished and put together. But I bet you eventually,
Speaker 1: and especially now that they're older, they're kind of just
Speaker 1: like who the who the hell cares? You know? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, hence the the and the massive phoenix on
Speaker 1: his back, like the crazy tattoo, middle aged tattoo. I
Speaker 1: have one more hot topic before we wrap up. I
Speaker 1: want to talk about the next hot topic. It's my
Speaker 1: turn to talk about great Love It Because you always
Speaker 1: got to read the emails. I want to read the
Speaker 1: email and I want to read this one. So it
Speaker 1: turns out Ellie Golding, who is the singer. Obviously, she
Speaker 1: is married to Casper Choppling and they have a child together.
Speaker 1: But Ellie Golding is now on the celebrity dating app
Speaker 1: raya UM. According to the article, she's on there just
Speaker 1: to make friends and to meet fellow celebrities in the industry.
Speaker 1: I guess, so I want to I want to turn
Speaker 1: it around and ask you guys the same question, Ash
Speaker 1: or Jared if you found out actually was on RAYA
Speaker 1: or any dating app. How would you react and same
Speaker 1: to you, extee if you found out your partner was
Speaker 1: on a dating app and then like, obviously they're gonna
Speaker 1: be like, oh, I just want to meet friends, but really,
Speaker 1: are they really there just for that? Yeah? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think so. If you're in a public relationship and you're
Speaker 1: on Riya, you're either one being truthful that you are
Speaker 1: only on there for business purposes, or be you're in
Speaker 1: a open relationship. That's really the two ways, because it's
Speaker 1: not like Ellie Golding is going to cheat on her
Speaker 1: husband Casper in the open. Everybody knows, like if actually
Speaker 1: had a Riyah, Yeah, Ashley's too known, just like Ellie
Speaker 1: Goulding is too known, there's going to be a headline.
Speaker 1: So clearly your partner has to know, and okay, this
Speaker 1: I would think unless Ellie is like, you know, the
Speaker 1: only way I'm going to get away with this is
Speaker 1: if it's in the open, because no one would ever
Speaker 1: believe I'd be so stupid to do this. It's the
Speaker 1: only thing I think of if she was actually cheating.
Speaker 1: But my point being, it's either business purpose. I'm coming
Speaker 1: out within the next month and this is a huge
Speaker 1: stunt that could be probably most likely that's smart, Lexie.
Speaker 1: We gotta start doing stuff like that. Alright, LEXI, your partner,
Speaker 1: if you found him on bumble or hinge or riya,
Speaker 1: how would you react? Um? Not well? Not react? Well, no,
Speaker 1: I I mean we were just communications, very big were
Speaker 1: we talked about everything. So I'd be really surprised if
Speaker 1: he didn't tell me before and it was just for
Speaker 1: that purpose. So um, yeah, if I if I found
Speaker 1: out and he didn't tell me before, I think there'd
Speaker 1: be a reason he was hiding it because he is
Speaker 1: not Ellie Golden, and it would be very low key
Speaker 1: if he did that. That's true. And also what a
Speaker 1: thing like cheating obviously is horrible in any facet or
Speaker 1: any whatever. But to just make it a dating account
Speaker 1: and not tell your partner about it would be borderline psychotic,
Speaker 1: I feel, because I mean, that's that's cheating because you're
Speaker 1: like personally, I think any thing you try to hide
Speaker 1: is in the realm of cheating. If you're in an
Speaker 1: open or honest relationship, and you really shouldn't feel like
Speaker 1: you have to hide anything. There's gotta be things that
Speaker 1: even the most honest people hide. Though, Yeah, I guess
Speaker 1: that's but like what, like, what would you be hiding.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what. Kalin's never farted in front of me. Really,
Speaker 1: just definitely talk about borderline psychotic. Is your stomach still operating?
Speaker 1: I think pre wedding it has to happen like just
Speaker 1: one just to hear it. Yeah, but that's kind of
Speaker 1: that's that's like kind of her hiding something from you, right, Okay,
Speaker 1: I imagine Kalin's farts are so cute, like they're I
Speaker 1: bet they're like I bet they sound exactly like this.
Speaker 1: It sounds like, Jared want we talk about my parts.
Speaker 1: Especially's farts are one thing like actually, it's like we've
Speaker 1: seen them, We've seen him, I heard, but Kalin's parts,
Speaker 1: I imagine, like how did that go? It's just that's
Speaker 1: what I imagine. Thanks. I'm glad that you're marriaging and
Speaker 1: Cain's farts right now. That's good to hear. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: loves that we're talking about this. Yeah, Jared, Is there
Speaker 1: anything that you withhold from Ashley? No? Unfortunately not she's
Speaker 1: raised comfortable. Did you get insurance on the ring? Um?
Speaker 1: I barely have insurance on my body yet, I don't
Speaker 1: have insurance there. He doesn't have insurance on himself. Do
Speaker 1: you think he got insurance for the ring? Everybody else
Speaker 1: thought and I was like, no, you don't anyway yet.
Speaker 1: So no insurance on the ring. But is there anything
Speaker 1: I hid from you? I don't think so. I love
Speaker 1: how I have to ask my wife that question. Yeah,
Speaker 1: not know. It's just so pathetic. How pathetic I am.
Speaker 1: I have to hide something. I need something, But that's
Speaker 1: gonna do it. For this week's episode of Help I
Speaker 1: Suck at Dating, I think that's a good place for
Speaker 1: us to stop. A Lexi, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: co hosting with us this week. For the listeners out there,
Speaker 1: As you know, our new format is uh this episode today.
Speaker 1: We have our callers on Thursday. Alexi is gonna join
Speaker 1: us for that as well, So thank you for tuning
Speaker 1: in this week. Be sure tune on Thursday as well,
Speaker 1: where maybe we suck just a little bit less. Follow
Speaker 1: help by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to podcast