WEBVTT - Oh Crap! Potty Training w/ Jamie Glowacki 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:03.760 Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda land Audio 0:00:03.880 --> 0:00:13.760 in partnership with I Heart Radio. You guys, welcome back 0:00:13.800 --> 0:00:17.200 to Katie's Crib. I'm Katie Lowe's. On this episode, we 0:00:17.239 --> 0:00:21.320 are discussing what I have been very busy during quarantine doing, 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:24.000 which is working with someone I feel like I've known 0:00:24.040 --> 0:00:28.400 for a hundred years on potty training. Her name is 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:32.640 Jamie GLOWACKI. She's like the guru of potty training. Her 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:34.960 book is The Bible of potty Training. I was hearing 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:38.280 about it for years before I even entertained the idea 0:00:38.400 --> 0:00:41.560 of actually reading it or potty training my son myself. 0:00:42.120 --> 0:00:44.880 So she is an expert on this big deal transition. 0:00:45.120 --> 0:00:47.560 She is the author of the books Oh Crap Potty 0:00:47.600 --> 0:00:50.560 Training and Oh Crap I have a toddler. I feel 0:00:51.120 --> 0:00:54.040 so close to both of those titles, and I say 0:00:54.040 --> 0:00:56.279 crap all the time. So I love it. Thank you 0:00:56.440 --> 0:00:59.240 so much for joining us, Jamie, and my son is 0:00:59.280 --> 0:01:01.600 successfully potty train. So I was like, we gotta get 0:01:01.600 --> 0:01:06.320 you on Katie's Crib because I know everyone I know 0:01:06.600 --> 0:01:08.479 was like, what are you doing in quarantine? We should 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:10.600 potty train. We're never going to have this much time, 0:01:10.680 --> 0:01:13.800 close to this many potties. Sure, so the whole world 0:01:13.800 --> 0:01:17.280 potty train during quarantine. Tell me how you got into 0:01:17.319 --> 0:01:20.280 this work? Oh my god, I'll give you the reader's 0:01:20.280 --> 0:01:22.440 digest version, since I really did not want to be 0:01:22.480 --> 0:01:25.760 a potty trainer when I grew up. Um, that wasn't 0:01:25.760 --> 0:01:28.720 my great dream. Um. I was a social worker in 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:31.679 San Francisco. I worked with dual diagnosed moms, which meant 0:01:31.720 --> 0:01:34.840 they have mental illness and a substance abuse. And I 0:01:34.840 --> 0:01:38.120 started noticing this trend of keeping babies well, keeping toddlers 0:01:38.160 --> 0:01:40.080 in diapers to like four or five. And I was like, 0:01:40.160 --> 0:01:42.360 this is wrong. And these moms were not you know, 0:01:42.440 --> 0:01:44.880 they were on state assistance. They needed money. They didn't 0:01:45.120 --> 0:01:46.960 need to be spending money on diapers at four or 0:01:47.000 --> 0:01:49.360 five years old. I was not a mom. I did 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:51.200 not know this was a hot button, and parenting it 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:54.040 was just part of my job. So I started interviewing moms. 0:01:54.440 --> 0:01:57.080 My mom's age, so to give you a reference, I'm 0:01:57.120 --> 0:02:00.280 fifty two, my mom's seventy three. So as it didn't 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:05.560 try to give you all the reference, you look fucking amazing. Wow, 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:08.640 if talking about duty all day makes you look like that, 0:02:08.720 --> 0:02:10.840 sign me up. Okay, keep going. I think it's the 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:15.520 amount I swear in my work. Yeah, that's great. Great. Um. 0:02:15.639 --> 0:02:19.720 And so you know, definitely a theme emerged and I, um, 0:02:19.760 --> 0:02:21.960 I weeded out sort of their abusive practices. There were 0:02:22.000 --> 0:02:24.919 some back in the day, and I started teaching these 0:02:24.960 --> 0:02:27.520 moms how to potty chain. I didn't think anything of it. 0:02:27.560 --> 0:02:29.400 And then fast forward a few years and I had 0:02:29.440 --> 0:02:32.800 my son. I moved to Rhode Island and he was 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:35.720 about twenty two months when I told, you know, you 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:37.360 have your circle of mom friends and I was like, okay, 0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:39.560 you guys, I'm out. I got a potty train. And 0:02:39.720 --> 0:02:42.160 I was met with this like wall of you can't 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:44.320 potty train. You can't potty train a boy at twenty 0:02:44.320 --> 0:02:47.079 two months, That's impossible. And I was like, you guys 0:02:47.080 --> 0:02:50.080 are all stoned. This is when you potty trained. So 0:02:50.240 --> 0:02:53.079 you know, we took our week and um, he potty 0:02:53.120 --> 0:02:55.799 trained and he was like famous. I'd go into Whole 0:02:55.800 --> 0:02:57.600 Foods and people would be like, is that the baby 0:02:57.720 --> 0:03:00.960 that's potty trained? Like, holy ship, he's not a baby 0:03:01.560 --> 0:03:04.160 and so UM. At the time, I owned a secondhand 0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:06.760 children's store and I had a back room with like 0:03:06.840 --> 0:03:08.840 baby yoga and music together and that kind of thing. 0:03:08.880 --> 0:03:11.880 And so I started holding classes and they started selling out, 0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:13.760 and I was like, okay, wait a minute, people really 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:16.920 need this information. So then I wrote it down. It 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:18.639 was a crappy book. It was like a hundred and 0:03:18.680 --> 0:03:20.480 eighty pages. It was the bare bones of what it 0:03:20.560 --> 0:03:23.120 is now. I put it on the worst website known 0:03:23.120 --> 0:03:26.320 to man. I made the website and they didn't know 0:03:26.320 --> 0:03:28.560 how to cut and paste, so that just like that 0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:32.919 gives you bad it was, and so I just thought 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:34.679 I'd sell a few copies here and there for the 0:03:34.680 --> 0:03:37.240 people who couldn't make my class. But then pediatrician started 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:38.760 to call and they were like, this is great. Can 0:03:38.800 --> 0:03:41.440 we print this out for our waiting room? And then 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:43.720 people started to call me, like the woman who heads 0:03:43.760 --> 0:03:45.960 up the Autistic Society of America called me, and we 0:03:46.040 --> 0:03:48.120 worked with her five year old and got her potty trained, 0:03:48.120 --> 0:03:51.400 and then quadruplets and all these various you know, interesting 0:03:51.560 --> 0:03:54.920 cases and uh, and I really literally literally was not 0:03:54.960 --> 0:03:58.040 selling clothes anymore. So the book for a while was 0:03:58.040 --> 0:04:00.280 forty dollars. But it came remember when four him swear 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:03.720 the thing like you go forum, So I had a forum, 0:04:03.720 --> 0:04:06.960 and what it was was unbelievable research because remember I 0:04:06.960 --> 0:04:10.560 had gotten my information from the generation before, the generation 0:04:10.600 --> 0:04:13.080 that didn't have Facebook, didn't have an identity, didn't work, 0:04:13.480 --> 0:04:16.039 Dad came home at five, Like there was no programming, 0:04:16.080 --> 0:04:18.400 no marketing for kids. So it's a whole different generation. 0:04:18.760 --> 0:04:20.719 But now I got to work with modern moms and 0:04:20.839 --> 0:04:24.880 dads and daycares and all the problems that confront us 0:04:24.880 --> 0:04:28.160 as modern parents. And so it's unbelievable experience. And then 0:04:28.200 --> 0:04:30.599 it went through all these other iterations that finally it 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:34.280 became what it is today. This is the book, Like, 0:04:34.360 --> 0:04:38.000 this is the book. Like everyone I've talked to, all moms, 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:40.839 you know, like my super super super hippie moms, my 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:46.239 super super super discipline strict polite moms, my super monessory moms, 0:04:46.279 --> 0:04:48.320 like every style of mom that I have in my 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:52.280 life all have this book in common. That's awesome, which 0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:55.560 speaks volumes because there's just so much to be taken 0:04:55.960 --> 0:05:00.720 from it. First off, how do you know when a 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:03.039 kid is ready to potty train? This is very a 0:05:03.040 --> 0:05:05.520 triggering question because this is the only thing I come 0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:08.080 up against a lot. This is a huge question. This 0:05:08.120 --> 0:05:12.680 is because it's like everyone doesn't want to push their 0:05:12.760 --> 0:05:15.400 kid or whatever it is. And I know you gotta 0:05:15.440 --> 0:05:18.839 lot to say this like jump chomping at the boat. Okay, 0:05:18.839 --> 0:05:21.200 first of all, let me can I just say very plainly, 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:24.240 psychological damage is never done by potty training. If you 0:05:24.320 --> 0:05:26.719 beat your child because they have an accident, yes you 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:29.560 will be doing psychological damage. But this whole I don't 0:05:29.560 --> 0:05:32.560 want to do psychological damage. You guys, it's freaking p 0:05:32.839 --> 0:05:35.640 and poop in a container. That's it. Don't make it 0:05:35.720 --> 0:05:38.800 more than it is. Um. I don't know where this 0:05:38.920 --> 0:05:41.960 came from, but I can guarantee as a social worker, 0:05:42.000 --> 0:05:44.800 I worked with the most mentally disturbed people on the 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:47.960 planet and not one ever sited potty training is an issue. 0:05:48.160 --> 0:05:50.640 So I'm so sure if you're reading a potty training book, 0:05:50.800 --> 0:05:54.200 you're in the upper echelon of parenting just by that nature, 0:05:54.240 --> 0:05:57.880 so you can't cause psychological damage. The whole idea of 0:05:57.880 --> 0:06:01.080 not pushing a kid is absurd, especially in our freaking 0:06:01.480 --> 0:06:04.120 race to the top educational system. So if you're doing 0:06:04.120 --> 0:06:06.080 a worksheet with your kid, or plan on doing a 0:06:06.080 --> 0:06:09.760 worksheet with your kid, like during quarantine, you were pushing them. Sorry, 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:11.840 you were pushing them. You didn't let them just play 0:06:11.839 --> 0:06:14.839 with the Yeah, so like we push our kids, of 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:16.960 course we do, and why don't we push them? We 0:06:17.000 --> 0:06:20.520 push them because there are age appropriate activities. You didn't 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:22.320 push your kid to walk. I'm sure you started to 0:06:22.360 --> 0:06:24.799 see them start to cruise along furniture, you know, stand 0:06:24.800 --> 0:06:28.039 their little wobbly legs up right, But you you took 0:06:28.040 --> 0:06:29.840 the cue and you're like, Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna 0:06:29.880 --> 0:06:32.320 see what happens. Right, And then did you hold their 0:06:32.360 --> 0:06:37.279 little chubby hands with one finger, walking very slowly, hunched over? Sure, 0:06:37.760 --> 0:06:40.440 now you knew somewhere in the nine to twelve month 0:06:40.560 --> 0:06:43.520 range your kids should start to cruise. Now, you might 0:06:43.600 --> 0:06:45.599 let it go till sixteen months, but I can guarantee 0:06:45.640 --> 0:06:47.960 at sixteen months you're gonna be like, oh, my kids 0:06:48.000 --> 0:06:51.479 not doing anything. Maybe I should move this along. Maybe 0:06:51.520 --> 0:06:53.679 I should go, you know, see somebody. Maybe I should 0:06:53.720 --> 0:06:56.080 test their their legs right, Maybe I should buy them 0:06:56.080 --> 0:06:58.560 a push toy? What can I do to support walking? 0:06:58.760 --> 0:07:00.480 So the same thing goes with pott each ending. The 0:07:00.480 --> 0:07:03.000 thing about it is the whole wait till they're ready, Well, 0:07:03.040 --> 0:07:04.800 wait till they're ready. As a whole another all of 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:07.960 wax that I hate, but knowing when they're ready. The 0:07:08.040 --> 0:07:11.280 problem is most parents miss the cues. They're very subtle. 0:07:11.320 --> 0:07:14.200 They're around eighteen to twenty four months, and it's literally, 0:07:14.240 --> 0:07:16.480 your kid wants to be in the bathroom with you. 0:07:16.480 --> 0:07:18.640 Your kid pushes your butt cheeks aside when you're sitting 0:07:18.640 --> 0:07:21.280 because they want to see where what's coming out? Right, 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:23.400 They're interested in the toilet paper, they want to flush. 0:07:23.600 --> 0:07:26.480 That's it, you guys. That's it. So when parents say 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:28.120 to me, oh, I'm gonna wait till he's reading, and 0:07:28.120 --> 0:07:30.480 I go, great, what does that look like? And I 0:07:30.520 --> 0:07:32.920 get a blank stare that says, oh crap, which is 0:07:32.920 --> 0:07:36.680 why the books titled that. So I think parents expect 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:38.960 that child's going to take the diaper off, say they 0:07:38.960 --> 0:07:41.400 have to pee, and it just doesn't happen that way. 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:44.000 I think it's also so big for parents just because, 0:07:44.040 --> 0:07:46.320 like what I read in your book is it's the 0:07:46.360 --> 0:07:51.160 first major thing that is taught. Walking. They mimic, they 0:07:51.200 --> 0:07:56.040 model they do eating sort of similarly, crawling, similarly. Talking. 0:07:56.480 --> 0:07:58.360 Potty training was the first thing I was like, Oh, 0:07:58.400 --> 0:08:01.400 I'm going to consciously chew who's this? I have to 0:08:01.440 --> 0:08:03.720 actually teach him a skill set for the first time 0:08:03.760 --> 0:08:06.160 in my life and his life, right right, right. And 0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:08.920 what I always say is what if you suck? That's 0:08:08.920 --> 0:08:11.480 what parents want to avoid. People say, well, I just 0:08:11.520 --> 0:08:13.440 I can't be bothered. No, no, no, what if you 0:08:13.520 --> 0:08:16.080 suck at it? That's why people delay it. And it's 0:08:16.120 --> 0:08:17.880 it's a hidden thing that we all have, is like 0:08:18.320 --> 0:08:20.440 what if I am really bad at this? What if 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:22.720 I'm a really bad parent? Which we all go through, right, 0:08:22.720 --> 0:08:25.280 We're all like, oh ship, what if what am I doing? 0:08:26.680 --> 0:08:29.040 But I think that's the that's the real core issue. 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:31.880 So there's really it's like it's early, like it's much 0:08:31.880 --> 0:08:34.680 earlier than people. I mean, look, guys, I read the 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:36.840 first chapter of your book and I was fucking horrified 0:08:36.840 --> 0:08:38.920 because I had already hit the thirty month mark. And 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:42.959 I was like, oh, crap, oh crap. He's has a 0:08:43.040 --> 0:08:45.400 personality and he says no all the time and he's 0:08:45.480 --> 0:08:48.400 completely rebellious. This is cultural norms, Katie too. So I 0:08:48.520 --> 0:08:51.520 okay again fifty two for reference, I was so late 0:08:51.600 --> 0:08:53.600 in potty training that my mom was embarrassed to leave 0:08:53.600 --> 0:08:55.440 the house with me. Now, remember it was cloud diapers, 0:08:55.440 --> 0:08:57.040 so it was really obvious when a kid was wearing 0:08:57.040 --> 0:08:59.840 a diaper. I was twenty four months. So that just 0:09:00.120 --> 0:09:02.680 is to show you the difference in generations. And I 0:09:02.679 --> 0:09:05.280 don't blame the parents. I blame the disposable diaper companies. 0:09:05.360 --> 0:09:20.360 You know, there's big farmer, there's big diaper. It's been 0:09:20.679 --> 0:09:25.120 so refreshing to not go through diapers anymore. I just 0:09:25.240 --> 0:09:27.720 feel better about my choices, to be honest, and I 0:09:27.760 --> 0:09:29.760 do repat that I didn't do it earlier. Well, it 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:33.440 sets off this autonomy too. That's so great. Like, you know, 0:09:33.480 --> 0:09:35.520 I'm sure albody's doing all this like me, me, me, 0:09:35.600 --> 0:09:39.479 do it mean do no? No? You like myself by myself. Yeah, 0:09:39.520 --> 0:09:42.160 And it's so cool. Um the other things. I just 0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:45.520 wanted to mention that because the signs of readiness quote 0:09:45.559 --> 0:09:48.720 unquote are so subtle. I always say between twenty and 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:51.520 thirty months is perfect, right, And the biggest issue you 0:09:51.520 --> 0:09:54.200 guys is you can certainly potty train before twenty months. 0:09:54.559 --> 0:09:56.200 It's going to be a longer learning curve, but you 0:09:56.200 --> 0:09:58.640 don't you don't get any attitude. The kid just takes 0:09:58.640 --> 0:10:01.520 a little longer to connect the dots. After thirty six months, 0:10:01.559 --> 0:10:04.480 your kid goes through a psychological process called individual ation, 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:07.000 which means they begin to realize they're a separate person 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:10.319 from you. Before that, they think when they bunk their head, 0:10:10.360 --> 0:10:12.800 they think you feel the pain there in mention you. 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:15.400 At three, they start to go no, no, no, no, no, 0:10:15.480 --> 0:10:17.560 I'm separate. Guess what. It's the age of free will 0:10:17.559 --> 0:10:19.520 and choice. And if you're going to add p and 0:10:19.559 --> 0:10:22.480 poop on top of that, that is the literally the 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:25.360 only thing your child will ever fully control in their lives. Like, 0:10:25.440 --> 0:10:28.079 kids get three is ridiculous, And I don't know who 0:10:28.120 --> 0:10:30.440 I'm looking at right now, the devil I was taking 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:33.000 over our child? Where did he go? Katie? I've been 0:10:33.160 --> 0:10:37.160 teaching parenting most of my life, right, and so I 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:38.840 was like, where are the terrible tools? Where did this 0:10:38.920 --> 0:10:41.640 come from? I comparent with my eyes closed, popping on 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:44.160 one foot, and the day my son turned three, I cried. 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:47.560 It was like, my whole parenting toolbox is empty. So yeah, 0:10:47.800 --> 0:10:49.880 So all I tell people is I don't really give 0:10:49.880 --> 0:10:52.360 a ratsass when you potty train. I have no investment whatsoever. 0:10:52.400 --> 0:10:54.120 I don't care if you kid goes to college and diaper's. 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:57.120 Just know that every month that goes by you are 0:10:57.120 --> 0:11:00.320 cementing a different habit. Diaper wearing is a habit, that's it. 0:11:00.679 --> 0:11:02.400 So when I get you know, I get four and 0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:04.719 five year olds whose parents and doctors said wait till 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:06.880 they're ready. Well, now they're not ready and they're going 0:11:06.880 --> 0:11:10.440 into kindergarten. You know, have a five year habit that's 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:12.640 really hard to break when you do it at two. Yeah, 0:11:12.679 --> 0:11:15.360 but two year habits. So it's totally cool if you 0:11:15.360 --> 0:11:17.280 want to, quote unquote wait till they're ready, but know 0:11:17.320 --> 0:11:20.400 what you're waiting for. And of the time, I say, 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:22.640 it's cool if you're not ready, but just own up 0:11:22.679 --> 0:11:25.080 to that. Own up to that. I was not ready, 0:11:25.640 --> 0:11:28.240 and I was not ready. I was horrified. I feel 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:30.960 like I'm going to judge myself so harshly the first 0:11:30.960 --> 0:11:33.160 time he takes a dump on the floor. I'm such 0:11:33.240 --> 0:11:36.160 a type a overachiever and I just wasn't psyched. But 0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:39.520 you guys, it was fine. Well wait, not only that, 0:11:39.559 --> 0:11:41.800 but but this is it. When you have a parenting lesson. 0:11:42.080 --> 0:11:45.439 The universe gave you coronavirus to make you potty train 0:11:45.520 --> 0:11:50.880 your kids, so we can blame it all on you. True. 0:11:51.520 --> 0:11:53.080 I also want to point out in your book that 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:56.640 it's a lot about mindset. You recommend read the book 0:11:57.120 --> 0:12:01.640 wait two weeks and if you give too much of 0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:03.960 a ship, you're in big trouble, right, Like you have 0:12:04.080 --> 0:12:09.040 to be so chill about accidents or whatever you want 0:12:09.080 --> 0:12:11.880 to call them in your household, or good day or 0:12:11.920 --> 0:12:15.280 bad day, or if phase one took longer than three 0:12:15.360 --> 0:12:17.760 days or phase two took, like you just have to 0:12:17.880 --> 0:12:22.160 practice parenting in a way of like, don't judge this 0:12:22.320 --> 0:12:25.000 by the days or the hours or how long it took, 0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:27.280 because as soon as the kids smells that you care, 0:12:27.720 --> 0:12:31.920 it's over. That's for sure. That's for sure. But also 0:12:31.960 --> 0:12:34.040 like if you have that anxiety. So it's so interesting 0:12:34.040 --> 0:12:36.000 with pandemic potty training because yeah, it was a great 0:12:36.000 --> 0:12:38.720 opportunity since we weren't going anywhere, but there was also 0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:41.640 this collective anxiety. So I had more kids withholding than 0:12:41.720 --> 0:12:44.280 ever before. First of all, this is not a measurement 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:47.960 of your parenting. It is not a measurement of your parenting. 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:50.360 Second of all, get off the emotional roller coaster. If 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:52.200 your kids p and poop can give you a high 0:12:52.240 --> 0:12:56.280 and a low, like wait till they're teenagers? Um, And yeah, 0:12:56.320 --> 0:12:57.880 I just think that you don't have to make it 0:12:57.960 --> 0:13:00.360 this big thing. And the more chill you are, the 0:13:00.400 --> 0:13:02.959 more chill your kid can be. If you're anxious, the 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:04.560 kids just gonna pick up on it. And if you 0:13:04.600 --> 0:13:06.560 think about it, your average three year old literally has 0:13:06.559 --> 0:13:10.160 the same brain as a dog. Yeah, obviously our kids 0:13:10.160 --> 0:13:12.480 blow through that very quickly, but think of how you 0:13:12.480 --> 0:13:14.040 speak to a dog, and think about like, if you 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:17.319 have any pets, all their non verbal communication. Your animals 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:19.199 know when you're going on vacation before you even pull 0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:21.800 out a suitcase, right, Like, they're so attuned to it, 0:13:21.920 --> 0:13:23.800 and so are our little ones. They don't speak, they 0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:25.760 don't have command of the full language yet, so they 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:28.800 have to be so in tuned with our nonverbal communication. 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:31.079 I call it vibe. You know, if you're just a mess, 0:13:31.240 --> 0:13:33.000 your kid's gonna be a mess too, because you guys 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:35.199 are in charge. If you're not in charge, your little ones, like, 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:37.440 holy sh it, the one in charge doesn't know what 0:13:37.480 --> 0:13:40.880 she's doing. Okay, never mind, I'm not doing this right. Yeah, 0:13:41.000 --> 0:13:43.120 there are all these articles and blogs out there that 0:13:43.160 --> 0:13:45.320 teach you to how to potty train in three days? 0:13:45.920 --> 0:13:50.520 Is that really possible? So that came out of when 0:13:50.640 --> 0:13:53.480 parents didn't have a life. Like, I'm not kidding you, 0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:55.840 my mom did not have a life. It's like when 0:13:55.880 --> 0:13:58.120 we go to the beach with your kid, you gotta 0:13:58.160 --> 0:14:00.319 cut all the organic that she does. You gotta about 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:02.160 sun sweet. My mom literally threw us in a freaking 0:14:02.240 --> 0:14:06.080 station wagon with kool aid and below no seatbelts. You 0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:08.320 think they just didn't have to worry about things, and 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:11.800 and the mom stayed home. So three days we'll get 0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:15.040 you over the hump. But what I found, my original 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:17.480 version was three days, but I found parents being so 0:14:17.559 --> 0:14:20.240 tied to the three days that parents would take one 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:22.200 day off of work or do it over a holiday 0:14:22.200 --> 0:14:25.200 weekend and be like three days went buying, nothing's happening, 0:14:25.680 --> 0:14:27.720 you know. And I'm like, whoa. We got to remove 0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:30.120 the pressure because think about it, you guys, there's no 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:32.560 other milestone that you put this kind of pressure on. 0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:36.360 Like you didn't say my neighbor's kid walked, they better 0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:39.320 walk in three days? Oh my god? Yeah, And um, 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:41.640 same thing. Look like your kids not gonna read like 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:43.280 your neighbor. Your kid's not going to ride a bike 0:14:43.320 --> 0:14:45.560 like your neighbor. You can't look at your cousin, your 0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:47.880 your neighbor your friends and say, well they did it. 0:14:48.200 --> 0:14:50.120 And the other thing I know, Katie, is everybody pays 0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:53.240 their due. So your kid might struggle with potty training, 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:55.320 but you might get a dream for a teenager. Like, 0:14:55.400 --> 0:14:58.520 we all pay our due somewhere, So don't worry about it. 0:14:58.560 --> 0:15:00.440 If you're if you're having a shit, you go at 0:15:00.440 --> 0:15:03.480 potty training, you'll coast somewhere else. I probably, Yeah, I agree. 0:15:03.560 --> 0:15:05.800 I feel the same way about labor and pregnancy. I'm 0:15:05.800 --> 0:15:08.080 always like I had a dope labor. My labor was 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:10.720 so easy. I've had hard workout classes and breastfeeding almost 0:15:10.800 --> 0:15:14.000 killed me. I lost the nipple. It was awful. I 0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:17.600 love that you brought that up. Walk me through. I 0:15:17.640 --> 0:15:22.120 think your book is at three phases. There's six six 0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:25.680 most the most important is that the first three that's 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:27.760 the bulk of the work, and then and the first 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:32.840 three just walk us through, like really casually, like what's 0:15:32.880 --> 0:15:34.520 the style of this? So let me let me just 0:15:34.520 --> 0:15:37.840 be really quick here. There you guys stopped looking for 0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:40.480 how to potty train, you take a diaper off period. 0:15:40.920 --> 0:15:43.520 What happens next is what's scaring the heck out of you? Okay, 0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:47.000 so don't go looking for some miraculous nest and people go, 0:15:47.200 --> 0:15:48.920 I follow your method. I don't have a method. I 0:15:48.960 --> 0:15:51.320 have a philosophy, which is respect your child. That's it 0:15:51.760 --> 0:15:53.920 ripped the band aid off because like you know, this 0:15:54.040 --> 0:15:56.240 with a binky, with a security blanket, your child's been 0:15:56.240 --> 0:16:00.320 in a diaper since before their first feeding. This is 0:16:00.320 --> 0:16:04.320 the ultimate insecurity blanket. You can't use it sometimes you can't. 0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:07.320 Now that being said, um, like I said when the 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:10.280 very first iteration was sort of three days, but I 0:16:10.320 --> 0:16:12.080 had to change that. It really is like think of 0:16:12.080 --> 0:16:14.440 your kid building a tower of blocks, and so I 0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:16.800 wanted to give quantifiable data so you would know when 0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:19.680 to move on and also how to know when you're 0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:21.640 experiencing trouble. So if you're on block three and all 0:16:21.640 --> 0:16:23.960 of a sudden it goes all weird, go back to 0:16:23.960 --> 0:16:26.320 block to go back to the last place you were 0:16:26.360 --> 0:16:28.840 really successful. And so that way it got really more manageable, 0:16:28.920 --> 0:16:31.640 especially with our like more data focus parents. You know, 0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:34.240 it's like I need facts. I need you know, you 0:16:34.240 --> 0:16:36.360 can't tell people well, we all have a feeling because 0:16:36.440 --> 0:16:39.040 parents today don't like that. They want the facts. They 0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:43.160 want to know. Yeah, so block one is your average naked. 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:45.280 You gotta be naked. The kid's gotta be naked from 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:49.200 the bottom down, because I would love in a perfect 0:16:49.200 --> 0:16:52.480 world than dad's dads, especially because they're such linear thinkers 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:55.360 and go like, well, I told them to pay, but 0:16:55.480 --> 0:16:57.880 he didn't. I'm like, yeah, like I wish we could 0:16:57.880 --> 0:17:00.640 just tell them to pay, but it doesn't work that way. 0:17:00.680 --> 0:17:02.320 It's causing effects. So you've got to kind of catch 0:17:02.360 --> 0:17:04.120 the midpee and get them to the potty or get 0:17:04.119 --> 0:17:07.160 the potty to them. Now you know, I'll have parents. 0:17:07.200 --> 0:17:09.320 I actually had somebody email me that that she was 0:17:09.320 --> 0:17:11.080 not going to treat her child like an animal and 0:17:11.160 --> 0:17:13.439 keep him naked, and I was like, I thought, all 0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:15.560 kids like to be naked, but they have to be 0:17:15.680 --> 0:17:17.760 naked because if they have pants on, they're gonna wet 0:17:17.800 --> 0:17:19.640 the pants. By the time you see the wetness, their 0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:23.000 bladder is empty and you have lost the learning opportunity. Um, 0:17:23.080 --> 0:17:24.760 so that's the first block. And so do you want 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:30.240 them to peer poop with prompting or without? So that's you. 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:33.480 You leading the show by saying, hey, you're dancing on 0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:35.640 your tiptoes. Here, let's sit down, or oh, here comes 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:38.240 the pea that's really important because one of the things 0:17:38.280 --> 0:17:40.120 that screws people up when they just kind of fly 0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:43.000 solo without a plan is they expect the child to 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:46.440 tell them like within hours, and that doesn't happen right away. 0:17:46.680 --> 0:17:49.680 The next block is commando, So you wanna you gotta 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:52.160 get clothes on your kid because most kids actually potty 0:17:52.200 --> 0:17:55.480 train naked pretty effortlessly. So then the big trick is 0:17:55.480 --> 0:17:58.199 getting close on and that's a big trick for some 0:17:58.280 --> 0:18:01.600 kids in general. Um, you want to not have underpants 0:18:01.640 --> 0:18:04.399 because if you think about it, where underpants elastic size 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:06.719 at the top of the thigh and around the waist, 0:18:06.880 --> 0:18:09.440 just like a diaper. Your child has a two three 0:18:09.480 --> 0:18:12.720 year memory muscle memory that when this thing goes on, 0:18:12.840 --> 0:18:15.199 they can release. So the best thing you can do 0:18:15.240 --> 0:18:18.480 to try to mitigate any any potential accidents is to 0:18:18.600 --> 0:18:20.720 keep the underpants off for now and so they can 0:18:20.720 --> 0:18:23.680 go commando. And really, at this age, people say, you know, 0:18:23.720 --> 0:18:26.560 aren't you worried about like bacteria or things like that 0:18:26.600 --> 0:18:29.639 and your kids getting so gross by midday? Chances are 0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:32.520 you're changing their pants twice a day at least. My god, 0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:34.639 we're in like four outfits a day. Yeah, and I 0:18:34.640 --> 0:18:36.560 would you know, I would say, be cautious. You want 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:38.760 loose fitting sweatpants. You want to be cautious. You know 0:18:38.800 --> 0:18:40.920 how some pants have like a thick seam that will 0:18:40.960 --> 0:18:43.000 irritate their genital so you know, you just want nice, 0:18:43.000 --> 0:18:45.280 smooth and also means that are easy to come on 0:18:45.359 --> 0:18:46.639 or off. Like this is not the time to be 0:18:46.640 --> 0:18:49.480 in these adorable onesies and like, oh you're all done. 0:18:49.520 --> 0:18:53.080 You're done with onesies, footie, pgs, overalls. My son was 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:55.720 in like umbro shorts for like a week. Like I 0:18:55.840 --> 0:18:58.680