WEBVTT - Roxane Gay: String Theory 0:00:15.130 --> 0:00:24.210 Pushkin. Here's what we know. A Washington State resident fell 0:00:24.250 --> 0:00:29.770 ill after returning from Huhan, China, in a world gone haywire. 0:00:30.290 --> 0:00:34.050 Sometimes art is the only thing that can make sense 0:00:34.090 --> 0:00:35.970 of it all. You know, it's going to be a 0:00:36.010 --> 0:00:40.690 matter of you know, several weeks to a few months, 0:00:40.930 --> 0:00:44.850 for sure. This is the Chronicles of Now, where we 0:00:44.890 --> 0:00:48.330 ask some of today's greatest authors to write short fiction 0:00:48.490 --> 0:00:52.370 inspired by the news. I'm Ashley Ford. Here in America, 0:00:52.450 --> 0:00:55.690 confirmed infections are now more than double that of any 0:00:55.690 --> 0:01:01.330 other nation. When the coronavirus hit and America hunkered down, 0:01:01.850 --> 0:01:05.250 we had no idea what we were in for or 0:01:05.330 --> 0:01:08.730 how long it would last. There is a hope of 0:01:08.730 --> 0:01:11.250 a scene, and if you get it in a year 0:01:11.250 --> 0:01:15.330 and a half, that would be record time. We still 0:01:15.330 --> 0:01:18.210 don't know what we're in for. From Daytona, where crowds 0:01:18.290 --> 0:01:21.290 shut down traffic and we still don't know what we're doing, 0:01:21.410 --> 0:01:23.770 to the Lake of the Ozarks where people swam on 0:01:23.810 --> 0:01:27.330 top of each other for hours, social distancing nowhere to 0:01:27.370 --> 0:01:31.450 be found. Here's what we do know. Families have been 0:01:31.490 --> 0:01:36.170 stuck inside together for months on end. Yes, things are 0:01:36.210 --> 0:01:40.090 opening up, but how long will that last? Across the nation. 0:01:40.210 --> 0:01:44.330 July fourth celebrations canceled as the virus continues. It's deadly 0:01:44.410 --> 0:01:47.850 served now thirty four states in the country seeing new cases. 0:01:47.970 --> 0:01:52.610 Up to now, coronavirus cases are absolutely skyrocketing. I don't 0:01:52.650 --> 0:01:55.450 even think we've begun to see the extent of what's 0:01:55.450 --> 0:01:59.210 going to happen in this country. That's Roxanne Gay, the 0:01:59.290 --> 0:02:03.130 best selling author of Bad Feminist and Hunger and a 0:02:03.250 --> 0:02:07.330 contributing opinion writer for The New York Times. Her story 0:02:07.610 --> 0:02:11.970 is about a long, long quarranty. I just thought, what 0:02:12.010 --> 0:02:14.850 would it be like to live with your partner in 0:02:15.010 --> 0:02:33.290 isolation for a year. My wife loves to travel. She 0:02:33.370 --> 0:02:37.410 always has interesting stories about a soup she once tried, 0:02:37.490 --> 0:02:41.290 and hannoi, and what it was like to crawl up 0:02:41.330 --> 0:02:44.090 the steps of a temple into that and so on. 0:02:47.170 --> 0:02:50.930 One time, on the grounds of anger Watt, a Buddhist 0:02:51.010 --> 0:02:54.690 monk gave her a red bracelet, told her it was 0:02:54.730 --> 0:02:59.530 good luck. It was a piece of string, really, but 0:02:59.810 --> 0:03:03.210 she loved that string, and it seemed to love her 0:03:04.050 --> 0:03:08.570 because month after month it stayed wrapped around her slender wrist, 0:03:09.330 --> 0:03:20.530 even as it thinned to nearly nothing. Every night, just 0:03:20.690 --> 0:03:24.490 before bed, she would take off her watch, set it 0:03:24.570 --> 0:03:27.610 on the nightstand, and when she turned to smile at me, 0:03:28.730 --> 0:03:32.530 I stared at her wrist, trying to understand how that 0:03:32.610 --> 0:03:35.850 string could withstand the rigors of being attached to a 0:03:35.970 --> 0:03:40.850 human body. The string was spiting me by hanging on. 0:03:43.730 --> 0:03:46.890 I began to ask her hypotheticals about what she would 0:03:46.930 --> 0:03:50.130 do if I tore the string. I asked her if 0:03:50.170 --> 0:03:54.170 she loved me more than the string. Are you having 0:03:54.210 --> 0:03:58.890 a midlife crisis? She asked, It was a reasonable question. 0:03:59.810 --> 0:04:07.730 I had recently purchased a ridiculous car one evening after 0:04:07.770 --> 0:04:09.970 we drank a bottle of red wine that we got 0:04:10.010 --> 0:04:13.290 from a small vineyard in Tuscany, where the owner cooked 0:04:13.370 --> 0:04:16.970 us the most incredible meal we have ever eaten, and 0:04:17.170 --> 0:04:20.730 got us so drunk that we bought an unfathomable quantity 0:04:20.770 --> 0:04:24.890 of wine. I tugged on the string gently, and my 0:04:24.930 --> 0:04:29.930 wife tensed. This string has brought me so much good luck, 0:04:30.370 --> 0:04:33.970 She said, it brought me you. I don't want to 0:04:34.010 --> 0:04:38.250 think about what might happen when it falls off. I 0:04:38.410 --> 0:04:42.730 turned away, my body a long line of irrational anger, 0:04:43.850 --> 0:04:48.570 and from that day on the string became my nemesis. 0:04:50.690 --> 0:04:54.130 I stared at it and conspired against it and waited. 0:05:02.130 --> 0:05:12.690 But then when the quarantine began, we weren't really worried. 0:05:14.090 --> 0:05:17.290 We have a nice house, we have Netflix, we have books, 0:05:18.010 --> 0:05:20.610 we have each other, and we're quite good at sacks. 0:05:22.250 --> 0:05:31.130 We would amuse ourselves. Every day, soldiers dressed in protective 0:05:31.170 --> 0:05:34.810 gear left a box of rations and four large containers 0:05:34.810 --> 0:05:40.890 of water on our stop. The rations were uninspiring, too 0:05:41.010 --> 0:05:46.650 salty industrial. Once a week we received fresh produce. It 0:05:46.730 --> 0:05:51.890 was never interesting, only things like spinach, cabbage, kale pairs. 0:05:54.530 --> 0:05:57.010 During the first few weeks we pretended we were on 0:05:57.050 --> 0:06:00.650 a cooking competition and tried to make the food palatable. 0:06:01.250 --> 0:06:03.370 But there is only so much you can do with 0:06:03.530 --> 0:06:10.970 rice and beans and dry graham crackers. The soldiers were brusque, efficient, 0:06:11.450 --> 0:06:14.330 and ignored us when we tried to talk to them 0:06:14.570 --> 0:06:17.770 glean some information about life beyond. As far as we 0:06:17.810 --> 0:06:24.170 could see, the street was empty and quiet save for 0:06:24.250 --> 0:06:27.850 the military. The helicopters going in and out of the 0:06:27.930 --> 0:06:34.970 nearby heliport were gone. There were no sirens wailing. That 0:06:35.090 --> 0:06:49.770 was the worst part, the sound of nothing. To keep 0:06:49.810 --> 0:06:54.570 ourselves reasonably sane, we developed a routine. In the morning, 0:06:54.610 --> 0:06:57.050 we trudged up and down the stairs for forty five 0:06:57.090 --> 0:07:00.890 minutes and lifted hand weights. It was important to stay fit, 0:07:01.010 --> 0:07:04.210 we decided, just in case we eventually had to fight 0:07:04.290 --> 0:07:09.490 for our survival. We'd shower separately most of the time, 0:07:10.730 --> 0:07:14.050 and then catch up on email do some work because 0:07:14.090 --> 0:07:17.770 it seemed like work still mattered, or we needed it 0:07:17.770 --> 0:07:21.090 to matter, so we could believe that eventually the quarantine 0:07:21.130 --> 0:07:25.170 would end and our lives would be waiting for us. 0:07:27.370 --> 0:07:30.770 Quarantines in other countries had already ended, so we weren't 0:07:30.810 --> 0:07:41.770 deluding ourselves. When we got bored with work, we watched 0:07:41.770 --> 0:07:44.890 a TV show or movie. We played a lot of 0:07:44.890 --> 0:07:48.810 board games, and sometimes got testy with each other. We 0:07:48.930 --> 0:07:54.450 had to stop playing uno entirely. Neither of us were 0:07:54.530 --> 0:07:59.010 particularly fond of our own nudity, but some days we 0:07:59.090 --> 0:08:04.250 didn't even bother putting on clothes, or we wore outlandish outfits. 0:08:05.370 --> 0:08:08.810 When we got stir crazy, we ran around our small backyard, 0:08:09.410 --> 0:08:13.170 really just a patch of concrete with some nice outdoor furniture, 0:08:13.490 --> 0:08:16.850 a fire pit and a grille. We burned things and 0:08:16.930 --> 0:08:23.290 it felt good to commit small acts of destruction. We 0:08:23.490 --> 0:08:27.370 ordered things we didn't need from Amazon because they contracted 0:08:27.370 --> 0:08:30.650 with the military to handle their deliveries during the quarantine, 0:08:31.170 --> 0:08:34.690 and the military gladly took their money, and we knew 0:08:34.730 --> 0:08:38.530 we were complicit in something, but couldn't say quite what. 0:08:42.370 --> 0:08:44.970 We took to spying on our neighbors in the huge 0:08:44.970 --> 0:08:48.930 apartment building across the way, and they took to spying 0:08:49.010 --> 0:08:53.010 on us. We saw some things about the ways other 0:08:53.050 --> 0:08:58.170 people lived their lives, and many of those things were terrible. 0:09:05.410 --> 0:09:08.490 Some days we ventured up to the roof, looked around 0:09:08.530 --> 0:09:13.130 and saw people for blocks in every direction, also standing 0:09:13.170 --> 0:09:18.570 on their roofs. No one tried communicating. We just smiled 0:09:18.610 --> 0:09:23.450 at each other wandly shrugged like pandemic. What can you do? 0:09:31.250 --> 0:09:35.250 My wife and I had a lot of sex that 0:09:35.410 --> 0:09:40.530 never got boring. Every freaky or weird thing we had 0:09:40.530 --> 0:09:44.290 been too shy to try was suddenly part of our repertoire. 0:09:45.970 --> 0:09:48.570 I put my tongue in places I still thrilled to 0:09:48.610 --> 0:09:54.250 think about. She was suddenly more demanding, less demure like. 0:09:54.410 --> 0:09:57.250 She was determined to draw as much pleasure as she 0:09:57.370 --> 0:10:02.050 could out of me. I was more than happy to oblige. 0:10:03.410 --> 0:10:05.810 We did not fight much at all, because we're in 0:10:05.890 --> 0:10:09.610 our fifties and understand the importance of not wasting time. 0:10:13.330 --> 0:10:16.410 There was only one news channel in those days, and 0:10:16.450 --> 0:10:20.210 the journalists broadcast from their homes, so they didn't have 0:10:20.330 --> 0:10:24.330 much to say. Once in a while, a small child 0:10:24.370 --> 0:10:27.970 would toddle in the background, having escaped the watchful eye 0:10:28.050 --> 0:10:32.490 of another parent or a sibling. That was nice, a 0:10:32.610 --> 0:10:38.690 reminder of why we were doing this thing at all. Mostly, 0:10:38.810 --> 0:10:42.170 the journalists parroted whatever talking points they were given by 0:10:42.210 --> 0:10:45.610 the government, how the quarantine would last for a year 0:10:46.010 --> 0:10:49.450 too at the most, while the vaccine was developed and 0:10:49.570 --> 0:10:54.010 tested and manufactured in mass quantities. The rest of the 0:10:54.050 --> 0:10:58.210 world had a vaccine, but the American president had angered 0:10:58.250 --> 0:11:01.250 so many world leaders that they left us to our 0:11:01.290 --> 0:11:05.810 own devices and helped each other instead. Whenever he gave 0:11:05.850 --> 0:11:09.930 the nation an update, the president looked unwell, like his 0:11:10.090 --> 0:11:14.530 genetics were revolting all over his face and extremities, so 0:11:14.730 --> 0:11:21.250 that gave us some hope and cheer. Fifteen months into 0:11:21.290 --> 0:11:26.210 the quarantine, the red string remained around my wife's wrist. 0:11:27.690 --> 0:11:34.530 It drove me to distraction. The vaccine was ready. One 0:11:34.610 --> 0:11:38.050 morning we received a note with our daily rations. A 0:11:38.210 --> 0:11:41.130 medical team would be bringing us the vaccine at the 0:11:41.250 --> 0:11:45.290 end of the week. See my wife said one evening 0:11:45.530 --> 0:11:49.290 as we watched a Spanish television show about angry teenagers 0:11:49.610 --> 0:11:55.330 who seemingly didn't have parents. We're alive because of this string. 0:11:56.330 --> 0:12:03.890 She raised a fist triumphantly. The string desperately frayed, taunted me. 0:12:05.610 --> 0:12:11.090 I clenched my jaw and inhaled deeply. I willed myself 0:12:11.210 --> 0:12:15.170 not to pluck it from her wrist. It would take 0:12:15.330 --> 0:12:18.450 no effort at all, as it was barely hanging on. 0:12:20.050 --> 0:12:23.410 I wanted to say we were alive because of our isolation, 0:12:23.970 --> 0:12:28.290 general good health, and daily calisthenics in and out of bed. 0:12:30.170 --> 0:12:35.090 But she looked so calm and assured I could not 0:12:35.250 --> 0:13:00.810 take that from her or even myself. That was string 0:13:00.850 --> 0:13:07.050 theory by Roxanne Gang. The reader was Bonnie Turpin. Roxanne, 0:13:07.330 --> 0:13:09.530 it's now June, and I happened to know that you 0:13:09.570 --> 0:13:12.890 wrote that story back in early March. What made you 0:13:13.050 --> 0:13:17.050 into it? This was going to be a long, long ordeal. 0:13:17.370 --> 0:13:19.930 I think I started to get a sense of how 0:13:20.010 --> 0:13:22.930 much of an ordeal the pandemic was going to be 0:13:22.930 --> 0:13:27.650 because we have incoherent and incompetent federal leadership, and so 0:13:27.690 --> 0:13:29.930 I was thinking about that, like, literally, what is the 0:13:29.970 --> 0:13:33.450 worst case scenario when an idiot is president and a 0:13:33.490 --> 0:13:38.450 pandemic is ravaging the country. The story actually started in 0:13:38.450 --> 0:13:42.050 a really weird way. My partner, she went to Cambodia 0:13:42.450 --> 0:13:44.570 about a year and a half ago, and a monk 0:13:44.730 --> 0:13:46.810 gave her this piece of red string that he tied 0:13:46.850 --> 0:13:51.730 around her wrist, and it's a good luck type blessing. 0:13:52.530 --> 0:13:54.770 Then we would joke about it because it drove me crazy. 0:13:54.810 --> 0:13:57.010 I was like, why won't it fucking break? What is 0:13:57.130 --> 0:14:01.010 happening here? And she got very protective of this little 0:14:01.010 --> 0:14:04.530 red string, and so then I decided to write a 0:14:04.530 --> 0:14:07.370 story about it. And then the pandemic was happening, and 0:14:08.090 --> 0:14:11.890 that's where I took it. I was telling someone recently, 0:14:12.050 --> 0:14:16.130 this felt like, as much as a pandemic story, a 0:14:16.290 --> 0:14:20.250 love story about loving a person enough to allow them 0:14:20.250 --> 0:14:25.050 their faith even if you feel like I don't know. Yes, 0:14:25.970 --> 0:14:28.010 I'm wondering if you could talk to me about what 0:14:28.090 --> 0:14:32.530 that string means to these two different characters, even though 0:14:32.530 --> 0:14:35.650 they're stuck together. So to one of them, it means 0:14:35.770 --> 0:14:40.010 that there is life beyond quarantine, that there is something 0:14:40.050 --> 0:14:43.650 to believe in beyond the moment to moment, the day 0:14:43.650 --> 0:14:48.730 to day. For the other partner. It represents this infuriating 0:14:48.810 --> 0:14:52.970 thing that should not be sustained, that should not be intact, 0:14:53.130 --> 0:14:56.130 but is intact, And so then it becomes this sort 0:14:56.170 --> 0:15:00.930 of mildly antagonistic thing like, oh, now I want to 0:15:00.930 --> 0:15:03.730 break it. I want to prove that that faith is misplaced. 0:15:04.290 --> 0:15:08.290 But the longer the quarantine progresses for these women, the 0:15:08.330 --> 0:15:12.730 more the antagonist realizes, Oh, maybe it is time to 0:15:12.730 --> 0:15:17.090 have a little faith, because we're stuck with each other 0:15:17.450 --> 0:15:21.490 and we love each other, and if this matters to her, 0:15:21.690 --> 0:15:24.090 then it's got a matter to me. And so there's 0:15:24.130 --> 0:15:29.050 this evolution of that. Back in March, we also didn't 0:15:29.090 --> 0:15:33.210 know George Floyd would be killed by Minneapolis police. This 0:15:33.290 --> 0:15:36.650 is all started and uprising the likes of which this 0:15:36.730 --> 0:15:41.850 country hasn't seen in fifty years. To be close, do 0:15:41.930 --> 0:15:47.730 you see a relationship between the pandemic and these uprisings. Absolutely, 0:15:48.490 --> 0:15:51.210 the uprisings were going to happen no matter what because 0:15:51.770 --> 0:15:55.250 black people have truly had enough. We are done, this 0:15:55.370 --> 0:15:59.730 is it. But people have had a lot of time 0:16:00.050 --> 0:16:04.810 to sit at home. There's no sports, there's no new TV, 0:16:05.570 --> 0:16:09.250 there are no new movies, there's no new nothing. And 0:16:09.250 --> 0:16:12.010 that frankly, there won't be until next year, and so 0:16:12.250 --> 0:16:14.890 we have a lot of fucking time to sit around 0:16:15.090 --> 0:16:19.570 thinking about what we think and feel. And I think 0:16:19.610 --> 0:16:23.570 that absolutely contributed. Besides which people are scared, they're angry, 0:16:24.050 --> 0:16:29.090 they are broke because we have again an incompetent federal government, 0:16:29.650 --> 0:16:32.850 and that is a lethal combination. Plus summer is starting, 0:16:32.970 --> 0:16:35.770 so people are getting out of school, like there's literally 0:16:35.810 --> 0:16:40.450 nothing to distract us without work, without play, without school, Yes, 0:16:40.650 --> 0:16:44.490 people are going to have the time. And in many ways, 0:16:44.490 --> 0:16:47.970 the pandemic, I mean, it is a curse, but it 0:16:48.170 --> 0:16:53.330 really laid bare just how divided this country is and 0:16:53.450 --> 0:16:58.090 just how imperiled black life is. And I'm not grateful 0:16:58.130 --> 0:17:04.970 for it. But sometimes something necessary rises out of something painful. Absolutely, 0:17:06.010 --> 0:17:10.530 if you were writing this story today, not back in March, 0:17:11.330 --> 0:17:14.490 how would this story end. The story would end with 0:17:14.570 --> 0:17:17.170 more action, It wouldn't just be like and then life 0:17:17.210 --> 0:17:20.010 got back to normal. I think it would end on 0:17:20.050 --> 0:17:22.490 a note of we don't know what's next, but we 0:17:22.570 --> 0:17:25.730 know that whatever's next will inevitably be better than what 0:17:25.770 --> 0:17:29.650 we left behind, because we're going to leave behind racism 0:17:29.690 --> 0:17:34.890 and law enforcement unchecked and all of these systemic biases 0:17:34.930 --> 0:17:39.290 that allow law enforcement to brutalize black people. So I 0:17:39.330 --> 0:17:42.650 think it would be more active at the end instead 0:17:42.650 --> 0:17:46.090 of this sort of passive. Let's get back to normal, Roxanne, 0:17:46.130 --> 0:17:51.010 thanks so much, Thank you so much, Ashley Forward. You 0:17:51.050 --> 0:17:53.930 can read my full interview with Roxanne Gay on our 0:17:53.970 --> 0:17:57.890 website Chronicles dot fm, where you can also read Drink 0:17:57.970 --> 0:18:02.210 Theory and other short fiction torn from today's headlines. Our 0:18:02.250 --> 0:18:06.330 sound designer and composer is Bart Warshaw. Our producer is 0:18:06.410 --> 0:18:10.050 Curtis Fox. Tyler Cabot is the ex ecutive producer and 0:18:10.210 --> 0:18:14.810 founder of Chronicles of Now for Pushkin Industries. Special thanks 0:18:14.810 --> 0:18:18.890 to Leta Mulaud and Jacob Weisberg for the Chronicles of 0:18:18.970 --> 0:18:22.130 Now podcast. I'm Ashley for thanks for listening.