1 00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:03,760 Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda land Audio 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:13,760 Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. You guys, welcome back 3 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:17,200 Speaker 1: to Katie's Crib. I'm Katie Lowe's. On this episode, we 4 00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:21,320 Speaker 1: are discussing what I have been very busy during quarantine doing, 5 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,000 Speaker 1: which is working with someone I feel like I've known 6 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:28,400 Speaker 1: for a hundred years on potty training. Her name is 7 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:32,640 Speaker 1: Jamie GLOWACKI. She's like the guru of potty training. Her 8 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,960 Speaker 1: book is The Bible of potty Training. I was hearing 9 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,280 Speaker 1: about it for years before I even entertained the idea 10 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:41,560 Speaker 1: of actually reading it or potty training my son myself. 11 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:44,880 Speaker 1: So she is an expert on this big deal transition. 12 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,560 Speaker 1: She is the author of the books Oh Crap Potty 13 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:50,560 Speaker 1: Training and Oh Crap I have a toddler. I feel 14 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:54,040 Speaker 1: so close to both of those titles, and I say 15 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,279 Speaker 1: crap all the time. So I love it. Thank you 16 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:59,240 Speaker 1: so much for joining us, Jamie, and my son is 17 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:01,600 Speaker 1: successfully potty train. So I was like, we gotta get 18 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:06,320 Speaker 1: you on Katie's Crib because I know everyone I know 19 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,479 Speaker 1: was like, what are you doing in quarantine? We should 20 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,600 Speaker 1: potty train. We're never going to have this much time, 21 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:13,800 Speaker 1: close to this many potties. Sure, so the whole world 22 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:17,280 Speaker 1: potty train during quarantine. Tell me how you got into 23 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:20,280 Speaker 1: this work? Oh my god, I'll give you the reader's 24 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 1: digest version, since I really did not want to be 25 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,760 Speaker 1: a potty trainer when I grew up. Um, that wasn't 26 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,720 Speaker 1: my great dream. Um. I was a social worker in 27 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:31,679 Speaker 1: San Francisco. I worked with dual diagnosed moms, which meant 28 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:34,840 Speaker 1: they have mental illness and a substance abuse. And I 29 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:38,120 Speaker 1: started noticing this trend of keeping babies well, keeping toddlers 30 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: in diapers to like four or five. And I was like, 31 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,360 Speaker 1: this is wrong. And these moms were not you know, 32 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,880 Speaker 1: they were on state assistance. They needed money. They didn't 33 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:46,960 Speaker 1: need to be spending money on diapers at four or 34 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,360 Speaker 1: five years old. I was not a mom. I did 35 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: not know this was a hot button, and parenting it 36 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 1: was just part of my job. So I started interviewing moms. 37 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:57,080 Speaker 1: My mom's age, so to give you a reference, I'm 38 00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:00,280 Speaker 1: fifty two, my mom's seventy three. So as it didn't 39 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:05,560 Speaker 1: try to give you all the reference, you look fucking amazing. Wow, 40 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,640 Speaker 1: if talking about duty all day makes you look like that, 41 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,840 Speaker 1: sign me up. Okay, keep going. I think it's the 42 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:15,520 Speaker 1: amount I swear in my work. Yeah, that's great. Great. Um. 43 00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:19,720 Speaker 1: And so you know, definitely a theme emerged and I, um, 44 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:21,960 Speaker 1: I weeded out sort of their abusive practices. There were 45 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,919 Speaker 1: some back in the day, and I started teaching these 46 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,520 Speaker 1: moms how to potty chain. I didn't think anything of it. 47 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,400 Speaker 1: And then fast forward a few years and I had 48 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:32,800 Speaker 1: my son. I moved to Rhode Island and he was 49 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 1: about twenty two months when I told, you know, you 50 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,360 Speaker 1: have your circle of mom friends and I was like, okay, 51 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,560 Speaker 1: you guys, I'm out. I got a potty train. And 52 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:42,160 Speaker 1: I was met with this like wall of you can't 53 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,320 Speaker 1: potty train. You can't potty train a boy at twenty 54 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:47,079 Speaker 1: two months, That's impossible. And I was like, you guys 55 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:50,080 Speaker 1: are all stoned. This is when you potty trained. So 56 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:53,079 Speaker 1: you know, we took our week and um, he potty 57 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,799 Speaker 1: trained and he was like famous. I'd go into Whole 58 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,600 Speaker 1: Foods and people would be like, is that the baby 59 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,960 Speaker 1: that's potty trained? Like, holy ship, he's not a baby 60 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:04,160 Speaker 1: and so UM. At the time, I owned a secondhand 61 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,760 Speaker 1: children's store and I had a back room with like 62 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,840 Speaker 1: baby yoga and music together and that kind of thing. 63 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,880 Speaker 1: And so I started holding classes and they started selling out, 64 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 1: and I was like, okay, wait a minute, people really 65 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,920 Speaker 1: need this information. So then I wrote it down. It 66 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,639 Speaker 1: was a crappy book. It was like a hundred and 67 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,480 Speaker 1: eighty pages. It was the bare bones of what it 68 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,120 Speaker 1: is now. I put it on the worst website known 69 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:26,320 Speaker 1: to man. I made the website and they didn't know 70 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,560 Speaker 1: how to cut and paste, so that just like that 71 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:32,919 Speaker 1: gives you bad it was, and so I just thought 72 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,679 Speaker 1: I'd sell a few copies here and there for the 73 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:37,240 Speaker 1: people who couldn't make my class. But then pediatrician started 74 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 1: to call and they were like, this is great. Can 75 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 1: we print this out for our waiting room? And then 76 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 1: people started to call me, like the woman who heads 77 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 1: up the Autistic Society of America called me, and we 78 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:48,120 Speaker 1: worked with her five year old and got her potty trained, 79 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 1: and then quadruplets and all these various you know, interesting 80 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,920 Speaker 1: cases and uh, and I really literally literally was not 81 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,040 Speaker 1: selling clothes anymore. So the book for a while was 82 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: forty dollars. But it came remember when four him swear 83 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,720 Speaker 1: the thing like you go forum, So I had a forum, 84 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:06,960 Speaker 1: and what it was was unbelievable research because remember I 85 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:10,560 Speaker 1: had gotten my information from the generation before, the generation 86 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:13,080 Speaker 1: that didn't have Facebook, didn't have an identity, didn't work, 87 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:16,039 Speaker 1: Dad came home at five, Like there was no programming, 88 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:18,400 Speaker 1: no marketing for kids. So it's a whole different generation. 89 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,719 Speaker 1: But now I got to work with modern moms and 90 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:24,880 Speaker 1: dads and daycares and all the problems that confront us 91 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:28,160 Speaker 1: as modern parents. And so it's unbelievable experience. And then 92 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,599 Speaker 1: it went through all these other iterations that finally it 93 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:34,280 Speaker 1: became what it is today. This is the book, Like, 94 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:38,000 Speaker 1: this is the book. Like everyone I've talked to, all moms, 95 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,839 Speaker 1: you know, like my super super super hippie moms, my 96 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:46,239 Speaker 1: super super super discipline strict polite moms, my super monessory moms, 97 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:48,320 Speaker 1: like every style of mom that I have in my 98 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:52,280 Speaker 1: life all have this book in common. That's awesome, which 99 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,560 Speaker 1: speaks volumes because there's just so much to be taken 100 00:04:55,960 --> 00:05:00,720 Speaker 1: from it. First off, how do you know when a 101 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,039 Speaker 1: kid is ready to potty train? This is very a 102 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,520 Speaker 1: triggering question because this is the only thing I come 103 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:08,080 Speaker 1: up against a lot. This is a huge question. This 104 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:12,680 Speaker 1: is because it's like everyone doesn't want to push their 105 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:15,400 Speaker 1: kid or whatever it is. And I know you gotta 106 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,839 Speaker 1: lot to say this like jump chomping at the boat. Okay, 107 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:21,200 Speaker 1: first of all, let me can I just say very plainly, 108 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:24,240 Speaker 1: psychological damage is never done by potty training. If you 109 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,719 Speaker 1: beat your child because they have an accident, yes you 110 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,560 Speaker 1: will be doing psychological damage. But this whole I don't 111 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:32,560 Speaker 1: want to do psychological damage. You guys, it's freaking p 112 00:05:32,839 --> 00:05:35,640 Speaker 1: and poop in a container. That's it. Don't make it 113 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:38,800 Speaker 1: more than it is. Um. I don't know where this 114 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 1: came from, but I can guarantee as a social worker, 115 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,800 Speaker 1: I worked with the most mentally disturbed people on the 116 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 1: planet and not one ever sited potty training is an issue. 117 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,640 Speaker 1: So I'm so sure if you're reading a potty training book, 118 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 1: you're in the upper echelon of parenting just by that nature, 119 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:57,880 Speaker 1: so you can't cause psychological damage. The whole idea of 120 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:01,080 Speaker 1: not pushing a kid is absurd, especially in our freaking 121 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:04,120 Speaker 1: race to the top educational system. So if you're doing 122 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:06,080 Speaker 1: a worksheet with your kid, or plan on doing a 123 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:09,760 Speaker 1: worksheet with your kid, like during quarantine, you were pushing them. Sorry, 124 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,840 Speaker 1: you were pushing them. You didn't let them just play 125 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,839 Speaker 1: with the Yeah, so like we push our kids, of 126 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 1: course we do, and why don't we push them? We 127 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:20,520 Speaker 1: push them because there are age appropriate activities. You didn't 128 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:22,320 Speaker 1: push your kid to walk. I'm sure you started to 129 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:24,799 Speaker 1: see them start to cruise along furniture, you know, stand 130 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:28,039 Speaker 1: their little wobbly legs up right, But you you took 131 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:29,840 Speaker 1: the cue and you're like, Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna 132 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 1: see what happens. Right, And then did you hold their 133 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:37,279 Speaker 1: little chubby hands with one finger, walking very slowly, hunched over? Sure, 134 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:40,440 Speaker 1: now you knew somewhere in the nine to twelve month 135 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,520 Speaker 1: range your kids should start to cruise. Now, you might 136 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,599 Speaker 1: let it go till sixteen months, but I can guarantee 137 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 1: at sixteen months you're gonna be like, oh, my kids 138 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,479 Speaker 1: not doing anything. Maybe I should move this along. Maybe 139 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:53,679 Speaker 1: I should go, you know, see somebody. Maybe I should 140 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,080 Speaker 1: test their their legs right, Maybe I should buy them 141 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,560 Speaker 1: a push toy? What can I do to support walking? 142 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,480 Speaker 1: So the same thing goes with pott each ending. The 143 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,000 Speaker 1: thing about it is the whole wait till they're ready, Well, 144 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,800 Speaker 1: wait till they're ready. As a whole another all of 145 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,960 Speaker 1: wax that I hate, but knowing when they're ready. The 146 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 1: problem is most parents miss the cues. They're very subtle. 147 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 1: They're around eighteen to twenty four months, and it's literally, 148 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,480 Speaker 1: your kid wants to be in the bathroom with you. 149 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 1: Your kid pushes your butt cheeks aside when you're sitting 150 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: because they want to see where what's coming out? Right, 151 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,400 Speaker 1: They're interested in the toilet paper, they want to flush. 152 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:26,480 Speaker 1: That's it, you guys. That's it. So when parents say 153 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:28,120 Speaker 1: to me, oh, I'm gonna wait till he's reading, and 154 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 1: I go, great, what does that look like? And I 155 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 1: get a blank stare that says, oh crap, which is 156 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:36,680 Speaker 1: why the books titled that. So I think parents expect 157 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,960 Speaker 1: that child's going to take the diaper off, say they 158 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,400 Speaker 1: have to pee, and it just doesn't happen that way. 159 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,000 Speaker 1: I think it's also so big for parents just because, 160 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,320 Speaker 1: like what I read in your book is it's the 161 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:51,160 Speaker 1: first major thing that is taught. Walking. They mimic, they 162 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:56,040 Speaker 1: model they do eating sort of similarly, crawling, similarly. Talking. 163 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,360 Speaker 1: Potty training was the first thing I was like, Oh, 164 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,400 Speaker 1: I'm going to consciously chew who's this? I have to 165 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,720 Speaker 1: actually teach him a skill set for the first time 166 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 1: in my life and his life, right right, right. And 167 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,920 Speaker 1: what I always say is what if you suck? That's 168 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:11,480 Speaker 1: what parents want to avoid. People say, well, I just 169 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,440 Speaker 1: I can't be bothered. No, no, no, what if you 170 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,080 Speaker 1: suck at it? That's why people delay it. And it's 171 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,880 Speaker 1: it's a hidden thing that we all have, is like 172 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,440 Speaker 1: what if I am really bad at this? What if 173 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,720 Speaker 1: I'm a really bad parent? Which we all go through, right, 174 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,280 Speaker 1: We're all like, oh ship, what if what am I doing? 175 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 1: But I think that's the that's the real core issue. 176 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,880 Speaker 1: So there's really it's like it's early, like it's much 177 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,680 Speaker 1: earlier than people. I mean, look, guys, I read the 178 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:36,840 Speaker 1: first chapter of your book and I was fucking horrified 179 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,920 Speaker 1: because I had already hit the thirty month mark. And 180 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:42,959 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, crap, oh crap. He's has a 181 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,400 Speaker 1: personality and he says no all the time and he's 182 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:48,400 Speaker 1: completely rebellious. This is cultural norms, Katie too. So I 183 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:51,520 Speaker 1: okay again fifty two for reference, I was so late 184 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:53,600 Speaker 1: in potty training that my mom was embarrassed to leave 185 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,440 Speaker 1: the house with me. Now, remember it was cloud diapers, 186 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 1: so it was really obvious when a kid was wearing 187 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,840 Speaker 1: a diaper. I was twenty four months. So that just 188 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,680 Speaker 1: is to show you the difference in generations. And I 189 00:09:02,679 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 1: don't blame the parents. I blame the disposable diaper companies. 190 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:20,360 Speaker 1: You know, there's big farmer, there's big diaper. It's been 191 00:09:20,679 --> 00:09:25,120 Speaker 1: so refreshing to not go through diapers anymore. I just 192 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:27,720 Speaker 1: feel better about my choices, to be honest, and I 193 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,760 Speaker 1: do repat that I didn't do it earlier. Well, it 194 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:33,440 Speaker 1: sets off this autonomy too. That's so great. Like, you know, 195 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:35,520 Speaker 1: I'm sure albody's doing all this like me, me, me, 196 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:39,479 Speaker 1: do it mean do no? No? You like myself by myself. Yeah, 197 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,160 Speaker 1: And it's so cool. Um the other things. I just 198 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:45,520 Speaker 1: wanted to mention that because the signs of readiness quote 199 00:09:45,559 --> 00:09:48,720 Speaker 1: unquote are so subtle. I always say between twenty and 200 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:51,520 Speaker 1: thirty months is perfect, right, And the biggest issue you 201 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,200 Speaker 1: guys is you can certainly potty train before twenty months. 202 00:09:54,559 --> 00:09:56,200 Speaker 1: It's going to be a longer learning curve, but you 203 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,640 Speaker 1: don't you don't get any attitude. The kid just takes 204 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,520 Speaker 1: a little longer to connect the dots. After thirty six months, 205 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:04,480 Speaker 1: your kid goes through a psychological process called individual ation, 206 00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:07,000 Speaker 1: which means they begin to realize they're a separate person 207 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,319 Speaker 1: from you. Before that, they think when they bunk their head, 208 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,800 Speaker 1: they think you feel the pain there in mention you. 209 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,400 Speaker 1: At three, they start to go no, no, no, no, no, 210 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,560 Speaker 1: I'm separate. Guess what. It's the age of free will 211 00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:19,520 Speaker 1: and choice. And if you're going to add p and 212 00:10:19,559 --> 00:10:22,480 Speaker 1: poop on top of that, that is the literally the 213 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 1: only thing your child will ever fully control in their lives. Like, 214 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,079 Speaker 1: kids get three is ridiculous, And I don't know who 215 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:30,440 Speaker 1: I'm looking at right now, the devil I was taking 216 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 1: over our child? Where did he go? Katie? I've been 217 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:37,160 Speaker 1: teaching parenting most of my life, right, and so I 218 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:38,840 Speaker 1: was like, where are the terrible tools? Where did this 219 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:41,640 Speaker 1: come from? I comparent with my eyes closed, popping on 220 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 1: one foot, and the day my son turned three, I cried. 221 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,560 Speaker 1: It was like, my whole parenting toolbox is empty. So yeah, 222 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,880 Speaker 1: So all I tell people is I don't really give 223 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:52,360 Speaker 1: a ratsass when you potty train. I have no investment whatsoever. 224 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,120 Speaker 1: I don't care if you kid goes to college and diaper's. 225 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,120 Speaker 1: Just know that every month that goes by you are 226 00:10:57,120 --> 00:11:00,320 Speaker 1: cementing a different habit. Diaper wearing is a habit, that's it. 227 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:02,400 Speaker 1: So when I get you know, I get four and 228 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,719 Speaker 1: five year olds whose parents and doctors said wait till 229 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:06,880 Speaker 1: they're ready. Well, now they're not ready and they're going 230 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:10,440 Speaker 1: into kindergarten. You know, have a five year habit that's 231 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,640 Speaker 1: really hard to break when you do it at two. Yeah, 232 00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 1: but two year habits. So it's totally cool if you 233 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,280 Speaker 1: want to, quote unquote wait till they're ready, but know 234 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 1: what you're waiting for. And of the time, I say, 235 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 1: it's cool if you're not ready, but just own up 236 00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:25,080 Speaker 1: to that. Own up to that. I was not ready, 237 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:28,240 Speaker 1: and I was not ready. I was horrified. I feel 238 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,960 Speaker 1: like I'm going to judge myself so harshly the first 239 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:33,160 Speaker 1: time he takes a dump on the floor. I'm such 240 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:36,160 Speaker 1: a type a overachiever and I just wasn't psyched. But 241 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:39,520 Speaker 1: you guys, it was fine. Well wait, not only that, 242 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:41,800 Speaker 1: but but this is it. When you have a parenting lesson. 243 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:45,439 Speaker 1: The universe gave you coronavirus to make you potty train 244 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 1: your kids, so we can blame it all on you. True. 245 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:53,080 Speaker 1: I also want to point out in your book that 246 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:56,640 Speaker 1: it's a lot about mindset. You recommend read the book 247 00:11:57,120 --> 00:12:01,640 Speaker 1: wait two weeks and if you give too much of 248 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,960 Speaker 1: a ship, you're in big trouble, right, Like you have 249 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:09,040 Speaker 1: to be so chill about accidents or whatever you want 250 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:11,880 Speaker 1: to call them in your household, or good day or 251 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:15,280 Speaker 1: bad day, or if phase one took longer than three 252 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,760 Speaker 1: days or phase two took, like you just have to 253 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:22,160 Speaker 1: practice parenting in a way of like, don't judge this 254 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:25,000 Speaker 1: by the days or the hours or how long it took, 255 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 1: because as soon as the kids smells that you care, 256 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:31,920 Speaker 1: it's over. That's for sure. That's for sure. But also 257 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,040 Speaker 1: like if you have that anxiety. So it's so interesting 258 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:36,000 Speaker 1: with pandemic potty training because yeah, it was a great 259 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,720 Speaker 1: opportunity since we weren't going anywhere, but there was also 260 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,640 Speaker 1: this collective anxiety. So I had more kids withholding than 261 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,280 Speaker 1: ever before. First of all, this is not a measurement 262 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,960 Speaker 1: of your parenting. It is not a measurement of your parenting. 263 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,360 Speaker 1: Second of all, get off the emotional roller coaster. If 264 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:52,200 Speaker 1: your kids p and poop can give you a high 265 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:56,280 Speaker 1: and a low, like wait till they're teenagers? Um, And yeah, 266 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:57,880 Speaker 1: I just think that you don't have to make it 267 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,360 Speaker 1: this big thing. And the more chill you are, the 268 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,959 Speaker 1: more chill your kid can be. If you're anxious, the 269 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:04,560 Speaker 1: kids just gonna pick up on it. And if you 270 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,560 Speaker 1: think about it, your average three year old literally has 271 00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:10,160 Speaker 1: the same brain as a dog. Yeah, obviously our kids 272 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:12,480 Speaker 1: blow through that very quickly, but think of how you 273 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,040 Speaker 1: speak to a dog, and think about like, if you 274 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:17,319 Speaker 1: have any pets, all their non verbal communication. Your animals 275 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,199 Speaker 1: know when you're going on vacation before you even pull 276 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,800 Speaker 1: out a suitcase, right, Like, they're so attuned to it, 277 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,800 Speaker 1: and so are our little ones. They don't speak, they 278 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,760 Speaker 1: don't have command of the full language yet, so they 279 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,800 Speaker 1: have to be so in tuned with our nonverbal communication. 280 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,079 Speaker 1: I call it vibe. You know, if you're just a mess, 281 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,000 Speaker 1: your kid's gonna be a mess too, because you guys 282 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:35,199 Speaker 1: are in charge. If you're not in charge, your little ones, like, 283 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,440 Speaker 1: holy sh it, the one in charge doesn't know what 284 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:40,880 Speaker 1: she's doing. Okay, never mind, I'm not doing this right. Yeah, 285 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,120 Speaker 1: there are all these articles and blogs out there that 286 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:45,320 Speaker 1: teach you to how to potty train in three days? 287 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:50,520 Speaker 1: Is that really possible? So that came out of when 288 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,480 Speaker 1: parents didn't have a life. Like, I'm not kidding you, 289 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,840 Speaker 1: my mom did not have a life. It's like when 290 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,120 Speaker 1: we go to the beach with your kid, you gotta 291 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:00,319 Speaker 1: cut all the organic that she does. You gotta about 292 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:02,160 Speaker 1: sun sweet. My mom literally threw us in a freaking 293 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:06,080 Speaker 1: station wagon with kool aid and below no seatbelts. You 294 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:08,320 Speaker 1: think they just didn't have to worry about things, and 295 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:11,800 Speaker 1: and the mom stayed home. So three days we'll get 296 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:15,040 Speaker 1: you over the hump. But what I found, my original 297 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,480 Speaker 1: version was three days, but I found parents being so 298 00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:20,240 Speaker 1: tied to the three days that parents would take one 299 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:22,200 Speaker 1: day off of work or do it over a holiday 300 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,200 Speaker 1: weekend and be like three days went buying, nothing's happening, 301 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 1: you know. And I'm like, whoa. We got to remove 302 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,120 Speaker 1: the pressure because think about it, you guys, there's no 303 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,560 Speaker 1: other milestone that you put this kind of pressure on. 304 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:36,360 Speaker 1: Like you didn't say my neighbor's kid walked, they better 305 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: walk in three days? Oh my god? Yeah, And um, 306 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,640 Speaker 1: same thing. Look like your kids not gonna read like 307 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:43,280 Speaker 1: your neighbor. Your kid's not going to ride a bike 308 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,560 Speaker 1: like your neighbor. You can't look at your cousin, your 309 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,880 Speaker 1: your neighbor your friends and say, well they did it. 310 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,120 Speaker 1: And the other thing I know, Katie, is everybody pays 311 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:53,240 Speaker 1: their due. So your kid might struggle with potty training, 312 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,320 Speaker 1: but you might get a dream for a teenager. Like, 313 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:58,520 Speaker 1: we all pay our due somewhere, So don't worry about it. 314 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,440 Speaker 1: If you're if you're having a shit, you go at 315 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,480 Speaker 1: potty training, you'll coast somewhere else. I probably, Yeah, I agree. 316 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,800 Speaker 1: I feel the same way about labor and pregnancy. I'm 317 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:08,080 Speaker 1: always like I had a dope labor. My labor was 318 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,720 Speaker 1: so easy. I've had hard workout classes and breastfeeding almost 319 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 1: killed me. I lost the nipple. It was awful. I 320 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:17,600 Speaker 1: love that you brought that up. Walk me through. I 321 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:22,120 Speaker 1: think your book is at three phases. There's six six 322 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,680 Speaker 1: most the most important is that the first three that's 323 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,760 Speaker 1: the bulk of the work, and then and the first 324 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:32,840 Speaker 1: three just walk us through, like really casually, like what's 325 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:34,520 Speaker 1: the style of this? So let me let me just 326 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,840 Speaker 1: be really quick here. There you guys stopped looking for 327 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:40,480 Speaker 1: how to potty train, you take a diaper off period. 328 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:43,520 Speaker 1: What happens next is what's scaring the heck out of you? Okay, 329 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:47,000 Speaker 1: so don't go looking for some miraculous nest and people go, 330 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:48,920 Speaker 1: I follow your method. I don't have a method. I 331 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,320 Speaker 1: have a philosophy, which is respect your child. That's it 332 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,920 Speaker 1: ripped the band aid off because like you know, this 333 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,240 Speaker 1: with a binky, with a security blanket, your child's been 334 00:15:56,240 --> 00:16:00,320 Speaker 1: in a diaper since before their first feeding. This is 335 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:04,320 Speaker 1: the ultimate insecurity blanket. You can't use it sometimes you can't. 336 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,320 Speaker 1: Now that being said, um, like I said when the 337 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,280 Speaker 1: very first iteration was sort of three days, but I 338 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:12,080 Speaker 1: had to change that. It really is like think of 339 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,440 Speaker 1: your kid building a tower of blocks, and so I 340 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,800 Speaker 1: wanted to give quantifiable data so you would know when 341 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,680 Speaker 1: to move on and also how to know when you're 342 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,640 Speaker 1: experiencing trouble. So if you're on block three and all 343 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,960 Speaker 1: of a sudden it goes all weird, go back to 344 00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:26,320 Speaker 1: block to go back to the last place you were 345 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,840 Speaker 1: really successful. And so that way it got really more manageable, 346 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 1: especially with our like more data focus parents. You know, 347 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,240 Speaker 1: it's like I need facts. I need you know, you 348 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,360 Speaker 1: can't tell people well, we all have a feeling because 349 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:39,040 Speaker 1: parents today don't like that. They want the facts. They 350 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:43,160 Speaker 1: want to know. Yeah, so block one is your average naked. 351 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:45,280 Speaker 1: You gotta be naked. The kid's gotta be naked from 352 00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:49,200 Speaker 1: the bottom down, because I would love in a perfect 353 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,480 Speaker 1: world than dad's dads, especially because they're such linear thinkers 354 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:55,360 Speaker 1: and go like, well, I told them to pay, but 355 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,880 Speaker 1: he didn't. I'm like, yeah, like I wish we could 356 00:16:57,880 --> 00:17:00,640 Speaker 1: just tell them to pay, but it doesn't work that way. 357 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:02,320 Speaker 1: It's causing effects. So you've got to kind of catch 358 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,120 Speaker 1: the midpee and get them to the potty or get 359 00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:07,160 Speaker 1: the potty to them. Now you know, I'll have parents. 360 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,320 Speaker 1: I actually had somebody email me that that she was 361 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,080 Speaker 1: not going to treat her child like an animal and 362 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,439 Speaker 1: keep him naked, and I was like, I thought, all 363 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,560 Speaker 1: kids like to be naked, but they have to be 364 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:17,760 Speaker 1: naked because if they have pants on, they're gonna wet 365 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,640 Speaker 1: the pants. By the time you see the wetness, their 366 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:23,000 Speaker 1: bladder is empty and you have lost the learning opportunity. Um, 367 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:24,760 Speaker 1: so that's the first block. And so do you want 368 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:30,240 Speaker 1: them to peer poop with prompting or without? So that's you. 369 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,480 Speaker 1: You leading the show by saying, hey, you're dancing on 370 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,640 Speaker 1: your tiptoes. Here, let's sit down, or oh, here comes 371 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,240 Speaker 1: the pea that's really important because one of the things 372 00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,120 Speaker 1: that screws people up when they just kind of fly 373 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:43,000 Speaker 1: solo without a plan is they expect the child to 374 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:46,440 Speaker 1: tell them like within hours, and that doesn't happen right away. 375 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:49,680 Speaker 1: The next block is commando, So you wanna you gotta 376 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:52,160 Speaker 1: get clothes on your kid because most kids actually potty 377 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:55,480 Speaker 1: train naked pretty effortlessly. So then the big trick is 378 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:58,199 Speaker 1: getting close on and that's a big trick for some 379 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:01,600 Speaker 1: kids in general. Um, you want to not have underpants 380 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,399 Speaker 1: because if you think about it, where underpants elastic size 381 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:06,719 Speaker 1: at the top of the thigh and around the waist, 382 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,440 Speaker 1: just like a diaper. Your child has a two three 383 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:12,720 Speaker 1: year memory muscle memory that when this thing goes on, 384 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,199 Speaker 1: they can release. So the best thing you can do 385 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,480 Speaker 1: to try to mitigate any any potential accidents is to 386 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,720 Speaker 1: keep the underpants off for now and so they can 387 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:23,680 Speaker 1: go commando. And really, at this age, people say, you know, 388 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:26,560 Speaker 1: aren't you worried about like bacteria or things like that 389 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,639 Speaker 1: and your kids getting so gross by midday? Chances are 390 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,520 Speaker 1: you're changing their pants twice a day at least. My god, 391 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:34,639 Speaker 1: we're in like four outfits a day. Yeah, and I 392 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,560 Speaker 1: would you know, I would say, be cautious. You want 393 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 1: loose fitting sweatpants. You want to be cautious. You know 394 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:40,920 Speaker 1: how some pants have like a thick seam that will 395 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:43,000 Speaker 1: irritate their genital so you know, you just want nice, 396 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,280 Speaker 1: smooth and also means that are easy to come on 397 00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:46,639 Speaker 1: or off. Like this is not the time to be 398 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,480 Speaker 1: in these adorable onesies and like, oh you're all done. 399 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:53,080 Speaker 1: You're done with onesies, footie, pgs, overalls. My son was 400 00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:55,720 Speaker 1: in like umbro shorts for like a week. Like I 401 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:58,680 Speaker 1: was like that word sizes too big, Hand me down 402 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:02,359 Speaker 1: so that the waist came down one second. Yeah. Yeah, 403 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,520 Speaker 1: I will get people on social media being like no, 404 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,280 Speaker 1: I'm not ready to give up the cute outfits, and 405 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 1: I'm like cool, So you're making a conscious choice to 406 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:13,119 Speaker 1: keep your kid wedding themselves, do you know? So? I 407 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,880 Speaker 1: feel very strongly about respecting our kids and where they 408 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,399 Speaker 1: need to be developmentally, So so do away with the 409 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,119 Speaker 1: cute office? Yes? So then I do commando and then 410 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,479 Speaker 1: the clothing and underwear. No no, no, the next one 411 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:26,560 Speaker 1: is outing, so you go out skip it because we 412 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,640 Speaker 1: didn't have any outing. I did something I did practice 413 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,399 Speaker 1: it was kind of nice like quarantine. I was like, 414 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,680 Speaker 1: we're gonna like, we're gonna do a walk around the block, 415 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,280 Speaker 1: and we're gonna practice. Like I'm gonna say, do you 416 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,960 Speaker 1: want to go partty before the walk, not forcing him. 417 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,000 Speaker 1: Sometimes he would say yes. Sometimes he would say no, 418 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,640 Speaker 1: like you know, and I would just trust him. If 419 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,160 Speaker 1: he's got to go, he's got to go, and he'll 420 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,280 Speaker 1: tell me. And if he has an accident and we're 421 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,320 Speaker 1: out on a walk, who fucking cares. We'll be back 422 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,480 Speaker 1: in ten minutes, you know, absolutely, And I did have 423 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:54,800 Speaker 1: a couple once they approached this like a Navy seal team. 424 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,320 Speaker 1: They were so amazing that dad took the little girl 425 00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,360 Speaker 1: out all weekend long. He went to Target, to the library, 426 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,000 Speaker 1: a to um home depot, like all these public restrooms, 427 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,679 Speaker 1: and she was a pro by the end of the weekend. 428 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,560 Speaker 1: So that's something that you can do. The fourth block 429 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,679 Speaker 1: is Andy's, so then you would try Andy's. But that 430 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,520 Speaker 1: so the reason I think heat you're getting confuses because 431 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,600 Speaker 1: the three blocks are really concentrated. That's the bulk of 432 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,560 Speaker 1: potty training. Then Andy's could be even six months out. 433 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,960 Speaker 1: And my advice is try them. If the kid wets 434 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,720 Speaker 1: them right off the bat, just take them off again. 435 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,119 Speaker 1: The fifth block, you, guys, is self initiation. Six to 436 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,960 Speaker 1: eight weeks after your start date is when your child 437 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,000 Speaker 1: will start to initiate. In the early days, you may 438 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:32,720 Speaker 1: get your child going, oh, I have to pee or 439 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,840 Speaker 1: running to the putty themselves, and that's great, but they're 440 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,800 Speaker 1: not trustworthy yet. So don't think like, oh, whoa, I 441 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:41,120 Speaker 1: got a genius. We're all set, because you're not. That's 442 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:44,200 Speaker 1: so true. That happened in my case. Albi just nailed 443 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,640 Speaker 1: being naked in two days. He took dump on the potty, 444 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:51,120 Speaker 1: he peered a bunch of times because I was pushing liquids. 445 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,000 Speaker 1: It was great. So I put him in the shorts 446 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:55,240 Speaker 1: and then he was just accidents all day. We did 447 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 1: a few more days naked so that it was really solidified, 448 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,679 Speaker 1: and then we moved on UM. And then the last 449 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:04,480 Speaker 1: phase is the night training nap training situation, because we're 450 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,720 Speaker 1: still in diapers at night and at the nap and 451 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,160 Speaker 1: that's just because I don't I'm not ready to give 452 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,399 Speaker 1: up my sleep, although I know it's coming. Well. You 453 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,679 Speaker 1: and I specifically talked about this though, because then you 454 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,000 Speaker 1: have a situation and I'm sure there's many many moms. 455 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:19,840 Speaker 1: If you're pregnant with your second you want to wait, 456 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:21,280 Speaker 1: just wait, because you're gonna be up all night with 457 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:24,679 Speaker 1: feedings anyway, so why bother. And it gives the it'll 458 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,200 Speaker 1: it's just a really nice segue to night training. Do 459 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:31,040 Speaker 1: you recommend doing the whole shebang from the top, Yeah, 460 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:34,160 Speaker 1: like you do, I do. I do. It's a more 461 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:36,720 Speaker 1: holacious first week, So I don't advise it if like 462 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:40,840 Speaker 1: both parents work outside the home. Um, but with all 463 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:45,280 Speaker 1: diapers gone, you have a much higher success right early on. Um. 464 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,800 Speaker 1: You know, for the majority of kids, they're gonna daytime 465 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,280 Speaker 1: train just fine, be in their night it's just kind 466 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,679 Speaker 1: of textbook. But for some kids, they start holding it 467 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:54,560 Speaker 1: for those diapers and then you run into trouble. So 468 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,320 Speaker 1: then we have to, you know, force it a little bit. 469 00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,240 Speaker 1: But it can it can happen. I have a night 470 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:02,640 Speaker 1: training supplement. I discounted all my courses for covid um. 471 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:04,840 Speaker 1: It's ten dollars. Just go pick it up because it's 472 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,200 Speaker 1: really it's way too much information that I could give here. 473 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:11,760 Speaker 1: Oh great a training supplement. Amazing even if your kids 474 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:13,880 Speaker 1: like potty trained and you didn't use my book. You 475 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:18,399 Speaker 1: you don't need to prior prior Jamie knowledge question for you, 476 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:22,359 Speaker 1: do you prefer a kitty potty versus like one of 477 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,399 Speaker 1: those inserts on an adult potty? Go and get a 478 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,520 Speaker 1: potty for every room in your house? You guys, okay, 479 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,560 Speaker 1: When they first start, you got about a three seconds 480 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:33,200 Speaker 1: heads up of like either seeing their signs, their p dance, 481 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,400 Speaker 1: or you know them saying I gotta go. When they 482 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,199 Speaker 1: If it's day three and you've got a lucky situation 483 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,040 Speaker 1: where the kid goes, I gotta pay, you literally have 484 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,399 Speaker 1: two seconds to get them somewhere or to get the 485 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,760 Speaker 1: potty to them. So I have no problem with the 486 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:49,159 Speaker 1: little potties. The other thing is that Foster's autonomy recognize 487 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,720 Speaker 1: that if you're using the toilet, you are tied to 488 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:53,439 Speaker 1: this process. Think of it. You've got a two or 489 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:54,760 Speaker 1: three year old. How are they going to manage a 490 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,240 Speaker 1: step stool, turning around, pulling down their pants to sit 491 00:22:57,280 --> 00:23:01,240 Speaker 1: on the porcelain toilet, and the really hard tiled room. 492 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,760 Speaker 1: So you're going to be locked into helping them a 493 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,720 Speaker 1: lot longer than if you have the little potty. Can 494 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,800 Speaker 1: you talk to me about the language you use? I 495 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:11,720 Speaker 1: feel like the language you describe in the book is 496 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,760 Speaker 1: so helpful because it's positive. But you know, if there's 497 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,399 Speaker 1: accidents that happen, I kind of had to be careful 498 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:20,600 Speaker 1: of like it's okay, it's okay, you know, like reinforcing 499 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:23,080 Speaker 1: that an accident it is an okay thing because it's 500 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:25,920 Speaker 1: not perfect. Yeah, you don't want to say it's okay. Um. 501 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:27,720 Speaker 1: Second of all, did you notice how you have a 502 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:30,440 Speaker 1: voice went up about three octaves? Yeah, So you gotta 503 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,600 Speaker 1: watch your pitch. And sometimes I'll work with parents and 504 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:35,639 Speaker 1: just do you hear me, do you I'm adding breath. 505 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,240 Speaker 1: I'm just adding breath to my voice to keep it low. 506 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,760 Speaker 1: Dads tend to be very successful because they have a 507 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,120 Speaker 1: lower pitch. They just do a fist bump and they're 508 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,160 Speaker 1: like right on and the kids like beaming with pride. 509 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,439 Speaker 1: So and remind me to talk about boys and that 510 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,639 Speaker 1: boys being herded to train. Um. So, yeah, what I 511 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,640 Speaker 1: see is in the first couple of weeks, they're not accidents. 512 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,480 Speaker 1: They're learning tools. You know, your kids just learning as 513 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,119 Speaker 1: you get along. You know, further on in the process, Well, 514 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:02,200 Speaker 1: you want to look for is reasons why it happened, 515 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:03,760 Speaker 1: Like oh, shit. I knew they had to go, and 516 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:05,719 Speaker 1: I thought I would run one more errand and it 517 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:07,879 Speaker 1: was my fault. Or you know, we're at a party 518 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:09,240 Speaker 1: and out of corner of my eye, I could see 519 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,040 Speaker 1: him dancing around, and I just kind of let it go. 520 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,159 Speaker 1: So you want a reason, it's only when you you know, 521 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,040 Speaker 1: you're four or five weeks into this and all of 522 00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:18,680 Speaker 1: a sudden something happened, You're like, I don't even know. 523 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:22,680 Speaker 1: He seems surprised, and we have to look at potential problems. Um, 524 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:27,040 Speaker 1: language is so important. I'm really old school news school, Like, again, 525 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,480 Speaker 1: we want to respect the child, but you guys are 526 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 1: the parents, You're the ones in controls are Being in 527 00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:36,480 Speaker 1: control is an emotional swaddling. So when you swaddle a newborn, 528 00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,320 Speaker 1: why do you swaddle them so they don't flail and 529 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:41,800 Speaker 1: hit themselves? Right, So if you're floundering, if you're not 530 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,840 Speaker 1: firm with your child, it come it's time to pe. Yeah, 531 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,840 Speaker 1: if you're like, um, why don't do you have to 532 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,760 Speaker 1: go to the bathroom? Dude? You wreak of fear and 533 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,159 Speaker 1: they're gonna eat you like a piranha. Like it's just 534 00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,680 Speaker 1: gonna be ugly, So be very you know, be firm 535 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:58,359 Speaker 1: nowhere you're going with the plan, And that language ties 536 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:02,159 Speaker 1: into prompting. Never ever ever asked a toddler if they 537 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:05,919 Speaker 1: have to go pee. The answer will always be no, 538 00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,240 Speaker 1: And then you'll be in a struggle. You'll be in 539 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:10,359 Speaker 1: a power struggle because you know he's gotta pay. He 540 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,960 Speaker 1: just said no, and now you're screwed. So you want 541 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,240 Speaker 1: to prompt with a choice, a statement, or a challenge. 542 00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:18,199 Speaker 1: And people always underestimate the challenge. And Katie, if I 543 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:19,840 Speaker 1: had a dime for every parent who got on the 544 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:21,760 Speaker 1: phone with me and said, you don't understand how stubborn 545 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:24,000 Speaker 1: my kid is. I have a news flash. Your child 546 00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:27,640 Speaker 1: isn't special. It's the age. So a challenge. Um, I'll 547 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:29,680 Speaker 1: race you to the potty. I bet you can't fill 548 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:33,280 Speaker 1: that cup. Um, you know you want to challenge them. Yeah, 549 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,879 Speaker 1: I have a whole group of friends who's like that. 550 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,560 Speaker 1: The dad was like, oh, you gotta go, I gotta go. 551 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:40,560 Speaker 1: I gotta go really bad. You gotta go really bad, 552 00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:41,800 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like it was like a 553 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:45,080 Speaker 1: hole and that really worked with that kid. Like yeah, 554 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:46,800 Speaker 1: and then um, you could do a choice. You know, 555 00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:48,000 Speaker 1: do you want to go first? Or second, do you 556 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:49,600 Speaker 1: want the big potty the little potty? Do you want 557 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:51,439 Speaker 1: daddy to go first? That kind of thing, and a 558 00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:54,280 Speaker 1: statement it's time to pay. Yeah, so you just gotta 559 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:55,359 Speaker 1: get off of the d You gotta go, Do you 560 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,560 Speaker 1: gotta go? You gotta go? Yeah? I'm wait, what were 561 00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:00,200 Speaker 1: you going to say quick about boys and girls? Oh, 562 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,439 Speaker 1: boys are not hard to train their girls. They're easier 563 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:05,200 Speaker 1: because you can pee them anywhere. So don't that's such 564 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,800 Speaker 1: a huge myth. And I research and research and research, 565 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:10,879 Speaker 1: and I actually found it in brain development. Um men's 566 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:14,840 Speaker 1: limbic systems are fift smaller than women. They are linear thinkers, 567 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,199 Speaker 1: we are social thinkers. We are tan gentile thinkers. We 568 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:20,760 Speaker 1: use too many words. So it's largely females are potty 569 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,160 Speaker 1: training boys. So it's not that they're harder to train. 570 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,399 Speaker 1: It's that it's the mena from Mars, women are from Venus. 571 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:29,200 Speaker 1: It's just we we talked to we're not communicating this. 572 00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,680 Speaker 1: Ask your man, Ask your son. And when I asked 573 00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:33,479 Speaker 1: my son, Pascal said, Pascal, do I talk too much? 574 00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:35,320 Speaker 1: He said, you say so many words, I can't even 575 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:37,680 Speaker 1: begin to track them. And I was like, really, like 576 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:39,400 Speaker 1: your whole life and he's like yes, And you also 577 00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,560 Speaker 1: talk too fast, so I call it shaving language. So 578 00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:48,359 Speaker 1: boys think of dog training legit like sit, p stop 579 00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:52,880 Speaker 1: with your chatter. Stop with you're like like we're chattering monkeys. 580 00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:55,480 Speaker 1: And even with your spouse, like honey, do I talk 581 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,720 Speaker 1: too much? And your your man's gonna go yes, down. 582 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:13,879 Speaker 1: What's the language when there is an accident, which I 583 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:16,280 Speaker 1: really liked to believe it was something like oh you 584 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,480 Speaker 1: know that goes in the potty next time or something 585 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:20,800 Speaker 1: like that, right, yeah, And it all depends on what 586 00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:22,679 Speaker 1: where where you're at. So again, if you're in like 587 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,760 Speaker 1: the first week or two, definitely like pe goes in 588 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:27,639 Speaker 1: the potty when you have when you have the feeling 589 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,760 Speaker 1: to go pee, okay, because it's not like, uh, did 590 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:32,960 Speaker 1: you ever see the old Parenthood movie with Steve Martin? 591 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,600 Speaker 1: Of course? Yeah, okay, So there's the opening scene right 592 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,200 Speaker 1: where the little girl goes. He goes to, honey, do 593 00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:39,840 Speaker 1: you have to be sick? And she goes yeah, yeah, 594 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,320 Speaker 1: it's the same thing like do you have to pee? Yeah? 595 00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:44,560 Speaker 1: Boom they pay. So when you have the feeling to 596 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,360 Speaker 1: go pee is when they need to, you know, motivate 597 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,679 Speaker 1: to the to the party. What do you think about 598 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:59,199 Speaker 1: dump dump, dumb rewards, dummy the whole Like you pe, 599 00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:01,520 Speaker 1: you get an M and M. Okay, So here's my 600 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:03,560 Speaker 1: view on rewards. And I know that a large amount 601 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,040 Speaker 1: of people potty chain with like using an eminem. That's 602 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:08,320 Speaker 1: great if it works. What nobody brags about on Facebook 603 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,119 Speaker 1: is that I see people who end up in family 604 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:14,000 Speaker 1: therapy because of rewards that have escalated beyond control. Literally, 605 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:16,440 Speaker 1: and I'm not kidding, this happens so often. I get 606 00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:19,320 Speaker 1: people who have poop problems who have promised a trip 607 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,760 Speaker 1: to Disney for a singular poop in the potty. So 608 00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:24,920 Speaker 1: that's how bad it can get out of control. And 609 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,280 Speaker 1: what happens is it becomes about a power struggle with 610 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,800 Speaker 1: the rewards. And of course nobody brags about this because 611 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:33,359 Speaker 1: it's a nightmare. So it does happen. Bribery is not 612 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:36,480 Speaker 1: positive reinforcement. Okay, it's not the same, so don't make 613 00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:39,200 Speaker 1: it the same. I think candy in the morning is 614 00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,760 Speaker 1: a little ridiculous. I think that at two or three 615 00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:45,040 Speaker 1: years old, paying your child to do socialized behavior is 616 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,040 Speaker 1: a slippery slope. It's if you're going to be the 617 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:48,880 Speaker 1: kind of parent who pays your kids to set the table, 618 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,680 Speaker 1: pays your kids to get a's great stardom off at two. 619 00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:55,600 Speaker 1: I think that parenting style sucks, and I'm not gonna 620 00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:58,360 Speaker 1: hide behind that. So there are there's expected behavior from 621 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:00,640 Speaker 1: our kids that they shouldn't be rewarded, and we know 622 00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:03,920 Speaker 1: we have an epidemic of entitled kids. So it starts. 623 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:05,920 Speaker 1: It starts with this. You guys, like, you don't reward 624 00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:08,040 Speaker 1: your kid for sleeping through the night. You might want to, 625 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:10,840 Speaker 1: but you don't. And the more you'll make it special, 626 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:12,640 Speaker 1: the more it takes it out of the realm of 627 00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:15,760 Speaker 1: normalized behavior. That being said, though, I will sometimes use 628 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,480 Speaker 1: it as a tool when I'm working privately with a 629 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:21,320 Speaker 1: client and we just can't ascertain, like is there a 630 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,640 Speaker 1: glitchen learning or is this kid just being a little 631 00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:25,920 Speaker 1: dick and a kid who can do it for an 632 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:28,240 Speaker 1: eminem is being a little dick, So then we know. 633 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:29,800 Speaker 1: Then we know, Okay, now we just got to like 634 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:31,560 Speaker 1: shore up the boundaries around it. Do you know what 635 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:34,800 Speaker 1: I'm saying? Yes? What about um? Do you see a 636 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:39,320 Speaker 1: lot of kids regress when big things happen in life? 637 00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:42,560 Speaker 1: I never see a full regression so you have to 638 00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:46,160 Speaker 1: remember that you can't unlearn something. There's always behavior behind 639 00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:48,800 Speaker 1: a regression. Okay, So, and if you've read O Crap 640 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:51,320 Speaker 1: I have a tyler, My whole stick in that book 641 00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:53,760 Speaker 1: is that behavior is a symptom of a larger disease. 642 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,480 Speaker 1: If your kid is acting out, if your kid is 643 00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:58,000 Speaker 1: being a twig, if your kids suddenly starts having essence, 644 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,400 Speaker 1: that is not the problem. The problem is or neath 645 00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:04,040 Speaker 1: figure out that. Okay, so very very common, mom has 646 00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:07,200 Speaker 1: a second baby, the kid regresses. Number one, it's always 647 00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:09,840 Speaker 1: better to potty chain prior to having the second baby 648 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:11,920 Speaker 1: because the regression, it's easier to get back on the 649 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:15,160 Speaker 1: rails than it is to start fresh. I have bad 650 00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:16,600 Speaker 1: news for You're not coming up for air for like 651 00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:19,960 Speaker 1: six months after the new baby. So so if you 652 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:22,480 Speaker 1: can't tack on that six months to the toddler's potty chaining. 653 00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:26,200 Speaker 1: So the problem isn't that your kids having accidents. The 654 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:29,360 Speaker 1: problem is is that there's a seven pound crying ball 655 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:33,480 Speaker 1: of something that's stealing everybody's attention and love. So you 656 00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:36,720 Speaker 1: know you have to fix that, not the um, not 657 00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:38,200 Speaker 1: the not the regression, do you know what I mean? 658 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:39,800 Speaker 1: And a lot of kids will regress when you go 659 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:43,280 Speaker 1: to nurse because why because the book tasted great. The 660 00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:46,160 Speaker 1: toddler wants the boom back. Even if you bottle feed, 661 00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:49,040 Speaker 1: there's an intimacy to feeding a newborn that the toddler's 662 00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,160 Speaker 1: missing out on. So then you have to just carve 663 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:55,000 Speaker 1: that special time for the kid. That regressions are happening 664 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:57,880 Speaker 1: now because parents are going right back in after quarantine. 665 00:30:58,120 --> 00:30:59,720 Speaker 1: We as adults could not wait to get back to 666 00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:01,560 Speaker 1: real life. I have parents who just went and put 667 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:05,000 Speaker 1: their kids right after quarantine, full time, eight hour day daycare. 668 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:06,920 Speaker 1: I know you've got to work, but you've got to 669 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,560 Speaker 1: remember that this pandemic was like a quarter of these 670 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:14,640 Speaker 1: kids lives, and they loved quarantine. What tyler doesn't want 671 00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:16,320 Speaker 1: to stay home and be up? Their parents asked all 672 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:20,880 Speaker 1: day long. They loved it. So so now we're there're 673 00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:24,560 Speaker 1: separation anxiety. There's all these accidents. Yeah, that's not a regression, 674 00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:28,720 Speaker 1: you guys, that's like total separation anxiety. We moved too fast, 675 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,360 Speaker 1: so be really cautious going back to real life here 676 00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:33,400 Speaker 1: with your little one. And I know, I know, school, 677 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:35,959 Speaker 1: the whole situation with schools is just a clusterfuck right now. 678 00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,680 Speaker 1: But just be be cautious and be sympathetic to your 679 00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 1: kid and look for their underlying needs in a regression. 680 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:46,440 Speaker 1: I love that about the phase where we're taking them out. 681 00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:48,560 Speaker 1: Are you a big fan of putting a potty in 682 00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:51,920 Speaker 1: the car? Yeah? Yea our potty. We have just a 683 00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:53,600 Speaker 1: party that lives in the car now. And guess who 684 00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:58,000 Speaker 1: uses it me? I want to be completely honest with you, 685 00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:00,239 Speaker 1: My son uses it too. But like, we have done 686 00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:01,840 Speaker 1: a few road trips to Malibu and I got a 687 00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,880 Speaker 1: peace so bad and I don't feel safe going out 688 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,440 Speaker 1: into public restrooms or whatever. So I'm peeing in his 689 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:09,920 Speaker 1: body as well. It's been absolutely hilarious. What about peeing 690 00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:13,040 Speaker 1: in nature? How do you feel about that? Wherever you want? 691 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:16,160 Speaker 1: Here's here's too much information. I can write my name 692 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:22,200 Speaker 1: in cursive in the snow. Wow. If we could hang out, 693 00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:24,560 Speaker 1: if we can hang out right now during COVID times 694 00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:26,960 Speaker 1: and just throw back a few and pe in nature, 695 00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,800 Speaker 1: that would be amazing. My son, Yeah, my son, like 696 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:34,000 Speaker 1: that's how Because I waited too long way pass signs. 697 00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:36,280 Speaker 1: He was just getting out of the pool and peeing 698 00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:40,760 Speaker 1: in the grass, and I was like, oh, ship, do 699 00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:43,840 Speaker 1: I have to do this. Oh, I don't want to 700 00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:47,800 Speaker 1: do this at all. I want someone else to do this. Um, 701 00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:52,280 Speaker 1: how about caretakers and daycares. When you've made this decision, 702 00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:55,680 Speaker 1: let's say, is it just a big sit down conversation 703 00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,160 Speaker 1: with everyone involved in your kids lives? Like how to 704 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:01,200 Speaker 1: get everyone on the same page? Is that really port? Yeah? 705 00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:03,520 Speaker 1: You know, And I'm not just trying to be a 706 00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:05,400 Speaker 1: plug here for my courses, but we have a daycare 707 00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:08,680 Speaker 1: course too. Because there's so many various factors and literally 708 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,440 Speaker 1: I wrote it with one of my consultants and we 709 00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:13,040 Speaker 1: were playing this like mix and match game because there's 710 00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:16,240 Speaker 1: so many variables. The number one thing is check with 711 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,120 Speaker 1: your daycare what their policy is, and really dig deep. 712 00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:22,240 Speaker 1: Find out where the potties are. That's the biggest factor. 713 00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:24,960 Speaker 1: A lot of times in a church kind of daycare setting, 714 00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:27,840 Speaker 1: the potty is down the hall, under lock and key, 715 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:32,000 Speaker 1: totally wrong situation. And ask the teachers because most daycares 716 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:33,880 Speaker 1: will say, oh, we'll just follow your lead, but they won't. 717 00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:36,640 Speaker 1: I call it transparent ass kissing. Do not get into 718 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:38,360 Speaker 1: a pissing match with the people who are in charge 719 00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:40,800 Speaker 1: of your kid all day. Like if worse comes to worse, 720 00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:43,000 Speaker 1: and it's a it's a major ship show. Just put 721 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,920 Speaker 1: a diaper back on for daycare, It's okay because if 722 00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,160 Speaker 1: your kids having poop accidents every day, it's gonna wear 723 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:52,760 Speaker 1: and tear on the caregivers and it's gonna want your kid. 724 00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:54,440 Speaker 1: We want we want them to love your kid and 725 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,920 Speaker 1: not have any attitude. So daycares are just really really 726 00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:00,280 Speaker 1: really tricky. Um. The best thing I would say is 727 00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,880 Speaker 1: get as much time at home as you can. That's 728 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:05,680 Speaker 1: the best predicted. Like, don't go for a Friday, Saturday, 729 00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:08,120 Speaker 1: Sunday and then expect your kid to go back. Fine, 730 00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:10,479 Speaker 1: the more time you have at home the better. And 731 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,799 Speaker 1: really be aware of your child's pee pattern and their 732 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:16,479 Speaker 1: pee dance so you can inform the daycare like, hey, 733 00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:20,239 Speaker 1: you know, after his morning juice, he usually PE's like 734 00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:22,520 Speaker 1: once at eleven, you know, but then the seal is 735 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:24,719 Speaker 1: broken and help you three times in an hour. So 736 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,160 Speaker 1: just kind of pick up on the pattern and don't 737 00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:30,040 Speaker 1: overwhelm your daycare. I have parents print out like nine 738 00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:33,520 Speaker 1: pages of like the minutia. They don't care, they don't 739 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:38,800 Speaker 1: have time, you know, sweeping general stuff. Is it important 740 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:40,719 Speaker 1: for your significant other to be on board like the 741 00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:44,560 Speaker 1: people in one hundred poorer cent. What I find is 742 00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:47,640 Speaker 1: that the person who works outside the home has less 743 00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:49,960 Speaker 1: investment because they don't want to be the bad guy 744 00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:52,400 Speaker 1: when they get home. They don't want to be enforcing. 745 00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:54,399 Speaker 1: Their time is limited with the kid, and they don't 746 00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:56,480 Speaker 1: want it to be about this milestone that may or 747 00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:59,479 Speaker 1: may not go well. So you have to be on board. 748 00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:02,960 Speaker 1: And I have a cheat sheet for it. Says it's 749 00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:04,560 Speaker 1: for dad's but it could be for the person working 750 00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:06,719 Speaker 1: outside the home who may not have time to read 751 00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:09,400 Speaker 1: the whole book. And um, what you can't do is 752 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,440 Speaker 1: say never mind, I'm just gonna do this on my 753 00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:15,760 Speaker 1: own because you'll be fighting against each other. Yeah, not great. 754 00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:21,400 Speaker 1: Any last pieces of advice and where can we find you? Okay? 755 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:23,640 Speaker 1: My number one rule is don't post on Facebook. It's 756 00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:26,000 Speaker 1: like fight club. Don't talk about potty train until you're 757 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,239 Speaker 1: well done. I don't care if you use my book, 758 00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:31,400 Speaker 1: but have a plan, be confident and just move forward. 759 00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:33,719 Speaker 1: If you ask on Facebook, I don't know why, but 760 00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:36,640 Speaker 1: this milestone, everybody's a know it all, everybody, and they're 761 00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:38,120 Speaker 1: gonna say I have six kids and I did it 762 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:40,400 Speaker 1: this way. Six kids under somebody else's parenting roof is 763 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:42,879 Speaker 1: not your kid, So just make a plan, don't post 764 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,799 Speaker 1: on Facebook, and just and go with it. I'm gonna 765 00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:47,839 Speaker 1: repeat this because it's so important. This is not a 766 00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:51,120 Speaker 1: measurement of your parenting. If your kids struggles, it does 767 00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:52,839 Speaker 1: not mean you're a bad parent. It does not mean 768 00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,120 Speaker 1: you suck. It means you need a little extra help 769 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:57,840 Speaker 1: you need like tutoring. So it's not a measurement of 770 00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:00,600 Speaker 1: your parenting. Do not think of that. You can find 771 00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:03,400 Speaker 1: me at Jamie Glowacki dot com and my podcast is 772 00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:06,080 Speaker 1: Oh Crap, I love my kids, but holy fuck, and 773 00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:10,160 Speaker 1: that's on all the regular channels. You are the best, Jamie. 774 00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,439 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being on Katie's Crib. Thank 775 00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:14,920 Speaker 1: you for sharing your time and your wealth of knowledge. 776 00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:17,719 Speaker 1: You guys, I highly recommend PONTI training right now during 777 00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:20,040 Speaker 1: quarantine if it's something that you've e been been thinking about. 778 00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:22,520 Speaker 1: The book was so helpful to me. And thank you 779 00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:24,760 Speaker 1: guys for listening to Katie's Crib. If you haven't already, 780 00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:26,960 Speaker 1: be sure to subscribe to the podcast so that new 781 00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:29,680 Speaker 1: episodes come to you. You can follow us on Instagram 782 00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:32,560 Speaker 1: or Twitter at Katie's Crib and please email us with 783 00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:35,279 Speaker 1: all the questions and thoughts and suggestions you have at 784 00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:46,200 Speaker 1: Katie's Crib at Shawonda land dot com. Katie's Crib is 785 00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,719 Speaker 1: a production of Shonda Land Audio in partnership with I 786 00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:51,880 Speaker 1: Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shanndolan Audio, visit the 787 00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:54,560 Speaker 1: i Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen 788 00:36:54,600 --> 00:37:00,960 Speaker 1: to your favorite ships. You want a scant to get 789 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:02,280 Speaker 1: to Gettle with Uto