WEBVTT - Demi Lovato ON: Depression, Healing, & Finding Your Own Identity 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.280 I was in a straight relationship with a man and 0:00:03.920 --> 0:00:06.360 was engaged, and my life was taking a course that 0:00:06.720 --> 0:00:09.040 I thought I could see the ending. But when I 0:00:09.080 --> 0:00:11.400 was in it, I just thought, this isn't it for me. 0:00:11.680 --> 0:00:13.920 When that ended, it forced me to take a look 0:00:13.920 --> 0:00:16.759 at what is it about myself that needs to change 0:00:16.880 --> 0:00:20.320 or that I need to accept And I realized that 0:00:20.760 --> 0:00:23.360 at the time, was just too queer to marry a man, 0:00:24.040 --> 0:00:34.640 and I wasn't identifying as female anymore. Hey, everyone, welcome 0:00:34.680 --> 0:00:37.720 back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in 0:00:37.760 --> 0:00:40.159 the world. Thanks to each and every single one of 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:43.760 you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. 0:00:44.120 --> 0:00:47.240 I'm so grateful for the incredible community that we have 0:00:47.640 --> 0:00:50.120 and just how engaged you are and how thoughtful you 0:00:50.159 --> 0:00:53.520 are in the insights that you take away from every episode. 0:00:53.920 --> 0:00:56.560 And I'm so excited to be talking to you today. 0:00:56.880 --> 0:00:59.720 I don't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of 0:00:59.800 --> 0:01:03.520 Love is out and I cannot wait to share it 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:06.360 with you. I am so so excited for you to 0:01:06.400 --> 0:01:08.520 read this book, for you to listen to this book. 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:11.320 I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, 0:01:11.760 --> 0:01:14.920 make sure you go to Eight Rules of Love dot com. 0:01:14.959 --> 0:01:18.840 It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or 0:01:18.959 --> 0:01:21.240 let go of love. So if you've got friends that 0:01:21.280 --> 0:01:24.679 are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:27.240 you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you 0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:30.880 to come and see me for my global tour Love Rules. 0:01:31.200 --> 0:01:34.680 Go to Jay shettytour dot com to learn more information 0:01:34.800 --> 0:01:38.960 about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to 0:01:39.000 --> 0:01:43.360 see you this year. Now, today's guest needs no introduction whatsoever, 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:47.080 but I am so grateful that I get to interview 0:01:47.120 --> 0:01:51.160 them and spend time with them today. I met them 0:01:51.200 --> 0:01:54.200 probably first time a couple of years ago, and then 0:01:54.280 --> 0:01:57.440 we met on a set, and now we're getting to 0:01:57.480 --> 0:02:01.080 be together again. I'm speaking about someone that I believe 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:07.000 is one of the most vulnerable, honest, genuine and sincere 0:02:07.200 --> 0:02:13.600 humans that exists, and someone who transparently shares their truth 0:02:14.240 --> 0:02:18.440 over and over and over again, no matter how difficult 0:02:18.520 --> 0:02:21.480 or challenging it may be, so that we can benefit 0:02:21.560 --> 0:02:25.480 from it. I'm talking about the one and only Demi Levado. Demi, 0:02:25.600 --> 0:02:28.880 thank you so much for doing this. I am so grateful. Honestly, 0:02:28.880 --> 0:02:30.320 I can't tell you how much you want to give 0:02:30.320 --> 0:02:33.360 you a big hug right now. Oh wow, thank you, 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:36.720 Thank you so much. That was such an incredible intro, 0:02:37.080 --> 0:02:40.720 and I it means a lot to me that you 0:02:41.639 --> 0:02:45.000 I it means a lot to me that you invited 0:02:45.040 --> 0:02:47.000 me on here, and I'm excited to chat with you. 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:49.639 I know me too too. Last time we were together, 0:02:49.680 --> 0:02:53.240 you were interviewing me for your awesome show and I 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:54.920 got to sit down with you. We were sitting on 0:02:54.960 --> 0:02:58.920 these amazing clouds and this is beautiful set that you 0:02:58.960 --> 0:03:02.280 and your team are desire, and today we're doing it virtually, 0:03:02.400 --> 0:03:05.160 but I still feel your presence like I did that day, 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:07.920 and I wanted to start by asking you just just 0:03:07.960 --> 0:03:10.640 a couple of thoughts to get going. But you know, 0:03:10.760 --> 0:03:13.320 for a lot of us, the quarantine gave us time 0:03:13.360 --> 0:03:15.160 to think about new things. I was wondering if you 0:03:15.280 --> 0:03:19.240 developed any new hobbies or started doing something recently that 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:22.440 you hadn't done before, or experimenting with anything at all. 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:29.200 So quarantine totally changed my life, and I feel like 0:03:29.200 --> 0:03:31.919 I picked up so many little things that I just 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:35.640 didn't used to do. I used to never spend time outside, 0:03:35.720 --> 0:03:37.880 and I feel like now I go outside and I 0:03:37.960 --> 0:03:43.480 play with my squirrels, my backyard squirrels, and like, you know, 0:03:43.600 --> 0:03:46.520 just feeding the animals in my backyard is something that 0:03:46.560 --> 0:03:48.600 I never used to do, and now I do that 0:03:48.640 --> 0:03:52.240 and I have a connection with these little beings and 0:03:52.760 --> 0:03:57.000 they're so sweet. And then I got into candle making, wow, 0:03:57.040 --> 0:04:01.600 and like making making your own body oils things like that, fragrances. 0:04:01.680 --> 0:04:05.640 And then I also got into photography. I mean, I 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:10.440 learned so much about myself. So it's just it's been 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:14.000 quite the little journey. That's incredible. I love hearing that. 0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:17.239 By the way, my wife loves feeding all the animals 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:19.839 in our back garden as well, until they ended up 0:04:20.279 --> 0:04:23.240 until they ended up now digging up huge holes in 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:26.880 the ground because she keeps encouraging them to come back 0:04:26.920 --> 0:04:28.680 too much, and now there's all these pot holes in 0:04:28.720 --> 0:04:31.159 the ground. But I love that you have to keep 0:04:31.160 --> 0:04:36.480 them fed. Yes, yes, exactly. But candle making sounds phenomenal. 0:04:36.520 --> 0:04:39.359 I mean, my wife and I actually tried to create 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:42.560 a scent and it's actually really challenging. It's it's so 0:04:43.080 --> 0:04:46.560 underrated as a skill. It takes so much effort to 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:49.960 actually create a beautiful scent, right, Yes, it actually does 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:52.640 take a lot of practice. A lot of skill. I 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:58.599 feel like for every candle that I nail, there's like 0:04:58.640 --> 0:05:02.120 twelve candles that I didn't that are going to the 0:05:02.160 --> 0:05:06.000 trash or like last year, I just ended up giving 0:05:06.000 --> 0:05:07.560 them as gifts and I was like, look, I don't 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:12.040 know which one smell good? Here, take it, just try it. 0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:16.599 I love that. Well, Demi, you know you're someone who's 0:05:16.800 --> 0:05:20.240 always sharing and talking. But I want to want to 0:05:20.279 --> 0:05:23.120 rewind a bit with you and I wanted to go 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:27.359 back to Demi as a child, and I wanted to 0:05:27.400 --> 0:05:31.640 ask you when you were young, young, like tiny young. 0:05:31.680 --> 0:05:34.320 I don't you are young, I mean tiny young, when 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:37.440 you were really young, a young child, who did you 0:05:37.480 --> 0:05:39.800 want to be? What did you want to be? What 0:05:39.880 --> 0:05:42.560 kind of things did you think about? What were you 0:05:42.640 --> 0:05:46.720 fascinated by? Well, I was a very ambitious little five 0:05:46.800 --> 0:05:51.440 year old, but that five year old said, I want 0:05:51.440 --> 0:05:55.800 to be the next Shirley Temple. And because I knew 0:05:55.839 --> 0:05:58.400 who Shirley Temple was, I knew what she had accomplished 0:05:58.400 --> 0:06:01.640 at such a young age, I wanted to I wanted 0:06:01.680 --> 0:06:03.880 to do that, and I wanted to be the youngest 0:06:03.920 --> 0:06:06.320 person to ever win a Grammy, the youngest person to 0:06:06.360 --> 0:06:12.719 ever win an oscar um and didn't work out. That's okay, um, 0:06:12.800 --> 0:06:17.080 but you know, that's how how much I dreamed when 0:06:17.080 --> 0:06:20.640 I was younger, And um, so I've always dreamed really 0:06:20.680 --> 0:06:25.320 really big. That's that's incredible. And when you dreamt big. 0:06:25.360 --> 0:06:28.800 And of course you've had incredible success across your career, 0:06:29.320 --> 0:06:34.040 incredible impact and and you know, won so many awards 0:06:34.040 --> 0:06:38.760 and accolades, but it seems like the impact that you've 0:06:38.760 --> 0:06:42.120 had as time has gone on has become deeper and 0:06:42.360 --> 0:06:45.240 more profound. I genuinely feel that as someone who's been 0:06:45.279 --> 0:06:47.400 an admirer of yours and a fan of yours and 0:06:47.680 --> 0:06:52.400 watching from afar, but I just feel that awards and 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:55.320 accolades can't have the impact on people's lives that you've 0:06:55.320 --> 0:06:58.760 had through through the work that you do off mike 0:06:58.960 --> 0:07:02.840 and off screen. And I wonder if there was an 0:07:03.240 --> 0:07:07.120 experience in your childhood or something you went through that 0:07:07.960 --> 0:07:10.080 encouraged you to be that way, or maybe even something 0:07:10.080 --> 0:07:11.760 that you forgot about for a long time. But was 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:13.920 there an event or something that happened when you were 0:07:13.960 --> 0:07:16.600 younger that gave you an inkling or a feeling of 0:07:16.920 --> 0:07:19.480 the type of work that you're doing today. I used 0:07:19.520 --> 0:07:22.920 to deal with depression at a really young age, and 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:25.440 I always told myself that if I made it, I 0:07:25.480 --> 0:07:29.640 would help people. And I kind of like made this 0:07:29.840 --> 0:07:35.080 promise with God, and I said, if you make me 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:40.360 a famous singer, then I will try to make the 0:07:40.400 --> 0:07:46.080 world a better place. And and then so I became 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:49.200 a singer, and here I am trying to make the 0:07:49.200 --> 0:07:52.560 world a better place. I talk about consciousness a lot 0:07:52.680 --> 0:07:56.000 because it's something that I feel like is extremely important. 0:07:56.760 --> 0:08:01.160 Expanding our consciousness is now like my merry goal as 0:08:02.000 --> 0:08:07.280 a citizen of the earth. Just trying to help people 0:08:07.360 --> 0:08:10.160 expand their consciousness is really important to me because I 0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:14.280 feel like that's the only way we can we can 0:08:14.360 --> 0:08:19.960 move forward as a species. And yeah, when I was younger, 0:08:20.000 --> 0:08:22.600 it used to be I want to help people with depression. 0:08:22.720 --> 0:08:24.840 I want to help people who were bullied because I 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:28.000 was bullied in school. And so I've always kind of 0:08:28.040 --> 0:08:32.400 just taken a part of my life and thought, Okay, 0:08:32.120 --> 0:08:34.880 how where did I need a role model or where 0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:39.360 did I need support from someone that I love in 0:08:39.400 --> 0:08:42.200 the industry. But I didn't get it growing up. And 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:44.560 that's what I've always tried to be for people is 0:08:44.600 --> 0:08:47.360 something that I never had growing up. I find it 0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:51.080 so powerful when someone tends their pain into their purpose 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:55.400 or something that broke them into a breakthrough for other people. 0:08:55.520 --> 0:08:58.760 I love that transformation that when you've been through something 0:08:58.800 --> 0:09:01.560 that's really hurtful, but you use that to help other 0:09:01.600 --> 0:09:04.440 people heal. I think there's there's so much goodness and 0:09:04.480 --> 0:09:09.800 greatness in that. And as you've been doing that, I 0:09:09.800 --> 0:09:13.120 wonder what were the things that helped you expand your consciousness? 0:09:13.440 --> 0:09:15.120 I love that. I love what you said. I want 0:09:15.120 --> 0:09:18.000 to help people expand their consciousness, which is such a 0:09:18.040 --> 0:09:21.280 beautiful aspiration. What were some of the things that opened 0:09:21.320 --> 0:09:23.280 you up to those ideas? Were those ideas that you 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:26.640 always had or was this something that you experienced that 0:09:26.679 --> 0:09:29.520 helped you expand your own Most of my life I've 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:34.200 spent trying to figure out what it is in my 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:36.400 life that's going wrong and how I can fix it. 0:09:37.040 --> 0:09:41.600 And in twenty twenty, when the world shut down and 0:09:41.640 --> 0:09:44.760 we were stuck at home, I wasn't focusing so much 0:09:44.800 --> 0:09:48.920 on myself anymore because there were so many things going 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:53.480 on in the news that were so they felt so 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:57.120 much bigger than what I was dealing with. And I 0:09:57.200 --> 0:10:00.640 realized in that period of time that my life kind 0:10:00.640 --> 0:10:04.199 of shifted. It was always I'm going to talk about 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:06.760 my story, what I went through, how I got out 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:08.920 of it, and I'm going to help others. And then 0:10:08.920 --> 0:10:12.400 it was like in twenty twenty, I thought, oh my gosh, 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:14.480 this is so much bigger than me, This is so 0:10:14.559 --> 0:10:17.200 much bigger than just my story, and I need to 0:10:17.200 --> 0:10:20.079 get out there and I need to help people tell theirs. 0:10:20.120 --> 0:10:23.520 And so it became about sharing stories that weren't my 0:10:23.559 --> 0:10:28.640 own on my social media pages. And then from there 0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:31.920 it kind of became I don't know, I started meditating 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:34.720 a lot. Meditation with something for me that was really 0:10:34.720 --> 0:10:40.400 transformative because I really went inward and when I went inward, 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:45.440 my mind grew outward. If that makes sense, and I don't. 0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:49.200 I don't know how that works, but it just does. Yeah, 0:10:49.240 --> 0:10:52.480 that's that's such a beautiful way of explaining meditation. I 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:55.440 love that definition. I've never I've never heard of it before, 0:10:55.480 --> 0:10:58.439 and it reminded me of something though. So in the 0:10:58.559 --> 0:11:01.040 Vedic tradition, there's a word that I think you'll like, 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:05.960 and it's in the Sanskrit language, and it's it's it 0:11:06.000 --> 0:11:08.040 sounds like this and I'll explain what it means. It 0:11:08.120 --> 0:11:11.040 sounds like unter a cash and what that means is 0:11:11.120 --> 0:11:14.120 in a sky, and so it says that we all 0:11:14.160 --> 0:11:18.040 have this inn a sky and we're all like enamored 0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:21.320 by the sunsets and the sunrise and the sky that's outward, 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:24.800 but there's a sky inside of us. And yeah, there's 0:11:24.840 --> 0:11:29.040 a whole universe. There's a whole universe. Yeah. Yeah, when 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:33.679 you experience that, it's traveling inward. And I think we 0:11:33.800 --> 0:11:37.079 all are so fascinated we're traveling, and we all feel 0:11:37.120 --> 0:11:39.840 so stuck when we can't travel. But there's a whole 0:11:39.880 --> 0:11:43.480 journey within that that's open for us all to take, 0:11:43.520 --> 0:11:45.760 which it sounds like you've been on. I feel like 0:11:45.800 --> 0:11:48.280 I did more traveling in twenty twenty than I did 0:11:48.400 --> 0:11:51.240 my whole career because most of the traveling that I 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:54.320 did was inward and at the journeys that I've taken 0:11:56.040 --> 0:12:03.439 just personally have been so profound and life changing. Absolutely. 0:12:03.480 --> 0:12:05.240 I mean, you've gone on lots of journeys. I wanted 0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:07.920 to touch on one specifically to start with, but I'd 0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:11.719 love to hear about others. And you know, gender expression 0:12:11.760 --> 0:12:15.480 has been a sensitive topic to so many people, but 0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:18.280 you were very open, brave and courageous to be able 0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:22.640 to share with your community earlier this year. And I 0:12:22.679 --> 0:12:25.640 wanted to talk to you about that because I feel 0:12:25.720 --> 0:12:29.599 that that's sometimes when you're looking within and you're traveling, 0:12:30.080 --> 0:12:32.640 you come across things maybe that you didn't know about, 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:36.280 or you come across things that maybe were hidden away 0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:39.559 or covered over or pushed aside, or maybe they weren't 0:12:39.600 --> 0:12:42.600 allowed to breathe. Tell us what it was like when 0:12:42.679 --> 0:12:47.640 you started becoming aware of your identity and was that 0:12:47.679 --> 0:12:50.320 a surprise or was it something that you knew was 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:52.840 there but that you just felt you didn't get to 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:55.880 expand your consciousness to it. I felt like it was 0:12:56.160 --> 0:12:59.120 the ladder of what you just said. I felt like 0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:03.320 it was always there, and I always knew that I 0:13:03.400 --> 0:13:07.320 was different. I always I always felt like like like 0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:10.640 one day it would click, and finally I felt like 0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:15.839 it did. I was in a relationship, in a straight 0:13:15.920 --> 0:13:20.600 relationship with a man and was engaged, and my life 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:25.560 was taking a course that I I thought I could 0:13:25.600 --> 0:13:28.000 see the ending, but at the but when I was 0:13:28.040 --> 0:13:31.080 in it, I just thought, this isn't this isn't it 0:13:31.160 --> 0:13:34.880 for me? And when that ended, It forced me to 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:37.600 take a look at what is it about myself that 0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:41.360 I'm that that needs to change or that I need 0:13:41.360 --> 0:13:47.559 to accept. And I realized that I'm too I would 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:50.199 at the time was just too queer to marry a man, 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:56.120 and I wasn't identifying as female anymore. And I realized 0:13:56.160 --> 0:14:01.520 that because I had become friends with a good friend 0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:04.640 of my name a Looak Fidmanon, and I went to 0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:08.800 a poetry slam show or performance that they did and 0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:12.319 they talked about being non binary, and that show really 0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:15.120 resonated with me. But it was right after that that 0:14:15.200 --> 0:14:21.200 I kind of jumped into a hetero relationship and you know, 0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:24.240 really started to play that role of like the female 0:14:25.360 --> 0:14:28.320 just being engaged. Do you know the whole thing I 0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:33.600 just I wasn't allowing myself time to get to know 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:37.760 myself before I jumped into something. And I think that 0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:43.120 twenty twenty, being stuck at home and you're having you're 0:14:43.200 --> 0:14:45.880 forced to take a look at yourself outside of the 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:47.880 lights and the cameras and the this and the that. 0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:53.280 I realized that I'm not who I am on stage, 0:14:53.560 --> 0:14:58.320 and and also there's so much more to me than that, 0:14:59.320 --> 0:15:02.320 And that was a cool lesson to learn. That's so beautiful. 0:15:02.360 --> 0:15:05.320 Thank you so much for sharing that, And you know 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:09.360 every I've heard you share that transition before, but as 0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:13.040 I'm hearing you say it now, I love how it's 0:15:13.040 --> 0:15:16.640 giving yourself permission to be more of yourself. And in 0:15:16.680 --> 0:15:19.720 my own way, I can resonate with it because I 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:22.120 remember when I graduated, I decided to go and live 0:15:22.160 --> 0:15:24.720 as a monk for three years instead of going into 0:15:24.760 --> 0:15:28.920 the world, and those three years gave me time to 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:32.440 really build a relationship with myself. And whenever ever anyone 0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:34.560 asks me, like, what did you do during that time? 0:15:34.600 --> 0:15:37.720 I said, the biggest thing I gained from that time 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:41.880 was that I got three years where there were no opinions, 0:15:41.920 --> 0:15:48.880 no expectations, no obligations, no noise, no predictions, projections or 0:15:49.160 --> 0:15:51.520 interpretations of who I was or who I should be, 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:57.760 and I just got to be. And that it sounds 0:15:57.760 --> 0:16:01.360 like there's a similar experience and the solitude of being 0:16:01.400 --> 0:16:04.160 away in yours case from the lights and the cameras, 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:07.200 in my case, just from the normal life I would 0:16:07.200 --> 0:16:11.560 have led. There's so much greatness there. How did you 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:14.480 when you're doing that process, though, DENI, there can be 0:16:14.520 --> 0:16:21.520 so many uncomfortable, awkward, difficult things that you experience and 0:16:21.600 --> 0:16:25.200 see and hear. How did you create a mindset that 0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:29.520 allowed you to accept that with grace, to receive that 0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:33.480 with openness rather than start to judge or criticize yourself. 0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:35.840 What did you do to navigate that? I had a 0:16:35.920 --> 0:16:39.680 lot of conversations with people around me that were familiar 0:16:39.720 --> 0:16:44.120 with my situation and what I was experiencing and and 0:16:44.240 --> 0:16:47.720 what I had learned about being non binary and gender nonconforming, 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:51.600 and so I had a lot of support around me 0:16:52.640 --> 0:17:00.480 to navigate through those times and through those conversations, And yeah, 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:04.439 I just started to I started to try on the 0:17:05.680 --> 0:17:09.679 non binary identity, and the longer that I wore it, 0:17:09.760 --> 0:17:15.600 the more it felt right. And for me, I know 0:17:15.680 --> 0:17:19.400 that there's going to be people that don't accept me 0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:24.800 for how I identify, but there's always going to be 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:28.840 someone that doesn't accept you for some reason. So I 0:17:29.000 --> 0:17:30.639 just kind of take it with a grain of salt 0:17:30.680 --> 0:17:36.400 when somebody isn't ready to learn what being non binary 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:40.760 or gender nonconforming means. And I just think to myself 0:17:40.920 --> 0:17:43.960 inside my head when I when I hear someone either 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:48.960 purposely mess up my pronouns or just disregard. You know, 0:17:49.000 --> 0:17:50.960 I just think, okay, if they're not ready yet, and 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:53.320 one day they will be, and that's okay. Yeah, I 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:55.680 saw that. I remember when you posted it on Instagram. 0:17:55.800 --> 0:18:00.359 That was such a you have such a forgiving, open, 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:06.480 patient approach to people trying to get to understand you. 0:18:06.520 --> 0:18:10.840 And I find that so refreshing and endearing because I 0:18:10.880 --> 0:18:15.520 think we're living at a time where and I'm not 0:18:15.520 --> 0:18:17.920 speaking about specifically when we're talk about gender, I'm saying 0:18:17.920 --> 0:18:22.480 just generally, there's a struggle with patience right now in society, 0:18:22.520 --> 0:18:25.200 and some of that is needed. We need some urgency, 0:18:25.680 --> 0:18:29.480 we need change fast, We do need pushing. What's allowing 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:33.959 you to remain patient and gentle with people as they 0:18:34.440 --> 0:18:39.240 are trying to understand not just you, but understand so 0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:42.680 many other people in the community, and maybe, as you said, 0:18:42.720 --> 0:18:46.080 sometimes purposely messing up your pronouns or they may not 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:48.880 be taking the time. How are you developing that patience 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:52.679 and love and compassion. Well, that patience, love and compassion 0:18:52.800 --> 0:18:55.919 doesn't just come from anywhere. It definitely comes from a 0:18:55.960 --> 0:19:01.320 practice of meditating, having grace in some people just aren't 0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:05.960 ready and that's okay, And meditation helps me a lot 0:19:06.000 --> 0:19:08.880 to have grace and compassion for those people. Because when 0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:11.800 I do sit down to meditate and I'm in a 0:19:11.800 --> 0:19:15.119 place where I'm angry, I sit and I think, and 0:19:15.560 --> 0:19:18.000 I you know, I try to clear my mind, but 0:19:18.040 --> 0:19:22.000 if I can't, I think through it and I end 0:19:22.080 --> 0:19:26.000 up coming to a point where I just I release 0:19:26.200 --> 0:19:31.400 the anger. And maybe it was because I know I'm 0:19:31.440 --> 0:19:34.800 a Leo, and Leo's can be very stubborn, Like I 0:19:34.840 --> 0:19:39.280 work so hard not to be stubborn, and so I 0:19:39.320 --> 0:19:42.560 try to have grace because it is so easy for 0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:44.960 me to hold a grudge against people. I can hold 0:19:44.960 --> 0:19:48.880 a grudge and never speak to someone again, and that's 0:19:48.880 --> 0:19:53.040 not a trait that I'm proud of, because I've realized 0:19:53.520 --> 0:19:56.600 that that that's not a very human thing to do. 0:19:57.920 --> 0:20:02.240 Being human is having compassion and and understanding and respect 0:20:02.280 --> 0:20:07.399 for people even when they mess up. And because we 0:20:07.440 --> 0:20:09.760 all do, we all mess up, and I've I've messed 0:20:09.840 --> 0:20:13.320 up a bunch, but I know that because I've messed up, 0:20:13.359 --> 0:20:15.440 I could have grace and mercy for other people when 0:20:15.440 --> 0:20:18.040 they mess up. I love that. I cannot tell you 0:20:18.080 --> 0:20:19.960 how beautiful that is to hear, and I can't wait 0:20:20.000 --> 0:20:23.960 for everyone to hear that. I think it's such a true, true, 0:20:24.000 --> 0:20:27.080 true statement that the mistakes we've all made, which we 0:20:27.119 --> 0:20:29.600 all make, I've made loads of mistakes, and you're saying 0:20:29.600 --> 0:20:33.280 you have to all those mistakes that they ground us, 0:20:33.320 --> 0:20:37.600 they humble us, they remind us of how we're all. 0:20:38.680 --> 0:20:41.439 No one is immune to making a mistake, and anyone 0:20:41.480 --> 0:20:45.320 at any time can make a mistake knowingly unknowingly. And 0:20:45.400 --> 0:20:47.600 actually I'm going to play that part specifically to my 0:20:47.640 --> 0:20:50.200 wife because my wife is a Leo and she's so 0:20:50.280 --> 0:20:53.320 stubborn and she knows it, yes, And so what you 0:20:53.400 --> 0:20:55.280 just said to me, I did not know that trait 0:20:55.560 --> 0:20:57.800 that I didn't know that was a Leo trait. So 0:20:57.920 --> 0:20:59.840 I'm going to play that exact part to my wife 0:20:59.880 --> 0:21:02.600 and like, look what DEMI saying. It's about the only 0:21:02.680 --> 0:21:07.000 thing I know about my astrology sign. Yeah, I did 0:21:07.000 --> 0:21:09.639 not know that at all. So now I am I 0:21:09.680 --> 0:21:12.919 am feeling that I can be more compassionate towards my 0:21:12.920 --> 0:21:17.040 wife when she when she is stubborn, because yeah, because 0:21:17.040 --> 0:21:20.280 it's part of part of the traits. Tell me a 0:21:20.280 --> 0:21:24.040 bit about you know, what do you think when when 0:21:24.040 --> 0:21:25.640 you're one of the things that you did this year. 0:21:25.680 --> 0:21:29.080 And this was actually when I when I first watched 0:21:29.280 --> 0:21:35.880 your documentary Dancing at the Devil, I was completely blown away, 0:21:35.960 --> 0:21:40.000 Like it was it was incredible, It was, it was incredible. 0:21:40.040 --> 0:21:42.480 It's just I couldn't believe where you took us and 0:21:42.560 --> 0:21:46.600 where you will allowed us in. And and I know 0:21:46.640 --> 0:21:49.000 you said in this episode, in this podcast, you just 0:21:49.040 --> 0:21:52.600 said that, you know, you shared your story and then 0:21:52.640 --> 0:21:55.000 you realized the perspective that it was so much bigger 0:21:55.000 --> 0:21:58.240 than your story, which, by the way, is again such 0:21:58.280 --> 0:22:03.680 a wonderful perspective. At the same time, You've been through 0:22:03.840 --> 0:22:07.200 so much that when you share it helps so many. 0:22:07.280 --> 0:22:09.639 You talked about so many. You talked about an experience 0:22:09.680 --> 0:22:13.680 with rape, you talked about experiences with you know, sexual 0:22:13.680 --> 0:22:16.800 abuse and assault. And when I hear about those things, 0:22:16.840 --> 0:22:20.240 and I still see you coming and rising like a phoenix, 0:22:20.560 --> 0:22:24.520 you know, from from all these like challenges and pain. 0:22:24.600 --> 0:22:28.359 I wonder where is your strength coming from today? Like 0:22:28.400 --> 0:22:30.800 where do you look to for strength? You said meditation 0:22:30.840 --> 0:22:32.800 there and I'd love you to guide us through your 0:22:32.840 --> 0:22:36.120 meditation practice. Is there anything else that's giving you strength? 0:22:36.480 --> 0:22:39.800 What's giving me strength? I mean, there's strength all around me, 0:22:40.359 --> 0:22:44.240 and that's my support system, whether that's my friends or 0:22:44.280 --> 0:22:50.159 my treatment team, or it's my friends, my family, you know, 0:22:50.280 --> 0:22:54.000 it's it's people around me. I always have support and 0:22:54.280 --> 0:22:58.320 I never feel alone, which is beautiful. But yeah, I 0:22:58.320 --> 0:23:02.040 think some of my meditation I listened to guided meditations, 0:23:03.240 --> 0:23:07.840 but I also I like to tone my chakras and 0:23:07.920 --> 0:23:12.119 so I do like a sound bath and um and 0:23:12.200 --> 0:23:15.720 yeah those are like. The great thing about meditation for 0:23:15.840 --> 0:23:17.760 me is that I thought that you had to be 0:23:17.840 --> 0:23:20.800 completely silent, still with your eyes closed and your hands 0:23:20.840 --> 0:23:24.480 like this. And you know, there's different types of meditation. 0:23:24.920 --> 0:23:29.160 There's different as long as you are quieting your thoughts 0:23:29.200 --> 0:23:37.160 and trying to just chill, then like then then it's good. Then, 0:23:37.200 --> 0:23:39.160 Like you can meditate with your eyes open, you can 0:23:39.200 --> 0:23:42.280 meditate while you're doing things. It's just people don't realize 0:23:42.280 --> 0:23:44.159 how how easy it is and you don't have to 0:23:44.160 --> 0:23:47.520 be perfect at it. And that was what kept me 0:23:47.640 --> 0:23:50.159 away from meditating for so long, was trying to be 0:23:50.240 --> 0:23:52.920 perfect at it. Yeah, thank you, thank you for simplifying 0:23:53.040 --> 0:23:55.920 for everyone. I couldn't agree more. I when I when 0:23:55.920 --> 0:23:58.600 I learned how to meditate when I was eighteen, I 0:23:58.640 --> 0:24:03.199 was introduced to three practice is breathwork, visualization and mantra 0:24:03.280 --> 0:24:06.879 and sound, and it was so refreshing to realize that 0:24:06.920 --> 0:24:10.080 there was breathwork for the body, there was visualization for 0:24:10.160 --> 0:24:12.720 the mind, there was mantra for the soul and the 0:24:12.840 --> 0:24:16.560